Mourning
By:  Jaimie

Is there something that you’re trying to say?
Don’t hold back now
It’s been a long time since I felt this way
So don’t hold back now
I purposely forgot about
Loving anyone
‘Cause I’m the only one who has,
Who has been stepped upon

Is there something that you are trying to say?
‘Cause I can take it
‘Cause I grew up a man this way
If I’m hurt I’ll shake it
I’ll crawl back into my cave
That’s how I’ll make it
‘Cause out of all this hurt we have
Beauty thus become
Beauty thus become

Love. It can be something as beautiful as a sonnet, or as painful as a knife in the heart. Past experiences had taught him to never let anyone in, to avoid love at all costs, but something about her forced him to open his mind and his heart to the possibilities of love. He should have known better. Everything he had begun to believe in was a lie. She said and did everything right, but now he knew he was a fool to believe in anything she said. It started out with little white lies that began to grow bigger and bigger with each one she told. How could he ever trust someone with his heart again? That might be a question he’ll never have an answer for.

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside,
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside,
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

All of his friends had warned him about her, but nothing they said seemed to make the truth sink in until it was too late. His had already fallen. He defended her when the press called her a leech, he defended her to the fans when they booed and hissed when they walked by holding hands. What a fool he had been. How could he have been so blind for so long not to see what everyone else saw from the beginning? Now he was paying the price. He walked through the house they shared, and the place that had always felt like home to him seemed very cold and lonely. Her expensive perfumes and make-up he bought her sat atop her vanity in their room. He fought the urge to lift a bottle to his nose to breath in her scent one more time. Just the knowledge that he wanted to do that, angered him even further. He began slow deep breaths to try to control his anger, knowing that if he didn’t get a grip on it he would end up destroying any and everything that had to do with her. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she hurt him. He finished putting the last of his things in his car as he sat down at the kitchen table to write his final good-byes to her.

Wishing all the best for you
And now I’ll say good-bye
‘Cause all the shit that we’ve been through
Put wisdom in my eyes
So walk away, don’t turn around
‘Cause I won’t be standing here
‘Cause all the lies I’ve been living through
Are becoming very clear
And beauty thus become

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside,
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside,
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

The words he wanted to say to her easily flowed over the paper in his hands. He almost wished he could see the look on her face as she read the words he wrote for her, but he knew it would be easier for him if he wasn’t here. He was afraid if she showed any sign of remorse for what she did to him, that he might end up being the fool again and taking her back. He knew he couldn’t let himself fall into her trap again. Once he was satisfied with what he wrote, he took one last look around their house and shut the door behind him, closing the door on a part of his life he knew he needed to leave behind for his own good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bobbie~

As you’ve probably guessed this is your official good-bye letter. There are so many things I want to say to you. Part of me wants to sit here and explain everything I’m feeling to you, but the bigger part of me doesn’t think you deserve any sort of explanation. But, since I’m an adult who is capable of being civil to another human despite the situation I will tell you. Everything you made me believe in was a lie. You never cared for me. All you cared for was my money and fame. I defended you when everyone around me was telling me what you really were. Do you know how big of a fool you made of me? I suppose you do. You probably sat with your friends at the many brunches I paid for laughing with them at how big of a chump I am. Well, I’ve finally seen what you truly are Bobbie, and I’m not going to sit around here and continue to be your fool any longer. It’s over and I’m not turning back. Don’t try to call me or contact me in any way. I do have to thank you for one thing. You’ve shown me that I am capable of loving someone again, but now I’m going to go on and find someone who is worthy of my love. What you’ve done to me has made me so much wiser than you can possibly imagine. Thanks for that. Hell, who knows. Maybe I can write a song from this and make me even more money that you will never see any of….hmmm that sounds very good to me. What about you? Well Bobbie, I do wish you all the best you deserve…..unfortunately that isn’t much.

Joshua Chasez

Then you conned me into thinking
That all I had was you
The small insinuations
Were cutting me through, were cutting me through
And now I stand alone here
Stronger than before
And I’ll never go back, never go back, never go

JC watched her from a distance as she angrily stomped her feet, yelling what he knew had to be obsenities into the air. Laughter bubbled up inside him as he watched her, knowing she just read the letter he wrote her. Just watching her somehow seemed to give him even more closure with her. As he looked at her, he couldn’t help but wonder what he saw in her to begin with.

“She’s not even very pretty…” he said to himself as he continued to ponder his reasoning behind staying with her for so long. He pulled out the picture of the two of them together from his wallet, staring at it as he waited for the cigarette lighter to pop out of his dash heated and ready to go. He held the lighter to the end of the picture and smiled as it began to burn in his hands. “Good-bye Bobbie.” he smiled as he tossed the burning picture out the window and drove away from their street with the first genuine smile on his face for the first time in weeks.

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

 

The End

 

Tell Jaimie what you thought of this story!