"I'm a great deal older than my teeth."
Mr. Grainger -- Fifty Years On

"People aren't so keen to creep up behind you if they think you're looking over your shoulder."
Mr. Humphries -- His and Hers

"Must be lovely being a Queen."
Mr. Humphries -- New Look

"I just bare my soul and reveal everything...then run like hell."
Mr. Humphires -- Oh What a Tangled Web

"Do you know, I can't feel any of my extremities...it's unusual for me."
Mr. Humphries -- Mrs. Slocombe Expects

"The word versatile has been applied to me before."
Mr. Humphries -- Takeover

"I'd marry her myself, but I think she's got enough trouble."
Mr. Humphires -- Do You Take This Man?

"There's a mouse around my drawers!"
Mr. Humphries -- The Hero

"I'll have you know I'm perfectly sober. Whether I'm perfectly sane or not is another matter."
Mr. Humphries -- Lost and Found

"There are some knickers that I will display, and some that I won't, and those I won't are staying in me
drawers.”
Mrs. Slocombe  -- Wedding Bells

"It's a wonder I'm here at all. My pussy got soakin' wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left."
Mrs. Slocombe  -- New Look

"Is there no demand for mechanical pussies?”
“I’m told people prefer the real thing.”
Mrs. Slocombe and Captain Peacock  -- A Change is as Good as a Rest

"Stop him, Captain Peacock! I will not have rough workmen's hands inside my bra!"
Mrs. Slocombe -- It Pays to Advertise

"Captain Peacock, I do not respond to any man's finger."
Mrs. Slocombe -- A Bliss Girl

"He's the one that runs about in shorts, telling you how the world began. Apparently, it all started as thick
soup, with little orgasms crawling around in it."
Mrs. Slocombe -- Anything You Can Do

"Yes, it's all happening in my underwear today...I've got things that are bigger, better, and cheaper than
anywhere else."
Mrs. Slocombe -- Closed Circuit

"One more insult from that man and these clothes are coming off!"
Captain Peacock -- Takeover

"Well, why don't you just stand there and arrange your nuts?"
Mr. Lucas -- It Pays to Advertise

"Wild horses couldn't drag the information from me...but I will point."
Mr. Lucas -- The Hero

"She's had a lot of experience in the kitchen, only very little of it to do with cooking."
Mr. Lucas -- Anything You Can Do

"I have never seen so much crawling since the last time I was at the reptile house in the zoo."
Miss Brahms -- Wedding Bells

"You're mean as well as oversexed."
Miss Brahms -- Fifty Years On

"Wouldn't it be better if he shouted up her skirt?"
Miss Brahms -- It Pays to Advertise

"If your brains was dynamite, you still wouldn't have enough to blow your ears off."
Miss Brahms -- Strong Stuff, This Insurance

"Ladies' intimate apparel...I said, Ladies' intimate apparel...oh, all right then, the knickers and knocker
counter!"
Miss Brahms (answering the phone) -- The Apartment

"May I say what a pleasure it is having your son on the floor."
Miss Brahms -- Heir Apparent

"She hates having me in the kitchen all day. She says I make the milk go sour."
Mr. Grainger -- Takeover

"I haven't been getting it for years."
Young Mr. Grace -- Takeover

"A...the rest's in Polish."
Young Mr. Grace (reading an eyechart) -- The Agent