The One

By:  Lara

 

I see the way he treats you/I feel the tears you cried/And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad/There’s nothing I can do, baby/’Cause your lover is my best friend/And I guess that’s where the story ends/So, I’ve gotta try to keep it inside/You will never be mine…

 

 

“Lance, you coming to lunch with us?” Chris asked as they got off the elevator.

“Nah. I’ll just order in,” Lance said, shrugging.  “I have some work to do.”

Justin studied Lance closely, but said nothing about the look on his face.  “I think I’ll stay in too,” Justin added. “I could use a nap.”

“Okay,” Chris said, giving Justin a strange look.  “Joey, JC had to run some kind of errand, and he said he’ll meet us at the restaurant.”

Justin let himself into his suite and flopped onto the sofa.  Rehearsal had been a nightmare, and it was all JC’s fault.  Lance was having an off day, and JC got more frustrated with every mistake Lance made. His nasty attitude soon had everyone in a rotten mood.

Justin finally got up and took a shower. He pulled on sweats and a tshirt and padded over to Lance’s suite on bare feet.  “Lance?” He called as he knocked. “It’s Justin.”

“Hold on.”  The door unlocked and Justin let himself in.  Lance was walking into the tiny kitchen.  “I thought you were napping.”

“I’m not as tired as I thought.”  Justin followed Lance into the kitchen.  “Lance…” Justin slowly turned Lance around by the shoulders.  “Lance!  Are you crying?”

“No,” Lance mumbled, wiping at his eyes.

“C’mere.”  Justin dragged Lance over to the sofa.  “Tell me.”

“It’s…it’s Josh,” Lance said miserably, starting to sniffle.  “Today I felt like it was the very beginning, when Lou used to scream and scream at me. It was awful.”  Lance looked up at Justin, eyes swimming with tears.  “He’s supposed to love me, Justin. How can he treat me like that if he loves me?”

Justin had thought the same thing about a million times, but he knew better than to agree.  “Maybe JC was just having a bad day,” Justin said.

“He’s been having them a lot, then, lately,” Lance said sorrowfully.  “I’m sorry to be whining to you about all this, Justin.”

“It’s okay, Lance.”  Justin gave Lance’s knee a squeeze.  “That’s what friends are for.”

“But he’s YOUR best friend, Justin.”  Lance sighed, and Justin watched Lance’s Adam’s Apple work as he gulped for air through his tears. 

“Oh, Lance,” Justin sighed.  He pulled Lance into a hug and felt Lance’s tears wet his shoulder.  “You’re one of my best friends, too.  And as much as I love JC, I don’t think you deserve it when he treats you like that.  So what if you can’t always dance like he can? You’re the smartest person I know, and you have a lot of talents that he doesn’t.”

Lance fisted his hand in Justin’s tshirt. “Really?”

“Yes.”  Justin resisted the urge to kiss Lance’s head.  “Really.”

“Thanks, Justin.”  Lance pulled away and laughed through his tears. “God, I sound like such a girl.”

“You are a girl,” Justin said fondly, and Lance poked him.

“You wish.”

Justin thought about how wrong Lance was, but he said, “Yeah, I do.” He stood up.  “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Thanks for stopping over, Justin. I feel better already,” Lance promised. 

Justin started for the door, then stopped.  “Lance, JC doesn’t ever…hit you…does he?”

“No!”  Lance said, shocked. “He’s been distant and bitchy lately, but he’s never hit me. Ever. I swear.”

“I believe you,” Justin told him, and he did.  “He’s probably just stressed or something.”

“Right,” Lance said, nodding. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, later.”  Justin left the suite and headed for the gym, determined to beat his anger at JC out onto the punching bag instead of onto JC’s face.  He leaned against the wall of the elevator, feeling tired, lonely and defeated.

 

If I was the one who was loving you, baby/The only tears you’d cry would be tears of joy/And if I was by your side/You’d never know one lonely night/And if it was my arms you were running to/I’d give you love in these arms of mine/If I was the one in your life…

 

 

Justin knew the exact moment when he realized he had feelings for Lance. He had watched helplessly as Lance collapsed during a rehearsal.  Joey and JC rushed to Lance’s side, but Justin could only look on as the beautiful green eyes fluttered shut, and the soft pale face turned even paler.  It was the scariest moment in Justin’s young life.  Not only because of what had happened to Lance, but because of what was happening in Justin’s heart.  Did he love Lance? Did he love another man?

