Eclipse

By: Louise

Leaning against the window, he put his hand on the cool glass and stared beyond it, trying to catch a glimpse of something in the dark. The steady drone of the engine was like a monotone lullaby, the rhythmical motions of the bus an invitation to sleep… but he was unaffected. He knew there was no chance he'd rest. Not with the nearly tangible tension flowing from one of the people he regarded as a brother. 

Yes, they were brothers… in every way but blood. And when one of them was angry, the other four couldn't help but feel the echoes. Right now, the focal point of hostility came from the middle of the bus, where the tiny kitchen could be found.  

The sound of a cabinet being slammed shut, again, made him frown. He pulled his long legs up on the couch and wrapped his arms around them, still staring into the window. For a moment he was dismayed to find he had no idea exactly where they were; after three months spent on the road, all the highways and cities and venues had begun to blur. The concerts were great, and the fans, spectacular… but the traveling was something akin to hell. It was way better than flying, in his opinion, but the bus had its share of drawbacks… one of the biggest being there was no real place to escape. He was in the farthest section at the very back of the tourbus, huddled on the couch where the group normally enjoyed playing video games or watching movies together. But this time, he was alone. Three of the five had taken refuge in their bunks, curtains drawn shut in a lame attempt to avoid the angry challenge in green eyes.  

He sighed. It had been pretty much the same for a solid week. The worst part was no one had been able to reach past the wall their bandmate had erected, despite their best efforts. Questions had been shrugged off, reasoning and cajoling had fallen on deaf ears, even bribery had been flatly refused. Anger had made things worse… when AJ had finally lost his cool and confronted the older member, he had been treated to a curt silence that lasted for almost two days. Close quarters and the tedium of the road hadn't helped. 

After encountering repeated rejections and refusals to talk, Howie had withdrawn his efforts to help, not understanding what was wrong. He'd become even more quiet than usual, and his warm smile had all but disappeared. Brian… even Brian had given up. His last effort at drawing out a conversation had ended in total disappointment. He, like AJ and Howie, had been mystified. 

However, the lone figure huddled in the corner did have a good idea what was bothering his older brother. He'd thought long and hard on the subject, watching him closely as the days went by. Finally, certain things began to make sense… but Kevin was unapproachable. Nick knew that until Kev brought it out into the open, things would get worse before they got better. He watched as the others tried, and failed, at drawing the oldest Boy out of his self-imposed isolation. Then it was his turn… but his one and only attempt to talk to Kevin had netted him nothing but a cold, disdainful glare. He hadn't tried again. 

He half-heartedly turned from the window's dismal view and picked up a discarded magazine he'd gotten part way through earlier. Without enthusiasm, he flipped through the glossy pages and wondered who had bought the magazine in the first place. Then, something caught his eye. 

He sat up straighter and leaned towards better light. After a minute, he checked his watch… not for the time, but for the date. With the days blending so easily, he couldn't be sure.  

A small grin began to curve his lips. With growing interest, he scanned the article, eagerly absorbing the information there. He paused, a momentary frown on his face as he tried to remember what part of the country they were in… Then, he had it. Tomorrow they would be in Ohio… Columbus, that was it. He rifled through the book rack mounted on the wall, found the dog-eared atlas, and quickly flipped through the pages. When he saw the map, he traced a line… and his grin blossomed into a full-blown smile. For the first time in days, there was a sparkle in azure blue eyes. If he could pull things together, there just might be something he could do to help his big brother…  

Nick had a plan.  

********** 

The bus slowed to a halt at a truck stop just across the Ohio line. At eight in the morning, there was a steady bustle of activity, but no one gave the new arrival much attention. After speaking to the driver, Kevin informed the still-sleepy group they would have an hour before hitting the road again. He grabbed his jacket and promptly left the bus, heading towards the main building. 

"Sheesh, Kevin," AJ muttered, "sure, we'd like to join you for breakfast. Thanks for asking." 

"Leave him be," Brian said tiredly, rubbing at his eyes. "I think he needs time alone right now." 

"What he needs," came Howie's flat voice, "is to get whatever it is off his chest. This is getting old." 

Nick stretched. "Who's up for breakfast? I've had all the cold cereal I can handle this week. I'm hungry." 

"You're always hungry," Brian said as he searched for a sweatshirt. "Your nickname should have been Hoover instead of Kaos." 

At Nick's silence, AJ said, "He's referring to a Hoover vacuum, blondie." 

"I know what he was referring to, Aje. I didn't think it rated a comment," Nick answered as he rolled his eyes. 

"Sure, sure," AJ said, clearly not believing it.  

Howie grinned. "If Nick's a blondie," he asked, "does that make you a 'reddie'?" He indicated AJ's haircolor du jour, a rather vibrant red. 

AJ puffed out his chest and said, "Bay-bee, I'm always ready!" 

A pillow, a baseball hat, and someone's dirty sock pelted him in an instant.  

"You're all jealous," he protested, pretending to be offended. A moment later, he regarded the sock. "Hey, is this mine?" 

"Dare you to smell it," Brian teased. 

"Uh… no," AJ said, declining the challenge. He tossed the sock over his shoulder and began searching for his left shoe. 

The four stumbled out of the bus a few minutes later, blinking in the bright morning sun. Nick paused, scanning the skies… not a cloud in sight. He smiled. The weather would be key to his plan, and so far things looked good. With a bounce in his stride, he and his friends made their way to the restaurant. 

Despite the old cliches, most truck stops were clean, well-lit, and had relatively good food. While none of them would earn a five-star rating, the meals were more than edible… and there was a bonus to dining in such a place. They had never been recognized at a truck stop. There, they weren't the Backstreet Boys, they were simply fellow travelers. While they loved their fans, there were times when it was a relief to be anonymous. 

The noisy clatter of dishes and conversation provided a comforting backdrop as the four were shown to a table. The waitress came by seconds later, her smile a welcome addition. She wrote down their beverage requests and zipped away, giving a wink as she left. 

"Hey, she winked at me," Brian said, grinning. The young woman was attractive, to be sure… her shorter skirt afforded the guys a wonderful view of her shapely legs. 

"You?" AJ countered. "You're blind. She was winking at me. Who would wink at an old married dude like you?" 

"Now who's jealous?" Brian said, chucking a rolled-up straw paper across the table. 

"You're both mistaken," Nick said, studying the menu.  

"What, do you think she was giving you the eye?" AJ asked. "Dream on." 

"Millions of girls can't be wrong," Nick grinned. "But no, I wasn't talking about me. She was giving Howie that wink, no doubt about it." 

Howie blinked, his brown eyes full of light. "Really?" 

"The Latin Lover gets 'em every time," Brian joined in, patting his friend on the back. "Way to go, Sweet D." 

Although a slight blush rose on Howie's face, his smile got wider. 

AJ groaned. "She's angling for a tip, is all," he muttered. "Oldest trick in the book." 

"Yep," Brian said. "Jealous." 

While the three continued their conversation, Nick closed his menu and scanned the rest of the area, looking for Kevin. After a moment he found him sitting on a stool at the counter, staring at a newspaper. It looked as if he had already finished breakfast. He sighed, thinking how much more fun it would be to have the oldest member sitting with them, laughing and joking again. The waitress returned with the coffee and juice, interrupting his thoughts.  

She took each person's order, not aware that she was under scrutiny. When she came to Howie, her smile hitched up a degree… Nick had been right. The moment she was out of hearing range, AJ leaned back and crossed his arms. 

"I'm telling ya, she's just working it for the money. She's got you pegged as a sucker, D." 

"Well, I don't care," Howie said smugly. "You can bet she'll get a good tip from me." He poured creamer into his coffee and ignored AJ's snort. 

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna to make a phone call, okay? I'll be back in a minute." Nick slid his chair back. 

"Who you calling this early, Frack?" Brian asked.  

"Just… someone. It's personal," Nick answered, not wanting to reveal his plan to anyone just yet.  

"Nicky's-got-a-girl-friend!" sang Brian, his blue eyes teasing his best friend. 

"Er… hardly," Nick said. Good lord, definitely not this girl! he added mentally. Before anyone could make another comment, he left the group and walked to the bank of payphones. He chose one near the end, where he could get some relative privacy. He dialed the calling card code he had committed to memory, got the okay, and punched up the number. Tapping his foot impatiently, he waited for the phone to be picked up. Finally, a familiar voice said 'hello'.  

"Hi, it's Nick," he said, keeping his voice down.  

"Nick! What's wrong, has something happened-" 

"No, no, everything's okay… or, it will be if you can help me here." 

"Okay, I'm listening," came the reply.  

Nick took a deep breath and began talking.  

********* 

Kevin stood, folding the paper into half, then thirds, before placing it on the counter. He put a few bills on top of his check, drained the last of his coffee, and turned to leave the restaurant. He hesitated when a unique laugh reached his ears… a quick glance in the direction of the sound revealed AJ, Howie and Brian sitting at a table by the far wall, having what looked like a great time. For a second, he felt a pang of longing to be in their company. He actually took a step in their direction before stopping himself. From the way he'd been acting, he knew he wouldn't be welcome. He couldn't blame them.  

The core problem was simple, yet… it wasn't. He sighed. None of them would understand… with the possible exception of Brian. But even his cousin might not be able to relate. If he was totally honest, even he didn't understand everything… how could anyone else? With a sad shake of his head, Kevin turned toward the doors and walked, alone, to the parking lot. 

Leaning against the bus, he pulled out his cell and hit the auto-dial. It was early, but he knew that wouldn't really matter. He needed to speak to her so badly it hurt. She always understood… even when he'd called her in the middle of the night, she had never complained. Her voice always was warm and welcoming, something he needed desperately now. He heard a click, and took a breath to speak… but frowned when a busy signal, not Kristen's soft hello, sounded in his ear. 

He paced a few times along the length of the bus, and hit the redial button.  

Busy… 

Kevin felt his frustration returning. Glancing at his watch, he saw he had twenty minutes left, which should be plenty of time for whoever was tying up the line to clear. Clenching his jaw, he went inside the bus and closed the door behind him.  

The tiny space that surrounded him was cluttered with miscellaneous junk, and he scowled at the disarray. Hats, pillows, food wrappers, playing cards, even a dirty sock littered the aisle. Normally he would have taken it in stride, knowing his bandmates would pick up after themselves once the bus got rolling again, but it bothered him immensely now. With a muttered, soft curse, he began straightening up. At least it gave him something to do. 

Five minutes passed before he tried the phone again… still, no luck. He tossed it on the table and ran a hand through his hair. He shut his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to shake off the surge of frustration that arose. The rest of the guys would be back soon, and he would lose his chance at privacy until they arrived at their destination. Wondering exactly when that would be, he found the travel planner, map, and schedule of the day, spreading them out on the table to study. A quick calculation told him that in a little over two hours, they would make their destination… half a day earlier than planned. Realizing it would be too early to check into the hotel, he decided that they should go directly to the venue to rehearse a bit. Even though the concert wasn't until the following night, lately the group's timing had been off and he knew they could do better. Of course, that wouldn't sit well wit the others… it was rare that they had extra time on a tour. He could almost hear the complaining and whining. 

He used the cell to contact the tour coordinator and let him know about the plans. He got the okay and was just saying goodbye when he heard voices approaching the bus. Kevin allowed himself a single curse before the door opened and his privacy was spoiled. So much for life on the road. 

It was obvious the four had enjoyed breakfast from their smiles and laughter. They quickly keyed down a notch when they entered the bus and saw who was waiting for them. Brian offered him a hello, as did Howie, but his unenthusiastic response killed any further greetings. Before they could settle in, he informed them of the new plans. As expected, the protests were instant and voluminous. 

"You've got to be kidding!" AJ exclaimed, looking over the top of his sunglasses. "You want us to have a two hour practice, a day in advance, before even seeing the hotel?" 

"We need to sharpen up the choreography," Kevin answered with a frown.  

"Kev, I think that a few hours spent relaxing and enjoying a break will do more for us than more rehearsal," Brian said. "No one expects us to be in town until tomorrow, so we won't have to fight the crowds and stuff. This is a real chance to have some fun." 

"That last performance was off," Kevin stated flatly. 

"Wonder why," AJ muttered as he gave the elder Boy a hard glare. 

Howie stepped in, knowing what was brewing. They couldn't afford another fight, things were too tense as it was. "Maybe a compromise?" he suggested. "How about an hour practice, then go our separate ways until dinner? We can have the staff take our stuff to the hotel, so everything will be ready when we get there." 

Kevin looked ready to protest, but Nick interrupted. 

"Howie's right. That way we get a chance to work on some moves, stretch our legs, and get in some down time before regrouping. Maybe after dinner we can think of something interesting to do." 

Seeing the looks on their faces, Kevin knew it was the best he would get. With a short nod, he begrudgingly agreed.  

Howie's shoulders relaxed and Brian let out a long-held breath. The bus driver sounded the signal that they were ready to leave, and the group separated. AJ climbed into his bunk, grumbling about needing his rest; Howie grabbed a book and commandeered a chair, and Nick and Brian headed towards the back to watch some television together. Kevin stayed where he was, staring at the map and thinking how very far away from home he was. 

********** 

Nick checked the sky again when they disembarked the bus. Happily, it was still clear and bright; unless a freak storm moved in within the next few hours, things would be perfectly set for tonight. He looked around at the venue… he was pretty sure he hadn't ever been in Columbus before. Or… had he? What he'd seen of it so far didn't ring any bells, but that didn't mean much. He'd been to so many places he'd stopped keeping track years ago. 

The concert arena was large, and the next night's show would be a blast… already the sets were being erected and readied by the crew, who had arrived in advance. He heard a few greetings called, and answered with a wave… neither the crew nor the band had time to chit-chat, or so Kevin had declared. 

Nick glanced at the tall figure walking beside him as they followed a guide to a secluded practice room. He caught an unguarded look on the older man's face, one that he'd seen in his own mirror many times: a blend of weariness and uncertainty. On Kevin, it looked strange. He'd always been the leader, the one that was so sure of everything, the giver of advice and support. But bit by bit, things had changed, especially over the last month. It had taken Nick a while to notice, but once he'd become aware of it, he'd been compelled to try something to make things better. 

