Nine

 

 

Remember when we never needed each other...the best of friends, like sister and brother...we understood we'd never be alone...those days are gone, and I want you so much...the night is long, and I need your touch...don't know what to say, I never meant to feel this way...don't want to be alone tonight...

 

 

"This is just so wrong," JC said, running shaking hands through his hair as they left the theater.

"JC, put your hat on!" Justin snapped.  JC slapped the brown fisherman's style hat onto his hat.

"There."  JC stared at his feet as they walked back to the hotel.  "Happy?"

"Not when you're so miserable.  He'll be fine, JC.  He'll be fine, and he'll break all kinds of records, and he'll be so thrilled he won't be able to stand it!"  Justin promised.

"Did you see that damned space station? It was practically held together with Super Glue and duct tape," JC protested.  "My...my baby can't go up to that!"

"He can and he will, Jayce. I know you're worried, but Lance is smart. If there were THAT many chances of him getting hurt, he'd stay home," Justin insisted.  He regretted ever agreeing to go to the IMAX show with JC.  "Come up for a while? I don't have to be at rehearsal for a bit, and I need to talk to you."

"Sure." JC followed Justin into the elevator.  "What's going on?"

Justin waited until they were safe inside his hotel suite.  "I broke up with Britney."

"Duh, J, I knew that," JC said.  "No sweat.  You give it some time, and..."

"We won't be getting back together," Justin interrupted.  "I'm in love with someone else."

JC sat down hard. "Really?"

"Yes.  I've been in love with them for years...and I just kinda figured it out.  And I didn't want to be alone today...if I'm alone, I think, and I worry, and I get depressed." Justin sat down next to JC.

"Well...go on."

"I'm friends with Nick Carter. I have been for years now," Justin began.

"What does that have to do with you being in love?" JC asked.  "Oh. OH."  JC stared at him. "You're in love with Nick Carter?"  Justin nodded. "Well, hell...when did you decide you were gay?"

"I don't think I'm gay...bi, maybe.  I mean, girls are hot and all, but Nick...he's just been there for me all these years...and now...I love him."  Justin looked at JC. "I don't know if you knew this, but me and Lance, we used to, uh..."

"He told me at the beginning," JC said gently.  "And if I didn't believe him then, I did when we told you about us. You were jealous for weeks."

"Was not," Justin muttered, and JC grinned.  "I just...I want what you and Lance have."

"How does Nick feel?"

"I don't know," Justin said. "I know he's had a few bi-sexual encounters...but I don't know that he feels that way about me."

 

What can I do to make it right? Falling so hard, so fast this time...What did I say? What did you do? How did I fall in love with you?

 

 

"I appreciate the offer, man, but I'm going up to New York to the MTV thing," Nick said into the phone. "Yeah, I know, Bri...but sorry. I have to be there.  Yeah, okay, bye."  Nick hung up and finished packing.

He sat on the bed by his suitcase, trying to control the thoughts that were swirling around in his brain.  After an ill-fated attempt to bring a groupie back to a hotel room, he realized that casual sex was no longer what he wanted.  Groupies were no longer what he wanted.  There was one person he wanted, and it was the person he would probably never be able to get.

 

"Hello?" Nick said, grabbing for his cellphone as he dropped his suitcase onto the bed.  He was finally in New York, after a hellish flight that had him clutching the armrests.  What a way to start this trip.

"Nick? Are you here yet?"

"Hi, Justin."  Nick closed his eyes, imagining the now red curls and beautiful blue eyes.  "Yeah, just got in."

"Dude, I am so nervous.  This thing is huge," Justin said, and Nick could see him pacing.

"You'll be great, man. I know it."

"I'm gonna blow off the parties after...wanna get together?"

"Yeah...that'd be great."

"Good. I...I need to tell you something."

They chatted for a few moments longer before hanging up.

 

I hear your voice and I start to tremble...brings back the child that I resemble...I cannot pretend that we can still be friends...don't wanna be alone tonight...

 

 

Justin bit at his fingernails as he waited backstage.  He had already been nervous, but after the conversation with Nick, he had turned into a wreck.  He just wanted to curl up into a little ball and hide.  He wasn't good enough to do this alone, and he sure as hell wasn't good enough for Nick to want him.

"Stop it," JC snapped, grabbing Justin's hands.  "You'll be fine."

"Will I?"

"Yes.  You've got it all, J.  Or at least you will after tonight."  JC gave him a hug.

 

"Hey."  Justin smiled nervously when Nick opened the door to his room.

"Man, you were amazing!" Nick gave Justin a huge hug, dragging him into the hotel room.  "I was so proud!  I know I'll never get that good."

"Stop it," Justin said, blushing.  "It wasn't all that."

"The hell it wasn't," Nick said. "Ya wanna order room service?"

"No, I, uh, need to talk to you."  Justin sat down, then stood.  "I...we...I can't be friends with you anymore, Nick."

Nick stared, sitting down hard. When Justin had said he had to talk to Nick, Nick had thought of a hundred reasons why. This was not on the list.  "What? Why?"

Justin started to speak, then stopped.  He tried again. "It's just...I can't do this anymore. I can't...I can't be friends."

"Justin, you can't just throw this at me.  Tell me why!"  Nick's voice rose in a panicked yell. "We've been friends for years!"

"I...I can't do this." Nick was shocked to see Justin fighting tears. "I'm miserable and..."

"I make you miserable?"

"No!  I...oh, fuck it."  Justin stopped pacing.  "I love you. I'm IN love with you. I'm bisexual, and I love you.  And I can't just be your friend before, because, well, I can't. It hurts.  And I needed to say it now...it didn't come out right, but, well, there you go."

"Really?"  Nick's heart hammered in his chest.

"Really," Justin said. "And now, you know, I am just gonna leave."

"No!"  Nick yelled.  "You can't leave! Not now!  Not...now..." Nick could hardly keep the smile from his face.  "I love you, too."

"Not that way, Nick.  You..."

"Yes, that way," Nick said, walking over to stand in front of him. "I've been fighting it for years now, but I finally realized it.  I love you.  I want...I want us to be, well, an us.  Forever...or at least as long as we can stand each other."

"You're not serious," Justin whispered.

"Dead serious," Nick said.

Their lips met clumsily, neither knowing exactly what to do, but knowing what they wanted to happen.  Nick's arms went around Justin's waist as he pulled him close, and Justin's hands went up into Nick's soft hair.

"Wow," Justin said finally, leaning his forehead against Nick's.

"Wow," Nick repeated.  He smiled at Justin and kissed him again.  Justin's stomach growled, making them jump.  Justin giggled bashfully, burying his head in Nick's shoulder.  "You want dinner?"

"Yeah," Justin said softly. 

"Whatever my boy wants," Nick said, and Justin's heart leapt at the words.  "And then I can kick your ass at Playstation."

"Hardly," Justin said, pulling Nick in for another kiss.

 

Oh, I want to say this right, and it has to be tonight, just need you to know...I don't want to live this life, I don't want to say goodbye, with you I wanna spend the rest of my life...

 

The End

 

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