Lance recovered, but Justin struggled for months.  He distanced himself from Lance and went out with all kinds of girls.  Joey teasingly called him “Junior Playa,” and Lance just rolled his eyes whenever he saw yet another girl leaving Justin’s room in the morning.  Justin wanted to scream, wanted to grab Lance, kiss him, and tell him that he didn’t want all those girls.

Justin slowly came to terms with his feelings. He began to notice how many obviously gay couples were out there in everyday life.  Although he and Lance could never be THAT obvious, they would make a pretty good couple, in his mind.

Justin was pretty sure that Lance was gay. Lance didn’t come out and say it, but there were signs.  And the biggest sign came when JC and Lance announced that they were dating. Justin got rip-roaring drunk that night, and the next day he and Britney Spears told the media that they were officially an item.

 

JC and Lance hid their relationship perfectly in public, but with the other guys they were very open and affectionate.  At least Lance was.  Justin wanted to throw up sometimes at the way Lance looked at JC.  JC was obviously the dominant force in the relationship, and Lance would do anything to keep him happy.  Justin knew from years of being close friends with JC that he was not an openly emotional person.  You never knew quite what JC was feeling or thinking.  This often made Lance look as if he were fawning over JC.  Lance would say or do something sweet and caring, and JC would remain totally aloof.  Justin’s heart ached at the pain in Lance’s eyes. He longed to tell Lance that if he’d just give him a chance, Justin would shower Lance with kisses and loving words.

But, unfortunately, nights of being stuck in the hotel room next to JC’s proved to Justin that JC showed SOME sort of affection, in private.

 

One night, in L.A., Justin ran smack into Lance in the hallway.  Justin was on his way out to a club.  Lance was in a ratty tshirt and old sweatpants and was carrying a bucket of ice.  “You look nice,” Lance said wistfully.  “Going out?”

“Yeah.  Some club Brit raved about last time she was here,” Justin said with a shrug.  “I take it you’re staying in?”

“Yeah,” Lance said with a sigh.  Then he smiled. “You don’t think this is a clubbing outfit?” Justin raised one eyebrow and Lance laughed.  “It’s just me, popcorn, and the tube tonight.  They’re showing “The Right Stuff” on cable.”

“I’ve never seen that.”

“Really? It’s awesome.  It tells the story of the space program,” Lance said eagerly, then blushed. “Sorry. I’m boring you, I know.”

“No, you’re not,” Justin said softly. “Isn’t JC gonna watch it with you?”

Lance frowned. “No. He…uh…Tony’s in town and they went out for dinner.”

“He didn’t invite you?”

“No,” Lance whispered. “But that’s fine. I mean, we go do stuff without each other all the time.”

Justin knew that wasn’t true on Lance’s part, but he didn’t say anything.  “Would you mind some company?”

“I don’t feel like going out, Justin, thanks,” Lance replied.

“No…I meant I’d stay in,” Justin said.  “Who wants to go to a club alone, anyway?”

“Really?  You’d watch the movie with me?” Lance asked, his eyes sparkling.

Right then and there Justin almost said that he’d die for Lance, but he bit back the reply just in time.  “Sure.  Just let me get changed outta these clothes, okay?”

“Okay,” Lance said, grinning.

That night was both the best and worst night Justin had experienced in a long time.  They stretched out on the bed, watching the movie and munching on endless bowls of microwave popcorn. They talked some, but mostly lay in silence.  Justin was all too aware of Lance’s body beside him, and he wanted nothing more then to roll over and pull Lance into his arms.  But he didn’t. He kept his distance, watched Lance, and cursed JC for leaving him alone.

 

If I could have just one wish/I’d wish that you were mine/I would hold you near/Kiss away those tears/I’d be so good to you baby/You’re the one I want next to me/But I guess that’s just not meant to be/He’s there in your life/And he’s sharing your nights/It’ll never be/Never be right…

 

 

Justin spent months watching JC and Lance together, and wondering what he had done to turn the powers that be against him. He could give Lance so much…could give him all the love and tenderness and affection that everyone thought he gave to Britney.  She knew he had no real feelings for her; she wasn’t as stupid as everyone thought.  She didn’t know the truth, though…no one did.  That secret was not going to be shared with anyone.

Justin watched from the sidelines as JC continued to be aloof and distant with Lance.  Occasionally he did sweet things, but for the most part, Justin could absolutely NOT see why Lance was still with him.  Joey actually confronted Lance about it one day while Lance, Joey and Justin were having lunch together.