He had fought the urge to tell Brian and the others about his plan. He was afraid if they knew, they would only interfere… and that was the last thing he needed. As it was, the important part of the plan was on shaky ground, and totally depended upon his ability to get his friend in a certain place at a certain time. Not so easily done… but he had to try. 

********** 

"Okay, from the second sequence forward. Let's go." Kevin hit the button and a familiar rhythm echoed around the room. He counted time, and they began moving. 

Things were going well until Nick turned the wrong way and collided with Brian, sending both tumbling to the floor. Although he tried to catch himself, all Nick ended up doing was landing on top of his best friend. He pushed himself up a bit, looking worriedly down at Brian, who was calmly staring at the ceiling. 

"Dammit, I'm sorry, Frick… you okay?" he asked apprehensively. 

Brian blinked a couple of times and looked at Nick's anxious _expression. Slowly a grin teased the edge of his lips. 

"Yeah, I'm fine… but how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not that kind of guy?" 

Realizing the awkward position he was in, Nick quickly scrambled upright. On cue, AJ began making kissy noises while Howie chuckled. 

"What the hell was that?" came a very un-amused voice.  

"Sorry," Nick said, not looking at Kevin. He offered a hand up to Brian and dusted himself off. 

"Is that what you're going to tell 20,000 fans tomorrow night when you-" 

"Chill, Kev," Brian interrupted. "It was just a mistake. No harm done." 

"I had my mind on other things," Nick explained with a frown. "I won't mess up during the concert." 

Kevin glared hotly. "If you're not going to take any of this seriously, then there's no point to continuing on, is there?" 

"I didn't see the point in practicing to begin with," AJ declared.  

"We agreed that we'd practice for an hour, Kevin," Howie interjected in his smooth voice. "It's been forty-five minutes, and this is the first thing that's had a… glitch." 

"A glitch?" Kevin exclaimed, his eyebrows arching high. "I'd hardly call crashing into-" 

A shrill noise cut through the room: someone's cell phone.  

"That's mine," declared Brian, sprinting over to where it sat on his bag. 

"Great, just what we need," the oldest Boy muttered angrily. 

"Lighten up, Kev," Brian said before he hit the 'talk' button. "Hello? Oh, hi honey… no, you weren't interrupting, we're just taking a break from practice. What? Yeah, the show isn't until tomorrow… sure, I can talk for a bit." He turned to the rest of the group, grinning from ear to ear, and said unnecessarily, "It's Leigh!"  

"Gee, Bri, really?" AJ said sarcastically. Then a wicked grin appeared. He raised his voice and continued, "I thought it was your girlfriend, you know, the one that's been following the tour…"  

"Shut up, Aje," Brian said, rolling his eyes. His attention snapped back to the conversation in his ear. "What? Oh, no, he's just kidding… wait, let me get where I can have some privacy…" With that, he moved to the corner of the room and sat in a chair, speaking lowly enough that the others couldn't hear his words. 

Nick watched how Brian's face lit up at something his wife said, and smiled. He turned away, feeling like he was intruding, but stopped short when he caught Kevin's _expression. Mixed with the anger was a look he identified as resentment, or… jealousy. It shocked the younger man, because he'd never seen it appear on Kevin's face in all the time they'd been together. It seemed so fundamentally wrong, it scared him. He didn't think, he simply stepped closer and spoke. 

"Kevin, we need to talk." His tone was direct and matter-of-fact. It surprised him, but not as much as it did Kevin. 

"Another half-hearted apology won't make a difference," the dark-haired man said curtly. 

"I'm not going to apologize," Nick said, battling to keep his temper in check. "I want to talk, not argue." 

"That'd be a first," came the reply. 

Nick clamped his jaw shut against his instinctive reply. Knowing that he had to keep his cool, he began again. 

"Look, whatever is going on with you, I want to help. Pushing me away won't-" 

"Forget it. You wouldn't understand," Kevin said tightly. 

"Maybe if you'd talk about it once in a while-" 

"It wouldn't matter," he insisted. "This… this is way beyond you, Nick. It'd be a waste of breath." He turned away, ignoring the dumbfounded looks on both Howie and AJ. "Don't believe for a second that you know what I'm going through, because you don't." 

Nick felt like he'd been slapped. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't force the words for several heartbeats. Finally he found his voice. 

"That's unfair, Kevin," he protested lowly. "You're not even giving me a chance. I thought that's what we're all about, helping one another." 

"Before you can help someone you have to be able to at least relate to their problems," Kevin grated. "Unfortunately it doesn't involve video games or practical jokes." He spun on his heel and grabbed his jacket. "I'm outta here." Without another word he crossed the room. 

Before he could open the door, Howie spoke. 

"Kev, we're supposed to have dinner at seven in the hotel restaurant tonight. We'll wait and go down together, okay?" 

Although Kevin hesitated, he didn't reply. Five seconds later the door closed shut, leaving the question hanging in the air. 

Brian, who had witnessed the last exchange between his best friend and his cousin, turned back to his conversation and murmured a quick goodbye to his wife, along with a promise to call later. He tossed the cell on his bag and moved towards a slightly pale Nick, who was simply staring at the door. 

"Frack," he said hesitantly, "are you… okay?" 

Nick held his silence for a moment, then spoke quietly. "You should be worried about Train, not me." 

"I can't believe Kevin said that to you," Howie interjected in a sympathetic voice. "That was cold." 

"I don't know what he's got up his a-" AJ began. 

"AJ," Nick said, "let it go. Kevin…" He swallowed hard. "He's right… I did screw up." 

"But that's no reason to cop an attitude like that," AJ said. "Bro, he told you it'd be a waste of breath talking to you!" 

"I heard." His azure eyes betrayed the pain his voice tried to cover up. "Look, obviously practice is over, and we have almost six hours of free time before dinner. I don't want to waste it standing here." 

"Nick's right," Brian agreed. "Let's bail. Anyone interested in lunch?" 

"Count me in," Howie said.  

A moment later AJ nodded, followed by a shrug from the tall blond. Together, the foursome gathered their things and left the room. 

********** 

Nick pushed a french fry around his plate with his fork, lost in thought. He wasn't sure that his plan… his stupid plan… was even a consideration any longer. At first he'd thought it was a great idea, but the blowup at the practice room had given him a large dose of doubt. Now, the more he thought about it, the more foolish he felt; he toyed with the idea of calling and canceling the entire thing. And it might be a moot point anyway… he seriously doubted he could ever get Kevin to cooperate, not now. 

Unfortunately it doesn't involve video games or practical jokes… the words echoed in his mind, causing a new surge of pain. Is that what Kevin thought? That he wasn't capable of understanding anything but surface, adolescent subjects? That his whole world was nothing but fun and games? Sure, he still enjoyed goofing around, but he wasn’t a kid any longer. Hadn't been for a long time, at least in his own mind. And that's what hurt the most. 

A hand on his arm snapped him out of his musings and he looked up, startled to see three sets of eyes staring at him in concern. 

"Frack?" Brian asked softly. "What are you thinking about?" 

"Oh… sorry," he said. "Didn't mean to tune out there." 

"Well?" AJ said when no further explanations came. 

He shifted a bit in his chair and put down his fork. Then, he surprised them all with a question. 

"Do you guys still think of me as a kid?" 

The tone in his voice told them this was a very serious topic, and no jokes or smart comments came forth.  

"You're 20, man," AJ finally said, leaning forward and looking at Nick with puzzled eyes. "At 13, you were a kid… but not now." 

Brian frowned. "You'll always be our younger brother, but… a kid? No." 

"Kevin thinks of me that way," Nick declared. "To him, I'm still that immature brat that first joined the group." 

"Kev's got a lot on his mind," Howie said. "I think he said what he did because he wanted to push you away." 

"There's more to it than that," Nick said, staring down at his hands. "I know I'm a screw-up sometimes-" 

"Hey…" Brian interrupted. 

"It's true, Frick, and you know it. I goof around a lot, and don't get serious too often… and that's what Kevin sees." He paused. "Maybe he's right." 

Howie shook his head at once. "No. Nick, don't think that. No one at this table believes it." 

The frank doubt on Nick's face prompted Howie to continue. 

"There are some things about you that have never changed… your love of fun, your sense of humor, your uncanny ability to lighten situations up by just being you. I hope those things never go away. But that's not immaturity, that's just who you are. An immature person would have gotten into a shouting match with Kevin, or worse. An immature person would have been sulking or pouting or plotting some kind of payback. But at the practice session, you kept your cool-" 

"As hard as that must have been," AJ interjected. 

"And you tried to reason with Kevin. You were the sensible one, Nick. You've been quiet since we've come to the restaurant, but I don't perceive it as pouting." Howie offered a slight smile. "As for plotting…" 

"I have been plotting, kinda," Nick admitted with a sigh. "I… think I understand what's been going on, but I can't be sure because he never talks about it. I had an idea about what might help Kev… but now I… I don't know. After today…" 

Brian looked at his best friend. "If you have an idea what to do, it's more than any of us have come up with." 

"It's probably stupid," Nick said, his voice soft and full of doubt. 

"You can tell us," coaxed Brian.  

"Yeah," AJ added. "We promise to let you know if it's stupid so you don't embarrass yourself." 

For the first time that afternoon, Nick allowed himself a small smile. He could always count on AJ to be honest… maybe not tactful, but honest. He shook his head. 

"I'd rather keep it to myself," he said, looking down at his hands. "That way, if it doesn't work, the only one disappointed will be me." 

"What if it does work?" Howie asked. 

"Well, I guess if it works, then Kev might actually have some fun… you know, a good time for once. I figured if that happened, then maybe he'd be able to open up to one of you guys about the problem." He bit his bottom lip. "He needs to talk to someone he can trust, someone who can… relate." 

An uncomfortable silence swept over the trio.  

"Nick," Howie began, "he said that stuff because-" 

"Yeah, I know," Nick said, cutting off the sentence. "Bottom line is, if I can even get him to go for the plan, it'll be a miracle. Anything beyond that is asking way too much. I just want you guys to be aware that Kev might need to talk." 

Brian sat back, a thoughtful _expression on his face. "You have been thinking about this a lot, Frack." 

Howie nodded. "Your idea might do a lot of good if he goes along with… whatever it is." 

"Yeah… if you can get Train to go along with it," emphasized AJ. "If we knew what you had in mind, we could try to push him in the right direction." 

"You can't push him," Nick declared. "That never works. You know how stubborn he can be." 

Muttered agreement from around the table. 

"Can you at least give us some clue what the plan is?" asked Brian. 

"I need to see about arrangements first. This whole shaky thing could fall apart in a second if I can't make a couple of things happen. All I can say is if it goes okay, I need him to be at the hotel at 10 tonight." 

"What if Kev wants to go clubbing? Wouldn't that ruin the plans?" Brian asked. 

"He won't want to," Howie spoke up. "Kevin's turned us down the last seven times. I doubt he'll suddenly change his mind and want to go with us. You saw his mood… the last thing he'll be thinking about is socializing." 

"There's still a good chance this whole thing could go bust," Nick said darkly. "It's more likely that he'll go from the restaurant straight to his room." 

Howie wanted to reassure his brother, but knew Nick was right. Instead, he offered a smile of encouragement across the table, hoping it would be enough. 

"Speaking of hotel rooms," Brian said a moment later as he stretched, "maybe it's time to check in, finally. We can get suggestions as to what fun things there are to do in this town for a few hours before dinner." 

"Sounds great," Howie agreed. 

They settled the bill and left the small restaurant quietly, each lost in thought. 

********** 

Kevin slid his cardkey in the lock and was rewarded with a tiny green light. Turning the knob, he entered the Suite that he and the others would be sharing for the next two nights. The space was tastefully decorated and had a generous living room area, complete with large screen television and entertainment system. A tiny kitchenette was off to the left, as was a breakfast table bedecked with fresh flowers and a large fruit basket. He allowed himself a small sigh of satisfaction: they certainly had come a long way in what they could afford. It didn't seem like that long ago that they were sharing much more humble and cramped accommodations… five of them to two beds, running water and three-channel television as luxurious as it got. Those were the days when Nick and Brian could curl up on a couch to sleep and neither fall off… 

Nick. 

He paused, a pained frown sweeping across his face. The argument from the practice room replayed in his memory, and he could see the hurt and confusion on the blond's face. At the time, he'd been so angry that his words had seemed justified, but now…  

What in the world had he done? Why had the words erupted from his mouth, and why had they been calculated to hurt?  

He sank down on the couch, running a hand over his face as he shut his eyes. When had things gone from simple to complex? It was a question that haunted him more frequently these days. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good day, or laughed… or even found something remotely amusing. He'd tried to chalk it up to increased pressures from touring, from interviews and photo shoots and guest appearances that never seemed to end. But the other guys hadn't been complaining. They had simply continued on as usual, still able to joke and kid around and uphold the positive, happy image the band was famous for.  

What had happened that made it different for him? 

He should be happy. He had a wonderful wife, a great career, a strong family behind him, and more money than he could ever hope to spend in a lifetime. Music, his true passion, was a daily part of his world. It simply didn't make sense. 

He'd done a lot of soul-searching over the last few weeks and still wasn't any closer to finding an answer. That's why, when Nick had confronted him, he'd pushed back so hard. If he, at the very center of the problem, couldn't figure things out, Nick had less than a zero chance of truly understanding. The younger man's insistence that he could help had sparked an anger in him, and he'd lost control. He wondered exactly what damage he'd done with that particular outburst… and not just to Nick. A small part of him had been all too aware of the shocked looks on three other faces before he'd left. 

The headache that had been building slowly since that morning had now reached epic proportions, and he wanted to do nothing more than take something for it and lie down a while. A glance at his watch told him that he had four hours before dinner, plenty of time to do as he pleased. 

Getting up carefully, he walked over to the pile of luggage that had been delivered and sorted through it until he found his four suitcases. Picking up two, he walked down the short hallway to the bedroom doors. There were three rooms to choose from, and he arbitrarily picked the one on the right. Since each room had two double beds, he put his suitcases on the spare one and retrieved the rest of his things. He knew that no one would want to room with him; lately, there hadn't even been a discussion on the matter. The others had made sure to give him a wide berth. 

