"He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!"
-Monty Python's Flying Circus

Announcer: Hello and welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl, here in the pretty L.A. suburb of Hollywood. Well, we're about to witness All-in Wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world's first combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing; and by the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile. You never know when it'll go off.
-Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

Blessed are the cheesemakers.
-Monty Python's Life Of Brian

From now on, I want you all to call me... 'Loretta'
-Stan, Monty Python's Life Of Brian

"If I tell my wife, a: that all fish live in the water, and b: all mackerel are fish, rather than making the logical
conclusion that all mackerel live in the water, she will respond with the illogical statement: "You don't love me anymore"
                -Monty Python's Meaning of Life

Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.
All: And me. And me too. And me.
Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering silmite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Tim: the Enchanter: There it is!
King Arthur: Where?
Tim: the Enchanter: There.
King Arthur: What, behind the rabbit?
Tim: the Enchanter: It is the rabbit!
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

ROBIN: You mangy scots git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"Help, I'm being repressed!"
                -Michael Palin in Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail