The Words Not Spoken

By:  Gretchen

The story of Lance and JC.

Lance felt like an idiot.

He pushed the thought out of his head and pumped his arms faster as he ran, resisting the temptation to look over his shoulder at the guys chasing him. His best friend's voice floated to him from behind.

"Run, Lance, run!"

Lance felt like Forrest Gump as Jamie's voice carried over the afternoon air to his ears. He heard the footfalls of the guys behind him and knew it would be soon. He wasn't going to be like young Forrest and outrun his enemies, he was inevitably going to get caught. He didn't have much longer before they would over take him and kick the living shit out of him.

It was just a matter of time.

"You may as well give up, fag," one taunted behind his left shoulder, and goddamn if he wasn't too close for Lance's liking. "If you stop, we'll beat you less."

Lance skidded around a corner, groaning when he saw the wall at the end of the alley. Why didn't he remember this? As he ran down the alley, his eyes searched the brick wall, looking for a way over it. His shoulders slumped as he realized there was no way out. Tears stung his eyes, but he refused to cry. He was not going to let these guys win.

He ran into the wall, throwing his hands out to stop his momentum and suddenly realized he should have kept running, and jumped at the wall, he probably could have grabbed the top of it, then scaled over to the other side. Defeated, he turned to face his attackers.

They slowed as they realized he had no where to run, no where to escape. There were three of them, the same three who had tortured Lance since they found out he was gay.

It seemed as if Lance had always known he was gay, and to him, that was a blessing. He knew when he was a kid and the other guys were off playing basketball or kickball in the playground, and he opted to stay in with Jamie and be Ken to her Barbie that something wasn't right. Jamie figured it out one day when she was talking about Tyler Bardo and Lance agreed, without even thinking, that yes, Tyler was quite possibly the hottest guy in the school. Jamie never cared, she had known Lance since the Bass family had moved next door to her when they were just five years old. She was always there for him, from when his pet goldfish died when he was seven to when his parents announced they were getting a divorce when he was fourteen, just last year.

Well, two years ago, actually. Today was Lance's sixteenth birthday.

Sweet sixteen and never been kissed, isn't that what they always said? Well, in this case, Lance wished that were true. That's what got him in to this mess in the first place.

The boy was Richie Sullivan. The place was in the movie theater. The time, just six months ago. Lance and Richie had become fast friends when they were assigned each other as partners in their Accounting class. Lance had never hidden the fact that he was gay, if you asked, he told, but he didn't make it public knowledge either, shrugging off strangers' and passing acquaintances questions of when he and Jamie were going to get together. But when Richie flat out asked him one day, something changed for Lance. He had looked up from his textbook and into Richie's questioning gaze and said, "I'm gay."

And Richie had smiled. He had actually smiled! And Lance felt like the greatest guy in the world. He no longer felt like the geeky four-eyed nerd that the jocks thought he was. So when Richie asked him to the movies, he accepted. They had a great time, sitting about half way down the theater, laughing at the antics of the movie characters, Lance trying not to notice when Richie's hand brushed his in the tub of popcorn they had been sharing.

So when their eyes met as they both laughed at the same joke on the screen, it was only natural for Lance to lean forward and let Richie kiss him. He had nothing to hide, he had nothing to lose by people knowing he was gay. Both his parents and sister already knew and supported him one hundred percent, Jamie knew, and to Lance, she was the only friend in his life who mattered, and if other's found out, who cares?

Lance should have realized this was Mississippi, and he lived in a small town, and the punks a few rows behind him in the movie theater didn't like the blacks that had moved down the street, much less the gay kid that shared their classes.

The taunting had started as soon as Richie and Lance left the theater. Lance had never realized there were so many slang terms for homosexuals. He had heard all of them though, over the past two months, even some the punks made up just for his benefit. Richie couldn't take the teasing from the others, and ended up transferring to another school after Christmas break was over. Lance, on the other hand, wasn't going to run. He wasn't going to let a bunch of close minded pricks force him out of a school he loved. Jamie stuck by him, encouraging him when things got really bad, picking up the pieces after they played their practical jokes.

There had been a lot of jokes. They started out harmless, breaking into his locker, writing slurs on the outside of it, knocking his books out of his hands as he walked down the hall, petty high school incidents. Then they turned more violent.

The first time, Lance was in gym class. He was never a gifted athlete, so when the teacher announced they were going to play basketball for the second half of the semester, Lance groaned. The guys elbowed each other and grinned. Everyone had to play, and Lance made his feeble attempts at the baskets, blocking out the sound of the teasing. He managed to ignore them until one, Larry Mathis, landed an elbow to the side of his face, sending his glasses flying across the floor, knocking him to the ground. The teacher called a foul, but Larry had said it was an accident, the result of Lance accidentally being under him as he came down from a rebound.

The second time, Larry caught him after school as he and Jamie walked through the parking lot. He had been punched in the stomach that time.

Another time, Larry and two of his friends caught him one night while he was walking home from the library. He had suffered a black eye and a broken nose that time.

There were other times, almost too many to count. Jamie pleaded with him to consider transferring, his mother asked him how much more of this he was going to put up with as she held an ice pack to his injury of the week.

This may be the last time, Lance thought as the three jerks, headed by Larry Mathis crowded upon him in the alley. All he had wanted to do was go home, his dad was going to be there, the family was going out for his sixteenth birthday. This was a good time in his life. His mother had announced she met a nice man and they were going to get married, Lance was going to have an older step brother, his father had got a great new job and met a nice woman, he was turning sixteen, he was going to be able to drive, and he couldn't wait to start his senior year in September.

