It’s Not The Girls

By:  Lara

 

Author’s Note:  This isn’t a happy story.  Not a happy ending.  Kinda angsty Bassez here.  Dedicated to the girl in the know who gives me these little bunnies of inspiration.  You know who you are.

 

“It’s not the girls,” Lance protested the next morning.  JC pushed his sunglasses up and said nothing, taking a sudden interest in a line of taxis that passed by the van window.  “Josh…it’s not them. They’re not what I want.”

“Okay.”  JC picked at a scratch in the window. “If this is scratched, I’m thinking it’s not safe.  Don’t you think so?”

“Josh, don’t change the subject,” Lance begged. “We only have a few seconds until the others come down.”

“Not if Joey starts signing autographs,” JC said, rolling his eyes. “They usually have to DRAG his ass away.”

“Well, you should pay more attention to the fans,” Lance pointed out. “What got us here if not them?”

“Yeah, I know all about how you have a special place in your heart for fans,” JC snapped, turning back to his window.

“Josh…they’re just fans.  It’s not the girls I want,” Lance repeated yet again.

“I heard you the first three hundred times you said that,” JC said as Chris approached the van.

“Good morning, Gentlemen,” he said cheerfully as he climbed in. He looked at Lance.  “Dude, I’m surprised you can walk this morning. Did I see you take TWO girls back to your room?”

“Shut up, Chris,” Lance growled, studying his fingernails.

“Two?” JC said.  His blue eyes glittered.  “Two,” he repeated.

“Our little country boy is trying to catch up with Joey, I’m thinking,” Chris said, putting his arm around Lance’s shoulder.

“Chris, knock it off!”  Lance said angrily.

“God, sorry,” Chris said as a cheer went up from the crowd.  “Oh, guess Justin’s coming.”

The bodyguards pulled Joey away from the fans and he climbed into the van.  “Hey,” he said. He did a double-take as he looked at Lance. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Lance said, angrily swiping at his eyes. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  Joey sat down next to JC.

“Jayce, sorry you couldn’t make it out with us last night.”

“Yeah, well, I was supposed to hook up with someone, but they dumped me for someone else,” JC said, his eyes burning into the back of Lance’s head.

“That sucks,” Joey said sympathetically.

Justin climbed into the van and they sped off for their destination.  Justin and Chris started a conversation while Joey nodded off.  JC continued to stare out the window.  Lance stared at JC.

 

They made their appearance and JC did his best to interact with the fans, but he was tired. He was tired from waiting up the night before.  Lance had said he’d just have “one drink,” but three in the morning came and went and Lance never came to JC’s room. JC had crawled into bed, but sleep would not come.

He was tired of the fans. Not that he didn’t appreciate them, but he still couldn’t see what the big deal was. He was just a man, doing something that hundreds of other people could easily do. He didn’t understand where the screaming and crying and yelling came from. 

And JC was tired of waiting for Lance to realize that he was not heterosexual.  Lance was all about JC while sober, but when he drank, it was the girls.  Always the girls. And JC was left hanging.

“JC, could we have dinner tonight?” Lance said, catching up to JC as they walked to their ride.

“I’m sorry, I have plans,” JC said, frantically looking over his shoulder.  Justin caught his eye and walked over.

“What’s up?”

“I was just telling Lance here that I can’t have dinner with him tonight because you and I have plans,” JC said quickly.  He thanked God that Justin was brighter than most people gave him credit for.

“That’s right.  Me and Jayce here are going on a date.”  JC winced at Justin’s choice of words, but he smiled at Lance.

“Sorry, Lance. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Lance said, frowning. He let Justin and JC walk ahead of him.

“Mind telling me what that was all about?” Justin said softly as they walked together.

“I needed an excuse not to be with him tonight,” JC murmured.

“Trouble in paradise?” Justin asked. JC stopped walking and looked at him. “Dude, we’re not BLIND.  You guys have been together for a while now.  Months, right?”

“Actually, divide that number by half,” JC replied.  “Lance is only with me when he’s sober.  If he’s drinking, his dick doesn’t like boys.”  JC climbed into the van and slammed the door behind him.

 

JC and Justin went for a late dinner, then went to a nearby jazz club. “Isn’t that amazing?”  JC closed his eyes, letting the melody of the piano flow over him.

“You should totally do something like this,” Justin observed, drinking the rest of his beer.  JC looked at him curiously. “You can play piano, you can sing.  You should go into one of those little clubs in Orlando while we’re on break.  Put on a hat or glasses or something, and just play.  Play for YOU.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything for me,” JC said wistfully.

“You love him, don’t you, JC?”  Justin asked gently.

“I know he’s bi. I know I’M bi.  But I don’t go fucking around behind his back.  I guess I shouldn’t even say that…he’s not doing it behind my back. He’s doing it right in front of me.”  JC finished his drink and waved his glass at the waitress.  “He needs to decide. Is he straight, or is he bi?  And then he needs to let me know if we’re together or we’re not.”

“Tell him all this,” Justin said.

“I have.  And he makes the promises, and I keep hanging onto them…until they crumble into ashes,” JC said bitterly.

 

JC yawned as he unlocked his door. It was after two, and he was exhausted.  But the time with Justin in the jazz club had been just what he needed. 

“Have a good time on your date?” A low voice said from the direction of the bedroom.  JC tripped over his own feet as he turned on a light.

“Jesus, Lance, you scared me!”

“Sorry.” Lance stood in the doorway of the bedroom. “Did you have a nice time?” He repeated.

“Lance, don’t.  I’m tired.”

“So am I. I thought you were just going to dinner.”

JC whirled around. “Since when do I have to answer to you, Lance?  It sucks, doesn’t it, having to wait around for someone?” JC asked.  Lance blushed slightly.  “But you knew where I was and what I was doing.  I wasn’t fooling around on you. I was out with a good friend.”

“JC, you know I care about you, right?” Lance whispered.

“Yes. But you care about your image more,” JC pointed out.

“The girls…”

“For fuck’s sake, Lance, it’s not the girls!  They’re just part of it. What it is is basically that you’re afraid to be honest to yourself.  You’re afraid to admit that the girls aren’t REALLY what you want.  In private, to me, you can say all kinds of things, but at the end of the day, what you say to yourself is that you’re straight more than anything else.”  JC swallowed hard. “And I can’t take that anymore.”

“I’ll change,” Lance said immediately. JC smiled sadly.

“I’ve heard that before, Lance, but I’ve never seen it. I’m sorry…I can’t do this anymore.”  JC looked at the door. “I think you should go.”

“Baby…” Lance took a step towards him.

“Please,” JC whispered.  “Please go.”

Lance hung his head and walked out of the suite.  JC closed the door behind him, leaning against it as the tears began to fall.

The End

Tell Lara what you thought of this story!