LONE GUNMEN
 

Q: Have you ever owned a hamster?
A: No. Now I'm mourning the love for the hamster I never had.
- Dean Haglund
Houston Chronicle interview
March 2005

From the Scifispace chat March 5, 2001:
Lone:  "Do you guys ever read the on-line fan-fiction?"
Bruce Harwood (Byers):  "I've looked at the slash fiction and I got afraid and stopped reading. (laughing)."

And from the Zealot.com March 5, 2001 Chat:
Joe (interviewer):  "Have you been out on the Net to see any of the Lone Gunmen fan fiction that's out there?"
Bruce:  "I just go by a strict no-read policy, even though I hear it's entertaining and funny.  And I encourage the fans to write it
. . .but I worry about the kind of slash fiction that would involve the three of us."  (They all laugh)
Dean Haglund (Ringo Langly):  "God bless the slashers!"
Bruce: "There's a picture that I just don't want in my head."
Dean:  "And you've already put it there!"
Tom Braidwood (Melvin Frohike): "Yeah!"

MULDERLOVESSCULLY: Hi Dean! Love the show! Are any of "the boys" ever going to get a girlfriend?
  DEAN HAGLUND: I've asked the writers that, and with Langly, make that definitely NO WAY! Which, I shook
  my fist at in pathetic rage and slunk away. As for other two, one has already had a girlfriend, and other would
  be a stain on the memory of Suzanne Modeski. As for the Frohike, that man is a slut! {laughs}
Lycos Chat, May 10, 2001

XXXXXXXXX

I just spent nine hours in jail defending my honour, I think I deserve a little respect from the man in blue here. An apology for my friend and I, for suffering insults, humiliation and time in the slammer, to see that justice is done. You know what the difference between you and me is? It ain't the hair and it ain't the doughnut duster over your big, fat piehole..
-Langly

Kimmy: "Hey, Lurch. How's about you trot out and get me a Java Grande?"

"Who would win in a fair fight?  Han Solo or Indiana Jones?"
- Jimmy Bond

"It's pigalicious!"
-Jimmy

"He's creepy."
-Mary (talking about Frohike)

"Growing up-man, it's a bitch."
-Langly

"Man, I'm glad I'm not married to you three."
-Jimmy

"I'm sorry if you feel neglected, Jimmy."
-Byers

"Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"
-Frohike

"Weiner #1, I assume."
-Agent Blythe

"Sorry, Langly, I think your captain is sailing for the other side."
-Frohike

"I'm, like, the worst kind of rat."
-Langly

"Bite me, you hack."
-Clarence the Crab aka Wayne the second banana

"And I'd say it's a bad day for snotty British know-it-alls."
-Agent Blythe

"I think Frohike owes you one."
-Yves (to Jimmy)

"That last one's important!"
-Langly (never make fun of his hair)

"I'm sorry, young lady, what was your name again?"
-Cap'n Toby (to Langly)

"Don't call me Walt."
-Walter Skinner

"Wow! Did they probe you? Did they use the nose thing on you? Or, or the big one? RRRR..."
-Jimmy Bond (to Mulder)

"Jimmy, let's put our heads together and see if we can't figure this thing out."
-Mulder

"It's amazing how much fun you can have with a coupla cc's of pentathol and a halloween mask."
-Langly

"You crack babies woke me up from one killer dream-and I ain't talkin' the dry kind."
-Kimmy

"How would you like it if I went through your underwear?"
-Jimmy Bond (to Frohike)

"So I said, 'lesbian? I thought you said Lebanese!'"
-Morris Fletcher

"Don't even!"
-Langly

"What do you keep him around for? You got a lot of hard-to-open jars?"
-Morris Fletcher

"You can blow my bagpipe, pal!"
-Langly

"You know, maybe the boys wouldn't treat you like such a tramp if you wore less make-up."
-Morris Fletcher

"Fox? What fox do I know?"
-Jimmy Bond

FLETCHER:"Now what exactly does this do? Aside from making sure he never gets laid again?"
LANGLY:"Aw, bite me, Fletcher!"
FLETCHER:"Maybe...you taste like blueberries?"

JIMMY:"Frohike? Yeah, I live with him...I used to."
MULDER:"Is that kind of a May/December thing?"