He didn't have the energy or inclination to unpack. Instead, he rifled through his smaller bag and found the Tylenol, fishing two out of the bottle before tossing it back. He took the pills, willing them to work quickly, and sat on the edge of his bed. Knowing he had a few free minutes, he picked up the phone and tried, once again, to reach Kris. 

This time, no busy signal interrupted the ring and he leaned forward, eager to speak to the most important woman in his life. The click in his ear sounded just before he heard her sweet voice. 

"Hello!" she said. 

"Kristen, it's-" 

"No one's home right now," continued the voice brightly. "I'm so sorry I missed you… please leave a brief message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Thanks, and have a nice day!" 

Kevin felt his throat tightening in bitter disappointment. He hung up before the recording tone sounded, not wanting to talk to a machine. His headache increased several degrees. 

He rose and crossed the room, drawing the blinds shut. The action made the room comfortably dark, a relief to his eyes. After a second he shut the door that led to the main suite, not wanting to be disturbed. Thus isolated, he sank back on the bed, not bothering to remove his shoes. Despite his expectations, sleep overcame him within minutes, pushing his troublesome thoughts aside if only for a little while. 

********** 

Howie signed his name with a flourish… or, rather, his assumed name… and pushed the guest register back towards the man behind the counter. His action was met with a smile, and he was rewarded with a cardkey. 

To the four, the man said, "We've tightened security, as requested. Your Suite can only be accessed through the private elevator, so that should help a great deal. There will be staff on duty twenty-four hours a day to take care of any requests you might have, and you may feel free to ask for me personally at any time." 

"Thank you, Mr. Shannon," Brian said politely. "This is really a beautiful hotel." 

The manager beamed with pride and said, "Columbus might not be New York or L.A., but we do have our charms." 

"Speaking of which," Howie said, "we were wondering if you had any recommendations on what to see nearby. We've got several hours this afternoon and want to take advantage of our free time." 

Mr. Shannon retrieved a few pamphlets from behind him and spent the next few minutes giving them advice.  

"This will be great," Brian said, nodding thanks. "The hard part will be deciding what to do first." 

"Is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen now?" he asked. 

"Uh, yeah," Nick said, somewhat shyly. "First of all, could you tell us if Kevin Richardson has checked in yet?" 

"Yes, Mr. Richardson checked in about forty-five minutes ago. I haven't noticed him come downstairs, so perhaps he's waiting for you in the Suite." 

"I'll bet," AJ muttered, low enough for only his friends to hear. It earned him a nudge from Howie. 

"And secondly?" Mr. Shannon asked. 

Nick cleared his throat. "This might sound like an odd request, but I'd like a special arrangement made." He glanced at his bandmates, waiting until they took the hint and stepped away to give him privacy. "It's about tonight…" 

A few minutes of details later, Mr. Shannon nodded enthusiastically.  

"That's easily accomplished," he said. "I can guarantee the view will be quite spectacular. But are you sure you want just the one chair?" 

"Positive," Nick said, glad the man hadn't laughed at him.  

"Consider it done," he said with finality.  

"I really appreciate this," Nick said sincerely.  

"My pleasure," came the answer. "Anything we can do to make your stay the best it can be." 

The manager watched as the four young men crossed the lobby together and waited for the private elevator. The group had certainly not been what he'd expected… instead of demanding, petulant, mega-star snobs, the Boys had been polite, forthright, and quite down to earth. It was refreshing to see successful young people who still had the capacity to act human. Even young Mister Richardson, the one that had checked in earlier, had been perfectly civil… a bit distant, perhaps, but not cold or disrespectful. Yes, it was quite refreshing. 

With a smile on his face, the manager of the White Star Hotel began making arrangements for the special request, as promised. 

********** 

Nick worriedly chewed on his lip for the entire ride up. What if Kevin were there, and they got into another ugly fight? He didn't think he could face that twice in one day. Or worse… what if Kevin refused to even speak to him? That was a good possibility… AJ had received the silent treatment for two days over something a whole lot more trivial than today. If that logic followed, Nick would be in for at least a week of silence. He wasn't sure he could take that. 

"Hey, Frack," came Brian's gentle nudge, "swipe that look off your face, will ya?" 

"Yeah," Howie said. "Don't borrow trouble." 

"Huh?" Nick asked, not sure what Howie meant. 

"It means, don't worry about something until it actually happens," provided AJ. There wasn't a trace of smugness or sarcasm in his voice this time. 

Nick nodded his understanding and realized his friends were right. But, like a lot of things, it was easier said than done. He did his best to school his _expression and push his worry aside. A moment later the elevator pulled to a gentle halt. 

After walking down the short hallway, Howie did the honors for the group and unlocked the door to the Suite. 

"Hey, not bad," AJ said approvingly.  

"Very nice," agreed Brian. 

Nick studied the assortment of luggage, then saw the closed door beyond the living room. 

"Kevin's taken his stuff to his room already," he informed them. "It looks like he doesn't want company." 

"Maybe he's just cooling off, getting some rest before dinner," Howie said. He noted the apprehension in azure eyes but didn't quite know what to say to the youngest Boy.  

"Hey, check out this game system," Brian said, hoping to distract Nick for a moment. "With a screen that large, playing should be a real blast."  

Nick turned, taking in the entertainment system with a critical eye. Then, with real interest, he moved closer.  

"Sweet," he said, nodding. "Better than what we got on the bus, for sure. Now I can whup your butt in an even bigger way, Frick." 

"Dreamer," Brian said, grinning at the spark in Nick's eyes.  

"We'll see," predicted the blond.  

"Which room do you guys want?" Howie asked, nodding towards the hall. 

"Me and Bri will take the middle," Nick said. 

"Hey, wait… how come it's always you two together?" Howie asked with a slight frown. 

"Because AJ would kill Nick within five minutes," Brian said wisely. "Remember that time in Arizona when we tried that, and-" 

"Oops, yeah," Howie grinned. "I wonder if we're still banned from that hotel?" 

"Hey," AJ interjected, "that was all a misunderstanding…" 

"Cops and management pounding on the door at three AM because you two got into that ridiculous screaming match, all over a pillow…" Brian said, shaking his head. 

"Let's get our stuff in our rooms and get out of here," Howie said, forestalling yet another replay of the incident. "Some of the suggestions Mr. Shannon made sounded really fun." 

"Right, oh Wise One," Brian said, giving a theatrical bow. 

Nick smiled, enjoying the banter. A quick glance at the closed door on the right made the smile fade, just a bit. He ignored it and got busy, ready for a distraction that would last a few hours, at least. 

********** 

Kevin blinked at the small bedside clock and scowled. How had he slept for that long? He got up carefully, noting with dismay that the headache had faded, but not disappeared. It was a questionable improvement. 

He listened for a moment, wondering if the others had arrived at the hotel. Hearing nothing, he went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. The reflection that met his gaze didn't do much to improve his mood. He looked bad, like he hadn't slept in ages… the three hour nap had been for naught.  

He debated whether to unpack or not. He stared at the closed door, knowing that the others could be waiting for him… knowing that he'd have to confront them eventually. Hoping to gather a bit of courage first, he put off the inevitable and opened a suitcase. 

Ten minutes later, clothes were hanging in the closet or resting neatly in drawers, the empty suitcases secured out of sight. A small framed picture of Kristen sat on the nightstand… the picture that he'd carried with him since the first time they had parted. He didn't want to think about how long ago that had been. 

With a sigh, he clenched his jaw and forced himself to leave the relative sanctuary of his room. With relief he found himself alone in the Suite… all the baggage was gone, so he knew the others had arrived and chosen rooms.  

A note on the coffee table caught his eye and he recognized Howie's flowing script: 'Kevin, we've gone for a little tour around town, will be back in time to go to the restaurant together at 7 PM. ~Howie' 

Even after everything, the guys… well, Howie, anyway… had cared enough to leave a note. The gesture sent a pang of guilt through him. He knew he'd been treating everyone poorly as of late, and none of them deserved it. He wished, for the thousandth time, that he could put a finger on what was at the root of his problem.  

He knew he would have to make amends with the guys, but that wouldn't solve the underlying issue. Kevin was aware that if things didn't turn around, he would lose control more and more often until he made a mistake he wouldn't be able to apologize for. It was beyond frustrating. 

Realizing he had some time before the others returned, Kevin decided to take a shower and get cleaned up before they got back. He tossed the note into the trash basket and proceeded with his plan.  

Unfortunately, the shower did little to relieve his tension, and the heat made his headache worse. As he began dressing, he tried to think of a plausible excuse to avoid dinner with the group. He got the feeling that having a headache wouldn't be enough… knowing them, they'd order room service and he would be stuck. He couldn't say he wasn't hungry, because he really was… skipping lunch, and only having coffee and toast for breakfast, hadn't been the smartest idea in the world.  

With an irritated sigh, Kevin realized he'd have to endure dinner or suffer excessive concern from everyone involved. That, he couldn't stand. He'd make the minimal apologies, go down to dinner, keep quiet, eat his meal, and excuse himself as quickly as possible. With any luck, they would get the message and leave him alone. 

The phone caught his eye and he stared at it for a moment. He wanted to speak to Kris so badly that it hurt… but he wasn't sure he could take another disappointment. After a minute's debate, he lifted the receiver and dialed. 

This time, to his surprise, Kristen answered on the third ring… the real Kris, not a recording. 

"Hello?" she said. 

"Kris?" 

"Kevin?" she asked, sounding as surprised as he. 

"Yeah… I've been trying to get you all day long," he said. 

"I've been busy," she said offhandedly. "I actually have to go out soon…" 

Kevin blinked. "Do you have a minute to talk?" 

There was a hesitation before she said, "Of course. How are things? Where are you?" 

"I'm at the hotel in Columbus, Ohio. We got here early. The guys are out… somewhere, I don't know." 

"Why aren't you with them?" she asked. 

"I…" he swallowed. "It's a long story. They're due back here so we can all go to dinner at 7." 

"That's nice," Kris said distractedly. 

Kevin's eyebrows raised a bit. He’d truly expected her to ask for an explanation… was she even paying attention?  

"Honey," he said, "are you okay? You seem kind of… spaced." 

"I'm sorry, Kev," she said quickly. "This has been one of those days, you know?" 

He gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I can relate." 

"Look, sweetie, I'd love to chat, but I'm kind of pressed for time right now…" 

"Something happen?" he asked, suddenly worried. 

"Nothing major… I got a call from a good friend earlier and I promised to take care of some things for him." 

"Him?" Kevin asked slowly. 

"Yeah, he's an… old buddy of mine. He's in a bind, and I agreed to help him out." 

"Anyone I know?" 

"Mmm, I think you've met," she said elusively. "Kev, it's so wonderful to hear your voice, but I'm afraid I really have to get going. I'll give you a call later, okay?" 

"All right," he answered, trying to hide his confusion and disappointment. "Kris…" 

"Yes?" 

"I… love you, honey." 

"I love you too," she said warmly. "Bye." 

"Bye," he said, hearing a click not three seconds later. 

Him? he thought, a sinking feeling in his stomach. What's going on? Why was she so evasive? He shook his head. Surely I don't have to worry about Kristen's behavior… she's always helping people out… just because the friend is a guy doesn't mean a thing… Right? 

His frown deepened. Had he been treating her the same way he'd been treating the others? Pushing her away, despite her attempts at communication and support? With despair he admitted to himself he hadn't been exactly the most stellar of husbands lately. He hadn't called her anywhere near as much as he had when the tour started… lately it had been squeezing in the obligatory phone call in between concerts, sharing a few photos online through Howie's laptop… No, it hadn't been much. He used to collect souvenirs from each city to surprise her with… send her cards whenever he got the chance… even would have flowers delivered in the middle of the week, 'just because'. When had that stopped?  

He loved her more than he could say, but had he shown it lately? 

A painful sensation grew in the pit of his stomach, and he knew it had nothing to do with hunger. 

********** 

"I'm warning you," half-shouted, half-laughed Brian, "if you don't give it back to me I swear I'll kill you, Alexander James!" 

"Make me, Brian Thomas," came the taunt.  

Brian faked him out with a quick move to the right before practically tackling him to the hallway floor. At the very last second, AJ tossed the package in a mad throw to Howie, who caught it neatly. 

"Looking for this?" Howie said with a wide smile, waving the prize.  

"Traitor," Brian growled, lunging. 

"Catch!" Howie cried, flinging the object to the tall blond. 

Nick, who had been laughing at the entire scene, had to stretch to his limits to seize it before it hit the wall. He held it high, knowing Brian would have to work hard to wrest it from his grasp. He grinned, wiggling it temptingly. 

Brian, having years of practice, was not about to play fair. He slowly advanced on his best friend, a rather evil look on his face. Nick's _expression went from smug to somewhat less confident to downright fearful. Brian knew all his weaknesses… such as his worst tickle spots… and wasn't afraid to exploit them.  

When the shorter man had backed him up against the wall, making ominous wiggling motions with his fingers, Nick gave a small cry of desperation and looked frantically around for an escape. AJ, who was standing by the room door, waved his hands wildly. Without thinking, Nick sailed the package through the air, hoping Brian would go after it instead of him. 

The toss went wide and missed AJ by a good three feet, looking to strike the door square in the middle…  

********** 

Kevin's solitude was interrupted by a loud thump that echoed from the outer wall of the Suite. He rose from the couch, wondering what on earth was making the incredible racket. As he neared the door, he knew the answer… he could hear his bandmates' yells and laughter.  

A flash of irritation swept through him. Surely they knew better than this! Another thump sounded, this one coming from the floor. What in the hell-? 

Angrily, Kevin gripped the doorknob and inhaled deeply. As he yanked the door open, he started to speak… 

When something flew directly into his chest.  

WHOMP! 

Silence. 

Heavy, total, ice-cold silence as time seemed to freeze the scene. Brian, a wince on his face, stood gazing at his cousin as Kevin snapped his attention to the bundle now on the floor. AJ stared at the doorway in disbelief at the perfect… or imperfect… timing that had just occurred. Howie, who had just gotten to his feet, took an instinctive step backwards. He glanced at Kevin for a second, then darted his eyes towards Nick. The youngest Boy wore a horrified look on his face. His blue eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open in either protest or apology. Howie suppressed a groan and looked back to Kevin, who had just stood upright. 

