Uncle Lonnie: You're threatening me? That's a laugh... I'm seventy-nine years old. I've got one kidney, one ball and one lung. I take Viagra just to keep from peeing on my shoes, and you're threatening me? Who are you frightening?

Peter Dragon: Life is filled with things that you just can't predict. Ned Beatty goes on a rafting trip in "Deliverance," winds up getting sodomized by hillbillies. Eddie Murphy stops to give a girl a ride home, turns out she has a bigger schlong than he does. One night you go out for McDonald's and accidentally hack your ex-wife and Ron Goldman to death. These things happen. The point is that things can change 180 degrees in a split second.

Wendy Ward: I thought it just plain sucked!
Stuart Glazer: Excuse me, who are you?
Peter Dragon: She's my prostitute.
Stuart Glazer: She's your whore?
Peter Dragon: No, she's my prostitute. You're my whore.

Holden Van Dorn: Peter, my counselor says that I'm an addict, ok?
Peter Dragon: Yeah, in here you're an addict, ok, but on a Hollywood sound stage you're a tortured genius who takes frequent naps.

Peter Dragon: My foot - get up, Stuart - is gonna be so far up your ass, that a piece of my ass might actually be in your ass!

Stuart Glazer: They wanna make me Head of Comedy.
Peter Dragon: Head of Comedy? What do you know about comedy?
Stuart Glazer: Nothing. But I'm gay.

Manny Sanchez: [Peter parks his car in the Employee of the Month parking space] Hi, I'm Manny Sanchez, from the commissary, and I'm the Employee of the Month.
Peter Dragon: Well that's fantastic, Manny. What is that, some kind of award for not peeing in the cob salads?
Manny Sanchez: I never pee in the cob salads.
Peter Dragon: Really? That's too bad, because if I was you, I would have peed in the cob salads. In fact, I would have peed in every fuckin' cob salad every fuckin' day so every one of those cocksuckers in that commissary would have had a taste of Peter fuckin' Dragon. But you know what, Manny? That's just me. Move.

Peter Dragon: Look, I don't care if you're a partner! You don't tell me how to do my job! I don't tell you how go to a bus stop and turn a 15 year old girl into a prostitute, do I? No! So don't tell me how to make movies!

Adam Rafkin: I wanna have sex with every person here.
Peter Dragon: Don't look at me!
Adam Rafkin: The ugliest man in this place is twice as pretty as the prettiest girl I ever slept with!

Peter Dragon: You call those the breasts of a grown-up? I've seen better jugs in Schindler's List.

Peter Dragon: I too am a f... a friend of Dorothy's.
Cole Riccardi: Peter, what do you take me for? What about that tape of you and Sandra Bullock?
Peter Dragon: She's the one that drove me into men! Don't make me relive it, Cole, you know...
Cole Riccardi: I know. Because I've been there, too. For me, it was Carrie Fisher.

Cole Riccardi: Encore, mi amore?
 
 

home/back/quotes