“Lance, I just don’t get it,” Joey said with his mouth full of a Reuben sandwich.  “You’re a nice guy, and, hell, if I wasn’t straight, I’d go after ya.  But you let him run all over you.”

“He doesn’t run all over me,” Lance insisted.  “JC really cares about me. He just shows it differently.”

“Lance, look at Justin and Britney,” Joey said, and Justin suddenly wished he could become invisible.  “He’s so sweet to her, giving her things and telling her all the time how great she is.  When does JC do that for you?”

“Maybe JC is different from Justin,” Lance said.  He looked over Justin’s head and smiled. “Hey!”

“Hi, all.”  JC pulled a chair over from another table.  “The meeting went quicker than I expected, and Lance said you guys would be here. You don’t mind if I crash this party, do you?”

“Of course not,” Justin said, slapping JC’s hand as he reached for one of Justin’s fries.

“But actually, I’m crashing and stealing part of it,” JC said, standing back up again. “C’mon.”  He motioned to Lance.

“Where?” Lance asked, but he stood up.

“I already packed your bag. We’re going to Tahoe for the weekend.”

“Tahoe?  Really?”  Lance exclaimed. “I’ve wanted to go there forever!”

“I know you have, baby, and we’re going.”  JC gave Joey and Justin a grin.  “See you boys later.  Have a nice lonely weekend.”

“I hate him,” Joey said. “I hate them both. I hate that they have more sex than I do.”

Justin agreed with the hating JC part, but for a totally different reason.

 

Justin studied the receipt in his hands as he got off the elevator, groaning to himself.  Jewelry was expensive, and of course Britney only wanted the best.  It was enough to make him consider breaking up with her just so he’d have money to retire on.  He froze as he turned into their private hallway.  Joey and Chris were staring at a closed door.  Chris was nervously twirling a keycard in his hands.

“What’s up?” Justin asked. He jumped as something thumped against the door.

“I’m paying attention to you now!  Isn’t that what you wanted?” They heard JC yell through the door. “I ask for one fucking night, Lance.”  Lance said something they couldn’t hear. “It’s always FreeLance, though, isn’t it? First Meredith, then the movie, now this!”

“Why don’t you knock?” Justin asked.

“We’ve been considering that for about ten minutes now,” Joey said. “But all couples fight.”

Something shattered against a wall of the suite, and Justin grabbed the keycard from Chris.  “Fuck considering,” Justin snapped, swiping the key and opening the door.  Lance held a hand over his cheek, and blood seeped through his fingers.  Justin glared at JC.  “You prick!” He yelled, rushing over to JC.  He grabbed JC, pushed him against the wall, and slammed his head against it.  “You fucking prick!  How dare you hurt him!”  Justin released JC and hurried to Lance.  “Lance, God, Lance, are you okay?”

“Fine,” Lance said in a shaky voice, sitting down.

“You told me he didn’t hurt you. You promised me he didn’t,” Justin whispered, pulling Lance’s hands away from his face.

“He didn’t, Justin.  He threw the lamp and a piece of it ricocheted over to me,” Lance said.  The cut was small, but deep.  “I have to go outta town next weekend for some FreeLance stuff, and he went a little ballistic, that’s all.”  Joey went to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth while Chris bent over JC.

“Fuck, Justin, you knocked him out!”  Chris exclaimed.

“Good,” Justin said grimly. “Lance, are you okay?”

“Fine, Justin.  God, you guys scared the hell outta me, bursting in like that!”  Lance said, trying to smile.  “Is JC okay?”

“Yes…he’s still breathing and everything,” Chris said, as JC moaned and sat up.

“Lance…are you okay? I’m so sorry, baby,” JC whispered.  Lance went to sit next to him.

“I know you are.”

Justin gave JC an icy glare.  “Do you always throw furniture when you’re angry, Jayce?”

“Justin, I don’t think this is any of your business,” JC snapped.

“Yes, it is.  Lance is my friend and I love him.  You treat him like shit and it really needs to stop. What happens when you get so mad that you actually hit him with the lamp, huh, Jayce?” Justin stomped out of the room with Chris on his heels.

“Justin, wait.”  Justin whirled around.  Chris’ eyes were sympathetic.  “You love him, don’t you?”

“Of course. I love all of you.  Even Jayce,” Justin said with gritted teeth.

“No…you LOVE him.”

Justin sighed.  “It doesn’t matter. It’s not meant to be. He’s with JC…and it will never be right. Not with me.”  Justin slowly plodded down to his own room.

