Do You Know What You Want

Do You Know What You Want?
By: Jaimie

Someone who treats you right
Stay with you day and night
I can tell that's what you need
I know just what to do
I'll take good care of you
Baby you can get that from me

I can tell she's not treating you right
Every time you look at me
So which one will you choose
You look so confused
Tell me the truth
Do you know what you want

Janet watched them from the other side of the room with a heavy heart. She knew what had happened between her and Chris just barely a week ago, hadn’t changed the fact that he was still seeing Kate. Janet and Chris had always been friend, until one night they let things go a little too far. She knew he had a girlfriend, but she wanted and needed him so much she let her heart overrule her head. Now, things were awkward between them. Chris made sure he was never alone in the room with her. Janet knew they needed to talk about things, but she didn’t know what to do to get Chris alone with her. The part that hurt the most was that he was still with Kate after what they shared together. She knew in her heart that she shouldn’t have expected anything from him. They were friends, they were lonely, they each had a little too much to drink, so one thing led to another. If that’s all it was, why did her heart ache so to see him kiss and hug Kate. ‘Could I possibly be in love with him?’ she asked herself. She shook her head and laughed to herself, ‘Of course not. This is Chris my pal. We’re just friends that’s it. I love him purely as a friend, right? I only want to talk to him so we won’t be awkward around him and we can still be friends. That really is how I feel right?’ she continued to ask herself. She looked up and looked towards Chris and Kate again, her green eyes locked with his big brown eyes. Janet tried to read them, like she had so many times before, but all she could see was confusion. He frowned for a moment, looked down at Kate then back up to Janet. ‘Does he really know what he wants?’ she asked herself before turning and heading into the house, away from the rest of the group, so she could have some time to think.

Do you know what you want
Do you know what you want
Love's so hard to find
So make up your mind
Do you know what you want

Oh baby can't you see
One minute you're with me
Next one you are all over her
She talks behind your back
You know I'll stay on track
Something she wouldn't for sure

Chris’ head was spinning. Every since he made love to Janet, everything he thought he was sure of was completely turned upside down. Janet had been one of his best friends for the longest time, but somehow they ended up in bed together. Now he had a hard time keeping eye contact with her. It was as if he was afraid he would get lost in those green eyes that have always held nothing but love for him. Then there was Kate. She had always been good to him, but something was missing in their relationship. He didn’t feel the fire and the passion that he found in Janet’s arms that one night they were together. Does that mean the last year he’s spent with her didn’t mean anything? He looked down at her as she continued to listen to whatever story Justin was telling. Chris knew he did love her, but was he in love with her? He knew the answer to that question, and he truly hated to admit it to himself. He wasn’t in love with her, and if he was completely honest with himself, he may not have ever been in love with her. They were comfortable together it was as simple as that. Chris knew it would break her heart to end their relationship, but could he continue to be untrue to himself and stay in a relationship that he wasn’t happy in? He looked over and saw Janet make her way into the house, obvious that she wanted and needed to be alone for a while. He sighed heavily as he watched her retreat. Janet had always been there for him whenever he needed someone to talk to. Chris never wanted to admit it to himself, but he had always felt an attraction to her, but he always pushed that feeling aside and tried not to think about it. Now, there was no way he could forget the way she fit perfectly in his arms as he loved her. He shivered slightly, remembering the way her breath felt on his skin. In his heart he knew what he needed to do. In the long run, he knew Kate would be better off. She deserved someone who would love her and only her forever. He wasn’t the man to give that to her.

How can I help you to make up your mind
Boy you're running out of time
So which one will you choose
You look so confused
Tell me the truth
Do you know what you want

Do you know what you want
Do you know what you want
Love's so hard to find
So make up your mind
Do you know what you want

As everyone else began to clean up from the party, Chris took this as his chance to pull Kate off to the side to talk to her. This was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Of course, breaking someone’s heart was never easy.

“Kate, we need to talk. Will you take a walk with me?” Chris asked softly.

Kate smiled up at him with complete adoration in her grey eyes, “Sure.”

Chris took her hand and they began to walk away from the others towards Lance’s stables. When they got inside, Chris released her hand and began to rub the nose of one of Lance’s horses. Kate didn’t understand what was going on. She just looked over at him and waited patiently for him to say what he needed to say.

“Chris, what is it you needed to talk to me about?”

“We need to talk about us Kate.”

Kate felt her heart begin to race as her fear began to grow, “What about us?”

“Are you happy Kate? I mean really happy being together?”

