"Grace, I thought we talked about the
beret. Patty Hearst couldn't even pull one off, and she had money
and a gun."
"That outfit is a fiesta del failure."
"Grace, you're stuffed in a box getting rid of ass plaque."
"Oh, she's thinkin' about her friends in the Lollipop Guild. You know, she was a U.S.O. girl in the war between the states. Oh, Wilma, be a love and get a little snicky snack for Syl, ok? Just a little birdseed and some sugar water. You can put it anywhere. She'll find it." Karen, on her teeny-tiny, very elderly mother-in-law
"It's a victimless crime, like tax evasion or public indecency."
"Good Lord! I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me? "
"I think you're missing the silver lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting."
You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!
"I'm going to decorate Michael's place. I mean, he's gay, how hard could it be? Chrome, black leather, shower for six, done." - Karen wants to get more involved in Grace Adler Designs
"That's pathetic! Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe?"
"What do you mean it's wrong? You're the one who told me monogomy was for lesbians!"
"You backstabbing boy bitch! You are never, never seeing her again! Do you hear me?! You stay away from that London hog, or I'll put fishhooks in your nipples and fly you off the Chrysler Building! You got that?!"
"I love errands. They're like mini-adventures for undesirables."
"Sorry I'm late. I have to leave early. In fact, I just left. So if you see me come in, tell me I went home."
"Honey. I know it's scary. Hey, when I started working in the corporate world of Grace Adler Designs, I was terrified. Would she like me? Would I be good at my job? And now look at me, honey. I'm one of the richest women in the world. Yes, there's no connection. But if you pause in the right places and emphasize the right words, it sounds very inspiring."
"Those Ukrainian boys sure know how to use every wall of an elevator."
"I'll say it again: fags sure are a hoot."
"Time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!"
"It's a cult Grace! Just like the Moonies or the homosexuals or the elderly."
"If you ever feel like you wanna talk to a room full of drunks, you can come to me."
"Y'know what those rocks need? A little scotch."
"Grace, the reason you're not in a relationship's on line 1."
"You're hair's already such a disaster the Red Cross won't give it coffee."
"Grab a bottle, hunker down and pray for daylight!"
"He had a turkey in the limo-he's sleeping it off!"
"I'm a little emotionally drained right now, so I'm just gonna go home and cry myself to sleep."
"Meet the twins."
"I just got all misty...down there."
"She's gone to Mexico for cosmetic surgery so many times I bet if you slapped the back of her head, prizes would fall out."
"You're gayer than a clutch purse at the Tonys!"
"You know honey, you've still got your looks-where are you hiding them?"
"I've got a fake laugh with your name written all over it!"
"Oh, honey, I wish I could stay, but I don't want to."
"It's funny cos it's true."
"Yeehaw! Look who put the ho in hoedown!"
"It's funny cos it's sad."
"Your words are rockin' my world and my pants!"
"I'm addicted to these stories."
"Oh, honey, that's terrible; my heart is cleft in twain; you must be devastated; here, why don't you try writing through your pain."
"Honey, you're simple, you're shallow and you're a common whore--that's why we're so much alike!"