Strange Disease

“Why did you have to put so much pressure on me?
You push my heart away.
I didn’t mean to scare you, little one.
Is there nothing I can say?
Don’t leave me with nothing;
Yeah, you left me with nothing…”
          - Prozzak, 
          “Strange Disease”
 

I can’t sleep.

This is definitely nothing new-a night where I woke up screaming from nightmares only once or twice used to be considered a good night.  But lately, for the last month or so, well, 23 nights to be exact, I’ve slept like a baby.  Or like a baby would sleep if it didn’t wake up every hour squalling to be fed.  What do I know about babies anyway?

All I know is that I’ve been sleeping nightmare-free ever since he’s been here.  Keeping the monsters at bay with a surly growl and arms strong enough to hold me and all my neurosis.
Those arms are around me now, holding me close, my back pressed to his chest, legs entwined; spoons snug in a drawer, and he knows I love it.  His presence is all I need to feel safe, to sleep.

I can’t sleep.

Why’d you do it, Walter?  Why did you say it?  Wasn’t it enough to have a night together, enjoying a late take-out dinner (Thai-your favourite), an old movie on cable (sci-fi, my favourite), some serious fooling around on the couch, and hours of mind-blowing sex?

Nothing sends me off to sleep like sex.  If I could bottle the orgasms you give me, in my head, not just my body, I could put Sominex out of business!

Sometimes I fall asleep before you pull out, utterly sated and feeling like nothing bad could happen as long as you are here, with me and in me.

I can’t sleep.

Curling up in your arms tonight, I thought, not for the first time, that life really gets no better than this.  I knew I would sleep all night, still feeling you in me, still tasting you on my lips.  I felt your hand in my hair, stroking and petting, then your mouth on my ear, breath warm and tickling.  I felt myself drifting off…

“I love you, Fox.”

And now I can’t sleep.
 
 

Y'know, for a first time piece, this ain't half bad. For more of Mulder's early morning meanderings, check out the sequel, "Every Morning"!