Well, what a week! I so need to win the goddamned lottery already, so I can live beyond my means and not have to pay for it--at this point I can only hope to hold the wolves at bay until the end of Feb., and then go from there. It just sucks to have to say--"only five dollars?--were that I could afford it..." Oh, well, not like I'm homeless, or messed up, or anything. I whine a lot, and I know the financial thing is a big burden, which makes me bitchy and moody--but really, it could be so much worse.

I totally forgot to tell you that the X-Files is officially done this season. kinda sad, but that's what god made DVDs for. I mean, even though it's been pretty good this season--tons of Doggett torture and all, although they've made Scully into the dumbest mom on earth...Well, it's been more about the fan fic than the show for me for some time now. I probably love the socializing aspect of the show more than the show itself...you know, having folks over, coffee, cozy times, laughter, etc. What can I say, I'm a sucker for that shit...In the meantime, my lists have gone mostly insane, and that really weighed on my mind a lot this week. I don't understand how you can think that being an ubercunt to everyone on the list makes you a better fan somehow. There were some unsubs, and frankly, I think, good riddance to bad rubbish!! Now let me get a towel to clean up that rotten skid mark of bitterness you left behind. I have read some posts that made me shake my fist at the screen, I won't deny it, but I never had the urge to be a prick on line because of it. Guess I never saw the point, and we won't even talk about the fact that I'm a loser who just wants everyone to love me...

Oi the net!! ___ tells me I'm worse than ___. And I am. And I don't care. I've come to the realization, especially this week, that if I'm never going down the cup and saucer path of love in the touchy-feely part of the world, then I'd best do things for myself that are going to keep me from going completely insane. i mean, how could I update this page if I was living on the street in a bad hat, pushing a shopping cart of recyclables! *L*  On the other hand, I can report that the flinching is less these days, and I'm making a point of looking at people when I talk to them *L*

There was a  whole lotta nosleep at casa del Spooky this week. Couldn't help myself. I wound up in a position, of my own choosing (don't borrow guilt, babe), where I just needed to talk, and more importantly, listen. It was good for me in a way that defies explanation, even though i was doing the fainting goat at work all week. Oops, my bad. Ah, who cares, it was so worth it. Of course, there were some snags in this bout of wonderfulness. And by snags I mean Aah!! (or is that "Hairball--AAAAAAAAAKK! *L*)(Guess you had to be there...) Learned so much this week, want to learn more. I just wish the circumstances had been different, in some ways. Oh, let's call a spade a spade: I talked to ___ all week, and it was amazing on a million different levels, and unhappy on a million different more, but the bottom line is that a)i wish the circumstances had been a little different, a little less stressful, and b)(and this is a big fucking b, ___, so you better be listening): I wish I could have been talking to them both! My feelings on that front never changed--not a bit!!! Unless you count getting more affectionate. I just hope that he knows that, and if he doesn't, well, I'll be talking to him, and hopefully he will understand me enough to understand what happened. Guess that's all I can do. I would love to go into gory detail and expound on the amazing words and images from this week, good and bad, but that would be telling, and I think I'll just keep that warm for myself for now...

___ had the "tranny-cam" out this weekend, and I was looking pretty good, for me, so if I like the pics she took, I might even send one to ___ and ___, and let my ego take the crushing it probably deserves.

Oh, and ___. More health problems, and I swear I could just weep for him...Now there's a guy a gal could fall in love with. In that ___ way, of course. I would love to see him, go to a movie, you know, hang out, doing anything but drinking Starbuck's coffee...

Last thought:  I love you, ___, get better, I love you, ___, and I'm gonna make you know it, and I love you ___, and I can't begin to thank you!!