All in the Family

By:  Lara

 

“I shouldn’t be really late.  Seven at the latest,” Nick told me as he zipped up his backpack.  “We have most of the tracks laid down…now we have to refine it all.”

“I don’t believe this.  You promised me you’d be home for dinner tonight!”  I caught the whine in my voice and changed my tone just in time.  “I thought we’d have a nice romantic evening.”

“We still can…after seven.”  He kissed my forehead and went to the door of our bedroom.  “You know I love you, right?”

“Yes, Nicky, I know,” I said obediently, feeling as if I had to say it instead of really wanting to say it.  I DID love him.  I loved him just as much as I had six years earlier when we had exchanged vows to become man and wife.  He smiled at me, the boyish sparkle in his eyes belying his age.  He looked sixteen again instead of twenty-six.

“I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.”  He turned back around and gave me a huge hug.  I snuggled against him, missing him desperately.  The hours were long and hard; they had been from the very beginning.  I knew that was what marrying a musician would be like.  I hadn’t counted on the loneliness that was overtaking me little by little.  He released me and went to the door.  I slowly followed him down the steps.

“Oh…and Aaron’s back in town.  I told him he could come over and use the pool…maybe bring some friends.”

“You’re kidding,” I groaned, mental images of annoying teenage boys splashing around in the backyard filling my brain.

“No, I’m not.  Is that a problem?  Is it a problem for my brother to come use my pool while his house is being completed?  He just got back from almost two years of constant touring, interviewing and recording.  Would it kill us to show some hospitality?” Nick snapped.  I drew back.

“N-no…Nick…of course not.  Our house is his house.  I just wish you woulda told me.  I would have made some other plans.”

Nick sighed, running his hands through his hair in the gesture I loved so much.  “It’s okay, baby.  I’m sorry I yelled at you.  I’m just sick of all this shit.  I need a vacation.”  He hugged me once more.  “I’m jealous of Aaron.  He’ll be here with you, watching your lovely body laying out by the pool, and I’ll be at work.”

I laughed.  “I hardly think that will be the case.  I’m the big old sister in law…fifteen years older than he is.  No eighteen year old boy would look twice at me.”

“I would, if I was still eighteen,” Nick told me.  He gave me a sensuous kiss that actually turned my knees to oatmeal.  It had been a long time since he had kissed me like that.  “Tell Aaron I say hi.”

“I will.  I haven’t seen him in so long I will probably not even recognize him,” I told my husband.  “Get out of here…the quicker you go the quicker you’ll be back.”

“Okay.  Bye, baby.”  Nick went out the door to the garage. 

I sighed as I went out to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of iced tea.  I really wasn’t looking forward to Aaron and his little friends tearing up my backyard, but Nick was right.  Aaron was family, and he had always been the sweetest little boy.  I picked up the phone but it rang in my hand.  “Aack!  Hello?”

“Lara?”  A man’s voice said.

“Um…yes?”  I answered cautiously.  Even though the Backstreet Boys were past their boyband phase, we still got crank calls every now and then.

“This is Aaron.”

“Aaron.  Aaron?  Aaron Carter?”  I gasped.  He sounded so mature!  It was then that I remembered he had only been going on seventeen when I had seen him last, and I rarely talked to him on the phone.  “Hello!  How are you?”

“Great.  Glad to be home.  Hey, I just wanted to make sure it was okay for me to come over and swim with my friends.”

He was so polite.  “Of course it is.  How many of you do you think there will be?  I’ll get some soda and snacks out.”

“Wow, that would be great.  Um…just four of us, I think.  Not a big crowd.”

“That’s fine.  When will you be here?”

“Around one, I think.”  I glanced at the clock. Eleven-thirty.  “Is that too soon?”

“No, of course not.  Come whenever you want and stay as long as you like.”

“Thanks, Lara.  I appreciate this.  See you later.”

I hung up and dialed.  “This better be damned important,” a voice on the other end mumbled.

“Lisa, it’s eleven-thirty.  Get your ass out of bed.”

“I hate you,” she drawled, and I heard her stretch.

“I need you for moral support.  Aaron is bringing over three friends to swim and I need someone to keep me from freaking.”

“Aaron…Aaron who?”

“Aaron CARTER, ya dope.”

“Nick’s little brother?”

“Yes…they’ll be here around one.  Can you please come over?”

Lisa sighed.  “Okay.  You owe me one though. I’ll be there around two.”

 

By one o’clock I had the sodas in a cooler and bags of snacks out on the deck.  I was such a nice big sister, I told myself as I went to the door.  No wonder kids loved me.  I opened the door and gasped.  “Um…can I help you?”

“Lara, it’s me.  Aaron.”  Brown eyes smiled down at me shyly from a face that was at least six or seven inches above my head.  Muscles well defined from dancing every night peeped out from under a blue tank top and black swim trunks.  The patented Carter smile flashed across his face.  “Remember me?”

“Uh…oh, yes. Of course.  You’re just…”

“So grown up.  I know…I know…been hearing it ever since I got back.”  He turned around.  “Oh, this is my friend Justin, and this is Samantha and Ellen.”

“Hey,” Justin said, a teenage boy a bit shorter than Aaron.

“Hi!”  The girls said as one.  My eyes almost narrowed.  I was probably twice their age, but I never did really get used to Barbie doll wannabes.  Their blond hair was pulled back into ponytails and pert little breasts peeked out of bikini tops.

“Hello.  Welcome to our home,” I barely said civilly.  “Come in.  Pool’s out back.”  I moved aside. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be right there,” Aaron told them.  The three strangers padded down my hall and through the kitchen.  He turned to me.  “Thanks again, Lara.”  He ran his fingers through his blond locks and I actually whimpered.  “I really appreciate this.  I need down time like you don’t know what.”  I realized I was staring and lowered my eyes.  “I guess it’s weird looking up at me now, huh?”  He said with a laugh.  “I used to be the little scrawny one.  You’re my little big sister now.  But I’m not too big to hug you, right?”

“Of course not,” I said, regaining my cool.  He gave me a big hug, squeezing the life out of me.  I recited the Ten Commandments inside my head as his smooth shoulder pressed against my cheek, then I pulled back.  “Go swim.  Have fun.  Lisa and I will be out later to lifeguard.”

“Oh, Aunt Lisa’s coming over?  Cool.  Talk to you later.” He sauntered down the hallway, stopping at the kitchen counter to grab a banana from a fruit bowl. 

As soon as I heard the sliding glass door close, I slid to the floor on a heap.  Oh dear God.  When the hell did Aaron Carter grow up, and how the hell was I going to handle it?

 

 

You’re so hot, teasing me/So, you’re blue, but I can’t take a chance on a kid like you/That’s something I couldn’t do…

 

 

“Hey, I thought you’d be out by the pool by now,” a voice behind me said.  I let out a short scream and clutched the bathing suit in front of my nakedness.

“God…Lisa!  Scare the shit out of me why don’t you!” I yelled.

“Sorry.  The front door was unlocked.” Lisa flopped onto the bed.  “It’s almost two.  I thought you’d be out babysitting by now.”

“I need to find the perfect suit first,” I said, holding up first one then another.  “Dammit, I should have gone shopping yesterday like I had planned on.”

“Um…why do you need a new suit to babysit the little brother and friends?”  Lisa asked.

“You’ll see,” I replied, finally deciding on a navy-blue two-piece that covered a lot yet revealed at the same time.  I turned this way and that in front of the mirror.  “Oh, to be sixteen again,” I sighed.

“To be sixteen again and know what we do now,” Lisa added.  I smiled.

“Exactly.”

 

“So, then she decided to write on the walls of the nursery with my brand new lipstick,” Lisa was telling me.  “I thought Darla was gonna freak, but I could only stand there and laugh about it.”

“So you left Darla to clean it up?”  I asked as we walked into the kitchen.

“Of course.  I love taking care of Kevin, the house, and the kids, but sometimes you just have to let the housekeeper do her job,” she told me.  “Besides, Cassie even wanted to help clean it up…which was when Darla put her in the playroom.”

I laughed out loud.  Kevin and Lisa had two children: Cassie, who was two, and Tristan, who was six.  “Behave or not behave?”  I held up a can of soda and a six pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

“Not behave,” Lisa said immediately. “But I need something to eat with that.”

“I have snacks outside.  Good enough?”

“Perfect.  Junk food and liquor at two in the afternoon.  What a way to spend the day.”  Lisa grabbed the six pack and I picked two towels out of the cabinet. 

We walked out onto the deck and I immediately felt a splinter go into my foot.  “Dammit, I told Nick we needed someone out here to look at this!”  I cursed.  Yet another thing he was too busy to take care of, though he demanded that anything regarding the house should be left to him.  I bent down to examine my foot.

“Um…who is that?”

“Oh, Aaron’s friend, Justin, and their little Barbies…I mean…friends, Ellen and Samantha,” I said.

“Where’s Aaron?”

“He’s the one in the black trunks,” I told her, standing up.

“No…can’t be…the only one in black trunks is…”

“Aaron,” I repeated, leaning on the railing.  Lisa’s mouth fell open. 

“That can’t be Aaron.  Aaron is little and cute.  That guy is…”

“Tall, blond and gorgeous.  Yes, I know.  NOW do you know why I needed the perfect suit?”  I said with a smile.

“Damn. Has it been that long?”  Lisa said, trying to recover.  Aaron looked up towards the deck.

“Hi, Aunt Lisa!” Aaron said with a big grin.

“Hi,” she said faintly.

“Compose yourself.  Let’s go down and chaperone.  Wouldn’t want the Barbies to drown,” I said sarcastically.

“Yes, wouldn’t want that,” Lisa replied, though I could see devious plans to do just that formulating in her mind.

“Aunt Lisa!”  Aaron exclaimed, running over from the diving board where he was about to jump in.  He gave her a soggy hug.  “Oh…sorry,” he said, smiling bashfully.

“It’s okay.  It’s great to see you, Aaron,” Lisa replied, smiling up at me.

“Aunt Lisa, these are my friends Justin, Ellen and Samantha.  This is Kevin’s wife, Lisa,” Aaron said.

“Hi,” Justin said.  The girls just waved. They were seated along the side of the pool where they weren’t in the water but close enough for the boys to jump in and splash them.  When this would happen, the girls would squeal in pretend disgust, telling them to please stop. I grimaced as I set down our things on a tiny table.  I knew their game.  I had played it myself all too many times.

We sat down at a spot where we were far enough away not to be heard, but close enough to observe everything that was going on.  “Charming,” Lisa said, looking over her sunglasses at the two girls.

“Makes me wonder about Aaron’s judgement,” I observed as one girl squealed as Justin dragged her into the pool.

“There’s your answer,” Lisa said, discreetly motioning to Aaron, who was rolling his eyes at the girl’s antics.

“Good.”  For some reason I was happy to see that.

“So, how is Nick?”  Lisa asked.  I frowned.

“Gone…as usual…how do you get used to it, Lisa?”

“We make special time.  There is at least one day a week when he makes sure he is home by six…usually it’s two nights.  And we make sure to make love at least four times a week, and it’s not planned stuff, either.  One day he came home at lunch and molested me in the shower.”  Lisa smiled at the memory.

“Wow,” I whispered.  I was lucky to even SEE my husband four times a week.

“Aaron…can you put lotion on my back?”  The girl named Ellen whined, waving the bottle in his direction.

“Oh, gag,” Lisa and I said at the same time, then laughed.  Aaron sighed.

“Sure, Ellen.”  He quickly rubbed lotion on her back, and by the look on her face it was over ALL too quick.  He glanced our way.  “You guys need any of this?”

I was too flustered to answer.  “Um, I’m fine, but pasty here should have some or she’ll be red as a lobster,” Lisa called back.  I could have smacked her.

“Well, we don’t want that, do we?”  Aaron pulled himself out of the pool and dripped over to us.  As he stood over my chair he dripped on me as well, and I started to squeal.  I realized that it was a very Barbie-like squeal and I kept quiet.  “Need lotion?”  He asked with a smile.

I thought of about nine hundred other things I needed at that moment, but I simply nodded and rolled onto my stomach.  I heard him squat down by the chair and closed my eyes.

“So, Aaron, glad to be back?”  Lisa asked.

“You don’t know how much,” he told her.  I heard the cap flip open and could just imagine his large Carter hands grasping the bottle of lotion.  I jumped slightly as the cold lotion hit my back, then practically melted into the chair as his soft hands began to rub it in.  Was it me or was he taking a LOT longer than he had on the Barbie?  “I missed my family, missed just being me…though I hardly know who me is anymore,” he confided.  His eyes saddened for a moment.

“We’re all glad you’re home, aren’t we, Lara?”  Lisa asked, I glared at her.

“Of course we are,” I said with a smile.

“You’ll have to come over for dinner sometime,” Lisa continued.  “You’ll hardly recognize Tristan, and you never really met Cassie.”

“Oh, I bet Tristan’s so big now,” Aaron replied.  “I’d like that.”

“Speaking of dinner,” I said quickly.  “Nick isn’t going to be home until at least seven or so…” I flipped over to look at Aaron.  “Would you like to stay for dinner, Aaron?”

Aaron’s brown eyes ran over my body before he could stop them.  He blushed slightly.  “Well…if it isn’t any trouble.”

“It’s not.  I don’t want to eat alone,” I said, staring up at him innocently.  “But your friends are with you so maybe…”

“Well, Justin drove,” he said quickly.  “He can take Ellen and Sam home, and then Nick can drop me home later.”

“Great.”  A smile lit up my face and was quickly mirrored on his face.  “You can do something on the grill if you’d like.”

“The grill?  Cool!”  His eyes lit up like a child’s on Christmas and Lisa and I laughed.

“You’d better get back.  Your friends are getting lonely,” Lisa said, nodding in the direction of the Barbie twins, who were sulking in our directions.

“Oh, right.” He rolled his eyes.  “Justin wanted to bring them along,” he confided quietly as he stood.  “They’re kinda immature.  I like older women.”  He blushed furiously as he realized what he had said, then turned back to his friends.

“You are pure evil walking the Earth,” Lisa said when Aaron was out of earshot.

“And?” I said innocently, sticking my tongue out at Aaron when he turned to look back.

“And I am very proud of you,” she replied, flipping onto her stomach and closing her eyes.

 

There’s that look in your eyes/I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild/Ah, but boy, you’re only a child/Well, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it’s funny/Does your mother know that you’re out?/And I can chat with you baby/Flirt a little, maybe/Does your mother know that you’re out?

 

“Thanks again, Mrs. Carter!”  Justin called over his shoulder.

“You’re welcome!”  I said, smiling and waving.  “Nice to meet you, girls!”

“Nice to meet you, too,” they mumbled as one, definitely not happy that Aaron was not accompanying them.

“Well, I guess I'll mosey on along, too,” Lisa sighed, grabbing her purse.

“Oh, come on, Aunt Lisa, stay for dinner.” Aaron turned to me. “Can’t she stay?”

“Of course she can, if she wants to,” I said, half wanting Lisa to stay and half wanting her to go.

“No…I have to go home and prepare to fuck my husband senseless.”  She smiled up at Aaron, who actually blushed.  “It is great to see you again, Aaron, and I will make sure Kevin gives you a call and invites you for dinner, okay?”

“You’d better,” he said, giving her a hug.  I saw her close her eyes blissfully for a second, but only for a second.

“Bye, Lara.  Call me later,” she said, giving me a knowing look.  I smacked her and she hustled out the door.

Aaron and I looked at each other for a moment.  “Um…I just realized something,” he said bashfully.  “I have nothing to change into.”

What sprang to my mind was the fact that it was really okay with me if he walked around in swim trunks all night, but I realized that wasn’t being a very good hostess.  “Well, we can remedy that.  Come on upstairs.”  I led the way up into the bedroom I shared with Nick.  “Those are all Nick’s drawers, and this is his side of the closet.  Pick out whatever you want.”

“Mind if I take a shower, too?  To wash the chlorine off?”

I could deny this child nothing.  “Of course I don’t mind, silly.  Our house is your house.  I’m gonna jump in the pool quick…cool off.”  I turned and walked out the door before I offered to help scrub his back.

 

I swam laps.  Furious laps.  Swam laps until my lungs burned.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t cooled off at all.  Holy shit…Aaron Carter was beautiful.  Aaron Carter had grown into a gorgeous, courteous young man.  Aaron Carter was upstairs in my shower at that moment.

Aaron Carter is also your husband’s brother, the little angel on my shoulder reminded me as I got out of the pool and dried off.  The husband who has given you hardly any attention at all lately, and who has not touched you intimately in weeks, the devil on the other side added.  I shook my head and went into the house.

I noticed that I didn’t hear water running as I climbed the stairs to the second floor.  Wonder if Aaron has touched anyone intimately, the devil continued.  And even if he has…bet it’s some young girl who couldn’t teach him half the shit you could.  “Knock it off!” I said out loud as I reached the bedroom where I had left Aaron.  And he was exactly where I had left him, except he was lying on the bed in his still damp swim trunks, snoring away.  I smiled.  He was truly adorable…but I didn’t want him getting my satin sheets wet. I sat on the edge of the king-sized bed.  “Aaron.  Aaron…” I said softly.  I gave in to the urge to run my fingers through his hair.  He was sleeping.  What he wouldn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.  “Wake up.”  Aaron mumbled and burrowed deeper onto the bed, snuggling over until he was pressed against the side of my leg.  Oh dear God.  “Aaron,” I said a bit louder.  I grabbed his shoulder and shook it.  He was as bad as Nick.  “Wake up.”

His brown eyes fluttered open.  “Hey,” he said sleepily, smiling up at me.  He then realized where he was and sat up quickly.  “Oh!  I mean…I’m sorry…I must’ve been pretty tired.”

“It’s okay.  I am just starving, and was wondering when you were planning on getting your booty downstairs and starting dinner!” I said playfully.

“Oh, yeah…right…sorry!” He immediately apologized.

“Don’t apologize.  Why don’t you hop in the shower…I’m gonna shower in one of the guest rooms.”

“No.”  Aaron stood.  “It’s your house.  I’ll go to a guest room.”

“But…”

“No,” he argued and I sighed. 

“You Carter men are impossible to argue with, do you know that?”  I said as we walked down the hall to the first guestroom.

“When we want something we get it,” I heard him reply.  My step faltered; had he seen it?

“I see,” I said lamely.  I went to the closet in the bathroom and reached for the towels, which my tall husband had placed on the top shelf.

“Let me.”  Did he intentionally press tight against me to reach the towels, or was I just in his way?

“Well, there you go.  All set.” I smiled at him.  “I'll see you downstairs in the kitchen.”

“Thanks for taking care of me,” Aaron said, grinning at me.  See? The little angel said.  You’re his big sister.  “I owe you big time.” Paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they? The devil added.

I was unable to speak.  I smiled and slowly went out of the room, locking my bedroom door once I reached the bedroom.  I fell onto the bed and buried my head in the pillows.

 

By the time Aaron came downstairs twenty minutes later, I was dressed and in the kitchen preparing a salad.  “Much better.  I didn’t realize I was so worn out…I mean…I’ve been home for three days now.”

“Jet lag and actual relaxation time will do that to you,” I said, glancing over at him.  I did a double take.  He was wearing a pair of Nick’s khaki cargo shorts and my favorite shirt of Nick’s, a pine green tshirt.  I loved that shirt because it brought out the blue in Nick’s eyes…but it looked good on Aaron, too.  He noticed me looking.

“Was it okay that I wore these?  They were on top,” he said anxiously.

“Of course it is.  That’s my favorite shirt of his,” I replied.  “I wear it a lot myself, actually.”

“No wonder it felt so good when I put it on,” he said with a smile, and I quickly turned back to the salad. 

“Um…there are pork chops there…I thought you could toss them on the grill and I could make some pasta or something to go with them.”

“Sounds good.  I can do pork chops,” Aaron said enthusiastically, and I laughed.  He was pouring himself a soda when the phone rang.

“Hello?”  I answered quickly.

“Hey, baby.  Did AC get there okay?”

“Hi, Nicky.  Yes, he’s here.  He’s gonna stay for dinner.  What time should we have it ready for?”  I said, smiling as Aaron’s eyes lit up at the sound of his big brother’s name.

“Um…that’s why I’m calling.”  I closed my eyes, willing the tears to stay back.  “One of the computers got all fucked up…and we need to rerecord five songs.”

I knew he was angry if he talked that way.  “I see.”

“Lara, don’t be mad.  You know…”

“I’m not mad,” I told him sorrowfully as the tears broke through. “Not mad.”

“Are you crying?”

“No, I’m not.  Here’s Aaron.”  I thrust the phone at Aaron and went out to the deck.  When he came out a few minutes later I was staring at the railing, watching the tears blend into the wood.

“He thinks no later then ten,” Aaron said gently.  “This stuff sucks when it all goes to hell, doesn’t it?  It’s not his fault, Lara.  He could never…”

“I know it isn’t his fault!”  I snapped, whirling around.  “I know that.  I know that the last thing he needs is a whiny wife who misses him desperately.  I know it all.  I’ve lived it for all these years, Aaron Carter…I don’t need you to fucking spell it out!”  Aaron drew back as if I had slapped him.  He took a step towards me.  “I’m sorry…Aaron…I didn’t mean…” I stammered.

“Come here, little big sister.”  He took me in those strong arms and I wept on his chest.  “It’s okay.”

“He’s your brother, Aaron.  I had no right to mouth off about him to you.”

“It’s okay.  I love him and all, but sometimes his priorities get a little warped.” The brown eyes smiled down at me.  “If I had you at home, you wouldn’t be alone all the time. I’d take you to the studio with me…on tour…”

“He used to ask me to…but I preferred to stay home,” I said ironically. 

“Well…you’d never feel second best,” Aaron said softly, brushing back a piece of hair that had matted to my face under all the tears.  “Always first.”  I swallowed deeply as he unconsciously licked his lips.  Was he going to kiss me?  He blushed slightly and slowly released me.  “Better get started on dinner, or it won’t be done by the time Nick DOES get home.”

“Right.  Thank you, Aaron,” I said, looking up at him.  “Where did the little bratty brother go?”

“Oh, he’s still here,” he said, reaching around and pulling my ponytail.  He went back in and grabbed the pork chops.

“I’m gonna put on something more substantial,” I said, looking down at my halter and shorts.  “It could get chilly later, and I’d like to eat on the deck if that’s okay with you.”

“That sounds great,” he said, going over to the grill.

I ran upstairs, thinking a quick cold shower would be a good idea.

 

I came down in another tshirt of Nick’s and a pair of short denim shorts.  Aaron laughed when he saw me.  “Too cute.  You look about sixteen years old.”

“They didn’t have tshirts that long ago,” I told him, and he laughed again.

“You are not that old.”  I gasped as I poked my head out of the door and looked at the deck.  Two pillar candles sat at each end of the picnic table. It was growing dark, and the candles added just enough light.  I looked at Aaron.  “Um…they were in the cabinet and I…uh…”

“I like it,” I said, realizing he was trying to cheer me up.  “I love it, actually.  Is everything ready for me to make the pasta?”

“It will be,” Aaron said, thoroughly enjoying himself at the grill.  I threw some pasta together and set the table, pouring his soda into a glass and getting myself a glass of wine.  “Where’s mine?”  He asked.  I glared at him.

“Can we say eighteen?” I said, and he laughed.  We sat down to dinner.

“This is good,” Aaron said, stuffing a fork of salad into his mouth.  I smiled.  Like brother, like brother.

“So is this,” I said, motioning to the pork chops.

“Thanks.  I don’t get to grill much and I like it.”  Aaron continued to chat, telling me about the work he had been doing.  I only half listened, watching him and thinking how much he reminded me of Nick.  The same smile, the same hair, the same mannerisms.  “You’re staring at me,” he said, blushing a little.  I blushed more.

“I’m sorry.  I just…I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you like this.  You were always so much younger, and now…well…I guess you’re still so much younger.”

He grinned.  “I understand…I think.”

“You’re very mature for eighteen,” I observed, taking a huge gulp of wine.

His dark eyes saddened.  “Yeah, well, I never really get to hang with people my own age.  Justin is my only friend from when I was little.”

“I’m sorry,” I said sympathetically.  I shivered.  The night was getting cold.

“Come on.  We’re done here.” Aaron stood, gathering his dishes.  I helped with the rest and we quickly rinsed them off and put them in the dishwasher.

“Um…since he’s gonna be so late, should I just drive you home now?” I offered, though I didn’t want to be alone.

“Are you kicking me out?”  The Carter smile returned.

“No…just thought you would have something better to do then hang out with your old boring sister-in-law,” I said, curling up on the corner of the sofa in the living room.  Aaron plopped down beside me.

“Nope…and for the record you are not old or boring,” Aaron informed me.

“Thank you.  Should I turn on the TV?”

“No…I don’t need the noise, if you don’t mind.”  Aaron wandered over to the racks and racks of CDs.  “Let’s see…what does the bro have…ah.”  He popped in a CD and I gasped when I heard the first notes.

“Kenny G?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.  I’m in the mood for mellow music tonight.”  He remained standing.  “Dance with me.”

“What?”  I stared at him.  The last thing I wanted was to be in Aaron’s arms once more…and the thing I wanted most in the world was to be in Aaron’s arms once more.

“Dance.  You know…dance.”  He swayed side to side and I laughed.

“Okay.”  I stood and walked over to him.  He placed his hands lightly on my hips, and I put mine on his shoulders.

“I remember the last time we danced like this…do you?”  Aaron asked.  I looked up at him.

“Um…” I struggled.

“I figured you wouldn’t.  It was at Uncle Kevin and Aunt Lisa’s wedding.  I was like ten years old.  Nick was dancing with Aunt Lisa and Uncle Kev was with his mom. So I got up all my courage, and asked you to dance.”

“Got up all your courage?”  I smiled, but he was serious.

“Oh, yes.  It took everything I had to ask you.  You looked so pretty in your bridesmaid dress, and I felt like a doofus.  But you treated me like I was someone special, and I felt like Prince Charming or something, even though I was like only four feet tall or something.”  He laughed at his own memory.  “That meant a lot to me.”

“I’m glad,” I said, flattered.

He stopped dancing and stared down at me.  “I was so jealous of Nick.  He was my brother and I loved him, and I wanted to be like him, but he had everything I thought I wanted, and because he was older he had it before I did.  A career, a big house, lots of money…and a wonderful woman.”

I swallowed deeply.  “Wh-what?”

“Lara, I had the biggest crush on you.  Yes, you were fifteen years older than me, but I couldn’t help it.  You were everything I wanted, and you always treated me as someone neat instead of like a bratty little brother.  I wanted to thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” I said softly.  “This crush…are you…OW!”  I shouted, hopping onto one foot. 

“What?”

“Fucking deck!”  I yelled, not caring how I sounded. I fell to the sofa, grabbing my foot.  I looked carefully.  Sure enough, there was the splinter from earlier.  “Dammit, Nick Carter, I am gonna kick your ass for not doing the ONE thing I ask of you!”

“What is it?”  Aaron grabbed my foot. “Ouch.  Where are tweezers?”

