Smiley
Face
By: Lara
Lance slapped at the alarm, opening one eye to look at
it. Six in the morning. For a moment, he couldn’t even remember why he had set
it for that early. He rubbed at his eyes and slowly sat up. Oh, yeah. Lance pulled himself out of bed, feeling as
if he were drunk. Unfortunately, he was stone cold sober. Drunk would have been better. You couldn’t
feel if you were drunk.
He padded into the bathroom and washed his face,
debating if he wanted to shower before or after breakfast. These were the
decisions that mattered. Worrying about things like this kept him going. If he worried about things like this, he
didn’t have to think. He absently
kicked at the floor, trying to get the towels out of his way, then he realized
he didn’t have to. He had neatly folded the towels over the towel bar the night
before. He didn’t leave them on the floor anymore.
Lance turned on the radio once he got to the
kitchen, but he didn’t really pay attention to what was on. He started the coffeemaker and pulled out
all the ingredients for pancakes, trying to remember where he had put
them. It was hard in a new place,
trying to remember where you put everything when you moved in, but he liked the
clean crispness of a new apartment.
He could have just used pancake mix from a box, but
it wasn’t right. You had to make them from scratch. As the pancakes bubbled on the griddle, he got two eggs and
cracked them into another pan. He used a fork to break the yellow orbs into a
smiley face and sighed. This would be MUCH harder then he had expected.
Lance stared at himself in the bathroom
mirror. Hair was spiked just right,
teeth were brushed, face was clean. He wiped at a spot on the mirror where
water had splashed, letting his hand fall slowly to grasp at the side of the
sink. It was a new place. He had a new
life. But it was alone. Lance hated alone.
“Momma?”
Lance sighed. “I guess you’re
out for a walk. I just wanted you to know I’m settled into the new place
okay. I’m still finding my way out of
all of the boxes and stuff…but I’m here.
I’m gonna run out and grab a paper…delivery hasn’t started yet. If you want, call back and leave a message.
If not, I’ll call you later. Love you.”
Lance hung up and went to the door for his keys. He realized they were on the hook by the
front door, the way they should be…NOT in the lock. Another bad habit corrected.
If only he could shout it to the world that he was fixing himself…but it
wasn’t the world that he wanted to tell.
Lance drove to a nearby convenience store to get a
newspaper. He poured himself a cup of hazelnut coffee, inhaling the rich
scent. He had a coffeemaker at home,
and could afford the best imported coffee money could buy, but there was just
something right about convenience store brew.
He flipped through the paper as he waited to pay. Nothing but bad news.
Sounded AWFULLY familiar…although what was in the paper had nothing to do with
him.
“New to the neighborhood?” The clerk asked,
smiling.
“Uh, yeah.” Lance smiled bashfully and counted out
the correct change. “Just moved in.”
“Ya don’t look too happy about it. It’s not that
bad around here.”
“Well, I, uh…bad breakup,” Lance said finally.
“Aw, sorry, sweetie. You have a good day, okay?”
“I’ll try.” Lance attempted to mirror her sunny
smile, but it didn’t work.
Lance gave up on any type of work by noon. He had tons of paperwork to go through…and
he knew he should be heading for the Happy Place office. He could get Wendy or someone to work with him.
That would keep him focused. Instead, he drove downtown and parked between
three movie theaters. He picked a movie that would at least make him think, and
paid his admission fee.
When he came out, he had no memory of anything
regarding the movie, and he barely noticed it was starting to rain. After he was already soaking wet, he reached
his car and pulled on the jacket he kept in the backseat. Water streamed from his bangs down into his
eyes. He blinked hard. It was rain. It wasn’t tears.
He stared at the phone in his hand, wondering what
he was doing. His fingers dialed before his brain could order them to stop, and
he heard the familiar voice on the other end.
“Hello?” Lance stared at the TV
across the room, his mouth suddenly dry.
“Hello?” Sandpaper filled his
throat. “Look…whatever you’re selling,
I don’t want, and if you’re trying to prank me, it’s okay. Justin, Chris…you two need to grow up.” The connection was severed, and Lance tried
to control the pounding of his heart as he hung up.
Lance carefully screwed the cap back on the
toothpaste before putting the brush into his mouth. He was getting good at cleaning up after himself, though he hated
doing it. Not because he was lazy, but because he had become used to having a
certain person look after him. Everyone
thought he was so smart, so business-oriented. They didn’t know that he would
simply fall apart if left alone. And that’s what he was doing. Falling apart
because he was alone. And it was all
his fault.
He turned off the bathroom light and went to the
bed. He threw the covers back, automatically freeing both sides of the bed.
Lance sighed when he realized that he only needed ONE side. He tugged on a pair
of shorts and a tshirt. He inhaled
deeply as the tshirt went over his head.
He had taken it with him when he left. He couldn’t help it. He forced
himself to crawl into bed and pull up the covers, feeling as if he were closing
the lid on the coffin of his heart. He looked around the room and sighed. It
would never work. It would never get better. He could never live this way.
“What are you doing here?” JC leaned in the doorway
of the house, crossing his arms.
“I can’t do it. I can’t breathe without you.” Lance
blinked through his tears, ready to do whatever it took. “You’re right. I took
you for granted. I know that now. I just expected you’d always be there,
whenever I got back from a trip or whatever. You took care of me, and I miss
it. I miss you. I talk to you and we don’t even LIVE together anymore. It’s
been a week and I’m going crazy. I know you love me…and I love you. We were
meant for each other, JC, and I know that now.”
“Shh.” JC
stepped out of the house and hugged Lance. “I forgive you.”
“I didn’t mean it when I said you were lazy and
didn’t do anything, just because you’re waiting for the album thing to take
off. You’re not lazy. You do everything and…”
“Lance,” JC said gently. “It’s okay.”
“You’re meant for me…I’m meant for you,” Lance
repeated.
“Stop. You don’t have to convince me. I see it,” JC
whispered in Lance’s ear.
“Thank God,” Lance said, feeling alive for the
first time in a week.
I hear the clock, it’s six a.m./I feel so far from
where I’ve been/Got my eggs and my pancakes too/Got my maple syrup, everything
but you/Break the yolks, make a smiley face/I kinda like it in my brand new
place/I wipe the spots off the mirror, don’t leave the keys in the door/Never
put wet towels on the floor anymore, cause/Dreams last for so long, even after
you’re gone/I know you love me, and soon you will see/You were meant for me/And
I was meant for you…
Called my momma she was out for a walk/Consoled a
cup of coffee but it didn’t wanna talk/Picked up a paper it was more bad
news/More hearts being broken, or people being used/Put on my coat in the
pouring rain/Saw a movie it just wasn’t the same/Cause it was happy or I was
sad/It made me miss you oh so bad, cause/Dreams last for so long, even after
you’re gone/I know you love me, and soon you will see/You were meant for me/And
I was meant for you…
Go about my business, I’m doin’ fine/Besides what
would I say if I had you on the line/Same old story, not much to say/Hearts are
broken every day…
Brush my teeth and put the cap back on/I know you
hate it when I leave the light on/I pick a book up, turn the sheets down/Take a
deep breath and a good look around/Put on my pjs and hop into bed/I’m half
alive but I feel mostly dead/I try and tell myself it’ll be all right/I just
shouldn’t think anymore tonight, cause/Dreams last for so long, even after
you’re gone/I know you love me, and soon you will see/You were meant for me/And
I was meant for you…
The End
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