Rainbow Beach

By:  Lara

 

One

 

“Enjoy,” the man behind the counter said, smiling as he handed the bag to the woman.  “It’s a really good book. I’ve read it twice.”

“Thank you,” she said, smiling back. “Excuse me,” she said, inching her way out the door.  The small bookstore was crowded, both with books and people.

“Can I help you with something?” The clerk asked.  The young blond looked up and blushed.

“I, well, no, thank you.  Just, um, looking.”

“Okay, well, if you need anything, you just let me know, okay?”  The clerk asked, and the blond nodded, blushing again.

“Do you have any of the big rainbow bears?” A man asked the clerk.  “I only see the little ones.”

“I THINK we may have gotten some in this morning,” the clerk said. “I haven’t had two seconds to bring more stock out. Lemme go check, okay?”  He turned the key in the register, pocketed the key, then went into the small storeroom.  The blond walked over to a bookshelf and pretended to look at the books.  He blushed as he realized that he was looking at the lesbian section. He quickly moved to something a little more his speed.  “Here we go!”  The clerk said cheerfully.

“Great!”  The customer said.  The clerk took his money and put the bear in a bag.  “Thanks.”

“Have a great day,” the clerk said.  He pushed his wavy brown hair from his face and smiled at the next customer.  “What can I do for you?”

The blond lurked in a corner for over an hour, not an easy thing to do in such a small shop.  He had a backpack over his shoulder, and occasionally it would bump into a rack, almost knocking it over.  But he stayed, looking at books and postcards and posters.  A woman with a pierced nose and pierced eyebrows entered the shop.  “Sorry, Josh,” she said apologetically. “No one showed up to help me move!”

“It’s okay, Teresa,” he said. “I’m DYING for some lunch, though.”

“Get yourself outta here,” she said, stepping behind the counter.  The clerk, whose name was obviously Josh, grabbed his wallet from under the counter and walked out from behind the display case.  He did a double take as he noticed the blond, still shyly pacing around in the back of the shop.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”  Josh asked, smiling kindly.

“I, well,” the blond stammered.

“C’mon.  Let’s go outside. I need some fresh air.”  Josh led the way out into the warm summer breeze.  “I’m Josh.”

“Um, James, but I go by Lance,” the blond said.

“Lance.”  Josh smiled again.  His blue eyes were friendly. “You seem out of sorts. Are you okay?”

“I, well, yeah.”

“Your first time to Rainbow Beach?” Josh asked, and Lance looked at him blankly.  Josh laughed. “I know, it’s named Sun Beach, but we all call it Rainbow Beach. For obvious reasons.”

“Oh, right,” Lance said, nodding and feeling stupid.

“You here on vacation?”  Josh walked to the café next door. “Man, but I’m starving.”  He sat down at a table on the patio, and Lance had no choice but to sit down with him.

“Um, no…I’m probably here for good,” Lance said. “I, um, have nowhere else to go, so…”

“Oh, okay. That’s good.  We always need some more locals.  Too many summer people,” Josh said, rolling his eyes.  “Your accent…you’re not from around here, are you?”

“Mississippi,” Lance replied.  “That store…it’s very interesting.”

“Open Mind?  Yes, it is. I work there full time.  That girl, Teresa, she’s the owner.”

“She’s gay?”

“Aren’t we all?” Josh teased, then realized Lance was serious.  “Yes, she is. You’ll find that most people in this town are.”

“I know. I, uh, that’s why I came here,” Lance said.  “I haven’t, um, been out very long.”

“I see.”  A waiter came, and Josh ordered a BLT.  “Something for you?” He asked Lance.

“No, I…”

“He’ll have a BLT, too,” Josh decided for him.  “And two glasses of lemonade.”

“Thank you,” Lance said as the waiter walked away. “But I don’t have a lot of money.”

Josh waved his hand in the air.  “Don’t worry. Consider it my good deed for the day.  So…have you been in town long?”

“Two days.”

“Where are you staying, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“In my car. I’ve been parking it up at the Wal-Mart, moving it when security comes and complains,” Lance said, and Josh was shocked.

“Dude, that sucks. There are tons of places around that…”

“I don’t…I don’t have the money for a safety deposit,” Lance said. “Not yet.  I was hoping to just bum around until I could find a job.”

“Damn,” Josh whispered.  “How old are you?”

“Twenty-three,” Lance said, and Josh felt sorry for him.

Their sandwiches were served, and Josh watched Lance wolf his down.  “I could get you a job at the bookstore,” Josh suggested, and Lance froze.

“But you don’t even know me.’

“So…you seem like a good kid. You’re clean, well-spoken, polite.  Teresa would LOVE to have you.”

“I don’t…I don’t know much about what’s in there,” Lance said, pointing at the bookstore. “I don’t know a lot about what’s in those books. I mean, I just…I haven’t ever…”

“All you gotta do is run the register and make sure the drawer adds up at the end of your shift,” Josh told him.  “You’ll learn the rest.  There are so many kinds of books in there…I’m sure there’s something you’d be interested in. There’s regular fiction, erotic fiction, self-help books, how-to books…” Josh trailed off as Lance blushed.  “Man…you get embarrassed really easy, don’t you?”

“I’m…I’m not used to all this,” Lance said, looking around.  He looked back down as two sets of gay couples walked by, holding hands.  “Not where I come from.”

“Well, this place is nothing like where anyone comes from, I promise you,” Josh said, laughing. “Really, though, you saw what it was like in there. We could use the help.”

“Thank you,” Lance whispered.

Josh finished his sandwich and threw down some money.  “C’mon. I’ll introduce you to Teresa, and she can give you an application.”

“Would…would it be okay if I hung out for a little bit? In the store?”

“Sure.  I don’t think she’ll have a problem with that.”

Josh took Lance back into the store and introduced him to Teresa.  She handed him a pen and an application, and Lance went back out to the café to fill it out, ordering a piece of pie to justify his seat at a table.  When he was finished with the application, the mad rush of customers had died down.  “When can you start?” Teresa asked Lance after reading through the application.

“As soon as possible,” Lance told her, smiling.

“How about tomorrow?” Josh suggested. “I open tomorrow, I’ll train him.”

“Sounds good. I’m going out for a smoke,” Teresa said, hurrying around the counter with her cigarettes.

Josh took his place on a stool behind the counter. “You know, if you want, you can take some of the books with you,” he told Lance.  “Just like a library.  Why don’t you pick some out?”

“Okay,” Lance said.  He put his backpack down near the counter and started looking around.

The bell on the door tinkled merrily, and Josh looked up. “I’m sorry. We don’t serve your kind around here,” he said to the person who entered.  Lance immediately looked up, curious.

“Too bad, honey,” the young man drawled, leaning against the display case. “I coulda rocked your world.”

“Been there, done that, bought the penicillin for it afterwards,” Josh said, and the man laughed.

Lance’s breath caught in his throat. This was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was young, maybe around twenty, with corkscrew curls and a gorgeous smile.  He was tall and lean, wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a black cropped tshirt that ended just above his navel. When he leaned on the case, the shirt stretched up, revealing a flat muscular stomach.

“How’s it going, C?”

Just when Lance was wondering why this man called Josh C, Josh called him over. “Lance, c’mere and meet someone.”

Lance obediently walked up the aisle. “Well, what do we have here?” The young man said, a slight Southern lilt in his voice.

“This is Lance. He’s new in town…new in general,” Josh said pointedly.

“Oh, a cherry boy. How sweet,” the man said, looking Lance up and down. “And how cute.”

Lance blushed a furious red.  “Lance, this is Justin Timberlake, local diva,” Josh said.  “Just ignore him and you’ll get along with him just fine.”

“Thanks a lot, C,” Justin snapped, then smiled at Lance. “New in town? How exciting.”

“Yeah, it’s different,” Lance said quietly.

“He calls me C because my last name is Chasez…I haven’t quite figured out why, yet,” Josh told Lance.

“Because I had an ex named Josh who fucked me over while he was drunk,” Justin informed him. “Beat me up and stole my money. I TOLD you that.”

“Oh, right,” Josh said, smiling apologetically.  “Anyway, Lance is new in town, and he’s gonna be working here.  Now I just need to find him a place to stay.”

“God, Joshua, you’re like a fucking welcome wagon,” Justin said, sighing. “Gimme the phone.”

Josh handed Justin the phone.  Lance silently watched Justin arrogantly lounge against the display case, loving the way his body moved.  “Hey, babycakes, it’s me,” Justin said.  He laughed. “I know…we should do that again sometime.  Hey, gotta place for a friend?”  Justin paused. “No…this one’s legit.  He’s cherry.”  Lance blushed.  “Yeah…you’d think he was cute,” Justin said, looking Lance over once again.  Josh shook his head and rolled his eyes.  “That’s four days away!”  Justin pouted.  “Please? I’ll owe you…actually, Josh will owe ME, and I’LL owe YOU,” he corrected. “You’re the best, baby.  See you later.”  Justin hung up triumphantly.  “I got you an apartment in our building…except it won’t be ready until the end of the week.”

“But I don’t have the money for…”

“You are such a kiss-ass,” JC said, interrupting Lance.  “He was talking to Chris, our landlord.  Justin always could get him to bend over backwards for him when he wanted to.”

“I can get him to bend over forwards, too,” Justin said with a wicked grin, and Lance blushed yet again.  “He won’t ask you for a security deposit, Lancey.  He’s cool.  But you’ll need someplace to stay until then.  Where are you at now?”

“My car,” Lance whispered.  Justin actually looked shocked, then embarrassed.

“Sorry, sweetie.”  He looked at Josh, who smiled.

“You can stay with me,” Josh suggested. “I have a huge sofa.”

“He does,” Justin said. “I’ve slept there tons of times.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience you,” Lance began.

Justin slung an arm around his shoulder and Lance tried not to inhale the scent of him.  “Relax, Lancey.  Josh is all about helping people, and it will make him look good, having a cutie like you in his place.”

It was Josh’s turn to blush. “Don’t you have to go rehearse?” He snapped.

Justin grabbed Josh’s wrist and looked at his watch. “Fuck. You’re right.” He leaned across the counter and kissed Josh’s cheek. “Gotta fly.  Later, Lancey.”  Justin breezed out the door, and Lance could only watch him leave and wonder about this sexy whirlwind of a boy.

 

Two

 

Josh was off at six, and Lance came back then. He had left the shop around four, carefully placing his backpack behind the counter before going to walk around the small shopping district.  He saw jewelry stores and furniture stores and pet stores and decorating stores, but Open Mind was the only bookstore. No wonder they were so busy. 

“Where’s your car?” Josh asked as they left the store.

“Over a few blocks, on, um, Philadelphia Street. I couldn’t find anything down here,” Lance said.

“I rode my bike down…it’s easier for me,” Josh said. “As you know, there’s no parking around here.”  He thought for a moment. “The quickest way to get up to our building is to go all the way down Philly Street to the beach, then make a U-Turn.  Come back up and turn right onto Hazleton. It’s one way for like three blocks, then it turns into two-way.  Turn left onto Franklin, and we’re the large white apartment building on the right.  I’ll be out front. There’s parking on the street, plus a lot in the back, if you’re lucky enough to get a space there.”

“Okay,” Lance said, nodding.  He started walking to his car.

He had no problem finding the building, but it took him a while to get there, since he drove slowly, taking everything in.  This town was like some sort of gay heaven. Men and women walked around, holding hands with their partners like it was no big deal.  Lance wasn’t used to that. He had practically been thrown out of his town at home for finally admitting he was gay. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, but now it almost seemed worth it.  Maybe he could finally be himself.

“I’m really lucky. I’m on the second floor,” Josh said, as Lance approached, carrying the backpack as well as a small duffel bag.  “First floor gets so noisy, and it’s nice not to have to lug myself up the steps to the third or fourth floors after a day on my feet.”

“Right,” Lance said.  Josh unlocked the door to apartment 2C, and stepped aside.

“Home sweet home, humble as it is,” Josh said, laughing.

Lance looked around and was pleased.  He didn’t know what to expect; everything he knew about gay men (besides himself) was a total stereotype.  He expected big rainbow curtains and beads hung in the doorway and pornographic pictures on the wall. Instead he was met by a well-decorated apartment, done tastefully but obviously on a shoestring budget. It was exactly what he’d want for himself.  “This place is fantastic,” he said honestly, and Josh blushed slightly.

“Thanks. I kinda have an artistic flare, but I don’t get to show it much.”

“Maybe you can help ME decorate MY place,” Lance suggested shyly.  Josh nodded.

“Of course.  So, want me to order pizza?”

“Pizza sounds good,” Lance said, suddenly ravenous. “I can pay half.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can get it next time,” Josh said, going to the phone.  He ordered a large pepperoni pizza, then hung up. “That place is fabulous, and they deliver!  Usually a hot guy delivers, too.”

Lance was slightly shocked. He kept forgetting that Josh was gay.  With Justin it was completely obvious, but Josh was so understated.  “Sounds good,” Lance said lamely.

“I shouldn’t be eating it, but we’ll celebrate your first night here,” Josh said with a smile, kicking off his sneakers.  “I’m on a diet.”

“A diet?” Lance repeated, looking at Josh’s thin frame.

“Well, I used to just throw everything up after I ate,” Josh began, pulling his shirt over his head.  Lance gasped.  “Then I realized how DUMB that was. I mean, here I am, shelling out like twenty-five bucks for a good dinner, and then wasting it. So I decided to just eat, but eat sensibly.”

“I see,” Lance said, sitting down on the sofa.

“I need to shower and change.  Here’s money for the pizza.”  Josh put money on the table by the door.  “Help yourself to anything you want.  Soda and beer are in the fridge, there’s the remote for the TV, and over there are some books you might wanna look into.”

“Thanks, Josh,” Lance whispered.  Josh smiled at him fondly.

“No problem.” He disappeared into the bathroom.

Lance was flipping through a book on the art of a good blow job when someone knocked at the door. He jumped and guiltily hid the book under a sofa cushion, then answered the door.  “Hi, there,” the man on the other side said, smiling. He reminded Lance of Justin, but without the sex and charm.  “Ten-fifty.”

Lance handed him the thirteen dollars Josh had left on the table, and told him to keep the change.  He carried the pizza to the small kitchen table. “Josh!  Pizza!” Lance yelled.

“Be right there!”  Josh yelled back.  He came out in a pair of shorts and a tank top.  “I’m STARVING.”

Josh went to the fridge and got them each a can of soda, then sat down at the table with Lance.  “So…you said Justin is rehearsing?”

“Oh, yeah.”  Josh hissed as the cheese burned his tongue.  “We go to this bar a lot, it’s called The Horizon.  Before the dance party starts, they have a show.  Like a drag show, kinda, but Justin doesn’t do drag.  He just sings.  And he’s good. Everyone loves him.”

“I bet,” Lance said, a dreamy look in his eyes.  Josh sighed and put his piece of pizza back down on his plate.

“Lance, I know you’re new to the whole scene, and I just want to warn you about something, okay?  Justin is a great guy. He’s funny and charming and nice, and if you really need something, he’s there.  But I know how…charismatic he can be.  He just draws you in, most of the time without even trying.  He’s sexy and mysterious…but he can hurt you, too, once again without even trying.  So just…try not to get too caught up in him, okay?  Be his friend…only his friend.”  Josh put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. You seem very trusting and open, and I don’t want you hurt.”

“Thanks, Josh,” Lance said, nodding and blushing.  Josh smiled and went back to his pizza.

 

Three

 

Josh opened the front door at five minutes to eight. Lance looked at him strangely.  “Justin’s done rehearsing at seven forty-five. He usually goes up to his apartment to shower and change, then shows up here.  He’s all about banging on my door and yelling something obscene, so I’ve learned to just open the damn thing,” he finished with a grin.

“Are you two, um, involved?” Lance asked. Josh laughed.

“Hell, no. I’d kill him.  We had a little fling once…it was nice for a while.  He’s incredible in bed, and he throws himself into relationships body and soul. But we’re just too different…better as friends.”

“I see,” Lance said, nodding.  “Does he…well, do either of you have a boyfriend?”

“No.  Justin enjoys playing the field, and I guess I just haven’t found the right person.”  Josh went to a linen closet and pulled out a few towels.  “Here are some towels for you, if you wanna get cleaned up and changed or something.”

“I think I will. Thank you.” Lance took the towels and paused. “Josh, thanks so much for letting me stay here. I mean, I’m a total stranger and, well, thanks.”

“Things didn’t go well for you when you left, did they?” Josh asked sympathetically.  Lance shook his head. “Well, now they can only get better,” Josh said with a kind smile.  Lance nodded and went into the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later a blur came through the front door. “I’m…coming out so we better get this party started…” Justin sang, wiggling his hips as he strutted across the room to kiss Josh’s cheek.  He wore a cropped blue tank top that almost looked like a sports bra, and a pair of cut-off denim shorts.   He flopped onto the sofa, letting his head fall into Josh’s lap and his feet dangle over the edge. 

“Honey, I hate to tell you, but you came out a LONG time ago,” Josh said, laughing.

“I know, but I like that song.”  Justin rolled over so his chin was on Josh’s thigh.  “Where’s the new girl?”

“In the shower. Be nice to him, Justin. He’s so new to all of this.”

“I totally plan on being nice to him,” Justin said with a wicked grin. He sat up and crossed his long legs underneath him. “He’s adorable.”

“I mean it, Justin.  Be nice,” Josh warned.

“Or what?  You’ll kick my ass?” Justin asked, giggling.  “I’d LOVE to see you try.”

“He’s just so shy and everything, Justin. I feel sorry for him.”

“I know,” Justin said, sobering momentarily.  “Hey!”  He immediately brightened. “I forgot to tell you. I have a new song in the show.”

“How many is that, now?”

“Five!”  Justin beamed.  “The Whitney Houston one, Sexual Healing, Sooner or Later, It’s Raining Men, and the new one.  It’s Insatiable.”

“The Darren Hayes song?” Josh asked. “Oh, man, Justin.”

“I KNOW. And I look divine. You should see my costume!”  Justin said.  He leaned forward.  “I’m practically busting out of it in the front.”

“Of course you are,” Josh said, rolling his eyes.  “You try to bust out of EVERY costume.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault they’re Lycra,” Justin commented.

“Hey, Josh, do you…” Lance turned red all over as he stepped out of the bathroom wearing only a towel around his waist. “Um, Justin, hi. I didn’t know…I didn’t hear…”

“Oh, sugar, don’t be embarrassed.  You don’t have anything we don’t want to see,” Justin told him, smiling. 

“I, uh, left my bag out here,” Lance said. He gripped the towel tightly and padded over, looking for where he had dropped his duffel.

“Is that it?” Justin pointed to a dirty grey bag on the floor by the door.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks.”  Lance bent to pick it up and Justin eyed him appraisingly.  He darted back into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Justin,” Josh began.

“What? I was just playing with him. He is QUITE a pretty boy.”

“Don’t make me smack you,” Josh warned.  Justin gave him a charming smile and got up to get a bottle of beer.  Josh smacked his ass on the way by.

“Okay…I feel much better,” Lance said, reappearing in a pair of shorts and a tshirt.  He sat down on one end of the sofa.  Justin sauntered over, and Lance couldn’t help but notice how short the denim shorts really were. 

“Excuse me,” Justin said politely, making sure to give extra wiggle as he moved to sit between Lance and Josh.  “So, Lancey…tell us about yourself.”

“Justin, you are so damn nosy,” Josh said. “Don’t say anything, Lance.”

“No, it’s fine,” Lance said, nervously wiping his palms on his shorts. Justin made him nervous.

“So, where are you from?” Justin began.

“Mississippi,” Lance answered.

“Really? I’m from the South, too!  Tennessee, actually,” Justin said, smiling.  “Already we have something in common.”

“Lance, would you like a beer or something?” Josh asked, standing up.  Lance nodded and Josh got them each a drink.

“Thanks,” Lance whispered.

“And how long have you been out?” Justin persisted.

“What’s today’s date?” Lance asked, and Justin was surprised.

“Uh, the tenth, I think.”

“Two weeks and two days,” Lance said, and Justin’s mouth fell open.  “I, well, I always know I was, you know, different, and, um, I never could put a finger on it.  I got the shit beat out of me a lot, and guys always said I was queer, you know, and I took a step back, looked at it all, and realized that I was.”

“Then what happened?” Justin asked breathlessly, leaning forward slightly.  His pink lips were parted, and Lance’s eyes were drawn to them.

“I…uh…well, I told my mama and father, and they freaked.  I left that night.”

“Did they kick you out?” Josh asked.

“No…but I know it would have only gotten worse.”  Lance took a swallow of his beer.

“I’m sorry,” Justin said sincerely.  “I knew I was gay from day one, and there was NO denying it to myself or anyone else.  I moved out when I was seventeen…graduated early, you know…and I found my way here.”

“You’ve been on your own that long?” Lance asked in wonderment.  Justin shrugged.

“Yeah, but not alone much…I usually find someone to take care of me for a while,” Justin said, and Lance was almost shocked.

“Hello, ladies,” a man said, striding into the apartment.  He was short, with short brown hair and dark eyes.  His goatee was neatly trimmed, except for the two horn-like strands protruding from his chin.

“Chris!”  Justin jumped up and sashayed over to hug the man in the doorway.  “Chris, this is the boy I was calling you about. This is Lance. Lance, this is our landlord, Chris.”

“Hey, Lance,” Chris said, reaching over to shake Lance’s hand.  “I’ll have the place ready for you as soon as possible.”

“That’s okay. I don’t have anything to put in it, anyway,” Lance said.

“You have some old furniture down in storage, don’t you, Chrissy? Couldn’t he have some of that until he gets his own?” Justin asked, pouting and hooking a finger in the belt loop of Chris’ jeans.

“Sure,” Chris said, sighing. Justin squealed and hugged him.

Lance looked at Josh. “Don’t ask. They have some kind of fucked up relationship,” Josh told him.

“Well, I just stopped in to say hey. You going out Friday?”  Chris asked Josh.

“Of course. Gotta show Lance the ropes.”

“Sweet. I’ll be in and outta here all day tomorrow.” He looked at Lance. “I’ll have a key for you on Saturday, okay?”

“Sounds great,” Lance said. “Thanks so much.”

“Yeah, well, sounds like somebody will be owing me,” Chris said, chucking Justin under the chin. “Later.”  He walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind him.

“He’s gay?” Lance asked Josh.

“Bi,” Justin answered before Josh could respond. “Unfortunately. What about you?”

“Nope…no interest in girls,” Lance said.

“Not at all? Not even a kiss?” Justin continued.

“No…I’ve only ever kissed one person…a guy…”

“Only one?” Justin stared in disbelief. “You really ARE a virgin!”

“You didn’t go around advertising in my town,” Lance said, blushing.

“So, Justin, what are you doing tomorrow?” Josh jumped in.

“Beach. I NEED some sun,” Justin said, stretching out his long legs.  “I’m pasty as hell.  Will you guys be coming down?”

“Some of us have day jobs, Justin,” Josh reminded him. “I’ll be training Lance tomorrow.”

“Cool. Maybe I’ll stop in,” Justin said. He stood and stretched. “Well, I have some calls to make. I’ll be seeing you two around.”  Justin gave Lance a smile and sauntered out of the apartment.

“He wears me out,” Josh said, sighing.  “Let’s open this sofa up.”  They stood and opened the sofa into a bed.

Four

 

“So, do you think you’ll be okay?” Josh asked Lance. Lance nodded nervously.  “We should start getting busy right before lunch. I really could use this time to get the new stock out.  You understand how to do cash…traveler’s checks are the same as cash, and the instructions for the credit card machine are right here.”  Josh opened a drawer and showed Lance a piece of paper. “But I showed you that already, and you should be fine. I’m right back in the storeroom if you need me, okay?”

Lance nodded again. “I’ll be fine,” he said obediently.

And he was, for the most part.  He looked very young and responsible in his khaki pants, white tshirt, and navy blue sweater vest.  He was polite and smart, and Josh knew that he’d be a great employee.  As he shelved books, Josh watched the way that the male employees looked at Lance and smiled. A few of them were regulars, and they studied this new clerk with interest.

“Who’s the new hottie, Joshua?” One of the drag queens drawled, straightening her skirt.  “He’s simply gorgeous!”

“His name’s Lance, and he’s shy, Carolyn, so you be nice,” Josh scolded. She laughed and tapped him on the arm.

“I’m always nice, aren’t I?”  She waved over her shoulder and left the store.

Josh ran out for sandwiches around eleven-thirty, and they sat behind the counter to inhale their lunches.  “You’re doing so good, Lance. I’m glad you’re working here.”

“I like it,” Lance said softly. “And I owe it all to you. I’ll make sure not to embarrass you or anything.”

“You won’t embarrass me, Lance, I know that,” Josh said, grinning at him.  “Maybe tonight after work we can go down to the basement and look into the furniture Chris has. He gets in these moods where he decides to totally redecorate. I think we’ll find some interesting things in the basement.”  Josh thought about it. “Actually, whenever he decides to redecorate is whenever Justin has a steady boyfriend. I think Chris has a big crush on him.”

“But I thought they…” Lance paused delicately.

“They fuck sometimes,” Josh said, and Lance blushed at his bluntness. “But it never develops into anything else, at least on Justin’s end.  Chris sees him with someone new, and decides that Justin must think he’s too old or too boring or something, and he changes his apartment around.”

Lance shook his head. “I don’t…I don’t think I could just have sex with someone like that…so randomly.”

“A lot of people around here ARE like that, Lance, and you need to be careful,” Josh warned.

“But it’s not safe physically, is it?”

“Justin’s damn careful, I can say that for him, but it’s still dangerous, you’re right.”

“I think…I think I could only have sex with someone I was in love with,” Lance said, then blushed.  “That sounds so stupid and corny.”

“No, Lance, it’s not,” Josh insisted. “I wish I had waited for someone like that.  I rushed into it, and it was SO wrong for me.  I regret it now.”

“Maybe Justin just needs to find someone to love him,” Lance suggested. “Maybe if Chris just told him…”

“Chris won’t tell him, and it won’t help.  Justin is…free-spirited,” Josh finished. “He’s not into being tied down…unless you have silk scarves and handcuffs,” he teased, just to see Lance blush again.

 

“Hey, Kitten.”  Justin breezed into the store without really looking behind the counter. “Oh! Lancey! How are you?”  Justin leaned on the counter and grinned.  He wore a pair of shorts and a bandana over his curls. That was it.

“I’m fine. How are you?” Lance asked politely, trying not to stare at Justin’s bare chest.

“Just dandy,” Justin replied. “Getting ready to hit the sand.  You sure you couldn’t sneak out and play with me?”

“I’m sorry,” Lance said, wanting nothing more to just be in Justin’s presence.  “I have to stay here.”

“Of course you do. Be a good little drone, just like Josh,” Justin said.  “We’ll get you out on the beach soon enough.”

