Oi, such a week--such a weekend. I'm feeling very good. Not in a good way, but in an insane way that I totally recognize. Blame Jim and Blair *L* I like it though. It's an energy booster, a quick weight loss program, and even a way to block out anything sad, threatening, frightening, unwanted, etc etc and just focus on the good. Or if not the good, focus on the "hey, if it can happen to him, it can happen to me. Or the "hey, if he can survive that, I can survive anything". Or, hell, even the plain ol' 'hold me' crap works well enough if you've got a vivid enough imagination.

hey, Barkley, thanks for season nine. That was a really nice thing you did. And no, not three knuckles deep. Don't you know by now I'm disgusted to even touch myself *L* I just squeak a little and hit the replay button. Saves all that tiring masturbation *L*

Investitures was a good time, I hear, and I'll get the photos developed tomorrow. I meant to take them in today when I picked up Halloween, but forgot them in the car. Oh well. I took tomorrow off just cos. Actually, thought I might be drunk off my head last night and might need an extra day. Turns out to be not a bad thing cos I read Sentinel porn all night Friday, fell asleep for five hours in my chair watching XF last night, so am doing updates now, but it might be nice to sleep in a little tomorrow. I think I'm going to be a real rebel and sleep in my bed. It's been years, but we'll see what happens.

I have friends out there that I seldom see or talk to, or feel like I've lost touch with completely, and that makes me so sad I'm crying inside all the time. Probably part of the reason this fandom came along to bite me in the ass so hard the way it did. I'm hoping to remedy that soon, but you never know. I'm on that big intentional path to Hell, for sure. But I guess if the thought is there and all. Speaking of thoughts, I think I have all the advent gifts for the boys, but we'll know for sure tomorrow. I hope to mail them by the 20th and they'll get there in time. Got to bake more shortbread.

Oh, so yeah, investitures--I wound up having to bartend, cos there weren't nobody else. Suffice to say I'm kinda the only Sat bartender right now, although I'm sure Lee or Troy could do it too. And Denise. I thought she'd be at the show, but wasn't. So I did protocol, drank hard then bartended upstairs. Lee was celebrating his birthday he did the open shift but wouldn't swap so he could party. Cheese monkeys indeed. I had great hair, and the two hoop earrings on one side, and I learned how to spell Blair in Chinese. That makes no sense at all to you I'm sure, but I'm saying I spent a little more effort and felt kinda pretty. Str8 guy hugs were nice too. Too bad my life doesn't work that way, cos he'd be just about damned perfect, you know.

I could go on, believe me--I'm having some sort of autoresponse to this typing, just letting whatever passes for thoughts in my head just pour out, but it's 4:30 now, and I still have to clean up my super messy apartment for coffee night tonight. Dor, Thane, Andrea, maybe Deedz, a little Firefly, and I'll have to drag Dor off to the office to see my Sentinel fanvids. Andrea's not a fan of the show, and to be fair, there's other stuff we can watch. I don't mind. I've watched all the eps I have so far alot, and my squeaking is probably best done in private anyway, although I love having Mitch here on Tuesdays, cos he's liking it too. And once in a while it's nice to have another voice in the world say 'hey, that makes sense' or 'you're right' or whatever. Independence is terrific, but lonely.