Where Are You Now?

By: Lara

"Another Lover"

"Where Are You Now?"

 

I would sooner grow old all alone than to ever have another lover…

Love, my love…I regret the day you went away…I was too young to understand my love…but now I realize my mistakes…

"Josh Chasez sings his new number one single when we come back."

Becky turned off the television, frowning. She didn’t need to see that. Didn’t need to see him looking sexy and wonderful and oh so far away. She turned off the lamp, enveloping the room in darkness. Her phone rang and she answered it in a dull tone. "Yes?"

"I assume you saw that he’s on Leno."

"Yes, I did," Becky sighed, burrowing down into her blankets.

"Gonna watch it?"

"No."

"Becky, it’s been almost two years. You gotta get over this. Maybe watching JC…"

"Watching JC will NOT help. God, Lara, I’m finally able to think about him without wanting to smack my head into a wall. You don’t understand. I chased him away."

"Becky, you were like eighteen years old. You didn’t have a clue what you wanted. Jealousy is normal."

"Not to the extent that I took it," Becky muttered, remembering the accusations and fights. "He’s probably happier without me. Look at how well he’s doing."

"I know you have his CD…right?"

"Yeah."

"Did you notice all the love songs? Not ONE of them has a happy ending." Lara hung up.

Where, where are you now? Now that I’m ready to…ready to love you the way you loved me then…where are you now…do you still think of me…or does your heart belong to someone else’s love…

 

Becky walked across campus, frowning as she heard an all too familiar song blaring from a radio. She gave the couple on the blanket an evil glare. How dare they listen to JC’s CD where she could hear it? That made her smile. She was definitely going over the edge. "Miss Gundrum?" One of her professors hurried to catch up with her, distracting her from her depressing thoughts of JC.

"Yes?"

"About your paper. I’d like to use it as an example for one of my freshman classes, if you didn’t mind. It was quite well written."

"Thank you," she said, surprised. At JC’s original urging, she had decided to major in music therapy. She had learned all too well since their breakup how much music could affect your mind and soul. She chatted with her professor a few minutes before hurrying on to class. With all her heart she wished she could call JC and tell him, tell him how the professor had singled her out, tell him how well she was doing…but she had no clue even where he was.

Wonder sometimes were you just a dream…I sit in the dark wondering if our paths will ever cross again…Oh, Lord, I need to know…I sit and wonder where…where are you now…now that I’m ready to…ready to love you the way you loved me then…where are you now…do you still think of me…or does your heart belong to someone else…

 

"We’re watching the Grammies and that’s final," Lara told her, plopping down on Becky’s sofa with a bowl of popcorn. "I want to see it. Lance is there and he said he’d wave to me."

"Lara…I’m not watching this." Becky prepared to stomp off to her room. Lara grabbed her by the hair and sat her down.

"Becky, he…" they both froze as the camera showed JC and a beautiful blond walking into the arena where the awards were being held.

"Okay, she’s gorgeous," Becky finally said.

"I bet they hired her to be his date. I mean, she’s…she’s…" Lara searched for a word to insult the beautiful woman. "Too tall for him?"

Becky smiled a wan smile. "I bet she’s perfect for him. I bet she never gets jealous. She never gets jealous and she never cries and she never hangs on him begging him not to go out on tour. I bet she does everything right." Becky went to her room and slammed the door. She climbed onto her bed and cried in the dark. No amount of time could possibly make it any better.

If I close my eyes and make a wish when they open will you be right here with me…

 

Becky smiled as she plucked the flower next to her blanket. She was seated in the quad at her college, attempting to study but actually just enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. She had finally started to come out of her depression, thanks to Lara ordering her to cheer up or she’d kick her ass. Becky looked around. There were hundreds of men in the world, and not all of them were Josh Chasez. True, he was gorgeous and talented and sexy and caring, but so were other men. Becky chuckled and looked down at her hands. Obviously the rest of her body wasn’t playing that game.

