Travis: Two things I know: Women and strays.

Wes: I am way too hungry to be mature about something like this.

Travis: No, he just carries his dog around like a man purse.

Wes: You hate it--- Which makes me like it more.

Travis [about Wes]: Damn, you go girl.

Wes: Your whole life is a special circumstance.

Travis: So who's up for spanking?

Wes: You go through staplers almost as fast as you go through women.

Travis: Everyone is guilty until proven innocent.

Wes: Yeah, that's right. I just broke a glass for no apparent reason!

Travis: See, he waived his right to be sober.

Wes: Travis, I do not own an ascot. Why would you even put that in the story?


Wes: Travis you say one word and I will kill you where you're sitting.

Wes: Let's have a drink and talk about it while the suspect escapes.

Wes: Completely therapized and ready to move on.

Wes: Travis does drive me nuts sometimes. I mean there are sometimes I'd like to take him where they won't find the body. You know what I mean? But he's my partner. Only I'm allowed to talk about him like that. You don't know him: what's he's done or what he's capable of doing. So you should just shut the hell up. That's some professional advice for you.

Captain: They are the yin to each others' yang. I hope you have a trick up your sleeve to unite their chi.

Wes: We are not gay
Travis: We are partners
Wes: Police Detectives
Therapy member: Like The Village People?

Travis: Should we be worried or ignore the problem and hope it goes away?
    Wes: I'm a fan of the second approach.

Wes: Bone them back.
Travis: Twice as hard.

Travis: If you tell me she is a no-fly zone then I will let it go. That's Bro Code.
Wes: I am not sure about the parameters of this whole Bro code.

Travis: Does this look like the headquarters of a high-end car smuggling ring to you?
Wes: No, this looks like a place where you write a manifesto and plot against the government.

Wes: You can take the joy out of anything.
Travis: Thank you.

Travis: You ever get tired of being you?
Wes: Occasionally, but somebody's gotta do it.

Wes: I see what you did there. You laid a little trap for me.
Travis: You keep lobbin' 'em up and I keep shootin' 'em home.

Travis: People on ecstasy don't even like you.
Wes: That's rude.