“Hello, Justin,” Josh said with a sigh. “Quit abusing my help.”

“I’m not ABUSING him, JC,” Justin said, feigning shock. “Unless you want me to.  Do you want me to abuse you, Lancey?” Justin asked, batting his eyelashes.  Lance blushed.

“I, well…”

“Justin, can’t you go bother someone else?”  Josh snapped.  Justin sighed.

“I’m not bothering anyone. Am I, Lance?” Justin asked, and Lance shook his head violently. Justin laughed. “See?  Lance likes me.”

“We all like you, Justin, especially YOU,” Josh said pointedly.

“So, Lance, is Josh gonna bring you to The Horizon tomorrow night to see my show?” Justin asked, ignoring Josh.

“We haven’t really talked about it,” Lance said.

“Joshua, you MUST bring him. I’m debuting my new song tomorrow. You MUST come,” Justin said to Lance. “I’ll reserve you a table up front!”

“That’d be nice,” Lance said quietly.

“Do you sing or anything?  Josh does,” Justin said. Josh blushed and went back into the storeroom.

“I…I used to sing in high school, but I’m not a performer like you,” Lance said bashfully.

“A performer! That’s me, all right,” Justin said cheerfully.  “Kitten, I’m outta here!”

“Would you PLEASE stop calling me that?” Josh growled as he came out of the storeroom.

“But you are a cute little kitten.  A sex kitten,” Justin teased, winking at Lance. “And soon I’ll come up with a nickname for you, too,” he told Lance.

“Okay,” Lance said, unable to think of anything better to say.

“Later.” Justin breezed back out the door. Josh looked at Lance.

“Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him,” he sighed, going back to the storeroom.  Lance sighed and leaned his elbow on the counter, placing his chin in the palm of his hand.  He daydreamed about Justin until the next customer came in.

Five

 

“Hey, girls.”  Justin cheerfully breezed into the bookstore.  Lance gave him a smile as he waited on a customer.  Josh poked his head up from a pile of books.

“Oh.  Hello, Justin.”

“God, make me sound like the PLAGUE, why don’t you?” Justin pouted, leaning on the counter. “Hi, Sam.”

“Hey, Justin, how’s it going?”  The customer Lance was waiting on smiled at Justin, then turned back to Lance. “You have a good day,” he said, slipping money into Lance’s hand.  “That should be exact.”

“Right. Thanks,” Lance said.  “You have a good one, too.”

The customer left and the store was temporarily empty.  Lance counted out the money in his hand, then his eyes widened.  “What?” Justin asked, peering over the counter.

“He…” Lance blushed a furious red. “He gave me his phone number!”

“Lemme see.”  Justin grabbed the tiny piece of paper.  “Yep, that’s Sam’s number. We dated once or twice a couple of years ago. Go Peaches!”

“Peaches?” Josh asked as he approached the counter.

“I’ve decided that’s our Lancey’s nickname.  He’s sweet as peaches and cream, and he’s also from the South, so…he’s Peaches.”  Justin gave Lance a smile.  “That okay with you?”

“Whatever,” Lance whispered, actually distracted from Justin by the fact that he held another man’s phone number in his hand.  “Look, Josh.”  Lance handed Josh the slip of paper.

“I see,” Josh said, smiling. “I know Sam…he’s pretty nice.  And patient, too, if he dated Justin.”

“I think you should go out with him,” Justin said. “He’s a hottie, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…” Lance shook his head. “I can’t just CALL him.”

“Why not?” Josh and Justin said together.

“Lance, you should totally call him.  Bring him to my show tonight,” Justin suggested.  He looked at them.  “You ARE gonna come tonight, right?”

“Well, we’re sorta tired,” Lance began.

“We were going through Chris’ furniture last night after work. He let us move it in, even though the place isn’t officially Lance’s until tomorrow. We were up until midnight,” Josh informed Justin.

“Midnight? That’s early,” Justin said. He turned the full force of his pout onto Lance. “Please, Peaches? I was really really counting on you being there. I was gonna dedicate this show to YOU.”

“I…well…” Lance looked at Josh. “Maybe we could nap after work or something.”

“Fine,” Josh sighed. He looked at Justin. “You’ll tell them to come out for me?”

“Gimme a time,” Justin replied.

Josh thought for a moment. “Ten.”

“I’ll make sure they’re looking for your car.”  Justin smiled at Lance. “Will I get you out on the beach tomorrow?”

Lance looked at Josh. “Am I working?”

“Teresa hasn’t really started your schedule yet…but I think she’s planning on scheduling us together,” Josh said. “I have off Saturdays…so yeah, we’re off.”

“I’d like to come to the beach,” Lance said shyly.

“Sweet!  We’ll discuss it more tonight,” Justin said.  He kissed Josh’s cheek, as usual, and grabbed Lance’s hand, tickling the inside of his palm with a finger. “Later, Peaches.”  Justin danced out of the store.

A few customers came in, and it was almost a half-hour before Lance could ask Josh something he had wondered about ever since the conversation with Justin. “Josh…can’t we just take my car to the club tonight?”

“Sure…why not?” Josh said, carrying a stack of books to the storeroom.

“You told Justin to have someone come out for us?”

“Oh, that.”  Josh put the books on a pile and came out to the counter.  “Last year I came by myself to the club…and I was attacked.”

Lance’s eyes widened. “By who?”

“A group of straight guys who were looking to pick a fight,” Josh said, shrugging.  “They beat the shit outta me, then left.  Someone found me in the parking lot.”

“Oh, God, Josh…” Lance reached over to touch Josh’s hand. “Are you…I mean, did they hurt you really bad?”

“Just your basic ass-kicking,” Josh said with a small smile. “Nothing permanent.  But I refuse to walk in there by myself.  The bouncers all know my car now, and they walk me in. They patrol the parking lots from open to close, now, so it’s a bit safer, but I still don’t feel right walking in there alone.”

“Of course not,” Lance said.

“And not that I count being with you as alone…but I’d feel safer if they came to the car for us,” Josh said. Lance nodded.

 

Josh crashed in his bedroom as soon as they got back to his apartment.  Lance opened his bags and started trying to find something to wear.  A knock on the apartment door startled him.  He opened it a crack and saw Justin on the other side.  “Justin! Hi.”  Lance moved aside to let Justin in. “Try to keep it down, okay? Josh is sleeping. He’s really tired.”

“Honey, Josh is ALWAYS really tired,” Justin informed him, waltzing into the apartment. “How are you?”

“Fine…trying to decide what to wear tonight,” Lance said. He looked at Justin, who wore a pair of tight jeans and a sheer tank top.  “Um, I didn’t know what was appropriate.”

“Peaches, what I’M wearing right now is appropriate,” Justin said, laughing. “You don’t have to wear much of anything, if you don’t want.”

“That’s, well, it’s not me.”

“Of course not,” Justin said seriously. “I was just teasing you. You’re a sweet little thing, and you don’t need to be dressing like a whore…like me.”

“I’m sure you’re not a…a…a whore,” Lance said, stumbling over the words.

“Sure I am,” Justin said, smiling in a way that could only make Lance smile back.  “Let’s see…jeans okay with you?”  Justin started digging through the pile of clothing.

“Sure…I have sneakers or sandals…”

“Sneakers are fine…” Justin said half to himself as he pawed through the pile.  “Oh, I LIKE this!”  Justin pulled out a dark green tshirt.  “Your eyes will look gorgeous against this.”

“I…thank you,” Lance said, blushing.

“Mind if I make a slight adjustment?” Justin asked.  Lance shook his head.  Justin went over to Josh’s kitchen and dug through drawers until he found the scissors.  He snipped at the shirt, and soon it was sleeveless. “Better. The place gets hot once the dancing starts, and you wanna be comfortable.  Of course, you could always just take the shirt OFF,” Justin said, winking at Lance.

“Uh, I don’t know, but, um, thanks.”  Lance took the shirt from Justin.

“Well, I need to grab some dinner and start preparing for tonight. I’m really glad you’re coming to see me, Lance.”

Lance swallowed deeply as Justin moved closer.  Justin was going to kiss him, this hot sexy man was going to…

Justin pecked Lance’s cheek in the same way he kissed Josh.  “I’m, I’m looking forward to it,” Lance managed to stammer.

“See you in a few hours!”  Justin left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Lemme guess…Justin?” Josh asked, sleepily stumbling out of the bedroom.  Lance nodded.  “You okay?” Josh asked Lance.

“Fine,” Lance said, then realized he had been lightly rubbing the cheek that Justin had kissed. “I think I need to lay down, though.”

Six

 

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josh asked as he came out of his bedroom. Lance looked down at the reconstructed tshirt and jeans.

“Um, yeah.”  Lance looked at Josh’s khakis and striped shirt, under which he wore a white wifebeater.  “Justin picked it out.  Is it wrong?”

“No…I should have known he’d give you something like that,” Josh said with a grin. “I’m just a lot more conservative than Justin.”

“I think the majority of the people on this planet are more conservative than Justin,” Lance replied, and Josh laughed.

“You look nice.  The shirt brings out your eyes,” Josh told him.

“Thank you. Justin said the same thing,” Lance said.

Josh pulled his license and some money out of his wallet and looked at Lance. “It’s ten of ten.  You ready to roll?”

“I guess so,” Lance said, wiping his palms on his jeans.

“Lance, it’s just a club. Relax. It’ll be fun,” Josh said reassuringly.

“I’ve never been to a gay club before,” Lance said as they left the apartment.

“It’s just like any other club…kinda.  You’ll see men getting it on with other men, but mostly it’s just hot guys dancing.  There will be a few lesbians there…they hang out until it gets busy, then they drift over to their own club next door.” 

“Lemme clean the seat off,” Lance said, embarrassed at how messy his car was. 

“It’s okay, Lance. This was pretty much your home for a while,” Josh said.  He stood patiently while Lance shoved food wrappers and soda cans off the seat.

“I don’t think it will get on your clothes,” Lance said as Josh sat down.

“Honestly, Lance, it’s okay.”

Josh gave Lance directions to the club.  Josh had a car, but he didn’t drive it much, since there wasn’t a lot of parking in town. He also didn’t want to lose his parking space behind the apartment building.  “I just realized something,” Lance said as he turned into the parking lot of the bar.  “You said they know YOUR car.  They won’t know mine.”

“Pull up near the door,” Josh ordered, and Lance obeyed.

A tall man with dark hair and a dark beard walked over.  “You guys can’t park here,” he said.  He looked at Josh and grinned. “Hey, Joshua.”

“Hi, Joey.  Joey, this is Lance. Lance, this is Joey, one of the bouncers.”

“And stockholder in this bar, thank you very much,” Joey said, grinning.  His smile lit up his face, and Lance liked him immediately.  “Go park.  I’ll follow you.” 

Lance slowly drove through the parking lot with Joey only a few yards behind them.  It was crowded, and he had to park well into the lot.  Joey walked over, leaning against the back of the car as Josh and Lance got out.

“Lance is new in town,” Josh informed Joey.  “He works with me, and Justin got him a place in our building.”

“Aren’t you the lucky one?” Joey said, smiling.  “Everything falling into place like that.”

Lance blushed.  “He’s been kinda down on his luck lately, so it’s about time,” Josh told Joey.

“You guys here for Justin’s show?” Joey asked.  Lance nodded quickly and Joey sighed, giving Josh a look.  Joey smiled at Lance.  “You enjoy.  My shift out here ends at midnight…I’ll look for you.”

“Nice to meet you, Joey,” Lance said politely, and he followed Josh into the club.

“Joshua!  How are you?” The man at the door hugged Josh.  He was tall and blond, with bright blue eyes and full red lips.

“Lance, this is Nick.  Nick, Lance,” Josh said, handing over his money.  Nick took the money and stamped Josh’s hand.  He took Lance’s ID, studied it, then took Lance’s money. He stamped Lance’s hand and gave a smile that was half grin, half smirk.

“Nice to meet you, Lance.”

“Uh, you, too,” Lance said, and hurried after Josh. “Is he even old enough to be in here?”

Josh smiled. “Barely. He’s just a year older than Justin.”

Lance watched Josh carefully. “Did something happen between you two?”

Josh blushed.  “Uh, one night I got stupid. Doesn’t happen often, but it did happen that time…with Nick.”

“He’s cute.”

“Yeah, he is,” Josh sighed, then shrugged. “Look…that table’s reserved,” he said, pointing to the front of the crowded floor.  A drag queen was on stage, and the table Justin had promised them was smack in the front of the room.  They carefully wove their way through the tables and sat down.  The performer gave them a wink and continued to sing.

“I wonder if Justin has been on yet,” Lance whispered. He would be disappointed if they had missed him.

“He’s usually next to last,” Josh whispered back.

They applauded the performer as she left the stage.  Lance watched anxiously, and soon began to smile.  He saw Justin peeking out from the wings.  Justin saw them and gave a discreet wave, blowing Lance a kiss. Lance blushed and looked down.  The owner walked out onto the stage.  “Do I even need to announce this guy?” He asked, and everyone yelled.  “Ladies and…well, ladies…Justin Timberlake.”

Catcalls and whistles filled the room as Justin strutted out on stage, wearing a pair of  tight black leather pants and a sheer black shirt.  “Hi, there,” he said, waving.  He looked down and winked at Lance.  “I’d like to dedicate this show tonight to a new friend…a sweetheart of a Southern boy.”  He reached down and Lance turned crimson. He took Justin’s hand, and Justin bent down to kiss his palm.  “This one’s for you, Peaches.”  Everyone strained to see this special person, and Lance wanted to crawl under the table.  Josh shook his head and smiled, feeling Lance’s embarrassment but unable to help him.  Justin finally walked back to his microphone stand and began to sing.

Lance was shocked.  Justin had an incredible voice, and an even better stage presence.  He held the entire room in the palm of his hand, and even during his three costume changes, he kept them panting and waiting for more.  He met Lance’s gaze constantly, and though some of his movements and some of his words embarrassed Lance, Lance couldn’t keep his eyes off of him.  They didn’t want to let him leave when his set was done, and Justin finally had to force himself away from the applause so the finale could begin.

“He…he was…” Lance stammered as people stood from their tables once the show was over.  Busboys began to clear glasses and move the tables so dancing could begin.

“Yeah, he’s something,” Josh agreed.  Justin had amazing talent, yet he was perfectly happy singing in a little gay bar like this one.

“He should be on the radio!”  Lance continued.  Josh sighed.  Justin made new conquests regularly, but Josh was really worried about Lance.  Lance didn’t know any better, and Justin’s appeal was like luring a moth to a flame.

“Please don’t tell him that,” Josh said.  “His ego is big enough. C’mon.  Let’s stand by the wall. He’ll find us later.”

Lance stood where Josh told him to, but his eyes eagerly scanned the crowd for Justin.

Seven

                "So…is that guy Joey gay, too?" Lance asked, to make conversation until Justin came out.  The music began to play, and Lance had to almost shout to be heard.
                "No, believe it or not," Josh said, smiling.  "He's part owner of
this place, but he's not even bi."
                "Then why…" Lance began.
                "He and Chris were best friends since like forever.  Chris came up here, bought the apartment building, and invited Joey up to visit one summer.  Joey liked it here so much that he stayed.  He lives in a separate building, but he and another guy own this place.  Ever since I was attacked, Joey's felt guilty…so he works the door for a few hours every night, walking the lot."  Josh dug into his pocket for some money. "Lemme buy you a drink."
                "Okay…uh…vodka and cranberry juice," Lance said, and Josh raised an eyebrow.  "I don't drink much…it's the first thing that came to my mind."
                "Be right back."  Josh went over to the bar and waited to be noticed.
                "Hi, there."  Lance turned around to see the customer from the bookstore, Sam.  "Lance, right?"
                "Yes.  And you're, um, Sam."  Lance stammered.
                "I hope you don't mind that I gave you my phone number," he said bashfully. "It's not something I normally do, but you…you seemed nice."
                "No one's ever given me their number before," Lance admitted.  "I was really flattered."
                "Good."  Sam smiled, pleased.  "Can I buy you a drink?"
                "Thanks, but Josh is already getting me one," Lance said, discreetly pointing towards the bar.
                "Okay, well, um, maybe later then, okay?"
                "Sure," Lance said.  Sam gave a little wave, then moved on to talk to some other people he knew.
                "Peaches!"  Justin walked over, wearing incredibly short denim shorts and one of his sheer tank tops.  He wore Timberland boots and white socks, and a black bandana covered his curls. "What did you think?"
                "Oh, Justin, you were incredible!"  Lance gushed. "I can't believe how talented you are!"
                "In more ways than one, honey," Justin said to make Lance blush.  It worked.  "I'm so glad you liked it. Where's Josh?"
                "Buying me a drink," Lance said.  He couldn't take his eyes off of Justin.  "I can't believe you talked to me in front of all those people!"
                "Why not, Lancey?  I told you I'd dedicate it to you if you showed up," Justin said.  Josh walked over and handed Lance his drink.  "Ooh, what's this?" Justin asked, taking Lance's cup and sniffing at it.  "Mmm…vodka."  He took a large swallow, then handed the cup to Lance with a grin.
                "Good job tonight, Justin, as usual," Josh said, toasting Justin with his plastic cup.
                "I know what this is."  Justin took the cup and drank. "You and your damn screwdrivers."
                "I like screwdrivers," Josh said defensively.
                "You ready to hit the dance floor, Peaches?" Justin asked, wiggling in time to the music as he looked at the half-filled dance floor.
                "Me?  No," Lance said in a squeak. "I, I can't dance."
                "Lance, everyone can dance," Justin told him.  "If you can have sex, you can dance. It's just sex done vertical."
                "I…I've never…"
                "Remember, Justin? Our Lance here is new to everything," Josh said, stepping in to defend a mortified Lance.
                "Oh, I forgot. Sorry, Sugar."  Justin kissed Lance's cheek. "I'm off to scope out the floor, meet my adoring public.  See you two beauties later."  Justin swooped through the crowd.
                "Do you dance?" Lance asked Josh.
                "Sometimes," Josh said.  "I like to, but normally I'd rather just stand on the side."
                "I think I'll be a sidestander, too," Lance said, taking a gulp of his drink.
                "Josh…wanna dance?"  Nick, the man from the door, walked up to them. 
Lance smiled as Josh actually blushed.
                "Um, no, thanks, Nick. I'm gonna hang here with Lance for a while."
                "If you want to…" Lance began.  Josh glared at him.
                "No, Lance, I'll stay with you," Josh said through almost clenched teeth.
                "Okay.  Later."  Nick went to talk to someone else.
                "Why don't you just dance with him, Josh?"
                "Because he reminds me of a mistake I made, and I don't like being reminded of my mistakes," Josh replied.
                "Was Justin a mistake?" Lance asked, watching Justin grind with someone on the dance floor.
                "No…Justin was…" Josh struggled for the right words.  "Justin was like a sparkler.  It's bright and beautiful and unique…but if you hold onto it for too long, you get burned."

                Lance and Josh spent a few hours watching the other men dance. The room got hot, and shirts soon came off.  Lance's eyes widened as he watched two beautiful men kiss on the dance floor. One man's hands wove through the other man's hair, while the second man's hand reached down to cup and fondle between the first man's legs.  Lance
didn't know what to think.
                Three different men came and asked Lance to dance, and he politely declined.  Josh was amused, knowing that Lance wasn't quite sure how to deal with it all.  But he'd get used to it. Lance was an attractive man, in some ways more attractive than Justin. Justin kept flitting back to them, trying to lure Lance onto the dance floor.
                "Hey guys," Joey said, walking over to lean against the wall near Lance.
                "Hi, Joe," Josh said.  "You busy tomorrow?"
                "Not that I'm aware of," Joey said. "What's up?"
                "We have furniture moved into Lance's place, but we need to get the place cleaned up, and put the furniture where he wants it. Wanna help?  I'll buy lunch and beer."
                "I'LL buy," Lance said quickly. "But only if you're not busy," he told Joey.  He looked at Joey's broad shoulders and thick legs.  "We could sure use your muscle."
                "Free food and beer?  Hell yeah, I'm not busy!"
                "Chris will be there, and I'll try to get Justin's lazy ass over. He can carry empty boxes or something," Josh said, laughing.
                The music slowed down, and Lance watched in surprise as men paired up on the dance floor to slow dance.  "Lance, you are NOT saying no to me this time," Justin said, grabbing Lance's hand and pulling him onto the floor. "All you gotta do is hold me and sway."
                Lance stood helplessly as Justin put his hands on Justin's waist. 
                Justin put his own hands up around Lance's neck.  "Okay," Lance said, biting his bottom lip.
                "Relax," Justin cooed, pressing his body to Lance's.  Lance jumped back, not wanting Justin to feel the erection that suddenly appeared.  "Do I scare you, Lancey?"
                "No," Lance said softly.  "You don't," he lied.
                "Good."  Justin laid his head on Lance's shoulder.  "I'm glad you moved here, Lance.  You're a great guy."
                "I'm glad I moved here, too," Lance said, closing his eyes and trying not to pass out.

                An hour later, Lance left Josh and Joey in search of the men's room. It was down a short hallway behind one of the bars.  He turned the corner into the dim hallway, peering through the darkness to make sure he didn't go into the ladies' room.  He stopped short as he heard voices  He peeked around another corner, looking through the hallway, which was lit by a dim bulb in the ceiling.
                "Oh…fuck yes…so hot," Justin panted, running his hands through the hair of the man who was sucking him.  "You're so fucking good…"
                Lance didn't recognize the man who was kneeling on the floor in front of Justin.  Justin's eyes were closed, and his head was thrown back. 
                Lance ducked out of the hallway, and went to hide in a dark corner of the club.  Justin came out of the hallway a few minutes later.  The man followed shortly after.  Lance went into the bathroom, did his business, and came back out.  He didn't tell the others what he had seen, and he didn't mention it to Justin.

 

Eight

 

“Josh.  Josh.”

“What?” Josh grumbled, then realized that the voice was coming from outside his bedroom door.

“Josh…it’s eight-thirty. You said to waken you.”

“Oh, right, Lance, thanks.”  Josh buried his head back under the pillow.

 

“Josh?”

“WHAT?”  Josh yelled.

“It’s eight forty-five. You said if I awakened you and you didn’t come right out, I should try again in fifteen minutes.”

Josh silently cursed Lance for obeying so well. “Okay.  I’m really up this time.  Is coffee on?”

“You bet.”

“Okay.”  Josh sat up and made himself remain in an upright position. Saturdays were his sleep-in day, but he had promised to help Lance.

Josh got out of bed and wandered out into the living room, clad only in boxer briefs.  “Hi,” Lance said, smiling at him. “I only did what you said.”

“I know. I just suck at mornings.”  Josh headed for the coffeepot.

“I’ve noticed that.”  Lance zipped his duffel shut. “Josh, I’m gonna miss living with you.”

“You’ll just be right down the hall,” Josh pointed out.  “But you’re right. It’s been nice having a roommate around.”

“Can I ask you something?” Lance asked cautiously.

“Sure.” Josh ran a hand through his messy hair and sipped at his coffee.

“Would you ever get it on with someone in a public place?”

Coffee sprayed all over the place. “What?” Josh choked.

“Would you ever…let a guy, um, blow you, or something, in a public place?” Lance was thoroughly red and embarrassed.

“No, I wouldn’t.”  Josh studied Lance carefully.  “Did something happen to you last night, Lance.”

“Not me,” Lance said quickly.

“You saw something?”  Lance nodded.  “Oh…at the club. You gotta be ready for that.”

“Do you think that maybe this person was just doing it because he was lonely?”  Lance asked.  Josh stood with his coffee cup.

“Or because he was horny and wanted a quick, no strings attached orgasm,” Josh said.  “You okay?  You weren’t traumatized or anything, were you?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Lance said with a small smile.

“Good. I’m gonna shower and get ready.  Joey said he’d be here at nine-fifteen, and he was gonna stop by Chris’ apartment and get him.”  Josh sighed. “I doubt we’ll see Justin.”  Justin had whined when they asked him to help, saying that he had promised to take Lance to the beach.

“Right.”  Lance sat down on the sofa to wait.

 

“We come bearing breakfast!”  Joey announced, marching through Josh’s open front door at nine-twenty.  He held out a plate. “Muffins?”

“Did you make these?” Lance bit into a blueberry muffin that was still warm.

“Nope.  Chris did.”

“These are great!”  Lance told Chris, who smiled modestly.

“I hate to tell you, but Justin may not show,” Josh reminded Chris. “He WAS up until four, remember?  Probably later.”

“So? Justin has nothing to do with my muffins,” Chris protested.

“Justin LOVES homemade blueberry muffins,” Josh informed Lance. Chris blushed.

“Are we moving shit or what?”

“Let’s go.” Lance grabbed his bags while Josh picked up the key to the apartment.

“I forgot to tell you, the phone guy will be there around eleven,” Chris said.

“You got the phone guy to show up on a Saturday?” Joey asked. “I’m impressed.”

“An old friend,” Chris said, blushing slightly.  Joey hooted and began to pick on Chris.

“Okay…there’s not THAT much to do…just moving the table, and the sofa, and the bed,” Lance said as they entered the small apartment. “I need to get to Walmart and pick up necessities…sheets, dishes, towels.”

“Get us started, then run to Walmart,” Josh suggested.

“I have something for you,” Chris said.  He opened the door to the bedroom. “I just had one of these, around, you know, and thought you might want it.”  A bookcase, still in its box, leaned against the wall.

“You just HAPPENED to have a brand new bookcase laying around?” Joey scoffed.

“Thanks, Chris,” Lance said happily.

“Josh, why don’t you start putting that thing together,” Joey suggested. “Me and Chris will do the grunt work.”

“Figures,” Chris grumbled, but he followed Joey into the living room.

“Hey, Chris, if you do the work, you’ll get all sweaty, and Justin will walk in and see how sexy-fine you are!”  Josh called after him.

“Fuck off, Joshua!”

Josh chuckled and Lance sighed. “I guess he really cares about Justin, doesn’t he?”

“Oh, honey, if you just KNEW,” Josh said.  “I wish he’d just say something.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to admire from afar,” Lance said softly. He went into the living room to get some of Chris’ tools for Josh.

 

“I’m here and ready to help,” Justin announced, bursting through the door at almost noon.  The man from the telephone company was explaining everything to Lance.  Josh and Joey were struggling to get the bookcase together, and Chris was cleaning out the refrigerator with 409.  The telephone man did a double take as he looked at Justin. Justin wore a baby blue sarong around his waist and no shirt.

“Please tell me you are clothed under that,” Josh sighed. “I don’t need to bring my breakfast back up right before lunch.”

“You didn’t USED to think that way about my package, C,” Justin said fondly, ruffling Josh’s hair.  “I’m just ready for the beach!  We ARE still going, right, Lance?” Justin asked, pouting.

