Labisse: If you ever come back, I will have you
thrown out.
Toddy: Don't make it sound like such a threat.
Being thrown out of a place like this is significantly better than being
thrown out of a leper colony.
Victoria: Nana Lanu, who's she?
Toddy: The last woman I slept with.
Victoria: When was that?
Toddy: The night before the morning I decided
to become a homosexual.
Victoria: How long have you been a homosexual?
Toddy: How long have you been a soprano?
Victoria: Since I was 12.
Toddy: I was a late bloomer.
Norma: I think that the right woman could reform
you.
Toddy: You know, I think that the right woman
could reform you, too.
Toddy: Ugh. There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.
Chorus Boy #1: [watching "Victor' rehearse] He's
fantastic.
Chorus Boy #2: He's a phony.
Admirer at rehearsal: What do you mean?
Chorus Boy #2: If he's a Polish count, I'm Greta
Garbo.
Admirer at rehearsal: Well, Greta, whatever he
is, I think he's divine.
Toddy: I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Toddy: Thank you, thank you, you're most kind.
In fact, you're every kind. I see we have a celebrity with us tonight.
Miss Simone Kallisto, star of stage, screen, and an occasional circus.
Take a bow, darling.
Simone Kallisto: Up yours, cherie.
Toddy: And speaking of the circus, aren't you
Richard Dinardo, the well-known trapeze artist?
Richard DiNardo:Careful, Toddy.
Madame President: You're not really funny, y'know.
So why don't ya just piss off?
Toddy: [to her husband] You. You ought to be
ashamed of yourself, bringing your sweet old mother into a place like this.
Labisse: What in hell was that?
Toddy: B flat.
Victoria: I'll sleep with you for a meatball.
Victoria: Ah, but to a man like you, someone who believes he could never, under any circumstances find another man attractive, the margin between "practically" and "for sure" must be as wide as the Grand Canyon.
Norma: You know, I know he's supposed to protect
you, but does he have to stay in the same suite with us? I mean I just
keep expecting him to break in while we're, uh... while we're making love.
King Marchand: He'd only do that if he heard
something unusual. Like if I got excited!
Norma: Oh, oh, don't get me wrong... I never have with you! Faked it, I mean. With you it's like... pow, pow, pow, like the fourth of July, every time! But just tonight, cause you couldn't... up to now, it's been grand, Pooky, really, really grand, but if there's one thing I know for sure, you can't let it get you, you should excuse the expression, down. You can't think about it, you just gotta put it out of your mind! The more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think...think, worry, worry, think... mm! too soft... It just gets like a vicious cycle! And then, before you know it, you are impudent!
Toddy: Remember, you're a drag queen!
Toddy: The last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse.
Victoria: Let me ask you a question.
Toddy: You want to know if I'm a homosexual.
Victoria: No. I want to know if you're a hypochondriac.
Norma: Me? Give up men? Forget it!
Toddy: You took the words right out of my mouth.
Toddy: Are you impugning this lady's integrity?
Waiter: She's impugning my salad.
Norma: I just love Frenchmen.
Toddy: Oh, so do I!