“Yes, of course I am Chris. I love you.”

“Why do you love me?”

Kate began to shift nervously, “What’s this about Chris? Why are you asking me all of these ridiculous questions?”

“I need to know how you feel Kate. I need to know why we’re still together. I don’t feel like there is anything left for us in this relationship.”

Chris’ heart fell as he saw the tears begin to form in her eyes. He knew the was going to happen, but he really was prepared to see her cry over him. “Chris why are you saying this? Don’t you love me anymore?”

“I do love you Kate. I’m just not in love with you. Can you honestly tell me you’re in love with me?” Chris pleaded with his eyes for her to be truthful with her answer. He needed so badly to know.

“I…I don’t know.” Kate cried softly, burying her face in her hands. Chris pulled her into his embrace, softly stroking her blonde hair as she continued to cry. When her tears started to subside, she pulled away softly. “Oh, Chris. I don’t know what I feel. I’m so confused right now.”

“I truly am sorry Kate. We really should have realized this a long time ago. In the long run we both know we’ll be better off. We deserve to be happy.”

“I know we do. I just can’t help but be sad that we couldn’t find that happiness together.”

“You’ll find your someone Kate. You’re a very special person.”

“So are you.” she smiled softly at him.

They stood there in silence for a moment, neither really knowing what to say any longer. Everything that needed to be said had already been said.

“We better head back up to the house before they start looking for us.”

“You go ahead. I’m going to sneak out and head home.”

“Don’t be like this Kate, please. I want us to be friends.”

“I hope in time we can be Chris, but right now I need my space. I have to sort through my feelings and try to find out for myself who I am again without you. It’s been a long time since I’ve just been Kate instead of Kate and Chris.” she reached up and brushed her lips across his softly. “Good-bye Chris.”

Chris watched her walk away with an ache in his heart. He knew breaking up with her wasn’t going to be easy, but it was something he had to do. Now he knew he needed to talk to Janet to get things back on track between them. He had no clue what was going to happen, but he knew he had to find out.

Please call me and say
I am the one
You need in your life
The game that you play
Ain't no fun
Please answer me now
Gotta know what you want

I can tell she's not treating you right
Every time you look at me
So which one will you choose
You look so confused
Tell me the truth
Do you know what you want

Chris easily slipped past everyone and made his way into the house. He knew where he would find her. She was sitting in Lance’s recording studio, softly stroking the ebony and ivory keys on his piano. Janet was so into what she was playing, she didn’t hear him come in. When she opened her eyes, she jumped startled, “Jeez Chris. You scared the hell out of me.”

He smiled as he approached the piano. He leaned over the side of it and stared down at her, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“That’s alright. Is there something you needed?”

“Yeah actually there is. I need to apologize for avoiding you since the other night. I was scared to face the inevitable I guess. We need to talk about what happened.”

“Don’t worry. I know it was just a drunken mistake. We’re friends. That’s all it was.” Janet dismissed with the wave of her hand.

Chris tried to read her eyes, but she refuse to meet his gaze. He gently lifted her chin and forced her to look up at him, “Now repeat what you just said. If you can look me in the eyes and say that to me, then I’ll let it go.”

“Why don’t you let it go now? What do you want from me Chris? You’re with Kate now. I don’t expect you to break up with her and come running to me expressing your undying love and devotion. I’m not that neurotic.” Janet seethed. She was angry, but she wasn’t sure who she was angry with, herself or Chris.

“I broke up with Kate.” he replied quietly.

Janet looked up at him, disbelief clouding her eyes “What?”

“I just broke up with Kate.”

“But why?”

“Because in one night with you, I found everything I ever hoped for.” Chris waited for her to respond. All he could see were tears glistening in her eyes, “I’m sorry I never realized this before. Kate and I were just comfortable being together. We weren’t really happy together. I think in time she will realize I was right.”

“She must be devastated.” Janet’s voice cracked as she tried to hold back her tears.

“How do you feel Janet?”

“Confused. I never thought I’d be hearing this from you.”

“Do you feel the same for me? Was that night everything to you as it was for me?”

Janet looked up into his brown eyes for a moment before she spoke, “It meant so much to me. It killed me to think you didn’t feel the same. That night was so perfect. I believe…..I believe that’s when I realized I loved you.”

Chris gently caressed her cheeks, “I love you so much Janet. I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you’re happy.” He sat down beside her on the piano bench, pulled her into his embrace, and kissed her lips with all the love he felt for her.

The End

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