“Thanks so much. I’ll call if I have any questions,” Lance told the telephone man.  He gave Justin one more odd look, then left the apartment.

“Cute,” Justin remarked.  “Hi, Chris.”

“Hey,” Chris said from the refrigerator.

“Thanks for all your help,” Joey said sarcastically. “Chris even made you muffins and you never showed up.”

“I didn’t make them for Justin,” Chris snapped.

“Muffins!  Oh, Chrissy, you DO love me!”  Justin said adoringly.

“But we ate them all,” Lance said apologetically.  “We didn’t know if you’d really come down.”

“I SAID I would,” Justin pointed out.

“Yeah, but we’ve been here almost three hours,” Josh said.

“Oh well.  Better late than never, right, Peaches?” Justin said, and Lance could only nod.

“You can help Lance.  He’s on his way out to Walmart to pick up some things for the apartment,” Josh suggested, not in the mood to listen to Justin’s whining and excuses. “The quicker he’s back, the quicker we can all hit the beach.”

“I’ll pick up a few pizzas on the way back,” Lance said.  “Sound good?”

“And beer,” Joey said. “You promised beer.”

“Absolutely,” Lance said, nodding.

“You need to put clothes on,” Chris said, finally appearing from the refrigerator. “You can’t go to Walmart like that.”

“I have my suit on under here,” Justin protested. Lance blushed, imagining the way everyone would look at them.

“Justin,” Josh said in a warning tone. “Just throw on a tank and shorts, okay?  You need shoes, anyway.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you downstairs, okay, Peaches?”  Justin threw Lance one of his beautiful smiles and left the apartment.

“I should clean up the car.”  Lance took off out the door.

Joey looked at Josh.  “He’s got it bad, doesn’t he?” Joey asked in a very low voice only Josh could hear.

“I’m afraid so,” Josh sighed, tightening a screw in a shelf of the bookcase.

Nine

 

                “I think you should decorate the bathroom in greens,” Justin announced, striding through the store towards the towels and bedding.  “You are definitely a green.”  He adjusted his baggy shorts and tugged at his tanktop.  “I was SO much more comfortable in my suit.”

                “Well…” Lance began. He didn’t know if he trusted Justin as a decorator.

                “It’s just your bathroom, Lancey,” Justin said over his shoulder.  “The walls are white, and a dark green will look pretty against them.  We can paint them later…maybe use sponges or a duster to add a little flare.”  Justin went to a pile of fluffy towels.  “What about these?”

                “How much are they?” Lance asked, his eyes wandering to a cheaper display of towels a few feet down.

                “Who cares?”  Justin asked.  He took the shopping cart from Lance and began piling towels, washcloths and hand towels in it. “You need two of everything…for when one set’s in the laundry.”

                “I care,” Lance said softly. “I don’t have a lot of money.”

                “You’re not buying this stuff.  I am.”  Justin pushed the cart towards the accessories section. “Oh, look! They have Scooby Doo cups and toothbrush holders!  I LOVE Scooby Doo!”

                “What?”  Lance whispered.

                “I said I love Scooby.  Is that a crime?”  Justin put a hand on his hip and glared at Lance.

                “What? Oh, no. I mean about paying for everything.”

                “Consider it a housewarming present,” Justin said, smiling as he picked up a cup with fish swimming around on it.  “Of course, this means that I get to pick everything out.”

                “Thank you,” Lance whispered.

                “You’re welcome, Peaches!”  Justin leaned in and kissed Lance on the cheek before he could protest. Lance blushed and followed Justin to the curtains.

 

                “It’s about damn time,” Joey said.  He, Chris and Josh were spread out over the sofa and living room floor.  “I’m starving.”

                “Well, here’s your pizza, and Justin has your beer,” Lance said, placing the three steaming pizzas on the floor. “I’m gonna go unload the car.”

                “I’ll help you,” Josh said, following Lance into the hallway. They passed Justin on the way, and he waved the two six-packs of beer in Josh’s direction.  “You made it back without killing Justin. I’m impressed,” Josh said, smiling.

                “He was really nice. He…he paid for everything.”  Lance blushed as he opened the trunk of his car.

                “He paid? For everything?”  Josh asked.  Lance nodded and smiled.

                “Yeah. He wouldn’t let me open my wallet until we got to the pizza place. Wasn’t that sweet of him?”  Lance started hauling bags out of the car.  “We got curtains, towels, bathroom stuff…silverware, plates…”

                “Damn,” Josh said, watching the bags pile up.  He grabbed the new washbasket from the backseat and began piling things into it.

                “Oh, good idea.”  They each grabbed a few bags in one hand, then grabbed a handle of the basket with the other.  “I just don’t know where Justin got all this money,” Lance said.

                “He doesn’t pay for much,” Josh said, and Lance looked at him oddly. “He…well…usually he has other guys paying for HIM.”

                “Oh,” Lance said. “I can’t afford to do that, and I’m sure he knows it. Which is why this was so sweet of him!”  Josh sighed and said nothing.

 

                “Okay…beach now.”  Justin bounced up and down on his chair. “We’re done eating, we’re done moving. Lance can do the rest himself. Beach now!”

                “You’re such a brat,” Chris said.

                “You’re not supposed to swim for a half-hour after you eat,” Joey said drowsily. He was almost asleep with his head on Josh’s shoulder.

                Justin did a leap onto Chris’ lap. Chris groaned and adjusted things until Justin was settled comfortably. “I got a new swimming suit,” Justin sang, tugging at one of the horns of Chris’ beard.

                “Oh, joy,” Joey said in a bored tone.

                “It’s purple,” Justin said to Chris. Purple was Chris’ favorite color. “It’s purple and shiny and way sexy.”

                “Do you own ANYTHING that isn’t way sexy?” Josh asked.

                “Um…probably not,” Justin said, shrugging and grinning. “You’ll go out on the beach with me, won’t you, Chrissy?”

                “I have things to do,” Chris hedged, though everyone in the room knew full well he’d follow Justin anywhere.

                “Do them later,” Justin ordered. He tucked his head down on Chris’ shoulder. “Josh? Joe? Peaches?”

                “Sure,” Josh sighed.

                “I guess so,” Lance said, trying not to look at the way Justin was happily curled up with Chris.

                “Whatever,” Joey grumbled. “My suit’s in the car.”

                “You have fifteen minutes,” Justin announced, bouncing up. “I’m gonna go change and pack my bag.  Josh, you’ll bring the radio?”

                “Sure,” Josh said again.

                “Make sure to put batteries in it this time,” Chris said, laughing.

                “Fuck you.” Josh stood.

                “No. He’s mine,” Justin teased, and Chris’ face quickly flashed with hope.  “Fifteen minutes,” he repeated, then trotted out the door.

                “We’ll meet downstairs,” Josh decided. He slapped Joey’s ass. “Joe…suit.  You can change in my apartment.”

                “Fine.”  Joey stretched and yawned, then slowly got up.

                “Thanks for your help, guys. I appreciate it,” Lance said, smiling.

                “No problem, Peaches,” Chris teased. Lance’s eyes narrowed. Justin could call him that, but it sounded so stupid, coming from Chris.

                “See you in a bit,” Josh said. The three men left. 

                Lance got dressed for the beach, and threw sunscreen, a bottle of water, a banana and a book into his backpack.  He started for the door, then stopped. He looked at the phone for a long moment, then picked it up and dialed.

                “Hello?”

                “Mama, it’s Lance…I mean, James.”

                “Oh. Hello, James.”

                Lance shivered at the ice in her tone. “I just…I thought you’d like to know where I was…I got a phone and I thought, in case of emergencies.”

                “Give me the number. I don’t want to know where it is.”

                Lance swallowed hard and rattled off the new phone number.  “I found some new friends and…”

                “I need to go, James.  I’ll put this near the refrigerator in case something happens here.  Goodbye.”

                Lance hung up the phone and leaned against the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Lance, I forgot my…” Chris came through the open door and stopped short. “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

                “I…yeah.”  Lance sniffled and wiped at his cheeks.  “I, uh, talked to my mom.  Well, I talked, and she hung up.”

                “Oh, dude.”  Chris put an arm around Lance. Lance didn’t want to, but he ended up crying on Chris’ shoulder.

                “All I did was be honest with myself,” Lance sobbed.

                “And that’s important, Lance. I know it seems you’re miserable no matter what, but at least you can be realistic about your life. You have us now,” Chris said, squeezing Lance’s shoulder.  “We all really care about you, and we hardly even know you. It’s her loss.”

                “Right,” Lance said. He sniffed a bit, and blew his nose on a napkin. “Thanks, Chris.”  Lance didn’t want to like him, but he couldn’t help it. Chris was a really nice guy.

                “No sweat.  I forgot my wallet in here…I’m all ready to go.  You ready?”  Lance nodded. “C’mon. Let’s go down and hide behind the bushes.  Josh is so damn jumpy…it’s fun scaring the shit outta him.”

                “Okay,” Lance said, smiling.

 

Ten

 

“Oh, my,” Lance said weakly as they walked down onto the beach.  Men in various states of dress and undress littered the beach. He saw men in diving suits, men in swim trunks, men in Speedos.  Some men seemed unbelievably straight, while others flaunted their sexuality with a flourish.

“You okay?” Josh asked, falling into step with him.

“Uh, yeah. I just…wow.”  Lance couldn’t look at everything quickly enough.  Josh smiled.

“You get used to it.  I promise.”

“Right,” Lance said.  He helped Joey spread out two huge sheets and they tucked the edges under the sand.  Lance started to take off his sandals, then froze as Justin shimmied out of his shorts. Underneath them, he wore a shiny purple Speedo bathing suit.  “Oh,” Lance whispered quietly.  Josh heard him, however, and sighed.

“Yes, Justin likes to stand out wherever he is,” Josh commented.  They watched as Justin began to slather sunscreen all over Chris’ back.

Lance looked at Justin’s tan body, then down at his own pale skin.  He hadn’t gone to the beach very often back home, and it was obvious from the color of his skin that he didn’t spend much time outside.  “Anyone else?” Justin asked, waving the bottle in the air.

“I don’t plan on taking my shirt off, so no, thanks,” Joey said.

“You’re no fun,” Justin told him.

“You’re just worried some guy out here will take a look at that bear of a chest and wanna jump you,” Josh teased him.

“Hardly,” Joey said, but he tugged the shirt down firmly as he got settled.

“Um, I could use some,” Lance said shyly.  Justin knelt behind him.

“We’ll get some color on you yet. I guess you burn really easy, huh, Peaches?”

Lance closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Justin’s smooth hands on his back.  “Yeah.  I hate it.”

“You look just fine,” Justin whispered in his ear, kissing the back of his neck.  Lance’s eyes flew open. “Joshua, I know you want my hands all over your fine body,” Justin said.

“Behave,” Josh warned.  Justin simply smiled and squatted down behind Josh.

“You wanna go in the water?” Chris asked Lance.  “It’s damn hot out here.”

“I guess so,” Lance said. He stood and followed Chris down to the water.  They talked as they worked their way in.

“Wait for me!”  Justin called, running through the shallow water.

“You run like a girl,” Chris said.

“Thank you,” Justin said primly.  He scooped some water up onto his chest to get wet all at once.

“Believe it or not, Justin’s not a bad athlete,” Chris told Lance.

“Really?” Lance couldn’t help but sound surprised, and Chris laughed.

“I just don’t do it often because I don’t like to sweat,” Justin told him.  “But I don’t mind a game of basketball now and then.”

“Do you play sports, Lance?” Chris asked.

Lance shook his head.  “No.  I wasn’t ever very good at athletics.  I’m not…I’m not really good at anything, I guess.”

“We’ll find something you’re good at, Peaches,” Justin said with a wink.  “Don’t you worry about that.”  Justin tackled Chris and shoved him into an approaching wave.

 

When they came back to their sheets a half-hour later, Joey was asleep on his stomach, and Josh was nowhere to be seen.  “Wonder where Josh went,” Lance said.

“He’ll be back,” Justin said, flopping down next to Joey.  “Maybe he hooked up with someone.”

“Josh? Hardly,” Chris snorted, sitting down next to Lance. “Our boy isn’t into random hookups, remember?”

“Josh is so nice. I’m really surprised he doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Lance said.  Justin and Chris shared a look. “What?” Lance asked.

“Josh is getting over a pretty bad breakup,” Justin said slowly.  “Guy named Brian.  He was nice and sweet and everything…but then he decides being gay is sinful and he’s really straight.  He dumps Josh and goes back home to Kentucky to marry his high school sweetheart.”

“I didn’t know,” Lance whispered. “Poor Josh.”

“It sucks,” Chris agreed.

“Were you and he…um…involved before or after Brian?”

“After. I think I was Josh’s attempt at a rebound man,” Justin said.  He ran a hand through his damp curls. “Of course, I am no one’s rebound man. That’s why it didn’t work out.”

“No, it didn’t work out because you’re a diva and Josh didn’t have the patience to deal with you,” Joey said drowsily.

“Go back to sleep.” Justin slapped Joey’s ass.

“Hey.”  Josh walked up to the sheets. “You’re back.”

“Time to dry off,” Lance said, moving so Josh could sit down.  “Thanks, by the way, to everyone.  I appreciate all your help and everything.”

“No problem. You’ll pay us back somehow,” Justin teased with another one of his winks.  Lance blushed and looked down.

“Lance.”  Lance looked back up to see Sam, the man from the bookstore and the club, standing beside the sheets.

“Hi, Sam,” Lance said shyly.  “You guys all know Sam, right?”

“Yep,” Joey said, opening one eye. “Hey, Sam.”

“Hi.”  Sam smiled at everyone, then looked back at Lance. “So, did you have a good time at the club last night?”

Lance forced himself to not look at Justin, memories flooding over his brain.  “Yeah. It was, uh, enlightening.”

Justin laughed. “Yeah, that’s a good word.”

“I was, uh, wondering if you’d like to go for a walk and talk or something,” Sam said, studying his toes.

“Go!”  Josh whispered.

“Go ahead, Lancey. Sam’s safe.  If he does anything to compromise your virtue, we’ll kick his ass,” Justin said, laughing.

Lance blushed and got up.  He was mortified.  The last thing he wanted people to know was how inexperienced and virginal he really was.  “Sure, I’ll walk with you.”  They slowly began to walk down the beach.’

“Justin, how rude can you possibly be?” Josh growled.

“What?” Justin honestly didn’t know what he had done wrong.

“Look, Justin, we all know YOU’RE a slut, okay? We all know you’ll drop to your knees for any cock that’s waved in front of your face. But Lance isn’t like that, and you made it sound like a bad thing. God, Justin, think about someone else for once, okay?”  Josh got up and stormed off in the opposite direction that Lance and Sam had taken.

 

Eleven

 

Justin looked at Chris, who was frowning.  Joey opened his eyes and looked at Justin.  “He’s right, you know,” Joey said softly.  “You were kinda rude.”

 

“Shut up, Joey,” Justin snapped.  He was used to people calling him names, making fun of him for the way he acted and the way he looked.  But whenever Josh felt the need to be brutally honest, it hurt.  Josh was Justin’s best friend, and ninety percent of the time, he was absolutely right in his opinion of Justin. “Fuck.”  Justin got up and stomped off.  Joey mumbled something about drama queens and fell back asleep.

 

Lance and Sam walked about a half-mile up the beach, and then turned around and started back.  Sam was nice, though sort of quiet, and for a little while, it was hard for them to start a conversation.  They finally started talking about the fact that Lance was new in town, and Sam gave him some names of restaurants that were good, stores that were cheap, and places that were interesting to see.  “I’m glad you stopped by the blanket,” Lance said shyly, and he was glad.  Sam was good looking and nice, though he couldn’t hold a candle to Justin.  Lance was beginning to think, however, that Sam was more his speed.

 

“I am, too.”  Sam stopped walking.  The blanket was in sight, but they were near one of the staircases that led from the beach to the walkway.  “Listen…would you want to have dinner sometime?  I know you’re getting settled in, but give me a call, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” Lance said, smiling.

 

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later.”  Sam waved and started up the steps.  Lance turned towards the blanket, noticing that only Chris and Joey were laying on it.

 

“Lance?” A soft voice said at his side. He turned to see Justin.

 

“Hi, Justin.”

 

“I’m sorry, you know, if I embarrassed you. Josh pointed out that I was kinda rude, and I swear that I didn’t mean it.”  Lance had never seen this serious side of Justin. “I really like you, Lance, I think you’re so sweet and cute. I’d never really hurt you on purpose.”

 

“I know,” Lance said, blushing furiously.  Sam was long forgotten.

 

“You work tomorrow?” Justin asked suddenly.

 

“Um, I think so. I think we open at ten, and we work until five.”

 

“Would you like to go out to dinner?”

 

“Who? Me, you and Josh?’

 

“No. Me and you, silly.” Justin slapped at Lance’s shoulder.  “Just us.”

 

“Really?” Lance whispered.  A tiny voice tried to tell him that Justin didn’t mean on a date, but Lance’s heart slapped the voice into silence.  “I’d love to go out to dinner with you.”

 

“Great.” Justin put his arm around Lance’s waist as they headed back to the blanket.  Lance shyly put an arm around Justin’s shoulders.

 

 

 

Josh walked back to the blanket about twenty minutes later.  Joey was still sleeping.  Lance was on his stomach, reading a book.  Justin was on his back with his head on Lance’s back, talking to Chris.  Josh approached and stood directly between Justin and the sun.  Justin squinted up to him. “I’m sorry,” Josh said quietly.

 

Lance looked over his shoulder. “For what?”

 

“Not to you…Justin.”  Josh sat down.  “I’m sorry for what I said. What I called you. It was wrong.”

 

“No, it was right.  Everything you said was right on target, as usual,” Justin sighed.

 

“But I shouldn’t have said it. Forgive me?”

 

“Nothing to forgive,” Justin said, and Josh smiled at him.

 

“What did I miss?” Lance asked.

 

“Oh, Josh stood up for you,” Chris told him.  “Called Justin a slut.”  Josh blushed.

 

“You called him that?” Lance said, turning and sitting up so fast that Justin’s head thudded onto the blanket.  “Josh!”

 

“I was angry!” Josh blurted out.

 

Lance looked down at Justin in sympathy.  Justin smiled and shrugged. “It’s true, Lance, don’t worry about it.”

 

“Friends don’t say things like that to their other friends,” Lance said. 

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Justin repeated. “Really. I’m cool with it.”

 

Lance lay back down without another word.  Josh frowned and said nothing.

 

 

 

“Lance?” Josh knocked on Lance’s door later that evening. “It’s Josh.”

 

Lance opened the door. “Hi.”

 

“Look…Justin made me mad, the way he always thinks of himself and no one else. I said things I didn’t mean,” Josh insisted. “Justin’s my best friend. I love him to death.  I don’t want you mad at me.”

 

“I’m not mad at you, Josh, I promise,” Lance said, leaning in the doorway.  “I just…I know what it’s like…getting called nasty names by people you think are your friends. I guess I overreacted.”

 

“So we’re still friends?” Josh asked.

 

“Of course.”  Lance hugged Josh. “Oh…Justin asked me out for dinner tomorrow night.”

 

“He WHAT?”

 

Lance smiled blissfully. “Yeah…on the beach.  Just me and him, for dinner.” 

 

“Uh, that’s great, Lance,” Josh said, all kinds of warning bells going off in his mind. He said nothing, though.  It was for Lance to figure out.  “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

 

“Okay. Good night, Josh.”

 

“Night, Lance.”  Lance closed the door and Josh slowly plodded to his own apartment.

 

Twelve

 

“So, I was thinking jeans and I have this, um, black tshirt. Do you think I’d look good in a black tshirt?” Lance asked Josh, following him into the stockroom.

“Lance, go wait on the customers,” Josh said, reaching up to a high shelf.

“But about the tshirt, Josh…I trust your opinion.”

“Lance, you’re not Justin, okay? Dressing like him will NOT impress him, if that’s what you’re trying to do,” Josh sighed.  Lance blushed and hurt filled his bright green eyes.

“Well, no, uh, that’s not, um, what I was, uh, trying…I just, you know, wanted to look nice. I, um, didn’t want to embarrass him, and, uh, I thought jeans and a black tshirt would fit in anywhere, um, Justin wanted to go.”  Lance turned around and went back into the front of the bookstore.

Josh groaned and sat down on a box of books.  Lance had done nothing but talk about Justin since they had opened the shop, and Josh was beginning to hate the sound of his best friend’s name.  He kept trying to look on the positive side of the situation. Justin wasn’t a mean person, and he never meant to cause the havoc that he ended up creating.  He was a nice person, and Josh thought he really did like Lance as a person. And Lance could only be good for Justin. He could tame Justin a bit, calm him down some.  But, unfortunately, Josh didn’t see that happening. He could only see Lance getting hurt.

“Lance,” Josh said, walking back out.  He waited for Lance to finish with a customer before continuing. “I’m sorry. You’re right. A black tshirt will look really nice, no matter where you go.  If you want, I have this blue denim shirt that will look good over it, if you end up walking around when it’s cooler.”

“Thanks, Josh,” Lance said, smiling.  “You’re awesome.”

“Of course I am,” Josh sighed to himself, going back to the storeroom.

 

Someone knocked on Lance’s door at seven o’clock, and it took everything he had not to run to the door. He smoothed down his black tshirt, then opened the door.  “Hi,” he said shyly.

“Hey there, Peaches. Don’t you look delicious.”  Justin kissed Lance’s cheek. He wore a pair of baggy blue jeans, a white wifebeater, and a sheer white button-down shirt over top.  He almost looked respectable.  “There’s a great little Italian place up the street. You like Italian?”  Lance could only nod.  “Cool. Let’s plow.”

They talked as they walked down the steps, almost colliding with Chris. “Hey, Justin, Lance,” Chris said. “Where are you two beauties off to?”

“Dinner,” Justin said. “I’m taking Lance out.”

Lance watched the pain flicker behind Chris’ dark eyes. Justin never noticed. “Just, you know, dinner,” Lance added lamely.

“Well, have fun. See you later.” Chris did an about-face and headed for his apartment.

“Weird,” Justin said, shrugging.  “We can walk, it’s only like eight blocks, or if you wanna drive…”

Visions of a late night beach stroll with Justin danced in Lance’s mind. “No, um, walking is good.  I was stuck inside all day, anyway.”

“How’s your job going?” Justin asked.  He poked his sunglasses up on his nose, but not before giving a long and healthy stare at a handsome man going by on roller blades.  “Almost as yummy as dinner,” Justin said under his breath. “Meow.”

“It’s good,” Lance said, trying to ignore Justin’s ogling.  “I like working with Josh, and it’s easy work.  I might try to get another job though, to catch up on things.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Justin asked. “Just find someone to take care of you. It’s easy in this town.”

“I…I don’t know if that’s for me,” Lance said softly. “I’m more comfortable taking care of someone else, or making it fifty-fifty.”

“Interesting concept,” Justin said.

 

Lance had a wonderful time at dinner. Justin was flamboyant and slightly selfish, but he was also interesting and hysterical to talk with.  Everyone looked at them as they entered the restaurant, and Lance knew it was because he was with Justin. Justin was charismatic, beautiful and simply enthralling.  Lance was already falling in love.

“This was so good. Thank you,” Lance said as Justin paid the bill.

“No problem. I had a really good time.”  Justin stood. “Ready to roll?”

“I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to walk back on the beach,” Lance suggested, blushing.

“Sure,” Justin said, shrugging.  They took off their shoes and picked their way down to the beach.  “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure,” Lance said, preparing himself for the worst.

“You’ve really never done anything with a guy?”

“Like I said, I kissed a guy, but that’s it.”  Lance looked down at his feet.  Justin stopped walking and tilted Lance’s face up.

“Don’t be ashamed of it, Lance, honestly. It’s better than being a slut like me.”

“You’re not…”

“I am, Lance.  I fool around with a lot of guys,” Justin said.

“Don’t you want, well, a boyfriend?”

“Maybe someday. I like knowing someone loves me no matter what, you know, but I get nervous…fidgety…I need out.  I need to be able to be myself.”  Justin flung his arms out.

“If someone really loved you, they’d love every part of you,” Lance said.  “And you’re easy to love, Justin.”  He closed his mouth quickly, horrified at what had come out.

“Aww, Peaches, you are too sweet.”  Justin gave Lance a lingering kiss on the lips. “There. Now if anyone asks, you’ve kissed more than one guy.”  Justin strode on down the beach, leaving Justin to stare after him.

Thirteen

 

Lance and Justin spent a few hours together every night for the next three days, then Justin, Lance and Josh hit the beach on Tuesday, Lance and Josh’s day off.  Justin was trying to convince Lance to get a cellphone.

“It’s great!  I love mine,” Justin said. He looked up as someone walked by. The man gave Justin the once-over and smiled. Justin smiled back. “Hi, there. How are you?”

“Fine…just like you,” the man said, and kept on walking.

“I STILL have it.”  Justin rolled onto his back and sighed.

“How can you help but get attention in THAT thing,” Josh muttered, motioning to Justin’s bright green bathing suit.

“I had to have it when I saw it in the store yesterday,” Justin said.  “It reminded me of Peaches’ eyes!”

Lance blushed.  “About the cellphone, Justin, I just can’t afford it.”

“I’ll pay for it.  Consider it a gift.” Justin closed his eyes and sighed, letting the sun bake his face.  “I think I’m gonna change the plan on mine. I never use the long distance. It’s not like I go anywhere outside this town.”

“I’m thirsty. Anyone thirsty?” Lance stood. “I thought I’d go grab a lemonade from that cart up the beach.”

“I’ll buy.”  Josh tossed Lance his wallet. “Get one for everyone.”

“Okay.”  Lance plodded off through the warm sand.

“Justin, what the hell are you doing?”  Josh asked. Justin opened one eye.

“To what do I owe this wonderful lecture I am about to receive?”

“I’ve been watching you. You flirt shamelessly with Lance. I saw you kiss him and…”

“I kiss everyone,” Justin protested.

“You spend a lot of time with him, and now you’re offering to buy him a cellphone?”

“I spend a lot of time with you, and with Chris. So what?  And I like buying things for Lance. It’s like having a son, though, my real son would definitely have a better fashion sense.”  Justin spritzed some water onto his chest from a small spray bottle he always brought with him to the beach.

“Maybe he doesn’t see it that way, Justin. Maybe he sees it as you flirting with him because you’re interested.”

Justin laughed. “Lance does NOT think that. I would hope he knows better, has more common sense.  I’m all wrong for him.”

“Trust me, Justin, I know that,” Josh said. “I just…be careful, okay?  You’re gonna break his heart.”

Justin flew into a sitting position. “I am NOT gonna break anyone’s heart, Josh, because Lance does NOT think that way about us, okay?”

“Here he comes.  Just be careful, okay?” Josh asked.

“I think you really need to get laid so that stick gets pulled out of your ass,” Justin whispered as Lance approached.