“Bathroom,” I pouted.  He took off and quickly came back.  He turned on three more lamps and picked up my foot once more.  His pink tongue came out and ran across his lips as he concentrated. 

“You know,” he began, not looking up.  “I could come sand the deck for you.  My dad taught me how to do that kinda stuff when I was little, and I would love to work outside for a while...do something not music or performance related.”

“Really?”  I asked, quickly weighing the pros and cons of this situation.

“Really.”  Aaron pulled the splinter out triumphantly, but didn’t let go of my foot.  “I would like to help you out with this, and then you wouldn’t have to pay anyone.”

“I’d pay you,” I said quickly.  “I mean, lunch and all the pool time you want.”

“Will you be around?”  Aaron asked softly.

“Um…well…won’t I be in the way?”  I asked.

“Will you be around during the day?”  Aaron repeated.

“Yes, I usually am,” I replied.

“Good. Then I’ll do it. It’s not safe to swim alone,” he said innocently, though his eyes blazed quickly then turned back to their soft brown.  I licked my lips, trying to think of something to say.

“Guess who’s home early?”  A voice rang out.

“Nick!”  Aaron said with a happy grin as Nick walked into the living room.

“Hey, baby.  Hey, little bro!”  The men hugged.  “You’ve grown like a foot since I saw you last, Squirt!”

“Stop calling me that,” Aaron said as Nick affectionately ruffled his hair.  I stared.  It was almost like looking at two of the same person, though Aaron was lithe and thin where Nick had started to put on some muscle and pounds.

“I was hoping you’d still be here.”

“He was waiting for you to drive him home,” I said, standing up.  I kissed Nick on the lips, then turned to Aaron.  “Come by in a few days? Say, Tuesday around eight?”

“Fair enough.”  He kissed my cheek.  “Thanks for a great day and night, Lara.  I look forward to doing it again sometime.”  He motioned to Nick.  “Let’s get going.  I want you to see my new pool table!  It’s in the apartment right now, but it is just dying to get into the rec room in the new house!”

“I won’t wait up,” I told Nick, knowing the attraction between men and pool tables.

“Okay.  Love you.”  Nick kissed me hard and fast, then followed Aaron out the door.

I trudged up the steps after turning out all the lights, feeling suddenly exhausted.

 

Take it easy better slow down boy/That’s no way to go/Does your mother know?/Take it easy try to cool it boy/take it nice and slow/Does your mother know?

 

 

I woke up at three am, feeling Nick crawl into bed beside me.  “Hey,” I said sleepily.  “Have a nice time?”

“Yes,” he replied sharply.  Suddenly I was wide-awake.

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought we decided that repairs and things having to do with the house were my business and not yours.”

I sighed, sitting up and turning on the light.  Nick was glaring at me.  “Yes, Nick, YOU decided that.”

“Then why did you ask Aaron to work on the deck?”

“I didn’t ASK Aaron to work on the deck!  He VOLUNTEERED after I got yet another splinter.”

“You should wear shoes then.”

I ignored that.  “I’ve been hounding you for weeks to get someone out here to look at the deck, and…” Nick mumbled something.  “What did you say?”

“I SAID that you’ve gotten really good at hounding me lately.”

I gasped and saw immediate regret fill his eyes.  “Is that what you think?”  I stood, pulling on the matching robe to my green satin nightgown.  “I hound you?”

“Well, any time I’m home for five minutes, you have a list of things for me to do, punctuated by ‘why can’t you stay home for once?’.”

“Maybe that’s because you never ARE home for five minutes!  This house could be falling apart around your shoulders and you wouldn’t know it!  I don’t understand, Nicky!  Kevin makes it home all the time for Lisa and…”

“That’s because Lisa and Kevin are perfect!”  He snapped.  “Perfect relationship, perfect marriage, perfect kids.”

“At least they have kids,” I muttered, and wished I hadn’t.

“So we’re back to that again,” Nick snarled.

“Nicky, I am almost thirty-four.  Is it so awful for me to want a baby?”

“I’m not ready,” he said, and I rolled my eyes.

“Of course you aren’t.  You’re still a child.”  I walked to the door.  “I’ll be in the guestroom.”

“Wait,” Nick said, and I stopped.  He walked over to me.  Was he going to apologize? “I’LL go to the guestroom.”  He walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

 

I hardly slept the rest of the night, and I heard Nick get up and leave the house at nine in the morning.  We did not see each other.  I wandered aimlessly around the house crying until about noon, then decided to take a walk.  I went down to the waterfront park and watched children play. I wanted a baby so bad it hurt.  I knew I was ready, and I knew Nick was ready, too.  NICK just didn’t think he was ready.  He loved kids; he was wonderful with Cassie and Tristan.  He just was afraid.

I ambled back to the house at two and almost fell over something on the sidewalk as I tried to unlock the front gate. Flowers.  “Great,” I mumbled.  Another fan trying to get on Nick’s good side.  I hated to tell her, but Nick didn’t have a good side as of late.

I went inside and looked at the envelope.  It was addressed to me.  It was then that I realized they were white roses.  My favorite.

Baby…I hate when we fight.  Both our tempers are so short lately.  I will do my best to get in early tonight but I can’t promise anything.  Thank you for trying to manage when I am so busy.  I’m sorry.  Love always, Nickolas.

I smiled through my tears, wondering if there was hope after all.

 

I was packing bags of old clothes for Goodwill at around five when I heard the doorbell.  “What the hell?”  I wondered, jogging down the steps.  I looked out the peephole and gasped.  I threw the door open.  “Nicky?”

“Go get dressed.  We’re going out for dinner,” he announced, smiling broadly.  I couldn’t stop looking at him.  He had on a dark blue Armani suit that took my breath away.

“What…where…”

“I have stuff at Brian’s house.  I ran over there and changed.  If you are not showered and dressed in thirty minutes, I am gonna find another woman to take to dinner.”

My smile faltered.  That was a constant fear of mine.  But I scampered up the stairs and flew into the shower.

I came down twenty minutes later in a dark blue halter dress that matched his suit.  My damp hair was pinned up and at my throat I wore the silver and sapphire necklace he had given me on our third anniversary.

“Wow,” he said simply, kissing my cheek.  He inhaled deeply.  “Mmm.  My favorite perfume.”

“What’s going on?  Why are you home?”  I asked as we walked out to the car.

“I told them I needed out before dinner time.  We’re gonna make it up tomorrow.”  He held the door for me.

“Wow,” I echoed, smiling as big as I could.

 

Three hours later we walked back into our house, smiling and laughing.  It had been an incredible evening.  I had almost forgotten how charming and handsome my husband could be.  He took my hand, leading me upstairs.  I swallowed deeply.  Finally…after all these weeks…Nick was going to make love to me.

“I have something to tell you,” he said, taking off his jacket and hanging it up.  “I’ll be away for a few weeks.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’ll be WHAT?”

“Away.  We need to go up to NYC to talk to record executives.  I’d ask you to come along but we’d be busy all day and…”

“Away?”  I said sadly, sitting on the edge of the bed.  I will not cry, I told myself.

“It’s only for three weeks.  I’ll be back and then all my time will be yours, okay?”

He didn’t understand.  He didn’t know that our relationship was on such rocky ground that three weeks might as well have been three years.  “Okay,” I said.  He smiled, kissing my nose, then passionately kissing my mouth. 

“Go into the bathroom…get ready for bed.  Throw on one of those cute little satin things you like to wear, and prepare to have it ripped off of you.”

“Okay.”  I went into the bathroom and closed the door.  I leaned against it and cried for a while, then composed myself.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and put on a long black nightgown.  When I opened the door, Nick was sprawled out on the bed wearing just his pants.  His gentle snores filled the room.  I sighed, trying not to cry on him as I undressed him and tucked him into bed.

 

Things quickly went back to normal.  I resented the fact that Nick was never home, and he resented me for resenting him.  We never did have our intimate moment, though we were more than civil to one another.  It was hard to believe that we were a married couple instead of roommates.

That Tuesday, Aaron showed up at eight am on the dot.  I was surprised.  I had actually forgotten he was going to come over, and I was in my pajamas drinking coffee and reading the paper when the doorbell rang.  I debated running up and grabbing shorts to put on under Nick’s old Tampa Bay Buccaneers shirt, but decided against it.  I figured whoever was at my door at eight in the morning wasn’t worth the effort.  I was wrong.  I gasped as I looked out the peephole.  “Shit,” I mumbled, tugging at the shirt which seemed to grow shorter by the minute.  Then I remembered that he had seen me in a bikini, which was a lot less material, and opened the door.  “Aaron!”

“Hey…here I am…ready to…” Aaron’s brown eyes ran over me, lingering on my legs. “…work,” he finished weakly.  I felt my knees go to jelly, then decided I had imagined the way his eyes had drank me in.

“Oh, shit, that’s right…I forgot all about that!”  I moved aside to let him in.  “I was going to ask Nick to run and get you supplies, but…” I trailed off, realizing that I hadn’t really seen Nick long enough to talk to him about it.

“It’s okay.  He gave me a list and I am gonna run out to Home Depot as soon as they open,” Aaron said.  He sniffed.  “Is that coffee?”

“You drink coffee?”  I led the way to the kitchen.

“Come on.  I was in like a bazillion different time zones.  I needed something to keep me sane,” he said with a smile.  He sat down at the kitchen table and I poured him a mug of coffee.

“Cream?  Sugar?”

“Nope…straight up.”  I handed him the mug and sat down across from him. He stared down into the liquid for a moment.  “Look, Lara…I know you and Nick seem to be having problems right now.  He isn’t his normal self, and you…well…” he looked up at me.  “Your eyes are so sad,” he finished softly.  “If there’s anything I can do…”

“No.  Everything’s fine between us.”  I stood and went to the sink to rinse out my cup.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay.”  He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his shorts pocket.  “I have the list Nick gave me.  While I’m out running around is there anything you’d like from any other store?”

I thought for a moment.  “Not that I can think of.  There’s usually only one of us around so we don’t need a lot of groceries…ummm…no, I think we’re cool.  Unless you want to get some things to stock the fridge for yourself, like sodas or snacks or something.”

“Beer?”  Aaron looked ever hopeful and I laughed.

“No way.  You can’t sweet-talk me into that.”

“Please?”  He gave me the Carter pout and I groaned.  “There’s no way I can talk you into it?”

At that moment, with the puppy dog eyes turned on full force, I felt that I could deny him nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  My mind raced into all kinds of gutters but I forced myself to behave.  “No, Aaron,” I said finally.  He smiled good-naturedly.

“Damn.”  He stood.  “I’m gonna go.  I think Home Depot opens at nine.”  He put his cup in the sink, then gave me a huge hug.  “I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

I looked up at the man who used to have to look up to me.  He was looking at me kindly, his arms warm around me. I was pressed against him, and it was such a welcome feeling that I didn’t want to move.  “I-I know,” I stammered.

He continued to gaze down at me, and he didn’t release me.  I felt his hands stroke down my back, stopping at my waist.  “Okay,” he said finally, flustered as he let me go.  “I’ll be right back.”  He grabbed his keys from the table and darted down the hallway.  I turned back to the sink and stared down at the dishes for a long moment.

 

When Aaron came back an hour later, I was showered and dressed, wearing a pair of short denim shorts and a button-up tank top.  I had shoved most of the patio furniture into a corner of the deck so he would have room to work.  “I would have helped you with that,” he said, dropping some bags on the kitchen table.

“No problem…I wanted to help somehow,” I said.  “I’ll be upstairs working in my study if you need me,” I told him.

“Hey…” I turned back around.  “You look good with your hair down.  You should leave it down more often,” Aaron commented. 

“Thank you,” I said softly, then quickly went upstairs.

The next few days passed in this manner.  Aaron would arrive around eight or so and go to work out back.  I finally brought my laptop down and set up at the kitchen table, right by the patio doors.  This way I could bring him drinks or snacks, and we chatted as we worked.  I found out that Aaron was a very lonely young man.  He felt that no one understood him, not even his beloved older brother. Everyone expected so much, and they all seemed to forget that he was just an eighteen-year-old boy.  He had been exposed to so much so young that he never really had a childhood, and therefore was much more mature then your average teenage boy.  I myself even forgot at times, until he would so something so silly and goofy that I would remember exactly who I was dealing with.  More often then not I listened instead of talked, being the ear he so desperately needed without judging him.

That Friday Nick left for New York, and he was still at the house when Aaron showed up.  “I was hoping you’d get here before I left, Squirt,” Nick said, giving him a big hug.  “You don’t have to come every day, you know.”

“I know.  I like coming here.  My house is so empty and quiet,” Aaron said softly.

“Well, get yourself a good woman, and you won’t have that problem.”  Nick turned to me.  “Speaking of good women…do I get a kiss goodbye?”

“Of course,” I replied.

“I’ll be out back.  Come back soon, Nick.  Love you.” Aaron gave him another big hug and headed towards the kitchen.

“I love you too, AC.  Keep an eye on my lady here while I’m gone.”  Nick took me in his arms.  “I’ll miss you, Lara.  And I promise…when I come back, things will be different.”

“Right,” I said faintly.  I’d heard it all before.  I stared up into the blue eyes I loved.  “I love you so much, Nicky.  And I will miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”  The limo beeped its horn.  “Gotta run.  Love you TOO much.” He gave me a big hug and grabbed his bag.  “I'll call later.”

“Okay,” I said.  Somehow the goodbye seemed so empty for the three weeks we’d be apart.  “Be safe.”

“I will.”  He flashed the Carter smile then jogged out to the limo to where Brian and Howie were waiting.  I sighed and made my way out to the kitchen.

“Hey, I was thinking…what do you think about…” Aaron began, then stopped when he saw the look on my face.  “No…no…don’t…don’t cry.”  He put his arms around me right as the tears fell.  “He’ll be back.”

“I don’t think he will,” I whispered, meaning more than the words said.  Aaron rubbed my back.

“Listen.  I just happened to bring an extra change of clothes along.  I’ll work for a while, and you do your thing, and then I’ll take you somewhere special for lunch.  I know just the place, okay?”  I sniffled and nodded.  “But you MUST stop crying and you MUST smile, or all you get for lunch is wood shavings, okay?”  I giggled and nodded, smiling up at him through my tears.  Smooth thumbs gently wiped tears from my cheeks.  “I wonder if he has any clue what he has in you,” Aaron said, then blushed as if the words weren’t meant to come out of his mouth.  He released me and went out to the deck.

 

I can see what you want/But you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun/So maybe I’m not the one/Now, you’re so cute, I like your style/And I know what you mean when you give me that flash of a smile/But, boy, you’re only a child…

 

 

“Hey!”  I yelled out of the bedroom window a few hours later.  Aaron looked up towards the second floor, squinting against the noon sun.

“What?  Are you Rapunzel?  Gonna let down your hair so I can rescue you?” Aaron answered with a silly laugh.  I swallowed deeply.  Somehow inviting Aaron into my bedroom would be the wrong thing to do, even though I desperately needed rescuing.

“Nope.  Hair’s not THAT long,” I said with my own laugh.  “I need to know how to dress.”

“Normal.  Like you would around here.  This place isn’t fancy,” he called back.  He looked at the clock on the outside wall of the house.  “Wow.  It’s noon already?  I’m gonna grab my stuff then I need to take a shower, okay?”

“Okay,” I called down.  Aaron…shower…I swallowed deeply.   You know, you could just go offer to scrub his back or something, the devil on my left said.  What could it hurt?  The devil continued.  Go take your own cold shower, the angel advised me.  He’s young and impressionable, the angel finished.  “And sexy as fuck,” I told myself out loud, heading for my shower.

 

I was downstairs flipping channels when Aaron came down from his shower.  He wore a black wifebeater and khaki cargo shorts.  I had no clue what it was about the Carter men in wifebeaters, but a sudden Arctic shiver went down my back.  Aaron stared at me as I turned off the TV.  “What?”  I asked nervously.

“I said normal.  I didn’t say cute as hell,” he said with that smile, looking over my midnight blue shorts and matching button-down tank top that knotted at the waist.  My hair was up in a ponytail.  I blushed.  It was my favorite outfit, and it has seemed to yell at me as I decided what to wear.  I slipped on my sandals. 

“I’m not cute.  I’m…”

“If you say too old to be cute, I will spank your ass,” he said.  I looked up at him and ordered myself to take a breath.  He was definitely big enough to do it, and though I was never into the S&M thing, the idea of Aaron’s hand on my ass was not an unwelcome idea.

“Okay…I won’t,” I said obediently.  He laughed.

“Do you always do what people tell you?”  We walked out to his car.

Please please please let me answer that, the devil begged.  I ignored it.  “Depends on how much I really wanna do it,” I countered and he smiled.

“I’ll remember that.”  He held the door open for me and I slipped into the passenger side of his convertible Mustang.

“Okay, I am SO loving this car,” I told him as he carefully backed out of the driveway.

“It IS great,” he agreed.  “Would you like to drive it?”

“Sorry…I can’t drive stick.  Nick said he’d teach me, but…” my voice trailed off.  Aaron glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s easy.  Easiest thing to learn is the shifting part.  The clutch is hard if you’re not used to it.  Here.  Put your hand on mine…then you can feel when to shift.”  He wiggled his fingers around the gearshift.  I hesitated, then place my hand over his larger one.  “See?  It’s an H…easy to remember, and then as you go faster, you shift up.”  We pulled out onto the beachfront highway and I felt the car respond as he shifted gears.  I tried to ignore the smoothness of his hand or the way the muscles rippled through his arm as he shifted gears.  I snatched my hand back.

“I’ll just let you drive.”

“Okay.”  Aaron gave me a weird look but didn’t say anything.  We soon pulled into a roadside sub shop.

“THIS is your idea of a special lunch?”  I asked in disbelief.

“I didn’t say special lunch…I said a special place for lunch,” he told me.  “What do you want?”

I told him what I liked and remained in the car as he jogged inside.  I closed my eyes, enjoying the fresh summer air and the sun on my face.  This was already relaxing.  I opened my eyes and gasped as a bag of sandwiches was dropped into my lap.  “Oof!”

“Wake up, girlie,” Aaron said as he plopped back down behind the wheel.  “We’re almost there.”

“If you let me wear my favorite outfit to eat on the beach, I will pull out your blond hair strand by strand,” I told him.  He laughed.

“By the beach but not on the beach,” he hinted.  I growled, hating his teasing.

“Tell me.”

“Nope.”

“Please?”

“Nope.”

“Pretty please with sugar on top?”

“Who’s the kid now?”  Aaron said as he turned off the highway onto a dirt road.

“Asshole,” I pouted and he howled.  “Please?”

“Can’t you wait five more minutes?”

“I’m not very patient,” I told him. 

“Obviously.”  He turned onto a small paved road and pulled up in front of a small but elegant house.  “Here we are.”

“Where are we?”  I got out, making sure to grab our lunch.

“Home.”  Aaron took a key out of his pocket and unlocked the front door.

“This is your house?”  I gasped, taking a few steps back to look at it again.

“Yep, this is it.”  He took the bag and setting it on a table in the hall.  “And you are the very first person to see it completely finished.  My mom hasn’t even seen it yet.”

“Wow.”  I wandered through the downstairs rooms, making sure to admire the pool table.  “This is gorgeous, Aaron!”  The rooms were decorated tastefully without looking decorated.  Sports memorabilia was everywhere, and the furniture already looked worn in.  He took my hand.

“Come on.  My favorite part is upstairs.”  He started to tug me up the steps.

Upstairs with Aaron.  Bad idea, the angel insisted.  Upstairs with Aaron!  About damn time, the devil argued.  I silently followed Aaron up the steps and down the hall.  One door was closed at the end.  “Slow down!  Your legs are longer than mine!” I protested.

“Sorry.  This is my favorite part…and the one place in this whole house that is totally me.”  He was almost jumping up and down as he opened the door. 

“Oh…Aaron…” I hardly breathed as I stepped into the room. One whole wall of the giant bedroom was nothing but windows.  The house was on a cliff.  I hadn’t realized that before.  The house was on a cliff and this room overlooked nothing but ocean.  The king-sized bed, covered in black and violet sheets, was close enough that he could open his eyes and see nothing but ocean.  The furniture was a beautiful oak, and all the curtains and bed linens were a matching black and violet pattern. The room seemed to fill with light, and it just looked like a cloud would feel if you fell onto it.

“Do you like it?”  Aaron asked anxiously.  “I know that no one understands my love of the ocean except Nick and you.”

I turned to him and smiled.  “This room is heavenly, Aaron.  I’m insanely jealous.”

“Well, maybe sometime you can stay here,” he suggested.  I knew he was innocently offering, but when our eyes met, it was obvious what was on our minds.  “Um…let’s go out back.  We can eat by the pool.”  He took my hand once more.

“Oh, this is great!”  I exclaimed.  His pool was even bigger than ours was.

“Sit down and relax.  I’ll grab something to drink.”  Aaron went back in the house and I sat down at a table.  He quickly returned with cans of Pepsi.  He opened mine before handing it to me.

“Thanks.  This is so wonderful,” I sighed.

“Your house is just as nice,” he said with his mouth full of food.

“Yes, but this one is different.  I could really be happy here,” I replied without thinking.

“You can be happy in your house, too,” he said gently.

“I was…once…” I said, suddenly not hungry.  Aaron didn’t notice; he was too busy wolfing down his own lunch.  He brushed crumbs from his hands.

“Do you want to play pool?”

“I completely suck at pool,” I confided.  “Nick thinks I just don’t like it.  The truth is, I am so bad that I hate it.”

“Finally…something I am better at than you.”  He stood.  “Come on.  Time for lesson number one.”

I sighed and followed him into the house.  “This is ridiculous.”

“You’re in my house, and I say you’re gonna learn to play pool.  Besides, consider it payment for the work I’ve done so far.  Please?”

Dammit.  The puppy dog look.  “Okay…I’ll try.”

“Cool.”  His smile lit up his whole face.  “Okay.  Pick up the stick.”  He showed me the right way to hold it, which, of course, I was doing all wrong from the first moment.  “You really are hopeless, aren’t you?”  Aaron teased.

“Oh, bite me!” I snapped without thinking.  I hated to fail at anything.  Aaron’s brown eyes lingered on my throat, but said nothing. “Okay…what now.”

“Let’s try something easy.”  He set up the white ball and a few other ones.

“Can we use the blue ones?”  I interrupted.  He stared at me.  “Um…well…blue is my favorite color, and I figure I can use all the help I can get.”

He smiled.  “Of course.  We’ll use your color and mine.” He put up the two blue and two purple balls.  “Okay.  Now you just aim here…and it’s all in the wrist.”  He quickly sent the purple striped ball into a pocket.  “Your turn.”

“Aaron, this is crazy.”  I stood as he had, and bent over the table.

“No.  Wait.  You’re standing all wrong.”  I felt him come up behind me and my knees weakened.  Tan arms came around me and took a hold of my hands.  “Move them here and here.”  He adjusted my hold.  “Eye it up…now let it go.”  I shot and the blue solid ball flew into a hole.  I squealed with delight.  “Very good,” he said approvingly.  I turned around to thank him, and realized my face was inches from his.  I swallowed deeply.

“Thank you…Aaron…” I whispered.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered back.  We both let go of the stick at the same time, and it rattled onto the pool table.  I turned all the way around, and he had me pinned back against the table. “Lara…” he whispered.  “I want…it’s just that…you…I…”

“What, Aaron?”  I asked.  I would do nothing…unless he mentioned it first.  “You can tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry.”  His brown eyes lowered.  “It’s just…all I want to do is kiss you…and I know you’ll hate me for it…and I know it’s wrong.”

“I couldn’t hate you,” I told him truthfully.  “And I don’t hate you.  What is it you want?”

“I want to kiss you,” he repeated, looking at me as if I was an idiot.

“Say it again,” I whispered, loving the sound of it.  I was so hungry for affection…and his eyes were so dark…already filling with passion.

Those eyes grew enormous as he looked down at me, shocked that I wasn’t pushing him away.  He moved so I was in his embrace, his hands sliding up to hold my head.  “I want…to kiss you…” he murmured, his face millimeters from mine.

“Please…Aaron…” I begged, my eyes riveted on his face.  With a soft moan he bent his head to mine.  His lips were so soft yet totally in control of the kiss.  My body seemed to melt against his, and we let out a huge sigh, as if we were relieved it was finally happening.  One of his hands rested on my neck, pushing my head to his.  The other hand settled on my waist, every once in a while caressing my hip.  I wove my arms around him, pulling him as tightly against me as I could get.  I gasped against his mouth as I felt him pick me up and sit me on the pool table.  I

I wrapped my legs around his waist as his tongue touched mine for the first time.  I jumped as the shock went through me.  I felt his fingers tug at my hair until the ponytail was destroyed and his fingers were running through my dark locks.  He wrapped strands around his fingers and suddenly pulled my head to the side.  I almost shrieked.  How could he have known that I loved to have my hair pulled like that?  “You asked for this,” he remined me as he gently sunk his teeth into my neck.

“Oh…GOD…Aaron…” I moaned, feeling every bit of liquid in my body settle somewhere between my legs.  His mouth came back up to feast on mine again and again.  I loved the taste of his mouth, the tenderness of his lips…His hands reached down to cup my backside and I squirmed even closer to him.  I couldn’t get enough. 

“Lara…God…” Aaron finally pulled away, and for a moment I felt lost.  Then embarrassed. Then guilty.

“I’m sorry.  Aaron, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, looking down.  He took my face in his hands and jerked it up to look at him.  His dark eyes were angry.

“No.  Do not apologize.  Were you kissing all by yourself?  No.  I don’t think so.”  He took my hand and yanked me down from the table, almost pulling me out the door.  “I’ll take you home.” 

We drove in silence.  When we were almost back at the house, I found some courage.  “Aaron, I…”

“I haven’t been with that many girls,” he said suddenly.  “I mean, I’ve fooled around and stuff…and…you know…but it was with someone I hardly knew, who just wanted to say they got their rocks off with Aaron Carter.  She didn’t care about me or what I wanted or anything.”  He snorted.  “I thought only guys did that.  I know I’m not really experienced, and I have no right to even think you would want me, not to mention the fact that you ARE married to the person I love most on this earth.”

“He’s the person I love most, too,” I whispered, but Aaron didn’t hear me.  He squealed into our driveway and parked.  He opened my door for me and we walked to the door.

“Anyway, I’m sorry.  It won’t happen again.  We’ll go along like nothing happened.  You were lonely, and, well…I...never mind.”  He kissed my cheek.  “Goodbye.”  He turned and went down the sidewalk, leaving me standing there.

“Aaron?”  I said softly.  The raw emotion in my voice made him turn around.  “Don’t apologize, okay?  Like you said, there were two of us.”  I swallowed deeply as I unlocked the door then turned back around again.  “And don’t think your kisses didn’t make me want you…because it was just the opposite.”  I went in the door, quickly closing and locking it behind me.

 

The phone rang at midnight. I wasn’t asleep though…I couldn’t sleep.  Too much to think about.  “Hello?”

“Baby, it’s me.”

“Nicky,” I said with a smile.  He called. I hadn’t expected him to.  Better late than never.

