Twenty
“What do you mean, he just passed out?” JC yelled into his cellphone.
He angrily swerved his car around a slow driver. “Joey…”
“Calm down, C. I know you’re upset. We all are. He passed out on the track, and another
runner found Johnny’s card in his wallet.
Johnny called me, and now I’m calling everyone else. Justin and Chris are already on their way.”
“Fuck.” JC hung up and
quickly cut across three lanes of traffic to the exit for the hospital.
“You guys,” Lance said weakly, smiling at them. They didn’t smile
back. Four very stern faces looked down at him over crossed arms. “You didn’t have to hurry over here. I’m
fine.”
“Obviously you’re NOT,” Justin snapped. “Obviously you shouldn’t have run like that. Obviously you lied
about your heart.”
“I didn’t!” Lance
protested. “I thought it was fine!” His
eyes moved to JC, and JC read the double meaning in them.
“Well, you thought wrong.”
Justin whirled on one foot and stomped out of the room.
“He’s worried,” Joey said gently.
“You know how he gets.”
“Yeah,” Lance whispered.
“We’re all worried, Bass. We can’t lose you,” Chris said in a
quiet voice that was very unlike him.
“We need you.”
“Nice to be needed,” Lance said in a sleepy tone.
“Well, the doctor says you’ll be outta here tomorrow, so we’ll
leave,” Joey said. “You need rest.”
“I’m sorry,” Lance said. “I didn’t think this would happen. I’m
sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, dude,” Chris told him. He and Joey leaned down to hug Lance, then left Lance alone with
JC.
“Don’t freaking DO that!” JC almost yelled. “You really scared us, Lance. We love you, and if something…”
“Nothing happened,” Lance interrupted. He brought JC’s hand up and
kissed the fingers. “I’m fine.”
“Did you notice how worried Justin was?” JC said in an offhand
tone. He slowly withdrew his fingers
from Lance’s hand. “We can’t keep pretending about our relationship,
Lance. It’s a lie.”
“No one cares, Jayce.”
Lance turned his face away. JC
turned it back.
“Yes, someone does. Justin does.
You should have heard him in the lobby, Lance. He was frantic.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” Lance said softly.
“Hell, Lance, of all people, I am NOT the one to give you false
hopes. I just…he was really freaking out.
Maybe underneath it all, he’s just scared. You know how it is, knowing you’re
not like “all the other boys” and trying to deal with it. It’s harder for him.
He has to keep up an image.”
“He’s NOT gay, JC.
Just…drop it, okay?” Lance asked sadly. He couldn’t bear to even think
about it.
“Okay.” JC leaned forward and kissed Lance’s forehead. “I meant it, you know. We need to cut this
charade once and for all.”
Lance simply nodded. JC
kissed his forehead again and left the hospital room. Lance shifted and tried to get comfortable under the covers. The wires and machines made things
difficult, though after his first trip to the hospital because of his heart, he
should have been used to it. He closed
his eyes and tried to relax. He thought
of comforting things, like JC’s embrace or his mother’s kitchen. He tried NOT
to think about Justin.
Lance heard the door to his room open, but
he kept his eyes closed. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone. “Hey, Lance,” he heard Justin whisper. He heard Justin sit by the bed, and felt
Justin pick up his hand. “Sorry that I
missed you…that you’re sleeping now. I’m sorry I ran out. I just…I was
scared.” Lance could almost see Justin
running his hand through his hair. “I
was so mad at you. You stood right there in your house and told me your heart
was fine, then I get a call from Joey that you overdid it on the track. At
first, all I could think was, “you dumb fuck, Lance,” and then I freaked.” Justin’s finger traced a little path up and
down Lance’s knuckles. “But you’re
okay, thank God.” Lance willed himself
to remain still, though his heart was beating a mile a minute. “I just…I’m scared, Lance. This whole thing with you…it’s scaring me
because I don’t know what I’m feeling or doing or what I want…I’m not gay,
right?” Justin gave a half laugh.
“Thank God you’re sleeping. I could never say any of this to your
face. Hell, I can’t hardly believe I’m
saying it out loud.” Lance felt the
mattress flex under Justin’s hand as he leaned forward. “I miss being with you.
I miss just hanging with you. Brit’s
not you, Lance.” He felt Justin’s kiss
on his lips, and then he heard Justin leave the room.
