Sound Of Silence

By:  Lara

 

JC yawned and stretched, but forced his feet to keep going.  “Just a few more miles,” he told himself.  “Just a few more, and then you can sleep.”  He stumbled over a rock, sprawling onto the ground. He groaned out loud as he carefully brushed the stones from his palms.  He glared at his shoe in disgust, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness.  The sole was flapping off the toes, and that was what had caught on the rock.  “Next time, I’m saving my money and buying Nikes,” he said angrily.  He resituated his backpack more comfortably against his back, and kept going.  He could make it a few more miles. Maybe he’d even find a pump or a stream or something. He was thirsty.

 

JC made it for one more hour before his body screamed for relief.  The only lights on the dusty country road were the stars above, and they didn’t help much.  Suddenly the moon peeked out from behind a small cloud, and JC saw a small stack of hay about fifty feet from the roadside.  He gratefully walked off the road, pushing his feet through the shallow grasses.  He fell to the ground with a moan, burrowing back against the hay.  Clutching his backpack tightly in his slender arms, he allowed his eyes to close.  He’d waken when the sun came up, he just knew it.

 

A hand plucked at his sleeve, and JC’s arms tightened around the backpack.  “I know…five more minutes,” he mumbled in his sleeve.  A hand shook him.  “Mom…I know…he’ll be home soon and I need to get up.”  Finally the hand yanked at his hair and his eyes fluttered open.  A shadow stood between JC and the morning sun.  He jumped to his feet, his stance defensive.  “Who are you?”

The shadow moved and JC blinked as he tried to wake up and see the person all at once.  His vision focused, and he saw a young man of about his age.  His skin was pale, his hair blond and short.  The greenest eyes JC had ever seen blinked back at him curiously.  He looked JC over, his eyes resting on the bag that JC held.

“No.  It’s mine.  You back off,” JC said angrily. “I’ll get out of here and neither one of us needs to worry again, okay?”

The man reached out a hand towards the bag, and JC froze.  His fingers traced the iron-on patch on the pocket.  The patch was a musical staff, done in rainbow colors.  The fingers ran over the notes, and a smile seemed to come to the green eyes.  He still didn’t speak, but looked at JC.

“I’m gonna go, okay, man?”  JC slowly started to walk away.  The man put a hand on his arm.  JC stiffened, though he knew he could easily take the young man if he had to.  He was taller, and the man looked as if he hadn’t worked a day in his life.  “Is this your field?  Sorry…I have just been walking for days and…”

The man shook his head and finally smiled, his grin crooked and friendly.  He pointed to a truck that was idling on the road.  He looked back at JC, rubbing his stomach and moving his hands over his skin.  JC stared for a moment, then asked, “You wanna feed me and give me somewhere to shower?”  The man nodded, happy that JC understood.  “How do I know you’re not a serial killer or rapist or something?”  JC asked pointedly.  The man’s beautiful eyes grew incredibly sad as he slowly shook his head.  He crossed his fingers in an X over his heart.  “Okay…you swear you’re not. I believe you…and I COULD use a bath.” 

The man led the way back to the truck without looking back.  JC tumbled into the passenger side, sighing as his backside his the cushioned seat.  The truck was battered and well-worn, but more comfortable than anything JC had sat on for a while.  The man looked at him once, then concentrated on driving down the road.  “You don’t talk much, do you?”  JC asked.  The man glanced at him, shaking his head slightly. “That’s okay. Sometimes silence says it all.”  The man gave him another long look, then smiled that crooked smile once more.  “My name is…Josh,” he said finally.  The man smiled and nodded, saying nothing.

The truck soon pulled up in front of a huge white farmhouse.  JC slowly got out of the truck, once more clutching his backpack.  A man came out onto the front porch.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Lance, I sent you up the road an hour ago.  It’s eight o’clock. You should have been in the field by now.”

The man with JC, whose name was obviously Lance, shrugged and pointed to JC.  JC blushed slightly as the man looked him over.  “Um…he…uh…picked me up,” JC said finally.  “I was…um…sleeping and…”

Lance pointed at JC, pointed at the farmhouse, and pointed to his stomach.  The man groaned.  “Let me guess.  Lance here found you sleeping on our land, and brought you here to get something to eat and a shower, right?”

“Uh, I guess so,” JC said. “I didn’t mean to intrude…he just…”

“It’s okay. Lance is like that. All heart.”  The man walked down the steps of the porch, scratching his short goatee.  “Lance, I’ll take care of your new friend here, okay?  You go on to work.”

Lance nodded, smiled at JC, then headed behind the house.  “I really don’t mean to be a problem.”

“It’s not a problem.”  The man held out his hand, dark eyes twinkling. “I’m Chris.  I own this farm with my cousin, Joey.  He and his wife Kelly live here…so does her sister, Britney.”

JC took his hand.  “Josh.  I’m…well…passing through.”

“Well, passing through Josh, why don’t you come in and get cleaned up.  We’ll feed you, and then if you don’t mind, you can do some work around here to pay for your food and bath.  If you want, you can stay over, and then if you want to move along tomorrow, you can.”

JC stared at him, amazed.  “Well…hell, yeah…that’d be great.”

Chris led JC into the farmhouse.  “Most of the house is run down…the upper floor, so we mostly use the ground and second floor,” Chris explained.  “Bathroom’s here.”  He pointed to a door.  “Towels are in the closet.  I’ll tell Kelly to cook you up something to eat.  I gotta get out to the field.  Kitchen’s down there on your right.”  Chris smiled and was gone. 

 

JC almost fell asleep in the hot bath. He scrubbed the days of walking off his skin, and dried himself hard with the fluffy towels.  He dressed in the only other clean outfit he had with him, and went down to the kitchen in bare feet.  A blond woman smiled at him. 

“Hi there. You must be Josh. I’m Kelly.  Chris told me to cook you a big breakfast so you can get out there and just work it off again,” she told him.  “Though by the looks of you, I bet you could eat for days and not gain enough weight.”

She slapped a plate down in front of him and he eagerly dug in.  “This is good,” he said with his mouthful. She laughed.

“I bet anything’s good when you haven’t eaten for a while.” 

Another young woman came into the kitchen, her arms full of laundry. She was pretty and young, her brown eyes twinkling over JC. “Hi, there.  I’m Britney.”

“Josh,” he said, blushing at the way she looked him over.  Kelly swatted at her sister’s behind.

“Get moving, Brit.  Josh needs to eat so he can get out there and help.”

“Yes, Mom,” Britney said, annoyed. She flashed a bright smile and JC and went out of the kitchen. 

Josh ate two helpings of eggs and bacon before pushing his chair back from the table.  “Where should I go now?”

“Go out back. Lance and Joey are probably out there…and they’ll tell you what to do.”  Kelly smiled at him again. 

“Thanks for the breakfast,” JC said, suddenly shy at the kindness he was shown.  She nodded and turned back to the sink to wash dishes.  JC quickly put his sneakers on and went out behind the house.

“Pull…come on, Lance, you mute piece of shit!”  A man growled at Lance.  JC’s temper flamed.  There was no reason to talk to him like that.  He rounded a corner and saw a man with his foot caught between two pieces of wood.  Lance was on the ground trying to pull the man’s boot off from the other side of the wood, and Chris was standing behind Lance, laughing too hard to help.  “Chris, shut up. This is all your fault.”

“Oh, no.  You were the dumbass who wasn’t watching where he was going.”

“Because I was listening to you ramble on, Christopher!”  The man yelled.  Lance gave the boot a twist and the man went flying back into the dust.  Lance silently laughed, and Chris wiped tears away.

“Good job, Lance.” He clapped Lance on the back and caught sight of JC.  “Josh!  This is my cousin, Joey.”

“Oh, God.  Just what we need.  Another useless kid.”  Joey stood up. “Can you work?”

“I can do whatever you want me to,” JC said almost angrily.  Joey eyed him up. 

“Chris, take him out to the west field.  Get that fence built.”

“Yes, my General!”  Chris saluted his cousin, who promptly gave him the finger.  “Come on, Josh. Don’t mind Grumpy.  He got up on the wrong side of the Earth today.”  Chris started towards a small tractor.  “Your chariot awaits, Josh.”

Josh followed Chris, shooting one more glance at Joey and Lance. He still didn’t like how Joey had talked to Lance, though Lance didn’t seem to mind.  Lance caught JC’s eye and smiled. He made a goofy face at Joey behind his back, and JC finally grinned.  Lance waved and followed Joey to the barn.

 

Chris liked to talk, JC found out, which didn’t bother JC in the slightest. It kept his mind off the hot sun, the wooden planks he hefted into place, and the hardest work he’d done in ages.  “Yeah…our uncle left us this farm and we’re keeping it afloat pretty damn good if I say so myself.  Kelly and Brit take care of the house and most of the smaller animals…me and Joe and Lance deal with the fields and the cows.”  Chris leaned against a tree and wiped his brow with a handkerchief that matched the one wrapped around his head.  “There’s a town about five miles that way.”  Chris waved to the west.  “We sell eggs and shit there…we go about two hours north to sell the wheat and corn.”

“Is Lance related, too?”  JC stopped working and moved to stand in the shade of the tree.

“No.  He wandered up a lot like you did one day…looking for work.  He’s from the next town over, actually…about ten miles that way.”  Chris pointed to the south.  “He…well…I don’t know exactly what happened but rumors fly.  Basically there were some guys there that didn’t like Lance much…and they pretty much scared him out of town.”

“Damn.”  JC was shocked.

“Yeah…and as you can see, he don’t talk much. It probably didn’t make them any happier that he didn’t answer them when they taunted him.”

“Has he every talked to you?”

“Yeah.” Chris turned back to his work.  “One time, when he first got here and was sick, he told me thank you when I gave him medicine.”

 

Britney puttered out in the pickup truck around noon to bring Chris and JC some lunch.  “There’s sandwiches and lemonade,” she told them. She gave JC her bright smile.  “And I made brownies in honor of Josh’s first day here.”

“Thank you,” he said, flattered but embarrassed. 

“Yeah, Brit, thanks.”  Chris kissed her cheek. She wiped it off, annoyed.

“You’re sweaty.  See you guys at dinner.”  She hopped back into the truck, but not before she made sure JC got a good look at her ass in her short denim shorts.

Chris laughed as they watched her drive away.  “She has no shame.  Oh, to be that young again.”

“How old is she?”  JC unwrapped his ham sandwich and sat down on the ground.  Chris sat next to him.

“She’s nineteen.  Kelly’s twenty-five, and Joey’s twenty-four. Lance is twenty-two.  I’m the old man. I’m going on thirty.”  Chris munched his sandwich.  “Brit’s been seeing this guy in town for a while…total asshole…but I bet she’d love to find someone around the house.”  His brown eyes twinkled as he looked at JC.  JC finally laughed.

“Well, unfortunately that won’t be me,” JC said.  Chris looked at him thoughtfully.

“You’re a hard worker, Josh…that I will tell you. And I’ll also tell you that we could really use you around here right now.  There’s a lot more work than we have hands to do…we could pay you with room and board and food…plus a little money every week for you to save until you’re ready to move on…”

“I’m not sure,” JC hedged, enjoying the feeling of friendship and family in the large house, yet nervous about staying.

“Look, Josh…I know you have something you’re running from. I can see it in your eyes.  I can also see you’re a good man.  You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.  I would like it, and I know that I can speak for Joe when I say if you keep working like you have today, he’d be glad to have you here, too.”  Chris finished his sandwich and took a long drink of lemonade.

 

JC could barely walk when they climbed off the tractor in front of the farmhouse.  He started towards the house, but Chris gently steered him back to the barn.  “We have a shower in here to clean off before going in the house. Kel has a fit if we drag dirt inside.”

“But I don’t have any other clothes,” JC realized.  Chris looked him over.

“You’re skinnier than all of us, but Joey’s probably closest to your height.  Grab a pair of his sweatpants there on that hook.”  Chris opened a tall cupboard.  “Slip on those sandals…we’ll worry about more clothes for you later.”

JC waited outside the small shower stall, chatting with Chris as they waited for Lance to come out. He soon stepped out of the stall, a towel slung around his hips.  JC blushed as he found his eyes wandering down Lance’s pale chest.  He caught Lance looking at him curiously and finally looked away. “Go ahead, Chris,” JC finally said.  “I can wait.”

Chris stripped down and stepped into the shower stall.  JC studied his feet as Lance scrubbed himself dry and put on a pair of shorts and a tshirt.  When Lance tapped him on the arm, JC looked up.  Lance gave him a questioning look and made the “okay” sign with his thumb and index finger.  JC nodded.  “Yeah, I’m fine. Tired.  Long day out there.”  Lance grinned in agreement.  JC reached out and lightly poked Lance’s forearm.  “Sunburn?”  Lance blushed as red as the sunburn and grinned again.  He reached into a pocket of the dirty jeans he had worked in and pulled out a small tube of sunscreen.  He shook it to show it was empty, then rubbed his right arm.  “You ran out?” JC couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the one pale arm and the one red arm.  Lance nodded, laughing in his silent way.  His green eyes danced as they looked at JC, then they sobered as Chris stepped out of the stall. He gave JC a quick wave, then trudged towards the house.

 

JC hadn’t realized how hard he had worked until he sat down at the dinner table.  He could barely lift his fork to his mouth, yet he was ravenous.  Kelly laughed and even Joey smiled.  “Looks like you need to work some muscle onto that skeleton you call a body,” she said. 

“So, Josh, where are you from?” Britney asked.  JC stiffened, then realized she was just asking a simple question.

“East…Delaware,” he lied.

“No wonder you wandered out here…I’d leave Delaware, too,” Chris said.  Joey glared at him.

“That’s rude, Chris.  You’ve never even BEEN to Delaware.”

“I don’t want to ever go there, either,” Chris said, and JC laughed.

“Do you have family…a wife?”  Britney continued.  Kelly kicked her under the table.  JC blushed.

“No wife…uh…no family.  They’re all dead.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.  He shrugged and tried to smile.

“Thanks, but it’s okay, really. We weren’t close.”

“So, Joe, Josh is thinking of staying on for a while,” Chris interrupted to change the subject.  Joe stopped eating, as did Lance.  JC looked at Lance, whose face was expressionless, but his green eyes glimmered.  JC looked at Joey, who was frowning.

“I’m just thinking about it, you know.  I don’t know or anything. I could use the rest and the money, but I don’t want to be a problem.”

“God, Josh, you’re not a problem!” Chris told him. Joey looked at JC.

“You think about it tonight, and I’ll think about it tonight.  We can talk tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” JC said, and buried himself in his dinner. 

Kelly finished off the dinner with two huge apple pies.  JC sighed with contentment as he finished a second piece. If nothing else, he had eaten better in one day than he had in weeks.  “Honey, this was amazing.”  Joey pulled Kelly onto his lap and kissed her. She giggled.  “What did we do to deserve this?”

“Actually, “we” didn’t do anything, you did,” she said mysteriously.  He stared at her.  “I figured I’d tell you when I told everyone else…we’re having a baby, Joe.”

Britney shrieked and Chris gasped.  Lance’s face was one broad grin.  Joey stared at his wife.  “A baby?”  Kelly nodded, and Joey hugged her fiercely.  Chris jumped up to hug Lance, hug Britney, even hug JC.  He then pulled Kelly away from his cousin to hug her. 

“Girl, that is awesome.  Wow…my cuz a daddy.”  Joey stood and Chris hugged him. “Congratulations, man.”

“Thank you.”  Joey’s face was pure bliss.  “Wow.  A baby.”  He couldn’t stop repeating the magic words.  Kelly and Britney were hugging and talking a mile a minute.  Chris looked over at JC. 

“Looks like we’ll need you more than ever now, man.”

 

“The place we have for you to sleep isn’t much right now,” Chris told JC as they sat on the back porch before going to bed.  “We haven’t really fixed up much in the way of bedrooms…and usually we’re either eating or working.  We don’t do much in bedrooms except sleep.”  Lance kicked his foot and grinned.  “Well, except Joey and Kelly, apparently,” Chris added, reading Lance’s grin correctly.  JC smiled.

“That is great.  A baby.”  JC couldn’t remember the last time he had been around a baby.  “If you need me…I’ll stay on.  I know you’ll need the help.”

“Yeah, Joey’s gonna be about useless for the next few months,” Chris said, smiling.  “This is awesome.”  He stood and yawned.  “I’m gonna hit the hay.  Morning comes early around here. I’ll come waken you, okay?”  JC nodded.  “Lance can show you where you’ll sleep.  Good night.”

“Night, Chris,” JC said, and Lance gave him a wave.  Soon he was alone with Lance, looking up at the stars.  JC sighed, wondering what in the world had convinced him to stay.  He looked at Lance, who was watching him.  “So, Lance…do you have a girlfriend?”  He asked, trying to make conversation.  Lance shook his head vigorously and JC smiled.  “Boyfriend?” He asked teasingly.  Lance’s green eyes shut down as he frowned.  He looked away, shaking his head.  “Hey, sorry. I was just joking.”  JC put a hand on Lance’s arm.  Lance looked back at him, shrugged a little, and tried to smile.  “Do you like it here?”  Lance nodded just as vigorously, wrapping his arms around himself and hugging.  “Yeah…I felt that, too,” JC said softly.  It was warm and friendly in this place.  Lance looked at JC and pantomimed sleeping.  “Yeah, I could probably hit the sack.”  He stood and stretched.

Lance led him back into the house and up to the second floor.  He showed JC a closet, where some battered work clothes were hanging. “Are these Joey’s old clothes that I’m supposed to use?” He asked. Lance nodded.  He then showed JC a simple but clean bedroom. The bed was neatly made and a small desk sat in one corner.  “Thanks, Lance.  For everything.”

Lance blushed and ducked his head.  He then looked up at JC shyly.  He touched a finger to his tongue, then touched JC’s cheek lightly.  The finger then brushed against JC’s forehead briefly.  JC stared at him, unable to decipher this bit of information.  Lance sighed and looked at the desk.  He dug through the drawer until he found some paper and a pencil. He scribbled something on the paper, handed it to JC, then darted out of the room.

“Sweet dreams,” JC read out loud, totally confused.  He then remembered Lance’s action.  He had touched JC for the sweetness, then brushed JC’s head for the dreams.

 

JC was awakened at daybreak the next day by someone pounding on his door.  He made a mental note to go to bed right after dinner from now on.  “Yeah, I’m up!”  He yelled.

“WHAT?”  He heard Joey bellow from outside the door.  The door swung open and JC saw Joey on the other side of it, glaring.  “What the hell are you doing in here?”

“Sleeping?”  JC asked, actually shaking a bit.  Joey was pretty scary.

“I told you to sleep outside.”

“Um, no.  Chris told Lance to show me to where I’d be sleeping.”

Joey scratched his head.  “We have a tiny loft out over the barn since we don’t have a fifth bedroom fixed up in here yet.  This is Lance’s room.”

“But…” JC was really confused.

“Sorry, man.  Lance must’ve switched with you to be nice or something.  Kel has breakfast ready.”  Joey quickly closed the door.  JC stared at his feet in confusion before quickly getting dressed.

 

Everyone was at the table when JC stepped into the kitchen.  “Man, you look like shit,” Chris said with a friendly grin.  “Not enough sleep?”

“I can never get enough sleep,” JC told him, sliding into his chair.  “But I’ll be okay.”

Joey started to serve himself but Kel put a hand on his arm, looking at Lance.  Lance was glaring at Joey.  “Oh.  Right. Sorry.”  Joey bowed his head.  “Thank you for another day of working, and another day of gifts.  Thank you for everyone in this room, and for our new friend, Josh.  Thank you for my baby.”  JC smiled at the waiver in Joey’s voice over that word.  “Help us through the day, and in everything we do.  Amen.”

Lance nodded at Joey and smiled his thanks.  He looked at JC, blushing slightly.  He placed his palm flat against his chest, over his heart, then moved it out a few inches.  JC looked at Chris. “He’s saying he’s sorry. I’m assuming for giving you his room and therefore earning the morning wrath of the bear here.”  Chris motioned to his cousin.  Joey growled at him as Lance nodded in agreement.

