Smile
By:  Jaimie

Justin paced back and forth across the living room of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend of the last two years. Jaimie had been his angel. The one person who kept him sane in his crazy life. She was always there for him to talk to and to tell all of his fears. No one knew him the way she did. He loved her like no one else, yet tonight she just broke his heart in two. Anger, hurt, and betrayal coursed through him. How could she have done this to him? He sat with his face in his hands, reliving their last conversation in his mind.

~*~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*~*

“Jaim, I’m back.” Justin called out as he walked through the door. He had been gone for the last two months, shooting a movie in Vancouver. During his hiatus from NSYNC, while the other guys rested and spent time with their families and friends, he decided to keep working and do something on his own outside the group. Jaimie was upset when she found out, but Justin thought she would just smile, wish him luck, and send him on his way. He missed her more than anything while he was gone, but his career was so hot he didn’t think it was wise to slow down now. “Jaim?” He yelled again as he walked into their bedroom. His bags fell from his hands as he saw her packing her bags, tears streaming down her face. “What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

“Yes Justin, something’s very wrong.” Jaimie sniffled and wiped her tears. “I can’t keep doing this Justin. I can’t keep taking the backseat to your career. I have tried, but I can’t handle it.”

“Whoa, wait a minute. You’re leaving me? Why? Jaimie, what happened while I was gone to cause you to feel this was what you wanted. Do you not love me anymore?”

Jaimie’s voice cracked with emotion, “Of course I love you. I will always love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore Justin. We haven’t been us in a long time. You’re too busy with your career. You never put in any time with me. We grew apart and I grew closer to someone else.” she blurted out before she realized what she was saying. She looked down and played with the button on one of her shirts she held in her hand. She didn’t dare look up. She knew his blue eyes were filled with hurt and she couldn’t bare it.

“Someone else? So that’s the real reason you’re breaking up with me. You’ve been sleeping with someone else.” Justin’s voice boomed.

“I haven’t slept with anyone else Justin Timberlake.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Justin I have not slept with Lance Bass.”

Silence filled the air as Justin tried to comprehend what she just said. His girlfriend, the one he loved more than anything was having an affair with one of his best friends. He felt as though someone was squeezing the breath out of his body. Justin’s hand clutched his chest as he fell back onto the bed, pure shock on his features. Jaimie cursed herself. This was not the way she wanted to tell him.

“Justin, I need to explain...”

“Explain what? You are cheating on me with one of my best friends. What else is there to explain?” Justin’s voice was barely a whisper as he stared blankly across the room.

“Justin please,” Jaimie pleaded as her tears began to fall again. “It’s not like that. Just listen to me please.” Jaimie wiped her tears before beginning again. “Neither of us went looking for anything to happen Justin. While you were gone Lance and I became very close friends, over time, our feelings began to grow. With him I feel like he really understands me and cares about what I feel and what I think.”

“And I don’t?” Justin finally looked at her, so much pain in his blue eyes. He stared into her blue eyes, they seemed to mirror the pain in his own. He had to look away before his anger melted away as he got lost in their depths.

“Justin, you are so into your career right now. I don’t begrudge you all your success and happiness, but I need to feel like I matter in your life. When we first got together, I felt like you truly cared what I thought and how I felt. Those were the happiest times of my life, but the more your career grew, the more you moved away from me. Less and less time was spent making sure we were okay. I need to be with someone who cares as much about us as he does about his career.”

“And Lance is the man for that right?” Justin asked bitterly.

“I don’t know. He might be, but I honestly don’t know. We aren’t in love Justin. It’s too soon for that.”

“So you’re going to leave here and go straight to his arms?”

“No Justin. When I leave here, I’m going to an apartment I rented for myself. I’m not going to jump into another relationship. I truly loved you Justin. I can’t just turn off those feelings as soon as I walk out of that door.”

“That’s what if feels like. It feels like you just shut off you’re feelings for me. I can’t believe this is happening.” Justin sighed heavily, burying his face in his hands.

Jaimie slowly sat beside him on the bed and softly stroked his head. She laid her head on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” Justin stood, still not looking at her.

“I have to be alone for a while.”

He slowly left their room, softly shutting the door behind him, leaving Jaimie crying softly to herself.

~*~*~*~*End Flashback~*~*~*~*

Justin stood abruptly and went over to their stereo. He needed something happy to help him try to forget his pain. He picked up one of Jaimie’s CDs. It was Lonestar’s ‘Lonely Grill’. He sighed heavily. He had bought her that CD after hearing the song ‘Amazed.’ Justin dedicated that song to her, telling her that’s how he felt about her. He just couldn’t understand what went wrong with their relationship. He thought everything was going perfect. They both loved each other and that’s all the mattered. Obviously that wasn’t so. He scanned the songs on the back of the CD and saw one that caught his eye. Justin inserted the CD into the stereo, hit track 10, and began to listen to the words of the song.

