Anonymous

By:  Lisa Furey

Dear Alexander, 

I sit starring at the photos from your recent shoot. I couldn’t help but noticed how much happier you are since you have returned to us. I knew that you would be with the right help. I couldn’t be happier for you when you came to us that morning and told us that you were getting the help you needed. I think I fell even more in love with you than you can imagine. 

While you were recovering I would send you flowers. I always signed the anonymous. I didn’t want you to know yet that I loved you like no other could love one. That way my love would always remain anonymous. Let you think and think even obsess at to who could be your secret admirer could be. 

Well I wrote our names a thousand times

Just to see yours sitting next to mine

Sent you flowers cards unsigned…anonymous 

I hope you will receive this letter in the good spirit it is being written. I can’t help these strong feelings I have for you my love, my Alexander. I love saying your name. Not AJ or even Alex but Alexander, it sounds so poetic when I say it or hear you say your full name. I go weak in the knee everytime.  

I treasure the times we have had together. Even the drinking sessions we go through after a concert to try to curb our post-concert highs that the fans leave us with. I may be quite older than you and you may only see me as your bit brother but I love you deeply. It hurt me to see you destroying yourself with alcohol, women, and drugs. I would cry to sleep knowing that you were slowly dying inside. I died with you the day you heard of your grandmothers passing. Again I sent you flowers unsigned…anonymous. 

In days to come like days that passed

My hearts beats for you, always has

Though you only know me as…anonymous 

In dreams at night I carry your books for you

And when I rise a flame for you

Always too shy to carry the whole thing through  

 

At night my dreams are controlled by you and no other can penetrate the stillness of my heart. You can out shine the brightest of suns and light up the darkest of nights in my heart and dreams. My mind races a thousand images of you through the slowest of minutes. My heart beats out the name Alexander with every breath I take. But in the world we live in you came to know me as anonymous.  

I hear you talking to Howie about the latest flowers or cards you received from this person. A smile winds it self onto my face knowing that you are happy and exited everytime you receive a little token of my appreciation. Even now as I write this I see your face light up by joy when reading this letter. I hope and pray when you come to the end and see who your secret lover is that you won’t scream or worse ignore me for the rest of yours or mine life. 

Like the light from that eternal flame

Burns for one without a name

My love will for remain…anonymous 

Oh you’ll wonder who it was

Who it was

It was just…anonymous 

That is exactly how I feel I can’t describe the pain and joy I go through just seeing you everyday. We share tight living spaces, practically on top of each other, yet I just smile, nod, and keep you guys from killing one another. 

Well I wrote our names a thousand times

Just to see yours sitting next to mine

And I sent you flowers cards unsigned 

I can’t sign letters, cards or flowers unsigned anymore. I want to scream from the highest mountaintop that I love you Alexander James McLean. Tattoos, dyed hair and piercings, even the smoky raspy voice that would sound so sexy screaming my name in the throughs of passion. 

 

I love you Alexander and I hope you can love me or remain my friend for eternity. 

Always yours

Sarah Jo Martin

February 14, 2002 

Happy Valentines Day love 

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