Uncle Lonnie: You're threatening me? That's a laugh... I'm seventy-nine years old. I've got one kidney, one ball and one lung. I take Viagra just to keep from peeing on my shoes, and you're threatening me? Who are you frightening?
Peter Dragon: Life is filled with things that you just can't predict. Ned Beatty goes on a rafting trip in "Deliverance," winds up getting sodomized by hillbillies. Eddie Murphy stops to give a girl a ride home, turns out she has a bigger schlong than he does. One night you go out for McDonald's and accidentally hack your ex-wife and Ron Goldman to death. These things happen. The point is that things can change 180 degrees in a split second.
Wendy Ward: I thought
it just plain sucked!
Stuart Glazer: Excuse
me, who are you?
Peter Dragon: She's
my prostitute.
Stuart Glazer: She's
your whore?
Peter Dragon: No,
she's my prostitute. You're my whore.
Holden Van Dorn:
Peter, my counselor says that I'm an addict, ok?
Peter Dragon: Yeah,
in here you're an addict, ok, but on a Hollywood sound stage you're a tortured
genius who takes frequent naps.
Peter Dragon: My foot - get up, Stuart - is gonna be so far up your ass, that a piece of my ass might actually be in your ass!
Stuart Glazer: They
wanna make me Head of Comedy.
Peter Dragon: Head
of Comedy? What do you know about comedy?
Stuart Glazer: Nothing.
But I'm gay.
Manny Sanchez: [Peter
parks his car in the Employee of the Month parking space] Hi, I'm Manny
Sanchez, from the commissary, and I'm the Employee of the Month.
Peter Dragon: Well
that's fantastic, Manny. What is that, some kind of award for not peeing
in the cob salads?
Manny Sanchez: I
never pee in the cob salads.
Peter Dragon: Really?
That's too bad, because if I was you, I would have peed in the cob salads.
In fact, I would have peed in every fuckin' cob salad every fuckin' day
so every one of those cocksuckers in that commissary would have had a taste
of Peter fuckin' Dragon. But you know what, Manny? That's just me. Move.
Peter Dragon: Look, I don't care if you're a partner! You don't tell me how to do my job! I don't tell you how go to a bus stop and turn a 15 year old girl into a prostitute, do I? No! So don't tell me how to make movies!
Adam Rafkin: I wanna
have sex with every person here.
Peter Dragon: Don't
look at me!
Adam Rafkin: The
ugliest man in this place is twice as pretty as the prettiest girl I ever
slept with!
Peter Dragon: You call those the breasts of a grown-up? I've seen better jugs in Schindler's List.
Peter Dragon: I too
am a f... a friend of Dorothy's.
Cole Riccardi: Peter,
what do you take me for? What about that tape of you and Sandra Bullock?
Peter Dragon: She's
the one that drove me into men! Don't make me relive it, Cole, you know...
Cole Riccardi: I
know. Because I've been there, too. For me, it was Carrie Fisher.
Cole Riccardi: Encore,
mi amore?