Now all he could think about was Larry Mathis's fist connecting with his face, his head knocking off the bricks behind him. He lifted a hand to his bleeding nose and shut his eyes against the stars he saw. When he opened them, Larry punched him again, this time in the stomach. Lance groaned and bent over, gripping his stomach, blocking out the words Larry was spitting at him.

"Fucking fag," he spit at him, "you don't deserve to live." Lance felt the fist connect with his jaw.

"Fuck you," Lance said in an exhaled breath. This time, as Larry's fist moved through the air, Lance moved to the right, successfully avoiding another punch.

"You bastard," Larry swore. He looked at his buddies, "Hold him."

Before Lance could move, the two guys with Larry moved in, each grabbing an arm, successfully holding him as he struggled against them. Larry continued his assault on Lance, each punch punctuated with a word.

"Fag. Homo. Queer." Lance blocked them out as he began to fell blackness fall over him. He slumped against the wall, the two guys holding him letting him go, letting him fall to the ground in a bloody heap. He felt boots connecting with his ribs, and the blackness finally over took him.

*****

When he cautiously opened his eyes next, he saw nothing but white. At first, he had the crazy thought that he was standing at the entrance to heaven, and this was the white light that everyone spoke of. Then a wave of pain washed over his chest, and he knew that he had in fact survived the beating.

"Lance?" his mother's voice was soft, teary, so close to him.

He turned his head towards her voice, his eyes still half shut, his tongue feeling big in his mouth, his jaw throbbing in pain. "Ma?" he croaked.

"Shh," she said, gently touching his lips, "Don't speak, honey." He opened his eyes fully to see her leaning over him, one hand still pressed to his lips, the other clutching a tissue against her chest.

"Mom?" he said against her wishes.

"It's okay now, honey," she said, "you're in the hospital." She glanced behind her at her fiancée. "We're all here, your father is downstairs with Stacy getting coffee, Jamie's right outside, and Joe's here, too."

Joe Fatone, his mother's soon to be husband stepped forward into Lance's line of vision. Lance had always liked Joe, surprising everyone, most of all himself. He had never thought he'd be able to see his parents with anyone but, well, his parents. Then his mother brought Joe, a man she met at a convention, home, and Lance liked him immediately. It was hard not to like this man, this bear of a man who had the innate ability to make anyone feel welcome, make anyone feel safe, warm, and secure.

"You look like shit, son," Joe said, punctuating his somber words with a lighthearted grin, causing Lance to chuckle, and wince in pain when it hurt his ribs.

"Joe," Diane Bass admonished, "don't make him laugh." She affectionately patted his stomach before turning back to Lance. "Let me get Jamie, she's been pacing outside this room forever. Are you up for it?"

Lance nodded, trying to sit up in the bed, studiously ignoring the pain in his ribs, the needles in his body, and the white gauze that he felt on his face. Joe helped him sit up, adjusting the pillow behind his back.

The door flew open and Jamie practically launched herself across the room, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him, crying at the same time.

"God, Lance, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? How are you feeling? Those bastards are gonna pay for this!"

Lance managed to bring his hands up to Jamie's back, hugging her briefly before pushing her away. "Jai, come on," he said, "you're killing me, here."

Jamie gasped and immediately let go, shrinking away from the bed, "Oh! Sorry." She pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down. "I called the cops."

Lance sighed, "Jamie, that wasn't necessary."

Her eyes widened, "Lance, they could have killed you! They weren't going to stop this time."

"It's just going to make things worse," he whispered.

She grasped his hand, "Lance, you have to stop this! You have to transfer schools."

He pulled his hand away, "What good is it going to do, Jamie? They know where I live, all they have to do is come to my house! So I'm in a different school, so what?"

"So what? So they won't be able to pull shit in school anymore, that's what! Lance, they had never come to your house, they always did this shit in school, or after school."

Lance sighed, "They never came to my house because they didn't have to. If I leave, it'll just give them an excuse to do just that." He looked at the door, where he saw his parents through the small pane of glass, "I won't let them hurt my family, too."

Jamie dropped her voice, "What the hell do you think they're doing now, Lance? Do you think it's not tearing up your mother seeing you in here? Do you think she doesn't hurt every fucking time you come home with another bruise, another black eye, another split lip?" She gently turned his face from the door to meet her eyes, "This is killing her, Lance. Do you think she wanted to spend your sixteenth birthday in a hospital room?"

Lance looked away from her gaze. "Jamie, I don't want to run."

She pushed away from the bed, standing up and pacing the room in long strides, "God dammit, Lance, get your head out of your ass! This isn't about your damn pride! This is about your safety!"

Lance winced at her outburst, and stayed silent as he watched her pace the room. She brought her hands up to her hair, yanking her fingers through the long brown strands. He knew she was trying to think of a way to get through to him. He could tell by her actions that she was ready to blow.

Jamie took a deep breath, stopped pacing and turned to face him. On her face, Lance saw months of pain, pain for him. He saw her normally bright eyes defeated, her smile down turned, her lips slightly trembling.

"Lance," she stared softly, "we love you. Don't you see what this is doing to those of us who have to sit back and watch you get beat on day after day by people who don't like your sexual preference? Do you think we want to see you in the hospital? Do you think we want to be scared for you every time you leave the house?" She shook her head and moved back to the bed, "Please, Lance, just think about this."

He sighed and looked into her eyes. "Fine, I'll think about it."

*****

Lance slammed the trunk shut and turned to Jamie, who was standing a few feet behind him. "So," he said.

She attempted a smile, "So."

They smiled at each other softly, and then she was in his arms, "I'm gonna miss you so much."

