You Make Me Feel
By:  Jaimie

I've been trying to reach you
Cause I got something to say
But you're talking about just nothing at all
And you're slipping away
We were crying together it was a long time a go
Before you walk out the door and leave me this way
Just hear what I say

Alyson stared out the window of the bus as they made their way to yet another city somewhere in the US. She had lost track of where she was a long time ago. She didn’t know where she was, where she was going, or who she really was anymore. For the last year and a half she had been Chris Kirkpatrick’s girlfriend, and that’s all she really knew how to be anymore. ‘Chris.‘ she said to herself. Through everything they had been through together, she knew she still loved him. Alyson smiled softly to herself as she remembered how she felt the very first time she laid eyes on him.

~*~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*~

“Chris, this is the fifth record store today. Do we have to go into another one? Didn’t you get enough from the last store we went in?” Lance whined.

Chris looked over at Lance an expression of pure annoyance etched in his features, “Why don’t you take your girlfriend over to that café and get something to drink. From the sound of your whining you could use some caffeine to get your energy back up.”

“Lay off Chris.” Jaimie said before Lance could comment. She knew her boyfriend was already fed up with Chris, so she didn’t want anything else said that he would regret later. “Come on baby. Let’s go get some cappuccino.” She smiled sweetly up into Lance’s green eyes. He couldn’t help the smile that replaced the scowl that was once on his face.

“Alright, let’s go.” he softly kissed her as he took her hand to lead her across the street to the café. “We’ll be over here waiting for you Christopher. Please don’t take forever. We have to get back to the hotel before the show remember that.”

“Yeah yeah whatever.” Chris mumbled under his breath as he made his way into the old record store. He stepped inside and took a deep breath. The old store smelled old and musty, but Chris absolutely loved that smell. Records were his passion for as long as he could remember. Any free time he got, he wanted to check out the tiny little no name record stores in hopes of finding a treasure. As he browsed through the stacks of records, his eyes caught a glimpse of a girl at the other end of the aisle. Her black hair hung down around her shoulders, covering her face like a mask as she looked through the records in front of her. Chris couldn’t help but be a little intrigued by this raven haired girl, who seemed so mysterious to him. He slowly made his way over to where she was, pretending to look through the records as she was doing. He saw her reach for one of the records at the same time he reached for the exact same one. He happened to grab it first, and looked over at her and smiled, “I’m sorry. Did you want this album?”

For the first time he was able to look into her eyes. His breath caught in his throat as she returned his smiled, her big blue eyes sparkling, “No that’s okay. I was just going to look at it.” She began to turn her attention to the records, but Chris was persistent and wouldn’t give up easily.

“Do you come here often?” he asked, immediately regretting the words coming out of his mouth. They had to have been one of the worst lines ever said, and he had just said it. He cursed to himself, but he continued to smile at her. The girl looked over at him, eyeing him strangely for a moment trying to decide if she wanted to continue a conversation with him or not. He was definitely cute, his short black hair sticking up in short spikes at the top, his dark brown eyes pleading without words for her to talk to him. Of course her heart melted at that exact moment. She laughed softly to herself, “You know that has to be one of the worst lines ever used.”

Chris blushed slightly, but laughed with her “Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve tried to use a line. I should have tried a better one. I just knew I wanted to keep up a conversation with you and that was the first one that popped into my head.”

“That’s okay. I’m Alyson by the way.” she smiled at him, extending her hand to him.

Chris immediately took her tiny hand in his, feeling something stir inside him that had been dormant for so long. He wasn’t quite sure what to think of it. “I’m Chris.”

“I know.” she continued to smile at him.

~*~*~*~End Flashback~*~*~*~

You make me feel
You make me real
For the rest of my days
In so many ways
You make me feel

Alyson was brought from her thoughts when she heard a commotion coming from the back of the bus. She sighed heavily and went to investigate. When she got to the entertainment room, she had to laugh at the sight in front of her. Chris was lying on top of Justin as he continued to frantically play the video basketball game they were playing. Justin couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get Chris off of him. Finally Chris stood up triumphantly holding his hands up in the air with a huge grin on his handsome face.

“YES! I am the champion.”

Justin slowly wiped the tears from his eyes, from laughing so hard, “You so cheated Chris. It’s not fair.”

“I wasn’t cheating that was just….defense tactics.” he continued to grin over at him.