"What. Is. This." 

"S-sorry," Nick said, his voice breaking on the single word. "Kevin, I didn't mean to… I didn't think-" 

Green eyes flashed anger, cutting off Nick's words as effectively as a knife. 

"Where have I heard that before?" Kevin said through clenched teeth.  

"We were just fooling around, cuz," Brian said, putting his hands up in a placating gesture. "None of us knew you'd open the door just as it got thrown." 

Howie licked his lips nervously and said, "Are you okay, Kev?" 

The question stopped Kevin cold. He blinked as the words hit him hard. The question, so simple sounding, was resonating on much deeper levels. How in the world could he answer that? 

He looked at his bandmates, noticing there was an incredible tension in the air. He blinked again. Kevin realized, with a shock, that the strongest emotion he could sense was… fear. The four people he regarded as brothers, his closest friends, were afraid. Of what he'd do, of what he'd say. All over something as trivial as this. 

The anger he'd felt disappeared with the thought. In its place came despair, and regret. What had he become? 

"Kev?" came the soft question. 

He raised his emerald eyes to Howie, who was watching him with true concern.  

"It's… I'm okay," he uttered, knowing it was really a lie. His lack of volume clearly confused the others, judging by their looks. 

Warily, Brian drew near and took the bundle from Kevin's hands. "It's just a gift for Leigh," he explained. "A little stuffed beanie bear thingy wearing an Ohio State University shirt. Kinda stupid, I suppose." 

Kevin looked at the object, seeing it clearly for the first time. "A souvenir," he said in a distant voice. 

"Uh, yeah," Brian replied, frowning. "Kev, are you really all right?" 

"I'll be fine," he said hollowly, turning back through the door.  

For a moment, the four remained in the hallway, totally puzzled by the reaction. Then, with a shrug, Brian followed his cousin into the Suite. AJ gave Nick an odd 'who knows?' look and did the same. 

Howie turned to Nick and said, "Come on, let's go inside." 

"Why…" Nick began. His voice dropped to a whisper and he continued, "Why didn't he… get mad? I thought he was going to go nuclear…" 

"I don't know," Howie said. "It doesn't make sense." 

"Unless," Nick breathed, "he's so angry-" A look of fear crossed his face. "Oh God, D, what if he wants to kill me, I mean, really kill me? He knows that it was me-" 

"You're borrowing again," Howie interrupted gently. 

Nick ran a hand through his hair in frustration as another thought struck. "Damn," he said, his shoulders slumping. "There's no way he'll agree to tonight. I should just call the whole thing off." 

"Don't cross it off the list of possibilities yet," he said as he patted his younger brother on the shoulder. "Let's see what happens." 

As they followed the other three into the Suite, Nick shook his head. Despite Howie's words, he knew deep down that he'd stepped over the line. He had, for all intents and purposes, sabotaged his own plan. 

********** 

The silence was awkward.  

Brian quietly put the souvenir with his things and returned to the group. He could almost see the tension in the air… Kevin seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, whatever they might be, and stared out of the large window at the cityscape. The _expression on his face was unreadable. AJ looked like he was itching for a cigarette, his fingers tapping silently on his knee. Howie kept glancing between Kevin and Nick, his dark eyes speculative.  

And Nick… Brian couldn't remember seeing him look so full of despair. The blond was seated on the couch, his head bent down as he stared at the floor. It pained him to see the contrast from minutes before… it was hard to believe it was the same Nick that had been laughing so loudly in the hallway.  

He rubbed his eyes, and decided that if the tension was going to be broken, he'd have to do it himself. 

"Well," he said in his best upbeat tone, "it's about time we go on down to dinner." 

"I'm not hungry," came the muffled reply from the couch. 

"You?" Brian tried to joke. "Come on, Frack, your being hungry is a Universal Constant." 

"I don't feel like going," came the corrected reply. 

"We all have to eat," AJ reasoned. "That fruit basket over there ain't gonna do it for me. Come on, it's just dinner, we aren't even leaving the hotel." 

"Right," Howie added. "Unless we want to have room service." 

"No," came Kevin's voice unexpectedly. "Please, no room service tonight. Eat downstairs." 

"You're coming too," Brian said firmly. "All five of us, one dinner." 

Instead of arguing, Kevin surprised him by nodding his head in acceptance. 

"Okay, then, let's go," Brian directed. Before anyone backs out, he added silently, his eyes going from Kevin to Nick once again.  

It was a very quiet ride down. 

********* 

The waiter left the table, dinner and drink orders in hand, and the group drifted towards silence once again. AJ rubbed his eyes. There was no way he would be able to sit through an entire meal this way. He shot a look towards Brian, who seemed to understand it perfectly. At his encouraging nod, AJ began a conversation about some of the sights they'd seen around Columbus, but neither Kevin nor Nick contributed a word. After a couple of minutes, the subject was exhausted and he looked helplessly at Howie. The older man shrugged, not having a clue how to get things rolling.  

The waiter came back, distributed the drinks, informed them that the appetizers were on their way, and left. Kevin poked at the ice in his glass for a moment, then surprised the rest by speaking.  

In a low voice he said, "Look, I need to apologize for blowing up today at practice. I wish I could take it back, but… I can't. I don't really have an excuse to give you." He raised his eyes and glanced at Nick. "I just seem to have a short temper lately." 

"So we've noticed," Brian said softly. "Kev, this isn't good. We hate seeing you this way. If there's a problem with something specific, let us know now. We'll change it, make adjustments, whatever it takes. But we can't go on like this." 

"I know," came the regret-filled reply. 

"So… what is it that's got you on such a short fuse?" he asked. "Or is it a bunch of things?" 

Kevin clenched his jaw. "That's just it," he said. "I… can't explain it. Not really." 

"Keeping it inside, bottled up, isn't going to cut it," Howie said with unusual force. "You need to let us in." 

"This is something I have to figure out on my own," Kevin said, a bit of heat in his voice. "It's complicated." 

"So complicated that the rest of us, the four of us, couldn't possibly figure out?" AJ shot back.  

"I don't want to fight," Kevin said, his face getting a bit of color. "I just wanted to say I was sorry." 

Brian studied his cousin for a moment. "Okay, Kev. Apology accepted." 

AJ scowled but added his agreement, as did Howie. Notably silent was Nick.  

Finally, without looking up from his water glass, he said, "No prob." 

The simple statement, and its soft delivery, sent a pang of guilt through Kevin's chest. For some reason, Nick had taken the brunt of his anger… he had every right to remain upset. But there wasn't a trace of hatred in his voice. Instead, all Kevin could hear was sadness. 

He wanted to say something… anything… to the blond, but lacked both the courage and inspiration. What could he say, after the way he'd treated him? How could he explain something he didn't understand himself? 

"Kev," Howie said, cutting into his thoughts, "the apology isn’t the important issue here. The problem you're having is. We're flying blind, and getting nowhere." 

"If it were any of us, you'd ask the same thing," Brian pointed out.  

"I just need to figure things out first, is all. When I'm ready, I'll talk about it. Until then, I need time." Kevin said the words in his best 'no argument' tone, something annoyingly familiar to the others. 

"Fine," AJ said. "But you better be sure you don't let it go too far." 

His warning was emphasized with a look towards Nick's distant gaze. Kevin gave the smallest of nods in understanding.  

The moment was interrupted by the arrival of their appetizers, and soon the subject moved onto safer, more trivial ground. Kevin only half paid attention as the others talked. Occasionally he looked over at Nick, but the younger man's eyes remained locked on the table. He watched as the pile of mozzarella sticks, normally Nick's favorite, grew cold as they were ignored. Finally, Brian reached over and made a production of sneaking a stick from the plate, hoping to get a reaction. When it came, it wasn't what he expected. 

"Go ahead, Bri. Take them." He pushed the plate over. Nick cleared his throat and said, "Guys, I need to go see about something for a minute. I'll be right back." He got up from his seat. 

"Where are you going?" Brian asked at once. 

"I'll be right back," came the elusive reply. 

"I'll come with you," Howie said as he stood. He had been watching Nick's pensive mood and had guessed what was going on. 

"Howie, I don't need-" 

"We could all come," AJ said pointedly. He watched as Nick's shoulders slumped in defeat. 

"Fine," he said, then turned from the table. 

Howie matched his step and together they headed through the restaurant. 

AJ muttered something under his breath and Brian rubbed his eyes. Kevin, completely mystified, finally spoke. 

"What was that about?" 

"You know, Kev," AJ said in a somewhat tired voice, "you have a bad habit of underestimating that kid." 

"Underestimating?" 

"You don't have a clue how much this is affecting him, do you?" came the question. "You know he always takes things way too personally." 

Kevin took a steadying breath and said, "I know he's probably still mad about yesterday-" 

"Mad?" AJ asked. He shook his head and gave the dark-haired man a long look. "He's not mad, Kev. He's worried. Like the rest of us are worried." 

A frown. Then, "But where did he just go, and why did Howie leave with him?" 

Brian sighed. "He went to cancel some plans, and Howie went along to make sure he didn't." 

"I don't understand," Kevin said. 

"It'll be up to Nick to explain," Brian declared. "You're gonna have to ask him about it." 

********** 

"Nick, hold up," Howie said, his shorter legs not able to keep up the pace Nick set. 

"Look, D, this isn't going to wash. It's better I trash the whole idea now-" 

"You can't cancel the plans," Howie stated flatly, catching his companion's arm. He pulled him to a stop.  

"I can, and I will," Nick said in a low voice. "The whole thing was stupid, I was an idiot to think anything I could do would make a difference." 

"Are you serious? What happened today proves just how much Kevin needs it!" 

"So what's gonna happen tonight?" he said bitterly. "You think Kevin is gonna do a 180 now, especially after what happened in the hall? It's better that I cancel the arrangements and save everyone a lot of grief." 

"Nick, listen. You have to try." 

"You don't understand," Nick said as he ran a hand through his hair. "I blew it, D. Kevin didn't go ballistic about the bear thing, but that doesn't mean he isn't mad underneath. There isn't a chance in hell he'll want to go along with it."  

"You don't know that for sure. Look, I'll bring up the subject of what we're planning on doing tonight, and you can see what he says." 

"But-" 

"But nothing. It's not like you to give up, Frack. Not on something this important." 

After a moment, Nick looked into sincere brown eyes and realized Howie was right. He couldn't just give up without even trying. Even if things didn't work out, at least he could put in the effort. 

"All right," he relented. "I'll try." 

Howie smiled and clapped him on the back. "That's all you can do. Now, let's get back before they eat all the good stuff." 

With a wry smile, Nick nodded and the two retraced their steps. 

********** 

Although Kevin was consumed with curiosity, he held his questions and simply watched and listened to Nick. Whatever had happened had shifted the blond's mood, and now he was more talkative with the others. He still avoided prolonged eye contact with the oldest, but that was understandable, considering. Finally the conversation turned to the subject he wanted most to avoid: the evening's activities.  

"I'm tellin' ya," AJ said enthusiastically, "this chick was hot. While you were buying that doll-" 

"It's a bear!" Brian protested. 

"Yeah, whatever," AJ continued, "she was telling me about a couple of clubs that sounded terrific. We need a night out, and who knows when we'll get another chance!" 

"Did you see this supposedly 'hot chick', Howie?" Brian asked skeptically. 

"Yeah, she was definitely worth a second look," he said with a grin. "And she did say her and a bunch of her friends were going club hopping tonight." 

"It would be good to sample the local color," mused Brian.  

"Count me in," Howie said. "It sounds fun." 

"Me too," Brian said with a grin. "How about you, Kev? You can come along and we can keep these two in line." 

"Ah, no," Kevin answered. "I'm not in a very social mood tonight." 

"It'll be good for you," AJ declared. "A little drinking, a little dancing, you know… fun." 

"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head.  

Howie gave a slight frown and said, "Hey, wait a minute, guys. This isn't fair to Nick… maybe we should stick around the Suite and watch movies or something." 

"Don't bother," Nick said. "I… I have plans of my own." He seemed uncertain, and didn't continue right away. 

"What kind of plans?" Brian asked, curious.  

"Well…" He stopped, chewing on his bottom lip and suddenly becoming quite interested in his napkin. 

"Well what?" encouraged Howie. 

"See, it's a full moon, and there's going to be a total lunar eclipse tonight. I read this article about it… it's kinda rare, and I thought it would be neat to watch it. The next one isn't for another three years." 

There was surprise on all four faces around him. Finally, Brian broke the silence and spoke. 

"I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing, Frack." 

"The science part of it took me a little time to understand," he admitted. "I just thought that with the weather so perfect, and the timing just right, it would be a shame to miss it." He finally looked up. "You guys want to come?" 

"Hmm," AJ said, pretending to ponder something, "let me see. Clubbing, where there will be lots of hot babes and cold drinks, or watching the moon go dark. Choices, choices…" He gave a smirk and said, "Sorry, Nicky boy, there's no contest. You can have the moon." 

"Where are you going to watch the eclipse from?" came Kevin's soft drawl. 

"Uh, the roof. The view should be clear from there. I got permission from the hotel manager already." Nick forced himself to look directly at his oldest brother. "Are you… interested?" 

Kevin leaned back. "I've got some schedules to go over," he said by way of answer. "Seems like tonight would be a perfect time for that." 

Nick tried, but he couldn't quite hide the look of utter disappointment that flickered across his face. "I see," he said, fighting to keep his voice even. 

"Jeeze, Kev, schedules? As opposed to club hopping? Even staring at the moon would be better than paperwork," AJ criticized. 

"To each their own, I suppose," Howie said diplomatically.  

"So about how long does this eclipse last?" Brian asked. 

"The whole thing is about an hour. It starts around ten o'clock." He darted a glance at Kevin, but looked back at his best friend. "I think it would be fun to see it with someone." 

AJ shook his head. "Sorry, Frack. Count the three of us out. By ten we'll have already been to at least two clubs," he said. "The action gets started early here, or so I'm told." 

"I hope y'all don't plan on staying out too late," Kevin said. "We've got rehearsal and sound check at half past nine, followed by an interview, a promotional meeting, and some photo op sessions." 

