SEX

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"I wasn't paying for sex.  I was paying for her to leave afterwards."
-Charlie Sheen on prostitution

"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it."
-Winston Churchill

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-Billy Crystal

"A hard man is good to find."
-- Mae West

"The score never interested me, only the game."
-- Mae West

"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid!"
-- Denis Leary

"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly ... very slowly."
-- Gypsy Rose Lee

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening.

"I'm just looking for that moment to drop my Jedi knickers and pull out my real light saber. "
-Ewan McGregor

"Coffee without caffeine is like sex without the spanking."
-Jeremy Piven

"Sex means spank and beautiful means bottom and always will."
-Kenneth Tynan

"When I was drinking, I gave a lot of unnecessary head."
-Margaret Cho

"There's a creepy connection between leather sex, 'Star Trek' and Renaissance fairs."
-Margaret Cho

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
-Tom Clancy

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
-Woody Allen

 "As the French say, there are three sexes: men, women and clergymen."
- Rev. Sydney Smith

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-Woody Allen

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
-Matt Barry

"Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life."
-Michael Sinz

 "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."
-Woody Allen

"Sex" is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
- Henry Miller

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- Steve Martin

"You know that look women get when they want  sex? Me neither".
- Drew Carey

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
- Rodney Dangerfield

" All pop music is about sex. Rock is about wanting to do it, jazz is about doing it, and country and western is about feeling guilty after you've done it."
- Robert Waldo Brunelle, Jr.

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- George Burns

 "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is
 the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible."
- A mercedes salesman

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