“It’s okay.  Thanks for giving me your room, though.”  Lance nodded and smiled.  “Um, Joey?  I thought that maybe in any free time I might have, I could work on that spare room you want fixed up. I know a little about carpentry.”

Joey looked at JC as he chewed.  “Actually, that would be great.  Once you help Chris finish that fence, you could start on that.  After dinner tonight, take at look at what we have, toolwise and such, and let me know what you think you’ll need.  Brit needs to run into town tomorrow…you could go in with her.”

“Yes.”  Britney almost bounced in her chair.  JC blushed and Chris hid a laugh.  Lance frowned as he looked from JC to Britney, but, of course, he said nothing.

 

“So…what do you think of Britney?”  Chris asked JC as he heaved a plank into place.

“She’s really pretty.  And it’s cool how helpful she is with Kelly, working in the house,” JC said, grunting as he settled the plank down.

“Yeah…she went away to college but hated it, so Joey and Kel had her move in with us.”  Chris wiped his brow and helped JC turn the plank.  “JC, Joey’s all hot air, just so you know.  He’s a worrywart.  Worries about the farm, if it’s pulling in enough money. He probably thought you were a robber or something, out to kill us in our beds.  I told him that Lance is an amazing judge of character and that you were okay.”

“Thanks.”  JC turned to the pile of planks.

“So…what do you think of Lance?”  JC almost dropped the plank onto his foot.  “Shit, dude, be careful.  We need to get you some boots…pick some up in town tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks.”  JC heaved the plank around and met Chris’ gaze.  “What?”  Chris didn’t say anything.  “Okay…yeah…I’m gay. Is that a problem?”

“Of course not.  We’re small-town out here, but not ignoramuses.  And I’m sure if I was gay, I’d like Lance, too. He’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, he’s nice looking,” JC said calmly.  Chris set his end of the plank down and JC could only do the same.

“Is this the reason you’re running?  Because you’re gay?  Is your family really dead?”  Chris fired questions at JC so quickly he could only answer.

“It’s some of the reason…and yes…my family is dead,” he said softly.  Chris’ brown eyes were sympathetic.

“Sorry, dude.  And don’t worry…the others won’t care if you’re gay, either.  But I won’t tell them.”

“Thanks,” JC said, not really knowing why he was thanking him.

 

Everyone was sitting on the front porch after supper when JC came down with his list. “I hope it’s not too extravagant.  A lot of what I need is up there already.”  JC handed the list to Joey.

“Sit here, Josh,” Britney offered, sliding down on the porch swing.  JC had no reason to refuse, so he sat beside her.  Chris sat on the steps, as did Lance.  Lance glanced up at JC, smiled a bit, then looked back out into the yard, listening to Chris talking quietly with Kelly.  “Thanks for going into town with me tomorrow. I hate going by myself, and I usually have to.”

“How comes Lance or someone doesn’t go in with you?”

“Joey and Chris are usually so busy…and Lance doesn’t go into town.”  Britney didn’t elaborate.

“So, you’re seeing someone in town?”  JC asked politely.  She nodded.

“Yeah…just dating…nothing serious.  His name’s Justin…his dad owns the store in town.  You’ll probably meet him tomorrow.  He works in the grainery but he usually seems to pop up when I come into town.”  She looked up into JC’s blue eyes.  “You don’t have someone?”

“Um…no.  Never did find the right person,” he said lightly.  He sensed Lance’s green eyes on him before he noticed Lance listening to their conversation.  “Well, I’m off to bed.”  He stood.  “Lance, I’d appreciate if you’d show me the loft. I don’t want to take your room.” Lance began to shake his head.  “Really…I want to sleep out there.”  Lance rolled his eyes and sighed, but he headed towards the barn.

They climbed a ladder and Lance pointed to a small bed of hay covered with two sheets and a blanket.  A pillow lay on the one end.  Lance insistently pointed to himself, but JC gently put a hand on his shoulder.  “No, Lance, it’s okay.  I’ve slept on rockhard ground. This is nothing.”  Lance sighed and slowly nodded.  He watched JC for a moment, then slowly made a motion as if he was driving a car.  He pointed to himself, then to JC.  JC looked at him curiously. “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.”  Lance sighed in frustration, then began to sashay around the loft, swinging his hips.  JC laughed.  “Britney.”  Lance nodded, then pointed to JC, and made the driving motion. “Oh!  You want to come to town with us tomorrow?”  Lance nodded vigorously.  “But she said you don’t go to town,” JC said before he thought.  Lance nodded, and motioned to himself.  He shook his head, then motioned to himself AND JC and gave the okay sign.  “Oh,” he said softly. “If I go, you’ll go?”  Lance nodded hard.  “You’ll feel safer?”  JC asked, and Lance slowly nodded.  “I understand,” JC said, putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder again.  Lance smiled at him, and they stood silently for a moment.  “Oh,” JC said, holding Lance back as he started to go down the ladder.  He licked his finger, touched Lance’s cheek, then brushed his hand across Lance’s forehead.  “VERY sweet dreams, Lance,” he said softly. “Thanks for all your help and kindness.”

Lance blushed a furious red, his face sad.  He simply nodded and clambered down the ladder.  JC fell onto the hay cot, wondering what had made Lance so sad…and so silent

 

“Why don’t you drive, Josh?” Britney asked as they walked out the front door of the house.  “I’ll sit in the middle to give you directions.”

JC scuffed his foot in the dirt, ignoring Chris’ look of amusement.  “Actually, I’d rather not.  Let’s have Lance drive and I’ll sit in the middle. He knows where he’s going, and frankly, it’s been so long since I drove a car I don’t know if I remember how.”

“Okay,” she said, disappointed.  She then beamed her sunny smile.  “I can sit next to the window and point things out to you, then.”

JC sighed and took the list from Kelly.  “Just these few groceries, if you don’t mind, Josh.  Lance can show you where the stores are.  I’m sure Britney will dance off to find that Justin.”  She shook her head.  “I love my sister but she is a brat sometimes.”

“I’ll do my best to get everything you need,” JC promised.  “And I know Lance will help.”

“Here.  You tell Mr. Timberlake that you’re working for me and he’ll let you sign for this.”  Joey handed him a credit card.  “Don’t abuse it.”

“I won’t,” JC said hurriedly. 

“And get yourself some clothes.  Work boots, jeans, whatever you need,” Chris told him.  Joey turned to glare at him. “Shut up, Joe.  The man has like two sets of clothes and his shoes are falling apart.  He’s already earned it.”  Joey opened his mouth, then closed it.

“Fine.  Get whatever you need.  Just don’t waste all day in there.”  He turned his dark eyes on Britney.  “They WILL drive back here without you.”

“Okay, Dad,” she said, hopping into the truck on the passenger side.  JC climbed in from the driver’s side, and Lance got behind the wheel.  Lance brought the ancient truck to life and they started down the dirt road.

After five minutes, JC desperately wished that Britney was silent like Lance.  She chattered on and on about neighbors, and Justin, and a dance that was coming up.  She kept putting her hand on JC’s knee, not even noticing when he tried to shift away.  Shifting away brought him closer to Lance, who looked at him from the corner of his eye and smiled, rolling his eyes.  JC sighed, wishing Lance could drive faster.

They finally pulled into a tiny dirt lot and Lance parked the car.  “Josh, do you guys mind getting the groceries?” Britney asked.  “I’d like to see if Justin’s working…bring him over to introduce you.”

JC saw Lance’s eyes widen in alarm.  “Um, sure, Brit, go ahead.”  She skipped off towards the grainery and JC turned to Lance.  “You okay?”  Lance nodded, squaring his shoulders bravely.  “Okay…let’s go to the hardware store first.”

Lance led him down the street to the large hardware store.  Tools and supplies gleamed on the shelves, and JC didn’t even know where to start.  Lance grabbed the list and shoved a small basket into JC’s hands.  JC laughed and followed him.  Lance wove through the aisles expertly, dumping nails and tools into the basket.  JC soon had to sit the basket on the front counter and get another basket.  “For someone who doesn’t come to town often, you sure know this store!”  JC said with a laugh.  Lance smiled and shrugged.  He made the “I love” signs by pointing to himself and crossing his arms over his chest, then made a hammering motion.  “You like doing this kind of work?”  JC asked, and Lance nodded. “Cool.  Maybe Joey will let you help me out if I need it.”  Lance nodded again, smiling broadly.

JC filled up the last basket and went to the counter.  A tall man with dark hair and green eyes smiled at him.  “Hey there…new in town?”  His eyes flickered over to Lance.  “Morning, Lance.”  Lance smiled at him, pointing between himself and Lance.  “Ah, you working for Joe Fatone?”

“Yes, sir,” JC said politely.  The man smiled and held out his hand.

“Kevin Richardson. I know Lance here, and I’ve known Joe for ages.  You need anything else, you let me know.”

“Thank you, sir,” JC said, signing the receipt that Mr. Richardson put in front of him.  Instead of bags, the store owner put their purchases in boxes and helped them carry the boxes down to the truck. They carefully placed the boxes in back, then started for the grocery store.  “He’s nice,” JC said to Lance.  Lance nodded, then held up one finger.  JC looked at him quizzically.  Lance pointed to the store and nodded, then pointed to some other businesses and shook his head, frowning. “Those people aren’t so nice?”  JC asked, and Lance slowly nodded.  “Well, it’s good we’re not shopping there today, then,” JC said, and Lance laughed his silent laugh.

“Hey, Josh!”  A voice behind them yelled.  They turned to see Britney running towards them, dragging at the arm of a young man.  Two other men walked with him.

Lance froze in his steps.  He frowned and JC saw something shoot through his eyes.  “Hi, Britney,” JC said finally.  For some reason he felt the need to step in front of Lance.

“Justin, this is Josh.  Josh, this is Justin Timberlake and his friends Nick and Howie.”  Nick was a tall blond, and Howie was shorter with dark hair and obvious Hispanic origins.

JC eyed Justin as Justin’s cold blue eyes raked over him.  Justin’s hair was shorn close to his head, and his body was lean and packed with muscles.  His grey tank top pulled tight against his chest, and the blue work shirt did nothing to hide the well-defined body.  His eyes were emotionless.  “Hello, Josh.  Britney’s been raving about you; said that you’ve been a big help already.”

“I hope so.  They’ve been nice to me out there,” JC said simply, shaking Justin’s outstretched hand.

“You play basketball?”

“A little,” JC replied.

“We have a league, kinda, on Wednesday nights, if you’re interested.”

JC already did not like this man.  “Well, we’re busy at the farm right now, but we’ll see.”

Justin obviously was not happy that his basketball game of friendship was not accepted.  “Suit yourself.”  His blue eyes flicked over to Lance, who seemed to shrink back even further.  “Well, well well. If it isn’t the little dumb boy.   Hello, Lance.  Learn any new signs lately?”  Lance swallowed deeply and looked away. 

“Justin, don’t,” Britney hissed, pulling at Justin’s sleeve. He jerked his arm away.

“I bet I could teach you some signs, Bass.  How about the sign for fuck you?”  Justin took a step towards Lance, mean amusement written all over his face.  “Any little boys ask to fuck you lately?”  JC stepped in front of Lance, scowling.  Justin laughed.  “Awww…looks like Lancey-Pants has a hero.”  He looked at JC.  “Josh, better be careful.  What Bass has got might rub off on you.”  He slung an arm around Britney and turned away.  “Brit’ll be back at your truck in a half hour.  Bye now.”

JC watched the four people leave, not noticing that his hands were clenched into fists.  He turned to look at Lance, and was shocked by the pure fear in the beautiful green eyes.  “You okay?”  He asked softly.  Lance nodded slowly, his eyes finally looking over at JC.  Lance blushed and put a hand on JC’s hand, slowly peeling at his fingers.  JC looked down at his fists and laughed.  “Guess I was a little pissed off.  I don’t like people picking on my friends.”  Lance’s eyes widened and he motioned between JC and himself with a questioning look on his face.  “Hell, yeah, you’re my friend, Lance.  And I don’t have many, so feel special.”  Lance smiled and pointed to himself and shook his head.  JC nodded to show he understood. Lance didn’t have many friends, either.  “Let’s get this shopping done. I want out of this town.”  Lance nodded vigorously and led the way into the grocery store.

JC idly pushed the cart as Lance placed items into it, not really paying attention. He disliked Justin Timberlake so fiercely it put a bad taste in his mouth, and he hated the way he had treated Lance.  And what was he talking about…little boys wanting to fuck Lance.  Was Lance gay, too? Was it why he had left his hometown?  JC wished he had the courage to ask Lance, but he figured it wasn’t his business.  All the situation did was make him worry about Lance even more.

They paid for their purchases and slowly lugged the bags back to the truck.  Britney was leaning against the passenger door, Justin pressed tight against her.  Lance sighed, his step slowing.  “Come on, Lance,” JC said encouragingly.  “I won’t let him do anything.”  Lance raised an eyebrow and set his bags down, squeezing his own bicep.  JC laughed, glad Lance was able to joke around. “Sorry. YOU won’t let him do anything.”

“’Bout damn time, dummy,” Justin said to Lance, pulling his lips away from Britney’s.  She blushed and stared at her shoes.  “I thought maybe you had pulled Josh here behind the store and were showing him what you had to offer.”

“Hey, it was nice to meet you, Justin, but we really need to go,” JC said, glaring at the younger man.  Justin raised an eyebrow.

“Whoa.  Something going on here I don’t know about?”

“Whatever goes on with me is really none of your business, Justin,” JC snapped.  Justin’s eyes narrowed.

“What the fuck’s your problem?  You and dummy here buddies?”

“His name is Lance, and he’s my friend. I don’t like people picking on my friends.”  JC’s voice was calm.  Lance shuffled his feet and Britney stared at him.  Justin poked JC in the shoulder.

“Better watch out, Joshy, or people will start picking on you.”

“You don’t scare me.”

“I should.”  Justin kissed Britney’s cheek hard.  “I’ll call you tonight, babe.”  He strutted down the street without looking back. 

Lance climbed behind the wheel, and JC slid across the seat from the passenger side.  JC noticed that Lance’s hands were trembling as they clutched the steering wheel.  He put a hand on Lance’s thigh and Lance jumped. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “He’s a dickhead.”

Lance nodded a vigorous affirmative and JC laughed.  He turned his head to look at Britney, who was pressed up against the door.  “I’m sorry, Lance,” she said quietly.  Lance shrugged without looking at her.

“Why do you waste time with him?”  JC asked her, realizing now why Lance never went to town.

“He’s not that bad,” Britney insisted.  “When you get to know him…”

“I hope I never do,” JC mumbled as Lance started the truck.

 

Joey didn’t say anything about the amount of money he spent, and JC was glad. He knew he would simply end up venting his anger over Justin Timberlake, directing it at his employer.  As they left Joey to get back at work, Lance slapped himself in the head and pointed at JC.  Joey stared at him.

“What, Lance?”

Lance tugged at JC’s shirt, pointed at his shoes.  JC smiled sheepishly.  “Shit, you’re right. I didn’t shop for myself.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Joey’s lips.  “Yeah, unlike when Britney goes alone.” He laughed.  “McLean will keep his store open late if I call him for you.  Why don’t you go out and help Chris with whatever he’s doing, and then instead of staying for dinner, you can drive back into town.”  He glanced at Lance.  “You mind driving him in?”

Lance hesitated, but only briefly. He shook his head in the negative and JC grinned at him. “Thanks, Lance.”

“Okay, you two, get back to work.”  Lance scampered off behind the barn, and JC went to find Chris.

 

“Is there somewhere we can grab something to eat?” JC asked Lance as they drove back to town.  Lance nodded.  “Good.  It’s not anywhere near Timberlake’s Grocery, is it?”  Lance smiled and shook his head. “Good.  I don’t want to have to kick that freak’s ass.”  Lance stared at him curiously.  “God, Lance, he’s such a prick. I don’t care if I’ve only met him once…he’s a prejudiced egotistical asshole.  I hate people like that.”  JC said the words with such venom that Lance shrank away from him.  JC looked at him.  “Are you gay, Lance?”  He asked gently.  Lance stared at the windshield and didn’t give an answer.  “I don’t care if you are…just so you know…” JC said softly.  “I don’t mind one bit.”  Lance didn’t look at him, but his hands relaxed slightly as they gripped the steering wheel.  “Well…um…does this work?”  He reached for the radio and turned it on.  He fiddled with the stations, finally finding a country station that came in clearly.  He tapped his fingers on his knees and began to sing along.

“We shall be free….we shall be free…stand straight…walk proud…we shall be free…” JC sang along with Garth Brooks.  Lance stared to him as they stopped at a stop sign, his mouth open. “What?” JC asked nervously.  Lance moved his hand from his throat up to this chin, pantomiming voice.  A smile crossed his face.  “My singing? I like to sing…I was in this little group, back home,” JC said, his voice dying away.  He had been so damn proud of that group….until his mother’s boyfriend had forced him to quit.  Lance’s eyes asked the question.  “I had to quit…family stuff,” JC said quietly.  Lance nodded and looked away.  He motioned to the radio, wanting JC to sing some more.  JC smiled and continued to sing as they drove.

 

“Hey there, Lancey-Pants.”  JC stiffened as the short man greeted Lance, but he saw that Lance didn’t care.  Obviously this was one of the nicer people in town. The man with the dark hair and darker eyes smiled up at JC.  “Hey.”

“Hi.  Josh.” He held out his hand.

“Alex McLean. Joe said you needed some clothes and that you’d be spending a bundle, so I stayed open for ya.”  He rubbed his hands together.  “Spend away, my friend.”

JC laughed and followed Lance to the work clothing. He picked out a few good pair of jeans, as well as some tshirts and sweatshirts.  Lance pointed out the kind of boots he thought he should pick, and JC picked out another pair of sneakers as well. They weren’t Nikes, but they would do.  “Joey’s gonna kill me,” he moaned as he saw the pile of clothing grow.

“And you haven’t even started picking out normal clothes,” Alex reminded him, guiding him to the street clothes.

“I don’t need anything,” JC protested.  Lance arched an eyebrow, his eyes running over JC’s dirty clothing.  He laughed. “Okay, maybe I do.”

Alex picked out a few sweaters, some nicer tshirts, and two button-down dress shirts.  “And you’ll need nice jeans…a pair of khakis…” he mumbled to himself as he pulled out pants that were exactly JC’s size.

“Where do you think I’m going?”  JC asked him.

“You are a good looking man, Josh.  Any good looking man needs good looking clothes.”  Alex’s expression dared JC to argue, and he didn’t.  “Okay…grab yourself some socks and undies and we’ll begin to tally this up.”  He began to ring things up at the register and Lance’s eyes widened as the total grew higher.

“He’s gonna kill me,” JC moaned once more.  Lance grinned, showing that his expression had been to tease JC.  He started grabbing bags, heading for the truck.  “I’ll be right out,” he told Lance, who nodded. Lance went out the door.  “Thanks for your help,” JC told Alex.

“Any time. That’s my job.  Hey, did you hear about the basketball league here in town? You look like the bball type.”

“Yeah, I’ve already been invited,” JC said wryly.  He started to say more, but froze when the bell above the door tinkled and Justin Timberlake walked in.

“We’re closed, Justin,” Alex told him.

“Yeah, well, he’s here.  Lancey’s little hero,” Justin said, smirking.

“Thank you, Alex,” JC said, grabbing the rest of the bags.

“No problem, Mr. Chasez.”  Alex read the signature on the credit card receipt, pronouncing it correctly.  “You come back any time.”

Justin followed JC out onto the sidewalk.  “Chaz Say?”  Justin overenunciated JC’s last name.  “What kind of pansy-ass name is that?”

“What kind of white trash name is Timberlake?”  JC snarled in reply.  Justin shoved JC in the shoulder.

“I don’t know what your issue is, Joshua, but you’d better knock it off. I can make your life a living hell around here.”

“I’m shaking in my boots,” JC sneered, then looked down at his sneakers.  “Oh, yeah, I’m not WEARING boots.  What does that tell ya?”

“Fuck you, Chasez.  I don’t know why you’re sticking up for Lance Bass and all, but let me warn you…people around here don’t like his kind.”