"Don't worry, Dad," AJ said in a childish voice. "We'll be good Boys and make curfew." 

"We'll be back around one," Howie promised, playfully hitting AJ in the arm. 

"Well, Frack, it looks like you're on your own," Brian said.  

"Yeah," Nick replied. "Just me and the moon." 

Kevin couldn't help but hear the slightly wistful tone in his voice, and he wondered why the eclipse was so important to Nick. Then, with a mental shrug, he dismissed the question. He had his own problems to contemplate tonight. 

Dinner finished smoothly, and soon the five were headed back to the Suite. While the mood was much better on the ride up, Nick was notably withdrawn. It didn't go unnoticed. 

"Well, Frack, it's a little too early to head out… what say we play a couple of rounds?" Brian said. "I almost beat you yesterday, remember…" 

Nick raised an eyebrow and conjured a small smile. "I had you by a mile. The only time you ever come close to beating me in a game is when I'm deathly ill or feeling really generous." 

"Sounds like a challenge to me," AJ said with a grin. 

********** 

Kevin resisted the inclination to retreat to his room and forced himself to remain in one of the wingback chairs by the couch. While Brian and Nick began a game session, Howie produced his laptop and activated it; soon, he and AJ were fully focused on whatever was on the screen. From AJ's snickers, Kevin could only imagine what those two were into.  

A few minutes passed before Brian let out a whoop of triumph over something, almost immediately followed by his incredulous cry of protest. Kevin leaned back and listened to the good-natured argument that ensued: Brian, accusing the blond of cheating, Nick insisting it was sheer skill and ability that had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. Kevin sighed quietly. How many times had he heard the same banter over the years? He couldn't remember a day they had spent together that Nick hadn't been gaming. He wondered how it kept the younger man's interest. How many games had he played? A thousand, two thousand? Five? More? Such things failed to captured his interest, and he couldn't imagine what Nick saw in it.  

Of course, he reflected, Nick was still a kid, and such things would hold an appeal. It was something that he'd been doing ever since the group had formed; it was probably more a habit now than anything else. After all, what else would Nick do while confined to the bus or a hotel room because of his age? Even now he was underage for most of the clubs, and wouldn't be legal to drink for months yet. He supposed he should feel empathy for the younger Boy. 

Kevin shifted in his chair and caught the gleam in azure eyes as Nick fought for a win. There was a light in those eyes, an excited passion that transformed his features. The game was capturing his interest completely, and it was obvious he was enjoying the battle. Suddenly, all thoughts of feeling sorry for Nick vanished. Kevin blinked several times as two questions struck: When was the last time he had enjoyed anything that much? And, when had he been able to lose himself so totally and really let go?  

The realization that he couldn't remember filled him with despair. While he'd naturally assumed the 'responsible' role in the group from the moment they had gotten together, he'd always managed to have his fair share of fun along the way. But… 

Somehow that had stopped. Really, it didn't make sense. The earlier years had been much more of a struggle; now, they had their pick of where to go and what to perform, and were welcomed by thousands of fans everywhere they played. Yet, he wasn't half as happy as he'd once been. What, exactly, had changed? 

He let out a quiet, confused sigh. It was a puzzle that he was no closer to solving now than he had been a week… or a month… ago. 

********** 

Howie nudged his partner and gestured over to the chair Kevin occupied. Both saw the slight frown and the distant look on his face, something that had appeared all too often lately. Kevin was going into silent mode, withdrawing from his friends and brothers yet again.  

AJ bit back a sound of frustration. Suddenly, he didn't have much confidence that Nick's plan would work out; with Kevin looking the way he did, it wouldn't be long before the dark-haired man made excuses to leave the others and retreat away from their company. It was a pattern that had been played out way too often.  

He glanced at Nick and Brian, who were finishing up whatever game they'd been playing. It was almost time to leave, and for some reason he wanted to get out of the Suite before Kevin's retreat. It only took a look at Howie to get the message across, and his partner quickly shut down his laptop without protest.  

Surprisingly enough it was Brian who gave the final victory shout. He jumped up from the couch and whooped a bit, then took a bow in front of imagined cheering fans.  

Nick gave a loud groan but tempered it with a grin. Good naturedly he said, "Sheesh, nothing like a humble winner, Bri." 

"Capital 'w' in Winner," Brian said smugly. "You never had a chance." 

"Gimme a break," Nick said, getting up and stretching. "I have to let you win once in a while or you pout like a baby and won't play anymore." 

Brian stopped his actions and crossed his arms. "You are not telling me you let me win!" 

"Like I said…" 

"No, no, no! I won, I beat you, you lost, you are the lo-ser," he said in a sing-song voice.  

Nick rolled his eyes, but laughed. "Whatever, Frick." 

Howie shook his head in amusement. "Well, if you're done gloating, Brian, it's about time to head out." 

"That's right," AJ added, "the fine ladies of Columbus are waiting!" 

"Don't tell that to Leigh," Brian said. "She might be jealous!"  

AJ made a 'whip-snap' sound, which caused Nick and Howie to snicker. Even Kevin cracked a smile. 

"Yeah, right. You've got 'married man' stamped across your face. It's that beaten, whipped look that every woman recognizes instantly. You're safe." AJ chuckled at the look of consternation that crossed Brian's face.  

"Man," he mumbled as he made his way to his room, "no respect… I just get no respect around here…" 

Howie grinned and shook his head, knowing Brian wasn't really offended. "AJ, you ready to go?" 

"Me?" he said, puffing out his chest. "I'm always r-" 

"AJ!" said Howie and Nick simultaneously, cutting his words off. 

"Sheesh," he mumbled. "It's not like I say it-" 

"All the time," Howie finished. "Yes, you do. Come on, this is your last chance to primp in front of the mirror." 

"Hey, I do not primp!" he protested loudly. "Making sure you look your best is not primping!" 

"Yeah," Howie teased, "but doing it for half an hour is." He ducked as AJ tried to punch him on the shoulder, then took off down the hall. 

Nick grinned after the pair. For a moment, he wished he was going clubbing with them… age limitation or no. But the grin faded with a sigh as he realized that wishing for something didn't change reality. As soon as the three left, he would be stuck in the Suite with Kevin… and from the look on the oldest Boy's face, he knew it would be a long, silent evening.  

Although he wasn't thirsty, he moved towards the kitchenette to get a soda… something to occupy the suddenly awkward moment. He could feel Kevin's eyes on him, but he couldn't think of a thing to say that wouldn't sound lame or forced. He lingered by the fridge as long as he could before going back to the living room.  

Not knowing what else to do, he sat back on the couch and set his soda on the coffee table. He picked up the magazine that had started it all less than a day ago and tried to conjure up some interest in the words. Really, the lunar eclipse was a neat phenomenon, one he'd never seen. Well, it looked like he'd be watching it tonight, if for no other reason than to avoid the troubled emerald gaze of his brother. Maybe the time on the roof, alone, would allow him come up with another, better way to help Kevin.  

He checked the clock on the VCR and realized that he had an hour and fifteen to kill before celestial show time. What in the world was he going to do until then? Surely not sit there as the tension grew in the room… He supposed he could play some solo games, but it was never as fun as when he had a partner. He had no interesting paperbacks to read, and couldn't think of a single person he wanted to talk with on the phone even if it was just to kill time. He wasn't tired, didn't feel like unpacking, and wasn't interested in whatever the television had to offer. There were movies to use in the VCR, but nothing sounded appealing.  

The abrupt ringing of the room phone made him jump slightly, and after realizing that Kevin was making no move to pick it up, he lifted the receiver. 

"Hello?" he said uncertainly. 

"Hello, this is Mr. Shannon at the front desk," came the familiar voice. "I'd like to speak to Nick Carter, please." 

"This is me," he replied. 

"Good, good. I just called to tell your request has been filled and everything is ready for you on the roof. If you take the private elevator up to the top level, you'll find the access door unlocked. Is there anything else you require?" 

"Were you able to get the telescope and all?" Nick asked. 

"Yes, it's a beautiful piece of equipment. You should see the eclipse with crystal clarity." 

"Great. I really appreciate it, Mr. Shannon. Thanks." 

"My pleasure. Now, if you need anything else, just give the desk a ring. Enjoy your evening." 

"Thanks, you too," he said, then hung up the phone. He sat back, lost in his thoughts. 

"You got them to put a telescope on the roof for you?" came the slightly surprised question a moment later. 

Nick blinked, then regarded Kevin. "Yeah, sure." 

"Is it… yours?" 

He frowned at the odd tone. "Yeah, Kev, I paid for it. With my own money," he added distinctly.  

Kevin crossed his arms. "What in the world are you going to do with a telescope after tonight? We don't exactly have a ton of room on the bus-" 

Nick's frown deepened. "I arranged to have it donated to a local elementary school. Mr. Shannon recommended one." 

"Donated?" 

"Yeah, you know, give it away as a gift. My school had one, I thought it would be cool." He shrugged, then looked away. 

"That's…" Kevin cleared his throat. "That's a good idea." He said it as if he were truly surprised. 

Nick didn't respond. He couldn't decide if he should be offended or pleased. The question was forgotten as AJ, Howie and Brian emerged, ready for a night of clubbing. 

"Come on, Kev," Brian said as he clapped his cousin on the shoulder. "Last chance to join us. It would do you some good to get a bit of fresh air and fun." 

"Fresh air, in a club? Not likely," came the answer. "Go. Have a good time. Just remember to be back at a reasonable hour." 

"Yah, yah," said AJ with a wave of dismissal.  

Howie shook his head and said, "Have fun, you guys. Enjoy the eclipse," he added with a look directly at Kevin.  

"Bye," Nick said, watching as his three brothers left the Suite. He was trying to think of what to do next when Kevin solved the problem with a comment. 

"Well, I'm going to work on those schedules. When is that eclipse thing again?" 

"It starts at 10." 

"Right. Well… have fun." 

Nick was glad his face was turned away from Kevin's, because he couldn't prevent the look of disappointment that crossed it. His shoulders slumped as he listened to the other man walk across the room and shut the door behind him. 

There was a time, not so long ago, that he might have allowed tears of frustration to roll down his cheeks… but not now. Any tears, if and when he did shed them, would be because of much graver circumstances. After all, he wasn't a child. Still, the pain in his chest was sharp and strong and he needed to vent somehow. Clenching his jaw, he snatched the controller from where he'd dropped it and started a game.  

********** 

Barely a minute after he'd gone into his room, Kevin could hear familiar sounds coming from beyond his door: Nick was playing a video game. Again.  

It was too bad the others had gone. He had no interest in keeping Nick entertained until his little roof excursion; he didn't care for video games, and Nick wasn't the most riveting conversationalist in the world. He was curious about the entire eclipse thing… it didn't seem like something the youngest Boy would really be interested in… but any questions would have to wait. He had responsibilities to tend to at the moment. 

Kevin opened his travel planner and spread out schedules, itinerary, and tour notes on the small desk. He also retrieved a small packet of paperwork that needed his attention and quickly immersed himself in the details. Paperwork was normally a dreaded, but necessary, part of his job… but tonight he was grateful for the diversion. He read through several contracts, put his signature on a few more forms, and made some notes to share with the other Boys later. The latest sales and financial reports looked good; the guys should be happy to hear that, not that they were living hand to mouth these days. It was nice to see their hard work paying off.  

He finally leaned back in his chair, surprised when he looked at the clock: he'd been busy for forty-five minutes. With all the paperwork finished, and the tour details practically memorized, he had no excuses to remain in his room. He certainly wasn't tired; the only television in the Suite was the main one, in the living room. The phone held no appeal either… after the last disturbing talk with Kris, he had no desire to try again. Really, there was no reason to stay. 

It was then he noticed the silence that came from the outer room. Gone were the sounds of on-screen action, miniature explosions and scripted drama. Even normal television sounds were absent… obviously Nick had tired of playing. Kevin wondered idly when that had happened. Noting the time again, he figured that his bandmate had gone up early to the roof.  

He opened the door and made his way to the common area, fully expecting to find the Suite empty. Instead, he saw a familiar blond head bent over something at the kitchen table. A few steps forward revealed Nick taking notes from an opened magazine… a decidedly odd sight. 

A pair of azure eyes glanced up and caught his gaze. In their depths was a mix of surprise, hope, and wariness. 

"Hey," came the neutral greeting. 

"Hey," Kevin replied awkwardly. He suddenly wanted to turn around and go back to his room, but fought the pull. "Ah, what are you doing?" he said, nodding at the pad of paper covered with writing. 

"Just taking some notes from this magazine. Some things I want to look up on the Net the next time I get a chance." 

"About the eclipse?"  

"Among other things, yeah." 

When Nick fell silent, Kevin shifted uncomfortably and walked over to the fridge. He retrieved a cold soda and leaned against the counter. 

"Kind of unusual, isn't it?" 

"The eclipse?" Nick asked. Could Kevin actually be interested? Hope blossomed in his chest. "Like I said before, it only happens under rare circumstances. The next one-" 

"I wasn't talking about the eclipse," Kevin interrupted. "I was referring to you taking notes like that." 

Nick blinked. A frown crossed his face. 

"I do know how to read and write, Kev." 

"I know that," he said, wondering at the suppressed anger in the younger man's voice. "That's not what I meant. I just find it unusual to see you wrapped up in something so… so…" 

"Intellectual?" Nick provided bitterly. 

"Well, yeah." 

"Jeeze, thanks, Kev."  

"I didn't mean it like that," Kevin began explaining. 

"Sure you did," Nick shot back as he stood abruptly. "God forbid I have any interests besides video games and practical jokes." 

Kevin winced as the words he'd hurled at the younger Boy earlier were thrown back in his face.  

"Look, I'm sorry I said that before," he said, truly not wanting to argue. 

"Me too. I'm sorry for a lot of things." Angrily, Nick gathered his papers and pushed in his chair. He stormed down the hallway and disappeared into his room. 

Kevin rubbed his eyes. He had messed up royally… how many times did that make in one day? Too many, came the silent answer. Rewinding the conversation, he realized how condescending he must have sounded to Nick. He hadn't meant to hurt his younger brother, far from it. He only wanted to ease the tension between them by starting a conversation… 

The slam of a bedroom door gave him only a few seconds warning before Nick strode through the living room once again. He shrugged on his coat as he moved, not looking in Kevin's direction. 

