There's only one way for me to achieve any kind
of mental health. You have got to change."
-Fran
"When you're paying $65 to watch Brooke Shields
singing in pedal pushers, you know the end is near"
Fran
"I'm afraid your father is losing interest in
me sexually. I've tried everything. I even met him at the door naked."
"Oh, Ma, you didn't!"
"Meanwhile, you will never see another Jehovah's
Witness in our building."
- Sylvia (Fran's Mom) and Fran
"Trust me, there is only one man who can satisfy
a woman in two minutes - Colonel Sanders"
- Sylvia Fine
C.C.: [Max is hiring a female to promote him]
Maxwell, I want a man!
Niles: The last one deflated when she nibbled
at his ear.
Fran: Get help! And phone numbers!
Val: There's no girls! Only guys!
Fran: Get recipes
Fran: "I've often wondered how the British know what anyone's feeling. They all must wear mood rings."
"Oh what are you doing here? The sun is up." - Niles to CC
Max: (frustrated with Fran) What I want right
now is to be in a pub with my hands wrapped around a cold lager.
Fran: A logger? ....Do the kids know that you
are considering an alternative lifestyle?
Max: It's a beer, Miss Fine!
Fran: Ohh...., well speak English!
Max: If you had absolutely no intention of going
through with this album cover in the first place, what are we arguing about?
Fran: Well I have no idea! I can't shake the
image of you picking up Paul Bunyon in a bar!
Fran (to Val): You're like Rain Man, only without the math skills!
Fran: Men can't be rushed, they're like chickens. You cook 'em too fast, they get tough. Where you let 'em simmer, they fall apart in your hands.
Niles: Sylvia has invited us over for the Jewish
holiday.
Max: Now, is this the holiday Miss Fine said
you can't eat all day, then stuff yourself? Or the one where you light
candles, then stuff yourself? Or the one where you build a straw hut, then
stuff yourself?
Niles: I believe it's the one where you hide
crackers from small children, then stuff yourself.
Max: Ah, Passover