He hugged her tightly. "Me too, Jai."

She pulled away, wiping at her eyes, "You be safe down there in Florida, you hear me? And you write to me."

He nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets, "I will. I promise." He glanced wistfully at his house, the house he was about to leave behind. His mother was inside, taking a last minute tour, making sure they weren't leaving anything behind.

Jamie squinted up at him, "You okay?"

He glanced away from the house to look at her, "I'm scared, Jamie," he admitted. She didn't answer and he continued, "I have to start all over now. I'll be in a strange school for my senior year, that's going to be tough."

"Joey will be there, though, right?" Jamie asked, referring to his upcoming stepbrother.

Lance shook his head, "No. He's at the University already. He graduated this year. I'll be all alone."

Jamie laughed, "I'm sure you'll make some great friends, Lance."

He smiled at her, "None like you," he said sincerely.

She ducked her head, smiling to hide her tears, "You got that right." Taking a deep breath, she looked at him again as Diane came out of the house. "I guess you have to go."

He nodded, "Yeah." The moving company had taken their belongings, pulling out about an hour ago. Lance and his mother had packed the rest of their things into the car.

His mother had come to him about a week after he got out of the hospital, telling him their plans had changed. Instead of Joe and his son, Joey moving to Mississippi, Lance and she were moving to Florida. She had blamed Joe's job, telling him that they made him an offer he couldn't refuse, but Lance didn't believe her. He knew she wanted him out of that town, and this was just an excuse. So, he thought about what Jamie had said to him that day in the hospital bought her excuses and agreed to move. His sister was moving in with their father, who was obviously staying in Mississippi. There had been a tearful goodbye the night before.

Lance pulled Jamie close to him one last time, "I love you, Jai," he said.

"I love you, too, Lance." She wiped her eyes as she pulled away. "Break some hearts," she grinned as he moved to the car.

He laughed out loud, "I'm sure as hell gonna try, Jai." He got in, blew her a kiss and shut the door. He watched her figure until he could see her no more before turning to stare out the windshield, his thoughts fixed on Florida and what lie ahead.

*****

"So, when does your brother get here?"

Joey glanced at his roommate and shrugged, "Don't know."

JC laughed, "Don't you think you should?"

"Probably." Joey scratched his head in thought, "I think tonight, actually. I have to go to my dad's for dinner." He looked up from the book he was reading, "Wanna come?"

JC shook his head, "Nope. I got plans."

Joey sat up on the bed to look at JC. "With Bobbie?"

JC nodded, "Yeah." He flashed Joey a grin before turning his attention back to the basketball he was tossing in the air. Joey stood, crossing the room and plucking the basketball out of the air. "Hey!" JC said, getting up from his position on the floor.

"Tell me, JC," Joey requested, dribbling the basketball against the floor, "what exactly do you see in her?"

"Why?" JC asked, becoming defensive, stealing the ball from Joey.

Joey flopped back on the bed, "She's a bitch," he said plainly. "She always was." He cocked his head in JC's direction, "I never got what you saw in her."

JC sighed, sitting on his bed, which was across from Joey's. The two decided to start classes in the summer, that way, they could pick their own roommate. If they would have started in the fall, it was luck of the draw, and they didn't want to take the chance.

JC and Joey had been friends for as long as either could remember. They knew each other inside and out, knew the other's idiosyncrasies, knew when to stay away, knew when it was okay to cross a line. Neither wanted to take a chance on a roommate, take a chance on being stuck with someone they couldn't live with. Even if they only had to put up with it until they were sophomores when they were allowed to move off campus, they chose to room with each other.

If JC and Joey had known each other forever, Bobbie had been around for at least half of forever. When they entered Junior High, a school that combined four elementary schools together, she had shown up. She was from the ritzy district, the elementary school where the kids' parents were doctors and lawyers, not so-called common people. She had a few classes with JC, even more with Joey. Joey was in her homeroom, since his last name and hers, were close, starting with an F and G respectively. From day one, Joey didn't like her. She was snotty, even as a seventh grader, she thought she was better than everyone.

JC had fallen for her in a New York minute.

He took one look at her from across the cafeteria that first day of seventh grade, and had pined after her ever since. She flirted with him for years, always making him think he had a chance, but then always going for someone else. Someone more popular, someone who could get her somewhere. But then JC sang. In tenth grade, he had stood in front of the whole school and sang a beautiful love song. He had found his talent. And he was going to make something of himself because of it.

Since that day, the girls had flocked to him. He had been popular before, but the talent show had brought something out in him that wasn't there before. He was suddenly more confident, he was suddenly interesting in things besides Bobbie. And that killed her. She hated that her little toy, the one thing she could count on had other interests besides her.

Joey silently cheered him on. He urged him to try out for basketball, knowing he would make the team. He set him up on dates, making sure that Bobbie was near when he and JC talked about how it went the day after. Joey wasn't successful in making JC forget about her, though. JC had asked her to the Junior Prom, and because he was now someone who was going somewhere, he was now the captain of the basketball team, he already had schools coming to scout him, she had accepted. And Joey was forced to sit at the Junior Prom, the Winter Formal, and the Senior Prom and watch JC fawn all over a girl who didn't really care about him.

Joey had hoped that college would change JC. Hell, they were moving away from home, meeting new people, new girls every day, and yet JC would have to call Bobbie each night. Joey would sit on his bed, listening to JC's half of the conversation and wish that he would just break up with her already so they could go out and have a good time.

JC now sighed and sat in his desk chair, the basketball forgotten, "Joe, I'm not getting into this again. I love her," he mumbled.