“What kind is that?  Someone who’s quiet?”

“No.”  Justin’s eyes were like ice.  “Someone who likes to fuck other guys.  He’s not all sweet and innocent, Josh.  He likes dick…and that just ain’t right.”

“Maybe you’re just jealous that he doesn’t like YOUR dick, Justin.”  JC picked up his bags again.

“Ask some of the boys over where Lance came from about Lance liking THEIR dicks, Josh.  Ask Drew Lachey…he’ll tell you all about it…what kind of freak Lance Bass is,” Justin called after him.  “And I’m not done with you yet, Chasez.  You’re mine.”

JC hurried towards the truck, towards Lance. He ignored Justin. He was so intent on ignoring Justin that he didn’t notice the man standing in front of Richardson’s Hardware, intently watching, ears perking up as he heard Justin call him Chasez.

 

JC’s life fell into a dull routine over the next few weeks. He worked with Chris out in the fields, mending fences or working with the crops, and then two or three nights after that he would work in the spare bedroom. He repaired the window frame, replaced the door, then started on the floor.  By the third week, he was peeling off wallpaper and sanding the walls down to be painted.  Lance had painted the window frame, and he would be helping to paint the walls.

JC and Joey got along well enough, though Joey still intimidated him. It was Chris who adopted JC as a little brother, with Kelly acting in the same manor.  Chris was almost thirty, and he felt that JC needed any advice he felt inclined to give. JC smiled and listened; Chris was incredibly funny, but also incredibly smart.  He saw the feelings that JC was having for Lance, and he didn’t say much about them, just watched and smiled and waited.  At times he wanted to knock their heads together; it was so damn obvious they liked each other but neither was willing…or ready…to make one little move.  So Chris did what he did best: he got nosy.

“So, Josh…guess Brit’s finally over you, huh?” Chris asked as they walked around the perimeter of their land. It was a nice day, and they had parked the tractor at one end and walked the lines of the acreage.

“I hope so.  I could never do anything with anyone that liked someone as evil as Justin Timberlake,” JC said.  His showdown with Justin was already legendary in the small town, and people were eager to see this new boy with the attitude.  Because Justin had made it quite clear that Josh Chasez had started things with HIM…and not the other way around.

“But of course you’re not after Brit in the first place, because she’s not your type,” Chris pointed out, and JC chuckled.

“Right.”

“Did you have someone back home?” Chris asked.  He felt comfortable enough in his friendship with Josh to ask him this.  JC closed down a little, choosing his words carefully.

“I did…a friend in my singing group. His name was Brian.”  JC leaned on a fencepost, looking into the distance.  “There were four of us…we were gonna be the first totally out and gay singing group…gonna make it big.  Brian could sing like an angel.”

“From what I hear, so can you,” Chris said quietly. JC looked at him. “Lance told me. He heard you sing in the car, or something?”

“Oh, that? God…I sing better then that,” JC boasted, and Chris laughed.  “Anyway…something came up at home and I had to quit the group…and Brian and I drew apart.”

“Shit…I’m sorry,” Chris said softly. JC shrugged.  “But I thought you said you don’t have any family…that they’re dead.”

“They are. I had a mother, and she’s dead.  She had a boyfriend…and he’s dead, too.”  JC closed his eyes at the memory.  “He…uh…he didn’t like that I was gay, and it was because of him I had to quit the group.  Evan thought singing only made me gayer, apparently, so he told my mom to make me quit.  And since she thought everything Evan said was law, she made me quit.  He hated me.”

“God,” Chris breathed.  “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay.”  JC shrugged. “So she died, and I went out on my own.”

“You’re welcome here as long as you want, man,” Chris told him, putting a hand on his shoulder.  “Like I told Lance when he showed up here…I don’t care about then, I care about now, and I care about you.”

“Thanks, Chris,” JC said, smiling at the older man.

 

“If only tears were laughter…if only night was day…if only prayers were answered…then we would hear God say…” JC sang quietly as he popped open cans of paint.  “No matter what they tell you…no matter what they do…no matter what they teach you…what you believe is true…” he looked up and saw Lance in the doorway of the bedroom. “God, Lance, you gave me a heart attack!”  Lance smiled apologetically, then gave a happy sigh.  He motioned to his ears, then made a halo over his head, then pointed to JC.  “I sound like an angel?  Get real.  You should have heard my friend Brian back home. He…” A pain slightly shot through JC’s heart at the memory of his boyfriend. “He could sing like an angel,” he finished.  Lance’s face was sorrowful as he walked to JC and put his hand over JC’s heart.  He looked up at JC quizzically. “Yeah…I was close to him,” JC began, then shook his head. Why was he lying to Lance?  “He was my boyfriend.”  Lance’s eyes widened. “But my mom’s boyfriend didn’t like that I was gay, so I couldn’t really see him anymore.”  Lance made his “I’m sorry” motion. “It’s okay. I’m sure he has someone else now, and I’ve moved on.” Lance nodded, but made the motion again.

“Hey!”  Britney chirped as she walked into the bedroom. Lance pulled away from JC and looked at the floor.

“Hi, Britney,” JC said, sighing. After the interlude with Justin, he tried to stay out of Britney’s way.  She still insisted on flirting with him, a situation that made him more and more uncomfortable.

“I just wanted to remind you that the dance is tomorrow night…you’re coming, right?”

“I…well…I thought I’d stay home,” JC confessed. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing this Justin again.

“You need to come, Josh!  Everyone’s DYING to meet you. I have a new dress that’s gonna make Justin drool, so you don’t have to worry about him. You need to come!  Joey and Kelly are even coming!” She bounced on down the hall. JC looked at Lance and sighed.

“She doesn’t give up, does she?”  Lance shook his head, smiling.  “Are you going?”  Lance hesitated, then shrugged. He picked up a paintbrush and played with it.  “Do you have any friends that will be there?” JC asked.  Lance nodded, holding up one finger.  “Oh, really? A boy or a girl?”  Lance glared at JC playfully and made a curtsy to show it was a girl.  “Who?  Just a friend?”  Lance nodded, putting his hand out down near his knee, to show they had been friends since he was small.  “That’s cool.  If she’ll be there, you should go.” Lance hesitated, then nodded.  He pointed to JC, then to himself.  “If I go, you’ll go?”  Lance nodded. JC smiled. “You drive a hard bargain, Bass.”

 

“Come ON, Josh!”  Britney grabbed JC’s hand and started to drag him towards the auditorium where the dance was being held. Everyone in the small town seemed to be there.  JC finally pulled away. 

“Look, Britney, I don’t want to meet up with your man again, okay? Go ahead. Lance will introduce me to anyone worth knowing.”

“But Josh, he…”

“Britney, GO,” JC snapped. She whirled away, hurt.  Chris smiled, clapping JC on the back.

“About damn time,” he said, laughing.

Lance did introduce him around, by simply leading him up to people and lightly tapping their shoulders. They were all very nice, smiling at Lance, asking how he was, and eagerly shaking JC’s hand. JC was eventually forced to meet other people, gritting his teeth as Britney showed him off like he was her boyfriend. Justin was nowhere to be seen.  Lance finally came back, leading a young redhead behind him. Britney sniffed.

“Oh, hello, Madison.”

“Britney.” The girl flicked her eyes over, then smiled at JC. “You must be Josh.  Lance has told me all about you. I’m Madison…I live next town over. I grew up with Lance.”

“Madison, it is an honor to meet you.” JC eagerly shook her hand, then gave her a hug.  “I’m so glad to meet a friend of Lance’s.”  They chatted for a while, then Madison excused herself to talk to some other people.  She smiled at Lance in a secretive way, then kissed JC’s cheek.

“I’ll see you two later.” She moved off into the crowd, waving back at them.

“She’s great,” JC told Lance.  “Um, she knows your gay?”  Lance’s face grew stormy as he moved his arms around in a large circle.  “Everyone knows?” JC whispered, surprised.  This was a small town and word traveled fast, but he thought Lance would have tried to hide it better.  He nodded sadly. “Well, saves you from having to worry about it, doesn’t I?” JC tried to be cheerful, but Lance only looked at him. “Um, let’s go outside for a minute.” They walked out of the auditorium to a small patio in back.  A few couples were taking advantage of the solitude.  Lance looked at them and blushed as he and JC leaned against a railing.

JC sighed and looked up at the stars.  A slow song came through the speakers, and he unconsciously sang along.  “I can’t fight this feeling any longer…and yet I’m afraid to let it flow…what started out as friendship has grown stronger…I only wish I had the strength to let it show…” JC couldn’t help but look at Lance, who was eagerly drinking in every word.  But the look in Lance’s eyes was like nothing JC had ever seen…and it mirrored everything in his heart.  “I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever…I said there is no reason for my fear…Cause I feel so secure when we’re together…you give my life direction…you made everything so clear…”

Lance inched closer, his green eyes flickering from a few lights on the patio.   JC swallowed deeply, unable to sing a note more. He knew he could NOT kiss Lance, not here, not in this setting, but it was all he could think about.

“The lovebirds!”  A voice sang out.  Lance winced and JC whirled around.  An unsteady Justin Timberlake walked towards them.  JC could smell the liquor before Justin even reached them. “At least I know you won’t be after my Brit.”

“Justin, please don’t do this,” JC begged, not wanting Justin to embarrass Lance any more than he already had.

“I TOLD you he’d be infecting you,” Justin laughed.

“It’s not like that,” JC hissed, and Lance drew back, his face a mask of hurt.  “Not at all.”

“I think it’s just like that…and I’m gonna find out for sure. We don’t need any more dicksuckers around here, Chasez.”

“And we don’t need anymore dickHEADS, either.”  JC’s fist slammed into Justin’s face before he could stop himself.  Justin hit the ground hard, and Britney came running.  JC looked at Lance.  “I’m sorry, Lance.”  JC ran out of the auditorium and out onto the street.

He heard footsteps behind him, but he continued to walk. He would go back to the farm, get his things, and leave.  Chris could find someone else to take his place easy enough.  A hand on his arm stopped him from walking. “WHAT?”  JC yelled, whirling around.  Lance’s pale face was pure terror, and he almost fell in his haste to back away.  “Jesus, Lance, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”  Lance nodded, shaking.  “God.” He put an arm around Lance’s shoulder, pulling him close.  Lance shoved him away, his eyes now angry. He pointed from himself to JC, trying to think of a way to say what he felt.  He could only think of one way to pantomime “homosexual”, so he pretended that he was sucking on something. He then pointed at JC, shaking his head.

“Am I gay? Yes, Lance, I am. I thought you realized that. I thought…” JC was interrupted by Lance making muscles to signify Justin, then pointed to JC and moved his hand to signify talking.  “What I told Justin?”  JC’s mind raced.  “That it wasn’t what he thought…oh, God, no, Lance. Not that I wasn’t gay…he just…he made it sound so CRUDE…like I was out to fuck you in the bushes or something. I’m not like that, Lance. Not at all.”  JC’s voice softened.  “Not with you.  He made it sound like something to be ashamed of, and I’m not.  I’m not ashamed of how I feel about you.”

Even in the dark he could sense Lance’s smile, feel his blush of pleasure.  Chris ran up before he could say anymore. “God, Josh, why didn’t you wait so I could see that?  Joey’s even happy you did it.”

“It won’t make things any easier for me, or for Lance,” JC pointed out. “It was childish.”

“Yeah, but it was great!”  Chris said happily. “Come on…we’re going home.  Brit can catch a ride with a friend.”

Chris chatted as they walked back to the truck.  JC pretended to listen, but his mind was on Lance.  And when he looked at Lance, it was obvious that Lance’s mind was on him, too.

 

The summer pulled to a close, and JC felt as if he had always lived in this place.  He and Chris became closer then he thought possible, and Lance…well…JC didn’t know what to think about that.  He knew Lance had feelings for him, he KNEW Lance felt the pull, the tug, the butterflies in the stomach…but Lance would do nothing about it. Something was holding him back. Something scared him. And JC wasn’t about to force him.  As long as Lance kept turning that crooked smile on him, kept giving him those special looks when no one was around, he could wait forever.

The bedroom was almost finished, and JC was proud of it.  The paint brightened the room, and the floor was sanded smooth enough for bare feet to walk across.  He leaned in the doorway one evening, staring at it.  “Something wrong?” 

JC turned to look at Joey.  “No…I’m just pleased.  Sorry it’s over though; I enjoy big jobs like this.”

“Well, there are a lot of big jobs like this around this place, so don’t think we’re done with you yet,” Joey said with a grin, and JC smiled back.  He and Joey got along very well, though Joey could be pigheaded and stubborn.  JC had finally learned to just let it roll off his back, though he never got as good at making jokes about it as Chris was.  “I’m so glad Lance found you, Josh.  You’ve been a miracle around here.  I didn’t know how much we needed someone else until you showed up.”

JC blushed under the praise.  “I don’t do much. I mean, I’m still clueless around the animals, and Lance knows more about farming then I could ever HOPE to learn…”

“Yeah, but you help with the other stuff. Things that we don’t have time to get to,” Joey told him. “And Kel just loves you. If I didn’t know better, I’d be worried,” Joey teased.  JC blushed for a different reason.  “So…you and Lance…”

“Um, there isn’t really a me and Lance…you know…like nothing’s happening or anything.”  JC wondered why he was so nervous discussing this with Joey.

“If there WAS something…you know we’d all be happy,” Joey said, and JC’s head snapped up.  “Lance is a member of our family…and so are you, now.  We’d love to see you two together.  Kel is working on Britney…but she hasn’t told her…about…you know…” Joey waved his hand in the air.  JC smiled.  He had never come out and said he was gay, but Chris had guessed, and Joey and Kelly weren’t stupid. Only Britney refused to admit it…that is, if she had figured it out at all.  “It’s your place to do that.”

“I’m beginning to think I need to say something,” JC said, running a hand through his hair.  Though she had a boyfriend, Britney flirted with him mercilessly, and any time he found five minutes to be alone with Lance, Britney intruded.  “I mean, if I was straight, hell, I’d be flattered.  She’s cute.  But I’m NOT straight, and she has JUSTIN.”  JC spat the name.  Joey smiled. 

“No love lost between you, I know that.”  Joey clapped JC on the back. “Anyway, thanks for doing the room, and you can move in whenever you’re ready.”

JC stared at Joey. “Me? I thought maybe Britney…or Lance, even…should get this room. I’ll take an old room.”

“No. You move in here.  You’ve been in the barn long enough and it will get cold soon.”  Joey smiled at JC and went on down the hall.

 

The kitchen was way too quiet when JC ambled down the steps one early August morning.  “Hello?” He called, scratching his head.  “Where’s…” He stared at the cake on the table.  “Happy birthday, Josh,” he read out loud.  Tears sprang to his eyes.  He didn’t remember even telling anyone it was his birthday.  “God,” he whispered, gripping the edge of the kitchen table.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had been given a birthday cake.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around, looking into Lance’s troubled green eyes.  Lance took a finger and marked a smile on his own face, pointed to JC, then shook his head.  “Yeah…I’m happy…I love it…it’s…” JC cursed himself as he felt tears threaten to fall.  “No one…I never had…we didn’t do this kinda stuff at my house,” he finally managed.  Lance’s eyes widened and he pulled JC into a hug.  JC cried on Lance’s shoulder, allowing Lance’s strong arms to wrap around him.  He felt Lance’s fingers softly trailing through his hair.

“Dammit, I told you that Josh would want a Smurf cake!  Why does no one listen to me?”  Chris yelled through the kitchen.  Josh laughed through his tears, pulling back.

“I swear, I’m happy…it’s just…no one ever did anything like this for me before,” he sniffled, wiping his nose on his hand.

“Happy birthday, Josh,” Kel slowly walked over and gave him a hug.  “And many more.”

“But I didn’t tell anyone it was my birthday,” JC protested.  Lance blushed and Joey laughed.

“Someone decided to get into your wallet and check out your driver’s license,” Joey told him.  JC looked at Lance and grinned.

“You’re sneaky.”

Lance shrugged, blushing deeper.  “You know it’s gonna be a good day when you have cake for breakfast,” Chris said enthusiastically.

“Like you need sugar,” Britney told him, smacking his hands away as he tried to grab some icing.  “Josh first.”

“Just a small piece,” JC said, sitting down. Lance sat next to him, pushing a small pile of presents towards him.  “For me?”

“Duh,” Chris said, his mouth full of cake.  “Top one’s mine.”

JC carefully opened it. “God, Josh, just tear the damn paper,” Joey said.

“Josh is anal. It’s something you should know a lot about,” Kelly said, poking her husband in the arm.  “You’re the same way.”

“Not when it comes to presents,” Joey told her.

“Wow. Thanks, Chris.”  JC held up the pocketknife.  Chris had a similar one, and JC had always admired it.

Britney’s gift was a blue-grey sweater that would intensify the blue of JC’s eyes. “Wow…Brit…this is great.”

“I knitted it for you,” she said shyly.  JC stared at her. 

“Whoa. That makes it even better.  Thank you.”  Feeling generous and happy, JC leaned across the table and kissed her cheek. She blushed.

Joey and Kelly handed him an envelope.  “This is for your furniture…for your bedroom,” they told him. 

JC stared at the amount of money inside the envelope.  “But, I thought I could just make it.  This is too much money…”

“Use it for the wood then…and buy some other things to decorate it,” Kelly told him.  JC smiled his thanks.

Lance crept out of the room, returning with a large box.  He set it in front of JC on the table, then looked down at his feet.  Chris cleared his throat.  “Lance told me to tell you that he hopes you like this, but that it’s probably stupid.  I told him to shut the fuck up.”  Lance looked up to glare at him.  “He thought it was something that you could easily carry with you…if you decide to move on.”

“Oh,” JC said, glancing at Lance. “I’m sure it’s not stupid,” he said as he tore the paper. He stared at the box in front of him.  “Jesus, I KNOW it’s not stupid,” he said, barely able to breathe.  He ran his fingers over the box, then picked up the notebook that was taped to the top.  “Josh…I thought you could do this to make your own music…it even records…and then when you’re rich and famous I can say I helped start it. Happy birthday, from Lance.”  JC looked up from the keyboard and stared at Lance.  “Lance…this must’ve cost you a fortune.”

Lance looked down at himself and grinned.  “Yeah, it’s not like he spends it on clothes or anything,” Chris said pointedly.  Lance flicked some icing off his cake and it landed in Chris’ hair. Chris patiently pulled it out.

“I don’t…shit, Lance…thank you,” JC whispered, feeling tears jump to his eyes again.

“Well, let’s get this show on the road. Even though we’re graced with JC’s presence on the earth today, there’s still stuff to get done.  Before we know it, the harvesters will be in the area and we need to be ready,” Joey said, referring to the outside help they hired to help harvest their crops.  “Happy birthday, Josh.”  Joey grabbed another piece of cake, kissed Kelly’s cheek, then headed out of the kitchen.  Chris soon followed. 

JC stared at his keyboard for a moment longer, then stood from the table.  Kelly went to the sink to do some dishes, and Britney headed to the laundry room to start the wash.  Lance picked up the spiral notebook that had been taped to the box, and pointed at JC.  He then mimicked writing.  “Oh…for me to write the songs in.  Thanks, Lance.”  Lance nodded, then opened to a page in the middle. He handed the notebook to JC, then hurried from the room. 

JC walked out into the hallway, leaning against a wall before softly whispering what was written on the page.  “And I will keep you safe and strong…and sheltered from the storm…no matter where it’s barren…a dream is being born.  You’re like a dream come true for me, Josh. Thank you for trusting me, for earning my trust…and I promise you that someday I’ll tell you all…and maybe afterwards you’ll still want me and we can make our dreams together.  Love on your birthday…Lance.”

 

“Have you ever been in a fight?” JC asked Chris as they nailed a board into place.  They were doing repairs on the barn where the cows were kept.

“Sure…about five or six, I’d say.” Chris stopped to wipe his brow. “Damn…I’m sweating like a pig here.”

“Really?  I’m not that hot.”  For an August afternoon, the sun wasn’t as warm as usual.  “Did you ever really hurt someone?”

