Where Are You Now?
By:  Jaimie

Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I'm reaching out to you
To find that you're not there
I wake up every night
To see the state I'm in
It's like an endless fight
I never seem to win

I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering

Natalie stared out of the window of the airplane as she made her way back home. She was finally coming home after her six month long movie shoot in Australia. Being a star turned out to be far more than she had ever expected. It had always been her dream to be a movie star, but she never really thought of the price she would have to pay to have this fame. Everywhere she went, everything she did was reported in different publications and her face was always all over the television. And a personal life? Forget it. The last time she tried to keep her personal life personal…….Her heart began to ache as the thought of him invaded her mind. It was pretty easy to keep her thoughts away from him when she was working, but now that she has some free time on her hands, it seems he invades her thoughts completely once again. Natalie knew in her heart that Christopher was the love of her life. The one person she could actually see herself spending the rest of her life with, but fate had other plans in mind for them. She met Chris at the after party of the MTV Movie Awards. From that night on, they were together every chance they got. Trying their best to keep the relationship quiet. Neither one could afford the publicity that their relationship would surely bring. Natalie flew out to whatever city Chris was playing in and stay even if it was only for a few hours to be with him. Everything seemed to be going well until a photographer caught them in an intimate embrace at the hotel they were staying in. After that night, they were constantly surrounded by the press and photographers. She got hate mail from Chris lovers around the world, saying she wasn’t good enough for him. Pretty soon she began to believe all their cruel words. Chris promised her they would get through this and they would be together, but in the long run they both knew they had to end it. That was a year ago. Since the day they said good-bye, they hadn’t seen each other. The break-up was the most painful experience Natalie had ever gone through, but it made her a stronger person for it. Now she keeps everything about her life away from movies completely private. Refusing to talk to anyone about anything other than the movies she was in. She caught herself watching and listening for any news on NSYNC or Chris in particular, wanting to know everything that was happening in his life.

Where are you now,
What have you found
Where is your heart
When I'm not around
Where are you now
You gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go

As soon as Natalie stepped off the plane, she was blinded by photographers and members of the media. She kept her head down and walked quickly through the terminal. Her agent made sure there was a car outside waiting for her. Twenty minutes later, she was safely at home in her apartment. There was a huge stack of mail on her kitchen table waiting for her to sift through it. Natalie decided to take a quick shower before tackling her mail. Ten minutes later she emerged from the shower, wrapped in her soft white bathrobe. She took the stack of mail over to the couch and began going through it. Two stacks of it were fan letters she decided she would go through later on. After putting those aside, it didn’t leave much mail to go through. Natalie quickly flipped through the rest until she saw a letter postmarked from Orlando, FL. Her heart began to race wildly in her chest and her hands trembled so badly she wasn’t sure she could open the letter. After fumbling with it, she finally got it open. It was dated six months ago, right after she left for Australia. She immediately began to fight the tears that threatened to fall and she hadn’t even stared to read the letter yet. Natalie took a deep breath to try to calm down some before she began to carefully read his words.

Nattie~

It’s hard to believe it’s been six months since we said our good-byes. These have been the longest six months of my life. I knew being apart from you was going to be hard on both of us, but I never dreamed it would be this unbearable. I hope you are doing okay. I try to keep up with you, but with our new album and new tour coming up it’s been rather difficult to do. We’ll be in California on July 24th. I would love to see you if there was any chance you could sneak away. If you don’t wish to see me, I’ll understand. Before I close, I just want to say I love you and you’ll always own my heart.

 

Always,
Chris

The words blurred as the tears fell hard. She missed him so much. She wished she could see him once more just to know he’s doing okay. Natalie suddenly remembered the concert. She checked the date on the calendar and sure enough the concert was tonight. She quickly got dressed and put on one of her many wigs, sunglasses, and baseball caps and made her way to the stadium.

