GAMES
PEOPLE PLAY
"Thumpa-thumpa, yo! Sacrificial,
beneficial, nothing here is artificial! Undefiled, unbeguiled, please
accept this virgin child! Thumpa-thumpa yo!" -Gumi tribe member,
Landstalker
Harold: Funny ideas? Well
you mean like skinning you alive with a rusty dull old knife and then
grafting your still-warm, wet, glistening, oh-so-soft skin over my
crusty rotten gook?
Player Character: Yeah thats exactly what I meant, good call.
Harold: Well you don't have anything to worry about, can't find
my knife.
Fallout II
***
Warning:
Please note
that the makers of the game do not support arson, disco music or other
potentially fatal uses of polyester We do not condone the occult, black
magick or reunion tours of old rock stars. We prefer warm and fuzzy
hugs
as a way of reconciling differences, but we understand that no one
wants
to buy a game about warm fuzzies (unless of course that they are
murderous
warm fuzzies of death!) Remember, don't play with fire, just play this
game. Possession of this game is punishable by death in the city of
Cleveland.
-O'Neill and
Landis
disclaimer
for Burn Baby Burn--A Kobold Ate My Baby Adventure
***
"Gotta go rescue the paladin from the clerics of Cyric. Be back in an hour."--unknown
"Dude the experience in this game is stupid. Pick a lock. Gain a level! Pick a lock. Gain a level! You could just put two tape recorders next to each other and come back in an hour." -- -Splynncryth
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." -- Rule #12, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
"Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero." -- #17 in the list of 250 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG
"Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick." -- # 73 in the list of 250 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG
"I cannot
base
my ancient kung fu master on either Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski."
--
#94 in the list of 250 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG
Creeping
Mold
is the girl with the great body but questionable face; it's not the
prettiest
card, but it certainly gets things done.
- Joe Gagliardi
"(Konrad) had made a loincloth out of (his) own skin." -- Matthew
"Hung like a handkerchief." -- Andy
"Why oh why won't you cooperate? Why must I make you a gory mess?" -- Jaysen to the prisoner he's torturing
"That's the nice thing about being stabbed in the back - suddenly, you're armed." -- Sean to the group
"I'm
allergic
to being destroyed. I break out in nonexistence." -- Quynn to the group
-From New
Blood Old Wounds
an Amber
Diceless RPG
***
"What gas
makes
little Johnny's balloon rise?"
Trivial
Pursuit,
Anniversary Edition
***
"It's more
fun than blowing up the Earth for it's own good!"
-Gort
(disclaimer
on the card game Grave Robbers From Outer Space)
***
"Your gain
causes pain."
MTG: Furious
Monk
"Nature's
been
fired--the ocean's are under new management."
-ambassador
Laquatus
MTG:
Telekenetic
Bonds
"It doesn't
need to use its venom. It just needs you to know it can."
-MTG: Toxin
Sliver
"It has the
strength of seven men. In fact, it used to be seven men."
-MTG:Undead
Warchief
"Craghorns
experience a wide range of emotions: rage, fury, anger..."
-Foothill
Guide
MTG: Crested
Craghorn
"The more
victims
he kills, the more likely he is to get the right one..."
-MTG: Goblin
Assassin
"The
Goblins
tracked the hystrodon with much stealth and cunning. Then they
were
eaten with much pain and yelling..."
-MTG: Macetail
Hystrodon
"Skirk
Ridge
has many wonderful things to discover--like escape routes."
-Foothill
Guide,
MTG: Ridgetop
Raptor
"I treat
each
day as your last."
-MTG: Skirk
Alarmist
"We will
start
small, I think."
-Volrath,
MTG:
Thumbscrews
"Good help
is hard to dig up."
MTG: Shallow
Grave
"Until you
have lived as a statue, do not talk to me of pigeons."
-Karn, Sliver
Golem
MTG: Xanthic
Statue
"There's no such thing as a little bit of
lava."
MTG:Liquid Fire
"She'd have a fearsome reputation, if she left
any survivors."
MTG: Krosan Avenger
"The car
had
brakes that could stop on a dime...unfortunately, the dime was in his
pocket
at the time."
-Vampire,
the Masquerade; Getaway Car
"Amazing
thing,
gravity--it seems to work, every time."
-Telim'Tor
MTG; Razor
Pendulum
"Sorry I
burned
down your village; here's some gold."
-MTG;
Reparations
"It is not
that you will go mad--it is that you will beg for madness."
-Volrath
MTG;Altar
of Dementia
"I don't understand the appeal of keeping
these
things as pets, unless you want your children eaten."
-General Jarkeld, the Arctic Fox,
-MTG; Pygmy Allosaurus
"Don't look at it! Maybe it will go away!"
-Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician
-MTG; Blinking Spirit
"A mirror, a shield, a promise, a great
distance
and a kind word--five ways to avoid harm."
-MTG; Pentagram of the Ages
"Twang.
You're
dead."
-MTG; Crossbow
Infantry
"Where
psycho
meets cyclone."
-MTG; Air
Elemental
"Believe in
the ideal, not the idol."
-MTG;Worship
"He wastes
his amazing talents on proving how amazing he really is."
-MTG; Prodigal
Sorcerer
"Ready...aim...fire!
Ow!"
-MTG; Orcish
Artillery
"No fear.
No
sense. And soon, no lunch."
-MTG: Nausea
"I'll climb
down soon. Don't worry, it's just a thundersto--"
-Former Elvish
Scout,
-MTG:
Lightning
Blast
"It doesn't
like having visitors. Unless it's having them for lunch."
-MTG; Horned
Turtle
"They've
got
claws as long as your arm. And they're grouchy. Really, really grouchy."
-MTG; Grizzly
Bears
"Practice
makes
perfect, but obsession makes better."
-MTG; Hint
Of Insanity
"Some
zombies
are natural-reborn leaders."
Magic The
Gathering; Zombie Trailblazer
"It's hard
to be humble when the whole world is bite-sized."
MTG; Arrogant
Wurm
"It knows
what
makes you tick; it knows how to make the ticking stop."
MTG; Organ
Grinder
"The
question
strained his sanity; the answer snapped it in half."
MTG; Obsessive
Search
"It's a
slithering,
cold menace. I've got to respect that."
-Braids,
Dementia
Summoner
MTG; Krosan
Constrictor
"It adds
injury
to injury."
MTG; Crackling
Club
"Since it
only
eats carrion, sometimes it needs to make some from scratch."
MTG; Carrion
Wurm
"Don't let
your mind wander-it might not come back."
-Braids,
Dementia
Summoner
MTG; Unhinge