“Nah.  I’m all talk,” Chris said, grinning.  JC grinned back, imagining how many fights Chris had probably talked his way out of.  “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”

“I’m not a violent person, if that’s what you’re asking…but I fight for the people I love, and for what is mine,” Chris volunteered, and yet again JC was amazed at how much Chris seemed to read without JC ever saying it.  “If I had a girl, I’d fight for her…I’d fight for Joey or Kelly or Brit or Lance…or you.  You’re my family,” he said simply.  He put down his hammer and took a large drink from their water jug.

“I just…” JC stared up at the sky for a long moment, wondering how much to say and how to say it.  “I hurt someone pretty bad back home…it’s why I left…and I…I just wanted you to know I’m not some cold-blooded killer or anything.  They hurt something that was important to me…and I got mad.”

“I’ve seen you mad,” Chris teased, referring to Justin.  JC rolled his eyes.

“That wasn’t mad.  That was ticked off,” JC told him, and Chris laughed.  JC studied Chris carefully. “I just wanted you to know.”

“It’s fine, Josh, I know you’re not Charles Manson or anything.”  Chris leaned against the side of the barn.

“Chris, why don’t you sit down.  Or, better yet, go inside and see if Kelly needs help with lunch.  I can finish this.”  JC didn’t like the paleness of Chris’ normally healthy skin.

“Yeah, I think I will,” Chris said, surprising JC.  “I think I will.”  He dropped his tools and slowly started for the house.

 

By suppertime, Chris was up in his bed, shivering with fever.  “It just hit him out of nowhere?” Joey demanded of JC.  JC held up his hands.

“I swear, Joey. One minute we were talking, then the next he was coming in to help with lunch.  I woulda sent him in sooner!”

“I know,” Joey said gruffly, and JC smiled.  For all their bickering, Joey loved his cousin second only to Kelly.  “I’m gonna take him some soup.  Kel made him some.”

“Nah, let me.  I never get sick,” JC told him.  Joey shrugged and JC went to the kitchen.

By the next morning, however, Chris had gotten worse instead of better. He could barely sleep for an hour or two before the incredible shivering would waken him.  He asked for water, then could barely get it down before he had to throw up.  “We should call a doctor,” Joey said, stroking his chin as he and JC stood in the doorway of Chris’ room.  Lance stood behind them in the hallway, frowning.

“No…don’t, Joe,” Chris stammered. “God…it’s just…just the flu.  I’ll drink juice and sleep and I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t like leaving you alone up here.  The girls won’t hear you and what if you need something?”  Joey asked.

“I’ll stay,” JC said.  “I don’t get sick…and you don’t need me. You need Lance, and Kelly shouldn’t be around someone sick, and Britney has to help Kelly.  Really, Joey.”

“Josh, I don’t want you catching this,” Chris told him.

“I swear to God, Chris, the last time I was sick was when I had the chicken pox in first grade,” JC promised.  “I’ll bring in that chair I was building, and work on that. If you need anything, I’ll be here but still be useful.”

“Fine,” Joey said, sighing. He frowned as he looked at Chris, then he left the room. Lance smiled at JC, then blew a kiss to Chris.

“Yeah, yeah…you just keep those healthy germs to yourself, Bass,” Chris said, moaning as he rolled onto his side. “I’m dying.”

“This is gonna be a LONG day,” JC said, leaving the room to get his tools.

 

Two days later Chris was still sick, and he finally agreed to let the doctor come out from town to see him.  It was an incredibly odd case of the flu, a strain that had been working its way through the small town.  The doctor ordered Chris to stay in bed for another four to five days, and wrote a prescription.

“The drugstore here won’t carry this,” the doctor told Joey. “You’ll have to drive to Ingleton to get this filled.”

Lance’s eyes widened as he heard the words, and JC felt sorry for him. Ingleton was his hometown.  “I’ll go for it,” JC volunteered.  “I need some fresh air, anyway.”  He knew better than to ask Lance if he wanted to go along.  Lance was too petrified.

JC thought a lot about Lance during the short drive to Ingleton. He knew Lance cared about him, knew that Lance wanted things to progress.  But that same something was standing between them. Maybe this trip would help JC find out some things.  He followed Kelly’s directions to the drugstore and parked out front.  He went in and handed the prescription to the pharmacist, who said it would be ready in fifteen minutes.  JC spent the time wandering through the store, picking out a few things that the other drugstore didn’t carry.

He was signing the credit card receipt when he heard the pharmacist’s wife say, “Andrew Lachey, do NOT dilly-dally out there, do you hear me?  We need you to do six other deliveries!”

“Yes, Mom,” a voice sighed.  JC watched a short handsome man grab some bags and head out the front door.  He hurriedly followed.

“Are you Drew Lachey?”

The man turned around, his hazel eyes curious.  “Yeah…who’re you?”

“My name’s Josh Chasez. I’m working at the Fatone farm over…”

“I know who you are,” Drew interrupted.  “You beat up Justin Timberlake.”

“I did not,” JC snapped, annoyed. “He was drunk and rude so I punched him. Once.  Once was all it took,” JC said, unable to keep a smile from his face.  “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Drew said, eying JC warily. 

“Were you Lance Bass’ boyfriend?”

Drew laughed, a little too loudly. “Me?  Hell, no.  I like girls. I’m not a fag.”  Drew looked at him.  “What the hell made you ask me that?”

“Justin told me you’d know about Lance…what he likes.”  JC began to think he was making a mistake.

Drew looked uncomfortable.  “I do know about it…yeah…he hit on me and I sure as hell told him to leave me the fuck alone.  He’s weird…beyond all that queer shit.  But I guess you know that…you work with him.”

“Yeah…he doesn’t talk ever since he left your town.”  JC’s eyes were cold. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“No,” Drew whispered. “He didn’t explain much when he left.”

“You mean, when he got run out of town,” JC snapped.  He sighed.  “Okay. That’s all I wanted to know.  Bye.”  JC turned on one heel and walked away from Drew, heading for the truck.

 

After about a week and a half, Chris was out of bed and able to do normal chores around the house, though he wasn’t strong enough to do any kind of repairs.  He whined about doing “women’s work,” which earned him soft slaps from Kelly and Britney. He spent a lot of time with Britney, talking to her as he helped her hang clothes or bake desserts, and she finally started to back off from JC.

“Here.  From the kitchen.”  Chris handed JC a jug.  “I made it myself.”

“Thanks, Chris.” JC put down his hammer and took a swig.  “Christ, what is that?”  He spit onto the ground.

“Lemonade,” Chris said, looking hurt.  “What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t use any sugar?”  JC’s face was a giant pucker as he glared at Chris.

“Oh, I guess I forgot something,” Chris said, smiling apologetically.  JC shook his head and laughed, picking up his hammer.

“Thanks anyway.” 

“See you at lunch.”  Chris started back towards the house. “Oh, Josh? I was wondering if…” Chris gasped as he turned and saw JC fall to the ground unconscious.

 

“JOSH!”  Chris yelled, dropping the lemonade and running to JC’s side. “Oh…God…” He cradled JC in his arms, placing a hand against JC’s forehead.  “God, you’re burning up.  JOEY!”  Chris screamed.

“Chris, I know I don’t hear you outside, since you’re not supposed to BE out here,” Joey growled as he came around the corner, Lance at his side.  “I…Jesus.”  Joey ran over.  Lance skidded to a stop, his green eyes huge as he looked at JC.  He slowly fell to his knees, his miserable eyes looking at Chris.

“Don’t worry, Lance. I think he’s okay. I just think he has what I had…and it kinda made him pass out.”  Chris tried to reassure Lance, who frowned. He reached out and touched the bump on JC’s head from where he had hit the ground when he fell.  “I just don’t think I can carry him inside.”

“Chris, we’ll get him,” Joey said.  Lance pulled at Joey’s sleeve, pointing to himself.  “Go in there and tell Brit or Kel to get Lance’s room ready. We’ll put him in there.”  He picked up JC’s top half, Lance getting JC’s long legs. They slowly maneuvered him into the house and up to Lance’s room.

They started to gingerly put him on the bed, but Kelly stopped them.  “Take off his clothes,” she ordered.  Joey stared at her. “Oh, go to hell, Fatone.  He shouldn’t be in those dirty clothes, and I don’t want all that dirt on the bed in the first place.”  She looked at Lance.  “You…outta here.”  Lance pointed at himself in confusion.  “Yeah, you.  You don’t need to see this.”  She turned to Britney.  “You either.”

“Shit,” Britney mumbled, but she and Lance went into the hallway.  Lance leaned his head against the wall, eyes tightly closed. 

“Okay,” Kelly called a few minutes later, and Lance brushed past Britney.  He fell to his knees by the side of the bed, his eyes anxiously looking for signs of life on JC’s pale face.  JC moaned and licked his lips, blue eyes fluttering open.  Lance sighed and smiled.

“Lance…so…c-c-cold,” JC shivered, although he was under every blanket on Lance’s bed.  Lance looked at Britney angrily, motioning for her to get more blankets. She glared back, but disappeared into the hallway.  Lance reached under the blankets, found JC’s hand, and squeezed it.

“Is there any medicine left from when I was sick?” Chris asked Joey.  Joey nodded.

“But not much.  We should wait and see if this is as bad as you were.”

“Joey, he fucking passed out.  He’s nothing but skin and bones. Of COURSE he’s sick.”  Chris looked down at JC guiltily. “Because he took care of me.”

“Come on, Lance,” Joey said, pulling at Lance’s sleeve.  Lance jerked away. “Let him rest.  If he’s still sick later on, you can sit in here. We have work to do.” 

Lance jumped to his feet, glaring daggers at Joey. He stomped out of the room and down the steps.  Chris looked at Joey. “That was kinda rude.”

“Chris, Lance is gonna worry HIMSELF sick over Josh. I wanted to distract him.”  Joey sighed and looked at JC.  Things weren’t looking good.

 

Lance was practically useless, Joey decided, and finally sent him back to the house.  Chris kept staring into space, until Joey threw up his hands. “Fine.  We’re not gonna work, so we’ll go back in.”

“How is he?”  Chris asked Kelly.  She shrugged.

“I don’t know.  Lance won’t let me in because of the baby.  Joe, go check on him, okay?”

Joey trudged up the stairs.  He knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open.  Lance had a chair pulled up next to the bed, and he was holding JC’s hand under the covers.  He had a basin of water next to him on the floor, and he would dip a cloth in, running the cool fabric across JC’s forehead and neck.  He looked at Joey when he came in, and the misery on his face hit Joey like a ton of bricks.  “Hey, Lance…how’s he doing?” Joey asked, but it was obvious. His face was pale as chalk, and sweat ran down his cheeks. He mumbled something unintelligible, and pulled away from Lance, turning onto his side.  “I should call the doctor,” Joey said, but he was half afraid to. Lance nodded, his eyes pleading.

 

“Well, this is the same as Mr. Kirkpatrick had, yes, but Mr. Kirkpatrick also outweighs this boy by quite a bit. There’s nothing on him to fight with.”  The doctor snapped his bag shut. “Try to get him to drink something…mix the medicine in some applesauce or something…and if he’s still delirious in three days, you’ll have to take him to the hospital.”

Lance swallowed hard. The hospital was over two hours away…in a big city…and there was no way he could take care of JC there.  He fell back to his chair, resuming his job of keeping JC’s head cool. Joey shook the doctor’s hand and thanked him.

“Lance, we’ll be downstairs…you know…if you need to eat or pee or whatever,” Chris said anxiously. He knew better than to ask Lance to leave JC’s side.  Lance nodded, his eyes never leaving JC’s face.

 

JC fought against the arms that held him down.  “Go away…so cold…dammit…” JC shoved and pushed but his thin arms had no strength.  “I don’t want that…why are you always trying to tell me what to do, Evan?”

“Drink this, Josh…it will make you feel better,” a low voice said soothingly, pushing a spoon at his lips.  Josh grabbed the spoon and threw it.

“I’m not thirsty or hungry…get the fuck away from me you abusive prick!”  JC yelled.  Tears fell down his cheeks. “You took away everything…I hate you…”  He fell back against the pillows, once again slipping into the nightmarish silence of his illness.

 

A tear crept down Lance’s face as he watched Josh sleep.  Josh had ranted, raved, cursed and fought, but he had managed to get a little of the medicine down his throat every day.  This was the third day. If Josh didn’t snap out of it soon, Lance would lose him to the hospital…and he hated the thought of Josh laying there alone in the empty hospital room.  He knew that feeling all too well.  He leaned over Josh, mentally begging him to come back. He had so much to tell him, so much to show him. He pressed his lips to Josh’s sweaty forehead, angrily swiping at the tears on his face.

 

“I believe in you and me…I believe that we will be…in love eternally…well as far as I can see…you will always be the one for me…yes you will…”  JC groaned and stretched.  Every part of his body ached, and he wondered why he was singing. Then he realized the voice wasn’t his.  “And I believe in dreams again…I believe that love will never end…and like the river finds the sea…I was lost and now I’m free, ‘cause I believe in you and me…”

“What…where…” JC tried to ask, but his mouth was dry and full of cotton.

The voice continued.  “I will never leave your side…I will never hurt your pride…when all the chips are down, baby, then I will always be around…just to be right where you are, my love…you know I love you boy…” Lance’s voice faded as he caught sight of JC staring at him.  “Josh?  Are you really awake?”

“Lance.”  JC licked his lips and cleared his throat.  Lance hurriedly tipped a glass of water to his lips.  JC slowly drank.

“Oh, Jesus God, thank you thank you.”  Lance put the glass down and put his hands over his face.  When he looked up, his eyes were suspiciously damp.  “Thank you, God.”

“Lance?”  JC stared at him. “You’re talking.  You were singing.”

“I, um, well, yeah,” Lance said quietly, blushing. 

“You’re a bass. It’s beautiful.  You sing like an angel,” JC realized.  “How long have I been out of it.”

“Days.  We were going to have to take you to the hospital tomorrow if you didn’t snap out if it today,” Lance said softly.  “I was so scared.”

JC reached out a shaky hand and touched Lance’s cheek. “Sing some more.”

“I will never leave you out…I will always let you in…to places no one’s ever been…deep inside…can’t you see?  That I believe in you and me…maybe I’m a fool to feel the way I do…I will play the fool forever…just to be with you forever.  I believe in miracles…and love is the miracle…and yes, baby, you’re my dream come true…I was lost, now I’m free…oh baby cause I believe…I do believe…in you and me…”

“I can’t believe you’re talking…and singing…” JC said, smiling weakly.

“Just for you, Josh,” Lance whispered.  “You’re the only one I’m ready to talk to…and I think we have a lot to tell each other.”

JC slid over in the bed and Lance laid down next to him.  “I don’t want you to get sick, Lance.”

“It would be worth it,” Lance told him, sighing as JC snuggled against him.  “Go to sleep…rest…we’ll talk later.”

 

Chris poked his head in three hours later, wanting to see if Lance needed a break. What he saw was JC enveloped in Lance’s arms, his head laying on Lance’s shoulder as they slept.  JC’s blue eyes fluttered open, he looked at Chris, smiled, then fell back asleep.  Chris smiled as he closed the door.

 

When JC woke up the next time, Lance was nowhere to be seen. He looked up into the smiling face of Chris.  “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” Chris said, relief written all over his face.  “About time you come back to the land of the living.”

“Where’s Lance?” JC demanded, and Chris laughed.

“I knew you’d ask that. I made him go to my room and lay down.  Joey about had to drag him down there…he wanted to stay with you.  But I don’t think he’s gotten more than ten minutes of sleep the last three days, and he needs to rest if he’s gonna keep from getting what we had.”  Chris ran a hand through his short hair. “God, Josh, you sure scared us.  I’m sorry…this is my fault.”

“No it’s not…I honestly don’t get sick,” JC said, then smiled.  “Usually.”

“Usually,” Chris repeated, laughing.  There was a knock on the door.  “If that’s Lance, I’m gonna kick your pale ass.  Go back to bed.”

“It’s Britney. I have some soup for Josh.”

JC sighed.  “I can’t win.”

“I think she’s getting the idea.  Accidentally walking in on you and Lance all cuddled and cute can do that to a girl,” Chris said, winking as he went to open the door. Britney walked in, carrying a tray.

“Here’s juice and some chicken soup,” she said shyly. She wore a pink shirt and black shorts, and her hair was in a high ponytail.

“You look like springtime, Brit,” Josh told her, and she blushed. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re better.”  She smiled at him and went out of the room.

“That went well,” JC said, amazed.  Chris helped him sit up, and he slowly started to eat the soup.  “God, I can’t believe I’ve been out of it for three days.”  He looked at Chris. “Chris, Lance talked to me.  He was singing, and then he talked to me.  I’m half afraid that I was hallucinating, but I don’t think I was.”

“I bet you weren’t. I always figured Lance would talk when he had something to say.”  Chris handed JC a napkin.  “To be honest, Josh, I’ve always thought that he was scared into silence.  Those guys in Ingleton…they make Justin Timberlake look like a little kid.”

“Justin Timberlake IS a little kid,” JC said fiercely.

“Sounds like you’re back to normal already,” Chris said, chuckling.

“I met a guy that Justin mentioned…Drew Lachey.  Know anything about him?”

“I know he’s one of the guys involved…along with his big brother, Nick, and another little guy, Jeff Timmons.”  Chris shook his head.  “Well, when Lance is ready to talk, I’m sure you’ll be ready to listen.”

“I have some secrets of my own I need to tell him,” JC said with a sigh.  Chris stood.

“I’m gonna go down and see if Joey needs me.  I’ll tell Brit to wheel the TV in here from my room.  I know how boring it is to be stuck in bed.  And I’m sure a little nurse will be in here in a few hours to take care of you.”  Chris winked.  “Maybe even give you a sponge bath?”

“Get out of here, you pervert,” JC ordered, laughing.  Chris picked up the tray and left the room.  JC snuggled back down in the blankets, his mind filling with pictures of Lance as he dozed off.

 

When JC’s eyes fluttered open two hours later, the first thing he saw was Lance, sitting next to the bed with his chin in his hands.  Lance smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi,” JC said sleepily, stretching.  He looked over at Lance.  “Did you sleep?”

“Yeah…did you eat?”

“Yes, Dr. Bass,” JC replied, and Lance chuckled.  “Actually, though, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Well, THAT is too much information,” Lance teased, but he slid his chair back so JC could get out of bed.

“Could you hand me a pair of sweatpants or something?” JC pointed near the bed, where his clothing lay on a pile.  “I’m kinda naked.”

“Oh. Um, yeah.”  Lance grabbed a pair of sweatpants and handed them to JC, politely looking away.  JC struggled into them, and carefully stood up.

“Whoa.”  The room swam and JC closed his eyes.  “Shit…I hate being this weak.”

“Lean on me.” Lance moved next to JC and JC put a hand on his arm, using Lance to steady himself.

“Thanks.” They shuffled out into the hallway and headed for the bathroom.

“You gonna hold it for him, too, Lance?”  Chris called up from the stairway.  JC blushed and Lance shot Chris the finger.  JC went into the bathroom and Lance waited in the hallway.

 

As soon as JC was settled back in bed, Chris appeared with some crackers and ginger ale. “I know you just ate…but Kelly ordered me to bring you this.”  He set a small tray on the nightstand.  “She’s bitchy like that.”

“Tell her thank you,” JC said. “And can you make sure no one comes in here for a while? I have to talk to Lance.”

“Sure,” Chris said, smiling.  “Brit’s out hanging wash up, anyway.  Later, guys.”  Chris closed the door behind him.  JC sat up in bed, Lance plumping the pillows behind his head. 

“Come here.”  JC opened his arms, and Lance snuggled next to him.  JC stroked Lance’s hair with one hand, intertwining his fingers with Lance’s in the other hand.  “Where should we start?”

“I want to tell you what happened…I mean…why I’m here and why I don’t talk,” Lance said softly.

“Only tell me what you WANT to, Lance. Don’t feel pressured,” JC told him. “I have some secrets of my own.”

