I'm In Love With The New Sherlock Holmes

by Melaskza

I’m a viewer of TV whodunnits
In the grip of an ardent addiction.
I’m not just a fan,
I’m in love with this man,
Although he’s a figure from fiction.
 
I’m in love with the new Sherlock Holmes!
Alas, it’s so sad, but it’s true!
Though he’s rude and uncouth,
He’s my favourite sleuth
And no other detective will do.
 
Though I’m keen to watch Lynley and Frost
And I really like Morse and Poirot,
They do what’s required,
But they’ve never inspired
Comparable stirrings below.
 
I’m in love with the new Sherlock Holmes,
He’s the one that I fancy like mad!
I’d find it quite hard
To get off with Lestrade,
He reminds me too much of my dad.
 
I only want Holmes, and just Holmes,
And none of the others, instead!
If we met at a party,
I’d snog Moriarty,
But I don’t think I’d take him to bed.
 
But I fear that my love is in vain,
As there’s hints in the script (though they’re small)
That he might have the hots on
His sidekick, John Watson,
And may not like women, at all.
 
But my feelings continue unchanged
(Though maybe my taste is defective) -
Asexual or gay,
He’s my Dish of the Day,
My favourite consulting detective.