"Nick, wait," Kevin said. "I know you're angry, but we should talk about it-" 

The tall blond stopped in his tracks and spun on his bandmate. His blue eyes sparked with emotion. 

"That's exactly it," he hissed. "We should. But that's not happening, is it Kev? Friendship is supposed to be a two-way street." He paused. "It's obvious you don't trust me with your problems, don't think I'm capable of understanding anything. You've been avoiding me and the others for way too long, so I'm going to make it easy on you tonight. I'm leaving. You can have the whole Suite to yourself." 

"Wait," he said, feeling anger rise rapidly. "You can't just leave like-" 

"You're so smart, Kevin… tell me, how do you spell the word 'hypocrite'?" Nick spat. He didn't wait for an answer.  

Kevin stared at the door, the sound of its hard closing echoing in his mind. A wave of angered frustration swept over him, and he slammed a fist on the counter. The resulting pain helped focus his thoughts. Muttering a curse, he ran a hand through his hair, wondering what he'd done.  

He took three steps towards the door before he stopped himself. Although he knew he'd have to talk with Nick and smooth things over, now was not the time to try. Not when he was angry, not when his temper was at the breaking point. He needed to cool off a bit, regain his composure before confronting the blond. The last thing he could afford to do was make the situation worse. 

********** 

Nick found himself on the roof without ever registering the journey. Once his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw that the hotel had, indeed, fulfilled his request. 

He walked over to the telescope and ran a hand along its smooth surface. It was a beautiful instrument, and the thought that after the eclipse it would be enjoyed by schoolchildren for years to come was gratifying. For a moment, the cutting pain in his chest eased a bit as he thought back to his early memories of school. Mrs. Gilcrest, his fifth grade teacher, had loved teaching about the stars and constellations. He recalled a special night-time field trip, with both parents and kids, to a secluded spot where a special telescope had been set up. Each child had taken a turn at the scope, amazed to see both planets and stars so clearly. It had been like magic. 

Nick shook his head and sighed.  

He'd had such great hopes for the evening. The timing had been perfect, the weather, cooperative… even the arrangements had gone without a hitch. But then he'd screwed things up not once, but twice. He let his anger get the best of him, and had ruined the entire thing. He glanced at his watch… in fifteen minutes, his cell phone would ring, and he'd have to deliver the disappointing news. That was the worst part. She'd seemed so enthusiastic… 

He walked to the edge of the roof and looked at the view in front of him. Tiny pinpoints of light glittered quietly in the darkness, scattered as far as the eye could see. It was beautiful, but he found no comfort in the display. The ache in his chest returned, and he suddenly felt a chill. He knew it had nothing to do with the temperature, but he drew his outrider coat closer anyway.  

Feeling an enormous sense of failure, he walked back to the telescope and the chair next to it. He sat down after a moment and rubbed at the tension in the back of his neck. Leaning back, he shut his eyes, trying to let his thoughts settle.  

Slowly the tightness faded and the pain from his argument with Kevin eased a bit. He looked up, finally, at the bright moon above him and let out a long sigh. Maybe he'd expected too much. After all, who was he to think he could really help his much older and more experienced brother? In that, Kev was probably right. What could he know about what was troubling the older man? His theories seemed to fly away into the night sky. He'd been foolish to think he could actually know what was going on.  

It would be up to the others, he realized. He'd lost his chance to help Kevin.  

Knowing he would be sole witness to the eclipse, he leaned forward and began adjusting the scope. The moon jumped into view and he fine-tuned the focus so that every lunar mountain and valley was as crisp as possible. Despite the circumstance, he felt a bit of interest at the impending event. It would have been much better had his plan worked out, but there was nothing he could do about it now. 

He was so involved with the view that he never heard the door open behind him. 

********** 

Kevin paused, his hand hovering near the doorknob. He'd spent nearly fifteen minutes debating what to do before he realized there was only one right choice. He'd swallowed his anger and pride and headed to where he knew Nick would be.  

He'd rehearsed a dozen things to say to his younger brother, and they'd all sounded good in the Suite. But as he stood facing the roof access door and the scene beyond, he wasn't so sure. Chastising himself, he shook his head and forced his hand to grasp the knob. He would attempt to apologize, and leave it at that. Quietly, he opened the door and stepped through.  

Nick was before him, leaning in towards the large telescope and fiddling with a knob on the side. For a moment, Kevin wanted to turn and leave, but he gathered his resolve. He took a couple of steps forward. 

"Nick?" he said quietly.  

The blond jumped, despite the low level of his voice. Nick turned around, but didn't speak at first. Kevin saw confusion behind his eyes. 

"Kev." He turned back to his scope. 

"I know the eclipse is almost happening, but can we talk for a second?" Kevin asked, crossing the distance.  

"I don't know," came the soft reply as he stood. "Can we?" Nick hesitated. "I don't want to argue again." 

"I don't want to argue either. I just came to apologize." 

Silence. 

"Nick," he continued, "I know I've been lashing out at everyone, especially you. The things I said back there, and earlier today, well… I just lost my temper. I'm sorry about that. I've been a little tense lately." 

"No kidding," he said, crossing his arms. 

"I know I've been difficult to be around. I admit that. But lately things have been kind of confusing for me and-" 

"Kev, if I had been acting exactly like you, and treated everyone the way you have… what would you have done?" 

The question caught him off guard. "Well, you can't really compare…" 

"You'd ask me what was wrong," Nick interrupted bluntly. 

"Yeah," Kevin answered, realizing where the conversation was going. 

"And if I refused to talk about it? What then?" When no response followed, Nick continued. "Normally, most of us turn to you for help with problems. It's always been that way. But you have problems too, Kev. You should be able to talk to us, let us be there for you. Leaning on your friends, your brothers, is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength." Nick looked down. "It's one of the most important things you ever taught me," he said in a voice just above a whisper. A second later he lifted his head and stared into emerald eyes. "I know you were right when you said I couldn't relate. But that doesn't mean no one can. You got to talk to Brian or Howie or even AJ… someone, Kev. Before it's too late and it takes over everything." 

Kevin was struck by his sincerity, and the truth in his words. He couldn't form a response. 

"I'm worried about you, Kev. I'm scared to see you so tense and angry every day. I wanted to do something to fix it, to make it better, but I can see that's not going to happen." He looked down again, eyes filled with pain. 

"Oh God," Kevin said, running a hand through his hair. "Nick, I'm sorry. I… I don’t know… what can I say? I'm really sorry."  

"Apology accepted," Nick said in a hollow voice.  

The moment was disrupted by a shrill ring. Kevin frowned, confused, but Nick didn't seem surprised. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew his cell. 

"Hi," he said quietly. "Hang on a second."  

Kevin stared. Nick took a deep breath, then held out the phone along with a tiny headset. 

"It's for you." 

"What?"  

"The phone call is for you. This whole thing is for you, Train. Take it." 

In utter confusion the older Boy took the phone and uttered a tentative 'hello'. His eyes widened considerably at the resulting response. That voice… 

"Kris?" he asked, shocked. 

"Enjoy," Nick said as he turned and headed for the exit. 

"Wait, Nick- what's going on?" Kevin asked. 

"Talk to your wife," came the reply. "Have fun." With that, Nick left the roof and shut the door behind him. 

"Kev?" came a voice in his ear. 

"Kris, what's going on here?" 

"Didn't Nick explain things?" she asked, surprised. 

"No, I'm at a complete loss." 

"He was supposed to let you in on the details earlier." 

Kevin sat down in the chair, still a bit dazed. "We've… we kind of had an argument. A couple, actually." 

"Oh, sweetie," she sighed into his ear. "I suppose I'll have to do the explaining. First of all, are you on the roof?" 

"Yeah," he said. 

"Did he get a telescope like he wanted?" 

"Uh, it's right here, all ready to go next to where I'm sitting. But what-" 

"Shh, listen," she said softly. "Relax. I'm sitting here with a telescope next to me, too. We're going to watch the eclipse together." 

"But what-" 

"Shh," she repeated. "Did Nick give you a headset?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay, go and put it on. Your hand’s going to get tired holding the phone up after too long… plus the headset will let you adjust the scope while we talk." 

He put on the gear and attached it to the phone. A second later he put the cell in his jacket pocket and told her he'd done as asked. 

"Good," she said. He could hear the smile in her voice. "Now, let me explain what Nick didn't. He called me this morning, early, and we talked for a while about you. He's been so very worried about you, you know." 

"I know," Kevin replied in a low voice. 

"He called to ask me to participate in a surprise. He'd read some article about the lunar eclipse, and gotten the idea of you and I watching it together. He told me that even though we couldn't actually be together, we could still share the event. I thought it was such a sweet idea I agreed to it right away." 

"He must have been the one on the line this morning when I couldn't get through to you," Kevin said as realization dawned. 

"Yeah, we talked for about fifteen minutes. He told me what to get and when to be ready. When you called me later, I was just on my way out to the store for the telescope… I had to go to three different shops before I found one in stock." 

"Nick was the 'old buddy' you were doing a favor for." 

"I hated misleading you, Kev," she apologized. "I just didn't want the surprise ruined." 

"That's okay," he reassured her.  

"Oh, look through your telescope," she instructed. "The eclipse is about to begin. See it?" 

"Yeah, but nothing's… no, wait. I see the very edge getting shadowed." 

"Me too," she said with a bit of excitement. "Okay, anyway… it was Nick's idea that we watch together. He told me that it's a rare event, and special… and that maybe you would relax and enjoy it. That way," she added softly, "maybe you would feel less tense in the morning and be inclined to talk about some of your problems with someone. You know, get things off your chest a bit." 

Kevin shut his eyes as he realized how wrongly he'd misjudged his youngest brother. AJ had been right at dinner… he'd severely underestimated Nick. 

"Sweetheart?" Kris called. 

"I’m here, hon. I… Nick thought of this all on his own?" 

"Yeah, he did," she said. "He was so excited. I thought for sure he'd spill the surprise early. What on earth did you two argue about?" 

"It's a long story," Kevin said quietly.  

"Well, Kev, we have lots of time tonight. I want to talk to you… really talk. Take advantage of this special night." 

Kevin felt a smile slowly emerge. "It is kind of unusual." 

Her laugh warmed him to his heart. "Just like everything else in our lives," she said. "So talk to me, Love." 

He settled back in the chair, adjusting it and the scope so he could view the eclipse with ease. 

"Well," he began. "I guess it started this morning…" 

********* 

Nick settled himself in a lounge chair by the side of the pool, leaning back and gazing up at the night sky. He saw the faintest darkening of the moon, and drew in a deep breath. He had been surprised that Kevin had shown up when he did, and been there for Kristen's call. Somehow the plan had actually worked.  

Well, the first part of it anyway. 

He let out his breath and tried to relax. Kevin was up above, hopefully enjoying the view with Kris. For the next hour or so, his oldest brother would be engaged in conversation with the woman he loved. After that… Nick couldn't guess. He only hoped that Kevin had a good time; more than that he couldn't expect. 

He put his hands behind his head, then crossed his feet, settling in for the duration. He knew he wouldn't be disturbed; the pool wasn't heated and it was late. That was perfectly fine with him. 

As the moon became cloaked in shadow, he felt himself suppressing a yawn. He hadn't slept much the night before, and now that he was in the dark, practically lying down, he could feel the pull of sleep. He shifted, not about to allow himself to drift off. How weird would that be, to fall asleep by a pool in early October? He concentrated on recalling the facts in the magazine article. In his mind's eye he could see the image of the graphics they'd used to explain the eclipse. He remembered almost understanding it… but not quite. Although he'd never admit it, he'd finally had to line up a basketball, a baseball and a flashlight to simulate the picture. The whole thing had suddenly made sense, and he'd been kind of excited about his revelation.  

He tried to think of the notes he'd taken from the other articles in the magazine. He'd seen something on mummies, always a favorite… but not the Hollywood kind, the real kind. The photos they had were awesome, and the article had mentioned a website. Howie would let him borrow his laptop, he was sure. Oh, and the sharks… He'd seen something about a new species of shark that had been discovered off the Great Barrier Reef a month ago. With a smile, he absently touched the material above where his tattoo was, wondering what it'd be like to discover something that incredible. 

Nick shook his head, realizing his thoughts had drifted and wandered far too much. He focused on the moon, slightly surprised to see it over half dark. Idly he wondered what Kevin and Kris were talking about. It would be strange to be married, he decided. To finally find someone to share your life with, forever. The very idea was both exciting and scary. He'd asked Brian about it once, when it was just the two of them one night. His best friend had explained it was a lot more than always having someone waiting for you when you finally got home. He'd gone on about the security of knowing someone loved you, of the bond that was unique, about discovering things together that you never thought of alone, of two sets of dreams becoming one… Nick hadn't really followed everything his best friend had said, but he did understand that Brian was happy. Extraordinarily happy. And that's all that really mattered.  

Nick wondered why Brian was happy and Kevin wasn't. Both Leigh and Kris were great women. He knew how much Kevin loved being married, and how devoted he was to his wife. He didn't think they were having problems… that was the kind of thing you couldn't hide from the rest of the group, especially on tour. Earlier that day, Kris had been both happy and excited to participate in the surprise… and he'd always known her to be honest. It was a puzzle. 

His attention was snapped back by the muffled sound of a car horn from the street. He blinked, realizing he'd allowed his thoughts to meander yet again. He crossed his arms, partially for warmth, and regarded the moon. He felt a small thrill as he saw the shadow steadily devouring the last sliver of light… he held his breath as the moon went completely dark. 

It seemed as if the entire universe was suspended for a few seconds. The bright moonlight had utterly vanished, and there was an eerie quality to the moment. Nick felt both awed and humbled… insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  

Then, the thinnest curve of light appeared on the edge of the dark. He let out the breath he'd been holding and couldn't stop a wide smile from forming. Awesome… 

He settled back again, one hand behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. The hypnotizing pull of the eclipse seemed to demand his entire attention, and he set his thoughts aside as the moonlight steadily grew. 