“Fuck off,” Josh hissed. “Thanks, Lance,” he said, taking a cup and his wallet from Lance.

“No problem.”  Lance handed Justin a cup of lemonade.

“Thank you, Peaches. You’re a doll.”  Justin gave Josh one last glare and lay back down.

                 

The next evening, Justin and Lance were watching a movie on Lance’s new VCR.  It wasn’t new, exactly, just an old one that Justin talked Chris into giving to Lance, but it was new to Lance.  They were watching “Steel Magnolias.”

“I need to find me a Louisiana lawyer,” Justin said.  He was laying on the couch with his head on Lance’s lap.  “Someone like Dylan McDermott. Good looking and rich rich rich.”

“Money can’t buy happiness,” Lance reminded him.

“Yeah, but it can sure make me happier than I am now.”

“What does it take to make Justin Timberlake happy?” Lance asked.

“Finding someone who’s good in bed, is good to me, and has lots and lots of money,” Justin said, stretching.

Lance took a deep breath.  “But what if he…” The phone rang and interrupted me.  Justin slowly sat up and Lance reached over for the phone. “Hello?”

“Lance? It’s Sam.”

“Oh, hi, Sam,” Lance said, blushing.  Justin smiled and pinched Lance’s cheek.

“I was wondering if you were free for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Well, I work until six and…” Lance began.  Justin was violently nodding his head, and Lance closed his eyes. Why wasn’t Justin telling him NOT to go out with someone else?  “I, well, sure, that’d be nice. Why don’t you meet me at the shop at six-fifteen?  I can clean up some in the back before you get there.”

“That’s great, Lance. I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll see you at six-fifteen, then.”

“Okay.  Bye, Sam.” Lance hung up and Justin shrieked with delight.

“Our Peaches has a DATE!”  Justin bounded up off the sofa and went to Lance’s closet.  “Let’s see what you should wear.”

“I have to work all day, Justin,” Lance said sadly.

“So we’re going for comfort and style.  Hmm…” Justin started shoving clothes around.

“Don’t you…don’t you care that I’m going out?” Lance asked timidly.

“No way, Peaches! I’m happy for you. Sam’s a great guy.” Justin smiled at Lance, then the smile faded. “Lance, you are even paler than usual. Are you sick?”

“I…kinda feel ill, yes,” Lance whispered.

“Get your sexy ass into bed this instant!” Justin declared. He took Lance by the hand and led him to the bedroom.  “Now!”  Lance took off his tshirt but left his jeans on.  “You can’t tell me you sleep in your jeans.  Off!”

“I…” Lance blushed but stripped down to his boxers.

“Delicious,” Justin said, pinching Lance’s ass. “Now, into bed with you.”  Lance climbed into bed, willing back the tears.  “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling sick?”

“It just crept up on me,” Lance said truthfully.

Justin sat on the side of the bed, concern filling his blue eyes. He stroked Lance’s hair.  “You’re such a sweetheart, Lance.  I’m glad you moved in here.”  He kissed Lance’s forehead and hope filled Lance’s heart.  Maybe Justin was too shy to say how he felt, since he normally didn’t get involved with just one person. “Get better soon, okay?”  Lance nodded and smiled.  “I'll see you later.” Justin left the bedroom, and Lance heard him leave the apartment.

 

Fourteen

 

“You look nice,” Josh commented when Lance met him in front of the store the next morning.

“I, well, I have a date.”  Lance turned bright red as he shoved his wallet and keys under the register.

“Really?”  Josh’s eyebrows raised.  “With who?  Justin?”

“No,” Lance said with a sigh. “Sam.”

“Sam?  Cool.” Josh looked Lance over. He wore a pair of black jeans and a blue button-down shirt.  His eyes were sad, however, and Josh frowned. “You’re not happy about it?”

“Well, yes, I mean, it’s flattering that he asked me, but…well…it’s not Sam I’m interested in, you know?  And me and Justin  have been seeing an awful lot of each other.” 

Josh watched Lance carefully.  “What did Justin say about your date?”

“Oh, he acted happy for me, picked out my clothes and everything…but I don’t know that he was REALLY happy…I get the feeling that Justin has a hard time telling his true feelings.”

“I can definitely agree with that. Justin is not one to open up easily,” Josh said truthfully.  “But Lance, Sam is a really nice guy.  He’s cute, and has a good job, and he’s just…decent.”

“Are you saying Justin’s not decent?” Lance almost growled.

“No. I am NOT saying that. Justin’s my best friend. I just…” Josh ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Lance, every time you and I talk about your relationship with Justin, we fight. I don’t like fighting with you.  We’ll just not talk about that, okay?  I hope you have a really nice time tonight.”

“Me, too,” Lance said, smiling at Josh.

 

“Where’s my little Peaches?” Justin sang out as he entered the shop.  Lance, who was waiting on a last-minute customer, blushed and tried to concentrate on counting out the correct change.

“You are impossible,” Josh said, shaking his head.

“Isn’t it great that our Lancey has a date tonight?” Justin asked him. He wore a pair of short denim shorts and yet another one of his sheer tank tops. 

“You’re okay with it?”  Josh asked. “You two have been spending an awful lot of time together.”

“Of course I’m okay with it. I’m perfectly capable of entertaining myself, Joshua,” Justin said sternly. “Of course, I bet Chris is free tonight. He’d play with me…entertain me.” Justin wiggled his eyebrows.  Josh sighed and said nothing.

“Hi, Justin,” Lance said. He came around the counter.  “Will Teresa be in soon?”

“She should be.  I’ll cover until she comes in, if you wanna get ready,” Josh said. Lance smiled and went back to the restroom to wash his hands and face.  When he came back, he handed Josh a note. 

“Can you give her this for me?”

“You’re not quitting, are you?” Josh asked, frowning.

“No, of course not!”  Lance exclaimed. “I love working here. I just…I got a second job, and I can’t work nights at the shop anymore.”

“A second job?” Justin asked. “You never told me about a second job.  When’d you get a second job?”

“Yesterday,” Lance said.  “I guess it slipped my mind.  I interviewed before you came over.”

“Slipped your mind?” Justin slapped at Lance’s shoulder. “Where is it?”

“Uh…down at that Steakhouse on Byron Avenue,” Lance mumbled.

“A restaurant?”  Justin wrinkled his nose.

“What will you be doing?” Josh asked, shoving Justin and glaring at him.

“Well, right now I’ll be bussing tables, but they figure in a week or two they’ll have an opening for a waiter. I’ve done it before…I may even fill in behind the bar a few times a week.”

“A bartender? Now THAT is sexy,” Justin said, and Lance made a mental note to BEG for the bartending job.

“Congratulations, Lance, that’s great,” Josh said. Lance smiled.

“Thanks. I, uh, still owe my parents some money, and I really wanna get back on my feet again,” Lance said.

Someone rapped on the front door and they all jumped.  Sam poked his head in the door. “Hi, Justin, Josh.  Hey, Lance. Ready?”

“Yeah.” Lance blushed. “See you guys later.”

Justin pulled Lance into a hug and kissed his cheek. “Call me tonight, no matter HOW late you get back. I want all the dirty details.”

“Okay,” Lance said.  He waved at Josh and went out the door with Sam.

 

“Wanna walk out on the boardwalk for a bit?” Sam asked Lance. 

“Sure.”  Lance followed Sam down to the boardwalk that ran parallel to the beach. They had eaten a good dinner at a nice restaurant, and had found a lot of things to talk about.  Lance had really tried, but there was no spark.  Sam simply wasn’t Justin, and Justin was what he wanted.

“So…tell me about Mississippi.  You let me run on and on about myself, but didn’t say much,” Sam said.  Lance shrugged.

“Mississippi’s nice, but the town I was from was small, in more ways than one.  Gay men were not accepted…and that’s pretty much why I’m here.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.  “How’d your family take it?”

“Well, my parents pretty much aren’t talking to me now, and the rest of the extended family just ignores it all. My sister Stacey, though, she’s great.  She totally accepts it all.”

Sam stopped walking and put a hand on Lance’s shoulder.  “This isn’t working for you, is it?”

Lance gave him a blank look. “What do you mean?”

“Me and you. You’re just…not feeling the vibe. Am I right?”

“Sam, I really like you. I just…I’m kinda involved with someone else.  I’m really sorry,” Lance said sorrowfully. “I guess I didn’t handle this all very well. I never…this is all new to me.”

“You handled it fine,” Sam said with a tiny sigh.  “We’ll be friends, though, right?”

“Absolutely.  Maybe you can hang out with us sometime…me, Josh, Justin…”

“Maybe.”  Sam held out a hand.  “We’ll part ways here, okay?  I’ll give you a call sometime.”

Lance shook Sam’s hand. “Please do.”

Fifteen

 

“Guess what?”  Justin screamed, running into the bookstore.  Lance looked up in surprise.  He was in a corner, shelving books. Josh was behind the register, and he gave Justin a look.

“We have customers here, Justin. Could you control yourself, please?”

“NO!”  Justin yelled, grabbing the first man he came in contact with and planting a kiss on his lips.

“Well, thank you,” the man said, looking Justin over and smiling.

“Anytime,” Justin murmured, actually taking a good look at the man for the first time.  Justin ran a hand over his chest, sighed, then remembered why he had burst through the door. “You will NOT believe what happened to me today!”

“Thank you and have a nice day,” Josh said to his customer.  The customer grabbed his boyfriend, the man that Justin had kissed, and angrily dragged him from the shop.  “WHAT?”  Josh asked Justin.

“Okay, you know how Joey said he had some kinda talent scout guy coming in for our show last weekend?” Justin hopped up on the counter and began to swing his legs back and forth.

“If you break that counter, Justin,” Josh warned.

“I won’t break it, Joshy.”  Justin leaned down and gave Josh a passionate kiss. Josh pulled back and actually blushed. Lance just stared at them.  “ANYWAY,” Justin continued, “The talent scout guy DID come in, and he called me today!”

“Are you leaving?” Lance asked breathlessly.

“HELL, no!  Sun Beach is my home, Peaches. I ain’t goin’ nowhere!” Justin ran a hand through Lance’s hair.  “He doesn’t want me to sing, he wants me to pose. For a magazine.”  Justin named a very popular gay men’s magazine.  “For the cover of the magazine!”

“Oh, Justin, that is awesome.”  Josh gave Justin a big hug.  “That is so great for you!”

“And I won’t even TELL you how much he’s paying me…and if this goes well, he said I may get more work.  Imagine me…a model.”  Justin strutted down the aisle and back, swinging his hips and batting his eyelashes. “Would you buy a magazine with me on the cover, Lancey?”

“Definitely,” Lance said, and Justin laughed. He jumped up and down, then hugged Lance.

“We need to celebrate,” Justin decided, keeping one arm around Lance’s shoulders. “Tonight. Do you work, Lance?”

“No, I’m off tonight,” Lance answered.

“Joshy, you’ll get the stick out of your ass and come out with us, right?”

“I’m not drinking with you, Justin,” Josh told him. “But I’ll drive.”

“Peaches will drink with me, won’t you?” Justin asked. “C’mon, Lancey! Live a little!”

“Okay,” Lance sighed.  Justin squealed and hugged Lance again.

 

“Joshua, you are the BEST!”  Justin exclaimed, hugging Josh as they stumbled to the car. Actually, Lance and Justin stumbled.  Josh attempted to keep them both upright.  “The best friend ever, the sexiest man ever, the most wonderful person ever!”

“I wish I had a video camera to get all that,” Josh said.  “Lance, are you okay?  Lance!”

“Fine,” Lance said, carefully weaving around a trashcan before he fell into it.  “Just fine.”  He tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and went sprawling.

“Peaches!”  Justin screamed, bending down.  “Oh, Peaches, are you dead?”

“No…just hurt,” Lance moaned. He looked at his skinned palms and knees.  “How embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, Peaches.”  Justin helped Lance up, and kissed him.  “I’ll take care of you.”

“Thank you, Justin,” Lance said, leaning on Justin gratefully.  Josh sighed.

“You can both crash at Justin’s place.  I’m not trying to get both of you home and into bed.”

“You can go to bed with me, right, Peaches?” Justin asked.  “Share my bed?”

“Of course,” Lance said, sighing happily.  Josh rolled his eyes.

He finally got them into the car and headed back to the apartment building.  He tried to keep them quiet as they climbed the steps, and he wrestled Justin’s keys from his pocket to open the door.  “Get some sleep, guys. You will be hungover as hell tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Josh.”  Lance hugged Josh and kissed his cheek.  Josh KNEW Lance was drunk then. “You’re great.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m a helluva guy,” Josh said wryly.  He closed the door behind himself.

“C’mon, Peaches! Bed’s in here.”  Justin led the way through his flamboyantly decorated apartment.

“I know…I think.  I’ve been here before, right?” Lance asked, turning in circles.

“Probably,” Justin said vaguely.  “C’mon.”  He tugged Lance into the bedroom and started to undress.

“You know, I’m really really really really proud of you, Justin. You’re gonna be famous!” Lance said. “You’ll be famous, and I’ll be stuck here…alone and a virgin for the rest of my life.” Lance sat down on the bed, one of his shoes in his hand. Justin plopped down next to him.

“Aw, Peaches, someone would definitely sleep with you someday! I promise,” Justin said.

“Wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t I what?”  Justin said absently.

“Wouldn’t you sleep with me?” Lance asked, alcohol making him braver then he knew.

“You’re a sexy piece, Peaches, that’s true,” Justin said.  He sat up and looked at Lance.  “But I don’t know…” Justin scratched his head. “For some reason I can’t remember, it’s a bad idea.”

“But I’m tired of being a virgin…and I want it to be with you,” Lance whined.

“Get undressed,” Justin commanded.  Lance tore off his other shoe, then pulled off his shirt.  He unbuttoned his shorts and shoved them down.  “C’mere.” Justin lay back.  Lance climbed up next to him.  “I’m just gonna kiss you first.”  Lance nodded and giggled, tasting the alcohol in Justin’s kiss.  Justin moaned as Lance ran fingers through his curls.

Justin’s hand slid down Lance’s smooth chest, plucking at Lance’s nipples.  Lance gasped and Justin smiled.  His hand slid down to cup the erection that was poking at Lance’s boxers.  “Justin…ohmygosh…that feels so good!”  Lance panted.

“Want me to suck it for you? I’m good at it,” Justin said, tugging down Lance’s boxers.  He gave Lance’s cock a ferocious lick, and Lance almost screamed.

Lance fisted his hands in Justin’s curls and pulled. “Oh, Justin, I knew it would be this good,” Lance sighed. “I love you so much.”

Justin stopped inches from Lance’s cock and pulled away. “What?”

“I said I knew it would be this good with you,” Lance repeated. “Was that wrong?”

“No.”  Justin shook his head. “The other thing.”

“Oh, that I love you.”  Lance gave Justin a charming smile. “I do, you know.  I’m so glad we’re together.”

“Whoa.” Justin scrambled off the bed and grabbed a pair of his jeans that were on the floor.  He tossed Lance’s boxers at him. “Put these on.”

“What? Why?”

Justin was quickly sobering up as he began to pace. “Dammit, Lance, just put them on.”

“Okay.”  Lance was sobering up as well, scared by the tone of Justin’s voice. “Okay, they’re on.  What’s wrong?”

“You…you’re in love with me?”  Justin looked at Lance, and read everything in the beautiful green eyes. “Oh, Lord,” Justin whispered.  He sat down next to Lance. “You…you thought we were together?”

“Yeah, because you…and…” Lance’s hands began to shake.

“Josh was right,” Justin whispered. “Fuck, I shoulda listened to him for once.  Lance, I really like you, and I love you as a friend, but you and I…we’re only friends.”

“Then what the hell was this?” Lance yelled, slapping the bed.  He had never been so embarrassed or humiliated in his entire life.

“This was just fooling around, Lance.  I didn’t know it meant so much to you…I’m sorry,” Justin said. “I’m not the right man for you, Lance. You deserve better.”

“No, you just want someone who has money, and I have no money. You want someone who knows how to fuck, and I’m just some stupid virgin!”  Lance stood and finished getting dressed.

“Lance, no,” Justin said, but it was too late.

“Fine, go fuck all of Sun Beach. I don’t care.” Lance grabbed his shoes and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Sixteen

 

Josh woke from a sound sleep, hearing some sort of banging on his front door.  He pulled himself out of bed, threw a robe on, and unlocked the door. His eyes widened.  “Justin?”

 

“Lemme in.  The neighbors are bitching.”  Justin shoved past Josh and entered the apartment, falling onto the sofa.

 

“I guess they are, if you’re banging on my door at two in the morning,” Josh said. “Are you okay?”

 

Justin fell into Josh’s arms and sobbed. “I shoulda listened to you, Josh.  Hell, I shoulda listened to my damn dick…I could be getting laid right now, but NO, I had to go and grow a damn conscience!”

 

“Justin, what are you talking about?” Josh asked, assuming Justin was still drunk. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

 

“I can’t sleep…I’m such a whore, Josh!”  Justin cried.  Josh sighed, unable to dispute that fact.

 

“C’mon, Justin. You can sleep with me.”  Josh led Justin into the bedroom.  Justin continued to cry as he undressed.  He climbed into Josh’s bed completely naked, and didn’t stop sniffling until Josh held him close.

 

 

 

Lance sat on his sofa in the dark apartment, staring into the blackness. He was completely sober now, and far from sleeping.  He stared into the quiet darkness, wondering why in the world he had ever thought Justin could want him. Of COURSE Justin wouldn’t want him. He was a dull boring wren, while Justin was a bright peacock, strutting his colors through the world for everyone to admire.

 

Lance was hurting. Lance was in shock. More than anything, Lance was embarrassed.  He had made a total fool of himself in front of everyone.  He had almost given up his virginity to someone who could never ever love him the way Lance needed to be loved. It wasn’t completely Justin’s fault; he was a selfish diva of a person, true, but he had had all the opportunity in the world to get a quick lay from Lance, and he didn’t. He pulled away and was honest with Lance. Yet another reason for Lance to love him, and he DID love him. He couldn’t help it.  Everything else paled in comparison with Justin.  Lance drew his knees up and leaned his chin on them, sighing wearily.

 

 

 

“Hello?” A voice said sleepily.

 

“Stacey?”

 

“Lance?”  The voice was wide awake.

 

“I know it’s early…only eight…but I’ve been waiting until a decent hour.”

 

“Are you okay, little brother?  What’s wrong?”

 

Lance began to cry at the concern in his sister’s voice.  “I just…I miss you, Stace. I needed to talk to someone in my family…hear a loving voice.”

 

“I miss you, too, Lance.  Mom and Dad are being such assholes about this whole gay thing,” Stacey said.

 

“No, they just don’t understand.”

 

“They could try,” Stacey said angrily. “How are you?  WHERE are you?”

 

“Didn’t Mom give you my number?”

 

“Yeah, because I bugged her and bugged her. She said she didn’t know where you were and didn’t care.”

 

Lance sniffled.  “I’m in Sun Beach.  I have an apartment and a job…two, actually.”

 

“Have you made any friends?”  The question made Lance cry again. “Oh, Lance…do you want me to come visit?”

 

“No…I gotta do this all on my own…I have to prove it to them,” Lance said bravely.  “I do have some pretty good friends already, though.  Josh, Chris, Joey…and Justin,” Lance finished in a whisper.

 

“You need me, James Lance, and I am on the first freaking bus up there,” Stacey told him. “You just call.”

 

“Okay.”  Lance leaned his head back and watched the morning appear through his window.  “I love you, Stace.”

 

“Love you, too, Lance.”

 

 

 

Justin opened his eyes and groaned against the sunlight.  He rolled over and smiled as he saw a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. He popped three pills into his mouth and washed them down, then slowly got out of Josh’s bed.

 

“Hey,” he croaked as he made his way into the living room after pulling some clothing on.

 

“Hi, there.”  Josh put down the newspaper and looked at Justin. “You okay?”

 

“No.”  Justin sat down carefully on the sofa.

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

“No,” Justin said softly.  “I need to go home and sleep some more.  Thanks, Josh, for taking me in last night.”

 

“No problem, Justin. You’re my best friend. It’s my job to take care of you,” Josh said, smiling.  Justin sighed.

 

“Thanks anyway.”  Justin gathered the rest of his clothes and left Josh’s apartment.

 

 

 

Lance had off at the bookstore, and he called off from the restaurant, knowing he’d be in no shape to work until midnight.  He hadn’t slept a wink, and by noon, he was still wide awake, staring at the television but not really seeing what was on it.  A knock in the door almost made him fall off the sofa. He slowly walked over and opened it.

 

“Hi, Joey,” Lance said. “What’s up?”

 

“My God, Lance, are you okay?” Joey gasped, taking in Lance’s pale face and puffy red eyes.  “Are you sick?”

 

“No.” Lance moved aside and Joey stepped into the apartment.  “What’s up?”

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a bit. I’m bored,” Joey said.

 

“And the others are busy?” Lance asked.

 

“Um, no…I came to you first,” Joey said, and Lance was pleased.  “I thought we could go to the beach.”

 

“Oh.”  Lance’s smile faded. Justin might be at the beach.  “I don’t think so, Joey, thanks.”

 

“I meant my beach…the breeder beach,” Joey said, referring to the heterosexual section of the long beachfront.  “I thought it would be nice to just veg and not have to worry about guys trying to hit on me.  Instead, we can let the girls try and hit on YOU.”

 

Lance smiled tiredly. “I’m not very good company right now, Joey.”

 

“So? You know I’ll probably fall asleep anyway,” Joey said cheerfully. Lance sighed, then smiled again.

 

“Let me get cleaned up a bit.”

 

 

 

Josh worked the two to eight shift at the bookstore that night, and by three-thirty, Justin was leaning on the counter, looking tired and hungover.  He still earned quite a few glances by men walking by, but to Josh’s shock, Justin didn’t seem to notice.  “So…did you hear from Lance yet today?” Josh asked.  “I bet he’s worse off than you are. He doesn’t drink much.”

 

“Why do you ask that?” Justin said sharply. “Why would I hear from Lance?”

 

“Because he’s your friend,” Josh said slowly. “Why wouldn’t he call you?”

 

“No reason at all…maybe he’s sick or something,” Justin said uneasily. “Look, Josh, I gotta roll. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Josh said, giving Justin a strange look.  “See you later.”

 

 

 

Lance had a good time with Joey at the beach.  The girls walking around in tiny bikinis didn’t thrill him, but Joey seemed to be enjoying it.  Lance allowed himself to bake slightly in the sun, letting the redness of his skin act as a punishment for his stupidity the night before.  They left the beach for an hour around four, then lay for another hour before gathering their things.  “Hey, I need to stop by the bookstore and tell Josh something. Wanna come along?”

 

“I…” Lance began, then realized that he couldn’t hide from Justin forever.  “Sure.” 

 

Josh smiled at them as they entered the store. “Hey, Lance, how are you feeling?”

 

“Fine,” Lance whispered, unable to look Josh in the eye. He just knew that Justin’s rejection of him was flashing over his head like a rainbow-colored neon sign.

 

“Justin looks like shit,” Josh told him.  “You two really shouldn’t drink like that.”

 

“You’re telling me,” Lance mumbled, going off to inspect some new books that had arrived.  Joey talked to Josh for a while, then was ready to leave.

 

“Hey, Lance, aren’t you supposed to work tonight?” Josh asked.  Lance shrugged.

 

“Yeah, but I don’t feel up to it.”

 

“Wanna watch a movie tonight?”

 

“With who?” Lance asked suspiciously.

 

“Me, if that’s okay,” Josh said.  “Joey’s busy.”

 

“Sure.  I’ll be over around eight-thirty.”   Lance left with Joey, and Josh wondered what was wrong with his two closest friends.

 

Seventeen

 

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Josh asked Lance when Lance knocked on his door.

“Not really,” Lance admitted.  It was finally catching up with him, and he couldn’t stop yawning.  “I might end up crashing out on your sofa.”

“That’s fine with me,” Josh said. “You slept there at the beginning, anyway.  If you want, you can sleep with me. I wouldn’t even notice.”

Lance remembered how he was supposed to share a bed with Justin the night before. “Uh, no thanks. I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay.  Want something to drink?”

“Water is good,” Lance said.  Josh grabbed himself a soda, and a bottle of water for Lance.  “Thanks.” Lance took the bottle.

“I rented a few things…you can choose.”  Josh gave Lance a small pile of DVDs.  Lance chose one without really looking.

“Can I ask you something?” Lance asked Josh.

“Sure.”

“First of all, um, Justin told me about Brian,” Lance said.

“Oh.” Josh busied himself straightening the pile of DVDs.

“I’m sorry,” Lance said softly.  “What I have to ask has to do with your relationship with him…so I can just drop it.”

“No,” Josh sighed. “Go ahead.”

“Someone you loved…someone you really cared about…rejected you. How in the world did you deal with it?” Lance asked.  Josh looked at him.  Lance’s green eyes were sad.

“Well…I don’t know if I’ve finished dealing with it yet,” Josh admitted.  “It was like a year ago…but it still stings some. I wonder what’s wrong with me…what made him decide to leave.”  Josh gave Lance a small smile. “You hear these stories of women wondering what they did to turn their men gay…I wonder what I did to turn my man straight.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, Josh!”  Lance gasped. “You’re so great.  You’re so nice, and funny, and good-looking.”

“Thank you.” Josh blushed slightly.  “But it wasn’t enough for him.”

“It sounds like he wasn’t ready to be gay in the first place, Josh,” Lance said. “It had nothing to do with you.”

“But it doesn’t make the pain go away any faster,” Josh replied. “I try not to think about it.  I’ve tried dating a few times, but it’s just not there with anyone, you know?”

“You dated Justin,” Lance said softly. Josh snorted.

“If you want to call it that.  No one really gets to “date” Justin. He’s not the type to settle down,” Josh said.  “But it was fun. It took my mind off of Brian for a while. When Justin decides to be involved with one person, he totally throws himself into it.  While it lasts.”

“Was…was he good in bed?” Lance blushed to the tips of his ears.  Josh grinned and blushed as well.

“Oh, yeah.  Better than you could imagine.”

“Oh,” Lance said faintly.

“Do you still have a crush on him, Lance?” Josh asked gently.

“Yes…but I know nothing will ever come of it,” Lance said firmly.  “I’ll get over it.”

“You don’t just get over it,” Josh said. “Lance, what the hell happened last night?”

“Nothing,” Lance mumbled.

“I don’t believe that.  Justin showed up here crying and guilty…you’re all hungover and sad…”

“I said nothing, Josh, okay?” Lance snapped. “Let’s just watch the movie.”

“Okay.”  Josh sat close to Lance on the sofa, and he could tell that Lance wasn’t really mad at him.  Josh picked up the remote.  “C’mere.”  He tugged at Lance and pulled until Lance lay down, placing his head in Josh’s lap. “Whenever you’re ready, Lance. I’m here for you, okay?”