Joey grinned, "Such sincerity in your voice, JC."

JC looked up at him and rolled his eyes, "I've loved her forever, Joe, you know that."

Joey shrugged, "Maybe it's time you moved on."

"With who? There's no one I'm interested in, I'm not even looking!"

Joey lay back down on his bed, "You know, JC, that's fine. Because it's when you're not looking for love that things really happen."

*****

"I can't believe she cancelled," JC was mumbling.

Joey reached out and turned down the radio, smoothly shifting gears as he did so. "Look, JC. If you're going to complain all night, I'd rather you didn't come."

"Sorry," he mumbled. Bobbie had called him an hour before he was supposed to pick her up and told him she couldn't make it. Joey had extended his offer of dinner with his parents again, and JC grudgingly decided to go. Taking a deep breath, he decided to make the most of it, "So, what's your brother like?"

Joey scowled, "First of all, he's not my brother."

"Yes he is."

"No he's not."

"Yes he is."

"No he's not."

"Fine, he's not. But he will be when your dad and his mom get married, so what the hell is he like?"

Joey grinned, "I don't know. I never really talked to him. I only met him twice."

JC stared at Joey, "Your dad has been dating his mom for over a year and you only met him once? How is that possible?"

Joey shrugged, "Jace, he lived in Mississippi, for God's sake. That's not really a place I'd like to go."

JC rolled his eyes, "Fine. So, what's his name?" He glanced at Joey out of the corner of his eye, "You know that, right?"

"Ha ha, JC," Joey said dryly. "His name is Lance."

JC laughed, "Lance? That's a good Mississippi name for you!"

Joey grinned, "And the best part is that it's actually his middle name. His real name is James, but that's his dad's name, so they call him Lance."

JC shook his head, "That's so…so…southern," he said. Chucking, he said, "So, what's he like? I mean, I know you only spoke to him for a minute or something, but is he nice?"

Joey nodded, "Yeah, he actually is. I mean, he's so damn smart, JC! He's almost a nerd."

JC rolled his eyes, "Just because he's smart doesn't mean he's a nerd, Joey."

Joey pulled up to his dad's house, "Just wait until you see him, JC, he's a nerd." He shut off the car, but neither moved to get out. "He wears glasses, he had this God awful hair cut, it's like Diane cut it herself." He slapped his head as if he just remembered something, and knowing Joey, he probably just did. "Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you."

JC unbuckled his seatbelt, "Tell me what?"

Joey faced him, "He's gay."

JC felt his jaw drop. "He's gay?" he repeated and Joey nodded. JC glanced at the house, as if he could see him through the walls. "He told you that?"

Joey shrugged, "No, I think my dad did. That's the main reason they're moving here instead of us going there. Lance was apparently beat up a lot for being gay."

JC blew out his breath, "That sucks."

Joey looked at him, "You don't have a problem with that?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

JC shrugged, "No, should I?" His eyes grew wide, "Do you?"

Joey laughed, "what the hell do I care? He's gay, that means more girls for me!" JC rolled his eyes, and Joey grinned, "I just thought you'd have something to say, that's all."

"Why?" JC raised his eyebrows, "Do I look like I should have something against gay people?"

Joey shook his head, "No, I guess not." He opened the door, "Come on, JC, let's go."

JC followed him out of the car, wiping his hands on his jeans. They walked in silence to the door and Joey knocked lightly before pushing it open.

"Hello?" he called, "Anyone home?"

"In here!" Joey's dad's voice called.

Joey grinned at JC, "Kitchen," he said. They followed the smells of pasta sauce to the kitchen where Joe and Diane sat at the table, the newspaper in front of them.

"Joey," Diane said, smiling warmly at him and getting up to hug him, "How are you?"

Joey hugged her back, "Great, Diane, how was your trip?"

She smiled as she pulled away, "Good, Joey, thanks." She motioned to the boxes littering the floor, "Now comes the hard part." She smiled at JC, who was standing in the doorway, "Hi, I'm Diane," she said.

Joey cursed, "Shit, I'm sorry. Diane, this is JC, my best friend. JC, this is Diane, my soon to be step mom."

JC stepped forward and shook her outstretched hand, "It's nice to meet you, ma'am."

She smiled at him, "So polite," she said.

Joey pulled out a chair and sat down, motioning for JC to do the same. "So, where's Lance?" he asked.

Joe motioned towards the ceiling. "He's upstairs, unpacking."

Diane rolled her eyes, "He needs to get settled in, it's how he is."

"I heard that," a deep voice said from behind JC.

"Hey, Lance," Joey said, turning and grinning.

Lance offered him a smile, "Hi, Joey, how are you?"

JC stayed silent as Joey and Lance spoke to each other. He hadn't turned around yet, and he was still trying to figure out if this boy with the deep voice was really and truly gay, or if Joey was just pulling his leg. Not to be stereotypical, but JC honestly expected a high pitched voice, most likely with a lisp. JC hid his smile as he turned around and looked at Lance.

Lance was still talking to Joey, not having looked at him yet. He was moving towards the refrigerator, laughing at something Joey had said. His hair was blonde, and cut terribly, just as Joey had warned, and his face was delicate, Lance still hadn't grown into his looks yet.

But there was something about him, something so innocent, that JC could only stare. Maybe it was his eyes. A green JC had never seen outside of the apples in the grocery store, or the blades of grass after a rain. When he laughed, his eyes crinkled at the corners, yet stayed so wide, so inviting that JC was lost. His wire-rimmed glasses were perched on his nose, adding to the image of innocence.

