CLONE HIGH

Gandhi to Abe: Numbers don't lie, man.
The number 4: I'm number five!
 

Abe: Cleo sort of wants to... but I just don't know if I'm ready.
Abe's Dad: Well, foster son, over half of high-school students nation-wide have chosen abstinence, which is a good choice. But, they're not dating Cleo-friggin-patra! Have you seen that girl's ass!? It's built like the Space Shuttle! Oh, this could be your only chance to drown the slippery otter! To harpoon the salty longshoreman! To verb the adjective noun! ...But abstinence is a good choice as well.

Narrator: Next time, on a very special Clone High... (while Joan and Cleo are rolling around fighting, ripping each other's clothes off) Bam chicka bam bam!... Bam chicka bam bam!... Girl fight!

Narrator: Next time, on a very special Clone High - Will Abe and Joan's student films reveal their true emotions to each other? How will Scudworth get out of this dangerous pickle? What will become of Gandhi? I'd tell you, but I haven't seen the episode yet. They were supposed to send it to me, but this guy at work totally hates me. If he gets me fired, I'm going to kill his dog.

Mr. B.: Where are my bitches?

JFK: Want a beer?
Joan: Sure. Maybe pretending to be drunk will ease the pain.

JFK: Do you mind?! Some of us are nailing Catherine the Great here! Or should I say, "Catherine the So-So!"

John: (Joan in disguise as John Dark, a guy, speaking in a deep voice) Forget Cleo, she's a skanky ho. Why, you'd be better off with someone like... Joan of Arc.
Abe: Are you serious, John Dark? Joan of Arc?
John: Sure. That Joan of Arc is one *tasty piece of bitch*.
Abe: Well, she's smart, loyal, pretty, and I delight in her caustic wit. But...
John: But nothing! You should date the crap outta her!

Abe: (to Cleo) The only fire I care about is the flame of our love. And I couldn't live if you passed that burning sensation to another guy.

JFK: "That's a very good question, Scary Androgynous White Guy. And I would like to respond, by, uh, taking my shirt off!"

Principle Scudworth: "When life gives you lemons, clone the lemons, and make superlemons."

JFK: “This is a tough time for me. Without Cleo I’m a broken man. Hey, let’s all go swim in my pool. And by pool I mean bathtub, and by swim I mean SEX!”

"Maybe he's too busy eating babies!"
-political statement from the committee to elect JFK

JFK: “I invaded her Bay of Pigs...if you catch my meaning!”

"Makeover, makeover, makeover, makeover, makeover, makeover, makeover!"
-cast sing-along

"I didn't see it coming either...and by it, I mean ME!"
-JFK

"That guy is such a chowder head he should have a bread bowl for a beard!"
-JFK

"Starts with an 'S'...ends with an 'S'...and has a 'lut' inbetween--a 'lut' of me!"
-JFK

"I was about to have sex with Cleo, but then her junk looked like floating Joan-heads!"
-Abe Lincoln

"I like my humping like I like my martinis--dry!"
-Ghandi

"I-er-gave the Bronte sisters to the Three Stooges!"
-JFK

"I hope this doesn't rub you the wrong way, but I'd like to rub you the wrong way!"
-Marie Curie

Lyrics for the Extended Theme Song  (as performed by Abandoned Pools)
Way way back in the 1980's
Secret government employees
Dug up famous guys and ladies
And made amusing genetic copies
Now those clones are sexy teens now
They're gonna make it if they try
Loving learning sharing judging
Time to laugh and shiver and cry...
Time to watch Clone High...
Energetic and engaging
Clone High...
Our angst is entertaining
Clone High...
Our plans are never boring
Who am I…?
There's a place that you can go to
And it's never very far
Famous people you can live through
If you don't know who you are
Why there's so much to live up to
Expectations are so high
I'm not crying, it's my contacts
There must be something in my eye...
You all must watch Clone High...
Inspired and organic
Clone High...
Plausibly dramatic
Clone High...
More fun than watching static
Where am I…?
Clone High
JOAN: "Yes Abe, I love y-" ABE: "Shhh"
MR. BUTLERTRON: "Where are my bitches"
JOAN: "You've changed, Abe"
TOOTS: "Now, I may be blind..."
GHANDI: "Best dudes forever, Abe?"
ABE: "I'll just leave you two alone because it looks like you're about to DO it anyway!"
JFK: "I'm a Kennedy! I'm not accustomed to tragedy!"
...I'll see you at Clone High
I can't escape my name
Clone High
That's the price of fame
Clone High
Life is just a game
That's why
Clone High...
(U.S.A)
 

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