Hey, they're right, it is darkest just before dawn ha ha...

Just a question before I start--anyone here know anything about prolapsed uterus' (uteri? Like octopi? *L*)? Just askin'...

Oi, such a day, such a week, such a life.

Hi, ___, hope you are doing okay. I can't say that I've been there, as my situation was different, but I do know some of the pain involved, and I hope you know I'm here for ya if you need me. CRIKEY!

I'm trying very hard to find more work. I need one more secure job, and then maybe I could start to catch up. Granted, I don't know how much of anything beyond work I'll get done, but maybe it would just be temp--until I could see the silver lining, you know? It's something that shouldn't mean anything, and yet it's a constant weight on my soul. I can't even make any plans or goals, cos I don't know for sure that I won't be doing some shitty Casa De Amana thing in my future...ooh, can't wait for the floppy purple hat and the shopping cart...at least then folks will expect me to be muttering to myself *L*

Hi, ___, I sure hope we connect soon. I love the offlines (please keep 'em coming, they always make me grin from ear to ear), but I'd love to sit and chat with you sometime too!

So, crying jags--let's examine them, shall we? *L* I've had several lately, with seemingly no rhyme or reason to them. From great hacking sobs over the injustice of people dying on the net (not that that's ever happened to me, but my mind certainly likes to find the shit in among the silver, let me tell ya) to the constant trickle of tears that goes on for four or five hours, simply because I feel unworthy. Of everything. Of life. Now this would be all well and good, except for one small detail :THERE'S NOTHING FUCKING WRONG! So where the hell is this coming from? I'm going mad trying to figure it out, and in the mean time, I eat, and cry and frown and ache and weep some more, and none of it is getting me moving in a forward direction. At all...

No sense makes sense, they say...well, it's as good an answer as any, I suppose. Course, it could be this prolapsed uterus *L* or maybe I just feel something coming, something in the wind...I may be a fool for waiting for the other shoe to drop, but that doesn't mean it won't...

Okay, completely off topic, cos updates were done before brunch last week. Brunch was fun. Good roast, if I recall correctly. But the best part of the day was yet to come...
cut to video *L*
___ and ___ hosted a kitchen party in my wee abode, and it was great great fun! They amazingly and wonderfully provided everything, from funny hats to an impetus to clean my house *L* and I had good friends over for music, snacks and TV. We taped it and took pics, and everyone had a blast. ___ had to go to the airport to go home for a week, but then her flight was delayed, and she wound up back here. So a had time was good by all. ___ was more brilliant on camera than he usually is in real life *L* and ___ and ___ are going to eat ___ up with a spoon--she's sweet and beautiful. I on the other hand, do far better on the other side of the camera. My golden rule, that I tell myself time and time again, specially when video is involved, is always remember: What you think you are doing is not necessarily what you are doing! *L* Nice nails, though, and I really do love that skirt...it was really really fun, and I hope the guys have a good time too.

___ and ___ and ____ are all having a time of it these days, but I feel closer to ___ for having been there for some of it. I feel less like I"m trying to walk between the raindrops during conversations now, and this is a good thing. I dont know for sure yet--as an RC, I tend to analyze it all, and come up with something not entirely unlike failure on every level...but it could be love...or (not to be facetious *L*) an undigested apple dumpling. See Quagmire for that one. You go, Ahab Mulder...But yeah, ___, I love you, if you're reading this, and thanks for yesterday--if only our wishes would come true...

I'm an entertainer, and I just want to die when I find out I'm not doing my job...

That's as good areason as any to cry, I suppose. What if I peaked too early? I'm just me, y'know, and I can't be anything else. Not that I haven't tried, but...The point was to say thanks, ___, you made me smile when nothing else on earth could have, and it sounds like it was the best time!!

Okay, I;m nodding off here, and it's only five in the morning *L* I''ll either add to this before brunch, or just leave it as is...

Night...