“How are you, baby?  Miss me?”

“Too much,” I told him.  “How was your trip up?”

“Long,” he told me.  “Hey, I was thinking.  If it’s a hassle having Aaron around, I can always tell him to stop working on the deck and call a professional.  I mean, I know he’s only eighteen and he can be a pain in the ass and all.”

“He’s NOT a pain in the ass,” I snapped, then wondered why I was being so defensive of him. “I mean…really…it’s fine having him here.  It keeps me from being so lonely without you…and I think it’s doing him good to have something productive to do.  He feels pretty useless when he’s not performing.”

“I totally understand,” Nick said softly, and it struck a chord in me.  Could it be that my self-confident handsome husband felt useless when he wasn’t singing, dancing, or writing?  “Well, if you don’t mind having him here, then never mind.”

“No, I don’t mind,” I said quickly.  We chatted for about twenty minutes and then hung up.  I fell back onto my pillow and sighed, wondering if Aaron would even show up the next morning.

 

Eight o’clock came and went with no Aaron.  Great.  I had scared him away.  I moped around the house until nine, and then decided not to worry about it.  Things would work themselves out.  No matter what, Aaron was family, and we would work through this.  I threw on my oldest swimming suit, a blue bikini, and went out to clean up around the pool.  I swept the lower deck, wiped down all the furniture, even weeded, which was my most hated outdoor chore.  By ten-thirty I had worked up quite a sweat.  I looked at the water greedily and thanked God for the person who had invented the swimming pool.  I dove in, the cold water greeting my body with a welcoming splash.  I yelped as I came up for breath; the top of my bathing suit was floating on top of the water a few feet away.  No wonder it was my oldest suit.  I laughed out loud as I watched it bob on the surface.  It was my house, my pool, surrounded by a large wooden fence.  What no one knew wouldn’t hurt them.  I did laps back and forth, treading water occasionally.  I debated floating on my back; even though it was my pool I was still too modest to do something like that.  You never knew who was flying over Nick Carter’s house with a telescopic lens. 

I finished a lap at the deep end of the pool and grabbed the wall.  I came up gasping for breath, and screamed when I saw toes in front of me.  I looked up into Aaron Carter’s amused brown eyes.  “Missing something?”  He waved my top in front of me.

“Oh…God…see…I dove in and…it…it’s an old suit…and…oh fuck it.  I don’t have to explain myself to you.”  I grabbed the top and pushed back off the wall, staying as low as I could and still be above water.  He laughed out loud. 

“Should I be looking for the bottoms, too?”

“No.  They’re on,” I said angrily, struggling to get the top on while staying under the surface.  Aaron went to the railing and yanked down a towel. He placed it by the side of the pool. 

“Here.  I won’t look.  I’ll meet you up on the deck.”  He went up the steps.  I waited until he was almost in the house before jumping up out of the pool.  I decided to forget about the top and just wrapped the towel around me.  I could feel my face burn and I puttered around by the pool until I had calmed down a bit.  I sedately walked up the steps to the deck. 

Aaron was pushing himself on the porch swing, one leg up and one leg down on the ground.  He smirked at me, which set my face to burning all over again.  “Do you always swim in half a bathing suit?”

I glared at him.  I was embarrassed, first of all, plus the mere presence of him was making my insides quiver.  “Do you always let yourself into other people’s houses?”

“You told me the combination to the front door,” he reminded me.  “I did ring the doorbell, but no one answered, and I saw your car out front.”

“What are you doing here, anyway?”  I sat down on a chair.

“I came to work,” he said, looking at me as if I was an idiot.  “You know…deck…splinters…”

“Oh,” I said softly.  He looked at me strangely.

“Did you think that yesterday would keep me away?”  Aaron said the words almost cockily, which angered me even more.  “It was only a kiss.”

“I see,” I said haughtily.  I stood, gathering my towel around me. “I have things to do upstairs. Call if you need anything.”  I went inside before I yelled at him.  Dammit, he infuriated me.  Only a kiss my ass, I thought, then stopped walking.  What if it WAS only a kiss to him?  I was just the old sister-in-law.  What if it was all in my head?  What if everything I had assumed by the way I thought he was looking at me was all in my head?  I slowly trudged up the steps, running this all through my mind.  I sighed.  This was where my loneliness had taken me.  I was seeing things in people that weren’t really there.  And I was seeing them in my husband’s eighteen-year-old brother.  How much of a loser could I possibly be?

 

Aaron didn’t stay very long that day.  Or the next day.  Or the next.  He said he had plans with friends and he had to leave around one every day.  I didn’t let it bother me…or at least I didn’t let him SEE that it bothered me.  It did, though.  I enjoyed his company, first and foremost, and I missed him when he wasn’t there.

Nick called once a day, and we had very nice conversations.  Polite.  Almost too polite.  It was as if we wanted to reach out to one another, but we didn’t know how.  Distance had actually seemed to make us want to be together, whereas when we were together we were far apart.

On the fifth night, Nick didn’t call.  I was worried, but shrugged it off.  I figured that he had finally given in to the begging of the other guys, and had gone out for once.  I fell asleep clutching his pillow, desperate for someone to hold on to.

The next morning, I felt someone playing with my hair.  I opened one eye.  The clock said six.  “Aaron, go away,” I mumbled.  “Not eight yet.  Go play with your friends.”

Lips nibbled down the side of my face.  “It’s not Aaron.”

My eyes flew open and looked into a pair of matching blue ones.  “NICKY?”

“Shhh…” he whispered, his hands sliding up under my nightshirt.  “Don’t talk.”  His mouth feasted on my neck and shoulders as his hands danced across my skin.  I moaned, still half-asleep and wondering if it was a dream.  “My plane leaves in ninety minutes, and I plan on using my time wisely.”  He lay down beside me, totally naked.  My nightshirt flew across the room, and I wrapped myself in his arms.

“Oh…Nicky…” I whispered as his mouth moved down to ferociously taste my breasts.  His long fingers slipped inside of me; I was wet and ready for him.  With a groan he thrust inside of me, weaving his fingers through my hair.  “Oh…” I gasped.

“Baby…it’s been…too long…” he groaned against my neck, thrusting into me hard and fast.  I was just about to cum when I felt him spurt inside of me.  Tears ran down my cheeks, falling into his hair.  “Oh…God…Lara…I’m so sorry…I…” His eyes were miserable.

“It’s okay,” I told him, sighing.  I focused on enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.  “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you,” he told me, wiping the tears away. “I missed you and I wanted you and…”

“You flew all the way back here for sex?  You flew overnight and now you’re going to leave again?”  I sat up and stared at him.

“No, it’s not like that,” he insisted.  I jumped up and threw a robe on.

“You flew all the way back for sex…you haven’t touched me in weeks and now you fly back for this?”  I shouted.

“Dammit, it’s not LIKE that…I thought I would surprise you and…”

“You sure as hell did, Nick.  I thought that even you weren’t low enough to fuck and run,” I shouted angrily.

“Look, I said I was sorry.  It’s been a long time and…”

“Nick, it’s not about that.  For God’s sake, I take care of that myself whenever I want!  I don’t care about that.  I care about the after, okay?  I care about you holding me and telling me you love me…telling me all the reasons why.  Remember when you used to do that?”  Nick stood up and began to get dressed.  “You really ARE going to leave!”  I stared at him.

“Look…I wanted to surprise you.  I did this for you.  You say you never see me and I stayed up all night on a plane to get here.  I don’t need this shit.”

“I’m sorry I disappointed you,” I said sadly.  He stopped walking and looked at me.

“I love you, okay?  I never stopped. And by now, you should know all the reasons…I shouldn’t have to tell you.”  He glanced at his watch. “I’m going to be late.  I’ll call you when I get back to New York.”  He came over to give me the perfunctory kiss.  I turned my head and he caught my cheek.  I knew that my eyes were full of hurt.  “Goodbye.”

“I love you,” I whispered, but he was already jogging down the steps.

 

The phone rang at around nine.  “Hello?”  I answered wearily.  I hadn’t slept after Nick left, and had spent most of the morning sitting in bed crying.  Piles of tissues surrounded me like little snowballs.

“Lara, I…are you crying?”  Aaron asked.

“No,” I answered truthfully.  I wasn’t…at that moment.

“I’m just calling to tell you I won’t be stopping by today.  Something’s come up and…”

I was tired of his childishness.  “Aaron, if you feel uncomfortable being around me, just say so, okay?  I’m tired of this shit.  Actually, just don’t come over any more, okay?  You’ve done enough, and I can get someone else to finish it.”

“Lara, I…”

“No…just don’t show your sorry excuse for a face over here for a while, okay?  I am so fucking sick of you Carter men that I could scream.”  I slammed the phone down.  It rang in my hand.  “WHAT?” I screamed.

“What the fuck is YOUR problem?”  Lisa snapped.

“Oh…God…Lees…I’m sorry,” I said, crying all over again.

“What’s going on?”  She demanded.  I couldn’t answer.  “From what I heard you should be smiling and happy this morning.  MY husband didn’t fly all the way home from New York to surprise ME.”

“Yeah, well, YOUR husband wouldn’t have fucked, came, then left, either,” I sobbed.

“WHAT?  Kevin told me that Nick was leaving at like midnight…he should have been there around like four or something…and he wasn’t due back here until noon.”

“Well…he got here around six and left before seven.”

“Oh…God…honey…” Lisa gasped.  “Was the sex any good?”

“No…” I blurted out. “I don’t want a quick fuck from him, Lisa.  That makes me feel used.  I want him to lay around with me all day, making love to me.  If the fuck falls in between the making love, that’s fine.  But not like this.  It’s been too long.”

“I am SO gonna kick his blond ghetto ass,” she fumed.

“No…Lisa…let it go, okay?  I just…I need to be left alone for a while.  I’ll talk to you later.”  I hung up before she could say anything more.  I dragged myself out of bed and took a shower.

 

The day was long.  Too long.  I sat around in the living room for a while, flipping channels.  Then I sat in the den, pouring through photo albums, looking at pictures of a happier time.  Then I sat out on the deck.  That didn’t last long though; I missed Aaron when I was out there.  I shouldn’t have yelled at him; he was only eighteen…he didn’t get it. 

It was around nine at night when the power went out.  Storms had been brewing all afternoon, and the sun had been playing hide and seek since about four.  I was reorganizing the books on my bookshelves in my study, singing along with Mandy Moore.  She hadn’t done much, basically just a flash in the pan, but I liked her CD.  I had to turn it up loud to hear it over the booming thunder.  “Quit breaking my heart…it’s tearing apart…what I need is just for you to be true…” I sang.  “Ha, that’s the truth,” I said out loud.  Suddenly Mandy stopped singing and I could no longer see.  “Oh, fuck,” I muttered, feeling my way down the steps to the kitchen and candles.  I found a flashlight and searched for candles.  A crash of thunder made me drop the flashlight.  “Wonderful,” I said out loud.  Normally storms didn’t bother me, but the idea of being all alone in the big house without real light was not a fun one.

I lit a candle and took it back upstairs with me.  I had just walked into the study when I heard rather than saw the tree limb come crashing through the window.  The tree that Nick had insisted on planting right by the house had been struck by lightening, and the branch came flying through the window.  I screamed, dropping the candle.  I quickly stepped on it to destroy the flame, then cursed as I realized I didn’t have shoes on.  I cursed louder as I looked down and saw a small piece of glass imbedded in my calf.  “HOLY SHIT!” I screamed.  “DOES ANYONE UP THERE LIKE ME?” 

I hobbled to the bathroom, using the flashlight I still carried.  I bound the cut as best I could, sobbing the entire time.  It didn’t hurt, but I just felt exhausted.  Aaron hated me…Nick hated me…Lisa probably hated me…the tree hated me…probably the house hated me, too, for letting Nick plant the tree there.  I laughed as I realized my thoughts were leaning towards the hysterical.  I walked back to the study, looking at the tree.  Lightening continued to flash, and I could see that the branch had landed right on my computer.  “Wonderful,” I sighed, shivering as a blast of rain came into the room.  I sat on the floor in the doorway, watching it rain.  I curled myself up into a little ball, sobbing like a baby.  “I don’t want to be alone,” I whined to myself.  “I hate alone.”  I debated calling Nick in New York and telling him what happened, then I decided screw him, he could find out later.  I crawled to the bedroom and picked up the phone to call Lisa.  Nothing.  Shit.  I could drive over to her house, she and Kevin had a generator under the house and would have total power.  But I didn’t want Lisa.  I wanted Nick…and I couldn’t have him.  No matter how much he pissed me off, I always felt safe with him.  I decided on the next best thing.

I went downstairs, grabbed my purse and car keys and stepped out the front door.  Blasts of rain hit me as the wind gusted.  I felt like I was shoving a brick wall as I pushed my way to the car, damning myself for not parking it in the garage.  I slowly backed out onto the street.  Visibility was zero.  I inched along the road and down to the highway, praying I could remember how to get to Aaron’s house.

“Shit!”  I screamed as I reached the dirt road.  I pounded in frustration.  The dirt road leading to Aaron’s driveway was totally blocked by an entire tree trunk.  “What the HELL do trees have against me?”  I asked myself.  I pulled to the side of the road and locked the car. 

I picked my way up the road.  About halfway up, the flashlight flickered and died.  I threw it to the ground in disgust, and screamed out loud.  That made me feel better.  I did it again.  If Aaron had neighbors, they were surely calling the men in the white jackets.  I took a few more steps and landed flat on my face, my sandaled foot caught under a root.  “I can do this,” I told myself, picking myself up off the ground.  “It’s just a little bit further.  I can do it.  I will apologize, and maybe he’ll let me sleep in the garage or something.”  I realized I was babbling insanely, and also realized I didn’t care.  I was tired and hurt and wet and lonely and miserable.  I didn’t care anymore. 

I made it to Aaron’s door and fell against it.  I pounded as I rang the doorbell.  No answer.  I cursed and pounded louder.  There were no lights on, but I wasn’t sure if Aaron even had power or not.  I pounded once more.  “AARON!”  I screamed, though I knew he couldn’t hear me over the storm.  “Please,” I whispered.  The door open and I fell against something warm and strong.

“What the…Lara?  Is that you?”  Aaron moved my wet hair from my face.

“Oh, thank GOD!”  I exclaimed.  “There’s no power, and it’s raining, and there was a tree…two trees, actually.  Remind me to stop donating to save any kind of forest.  And then I had to walk, and the flashlight, and I have a cut and…” I began to cry as I babbled.

“Lara…stop…stop talking.  Stop NOW!” Aaron clapped a hand over my mouth and pulled me into the house.  Oil lamps illuminated the hallway.  He looked me over. “Is that a cut?”  My bandage was long gone, and blood ran down to mix with the dirt and blood.

“Y-yes,” I sobbed.  “The tree…the window…glass…I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Calm down…calm down, sweetie.”  Aaron pulled me into a crushing hug.  I shivered against him.   “Come on.  You need to get cleaned up.”  He picked me up before I knew what was happening and carried me up the stairs.  More lamps lit the upstairs hallway.  He took me into his bedroom and set me down in the adjoining bathroom.  “Stay here.”  He went out and came back carrying three of the lamps.  The bathroom was soon as bright as day.  “Take a shower.  The water is the only thing still working. I’ll get some first aid stuff and clean clothes for you.”  I just stared at him, shivering.  “DO it!” He shouted.  I jumped and nodded.  Like a zombie I removed my clothes and stepped into the shower.  The hot water hit me and I yelped, then leaned against the shower wall.

Ten minutes later I was wrapping myself in one of Aaron’s big black and purple towels.  I saw a tshirt hanging on the back of the door and I pulled it on.  It fell to my knees.  I padded out into the bedroom.  Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bed.  I sat down next to him, scrunching back some as he picked up my leg.  “Thank you,” I whispered as he cleaned the cut and bandaged it.

“I’m always doctoring you,” he said with a smile.  “There.  All better.  Now can you tell me what happened without freaking out?”

“Nick came home last night…and things didn’t go well,” I began.  I knew this wasn’t what he meant but I needed to tell someone. “That’s why I was so bitchy to you.  Then today was awful, and then tonight the storm came, the power went out, and a tree branch crashed into the study.” Aaron gasped.  “No, I wasn’t in the room at the time.  I decided to come here, and there was a tree down at the end of your road…so I walked.  Halfway up, my flashlight went out.”

“You walked the road?”  I nodded.  “That’s a good mile and a half.”

“I didn’t want to be alone,” I said softly.  He nodded.  “I’m sorry, Aaron, for being so awful towards you today.”

“I’m sorry for avoiding you,” he replied, playing with the box of bandages. “I just…I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so I stayed away.”

“I was worried about making YOU uncomfortable,” I said, and he smiled.  I shivered. 

“Come on…I’ll make a fire downstairs.”

“I didn’t even THINK of making a fire,” I observed as we went down to the living room. 

“I don’t think I’d trust you making a fire,” he replied, and I slapped him.  On the way down to the living room, he stopped at a closet and handed me a blanket.  “Wrap up in that.  You still look like you’re freezing.”

I obediently wrapped up and sat on the floor in front of the fireplace.  Aaron soon had a small fire blazing.  “If that makes you too warm, you don’t have to do it,” I said.  He shook his head.

“Nah…I don’t mind.  Storms always make me cold for some reason.”  He took my arms in his hands and vigorously rubbed.  “Better?”  I nodded.

“Thank you…” I whispered, then yawned. 

“Come here.”  He pulled me until my head was in his lap.  He tucked the blanket around me.  “Just calm down and relax.”  His fingers played in my damp hair.

“I’m sorry, Aaron…” I said drowsily.

“For what, sweetie?”  He asked.  I dozed off before I could answer.

 

I slept for about two hours.  I remembered waking up one time and feeling his fingers continue to wander through my hair.  He was singing.  I made myself wake up enough to listen to the words.  “I wish you’d look at me that way…your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine…telling me more than any words could say…but you don’t even know I’m alive…baby to you all I am is the invisible man…” I made myself fall back asleep before I could even think about the lyrics.

I woke up again, this time fully awake.  I slowly sat up.  Aaron had his head back against the sofa, and he was fast asleep.  The fire was barely glowing embers, so I took the blanket and covered him with it.  I stretched and got up, wandering over to the windows.  The storm was dying down, but the power showed no signs of coming back on.  I sighed as I watched the lightening flicker over the swimming pool.  My mind was racing.  I bowed my head, ordering tears not to fall.  I felt like all I did lately was cry.

“You’re not going to cry again, are you?”  I heard a voice behind me say.  I jumped and whirled around.  “I’m sorry…didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” I said, wiping away a few traitorous tears.

“I hate to see you cry.  You have such a beautiful smile.  I’d much rather see that,” Aaron said.

“You don’t have to say those kind of things,” I told him.  He sighed in frustration.

“Dammit, Lara, can’t you see I don’t say those things because I have to?  God, I bite my tongue a hundred times a day to KEEP from saying them.  I don’t say how pretty I think you are or how much I love your laugh or how gorgeous your eyes are or how fucking JEALOUS I am of Nick because he has you and I don’t!”  Aaron almost yelled, then realized what he had just said.  “Oh…God…Lara…I…”

“That’s what you think?”  I asked in a whisper.  He slowly nodded.  “Tell me more.”

He hesitated, as if he thought it was a bad idea, but still continued.  “The reason I didn’t come over, or stay long when I WAS over, is because I couldn’t bear the thought of you hating me for that kiss.”

“I didn’t hate you, Aaron!  I thought you hated me!  I mean, here I am, your sister practically, and I kissed you!”

“WE kissed,” he reminded me gently, rubbing his finger over his lips, then mine.  “WE.  And the other problem was, I hated being there and not being able to kiss you again.”

“What?”  I whispered.

“I love being around you, but I hate it.  I look at you, and, God…” he swallowed deeply.  “I want you so bad. I want you so FUCKING bad and I know that I am just a little brother to you and you would never want me…and you shouldn’t want me.  I shouldn’t want YOU.”  He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“You want me?”  I repeated, shocked.

He nodded, not wanting to meet my gaze. “You never noticed?  You’d come out to swim while I worked, and I would see you in that bathing suit…God…” He pulled me tight against him, and I gasped.  “You tell me.  Do I want you?”  I didn’t know what to say.  “I know it’s wrong…but I…just…want…you.”  His hands moved up to cup my face, his lips pressing against my forehead.  “I have loved you for so long…thought it was a crush…but it has never been this physical…until now.”  I moaned as his lips moved to kiss my eyelids and cheekbones and nose.  “Tell me to stop and I will…” he told me.

“Don’t stop…don’t…stop…” I ordered him, tangling my fingers in his hair as his lips met mine.

 

Thunder still rumbled outside.  I didn’t hear it.  The roaring in my ears was too loud.  Aaron’s lips pressed against mine insistently, his tongue requesting access.  I sighed as I opened my mouth to his and felt his tongue against mine.  I stood on his feet as I pressed my body against him, wanting to get as close as possible.  My hands wandered through his hair as his hands went up and down my back.  He pushed against me, and I gasped as the back of my bare legs hit the cold window.  “Oh…sorry…” he said quickly.  He put his hands under my backside and picked me up.  I wrapped my legs around his waist and we never broke the kiss as he began to walk with me, easily holding my weight.

“We can…the floor…” I mumbled as we continued through the living room.  Aaron’s head bent to nibble at my ears as he started up the steps.

“No.  Not there.”  He carefully walked up the steps with me wrapped around him.

“You do this like you’ve done it before,” I tried to tease, meaning the way he was carrying me.  He froze three steps from the top.

“Not like this.  I told you…only once or twice.”  He suddenly looked shy and I felt guilty.

“I’m sorry…I…I was just teasing,” I told him.  His mouth devoured mine once more and I groaned against him.  He went up the last few steps and down the hall to his bedroom.  He carefully set me down on the bed, but I stood back up.  He went to the dresser and quickly lit five or six candles, placing them around the room. 

Aaron approached me once more, his eyes catching the flames of the candles.  “I will turn around and walk right down the hall to a guestroom if you want me to,” he told me.  He stood in front of me, hands at his sides.  “I will go down there and close the door, and you can lock this door behind me, if that’s what you want.  I know this is wrong.  I know that I’m just a little brother to you.  But I can’t help the way I feel.  I’m scared to death right now, because I feel like a little kid all of a sudden and…”

I placed a finger on his lips.  My hands slid down his wifebeater and slowly tugged.  He lifted his arms like a small child and I pulled the shirt off.  “You’re right…this is very wrong.”  I pressed my cheek against his bare chest.  “Right now I can’t think about that though.  All I can think about is you…wanting you…needing you so bad.”  I gasped out the last words as his fingers tugged my hair to pull my face up to his.  He kissed me hungrily, biting down on my lower lip every now and then, making me moan. 

I slid my mouth down the side of his face, licking a line from his ear to his shoulder.  I felt goosebumps appear on his skin and I smiled.  His skin was salty but tasted oh so good.  My hands slid up his chest, and I let them wander where I had dreamed about letting them wander for so long.  My fingers traced his biceps, his chest, down across his nipples, then down to his stomach.  He suddenly turned me around, pressing my back against his chest.  I could feel his hardness against me as he took the hem of the tshirt and slowly pulled up.  His hands were shaking, and I turned back around before he had the shirt off.  “If you don’t want to do this, Aaron, we don’t have to.  I don’t want you to…”

Aaron interrupted me by yanking the shirt up and off.  “We aren’t stopping now.  It’s too late to…stop…” he trailed off as he looked at me naked before him.  I swallowed deeply, suddenly extremely shy.  “Oh, sweet Jesus,” he murmured, falling to the edge of the bed.  He put his large hands on the small of my back, pushing until I stood directly in front of him.  He trailed one hand down from my neck between my breasts and back around to my back again.  Both hands slid up my sides to cup my breasts, and he moaned as he captured one nipple in his mouth.  He rolled it around on his tongue, licking circles slowly and tantalizingly before finally sucking on it.  I gasped, placing my hands on the back of his head.  He sighed, moving to the other breast but using his hand to keep the first one company.

“Oh…God…Aaron…and you tell me you haven’t done this before…”

“I’ve done it…but it has never felt like this before…” I looked down and saw only sincerity in his brown eyes.  He slowly stood, pressing his body against me.  I reached for the waistband of his shorts, only this time MY hands were shaking.  He took my hands in his, kissing every fingertip.  I swallowed deeply.  If he felt that this action was going to calm me down, he was highly mistaken. 

I slowly pushed his shorts down to the floor.  As I stood back up, I drank in the sight of the naked man before me.  I ran a finger down his chest to his hardness, only letting my finger touch him slightly.  He was long and hard.  Obviously this trait was genetic.  He grabbed my hand before I could touch him again.  I looked at him questioningly.  “Not…yet…I’ve waited to long to explore you…” Aaron turned me and laid me back on the bed.  He pressed his warm body to mine and we both gasped.  He kissed down my body, paying extra attention to my breasts once more.  This time he gently bit my nipples, and I was squirming on the bed by the time he got to his destination.

His fingertips danced up and down the insides of my thighs, slowly pushing to spread them open.  One finger slid a line down the center of me, and barely dipped inside. I screamed, arching off the bed.  I looked down as he carefully sucked on the finger, the look on his face full of wonderment.  He slid the finger in again, further this time.  “OH…God…Aaron…quit…teasing…” I begged. 

“I’m not teasing…I’m enjoying…this is amazing.  You are so hot…so wet…” the finger went in all the way. “Mmm…” another finger joined the first one and I thought I was going to faint.  He brought them up to suck them clean, making sure to take his time.

“Why…are you so evil?”  I gasped as one of those wet fingers ran up to circle my clit.

“I’ve never done this part before…I want to enjoy it.”  I stared at him.  He blushed.  “Well…uh…the few times I…you know…it was kinda quick and done.  I’ve never really ‘made love’ to anyone before.”  He saved me from replying by replacing his circling finger with his circling tongue.  I reached down and clutched his arms with my fingernails.  His tongue slid up and down, barely teasing my entrance then going back up.

“Holy…fuck…Aaron…” I panted, moving my hands to grasp the sheets.  That evil tongue finally slipped inside and I yelled again.  His tongue snaked in and out until I was moving my hips against him.  Two long fingers took the place of the tongue, which moved up to suck on my clit.  “Oh…god…Aaron…don’t…st-st-stop!”  I screamed as I came.  I grabbed at his hair, pulling it even as I pushed his head against me.  I could feel his moan as he pulled his fingers out, sucking them dry.  He moved up to wrap me in his arms as I quivered against him.

“Shit…” his brown eyes were huge.  “That was incredible.  I mean…I could feel you…moving around me…almost grabbing my fingers…” Aaron kissed me passionately, sucking my tongue into his mouth.  “Fucking incredible.”

I pushed him back, sliding down his body.  My turn.  He was going to pay for teasing me.  I gently stroked his hard cock, barely touching it.  He hissed in a breath but I ignored him.  I lightly blew on his balls as I began to stroke harder.  “Mmmm…” I murmured, watching him grow even harder in my hand.