Yeah, baby/I wanna reach right out and feel you beside me/Right here beside me, baby/Take you in my arms right there/Scream ‘I love you’ right out loud/Some day I pray that I’ll find the strength/To turn to you and say/If I was the one who was loving you, baby/The only tears you’d cry would be tears of joy/And if I was by your side/You’d never know one lonely night/And if it was my arms you were running to/I’d give you love in these arms of mine/If I was the one in your life…

 

 

Justin kept his distance from Lance and JC as much as possible after the night in the hotel.  Chris would call him to play basketball or go for lunch, and Justin made Chris swear on every one of his dogs that it would only be the two of them. He knew Chris would try to get them all together, try to make them work it out, and Justin wasn’t ready for that.

“But why Lance?” Chris asked, letting the ball fly. “Why not me?”

Justin stopped and laughed out loud. “Maybe because you’re straight?”

“Oh, okay.  Besides that. I mean, I’m fine, right?”

“Of course you are, Chrissy.”  Justin patted Chris’ ass lightly. “But you’re not Lance. I don’t know.”  Justin began to dribble the ball.  “He’s just so sweet.  And hot. And I wish JC would freaking break up with him so I could get a chance!”

Chris stared at the outburst.  “But then Lance would be miserable. I think he really loves him, Justin.”

“I know,” Justin sighed. “But JC is never gonna love Lance the way Lance needs him to. I say this as someone who has known JC for years.  He is not the type to give up his heart.”

 

“I’m having everyone over for dinner tomorrow night,” Joey said as soon as Justin picked up the phone a few days later.  “EVERYONE.  You WILL be there.”

“Joey…”

“Justin, quit being a baby.  Get your ass over here at six tomorrow night.  And leave your attitude at the door.”

Justin showed up at six on the dot.  He was tired and cranky and not at all interested in watching Lance hang on JC’s every word, but Joey had asked…well…threatened, and here he was.  He rang the doorbell, letting his fingers make little circles around the button.  Lance opened the door.  Justin looked up in surprise.

“Lance!  Hey!”

“Hi, Justin.”  Lance looked terrible.  Circles made shadows under his eyes, and he didn’t seem to be himself.

“God, Lance. Are you okay?” Justin asked.  “C’mere.” He pulled Lance out onto the porch, closing the door behind him.  “Tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened. I’m…” Lance started to lie, then he looked into Justin’s caring eyes.  “We had another fight.  A bad one.  Before we came over. He didn’t want to come…he said you’re pissed at him and he didn’t want to deal with you. But I wanted to.  Come over, I mean. I wanted to see you. I haven’t seen you in ages, Justin. I miss talking to you.”

“I miss you, too, Lance,” Justin said, his heart breaking.

“I’ve wanted to call…but I knew it would piss him off.”  Lance shook his head sadly. “I don’t know the person he’s becoming, Justin. I love JC, but the JC I fell in love with isn’t this person. He’s tired and stressed and has no time for me, but when he does have time, he expects me to be there all the time, regardless if I have responsibilities or not.”  Lance ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh, Lance, I’m so sorry. I know you love him.”  Justin pulled Lance into a hug.  “Hang in there.”

“I’m tired of hanging in there,” Lance said, and Justin’s heart did cartwheels.  “You always say I deserve someone better.”

“You do. I love JC. I mean, he’s one of my oldest friends. But this isn’t right. He shouldn’t drag you along like this if he’s not gonna treat you right.”

“I know you’re right,” Lance sighed against Justin’s shoulder. “Thanks for listening, Justin. AGAIN.”

“I’m always here for you,” Justin said, his heart coming through in his tone.  “Always.”

“Isn’t this cute?”  JC said from the doorway, and Justin pulled back.

“Oh. Hey, JC.”

“You two make an adorable couple,” JC said wryly.

“JC…” Lance began.

“Do you run to him every time we have a fight?” JC asked.  Lance didn’t answer.  JC looked at Justin.  “How many times have you told him to leave me?”

“He never has, JC. He’s only said that I deserve someone better.  And I think he’s right,” Lance jumped in.

“Of course he says that, Lance!  He wants that someone better to be him!  Don’t you, Justin?” JC smirked, and Justin turned red.

“What?” Lance whispered, looking over at Justin.

“It’s so fucking obvious, Lance. You’re so dumb sometimes,” JC said.

“Don’t call him dumb,” Justin said automatically, then shut his mouth. Lance’s mouth fell open. 

“Exactly.  You have the whole world at your fingertips, and you try to steal MY boyfriend.  Thanks a lot, Justin.  That’s definitely something a friend does,” JC said, putting a sad look on his face.  Justin wanted to punch him.