"The Frohike I know, I'm hopin' he's the only one."
-Mulder

"You are, like, dangerous, lady!"
-Kimmy

"...I was actually gonna make this seem hard so's you wouldn't break down crying in front of your sorority sisters..."
-Kimmy (to Langly)

"Sure enough, Skinner was goin' to a secret meeting with his mystery man."
-Jimmy Bond

"I'm Walter Freakin' Skinner of the F.B.I. and I am going to prison, big time! Oh, yeah, I'm goin' down!...Trust me, I'm all over it!"
-Jimmy as Walter

"Walter Skinner isn't the only one with secrets."
-Frohike

"Oh, the clown car..."
-Yves

"Hey, we'll get her."
-Walter Skinner

"...she is kinda hot...I mean, is that wrong?"
-Langly

"Aren't you at least going to buy me a drink?"
-Larry Rose

"You've got Special Ed here pokin' me in the side with his lipstick..."
-Larry Rose

"Oh, that's attractive."
-Langly

"Gentle Ben had this huge furry neck. I couldn't even get my arms around it, but I wished so badly that I could hug him."
-Byers

"The only thing that's blown is us, and not in that good way."
-Langly

"Didn't Courtney Love here tell you?"
-Kimmy

"Who gave him the damn headset?"
-Langly

YVES:"Now we know how many fools it takes to mess up a foolproof plan."
JIMMY:"Four?"

"Boys, take a lesson."
-Yves

"The tango is life. The tango is death."
-Vera aka Yves

"He recycles his own urine!"
-Frohike

"I've got 42 t-shirts on-I can't feel my legs!"
-Langly

"Think warm thoughts."
-Byers

"Trust me, no man kisses like that..."
-Frohike

"I got this!...The guy eats suckers!"
-Jimmy Bond

"GRRR...Gall bladder! You know you want it!"
-Langly

"I broke my diorama."
-Jimmy Bond

"He was thinking with his heart, not his head."
-Byers, talking about Langly

"You're crushing my pelvis!"
-Frohike

"Are you talking to Byers? Should I call back?"
-Yves (in response to Frohike's crushed pelvis comment)

"Let's puke you again."
-Jimmy Bond

"Damn, man, where's your tuba?"
-Langly

"You pound anything long enough, it'll give."
-Jimmy Bond

"You can create an intelligent animal, but you can't be assured of it's politics."
-Yves Adele Harlow

"Those ingenious Mexicans!"
-Jimmy Bond

"His name is Bobo.  He knows no mercy."
-Simon White-Thatch Potentloins

"If I had a monkey, I'd name him Peanuts...or maybe Admiral Peanuts..."
-Jimmy Bond

"Release him...to me."
-Dr. Hasslip

"...Simon White-Thatch Potentloins..."
-Peanuts

"It's gonna be an ass paddle if you don't back off, kid."
-Frohike

"Thus explaining the smell of cat urine."
-Byers

"Anyway, I'm not ready to call Mulder just yet."
-Frohike

"I say we introduce his lubricated butt to the door."
-Langly

"Assume the position."
-Frohike

"Less talkin', more stalkin'"
-Langly

"I told you to face the wall...my nipples hurt!"
-Frohike

"Conspiracy theories and masturbation-I suspected there was a connection."
-Yves Adele Harlowe

"...and it's not that donut duster over your big fat pie-hole!"
-Langly

"What would a dead woman need a prescription for?"
-Jimmy Bond

"I loved those guys."
-Jimmy Bond

"Oh sweet lord, take me now!"
-Langly

"Don't make me sorry I lived."
-Frohike

"It just kinda sneaks up on ya, like when the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbour."
-Jimmy Bond

"Why do I have to babysit Gigantor?"
-Langly

"Yet you're still a thirty-two year old virgin."
-Frohike (to Langly)

"We left our jack at home... to make room for the night-vision goggles."
-Langly

JIMMY BOND: "Not until I  know what's going on."
YVES :"Is that even possible?"

"Yeah. Whatever. I'll live. Hopefully."
-Frohike

"Baby, I don't swing that way. Especially with old guys."
-Jimmy Bond

"Ah. Poison. Gotcha."
-Langly

"Mom, I've been dressing myself since I was forty."
-Frohike

"It's your turn. I need you to get undressed."
-Yves

"I assure you, ma'am, we are neither slapping, nor tickling."
-Byers

"Somebody's got to suck the pipe and it ain't gonna be me!"
-Langly

LANGLY: "You'll be sorry when I'm dead."
FROHIKE: "Prove it."

"It's Tiger, not Tigger, you imbecile!"
-Frohike

"Okay, you're in, now pants her!"
-Langly

"Wow, I love your little man."
-Nurse Marilyn