“Lara…oh my God…” he panted, throwing his head back.  My thumb rubbed gentle circles over the head.  He jumped in my hand.  I leaned across his legs, flicking my tongue out over the head.  He grunted, arching against me. 

“Never had this done before either?”  I asked softly.

“Not by anyone who knew what the hell they were…oh, Jesus!” I had him deep in my mouth before he could finish the sentence.  I took him all the way in, then let him fall all the way out.  His hands clutched and unclutched the sheets.  I took them and placed them on the back of my head.  He grabbed at my hair, wanting to push my head down but not wanting to choke me.  I savored the taste of him, rolling his hardness around in my mouth.  “Stop…st-stop…” he stammered, yanking me up to face him.  “I don’t want to cum like that.” He covered my face with kisses, then pulled away to root around in the nightstand drawer.  When he turned back around, he looked embarrassed.  “Gag gift from the tour.  I swear to you that I wasn’t planning this.”  I looked down at the condom in his hand and smiled.  He was so thoughtful.

“I believe you,” I said softly.  I took the condom from him and tore the paper.  I carefully sheathed him, making sure to stroke him many many times along the way.  He growled and threw me onto my back.

Aaron’s hands traced my face once more as he moved on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling his body close as he slid inside of me.  We both moaned.  “Holy…shit…” he gasped.  “You feel incredible.”

I closed my eyes as he stretched me in every way possible.  I was wet and ready, but the size of him was unbelievable…and I loved every inch of it.  He slowly started to move in and out, whispering in my ear as he stroked me.  I sighed, “Oh…Aaron…”

“You feel so warm…so tight…it’s better than any dream I ever had of you…” he whispered.  “I would wake up and feel so lost…this makes it all worthwhile.”  He pulled my legs up so he could kneel in front of me.  He never lost his rhythm as he reached a hand down to touch me.  His hand played with my breasts then slid down to rub my clit gently.  I bucked against him.

“Aaron…oh…shit…” I gasped.  The slow movement of his fingers was bringing me so close. I bit my lip.

“Don’t!  Don’t do that…I want to hear you…please…” he begged, moving a little faster.

“Aaron…oh…fuck…AARON!”  I screamed, grabbing at his shoulders to pull him down to me.  He thrust into me hard and fast, my quivering walls seeming to pull the orgasm out of him.

“Lara…oh fuck…oh GOD!”  He yelled, collapsing against me.  I held him close as he slowly caught his breath.  He rolled to the side, pulling me tight against him.  I began to sob.  I couldn’t help it.  The entire day finally caught up to me.  “Shhh…sweetie…oh, Lara…don’t cry.  What can I do?”

“Just hold me,” I whispered, looking out the window at the final flickers of lightening.  “Hold me until I fall asleep.  Keep me safe,” I said drowsily.  I felt him kiss my hair and stroke my back as I drifted off.

 

I woke up about two hours later and snuggled close to Nick, burying my face in his chest.  I breathed in deeply and my eyes flew open.  That wasn’t Nick.  The scent wasn’t the same.  All that had happened came flooding over me and I slowly sat up, covering my mouth with my hand so I wouldn’t cry out.  Aaron stirred then fell back into a deep sleep.  He looked even younger in his sleep, and even more like his brother.  I slid out of bed, pulling on the tshirt he had given me as well as the shorts he had been wearing.  They were big and I had to bunch the waistband in my hand and hold them up.  I padded over to the huge windows, trying to see out.  I sighed and turned back to look at Aaron again.  The candles were flickering low, but I could still see his handsome face.  I ordered the tears to stay back and tiptoed out of the room. 

I found one of the oil lamps in the hallway downstairs and used it to find my shoes.  I decided to leave my wet clothes where they were; I could return Aaron’s clothes later.  I had one hand on the doorknob when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I screamed, letting go of the shorts.  They pooled around my feet.  “Where were you going?”  Aaron asked, looking very sad.  He stood behind me in a pair of boxer shorts.

“Well, I thought…you know…I should check on the house and…” I babbled.

“Lara, it’s one in the morning.  I don’t want you driving back there.  It could storm again.”  I stepped out of the shorts and he picked them up.  “Come on.  You can stay in one of the guestrooms.”  He led the way and I followed him up the steps.  “Here.”  He pushed a door open.  “Call me if you need anything.”  He hesitated, then kissed my forehead.  He pulled the door shut behind him, leaving me standing inside the bedroom.

I fell onto the bed, groaning loudly.  I didn’t want to leave.  I hadn’t even wanted to leave the warmth of his embrace.  I just need to breathe for a minute, and leaving had seemed the wisest thing to do.  I buried my face in the pillows, then stood up.  I couldn’t stand it.  I needed to talk to him, just talk.  We needed to talk.  I leaned my face on the door for a moment, telling myself that everything would be okay.  I would knock on his door, and Aaron would open it, and we would have an adult conversation.  He was very mature for eighteen, and we could discuss this.  What had happened would not happen again.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, screaming once more when I saw him on the other side, his hand raised to knock.  His eyes widened.  “I wanted to…I thought we should…” he swallowed deeply.

“Talk?”  I said weakly.  His arms reached out for me and I fell into them.

“Yes…talk,” he said, his lips hungrily grasping for mine.  He once more picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist.  He made it to the bed in three long strides.  “Talk,” he repeated.

“I thought we should talk, too,” I whispered, shoving at the waistband of his shorts.  He yanked at his shirt, tugging until I wriggled out of it.  As soon as we were naked, we rolled around on the bed, kissing and fondling. 

“Later,” he muttered, biting at my neck.  I cried out in ecstasy.  It wasn’t sweet and gentle this time…there was some sort of urgency.  Aaron slid down my body, ignoring my breasts on his way down to the center of me.  He threw my legs up onto his shoulder and eagerly began to feast on me.

“Oh, FUCK!”  I exclaimed, feeling three long fingers shove their way in this time.  I didn’t care…didn’t feel any pain…only felt his hot breath on my clit as he circled it with his tongue.

“Am I hurting you?”  He paused to ask.

“Oh, no…GOD, no…don’t stop!” I screamed.  I loved being fucked like this, and it had been way too long.  I felt him chuckle against me.  He slightly nibbled on my clit with his teeth and I jumped.  He played for a bit longer than slid up to face me again. 

My nails clawed down his back as we violently kissed.  I flicked my tongue out, tasting myself on his lips.  He groaned, filling his hands with my hair.  He gently shoved my head, and I licked one line down his chest as I bent over his hard cock.  I didn’t tease; I wanted to taste him.  I deep-throated him again and again, fondling his balls with one hand as I moved the other up to let him suck my fingers.  “Oh…Lara…damn…” Aaron hissed in a breath.  I stroked him as I sucked, flicking my tongue over his head again and again.  He grabbed my shoulders, yanking me up.  “Ride me,” he ordered.

I needed no second invitation.  I straddled his waist, and he thrust up into me hard.  I gasped as he filled me.  He placed those big hands on my hips, pushing me down to meet him.  “Oh…Aaron…” I threw my head back.  I couldn’t remember sex this good.

“I want to make you cum so bad,” he told me.  It was dark but I could feel his eyes on me.  He slammed me down again and again, then one finger snaked down to rub my clit. 

“Oh, yes…Aaron!” I gasped, feeling myself about to cum.  He held me down against him as I orgasmed, moaning as he felt my walls quiver around him.  He moved so I could lie down, and he kissed my face gently as I shivered in his embrace.  He seemed content to lie there, and I looked towards him questioningly.  He could feel it.

“I didn’t bring…um…it’s in the other room,” he said bashfully.  I smiled.  I wasn’t going to leave him hanging like that.  I slid down his body once more, taking him in my mouth.  He hissed.  “Oh…shit…” I felt his hands in my hair, guiding my head up and down.  “Oh…Lara…your mouth is so hot…oh…God…yes!”  He panted for breath, throwing his head back.  I felt his hands tighten in my hair and prepared myself.  His warm cum hit the back of my throat and I took it all in as best I could, though some did leak out onto him.  I wiped him clean with the sheet.  He pulled me up to cuddle me close.  “You’re so incredible,” he said sleepily, kissing my nose and cheeks.

“Yes, incredible,” I said sadly, turning my back to him.  He spooned up behind me, tucking his face in my neck before falling asleep.

 

The phone rang at seven, jolting us out of a sound sleep.  “Hello?”  Aaron answered it drowsily.  I cursed the fact that he had a phone in every room.  I was tired.  “Hey, bro.” He sat up and I was instantly awake.  Fuck.  Nick.  “What?  Slow down.  Oh, yeah.  We had one helluva storm.”  Aaron’s brown eyes flickered over to me.  “Stop worrying.  She’s here.  She showed up last night.  There was some kind of accident at the house.  A tree branch or something.  Want me to get her on the phone?”  I held my breath.  “No, she’s fine.  I told her to crash here and I’d take her back later to oversee the damage control.  Want her to call you later?  Yeah…I know…studio all day.”  He made a face.  “If my phones are up, yours should be, too.  I’ll tell her you’ll call later.  I’ll take care of the tree thing.  Yep, you too.”  Aaron hung up and finally looked at me.  “He was worried.  He tried to call and the lines were down.”

“Worried.  Yeah, right.”  I stretched.

“He loves you.”  Aaron’s brown eyes were miserable.  “How could he help it?”

I reached up and touched Aaron’s cheek.  “Thank you.”

He lay back down and held me close.  “You’ll work it all out,” he promised.  “I’ll talk to him.”

“Not a good idea,” I said, sitting up.  “I’d better get home.”

“I’ll go with you.”  He swung his legs over the side and grabbed for his shorts.

“I don’t think…”

“I told him I would and I will.  We need to see the damage on the house.”  Aaron glared at me, daring me to contradict him.  I sighed and pulled the tshirt on, realizing that there was no talking him out of it.

 

“You didn’t have to come with me,” I grumbled as we walked down the dirt road.  We kept to the grass, mostly, since the dirt was now mud. 

“I wanted to make sure everything was okay.  You don’t know what else could have happened since you left,” Aaron said, reaching over to help me as I stumbled. I tore my hand from his and glared at him.  “Are you going to be a bitch for the rest of the day?”

“Probably!” I snapped, unlocking the driver’s side door of my car.  I slid behind the wheel and unlocked his door.  He climbed in.

“Good.  I like you so much better as a flaming bitch,” he said, looking straight ahead.  I couldn’t help but smile, but I quickly hid it.

 

I unlocked the door with shaking hands.  I could just imagine all the vermin that had climbed up the tree, down the branch and into my study.  Aaron sighed.  “Quit being so damn stubborn.  I’ll go first.”  We went inside and up the steps.  “Holy shit,” he said as he reached the doorway.  The branch was still on top of the desk; unfortunately I hadn’t imagined that.  “I’m sure all the removal guys are busy, but we should call and try to get someone out here as soon as possible, at least to board the window up.”

“But we don’t know if the phone…” I was interrupted by the ringing of a phone.  Aaron arched an eyebrow.  I glared at him, then ran to the master bedroom.  “Hello?”

“Lara?  Thank God.  Are you okay?”

“Yes, Nicky, I’m fine,” I said.  I smiled at the concern in his voice.  “I thought Aaron told you that.”

“He did.  Okay, what’s up with the house?  What needs to be done?”

My eyes narrowed.  I loved being dismissed in favor of a window.  “I’ll let him explain.  He’s right here.”

“Good.  Get him and put me on speakerphone,” he demanded.  I tossed the phone to the bed and went to the hall.

“Aaron?”  I called.  “Nick’s on the phone.  He wants to talk to us.” 

Aaron came back into the room, and I sat silently as he and Nick discussed the best way to handle the situation. I took the ultrafeminine position and thought about how I would redecorate the study as they talked.  “Okay, Lara?  I want you to go stay with Aaron, if it’s okay with him.”

Aaron and I looked at each other.  “St-stay with Aaron? Why?”

“Because I don’t want you there alone with a broken window.”

“I’ll be fine.  I’ll stay on the first floor,” I protested.  “They’ll fix the window by the end of the week or something!”

“I don’t care.  I don’t want you to be there alone,” he repeated.  “That okay with you, Squirt?”

Aaron’s mouth opened, then closed.  He looked at me nervously.  “Um, of course, Nick, like you even need to ask.  She’s more than welcome.”

“Good.” Nick’s tone said that the matter was settled.

“What if I don’t want to stay there?  I can stay with Lisa and Kevin!”  I announced.

“Lisa and Kevin are having work done on the house…they don’t have the room right now,” Nick informed me.  “Why are you being such a bitch, Lara?  Is there something about Aaron that bothers you so much you can’t even accept his hospitality?”

I turned white.  “No.  I’m fine.  Maybe I just thought my husband would ask me to come stay with him, if he’s so worried about my well being.  Thank you, Aaron.  I’d love to stay with you.”  I stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

 

I went to the bedroom and started packing a few bags as Aaron made phone calls.  He called and put our name on the long list of people who needed repairs.  The storm had been a bad one.  He wandered back down the hall as I lugged my huge duffel bag down the steps.  He easily picked it up.  “By the time we get back that tree should be removed from the end of the road,” he told me.  “Justin’s dad has a truck and the equipment to move it, and he said he’d be over in about twenty minutes.”

“That’s nice,” I said, walking through the rooms downstairs to see if I had missed anything.  Aaron stood by the door, playing with the strap of my bag.

“You know, Lara, if you want, I can help you find a hotel room.  We can just tell Nick you stayed with me, and he won’t ever have to know the difference.  When he tells us he’s coming back, you can stay at my place that night or something.”

I looked over at him.  His brown eyes were sorrowful, and he looked eight instead of eighteen.  I hardened my heart against him.  “No, Aaron, that’s fine.  We are adults; we can live together in the same house for a few more weeks.”

“Okay.”  He slung my bag over his shoulder and went out to my car.  I sighed and followed him, locking the front door behind me.

 

“I need to stop at the grocery store,” Aaron said as I pulled out onto the highway.  “My fridge isn’t set up for two.”

“Would you mind if I took you back to get your car then?  I’d really rather just get myself settled in,” I said.  He looked at me.

“Um, sure. Not a problem.  Anything in particular you’d like?”

“I don’t care.  I’ll eat about anything.  Not fond of cheese though.”

“Okay.”  Aaron looked at me strangely.  “You okay?”

“Fine,” I said, concentrating on the road.

The tree was indeed moved by the time we got to the dirt road, and I slowly drove up the road, praying I wouldn’t get stuck in the mud.  “First thing I’m doing when the weather clears up is getting the damn thing paved,” Aaron grumbled.  “I originally liked the idea of living at the end of a dirt road.  Not anymore.”

I pulled up in front of the house and Aaron grabbed my bag.  He unlocked the door and led me upstairs to a different room then he had taken me to the night before.  “The other room was fine,” I told him.

“But this one is more you,” he replied, opening the door to a room totally done in dark blue.  I gasped in spite of myself.  This room was gorgeous.  It had a breathtaking view of the ocean, and a whirlpool bathtub in the adjoining bathroom. 

“Oh…Aaron…”

“I had you in mind when I decorated it, believe it or not.  I could see you feeling totally at home here.  It never crossed my mind that you might actually make it your home for a while.”  He smiled at me.  “I’ll be back in a little while.”  He dropped my bag on the bed and left without attempting to even kiss my cheek.  I sighed, staring at the bag.  I slowly began to unpack, ignoring the guilty tears that dropped onto my clothing.

 

An hour later Aaron wasn’t back and I was done unpacking.  I went downstairs and poured myself some apple juice.  I was just sitting down in front of the big-screen TV when the phone rang. Without thinking, I answered it.  “Hello?”

“Hi…um…is Aaron there?”  A young girl asked.

“No, I’m sorry, he’s out for a bit.  Can I take a message?”

“This is Samantha.  Is this his mom?”

I frowned.  “No,” I almost growled.  “This is Lara, Nick’s wife.”

“Oh, hi, Mrs. Carter!”  I had never felt so old. “Can you please tell him that Ellen is having a huge bonfire and beach party tomorrow night, starting at seven?  Tell him he has to be there, or ELSE!”  Samantha giggled.

“I will definitely give him the message,” I told her.  She thanked me cheerfully and hung up.  I glared at the phone and angrily began to flip the channels.

 

When Aaron returned home about thirty minutes later, I was asleep on the sofa.  I heard the door open but made no move to get up.  I heard him clomp down the hall and set bags of groceries on the table in the kitchen.  He wandered back in and turned off the TV.  I felt an afghan cover me, and then he knelt beside the sofa.  A soft finger trailed down my cheek, then whispered over my lips.  “I’m so sorry,” Aaron whispered.  “I never meant for this to happen.  Why in the world did you make me want you so much?  You didn’t even do anything.  You were just you…just wonderful you.  I’m sorry I make you so mad.”  He sighed, then got up to put the groceries away.

I waited a good fifteen minutes then pulled myself up off the sofa.  I made a big point of looking as if I had just woken up.  “Hey,” I said sleepily.

“Hey.  Did I waken you?”  His brown eyes looked at me anxiously. 

“No…well, not really.  I heard the bags rustling,” I lied.  “Wow…looks like you bought enough to feed an army.”

“Well, I’m really bad about food…I get a lot of junk, and I figured you deserved better than that,” he said with a smile.  I smiled back, then remembered his message.

“Oh…Samantha called.” Aaron groaned and rolled his eyes.  “Charming girl.”

“Whatever.  What did she want?”

“Ellen is having a bonfire and beach party, and, I quote, you’d better be there or ELSE.”  I ended the sentence with a high pitched giggle that made Aaron laugh.  “Tomorrow at seven.”

“I’ll call her later and come up with some excuse.”

“Why?  Don’t you want to see your friends?  She made it sound like the adolescent event of the season,” I said innocently, sitting down at the table.  He glared at me, insulted by the way I had emphasized ‘adolescent.’

“There WILL be people there I haven’t seen for a while,” he admitted.  “But I don’t think…”

“Don’t use me as an excuse,” I said sternly.  “I am not here to babysit you, and you are not here to entertain me.  Go out.  Have fun.  Give me peace and quiet for five minutes,” I said almost coldly.  He looked hurt.

“Fine.  Sorry if I’m bothering you.  I’ll be up in my bedroom if you need me.”  He went down the hall and jogged up the steps.

“Fuck,” I muttered, kicking the table leg.  I wanted to distance him…not make him hate me.

 

I puttered around Aaron’s house, making myself comfortable and getting to know where things were.  I didn’t see him again until I called up the steps at six-fifteen.  “Aaron!”

“What?”  He poked his head around the corner into the stairwell.

“Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. Wash up,” I ordered, then went back into the kitchen.

He came downstairs at six-thirty to find the kitchen table set for two.  French bread, glasses of water and a large bowl of salad sat in the middle.  I came out of the kitchen carrying a casserole dish of pasta.  He inhaled deeply.  “Wow. What’s that?”

“One of the few things I can cook really well,” I told him.  I plunked the dish down on a hotpad.  “Figured the least I could do was cook you dinner.  Sit down.”

Before he sat, Aaron grabbed my hand.  “Wait.” He pulled me into his arms, pressing my head to his chest.  I swallowed deeply.  “I’m sorry for running upstairs like that earlier.  I was acting like a brat.”

“It’s okay,” I mumbled weakly, determined to uphold my sister status.  “I’m sorry, too.”

“Good.”  Aaron pulled back and smiled down into my eyes.  “This smells great.  Let’s eat.”

He eagerly dug into his dinner, moaning and saying how good it was.  I said nothing, just pushed my pasta around on my plate.  I wasn’t really hungry; this was all for him.  He looked up at me quizzically.  “Not really hungry,” I told him.  “I’ll heat it up later if I am.”

“Well, it’s delicious,” he told me.

“So, tell me more about this shindig tomorrow.  Where does this girl live?”

“Up the coast,” Aaron replied, naming a street.  I looked at him.  The neighborhood was one of the fanciest on the coast.

“How’d you meet them?”

“Well, Justin knows all these people from school.”  He said the words sadly.  He had never really gotten the chance to go to school, and I could tell he was sorry he had missed it.

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” I said, taking my plate back into the kitchen and scraping the leftovers into a container.

“Hey!  I have a great idea!”  Aaron came running into the kitchen carrying his empty plate.  “Why don’t you come with me?  It would be a blast if you were there!”

My mouth fell open.  “Aaron, no.  I don’t think…”

“Everyone would love you.  Justin really likes you, it would be fun!”

“Aaron, no,” I repeated gently.  “I’m too old for…”

“You’re NOT too old,” he interrupted stubbornly, not wanting to see the truth.

“I am thirty-three years old, Aaron.  Those kids would see me as a chaperone, not a guest.  I can’t.  Thank you for asking me, though.”

He set his plate down and left the room.  I sighed and started the dishes.  I needed to get through to him that I was NOT a peer or playmate.  I was almost twice his age, and his brother’s wife as well.  I stared at the soap bubbles.  I needed to get that through to myself as well.

 

I had just finished wiping down the sink when I heard footsteps.  I turned to see Aaron leaning in the doorway.  “Wanna watch a video?”  His eyes were dark and unreadable.

“Um…sure…if you don’t mind me doing some work while we watch.”

“Work?”  He tilted his head to the side, and it was all I could do not to rape him right there.

“I write…freelance stuff.  Didn’t you know?”

He shook his head.  “Nick never said anything.”

“Of course he didn’t.”  I sighed.  Nick hated the fact that I still wrote.  “Is there somewhere in the living room I can plug in my laptop?”

“Of course.  Where is it?  I’ll set it up.”

“Up on the bed,” I told him.

“Cool.  There’s a video cabinet next to the TV.  Pick out whatever you want,” he told me, then ran up the steps.

I dried my hands and headed for the living room.  A huge video cabinet stood next to the TV. My eyes flew across the titles.  I wanted something funny yet serious.  No action or gore; wasn’t in the mood.  I decided on Notting Hill just as he bounced down the steps with my computer.  “This okay?”

“Great.  I haven’t watched that in a while.”  He set the computer on an end table and leaned over the back of the sofa to plug it in.  I could not move my eyes from his gorgeous ass, even though it was decently covered in a pair of fleece shorts.  I averted my eyes just as he stood back up.  “There ya go.” He plopped down on the far end of the L-shaped couch and I quickly sat at my end.

We watched the video.  At least he did.  I attempted to work and realized I was getting nowhere.  I shut the computer with a frustrated sigh.  I set it aside and stretched out with my head on the arm of the sofa.  I felt a pair of strong hands begin to massage my feet.  I sighed deeply.  I loved having any part of me rubbed or massaged, but my feet and back were a huge weakness.  My eyes never left the TV, but I didn’t see it.  All I could see were big brown eyes under soft blond hair.  I moaned as his hands moved up to my calves.  “Aaron…” I whispered.

“Relax…lots of stress the last day or so.”  His thumbs gently pushed and pulled at the muscles until I felt myself become one with the sofa cushions.  I unconsciously rolled onto my stomach so he could have better access to the back of my legs.  His hands skipped my thighs and went right to my backside, cupping it in his hands gently then firmly then gently again.  I realized I was biting the arm of the sofa and quickly turned my head to the side.  I felt him move to kneel by the sofa and his hands soon rubbed up and down my back.  “Relax,” he whispered, moving my hair so he could access my neck.  His hands stopped massaging and started caressing. A fingertip grazed my earlobe.  Grazed it again.

“Aaron, no!”  With everything I had in me I pushed him away.  His eyes were huge.

“Lara, I…”

“No…no!” I ran upstairs and slammed my bedroom door behind me, making sure to lock it.  I fell to the bed sobbing.

Ten minutes later I heard his soft voice on the other side of the door.  “You never have to lock your door against me, Lara.  I won’t ever come where I’m not invited.”  I heard him walk past my door down the hall.

I sighed.  What Aaron didn’t realize was that I wasn’t locking him out.  I was locking me in.

 

The next day was polite.  That was the only adjective I could come up with.  Aaron and I were so polite to each other that I hated us.  It was if we were total strangers who were forced to share the same living area.  I almost felt as if he WERE a stranger.  I didn’t know this Aaron.  The Aaron I had always known was sweet and cute and little and YOUNG.  This Aaron was sweet and cute and tall and hot and…YOUNG.

I busied myself in the room most of the day, coming out only when Aaron called up and asked if I liked my peanut butter and jelly on bread or toast.  I had to smile.  This was his idea of cooking lunch…and I liked it. 

We munched our sandwiches in silence, occasionally discussing the pros and cons of smooth peanut butter versus crunchy.  I was in favor of crunchy, he preferred smooth.

“But don’t you see,” he said, blowing his bangs off of his forehead with an upward pucker of his lips.  I almost slid off of my chair.  “Smooth just goes better with everything.  If you dip celery into crunchy peanut butter, the celery breaks!”

“But smooth is BORING!  Sure, it spreads nice and even…” my voice trailed off as I imagined my fingers spreading peanut butter over smooth skin.  “…but you take a bite and there’s nothing there.”

“Sometimes it’s the things that seem most normal and boring that can turn out to be the most interesting,” he said.  He tossed his plate into the sink and went out onto the back deck. I stared at him.  Was he flirting with me again?  No…he wasn’t flirting with me.  He had caught the hint that we were finished…done…no more…right?  He wasn’t flirting with me.

Fuck.  He was flirting with me again.  Dammit.

 

“Well, don’t you look handsome,” I said with a smile as Aaron came jogging down the steps at seven o’clock.  He wore a pair of blue jeans and a dark green tshirt that seemed to intensify the darkness of his eyes.  The tshirt stretched sweetly across his broad chest, and the jeans seemed to have been made specifically to hug his legs.  I swallowed deeply.  “Those girls don’t have a chance.”

“I’m not interested in those girls,” he reminded me.  I looked up at him from my seat on the recliner.  I had been curled up with a good book. Of course, I couldn’t remember one word of the good book.

“They can’t all be Samanthas and Ellens,” I replied.

“Nope…but it’s rare that they aren’t.”  He kissed my forehead.  “I shouldn’t be too late.  Lock the door and…”

“Aaron,” I interrupted sadly.  “You don’t have to say all that.  We’re not playing house here, okay?  Go have fun and forget about me.” I’m not YOUR wife, I added silently in my head.

He blushed.  Obviously I had hit the nail on the head.  “Maybe I CAN’T,” he snapped, throwing the door open.  He slammed it behind him and I jumped.

“DAMMIT!”  I screamed as soon as I heard his car go down the driveway.  I didn’t mean to hurt him, but this had to stop. One of us had to stop it.  I pounded my fist on the arm of the chair.  I needed…something.  Something to distract me.  Suddenly I knew just what I needed.  I grabbed my car keys and vaulted out the door.

 

“And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…Jesus loves you more than you can know…whoawhoawhoa…” I sang along with the oldies station on the radio, holding my glass tight against my chest.  I didn’t want it to spill. Couldn’t spill Jim Beam and Coke on Aaron’s new carpet, now could we?