“I know.”  Lance wearily lay his head down and closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing feeling of Josh’s fingers playing through his hair.

 

“Hey.” Chris breezed through the open door of Lance’s apartment three days later.

“Hello, Chris.” Lance struggled to hang a picture on the wall. Chris hurried over to help him.

“You going out tonight?”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Lance replied.

“Oh, please, Lance? Josh won’t come, and Joey’s working,” Chris whined.

“Did Justin teach you to whine like that?” Lance asked, amused.

“No, I learned that one all by myself,” Chris said.  Then he frowned. “Lance, um, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Lance said, stepping back to make sure the picture was straight.

“Have you seen Justin lately?  I can’t get a hold of him, and I know you two were, uh, getting close,” Chris said, and Lance heard the jealousy in his tone.

“No, I haven’t seen him, Chris.  We haven’t been hanging out much lately,” Lance said in a cold tone.

“Oh, really?”  Lance had to smile at the hope in Chris’ voice. “C’mon, Lance. Go out with me to the club tonight.  Maybe Justin will be there, and we can find out what kind of rainbow-colored bug crawled up his ass.”

“Okay,” Lance sighed, knowing this was a bad idea.

 

Lance had no idea how bad of an idea it was until they reached the club.  The dance floor was packed, and Lance saw Justin in the center, shaking his body with everything he had.  He had a man in front of him and one behind him, and he was shamelessly grinding against the one in back while he kissed the one in front.

“Well, there’s Justin,” Lance said. “But it doesn’t look like a bug is what will be up his ass.”

“Yeah,” Chris said, sighing.  “I’m gonna call him tomorrow.  I’m not in the mood to deal with him tonight.”

“Either am I,” Lance said.  Justin looked over and caught his eye.  Justin’s chin jutted slightly, then he turned his charming smile on the man behind him. He said something, kissed the man’s cheek, then left the dance floor. The two men looked at each other, then quickly followed Justin down the hallway near the bathrooms.  Lance sighed and looked at Chris, who had witnessed the entire thing.  “I need a drink. How about you?” Lance asked.

“I’m buying,” Chris said, and they went to the closest bar.

 

 Eighteen

 

Over the next two weeks, the group of friends was never together as an entire group.  Chris gravitated to Justin, of course, finally getting him to spend some time with him instead of going out drinking and dancing every night.  Chris had finally figured out that something had happened between Lance and Justin, and of course he assumed it was all Lance’s fault. Who really knew Lance, anyway? Chris would ask Justin. Justin always shrugged and changed the subject.  Chris still loved him, and everyone realized it but Justin.

 

Justin found that the easiest way of getting over his guilt about the way Lance felt about him was to go out and be the person that everyone assumed he was. He fooled around (if not had sex) with a different man every night or every other night, then would crawl home to bed or, if he was particularly lonely, crawl to Chris. Sometimes they had sex, sometimes they didn’t.  More often then not, Justin cried himself to sleep, feeling guilty and lonely and used.  It never occurred to him that he used just as much as he was being used.  Chris held him and hated Lance and wondered what in the world had happened.

 

Lance spent most of his time with Josh, both in the store and out.  Lance was even more shy and reserved, if humanly possible, and it took everything Josh had to get Lance out in the world, doing things.  They finished decorating Lance’s apartment, and they went shopping together, or out to movies.  Lance made sure that many of the things they did were in places where Justin would not show his face, because he couldn’t quite handle the idea of seeing Justin. Seeing Justin made him feel virginal and naïve all over again. Maybe he WAS virginal and naïve, but it was a totally different situation when someone’s mere presence pointed all that out to you.

 

Josh tried to stay in contact with Justin, but it was hard when Justin was never around.  During the day, Justin was busy with the photography shoot for the magazine cover and article.  At night, he was out playing somewhere.  So, Josh devoted his time to Lance, which he didn’t really mind.  He got to know Lance more than ever, and realized what a great person he really was. This almost made him mad at Justin, but Justin’s guilt that night when he had crawled into bed with Josh made Josh realize that whatever had happened, Justin felt bad about it.

 

Joey moved from side to side, wondering what had happened but almost afraid to find out.  He sometimes feared the dramatics of gay men.

 

 

 

“Josh!”  Justin screamed, running into the store.  “Oh, excuse me,” he said as he almost knocked a woman over. “Josh!”

 

“Hi, Justin,” Josh said in surprise.  “What’s up?”  He hadn’t talked to Justin in almost a week, yet here he was, running into the store like nothing had changed.

 

“LOOK.”  Justin slapped down a magazine.  “Here I am!  Want me to autograph it for you? I have a bunch.”  Justin waved a pile of magazines in the air.

 

“Oh, man, Justin, this is great.”  Josh hugged Justin across the counter, then flipped through the magazine.  He then looked at the stockroom. “Hey…why don’t you put a few of those in there?  I’ll make a display for them.”

 

“Really?  Cool!” Justin danced over to the stockroom with Josh on his heels.  Josh gave a gentle shove and Justin tumbled into the stockroom. Josh grabbed the door and locked it.  “Josh!”  Justin yelled, pounding on the door.

 

“It locks from the outside,” a dull voice said behind him. Justin slowly turned around and saw Lance sitting on a box of books.  “He has a key. He pushed you in here on purpose.”

 

“Oh. Hi.”  Justin fidgeted, tugging at his cropped tank top and running a hand down his stomach self-consciously.

 

“You, uh, got them pierced.”  Lance looked at Justin’s chest, the piercings on his nipples obvious through the fabric.

 

“Oh, yeah. Hurt like a BITCH, though I hear it feels good when people tug on them and stuff,” Justin said, shrugging.  “How, um, how are you?”

 

“Fine.”  Lance stood up, green eyes huge and solemn.  “Why are you out screwing the entire beach and you wouldn’t screw me, Justin?”

 

“Lance…”

 

“Why, dammit?”  Lance slapped the top of a box and Justin jumped. “Why do you need to give it away when I wanted it more than anyone else?”

 

“Because it would be wrong, Lance.  Because you DID want it more…and you wanted everything else, besides.”  Justin sighed. “I coulda done it. I coulda had sex with you and made us both happy…for the moment. You would have woken up the next day, been all happy, and then I woulda had to tell you the truth.” Justin looked Lance in the eye. “You know what I am, Lance.”

 

“Maybe that’s what I wanted!”  Lance yelled.

 

“No, you don’t.”  Justin’s voice rose as well. “You don’t want someone like me and THAT’S why I said no.  You want someone like Josh, someone stable and kind and able to love you.”

 

“You could be that person!” Lance insisted.

 

“No, Lance, I can’t. Maybe someday, with someone, but not right now, and not with you. I’m sorry, Lance. I’ve been out there screwing the entire beach, as you say, trying to get rid of the guilt.  I hate the fact that I hurt you.” Justin gave Lance a tiny smile. “I also hate the fact that I coulda had one sexy piece of ass and said no.”

 

Lance didn’t smile. He looked at the magazine in Justin’s hand. “Is that your picture?”

 

“Yeah!”  Justin handed a copy to Lance.  Lance looked at the cover.  Justin stood with his arms crossed, million-dollar smile flashing from his face.  He wore a pair of leather pants, and a leather vest with no shirt.

 

“Wow, you look…”

 

“I look hot, don’t I?”  Justin said.  “I look DAMN hot.  Don’t you just wanna lick me?” Justin looked at himself admiringly and Lance had to smile.

 

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Lance said, and Justin frowned. “It’s okay, Justin,” Lance said gently. “I felt really rejected, and then that night in the club…it just hurt.”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Peaches, I swear,” Justin said.

 

“I almost missed hearing you call me that,” Lance said.  “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you or made you feel uncomfortable around me.”

 

“It’s okay,” Justin said. They looked at each other, and then Lance put his arms around Justin.  They hugged for a long moment, then Lance hesitated. He kissed Justin’s cheek.  “I missed you, Peaches,” Justin said, leaning his forehead against Lance’s.

 

“Me, too,” Lance said. He went to the door and pounded on it. “Josh, let us out. It’s all okay now.”

 

“Did you tell him what happened?” Justin asked.  Lance shook his head.  “Me, either. I didn’t tell Chris…but he thinks something happened between you and I.  He doesn’t like you much right now.”

 

“He didn’t like me much before,” Lance said, and Justin gave him a strange look.  Lance reached for Justin’s hand, and when Josh opened the door, they walked out together.

 

Nineteen

 

Justin and Lance drew closer once again, but things were slightly strained between them.  Justin still felt guilty, Lance still felt embarrassed, and Chris still acted wary of Lance. As a result, Justin treated Lance with extreme care, Lance became even shyer, and Chris avoided most of the times when everyone was gathered together.

 

“Guess what?” Justin asked Lance one morning.  Josh had the morning off and Lance was at the bookstore.  “Guess what Friday is?”

 

“What?” Lance asked, counting out change for someone.

 

“Josh’s birthday.”

 

“Oh, really?”  Lance smiled at the customer, then looked at Justin.  “Would he want us to do something?”

 

“I don’t know,” Justin said, leaning his chin on his hand. “Have you noticed that he’s been acting kinda weird lately?”

 

“Yes,” Lance said softly. Lately he had been noticing everything about Josh.  Josh seemed glad that Lance and Justin were talking again, but every time he saw them together, he got a strange look in his eye.  Lance hoped that Josh wasn’t mad at him for fighting with his best friend.  Lance really cared about Josh.  “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Do you think Josh still cares about you?”

 

Justin looked up in shock. “Me? You mean like a boyfriend? Hell, no.  Josh was SO glad to get rid of my skanky ass.  We’re just friends.” Justin studied Lance carefully.  “Why? Are YOU interested in Josh?”

 

“Me?” Lance blushed his usual red, and picked at a corner of a book.  “No…of course not.  We’re just friends.”

 

“You and Josh would be SO good for each other, Lance,” Justin said enthusiastically.  “Really.  You’re a lot alike.”

 

“He’s not looking for someone right now, Justin. He’s still hurting over Brian,” Lance protested.  Justin LOVED playing matchmaker.

 

“He’ll get over that. Especially with YOU, Peaches!”

 

“He’s not interested in me, Justin,” Lance said.

 

“You’re saying YOU’RE interested in HIM?” Justin asked.

 

“Yes.  No.  I don’t know,” Lance stammered. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

 

“Yes, you have, I can tell!  You can’t lie for shit, Lance,” Justin said gleefully.

 

“Please drop the subject,” Lance said, and he was saved by the appearance of Chris in the doorway.

 

“Justin…I thought we were going for brunch,” Chris said. “Oh, hi, Lance.”

 

“Hey, Chris.” Lance gave him his friendliest smile.

 

“We’ll be done here in a minute, Chrissy, okay?” Justin asked, turning back to Lance.  Chris sighed and went outside to wait.

 

“Why are you so mean to him?” Lance asked.

 

“He keeps treating you like shit and I can’t figure out why,” Justin said.  Lance wanted to scream at him that Chris was jealous, but he didn’t.

 

“He’s a nice guy, Justin.  You wouldn’t know WHAT to do if you didn’t have him to run to every time you needed something,” Lance pointed out.

 

“Whatever.  So, about Josh…”

 

“What about Josh?” Josh asked, walking into the shop.  Lance looked up in surprise.

 

“Uh, Josh!  What are you doing here? It’s your day off!”

 

“Maybe he came in just to see you,” Justin whispered, and Lance glared at him.

 

“I was up, you know, and thought I’d come say hi,” Josh said casually, glancing at Lance.

 

“We’ll talk more later,” Justin told Lance. He kissed Josh’s cheek. “See ya, girls.”

 

 

 

Josh made sure that they all knew he was NOT interested in any kind of birthday party. He didn’t even want to go out for dinner.  He wanted to spend his birthday alone.  He had off from the bookstore, and he was planning on just sitting at home.

 

Lance got out of the store at five, and he stopped at his apartment before going to knock on Josh’s door.  Josh answered it and looked annoyed. “Oh, Lance,” he said, softening. “I thought it might be Joey or Justin, coming to bother me.”

 

“Well, I’m sure I’m bothering you, but I wanted to give you this.”  Lance handed Josh a neatly wrapped gift.  “I just wanted to tell you…um…I’m really glad I met you, and that, uh, I hope you have a nice birthday, and, um, yeah.”  Lance stammered through his words, studying his feet.  “Thanks for being there for me, Josh, for taking me in.  I can never repay you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Josh said, surprised. “Want to come in?”

 

“Uh, no. You have a nice night.”  Lance darted away. 

 

Josh closed the door, shaking his head at Lance’s weird behavior.  He sat down, looking at the gift. It was actually TWO gifts, one on top of the other.  He opened the smaller one first, and was shocked to see a very expensive book of poetry. It was leather-bound, and the pages were gold-edged.  The larger gift was a book about art.  It was exactly what Josh would have asked for.  He flipped through the poetry book and saw something written in the front cover.  “A friend loves first and judges second…Happy birthday, Love always, Lance.”  Josh traced his finger over the signature.  He closed his eyes and frowned.  Lately Lance was more and more in his thoughts and he didn’t know what to do.  He was glad Lance and Justin were friends, but he knew that Lance still carried some kind of tiny torch for Justin. He had heard every word when they had argued in the stockroom, and figured out that Lance had probably made some sort of move on Justin, or had told him about his feelings.  Justin could have taken advantage of the situation, but in a very anti-Justin move, he didn’t.

 

Josh thought about Brian.  On this birthday, they were supposed to take a trip to Mexico. Just the two of them, alone together.  Well, Josh definitely had the alone part going for him. He sighed and got up to go into the kitchen.  He came back with a bottle of wine and sat down, opening the poetry book.

 

 

 

Lance’s hands were shaking as he entered his apartment.  This was just weird. This was…Josh.  Ever since the conversation in the stockroom, when Justin had said that Lance needed someone LIKE Josh, Lance had been thinking ABOUT Josh.  He felt sorry for Josh, for the way that Brian had treated him.  Lance understood the rejection all too well.  But he was so new to all this, and the last thing Josh needed was to train someone how to be a boyfriend.  Lance had no clue about relationships in general, and he DEFINITELY had no clue about what to do in bed.  That night with Justin was the farthest he had ever gone with another man. 

 

Lance sat down on the sofa. Josh WAS pretty amazing.  He had been such a good friend to Lance, and he had tried to warn him about Justin.  But Lance had been blinded by Justin, and had never noticed Josh waiting in the wings. But maybe Josh WASN’T waiting in the wings. Maybe Josh only liked him as a friend.  Damn Justin, anyway, for pushing Josh even further into Lance’s mind.

 

 

 

“I want…you…to want me…” Justin sang to himself as he knocked on Josh’s door at midnight.  “I need you…hey, Josh!”  Justin smiled as Josh opened the door.  “These are for you. Happy birthday, sister!”  He thrust a bouquet of red roses at Josh.

 

“Thanks a lot,” Josh said, grabbing the flowers. “C’mon in.”

 

Justin followed Josh into the apartment, staring at him. “Are you drunk?”

 

“I dunno…am I?  According to you, the stick is up my ass so far that I couldn’t possibly ever get drunk, right?” Josh asked, snickering as he stumbled to the kitchen with the flowers.

 

“Josh, why are you drunk all by yourself?”

 

“You have EVERYTHING.  What the hell’s wrong with you?” Josh snapped.  “Two men that love you…that want only to be with you, and you ignore the one and reject the other one!”

 

“TWO?”  Justin gasped. “PLEASE tell me you’re not one of them.”

 

“No, thank God.”  Josh looked at Justin sadly. “You coulda had Lance, Justin.  Did you even notice how much he loved you? No…you were too busy flirting and screwing your way around town. When are you gonna realize that’s dangerous?  Not just physically, but emotionally. When are you gonna think that every time you run back to Chris, you take the chance of hurting him?  Never, because Justin only thinks about Justin.”

 

“Look, Josh, I think I should go,” Justin said slowly.

 

“That’s right. Leave me here alone.”  Josh walked over to grab Justin by the shirt.  “Why can’t you just be like normal people, Justin?  Give the rest of us a chance instead of stealing the limelight every time you walk into a room.”

 

“I’m…I’m sorry, Josh.”  Justin looked at Josh, realizing who he was talking about. “You’re in love with Lance?”

 

“Stupid, right?” Josh said, laughing bitterly. “I could never compete with you.”

 

“Me and Lance aren’t…”

 

“I know you’re not. I’m not stupid. I tried to warn him about you, but no…you’re just too much.  He couldn’t help but love you.  I’m nothing compared to you.”

 

“Josh, you’re such a good person. You…”

 

“I thought you were leaving,” Josh snapped. 

 

“You should talk to Lance,” Justin said.

 

“No. He thinks I’m his friend, and I’m gonna keep on being his friend.  I’ve hidden it ever since he walked into the bookstore that first day, and I’m gonna keep on hiding it.”  Josh flopped down onto the sofa and picked up his bottom of wine.

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Justin whispered, then left the apartment. 

 

Twenty

When Justin stopped by the bookstore the next afternoon, both Josh and Lance were working.  Lance was his normal shy self, but Josh was quiet and withdrawn, barely talking to anyone.

“He’s hungover,” Justin told Lance when Josh wasn’t in earshot.  “I stopped by last night and he was drinking an entire bottle of wine, all by himself.”

“Oh,” Lance said, sighing.

“I bet it would really make him feel good if you offered to take him out for his birthday,” Justin suggested.

“Justin,” Lance said wearily.

“Lance, why do you want a whore like me when you can have JOSH?” Justin said in a whisper. “He’s fantastic.”

“Yeah, he is.  And maybe I don’t WANT you anymore,” Lance said.  Justin raised an eyebrow, looking so cocky that Lance had to grin.

“Of course you do. Everyone does. But I’m not good enough for any one person.”

“Is that what you think?” Lance asked, shocked.

“I’m used goods, Lance.  Even if I DID find someone I want to settle down with, who’d want me?”

“Oh, Justin,” Lance said softly.

“You’re all that’s pure and sweet and good, Peaches. You and Josh totally deserve each other.”  Justin gave Lance a gentle peck on the lips just as Josh walked into the room.  Josh frowned and continued to stock shelves.

 

“Dammit,” Lance swore, kicking the tire of his car.  He had driven out to Wal-Mart for a few things for the apartment, and the car had sputtered and died about halfway back.  He didn’t have a cellphone, was about a mile from a pay phone, and it was a hot afternoon.  “Dammit,” he said again.  It was rush hour, and cars were zooming by.

He was digging through the car for his wallet when a car pulled up behind him on the shoulder.  “Hello, Lance,” Chris said, getting out of his own car.

“Oh, thank GOD,” Lance said in relief.  “This piece of crap just up and died on me.  It’s so old I’m surprised I made it this long.”

“Need a lift?”  Chris asked, his face like stone.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. You can take me back to the apartment…I can get Josh or someone to drive me to a tow truck place.”

“No problem.” Chris shoved some things off the passenger seat and Lance climbed in.

Lance was quiet for a moment, then said, “You know that nothing’s happening between Justin and me, right?”

“Sure.”  Chris concentrated on the road.

“I mean it, Chris. Justin’s something special, and a little part of me will always feel something for him, but it’s not gonna happen. You should make your move!”

“Lance, what I feel for Justin is none of your business.”  Chris looked at Lance with an angry statement on his face.  “And Justin’s not interested.”

“Chris, you don’t know that.  You…Chris, look out!”

 

“Always when I’m making dinner!”  Josh grumbled as he reached for the phone. “Hello?”

“Mister…”

“Chasez,” he said patiently, ready to say no, thank you, and hang up.

“This is Nurse Freeman from Sun Beach Hospital.”

“Okay,” Josh said slowly.

“There’s been an accident…and your name was the only one in one of the victim’s wallets.”

 

“Dammit,” Justin swore as he crawled off the sofa.  It was time for his early evening nap, and he had been snoring away.  “What?” He snapped as he opened the door. “Josh, you KNOW I sleep now and…”

“Get dressed. We need to go to the hospital,” Josh said, wide-eyed and pale.

“Why? You having a baby or something?” Justin joked.

“There’s been an accident,” Josh said.  “Lance…and Chris.”

Justin turned as pale as Josh.  He went for his shoes without another word.

 

“You’re Mr. Chasez?”  The emergency room nurse said.  Josh nodded breathlessly.  “Mr. Bass should be fine.  Some bumps and bruises, but he’ll walk out of here.”

“Thank God,” Justin said.

“What about the driver of the car?” Josh demanded.

“Mr. Kirkpatrick?  Well, the impact of the other vehicle was on the driver’s side,” the nurse said slowly.  “He’s still unconscious.”

“Oh, my God,” Justin whispered, putting a hand over his mouth. “Josh…”

“Can we see him? Either of them?”

“You can see Mr. Bass in a few minutes.  They’re not letting anyone in to see Mr. Kirkpatrick,” the nurse told him. “But that could all change.”

“Thank you,” Josh said.  “Please come get us when we can see Lance.”

“Sure thing,” she said, smiling at them. Josh led Justin over to a sofa and they sat.  Justin buried his head in Josh’s neck.

“What if he’s not okay, Josh?”

“He’ll be fine, Justin,” Josh said, patting Justin’s shoulder.  A woman on a nearby chair gave them a dirty look, her eyes wandering over Justin’s short denim shorts and sheer tank top.  “Is there a problem?” Josh snapped at her.  “Is there something I can help you with?”

The woman stuck her nose in the air and said nothing.  Josh let his head fall back and sighed, closing his eyes as Justin quietly cried on his shoulder.

Twenty-One

 

After about a half-hour, Josh and Justin were told that they could go in and see Lance.  Justin grabbed Josh’s hand as they walked down the hall. “I’m scared,” Justin whispered.

“Lance is fine, Justin, remember? The nurse said so,” Josh said.

“But…I was so awful to them both, and they were in this accident!”

Josh stopped walking.  “What?”

“I use Chris to get what I want…and Peaches…I should have stayed away so you and he could…”

“Justin, stop it!  You had no idea about my feelings for Lance.  And for all we know, I’m just his friend, okay?  Let’s not worry about that.  And you can apologize to Chris when he wakes up.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”  Gone was the cocky confident man Josh knew.  Justin looked young and afraid.

“God, Justin, shut up, okay?” Josh snapped. Sometimes the best way to deal with Justin was to get mad at him. “Put on your best smile for Lance, okay? I’m sure he’s freaked out.”

“Right.” Justin nodded and held on to Josh’s hand even tighter.

Josh knocked on the door, then slowly opened it.  “Hey,” he called softly.  Lance smiled weakly from the bed.

“Hi, Josh. Justin, hi.”  Lance started to sit up more as they entered.

“Don’t, Lance.  Just rest, okay?” Josh said. He sat on one side of the bed, and Justin sat on the other.  Lance’s right hand and wrist were wrapped in a bandage.

“I used this hand to brace against the dashboard.”  Lance slowly lifted his right arm. “Stupid, huh?”

“No,” Justin told him.  “That’s instinct.  How ARE you, Lance?”  He was sitting on Lance’s left side, and clutched at Lance’s left hand.

“I feel like a truck hit me,” Lance joked.  Justin frowned and kissed Lance’s hand.  Lance looked at Josh, who shrugged.  “So, how’s Chris?”

Justin and Josh looked at each other for a long moment.  “We don’t know,” Josh said finally.  “We haven’t been in to see him yet, but the nurse said maybe soon.”

“Oh.”  Lance closed his eyes, then opened them. “I’m sure I could leave now, but they want to keep me overnight.  Sprained wrist, some bruises and stuff, but otherwise I’m fine.”

“Thank God,” Justin said softly.  He touched Lance’s face and smiled.  “You scared us.”

“Sorry,” Lance said.  “Blame Chris, man.  Damn reckless driver.”

Justin looked away and Josh said quickly, “Why were you even WITH Chris?”

“Oh, well, my car broke down on the way from Wal-Mart and Chris stopped and gave me a ride.”

“That was nice of him,” Justin said.  “He’s sweet like that.”

“Not to me,” Lance sighed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josh asked.

“Well, I think he’s jealous of the time I spend with Justin,” Lance said carefully. “I mean, Justin was HIS friend first and I guess I was monopolizing him.”

“No, you weren’t,” Justin said.  Josh sighed. Justin was STILL clueless about Chris’ feelings for him.

They chatted for a while, but it was obvious that Lance was tired. “Hey, why don’t you call me when they release you tomorrow? I’ll come pick you up, okay?” Josh said to Lance.

“Okay. Thanks, Josh,” Lance said.

Justin stood, and bent over Lance.  “I’m glad you’re okay, Peaches.” He gave Lance a tender kiss on the mouth, then left the room.

“I think kissing is the only way he can express his emotions sometimes,” Josh said.  Lance smiled.

“Yeah, I’m finally realizing that now.  They don’t mean what I thought they did.”

“Lance, I’m sorry. About Justin. I mean, you really liked him, and I know he hurt you.”

“It’s okay. It was my first big crush, and you know they never last. I need something a little more substantial, you know?”

Josh smiled.  “Justin is pretty much the cotton candy of life, isn’t he?”

Lance laughed out loud, then groaned as pain shot up through his side.  “I think you’re right.”

“He’s not the only one who’s glad you’re safe,” Josh said shyly.  Lance blushed a deep red.  “I’m glad you’re okay, Lance.”  Josh tentatively reached out, then pulled his hand back.  “I’ll be by the phone tomorrow, waiting for your call, okay?”

“Right,” Lance whispered.  Josh smiled at Lance, then left the room.  Lance closed his eyes and lay back, remembering that smile.

 

“Look, young man, Mr. Kirkpatrick won’t even know you’re in the room,” a nurse was saying to Justin as Josh walked back out to the emergency room.

“How do you know that?” Justin snapped.  The nurse looked him over from head to toe.

“I think I’m a LITTLE more knowledgeable about medicine than you are.”

“Can we please go in?” Josh begged, putting an arm around Justin’s waist. “Five minutes.”

“Fine, if only to get you out of here,” she snapped.  “Down the hall, second door on the right.”

“Thank you,” Josh said, but Justin was already running down the hall.

“Oh,” Justin said, stopping suddenly as he looked in the window.  Chris was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and machines, and his head was bandaged.  Bruises covered his face from when his window had shattered.  “Chrissy,” Justin whispered.

“Go in, Justin,” Josh said, nudging him.  Justin tiptoed into the room as Josh watched through the window.  Justin sat by the bed, picked up Chris’ hand, and laid his cheek on it. 

About ten minutes later, Justin came out. “I want to stay here.”

“Justin, they won’t let you.”

“If not in the room, in the waiting room, then. I want to be here when he wakes up,” Justin said firmly.  He looked down at his clothing, then looked up at Josh.  “Can you bring me something else to wear?  Something of yours, maybe?”

“Why?”

“Just because,” Justin said. “Please?”

