Fourteen 

 “So…what do you want to do for Thanksgiving?” Justin asked Chris quietly. He was stretched out on Chris' sofa, with Melody sleeping on his stomach.

“I don't know…I know I'm not going home this year. If I showed up with Melody, my mother would never let her go.”

Justin smiled. “I don't feel like going home either. I want to be with you.”

“Really?” Chris asked, surprised.

“In case I haven't proven it lately with all my groveling, I'm in love with you,” Justin said, a pang of sadness darting through his stomach.

“I know that. It's just…I know your family means a lot to you, and I…I'm surprised. And touched,” Chris said, smiling at him. Justin tried not to sigh with relief.

“Is Joey going back to New York?”

“Nah. His sister had another baby, and he said he just can't stand the noise this year.” Chris got up and poured himself a glass of water.

“We could have him over…and Josh and Lance,” Justin said carefully. Chris set the pitcher of water down with a thump.

“I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Chris…” Justin said in exasperation. He carefully slid out from under Melody and covered her with a blanket. “Christopher…you said you forgave me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then why can't you forgive Lance?”

“Because he's always wanted you and he needs to learn he can't have you. He's older than you…he should have known better.”

Justin laughed out loud. “Chris, that is the most insane logic I have ever heard. First of all, as I've explained countless times, there were two of us there. He sure as hell didn't force me into anything, because I totally could have kicked his ass if I'd have wanted to. Secondly, Lance is only two years older than me, and that's just age. In experience, I am MUCH older than him.”

“Don't remind me,” Chris muttered.

“Chris…” Justin leaned his forehead against Chris'. “I love you, and Lance loves Josh. God, he's going through enough getting the cold shoulder from Josh…can't you try and forgive him?”

“It's still that bad?” Chris asked. He hadn't spoken to Lance since Halloween, and he felt uncomfortable around Josh.

“You don't know.” Justin sighed and frowned. “Lance is miserable. He's not eating, and either is Josh…like Josh has room to waste away. Josh won't forgive him…Lance is considering moving back home.”

“Back HOME?” Chris almost yelled, then remembered the sleeping child on the sofa. “To Mississippi? He hates it there.”

“His sister is all he has…and he says he can't stay here if he and Josh break up. Too many memories.” Justin looked Chris in the eye. “If you didn't forgive me, I'd move home, too.”

“Oh, Justin.” Chris pulled him into a hug, his hands fisting in Justin's tight tshirt. “Okay. Why don't you ask Lance to come over and hang tonight…I'll talk to him then.”

“I SO love you!” Justin squealed, clapping his hands and kissing Chris. 

Lance took a deep breath as he knocked on Chris' door. He was skipping a meeting of his group that night, but he figured it was worth a truce with Chris. The door opened but he saw no one, then he looked down.

“Uncle Lance!” Melody said, holding up her arms. Lance picked her up.

“How are you, pretty girl? I've missed you!”

“I have a boo-boo.” Melody produced a small scrape on her elbow. “Daddy Jussin made me fall.”

“I did not!” Justin called from the sofa. “We were playing and she fell.”

“Daddy Jussin made me fall,” Melody repeated, and Lance chuckled.

“Daddy Jussin is stupid that way, sometimes,” Lance said, and she nodded. He looked at Chris, who was sitting at the small kitchen counter. “Hi, Chris.”

“Hi,” Chris said, giving a small wave.

“Babygirl, why don't we walk down to the store and get some ice cream for everyone?” Justin suggested, standing up and slipping his sneakers on.

“Ice cream! Yay! I get chocolate!” Melody said. She looked at Lance. “And Uncle Lance gets chocolate, too.”

“I guess Uncle Lance doesn't have a choice,” Lance said, smiling. He tossed Justin his wallet. “It's on me.”

“We'll see you in a bit.” Justin and Melody each kissed Chris, then they kissed Lance, who rolled his eyes.

Lance sat down at the counter. “Um…thanks for inviting me over.”

“Sure.” Chris looked around the room and then finally looked at Lance. “I'm sorry I punched you.”

Lance shrugged. “I can totally understand. Already forgotten.”

“I guess one person hasn't forgotten so quickly?” Chris asked gently, and was shocked by the tears in Lance's eyes.

“Yes. We had a talk…I explained, and he said it was over and done, but in the last month, he hasn't said three words to me. Just worked even longer shifts, and it's almost like there's a physical wall in the middle of the bed. Josh refuses to touch me.”

“Remember Brian?” Chris asked. “Remember how he hurt him?”

“I know…and I promised never to do that.” Lance buried his head in his hands. “I don't know what to do, Chris.”

“Make him listen, Lance.” Chris' anger was long forgotten.  

Lance was sitting on their bed when Josh came in that night. Josh gasped, startled. “Lance, it's three in the morning.”

“I know.”

“Don't you have class at eight?”

Lance shrugged, though he was surprised that Josh remembered. “I needed to talk to you.”

“I need a shower,” Josh said, beginning to undress.

“I'll talk, you shower.” Lance followed Josh into the bathroom and sat on the commode as Josh stepped into the shower. “I just wanted you to know that I'm going home for Thanksgiving.”

“Okay,” Josh said, his voice slightly muffled by the running water.

Lance angrily wiped at some tears and stood up. He reached out and lightly touched the shower curtain. “I'm going home, and I won't be back.” He turned and left the bathroom, scrubbing at the tears as they refused to stop falling.

“What?” The water stopped and Josh strode out of the bathroom, wrapping a towel around his waist.

“You're dripping,” Lance said. One of Josh's pet peeves was someone leaving the bathroom before they were dry.

“I don't give a fuck,” Josh said. “Did you say you're not coming back?”

“Yes.” Lance looked away so Josh wouldn't see his tears.

“But…but…what about school? And you hate it at home!”

“There are schools everywhere…and I'll move in with my sister. I'm braver now…I can handle it. And then you don't have to work so hard.”

“But…you're leaving?” Josh whispered.

Lance looked back at him, ignoring the tears. “I see that the first thing you say is what about school…you don't say shit about what about us. So I know now that leaving is the right thing.” Lance lay down and pulled up the covers. “I'm going to sleep. I have class at eight.”

Josh silently returned to the bathroom. He finished taking his shower and pulled on a pair of pajama pants after he dried off. He stood by the bed, and he could tell in the dim light from a streetlight outside that Lance wasn't sleeping. Josh sat down and put a hand on Lance's shoulder. He felt Lance stiffen, and he closed his eyes. He hadn't realized that he had pushed Lance this far away.

“Lance?” Josh said softly. “Don't…don't go home.”

“Why should I stay?” Lance asked in a voice that was almost a whisper.

“Because I love you. And I can't let you go home. I can't. I can't lose someone else. I…love you, and I'm sorry. And I forgive you for that night, though you weren't alone. And…I love you, Lance. Don't go home!”

Lance turned around and sat up, his hands reaching for Josh's face. “Baby, don't cry, okay? Don't cry.”

Josh threw his arms around Lance. “I was working for you. I wanted you to have it easy. Don't go, okay? I'll quit…we'll eat bread and water…”

“We don't need to eat bread and water,” Lance said, smiling through his own tears. “I know my workload now…I can get a part-time job over Christmas break and then work a few nights a week when the spring semester starts. Don't worry, okay?”

“I love you, Lance.” Josh's lips tenderly kissed Lance's cheek. “I've missed you. I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize, baby.” Lance lay down and pulled Josh with him. “Just love me.”

“Lance,” Josh whispered, sighing as Lance rolled to cover Josh's body with his own.

Fifteen