"What are we going to do about Bobby? He seems
bent on destroying everything I own. Why can't he harness that energy and
do something useful? Like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada."
-Hank Hill
"Do one thing, every day, that scares someone."
-Dale
"If there's a better friend than a roll of duct
tape, I'd like to meet him."
-Hank
"Are you sure you're not an alien? 'Cause you've
abducted my heart"
-Dale Gribble
"While I was blacked out, was anything inserted
into me?"
-Dale Gribble
"I'd like to buy some chloroform, a roll of duct
tape, and this gagging bandana."
-Dale
"Firing people gives you a pretty good buzz, but
it's a poor substitute for killing."
-Dale Gribble
DALE: I'd like to live in your fairy-tale world, Hank, but the Fair Play For Cuba Committee is retro-fitting my mower to power Fidel's one-man escape sub.
LUANNE: Bobby, I put out two of your mom's apple
brown bettys. Now, I'm no mathemagician, but there's only one here now
-- did you eat the other one?
BOBBY: I can see how you might jump to that conclusion,
given last night's cupcake incident.
BILL: The only person I ever showed my toes to
was my ex-wife. She used them against me in the divorce.
HANK: You don't have to be embarrassed about
your feet, Bill, it's just a medical condition.
BILL: That's easy for you to say, but I don't
see you waving your narrow urethra around for everyone to see.