I wandered back to the living room and cranked up the stereo.  No one was home.  No one cared.  “That’s RIGHT!”  I told the Carter family portrait on the wall.  “No one cares.  None of you.” I stuck my tongue out at them and went back to the dining room, where the bottle of Coke and the much emptier bottle of Jim Beam sat waiting for me.  “But there’s MORE where you came from!”  I told the alcohol cheerfully, reaching into the paper bag on the floor.  “TWINS!”  I announced, slamming the identical second bottle down on the table. 

Why hadn’t I thought of this before?  A few glasses of Jim Beam and I didn’t care about anything.  A storm could have blown the house down, followed by a herd of sharks, or whatever they traveled in, and I wouldn’t care.  They could build a ferris wheel right there on that spot and force me to ride it for hours, and I wouldn’t care.

The song ended and I ran to change stations.  “…I wish I could give the world to you…my love is all I have to give…”

“Oh, fuck ME!”  I groaned, quickly turning the dial.

“…all that I do…is not enough for you…don’t wanna lose it…but I’m not like that…” Justin Timberlake sang. 

“EXACTLY!”  I announced to the empty room.  “All the shit I do for him and he doesn’t care.  Never home.  Always out singing his little heart and soul out.  Why don’t I get any of that heart and soul?”  I glared at a snapshot of Nick and Aaron that was framed and sitting on a bookcase.  They looked identical; by the time Aaron was fourteen or fifteen he was totally a mini-Nick.  “Hate you,” I muttered, running my finger over Aaron first, then Nick.  I wasn’t sure who I hated more, but did I care?  No.  I knelt down by the CD rack, trying to find something to listen to.  “No…no…GOD, no…” I started tossing CDs over my shoulder.  “What the hell kind of taste do you have, Carter?”  I mumbled.  The front door opened and I screamed, almost dropping my glass.

“What the hell…” Aaron came over and turned down the booming stereo.  “What happened here?  Are you okay?”  He surveyed the mess on his living room floor.

“Fine fine fine…I’m fine…” I sang, returning to my private party in the dining room.  “Thought you were staying out all night.  What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Aaron reminded me, carefully taking the Jim Beam bottle from my hand.  “The party sucked.  Ellen wouldn’t leave me the hell alone, so I came home.”

“What time is it?”  I demanded.

“Eleven,” Aaron replied.  I grabbed the bottle back.

“Still early.  Go up to bed.  I’ll be quiet.”

“I’m not GOING anywhere.”  We wrestled with the bottle.

“Give me that, it’s MINE!”  I yelled.  He won, of course, and I glared at him through drunken eyes.  He opened the new bottle and took a large swallow, barely gasping after the liquor hit his throat.  “You’re too young for that.  Give it back.”

“I toured through Europe for the last few years, remember? I can hold my liquor better than YOU can.”

“You’re a fucking CHILD!”  I screamed.

“You didn’t mind fucking this child, though, did you?”  Aaron snapped.  He blinked furiously as the rest of my drink was thrown in his face.

“Fuck you.  If you won’t leave, I will.” I stumbled down the hall.

“Not so fast.”  Aaron leaned against the front door nonchalantly, taking a long swallow off the bottle.  My eyes followed the liquid from the bottle to his mouth and down the ripples of his throat.

“Give me that,” I whispered.

“Why?”

“I need it.”

“Why?”

“To forget,” I said, and grabbed for the bottle.  He hadn’t been paying attention and I rescued it from his grasp.  Squealing with glee I ran up the steps to the second floor. “I got it I got it I got it!”

“Lara…dammit…give me that bottle!” I heard him running up the steps and I darted into his bedroom and back to the bathroom.  I laughed out loud as I poured the rest of the liquid down his sink.

“See?  You can’t have it!”  I stared at the bottle in dismay.  “Oh…fuck…either can I.  Shit.”  I fell to the ground, smacking myself in the head.  “Stupid stupid stupid!”  I heard him turn and go back downstairs.  I slowly walked out of the bathroom, glaring at the empty bottle in my hand.  When I got back downstairs, Aaron was sitting at the dining room table with two shot glasses in front of him.  A new bottle of bourbon was sitting in front of him.  My mouth fell open.  “Where…”

“Guess you didn’t find the liquor cabinet, did you?”  He said with a bratty smile.  He filled one shot glass and downed it quickly.

“You’re…you’re…you can’t have that!”  I grabbed the bottle and glared at him.  “You are too young,” I announced maternally.  I poured myself a shot and drank it down.

“You aren’t my mother,” he replied, grabbing the bottle back.  “This was a good idea of yours, drinking yourself senseless.  It helps so much.”

“Aaron, why don’t you just go fuck off, okay?  Leave me alone.”  I grabbed the bottle to pour another shot, and then decided it was a waste of time.  I took a long swig from the bottle itself.

“And you’re so grown up,” he taunted, the alcohol loosening his tongue.

“Why didn’t you stay at your little beach party?”  I asked.  “I liked being here alone.”

“Because for some reason I wanted to be here with YOU,” he told me, leaning forward to look into his eyes.  “For some reason, I enjoy your company.”  He took a long drink from the bottle as well.  “I like being with you.  I like watching you…I like watching you a lot.” His eyes dipped down into the cleavage of my tank top and back up to my face again.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whispered, standing up and knocking the chair over.  I grabbed for the bottle but he whisked it out of my reach.  I backed up as he took one step towards me.

“Want this?”  He swung the bottle back and forth just out of my reach.

“Give it to me…”

“No.”

“Give it to me, now.”

“Nope!”  He made a big show of taking a long drink, licking his lips afterwards.

“You’re an asshole and I hate you!”  I screamed.

“Yeah, sure you do,” he taunted.

“I’m gonna tell Nicky that you raped me!” I screamed drunkenly, and he froze.  We had totally avoided the topic of Nick until this very second.  He glared at me and plunked the bottle down on the table.  He advanced towards me until my back hit the wall.  I saw his hands ball into fists.  “Go ahead…hit me…I want you to,” I said, raising my chin.

“I don’t WANT to hit you,” he said very very softly.

“What do you want to do?” I asked just as softly.  His hands grabbed my arms and pulled me to him in a vicious kiss.  I squirmed against him, trying to push him away.  He used my squirming to get a better hold of me and pull me even closer.  His teeth dug into my neck and I gasped, frozen.

“I hate to tell you, Lara, but you can’t rape the willing,” he said with an evil smile.  I shoved against him.

“Let me go.  Don’t touch me!” I screamed.  He yanked my head back and sucked on my neck. 

“Now you’re going to tell me you don’t want me, right?  Tell me,” he said.  “Tell me you don’t want me.”

I kicked and struggled against him as his hand found my breast.  “I don’t…I don’t…”

“Tell me,” he repeated softly, holding me still with one hand as the other slid down my shorts to my welcoming wetness.

“I don’t…ohhhhhh fuck…” I moaned as his fingers slid into me hard and fast.

We kissed as if we hated each other, which at that moment I think we did.  His teeth bit down on my tongue even as I yanked at his hair as hard as I could.  My tank top was torn in two, and he smiled as he saw I wore nothing underneath.  His mouth ravaged my breasts, biting and tugging at my nipples until I was sure he had drawn blood.  He pulled his own shirt off and moved to cradle me against his chest.  My fingernails ripped at his skin and he gasped.  “Ow!  Dammit!”  He grabbed me in his arms, half-carrying and half-dragging me to the living room where he threw me down against the sofa.  His hands yanked at my shorts and underwear, and they were quickly around my ankles.  I kicked them off as he shoved down his own shorts.  He turned me around so that I was on my hands and knees facing the sofa.  “Still don’t want me, right?”  I felt his hardness teasing at me from behind and I shivered.

“Aaron…please…” All I could think of was having him inside me.  Nothing else mattered.  He ran himself along my entrance, up and down.

“Tell me you want me…tell me you want this.”  He bent over my back to whisper in my ear.

“Aaron…” I didn’t want to give in.

“Tellllll meeeeeeeeeee,” he taunted.

“Yes…fuck yes okay Aaron I want you…I want you now…please…inside me now…” I begged, and he slammed into me.  His hands wrapped in my hair, pulling my head back.

“Am I still a child?  Huh?  Am I?”  He pounded into me again and again, and I grabbed at the sofa cushions.

“Oh…Aaron…oh…oh God…” I panted.  I felt the release start to build almost immediately.

“Oh…Lara…holy shit…uh!”  I felt him unload himself into me just as I reached the edge.  He called my name once more, falling against my back.  We tumbled to the floor in a heap.  He moved off of me to lay on his back, panting for breath.  I looked over at him, and it all hit me at once.  I began to sob, grabbing for my clothes.  “Lara…no…wait…”

“Leave me alone,” I whispered, crawling to my feet and stumbling up the steps to my room.

As I stood in the shower, I told myself that this was it.  Tomorrow I was finding a motel room no matter what my husband said.  If I wanted to save my marriage at all, the first step would be getting away from Aaron Carter.

 

At nine-fifteen the next morning the phone started ringing.  I put the pillow over my head.  I was a guest.  Let Aaron answer his own damn phone.  After seventeen rings there was finally silence.  I sighed and burrowed deeper under the covers.  About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Lara?”  I ignored him.  I was sleeping, dammit.  “Lara.  Get up.  Nick’s on the phone and wants to talk to you.”

I sat straight up.  “Okay,” I called, then picked up the extension next to the bed.  I waited until Aaron hung up to speak.  “Nicky?  What’s up?  Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.  Guess where I am?”

“Um…New York?”

“Nope.  I’m at exit twenty-seven on the freeway.”

“Exit twenty-seven?”  My mouth fell open.  That was the next to the last exit before Aaron’s neighborhood.  “Here?  In Florida?”

“Yep.  I decided my place was here.  They don’t really need me up there anyway.”  He sounded bitter.  “Anyway, thought I’d warn you, so you and Aaron could quit whatever mischief you’re making.”

My face went white.  “Um…wow…um…”

“I’ll see you soon.  Love you.”  The phone went dead before I could say more.  I jumped out of bed and went running into the bathroom to start the shower.

“Lara?”  I heard Aaron’s voice and came back to the bedroom.  He had the door open a crack but wasn’t looking in.

“You can come in,” I told him, grabbing my bag and beginning to pack.

“He got back quick, huh?”  Aaron sat on the end of the bed.

“He sure did.”  I got on my hands and knees to look under the bed for my other sandal.  I felt a hand on my arm, gently pulling me up. 

“Sit for a second, could you?” 

I sighed and sat on the edge of the bed.  “Yes?”

“We need to talk.  Just for a second.”  His brown eyes studied my face.  “I want to apologize.  For everything.  For everything since the beginning…and for last night.  I wasn’t very nice to you.”  His eyes were sorrowful.  My breath caught.

“Aaron, like you said before, there are two of us in this.  I’m the one who should have stopped things before they started.  I’m older and…”

“And I’m just as guilty,” he interrupted.  “We were both drunk last night, not an excuse but a reason for some of our actions…and words…” he added softly, reminding me of the nasty things I had said.  “Anyway…I just wanted to apologize, and to tell you that it won’t happen again.  Ever.  I love you, Lara.  More than anything, you’re family, as creepy and gross as that sounds now.  Nick is one of the most important people in my life, and I feel like I betrayed him.”

“Yes,” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling.

“Oh…sweetie…don’t cry.”  He pulled me into a warm hug.  “You have to be strong.  You need to work on your relationship with him and forget about me.  Understand?”

I nodded, pulling back to look up at him.  “You need to do some forgetting of your own,” I told him.  He nodded as well.  One hand reached up to caress my face, his thumb dragging the tears away. 

“You are so beautiful,” he said, his voice husky.  He bent his face to mine and gave me one last, tender kiss.  “You’d better get ready.”  He left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

“Hey, Squirt, take good care of my girl?”  Nick gave me the perfunctory peck on the cheek, but hugged Aaron like he was leaving tomorrow for Guatemala.

“Of course he did,” I interrupted before Aaron could speak.  “Did you expect any less?”

“Of course not,” Nick said, smiling at his little brother.  He looked down at the bags in the hallway and only half-jokingly glared at me.  “You packed for a lifetime.”

“I didn’t know how long I’d BE here,” I glared back.

“Yeah, well, I have lots of empty closets, ya know,” Aaron said quickly.  I sent him a desperate glance of gratitude.  I had no clue how Nick and I were going to exist without someone there to be the buffer between us.

“Well, let’s get cracking.  I need to see what’s up with the house.  I wanted to stop by here first.  Follow me out?” Nick asked, and I nodded.  “Thanks again, Squirt.  Hey, wanna get together in a couple days?  Just us?”

“Sure,” Aaron said nervously, and I sent him a serious look.  He needed to be just as strong as I did.  “That would be great,” he said confidently.  I walked over and hugged him, like I always had.

“Thanks for everything,” I said, kissing his cheek.  “You’ve been wonderful.”  I couldn’t help but emphasize the last word.  He blushed slightly.

“It’s been nice having you here,” he said politely, holding my hand a bit longer than necessary.  Nick noticed nothing.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Aaron.”  Nick went out the door, carrying my bags.  After one last look back at Aaron, I followed.

 

When I got back to the house, Nick was standing in the study, surveying the damage with disgust.  The workers had boarded up the window; they would return the following day to fix the damage.  Glass, leaves and bark littered the room.

“I was gonna clean this up after they were done,” I whispered from the doorway.  Something about his stance bothered me.  He whirled around.

“That’s okay.  Let them clean it up.  It’s what we’re paying them for.” He looked around my study.  “Can you do an inventory so we know what to replace?”

I nodded. “It’s mostly computer stuff.”  He rolled his eyes, knowing it was stuff for my writing.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.”  I followed him down the hall like a puppy.

“Want me to unpack for you?”  I knew he hated to unpack.  He flashed one of his beautiful smiles.

“That’d be great. Thanks.”  He kissed my forehead and disappeared into the bathroom.  Tears plopped onto his clothes as I carefully hung them in the closet.  There was this huge wall between us, and I had no clue how to scale it.

I was shoving the empty suitcases up onto the closet shelf when I felt arms behind me. “Here…let me.”  Strong hands pushed the suitcase up onto the shelf.  I turned around to see Nick clad only in a towel.  I inhaled deeply, loving the scent of my just-showered husband.  He cupped my face in his hands.  “Lara, I’m sorry about the other morning.  I really just wanted to surprise you.”

I looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears.  “Oh, Nicky, I…” The tears slipped down.

“Why are you crying?”  His thumbs brushed the tears away in a motion so like Aaron’s.  I pulled back at the memory.

“I just…I miss you, Nicky.”  I turned my eyes up to his sorrowfully.

He sighed and dropped his hands.  “I’m here, aren’t I?  Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“No, Nick, that’s not what I meant!”  I insisted.  “Even when you’re here you’re not here…and it’s beginning to tear us apart.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m gonna get dressed and go talk to the guys who are supposedly repairing that room.  I probably won’t be back for lunch.”  Nick retreated into the bathroom and slammed the door.

 

Nick wasn’t back for lunch.  He wasn’t back by three in the afternoon, either.  I decided not to worry about it and called Lisa.  I needed to talk to someone.  I wondered if Kevin had come back from New York when Nick did.

“Girl, why the hell wouldn’t you come along with him?”  Lisa snapped as soon as she heard my voice.

“What?”  I plopped down on a chair on the deck.

“Nick’s been here for hours…told us you didn’t feel like coming over.  I was hurt!”

“I had no clue…oh…nevermind,” I said quickly, not wanting to start something.  “Hey, Lisa, can you talk for a minute?”

“Sure.  Kev and Nick have the kids out at the pool.” I could hear her sitting and getting comfortable.  “What’s up?”

“Um…have you ever felt the need to like…I don’t know…find someone else?  I mean, I know you guys have like THE perfect marriage, but did you ever think about it?”

“No…I haven’t…and it’s not perfect.”

“Don’t say that.  I…”

“It’s NOT perfect,” Lisa repeated.  She took a deep breath.  “I didn’t think about cheating…but Kevin did.”

My mouth fell open.  “What?”

“One of the dancers on the tour.  It got to the point where he was seriously thinking about hooking up with her.  It about killed me when he told me.”

“He…he told you?”  I couldn’t believe this.

“Yes…long ago, at the beginning of our marriage, we talked about just this type of situation.  You know that wedding picture of us on the wall in the foyer?”

“Yes.”

“Well…hold on.  Someone’s at the door.”  I heard her lay the phone down and walk away.  She was soon back.  “It was Aaron.  Kev must’ve called him.”

“Oh,” I said weakly.

“Anyway, we decided that if either of us consider cheating, or even think things are way wrong, we will take a snapshot from our honeymoon and put it in the corner of the frame.  I came home one afternoon while he was on a short break from the tour, and the picture was there.  Man, did I freak.”

“I guess,” I said softly.

“He told me that the reason he was even thinking about it was basically because he was lonely…and that he thought we had become distant.  I was totally into the baby, and he felt so left out, being on tour.  It hurt me bad…I felt for a while like I would never forgive him.  But my love for him won out over that. I decided that we were worth fighting for…so we fought.  And it hasn’t happened since. No marriage is perfect, Lara, even if the world thinks it is.”

“Right,” I said sadly.  I realized then and there that I couldn’t talk to Lisa about Aaron.  She wouldn’t understand.  As much as she joked around about me flirting with him, she would take it too much to heart if I admitted to her what had happened.  “Well, take care of my husband and tell him I will see him later.”

“Okay.  You alright, honey?”

“Sure.  I’m fine.  Tell Kevin and Aaron hi.”  I hung up before she could ask anything more.

 

Nick walked in the door around seven o’clock.  I was in front of the TV, eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese and watching the Game Show Network.  “Were you checking up on me?”  He demanded.

“No.”  I was stung by his question but my eyes never left the screen.  “I was calling my friend who I haven’t spoken with in a while.”

“Oh.”  He ran up the steps, then came back down a few.  “By the way, Aaron and I are going out on the boat tomorrow.  I’m not sure when I’ll be around.”

“Okay,” I replied, finally looking away from the screen.  “I’m gonna go out and shop around for computers.”

“Fine.”  He went back upstairs, and I heard the shower run in our bathroom.  The phone rang and I jumped. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Lara.”

“Aaron, what the hell are you doing?” I hissed.

“It’s my brother’s house.  I USED to call here all the time, remember?”

“Oh…right…sorry,” I said.  “What’s up?”

“Nothing…I was calling to tell Nick something, but it can wait.  How comes you didn’t come with him today?”

I decided to be truthful.  “I didn’t know he was going.  He left in the morning and next thing I knew he was there.”

“I’m gonna talk to him about this tomorrow,” Aaron said sternly.  “This bullshit has gotten out of hand.  Not that you may not be to blame, but my brother is acting like a dick and it needs to stop.”

“Aaron, I…”

“No, Lara. You don’t deserve the way he’s been treating you.  Whether it’s something you did or not, you need to talk.”

“I know,” I said miserably.  I didn’t even want to think about crawling into bed next to him.  I was tired of the huge gap between us on the king-sized bed.

“Chin up,” Aaron said softly.  “You are wonderful and he’s being an ass.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly.  He hung up without another word.

NICK AND AARON’S DAY

 

Aaron rubbed his eyes sleepily as Nick honked the horn.  “I’m coming, I’m coming!”  Aaron grumbled, grabbing his backpack and locking the door behind him.  “I hate morning people.”

“Hey, Squirt, what’s up?”  Nick ruffled Aaron’s hair affectionately as his brother climbed into the car.

“Coffee.  Need coffee.”  Aaron eyed Nick curiously.  “You are normally not this chipper at seven am.  What’s up?”

“Happy to be going out on the boat.  Ready to catch one of those sharks and then you can stop rubbing it in that you’ve caught three.”  Nick smiled at Aaron.  “But we can stop at a convenience store or something and get you breakfast.  We should grab some sandwiches for lunch anyway.  I have sodas in the cooler.”  He pointed towards the backseat as he zoomed out onto the dirt road.

They stopped and picked up enough food to feed an army.  Aaron sipped at his coffee gratefully as they headed for the marina.  He watched Nick carefully.  He seemed normal.  Even he couldn’t see any kind of difference in Nick, and he knew him better than anyone.  He decided not to open the subject until they were out on the boat.  “Where’s she at?”  Aaron asked, referring to Nick’s boat.

“Down on three.  They’ve been taking good care of her for me.”  Nick practically ran down the dock.  If it would have been possible, it seemed that he would have hugged the boat.  “Let’s go let’s go!”  Nick said, jumping up and down.  Aaron laughed.

“Which one of us is the little brother?” 

Nick shoved him.  “Keep it up and I’ll PROVE I’m the big brother.”

Nick carefully maneuvered the boat out into the open water, and let her go full speed once it was safe.  He shouted with delight as Aaron got himself situated in the back.  Nick waited until they were almost in the middle of nowhere before shutting down the engines.  Aaron lay down on a bench as Nick came back to join him.  “This is awesome,” Aaron told him.  “Thanks for asking me out.”

“No problem.”  Nick opened a can of soda and took a large swallow.

“You ever bring Lara out here?” Aaron asked innocently.

“She’s afraid,” Nick said, wrinkling his nose.

“Afraid of sharks,” Aaron corrected gently.  “I bet if you showed her how cool everything on the boat was, she would forget the sharks.”

“Maybe.”  Nick put on his sunglasses.

“What’s she up to today?”  Aaron continued.  Nick looked at him quizzically.  “I’m just wondering what she’s doing with herself while you’re with me, that’s all.”

“Shopping with computers later on today,” Nick told him.  “Stupid computers.”

“I read some of her stuff.  She’s really talented.”

“Whatever,” Nick grumbled.

Aaron looked at him long and hard. “Nick, what’s going on with the two of you?  You were so happy…I mean, when I saw you guys together at the beginning it was like I was looking at the same person.  What’s gone wrong?”

“Nothing’s gone wrong.  Everything’s fine, and I’d appreciate you not butting your nose in.”

“Nick, you are the person I love most in the world.  Lara is someone really special.  I hate to see you both hurting like this.  I was around her a lot these last few weeks.  I’m worried.  She’s miserable, Nick.”

“Well, it has nothing to do with me.”  Nick quickly changed the subject.  “How about you, Squirt?  Anyone special in your life?”

“Not really,” Aaron said in an offhand manner.

“Come on…you’re eighteen.  You’re telling me you’re still a virgin, sitting around waiting for Miss Right?”  Nick teased.

“I didn’t say that,” Aaron replied quickly.  “I know what I want.  I’ve seen it.  It just belongs to someone else, so I’m waiting patiently for my own Miss Right to come along.”

“Hmmm…maybe we could go downtown tonight…find someone for you to play with.”  Nick looked as if he would enjoy the idea.  “There’s a lot of girls down there and…”

“I’m not looking for a quick lay, Nick,” Aaron snapped.  “I don’t just fuck around like that.”

“Oh, so there IS someone.  Tell me more,” Nick said eagerly.

“Leave me alone, Nick.”  Aaron lay back down and closed his eyes.

“Tell me!”  Nick began to poke Aaron in the stomach.

“Why don’t you worry about your own lady and leave me alone, dammit!”  Aaron yelled.  Nick glared at him.

“Aaron, for the last time, leave Lara out of this.  We are fine.  There are no problems.  Everything is cool and…”

“Then why did she come to me looking for someone to take care of her, huh?”  The words were out of Aaron’s mouth before he could stop them.  Nick’s eyes grew huge in his quickly pale face.

“What did you say?”

“I said that um…well…she, uh…” Aaron stammered.

“Aaron Charles Carter…what the FUCK is going on?”  Nick yelled.

Aaron studied the floor of the boat, scared to death.  The more he thought about it, though, the more he realized he needed to tell Nick the truth.  Maybe he’d finally do something about the marriage that was crashing to the ground.  He stared his beloved older brother in the eye.  “Lara was miserable. She was lonely and needed attention.  You’ve been treating her like shit for weeks now, and she was to the breaking point.  We didn’t plan on it happening…tried to fight it…but it did.”

“How many times?”  Nick whispered.

“Nick, I don’t see what…”

“HOW…MANY…TIMES?”

“Like three or four maybe…I swear that’s all,” Aaron almost whispered.

“I do NOT believe this.”  Nick sat down hard.  “How could she do this to me?”

“Nick, it wasn’t all her.  I should have said no.  We both should have,” Aaron reminded him.  “I’m not going to say I’m sorry, because it will change nothing.  But I am…very sorry.  She loves you so much, Nick.  She’s been so torn up about it and…”

Nick let a punch fly.  He hit Aaron right in the stomach and tumbled him off the side of the boat.  Aaron sank below the surface and Nick started to freak.  “Oh…shit…Aaron…oh God…I killed him.  Aaron!”  Nick screamed.  Aaron surfaced with a splash, treading water as he held his abdomen.  “Aaron, come here!” He dragged Aaron back up into the boat.  Aaron gasped for breath.

“It’s okay, Nick.  I deserve that and more.”  His brown eyes looked up at Nick.  “Will you please talk to her now?  If you want to be angry with her, fine.  We expect you to hate us, for God’s sake.  But talk to her…and listen, too.  Either work it out or end it all together.  Quit torturing yourselves.”

“Why you?”  Nick asked miserably.  “Why my own brother?”

Aaron grabbed his wallet, which he had tossed into his backpack.  He pulled out a picture of he and Nick that had been taken the year before.  “Look at us, Nick.  Who is a better replacement for you than me?  I look just like you…and I gave her everything you haven’t been.  But I’m not the one she loves.  Not the one she’s IN love with.”

Nick stared at the picture, then looked up at Aaron.  “I should hate you…but I can’t.”

“Hate me…it will make me feel better,” Aaron said softly. 

Nick started the boat and headed back to shore.  “I need to think,” Nick told him.  “I’ll give you money for a cab.”

“I have money,” Aaron told him.  “Don’t worry about it.”  Nick carefully docked the boat.  “I love you, Nick, and I’m very sorry.”

Nick looked at his brother.  “I love you, too, Aaron, but I can’t forgive you for this immediately.  I’m gonna probably go away for a few days.  We’ll talk again when I get back.”  Aaron nodded and climbed out of the boat.  He quickly walked away, leaving his brother still sitting in his boat.

 

“Wait wait WAIT!”  I screamed as I struggled in the door with one of the boxes from the computer store.  I grabbed the phone as it stopped ringing.  I flipped it over and checked the Caller ID…Aaron.  I sighed as I hit his memory number.  “Aaron?”

“Thank God you’re home.  Where the hell have you been?  I’ve been calling for hours!”

“I was at the computer store and then I took myself out for lunch.”  I glanced at my watch.  “It’s only two, for God’s sake.  Is Nick with you?”

“No, and that’s why I’m calling.  Lara, I need to say how sorry I am.  I didn’t mean for it…”

“Hold on a second, Aaron…I hear a car in the driveway.”  I peeked out the front window.  “It’s Nick.  You guys cut your day short?”

“Yes.  Now, listen.  I need to apologize for…”

“Hey, baby.”  Nick wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck, hitting my shiver spot.

“H-hey,” I said, surprised.

“Who ya talking to?”

“Aaron.  Wanna say hi?”

“Sure.”  Nick took the phone.  “Hello?  Hello?”  He looked at the phone then at me.  “He hung up.”