“Liar.” JC grinned up at him from his spot on the couch where he was cuddling with his girlfriend Anna.

“Hey baby,” Chris smiled softly and kissed Alyson so sweetly she thought she could feel her knees turn to jello. “Tell these people I played fair and square.”

“Well I most certainly would if it were true which it isn’t so I won’t.” Alyson laughed at the expression on his face.

“Jeez, even my own girlfriend is against me.” he sighed as he sat down on the couch beside Jaimie and Lance.

“Awe, but you know we love you anyway Chris.” Jaimie gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Well, who couldn’t love me? Right Alyson?” he looked up at her with a smile. He didn’t miss the strange expression that crosses her features before she smiled down at him.

“That’s right.” she agreed weakly. She knew by the look on Chris’ face that they would be having a talk later. Chris knew her all too well, and he knew something was going on in her mind. He was right about that, but she honestly wasn’t sure what her problem was.

I've been trying to leave you
Why should we go on like this?
But my heart can't breathe
When I hear you say
It's better this way

Later that night, Alyson sat quietly at the front of the bus, just waiting for Chris to make his way to her. She was dreading this conversation. Breaking the heart of a man like Chris was never easy, but it was something she had to do. Sure enough, Chris found her and took a seat across from the table from her.

“Okay, tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. What’s wrong?” Chris asked softly taking her hands in his. When she slowly pulled them away from him, he looked hurt for a moment, “Alyson….”

“Chris, please let me say what I need to say. I don’t know how long I will have the courage to do this.” Alyson, refused to meet his gaze. “Chris, I…I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

Chris looked as if someone had just punched him in the stomach, “Wh….what? Why? What did I do Alyson? Just tell me so I can make it right. You don’t have to leave me.”

The tears were streaming down her cheeks by now, blurring her vision, “Stop please Chris. It’s not you. It’s me. These last few months I’ve begun to feel like I’m not me anymore. The person I was before I met you no longer exists. All I’ve ever knew how to be was me, and I don’t know who that is anymore. You’ve got to understand that this is taking all the courage I have to say good-bye to you. I do care about you so much Chris.”

“Courage? You call this courage? I call it being a coward. If you truly cared about me, about us and what we have you would want to stay and fight for what we have. You say you can’t remember who you are anymore. I’ve always known. You are the woman I fell in love with. When two people love each other, they become parts of the other person. You are a part of me Alyson and I don’t know how to be without you anymore. I don’t want to know. Can you honestly tell me you don’t love me?” Chris’ voice cracked as he tried to control the emotions coursing through him. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore and I will let you go. But if you love me, you have to be strong and stay and fight for what we have. Just because we are together it doesn’t mean you can’t be your own person. When you love each other you become a better person because part of the person you love becomes a part of you making you even more special. Maybe that’s why you’re really scared. You’re scared of what we have become, not of what you aren’t anymore.”

Alyson sat there staring at her hands, tears continuing to fall down her cheeks. ‘Was he right?’ she began to talk to herself. ‘Am I really just scared of the person I’ve become? I know I didn’t recognize who I was anymore, but Chris was right. I just didn’t know who I was anymore because I wasn’t just me anymore. I was part of an US.’ Alyson finally looked up and met Chris’ gaze. She saw so much pain in his eyes. Pain she knew she had caused him. Would he ever forgive her? “Oh Chris. I…I’m so sorry. You’re right. I was just scared, and it was easier for me to run away than to admit that I wasn’t who I was before I met you. I’ve grown into a totally different person and it’s all because of you. Will you please forgive me and help me learn how to be me again? The me that makes up half of US?”

Chris smiled softly through his tears, “Of course I forgive you Alyson. I know it’s easy to give into your fear. I’m so proud of you for having the strength to face it instead of running away. I love you baby.”

Alyson quickly moved across the table to sit beside him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him tightly, “I love you too Chris. I love you so much. Please don’t ever let me go.”

“Never.” he whispered, as he closed his eyes, holding her to him.

You make me feel
You make me real
For the rest of my days
In so many ways
You make me feel

Ten thousand light years away from you
Keep thinking maybe its time to let go
But by the end of the day
I still want to say "do you"

You make me feel
You make me real
For the rest of my days
In so many ways
You make me feel

 

The End

 

Tell Jaimie what you thought of this story!