"I'm also Carroll Todd. TODDY, to nearly everybody who knows me."

"I'm calling in sick to brunch tomorrow so I can go to work."
(Keith's pale ale and logic do not mix...)

"Mommy, I have no eyes! A drag queen stole them!"

LARRY: It's time! (calling last call)
TODDY: What is this, bull roping? (does elaborate bull roping pantomime) And...TIME!

"If you're gonna use teeth, wait until I tell you!"

 Who doesn't want to eat cupcake... really!

"Why is it all boxy?"
confusing Thom's crotch with his cigarettes

"Oozhoo boo boo ooozhi boo boo doo doo...."
(don't you wish you drank at our bar?)

"all I can say is ... I hurt.... and I have writing on me...and you're welcome."
the day after

"I'm crunk!"

Toddy: (spills Rev on the pool table): Who spilled that?
 (moments later): I know I had a Rev in my hand--what happened to it?

"FYI, I bought a revolving door for your house; I just need help installing it."

"whoopity whoop whoop"

"I could wear my brown curls...."
teasing

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