I Don’t Have To Wonder
By: Lara
“Aren't you…”
“No,” Justin snapped. “I'm not.”
“God, sorry,” the young woman said,
annoyed. She made a big point of crossing the street, getting as far away from
him as she could.
Of course that's who he was. Like
it was even debatable. He was Justin Timberlake. He had sold millions of
records, both with NSYNC and solo. And he was now leaning against a beat up old
red pickup truck, trying not to watch the activity across the street. Not that
he could help it. A white stretch limousine took up most of the curb in front
of the tiny church, and a chauffeur lounged arrogantly against the driver's
door, smoking a cigarette and trying to make rings as he exhaled. Rings. Justin
had to snort. That damn ring kept appearing, no matter where he went.
“Maybe we'll see them!” A girl said
excitedly as three girls hurried past Justin. They didn't give him a second
look. “Maybe we can get an autograph!”
“You're such an idiot!” Another
girl slapped the first girl. “It's their wedding day! Hello…why the hell would
they give autographs?”
“You from a paper?” A male voice
said to Justin. He turned around.
“No.”
“You from a TV station?”
“No.”
“You from a magazine? One of them
tabloids?”
“No,” Justin said, quickly losing
patience. “Can't I just stand here like everyone else?”
“You don't look like everyone
else,” the man observed, taking in every inch of Justin's Armani suit. “You
look different.”
“I was invited, actually,” Justin
said.
“Ya missed it, then.”
“I sure did,” Justin said. The man
wandered away, and Justin kept his eyes on the stained glass windows of the
church. Various saints and religious figures adorned the large pieces of glass,
and Justin could just imagine how it looked inside. The sun would hit the
windows just right, and the colors would filter through, dancing across the
altar down to the bride. The colors would daintily reflect off of the tiny
pearls of her gown, and as the veil was lifted from her face, the blue of her
eyes would match the blue of the stained glass. And then she would smile, and
cry (of course, she always cried when she was happy), and she would look up
into the eyes of her husband as she kissed him for the first time as man and
wife.
“Here they come!” A voice screamed
as the doors opened and the church bells began to chime merrily.
“Fuck.”
Justin climbed back into his old truck and putted away before he caught sight
of them. He didn't want to see the happiness on their faces, didn't want to
hear her happy laughter as she tossed the bouquet, barely able to aim through
her happy tears.
The scenery was peaceful, but
Justin didn't see it. He only saw everything falling apart. He leaned on the
railing of the bridge and dug into his jacket pocket, pulling out the thing
that had burned a hole in his heart. He held the ring up to the sky, letting
the sunlight make rainbow fire of its sparkles. He had offered that ring not
one year before, and she had smiled and sadly shaken her head.
“Oh, Justin, we could never work.
We love each other, but…”
“But you love him more?” Justin
couldn't help but snap. “He's nothing. How the FUCK could you do this to me?”
“Nick's not nothing, Justin,” she
said, trying to smile. “I love him. You and I…we're too different. What we had
was friendship. You're too…”
“Too young. Too famous. Too whatever.
I've heard it all before and I don't want to hear it again! Give me a chance.”
“I can't, Justin.” The smile was
gone, and her hand shook as she pushed the dark hair back from her face. “I
love you, as a brother, but I can't marry you. I'm marrying Nick.”
“Fuck him…and fuck YOU!” Justin had
yelled.
He had still received an invitation
to the wedding. He had actually considered going…had considered sitting in the
pews. He would play the good friend, and show her what she had missed. But in
the end, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't sit there and pretend to be happy
when all he felt was misery.
Justin pulled back with all his
might, letting the piece of gold and diamond fly from his fingers. It whipped
through the air, catching every drop of sunlight, then fell into the river with
an almost soundless plop. Justin watched it disappear, wondering if it was just
that easy. Could he disappear, too? Could he let the river swallow him, let him
turn the sparkle of his life into just another part of the current? There was
only one way to find out.
Justin went back to the truck and
carefully folded his suit jacket, placing it on the passenger seat. He made
sure his wallet was on top, so they would know that nothing had happened to him
at the hands of someone else. He then went to the railing and stood on it. He
balanced briefly, then let go, imagining the sunlight beaming against dark
brown hair as he hit the water.
THE
END
Drove
to the church in my suit and tie/But I just couldn't bring myself to go
inside/So I sat alone in my truck across the street/Watched that chauffeur
smokin' cigarettes by that long white limousine/I could just imagine what was
goin' on in there/Sunlight streamin' through the stained glass, and those
flowers in her hair/And in less time than it takes a tear to fall/Those bells
rang loud as thunder as they opened up the doors/Now I don't have to wonder
anymore…
Laughin'
and a cryin', tossin' that bouquet/And when you got in that limo, I drove off
the other way/And I still don't know why things happened like they did/But I
parked that old pickup on that lonesome river bridge/I took your ring from my
pocket and held it one last time/Watched that diamond sparkle/I drew back and
let her fly/And in less time than it takes a tear to fall/Oh, that old ring
went under, and now it's gone for sure/And I don't have to wonder anymore/Well,
the angels sang like thunder as I felt myself go under/Now I don't have to
wonder anymore…
“I Don't Have to Wonder” by Garth
Brooks
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