“Weird.  Must’ve gotten disconnected,” I said nervously.  “He’ll call back if it was important.”

“You just get in?”  Nick looked at the floor where my purse and one box were laying.

“Yes.  Do you think you could help me get the rest of the stuff in from the car?”  I bit my lip, knowing how much he hated my computer.

“Sure.  No problem.”  Nick took my keys from my hand.  “Why don’t you run up and clear a space for it in my study and we’ll set it up in there.”

“Y-your study?”

“We can’t very well use yours, now can we?”  Nick asked with a smile.

“Right,” I said, staring at him.  This was odd.  He vaulted out the door to my car.  I sighed and made my way up the steps.  He lugged up first one box, then the other.  He set the second box down carefully.

“Hey…I have some things I need to run and do tonight.  You mind?”  His blue eyes stared at me, revealing nothing.

“Of course not.  Will you be here for dinner?”

“Probably not,” he said regretfully.  “But I promise you, after tonight we will have a TON of time to spend together, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, unable to keep from smiling.  Maybe this would all work out.

 

Around eight o’clock I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in Nick’s warm and snuggly dark green robe.  I loved that robe and he was always complaining that he never got to wear it.  I could still smell him on it though, and I breathed in deep, sighing.  I walked around the bedroom, singing along with the radio as I dried my hair.  I finally slipped out of Nick’s robe and pulled on a pair of his boxers and one of his oldest tshirts.  For some reason I felt the need to be close to him.  I lay down in bed and picked up a book, but I didn’t feel like reading.  Even though it was early, I turned off the light.

I lay in bed for almost twenty minutes just staring at the ceiling I couldn’t see.  I didn’t want to wonder about this errand that would take him out of the house so light, but I decided I didn’t want to know.  That was safer.

I never heard the front door open…or the bedroom door.  I also didn’t feel the presence of another person in the room until it was too late.  The cloth was over my face and all I could was breathe deeply until I passed out.

 

I don’t know how much later I woke up, just that I was blindfolded, gagged and bound in the backseat of a moving vehicle.  I began to struggle and scream.  I was absolutely petrified; I hate any kind of blindfolds because of a serious accident while playing Blindman’s Bluff as a child.  My hands were behind me so I was unable to reach up and grab the blindfold from my eyes.  I felt a hand on my chest and I suddenly froze.  The hand stayed there, strangely comforting and terrifying all at once.  As I slowly calmed down, the hand remained, then finally moved away.  I dared not move…I was too scared.

What seemed like hours later, we finally stopped.  I was easily lifted out of the backseat.  I listened intently.  No cars, no industrial noises of any kind.  We were obviously in the middle of nowhere…somewhere.  I heard the door being opened, and I was carried into some kind of building. I was laid down on a bed, at least it felt like a bed, and I felt my hands being untied.

“You can remove the blindfold after the door closes, understand?  If you even attempt to take it off before that door closes, you are in deep shit, understand me?”  The whisper was harsh, and I didn’t recognize the voice.

I nodded and felt gentle hands move the gag from my mouth as well.  I lay immobile until the door closed and locked, then I reached up and yanked the cover from my eyes.  I was in a small room, tinier than my bathroom at home.  There was one window, high up where I couldn’t reach it.  A small door on the side of the room led to another tiny room that held a sink and toilet.  No window at all there.  In the ‘bedroom’ were a bed and a desk with a rolling chair in front of it.  A computer sat on the table, with a stack of floppy disks beside it.  A bookcase held a variety of novels by all my favorite authors.  What the hell was going on?  A bottle of water sat on the desk, with a plate of fresh fruit next to it.  I didn’t even think about the consequences; I ate hungrily and drank greedily.  I finally went back to the bed and curled up in a ball, hugging the pillow to me.  Nick would come back and see I was gone…he would come for me.  And if he didn’t, Aaron would wonder.  Aaron would ask Nick where I was, and when Nick told him, Aaron would kick his ass into gear and come for me.  After an hour or so of sobbing, I cried myself to sleep.

 

By watching the sun creep through the high window, I counted that two days passed.  I sat at the computer, pounding away my frustration at being held captive.  No one had come in to check on me.  Overnight someone slid a small tray in on the floor that held food to last me the day. On the second day, someone pushed through a change of clothing.

  Even though he might never read them, I wrote letters and letters to Nick, saving them on disks and setting them to the side.  I apologized for everything, for Aaron, for not letting him know how upset I was, everything.  I finally assumed that I was being held for ransom or something, for why else would someone want ME?  I mean, I was nothing special.

On the morning of the third day, I woke up to see someone sitting on the edge of the bed.  I screamed and pulled the covers up, then I realized who it was. “NICK?”  I gasped.

 

Nick just looked at me.  I burst into tears.  “Oh, Nicky, thank God you’re here!  It’s been a nightmare!  Someone brought me here, tied me up, gagged me…”

“I know you hate blindfolds, but I didn’t have a choice.  I couldn’t take a chance on you seeing what was going on.”  His voice was strangely cold.

I stared at him.  “What?”

“I bought this cabin months ago, and got it all hooked up with water and electricity.  I planned on bring you up here, but not like this.”

I continued to stare at him.  This was NOT happening.  “Nick, have you lost your mind?  What’s going on?”

Nick stood and began to pace.  “For a while, I thought I WAS going crazy.  That’s why I stayed away the first few days.  I couldn’t handle talking to you.”  He ran his hands through his hair, but for once it didn’t appeal to me.  “I came in both nights to drop off your food, and I would pull up the chair and watch you sleep.”  He swallowed deeply.  “You were so peaceful…so beautiful.  I ached to touch you…but I was afraid I’d hit you.”  I gasped and shrank back against the pillows.  “The other night I took your disks.  I read what you wrote, Lara.”

“You took my disks? How dare you!” I shouted indignantly, then remembered what was on those disks.  “Oh, my God…” I whispered.  “Nicky, I…”

“But I already knew about you and Aaron, Lara.”  Nick walked to the door.  “He told me.”  He went out the door, locking it behind him.

I stared at the closed door.  Aaron.  Aaron told him.  Aaron told Nick about us.  Nick KIDNAPPED me.  I wanted to scream.  Instead I buried my face in the pillow and hysterically sobbed.

 

Nick didn’t come back at all that day, and I didn’t move from my spot on the bed.  The door was opened a crack and a tray was slid in, but I didn’t move.  I wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t want to do anything but sit.  I couldn’t sleep; images of what Nick must have thought when Aaron told him kept flashing through my mind.  I had never felt so low. 

Early the next morning, Nick knocked, then opened the door.  He looked shocked at the fact that I was exactly where he had left me, but he said nothing about it.  “I thought you might want a bath,” he said softly.  “There’s a bathtub in my bedroom.  I have clean clothes for you, too.  Then I thought we’d have some breakfast and take a walk, if it was okay.” 

I looked at him for a long moment.  “Okay,” I said finally.  I pulled myself out of bed, stretching big as my tight muscles complained.  I followed him out of my room.  The cabin was bigger than I imagined; a two-story building with three bedrooms upstairs.  He led me down the hall to the largest of the three rooms.

“The clothes are in there.”  He motioned towards the tiny bathroom.  “Yell if you need anything.  I’ll be downstairs.”

I nodded and he left.  I filled the tub almost completely with hot water, and sighed with relief as I sank into the steam.  I soaked for about twenty minutes, and slowly dozed off.  I woke myself with a start and quickly cleaned up.

I pulled on the denim shorts and tshirt Nick had provided for me, and slowly padded down the steps.  There was a small living room with a fireplace, and a kitchen around the corner.  Nick was in the kitchen taking toast out of a toaster. 

“Thank you,” I said softly.  “That bath felt wonderful.”

“I thought you might need one.”  He put four pieces of toast on a plate and handed it to me.  “Here.  I know you don’t like eggs.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, slowly sitting at the table.  He poured us each some coffee, then sat down across from me.  His plate was piled high with eggs and toast.  I nibbled at my toast, watching him inhale his food.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said without looking up.

“Huh?”

“You have this look on your face…this deer in the headlights look…I’m not going to hit you or anything.”  His blue eyes softened.  “As wounded as I may feel, I would never hurt you, Lara.”

“Not intentionally,” I mumbled to my toast.  He frowned but said no more.

We ate quickly and cleaned up the kitchen.  He dug my sneakers out of his duffel bag and I tugged them on.  He grabbed a blanket and a bottle of water and led the way out the door. 

“I thought we could hike down to the lake.  It will only take about twenty minutes,” he told me.  I nodded.  It did not surprise me in the least that there was a lake.  Nick wasn’t Nick unless he was near any kind of water.

“Oh wow,” I said twenty minutes later as we walked out of a clearing and found nothing in front of us but lake.  “This is gorgeous.”  The whole area was deserted, and the only sounds were the chirping of birds and the lapping of the water on the shoreline.

“I know.”  Nick gave me a rare smile.  “I saw this place and fell in love with it.”

“How could you help it?”  I replied.  He spread out the blanket and flopped down.  I sat on a corner, Indian-style.  He stared out at the water for about ten minutes.  Neither of us said anything.

“You want to tell me what the hell is going on?”  Nick turned his head to look at me.  “Wanna tell me why you were fucking my brother?”

I swallowed deeply.  I had prepared nine hundred answers for this very question, but all nine hundred suddenly slipped my mind.  “It wasn’t like that,” I began, and he snorted.  “Nick, you need to shut the hell up and let me talk, understand?”  My voice rose and his eyebrows went up into his hair.  He knew that I was totally unable to express my anger vocally.  I could get absolutely furious, but it was always taken out on inanimate objects.  I was too self-conscious to fight.  “You were gone…even when you were here you were gone…I kept trying to find ways of reaching out to you but they never worked…and I was too afraid to tell you how I felt.  I didn’t want to bother you.  You said I always whined about you not being home…well, if I tried to discuss the way our marriage was dying, it would sure as hell sound like a whine.”

“But why AARON?”  Nick sat up and glared at me.  “Why HIM?  He said it was because you used him as a replacement for me.  Is that true?”

I thought for a moment.  “I never really thought about it.  I never MEANT to use him, but I guess I did.  He was as close to you as I could get, even looks a lot like you.  He gave me attention.  He listened when I talked, appreciated the things I can do well, and treated me like something special.”  I stared out at the water.  “He’s had a crush on me for years, did you know that?  I never knew.”

“But…”

I glared at him and he closed his mouth.  “A few months ago you started changing, Nick.  Right about when you guys started to go into the studio to work.  You started getting snippy and rude, yelling at me for everything.  I chalked it up to stress.  And anytime I tried to make plans, and they fell through and I got upset, you started bitching.  So I stopped talking to you at all.  Aaron came over to swim that day, and stayed for dinner, and we got to talking.  Then he came to work on the deck and we talked some more.  But he didn’t just talk.  He LISTENED, which you had totally stopped doing.  And then you came home and just fucked and ran…you hadn’t touched me in weeks, Nick, but you expected to come home, get your rocks off, and leave.  How do you think that made me feel?  You could have stayed in New York and found a hooker or a groupie or something.”  Tears fell and I ignored them.  I was surprised I had any left.  “The night of the storm was one of the scariest nights of my life.  The tree crashed through, and then I had to try to drive to Aaron’s.  I made it and practically fell through the door.  He took care of me…and one thing led to another.  It only happened a few times…and the last time we were both feeling guilty, and we got drunk.  Next thing I knew you were coming home.”

Nick looked at me intently, waiting.  “Are you done now?”  I nodded.  He got up and began to pace.  “Do you know how hard it is, living with you?”  My mouth fell open.  “No, not like that!  Sorry…bad wording.”  He took a deep breath.  “I went back into the studio, full of ideas.  I was ready to get some shit done on this CD…and everyone ignored me.  I had all kinds of melodies in my head, all kinds of lyrics, and no one wanted anything but what Brian and Kevin were writing.  They still see me as the baby, Lara, and it’s driving me so FUCKING crazy!”  He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand straight up.  “Then I come home, wanting nothing more to be taken care of and loved, and all you can talk about is your damn book.  Writing writing writing…it flows out of you like crazy, and it takes me an hour to write two verses to a song.  I hated you for it…totally hated you.”

I stared at him.  “You were jealous of me?”

“Jealous isn’t the word for it.  I know, it was childish, but I couldn’t help it.  There you were, getting a whole freaking book together, and they won’t listen to one song I write.  ‘Just get up to the microphone, Nick,’ they say.  ‘Just sing what we put in front of you.’  I hate it. I hate going to the fucking studio.  I used to love it and now it makes me want to scream.  AJ is all about his solo career, Kevin and Brian are Mr. Lyric and Mr. Music, and Howie, well, he’s just not with us anymore like he used to be.  The Backstreet Boys are breaking up, and it’s scaring the shit out of me.  What else do I know what to do but sing?”

“Oh…Nicky…” I could only whisper.  “You could…”

“I could try a solo career, but I don’t have the charisma AJ does.  I just don’t know what else to do.”  He sat down beside me, burying his head in his hands.  “I know, I could produce or manage or something, but it’s not the same.”  He picked up his head and looked at me.  “And then I come home and find that my wife doesn’t love me anymore…that she’s replacing me with my brother.  My eighteen-year-old brother, for God’s sake.  I mean, I pushed you away…I didn’t listen to you, and I didn’t talk to you…but I didn’t put anyone else in your place.”

“I’m not replacing you with anyone!”  I shouted.  “I was lonely, so was he.  We hated ourselves for it, but we couldn’t stop it.  And do NOT say I don’t love you anymore.  Don’t ever say that.  I will love you until the day I die, Nick Carter.  I broke an important part of our marriage vow…I gave part of myself to another.  But I will NEVER not love you, understand?  YOU’RE the one who stopped loving ME!”  I jumped up and ran to the edge of the water, trying my best not to let myself get hysterical.

I heard him walk up behind me, and I stiffened.  “I never stopped loving you.  I acted like a selfish ass, but I never stopped,” I heard him say behind me.  I refused to turn around.  “Come on.  Let’s go back.”  I heard him start to trudge up the sand, and I followed him towards the cabin.

 

Nick and I spent the rest of the day in virtual silence.  What we had unloaded was huge and neither of us quite knew what to do with it.  I was no longer locked in a room; he knew I wasn’t going anywhere.  There was a hammock tied between two trees in front of the house, and I settled on that for most of the afternoon.  Nick offered to make sandwiches for lunch, but I wasn’t hungry. 

I tried to write as I swung back in forth in the sun, but nothing would come to me.  I suddenly felt guilty that I could even spell my name right.  I went back into the house around two and brought a book out with me, but I didn’t even feel like reading.  I closed my eyes and swung back and forth, finally dozing off.

“Lara…Lara…” I felt a hand on my shoulder.  My eyes fluttered open and I saw Nick standing over me.  I jumped, and my heart jumped with me. It had been so long since I had taken a good long look at him.  He was as handsome as ever, but his eyes were so sad.  I realized that they had been that way for ages…and I hadn’t taken the time to notice.  “It’s almost six-thirty…you might want to come in before the mosquitoes come out in full force.”

“Oh…right…” I struggled to get out of the hammock, and Nick took my hand to steady me.  His thumb gently rubbed my knuckles, then he blushed.

“Want some soup or something for dinner?  I could throw something together quick.”  He led the way back in.

“Sure…I’m kinda hungry now.”  I helped him putter around the kitchen, and within an hour we were once more uncomfortably seated at the table.

“So…what’s the new book about?”  Nick said around a mouth full of crackers.  I stared at him.  Was he really interested?

“Well…” I began to discuss it, trying not to get too boring.  He asked many intelligent questions, and soon I was bouncing ideas off of him.  Before we knew it, it was nine o’clock, and we were still at the kitchen table with empty soup bowls in front of us.

“It sounds good,” Nick said sincerely, going to the sink with our dishes.  “I’m proud of you, Lara.  I know this is the first real novel you’ve tried, and it sounds wonderful.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.  Tears leapt to my eyes.  His approval was something I never thought I would receive.  I yawned so big my head practically cracked open.

“Go to bed,” Nick said with a smile. 

“Sorry…I didn’t sleep well the last few nights.”  He had the decency to blush.  “Nick?”

“What?”  He stood in front of me but didn’t touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.  My heart was so full the words hardly came out.  “Good night.”  I reached up on tiptoe and quickly kissed his cheek, then darted up the steps.

 

“No…go away.”  I brushed at whatever was tickling my face.  I was half in, half out of sleep and I didn’t like it.  My face was tickled again.  “Nick, dammit, if that’s you…” I felt something run across my face once more.  “DAMMIT, CARTER!”  I said angrily.  I reached over and turned off the light.  I screamed and flew out of bed.  “NICKY!”  I shouted.  “Nick!  Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!”  I flattened myself into the corner as best I could.

“What?  What is it?  Are you okay?”

“Nicky…” I pointed to the bed and started to cry.  Strolling across my pillow was a mouse.  A tiny mouse, but still a mouse.  “Nick…he…he…he…was in…in…in…my hair…and…and…” I sobbed.

“Go to my room, NOW,” he ordered, and I didn’t wait for him to tell me again.  I ran to his room and flopped onto the bed, sitting way back against the pillows.  Nick knew that I had a minor fear of mice.  When I was a teenager, someone had put a pet mouse on my back as I slept, and I had never gotten over the terror.  I wildly pushed at my hair, trying to push the feeling of mouse out of it.  I sniffled like a baby as I waited for Nick to come back.  He came into the room ten minutes later.

“How…when…where…” I stammered.

“Your room is one of the newer ones, and the insulation isn’t very thick.  There’s a hole in the corner…I went outside and looked.  It’s prime for a little furry friend to crawl through.”

“What?”  I wailed.  He pulled me towards him until I was sitting across his lap, my head comfortably tucked against his shoulder.

“I filled the hole from both sides.  He won’t come in again.”

“Okay.” I sniffled a few more times, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me. 

“You know I’d never let anything get you, right?”  Nick kissed my forehead, and I felt it in my toes.

“Yes,” I whispered, but I continued to shake.

“Just relax.” Nick began to rock me back and forth.

“Okay,” I whispered again, my eyes slowly fluttering closed.  I was almost asleep when I heard him softly singing.  I held my breath so I could hear.

“…I don’t know how it got so crazy…but I’ll do anything to set things right…’cause your love is so amazing…baby, you’re the best thing in my life…” I felt something wet hit the top of my head, followed by a similar something wet.  “…let me prove my love is real…and make you feel the way I feel…I promise I would give the world…if you would only tell me girl…” Warm lips pressed against my forehead and I titled my head up to look at him.  Nick’s cheeks were wet, but he continued to sing.  “…the words to say…the road to take…to find a way back to your heart…what can I do…to get to you…and find a way back to your heart…”

“Nicky…no…no…don’t cry.”  I quickly wiped the tears away.  “You’re not the one who needs to find a way back…I can never do enough to make up for…”

His finger shushed my lips.  “No.  Don’t say that.  If I hadn’t made you doubt me, you wouldn’t have gone looking.  What we both did is just as equally unforgivable.”  He cupped my cheek in one large hand.  “I gave you every reason to look somewhere else.  I should have talked to you.”

“WE should have talked,” I told him.  He rubbed his thumb over my cheeks.

“Oh, baby, I love you so much.”  He bent his head down and tenderly kissed my lips.  I sighed against the kiss, but he didn’t do anything more than give me chaste, closed-mouth kisses.  His arms held me in a safe, warm embrace, and I never wanted to move from that spot.  “Stay in here with me, please?  Nothing will happen…I don’t think we’re ready.  But I want to hold you in my arms all night long.”

“Okay,” I murmured, wanting nothing more myself.  He turned off the light, then moved up to lay down on the pillows.  I snuggled into his welcoming arms, and we slept soundly together for the first night in ages.

 

I woke up the next morning pressed tight against Nick’s warm body.  His strong arms were around me, and my face was smushed against his chest.  I didn’t mind though…it was such a nice feeling I could have stayed that way all day.

“Stop it…that tickles,” he said suddenly, and I jumped.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re blinking.  That tickles my chest.”  I did it faster and he actually giggled. “Stop it!”

“Six years of marriage and I never knew your chest was ticklish.”  I ran my fingers lightly across his smooth skin and he squirmed.  “And it IS ticklish, isn’t it?”  He caught both my hands in one of his and pulled them up over my head.  His face was inches away from mine and I swallowed deeply.

“Good morning,” Nick said softly.  He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, my nose, and finally my mouth.  His tongue flickered against my lips and I whimpered.  He pulled back to smile at me.  “I missed you so much…why was I such a damned fool?”

“I plead the Fifth,” I said softly, and he chuckled. 

“Ready to go back home?  Hopefully those ignorant buffoons who are fixing the window are done by now.”

“Do we have to go back just yet?”  I frowned. This was a magic place.  Nick and I were slowly finding our way back to each other.  Home meant work, the studio…and Aaron.

“We could stay another day or two if you’d like.”  He looked at me curiously, then his eyes filled with understanding.  “We’re not going back to the way things were…I promise you that.  You will never feel the need to find someone else to replace me…ever again.” 

Guilt slammed into my heart like a train going two hundred miles an hour.  I jumped up.  “I need a shower.”  I ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.  Dammit.  No lock.  I decided that Nick would be courteous enough to leave me alone, and I started running water.  I was wrong.

“Are you okay?”  The door swung open and Nick leaned against the doorframe.

“Do you ever knock?”  I snapped before I thought, grabbing a towel and holding it in front of me.  His eyes grew cold.

“Excuse ME.”  He slammed the door shut and I leaned against the wall.  One step forward…three steps back.  The door opened again.  “No.  I am not just going to walk away without talking to you. That’s what fucked us up in the first place.”  He glared at me.  “What’s wrong?”

“I…I just felt guilty.”  I lowered my eyes.  He tilted my head up, his eyes encouraging me to continue.  “I didn’t mean to replace you like that…I didn’t mean for any of it to happen…I…”

“Lara, this is gonna be a situation that will burn for a while…for both of us…I will always be paranoid that I’m not enough for you…and you will always be paranoid of pushing me away.  But we have to fight that, okay?”  He cupped my chin in his hands and I nodded.  “I promise you something right now…if I think things are weird, if I feel that we’re drifting even the slightest bit apart, I promise to talk to you about it, okay?  We’re allowed to keep some things to ourselves, but when it comes to US we have to be honest, no matter how brutal, okay?”  I nodded.  “I have a question.”  I just looked at him. “Why did you try to lock the door?  I’m your husband…we’ve been married for six years.  What are you hiding from me for?”

I looked down at the towel that I was clutching around me.  “I…I don’t know,” I said truthfully.  Nick searched my eyes.

“Okay.  I’m gonna set up breakfast out on the porch.  See you downstairs.”  He kissed my cheek and went out the door.

I stood under water so hot that my skin turned beet red.  I knew why I was hiding my body from him. I was ashamed.  I felt tainted by what Aaron and I had done, and felt as if Nick would see it if he saw my body.  I knew that if I ever found that he had been with another woman, I would look at his body and imagine her hands and lips touching him in places that only I should touch.  And this would have to be worse. This was someone he thought he could trust with his heart and soul.  I scrubbed myself vigorously and finally pulled myself out of the shower.

 

“I never knew you could cook,” I observed as I walked out the back door onto the porch.

“I can’t.  Breakfast is as good as it gets.  Kevin taught me.”  He poured us coffee.

“Kevin…figures…that man can do everything,” I said.  “Lisa is damned lucky.” The words slipped out before I thought how insulting they would sound.  Nick didn’t look TOO insulted though.

“They have the perfect marriage, I swear to God.”  Nick stared off into space.  “That’s why I could never talk to him.  He wouldn’t understand.”

I took a deep breath.  I knew that Lisa wouldn’t mind if I told Nick about her situation with Kevin a few years back.  “That’s not necessarily true,” I told him.  “Back when Tristan was just a baby, Kevin almost cheated on Lisa with that trampy redheaded dancer of yours.”

Nick’s mouth fell open.  “What?”

I nodded and took a large bite of pancakes.  “True.  He was lonely out on the road, and Lisa was all about Tristan and nothing else.”

“They flirted…I mean, we all flirted…” Nick trailed off, staring at me.  “What happened?”

“Nothing.  They had a sign worked out.  When one of them was considering cheating, or thought things were bad, they would put a certain picture in a certain place. Lisa came home one day and saw the signal…and she and Kevin talked it out.”

“Wow.” Nick stared into space.  “That’s something.  I never would have thought it.”

“Me either.  Lisa said it was hard, and she still hurts about it.  Kevin still feels guilty, and every once in a while he really beats himself up about it.”  Nick and I looked at each other, totally understanding the situation Kevin and Lisa had faced.  “At least he didn’t really DO it,” I whispered.

“Don’t…don’t you dare get started,” Nick ordered.  “Finish your breakfast and go get dressed.  We’re hiking today.”

“I hate hiking,” I grumbled.

“This will be worth it,” he promised.  I sighed and poured more syrup on my pancakes.

 

I looked at the trail that seemed to go nowhere but straight up.  Nick held out his hand.  “Come on.”

“Nick, why don’t YOU hike.  I’ll stay here…clean up a bit…”

“Visit with your buddy the mouse, maybe?”  Nick teased, and I glared at him.

“Only one, versus whatever is up there.” I nodded towards the trail.

“But you’ll be alone in the house,” he pointed out. 

“Okay,” I grumbled, following him up the path.

I truly did hate hiking.  I just didn’t get the reasoning behind it.  Why go somewhere you can only reach by shoving branches out of your way, tripping over roots and brushing spiderwebs off your face?  “Halfway there,” Nick said over his shoulder about thirty minutes later.

“Great,” I said faintly, attempting to sound remotely enthusiastic. Nick really did understand my loathing of hiking, so it must be something good for him to make me come along.

“Let’s stop for a second.”  He sat down on a nearby rock and pulled the water bottle out of his bag.  I stared at his throat as the water trickled down into his mouth.  His skin was so soft looking, I ached to kiss every inch of his neck.  He handed me the bottle and I blushed slightly.  “You okay?”  I nodded as I greedily drank.  “Thanks for walking up here.  I know you hate it…but there’s something special I want you to see.”  I said nothing, just handed him the bottle.

Thirty minutes later I heard the sound of running water.  Nick stopped walking.  “Go ahead of me.  Just follow the trail.  I want you to see it without me in front of you.”  I slowly picked my way down the trail.  It sloped slightly and ended in a clearing.

“Oh my God…oh…Nicky!” I gasped.  The trail ended in a clear pond that was fed by a gorgeous waterfall.  It wasn’t a tall waterfall, only about thirty feet off the ground, but the water made a playful sound as it hit the pond.  “This is amazing!”

“I hoped you would like it.  I saw it the first time I wandered around here, and it just blew me away.”  He set the backpack down and began to tug at his hiking boots.

“Wh-what are you doing?”  I asked.

“Showing you something even more special.  Come here.”  He took my hand and led me down the trail, away from the pond.  “Take off your shoes and dip your feet in here.” He motioned to a smaller pond totally separate from the first one.

“Why?”  I asked, hands on hips.

“Just DO it, dammit.”  Nick playfully glared at me.  “Were you ALWAYS this stubborn?”

