Sterling: And remember, Jeffrey, I want an open casket-they can say it to my face!"

Darius: Who's Martha Stewart?
Sterling: She writes picture books about gracious living. Martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement.
I worship her.
Darius: And, um, who's Ann Miller?
Sterling: Leave this house.

Sterling: [putting on a red sweaterl] Can I do this, or will I look like some sort of gay superhero?

Jeffrey: But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."
Sterling: Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend,
not a person.

Sterling: You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew.
Jeffrey: Why did he say that?
Sterling: Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.

Jeffrey: I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!

Acolyte: I can walk!
Jeffrey: You could always walk.
Acolyte: Shut up.

Dave: Hi, my name is Dave and I am sexually compulsive.

Jeffrey: [Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa] She looked good.
Sterling: Please, she's had work done.

Darius: Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.

Jeffrey: Wait! You're really a priest?
Father Dan: Of course.
Jeffrey: But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate?
Father Dan: Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest.
Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.

Mom: Sweetheart, are you a top or a bottom?

Barney's Waiter: BI-SEXUAL!
Sterling: Oh, me too...

Jeffrey: Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!

Skip Winkley: Who is your biggest sexual fantasy?
Barney's Waiter: [wipes the side of his mouth seductively] Den-ZEL Washington.
Jeffrey: The guy at the gym.
Sterling: Yoko Ono.
[everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look]
Sterling: To see the apartment!

Darius: Yes, I am in CATS. Now and forever. The way I see it, I was too young for Chorus Line, and too "happy" for Les Mis. I never did get that show. It's about a guy, who steals a loaf of bread, and then suffers for the rest of his life. For toast! Get over it.

Darius: I love the Nutcracker. You know when I was a kid
I was always afraid of the dancing mice. Now I'm a cat.
Sterling: His therapist is ecstatic.

Sterling: Two cappuccinos. Thank you, darling. Big kiss. The earring - fun... last year.

Debra Moorhouse: It all goes back to mother, doesn't it?
Did you love your mother?
Acolyte: Yes.
Debra Moorhouse: Don't lie to me. I'll call her.

TV Reporter: So what happens after today's parade?
Sterling: Angelique is going to remove her penis!
Mrs. Marcangelo: It's coming *right* off!


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