Or maybe his innocence came from his smile, wide across his face, his teeth perfect, his lips rosy against the white skin. When he stopped laughing, just a hint of a smile remained on his face, the joy still apparent in those eyes.

JC couldn't stop staring. He knew he was staring, and he couldn't help. This was the boy Joey said was gay? This was the boy who had been on the receiving end because of it? There were no signs of bruises on Lance, so JC assumed it had all healed. JC was suddenly angry with Lance's attackers. He was so nice, so friendly, so pretty, JC couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt him.

Woah, back up, Chasez, JC thought. Did you just think he was pretty? JC's eyes whipped away from Lance and he studied his hands on the table in front of him.

Well, he was pretty, he reasoned.

"Yo, JC," Joey said, interrupting his thoughts. JC looked up, studiously avoiding Lance's direct gaze. "This is Lance, my soon to be step brother."

JC stood, and offered Lance a smile, not quite meeting his eyes, "Hey," he said, shaking his hand.

Lance smiled gently, "Hey," he replied.

JC dropped Lance's hand almost as soon as he touched it. He stepped back, his eyes on Lance, the smile erased from his face. "I'm sorry," he said, "I have to go." He picked up his jacket from the back of the chair and shrugged it on.

"JC?" Joey asked him, "Where are you going?"

JC turned his eyes on Joey, "I forgot I have something to do tonight." Joey narrowed his eyes, "For basketball," he added lamely, trying hard to ignore Lance's downcast gaze. "I'll see you guys later," he said, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and dialing a cab.

He practically ran out of the house and slammed the door, leaning against it, trying to get his breathing under control.

All this because of Lance.

*****

Joey threw open the door, slamming it shut behind him. "What the fuck was that?"

JC sighed, shutting the book he was reading. "Joe, I'm sorry…"

Joey held up his hand, "No, JC. That's not gonna cut it! You better have a damn good reason for walking out on us tonight." He threw his jacket on his desk chair, angrily turning around. "Do you have any idea how you made Lance feel? He asked me if you knew about him, you know." Joey faced him, anger written on every line of his face. "Jesus, JC! He moved here to get away from people like you!"

JC stood, "People like me? What are you talking about?"

Joey poked him in the chest, "People like you who have a problem with gays. People like you who won't talk to someone because they don't like the same sex that you do. People like you who walk out on dinner because they are scared to be in the same God dammed room as a homosexual." Joey was shouting by the time he finished speaking and he took a deep breath to calm down. "Look, JC, we've been friends a long time, I've known you longer than anyone, but I'm telling you right now, we are going to have a problem if you can't accept Lance."

"Joey, I do accept him," JC said, "I don't know what happened, I swear."

"Well, you better figure it out pretty quick, JC, because I am not going to apologize for you again." Joey took off his shirt and jeans, and took a towel out of the closet. "I'm going to get a shower," he told JC and left the room.

JC sighed and sat back down. This was turning out to be a really shitty day.

He really didn't have a problem with Lance, that was true. In fact, Lance was all he could think about since walking out that door. Lance and his oh so green eyes, Lance and his pouty mouth, Lance and his deep voice. He couldn't think of anything but Lance.

He began to get ready for bed, kicking his jeans off, leaving his tee shirt and boxers on. Slipping under the covers he waited for Joey to get back. Closing his eyes, a picture of Lance danced across his lids. Joey's voice echoed in his head.

"We are going to have a problem if you can't accept Lance."

"Do you have any idea how you made Lance feel?"

And the words that were bothering him the most: "Because it's when you're not looking for love that things really happen."

JC fell into a restless sleep, images of Lance and voices of Joey haunting his dreams.

*****

"Bobbie, leave me alone," JC complained, pushing her hand away.

"Come on, JC," she said, "put the book away." She ran her hand through his hair and blew on his ear.

JC twisted away from her, "I have to study," he said.

"But I'm bored," she whined.

Joey sighed from across the room, "Why don't you go play in traffic?" he suggested.

Bobbie narrowed her eyes, "Why don't you stay out of it?"

Joey shrugged and continued studying. He attempted to block out their bickering, but really had a half a mind on it anyway. The past few weeks with JC had just been…well, they've just been weird. JC was spending more and more time playing basketball, running around, trying to prove that he was king of the court. He was spending more and more time with Bobbie, which Joey just did not understand, because he was fighting with her more than ever. And even now, he had to study, but he pushed aside his books and allowed her to turn on the television. It was as if he was trying to prove something.

Joey narrowed his eyes as he watched JC discretely. They were lying on the bed, Bobbie's head on his chest, her legs intertangled with his. She was moving her hand up and down his stomach while watching TV, laughing softly at the screen. JC was looking at the television, but not really seeing it. He was barely touching Bobbie, his arm around her shoulders, his hand still on her arm. His other hand lie at his side, and as she reached for it, he pulled away. His eyes would occasionally drift to the window behind the TV, and eventually over to Joey's desk, where they stopped for a few minutes before jerking back to the television.

Joey glanced at his desk. It was a mess, and Joey had no idea what JC was looking at. His books were piled up, notebooks lying askew on top of them, papers falling out of the books, threatening to fall on the floor. His lamp was broken, lying in two pieces on the shelf above the desk. There were pictures of his family tacked to the back of the desk, but he couldn't see all of them, just a few poking out from behind the mess of books. Two pictures were next to the broken lamp, one of him, his sister and his brother, the other of him and Lance taken a few weeks ago at Disney.

He looked back over at JC, who was once again looking at his desk. Following his gaze, he realized JC was looking at the photos. His eyes widened, JC was checking out his sister!

Joey cleared his throat, "So, Bob, what time do you have to leave?"

