The Empress Is A Tramp
 (To the tune of, and with no apologies to "The Lady Is A Tramp", written by Buster for Investitures 2001, in honour of Hell-on Heels, the new Empress of Calgary. If you like this, write him and he'll send you the words to Down At The Tubs!)
 

She gets too horny to wait for her date,

She likes the drag shows and never comes late.

She has the big crown she’ll start putting on weight,

That’s why the Empress is a tramp.

Her dresses are tacky she doesn’t wear pearls,

She won’t take her Emperor for dinner at Earls,

She’ll dish the dirt about the rest of the girls,

That’s why the Empress is a tramp.

She loves the smooth, fresh feeling of Nair,

Legs in the air,

Crown’s broke – and it’s Oke

Hates wearing panties, they’re cold when they’re damp,

That’s why the Empress is a Tramp!

She gets too horny to get laid by her date,

She loves the drag shows but never, never comes late.

She has that big crown she’ll start packing on weight,

That’s why the Empress is a tramp.

Her dresses are too tight they don’t fit her bod,

And she thinks that her Emperor is just a big clod,

Still she’ll dish the dirt about the rest of the broads,

That’s why the Empress is a tramp.

She loves the smooth, fresh feeling of Nair,

Her legs in the air,

Crown’s broke – but it’s Oke

Hates wearing panties, they’re so cold when they’re damp,

That’s why the Empress, that’s why the Empress, that’s why
the Empress is a Tramp!