A Thousand Words

By:  Gretchen

By now, the guys hated looking at pictures of themselves.

The photo shoots weren't bad. They didn't so much mind looking at those pictures because they were told to stand a certain way, make a certain face, have a certain look, touch a certain person. Everything could pretty much be blamed on the photographer du jour, and except for the occasional closed eyes, those pictures weren't half-bad.

It was the candid pictures they didn't like. The award shows, arriving and leaving, the hotel pics the fans took, meet and greets, concert photos, and most recently, sound check parties. These pictures were the ones they dreaded.

In the beginning, they sought them out. They would search fan sites looking for the pictures, thinking it was really cool that they had fans at all, much less ones who would have websites for them. Eventually, the biting comments some had made were too much for them to take, and they stopped looking for them, instead focusing their picture looking on the photo shoots.

Somewhere along the way, management decided the guys had a good idea, browsing fan sites to see what the fans thought. Eventually, they began printing photos onto high gloss paper and putting them in a manila envelope for the guys to go over.

That in itself wouldn't have been bad. The part that made candid picture-looking hard was the comments. Fans were brutal sometimes, and the guys would rather ignore the snarky comments from their fans, they got enough from critics.

But management wasn't having any of that. On most of the pictures, in red pen underneath the photo were comments. Either the caption from the picture or just things fans had said.

When Justin cut his hair, he hated looking at those pictures. Although the others found some of the comments funny - OMG!!!! He shaved his head!!! Noooooo!!!! - Justin hated that the fans didn't like his new look.

Although, predictably, JC got the worst of the comments, mostly for the way he chose to dress. After the VMAs, he refused to look at the photos, because he liked his coat and was hurt the fans didn't feel the same way. And under a picture from the This I Promise You video were the red words what animal died to make those pants? But when he started to grow his hair, the comments on the photos were what he sought out, even though he wouldn't admit it.

It was one way to know if the fans approved, none of them could deny that.

Somewhere along the way it got boring, as most things do. Lance was handed the manila envelope from Justin one day, and when he pulled out the photos, he saw other words scrawled across the bottom of the pictures.

Eventually, they each had their own color. Chris used blue, Joey black, and Lance green. JC's words were always in pencil, being as that was what he used to write songs, so it was handy. Justin must have taken a pen from Britney, because his words were in purple. Chris teased him unmercifully for that.

Lance thought Chris started it, he usually did. Chris was probably the one to get bored first with the red ink, so he decided to have a little fun. One on picture of Justin, underneath the red words nice denim suit, Infant, Chris had wrote reason number one we don't dress like our girlfriends.

They never looked at the photos together, which was odd in a way. It would have been easier that way, they could've just made fun of each other to their faces. It was more fun this way, Lance supposed. It gave them a reason to actually look at the photos.

Eventually, even that game got boring for Lance. He would only skim over the words, glance at the photo and move along. Until the words Lance and JC sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G were staring him in the face in Chris's blue handwriting.

Chris took a lot of time arranging the next few photos for Lance to see. He flipped through the next few pictures, seeing they were all of himself and JC, and found Chris continued the rhyme one line at a time on all of them. Justin and Joey had commented as well, mostly just telling Chris what a dork he was, even though he would never see what they said. Lance wasn't sure if JC even saw the photos yet, his pencil scratches were no where to be found on any of the pictures in the envelope.

Lance pulled his eyes away from the words and looked at the photos. The first one was taken at a concert. He and JC were bouncing on those stupid oversized balls Wade had worked into their show. JC was grinning widely at him and Lance was laughing. He couldn't remember what city it was in, but he supposed it didn't matter.

The next picture was taken from a sound check party. Lance was taking, he could see that from the way his lips were, and JC was in the background, watching him.

The third picture was taken at an arrival for an awards show. It was a group photo, and JC had his arm around Lance's shoulders.