“I’m sorry,” Justin whispered to Lance.  “I…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean…I didn’t.”  Justin went to his car, backed out of the driveway, and sped away.

 

Justin pounded the steering wheel in frustration, tears of embarrassment and shame filling his eyes.  Lance was never supposed to know.  Justin didn’t think anyone but Chris knew, but obviously JC had figured it out.

JC.  Justin couldn’t believe the change in his so-called best friend.  JC was itching to do solo work, as was everyone else, but he was becoming more and more distant towards the others, instead of trying to end everything on a positive note.  And the way he treated Lance was just wrong.

Justin pulled into his driveway and stared up at his house.  It looked very big and empty, and he suddenly felt very alone.

 

Chris came to the front door. “Why are you guys out here?”

“I’m starving. Is dinner ready yet?” JC asked.

“JC, I don’t fucking believe you,” Lance said softly.

Chris’ eyes widened.  Lance never talked to JC that way.  “I’ll…uh…go help Joe in the kitchen.” Chris darted back into the house.

JC looked at Lance. “What are you talking about, Lance?”

“How could you treat Justin like that? He’s one of your best friends!”

“Do best friends try to steal boyfriends?” JC asked.  “Lance, you’re so clueless sometimes.  Justin’s had the hots for you for a while now.”

“Why would I think that, Josh?  Number one, I was with you, in love with YOU. Number two, he’s Justin. I can still hardly believe YOU want me…if you still do, that is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“JC, I saw I love you every day. When’s the last time you said it back?”

“Just because I don’t say it…”

“And you don’t show it. You only want me around when you have a business question, or you’re horny!”

“Lance…”

“JC, I still love you, but you’re no longer the man I fell in love WITH.  You embarrassed Justin for no good reason. He has only ever been supportive of our relationship.  If he feels the way you think he does…he’s been amazingly unselfish.”  Lance looked down at his hands. He slowly worked the gold ring from his right hand.  JC had given him the ring.  “I’m sorry, JC, but I can’t do this anymore.”

JC’s mouth fell open. “Lance…”

“What’s going on out here?” Joey demanded, coming to the door.

“JC and I just broke up,” Lance said, his eyes never leaving JC’s shocked face. “Can I have your keys, Joe?  I need some time alone, and JC drove us over here.”

“Sure.”  Joey handed over his keys.

“Goodbye, JC.  I’ll call you sometime soon, okay?” Lance kissed JC’s cheek, then went to Joey’s truck.

 

Justin went to bed as soon as he got in the house, even though it was incredibly early. He just wanted to pull the covers over his head and never come back out.  The annoying buzz of his doorbell, however, kept that dream from coming through. Justin crawled out of bed and went to the window. He saw Joey’s truck in his driveway and groaned.  “Dammit, Joe, I thought YOU of all people would stay the hell out of this.”  He pulled on shorts and went downstairs. He opened the door and gasped.  “Lance!”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Justin moved aside.  Lance went into the living room and sat on the sofa.

“I broke up with Josh,” he said softly.

“You WHAT?”  Justin sat down next to him.

“Yeah,” Lance said sadly.  “All your good advice finally sank into my thick skull. I don’t deserve the way JC was treating me.”

“Of course you don’t!”  Justin grabbed Lance’s hand. “Lance, you’re a sexy, smart, amazing man.  You deserve someone who will treat you like a king.”

“Do you know how long it’s been since someone said something like that to me?” Lance whispered.  Justin blushed and pulled his hand away. “You really want me…like that?” Lance asked timidly.

“I’m sorry,” Justin sighed. “I tried to hide it, but I guess I wasn’t very good at it.”

“I never knew,” Lance replied.  “But I wouldn’t have believed it. I  mean…you’re Justin.”

“I’m nothing special,” Justin mumbled.

“You and Britney…”

“We’re pretty much over,” Justin admitted. “It was basically all for show, anyway.”

Lance touched Justin’s face.  “You ARE something special, Justin. I feel like I’ve been wasting all this time with JC, when I could have been with someone a whole lot better.”

“Not all the time was wasted, Lance.  I know you love JC.”

“I think I'll always love him. But I also think I could learn to fall in love with someone else.” Lance’s green eyes were kind.

“God, Lance…I’ve had dreams about this,” Justin whispered.  “Dreams where I could take you in my arms, tell you I love you, and promise to treat you better than anyone else could.”

“So do it,” Lance whispered. Justin put his arms around Lance and kissed him.

The End

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