Bobbie glared at him, "Don't call me Bob."

"Sorry," Joey chuckled, "So, Bobbie, what time do you have to leave?"

She lifted a sculpted arm off JC's stomach and glanced at her watch. It was probably a diamond Rolex, Joey thought bitterly. "Soon," she told him. She sat up and stretched, reaching her arms above her head. "In fact, I should get ready to go now." She smiled down at JC, "You just about ready to walk me out?"

JC nodded, his mind obviously far away, "Yeah, let's go." He stood, taking his student ID and keys from his desk. "I'll be back," he muttered to Joey.

Joey nodded and watched them walk out of the room. As soon as they were gone, Joey lay down on JC's bed, in the same spot JC had been. Sweeping his gaze over his desk, he looked at the pictures. JC was so checking out his sister! He grinned and jumped off the bed, maybe there was hope yet. If JC was checking out someone else, maybe he'd break up with Bobbie, and Joey would finally be rid of her!

Joey heard the keys turn in the lock a second before JC came back in. "Back so soon?" he asked. Normally JC and Bobbie would be saying goodbye for twenty minutes.

JC flopped onto the bed, "Yeah, I have to study." He picked up his textbook and began to read.

Joey leaned back on his bed, picking up a playbook and pretending to read. "So, JC," he asked nonchalantly, "have you been looking for a new girlfriend, lately?"

JC cast him a weird look and shook his head, "no." As he turned back to his book, he made the slightest glance at Joey's desk.

"Right," Joey said sarcastically.

JC glanced at him sharply, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Joey shrugged. JC sized him up before returning to his books.

Joey smiled to himself. He was going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did.

*****

"Hey, Lance," Joey said in greeting.

"Hey, Joey," Lance said, stepping back to allow him in the house. "You alone?" he asked, glancing outside at his car.

"Yep, just me today." He walked to the living room, picking up the remote and changing the channel as he sat down.

"I was watching that," Lance told him.

Joey grinned, "So?"

Lance sighed and surpressed a smile as he sank into a chair. He and Joey had become pretty good friends over the past few weeks, yet all they seemed to do was argue. Lance idly watched the Jerry Springer show and pushed aside his disappointment that JC hadn't decided to make today his day to tag along with Joey.

Lance had no idea why he was putting himself through this. JC very obviously had a problem with him, he had practically ran out of the house the night they met. And the two times Lance had seen JC when he and his parents had gone to the school, JC didn't even look at him. But Lance had fallen for JC hard. When he had walked into the kitchen the night they met, he was scared to even look at this beautiful creature who was sitting there staring at him. He had been afraid to shake his hand and say hello, knowing his palms were probably sweaty, his voice was probably going to crack. He was dreading trying to get through dinner sitting across from this amazing man.

But he hadn't had to worry about that. JC had run out after the first hello.

Joey was watching him now. "Something wrong?" he asked.

Lance shook his head, "Nope."

"Whatever, dude. What's wrong?"

Lance sighed, "Nothing." He looked at Joey. "What's JC's problem?" he blurted out.

Joey sat up in shock. "His problem?"

"Yeah, Joe. Like why won't he talk to me? Why won't he even look at me when I see him?" Lance leveled him with a stare, "I thought you said he was okay with me being gay, Joey."

Joey turned off the television. "He is, Lance." Lance snorted, "Okay, so he says he is. What am I supposed to do, huh? I have to believe him."

Lance shook his head, "I don't believe him, Joey."

Joey shoulders slumped. "I don't know what his problem is, Lance, I really don't. I do believe him when he says he doesn't have a problem, though. He doesn't make snide remarks, he lets me talk about you, hell, he even asks about you!"

"Then why won't he talk to me?" Lance asked softly.

Joey's eyes widened, "You like him." Lance blushed and stood, walking to the windows. "Oh my God," Joey grinned, "you like him."

Lance shrugged, "So what, Joey? He hates me." Lance turned around, "Plus, he's straight."

Joey nodded, "yeah he is." A grin soon overtook his features, "But you like him!"

Lance laughed, "Stop saying that!"

Joey learned forward, "Oooh, I'm gonna tell."

Lance leapt at him, "No!" he said, pleading with Joey, "You can't tell! It's bad enough that he hates me, he doesn't need to know that I want to jump his bones!"

Joey laughed, "Fine, I won't tell him." He studied Lance, "But you need to get over him." Lance shrugged, "Come on," Joey said, pulling him up.

"Where are we going?" Lance asked as Joey threw him the car keys.

"To the mall, you need a makeover."

Lance ran to catch up with Joey. "A makeover? How is that going to help me get over JC?"

Joey opened the door and got in the car. "Lance, the wedding is this weekend, right?" Lance nodded, "Okay, then. You have a new look, you meet a nice young man at the wedding, and boom, you forget about JC."

Lance sat in the car. "Easier said than done, Joey."

*****

"Okay, JC, what's going on?"

JC looked up at Joey, tearing his eyes away from the picture he had been staring at. "Nothing," he said.

Joey rolled his eyes, picking up the picture from his desk. "Then you want to tell me why in the hell you're staring at my sister like you want her on a platter?"

JC's eyes widened, "Joey, I'm not," he said.

Joey laughed, "JC, I've been watching you for the past ten minutes! You're staring at my sister."

JC stood, pushing past him to move to his own desk, "Trust me, Joey. I'm not."

Joey watched his back for a full minute. "Then what the hell is going on?" He looked at JC, his movements jerky, his actions halted. He was definitely hiding something. Joey looked back as his desk and the corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile. "You were checking out Lance," he said, gleefully.

JC grunted, "I was not."

