Requiem Again; the First Processional

The world had definitely changed. 

The conspiracy broken, the world changed in ways that could never be fathomed, and Mulder could not imagine where to begin, where his life fit into this new world.

His search went on, even when he was not  sure what he searched for.

The months passed and the memory of Walter's warm embrace cooled and faded. No other memories were there to take its place however, so it stayed in his head, muted and dull, but never completely gone.

It just felt as if he belonged in an older world, where some things were just better hidden, secret. Where the love that dared not speak it's name shut it's big fat mouth and just got on with the dirty deed.

                                   ********

Walter and Mulder unentwined their limbs and unlocked their lips, both embarassed, both looking away.

"I uh..."

"Uh, yeah, I know what you mean"

"What was that all about?"

"I don't know... the car stalled, we had to get this room...we fell asleep...and I woke up ... with you... uhm"

"Did you ever think that we'd....?"

"Uh no"

"Me either"

"Uh... "

Silence.

"Did you want to..."

"God, yes!"

                                **********
 

Walter rolled away from the latest man who held him, and
began to dress. Guilt wracked his mind and memories of Fox
flooded through his soul.

"Dammit, Fox..." he whispered.

He left the man sleeping, and walked out of the apartment
onto a streetlamp lit road. Sex was so easy to find these
days, but it didn't seem to fill the void that love had left.

The world was new, but the old world was the happier one.

No matter how much he had to hide.

                                   **********

"Do you think anyone suspects?"

"Probably not. It's not like we're acting any different or anything."

"Are you sure? I'm worried she'll find out."

Silence, then laughter.

"What?"

"She'll probably want to *watch*"

More laughter. A post coital cigarette glowed in the dark.

"Is it worth it? I know it's hard on you..."

"God, yes. I love you...it's worth it."

"I love you too."

The cigarette was crushed and extinguished. The ashtray was set to the side

"Round two?"

"God I *really* love you"

                          **********

"Is there anything I can do...?" she asked.

No, there isn't. You know you cannot interfere."

"The pain is too much for them both..."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

-fin-