It's official. I am the 'cat lady'. And no, I don't mean in that 'I like cats and have a couple of them and it's all good' way. I mean in that 'okay, I've been out of the house for five minutes, can we go back in now I'm hating this' way.
Staff Christmas party last night. Dressed up a little. Good hair. My supervisor conveniently gave away my ticket, cos she's nineteen (nuff said) but ___ had an extra, so it was all good.
Food was amazing, must say. Best Chinese spaghetti ever! Plus the usual turkey and all. Was really good. Didn't get coffee, tho, even tho I whimpered everytime Betty Coffee Urn wandered past in her official Center of the Arts waitress outfit (she was one doily away from a Safeway worker, and thought there could be worse things than my job I could be in that outfit *L*)

Found ___ and ___, and that was cool, even if I'm not their biggest fans. At least, hey, gay, plus, not totally stupid. And ___ works at Star Tek now, so she was there, dressed down, way down, just cos she can pull it off.

Saw some guys from training class, but not the people that I sort of know on more than a "what kind of calls did you get today?" kind of way, which was too bad.

___ wound up having a good time and wanting to stay, and God's honest, I don't begrudge her that, but she was my ride, and I just couldn't be there anymore.

The music was sort of cousin's wedding mixed with straight pick up joint. Watching the folks two stepping during the country set was cool tho. If it's done right, it's just a dream to watch--the couples seem to float across the floor. But of course there were the teen-twenty somethings in all the right clothes dancing with each other, and the not so twenties, or not so cool ones, having had that 'one too many for an office function' drink and thinking suddenly that they are in fact Christina Aguilera's long lost sister. That just made me sad, cos I've been that drunk, and though I wouldn't change a thing I've done--well, maybe that bleach job in 93 *L*--I wonder if I was as embarrassing as I felt for those people.

But then I decided it's me. I can't relate to other human beings like that the way they relate to each other. I can't relate, period. My life, be it as it may, is just that--my life. Too complicated to explain to anyone over one drink at a staff function, too surreal to get anyone to fully appreciate on any level, and certainly nothing shareable with people who are supposed to be my peers in some way. and I'm not saying that cos I want to be hooking up with someone--I think we all know that's a pipe dream best set aside for--oh, ever!--Maybe a long time ago I wished I could fit in. Now, though, I just want to flee.

And flee I did. When it was determined that my ride wasn't leaving anytime soon, and my backup ride was just buying her fifth glass of wine, I ran. It was terrifying. I couldn't be in that room. I couldn't look at those people. I felt sick. And I don't know if it was the food, my own sense of total isolation, longing to be with them, a part of it, I honestly don't know what the hell it was, but I ran out those doors like my ass was on fire. Found an atm, got my jacket, called a cab and got the fuck outta Dodge!!

Grabbed a big fat drink at the bar, and hoped things would get better. Well, must admit, was good to chat with ___ and ___, and I wish we had more time together than a day or two over annual holidays. Still, nice. Saw all the usual cast of suspects, and you really need to see the vid of ___ and ___ dancing the Nutcracker suite in cow costumes to appreciate the grandeur of it all.

But even there, you know. Not so good when I'm not behind the bar.

I don't think this is going to go away. Kinda sucks.
 

Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
You can fire me
I quit!
Seems I don't fit in.

Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
Just because my nose glows
Why don't I fit in?

We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
What's the matter with misfits
That's where we fit in!

We're not daffy and dilly
Don't go 'round willy nilly
Seems to us kinda silly
That we don't fit in.

We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?

We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
What's the matter with misfits
That's where we fit in!

Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
I'm an adorable reindeer
Why don't I fit in?

Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
They can't fire me.
I QUIT!

We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?

We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
What's the matter with misfits
That's where we fit in!