Lance stared intently at the photos. Was Chris trying to tell him something? A picture spoke a thousand words, wasn't that the old saying? Was Chris hinting to him?

No, Lance thought, that was silly. JC had Bobbie. He was in love with her, he'd been with her for years. Lance saw the way his face lit up when she called. He could see JC's anxiousness when she was supposed to come visit him on the road. He wouldn't act like that if he didn't love her.

His eyes drifted back to the photos. But that look on his face.

Lance connected to the Internet, typing in the group name as a search and clicking on a random site. He looked at old pictures of the group, new ones, photo shoot pictures and candid shots. Soon, he had bookmarked about twenty pictures of him and JC, each with JC looking at him that way.

Lance began to get a feeling in his stomach. Sure, he had always thought JC was hot, beautiful even. But he never fell for him. Lance thought it would be a bad idea to get involved with any of the guys in the group, even if they were interested, because where would they be if they broke up?

That didn't stop him from pulling those few photos from the stack and putting them in his bag.

*****

Lance found himself watching JC. He would watch him as he slept. He would watch him as he wrote. He would sit across from him at dinner and discreetly watch him as he ate. The only time he wouldn't watch him was when they were on the busses, and that's only because he shared a bus with Joey.

"Dude, what's with you and JC?" Joey asked, flopping on the couch across from Lance.

Lance looked up at him, eyes wide. "Why? Did he say something?"

Joey shook his head, "Nope." He opened a box of crackers and popped one in his mouth. "But you're always staring at him anymore. What's the deal?"

Lance shrugged, "Nothing, Joe. I didn't notice."

"Uh huh." Joey watched him.

"What?" Lance asked, defensive. "It's nothing."

"Okay," Joey said, obviously not convinced. He turned his attention to the television.

"It's those pictures," Lance said, causing Joey to look back at him. "The ones of me and JC we got last time in the envelope."

Joey raised his eyebrows. "What about them?"

"Well, they got me thinking, I guess," Lance mumbled, looking down at his lap.

Joey turned his full attention on Lance. "You are not thinking he likes you like that, are you?"

Lance shrugged.

Joey laughed, "Lance, Chris was just playing with you guys. You can't take him seriously."

"I know that," Lance said, not convincing at all.

"Hello, Lance? He has Bobbie. He's happy with Bobbie." Joey munched on a cracker, "Plus, he's straight."

Lance shook his head, "Joey, I looked for more pictures of us."

Joey's eyes were filled with amusement. "You're not serious."

Lance felt his face flushing. "Yes, I am. And he. . . touches me a lot, like when he doesn't have to."

"So?" Joey asked him.

"So, maybe it means something!" Lance said, standing up and going into the small kitchen.

"Lance, open up your eyes," Joey said. "He has Bobbie. You can't think he has a thing for you because he always throws his arm around your shoulders, or because he looks at you and the camera catches it. You're seeing things."

Lance shook his head stubbornly. "No, Joey. I'm not."

Joey stared at him for a minute. "Fine. You're not." He shrugged and went back to the television. "Just be careful."

*****

"What are you doing?" JC asked Lance.

Lance picked his head off JC's shoulder. "Why, is it bothering you?"

JC smiled at him, "No, not at all." Lance nodded and rested his head on JC's shoulder again. "It's just not something you do, that's all."

Lance closed his eyes. "Well, maybe it is now."

JC sunk lower in the seat, allowing Lance to get comfortable. He turned on the TV in the fun room, the volume low. Lance sighed as he began to fall asleep.

"You want to lay down?" JC asked him softly.

Lance didn't reply but swung his feet on the couch and rested his head in JC's lap. Closing his eyes, Lance felt JC run his fingers though his hair. "I'll wake you up in an hour for soundcheck," JC promised.

Lance nodded against his leg and fell asleep.

*****

Joey jumped on Lance's back before soundcheck. "Have a nice nap?"