“Sure, Justin.  I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”  Justin went back into the room and sat by Chris, determined to wait by his side until the doctors and nurses dragged him away.

Twenty-Two

  

“So, all ready to leave?” Josh asked as he entered Lance’s room the next morning.

“Oh, hell, yes,” Lance said, swinging his feet over the side of the bed. “I hope I NEVER have to spend another night in the hospital.  Though I DID have a really cute nurse take my temperature this morning. His name was Dan.”  Lance blushed and Josh smiled.

“Did he give you a sponge bath, too?”

“Josh!”  Lance exclaimed, and Josh laughed.

“Let’s get rolling,” Josh said, helping Lance stand up. He was still a little weak.

“We’re gonna stop and see Chris, right?” Lance said, and Josh’s smile faded.  “What? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?  I asked the nurses, but they didn’t know,” Lance said.  “Josh, what’s wrong with Chris?”

“He’s, uh, in a coma or something,” Josh mumbled.  “He hasn’t come to since the accident.”

“What?” Lance sat back down.  “Oh, my God.”

“Yeah.  Justin’s been here all night. They let him in every hour or so for a few minutes.  It’s really hitting him hard.”

“We were talking about Justin when the accident happened,” Lance said softly.  “I told him nothing was going on between me and Justin…”

“If you want, we can stop over there on our way out,” Josh said. Lance nodded, and they left the room.

Lance signed all the necessary forms, and they walked down to intensive care.  Justin was sitting on the floor in the hallway, and he scrambled to his feet when he saw Lance. “Peaches! Hey.”  He gave Lance a careful hug. “I stopped by this morning but you were still asleep.”

“How are you, Justin?” Lance tried to hide his shock as he looked at Justin. He wore a pair of his own baggy jeans, but he wore a white wifebeater and a checkered short-sleeved button-down shirt overtop.  His nipple rings were visible through the wifebeater, but he had taken out his big gold hoop earrings.

“I’m okay.”  Justin ran a hand through his blond curls.  “Chris isn’t, though. I keep talking and talking to him and he doesn’t wake up.” He looked at Josh with wide, scared eyes. “Can’t you fix him, Josh? Make him wake up. You can do anything!”

“You’re talking crazy, now, Justin,” Josh said soothingly.  Justin turned around and pressed his face to the glass, watching the nurse take down all Chris’ vitals.

“I don’t want him to be alone, you know? He shouldn’t be alone,” Justin said. “I went and called his mom in Pennsylvania this morning, but she won’t be able to make a flight until tonight.”

“Are they close?” Lance asked.

“Pretty close.  She accepts him for who he is, if that’s what you mean,” Justin said.

“Do you need anything, Justin?” Josh asked.  “I’m taking Lance home now.”

“No…if you wanna bring another change of clothes in later, that’d be cool.” Justin looked at Lance.  “I’m glad to see you looking so good, Peaches.”  Justin gave Lance a hug. “TELL Josh how you feel,” he whispered in Lance’s ear.  Lance said nothing.

“I’ll stop back in later,” Josh told Justin, and he and Lance left.  They got into Josh’s car and he carefully pulled out of the parking lot.  “Are you hungry?”

“No, actually I’m tired.  I didn’t sleep well. I…I had nightmares,” Lance admitted.

“Wanna talk about it?” Josh asked.

“Just about the accident,” Lance said. He didn’t mention that the driver in his dream was Josh and not Chris.

“Wanna stay with me for a little while? You can sleep in my bed.”

“Okay,” Lance said. He didn’t feel like being alone.

They got back to the apartment building and went up to Josh’s apartment.  “I’m gonna have a cup of tea. Want some?” Josh asked as he went into the kitchen.

“Sure,” Lance said, lying down on the sofa.  By the time Josh had the tea ready, Lance was fast asleep.

Josh smiled and set the mug of tea down on the coffee table.  He looked at Lance for a long time, taking in the soft, pale cheeks, short hair, and bruised skin. “Oh, Lance,” Josh whispered. He finally gave in to his temptation and touched Lance’s face.  Lance sighed and turned towards the touch.  Josh was shocked, but he continued to stroke Lance’s cheek.  Lance’s eyes fluttered open and Josh jerked his hand back.  “Oh, I’m, uh, sorry, um…”

“Don’t stop,” Lance whispered, his green eyes full of trust.  “It felt good.”  Josh sat on the floor by the sofa and stroked Lance’s cheek once more.  Lance carefully turned on his side and looked at Josh.  “Do you still miss Brian?”

Josh was surprised by the question, but he answered it anyway. “Sometimes.  I miss having someone to be with, you know? Not just in a sexual way…just as a companion.”

“You deserve someone, Josh. You’re so great…so nice and everything,” Lance said, feeling like an idiot.  Josh turned pink with pleasure. 

“Thank you, Lance,” Josh whispered, afraid to hope.  “I just haven’t been lucky enough to find someone.”

“Do you think, um, maybe, uh, when everything’s okay with Chris, that we could, uh…” Lance stopped talking and groaned. “Oh, never mind.”

“No, Lance, what were you gonna say?” Josh asked breathlessly.

“I can’t,” Lance said.  He was too afraid of the rejection.

“Then I’ll do it,” Josh said. “Lance, I’ve been interested in you from the moment you walked into the bookstore.  I didn’t want to scare you, so I didn’t say anything.  Then you were all about Justin, and I never thought you’d see me that way.”

“I think I DID see you that way all along, and Justin was in the way,” Lance said.  “I just never felt the vibe from you.”

“I’m good at hiding vibes,” Josh said.  “Actually, when Justin and I broke up, it was hard for me.  When I fall, I fall hard, and I couldn’t let him know.”

“It’s not a good idea,” Lance agreed. 

“And I never thought YOU’D be into ME,” Josh said.

“Oh, Josh,” Lance whispered.  “Do you…do you think we could try?”

“At your pace,” Josh told him. “As fast or as slow as you want.”

“I think my pace would be set by you kissing me,” Lance said bravely.  Josh smiled and got on his knees.  Josh’s lips met Lance’s, and Lance sighed happily. The kiss was tender and soft and full of all kinds of promise.

“Go to sleep,” Josh told him.

“Can’t we, um…could we go into your bedroom?” Lance asked, turning beet red.  “I would be more comfortable on the bed…but I want to be with you.”

“Sure.”  Josh held out his hand and Lance took it. They went into the bedroom and Josh got Lance situated under the covers.  Josh spooned up behind Lance on top of the covers, and held him until he fell asleep.

Twenty-Three

  

Justin ran a hand through his curls and reached over to the bedside table. He took a sip of water, then swallowed, trying to soften the sandpaper in this throat. “How about this one?”  Justin asked, holding a photo in his hand and gently leaning over Chris’ chest. “I have this one in my wallet. Remember this one? We went into the city that day, me, you and Joey…we were eating ice cream.  You were looking at him, he was looking at you, then both of you looked at me.  He misses you Chris. He wants you to open your eyes. WE want you to open your eyes. Open your eyes, dammit.  Open your eyes, Chris, open your eyes!”  Justin demanded, then angrily wiped at a tear.

 

“Hi, Bev,” Josh said, kissing the woman’s cheek. “Lance, this is Beverly, Chris’ mom.  Bev, this is Lance.”

“Chris mentioned you, I think.  How are you?”  Beverly looked Lance over.  He and Josh had quickly thrown on clothes that morning, and after finding something for Justin to wear, they had hurried into the hospital.

“Better,” Lance said, holding up his wrist.  “But not perfect.”

“You poor boy.”  She kissed Lance’s cheek, then looked in the window of Chris’ room.  “Who is that in there?”

“That’s Justin, Bev. You know him,” Josh said.

“Of course I know him,” she said, frowning. “He’s all Chris can talk about…but I don’t know about him…he seems…” Bev shook her head. “It’s not my place to talk bad about your friend.  But he looks different.”

“Justin has toned things down lately,” Josh said quickly.  “Please go in there. He hasn’t left Chris’ side since the accident. Maybe we can get him to eat some breakfast.”

“Okay.”  Bev gave them each a sad smile, and entered the room.

Justin looked up as the door opened, ready to argue for just a few more minutes.  He sighed when he saw who it was. “Hello, Beverly.”

“Hello, Justin.”  Justin stood and stretched, and they gave each other a polite hug.  Beverly took his seat by the bed.  “How is he?” 

“The same.  He stirred once, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

Beverly looked up at the pain in his voice. “Why don’t you go with your friends?  Maybe go home for a bit?”  Her tone softened.

“I’ll go out to them, but I don’t want to leave.”  Justin gave Chris one more tender look, then left the room.

“Hey, Justin.”  Lance hugged him. “How are you doing?”

“Okay,” Justin said, yawning.  Today he wore a pair of baggy cargo shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

“Wanna go walk on the beach or something?” Josh asked.  “We could get something to eat.”

“Let’s just eat here,” Justin suggested.

“Justin…”

“What if he wakes up for five seconds and I’m not here?” Justin snapped.  “I have to be here for him.”

“Okay,” Lance said, rubbing Justin’s arm. “Let’s go get something, and we can eat outside in that little courtyard.”  Justin nodded, and they went to the hospital cafeteria.

They carried their food outside and sat at a small picnic table.  Justin sat on one side, with Josh and Lance across from him.  He looked at them carefully, and smiled slowly. “So…I guess you two finally got your heads out of your asses?”

Lance blushed and Josh glared at him.  “I’m not sure what you mean,” Josh said.

“God, you two have been perfect for each other from day one,” Justin pointed out. “I’m glad, girls.  You two pretties are meant for each other.”

“Thank you,” Lance said shyly.

“I wonder how long Bev will stay,” Justin said, taking small nibbles of his egg and cheese muffin.

“She is his mother, Justin,” Josh reminded him quietly.

“I know, I just…I like having Chris all to myself,” Justin said, blushing slightly.

“He never got you all to himself,” Josh said, then snapped his mouth shut. Justin looked up sharply.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just eat, okay, J?  Drink some coffee.  Get some strength back. I know you haven’t been eating,” Josh said.

“He’s worse than a parent,” Justin told Lance.  But he smiled at Josh and took a sip of his coffee.

 

Josh and Lance spent an hour with Justin, sitting outside Chris’ room while Beverly kept watch by Chris’ side.  They went in to say hello to Chris, even though he didn’t respond, then they left the hospital.  Justin wasn’t very good company, and they couldn’t all be in Chris’ room.

Lance was quiet on the drive back to the apartment.  “You okay?” Josh asked.

“Yeah…I just realized how much I do NOT feel like going in to the restaurant tonight,” Lance said.

“Call off,” Josh told him. “I already explained things to Teresa, and she’s gonna get someone to cover for us at the shop for as long as we need.”

“I think I will,” Lance said.  They got out of the car and headed upstairs, still a little unsure with one another.  “Um, do you wanna come in for a while?”

“I hoped you’d ask,” Josh said, smiling.  He flopped on the sofa as Lance called the restaurant.

“They weren’t real happy,” Lance said, sitting down with Josh.

“They’ll get over it. And if they don’t, there are a million other places that would love to have you work there,” Josh told him.  Lance laid his head on Josh’s shoulder and Josh reached for his hand.

“This feels so good,” Lance said.  “With Justin, I felt like I’d never be good enough for him. But with you, I don’t feel that.”

“Good,” Josh said, turning his head to kiss Lance’s forehead.  “Lance, I need to be honest with you about something.”

“Okay,” Lance said.

“One of the reasons I didn’t just come out and tell you I was interested…why I hid it…it’s because of Brian.”

“Brian?”  Lance swallowed hard. Maybe Brian was coming back.

“When I met him, he had never been with a man. Never even kissed one. I was his first everything.  He was just experimenting…and I was the one he did it all with.  And then he left. I didn’t want the same thing to happen twice.  I couldn’t handle you playing with me then leaving.”  Josh lowered his head.  Lance gently tilted Josh’s head back up.

“I’m not playing with you, Josh.  I’m nervous and inexperienced and worried about pleasing you, but this is no experiment for me. I swear.”

“I know,” Josh whispered. “I just wanted you to know why I hesitated.”

Lance leaned in and softly kissed Josh.  Josh put a hand on Lance’s shoulder, holding him in tight.  Lance moaned as Josh’s tongue flickered out.  “Damn, Josh, I never felt like this,” Lance whispered as Josh kissed his cheek and his chin.  “I felt that kiss in my knees.”

“Well, that’s a good sign,” Josh said, smiling as he leaned his forehead on Lance’s.

 

Beverly left Chris’ room to make some phone calls, and Justin took his usual place by Chris’ side. He picked up Chris’ hand and kissed it. “Guess what?” Justin said.  “Lance and Josh are together.  Can you believe that? It’s about time…stupid girls.”  Justin leaned his cheek on Chris’ hand  “Lance wanted me.  How stupid was THAT? He thought me and him…well, that would have never worked. I’m not a one-man man, am I, Chrissy?  Well, with you, maybe, because you’re the one I come to the most.  Because you make me feel special, Chrissy.  You’re so good to me, and, fuck, Chrissy, what am I gonna do?”  Justin began to cry.  “Don’t leave me, Chrissy. I need you so bad.  I don’t deserve how good you are to me, and I don’t understand why you…” Something flashed into Justin’s brain and he stopped talking.  He remembered something that Josh had said the night that he was drunk.  “Two men that love you…that want only to be with you, and you ignore the one and reject the other one,” Justin whispered. He looked down at Chris, realization filling his brain.  “Oh, Chrissy.”  Justin kissed Chris’ palm again. “Why?  Why’d you waste your time on me? I’m not worth it.  I’m just a dumb queer whore who…oh, Chrissy, wake up so I can apologize!”

Twenty-Four

 

“So, are you hungry?” Josh asked as they entered his apartment.  It was almost dinner time, and they were finally coming back from the hospital.  They had returned in the early afternoon to find Joey sitting with Justin.  Joey had been dropping in and out as best he could, but he found it too hard to watch Chris just lay there. He and Chris had been friends for a long time, and he could hardly believe that his wacky best friend was laying in the valley between life and death.  But he came to console Justin, and Justin leaned on his hardy shoulders gratefully.

“No,” Lance said. “Not really.”

“Do you want to go to a movie or something?” Josh asked.  “Some new stuff opened this week.”

“Nah,” Lance said, sitting down and playing with one of the pillows on the sofa.  “I don’t feel right doing something like that.”

“Chris wouldn’t want us to mope around,” Josh said, sitting down with Lance on the sofa. “But I understand what you mean.  We could just stay in.”

“Okay,” Lance said, nervously biting at his bottom lip.  They sat in silence for a moment.  “Josh?”

“What?” Josh asked, smiling at Lance.

“Do…do you think it would be wrong for us to, you know, kiss or something?” Lance asked in a tiny voice.

“Why would it be wrong?”

“I just…Chris is laying in that hospital in a coma, and I don’t feel right.”

“I don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do,” Josh reminded Lance.  “For my sake or for Chris’.”

“But I really want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me. I sure as hell won’t be complaining.”

Lance smiled. “But Chris…”

“Chris wouldn’t care. If Chris were up and running around like usual, would you care what he thought about us kissing?”

“No,” Lance admitted.

“Then kiss me!” Josh said in mock exasperation.

Lance ran a hand through Josh’s soft hair, then gently kissed him. Josh sighed and fell back against the sofa, with Lance pressed over him. 

Their mouths met, tongues met, lips met, until Lance could hardly figure out where he stopped and Josh started.  “Josh…” Lance whispered, his lips trailing over to shyly nibble on Josh’s ear.

“God, I LOVE that,” Josh moaned, and Lance felt himself jump to attention.  He nervously pulled back. “What?” Josh asked, then he knew.  “Can I ask you something?”  Lance nodded. “How far have you gone?”

“Well, I, uh, kissed a few guys, but um, that night with Justin, I was naked, and he, uh, licked me once or twice, but, um, that’s it.”  Lance was beet red.  “Not much.”

“How far do you want to go?” Josh asked, and Lance froze.  He hadn’t even considered that.  “Lance, I want you to know right up front how attracted I am to you. You’re sweet and gorgeous and sexy, and I want you. Every single beautiful inch of you.  But I’m not gonna push things, okay? It’s whatever you’re ready for. I’ve done it all already.”

“Have you ever, um, given a blow job?” Lance asked.  Josh nodded, smiling.  “And you’ve, uh, had sex?” Lance asked weakly.  Josh nodded again. “Have you ever been tied up?”

“Lancey…I didn’t know you were a closet kinky freak,” Josh teased, and Lance made a face.  “No, I haven’t.”

“Have you ever…um…peed on someone?” Lance wanted to crawl under the sofa and die.  Josh made a face.

“Euww, Lance, PLEASE tell me you don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t!”  Lance said immediately. “It was just the nastiest thing I could think of.”

“Nasty is right.”  Josh stood and took Lance’s hand.  “C’mere.”  Josh led the way into his bedroom, closing the door behind them.  “Okay…we’re gonna do whatever you want.  We can stop whenever, or go as far as you want.  Just so you know, I’m not expecting us to have sex or anything…but you just ask for whatever you want, okay?”

“What if I can’t?”  Lance whispered.

“Then I’ll just go with the flow, and if it’s too far too fast, you stop me.  Okay?”  Lance nodded. “Okay.  The only thing I ask is that we both have our shirts off. How’s that?”

“Okay,” Lance said. He’d already seen Josh without a shirt, at the beach.  Lance pulled his tshirt off and sat on the edge of the bed.  Josh sat down next to him and ran a hand over Lance’s chest. 

“You are so hot,” Josh whispered. He leaned in to kiss the silk of Lance’s neck.  Lance whimpered.  “Oh, you like it there?”  Josh moved to kiss the exact same spot on the other side of Lance’s neck.  Lance whimpered again.  Josh slowly lay Lance back on the bed.  “You stop me whenever you want,” Josh reminded him, kissing him as he let his hand trail up and down Lance’s chest.  Lance reached up to curl his fingers through Josh’s hair.  Lance’s body involuntarily turned to push up against Josh.  “Fuck…you taste good,” Josh whispered, sliding down a bit to nibble at Lance’s collar bone.  Lance moaned quietly, arching his body.  Josh let his lips play with a nipple before slowly sucking it into his mouth.  Lance’s breath came in short gasps as he tugged at Josh’s hair.  “Oh…Lance…”

Lance closed his eyes and shivered as Josh’s long fingers slowly unbuttoned Lance’s jeans.  They felt for the flap in Lance’s boxers, and barely fluttered inside before stroking Lance through the fabric.  “Josh…oh…touch me…” Lance begged.  Josh pulled back and shoved down the jeans, taking Lance’s boxers with them. He then undressed himself, not wanting Lance to feel vulnerable.

“Beautiful,” Josh whispered, kissing Lance as he slowly stroked him.  Lance grunted, moving his hips up to meet the movement of Josh’s hand.  “Can I taste you?” Josh asked, and Lance barely paused before nodding.

“Oh…” Lance gasped as Josh took only the head into his mouth. Josh’s tongue ran slow, wicked circles around the head before he slid his mouth down further.  “Josh…incredible…oh…fuck…”

Josh took Lance in as far as he could, then moved up and down at a steady pace. He could hear Lance’s teeth practically chattering, and he was glad. He didn’t want Lance to be afraid. He wanted Lance to feel good.  He also wanted to see Lance’s face the first time he made him cum, so he pulled his mouth away and moved back up to kiss Lance’s swollen lips. “Wanna see you,” Josh whispered, rubbing his own cock against Lance’s leg as he stroked him once more.

“Josh…Josh…oh, God…” Lance panted, feeling something powerful building inside of him. He had touched himself before, but it was nothing like this.  Nothing like Josh’s hand and Josh’s mouth on his neck and oh God…

“Fuck,” Josh mumbled against Lance’s skin, cumming onto Lance’s leg at almost the same exact time Lance arched up and cried out Josh’s name.  Lance’s entire body shivered, and Josh pulled him close.  “Sorry about that.”

“A-about wh-what?” Lance stuttered, barely able to form words.  Josh smiled.

“You didn’t notice?”

“What? Oh.”  Lance looked down, then smiled at Josh. “I must be damn good…I didn’t even do anything!”

Josh chuckled, kissing Lance’s cheek. “You are damn good. C’mon. Let’s go shower.”

“You go. I’ll be in as soon as the bones return to my body,” Lance said. Josh laughed and kissed Lance’s nose, then got up to turn on the shower.

Twenty-Five

 

"Evan's favorite book is the Bible, and his favorite movie is From Here to Eternity."  Justin groaned and slapped the magazine shut. "Can you believe that shit, Chris?  Like that dork reads the Bible on a regular basis.  These centerfold things are so retarded." 

Justin stared into space. "If I was a centerfold, I'd tell the truth. My favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham, and my favorite movie is Clueless.  Straight up, no lying."

"What…the hell…are you wearing?"  A faint voice came from the bed.

"It's Josh's shirt. Do you like it? I think the color brings out my…"

Justin almost fell off the chair as he realized Chris was speaking to him. "Chrissy?"

"Hi," Chris said, giving a weak smile.  Justin squealed and gently kissed Chris' forehead. 

"Don't go away again, okay, Chris? I'll get the doctor. Don't go away!"  Justin ran out into the hallway, shouting for a doctor.

 

Josh and Lance hurried down the hallway of the hospital.  Justin had called as soon as a doctor went into Chris' room, and Joey was already at the hospital, sitting with Justin. "Josh!"  Justin yelled, jumping up.

"Shh, Justin, this is a hospital," Josh said, but he hugged Justin tight.

"He's awake!"  Justin exclaimed in a quieter voice.  "I haven't been back in yet, but he talked to me!"

"Justin, that is so awesome," Lance said.

"It is!  And the doctor said it looks good…he's not even really hurt physically.  He seems to be okay mentally, but they want to keep him for observation, of course," Justin babbled, bouncing up and down.

"Mr. Timberlake?" A nurse said, and Justin whirled around.  "He'd like to see you."

"Okay," Justin said, heaving a deep sigh.  He straightened his shirt and looked at Josh. "I think Chris is in love with me," he confided.

Josh smiled, Lance choked a laugh into a cough, and Joey outright chuckled.  "Yeah, Justin, he is."

"You knew?"

"We all knew," Joey told him.

"I'm a dork," Justin said, and Lance hugged him.

"But you're cute."

"No, I'm gorgeous," Justin said.  "Here goes nothing."

Justin breezed into the room, happy to see Chris propped up on pillows and looking around the room. "Hey," Chris said, his throat still dry from underuse.

"Hi, Chrissy."  Justin sat close and picked up Chris' hand. "I'm so glad to see you're okay."

"From what I hear, it was something to worry about," Chris said, and Justin shuddered.

"Yeah, but now you're okay!"  Justin beamed at Chris.  "I've been waiting and waiting for you to wake up, but it wasn't too bad.  I could say anything I wanted and you never contradicted me."

Chris smiled.  "What the hell ARE you wearing?"

"I told you, something of Josh's."

"Why?"

"Because, I, well…" Justin was actually nervous. "I thought, you know, that maybe the way I dress is a bit over the top."

"Of course it is," Chris said, and Justin's face fell. "But that's you, Justin.  We wouldn't want you any other way."

"Really?" Justin asked, and Chris slowly nodded.  "Chris…do you…are you…do you like me?"

"Of course I do," Chris said. "You're one of my closest friends."

"Right," Justin said with a sigh. "I mean, do you…love me?"

Chris looked away for a long moment.  "Who told you that? Lance?"

"No. I figured it out all by myself…finally," Justin said. "Chris, why the hell do you love ME?  I mean, really. You should love Josh…or Lance, except that they're together now and THAT could get kinda messy."

"I don't want to love Lance or Josh, Justin. I've loved you for ages now."  Chris was shocked to see tears in Justin's eyes.

"But I was so awful to you! Chrissy, I swear I didn't know! I never would have…"

"Of course you would have."  Chris took Justin's hand. "Justin, I love you EXACTLY the way you are. I love the flamboyant clothes, or lack thereof. I love the way you dance and sing. I love the how excited you get about simple things.  I love you."

"I'm a whore, Chris."

"No, you're not."  Chris' voice was firm.  "Never say that."

"I don't know if I can settle down with one man," Justin began.

"I never asked you to," Chris interrupted.

"I wasn't finished," Justin snapped.  "But maybe I could…with you.  You treat me better than anyone else ever did, Chrissy."

"I don't want you to change anything about yourself," Chris whispered, afraid to hope.

"I won't. I promise. The only thing I'll change is the way I act with other guys…I may flirt, but I'm not gonna sleep around anymore, Chrissy.  I'm only for you."  Chris closed his eyes for a long moment, and Justin freaked.  "Chris?  Chris!"

"I'm fine," Chris said as a tear slid down his cheek. "Perfectly fine."

 

Twenty-Six

 

“Okay, so do you think he’ll like it? I mean, it’s not too much, is it?” Justin paced anxiously, biting a fingernail.  “I mean, it’s his place, but he needs to be able to get around as easily as possible.”  Justin wiped at a spot on the back of Chris’ sofa. “Shit. Was that there before?”

Lance and Josh smiled at each other. After almost three weeks in the hospital, Chris was coming home.  Joey had a key to his apartment, in case of emergencies, and Justin had come up with the bright idea of cleaning it.  “Justin, I’m sure Chris won’t notice that little spot,” Josh said.

“I’m sure Chris won’t even recognize his own place,” Lance said, looking around.  He hadn’t been in the apartment until he had agreed to help Justin clean it, and it was a far cry from the mess he had found upon entering it for the first time.

“Okay, because, you know, I want him to like it.”  Justin wrung his hands and looked at Josh. “Will he like it?”

“I’m sure he will,” Josh said softly.  Justin’s pout turned into his sparkling grin.

“Good, because I want to make sure he tells me what a wonderful job I did.”

Lance rolled his eyes. Some things never changed.  “So, um, is there anything else we can do?” 

“No…” Justin took a look around. “I think this is good. Oh, I wanna get flowers tonight.  I love flowers.”

“Does Chris love flowers?” Josh asked.  Justin gave him a snobbish look.

“I don’t know, but Justin likes flowers, so Justin is gonna get some flowers.”

“Aw, isn’t he cute when he refers to himself in the third person?” Josh asked Lance, squeezing Justin’s chin. Justin pulled away, annoyed.

“Shut up, C.  Lance, can’t you go fuck him quiet or something?” Justin asked.  Lance turned red, as Justin knew he would, and even Josh blushed slightly. “What? Oh, am I to understand that after all this time, you two haven’t gotten it on?”

“We’ve gotten it in a way, just not gotten it on,” Lance said, looking down.

Justin hugged him. “It’s okay, Peaches. I know that Josh is nasty and everything, but once you get past all that, he’s not too bad in bed.”

“Fuck off, Curly,” Josh snapped.  “You didn’t seem to be complaining when we were together.”

