Home-->Mom, Don't Go Here
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I Cant Help
"Take my hand
"Skinner." "Doesn't anyone just say hello anymore?" "Hey." "Hey. I didn't know if you'd be home." "Just got in. How is it going there?" "Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?" "Is the good news that you're packing even as we speak and you'll be home by midnight?" "Not even close." "All right, bad news then." "Snow, Walter. Lots of snow. Lots and lots of snow." "Here, too-just starting." "I hate snow. I hate being cold." "And here I thought you plastered yourself to me at every opportunity just because you loved me. I may as well be a hot water bottle." "Whatever works." "My ego's bruised." "I'm sure you'll live. You'd better." "That sounded needy. Miss me?" "Fishing for compliments, Walter? That's not like you." "It's been over two weeks, Fox." "Now who's needy?" "So if snow is the bad news, what's the good news?" "Changing the subject? All right, I'll let it go this once. The good news is SAC Kish finally took his head out of his ass long enough to listen to what I've been saying since Scully and I got here." "And?" "And, we found the kid. She'll be okay, but we had to use near terminal force to get her away from the perp, who never would have had her if Kish had paid attention. Anyway, the bastard's in a coma down at the county general-damn, it is really coming down out there!" "Never mind the snow, Mulder. Where's Scully?" "She's with the girl. They both got banged up pretty bad when it all went down." "Is she all right?" "The kid?" "Scully." "Everybody's fine, Walter. Scully'll take the girl's statement, get stitched up and be back here in an hour or so." "Are you okay?" "I know you'll be disappointed, but I have no new and interesting scars for you to play with." "I assure you I am not disappointed." "God, I think we're entering the next Ice Age here!" "Stop being so melodramatic. So, why are you not packing? Sounds to me like the regional office there can handle the final details without you and Scully." "I told you, Walter. It's the snow. Airport's shut down for at least twenty-four hours, maybe longer." "Shit." "Truer words were never spoken. Why the hell does it have to snow anyway?" "I'll go out on a limb here and say, because it's winter." "Smart ass." "That's why I'm an assistant director, and you're stuck in a snowstorm in North Dakota." "Without cable." "Poor baby. How will you survive?" "The same way you do." "Only louder." "You've never complained." "Neither have you. So, no cable, no Scully, no me-" "Rub it in, why don't you?" "No, rubbing it in would be telling you I'm sitting in front of the fireplace, scanning channels on the dish, waiting for supper-I ordered Thai." "Tell me again why you think I love you." "Have you eaten?" "Nice segue." "Answer the question." "Yes." "You're lying." "Yes." "Order something from room service. The way you're expense accounts usually read, no one will even notice a meal on this one." "I'm choosing to ignore that comment. I'll be fine, Walter. I'll eat with Scully, when she gets back." "I'll be verifying that, of course." "Don't you trust me?" "Of course I do. I also know you when you're profiling." "It’s a living." "I wish you were here." "I wish I was there. I need my hot water bottle." "More sweet talk. How nice." "Tell me more about the fireplace-I'm feeling masochistic tonight." "How can someone from New England not like snow?" "It’s easy." "Seriously, Fox. I've always liked winter myself. It always reminds me of childhood-skating, sledding, snowball fights-" "Don't forget searching for your abducted sister and taking it on the chin from your alcoholic father-two of my favorite winter sports." "Oh, Fox. I'm sorry." "No, it's not you. It's me. I just don't do the season well. I didn't mean to piss all over your holiday spirit." "Speaking of which, what are your plans?" "Plans for what?" "For global domination, silly. I mean for Christmas." "I don't plan for Christmas, Walter. It just happens." "What did you do last year?" "Last year? Oh, yeah-last year, Scully and I killed each other-and then we exchanged gifts." "I'll ask the obvious question-" "How can I be taking to you from a cold hotel room in North Dakota if my partner and I did in fact orchestrate each other's demise?" "No. What did you get her?" "A map of UFO hotspots in the greater Washington area." "Sweet. What did she get you?" "Porn." "It must be love." "That's what she said the last time she shot me." "I thought maybe we could spend Christmas together." "Or I could just get Scully to shoot me again." "Oh." "It's not like that, Walter. I just don't like Christmas. I get too neurotic-and believe me, I know from neurotic." "You are the psychologist." "I usually just work." "Just so you know the offer's on the table." "I appreciate it, Walter. I truly do." "We can talk about it when you get back." "All right. Hey, I think I hear Scully in the next room. I should go." "Wait." "I have to use the phone to order the food you're making me eat." "In a minute. Go stand by the window." "Why?" "Just do it!" "Ooh, was that a surly Walter Skinner growl, patent pending, I just heard?" "Mulder, just shut up and get your ass over to the window." "Yes sir!" "Are you looking?" "It's snow, Walter." "I want you to take a good hard look at it. Now, close your eyes." "Is this phone sex?" "Are your eyes closed?" "Yes! Shouldn't I be naked, or something?" "No." "Oh." "I want you to think about the snow, and the wind, and the cold and-" "I would not pay 4.95 a minute for this, Walter." "And then I want you to think about someone who loves you very much-" "Walter…" "And will keep you warm for as long as you want…" "Oh…" "My food's here, Fox. I have to go." "All right. Thanks." "Not necessary." "Thanks anyway. And Walter…" "Yes?" "About Christmas…" "Yes?" "I think I'd like that." "Goodnight, Fox." "I'll call you tomorrow."
The end.
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