Lance laughed and adjusted the microphone around his head, "Yeah, I did." He grinned at Joey, "JC makes a nice pillow."

A shadow crossed Joey's face so quickly, Lance wasn't sure he had even seen it. "Nah," Joey countered. "He's too bony."

"Whatever Fatone," Lance said. "You're just pissed that I may be right."

Joey threw his arm over Lance's shoulder as they headed for the stage, "Hey, if that makes you feel better, than you just keep thinking that." He squeezed Lance's shoulder, "Just keep your eyes open for other things Lance."

"Like what?" Lance wanted to know.

"Like the way he looks at Bobbie, for one."

Lance sighed, "Fine, Joey." He looked across the stage at JC, who happened to look up and grin at him. "Fine."

*****

Joey tossed a photo on Lance's hands, covering them as he typed. Lance picked it up and glanced at Joey before turning it over. "What's this?"

"Just look at it," Joey told him, sliding into the seat across the table.

Lance looked down at the picture in his hands. It was of JC and Bobbie. He sighed, "Joey-"

Joey interrupted him. "Lance, just look at it, okay? Look at his face. Look at the way he's looking at her."

Lance shook his head and turned back to his laptop. After clicking the mouse a few times, he turned his screen to Joey. "Look at his face, Joey. It's the same look."

Joey shook his head, "No, it's not Lance."

Lance tossed the picture of JC and Bobbie at Joey. "Leave me alone, okay?"

"Lance, I don't want you getting hurt, and that seems to be the direction you're headed in."

Lance glared at Joey. "I can take care of myself, thanks."

Joey met his eyes for a beat. "Fine," Joey said, sliding out of the booth. "Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?"

Lance noticed he left the picture.

*****

Lance was just about ready to make his move.

He had been spending more and more time with JC lately, and JC didn't seem to mind. Bobbie hadn't been around a whole lot, and JC mentioned something about taking a break because she didn't have time to come see him.

Lance thought it was awfully convenient.

"So, JC," Lance said, flopping next to him on the bed. "You wanna go out?"

JC shook his head, "No, I can't. I've got some writing to get done." He grinned sheepishly at Lance and motioned to the papers in front of him.

Lance tried not to let his disappointment show. "Oh, okay then." He sat back against the headboard and watched JC write. He smiled at the way JC would hum softly to himself before jotting words down on the paper in front of him. He watched JC reach up and put his pencil behind his ear as he plunked out a melody on the keyboard.

Without thinking, Lance reached out and brushed JC's hair out of his eyes, his fingers curling it around JC's ear.

JC glanced at him, "What are you doing?"

Lance smiled softly at him. "Nothing. It just looked like it was in the way, that's all."

JC gave him an unreadable look before smiling quickly. "Oh, okay."

Lance watched as he turned back to his keyboard. He tested a few more chords before taking the pencil out from behind his ear and writing the chords onto his paper. Rolling his shoulders, he looked at Lance.

"You don't have to stay here, you know. I'm sure this is boring for you."

Lance shook his head, "I'm fine. I like watching you."

JC narrowed his eyes, "You feeling okay, Lance?"

Lance nodded, "Yeah, why?"

JC shrugged, turning back to the keys, "I don't know. You've been weird lately."

"Weird?" Lance repeated. "How so?"

JC glanced at him, "I don't know. Like, weird!" He laughed, "I can't explain it."

Lance moved closer to him, "Good weird or bad weird?"

JC shrugged, "I don't know."

Lance reached out and touched JC's shoulder, "You're not much help," he teased.

JC laughed somewhat nervously as Lance didn't remove his hand. "Uh, Lance," he said. "Kick me or something if I'm way off base here, but um. . ." he paused, "you know I'm straight, right?"

Lance's eyes flew to JC's. "What?"

"I'm straight," JC said, biting his lower lip. "Jeez, that's not what. . ." he closed his eyes, "I'm sorry."

Lance shook his head, "No, you're right."

JC opened his eyes, "I am?"