I ignored him and took off my shoes, neatly stacking them to the side.  I carefully walked down to the edge of the pond.  I gave him a questioning glance and he motioned for me to step in. I closed my eyes and took a few steps forward.  My eyes flew open.  “It’s warm!”

“Fed by underground springs,” he told me, yanking his shirt over his head.  I stared at him.  I couldn’t help it.  My husband was beautiful.  “Come on.  It’s so relaxing.”  The shorts followed the shirt, as did the boxers.  I looked away until he was submerged up to his chest.  “Get your ass in here, Lara.”

“But I don’t have a bathing suit,” I said stupidly.  He started to say something smartass, then looked at my face.

“I won’t look,” he said gently.  “I’ll turn around until you’re in.”  He did just that and I quickly peeled off my clothing.

“Oh, my,” I sighed as I sank into the water.  It was just shallow enough that I could stand and have the water reach my shoulders.  Nick turned around and smiled at the blissful look on my face.  “Could we live here forever?”

“Sorry…don’t think so.  No Internet hookup for you,” he teased.  “I could just put a hot tub in at home.  Don’t know why I haven’t done that before.”

“Oh, YES!”  I shouted, throwing myself into his arms before I thought.  I had begged him for a hot tub, but he had been too busy to make the calls to price them, and he wouldn’t let me do it.  Nick hugged me back, pulling my naked body close to his.  “Thank you,” I whispered, pulling back.

“Don’t,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist.  “Don’t pull away.”

“Nick, I don’t…I feel like…” I stammered.  I stopped talking and took a breath.  “Don’t you feel weird being with me like this?”  I asked him honestly.  “I mean, you know that…you know that I…don’t you see him?”  I finally blurted out.

“Yes.”  Nick looked away from me for a second but didn’t let me go.  “But not just like that.  Every time you smile, I know that he made you smile when I could only make you cry.  When you cry, I see him wiping away the tears that I created.  When you were sleeping last night, I watched you, wondering if he had held you in his arms the same way.  It hurt me so bad.”  He slid his hands up my back to cup the back of my neck.  “But I can’t let myself go on seeing that.  I have to only see you.”  Nick brushed his lips against mine.  “And right now…I only see you.”  His eyes raked over my body.  The water was crystal clear and he could see everything.  “You are so beautiful…so sexy…I want you so bad.”  This also was evident through the crystal clear water.  “But I want it to be right.  I haven’t quite forgiven you and Aaron…it may be a long time before I do.  And I don’t want sex just to have it.  I want to be able to make love to you when I am able to do it and only see you.”  He pulled me against him once more, burying his face in my shoulder  “But oh GOD will it be hard to wait.”  I giggled and pulled back, pushing wet hair from his face.

“I love you, Nick.”

His blue eyes bored into mine, full of such passion and intensity that I shivered.  “I love you, too, baby girl.  And I will not lose you again.”

 

“PLEASE tell me you are going to go up and take a shower and relax,” I begged Nick as he unlocked our front door.  “You are driving me crazy.”

“I’m sorry.  That fucking accident made the trip home take twice as long,” he grumbled, stomping up the stairs.  My husband, the grown mature adult.  I sighed and went to the answering machine.  Three messages.

“Nickolas?  It’s your mother.”  I groaned.  Jane was nice enough and everything, but I hated the way she tried to run Leslie and Aaron’s careers, as well as how she tried to run our marriage.  Nick had managed to keep her out of our hair for the most part, but she still annoyed me.  “I was wondering where you’ve been the last few days?  I haven’t heard from you.  Call me.” I hit delete.  What Nick didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“Lara…Lisa here.  Where the hell have you been, girl?  Tristan broke his wrist and wants Aunt Lara and Uncle Nick to sign the cast, and I have some great gossip I’m dying to tell you.  Everything okay?  Call me.”  Gossip.  She must have been pow-wowing with AJ again.

“Nick…Lara…it’s Aaron.”  I sat down hard.  “I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but Mom has been bugging the shit out of me.  Where are you guys?  Are you okay?  I know you never run out of town like this without leaving an emergency number…and because of the situation, I’m worried.  Call me, please, as soon as you get back, if only to clear Mom’s mind.  Love you both.”  The last three words were barely audible before he hung up.  I sighed and picked up the phone.  I stared at it before dialing.

“Hello?”

“You can tell your mother we’re fine.”

“Lara?  Oh, thank God.  Where the hell have you two been?”

“Nick has a cabin and he took me out to see it,” I replied.  Aaron didn’t need to know everything.

“You two were alone in a cabin?”  He almost sounded jealous, and I felt incredibly sorry for him.  Nick and I could work things out, but where did that leave Aaron?

“Yes…we talked through a lot of things.  We said a lot of things that have been waiting to be said.”

“Good.  I’m really glad for you.” Aaron’s voice rang with sincerity.  “Are you alright?”

“Yes…more than I have been for a long time,” I told him.

“I’m sorry I told him…about us…it just slipped out while we were arguing.”

“It’s okay, Aaron.  I think it was what needed to happen.  Look…he’s coming downstairs.  I have to go.  Bye.”  I hung up quickly just as Nick came down the steps.

“Who was on the phone?”  Nick had a dark green towel wrapped around his slender waist, and was using one of my dark blue towels to dry his hair.  The water running down his smooth chest momentarily distracted me.

“Um…uh…oh.  Aaron.”

Nick’s eyes grew stormy.  “You called him?  You called Aaron?”

I shrank back at the coldness in his voice, but I couldn’t blame him.  “Th-there were messages on the machine…from your mom, Lisa, and Aaron.  They were wondering where we were.  I thought I’d call him and he could tell your mom we were fine.  He was concerned.  You can listen for yourself.”  I motioned to the answering machine nervously.  He strode towards me and I shrank back even more.  He looked at me questioningly.  He reached a hand down and I slowly took it, standing up.  My hand shook in his.

“You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?”  His blue eyes were sad.

I shook my head. “Not afraid of you, really, just…afraid of doing something else dumb to lose you.”

“Oh, baby.” He pulled me close. “You’re not losing me, okay?  I promise.  I’m sorry I snapped out.  I’m just…jealous.  There, I said it.”  He pulled back and held my face in his hands.  “So jealous.  And I will get over it.  And I believe you.  It is hard for me to trust you, I’ll admit that, but I understand that a lot of this is my fault.  But I believe you.” He reached over and hit delete on the answering machine.  “I don’t need to hear it.  I believe you.”  He wrapped his hair towel around my waist and pulled me closer.  “While I was upstairs, Kevin called my cellphone.  He wants us to come over for dinner.  That okay with you?”  I nodded.  “Good.  I’ll call him back when I go up and change.  Why don’t you soak in a bubble bath and relax?”  I nodded again.  “You won’t lose me,” he said softly.  “We just found each other again…you can’t lose me that easily.” That gained a smile from me.  “Better.”  He bent his head down to kiss me, and there was such passion in the kiss that my knees went week.  His hands slid down to cup my backside, pulling me tight against him.  I moaned as his tongue danced with mine.  My hands had a mind of their own as they reached up to tangle in his wet hair.  His lips slid to my ear and he nibbled on the lobe.  “I’d better go upstairs now…or something will happen that we may regret later.” He kissed my forehead and hurried back upstairs.  I fell back onto the sofa, panting for breath.  I knew it wouldn’t be right for us to sleep together, but damn, it was hard resisting.

 

“Okay, why the hell do you hate me so much?”  Nick asked as I trotted down the steps.  He was already dressed, wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a dark green shirt.  He was sitting in the living room and watching ESPN.  I stopped short on the last step.

“What do you mean?”  I whispered almost fearfully.  The patented Carter smile flashed across his face.

“I’m trying my best not to just rip your clothes off for the sake of being horny, and then you come bouncing downstairs looking like that.”  He waved his hand in the air.  I looked down at my blue sundress that ended a bit above my knees.  My hair was up in a ponytail, and the only jewelry I wore was my wedding set and the diamond stud earrings he had bought me on our second anniversary.  “How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands off of you tonight?”

I blushed furiously.  “I…um…well…I…” Nick had totally caught me off guard.  He laughed.

“You look delicious.”  He turned off the TV and walked over towards me.  “Absolutely tasty.”  He gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek.  I could feel my face burning now.  This was the most attention he had paid to my appearance in weeks, and I had forgotten how generous he could be with compliments.  And they weren’t empty compliments; I knew he meant every word.

“Thank you,” I said softly.  He picked up his keys from the hall table and grabbed my hand.  “Come on.  You made us late.”

“I did not make us late,” I protested, but I smiled.  This was our normal leaving-the-house banter, and it felt so comfortable and nice.

Nick held the door for me as I climbed into his car.  I shouted as my bottom hit something hard.  “Open it,” he said eagerly as he climbed in behind the wheel.  I held the jeweler’s box in my hands.

“Nicky, when did you do this?” I asked, staring at the box.

“While you were in the tub I called and described what I wanted.  Since I am such a good customer, they delivered it as soon as possible.” He smiled at me.  “Open it, please.”

“Nick, you didn’t have to get me a present.  I’M the one who should be kissing up to YOU.” 

He reached over and grabbed my hand.  “You do not need to kiss up to me.  I just wanted you to have this, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, and opened the box.  Inside was a simple sterling silver band with three small blue topaz in the center.  “Oh, Nicky…it’s beautiful.”

“Read it,” he told me.  I turned the ring to read the inscription.

“Found,” I read out loud.  I looked at him curiously.  He showed me his right hand.  On the ring finger was a matching gold band.  He knew I preferred silver to gold.  He tugged the ring off and handed it to me.  It was made like mine, with three small emeralds in the center.  I read the inscription.  “Lost…oh Nicky…” My eyes brimmed with tears.

“We were both lost…and now we’re both found…but I want us to remember that with one there is always the other.  We could never have found each other again if we weren’t lost in the first place.”  He kissed my cheek and started the ignition.  I handed him his ring and he slipped it on.  I held mine tight in my hand for a long while before finally slipping it on my right hand.

 

“Next time you plan on dropping off the face of the planet, could you please at least give us notice?”  Lisa demanded as soon as we walked in the door.  Cassie assaulted my legs in a huge hug and I bent down to pick her up.

“We needed some time away,” Nick said simply, smiling as Tristan walked up with a pen.  “How’d you do this, buddy?”

“Fell off the jungle gym,” Tristan muttered, though he seemed to be proud.  Nick scribbled his name quickly.  “Thanks, Uncle Nick.”  Tristan scampered back up to his room.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days.”  Kevin walked up and handed Nick a beer.  “We need to go over some stuff with you…get your opinion.”

“Yeah, okay,” Nick said wryly.  “I gotta go to the bathroom.” He gave me his beer to hold and headed for the bathroom.  Kevin and Lisa looked at me.

“Don’t ask,” I said simply.  We went out to the kitchen. The Richardson’s housekeeper, Darla, was preparing a simple dinner.  Nick soon returned and Kevin took him off to show him the renovations they were doing.

“What’s going on?”  Lisa asked.  “What’s up Nick’s butt?”

I decided to be honest.  “He doesn’t feel needed, Lisa.  In the studio they all ignore him.  He has some really good ideas and they keep telling him to basically shut up and sing.”

“Really?”  Lisa stared at me.  She knew that I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.  I nodded. 

“He wants to write, Lisa.  He’s been struggling and struggling…and no one wants to listen.  They only listen to Brian and Kevin’s stuff.”

“Has he said anything?”

I shook my head.  “He won’t.  He doesn’t want the other four to feel like he’s trying to outdo them or something.”

“He needs to say something.”  Lisa slapped her hand on the table.  “If Kev and Rok and the guys knew about this, they’d be on his side.”

“I know…his damned pride won’t let him talk, though.”

“I’ll talk to Kevin.  He’ll make him say something to management.”

“I don’t know about that, Lisa,” I said doubtfully.

“Trust me.”  She turned the full force of her brown eyes on me.  “If I tell Kevin to talk to management…he’ll talk to management.”

 

A few hours later, Kevin came down from putting the kids to bed.  Nick and I were snuggled into a corner of the sofa, drinking glasses of wine as Lisa animatedly described the decorating ideas she had.  Kevin stopped short before walking into the living room, a smile crossing his handsome features.  “Now things are back to normal,” he said.  We all looked at him quizzically.  “The two of you.  You look absolutely perfect like that…just like you always used to. ‘Bout damn time you two quit bitching and got your lives back on track.”

I studied my fingernails intently as Nick swirled his wine around in his glass.  “We’re not back on track yet,” Nick said finally.  “But we’ve at least found the track we want to be on.”

“Oh…sorry.”  Kevin sat down, blushing uncomfortably.

“Did you guys hear about AJ’s party?”  Lisa gracefully changed the subject.  We shook our heads.  “Ya know how Howie’s birthday is in two weeks?  Well…AJ wants to have a surprise party for him on the twentieth.  Big picnic and everything.”

“Sounds nice,” Nick said, and I nodded. 

“But doesn’t Howie hate surprises?”  I asked.  Lisa waved her hand in the air.

“You think that will stop AJ?”

 

“It got kinda weird in there, didn’t it?”  I asked softly as Nick drove us home a few hours later.

“Yeah…but we all got over it.”  Nick reached over and squeezed my hand.  He took a deep breath.  “I may talk to Kevin…you know…just about him and Lisa and how they worked things out.  All this time I thought he wouldn’t understand…that his marriage was too perfect for him to be able to understand.  But maybe it isn’t…and he can help me figure some things out.  You don’t mind if I talk to him, do you?”

“Of course not,” I told him.  “If he can help you feel better about things, then go for it.” Nick knew I meant more than just talking about he and I.  I wanted him to sort out what was going on with the Backstreet Boys.

He turned into the driveway and pulled into the garage, quickly running around to open my door.  I giggled.  He did that on rare occasions, and always made a big deal of it.  We went into the house and I yawned big.  Nick lightly spanked my ass.  “Go on upstairs to bed.  I’ll check on things down here then come up.”

I turned to look at him.  “Um…about sleeping.  I…”

Nick’s blue eyes grew serious.  “I was hoping you’d still let me sleep in our bed with you.”  He caressed my cheek.  “But if it’s a problem…”

“No!  Not a problem!” I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.  “But if it’s a problem for you…”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”  He kissed my forehead.  “Go up to bed, baby.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

I scampered up the steps, his kiss burning my skin.

Two Weeks Later

 

“Oh, man, you guys really got me!” Howie exclaimed, his brown eyes shining with delight as he walked out onto AJ’s huge deck and was greeted by shouts of “surprise” and “happy birthday.”  “This is great!”

“Glad you were surprised, D,” AJ told him, hugging him tight.  Howie made his way around the group, starting with the Backstreet Boys and their wives.  He reached Nick and I last. 

“I’m so glad to see you guys together again,” Howie whispered in my ear.  “Nick was looking so sad for so long.  He looks so much happier now.”  He drew back and smiled at me.  “I was worried there for a while.”

“We’re not out of the woods yet.”  I decided to be honest.  “But things are going really well.”

“Good.”  Howie kissed my cheek then moved on to talk to other people.

Later on, after AJ had done his host duties by running around being annoyingly courteous and chipper, he sat down at a picnic table with Brian, Nick and I.  LeighAnne and Alex were giggling in a corner with Lisa.  “Hey, I need some help.” AJ had his planning face on, and the three of us groaned.

“I know that look too well…what’s going on in that twisted mass you call a brain, Bone?”  Brian demanded.

“Well…I know Kevin and Lisa are totally stressing over all the renovations and stuff, and they look like they could use some time away,” AJ began.

“Time away helps,” I said softly, and Nick squeezed my knee under the table.

“I thought maybe we could just ship their asses away for a weekend, and we could all pitch in to help with the kids,” AJ suggested.

“Oh, man, I’d love to, but Leigh has our weekends planned out until Christmas, I swear,” Brian said apologetically.  “Family things, birthday parties, vacations…I’m really sorry.”

“We’ll take them,” Nick said suddenly, and I almost fell off the picnic bench.  “What weekend did you have in mind?”

“Well, um…” AJ was obviously taken aback as well.  “I thought maybe three weeks from now.  I’ll tell Kevin about it, and then he can surprise Lisa if he wants.  I thought I could pick them up Friday morning, keep them overnight, and then bring them to whoever’s house on Saturday.”

“You’ll keep them overnight?”  Brian repeated skeptically.  AJ glared at him.

“I am great with kids.  Cassie and Tristan love me.  We’ll be fine.”  He looked our way.  “For one night.  Anything more than that and Alex may leave me.”

“We will definitely do it.  Drop them whenever you want on Saturday,” Nick said.  “Kev and Lisa deserve a nice weekend away.”

AJ looked at me.  “Lara?”

I picked my chin up from out of my potato salad, where it had dropped when Nick had volunteered.  “Um…well…of course…no problem at all.”

 

“I’m gonna go in to the bathroom.  Be right back,” I told Nick about an hour later, kissing his forehead.

“God…you guys kiss even more now than you did at the beginning…how annoying,” AJ said, making a face.  I smacked him on the back of the head and made sure to give Nick an extra long kiss on the lips.  “Euwwww.”  AJ wrinkled his nose and we all laughed.

“And YOU’RE gonna watch two kids?”  Brian was asking as I walked away.  I turned the corner into the hallway from the kitchen and ran smack into Aaron Carter.

“Lara!  Oh, God.  I mean, hi.  I mean…” Aaron stammered.

“Hello, Aaron,” I said softly.  We stood for a moment in an uncomfortable silence.  “We need to talk, Aaron.  Stay right here for a second, okay?”  I hurried back out to the deck, where Nick and Brian were deep in conversation.  “Nicky, can I borrow you for two seconds?”

“You can borrow me forever,” Nick said with a smile, standing.  I pulled him to a corner.  “What’s up, baby?”

“Look…Aaron’s inside.  He must have just got here.”  Nick’s eyes grew stormy for a split second, then cleared.  “I really need to talk to him…there are some things that need closure.  Do you mind?”

A gentle smile crossed Nick’s face, and he hugged me tight.  “You didn’t have to ask me, you know.  But I’m glad you did.  Of course you can talk to him.”

“I’ll be in AJ’s billiards room…and I’ll leave the door open,” I told him.

“Not necessary.  I’ll be out here if you need me for any reason.”  Nick kissed my cheek and went back to Brian.

I went into the house.  Aaron was where I had left him.  “Come on.” I motioned down the hall, and he followed me to the billiards room.  As we went into the room, I realized it was a bad choice of rooms.  All I could see was that kiss on Aaron’s pool table, and I knew he was remembering it, too.  “Look, Aaron…I just wanted to apologize.  I know I’ve really fucked things up between you and Nick, and I feel just terrible.”

He took a step towards me.  “Don’t.  Lara, I…”

I held up a hand and he stopped talking.  “Aaron, the fault lies in both of us, as well as in Nick.  If he would have talked to me about his problems, then I wouldn’t have felt so left out…and I wouldn’t have looked to someone else for comfort.  The only way you are to blame is for not saying no to what we both wanted, and I am just as guilty of that.”

Aaron nodded and thought for a moment.  “You and Nick…things are better?”

“Yeah…a lot better. Him grabbing me and taking me up to the cabin was the best…”

“What?”  Aaron grabbed my arm, concern filling his face.  “Grabbing you?”

“Oh…I…uh…” I realized my blunder too late.  “Well, he wanted to surprise me and…”

“He kidnapped you?  Nick fucking kidnapped his wife?”  Aaron snapped furiously.  “Did he hurt you at all?”

“No, Aaron, I promise!”  I insisted.

“I am gonna kill him,” Aaron growled, heading for the door.  I grabbed his arm and pulled back with all my might.

“Aaron, no!  Listen to me, please,” I pleaded.  Aaron stopped walking and turned around.  “You can’t possibly understand how hurt and angry he was.  He needed to get me somewhere that we could talk, and he knew if he even tried to discuss it with me, he’d blow up.  It was a wonderful few days…we really talked…and things are mending themselves now.”  I looked up into Aaron’s dark eyes.  “A lot of this is because of you, and I thank you.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.” Aaron looked down at the hand I had placed on his arm.  He took it in his hand, and brought it up to kiss my palm.  “You’re sure you’re okay?”  I nodded.  “Good.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.  I saw pain in his eyes.  “Forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive.”  Aaron gave me a quick hug and an even quicker kiss on the lips.  “Gotta go talk to the birthday boy.  I’ll see you later.”  He left without saying more, and I leaned back on the billiards table with a sigh.  That was our goodbye, I realized.  We would still be brother and sister, but things would never be the same.  I gathered myself together and went back out to my husband.

Three Weeks Later

 

“Holy hell…what is all this shit?”  Nick exclaimed as AJ unloaded bags and kids from his car.

“Language, Uncle Nick,” I gently reminded him as I picked Cassie up and kissed her.

“Kev didn’t want you to have to go back to his house for anything,” AJ said as he slammed his trunk shut.

“Obviously,” Nick replied, looking down at the bags on the driveway.

“Uncle Nick!” Tristan yelled, throwing himself at my husband, who gladly hugged back.

“Did Uncle AJ take good care of you?”  I asked Cassie.  She didn’t understand, but nodded anyway.

“Pizza,” she informed me.  I looked at AJ.

“You took them for pizza?”

“Ordered in,” he corrected.  “I couldn’t possibly handle two kids alone in a pizza joint.”

“Where’s Alex?”  Nick asked as he started carrying bags in.

“She conveniently disappeared this weekend,” AJ said, rolling his eyes.  I laughed.  AJ came over to me. “Bye, sweetpea,” he said, kissing Cassie’s cheek.

“Bye, honeybear,” I replied, kissing his.  He laughed. 

“Kevin will be back around nine on Sunday night to pick them up.”  He handed me a small notebook.  “All their info is in here.  Guess he didn’t trust you.”

“No, he didn’t trust YOU,” Nick said, grabbing more bags.  AJ discreetly gave him the finger. 

“Have a good time, kids.” AJ hopped into his car and zoomed away. 

Nick took the last of the bags upstairs.  Tristan, Cassie and I followed him in.  “Um…now what do we do?”  Nick asked nervously.

“Can we go to that park near here?  With that wooden playground thingy?”  Tristan asked, looking from Nick to me and back again.

“Of course we can,” I said, smiling down at him.  “Uncle Nick just has to put Cassie’s carseat in the car.  Go ahead, Uncle Nick…I’ll get some supplies together.”  I headed for the kitchen as Nick went out to the car.

 

“Your children are beautiful,” the elderly lady on the bench beside me remarked. I looked over to where Nick was pushing Tristan and Cassie on the swings.

“Thank you, but they’re not our children. We’re watching them for a friend,” I told her.  She smiled.

“Your husband is very good with them…a natural father, I’d say.”

“I wish someone would tell him that,” I mumbled bitterly, then blushed.

She reached over and patted my hand.  “Oh, don’t worry, dearie.  He’ll come around.”

 

“…and then the Prince climbed up Rapunzel’s hair and rescued her, bringing her back down to the real world.  And they lived happily ever after.”  I closed the storybook and Tristan’s eyes flew open.

“Another one!”  He demanded.

“It’s eight-fifteen, young man.  Your mommy puts you to bed at eight,” I reminded him.

“Please, Aunt Lara, just one more?”

Cassie’s eyes fluttered open.  “One more,” she repeated sleepily.

“Okay.”  I dug through their bag of storybooks.  Nick appeared in the doorway and smiled at the sight of Tristan, Cassie and I curled up on the bed in our smallest guestroom.  Cassie’s portacrib was set up nearby.  “What should we read?”

“Pooh Bear,” Cassie said firmly.  “Pooh Bear.”

“Oh, no, not again!”  Tristan whined.  “She ALWAYS wants to hear Pooh Bear, and I’m sick of it.” His dark eyes turned up to me solemnly.  “Please, Aunt Lara, no Pooh Bear.”

“I’LL tell you a story, but only if you snuggle down under the covers,” Nick said, walking into the room.  I moved to the side of the bed and knelt on the floor.  Tristan hid under the covers and Cassie stood by me.  Nick knelt across the bed from me. “Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was married to a handsome prince.  The prince was very busy off slaying dragons, but the princess always sat home waiting for him.  The prince was away for longer and longer times, and the princess got lonely.” Nick’s blue eyes met mine with a gaze so intense that I blushed.

“What happened next, Uncle Nick?” Tristan said sleepily, barely on the verge of staying awake.

“I think she forgave the prince for being away so long, and they lived happily ever after,” Nick said softly.  Tristan’s eyes fluttered closed and he snored softly.  I picked Cassie up, kissed her cheek, and tucked her into bed.  She didn’t protest.  AJ was enough to wear out any child.

Nick and I tiptoed out of the room and down the hall.  We didn’t speak until we were in our bedroom.  “Nicky, I told you.  You did nothing to forgive.  I…”

“Lara…I did and you know it, okay?  We both need to stop saying the other did nothing, and start forgiving.”  His eyes were sorrowful.  “I’m gonna be honest.  Until the day I die it will stab me in the heart thinking of you and Aaron.  But I will always know that I am the reason why it happened.”  He kissed my forehead.  “I’m gonna turn in.  Those kids wore me out.  You coming?”

“No…I’m not tired,” I said softly.  “I think I'll write.”

“Okay.  Hurry back in here,” he said with a tired smile.

“I will.”  I kissed his cheek.  “Good night, Nick.”  I hurried into the hallway and closed the door behind me, making it just in time.  I didn’t want Nick to see the tears.

 

A few days later, Nick came back from the studio early.  “Hey!”  I said happily from my seat behind the computer.  “It’s only three-thirty.  I don’t have dinner started or anything.”

“Why the hell did you need to blab your mouth off to Lisa?”  Nick said angrily and I cowered in my chair.

“What are you talking about?”  I whispered.

“You told her.  You told her about how I felt regarding the guys and recording.  You told her that I felt like nothing in there, and she told Kevin.  He brought it up in front of everyone, and I felt like a total dickhead!”  Nick screamed before turning on his heel and leaving the room. I jumped to my feet.  No longer was I going to take this shit from him.  I followed him as he stomped down the steps.

“Maybe that’s because you have been ACTING like a total dickhead about this, Nick Carter,” I flared back.  He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around.

“What did you say?”

“I said, you’ve been acting like a dickhead.  You need to take that stubborn macho pride of yours and shove it up your ass!”  I yelled.  I was surprised.  It actually felt good to let go and have a temper for once.  “You are good, Nick.  I’ve seen some of the things you write, when you actually open up to me.  Your writing is just as good as your singing…but you won’t stand up for it.  Kevin and the guys are behind you.  Tell me that they didn’t stand by your side and tell the crew and everyone that your songs should be heard and possibly recorded.”

“I’m not telling you shit,” he snapped, and I knew I was right.

“Dammit, Nick, I am so sick and tired of your babyish temper tantrums!  I feel like I’m married to a child sometimes.”  I turned back and started towards the steps again.