"He loves me," she said as she pulled a petal. "He loves me not." She closed her eyes, pain washing through her. "If he loved me, he’d be here. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have let me push him away," she thought to herself, but she knew she was wrong. Josh HAD loved her. He had put up with so much…until the last time he had left on tour with NSYNC before they broke up. She had pleaded for him not to go…saying he would find someone else, and he couldn’t take it anymore. She sighed and opened her eyes. If only she could tell him that she had matured since then…that she knew his work was important, and that she was perfectly happy to play second fiddle to his career. She let the petals flutter away on the breeze and looked back down at her textbook. It didn’t matter…she’d never get the chance to tell him anyway.

Could it be that two people were meant to be…in my dreams that’s what I feel…or could it be that I’ll never see you again…my love that was so true…still I’ll sit here waiting all alone by the phone for you…

 

"For me? Watch it for me?" Lara begged.

Becky growled at the phone. "If it makes you leave me the hell alone, then yes, I’ll watch."

"He’s getting an award this time. They tell you beforehand. Lance told me. He said JC knows he’s getting an award, so he’ll be there. It’s for song of the year, you know."

"I know," Becky said softly. He had started writing that song while they were still together, and it pained her every time she listened to the CD and heard it. "I’ll watch, I swear."

"Good. Call me if you need me, girl."

"I will," Becky said, then hung up. She grabbed her stuffed bear and sat on her sofa, ready to scream but also determined to see him. Maybe Lara was right. Maybe she COULD get over it this way.

Two hours into the awards, JC’s award was presented. Becky was shocked when JC’s best friend, Justin Timberlake, went up on stage. "I’d like to accept this on J’s behalf," he said. "He couldn’t be here tonight…had some loose ends to tie up…but he says thanks with all his heart." Justin’s blue eyes focused on the camera. "Congrats and good luck to ya, bro."

Becky was stunned. So much for closure. She jumped when the phone rang. "Lara, I know. He wasn’t on."

"That’s because he’s not even there," a male voice said. Becky froze.

"Josh?"

"Yeah. Hey…can you open your door. Everyone’s looking at me weird."

Becky slowly walked to the door of her tiny dorm room and looked through the peephole. Everyone on her coed floor seemed to be in the hallway, looking at the pop star and whispering. She threw open the door and he came in. "Josh," she repeated.

"Hey, thanks." He smiled over his shoulder and came into the room. "Cute room," he remarked.

"Josh, how did you find me? What the hell are you even doing here?" Becky controlled her voice, refusing to scream the way she wanted to. She had on ratty old shorts and a tank top, and her hair was a mess.

"Lara called me. Told me that you were having problems." JC sat on the bed. His tone was calm, but his eyes were a mist of emotions.

"Problems?"

"Yeah…apparently she said you felt guilty about something?"

"You flew here from L.A. because I felt guilty?" Becky was confused. He took her hand and pulled her to sit with him.

"Becky, I have missed you so fucking much it’s not even funny. But I couldn’t take the way you were acting. I should have stayed around, should have talked it through with you. You were young, but you were smart. We could have worked on things."

"No." Becky shook her head. "It was my fault. I should have trusted you and the things you said."

He reached up to cup her cheek. "Becky, I love you so much. I’m sorry."

"No." A tear crept down her cheek onto his hand. "I’m sorry."

JC kissed her tenderly, then with more force. They both jumped at a knock on the door. "Becky?" One of the girls down the hall screamed. "Is JC Chasez really in your room?"

"OhmyGod! JC Chasez!" Another girl yelled, and they heard a chorus of voices outside the door.

"We don’t have to go out there," JC said, knowing how uncomfortable the fans made Becky. She shook her head.

"No, it’s fine. I know how to share you now." She opened the door and let the girls in, smiling at him over their heads.

The End

Please tell Lara what you thought of this story!