“Okay,” Lance whispered.  He thought for a moment.  “Okay.  So, I grew up in Ingleton and all that…I’m adopted.  Actually, hardly adopted…more like these people raised me for the money the state gave them. So I guess I was a glorified foster child.  No love lost there.  ANYWAY…I’ve always known I was gay.  And I felt I hid it pretty well.  A few kids made fun of me when I was little, since I wasn’t into athletics or anything…but I’m no flaming queen, and they left me alone.  Madison has been my best friend since elementary school, and she didn’t care, either.”

JC smiled at the thought of Lance as a “flaming queen.”  “I bet you were cute as a kid.  You’re cute now,” he said softly, and Lance blushed.

“Okay…so I get to high school and am around a whole new set of kids. Kids from outside town who I didn’t know as well. Kids who aren’t very patient with people who are different.  Nick and Drew Lachey…” Lance swallowed deeply.  “Their parents own the drugstore in town, but they hadn’t gone to school with the rest of us.  So, we start at the high school, and kids start to make fun of me. A lot.  Things were written on my locker, little notes seemed to find their way onto my desk…I took it with a grain of salt and tried to ignore it. Everyone knew, my parents knew…they didn’t like it but they didn’t pay much attention to me anyway.”  Lance sighed.  “Then Drew Lachey starts talking to me. Gets all buddy buddy with me.  It was cool…I mean, I didn’t have many friends beside Madison, and Drew…he’s something special.  I mean, he’s good looking, and he was popular.  It really surprised me.”

“I met Drew,” JC said suddenly, and Lance stared at him. “When I went for Chris’ medicine.  I talked to him. You’re right…he is good looking.”

“So, I started tutoring him in Physics…he was a wrestler and he needed to keep his average up.  We’re friends as long as we’re studying, but otherwise that’s as far as it went…until one day he asks if  I wanted to go to the movies after we’re done studying.  I stared at him. I mean, he knew I was gay…I knew he wasn’t…it was just odd.  So I looked at him and said, sure…I mean, never turn down the opportunity to make a friend, right?”

“Yeah,” JC said, half-afraid to hear the rest of the story.

“We went to the movies and had a nice time.  But his hand keeps bumping my knee…almost like he HAS to touch me or something.  The next day in school he doesn’t say anything to me, but a few days later, as we’re studying, he asks me to go out again.  This time he holds my hand in the movie theater.  Nothing’s said, nothing else is done, and by the next day, he was practically ignoring me.  I didn’t care though. This was the first guy I ever liked that seemed to like me back…and I took what I could get.”  Lance was silent for a moment. JC held him tighter.  “So we go out a few more times, sitting in the very back of the movie theater, and we always hold hands.  He would glance at me out of the corner of his eye…I know because I was watching him more than the movie.  So, one time he catches me watching, and he just looks at me in the dark, and next thing I know, we’re kissing.  My first kiss…my only kiss…” Lance said wistfully.

“What happened next?” JC’s voice was hoarse, and he knew it wasn’t because he was sick.

“We left the movies, and I was so happy. Deliriously happy. So happy that I didn’t notice Drew leading me down a side alley on the way to his car…so happy I didn’t notice his brother and Jeff Timmons waiting for me.  Nick Lachey said he saw me attack his brother…saw me try to force myself on him when I KNEW Drew was straight.  My mouth fell open and I stared at Drew, who was suddenly NOT the person I had gotten to know. He stood behind Nick, arms crossed over his chest, just watching.  I tried to explain, but then Nick hit me for calling his brother a liar.  He hit me again for insinuating that his brother was a fag.  Then he just hit me for being gay.”  JC could not believe the calm tone of Lance’s words.  “All I really remember is seeing Drew’s face as I got bent over in the alley.  Someone fucked me…either Nick or Jeff…I’m not sure who. They said that if this was what I wanted, they’d be glad to give it to me.  The whole time, Drew watched…his face like stone.  He had faked being my friend so they could attack me.  He wanted me vulnerable…and he sure as hell got what he wanted.”

“Oh…God…Lance…” JC whispered, tears running down his face.  He kissed the top of Lance’s head, holding him as tightly as he could.

“So when they were all done, someone grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head back. They told me that I’d better keep quiet about what happened, because if I didn’t, the next time I wouldn’t be able to walk away.  It was my senior year…and I spent the rest of it in complete silence.  I haven’t spoken since…except to Madison…and to you.”

“Does she know what happened?” JC asked.  Lance nodded. 

“She wants me to press charges…but I won’t.  She doesn’t know who did it…I wouldn’t tell her that.  I figured they were right…I should just keep quiet.  So I did.”

“You’ve kept silent for three years?” JC gasped, and Lance shrugged.

“It’s not that hard…I never really found anyone I wanted to talk to, or anything I wanted to talk about.  It’s only recently that I’ve even been able to think happy thoughts…I was pretty depressed for a while.”

“I guess so,” JC said, wondering how Lance had lived through the experience.

“I moved out of Ingleton the day after graduation…walked here and Chris took me in.  I know the rumors…that some guys in Ingleton scared me out of town…but that’s not EXACTLY true.  But I know the truth…and now you do, too.”  Lance pulled back to look up at JC.  “So…I’m not exactly sweet and innocent or anything. I’m not even a virgin…and before things went further, I wanted you to know that.  And I wanted you to know that I didn’t attack Drew Lachey, no matter WHAT people say.  I was played…big time.  I’m not like that,” Lance insisted.

“Shh.  Of course you aren’t.  And I don’t care WHAT happened…I mean, I do care, but not like that.  You’re still just Lance…sweet Lance…beautiful Lance…” JC whispered, his fingers caressing Lance’s face.  “And to me you still are a virgin…because you’ve never been with anyone who loved you.” JC swallowed deeply, saying the words that had been running through his head for hours.  “And I love you.”

“You do?” Lance stared at him. “Even after all that I told you?”

“Oh, Lance, if you only knew the skeletons in my closet,” JC said, laughing wryly.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Josh,” Lance said, tears of relief glimmering in the corner of his eyes.  “Oh, God…I was so afraid you’d freak.”

“Why?  Because you were the victim of the most awful thing I’ve ever heard of?” JC asked.  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

JC’s thumbs wiped away the unshed tears, and his hands continued to cup Lance’s face.  Lance turned his face up, and JC gently kissed him, trying to convince Lance that he truly didn’t care about the past.  Lance choked in a sob, then wrapped his arms around JC.  JC’s tongue flickered out.  He was moving slow but unable to control the passion he was feeling.  Lance sighed, falling deeply into the kiss, his fingers moving to wind through JC’s hair.  “I want to take things slow,” JC said, finally pulling away.  “I want everything to be perfect for you from now on.”

“It already is,” Lance said eagerly, pushing tight against JC.  “I have you.”

 

 

They spent about the next hour in a comfortable silence, occasionally kissing but mostly just holding each other.  JC was trying to figure out a way to tell Lance his story.  Lance would probably hate him in the end, but he owed it to Lance to be honest. 

A knock on the door made them both jump.  Lance went to answer it.  “Nurse Joey and Doctor Chris, at your service,” Chris chirped.  Joey slapped the back of his head.

“I’m not the nurse,” Joey grumbled. “Hey, Josh.”

“Hey,” JC said, smiling.

“We brought you your medicine,” Joey said, walking into the room.  “And if you didn’t mind, we thought we’d hang with you for a bit.”

“Really?” JC asked, surprised.  “I thought you’d have a lot to do, since I’m useless and apparently Lance is too lazy to get his ass out there and work.”  Lance flicked the back of JC’s ear and he laughed.

“We got enough done,” Joey said, pulling up the desk chair and sitting on it backwards.  “You mind if we visit?”

“No,” JC said immediately.  Chris went and got another chair and Lance sat up in bed next to JC.

“You scared us for a while, kid,” Joey said.  “And Lance was freaking so much, I thought we’d have to put him in the hospital, too.”  Lance glared at Joey but said nothing.  JC reached for his hand and held it.

“I’m sorry…I honestly don’t get sick much…I guess Chris’ germs were just too much for me.”

“Yeah, everything about me is strong,” Chris said, flexing.

“Especially your breath,” Joey said, and Chris took a swing at him.  “We’re just glad you’re okay, Josh. And Kelly is loving this…she loves having someone to take care of, even though I won’t let her in here because of the baby.  She’ll just keep on cooking for you and sending someone upstairs with the food until you feel well enough to eat with the rest of us.”

“I hope I can…this chicken soup is good but it’s gonna get old,” JC said.  “Actually…while I’m getting better…I was gonna make a cradle for the baby…I could work on it as I feel strong enough.”

“Wow…we’d like that, Josh,” Joey said softly. “That’d be great.”

“Hey…cartoons are on!”  Chris flipped on the TV and flopped down on the bed at JC’s feet.  Lance kicked him, but he didn’t move.  JC snuggled closer to Lance, and Lance put his arm around him.  As Chris and Joey alternately bickered and watched TV, JC dozed off once more.

 

“You’re such a fucking queer.  Why can’t you play basketball or something…you’re tall enough.” The tall man with the dark hair leaned towards JC, almost knocking over his bottle of beer.  “No…you gotta be queer.  Ya know what the guys down at the factory say about you? They wanna know if it’s contagious…if I’ll suddenly start liking dick.”

“Evan, it’s dinner…can’t you even wait til we eat?”  JC’s mother Marian snapped.  JC sighed. This was the closest she ever came to sticking up for him.  For the millionth time, he wished his real father hadn’t run out on them when he was a baby.  Maybe things would have been different.

“Do you? Like dick, I mean.”  JC couldn’t help but snap back, and he was rewarded with a backhand across his cheek.

“Boy, you better watch that cocksucking mouth of yours, or I’m gonna knock out all your pretty teeth.”  Evan leaned back in his chair and took a swallow of his beer. 

“I gotta go. I have practice.”  JC stood up.

“Ah…gonna run off with those fairy boys and sing.  You’re not that good, you know. You’re a worthless gay piece of shit.  As soon as you graduate, you’re outta here, boy.”

“Bye.”  JC grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him.  A hand reached out from behind him and grabbed him.

“Don’t let me hear you talking like that to me again, boy. Your momma can’t protect you forever.”

 

JC jumped and startled himself awake.  Chris looked towards the head of the bed. “You okay, Josh?”

“Yeah.”  JC rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Bad dreams.”

Lance trailed a hand over JC’s cheek, his green eyes concerned.  JC smiled up at him and Lance relaxed.  JC snuggled back into Lance’s welcoming embrace, and Lance kissed his forehead.  Lance loved him. Lance would chase the bad dreams away…JC was sure of that.

 

 

Joey ordered Lance to stay in the house for the next two days, telling him he wanted to make sure Lance wasn’t going to catch what JC and Chris had.  “He just wants to give you two time together,” Kelly confided as JC helped her wash dishes one morning. “He thinks you two are cute.”

“Joey said that?” JC stared at her.  Joey didn’t seem the type to think anyone was “cute.”

“Yes, he did. Lance has been so lonely…so sad…the happiest we’ve seen him is the way he is with you, and he’s been living with us for three years now.”

“I hope he’s happy,” JC said absently. Kelly put a hand on his wrist.

“Trust me, Josh. He’s happy. You make him happy.”

“He makes me happy, too,” JC said, staring out the kitchen window and sighing.

 

Lance went back out into the fields after the second day, and JC was sorry to see him go.  They had gotten so close.  Lance still didn’t talk very much, and the only time he did speak was when they were alone, but JC felt that they said enough without words.  Lance was intelligent, kind, and so sensitive.  JC felt the need to protect him. He also felt the need to rip the dicks off of the three men who had raped him, but he kept that need private.

Lance went out to help prepare for the threshers, and JC stayed inside. He helped Britney with her chores. He built the cradle for the baby. Kelly was so impressed with it that she asked him to make a matching crib for the nursery.  JC was nervous; he’d never attempted something like that before, but she said she trusted him.  He sent Chris into town with strict instructions as to what he wanted, and he was working on the crib by the time the threshers came two weeks later.  No mention was made of him coming out to the fields, although he knew he was strong enough.  Kelly and Britney begged and pleaded to have him stay inside. He could lift things and do things that they weren’t strong enough to do, plus as Kelly’s pregnancy wore on, she’d be able to do less and less.  JC also knew that Lance didn’t want him to overdo it, although he felt well.  JC’s sickness had scared the hell out of Lance.

 

“Why were you so against me being in the hospital?”  JC asked Lance one night as they took a walk after dinner.  Lance took JC by the hand and led him to a tall tree.  He sat on the ground and leaned against the trunk.  JC sat down beside him.

“Well, hell, Josh, who wants to go in the hospital?” Lance teased.  JC shoved him lightly.  “I…well…hospitals suck.  Especially when you’re so out of it you don’t know what’s happening to you.”  Lance was silent for a moment.  “They took me to the hospital after what happened.”

“Drew and Nick took you to the hospital?”

“No.  Some guy found me and called the cops…they drove me to the hospital.  It was three days before someone came in to see me that I knew.”

“God.”  JC stared at him. 

“Yeah…they called my parents, but they didn’t care.  Finally someone looked in my wallet again and found Madison’s number and she came to see me.”

“Jesus, Lance.”  JC wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. “I’ll never do that. I’ll never leave you alone, never not come when you need me.”

“I know,” Lance said matter-of-factly.  He smiled. “Ya know what I was thinking? I was thinking how cool it would be if we could get a place together. Maybe in town.  You could open a carpentry shop and I could run it for you…and we could have an apartment above the shop.”  Lance sighed happily. “It would be so cool.”

“Yeah, it would,” JC said, sighing as well.  Lance had such a narrow outlook on their lives.  “Lance,” he said softly.

“Hmm?”  Lance murmured, his hand running up through JC’s hair as he nibbled on JC’s ear shyly.

“Nothing,” JC said, falling into the kiss.  Explanations could wait.

 

After the harvest was finished, there wasn’t much for JC to do out in the fields, so Lance and Joey started to teach him about taking care of the animals.  He was so clueless that Lance would double up with silent laughter.

“Shut up, Lance…like you know everything,” JC said, annoyed. Lance had been trying to teach him to milk a cow, and the cow kept kicking over the bucket.  JC wanted to punch the cow, punch Joey, even punch Lance.  Lance pointed to the cow, then to himself, then nodded.  “Yeah, you know how to milk a cow.  So what.  Like it’s anything important,” JC snapped.  Lance looked hurt, and even Joey narrowed his eyes.

“Watch what you say there, Josh.  It’s important to those of us who count on it for a living.”

“Sorry,” JC muttered, getting up from the stool.  “I need some fresh air.”  He stalked out of the barn.  Lance walked up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder.  He pointed to JC, then pantomimed singing.  “So what? You can sing, too. I’ve heard it.”  Lance then pantomimed hitting something with a hammer. He pointed to JC and nodded, then pointed to himself, shaking his head.  “Yeah, so I can do carpentry.  So what?”

“I can’t do that,” Lance whispered.  JC’s eyes widened.  Lance never spoke out in the open unless they were 100% alone.  “I wish I could…but you can create such beautiful things.”

“I’m sorry about what I said,” JC said, sighing. “I just hate it when I can’t do something.”

“It’s your first day, Josh.  Relax.”  Lance put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  “I’ll still love you even if you can’t milk a cow.”

JC, who had been turning to walk back to apologize to Joey, froze.  “What did you say?”

“I said I’ll still love you…why?”

“I just…I like hearing you say it,” JC said bashfully. “I haven’t heard it many times in my life.”

“Well, then, Josh Chasez, I’ll say it every morning and every night. I love you.” Lance planted a quick kiss on JC’s cheek.

 

“Josh, please,” Chris begged.  “Justin Jeffre fell and broke his leg, and we NEED another player.” 

“Chris, I haven’t played basketball in FOREVER,” JC told him as he set the table.  “Besides…I don’t feel well enough to play basketball.”

“But you feel well enough to walk all the way out to the south field with Lance every night?”  Chris asked. JC froze, grateful no one else was in the room.

“What?”

“You heard me. You guys walk about three miles every night, just to go out there and make out. That’s what you do, right?”

“Chris, don’t,” JC snapped. “If you say anything to Lance, it will embarrass him.”

“So you DO make out.” Chris looked at him with interest.  “Is Lance a good kisser? Are YOU a good kisser? I could ask him…”

“Don’t you DARE!”  JC screamed, horrified.

“I won’t ask him…if you play basketball with me on Wednesdays.  Justin Timberlake isn’t on our team…and it will give you another way to kick his ass.”

“This is blackmail,” JC whined.

“Lance? Can I ask you something?” Chris hollered up the steps.  JC clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Okay, okay,” JC hissed.

“Nevermind, Lance!” Chris yelled, smiling at JC.  “Cool.”

 

“I hope Josh elbows that Timberlake kid in the head,” Joey mumbled as he, Lance and Kelly took their seats in the stands of the small gymnasium.  Kelly stared at him. “I do. He’s a thoughtless little prick and I don’t know WHAT your sister sees in him.”  He looked down to where Britney and a few of her friends were fawning over Justin Timberlake, Howie Dorough and Nick Carter.  “She’s so dumb sometimes.”

“She’s young, honey,” Kelly said, patting his hand.  “My brother said the same thing to me when I started dating you.”

“What?” Joey’s head whipped around.  Kelly laughed.

 

JC’s eyes floated through the crowd, anxiously searching for Lance.  There were about three hundred people there, but his eyes instantly searched out the blond hair and crooked grin.  Lance caught him watching and gave him a big smile.  JC saw Lance nudge Joey, who grinned.  “Kick his ass!” JC saw Joey mouth, and he laughed.  JC reached down and touched the red handkerchief that was knotted around his wrist as a sweatband.  Lance had tied it there before they had gotten into the van to come into town, telling him it was for luck.  He had brought JC’s wrist to his mouth, gently kissing the fabric.  JC had felt shivers down to his toes.

“Ready to kick some butt, boy?”  Chris clapped JC on the back.

“I hope so,” JC said.

“You okay? You look nervous,” Chris said.

“I am, but not about the game.”  JC’s eyes met Lance’s as the sheriff of the small town walked up to the microphone.

“Hey there, folks.  Glad you could make it.”  Fred Durst pushed his hat back so he could actually look at the crowd.  “First off…y’all know that you better keep this game clean and fun. I have no problem locking anyone up who acts outta line.”  A large tattooed arm reached up to remove the hat.  “Okay…we got something special for you tonight. Usually we just play the national anthem before the game…but we got it live for you tonight.  A newcomer to our area…working for Joe and Kelly Fatone…Josh Chasez.”

“WHAT?”  Chris yelled as JC walked up to the microphone.  “You didn’t tell us you could sing!”

“I didn’t tell them, either,” JC muttered, taking a deep breath.  The sheriff had approached him as soon as they had arrived at the gym, telling him that someone had mentioned he could sing, and would he mind singing before the game?  Lance couldn’t hide the smiles that beamed over his face.  JC slowly began to sing, gaining confidence as the song went on.  The crowd was respectfully quiet, and when he finished, the gym filled with applause.  JC blushed and glanced up at Lance.

 

“God, he’s amazing!”  Joey exclaimed, clapping as hard as he could.  Lance nodded, his face full of pride.  “Did you know he could sing like that?”  He asked Lance, who nodded again.  “Amazing,” Joey said again.

Lance frowned as he saw Justin Timberlake glaring at JC.  He sighed.  This wasn’t going to be a good night.  He was beginning to wish JC had never agreed to play this game.

 

“Whatever you do, stay out of his way,” Chris warned quietly. “I know you want to kick his ass, Josh…hell…we all do…but Fred Durst isn’t patient when it comes to fighting in this town.  Don’t let him get to you.”

“Okay,” JC said, nodding.  He took his place on the court and the game began.

As hard as he tried, however, Justin seemed hell-bent on getting in his way.  They were both guards, and whenever JC tried to bring the ball down the court, Justin was in his face.  He came close to fouling him many times, but always pulled back before the referee could see it. 

“How’s your dummy friend, Chasez?”  Justin asked at one point, while JC dribbled the ball down the court.

“How’s your dick, Timberlake?  I saw Britney hunting for the tweezers last night, so I knew she was gonna try to get lucky,” JC snapped back, turning around Justin to pass the ball to Chris.