“Well, you obviously like fucking them. What’s the difference?”  I whirled around. By the look on Nick’s face I could tell he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.  It didn’t make the hurt go away, though. I took a step back, leaning against the front door.  “Lara…I…”

I flew the three feet between us and my hand struck his face before either of us realized it.  “You fucking prick.  Maybe I fucked a child because the so-called man I call my husband wasn’t doing it right,” I yelled in his face.  Before I knew it I was back against the wall, hard.  “Let go of me, you asshole!” I screamed, punching at his chest.  Suddenly Nick was pulled away from me, and in an instant he was on the floor flat on his back.  Strong hands held me where I stood.  “Let me go.  Let me claw his baby blue eyes out!”  I yelled, struggling against the hold on me.

“Lara…Lara, relax!  What the hell is going on here?”  Aaron demanded, holding me still until I calmed down.  Nick slowly got to his feet, a red handprint beaming from his cheek.  “Were you going to hit her?”  Aaron asked his brother.

“Of course not.  What the hell are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you guys about something…the door wasn’t closed all the way,” Aaron said, finally releasing me

“How much did you hear?”  I asked, leaning back against the wall.

“Pretty much everything after you told him you felt like you were married to a child,” Aaron said softly. 

“Oh, Aaron…” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, man.  I didn’t mean to say…” Nick began.

“Yeah, you did.  And you are right to feel that way.”  Aaron looked from me to Nick.  “I thought you guys were getting along.  What’s going on?”

I felt like we were schoolchildren being confronted by the teacher.  “I talked to Lisa about some things Nick has been feeling stressed about,” I said slowly.  “He told me he was gonna talk to Kevin, so I didn’t feel too bad about talking to her.  Obviously he didn’t talk to Kevin.”

“I was embarrassed,” he told me.  “I felt like the whole world knew my problems.”

“Hardly,” I replied.  “Did they stand by you?”

“Yes,” Nick said softly.  We both forgot Aaron was even in the room.  “They want me to be ready to show them my songs tomorrow.”

A smile slowly crossed my face.  “That’s great.”

“We’ll see.”  He turned to Aaron.  “What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m going to Europe next week,” Aaron said.

“Europe?  But you just got home!  What about your well-needed vacation?”  I gasped.

“I had a vacation…and it was less stressful on the road,” Aaron teased gently.  “Seriously, though, it’s not for work. I’m just moving my vacation there.  I need time to think…and I think the farther away I am from the two of you, the quicker your wounds will heal.”

“Squirt, there is no reason for you to go all the way to Europe,” Nick protested.  “We had problems long before you got involved.  We can solve them with you here.”

“I want to go,” Aaron said, and I could tell he was being sincere.  “I need time to just think about things.”  He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.  “Anyway, I’ll be busy between now and when I leave, so I wanted to say goodbye.”  He looked over my head at Nick.

“I’ll…uh…I’ll wait out front for you.”  Nick disappeared out the front door.

Aaron put his arms around me and I didn’t stop him.  “I love you, you know.”

“Aaron, I…”

“I always have. You were my first crush…and it’s grown to more than puppy love.”  He kissed my forehead.  “But I’ll get over it…eventually…I know the cliché saying…there’s a lot of fish in the sea, blah blah blah…” He cupped my face in his hands.  “But you’re the fish I like best.”  His lips touched mine tenderly.  He pulled back and wiped the tears from my cheek.  “But I will always love you as my friend…and family…and someday things might resemble normal again.”

“I love you, too, Aaron,” I sniffled, and he smiled.

“Do you ever not cry?”

“Only when I’m not breathing,” I told him, and he laughed out loud. 

“Okay…I’m outta here.  Gotta try to get my brother to love me again.”  He released me.

“Aaron, Nick does love you…very very much…if he didn’t, this wouldn’t hurt him so badly.”  I kept Aaron from walking away.  “I promise.”

“Okay,” he replied, though his heart wasn’t in it.  “I’ll email you from England.” One more quick hug and he headed out the door.  I slowly plodded back upstairs.  I sat down at my computer and stared at the monitor.

“That was weird,” Nick said from the doorway thirty minutes later.  I jumped.  I still had not written a single word.

“Yes.  Off to Europe in a heartbeat.”  I turned around to face him.  “I’m sorry I called you a child, Nick.”

“I’m sorry I said what I did about…you know…” Nick said softly.  I was shocked to see tears in his blue eyes.  “When will we stop having to apologize?”

“To each other?  Soon, I hope.  But I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself,” I said softly.

“Stop,” Nick said quietly.  “Don’t think that way, okay?”  I nodded.  “How about you run out for Chinese food tonight?”

“Nick, it’s not even five o’clock yet.  I’m not really hungry,” I told him.

“Then go shopping.  Do something, and don’t come back until…um…seven-thirty,” Nick decided.  I looked at him.

“You have the AJ planning look in your eyes,” I said skeptically.  “I don’t like that.”

“Trust me.  I will do nothing that will cause permanent damage.”

“What?”  I shrieked.

“Just kidding.  Get your cute ass out of that chair and out the door!”  Nick demanded.  I shut down the computer and went towards the bedroom for my shoes.  Nick pulled me back into a passionate kiss.  “Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” I replied.  He regretfully let me go and I hurried towards the bedroom.

 

“He DID say shop,” I told myself as I came out of the bookstore with a box full of books.  “He wanted me to keep myself occupied,” I added.  I laughed out loud.  I had spent over seventy-five dollars at the bookstore, and I was determined to find something delicious at the lingerie shop down the street.  When Nick finally decided he wanted me, I wanted to look GOOD.

I was arguing the pros and cons of green versus blue in my mind as I drove, and I didn’t notice the car that turned out of an alley right into traffic.  That is, I didn’t notice it until it hit the back of my car.  I was thrown violently forward, the force so intense that it knocked my sunglasses off.  I brought my car to a stop and quickly did an anatomic inventory.  Everything seemed fine.  I tried to open my driver’s side door and couldn’t.  Shit.  The frame was bent.  I picked up the car phone and called the police, then called home.

“Lara, you’re supposed to be shopping.”  Nick must’ve seen the carphone number on the Caller ID.  “And I want pork fried rice, not that bland white rice you like.”

“Nicky?”  I said, bursting into tears.

“What?  What is it?”

“There’s been an accident.”

“Oh my God.  Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine…I just need you.  I’m at Sixteenth and Palm,” I said tearfully.

“I’ll be right there.”  He hung up.  I crawled across the seat and climbed out the passenger sighed.  I groaned as I observed the damage to the back of my blue Mustang convertible.

“Dammit,” I muttered.

“Lady, why the hell did you slam on your brakes?”  I turned to see two large men walking towards me.  They easily weighed well over two hundred pounds each, and most of it was muscle.

“Why the hell did you pull out into traffic like you owned the road?”  I snapped back without thinking.  “I went on the brakes because the car in front of me went on its brakes because of the RED LIGHT!”

“Look, honey.  I’m gonna climb back in my car and we’re gonna pretend nothing happened, okay?”  He got so close I could smell the beer on his breath.

“Drinking and driving…how intelligent,” I noted.  “You’re not going anywhere.  I can describe your car perfectly…from the smashed front end to the confederate flag sticker on the back window.”

“Honey, you are one little lady, and we are two big men.  How the hell are you planning on keeping us here?”  The other man countered.  I swallowed deeply, suddenly not so brave.  He took a step towards me.  “Why don’t you just get in your car and wait for the police?”

“Lara.” I smiled as I heard Nick’s voice.

“Nicky!”  I buried my head in his chest as he held me.

“Is everything okay here?”  He looked over at the two larger men.

“Everything’s fine.  We were just leaving,” the driver said graciously.  Nick glared at them.

“Go ahead and try.  I’ll sue you so fast your head will spin.  And trust me…I have good lawyers.”

“Look, Blondie, it’s your dumb bimbo’s fault.  She slammed on her brakes and we hit her.  I don’t think…” the other man was unable to finish because of Nick’s hands slamming him back against the trunk of my car.  I gaped.  I didn’t know Nick was that strong.

“Number one, don’t call me Blondie.  Number two, do NOT call my wife a bimbo, okay?  Those good lawyers of mine can easily get my ass out of jail for kicking your head inside out!”

“Nick…Nicky.  Stop!” I said as flashing red, white and blue lights pulled up beside us.  Nick released the man as the policemen got out of their car.  Nick held my hand as I gave my statement, and we left soon after the tow-truck arrived.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Nick asked for the twelfth time as we pulled into our driveway.

“I’m fine.  Just sore,” I told him.  “Nick, the way you stood up to those guys…that was incredible.  I didn’t know you were that strong!”

“Neither did I.” Nick came around to open my door.  “It was stupid.  Did you see how big that guy was?”

“Yes,” I said, giggling. “You looked like a little kid.”  Nick stuck his tongue out at me.  I sobered.  “You were planning something special, and you didn’t even get your Chinese food.”

“What I planned can wait,” he said, flushing slightly.  I caught on to what he was planning.

I pulled him into the living room and we sat on the couch.  “Nick, remember the very first time we made love?  We planned out this big seduction thing, and it totally backfired.  We were both so worried about it being perfect that it ended up a disaster.  Then when we finally DID make love, it was totally spontaneous…and totally wonderful.”

“I want this to be so right,” he told me.  “It’s true though…my mind was all on the planning.”  He ran his hand through his hair and I almost jumped him.  “I’ll order in Chinese, how’s that?  We’ll curl up in bed and watch dumb movies all night until we laugh ourselves into tears.”

“That sounds great,” I told him.  He hopped up.

“I’ll call for the food.  You go up and soak in the tub.”

“That sounds even better.”  I pulled myself up the steps as Nick went to the phone.

I sat down on the bed to pull off my sneakers, and that felt so good I lay down.  I was still laying there thirty minutes later when Nick came up to tell me dinner had arrived.

“You didn’t get very far,” he said with a smile.

“It feels good to lay here.”

“The bath will feel even better.  Get undressed,” he ordered, then scampered out the door.  I blinked in confusion and started to undress.  He came back in with his arms full of Chinese food and two cans of soda.  “Into the tub with you.  I’ll be in momentarily.”

I ran hot water and added country apple bubble bath.  I was just stepping into the double wide/double long sunken tub when Nick came in with everything neatly arranged on a tray.  “That looks so good.”  I was suddenly ravenous, and I sank into the water with a contented sigh.

“Room in there for two?”  Nick asked quietly and I nodded, suddenly shy.  He undressed and I did my best not to drool.  It was difficult, though; he was totally beautiful.  He stepped in behind me, pulling me back to lie against him.  He reached over the edge of the tub and began to feed me sweet and sour chicken.

“Okay, I could get used to this,” I said with a smile.

“Don’t get too used to it…I can’t afford you wrecking cars every other day just to get dinner in the bathtub,” he teased, and I pinched his leg.  I fed him as well, and the food soon disappeared.

I moaned with pleasure as he pushed me slightly forward to scrub my back.  “Okay…you’re hired.  I will give you exactly seventy more years to stop that.”

“Seventy?  Damn…I’ll be old then…ninety.  And you’ll be…”

I smacked him.  “Watch it, Blondie.”

He pulled me back against him once more, and dribbled lazy paths of water across my chest and stomach with the sponge.  I sighed, closing my eyes.  “I like when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Just let yourself totally lay against me…it’s like you’re totally relaxed and you just let yourself go.”  The sponge rubbed down between my breasts and I shivered.  “Cold?”

“No,” I whispered truthfully.  The room had suddenly become brutally hot.  I felt him harden against my back and I knew he felt the same way.  I evilly squirmed around a bit, rubbing against him.

“You are evil,” he growled, biting at my ear and then my neck.  I hissed in a breath.  He knew exactly what that did to me.

“Who’s evil?”  I asked.

He moved my hair to the side and planted gentle kisses on my neck.  “I was gonna seduce you, ya know.  Seduce you good. I was gonna just have you follow a trail of rose petals up to the bedroom, and I was gonna be there waiting…all alone…naked…” he whispered in my ear.

I whimpered.  He was hatefully evil.  “Sorry to disappoint you,” I murmured.

“I’ll get my chance.”  He suddenly stood.  “Let’s get out.  We’re turning into raisins.”

I stood on quivering legs and laughed as Nick insisted on vigorously drying me off with our big fluffy towels. I pulled on his huge robe as he went and got himself a pair of sweatpants.  Even though it was only six forty-five, we climbed into bed and did just as Nick had suggested.  We found every stupid movie on our satellite dish and laughed until we cried.  It was eleven-thirty before I finally fell asleep in his arms.  We had forgotten the whole idea of sex and seduction.  It was the time for getting to know each other once more…and for falling in love all over again.

 

The next few weeks were the happiest I could remember in a long time.  Nick went into the studio, but he always called if he was going to be late, and he tried his best not to make it that late.  Aaron emailed us from London, true to his word, and the emails that he and I exchanged were friendly, if a bit stiff.  It was weird trying to go back to being his big sister, but I wanted to be the person he needed me to be: a friend.  He was enjoying himself, and a girl named Elizabeth suddenly seemed to pop up in his emails.  I tried not to be jealous but I couldn’t help it.  He was supposed to love me. 

I smiled as I thought about that one afternoon.  I loved Nick desperately, and we were finally achieving the marriage I knew we could have, but I was jealous of the fact that Aaron had found someone to replace me.  I sighed as I closed down the computer.  I was mental.  I needed help.  Maybe Lisa could give me some free therapy…

“Lara?”  I heard Nick call up the stairs.  I squealed and ran out into the hallway.  He met me halfway down the steps and gave me a big hug.  “Guess what?”

“What?”  I asked, frowning.  His eyes were so serious.

“Guess whose lyrics are being put to music that Howie is writing as we speak?”  A smile wreathed his handsome face and I gasped. 

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.”  Nick could not stop smiling.  I squealed again and hugged him hard. 

“Oh, Nicky, that is wonderful!  I’m so proud of you.  Are they lyrics you showed me?”

He shook his head.  “Nope.  I just wrote them over the last week or so.  I mean, damn, they just flew right out of me. It’s a surprise though; you won’t hear them until we record the CD.”

I poked him and pouted.  “I wanna hear them now.”

“Nope…sorry…” Nick kissed my forehead.  “This is what we’re going to do.  You are gonna go upstairs and soak in a bathtub and get yourself all clean and smelling good.  Then you are going to put on that dark green silk dress that I love, and then I am taking you out for a fantabulous dinner.”

I laughed.  Fantabulous was my word, and it sounded silly coming out of his mouth.  “Okay,” I said.  Before I could pull away he brought me to him in a passionate kiss.  I sighed against him.  We had come so close so many times to just ripping each other’s clothes off, but it was still slightly uncomfortable.  Sometimes I felt as if we would never have sex again…and I didn’t know if it was my fault or his.  He pulled back breathlessly. 

“I love you, Lara,” he said, leaning his forehead against mine.

“Love you more,” I replied softly.  He smiled.

“Doubt it. Get upstairs and make yourself beautiful…if it’s possible for you to get more beautiful, that is.”  He smiled the Carter smile. “I gotta go email Aaron!”

My insides quivered slightly at the mention of his name, but I simply nodded and went up the steps. Aaron and Nick were slowly rebuilding their relationship, and it wouldn’t be too much longer before they were as close as they were before.  I was glad; I hated the thought that I had come between them.

 

“I called and got us a last minute reservation at Dmitri’s,” Nick said from the living room as I came down the steps ninety minutes later.   “It’s early and…” he stopped short as he saw me, and I froze as I saw him.  He wore a black Armani suit with a dark green shirt underneath.  He looked so handsome that he took my breath away.  “Um…it’s early and…” Nick repeated, unable to take his eyes off of me.  I blushed.  The dress he had asked me to wear matched his shirt.  It was long and had a slit up the right side almost to my thigh.  The straps tied at the shoulder, and I carried a wrap that matched.  My hair was piled high on my head with a few curls hanging down. 

“What time is the reservation for?”  I asked nervously.  I had worked so hard to look good.  I wanted him to be proud to be seen with me.

“How hungry are you?”  Nick asked.  I looked at him in confusion.

“Not too hungry.  Why?  What time is the reservation?”

Nick ignored me and went to the phone. He hit redial.  “Yes, this is Nick Carter.  I just called to make a reservation…yes…that’s it.  I want to cancel it.  Thank you.”  He hung up and I stared at him open-mouthed.  He walked over to me, inhaling my perfume.  “My favorite.”

“Don’t I look okay?  Why did you…” I began, but he silenced me with one finger on my lips.

“You look incredible…and I’ve decided I don’t want to share you.  I want you to stay here with me.”  His hands slid from my shoulders to my waist, pulling me against him. 

“Wh-what?”  I whispered, unable to speak any louder.  My body was screaming for him, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him for what I so desperately wanted.

“I want to make love to you, Lara.  Please.” His eyes were dark and pleading.  “I want you so bad.  I want to show you how much I love you.  I want to forgive your body with mine.  Please.”

My hands reached up to play in his hair.  “Oh…Nicky…I want it to.  I have wanted it for so long, but I thought you didn’t want me.”

His mouth fell open.  “But I thought you didn’t want me to touch you.  I thought…”

“We thought too much,” I interrupted.

He smiled.  “You’re right.”  He took my hand and led me up the steps.  I followed him into our bedroom and he closed the door behind us as if to shut out the rest of the world.  He removed his coat and tossed it onto a chair.  He began to unbutton his shirt.

“No,” I whispered.  I lightly pushed his hands away and unbuttoned it myself, smiling to myself as I revealed his smooth chest.  As I leaned forward to rub my cheek against his skin, I felt him unzip the back of the dress and it quickly puddled at my feet.  His mouth fell open as he saw I only wore underwear.  “Um…with the straps I couldn’t wear a bra,” I said shyly.

“No complaints here,” he whispered.  He pulled me to him and our chests pressed together as he kissed me.  He reached down to cup my backside in his strong hands as his tongue played with mine.  I moaned against him, feeling myself get wetter by the second.  He reached up and picked out a hairpin, and the hairdo I had spent thirty minutes on was down in three seconds.  I pulled back slightly so I could undo his belt and the button of his pants.  He kicked off his shoes and quickly reached down to yank his socks off.  I slid the pants down his legs, taking his boxer briefs with them.  I looked up at him from my kneeling position.  His cock was standing tall and hard, and I reached one finger out.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me up.  “No.  Not yet.  I want you so bad I just know it will end all too soon.”  He laid me down on the bed, slipping the underwear from my body.

Nick started at my feet and kissed every inch of my legs.  I was squirming on the satin sheets by the time he even reached my knees.  His hands slid up my thighs and gently spread my legs.  “Oh, NICKY,” I gasped as his lips and tongue found my center.  He gently nibbled, sucked and explored until I was quickly screaming with my first orgasm.  It had been so long…and no one knew what I liked better than Nick did.  He continued to kiss up my body, paying special attention to my neck and shoulders.  He knew exactly where all the shiver spots were and he used them to his advantage.  By the time he slid two long fingers inside of me, I was practically cumming from his kisses alone.  I quivered around him, biting my lip to keep from screaming.

“Don’t.  Don’t try to hide it.  Please tell me how I make you feel…” Nick gently kissed my nose and cheeks.  “I want to know that I’m pleasing you.”

“But what about you?” I gasped.

“I am perfectly happy making you crazy,” he said with a teasing smile.  I didn’t smile back.

“Nicky…please…make love to me.  I need you inside me so bad,” I begged.  He stared down at me.  He knew that I was normally too self-conscious to ask him for something like this.

“I love you,” he whispered, playfully nibbling on my nose before rolling to lay on top of me.  A hand slid from my thigh to my waist to my breast before landing on my cheek to brush some hair away.  Suddenly he was inside of me, and I arched up to meet him.  “I love you so much…oh GOD…” Nick gasped, hiding his face in my hair as he thrust into me again and again.  “I’ve missed you…missed this…missed your touch…your body…your skin…”

“Oh…Nick…I’ve missed you, too.” Tears streamed down my face.  “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“Only you…” he whispered as his body began to tense.  “I see only you…oh Lara!”  He drove himself into me one last time as I quivered around him once more. He collapsed against me and I held him tight, kissing his face anywhere I could reach.  He soon moved to lay beside me and I snuggled against him.

“I love you, Nick,” I said.  “More than anything in the world.  I’m nothing without you,” I told him, looking into his eyes.  He smiled at me tenderly, and I saw the threat of tears in his blue eyes.

“I love you, too, baby girl.”  He pressed my head gently until it lay on his chest.  “Sleep,” he ordered, and I happily complied.

Two Months Later

 

“What do you think about Hawaii?”

“Nope.”

“The Caribbean?”

“No.”

I glared at Nick from my place on the bed.  I was lounging in one of his t-shirts, looking over some information I had printed from the Internet.  “Tahiti?”

“Not really interested, baby.  I’m sorry,” he apologized with a smile as he dug through his chest of drawers, looking for his favorite sweatshirt.

“Nicky, you said I could pick anywhere in the world to go to for my birthday vacation.  So far I’ve picked like six places, and you’ve said no to every one.  It’s October. My birthday is in a week,” I pointed out.

“I said you could pick anywhere…I didn’t say I’d agree.  Maybe I have somewhere in mind already,” he said, furiously pawing through drawers.

“Like where?”  I asked skeptically, visions of nightmarish hiking running through my brain.

“Oh…here,” Nick answered nonchalantly, tossing two plane tickets at me.  He had been digging them out from under his clothing.  I eagerly grabbed the envelope and screamed when I saw what was in it.

“Austria?  Austria?  We’re going to Austria?”

“Austria and Germany, to be exact,” Nick said, beaming at the joy in my eyes.

“Austria,” I whispered.  I had always wanted to go to Austria, and he had been there a few times before we had met.  I couldn’t believe this. “Oh, Nicky,” I said softly, tears filling my eyes.  “Thank you so much.  This is like a dream come true for me.”

“I’m glad you like it.  Now if I could only find my University of Florida sweatshirt, I’d be happy, too.”

“Simple minds, simple pleasures,” I teased, getting up to go research Austria on the computer.  I shrieked with laughter as he tossed me back onto the bed. 

“I’ll show you simple pleasures,” he growled, playfully nipping at my neck. I sighed and hugged him tight.  Ever since that night we had not been able to get enough of each other.  AJ had started calling him Nick the Nympho.  It was as if we were putting the finishing touches to our marriage by consummating it…constantly.

“I love you, Nicky.”

“I love you, too, baby.”  He kissed my cheek and got back up so I could get off the bed.

As I reached my desk in the study, I stared at the calendar on my desk, solemnly running my finger over the block for two days later. 

TWO DAYS LATER

“You have to be mistaken,” I said to the doctor as I sat across from her at her desk.  “I’m on the Pill.  You said that if I ever wanted to get pregnant, I’d have to go on all kinds of fertility drugs.”  I glared at her accusingly.

“Well, I was wrong,” she said, smiling broadly.  “Mrs. Carter, I thought you wanted children.  Every time you come in you ask about what kind of drugs are available.  I thought this would please you.”

“Yes…it’s wonderful,” I said faintly.  “Thank you, Doctor.”

 

I drove around for hours, not even noticing that the sky had grown dark.  My stomach growled around dinnertime, but I ignored it. I drove in circles all over the city.  A baby.  Nick would hate me.  He’d probably divorce me.  He’d accuse me of doing it on purpose.  He was so adamant about birth control; the only time we had slipped up was that first time since the Aaron situation.  He would hate me forever.

At around eight-thirty the carphone rang.  “Hello?”

“Lara, thank God. Where the fuck are you?”  Nick almost screamed in my ear.

“I’m driving around downtown.  Wow.  I didn’t see how late it was.  I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?  I’ve been worried sick!  Get your ass home now before I come downtown and kick it.”  Nick hung up.  I sighed.  After I told him my news, he’d want to do a lot more than just kick my ass.

 

I walked in the door fifteen minutes later to find him sitting in the living room staring at Sportscenter.  “I was worried,” he said without turning his head.

“I’m sorry.  I had a lot on my mind.”

“I see.”  He turned off the TV and I came in to sit next to him on the sofa.  “Lara, what’s going on?  For the past three days you’ve been kinda out of it.  Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh…no…Nick…you haven’t done anything wrong!”  I stared at him sorrowfully.  “It’s just…I’ve been…” I took a deep breath.  “I need to tell you something, Nicky, and it’s not gonna be easy.  I’ve been praying for it not to happen, but it has, and we will have to deal with it.”

Nick’s eyes grew dark.  “You want to divorce me, don’t you?  You love Aaron and you want to be with him.”

“WHAT?”  I yelled. “Is that what you think?  As far as we’ve come, all that’s happened, and you think I want to divorce you to marry your eighteen year old brother?”  My voice rose to a shriek.  “That is the craziest thing I have ever heard.  Man, talk about paranoid!”  I jumped up and began to pace, ranting to myself.  “I mean, I thought a baby was bad news, but divorce?  What…do you really just want to divorce me?  I mean, after the whole baby thing I could see why but you’ve obviously been thinking of it.” My tone was threatening on the hysterical.  Nick reached up and grabbed me but I continued to babble fearfully.  “I just knew it.  I didn’t do enough…I tried and tried and I wasn’t enough and now you want to leave and…”

Nick lightly smacked me across the face, but it was hard enough to make me stop talking.  “You’re getting hysterical,” he said sharply.  I stared at him.  “That’s better.  I do NOT want to divorce you. I just worry about that every now and then.  Things are so wonderful and I hate to think that it might fall apart again.  I was only saying…” he stopped talking and slowly released me.  “Did you say baby?”

“Um…yes,” I said in a tiny voice.

“Baby.”  Nick stared at me. “You’re having a baby.  You’re pregnant.  With my baby.  WE’RE having a baby?”  I nodded fearfully.

“I’m so sorry, Nick.  The doctor said she was wrong, that there was a tiny possibility, even on the pill, even with my problems, that I could still get pregnant.  And that first night since…you know…we didn’t use anything and so…here we are.”  I looked up at him miserably.  “I can’t get rid of it, Nick.  It’s my baby.”

“You’re not getting rid of anything.”  His beautiful smile slowly crossed his face.  “And it’s MY baby, too.  OUR baby.”  He fell to his knees and hugged me around the waist.  “OUR baby,” he repeated.

I stared down at him in shock.  “You’re not mad?”

“No…not even one tiny bit.”  He smiled up at me.  “I’ve been trying to find the right way to approach this subject with you anyway without sounding like an ass for how I’ve behaved about it in the past.  I am so happy, Lara…happier than I have ever been, and I love you more now than I ever have.”

“Nicky,” I whispered, tears of joy streaming down my face.  He stood and cradled me in his arms.  “I love you, too.”

He pulled me back to sit on the sofa with him.  “Can we name him like Michael Jordan Carter or something?”

I smacked him.  “I don’t think so.  What if it’s a girl?”

“Michelle Jordan Carter.”  Another smack.  “I don’t care what we name it, Lara.  I just know that I love you, I love this baby, and right this second I am the happiest man in the world.”

As we talked and talked about the baby, I sent mental happy thoughts to Aaron, who was still over in Europe.  I prayed that he would find someone who made him as happy as Nick made me, and that he would someday find the joy in marriage that Nick and I had found once more.

The End

Tell Lara what you thought of this story!