I can hear your voice
The ring of yesterday
It seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I should let it out
To save what's left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity

But, I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering

Natalie was able to purchase a ticket on the floor for the show. During the concert, she took off her sunglasses, knowing the attention wouldn’t be on her for once. The moment they took the stage, her eyes locked on him. He was so handsome. Even more than she imagined. Her eyes welled with tears once again at the mere sight of him. God how she missed him so. She wished she could touch his face, to feel his arms around her once more. During the entire show, she hardly ever took her eyes off of him. Much too soon, the show was over and people were filing out quickly. Natalie searched around the front of the stage looking for someone she recognized. She smiled to herself when she saw a couple of the other guys girlfriends talking with some of the security guards. She somehow made her way up to the front of the stage and called out to them.

“Jenna, Leigha!” she waved at them. They turned and looked towards her, neither one really recognizing her at first. Suddenly the recognition was hoping for shown in their eyes.

“Nattie!” Leigha smiled, quickly making her way to her. She pulled her into a warm hug when she reached her. “It’s been so long. How have you been?”

“I’m surviving.” Natalie laughed softly. “Do you think you could get me backstage to see him?”

Leigha smiled sadly, “Sure. Come on.” Leigha took her hand and led her backstage to Chris’ changing room. She knocked on the door for her and waited for Chris to answer.

“Yeah?” she heard him call out. Leigha opened the door and pushed her inside before closing the door behind her. “Who’s there?” she hard Chris ask again. Suddenly he turned and looked at her. “Um, do I know you?”

“I certainly hope so.” Natalie replied as she removed her baseball cap and wig, allowing her shoulder length brown hair fall along her shoulders. Chris’ eyes grew as he looked at her, tears glistening in his brown eyes.

“Nattie?” he whispered. She nodded her head as they quickly embraced each other for the first time in over a year. Both couldn’t seem to hold back their tears. They had been apart for so long, being able to hold onto one another again brought back all of the old feelings they had both tried so hard to forget.

“I love you.” she whispered through her tears.

“I love you too. I thought you didn’t want to see me when I never got a reply to my letter.” Chris kissed her head, still refusing to let her go.

“I was out of the country filming a movie. I’m so sorry. You know I would have answered you if I would have known. I just got home today and I read your letter and here I am.” she smiled up at him.

“I’m glad you came. I’ve missed you.” he returned her smile briefly before bringing his lips down to hers. The kiss started off innocent, but quickly began to build in passion. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

“Chris we have to leave for Vegas in like ten minutes. Come on.” Johnny Wright called from the other side of the door.

Natalie looked up at him, sadness replacing the happiness that was just in their deep blue depths. “You have to go.”

“I know. I wish I could stay.”

“I wish you could too, but the show must go on right?” Natalie choked back her tears trying desperately not to cry. Chris pulled her back into his arms and held her again. “You know I’d give it all up. I’d do anything for you. I just want to be with you.”

Chris closed his eyes, the ache in his heart becoming stronger by the minute. “You can’t do that Nattie. You have such a good career going. We both do. We will be together I promise you. Maybe not now, but we will be one day. We’re destined for each other. It truly believe that with all my heart.”

“I know.” she whispered into his ear.

Ten minutes later, she was standing with him outside his bus waiting to say good-bye once again. She once again donned her wig, and cap.

“Will I have to wait another year to see you again?” Natalie asked, smiling softly up at him.

“I hope not. We’ll find a way Nattie I promise you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you back.” Natalie reached up to kiss his lips softly. “See you around Kirkpatrick.”

“See ya.” he whispered before climbing the steps onto the bus.

Natalie waved as she watched the bus roll off into the night, feeling better than she had in a long time. She knew they would be together some day, and she was willing to wait as long as she had to till she was in his arms again.

Where are you now,
What have you found
Where is your heart,
When I'm not around
Where are you now,
You gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go

I should let it out,
It's time to let you go
Oh baby, I just want to know

What have you found
Where is your heart,
When I'm not around
Where are you now,
You gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go

 

The End

 

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