I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let them go

Justin groaned softly as he listened to the sad words of the song. They seemed to be perfect for their relationship. Should he just let her go. If it is meant to be she would come back to him right?.....But what if it’s not? He would lose her forever. No....he was losing her anyway.

So I'm gonna smile
Cause I wanna make you happy
Laugh so you cant see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

That’s what he needed to do. He needed to smile and send her on her way, just like she’s always done with him. He knew she was always there to support him in whatever he felt he needed to do. Even though this was killing him, he knew he had to kiss her good-bye and let her find out for herself what was best for her.

Kiss me once for the good times baby
Kiss me twice for good-bye
You cant help how you dont feel
And it doesnt matter why
Give me a chance to bow down gracefully
Cause thats how I want you to remember me

The more he thought about it the more he knew she was right. He never took time to spend with her anymore. Any time he had off he was doing some solo project away from the group. Had he pushed her away? He knew the answer to that. Justin felt sick to his stomach with the realization that it was his fault the woman he loved was leaving him.

I'm gonna smile
Cause I wanna make you happy
Laugh so you cant see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

I'm gonna smile so you cant find the courage
Laugh so you wont see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
Even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

Justin knew what he had to do. He just hoped he’d have the courage to let her go without a fight. He slowly walked back to their bedroom and opened the door. He saw her sitting on the bed crying still. His heart broke all over again. Justin immediately went to her and enfolded her in his embrace. She clung to him tightly, so afraid to let him go. He slowly pulled away from her and gently kissed her lips.

“Please don’t cry anymore. Please.” Justin pleaded as he kissed her eyelids softly.

“Justin...I’m so sorry.” she whispered.

“I know you didn’t mean for this to happen Jaim. It’s my fault. I pushed you away.” Jaimie began to argue, but Justin quieted her with this finger to her lips. “Let me finish please while I can....I love you Jaimie, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be the man you needed me to be. I realize now that you were right. I got so wrapped up in my career that I didn’t see how much you needed me.” Justin swallowed hard, trying to finish. “I’m not going to sit here and beg you to stay, no matter how much I want to. You can’t help how you don’t feel about me anymore than I can help how much I still love you. I’m going to just say I love you very much, kiss you good-bye and wish you well.” Justin finally finished before his tears began to fall.

“Oh, Ju. I know you love me, that’s why this has been so hard for me.” Jaimie paused before she began again. “I...I need you to promise me one thing Justin.”

“What’s that?”

“Promise me that you won’t treat Lance any differently. He loves you as much as I do, he never wanted to hurt you either. I swear nothing has happened between us yet. I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to you and neither could he.”

Justin looked down for a moment. Could he really act as if everything was okay and normal between he and Lance? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he would try for Jaimie’s sake. “I can’t promise you that I will be able to, but I promise to try.”

“That’s all I ask.” Jaimie smiled softly.

The next month passed by quickly. Before they knew it, it was time to begin to record their next album. Lance was very nervous. Today would be the first day he would see Justin since Jaimie left. When Justin walked into the studio, he smiled and greeted everyone in turn, pausing when he got to Lance. His smile wavered only slightly before he greeted him, “What’s up Lance?”

“Hey Justin. How have you been?”

“Hangin’ in there. Taking it one day at a time.”

Lance looked down for a moment before meeting Justin’s gaze again, “I am sorry Justin.”

“Don’t apologize Lance. I pushed her away. You’re just the lucky guy who caught her before she fell. I can’t blame you for falling in love with her. You are in love with her right?”

“Yes, I am. We still aren’t dating. We didn’t think it would be right to do it so soon after you’re break up, besides Jaimie really wasn’t ready to. I just...I just have to know Justin....I want to know that it is okay with you. I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you more.”

“Lance, I’m not going to lie and say that it won’t hurt me to see her with you. To see her smile at you the special way she used to smile at me. But....it would hurt no matter who it was. I would rather see her with you because I know you will treat her right. Besides, if you don’t I’ll kick your ass.”

Lance chuckled slightly, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship either Justin.”

“Look Lance, I am really trying to get over losing her. It still hurts some, but nothing compared to the way it did before. You two obviously care a lot about each other. I want you both to be happy and the only way you will be is if you are together.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I still talk to her almost every night. Even if I can’t have her love, I want her friendship. I don’t know what I would do without it.”

“I don’t believe you’ll ever have to worry about that.”

“I hope not.”

“You’ll never have to worry about losing mine either.” Lance whispered seriously.

Justin smiled softly, “I know that. It fills my heart more than you know.” Justin pulled Lance to him in a tight hug, knowing everything would be alright between them all. All they had to do was smile......

The End

 

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