********** 

"…yeah, me too, honey." Kevin smiled as he shut his eyes. "More than you'll ever know." 

"Tell Nick thank you," came her soft voice. "I owe him a huge hug." 

"I'll tell him thanks," he said, "but you can do the hugging yourself." He listened to her laugh, relishing the sound. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" 

"Whenever you get the chance, Kev. It's quality, not quantity, remember." 

"I'll remember. Good night," he said reluctantly. "I love you." 

"Good night," she echoed warmly. "And I love you too. Bye." 

"Bye," he said, listening as a small click ended their call. 

For a long moment he sat still, savoring the sensation of contentment. He and Kris hadn't talked like that in a long, long time. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that part of their relationship. It was so incredibly easy to let time and opportunity slip by.  

Dark green eyes looked up at the shining face of the moon, wondering how the light suddenly seemed more magical than before. He knew it was simply a matter of perspective… something he'd lost sight of recently. It was funny how blind he'd been. 

Kevin got up from his chair and stretched. For a moment he wondered what to do about the telescope, but then figured that it would be safe. With one more glance at the full moon, he smiled. He doubted he'd ever look at it the same way again. 

He sighed deeply. That his youngest brother had come up with the entire concept was astonishing. Nick had taken him by complete surprise… from the original idea to the arrangements and coordination, he had pulled it together in an impressive way. All that, for no other reason than he wanted to help make things better. 

A sharp twinge of guilt made Kevin wince as he replayed the events of the day. He'd been so caught up in his own world he'd failed to see how Nick had been trying to help. His stubborn refusal to open up and talk had done more than hurt just himself… they'd hurt Nick as well. He shut his eyes as their argument in the Suite came back to him. A moment later he shook his head… the words couldn't be taken back, the past couldn't be changed. 

However, he could do something about the present.  

Kevin crossed the roof, knowing he had to talk to Nick without delay. 

********** 

He entered the Suite, fully expecting to hear the sounds of the television. Instead, he was greeted by silence. After a second of listening for softer sounds and finding none, he called Nick’s name. He frowned at the lack of response, then walked down the hallway. He didn’t know which room was being shared by Nick and Brian, so he chose the left and knocked loudly. 

No answer. 

He moved to the middle door, repeated the gesture, and was again met with silence. 

Kevin shifted and ran his hand through his hair. Surely Nick wasn’t asleep… not with all the pounding. Then again, the youngest had been known to doze through the most astonishing of events. Reluctantly, he turned the knob on the door and eased it open. 

His eyebrows arched high as he took in the appearance of the room… it looked as if a full scale hurricane had swept through it. He shook his head, a small smile curving his lips. Hurricane Kaos, he thought. While it was obvious the room belonged to Nick and Brian, the object of his search was nowhere to be seen. Kevin shut the door and retraced his steps to the living room. 

He glanced at the time… it was a little past midnight. Where could he be? The eclipse had finished over an hour ago. The smallest twinge of worry stirred in his chest. The only places open at that hour were clubs and bars… neither of which Nick would be inclined to visit. It wouldn’t make sense for Nick to leave the hotel… he knew better than to wander off, no matter how angry or upset he was. 

He shook his head, dismissing the unproductive thoughts. There was only one logical place for Nick to be at this hour, and Kevin half hoped, half prayed he was there. Without a second thought, he headed out the Suite door and crossed the short distance to the elevator. By the time the car had reached the first floor, he had convinced himself that Nick simply had to be waiting for him in the Lobby.  

Confidently, he left the elevator and glanced around the large room. At that hour, activity was very low, and he had no trouble searching. To his dismay, there wasn’t a single sign of his bandmate. Just to be sure, he walked around the seating area, hoping to find Nick slumped in a chair behind a large plant… but he found nothing. The worry began to escalate. Pushing down a touch of panic, he headed towards the front desk. Surely someone there had seen a six-foot blond wearing a long black coat… 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Richardson,” said the Receptionist, “Mr. Carter hasn’t been here for at least an hour. I’ve been on duty since 10:45 and I can guarantee he hasn’t come down since then.” 

“What about before that?” he asked. “Before you came on duty?” 

She smiled and gave a nod. “Let me check.”  

The redhead walked to the end of the counter and spoke quietly to a young man, who immediately took off for the front door. Twenty seconds later he returned, shaking his head as he reported his news. The Receptionist came back to Kevin. 

“Neither Sam nor the doorman saw your Mr. Carter,” she said apologetically. “They started their shifts much earlier, at nine. While Sam might have been busy elsewhere during that time, the doorman has not moved. I can guarantee that Mr. Carter did not leave through the front door.” Then she frowned. “Is there a problem? Is this a matter for the authorities?” 

“Oh, no,” Kevin said hastily. “Just a case of getting our signals crossed, I guess. Thanks.” 

“Good luck,” she said with a smile. 

Kevin turned away and had gone a couple of paces before a thought struck him. Water… 

In a curious voice, he spun around and said, “Isn’t there a pool on the hotel grounds?” 

She looked confused but said, “Yes, we have an outdoor pool. But I doubt he’d be there, it’s far too cold to swim. The pool isn’t heated.” 

“Can you tell me where it is?” he asked. 

“Through those doors,” she said, indicating the direction with her hand, “and then left.” 

“Thanks,” he said, not waiting for a reply. 

He kept his stride controlled and purposeful. It would make sense, Nick being by the pool. The youngest Boy had always taken refuge near the water… he’d said something about how it cleared his mind and helped him relax. Since they were hundreds of miles from any ocean, the next best thing would be a pool. 

Or so Kevin hoped. 

He opened the door and held back a relief-filled sigh. There Nick was, sprawled on a lounge chair, only a few feet from the water. Quietly he crossed the concrete, not wanting to startle his brother; he took in a breath to speak when he realized something odd. 

Nick was sound asleep. 

He blinked, drawing near his bandmate. With one hand curled near his cheek and the other resting across his stomach, Nick looked painfully young. Memories flooded Kevin’s mind, and he easily saw the boy Nick had been. Unlike the others, the blond had done most of his growing up on the road, touring with the band. He’d been so small back then… barely a teenager… yet he’d agreed to the grueling hours and the time away from home and school and family. Thinking back, Kevin wondered how hard it had actually been for him.  

He sighed. He’d been older than Nick was now when the group first got together… he clearly remembered the homesick days and the doubts along the way. He also remembered how infuriating it was when other adults treated him like a kid, as if he didn’t have a mind or a will of his own.  

Exactly the way he’d been treating Nick. 

Carefully he eased down in the next chair, not willing to wake the sleeping figure just yet. There was something about the peaceful look on his face that seemed… fragile. Transitory. With sadness, Kevin realized that it had been a long, long time since he’d shared a moment of peace with the youngest. He’d been blind for quite a while… Nick had become an adult, and he hadn’t even noticed. The sensitivity that had been behind the recent surprise spoke volumes concerning Nick’s maturity.  

And he hadn’t even noticed. 

Kevin silently chastised himself. If he’d misjudged Nick so badly, what else had he been wrong about? Maybe… maybe the others could help him with his problems. At least, they might be able to help him sort through things. It would be a start. 

Reluctantly, he leaned over and gently shook Nick by the shoulder. A second later he was rewarded with a slightly confused azure stare. 

“Wake up, Frack,” he said with a small smile. 

“Wha- Kev?” Nick mumbled sleepily. A few seconds later he sat upright, blinking rapidly. “Must’ve fallen asleep. What, um, time is it?” 

“It’s almost 12:30,” he replied. “How long have you been here?” 

“I came here to watch the eclipse,” he said. His eyes seemed to clear and he looked up tentatively. “Did you have a good talk?” 

Kevin smiled. “I had a fantastic time, Nick. That was one of the neatest things anyone’s ever done for me,” he declared sincerely.  

Nick swung his legs over the side of the chair and gazed at the water for a moment. “As long as you enjoyed it,” he said a bit distantly. 

“Kris and I haven’t talked like that in a long time,” Kevin admitted. “I had no idea how much I’d missed that. I can’t tell you what a difference it made… it was a wonderful idea.” 

Nick looked up from the water and stared at his brother’s eyes until he found the sincerity he was searching for in their emerald depths. Finally a small, hopeful smile appeared on his face. 

“So maybe you’re not so… upset now?” 

Kevin grimaced and said, “Look, I’m really sorry about before. I had no right to go off on you the way I did-“ 

“That doesn’t matter,” Nick said, cutting him off with a gesture. “I was ticked too. The important thing is how you feel now.” 

Kevin took a moment to gather an answer. 

“I guess I feel a lot of things,” he said quietly. “Happy that I was able to share something like that with Kris, embarrassed at the way I’ve been treating you and the guys lately, regretful of the things I’ve said… and angry.” 

Nick’s blue eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak when Kevin continued. 

“Angry at myself. For misjudging you, for not giving you credit for being… who you are now. You’re not a kid anymore, but I never saw that until tonight.” It was Kevin’s turn to stare at the water. “I’m really sorry for that.” 

“It’s okay,” came the even reply. “Sometimes it’s hard to see things when they’re up close. I do the same thing to Aaron… to me, most of the time, he’s still my bratty little five year old brother, despite the fact he’s got an album out and is doing so well on his own. It blows me away each time I think about it.” He gave a slight shrug. “It happens.” 

“I always thought I was a lot more aware of things,” Kevin said regretfully. 

Nick shook his head. “You’re being too hard on yourself, Kev. You have a lot to think about,” he said.  

“We all have a lot to think about.” 

Crossing his arms, Nick said, “Who keeps track of our schedule? Who is our direct link to management? Who makes sure we get what we need, when we need it? Who is the one who pushes us to be more creative, more unique? Who keeps everyone from killing each other on the road? Who does everyone turn to for advice?” 

“Yeah, but-” 

“But nothing,” Nick said. Then, dropping his voice to a low whisper he added, “You know, I think that’s your only real flaw.”  

“My… flaw?” 

“You forget that you’re human.”  

Silence fell between the two as Kevin considered the simple but powerful statement. Nearly a minute passed before he spoke. 

“Are you saying I shouldn’t do all that?”  

“No,” the blond said. “What I’m saying is, I think you put so much time and energy into what we need, what we require, that you forget about what you need.” He sniffed, then shivered a bit. “At least, that’s my take on the whole thing.” He looked down at the moon-washed concrete and drew his coat tighter. “For what it’s worth,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling a lot less confident 

“For what it’s worth?” Kevin echoed with a frown. “Nick…”  

“It’s kinda cold out here,” he said, changing the subject rapidly. “I think it’s time to go in.” 

“Okay,” Kevin said as he stood, “we can continue on with this inside.” 

“You had a good time with Kris, right? That’s all I wanted,” Nick declared. “My job is over, there’s nothing more I can do.” 

“I… kind of wanted to talk tonight.” 

“Well, the guys aren’t back yet, and I doubt that they’ll want to chat when they arrive. You’ll have to catch them tomorrow, when they’re awake and coherent,” Nick said as he moved towards the door. 

“I meant us… you and me.” 

At that, Nick stopped. “What do you mean?” he asked. 

“I thought maybe, after all that’s happened, I could ask your opinion on some things.” 

“My opinion?” 

Kevin stared at puzzled blue eyes. “Yeah,” he replied. “I’d like to know what you think.” 

“But… why?” Pure confusion. 

“Because I realize that keeping everything to myself is stupid and destructive,” he explained. “Isn’t that what you all want me to do, to talk about things?” 

“Well, yeah, but…” 

Frustrated, Kevin scowled. “But what?” 

“Why do you want my opinion?” Nick persisted. 

“What kind of fool question is that?”  

Nick stared at his older brother for several heartbeats. His internal debate as to whether to answer or not waged for a suspended moment. Then, in a quiet, deliberate voice, he spoke. 

“In all the time we’ve been together, you’ve never asked me for my opinion on anything personal, Kev.” 

Kevin opened his mouth to protest but realized, with a shock, that Nick was right. His gaze shot to Nick’s face, but he saw no condemnation there, no bitterness or reproach.  

“I… damn,” he began, not sure what to say.  

“S’okay,” Nick said with a shrug. “I never really expected you to. I mean, think about it.” 

“That was wrong of me,” Kevin confessed painfully. 

Nick looked down. “Don’t be so sure,” he said. “I’m not exactly known for my wisdom.” 

Despite himself, Kevin smiled. “You have a unique kind of wisdom,” he said, touching his brother on the arm. When Nick met his eyes, he continued. “I’d really like to hear what you have to say. I think it’s about time I started listening, don’t you?” 

“You might be sorry,” Nick warned, allowing a small smile of his own to appear. 

“I asked for it, didn’t I? Come on, let’s get inside and up where it’s warmer and more comfortable.” 

“Okay.” 

The pair walked back into the hotel and crossed the Lobby in silence. Kevin spared a glance at the Receptionist, who acknowledged his nod and smiled at his success. Nick hit the elevator button, and soon the two were ascending. Not a word was spoken until they had entered the Suite and removed their coats.  

“Want something to drink?” Kevin asked from the kitchen area. 

“Sure, whatever. Nothing with caffeine, unless you plan on staying up until dawn listening to me babble.” 

“One juice coming up,” came the amused reply. 

Kevin handed the bottle to Nick as he sank down on the couch beside him. Opening his own drink, he took a long swallow before leaning back against the cushions. 

“This has been one hell of a day,” he commented. 

“Yeah.” 

“You know, that plan you carried out was pretty slick,” Kevin said. 

“I was lucky things fell into place.” 

“There was a lot more to it than luck. I want to thank you again. I’ll never forget it. Oh, and Kristen says thanks.” 

Nick smiled as he, too, leaned back and put his feet up on the table. “Tell her she’s welcome. Like I said, I’m just glad it worked out. She’s pretty cool, huh?” 

Kevin grinned. “Yeah, I think so.” Then his _expression sobered. “She’s a great person.” 

“So why the not-so-happy look?” 

“That’s part of the problem,” he answered with a sigh. 

“Kris is part of the problem?” Nick asked, truly surprised. “But I thought-” 

“No, that’s not what I meant. She’s terrific, and marrying her is one of the smartest things I ever did.” 