"Yes you were!" Joey laughed hard, from the gut. "You were checking him out!"

JC spun on his heel, "So what if I was, huh, Joe?"

Joey stopped laughing at the angry tone of JC's voice. "Hey, calm down," he said.

"Calm down?" JC repeated. "You want me to calm down? I can't stop thinking about another guy and I'm supposed to be calm?" He slammed his hand on his desk, "God Joey!"

Joey crossed his arms over his chest, "JC, it's no big deal, you know?"

"Yes it is!" JC yelled at him. "It is a big deal! What am I supposed to do here, Joe? How am I supposed to tell my mother this? How am I supposed to push these feelings out of my head, huh?"

"Why do you want to push them out, JC? This is who you are."

"No it's not who I am, Joey! I'm straight. I'm a jock. I'm Bobbie's boyfriend. I don't like guys."

Joey shrugged, "Well, maybe that isn't really you, JC. Maybe you are gay. Maybe you're bisexual. Either way, you have these feelings and they're obviously not going away, so why don't you just see where they take you." He sat down, "there are gay athletes, you know," he pointed out.

JC fell into his chair, "What am I supposed to do, Joey? Who am I supposed to turn to here? Everyone is going to be telling me to do a million different things, you know? Like forget about it, it's just curiosity. Or go for it, it's not just a passing thing." He looked up at Joey, "Who am I supposed to listen to?"

Joey crossed the room and placed a hand on JC's shoulder, "Listen to your heart, JC. It's the one thing you can trust."

*****

JC's mouth was dry. Completely bone dry. He was supposed to sing in the ceremony for Joe and Diane, and his mouth tasted like cotton.

How was he expected to get up in front of two hundred guests and sing when Lance was standing there, next to his mother, looking like that?

He looked amazing. Joey had mentioned briefly to him that he had taken Lance to the mall to get what Joey called a "real haircut." He didn't mention that the stylist made him look like he stepped out of the pages of GQ. His hair was shorter now, taken out of the horrible bowl cut, styled into a spiky mess that JC was dying to touch. Not only that, the stylist had dyed Lance's tips, and the brown roots mixed with the blond spikes were driving JC crazy.

He had fallen for Lance.

After weeks of convincing himself that wasn't possible, it had only taken one glance at him today to know it was indeed true.

JC had spent the past few weeks with Bobbie, kissing her, touching her, making love to her, trying to tell himself that this was what he wanted. When in reality, he looked at her and wondered why her eyes weren't green, why her skin wasn't a milky white color that just made her lips jump off her face.

He had played more basketball the past month than he had in his entire life. Hell, he was an athlete, a jock. Jocks weren't gay, right? Nerds were gay. Geeks were gay. Lance was gay. JC was not gay. JC was a jock.

And yet he found if he sat on his bed just right, he could look at the picture of Lance and Joey on Joey's desk undetected. He found if he looked at that picture close enough, he could see the muscles in Lance's arm beneath his tee shirt. He found that if just happened to be in the room when Joey's dad, Diane and Lance came to pick Joey up to take him to dinner, he'd get to see Lance's hopeful glance in his direction before JC turned away from him.

Because JC was not gay.

Fine, I'm not gay, he thought. He was not going to classify himself as gay. Maybe bisexual. That was better, because then he could still say he liked women.

Speaking of women, he looked out at Bobbie who was sitting by herself in the fourth row. She looked beautiful, as she always did. JC couldn't remember a time when he hadn't loved her. Since seventh grade she had been in his heart in one way or another. But now, he found he was thinking of her less and less and a certain stepbrother of Joey's more and more.

JC ran his tongue along his teeth as he heard his cue coming up. He had heard somewhere by doing that, saliva would form in his mouth. It wasn't working.

JC heard his cue and placed his hands over the piano, his fingers dancing over the keys. He kept his gaze on his hands, he knew that if he glanced up, he would be looking right at Lance, and that was not what he needed right now.

Diane and Joe handed out roses to the children as JC sang. He couldn't help but glance up as Joe gave Lance a rose and pulled him close for a hug. Diane was doing the same to Joey. JC smiled slightly as he sang, seeing the pride in all of the children's eyes. From there, they moved to light the unity candle. The verses of the song they chose carrying through the church. The couple stood in front of their guests, smiles lighting their faces as JC sang the last lines of the song.

Feeling someone's eyes on him, he glanced out at Bobbie, figuring it was her. She was staring at her hands, rubbing a finger along her nail. JC mentally rolled his eyes at her and sought out Lance.

His eyes locked onto Lance, who stood with his hands at his sides, a blank expression on his face, watching JC. JC found he couldn't look away from Lance's gaze, and he realized that he didn't really want to. In Lance's eyes he saw exactly what he was thinking. In Lance's eyes, he knew every word that Lance would say to him if only JC would listen.

JC sang the last lines of the song as he stared into Lance's green eyes.

"You say it best, when you say nothing at all."

Truer words had never been spoken.

*****

JC found Lance and Joey outside, leaning on the railing of the deck, Joey with a beer in his hand, Lance with what looked like a glass of soda.

"Hey you two."

"My man!" Joey welcomed him, slapping him on the back. "Where's Bitchy Bobbie?" he asked, laughing at himself.

JC shrugged, "She left."

"Already?" Joey asked. "We've only just finished dinner."

JC grinned, "Well, it only seemed appropriate for her to leave, since I broke up with her." He spoke the words to Joey, not looking at Lance, but seeing him stand up straighter out of the corner of his eyes.

Joey let out a loud whoop of excitement. "That's awesome, JC!" He grinned at Lance and winked, "Isn't that great Lance?"