Lance nodded and rubbed his thumb over JC's neck. "Yeah." He smiled at him, "JC, I think. . ."

JC shook his head, "No. Lance, I think I know where you're going, and don't say it." JC stood up and moved away from Lance.

"But, JC," Lance said, looking at him.

JC stood at the foot of the bed, "No, Lance. Don't do this. I don't want it to be weird."

Lance stood up and moved in front of him. "It won't be weird," Lance reassured him. "Just give me a chance."

JC's eyes widened, "Lance, where is this coming from?"

"Pictures," Lance said simply.

"Pictures?" JC repeated dumbly.

Lance nodded, "Yeah. I saw a few pictures of the two of us, and it made me realize something?"

JC swallowed thickly as Lance reached out to touch his hair. "What's that?"

"You look at me the same way you look at Bobbie," Lance said, meeting his eyes. When JC didn't answer, Lance leaned forward, closing his eyes.

He had just brushed his lips across JC's when JC pushed him back. "No!" He moved away from Lance. "Lance, I'm in love with Bobbie!"

Lance stared at him, "But, you said you broke up!"

JC laughed shortly, "We didn't break up, exactly. She's just not going to be around a lot lately because of taping her show." He met Lance's eyes, "I'm sorry."

Lance shook his head, "No, JC. I saw the pictures."

"Lance, I don't know what you're talking about, okay?" JC tried to be gentle with him. "You're my best friend, nothing more."

Lance looked at the ground, willing himself not to cry. "I love you," he said softly.

JC shook his head, "No, you don't. You just think you love me."

"No, I love you."

JC sighed, "Lance." He waited until Lance looked up at him. "I don't-"

"Lie to me," Lance said raggedly. "Fuck, Jace, just lie to me!" He met JC's eyes. "Just tell me you love me, okay? Just tell me I'm not imagining things, tell me you want to be with me." He took a deep breath. "Lie to me."

JC shook his head, "I can't do that." He watched a tear roll down Lance's face. "I'm sorry."

Lance sniffed loudly and nodded. He didn't trust his voice, so he didn't say anything to JC as he turned and left his room.

*****

Lance didn't know how Joey found out, but he felt his arms wrap around him as he cried. He had hoped JC called him, and Joey didn't hear him crying through the walls.

"I'm sorry," Joey said as he stroked Lance's hair.

"I'm an idiot," Lance said into his shoulder. "I should have listened to you."

Joey laughed softly, "More people should listen to me."

Lance laughed, a sob escaping. "I thought he liked me, Joe."

"I know you did, Lance."

Lance sat up and wiped his eyes. "I guess you're going to say I told you so?"

Joey shook his head and grinned at Lance. "Nope. Not this time." He met his eyes, "You okay?"

Lance shrugged, "I will be. It's not like I was pining after him for long," Lance laughed shortly. "I'll move on."

"How long will it take?" Joey asked him with a grin.

Lance smiled back, "A few weeks, at the most."

Joey squeezed his shoulder. "Good to know."

*****

A few weeks later, Lance was staring at his laptop screen as the bus rumbled along the highway. He narrowed his eyes at the spreadsheet on the screen and wished for the hundredth time his mom and dad weren't on vacation so they could handle this.

A manila envelope appeared out of nowhere and landed on his hands. He looked up to see Joey grinning down at him.

"Look what time it is," Joey said.

Lance picked it up and felt its weight. "It's light this time. Management must have been busy."

Joey shrugged and walked away.

Lance opened the envelope, for once happy to get these photos. He needed a break from his work. Inside, there was one picture.

Lance didn't know where it was taken, and there were no markings on the bottom of the page. The picture was of Joey and Lance. In the picture, Joey had his arm around Lance's shoulder, a wide grin on his face.

Lance stared at the picture a full minute before looking to where Joey sat watching him from his place on the sofa.

His eyes were finally opened.

The End

 

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