“Fuck you,” Justin growled as JC smiled sweetly.

 

By halftime, Chris and JC’s team was leading by eighteen points.  JC had scored about twenty of his team’s points, and everyone was asking who he was.  He sat on the bench with a towel over his head.  Lance looked down at him, feeling pride bursting out of every pore.

“He’s good at everything,” Kelly said. “Is there anything he CAN’T do?”

“He can’t milk a cow,” Joey volunteered, and Lance grinned.  His eyes narrowed as Britney sat behind JC on a chair and started talking to him.

 

“Josh, you’re amazing!” Britney gushed. “All of my friends are asking about you.”

“That’s nice,” JC said, turning around to look at her.  “Brit, go back to Justin.  You talking to me is just gonna piss him off.”

“I just wanted to tell you that,” she said, hurt. She stood and flounced back to Justin.

 

Chris and JC’s team easily won the game, and when the last buzzer sounded, people surrounded JC.  Joey and Kelly went out to the van to wait, but Lance stayed in the gym, waiting for JC to grab his things.  JC wormed his way out of his teammates, catching sight of Lance. He grinned and was going to walk over, but a group of girls surrounded him.

“Josh, some of my friends wanted to meet you,” Britney said before going back to console a sulking Justin.

“I’m Christina.” A blond with long braids smiled at him.

“And I’m Jessica.”  Another blond put a hand on his shoulder.  “Great game!  And your voice…you’re incredible.”

“Bobbie.”  A third girl stood directly in front of him. “I’m so glad you moved here, Josh.”

“Yeah, me, too,” he said, his eyes frantically searching for Lance.  Lance was leaning in the doorway, half amused, half angry.  “Look, girls, thanks and all, but I gotta go. Someone’s waiting for me.”

“Okay girls…back up.  Mr. Chasez needs some air.”  Chris shoved his way through and grabbed JC by the wrist.  “You can send all your fanmail to the Fatone’s.  Good night, Ladies.”  Chris pulled JC out of the gym, grabbing Lance along the way. “You’d better keep a closer eye on your man, Lance.  Those girls were ready to maul him.”

“God…that was crazy!”  JC said with a smile.

“Finally. I’m tired,” Joey grumbled, climbing behind the wheel of the van.  Kelly sat next to him, with Chris in the middle seat.  Lance and JC sat in the back.  Lance began to massage JC’s shoulders.

“I’m all sweaty, Lance,” JC said, trying to move away.  Lance shrugged and continued to massage.  JC moaned gratefully.

Kelly turned around in her seat.  “Josh, you were great. And your voice. So incredible!  I was really impressed.  We all were.”

“Thanks,” JC said, blushing.  “Though I couldn’t believe it when the sheriff asked me to sing…seems like a little mute birdie decided to tell someone I sang.”  JC poked Lance in the leg.

“We’re glad he did, Josh.  It’s been a long time since we had someone actually sing the national anthem,” Joey told him.  JC blushed under the praise, settling back into Lance’s arms.

 

After taking a shower, JC padded down to Lance’s room in bare feet. He knocked and Lance let him in.  “Hey,” JC said.  Lance smiled and let him in.  JC flopped onto the bed.  “Some night, huh?”

“You were great,” Lance told him, laying down beside him. They kissed for a moment, then JC pulled back. He put his hands behind his head and sighed.

“This is only gonna piss Timberlake off more,” he said quietly.  “But I refuse to let him bother me.”

“Why won’t you touch me…or do anything more than kiss me?” Lance asked suddenly, and JC almost fell off the bed.

“What?”

“You don’t want me, right? Because I’m used, right?” Lance’s low voice was sad. “Sometimes I wish…I wish I hadn’t talked to you…hadn’t said anything.  I told you everything, and you still haven’t told me your secret.  You won’t touch me…haven’t made love to me…”

“Whoa. Lance.”  JC put a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“I know you’ve probably been with a dozen guys and I don’t know anything, but…”

“Lance.”  JC put a hand over Lance’s mouth.  “Shut up.  Okay.” JC ran a hand through his hair. “First of all…you’re not used.  You’re wonderful and amazing.  That means nothing to me except that I want to kill those bastards who did that to you. Secondly, my secret is big…and I’m trying to find the right way to tell you so I don’t scare you away.”  JC thought for a moment.  “My mom’s boyfriend was an evil asshole. He used to hit her, and he abused me, too, though he didn’t touch me. He threatened me all the time, and he made me do what he wanted out of guilt.  Even though she wasn’t much of a mom to me, she was all I had and he would threaten her to get me to do what he wanted.  He made me dump Brian. He made me quit the singing group.  He wanted me to play basketball because it was more “manly,” so I refused to play. And one night he actually did hit me, then he hit my mom. She freaked and actually left…she drove out into the rain and wrapped her car around a tree because she was so upset.  The bastard killed her.”

“Jesus, Josh,” Lance whispered.  He almost didn’t recognize the man in front of him. JC’s face was wreathed with hatred.

“So there’s some background on me…isn’t that what you wanted?” JC didn’t know why he was so angry at Lance, except for the fact that Lance doubted him.  “Lance, I love you, okay?  And don’t think I don’t want you. I don’t want to rush you.”  JC thought back to his fumbled attempts at lovemaking with Brian. “I’ve been with one person. Brian. And I was a kid then…I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  It kills me to pull away from you…but I want it to be right. After what happened to you…I just don’t want it to be a mindless fuck.”  JC’s eyes were full of tears.  “I trust you with my heart, Lance…and I don’t do that with just anyone.”

“I love you, too.”  Lance threw himself into JC’s open arms. “And I won’t break it or drop it, I swear.  Your heart is safe with me.”

 

“Fucking Chasez.”  Justin took a long drag on the cigarette, then tossed it to the ground.  He was leaning against his truck outside the Fatone farmhouse, having brought Britney back after the game.

“Justin, he’s not so bad.  And he played better than you did, that’s all,” Britney said.

“Shut the fuck up, Brit.” Justin gave her a deep kiss, shoving his tongue into her mouth.  She gasped and pulled back.  “I’m gonna make him pay…and you’re gonna help me. Fucking fairy.”  Justin got behind the wheel of his truck.  “He’s gonna be sorry he ever fucked with me.  I’ll talk to you later.”  He zoomed off down the dirt road, leaving Britney coughing in his dust.

 

“This is such a bad idea,” Joey groaned for the twentieth time as cars, trucks and vans started to come down the dirt road towards the farmhouse.  “Why am I letting these people come to my house?”

“Because you love your cousin and wanted to throw him a party for his thirtieth birthday,” Kelly said, kissing her husband.  “And because it’s been AGES since we entertained out here.”

“Well, you’re pregnant. You shouldn’t be bothered with all this,” Joey continued to grumble. 

Kelly turned on him. “Joseph Anthony Fatone! I’m five months pregnant…I’m don’t have leprosy or something!  You’re being a spoiled brat. Knock it off.” She went out to the yard to greet people, leaving Joey and JC standing on the front porch.  Joey sighed.

“I hate people.”

“You just hate when she’s right,” JC commented, making Joey smile.

“You know Timberlake and his pals will be here, right?  We invited the whole town…we couldn’t leave out Britney’s boyfriend.”

“I know.”  JC shrugged. “I don’t plan on spending much of my time around here anyway tonight.”

Joey’s eyes twinkled.  “I THOUGHT I saw Lance packing a special picnic basket earlier. Planning a little romantic rendezvous, are we?”

JC blushed.  “Kinda. I want to spend some time alone with him.  After Chris does the cake thing, of course.”

“Of course,” Joey said.

“Hi, Josh!”  One of Britney’s friends waved frantically. He smiled even as he groaned. 

“That’s Bobbie…I heard Britney tell Kelly that she’s been asking about you. A LOT, I’m afraid,” Joey told him. 

“I wish she’d tell them I’m gay…it would make it easier.”

“It’s not her place to tell them,” Joey reminded him.  JC groaned as Bobbie walked over.

“Hi, Joey. Hi, Josh.”

“Hi, Bobbie.  I’m gonna help my wife.” Joey went down the steps, JC glaring at his back.

“Hi, Bobbie,” JC said with a sigh.

“I was wondering if you wanted to sit with us around the fire at dinner.  I know you and Justin don’t get along…but the rest of us like you.”  The look on Bobbie’s face told how much she personally liked him.

“Thanks…but I’m gonna sit with Lance,” JC told her. 

“Oh…but you’re with him all the time. Maybe you should make some new friends.”  Bobbie walked a hand up and down JC’s arm. He picked up her hand and lightly moved it away from him.

“Bobbie…I’m flattered, but I’m seeing someone.  And please tell your friends that, too, okay? I’m sure there are more than enough guys who would be happy to have you hanging around them…but I’m taken.”  JC gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze and walked away.

 

“Okay…I want to thank everyone for coming out here tonight.  I didn’t know I had so many friends.”  Chris’ face beamed with pleasure.

“Nah…your cousin just paid us to come, Kirkpatrick,” someone called from the crowd.

“Even I don’t have that much money,” Joey said, and everyone laughed.

“Seriously…thanks for coming, and thanks to Joey and Kel for allowing all these people to intrude on their home,” Chris said, blushing and laughing.  “There’s food over on the barbecue, and beer in the coolers over there…just take it easy and don’t drink and drive.”  He turned up the music on a small radio, and people headed for the small buffet.

“Happy birthday, Chris,” JC said, giving him a hug.  Lance nodded and hugged Chris as well.

“Thanks, guys. I can’t believe all these people came out for me!” Chris was honestly surprised.

“Chris, you’re a great guy. You befriended me without knowing anything about me.  It’s no surprise to me,” JC told him.  “If you don’t mind, though, me and Lance are gonna bail for a while.”  Lance blushed slightly as Chris looked at them.

“Of course I don’t mind. I know Lance doesn’t like a lot of these people anyway…not that I blame him. Have a good time.”  Chris moved on to mingle and Lance picked up the picnic basket he had hidden behind a tree.  They climbed up on the tractor and slowly made their way out to the fields. 

Lance stopped the tractor and they climbed down, walking a few yards to a small clearing at the edge of the fields.  Stars were everywhere, and their breath made little puffs of smoke as they set out a blanket.  They tore into the cold chicken and chips that Lance had brought, washing it down with a few bottles of beer.  Lance sighed as he wiped his mouth, packing up the garbage and laying down on the blanket.  “I can’t believe it’s already halfway through October,” he said.

“I know.”  JC laid down, Lance wrapping his arms around him. 

“Josh, are you gonna leave?”  Lance asked in a small voice.

JC leaned on one elbow.  “What?”

“I know you were just passing through when I found you out here…and I need to know if you’re just gonna move on soon.  The weather’s getting cold…and I figured you’d be gone by now.”

“As long as you’ll have me…as long as Joey and Kelly will have me, I’m staying here, Lance,” JC said, though he doubted the truth of his words.  “I was running from something…but for the first time, I feel safe.  Safe with you.”

Lance’s lips met JC’s, and from the split second they came together, both men forgot about the coldness of the autumn night.  JC unsnapped Lance’s jacket, needing to get as close to Lance as possible.  His hands slid up under Lance’s shirt.  They were cold and Lance shivered, but soon he was panting for breath.  JC’s lips slid down Lance’s throat, nibbling at his collarbone through his sweater.  “God…Josh…” Lance said in a strangled tone.  “Why did you have to pick one of the coldest nights in the year to want to touch me?”

JC laughed and pulled back.  “Want me to stop?”

“No…” Lance said breathlessly, cupping JC’s face in his hands and kissing him again.

 

“I wanna go over here,” Justin said, blindly stomping through the field.

“Justin, let’s go back to the fire. I’m cold,” Britney whined.  She heard Bobbie giggling behind them, where she was walking with Nick Carter.

“Drink some more. It will make you warm.”  Justin thrust a small bottle into Britney’s hand.  “I saw Chasez and that dummy drive off this way. I wanna see what…” Justin froze as he caught sight of the tractor.  “Quiet!” He hissed over his shoulder.  “I bet they’re around here somewhere.”

The four young people tiptoed through the field, slowing down as they heard low voices.  They hid behind the tractor, Nick and Justin peeking around the side.  “Holy fuck,” Nick breathed. “They’re fucking making out!”

“Who?” Bobbie squealed.  Justin clapped a hand over her mouth.

“Shut up, you dumb bitch.  Chasez and the dummy,” he told her. “So he IS a fairy.”

“THAT’S why he turned me down?” Bobbie gasped.

“Let’s go back,” Britney said, suddenly uncomfortable. She knew she should have said something about Josh and Lance, but she had never felt it to be the right time.  Justin turned on her.

“Did you know about this?”

“Well…I…had some suspicions,” she babbled.

“This is perfect,” Justin said gleefully as they started back towards the farmhouse.  “Perfect.”

 

“Fine. I won’t like it but I’ll go.”  Joey stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.  Kelly stood up from the table and went to the sink.  Chris put a hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t understand, Kel.”

“I do understand.  For some reason he hates my family.” Tears plopped into the dishwater.

“No, Kelly, it’s not like that at all.” Chris heaved a sigh.  “He made me promise not to say anything to you…but he feels really uncomfortable about all this. He knows you were dating some college guy before you guys hooked up…and he feels that you coulda done better than him. He feels that your family looks down on him because he’s just a farmer.”

“Really?  But I love Joey…I didn’t want anyone else,” Kelly sniffed.

“I know that, and deep down he knows it too.  But he still feels like they look at him and see everything you missed out on.”

“What a dummy,” she said, giggling through her tears.

“Go talk to him. He’ll be fine,” Chris said, giving her a gentle shove.  Kelly grabbed a coat and headed out the door, wiping away her tears.  Chris turned to Lance and JC, who were still at the breakfast table. Britney was in the living room vacuuming.  “Okay, kids. Guess what this means?”

“Um…” JC thought for a moment. “I don’t know.”

“Britney, Joey and Kelly are going to be spending Thanksgiving and the next day at the girls’ parents’.  I will be going away to MY parents’.  That means someone needs to stay here and watch the farm.  Alone.  For like two days.”  His eyes sparkled as Lance’s eyes lit up.

“Alone?  Me and Lance?”  JC said, not believing the words.

“Yup.  Just don’t do anything on my bed, okay?”  Chris grabbed an apple and went out the door, whistling.  Lance and JC looked at each other.

“Alone,” they whispered together.

 

“Lance, don’t let Josh near the cows.  They don’t like him,” Joey instructed as he climbed behind the wheel of the van.  Lance nodded obediently.  “Josh, make sure that window gets repaired in the barn, okay?”

“God, Joey, it’s Thanksgiving,” Chris snapped as he walked over to his truck.  “Give him a day off.”

“Whatever.”  Joey smiled at JC.  “You guys have a nice Thanksgiving.”

“We will, Joe.  You too,” JC said, making sure he didn’t look at Lance.  “Bye, Kelly, bye, Britney.”

“Bye,” Britney said faintly, her eyes never leaving Lance’s face.  Lance was watching JC and grinning like a madman.

The two vehicles finally started off down the dirt road.  JC and Lance stood for a moment just looking at each other.  “So…now what?”  JC asked.

“Want some lunch?”  Lance asked.

“Sure,” JC said, and they headed back in. 

“I’m sorry there’s no turkey dinner or anything,” Lance said as they pulled out some cold turkey for sandwiches.  “Usually we have a big dinner here.”

“That’s okay…I’m not used to any special meal anyway,” JC said, thinking back to holidays at his mother’s house.  “Evan would break out a special bottle of whiskey, and he and my mom would just get drunk.”

“Well, this Thanksgiving will be the best you ever had,” Lance promised.  JC looked at him.

“I bet it will,” he said softly, and Lance blushed.

“Uh, what do you want on your sandwich?  Mayo?  Mustard?”

“I’m not very hungry,” JC said softly.  Lance swallowed deeply.

“Me either,” he admitted.

“What would you think if I asked you to go upstairs with me?” JC asked.

“I’d think you weren’t just thinking of taking a nap,” Lance said with a smile.  JC stood up from the table, holding out his hand. Lance took it and they slowly walked up the stairs.

“Your room or mine?” JC asked teasingly.  Lance chuckled.

“Yours…for now.”

It was JC’s turn to swallow.  Lance was so damn sexy and he didn’t even know it.  JC led the way into his bedroom, shoving some clothing off of the small bed.  “Lance…I just…anytime you want to stop, you tell me, okay?”  JC told him. “I want this to be good for you.”

“It will be…I’m with you.”  Lance’s hands cupped JC’s face as he kissed him.  “I have something to show you first. Be right back.” Lance darted out of the room and came back with a small bag.  “I came prepared.” He handed the bag to JC, who peered inside. 

“I don’t believe this.  Condoms and lubricant?”  JC’s mouth fell open.  “You actually bought these?”

“No.  Alex McLean picked them up for me,” Lance said with a grin.  “He’s gay, too…and he figured us out.  Last time I was in town I asked him to get them for me and he did.”

“I don’t believe this. I’ll never be able to face him again!”  JC moaned.  Lance laughed.

“He thinks you’re hot,” Lance confided. “But I told him to back off.  You’re all mine.”

“All yours,” JC sighed as Lance’s lips met his.  The bag fell to the floor as JC’s hands reached up to weave into Lance’s hair.  “Lance…I’m scared as hell,” he admitted as Lance’s fingers began to tug at his shirt.  “I don’t…I haven’t done this many times and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you…”

“Quiet, Josh,” Lance whispered. “You won’t hurt me…it’s okay…” Lance pulled off his own shirt, and he sighed as he watched his own hands slide over JC’s slender frame.  “You are gorgeous,” he breathed.  He bent his head to flick his tongue over JC’s nipple.  “You’re everything I ever dreamt of…”

“Lance…God…” JC panted as they fell onto his narrow bed.

Lance’s hips moved against JC as he kissed him, his hand sliding up into JC’s long hair.  “Josh…God, you’re amazing…” Lance moaned. He fell onto his back as JC slowly slid a hand over the front of his jeans.  “Touch me…” Lance begged, and JC’s shaking fingers hurriedly unzipped Lance’s jeans.  He rubbed over the front of Lance’s boxers, and Lance’s back arched.  “Please…”

JC stood up and slowly undressed himself.  Lance’s green eyes never left him, drinking in JC’s long thin body.  JC then tugged Lance’s jeans down, taking the boxers with him. He climbed over Lance, moving slowly and carefully.  When he leaned his weight onto Lance, their cocks touched and they both hissed. “Lance…I want you so bad…but I can’t…not yet…” JC moaned, his eyes closing as Lance reached a hand down to stroke him.  “I don’t think you’re ready yet.”

“But I want you.”  Lance’s high voice was almost a whine.

“Then take me.”  JC moved onto his back, stretching his body slightly and smiling.  “You said I was all yours.”

“Oh, God.” Lance’s voice was barely a moan as he ferociously kissed JC’s swollen lips.  He slid down JC’s body, kissing his chest and working his way down to the erection that was begging for his touch.

“Jesus, Lance, fuck yes…” JC gasped, arching into Lance’s warm mouth.  Lance was nervous, afraid he’d bite down too hard or something like that, but from the way JC moaned, he figured he was doing everything right.  When Lance moved away to grab the bag from the floor, JC whimpered.

“Tell me if I hurt you,” Lance whispered as he lubed up a few of his fingers and slowly started to enter JC. 

“Oh…Lance…yes…” JC panted as Lance slid a finger in and out.  “So good…there…” Lance slowly added another finger.  “Oh, Lance, I love you so damn much…please…”

Lance fumbled with the condom, having to try two times before he got it on correctly.  He placed lubricant over the condom, then knelt in front of JC.  JC’s long legs bent and came up onto Lance’s chest. “I love you, Josh,” Lance whispered, slowly and clumsily attempting to enter him.

