Pitching the Sheet RPF
Rating: PG13
Fandom: Sherlock
Pairing: none
Date: January 2012
Beta: none
Spoilers: A Scandal in Belgravia,
more or less
Boring but necessary disclaimer: I
don’t own any real people
Archive: really?
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE!
starshine24mc@yahoo.com
Summary: Okay, so Joelle
found part one on a blog shortly after the first "Sheetlock" footage
hit the net and passed it along. It
made me giggle a lot! (I can so hear Mark's voice perfectly) So, if
this is yours, and you stumble across it here, just let me know cos I
totally give credit where credit is due, and this is made of win. As
for part two, well apparently Joelle is really really good at making
the voices in my head talk so loud I have to write them down. Or,
y;know, who knows? Maybe one of these is really how it happened.
PITCHING THE
SHEET:
MOFFAT: Hello
Benedict, we'd like to speak to you about Series Two.
GATISS: Yes, we have some... ideas.
CUMBERBATCH: Oh
really what kind of ideas?
MOFFAT: Costume
ideas.
GATISS: You know
how you were naked in Frankenstein.
CUMBERBATCH: ...
yes?
MOFFAT:Or more
lack of costume ideas.
GATISS:Well, we
loved your work in Frankenstein.
CUMBERBATCH: Oh
good God no.
MOFFAT: Oh good
God yes.
GATISS: We REALLY loved your work in
Frankenstein.
PITCHING THE
SHEET 2: THE FOURTH SHEET:
Author's
Note: It seems to me that Ben really enjoys dropping his
trousers, and Mark is, well, Mark. It might have gone something like
this:
MOFFAT: (picks up phone late at night) This
better be good...
GATISS: Steven, I've
got an idea. Well, four ideas. Well, seven, but--
CUMBERBATCH: (in the background)HI STEVEN!
MOFFAT: What the
hell--?
GATISS: Seriously,
mi amigo--
CUMBERBATCH: (giggling) MES AMIGOS!
MOFFAT: Mark--?
GATISS: So I've got
this bloody brilliant idea--
CUMBERBATCH: IT WAS
MY IDEA, STEVEN!
GATISS: Yes, all
right, Ben, just--here, give me that fag--
CUMBERBATCH: Mi fag
est su fag (more giggles)
MOFFAT:OMG Is he
drunk?
GATISS: Good
deduction, Steven (giggle snort).
Now can you deduce what pub we're in from--
CUMBERBATCH: HEY,
WHO DOES THE DEDUTHING AROUND HERE?
(Lots of giggling now)
MOFFAT:You're drunk,
and I'm hanging up now, Mark.
GATISS: No, don't.
I'm not--well, not much--well, yes, we are, but listen, Steven! We've
got the most brilliant idea. You know how you wanted to amp up the
sibling tension in that first bit of Scandal. So you thought you'd have
Sherlock using an umbrella.
CUMBERBATCH: MY
UMBRELLA'S BIGGER THAN YOURS!
GATISS: Oi, size
queen! Forget the sodding umbrella! What if Sherlock's just--
CUMBERBATCH: NAKED!
MOFFAT: Naked?!
GATISS: Well, in a
sheet, like--
CUMBERBATCH: NAKED!
NUDE! SKYCLAD!
MOFFAT:
You think Ben should be naked?
GATISS: No, no, not
entirely naked. I mean you won't see his gentleman's vegetables or any
of that. Just maybe a flash of--
CUMBERBATCH: CUMBERBUM!
MOFFAT:Uh....
GATISS: It's
brilliant! And the fans will love it! And Ben seems really keen...
CUMBERBATCH: MY
CUMBERSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE GIRLS TO THE YARD!
MOFFAT: Well....
GATISS: And the best
part will be when Watson just has to see what's under that sheet
and--Steven? Steven? Hello?
CUMBERBATCH: TOGA!
TOGA! TOGA!