Operative IV:  Speak Now
By:  Julie

“Fuck,” I heard Wade whisper, along with a sharp pop of wiring, I smelled smoke.

The mission wasn’t turning out the way it should have been. The only reason Wade was working on the computer was hoping that it might slow down the security once they got out. I could hear gunshots not so far away, and a sharp cry of pain.

Footsteps came toward us at a run. Jacob appeared first, carrying a blonde girl in his arms, her hair across her face so that I couldn’t tell what she looked like.

Behind Jacob, came Heath, who was practically carrying Ashley.

“We’ve got to get out of here,” Jacob said. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t even move.

It didn’t look like Ashley was even hurt. Granted, his face was pale, his lips pulled into a tight line, but I couldn’t see blood, so I wondered…

No, he was standing, leaning half onto Heath, his free arm—the one that wasn’t clinging to Heath—wrapped around him, pressed against his side. When I actually looked and thought about it, I could see where the fabric of both Heath’s and Ashley’s shirts were darker. Ashley’s fingers were red, and so were Heath’s.

“Dan,” Wade said, grabbing my arm and hauling on it. “We know he’s hurt, but you can’t stare. We have to GO.”

I managed to follow them out of the mansion and off of the grounds to the trucks. No fast cars this time. I wasn’t all too sure Ashley would really be up to that, at any rate.

I was sitting across from them in the back of the truck. Heath was holding on to Ashley and Wade was leaning over him. I was afraid to see what Wade was actually doing to Ashley. From the way Ashley was swearing, whatever Wade was doing to him hurt.

“Oh, Ashley, you’re breaking my hand,” Heath said. I’d seen Ashley take hold of his hand before Wade had started poking around in Ashley’s side.

“Well excuse me,” Ashley said, his teeth clenched. I was glad that I wasn’t he one lying there having a guy dig around inside my skin. I was also glad that I wasn’t Ashley’s boyfriend. I didn’t want him crushing my hand. I liked my bones in the single pieces they were, thank you.

3 XxXx

“Mmm,” I said. “Pizza.”

“Enjoy that, boys, it’s not exactly good for us to go into the city and get it,” Richardson said. Everyone reached out their hands and started grabbing pieces.

Everyone piled up plates and headed away, mostly back to dorms, or to the common room to watch movies. I was one of the last to get to the tables, and when I was leaving, Heath came in.

It was a little strange for me to see Heath alone. Every time I’d ever seen him, he had been with Ashley. When I thought about it, I hadn’t seen either of them since we’d gotten off the plane at the compound. I’d gone to the building they’d been in before, and Wade had been in there, but Heath and Ashley had not. I was worried, although I was ashamed to admit it. But it had been two weeks, what if Ashley wasn’t okay?

I watched him pick up the food and head back out of the room. I was afraid to just go up to him and ask, and anyway, I wanted to see Ashley for myself. So I followed him.

I’d never been to the part of the compound I followed Heath to. He slid the doors to a building open and went inside. I went to the window. I was sneaking already, so why bother revealing that I was there?

I could see Ashley stretched out on the bed on his side, his back to the window. I saw Heath come in and put the plate down, then move over to the bed to sit next to Ashley. The younger man didn’t move, didn’t look at Heath, and my breath caught.

I watched Heath reach out and put his hand on Ashley’s shoulder. Ashley reached up and batted his hand away. Heath stood up and walked across the room, frowning and looking utterly frustrated. Ashley sat up, the blankets tangled around his hips.

I could hear what they were saying clearly through the walls.

“I’m scared, okay?” Ashley said. “I’ve tried and tried to make you understand that, but you won’t leave it alone.”

“Ashley… I do understand,” Heath said.

“No,” Ashley said, his voice rising. “You don’t understand. I could have DIED, Heath. I could have died.”

“You’re not talking to me because you could have died?” Heath asked. I could hear the confusion in his voice. He didn’t have a clue what Ashley was going on about. But I did know. I wanted to run in and spill everything out, tell him why Ashley was acting like that. But I couldn’t.

“Yes!” Ashley shouted, standing up. My eyebrows went up. Both times I’d been with him, it hadn’t exactly been light. He looked good. Better than good. I wanted him. “How would you have felt if I had died that night?” Ashley asked Heath, his voice quieter now.

“Ashley…” Heath said. Ashley shook his head and started pulling on clothes. “I’d have been… well… I’d have been devastated. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No,” Ashley said, picking up his jacket and pulling it on. “That’s what I was afraid that you would say.”

“Ash,” Heath began. Ashley just shook his head and left the room, left the building.

Ashley jogged past me, and I took off running after him.

“You where listening,” he said, when I fell into step beside him.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“So you know,” Ashley said. He kept running, didn’t even slow down.

“Ashley, stop, please. Talk to me,” I cried. Ashley slowed to a stop and turned around, looking back at me. I felt like I was going to die. I hated running. I was a little out of breath. Ashley’s breathing wasn’t even accelerated, and that only reinforced the fact that Ashley had been doing this for so long that hardly anything fazed him.

But then, why was he so afraid to love someone?

“What do you want me to say Dan?” Ashley shouted. “You heard everything! You know what’s going on!”

“Why are you scared?” I asked him. “Why can’t you love him? Why are you afraid to have him love you back?”

“You really want to know?” Ashley asked.

“Yes!” I cried.

“You know that I’ve been here for a really long time, right? Well, when I was sixteen, I was a part of this mission,” Ashley said. “And there was this guy, on my team.” Ashley paused and looked at the ground.

“And?” I said.

“Shut up,” Ashley snapped at me. “Well, he was my. Well. And anyway, we were on this mission. And… And he. Got hit. They got him, they killed him.” Ashley paused and I felt almost sick. “And I… I’ve always been afraid that would happen again. I didn’t want to feel that again, and I didn’t want anyone to have to feel the way that I did. That’s why I’ve always…”

“Ashley,” I tried again. “You don’t have to—“

“I’ve always treated Heath pretty horrible,” Ashley said. “I’ve always cheated on him. I guess that I thought maybe it would keep him from loving me. Thought maybe it would keep me from it. But it didn’t. And before the mission, we were on the plane, and Heath…” Ashley shook his head. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t deal with that. So I came to you, and I. I felt guilty. I hadn’t ever felt guilty before. And I was so scared, because I knew what that meant. Then during the mission… I thought I was going to die, Dan. And Heath was going to have to go through what I had to go through.”

“You love him, don’t you.” I asked him. Ashley nodded, unable to look at me. “Ashley, you need to tell him this. He doesn’t understand why you’re doing this to him.”

“I know,” Ashley said.

“Go back,” I told him.

“But… why are YOU saying that? Wouldn’t you usually be saying hey, be with me or something?” Ashley asked.

“Ashley, I know that I was used. And I can see that this is tearing two people apart,” I said.

“Thank you,” Ashley said.

“No problem,” I said. Ashley reached out and hugged me tightly. He was almost like a kid then.

I wanted to know what happened with them, when Ashley took off at a slow jog back to the building that he’d come from. But I didn’t follow him.

I owed him at least that. I’d stuck my nose where it didn’t belong a lot of times lately.

I’d at least give them this. I’d told Ashley to go back to Heath and tell him what was going on, and I had to let him do it.

Read Operative V