“Slow…there…up a bit…oh GOD…” JC winced from the pain, his hands clenching the sheets. Lance froze.  “No…keep going…you’re…”

“Shit,” Lance breathed as he buried himself inside.  “Oh, God…Josh, you’re so good…tight…”

“Go ahead,” JC said, his blue eyes unwavering.  Lance began to slowly move in and out, and the pain slowly dimmed.  JC watched Lance’s eyes, watching the lust and passion change the green to grey and back again.  Lance looked down, his hand gently stroking JC’s cock.  “So good,” JC whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Josh…I can’t…too tight…” Lance released him, his hands falling to JC’s hips.  He pulled JC against him, slamming in harder.  “Josh…yes…oh fuck yes…” Lance groaned as he came hard and fast.  He didn’t pull out, however, and it only took a few pulls at his own cock before JC was cumming as well.

Lance slowly pulled out, rolling onto his back.  JC got up and hurried down to the bathroom to clean himself off.  When he came back, Lance was under the covers, peeking out at him.  “Hi,” JC said as Lance flipped the covers back.

“Hi,” Lance said, snuggling against JC.  They lay quietly for a moment, then JC took a deep breath.

“I need to tell you what happened,” JC said softly.  “I need to tell you why I’m running.”

“Okay,” Lance said encouragingly, kissing JC’s shoulder. 

“I killed someone, Lance. I killed my mother’s boyfriend.”

 

“Do you want something to drink?”  Lance said suddenly. “I’m thirsty. Want anything?”

“Um, no,” JC said, confused.

“I’ll be right back.” Lance kissed JC’s forehead, pulled on his boxers, and darted out of the room.  JC sat in silence until Lance came back, carrying a tray. On the tray were four bottles of beer and two turkey sandwiches.  He sat the tray on the nightstand and handed JC a bottle of beer.  He opened his own beer, took a large swallow, then climbed back under the covers.  “Okay…go ahead.”

“Um, okay,” JC said, running a hand through his hair.  “Evan…my mom’s boyfriend…as I’ve told you…he was a real dickhead.  He hated me from the beginning, and once I came out, he hated me even more.  No one in my town really cared…I was lucky about that.  But Evan did, and he swore his coworkers treated him like shit because of how I was.  Anyway, he used to hit my mom on a regular basis, though he never touched me.  I don’t know why she put up with him…maybe because she didn’t really like me any more than he did. I think she felt that if it wasn’t for me, my real dad woulda stuck around. Anyway, that night I told you about…I told them that I was moving out and going to New York with Brian and my friends…that we were gonna try to make it as singers.  For all intents and purposes, I had broken up with Brian and stopped rehearsing, but what Evan didn’t know was that after work a few nights a week, we still all got together and practiced.  I was twenty-three at the time…I had been working at a department store, paying them rent and paying for groceries and such.  I guess he didn’t like the thought of me getting out and doing something for myself, making my dreams come true, so he got drunk one night…waited for me to come home.  I walk in the door after work and I see my mom on the floor crying.  It seems she was talking on the phone, and he was trying to watch a baseball game…and she talked too loud.  He smacked her so hard she cracked her head against the wall.”

“God,” Lance whispered, stroking JC’s hair.

“So, I yell at him, telling him to pick on someone his own size, and he turns on me.  Tells me that I’m full of myself, that I think I’m the shit when all I am is a big queer.  I tell him to fuck off and go to my room.  He grabs me in the hallway and pulls me back, smacking me with the back of his hand.  I just stood there gaping at him.  I reached up to my mouth and could feel blood.  My mom screams at him, calling him a monster.”  A strange smile crossed JC’s face. “It was the only time she ever stood up for me.  He hit her again, and that’s when she went out the door.  I ran to my room, locking the door behind me. Two hours later the police showed up to tell us she was dead.  I almost think she did it on purpose…and I can’t say that I blame her.”

“Josh…I’m so sorry.”  Lance hugged JC to him, pulling JC’s head down onto his bare chest.  JC allowed Lance to wrap his arms around him as he continued.

“He came banging at my door. I got so sick of the sound that I finally opened the door.  “Your mom’s dead,” he said, and he grinned at me. “No one to stick up for you now,” he said.  I told him I didn’t care, that I was leaving. That entire time I had been packing my duffel and backpack, ready to hit the road. I was gonna go to Brian’s and stay until we left for New York. No more abuse for me.  Evan didn’t like the sound of that, though.  He followed me into the living room and grabbed the strap of my duffel, yanking it out of my hand.  He started…” JC swallowed deeply as the memories hit him hard.  “He started saying what a loser I was, that I was only gay because no woman could ever want me. He said I was a slut, walking around waiting for a man to fuck me.  He said…he said that he was gonna invite his buddies over to get drunk, and then they’d get a nice tight fuck from the queer.  I yelled at him to shut up and swung at him. He swung at me and missed, tripping over my duffel.  Next thing I know he’s on the floor, blood streaming from his head.  He tripped over my duffel and hit the coffee table on the way down.  I stared at him for a moment and touched his neck…I didn’t feel a pulse.  So I grabbed my backpack and ran.”

“So you’ve been running for over a year?” Lance whispered.  JC nodded.

“And I understand if you don’t want to be with me…I was thinking of moving on soon anyway,” JC lied.

“Josh…” Lance turned JC’s face to look into his eyes. “This was NOT your fault.  You were acting in self-defense.”

“No one will believe that, Lance.  No one knew how he was. My mom didn’t have any friends, and all of Evan’s friends were the same way.  They’d say I killed him to get out of the house or something…I had to run.  And if you stay with me, maybe they’ll find me one day and you’ll get arrested as an accomplice or something,” JC went on.

“Josh, calm down. You’re babbling.  That’s not gonna happen, and you’re stuck with me.  I love you.”

“I love you, too, Lance,” JC sighed, relief washing over him.  He snuggled against Lance, and slowly he began to cry, releasing the secret that had been bottled up for so long.

 

A few days after Thanksgiving it began to snow, and it was soon obvious that JC would not be able to “move on” as he said he wanted to. But he didn’t want to.  Everything he wanted he had right there in the farmhouse.  He had a job he liked, friends he liked even more, and then there was Lance.  Lance was amazing.  Lance even had him believing that they could live out Lance’s dream.  He could open a carpentry shop in town, and they could have their own place.  Having their own place soon became paramount in JC’s mind.  He loved Kelly and Joey and Chris, and he liked Britney a lot, but they were always around.  And now that the weather was cooler they couldn’t run off and hide away somewhere like they had in the fall.

Britney.  JC liked her a lot more now that she wasn’t hanging all over him, but things had changed.  Now she was hanging all over Lance.  Not in a sexual way, really, but she always was touching him or laughing with him or doing nice things for him.  Lance was embarrassed by it a little bit, but being the nice person he was, he didn’t ask her to stop.  “She asks me for advice about Justin,” Lance told JC one night.  “She thinks maybe she should break up with him, and what did I think about it.  I told her as best I could that I think he’s a dirty scumwad and she should find someone better.”  JC knew what Lance meant by saying “as best I could.”  He still didn’t talk, though Chris had mentioned that Lance had actually spoken to him in private once or twice, and credited JC for the change.

“She’s probably lonely out here with all of us,” JC mused.  “She definitely could do better.”

“Not everyone’s as lucky as I am,” Lance had said, snuggling close to JC and kissing him.

 

A few days after this, Britney returned from a party in town quiet and subdued. She didn’t say much, just smiled sadly when anyone asked what was wrong.  She said that yes, the party was fun, and no, she and Justin hadn’t broken up or anything, but her big brown eyes followed Lance around in a way that unnerved JC.  “Josh, relax.  She’s just looking for a friend,” Lance insisted after dinner one evening. 

“Well, she has her sister.  Or Chris.  She never saw you as more than a hired hand before.  Why is she so nice to you now?”  JC griped.

“Jealous?”  Lance smirked.

“No…not really…” JC said, and it was true.  He had trusted Lance with everything, and he truly believed that Lance loved him the way he said he did.  “Well…kinda…you’re MY best friend, not hers.”

“You’re adorable,” Lance said, and went out to shovel the walk to the barn.  JC started pulling on his own boots.

“You going out to help Lance?” Britney asked, coming in from the living room.  JC nodded.  “Hurry back in…I’ll make y’all some cocoa with marshmallows.”

“Sounds nice,” JC said, trying to smile.  She HAD been good about seeing past the whole relationship thing between JC and Lance.

JC helped Lance finish the walk, and just as they were about to come in, Chris bombarded them with snowballs.  He was soon joined by Joey, and a full-fledged battle ensued.  Chris and JC escaped first.  “You’re a wuss,” JC said, laughing at Chris’ red face.

“Hello, facewashes are NOT cool,” Chris grumbled, grabbing a dishtowel and wiping his face.  Joey and Lance soon traipsed in, and they hung up their wet clothes in front of the fireplace.  Britney ordered Kelly to cuddle up on the couch with Joey, and she served hot chocolate to everyone, taking a mug herself and snuggling on an easy chair.  Lance and JC stretched out on the floor, leaning against the sofa.  They chatted about this and that, and Lance’s head soon started to nod.

“Tired?”  JC asked, rubbing Lance’s hair affectionately.

Lance nodded, pantomiming work and then pretending to sleep.  JC frowned.  Lance wasn’t always in the best of health, and all the work he did worried JC sometimes.  Lance looked at Britney and made a sign to thank her for the cocoa.  “Sure thing…I want to make sure you have sweet dreams,” she said, smiling up at him.

Lance kissed JC gently and waved to the others.  “Night, Lance,” everyone chorused.  As soon as Lance was up the steps, Chris turned on JC.

“For God’s sake, will you just share a damn bedroom with him?  I’ll give you guys my bed, since it’s bigger, and I’ll take one of the small beds.”

“No, Chris…it doesn’t feel right,” JC said, blushing.  He knew no one would care, but Lance was still adamant about them having their own rooms.

“We don’t mind, really, Josh,” Kelly said gently. “We could turn the other bedroom into the nursery.”

“I’ll talk to Lance about it,” JC said with a sigh.  He would like nothing more than to be able to wake up with Lance every morning.

“Maybe he has some kind of deep dark secret, and that’s why he doesn’t want to sleep with you,” Chris teased.

“Yeah, I bet that’s it, bonehead,” JC said, faking a punch in Chris’ direction.

 

“Hey, all,” JC said the next morning, bouncing down the stairs and into the kitchen.  He stopped short.  Lance was not in the kitchen.  “Where’s Lance?”

“We thought he was with you,” Kelly said.  JC blushed slightly.

“Um, no.  I knocked on his door last night, but he was out like a light.  I’ll go get him up.”

“Tell Britney to shake a leg, too.  I haven’t seen her at all this morning, either,” Kelly called up after him.

JC knocked on Lance’s door.  “Lance?  It’s Josh.  C’mon, dude, the sun’s up.”  No answer.  “Lance?  Sweetie, get up.”  JC knocked harder.  “Lance, c’mon…you dead in there or something?”  That thought frightened JC, so he slowly opened the door. “Lance?”

What he saw made his heart fall into his socks.  Lance was still in bed, fast asleep.  Britney was curled up next to him, and as far as JC could see, she was completely naked.  Her brown eyes fluttered open and she gasped, holding the sheet to her chest.  “Josh? What time is it?”

Lance’s eyes fluttered open and he groaned, holding his head.  He looked at Britney, shock on his face. He then looked at Josh and his mouth fell open.  “Josh,” he said weakly.  Britney looked at him.

“You can talk!” She gasped.

JC could only stare at Lance.  He turned around in the doorway and closed the door behind him.  He went downstairs, silently pulling on his boots and coat.  “Are they up?”  Kelly asked.

“Yeah, you could say that,” JC said sadly.  “I’m going for a walk.  I’ll be back later.”  He went out the door, slamming it behind him.

 

JC didn’t walk.  He ran.  Ran through the deep snow until his heart was pounding and his lungs were screaming for relief.  He fell to his knees, ignoring the biting cold of the snow on his hands.  He screamed, the sound echoing in the quiet of the morning.

“Josh…Josh…” He could hear Chris huffing and puffing behind him.  He felt Chris’ hand on his shoulder.  “What’s wrong?”

“Go ask Lance…fucking whore.”  He stood up and whirled around.  Chris stared at him.  “What? They didn’t tell you? Didn’t make their little announcement?  While he’s been fucking me, Lance has been fucking Britney.”

“What?  Britney?  No way,” Chris began.

“I just found them naked in bed together, Chris.  What does that tell you?”  JC started to walk away, but he couldn’t take more than three steps before the tears started to fall. He wiped at them angrily. “I gave him everything, Chris. I gave him my heart, told him my secrets, and this is how he treats me?  I shoulda known. I never shoulda done it.”’

“Josh, I’m sure it was a misunderstanding,” Chris said. “I’m sure what you saw…”

“I know what I saw, Chris.  I saw the truth.”  JC’s eyes were miserable, and he allowed Chris to hug him. Over his shoulder he saw Lance trudging towards them through the snow.  “I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Let him explain, Josh,” Chris said.  JC shook his head.

“What, so he can tell me more lies about how he loves me, or it was just a one time thing, or he was curious or something?”

“Josh, please,” Lance pleaded as he reached them. “Let me talk to you.”

“No.”  JC glared at him.  “I bet that story about the Lacheys…I bet that was a crock of lies, too, right?  I bet you DID try to seduce him…probably so you could steal his girlfriend or something by making her think he was gay.”

Lance gasped.  “Josh, I told you the truth.”

“Yeah, right.  I am beginning to think you don’t know HOW to tell the truth.”  JC started back to the house.  “I need to get dressed for work.  I wanna do as much as I can before I leave.”

“Leave?” Chris repeated.

“Yeah, leave. You think I’m staying around here, so I can watch Lance and Britney make goo-goo eyes at each other?  Sorry.  I played their fool once.  Not again.” JC walked back to the house, leaving Chris and Lance standing out in the snow.  Lance turned to Chris.

“I don’t know what happened, Chris. I woke up and she was there. I swear to GOD…nothing happened between us!  I love Josh!”  Lance’s lower lip trembled as he tried not to cry. Chris sighed, not knowing what to believe.

“I know you do, Lance.  That much I know for sure.”  He put an arm around Lance’s shoulder and slowly led him back to the house.

 

JC angrily shoved food into the feedboxes, slapping a cow that got in his way.  He couldn’t believe he had been so blind. No wonder Lance hadn’t wanted them to share a room. He couldn’t play with Britney if JC was always around.  And Britney. The sweet doe eyes.  The sad way she talked about Justin, asking Lance if they should break up. Hah. They probably already had broken up.

“Josh.” 

JC turned around to see Joey standing in front of him.  “Yeah?”

“I think you should talk to him.”

“I’m not talking to him.  I don’t care what he has to say.  I’m outta here, and everyone can go on with their lives.”

“Josh, Lance cares about you. I don’t think he would do this.”

“Then what the hell was going on in there, Joey?”  JC leaned on the handle of his shovel.  “I walk in the room, and the man who I am in love with is naked and sleeping with a naked woman.  What else should I think?”

“Britney says…”

“I don’t care what she says, either.”  JC went back to his work. “I’m leaving tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness and I hope you have a nice life.”

Joey sighed and left the barn.

 

The rest of the day was full of stress.  JC did his work, then went to his room as soon as it was time for dinner.  Kelly brought up a tray for him.  “Josh, I’m sorry,” she said gently.  “I know you’re hurting, and I don’t want to believe it. But I can understand why you think the way you do.”

JC was surprised.  She was the only one who hadn’t tried to get him to listen to Lance.  “I just…it hurts, Kel. And I need to go.”

“I understand.”  She set the tray down and kissed his cheek.  “I’m sorry to see you go…and thank you for the furniture.  The baby will love it, I’m sure.” She smiled at him and left the room.

JC took a bite of the sandwich she had brought him and sighed, putting it back down on the plate.  He fell onto the bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Lance.

 

After everyone had gone to bed, JC got dressed and went out of the house.  He walked for a long time, looking up at the stars and thinking. His mind kept racing back to the sight of Lance and Britney in bed together.  Lance’s owlishly blinking eyes kept flying into JC’s mind’s eye.  He really had looked confused, but then again, he usually looked like that first thing in the morning.  And Britney. She had looked sorry, but she hadn’t apologized. She had simply asked what time it was.

JC slowly stopped walking, realizing that he was in the exact place where Lance had awakened him all those months before.  He stared at the snow-covered field, wondering how his life might have been if he hadn’t stopped that night in that field. He’d be out west somewhere, with his heart still in one piece.

“Looks like we had the same idea,” a voice behind him said.

“I stopped here by accident.  I assure you that I wasn’t out here to reminisce,” JC snapped.  Lance’s breath made small puffs in the air.

“Josh, can you at least let me explain?”

“You can explain, but I’m not gonna listen.”  JC started to walk back down the road.

“For fuck’s sake, Josh, be a man and listen to me!”  Lance yelled.  JC whirled around.

“A man?  Yes, you’d know all about being a man, Lance.  Fuck a man, then turn around and fuck a woman. That makes you a bigass man.”  JC’s voice was as cold as the air.

“I didn’t fuck her, Josh, and I didn’t fuck you. I made love to you, because I’m IN love with you,” Lance said.  “NOTHING happened between me and Britney!  I have no clue why she was in my bed. I slept like the dead…I never heard her come in and I never heard YOU come in. Why would I chance that?”

“Why didn’t you ever want us to start sharing a room, Lance?  Why were you buddy buddy with Britney all of a sudden?”  JC shot back.

“She said she needed a friend, Josh, and I was glad to be that for her.  And I didn’t want to share a room because I didn’t feel it was right.  I guess that’s some dumb old fashioned value or something, but I didn’t feel it was right when it isn’t our house.”

“Well, now, you can room with Britney and y’all can live happily ever after,” JC said, starting to walk again.

“Josh, what do I have to do to get you to trust me and my love for you?” Lance almost wailed.  JC slowly turned around.

“Lance, all trust I had in you went out the window when I opened that door and saw you two together.  There’s nothing you could say or do to get me to believe in you ever again.  I’m going back to the house and going to bed.  Tomorrow morning I’m leaving. Goodbye, Lance.”  JC walked away, leaving Lance standing in the road.

 

“Need a lift into town?” Joey asked JC the next morning as they sat at the breakfast table.  Britney still had not made an appearance.  Lance stared at JC from across the table, his face pale.

“Nah…you guys have stuff to do.  I can walk in.”

“I’ll drive you in,” Chris said.  “The least I can do.”

“If you insist.”  JC pushed his chair back.  “Thanks for the breakfast, Kelly. I’m gonna miss your cooking.”  He kissed her cheek and went to get his bags.  Chris sighed and looked at Lance.

“Do you want me to try one more time?”

“No,” Lance said, sighing.  “It’s no good.”

 

“Josh?  It’s Joey.” 

JC opened his door and let Joey in. “Yeah?”

“I wanted to give you the money we owe you.”  He handed JC an envelope.  “I figure once you get where you’re going, it will help.”

“Thanks, Joe,” JC said softly. 

“Hey, if nothing else…you got Lance to talk to us now,” Joey said, trying to smile. “I still think you should let him explain.”

“I did…and it was just what I thought he’d say.  Let it go, Joey.”  JC held out his hand and Joey shook it.

 

JC hugged Kelly and promised to let her know where he was and that he was okay.  He shook Joey’s hand once more and climbed into the truck, ignoring Lance and Britney, who were standing on the steps of the front porch.  Chris said nothing, just got behind the wheel and started the truck.

“I’m gonna miss you, Josh.  You’re like a brother to me now,” Chris said as he drove.  JC said nothing, just stared out the window. “And you know that if you ever need us, we’re here.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Where do you want me to drop you off?”

“In front of Alex McLean’s store. I need to get some things before I go.”

“Okay.”

They said nothing more as they drove into town.  Chris stopped the truck in front of Alex McLean’s store.  “Thanks, Chris.”  JC started to open the door, but Chris put a hand on his arm.

“Josh, are you sure about this?”

“Yeah. I’m sure.  Goodbye, Chris.”  JC gave him a small smile and got out of the truck.

Chris drove away quickly and JC put his hand on the door of the store.  “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Shassay,” a voice drawled.  JC turned to see Justin Timberlake standing behind him.

“Justin, I really don’t need your shit right now.”

Justin looked at his bags. “Going on a trip?”

“Yes.  You’ll be happy to know I’m leaving now.  There’s nothing more to keep me here.”

