I am Fortune Full

"Ummm... hi."
"Hey"
"How are you?"
"Uh, fine."
"Yeah"
"Unh-huh."
"So... this is the story, eh?"
"Yup."
"What's it about?"
"Well, we're two fictional characters in a short story written for a friend's website."
"Oh."
"..."
"Do we have names?"
"I guess so."
"What's mine?"
"Ummmm... Jason.  And so's mine."
"Why Jason?"
"Because it's the gayest name in the book."
"Oh."
"..."
"So what's the plot?"
"Dunno.  I don't think that's been figured out yet."
"Oh."
"..."
"This is a slash site, right?"
"Yup."
"So that means..."
"Back off sister-man."
"Oh."
"..."
"Why?"
"Because you're not my type."
"What is your type?"
"Charming and handsome."
"Well, if this is just a story and we're just fictional characters, I can look like anything I want, right?"
"I guess so."
"So I'm six-foot-three, blonde, with green eyes and a killer smile."
"Heh."
"And I have lots of money and biceps thicker than my waist."
"I think we're drifting into the Fantasy genre here."
"Okay okay, nix the biceps.  So what do you look like?"
"I'm six-foot-four, blonder hair, greener eyes, but I don't smile."
"Show off."
"Just jealous."
"..."
"..."
"So what should we do to move the plot along here?"
"Plot?  What plot?"
"Okay, let's think of a plot... You're a vampire and you have fallen in love with me, a mortal, and the entire story is based on your struggle to regain your mortality so you can grow old with me."
"Sorry pal, if I'm immortal, I've got better things to do than pine after your sorry ass -- just think of the product endorsements -- I could sell Oil of Olay or something."
"My ass is not sorry! You could bounce quarters off this!"
"Whatever.  New topic.  I don't like that plot."
"..."
"..."
"Okay, so how 'bout we're spies -- no, secret service agents -- after some inexplicable mystery, and as we figure out this perplexing conspiracy, we fall in love."
"No one will buy it."
"Not even the Space channel?"
"Even they have standards."
"So what do you think we should be doing?"
"How about a nice story about two men falling in love in a quasi-medieval setting.  We can sing dirges to each other while sitting in a meadow."
"How Loreena McKennit of you."
"You don't like it."
"Maybe as an anesthetic."
"..."
"How did you become so bitter?"
"Dunno.  I don't think I have a character synopsis yet."
"I think the writer needs some more time to work on this thing."
"He's really late already -- he promised a full-fledged story months ago."
"Lazy bastard."
"Tell me about it -- we've been in existence for mere minutes and we've come up with quite a few story lines."
"Well, I'm leaving."
"And where do you think you can go?"
"I don't know -- my yacht."
"Your yacht?"
"I sound rich, don't I?"
"Maybe your daddy's yacht."
"Whatever! Jason the yacht club member sounds like a good enough character to me. And you can be Jason the priest."
"A gay priest?"
"Yeah, it creates tension in your character -- your professional and personal lives are always in conflict."
"So that makes me an interesting character... and you are a bland sterotype with no motivation."
"I have motivation."
"Like what?"
"I... um... I have to buy a new yacht and I don't know what colour."
"And are people going to really read a story about a gay priest and a picky yachtsman?"
"They haven't stopped reading so far, have they...?"
"Actually, we probably lost most of them in the first few lines."
"Are you saying I'm not interesting enough?"
"Never.  I'm sure everyone out there can identify with an anal-retentive richboy floating around the world on his daddy's yacht."
"Okay, let's face it, this whole thing is a bust."
"Yeah, let's just come back when the author has something actually interesting for us."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Jason, I don't think I'll ever see you again."