Lance nodded, "Sure, Joey, I guess," he said softly.

JC stuck his hands in his pockets, "Um, Joey," he said timidly, "could you leave us alone for a few minutes?"

Joey tipped his head back and drained his glass. "Sure, I need another beer anyway." He winked again at Lance, who rolled his eyes at him before going inside, shutting the sliding glass door behind him.

JC looked at Lance, his hands still in his pockets, Lance still leaning on the railing. He had no idea what he was going to say.

"You sounded really great, JC," Lance finally said when the silence stretched too long. "You have an amazing voice."

JC looked at the ground, humbled by the compliment. "Thank you," he said softly. Lance nodded and turned around at the rail, looking out over the city. The hall the Fatone's had rented sat on top of a hill, giving the guests a view for miles. JC moved forward, resting his arms on the railing, standing close to Lance.

"Having fun?" JC asked him.

Lance shrugged, "Yeah, I am. It's great to see my sister, you know? It's been a while."

JC nodded, not knowing what to say. "So, how do you like school?" Lance had started his Senior year two weeks ago.

Lance looked at him, "Come on, JC. You don't talk to me for months and now all of a sudden you want small talk?" He smiled to soften his words, "Can you just get to the point?"

JC laughed nervously, "you're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"You didn't make it easy for me," Lance pointed out.

"I know," he replied, "and I'm sorry for that."

"That's okay," Lance told him.

JC was suddenly angry, "no it's not! It's not okay. I treated you like shit! I ran out that first night, I ignored you for weeks," he looked at Lance, "how can you want to talk to me now?"

Lance shrugged, "I don't know, JC. I guess love is a funny thing."

JC looked up in surprise, "You're in love with me?"

Lance smiled, "yeah, I am. Don't ask me why, since I don't even know you. Hell I don't even know what JC stands for." He laughed, "But that first night we met, I fell in love with you. I tried to talk myself out of it, I tried to tell myself you weren't good for me, but I didn't listen."

"I'm glad," JC said.

The silence stretched again. Once again, it was Lance who broke it.

"So, you and Bobbie broke up." He looked at him as JC nodded, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," JC replied. He studied Lance out of the corner of his eye, "It seems as if I have a thing for blonds all of a sudden." Lance ducked his head and blushed, a soft laugh escaping him.

JC looked behind him through the glass doors. Joey was standing in front of them, blocking the guest's view of them, not allowing anyone to go outside and bother them.

"Lance," JC said, straightening.

Lance looked at him questionably, "Yeah?"

JC didn't say anything as he hesitantly took Lance's chin in his hand. Lance stood straight, his drink forgotten on the railing and moved his hand to JC's hip. He felt JC's breath quicken as he leaned forward and Lance closed his eyes for the kiss.

JC's lips brushed his with the slightest of touches, hesitant to go further. Lance pulled him closer, finding his lips and making the contact himself. They stood, kissing almost chastely before JC let himself go, licking at Lance's lips, asking for entry into the mouth he desired. Lance didn't deny him anything, falling into JC's embrace, his mouth open, asking for all JC was willing to give.

After the kiss was over, JC rested his forehead against Lance's. "It's Josh," he said softly.

"Hmm?" Lance asked.

"My name," JC said, "It stands for Josh."

"Josh," Lance said, trying the name out. "I like that."

And JC smiled.

*****

Lance decided to apply at the same University Joey and JC attended. Since they were Sophomores, they were moving off campus, and Lance told the University he was going to commute so he wouldn't have to live on campus. The three of them searched for an apartment, doing one better, finding a house for rent just a few blocks from the school with three bedrooms.

Lance and JC had started out with separate bedrooms, figuring they would not want to spend every waking minute with each other, they would want their space. After weeks of one going to the other's room, Joey finally just threw up his hands and said, "Just move into one room, dammit! I'm sick of your footsteps going past my room."

So they did. One Saturday, JC moved his things into Lance's bigger room, and that day they made love for the first time, the sunlight streaming through the windows.

Lance and JC tried to hide their relationship from Lance's parents as long as they could, wanting to wait until JC told his own parents that he was with Lance. Diane proved to be more observant than they originally thought, and she picked up on it within three weeks of them dating.

JC finally told his parents, and Lance was at his side, wincing as JC's mother yelled at him, holding JC's hand for the hours they were at the Chasez house. In the end, JC's parents realized that they loved their son, no matter what lifestyle he chose, and they left, the relationship with JC's parents saved, but still on somewhat shaky ground.

Lance told JC about what happened to him in Mississippi, and JC cried with him as he recounted the events of his sixteenth birthday. JC hid his anger until Lance had fallen asleep, then going outside and throwing rocks at the side of the shed in the back yard until Joey came out to calm him down. That night, JC crawled into bed next to Lance and vowed never to let anything happen to him again.

Lance had taken to calling JC Josh, and JC found he didn't mind at all. Since the coach had given him the nickname, he hadn't allowed anyone to call him Josh, and he liked that Lance wanted to be different. He wanted to do the same and call Lance James, but Lance wasn't having any of that.

The three established a comfortable routine, going to class, hanging out, JC had basketball so Lance and Joey split the chores around the house during basketball season. Joey and Lance bickered a little too much for JC's liking, but he learned to live with it, knowing the brother's bickering was a way to express their love.

But when the door shut at night, and JC had Lance in his arms, nothing else mattered. And when Lance would look up at JC, love shining in his eyes, JC would hold him close, stare into his eyes and see the world right in front of him.

Because it was times like those, when Lance said nothing, he said everything.

This story continues with College Life!