“Aww…you and the dummy have a fight?”

“Ask your girlfriend,” JC snapped, going into the store.

“Josh!  How are you?  Is Lance with you?” Alex hurried over.

“No, Lance isn’t with me.  I’ll tell you, Alex, when you gave him those condoms, you gave him the opportunity to fuck me in more ways than one,” JC said bitterly.

“Whoa…sounds like we need to talk!”  Alex said, surprised.  “Do you need to be somewhere?”

“Not right now. I’m gonna hitch a ride over to Martinsburg and then check the bus schedules out west,” JC told him.

“You need a ride?”  The large man who Alex had been waiting on looked at JC.  “I’m heading that way in my van.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.  What time are you leaving?”

“I got time. All the time in the world.  How about four o’clock?”

“That’d be good.  Thanks.  I’m Josh.”

“Tom,” the burly man said, shaking JC’s hand. “I’ll be out front at four.”

Alex followed the man to the door, locking it behind him.  “Okay, Joshua, let’s go out back and have a talk.”

 

“So…let me get this straight.”  Alex handed JC a steaming mug of coffee.  “You’re telling me that you walked in on Lance and Britney…in bed together?”

“You forgot the naked part,” JC said bitterly.

“I find that so hard to believe, Josh,” Alex said, shaking his head as he sat down. 

“Well, I saw it with my own two eyes, Alex.  And she just woke up and asked what time it was.  Not, oh no, Josh is here, we need to hide. It was like she was just WAITING for me to find them.”  JC stared into his mug.

“Josh, if you could have seen him when he came in here that day, asking me to get you guys…supplies.  Lance…man.  He didn’t have to speak.  Everything he felt for you, all the nervousness and excitement and affection…it was all in those gorgeous eyes of his.”

“It was all a lie, Alex.  He doesn’t love me. I opened my heart to a liar.”

 

Lance came into the kitchen, his cheeks red with the cold.  “Hey, Lance.  Lunch is about to go on the table,” Kelly told him.

“I’m not hungry,” he said, though he sat down at his usual place.  He stared at the empty seat beside his chair.  Kelly looked at him and sighed.  She was glad he had started talking to everyone, but it killed her to see him so sad.

“Lance…I just wish I knew what to say.”

“It didn’t happen, Kelly. I was NOT sleeping with Britney.  I was sleeping…and she just showed up there.  I never even heard her come into my room.  And I have no clue why she’d do this.  She won’t talk to me, she keeps disappearing when I approach her.”

“She won’t talk to me, either.  I had to force Joey and Chris to go out and work; they wanted to basically beat the truth out of her.”  Kelly smiled.  “She’s in the living room now, on the phone. Why don’t you go wait until she’s off and corner her?”

“Okay,” Lance said with a sigh, getting up from the table.  He walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway. He could hear Britney’s voice, and he lingered where she couldn’t see him.

 

“I hope you’re happy, Justin,” Britney said, playing with the phone cord.  “Josh is gone, Lance is talking but miserable, and everyone hates me.”

“Baby, it’ll blow over. They’re just a bunch of queens, anyway,” Justin said consolingly.  “I love you.”

“Do you?  Are you capable of loving anyone?” Britney cried.  “Justin, for YOU I broke the hearts of two great people.  For YOU I made myself look like a whore…all for your distorted sense of macho pride!”

“Brit, you keep talking like that and EVERYONE’s gonna think you’re a whore, because I’m gonna tell them you are!” Justin said angrily. “Why the fuck do you care?  They’re two fags who got off for a while poking each other in the ass.”

“Those two fags as you call them are in love, Justin.  They treat each other better than  you’ve ever treated me. And if there was anything I could do to change this, I would.  But I’m afraid it’s too late.”

“It’ll blow over, Britney. You’ll get over it.”

“Well, Justin, to help me get over it I’m gonna do something I should have done a long time ago.  I’m getting over you.  Goodbye, Justin.  Don’t call me again.”  Britney hung up the phone, tears streaming down her face.  She walked into the hallway, and ran smack into Lance.  “Oh!  Lance!  Hi.  I…uh…”

“We need to talk.”  Lance took her by the arm and dragged her back into the living room. 

 

“Josh, you have my number.  If you need anything, or change your mind…call me, okay?”  Alex shook JC’s hand as Tom pulled up in his van.

“I will. Thanks for everything, Alex.”  JC climbed into the passenger side and waved once as Tom pulled away.

“You okay?” Tom asked.  “That your boyfriend or something?”

JC looked at him sharply. “No…just a friend.”

“I see.”  Tom drove for a mile or two before speaking again.  “So…you’re not from around here?”

“No, back East.  Delaware.” JC wondered about why the man was so nosy, then figured it was because they had nothing else to really talk about.

“Me, I’m from Maryland. I would swear that you’re from Maryland, too.  You have the accent.”

JC slowly looked at the man.  “Well, you’d be wrong.”

“I mean, honestly…maybe the Bowie area?  Maybe you went to Central High?”  JC’s heart skipped a beat.  “You look like one of those fairies that was in that group…that singing group…what was it called?  True Colors or something?  Yeah…the one little guy, Brian, I think his name was…he changed his ways and is married now.  Has a kid.”  JC’s heart momentarily dropped as he thought of Brian, then his brain flew back to the issue at hand. 

“Look, Tom, I think maybe you should pull over and let me out.  I think I’ll just walk.”

“I think you’ll stay in the van and shut the fuck up.”  Tom slowed down as he stared at JC.  “I know your name’s not Josh.  Well, it is, but you go by JC.  My brother told me all about you…he hated your guts…just stuck around cuz of your mom.  My brother…the one you killed.”

“I didn’t kill anyone.”  JC’s face was white as a sheet.

“We found your bag when we found Evan.  And now I’ve found you.”

 

Lance plowed through the snow as quickly as he could, panting for breath once he reached Chris and Joey.  “Lance?  What is it? Is it Kelly?” Joey asked immediately.  Lance shook his head as he gasped for breath.

“No…she’s fine.” 

“Calm down,” Chris said, putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“Britney…Justin…lies…” Lance panted, then paused to take a few deep breaths. “I overheard Britney on the phone with Justin and confronted her. He forced her to do all this to get back at Josh.  It was all a fake. She told me.  She drugged my hot chocolate so I’d sleep, then crept into my bed, knowing Josh would find us. Nothing happened.”

“I knew it!”  Chris exclaimed.

“I need to find Josh.  I need to bring him back so she can explain. Where did you drop him off?”

“In front of McLean’s store. He wanted to hitch a ride to get a bus,” Chris said.  He tossed Lance his truck keys.  “Go.”

 

JC pressed back against the door.  “I dare you to open that,” Tom said with a grin.  “I’d love nothing more then to have the opportunity to run your ass over.”

“Look, I didn’t kill him, okay?  He took a swing at me, tripped over my bag, and hit his head. He was drunk off his ass,” JC insisted.

“You think I’m gonna believe you? If anything, I bet you pushed him. I heard all about you, Chasez. I know how you used to run around with that Brian guy, fucking wherever you could get the chance. I know you thought you was better than anyone in that town, thought you was something special.”

“That’s not true!”

A large hand reached over and grabbed JC by the hair. “You’re gonna shut up now, hear me? You’re gonna shut up until we get where we’re going.”

“Where are we going?” JC whispered.

“What does it matter? It’s the last place you’re gonna see.”

 

Lance squealed to a stop in front of Alex McLean’s store, practically jumping out of the truck before it had stopped completely.  He walked towards the store, running smack into Justin Timberlake.

“Hey, dummy!  How’s it hanging?”  Justin asked cheerfully.

“Fuck you, Timberlake,” Lance growled, punching Justin in the face. He shoved Justin aside and entered the store.  “ALEX!”  Lance yelled.

“Lance?”  Alex stared at him. “You can talk!”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I could always talk. Where’s Josh?”

“He left about a half-hour ago with some guy.  He was heading over to Martinsburg to get on a bus,” Alex answered.  “Lance, what’s going on?”

“It was a lie, Alex.  Britney faked it all for Justin.  Oh, by the way, I just clocked him one on your front porch. You’d better check on him.  What did the car look like?”

“It was a van.  Green.  Big.  Out of state plates, but I don’t know what state,” Alex replied.  “I bet if you hurry, you might catch up with them at least before Josh gets on a bus.”

Lance ran out the door and jumped back into Chris’ truck.

 

JC was obediently silent, but the wheels of his mind were turning.  He needed to find an opportunity to get away from this man.  He looked at Tom out of the corner of his eye.  He was big, but he looked slow.  If anything, JC could probably outrun him.  He frowned as they turned off the road and parked in a ditch to the side of the road.  Tom looked at him.  “Get ready to walk, Chasez.”  He pulled something out of his coat pocket.  Silver gleamed as he flicked the knife open.  “And don’t get any funny ideas.”

 

JC could no longer feel his feet.  Tom had been dragging him through the snow for almost a half-mile, and JC wasn’t wearing boots.  He couldn’t feel his ears or his fingers, either.  Tom finally turned through a clearing in the trees and led him up to a dilapidated cabin.  “Here we go, Chasez.  This is the place you’re gonna die.”

 

Lance frantically fiddled with the dial on the radio, desperate for something to distract him from his thoughts of Josh.  What if Josh was already on a bus headed for somewhere Lance couldn’t find him? What if he never saw him again, and Josh would go to his grave hating him? What if…Lance squealed to a stop, smoke flying up from the brakes.  He stared at the van that was parked in a ditch by the road.  Why the hell was it there?  He parked Chris’ truck and got out, walking over to the van. It fit Alex’s description perfectly, and two sets of footprints were leading off into the woods.  Lance ran back to Chris’ truck and dug behind the seat, thanking Chris for the fact that he always threw clothing behind the seat.  Lance jammed a hat on his head and pulled on the warm gloves that Britney had knit for Chris the Christmas before.  He tied his sneakers tighter and ran off through the snow.

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, okay?” JC almost screamed, though the swelling in his lips muffled the sound.  He could hardly feel his face, though he knew it was probably a lovely shade of red from the intense beating Tom had given him. He slightly struggled against the ties that bound him to the chair. “You’re brother was a bigoted prick like you and he was a drunk, too.  He killed my mother and I’m glad he’s dead. If you want me to say I’m sorry, I can’t. If you want to kill me, go ahead. I have nothing to live for anyway.”

“You don’t need to give me permission to kill you, queer. I’m gonna do it anyway.”

 

Lance stared at the old cabin in front of him. No smoke came from the chimney, so he assumed JC and this guy weren’t planning on staying long.  “Probably came out here to fuck his revenge on me,” Lance said to himself, hating the bitterness in his voice. He still loved Josh with all his heart, but he hated the fact that Josh had never really listened to his explanation, or trusted their love.

Lance walked around the back, determined to get a look at this Tom, this man who had taken his place. He froze as he heard Josh’s voice through a broken window.  “If you want to kill me, go ahead. I have nothing to live for anyway.”

 

“This place has character, don’t you think?” Tom said, looking around the deserted cabin.  “It’s gonna make one helluva bonfire.”

Blood oozed down into JC’s eye from a cut one of Tom’s rings had made on his forehead.  “Fuck you,” he spat.  “I’ll see you in hell.”

Tom chuckled.  “This place is gonna go up in minutes, queer.  It’s just a pile of firewood waiting to happen.  I spent years trailing you, and then a few months finding this place.  Ya just made it so damn easy.  You and your dummy boyfriend have a fight?”

“That’s none of your business,” JC snapped. 

“You’re right. It isn’t.”  Tom got in JC’s face and smiled.  “You have a nice trip to hell, okay? Tell the devil I say hi.”  Tom walked to the front of the main room and grabbed the canisters of gasoline he had waiting there.  He whistled cheerfully as he spilled the liquid around the room, making sure to dump an ample amount on JC’s legs and chair.  He walked back to the front door and pulled a gun from the pocket of his coat.  “Bye now.”

 

Lance stared in horror as the man doused Josh with the gasoline. He bit his fist to keep from crying out. There was no way he could fight the man, and he might only startle him into starting the fire more quickly.  He closed his eyes as he saw the man begin to pull the trigger.  He heard and smelled the fire simultaneously; his eyes fluttered open and he saw flames lick up the wall behind Josh’s head.  There were no bullet wounds that he could see; the man had shot the gasoline to ignite it and planned on leaving Josh to burn.

With an animalistic growl, Lance ran around the front of the cabin.  Using every ounce of strength he had, he rushed the man and knocked him to the ground.  The gun flew from the man’s hand, and Lance grabbed it.  “You’ll be in hell first, asshole.”  He pulled the trigger.

 

All JC could feel was pain. Immense pain.  His face hurt. His head hurt. His sides hurt from the brutal kicks. And his lungs hurt as he tried to breathe.  Smoke.  He had to get away…but he was bound tightly to the chair.  He hung his head as he coughed, his hair covering his face. He felt someone untying him. He couldn’t believe it. The man was back to finish the job.

“Fuck you!”  He screamed, fighting with all his might.  “Fuck you!”

“Josh, stop! Stop struggling, for God’s sake. We need to get out of here!”  Someone, someone who sounded familiar dragged him from the chair and towards a window. He heard glass breaking and felt the person shove him.  “Get out!”  He hit the snow outside and the world turned a merciful black.

 

JC’s blue eyes fluttered open and he took a deep breath.  Immediately, he coughed. “You’re awake!”  He heard a feminine voice say.  He turned his head and saw Britney sitting by the hospital bed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” JC growled.

“I…well…they asked me to sit with you in case you woke up,” she said shyly.

“I don’t want to see you. Go away.” JC turned his head away from her.

“Josh, please.”  Britney put a hand on his arm. “It was a lie, okay?  I…I drugged Lance so he would sleep, and then I snuck in there for you to find me. Justin wanted to hurt you and it was the best way he could think of. I can’t even begin to say I’m sorry enough.”

“Fucking right you can’t say it enough. Go away, Britney.”

“I’ll…I’ll go tell Chris you’re up,” she said, standing up.  “And Josh?  Lance loves you so much. He’d never EVER cheat on you…especially not with someone like me.”  JC heard her shut the door.

He stared at the ceiling.  A lie.  All a lie.  He had survived hell to find out that he had caused hell for someone else.  He had treated Lance terribly…and now he’d probably never forgive him.  “God,” JC whispered, closing his eyes to fight back the tears.

“Hey there, dude.”  Chris came into the room and took Britney’s seat.  “Glad to see you up and awake, though you kinda look like shit.”

“How long was I out?”

“About thirty-six hours,” Chris told him. 

“What’s this from?”  JC pointed to a bandage on his arm. “I don’t remember that.”

“From when you went out the window.  A piece of glass,” Chris replied. 

“So…uh…Britney was in here.”

“Yeah.  She told you?”

“Yeah,” JC said.  “I should have trusted him.”

“Yeah, well, I can understand why you reacted that way. I’m not quite sure what the hell she ever saw in Timberlake, but thank God she dumped his skank ass.  She could do so much better,” Chris said thoughtfully.  JC slowly smiled.

“You like her, don’t you?”

“Britney?”  Chris stared at him. “Come on, dude.  I’m old and she’s not.  I’m ugly and she’s not.  I’m…”

“You’re in love with Britney.”

“Let’s not talk about Britney,” Chris snapped.

“So…uh…I guess Lance hates me, right?”

“I wouldn’t know, but I doubt it, since he killed someone to save your life.”

“He WHAT?”  JC almost screamed, sitting up in bed.

“Jesus, Josh, calm down,” Chris said frantically.

“Where is he? What happened?”

“He found you…and he apparently went after that guy and shot him.  Then he shoved you out of the cabin and tried to climb out after you.  A piece of the roof caught his leg and broke it…he’s down the hall.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah…but he’s not talking again,” Chris said softly.

“I need to see him,” JC insisted.  “Get a damn doctor in here so I can get out of this bed. I need to see Lance!”

 

“Lance, please,” Britney said almost tearfully.  “Please, say something, okay? Say you hate my guts!  Say you wanna kick my ass!”

Lance looked away from the window, his green eyes large and sad.  He looked at her for a long moment, then looked back outside, wheeling the wheelchair closer to the window.  She sighed.

“Brit, can I talk to you for a second?” Lance heard Chris say.  He heard the door close and leaned his elbow on the windowsill, placing his chin in his hand.

“So…uh…I guess you won’t be milking any cows for a while,” a scratchy voice said behind him.  Lance froze, but didn’t turn around.  “I heard you broke your leg.  I’m sorry about that.”  He heard JC sit on the edge of the bed.  “I also heard you…that you…” JC’s voice broke as he began to cry.  “I heard you shot him…oh my God, Lance…he could have killed you…you went after him for me.  I’m so sorry you were even brought into that.  You saved my waste of a life, even after all that I said to you…I’m so sorry.”

“Josh, no…” Lance turned the chair around and came back to the bed. He huffed and pulled but he managed to work himself up onto the edge of the bed next to JC.  “It’s okay.”  He pulled JC into his arms, hugging him tight.  “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay…it will never be okay…” JC pulled back to look at him.  “Lance, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t trust with my heart and only saw with my eyes. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you…I’m sorry for what I said.”

Lance’s fingers traced the bruises and cuts on JC’s face.  “My beautiful Josh…I’m so sorry I didn’t find out sooner…I could have saved you so much pain.”

“You saved my life, Lance…” JC said the words, in awe every time he thought about them.  “You saved my life.”

“Of course I did,” Lance said simply. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Lance.”  JC pulled Lance into an embrace. 

One Year Later

 

“Okay, Josh…open your eyes.”  Lance removed his hands from JC’s eyes, grinning.  JC stared up at the sign in front of him.

“Chasez Carpentry,” he read aloud.  “Oh…God…Lance, this must’ve cost a fortune.  We coulda just put a sign in the window or something.”

“My boy deserves the best,” Lance said, kissing JC’s cheek quickly. 

“It’s like a dream,” JC whispered as Lance slid an arm around his waist.  “I really have a store…and we really have a place of our own,” he said, referring to the apartment behind the store.

“Chasez…looking good,” Kevin Richardson said, walking up to them.  “I am hoping you will be frequenting my business now for supplies?”

“I’m thinking I’ll need my own line of credit,” JC joked.  “Hey, Chris!”  He said in surprise, spotting Chris over Kevin’s shoulder. “I thought you guys were adding that new part of the barn today.”

“We are.  Hi, Kevin, hey, Lance,” Chris said.  He tugged Britney by the hand and she shyly waved to the others. “The baby’s not feeling well, so Joey called it a day a few hours early.”

“Oh, I hope she’s okay,” Lance said.  Everyone had fallen in love with Kelly and Joey’s baby, Jessica.

“She’ll be fine. You know how Joey is,” Chris said, rolling his eyes.  “So, um, show them.”  He tugged at Britney’s hand.

JC smiled at her, though the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.  They had all forgiven Britney for what she had done, though he never really could trust her completely.  He saw how in love she and Chris were, however, and did his best to hide his distrust.  “What’s going on?”

“Um…Chris proposed to me this morning,” she said quietly, holding out her left hand.  Lance let out a yelp and hugged her.

“Congratulations, Chris,” Kevin said, shaking Chris’ hand.  Chris turned to JC.

“That’s great, man…I hope you’re really happy.” JC hugged Chris and turned to Britney.  “You’re getting the best man in the world, you know…next to Lance.”

“I know,” she said softly, accepting his kiss on her cheek with a grateful smile.

“No…I think I’ve gotten the better end of this deal,” Lance said, smiling at JC.

“Oh, GOD…do we need to hear this again?”  Chris groaned.  “C’mon, Kevin…you can buy us a celebratory cup of coffee at the diner…I don’t need to gag as I watch Lance and Josh get all kissy.”  Chris led the way down the sidewalk.

“Do we?  Get kissy, I mean?” JC asked Lance. Lance grinned.

“How can I help but get kissy with you?  I want to kiss you all the time.”

“You know,” JC said softly.  “There’s a few blankets in the back of the truck…and I have the key to the apartment…”

“I’ll get the blankets…you unlock the door,” Lance said quickly, running to the truck.  JC laughed and headed for the back door of the apartment.

The End

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