“So… where does the problem fit in?” 

Kevin shifted a bit. “See, Kris is great. I love being married to her… sure, we’re apart more than I’d like, but she understands that. So I’m happily married… Then there’s my music.” 

“What’s wrong with your music?” Nick asked, trying hard to follow. 

“Nothing. That’s part of the problem too. I’m doing what I love, and am creating more than ever.” 

“Kev…” 

“Hear me out,” he said. “There’s the band’s success… the ninety minutes of raw energy feedback we get during a concert is like no other rush in the world. The fans, the way they respond, makes all the hard work worth it. And our commercial success, that's nothing to sneeze at either. Every one of us has more money than we could ever need.” 

When he didn’t continue, Nick sighed. “Let me get this straight. You are happily married to a terrific woman, you’re doing the job you love, branching out creatively like never before, and still get a major jolt out of performing. And you’re rich.” He cast a sidelong glance to the figure next to him. “Yeah, I can see how that would suck.” 

“No, see… that’s my point. By all accounts, I should be beyond happy. I should be practically dancing in the aisles… but, I’m not. It seems I’m confused and angry at things I can’t define.” He gave a frustrated sigh. “And it just seems to be getting worse as time goes on. It doesn’t make sense.” 

Nick was quiet for almost a minute. Kevin was about to check and see if the younger Boy had fallen asleep when he spoke. 

“Want to play a video game?”  

“What?” Kevin asked, stunned.  

“A video game, you know. It’s fun.” 

“No, I don’t want to play a video game,” he answered tightly. He’d just spilled his guts to Nick, and he had dismissed the entire thing like it was- 

“Why not?” Nick asked offhandedly. 

“What do you mean, why not? I have no interest in video games!” 

“I remember you used to,” Nick pointed out.  

“That was a long time ago,” Kevin grated.  

“When you were my age, right?” he said, staring at the ceiling. “When we first got together.” 

“Yeah…” 

“Ah.” After a few seconds, Nick continued. “But how come you didn’t keep playing?” 

“I guess I got into other things,” he said. 

“Well, look. The guys will be back soon, but there’s probably time to set up a cool practical joke. Remember the time when you glued the entire zipper shut on Brian’s duffel bag, and he eventually had to cut it open?” Nick grinned. “That was classic. You inspired me with that one.” 

“No, I don’t want to play a practical joke on anyone,” Kevin said, exasperated. “Besides, that was years ago… I don’t do that stuff any longer. It’s childish.” 

“Yeah,” agreed Nick happily. “But I remember seeing you laugh so hard you started wheezing. That was fun.” 

The barest smile lifted the corners of Kevin’s mouth. “Maybe it was,” he relented.  

“So why don’t you do stuff like that now?” Nick asked, a hint of seriousness in his voice. 

“Because… I don’t know, it’s immature. It’s not something an adult would really want to do.” 

“Bingo.” 

Kevin was confused at the declaration. “What do you mean, ‘bingo’?” 

Nick gave a long look at his friend and said, “Remember when you were a kid, when the simplest things made you happy? Finding a weird bug crawling on the lawn, fishing in the local pond, exploring someplace you’d never been, counting the stars at night? Simple stuff. No worries, every day was pretty much full of adventure. Why did things ever change? Why does everyone give that up as they get older?” 

“I guess… our world changes,” Kevin said, beginning to understand a bit of where Nick was headed. 

“Not our world, Kev,” Nick corrected. “Our priorities. Suddenly, girls become more important than bugs. Sports become more important than coloring. And it keeps happening. Fitting in with your group becomes more important than being independent… then it switches, and independence makes you special. When you were my age, you liked a lot of the same stuff I do now… games, jokes, expensive toys, gadgets. But you never stop changing your priorities. Here you are now… and the things that used to be important to you, aren’t anymore.” 

“But the band, and touring, and music are still important,” he pointed out. 

“Sure they are,” Nick said. “But there are other priorities coming in your life. Think of Kris… having a wife is a big thing. You aren’t just part of the BSB now, you’re someone’s husband. Soon, you might even be starting a family,” he said, the slightest blush coloring his face. “Then, your priorities will change again. You’ll be a dad.” Nick shook his head in wonder. “I can’t imagine what that would be like.” 

“I think… that would change everything,” Kevin said slowly. 

“Yeah. In a big way. You’ll still have your music, and the BSB… but man. To have someone calling you ‘Daddy’…” His voice trailed off. 

Kevin tried to absorb what Nick had proposed. “So, you’re saying that the reason I’m not as happy as I once was, as I think I should be, is because my priorities are shifting again.” 

“You’re not the same person you were when we started out,” Nick said. “None of us are. Because you’re the oldest, you’re hitting that point first.” He gave a slight shrug. “At least, that’s what it looks like to me.” 

“You didn’t come up with this between the pool and here,” Kevin declared. 

“No… I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately,” he admitted. “I dunno. Maybe it’s because I spend a lot more time alone than anyone else. When you guys go off clubbing or whatever, I have a lot of time on my hands. Games and television are only so interesting. After a while, I can’t help but start thinking of stuff like this.” His tone was half apologetic. 

Kevin didn’t reply. He’d been surprised by the blond so often in the last few hours that he was at a loss for words at the latest revelation. 

“Anyway,” Nick said with a sigh, “that’s how I see it. I’m probably way off base, but you did ask. I think you should talk to the other guys tomorrow… they’re a lot smarter than me about this stuff.”  

“I… wouldn’t be so sure,” Kevin replied. “Damn.” 

“What?” Nick asked, his azure eyes wide. 

“What you said makes sense. A whole lot of sense.” He suddenly realized something else, and gave the blond a measuring stare. “That’s why you thought of Kris for tonight.” 

“Huh?” 

“You said you wanted to get me to relax, to have a good time so that maybe I’d feel like opening up and talking to someone.” 

“Yeah…” 

“That could have been done a lot of ways. But you involved Kris.” 

“Oh, sure,” Nick said, settling back again. “I figured she was the biggest new priority in your life, so it just made sense to think of her. And even if my whole ‘priorities’ theory was bogus, I didn’t see anything wrong with your talking with her tonight.” 

Kevin shook his head, amazed. “That’s… jeeze. I’m impressed, Frack. I really haven’t been giving you anywhere near the credit I should.” He blinked. “I really owe you an apology.” 

“No you don’t,” came the reply. “It’s not like I won the Noble prize-” 

“Uh, that’s Nobel…” 

“See? Not like I won the No-bel prize or anything. I just… I dunno, I’ve been worried about you, and kind of set my mind to the problem. I… I hope it helps.” 

“You’ve helped me a lot,” Kevin answered sincerely. “I have a lot of sorting out to do, but I think you nailed the biggest part of the problem.” He gave a short laugh. “Of course, the next question is, what to do about it?” 

Nick held up a hand in surrender. “Whoa, Train,” he said, shaking his head. “One major crisis at a time. I don’t want to strain something.” 

Kevin laughed, the sound strange to his ears. “Maybe we can talk about it later, after I’ve had a chance to think it through.” 

“Sounds good… as long as you don’t do a repeat of the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I could take it.” 

“Me either.” Emerald eyes focused on the youngest. “Thanks,” he said softly. 

“You’re welcome,” came the simple reply. 

Spontaneously, Kevin reached over and ruffled Nick’s hair, surprising him. “When did you grow up, Baby?” he asked, grinning. 

“Last Tuesday, at 6:23 PM,” Nick joked. “And you can’t call me Baby any more, I’m bigger than you!” 

“Bigger, maybe, but not smarter or more handsome or more talented,” Kevin said archly. 

“Well, I’m sure not older,” he shot back, a smile lighting up his face. “I never get mothers in the audience screaming my name, like some geezers I know…” 

“You little…” He flung a pillow at a laughing Nick. 

“Truth hurts, huh, Kev?” Nick said as he grabbed a pillow and fought back. 

“Not as much as it’ll hurt when I get my hands on you,” Kevin promised, lunging for the blond. 

Nick leaped from the couch and nearly fell over the table in his scramble for safety. Soon, a full-blown pillow fight had begun, punctuated by laughter and shouts. When Kevin managed to snatch the pillow from Nick’s grasp, the blond hesitated in panic for just a second before turning and running down the hall to his bedroom. Kevin was close behind. 

“You can’t hide, you wimp!” he called through the just-slammed door. 

“I’m warning you, Kev!” came the muffled reply. 

“You chicken! Come on out and fight like a man!” he challenged, realizing how ludicrous it sounded and not caring a bit. 

He snatched the door open, only to find Nick standing there with two large pillows in hand and an evil glint in his eyes…  

It was Kevin’s turn to run. 

********** 

“Man, that was great,” Howie said as the three made their way across the Lobby. “It’s been a while since we’ve had that much fun, huh?” 

“You said it, Bro,” AJ commented with a grin. “I thought we were done for when that brunette chick recognized us… but everyone kept their cool. What a relief that was!” 

“I’m glad we stopped when we did, though,” Brian commented. “It was fun, but you know what we have to do tomorrow... er, today.” 

They stepped into the private elevator and Howie pushed the proper button. 

“Too bad Kevin didn’t come,” he said. “He could have used a night out.” 

“Wonder what happened after we left?” Brian said, crossing his arms.  

“Kev probably went to his room, Nick went up to the roof, and that’s it. Poor kid,” Howie said. “He was so hopeful…” 

“Maybe they’ll have surprised us-” 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Frick,” AJ interrupted. “Ten bucks says Nick’s playing a game when we walk in.” 

“Gee, there’s a safe bet,” Howie answered.  

The elevator slowed to a stop and the trio exited. They hadn’t quite reached the door when all three froze, alarmed by the noises emanating from the Suite… 

Brian’s eyes widened as he registered the sound of loud voices, rapid footsteps, and muffled thunks. Then, something that was a cross between a wail and a cry… For one horrified, suspended moment, he visualized what was beyond the walls. 

“Oh Lord, Kevin’s finally trying to kill Nick!” he exclaimed, trying to push his panic down.  

“Jeeze, we never should have left them alone,” AJ said, springing towards the door.  

Howie was close behind, fumbling for his cardkey. The second the lock light turned green the three rushed inside. The sight that met their wide-eyed gazes was a true shock. 

A million tiny flecks of white were whirling around the room, creating a miniature blizzard in the Suite. In the middle of the storm were two figures that had stilled the moment the door had opened. 

In disbelief, Brian reached a hand out to catch a fleck, then realized that it was… a feather. 

From a pillow. 

No… make that pillows, plural.  

He blinked in astonishment. Beside him, both AJ and Howie had been rendered speechless as well. For ten seconds, no one spoke as the tiny white bits floated between the group. 

“Huh,” Nick said at last, looking at his pillow. “Guess they don’t make pillowcases as tough as they used to, eh, Kev?” 

“I believe you’re right,” he said with a perfectly neutral _expression. 

“Housekeeping is going to be really ticked,” Nick said matter-of-factly, tilting his head and considering the mess. 

“We’ll make it worth their while,” Kevin promised. He then turned his green gaze on the still-silent three. “Hi, guys.” 

Brian recovered first. “Hi guys?” he said, incredulous. “What’s going on here?” 

“It seems as if there’s been a pillowfight,” Kevin stated.  

“We thought… from the sound of it… you two…” 

“Yes?” Kevin prompted. He fought hard to suppress a grin as tiny feathers settled on his astonished cousin’s head. 

“We… we thought you were trying to kill each other,” Brian managed to say around his confusion. 

Kevin put on a shocked look. “Why on earth would I ever want to do that, cuz?” 

“Well, I-” 

“Relax, Bri,” Nick said, grinning broadly. “We were just playing. Everything’s okay.” 

“Are you two drunk?” AJ asked point-blank. 

Kevin laughed, all pretense of seriousness gone. “Nope. Just letting off a little tension. It’s called ‘having fun’.” 

Howie smiled. “I take it that tonight went… well?” 

“It did,” Kevin said, brushing a feather from his cheek. “Definitely.” 

Relief replaced the worry and shock of moments before. 

“Um… whose pillows, exactly, did you use, Frack?” Brian asked suspiciously. 

“Well, I… ah… you see, Train was running after me, and in my haste to arm myself, I might have grabbed, er, yours…” 

“I told you he was a known pillow thief!” AJ said triumphantly. “No one listened to me in Arizona… but now I have witnesses! No one ever believes bad old AJ, they always take cute little Nicky’s-” 

Howie playfully slapped the back of AJ’s head, which effectively stopped his babbling. A split second later, there was murder in brown eyes as AJ’s attention turned to his attacker. With a small yelp, Howie took off down the hall, trying to escape AJ’s wrath… 

“I think they have the right idea,” Kevin said, dropping his somewhat flat pillow on the couch. 

“Trying to kill each other?” Brian asked, his eyebrows raised in question. 

“No, going to bed. We should all get some rest. There’s a lot to do later, and I’m hoping to get the chance to talk to y’all before the concert.” He exchanged a glance with Nick. “About some important things I could use some advice on.” 

“Sure, okay,” said Brian, not really understanding but grateful for the change.  

“G’nite, guys,” Kevin said, taking one last look at the almost-settled feather blizzard. He shook his head, grinned, and headed toward his room. 

“You realize you’re going to have to spill every detail,” Brian said as he turned to Nick. 

“What makes you think I know anything?” Nick said, using his best ‘innocent’ voice. 

“I know you, Frack. You’re not as dumb as you look.” 

“Who, me?” Nick said, smirking. “How dumb do I look?” 

“Dumb enough to use your own pillows in a fight,” Brian said, inching closer to their room. 

“Those were your pillows,” Nick said, matching the movement. 

“Not if I get there first!” Brian shouted as he zipped down the hall and plunged into the room, diving for the prize. 

********** 

Inside his own room, Kevin smiled as he listened to the sounds of Frick and Frack’s door slamming and their subsequent battle for pillow ownership. He gave a satisfied sigh. 

For the first time in a long time, things seemed… better. Not perfect, but better.  

As he went to draw his curtain shut he caught a glimpse of the bright moon, just visible beyond the trees. His smile grew as he sent silent thanks to the Maker of the phenomenon… and to the Boy who had opened his eyes and helped him to see. 

FIN 

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