“But notice it didn’t last,” Justin pointed out. “Okay, kids, let’s get outta here. I want it to stay this nice until Chris gets here tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Josh asked Justin as they left the apartment.

“No, I think I can handle it myself, Josh,” Justin said. 

“How does it feel, having a boyfriend?” Lance asked quietly.  Justin froze ever so slightly.

“Um, it’s nice. Weird, but nice. I feel like things should be different, but they’re not. He treats me the same…like I’m something special.”

“You are, Justin,” Lance said, and Josh frowned.  “You’ve always been special to him, and now you know why.  He loves you.”

“Yeah. I love him, too,” Justin said.  Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Are you sure, Justin? Don’t just say it out of some sort of guilt.”

“I’m not,” Justin retorted. “I do love Chris. Maybe not as much as he loves me, but someday I will.  Love can grow like that.”

“Yes, it can,” Lance agreed, glaring at Josh.  “So, um, do you wanna do something tonight, Justin? I know you’ll be counting the hours until you see Chris.”

“Wanna go out?” Justin looked from Lance to Josh.

“Are you sure you wanna do that?” Josh asked.

“I’m gonna behave, C. I promised Chris, and I meant it. I can go out and dance without hooking up.”  Even Lance had to give Justin a skeptical look at that comment. “What? I can. And I’ll prove it tonight.”

 

“Well, one thing hasn’t changed,” Josh commented, looking at the tight blue tshirt and short denim shorts Justin was wearing.

“What? Chris said he wanted nothing to change about me. He told me he loved me just the way I was, and I shouldn’t change a thing,” Justin said.  “Quit being a dick, Josh.”

“Whatever,” Josh said, sighing.

“I’ll buy the first round,” Justin sang over his shoulder, sashaying to the bar.  Josh looked at Lance.

“Can we leave yet?”

“Give him the benefit of the doubt, babe,” Lance said.

Justin couldn’t help but attract men the way a flower attracts bees.  It was just something in him that made him attractive to everyone.  But even Josh was surprised at the way Justin behaved.  He would gladly accept offers to dance, but that’s all he would do. He would simply dance. He’d allow a hand on his shoulder or waist, but as soon as things got more intimate, he pulled back.  Josh watched a few men lean in to Justin’s ear, and he knew they were inviting him somewhere to do something, but Justin would shake his head and politely say no.  Josh was so shocked he didn’t even notice that he was on his third drink.  He hadn’t planned on drinking, but Lance kept shoving cups into his hand, and he kept drinking out of them.

“Mmm…wonder if I can seduce that sexy drunk guy,” Lance said in Josh’s ear during a slow dance.

“What sexy drunk guy?”  Josh swung his head around, ready to fight for his boy if necessary.

“He’s hot. Didn’t you see him?  Soft brown hair, blue eyes, long legs…” Lance trailed a finger down the side of Josh’s sweaty neck.

“Hey! That sounds like me!”  Josh exclaimed.  Lance smiled up at him. “But I’m not drunk!”

“SURE you aren’t, Romeo.  I’m tired. Do you think we can drag Justin away?”

Josh looked around for Justin, and was surprised to find him leaning against a wall and talking to Joey.  “Yeah.  There he is.”

They walked over to their friends. “You two lovebirds ready to roll? I need to pick up my…uh…my boy early tomorrow.”  Justin smiled at the way the words sounded. He liked the way they felt coming out of his mouth.

“I was trying to talk him into breakfast, but he actually wants to go to sleep,” Joey said, shaking his head.  “See? That’s what happens when you get a boyfriend…they rule your life.  Thank GOD I’m straight.”

Justin slapped him and Josh grinned.  “That’s just the least of YOUR problems, Joey.”  Josh looked at Lance. “You driving?”  Lance nodded. “Then let’s go.”

“See you guys later,” Joey said, waving as he went to check on something behind the bar.

 

Twenty-Seven

 

“Mine mine mine!” Justin sang, dancing in his chair as he pulled the pile of coins towards him.

“I’m so glad you guys decided to teach me to pay poker,” Lance grumbled, throwing his cards down in disgust.  “I’m down to negative fifteen cents already!”

“You’ll learn, Peaches,” Justin said cheerfully.

“Yeah, you can have that attitude, since you’re not even playing with your own money,” Josh pointed out.  “Chris, you spoil him.”

“He only had large bills. I had that whole jar full of change,” Chris pointed out.

Justin smiled at him fondly. “You need anything, baby?”

“I could use another beer,” Chris said, waving his bottle in the air.  Justin frowned.

“What about your medication?”

“I stopped taking that yesterday,” Chris said, and Justin’s mouth fell open.

“Chrissy!”

“I’ve been out of the hospital for a week, Justin. I think I know when I’m feeling better.”  The bruises on Chris’ face were a hideous yellow color now, but they were fading.  He was almost back to himself, except for a slight fear of cars, which was understandable.

“I’ll get you one more,” Lance said, standing. “Anyone else?”  The impromptu poker party was being held in his apartment.

“Me,” Joey said.  Justin and Josh shook their heads.

“I say we quit now and watch a movie. I rented something I think we’ll all like, even Joey,” Lance said, handing Joey and Chris their beers.

“Movie sounds good,” Chris said, welcoming any chance to snuggle close to Justin. He still found it hard to believe that Justin was his.

“What did you get?” Justin asked, and Josh grinned.  He had accompanied Lance to the video store.

“To Wong Fu,” Lance replied.  Justin shrieked with glee. Joey moaned. 

“Come on, Joe. It’s the movie that every straight man needs to see,” Josh said, dragging Joey to the floor by the sofa.

“I’ve put it off this long, can’t I just go on as I am?” Joey whined.

“No,” Josh said.

Chris made his way to the sofa and sat down.  Justin immediately curled up next to him, putting his head on Chris’ lap.  Chris sighed with contentment, and Lance smiled. “Go ahead and start it, Josh.  I’m just gonna get myself some tea.”  Lance opened his fridge and was pouring a glass of iced tea when his phone rang.  He grabbed the receiver from the wall.  “Hello?  Mama.  Hi.”

Everyone in the living room jumped as they heard glass shatter on the floor.  Josh got up and ran to the kitchen.  Lance had his back to the room, the phone cord wrapped around his waist.  “Lance…”

“No…Mama…I’m glad…you called…” Josh winced at the tears in Lance’s voice.  “I’ll be right there. As soon as I can.  Should…should I get a hotel room in Jackson?  Okay.  Yeah.  Mama…I love you.”  Lance slowly untangled himself from the phone and hung it up.  Justin, Chris and Joey stood outside the tiny kitchen, with Josh in the doorway.

“What is it, Lance?” Josh whispered.

“My father. He had a heart attack, and they don’t think he’s gonna make it. I need to go home.” Lance’s green eyes welled up with tears.

“I’ll call for a hotel room,” Justin said, grabbing the phone book and his cellphone.

“Do you have a suitcase?” Joey asked.

“In the bedroom closet,” Lance said in a dull tone, watching everyone rush around.  Chris smiled sympathetically and moved out of everyone’s way.

“I’ll call the airport and see what flights are available,” Chris said, picking up his own cellphone and stealing the phone book from Justin.

“I’ll be back, Lance,” Josh said, after he hugged and kissed him.  “I’m gonna go pack.”

“For what?” Lance asked.

“To go with you, of course,” Josh said.  Lance shook his head.

“You’re not coming with me.”

“Oh, yes, I am.  You need support and…”

“I said you’re not going, Josh. Thank you, but I’m going alone.”

“You have a reservation at the Holiday Inn,” Justin said, slapping his phone shut.

“I can’t afford many nights at the Holiday Inn,” Lance said.

“They’re billing it to my credit card. Don’t worry about it,” Justin said, kissing Lance’s cheek as he went to snuggle with Chris again.

“They have a flight in two hours,” Chris said. “I put you on it.  I gave them my credit card number.”

“Thanks,” Lance whispered. He could not have afforded to fly, and he was planning on taking the bus.  He looked at Josh. “I should pack.”

Lance went into the bedroom with Josh on his heels.  Lance thanked Joey for digging out his suitcase, and Joey left the room. “What do you mean, I’m not going with you?” Josh hissed. “Lance, I love you. You need me.”

“No, Josh, I don’t.  Not to be rude, but actually the last thing I need is you going back there with me,” Lance said, tossing clothes into the suitcase.

“What?”

“I can’t, Josh.” Lance tone was harsh, but his voice wavered. “I can’t let…I can’t.”

“You’re ashamed of me?” Josh whispered.

“NO.  Not like that. It’s just…you don’t know what I went through back there, Josh. I can’t do it.”

“We could do it together, Lance,” Josh began.

“Dammit, Joshua, I said no, okay?  Did you miss that?”  Lance screamed. Josh jumped and paled slightly.

“You know what? I’m not gonna take that like it sounded. I’m gonna assume you’re upset about your dad, and I’m not gonna continue to fight with you.” Josh’s voice grew cold. “But when they treat you like shit, and you’re miserable, do NOT call me, okay?”  Josh turned on one heel.  “Have a safe flight,” he said over his shoulder, slamming the door of the apartment behind him.

 

“C? It’s me,” Justin said, knocking on Josh’s door a half-hour later.  Josh answered the door, his eyes puffy.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in? I feel kinda lonely…Joey and Chris just left with Lance.”

“Yeah.”  Josh moved aside and went to curl up in a ball on the sofa.  Justin looked at the little igloo of balled up tissues.

“Hey.”  Justin shoved tissues aside and pressed himself tight against Josh. “C’mere.”

“Did you hear me?” Josh said, crying on Justin’s shoulder. “I was an ass.”

“Josh, the whole apartment building heard the two of you,” Justin teased gently. “It’s okay.”

“I told him not to call me. I told him if he needed help, not to call me. What kind of boyfriend is that?”

“He didn’t take it seriously, Josh. He knows you’re here for him.”

“I don’t want him to go through this alone,” Josh said, sniffling.

“And you can’t be there if he doesn’t want you. Lance will be fine,” Justin said, but he frowned as he said it.

 

Twenty-Eight

 

Lance had enough money to rent a car at the airport in Jackson.  He quickly found the Holiday Inn where Justin had made the reservation, and he dumped his bags in the room before hurrying toward the hospital.  His hometown was only a few miles away, but they didn’t have a hospital. The best hospital in the area was in the city.

“I’m here to see James Bass,” Lance told the woman behind the counter.

“Sixteen-fourteen,” she told him.  “North wing, sixteenth floor.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said politely.

The elevator seemed to take forever.  When he stepped out into the hallway, the first person he saw was his sister, Stacey.  “Oh, Lance!”  Stacey fell into his arms and sobbed. “He’s slipping away. You made it just in time.”

“Is he…will he know me?” Lance whispered.

“Yes.”  Stacey pulled back. “And he’s been asking for you.  Mama didn’t even want to call you, but I made her do it.”

“Thanks.”  Lance kissed Stacey’s cheek and headed down the hall.  A few aunts, uncles and cousins milled around, and they gave him almost angry stares, as if his being there could only make things worse for his father.  Lance tiptoed into the room, where his mother was by his father’s side.

Diane Bass looked up and frowned.  “Hello, James.”

“Mama,” he said softly.  Lance wanted to hug her, but he felt waves of irritation flowing from her body.  Even after everything, she was still his mother, and he still loved her.  He looked at the body in the bed.  “Dad, hi. It’s me, James Lance.”

“James,” his father said faintly.

“Okay, you’ve seen him. Why don’t you wait in the hall with the others?”  Diane snapped. “He’s weak. He can’t…”

“No,” Lance said firmly. “He asked for me. Stacey told me. And I need to talk to him.”

Diane was shocked at the tone of her son’s voice. “James Lance Bass, don’t you…”

“Diane, go,” Jim said from the bed.  “Get some coffee or something. I need to talk to James.”

“Fine,” she snapped. “But I’ll be back.”  She stormed out of the room.  Lance sat down in her chair.  He and his father stared at each other, neither of them knowing where to start.

 

Justin was in Chris’ apartment when he returned from the airport.  “Josh is a mess,” Justin informed him after a hello kiss.  “He and Lance fought.”

“I heard,” Chris said, shaking his head. “The last thing Lance needs is for Josh to be a dick.”

“Josh is hurt  Lance didn’t want him to come along,” Justin retorted.  They glared at each other for a moment.

“Fighting isn’t gonna help them,” Chris said finally, and Justin softened.

“You’re right. Do you need anything? Are you tired?” Justin asked.

“When will you realize I’m fine? I’m not made of glass,” Chris said.  “Are you EVER gonna have sex with me again?”

Justin stared at him, actually shocked into silence. “I, well, I didn’t know if you were…okay.”

“I’m fine,” Chris said.  “There was no damage to my cock or my ass, so what’s the problem?”

Justin was so shocked this time that he almost fell onto the sofa.  “Chrissy!”  Justin gasped, and Chris laughed.

“Justin Timberlake, embarrassed. I need to write this one down.”

Justin stood and advanced on Chris. “I want us to do something.”

“Okay,” Chris said, liking the glint in Justin’s blue eyes.”

“I want us to have sex, and then I don’t want us to ever do it again.”

“What?” Chris’ mouth fell open. Justin gently closed it.

“From now on, I want us to make love.  It can be fast and hard, or soft and slow, but from now on, we make love. I don’t want it to feel like it did with all the others.”

“Um, okay,” Chris said, melting at the sweetness in Justin’s smile. “I won’t say no to that.”

“Another condition…” Justin said, looking a bit uncomfortable.  Chris nodded, waiting.  “I want you to…fuck me. I mean like be mean. Like say stuff.”

“Justin, I never treated you like that,” Chris said.  Their sex had been rough at times, but never abusive.

“I know.  But I need it. I don’t know…I’ve been thinking about it, and I just feel bad, like I used you all that time. I know you don’t feel that way…but it would be a sort of, I dunno, atonement, or something. I know…I’m crazy…but didn’t you ever just want to use me…use me hard?”

Chris blushed slightly and Justin knew the thought had crossed his mind.  “I don’t know if I can do this,” Chris said.

“I think you can,” Justin whispered, kissing Chris for a long moment. Chris pulled away and took Justin’s hand, practically dragging Justin to the bedroom.

“Undress,” Chris commanded. With a sly grin, Justin took his good old time, making sure to move in just the right way to give Chris a good view. He soon stood naked before Chris.  “Come here,” Chris said, and Justin slowly walked over.  Chris grabbed him by the curls, pulling him in for a brutal kiss.  Justin moaned deep in his throat, shocked by the way his body reacted to Chris’ forceful attitude.  Chris released Justin long enough to shed his own clothes, then shoved Justin down onto the bed.  “Suck me,” he commanded, and Justin was happy to oblige.  Chris’ fingers wove through Justin’s curls.  “Fuck, yes,” Chris hissed as Justin deep-throated him.  “You little cocksucker…you’re SO good at that, aren’t you?”  Chris pushed Justin away, and Justin looked at him in confusion. “Lay down,” Chris ordered.  Justin inched back up the bed until he hit the pillows.  Chris dug through his nightstand until he found a condom and lubricant.  Justin smiled in satisfaction.

“Yes…” he whimpered as Chris’ wet finger began to explore.

“Don’t get too comfortable…I’m just making sure you’re ready,” Chris mumbled, letting one hand idly stroke Justin’s cock as the fingers on his other hand worked inside of him.  Justin was soon panting and wiggling on the bed.

“Please, Chris,” Justin begged.

“That’s right, you little whore…beg for me…” Chris got up and straddled Justin’s waist, stroking himself.

“Please, Chris, I want you to fuck me…please…” Justin said again.  Chris slid the condom on, then covered it with lubricant.  He moved down to pick Justin’s legs up. Before Justin could even breathe, Chris was inside. “Yes…oh, there…” Justin moaned, arching up to meet Chris’ thrusts.

“I’m the only one who’s ever gonna do this again…right?” Chris asked. Justin simply nodded, and Chris pulled out. He grabbed Justin’s waist, forcing him to flip over.  He pulled at Justin’s hair until Justin got on his hands and knees.  He then pulled until Justin was kneeling in front of him, Chris’ cock teasing at his ass.  “Tell me,” Chris said, holding the curls while he reached around with the other hand to play with Justin.

“You…only you…Chrissy…oh fuck, yes,” Justin panted.  Chris released him, then lay before him.

“Ride me,” Chris said, and Justin sat across his legs, carefully lowering himself down.

“Uh…yeah…Chris…” Justin panted, moving up and down on Chris.

“God, Justin…” Chris moaned, his eyes fluttering closed.  When he opened them, Justin was supporting his weight on a hand placed between Chris’ knees, and his free hand was stroking himself.  “Fuck…” Chris grunted.  The sight was too good…he came hard and deep inside Justin.

“Baby…” Justin said weakly, shooting onto Chris’ chest.  Justin rolled off Chris, using an edge of a sheet to wipe at Chris’ skin.

“It’s okay,” Chris said, taking Justin’s hand. “J, you know I didn’t mean any of that, right? I don’t think you’re a whore, I don’t think…”

“Shh…” Justin said. “I asked you to.  It’s okay.”

“Never again,” Chris said, pulling Justin close.  “I’ll only make love to you from now on.”

 

Twenty-Nine

Lance stared at his father, then finally picked up his father’s hand and held it. He was surprised to feel a gentle squeeze in response.  “Thank you…for coming,” his father whispered.

“C’mon, Dad. You’re my father. Like I’d stay home.”

Jim Bass studied his son. “You look different.”

“I have a new life now, not that you care,” Lance muttered before he thought. He had been determined not to be bitter; there was no time for that.  But the phrase had slipped out before he could catch it.

“I do care. So does your mother.”

“Dad, don’t, okay?  She didn’t even want to call me.  Didn’t want to tell me.”  Lance drew a ragged breath.  “But let’s not dwell on that.”

“Where are you living?”

“In Sun Beach,” Lance said. “I have two jobs and an apartment.”

“Two jobs?”

“I work in a bookstore and I tend bar.”

“Good for you.  I never thought you were a people person, but I guess you are.”  Jim swallowed deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment.  “You have friends?”

“Great friends.  Justin and Josh and Joey and Chris.”

“Are they all…like you?”

Lance smiled slightly.  His father was trying, which touched him to the core, but he knew it was still difficult.  “Joey’s not.  Justin and Chris are…Josh, too.”

Jim looked at his son’s face. “Josh?”

“He’s, uh…he’s my…yeah.”  Lance turned bright red.

“He’s good to you. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Yeah, he is. He’s the one who got me the bookstore job and found me an apartment.”

“Good, son. I’m glad someone will be looking after you.”  Lance was shocked at the tears in his father’s eyes.  “James, I will never understand the life you chose.  I don’t quite see how you could love a man the way you love a woman. It’s just not right in my mind.  But…you’re my only son, and I won’t leave this world with all this between us.”

“Dad, don’t talk like that.”

“I don’t have the strength to fight you, James Lance, but don’t contradict your father,” Jim said, smiling weakly.  “Your mother doesn’t understand. She probably never will.  Her attitude probably won’t change. You won’t suddenly be invited for Christmas and Thanksgiving, and you won’t get weekly phone calls. But under it all, she loves you. Remember that.”

“I will,” Lance whispered.

“I am damn proud of you, son.  Always have been.  Never forget that, either.”  Lance shook his head.  “I only ask that you forgive me for the way I treated you. Too late I’m finding out that there are things that are more important then who my son decides he loves.”

“Daddy…” Lance bit back a sob.

“I want to tell you something.”  Jim squeezed Lance’s hand harder.  “I never wrote up a will. Never thought I’d need one this early.  But I have a feeling that your mother will do everything in her power to make sure you don’t get anything.”

“Dad, shh. It’s okay, really. Not an issue.”

“It IS an issue.  And I know I can’t talk her into anything, and it’s too late to change it.  Do you remember my tool shed?”

“Of course,” Lance said, surprised by the sudden change in subject. “I helped you build it.”

“Your mother never goes in there.  I started a little fund…I was going to take her on a cruise next year for our anniversary, plus there were some other things I wanted to buy that I didn’t want her to know about.  I’ve been tossing money in a box here and there for the last year or two…I’m not sure what’s in there but I want you to have it.”

“Daddy…”

“Please, James.  She doesn’t know about it and she can’t keep it from you.  Take it, okay?”

“I will.”  Lance looked down at his father, not even trying to wipe the tears away.  “I love you, Daddy.  I never meant to hurt or embarrass you.”

“I love you, too, James.”

 

When Diane Bass returned to the room, she saw her son laying with his head on his father’s chest, his father’s fingers stroking through his short hair.  She sighed and closed the door without going in.

Twenty-Eight

 

Lance had enough money to rent a car at the airport in Jackson.  He quickly found the Holiday Inn where Justin had made the reservation, and he dumped his bags in the room before hurrying toward the hospital.  His hometown was only a few miles away, but they didn’t have a hospital. The best hospital in the area was in the city.

“I’m here to see James Bass,” Lance told the woman behind the counter.

“Sixteen-fourteen,” she told him.  “North wing, sixteenth floor.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said politely.

The elevator seemed to take forever.  When he stepped out into the hallway, the first person he saw was his sister, Stacey.  “Oh, Lance!”  Stacey fell into his arms and sobbed. “He’s slipping away. You made it just in time.”

“Is he…will he know me?” Lance whispered.

“Yes.”  Stacey pulled back. “And he’s been asking for you.  Mama didn’t even want to call you, but I made her do it.”

“Thanks.”  Lance kissed Stacey’s cheek and headed down the hall.  A few aunts, uncles and cousins milled around, and they gave him almost angry stares, as if his being there could only make things worse for his father.  Lance tiptoed into the room, where his mother was by his father’s side.

Diane Bass looked up and frowned.  “Hello, James.”

“Mama,” he said softly.  Lance wanted to hug her, but he felt waves of irritation flowing from her body.  Even after everything, she was still his mother, and he still loved her.  He looked at the body in the bed.  “Dad, hi. It’s me, James Lance.”

“James,” his father said faintly.

“Okay, you’ve seen him. Why don’t you wait in the hall with the others?”  Diane snapped. “He’s weak. He can’t…”

“No,” Lance said firmly. “He asked for me. Stacey told me. And I need to talk to him.”

Diane was shocked at the tone of her son’s voice. “James Lance Bass, don’t you…”

“Diane, go,” Jim said from the bed.  “Get some coffee or something. I need to talk to James.”

“Fine,” she snapped. “But I’ll be back.”  She stormed out of the room.  Lance sat down in her chair.  He and his father stared at each other, neither of them knowing where to start.

 

Justin was in Chris’ apartment when he returned from the airport.  “Josh is a mess,” Justin informed him after a hello kiss.  “He and Lance fought.”

“I heard,” Chris said, shaking his head. “The last thing Lance needs is for Josh to be a dick.”

“Josh is hurt  Lance didn’t want him to come along,” Justin retorted.  They glared at each other for a moment.

“Fighting isn’t gonna help them,” Chris said finally, and Justin softened.

“You’re right. Do you need anything? Are you tired?” Justin asked.

“When will you realize I’m fine? I’m not made of glass,” Chris said.  “Are you EVER gonna have sex with me again?”

Justin stared at him, actually shocked into silence. “I, well, I didn’t know if you were…okay.”

“I’m fine,” Chris said.  “There was no damage to my cock or my ass, so what’s the problem?”

Justin was so shocked this time that he almost fell onto the sofa.  “Chrissy!”  Justin gasped, and Chris laughed.

“Justin Timberlake, embarrassed. I need to write this one down.”

Justin stood and advanced on Chris. “I want us to do something.”

“Okay,” Chris said, liking the glint in Justin’s blue eyes.”

“I want us to have sex, and then I don’t want us to ever do it again.”

“What?” Chris’ mouth fell open. Justin gently closed it.

“From now on, I want us to make love.  It can be fast and hard, or soft and slow, but from now on, we make love. I don’t want it to feel like it did with all the others.”

“Um, okay,” Chris said, melting at the sweetness in Justin’s smile. “I won’t say no to that.”

“Another condition…” Justin said, looking a bit uncomfortable.  Chris nodded, waiting.  “I want you to…fuck me. I mean like be mean. Like say stuff.”

“Justin, I never treated you like that,” Chris said.  Their sex had been rough at times, but never abusive.

“I know.  But I need it. I don’t know…I’ve been thinking about it, and I just feel bad, like I used you all that time. I know you don’t feel that way…but it would be a sort of, I dunno, atonement, or something. I know…I’m crazy…but didn’t you ever just want to use me…use me hard?”

Chris blushed slightly and Justin knew the thought had crossed his mind.  “I don’t know if I can do this,” Chris said.

“I think you can,” Justin whispered, kissing Chris for a long moment. Chris pulled away and took Justin’s hand, practically dragging Justin to the bedroom.

“Undress,” Chris commanded. With a sly grin, Justin took his good old time, making sure to move in just the right way to give Chris a good view. He soon stood naked before Chris.  “Come here,” Chris said, and Justin slowly walked over.  Chris grabbed him by the curls, pulling him in for a brutal kiss.  Justin moaned deep in his throat, shocked by the way his body reacted to Chris’ forceful attitude.  Chris released Justin long enough to shed his own clothes, then shoved Justin down onto the bed.  “Suck me,” he commanded, and Justin was happy to oblige.  Chris’ fingers wove through Justin’s curls.  “Fuck, yes,” Chris hissed as Justin deep-throated him.  “You little cocksucker…you’re SO good at that, aren’t you?”  Chris pushed Justin away, and Justin looked at him in confusion. “Lay down,” Chris ordered.  Justin inched back up the bed until he hit the pillows.  Chris dug through his nightstand until he found a condom and lubricant.  Justin smiled in satisfaction.

“Yes…” he whimpered as Chris’ wet finger began to explore.

“Don’t get too comfortable…I’m just making sure you’re ready,” Chris mumbled, letting one hand idly stroke Justin’s cock as the fingers on his other hand worked inside of him.  Justin was soon panting and wiggling on the bed.

“Please, Chris,” Justin begged.

“That’s right, you little whore…beg for me…” Chris got up and straddled Justin’s waist, stroking himself.

“Please, Chris, I want you to fuck me…please…” Justin said again.  Chris slid the condom on, then covered it with lubricant.  He moved down to pick Justin’s legs up. Before Justin could even breathe, Chris was inside. “Yes…oh, there…” Justin moaned, arching up to meet Chris’ thrusts.

“I’m the only one who’s ever gonna do this again…right?” Chris asked. Justin simply nodded, and Chris pulled out. He grabbed Justin’s waist, forcing him to flip over.  He pulled at Justin’s hair until Justin got on his hands and knees.  He then pulled until Justin was kneeling in front of him, Chris’ cock teasing at his ass.  “Tell me,” Chris said, holding the curls while he reached around with the other hand to play with Justin.

“You…only you…Chrissy…oh fuck, yes,” Justin panted.  Chris released him, then lay before him.

