At least I think it's the seventh. I'm not so good with dates. On any level ha ha...
I had originally planned to make this a long and sweet entry about the joys and wonders in my world. About eating the green ones first. About kitties and puppies and cuteness and light. About those pirate movie happy ending bullshit life things that I continue to buy into no matter what happens. I'm like a chumbawumba song, I swear...

So, more of the ups and the downs, not necessarily in that order.

First of all, was surprised at who all just reads this stuff. Not that I'm not flattered, cos I am--don't take much, tell me I breathe well somedays and I'll follow you anywhere ha ha...but it was surprising. I figured this was more my own thing, with a few old friends checking once in a while, just cos they know, even if they're not getting mail, I'm alive if the date on here changes. But there's some folks I don't even know, some I do that I never would have expected it from, and still others that pop up and ask me about it on a Saturday night *L*

Somedays, I talk completely out of my ass. This journal is a way for me to do all sorts of things. Vent negativity that would other wise poison me, say the outrageous things that I think that I can't tell anyone (or do, sometimes), using couched innuendo and blanks for names, and it's a release. Oh, and sometimes I do it for those folks I know are reading, like ___ last week. Wanted him to know I was glad he called, and that it was appreciated.

But I forget to put things in here, too, sometimes the stream of consciousness goes nowhere... Or I need to figure out how to clarify a thought so that parties reading don't get confused. As I said a lifetime ago...(you can tell it's Spring)..."this is in case the police need a written report..."

Okay, for you all who are looking for the names now, so you can play guess who, here ya go.

___ is still a shmo, IMHO, but hell, what do I know? I mean, I've only dealt with him drunk and belligerent. Maybe he's more sunshine and light in some pool hall smoking a stogie. Whatever, not my issue, more and more.

I played power with the board, and actually got their attention, I think. El Chubacabra was fucking over a lot of folks, her agenda is so hidden I wonder if she even knows it. I went to bat for ___, and offered up my years of expertise, and someone actually listened. Who knew?

Of course we ran out of water at midnight, and Canadian and Keiths, so I guess one thing at a time, right?

I re read all the entries since Xmas, looking for spite, looking for references, looking for "throw in your face" crap. Didn't find any.  Course that's not to say that it all made sense--don't push it *L* But I was worried about that. Sometimes someone will say something about this sucker, and I have to go back and read it myself, because I don't remember!! *L* Like I said, stream of consciousness...sometimes it dries up; sometimes it overflows it's banks.

I don't know what's up with ___. Right now, I don't give a shit. She was spectacularly mean, and spectacularly drunk again last night. Now I've heard rumours, but am being kept firmly out of the loop for now. One hand--totally okay with that. Other hand, you know what, bitch. I just might have something you need. But if you insist on turning your poison out on me (something she's never done before), well, what did I say last night? Oh yeah, "get her off of my bar, ___, she's starting to stink up the joint!" Okay, yeah it was mean, but she cut deep, and it made me angry. And I was tired. And it's her fucking loss, I think!! Hell, I know it is--if this wasn't the perfect opportunity, I don't know what was.

I'm so liking ___ more and more. ___, my new boy, came for supper for something like three hours. Was awesome for him. And he wants to do more!!

So I never told you about the box. The box the box the fucking amazing box!!! The box that made me grin so hard my face ached, that stunned me with it's attention to detail, and sincere warmth that absolutely emanated from it...never mind that the stuff was fabulous--and believe me it was!!!! But just the-the-kindness is a sell out word, but emotion is too strong. Just that someone, two someones...that they would go to all that trouble. And no, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. That's not what I mean!!!! I don't mean it about me per se, but just the act itself...whether to me, to each other, to people I don't even know. That kind of caring doesn't just come along every day, and I firmly believe that you have to treasure it when it does. I was just weepy by the time I got home, shined up the kettle, went searching for a teaball, and wrote my first note!!!! And I got to share with folks here, too, which made it an extra bonus, and they want to share back, which also made it feel so good!!!! Just  a pause here, and this also directly relates to the bit about ___ being such a belligerent cow last night: ___, ___, ___ and ___: The fact that you guys have not only supported me on this, but come along for the ride on your own means so much to me--you are true friends.

___ and ___ sent the amazing box, and we are sending one back to them, full of fun surprises, I hope that they will like. What do you get the bear, or the bunny that has everything? *L* Well, there's a couple of things there that I KNOW they could never find anywhere else, and I just hope that they know how much love we are all packing into that box as well...sounds like one of ___'s dates ha ha....

Last thought for today...gonna seriously make that trip happen, ___, one way or the other. Its important! And I love you.