“Ride me,” Chris said, and Justin sat across his legs, carefully lowering himself down.

“Uh…yeah…Chris…” Justin panted, moving up and down on Chris.

“God, Justin…” Chris moaned, his eyes fluttering closed.  When he opened them, Justin was supporting his weight on a hand placed between Chris’ knees, and his free hand was stroking himself.  “Fuck…” Chris grunted.  The sight was too good…he came hard and deep inside Justin.

“Baby…” Justin said weakly, shooting onto Chris’ chest.  Justin rolled off Chris, using an edge of a sheet to wipe at Chris’ skin.

“It’s okay,” Chris said, taking Justin’s hand. “J, you know I didn’t mean any of that, right? I don’t think you’re a whore, I don’t think…”

“Shh…” Justin said. “I asked you to.  It’s okay.”

“Never again,” Chris said, pulling Justin close.  “I’ll only make love to you from now on.”

Thirty

Jim Bass started to doze off, and finally told Lance to go back to the hotel and get some rest.  He promised to be there in the morning, and Lance finally left.  When he went into the hallway, his mother slipped by without a word to him, but Stacey opened her arms, and brother and sister cried on each other’s shoulders.

“You shouldn’t have come,” one of Lance’s uncles snapped.  “The last thing Jim needs is to be reminded of what you are.”

Before Lance could reply, Stacey growled. “No, the last thing he needs is for you all to treat his son this way!”

“Shh,” Lance said, drawing Stacey aside.  One of their cousins gave Lance an angry shove.

“Why didn’t you stay where you belong?  You sure as hell don’t belong down here.”

“Stop!” Stacey cried.  “Stop it!  My father’s dying in there and you’re…”

“Stace, it’s okay,” Lance said, smoothing her hair. He kissed her cheek.  “I’ll go back to the hotel. I don’t want Dad to hear any of this.  I’m at the Holiday Inn uptown, in room six-fourteen.  If you need me, you call, okay?”

“Okay.” Stacey nodded and they hugged once more.

 

“Hello,” Chris said, yawning. He looked at the clock. Who was calling him at midnight?

“Hi, Chris.”

“Lance!” Chris sat up quickly, wakening Justin.

“Who is it?”

“Lance,” Chris whispered. “Dude, how are you?”

“Not so good,” Lance sighed.  “I’m at the hotel right now. My family was being obnoxious, except for my sister, so I came back.”

Justin grabbed the phone. “Peaches, how are you? How’s your dad?”

“He’s…hanging on,” Lance said, closing his eyes and willing back tears.  “We…we made up, I think.”

“Oh, Peaches, that’s GREAT,” Justin said.  “You told Josh, right?”

“No, I…I couldn’t call him.”

“Peaches, he’s really miserable. He feels guilty. He…”

“I don’t want to talk about Josh right now,” Lance said. “I just wanted y’all to know I was here and okay.”

“Okay,” Justin said somberly.  “If you need us, you call.”

“I will.”

“And call Josh,” Justin said before quickly hanging up.  Lance frowned and stared at the receiver in his hand.

 

Lance showed up at the hospital around seven-thirty the next morning. He hadn’t slept and looked it.  “James,” his mother said coldly.  His mother, one of his father’s sisters, and another cousin were seated in a small waiting room near his father’s room.

“Hello, Mama. Aunt Ruth.  Erin.”  Lance sat down. “Any change.”

“No.”  His mother wearily rubbed her forehead, and Lance wanted nothing more than to hug her and console her.

“You don’t look well, James,” his aunt said, staring at him. “Perhaps you’re getting sick?”

Lance realized her point and couldn’t resist the urge to shock her. “No, Aunt Ruth, I’m just tired.  I don’t have AIDS or anything. Besides, I haven’t even had sex yet.”

She gasped and Lance smiled grimly.  “James Lance…” his mother began.

“Don’t, Mama.  I’m gonna go check on Dad.”  He stood, but didn’t move.  He watched Stacey come running down the hall.

“Oh, thank God, Lance.  Mama…quick…”  Stacey yelled.

Without thinking, Lance grabbed his mother’s hand, and she allowed him to hold it as they hurried down the hall.  They went into the room, crowding around Jim’s bedside.  He looked up at them, smiling at Diane.  “I love you, Di,” he said.

“Oh, Jim, don’t go…” Diane sobbed.  His eyes moved to Lance.

“Son…remember what I told you.  I love you…”

“I love you, too, Dad.”

 

“Sleeping…day off…” Josh grumbled as he went to the door.  “What?”

“Good morning to you, too,” Justin said.  His blue eyes were sad.

“What’s wrong?”  Josh was instantly awake.

“Lance called. His father died this morning.”

“Shit.”  Josh moved aside and Justin came into the room. “He called you?”

“He called Chris, he knew I’d be there.  He also knew I’d take care of telling you.”

Josh sat down on the sofa. “Poor Lance. I told him not to call me, and he didn’t.”

“What are you waiting for?” Justin asked.  Josh stared at him.  “You know where he’s staying.  Call him. Leave a message.”

“I can’t…” Josh said. “He’s pissed at me.”

“You’re both acting like immature drama queens,” Justin snapped.  Josh had to smile.  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  “Get over yourself.”  Justin stormed out of the apartment.  Josh thought for a moment, then slowly began to get himself together.

Thirty-One

Lance took a deep breath as he parked the rental car in the restaurant lot.  He knew that Stacey wanted him to drive over to the funeral home with her and his mother, but he just couldn’t do it. Being home was strange enough as it was.  He was hungry, and decided to stop for coffee and a quick breakfast before he headed over. 

It had been two days since his father’s death, and he was swarming with emotions. He was sad, of course, but grateful that they had come to some sort of truce before his father had passed away.  Added to all of that was the hatred that radiated from everyone in his family, as well as some of the family friends that had come to the hospital.  He had spent most of his time at the hotel, only leaving to meet Stacey in some sort of public place. None of his childhood friends wanted anything to do with him.  No one seemed to care that he was back in town.

He entered the tiny diner, and immediately recognized about six people who were either working there or eating.  He heard hushed whispers, and felt the icy stares.  He closed his eyes briefly, wishing with all his heart that someone was there beside him.  One particular someone.

“You standing there or eating?” A waitress snapped.

“Oh.  Uh, eating. I’ll take coffee and a cherry Danish.”  Lance sat down at the counter, laying his dark blue suit jacket over the stool next to him.

“I should tell ya that we don’t serve your kind here, but since your daddy just died, and he was a good man, I’ll let it go,” one of the cooks called through the server’s window.

“Oh, pipe down, Johnny,” another waitress said. She smiled and poured Lance a cup of coffee. Lance didn’t recognize her.  She was young and pretty and her nametag said ‘Britney.’  “I’m afraid we’re outta cherry.  Cheese Danish okay for you?”

“Sure. Thank you.”  Lance smiled gratefully as she went to the pastry case.  The other waitress grabbed her elbow and whispered in her ear.  They both looked at Lance.  He looked down at his silverware.  He didn’t see Britney shrug off the other woman’s hold.

“You want this heated?” Britney asked, waving the plate in the air. He shook his head, and she placed it in front of him, with a few pats of butter on the side.  “Sorry to hear you lost your dad,” she said softly. “I’m new in town, but I’m sure it hurts.”

“Thank you,” Lance said, sighing. “That’s probably the nicest someone has been to me in days.”

“Keep your chin up,” she said, smiling a pretty smile.  “Don’t let the rat bastards get you down.”

“Thanks,” Lance said again.

 

The service was simple, but the church was full.  Lance sat next to his sister in the front pew, and he heard the whispers as he escorted her up the aisle.  He refused to ride to the cemetery in the limo with Stacey and his mother, and instead drove his own car. He parked far from the site, and slowly walked up the quiet lane, thinking about his father.  He was almost totally on his own now, because Stacey was the ONLY family member who would talk to him.

He took a deep breath as he approached the small group of people assembling by the gravesite.  One man stood apart from the group, a tall, thin man in a dark suit.  Lance stopped breathing as the man caught sight of him and slowly walked towards him. 

“What are you doing here?” Lance asked, unable to believe he wasn’t seeing things.

“Justin told me, and I figured you needed me.”  Josh smiled sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Lance whispered.

“No…I’m sorry about everything.  I understand that you didn’t want me here…I’ve heard what people were saying, and I can’t believe it.  I just wanted to kinda be here for you…in the background.”  Josh reached out, then pulled his hand back.  “I love you, Lance, and I want to support you in any way I can.”

Lance sniffled.  He had kept from crying all morning, but this was too much.  “I love you, too,” he said.  He wiped his tears away, then reached for Josh’s hand.

“Lance…”

“No. I shouldn’t have been ashamed of you. If I can come out to them about being gay, then why the hell can’t I show them my boyfriend?” Lance gave Josh a small smile.  “I mean, hell, they all hate me, anyway. Might as well give them a reason.”

They approached the gravesite hand in hand. “So…Justin said you and your dad talked?”

“Yeah. I’m so glad.  I missed him.”

“Well, better late than never,” Josh said.  Lance nodded.

Stacey smiled at them as they walked up, giving Josh a curious look. Lance’s mother silently fumed, but Lance could read the anger in her eyes. He didn’t care. He stood close to Josh, and as the pastor started to speak, he felt the comfort of Josh’s hand on his back.

Thirty-Two

 

“I’m sorry, Lance,” Josh whispered as the first people turned away from the grave.  “I know you’re hurting…but I’m so glad you were able to talk with him.”

“Yeah,” Lance sniffled, wiping away a tear.  “I mean, we were father and son, even if it was just for a few minutes.”  He took a deep breath.  “Now off to the house.”

“So…can I have the key to your room? I’ll just veg there until you’re done.”

“No.”

“No?”  Josh’s face fell even more.  He had thought everything was working out.

“No. You’re coming with me to my Mom’s.”

“Lance…”

“No, Josh. I want you there. I…need you there.  And I want you to see where I grew up.”

“Okay,” Josh said doubtfully. “Won’t it make it harder for you if…”

“Trust me, Josh. It can’t GET any harder. I really need you,” he finished softly.  Josh nodded.

“Then I’m here for you.”

A young woman with Lance’s smile slowly approached them. “Hi. I’m Stacey, Lance’s sister.”

“I’m Josh.”  Josh shook her hand and she smiled.

“YOU’RE Josh.” She gave Lance a subtle wink and he blushed. “Very well done, brother of mine.” Stacey looked back at Josh. “You’re coming to the house?”

“Yes…Lance wants me to.”

She sighed.  “Warning…it won’t be easy.”

“I know. That’s why I need to be there for him.”

Stacey gave Josh an appraising look. “VERY well done.” 

 

“There used to be pictures of me all along this wall,” Lance said wistfully, running his hand along the paneling in the hallway of his childhood home.  Pictures of Stacey were cluttered together, but not one picture of Lance adorned the walls.

“I bet you were an adorable baby,” Josh said loyally.  Lance laughed.

“I looked so girlie, I swear.”  Lance looked around. “There is absolutely NO ONE I want to talk to here,” he said. “C’mon.”  He took Josh’s hand, ignoring the angry glares he got from some of his family.  He led Josh through the kitchen, walking right in front of his mother. “We’re going out back.”

“James Lance Bass…”

“We’re not gonna DO anything, Mama.  God, give me some credit,” he couldn’t help but snap. “I’m not horny enough to get it on during the luncheon for my father’s funeral!”

“James!”  Diane Bass gasped, shocked.  He smiled sweetly and dragged Josh out the back door.

“That was harsh,” Josh said, but he was grinning.

“Yeah. I’ve learned a whole new side of myself since I got back home,” Lance said.  He went to the shed in the far corner of the backyard. He reached above the door and slid a key from a hole in the wood. He unlocked the padlock and stepped inside. “My dad used to…there it is.” He picked up a flashlight from the corner by the door and turned it on.  He pulled the door closed behind them.

“So…we’re not gonna get it on out here? I’m so disappointed,” Josh said, looking around at the dirty shed. 

Lance laughed. “Sorry about that.  My dad said he had a…this must be it.”  A sizable strongbox was on the floor across the shed.  It was locked, but Lance knew where to look for a key. He dug through his father’s toolbox, knowing it was somewhere that his mother and Stacey would never go.  He found the key and unlocked the box.  “He said he was saving money…and he wanted me to have whatever I found in here.”

“Oh, Lance,” Josh said, smiling at him. “That’s great.”

“He said he didn’t know…but I’m sure it’s not…” Lance stopped talking as he pulled out pile after pile of bills.  There were one-dollar bills, fives, tens, even a few twenties.

“Oh, my God, Lance…”

“I’m sure it just looks like a lot,” Lance said in disbelief.

“Let’s get to counting.”  Josh sat on the dusty floor.

“Your suit…”

“Fuck my suit. Count!”

They worked in silence for over a half-hour, counting out small piles of bills, then combining them and recounting them.  Lance looked up at Josh. “Okay, I’m done.”

“Me, too,” Josh said.

“Well?”

“I counted three.”

“Three hundred? That’s not too bad. I…”

“No, Lance,” Josh said gently. “Three thousand.”

“You’re kidding.” Lance stared at him. “I counted two thousand, six hundred and fourteen.”

“Five thousand dollars,” Josh whispered. “Over five thousand.”

“Daddy,” Lance said sorrowfully.  He closed his eyes, then blinked hard. “Okay.  Put it all in this toolbox.  Mom won’t care if I take it, and it won’t look weird.”

“Okay,” Josh said, and they carefully filled the toolbox with the money, taking out a few tools to make sure it all fit. Even after that, the toolbox was still heavy with tools, and Josh had to help Lance carry it out.

“I’m ready to leave,” Lance said, overwhelmed by the inheritance from his father.

“Okay,” Josh said.  They walked the toolbox out to the car, then Lance darted in to say goodbye to Stacey.  He quickly came back out, and they headed back to the hotel.

 

Thirty-Three

 

Josh followed Lance up to his hotel room. Josh had left his car at the cemetery after the funeral, and Lance drove him back after they left the Bass’.  They lugged the toolbox into the hotel room and placed it on the floor.  Lance straightened up, flexed his back, and looked at Josh.

“What?”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Lance said in a strained voice.

“I’m sorry I said what I did,” Josh whispered.  They hugged and kissed for a long moment.  When they finally pulled apart, Lance had an odd look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I…I think I want to make love,” Lance said softly.  Josh’s backpack fell to the floor with a thud.

“Uh, what?”

“I want it. I want us to make love. I kept saying I didn’t want to because I was afraid it was something I’d regret later. But I know now that I could never regret it…not with you.”

Josh looked into Lance’s shy green eyes and tried to form a rational thought or two.  “Well, I, uh, we’re not really prepared…”

“I thought I could run to the drugstore on the corner, if you decided you were interested in doing this.”

Josh laughed. “Oh, baby, if you only KNEW how interested I am.”  They kissed again.  “Let me go to the store, though, okay?  I think I remember seeing it down the street.”

“Okay.” Lance said. “Hurry back.”

“I will.  I love you.” Josh kissed Lance’s nose and left the room.

 

Josh returned a half-hour later.  Lance had changed into a tshirt and jeans, and was packing his suitcase. His back was to the door. “It’s about time,” he teased. “The store’s only…” Lance turned around and paled. “Oh, my GOD!”  Lance stared at JC’s black eye and split lip.

“I’m fine.” Josh tossed a small brown bag onto the table and took off his suit jacket.  His dress shirt was torn. “I just ran into a guy I remember seeing at the funeral. He recognized me as your boyfriend, I guess, and decided to tell me how much this town doesn’t like homosexuals.”

“Oh, Josh,” Lance whispered, tenderly touching Josh’s face. “I’m so sorry.  My knight in shining armor.”

“Your wish is my command,” Josh replied, smiling slightly. “I got a few punches in.”

Lance slid the shirt from Josh’s slender body.  “Well, my wish right now is to take care of you.”  Lance kissed across JC’s chest as he lowered JC onto the bed.

“No complaints here,” JC murmured, running his fingers through Lance’s hair. They had been naked together before, had touched and kissed and sucked almost everywhere, but this was brand new territory.

Lance sat up and pulled off his tshirt. He then took off his jeans, Josh’s eyes eagerly following every move.  Lance then slowly slid Josh’s pants and boxers down, his hands shaking slightly.  “You’re beautiful,” Lance whispered, kissing his way up Josh’s thighs.

“We don’t have to do this,” Josh said, running his hands over any part of Lance he could reach.

“I want to,” Lance said.

“Oh…GOD…I want it, too,” Josh groaned as Lance stroked him. “There’s…condoms and lube in the bag.”

Lance moved away and opened the bag. He blushed as he looked inside.  “Condoms?”

“You know…you put them on the penis to…” Josh began, smiling.

“I KNOW what a condom is, Josh,” Lance said, rolling his eyes. “But I…I never…”

“But I have,” Josh said gently.  “And the last thing I want to do is possibly hurt you in some way I’m not aware of.”

“Josh,” Lance said tenderly, kissing Josh’s lip carefully.  “You told me before that you’re tested on a regular basis. I trust you.”

“I only want…”

“Shh…” Lance whispered.  “Teach me how to love you.”

“Oh, fuck,” Josh moaned at the words and the tone of Lance’s voice.  “You know how to touch me…just do it.  Use the lube and get me ready for you, baby.”

“Okay,” Lance said, dragging in a breath.  He opened the tube and slicked up one finger.  He kissed Josh as that finger wandered down to explore.

“Oh, baby…” Josh moaned, closing his eyes. “Right there…inside…”

“What if I hurt you?”

“You won’t,” Josh promised, and Lance slid the finger in.  Josh gasped, then relaxed.  Lance was surprised by the tightness but he continued to work his finger in and out.  Josh whispered for him to add another finger, so Lance did.  His own dick was hard and throbbing, imagining the way it would feel to be inside that tight place.  Josh sighed, whispering words of love as he moved on Lance’s fingers.

“Are you…should I…” Lance stammered.

Josh pulled Lance into a passionate kiss. “Relax, Lance…if you’re all stressed you won’t like it. I’m not forcing you to do anything. I…”

“You’re not,” Lance said, nodding. “Absolutely not. I want this.  Josh, I want YOU.”

“Take me,” Josh whispered. “Make love to me, Lance.”

Lance sat between Josh’s knees and put lubricant on his erection, stroking it just enough to make Josh’s blue eyes beg.  Lance smiled and leaned over Josh. Josh wrapped his thin legs around Lance’s waist.  “I love you,” Lance whispered, and he nudged at Josh’s entrance.

“You have to actually PUSH, Lance,” Josh said nervously.  “It needs a little help.”

“I am, I just…holy fuck…” Lance gasped as he slowly slid inside.  Josh winced and Lance froze, but Josh nodded.  Lance continued until he was completely inside.  “Josh…it’s so hot and tight…I never…never felt…what should I do?”

“Just move slow,” Josh said, and Lance started to move.  Josh tried to watch Lance’s face, but it felt too good. He closed his eyes and moved with Lance.

“Josh…incredible…” Lance gasped as he picked up a steady rhythm.  “What if…I don’t think I can hold on…”

“Cum if you want to, Lance, it’s okay,” Josh managed to pant as he grabbed at Lance’s shoulders.  Lance moaned and threw his head back.  When he looked down, Josh was stroking himself.

“Oh, baby, that’s so…hot…uh…” Lance shot into Josh before he could stop himself.

“Yes, it is…” Josh moaned, shooting up onto himself.  Lance slowly pulled out and fell back onto the bed.  Josh rolled over and kissed Lance repeatedly.  “You’re okay, right? I didn’t scar you for life or anything, did I?” Josh asked anxiously.  Lance smiled at him.

“No, you didn’t.  I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Josh whispered, cradling Lance close.

Thirty-Four

“Hey!”  Justin screamed, waving from Chris’ balcony.  He jumped up and down for a second, then disappeared back into Chris’ apartment.

“The welcoming committee,” Josh said with a smile as he stretched and got out of the car.  “Thanks for picking us up at the airport, man,” he said to Joey.

“No sweat.  I’m just happy I could help out.” Joey looked at Lance. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Lance sighed.  He was tired.  The flight had been short, but he had a lot on his mind.  Joey hefted the toolbox out of his trunk.  Lance had packed it carefully in a brown box, and paid an exorbitant sum to have it flown in the baggage compartment of the plane.

“What’s in here? A million dollars?” Joey joked.

Josh smiled. “Something like that.”

Justin barreled out of the apartment building with Chris on his heels.  “Hey!”  Justin hugged Lance, then went to hug Josh.  He let out a shocked shriek at the bruising on Josh’s face.  “What…did you hit him?” Justin yelled at Lance.

Josh smacked Justin on the back of the head. “No, he didn’t hit me!  I got into a fight.”

“You know how to fight?” Justin asked, surprised.

“I learned really quick,” Josh said.  He glared at Justin. “Lance…hitting me…really, Justin.”

“Can we just go inside, please?” Lance asked wearily.

“Sure,” Josh said immediately. They each grabbed a bag, with Joey taking care of the toolbox.  They went to Lance’s apartment first.

“So…what’s in here, anyway?” Joey asked, placing the toolbox on the floor.  Lance knelt in front of it.

“My inheritance from my father,” he said softly, opening the toolbox.  Justin’s mouth fell open.

“Peaches…did you rob a bank or something?”

“No…my dad left it to me,” Lance said.  “The first thing I want to do is pay you and Chris for the hotel room and plane tickets for me and Josh. He told me you helped him out with the money.  And then I’ll put the rest in savings…except for a little chunk I want to give to the hospital. They’re renovating the AIDS wing, and I want to give them something.”

“That sounds great, baby,” Josh said, rubbing Lance’s back.

“Are you okay? You and your dad…you worked it out?” Chris asked Lance.

“Yeah, we did…but I don’t think my mom and I ever will.  I think even if I got sick and was on my deathbed, she wouldn’t come to me the way your mother came to you,” Lance said. He shrugged. “Oh, well.  Life goes on.”  He looked at Justin. “I have a favor to ask of you, though.”

“Anything,” Justin said, hugging Lance again.

 

Two weeks later, life was finally settling back to normal.  Lance quit the second job, and worked full time at the bookstore with Josh.  One warm day, Lance was working the opening shift, and Josh was due to come in at three.  He showed up at two.

“How’s the sexiest clerk in town?” Josh asked, giving Lance a smacking kiss.

“Happy to see the VERY sexiest clerk in town,” Lance said, smiling at him.  Josh leaned on the counter, biting his bottom lip.

“Lance, I need to ask you something.”

“Okay,” Lance said worriedly.

“Hey there, chicks.”  Justin breezed into the shop, wearing his trademark short denim shorts and a sheer black tshirt.  “How are we?” He sashayed to Josh, kissed his cheek, then blew a kiss to Lance.

“We’re in the middle of an important conversation,” Josh growled, shocking Lance. “Leave.”

“This is a public place, Joshua.  A retail establishment. I have every right to be here. I…”

“Justin, if you don’t go away I swear to GOD I’ll tell Chris I saw you holding hands with a girl,” Josh said.

“You wouldn’t.”  Justin’s eyes widened.

“Try me,” Josh snapped, and Justin practically ran out of the store.

Lance smiled, then looked at Josh. “You were saying?”

“I was…I was wondering if you’d like to move in.  With me.  Together.  In the same place.”

Lance’s eyes widened.  “Really?”

“I mean, I know I’m not all that easy to put up with, but I love you, Lance. I want you around all the time. I never want you to leave to go sleep somewhere else.  I want you to be with me.”

“Okay,” Lance said, blushing with pleasure. “I’ll move in with you.”

“Really?” Josh gasped.  He gave a very Justin-like squeal and leaned over the counter to give Lance a passionate kiss.

 

“I’d like to thank you all for coming out tonight,” Justin said, giving a slight bow.  He smiled at a few cheers and yells from the back of the room.  “I know I usually end this show on an upbeat note, but I had a request from a friend, and I agree with it.”  He walked to a small piano on the side of the stage and sat down.  “I know a lot of you chose a lifestyle, and after you made that choice, a lot of you lost people whom you thought you could believe in.  I’ve been lucky…my family was pretty understanding. But a lot of our families AREN’T understanding, and it hurts.  We’ve also lost a lot of friends to sickness and death…and we need to remember that could be any one of us.”  Justin blew Chris a kiss.  “Anyway, I’m asking you to make one last effort with those people who have turned you away…because you never know when it will be too late.”

Justin let his fingers run over the keys, then he began to sing.  “Yesterday…you came to lift me up, as light as straw, and brittle as a bird…today I weigh less than a shadow on the wall…just one more whisper of a voice unheard…tomorrow, leave the window open, as fear grows, please hold me in your arms…won’t you help me, if you can, to shake this anger, I need your gentle hands…to keep me calm…

“’Cause I never thought I’d lose, I only thought I’d win, I never dreamed I’d feel this fire beneath my skin, I can’t believe you love me…I never thought you’d come…I guess I misjudged love between a father and his son…Things we never said come together, the hidden truth no longer haunting me…tonight we touched on the things that were never spoken, that kind of understanding sets me free…”

Justin stopped playing the piano, closing his eyes briefly.  He looked at Lance, who was silently crying in Josh’s arms.  He smiled, and Lance smiled back.  “’Cause I never thought I’d lose, I only thought I’d win…I never dreamed I’d feel this fire beneath my skin, I can’t believe you love me…I never thought you’d come, I guess I misjudged love between a father and his son…”

 

“I still can’t believe he sang that,” Chris said, shaking his head.  The show was over and the dance floor was filling up.  “That is the best I have EVER heard him sing.”

“I thought of that song on the way back from Mississippi,” Lance said softly.  “In my situation it was reversed, but it still said so much to me.”

“Hey.”  Justin quietly walked over, his normally animated face very solemn and serious.  “How was it?”

“Babe, you were incredible,” Chris said.

“You were,” Josh said.  Justin said nothing, just hugged Lance.  “Oh, by the way, we need your help this weekend.”

“All of you,” Lance said over Justin’s shoulder.  “I’m moving in with Josh.”

“You are?” Chris said.  “That’s great.”

“Can I redecorate Josh’s apartment?” Justin asked.

“No,” Josh and Lance said together.

The two couples stood by the wall and talked for a while until the first slow song was played.  Chris grabbed Josh by the hand and dragged him onto the dance floor, so Lance followed Justin.  “You and Josh are so happy,” Justin sighed, laying his head on Lance’s shoulder.

“Aren’t you and Chris happy?” Lance asked.

“Oh, yes!  But I don’t think I’m ready to move in with him yet.”  Justin looked at Lance. “Aren’t you glad you and I never hooked up?”

“Yes…but it’s your loss,” Lance said playfully.  “From what Josh says, I’m really good in bed.”

“Peaches!”  Justin gasped and actually blushed.  Lance laughed and caught Josh’s eye. He winked at Josh, who blew him a kiss.

The End

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