I Thought She Knew

By: Carm

Meeting the family. A torturous and fear-driven moment on either side of the gender line. Joey was already adored by not only her brother, but by the rest of her family as well. Her mom kept calling him a 'big ole teddy bear' while her father thought he was just man enough to defend his daughter's honor. He was always on his best behavior when he came with Charisma to see her family, acting as though he were the best church boy the world had ever seen.

For her, however, it was slightly different. She didn't even bother to cover up her nervousness. It had taken long enough for Joey to even decide that she should meet the Fatone's as more than Emily's friend, or JC's twin, but as his girlfriend. The girlfriend that he'd been dating, kissing, sleeping with and occasionally adoring for the past four months. Emily had always told her that her brother was afraid of commitment, like any other man, and that he saw the big step of introductions, but Charisma would shake her head. It wasn't as though she were asking for a ring. Merely a chance to be recognized as part of his life.

Her chance had come and she thought it had went well. Joey referred to her as his girlfriend maybe twice the entire time they spent there. He sat by with a shamed face as his father questioned just how the two managed to come together after so long. And through it all, he'd never mentioned the words that she only heard on occasion from him. Muttered love couldn't compare to outright rejoicing in it, which is what she had wanted to do. She wanted to smile and be happy, and after the interrogations, the Fatone's had made it relatively simple for her to do just that-- except Joey. He seemed uncomfortable being there. She thought for a moment that it was the atmosphere, the overhanging cloud of residual disappointment that he'd chosen to go away from home for a career that could possibly lead him nowhere, but after a while, that thought went aside and Charisma wondered if it was being there with her that made him uncomfortable.

"Joey?" she asked him, as they drove away from the house. They were staying in a quaint hotel rather than his childhood Brooklyn home. He hadn't wanted to stay there overnight. He wouldn't explain why but a few guesses ran through her mind. He looked to her as he drove, then quickly turned his attention back to the road.

"Yeah?" he asked, staring out into the darkened streets.

"Are you regretting today?"

"What do you mean?"

"Bringing me here. Admitting us to your family?"

"Why would I do that? Regret it I mean?"

Charisma shrugged. "I dunno. You're just so-- quiet."

As they stopped at a red light, Joey looked to her. The streetlamps lit their way and the light of the fluorescent bulbs shone into the car and showed him her worried face. He reached out to touch her cheek gently, then leaned in and kissed her other cheek, bypassing her expectant lips. "I'm sorry," he said, turning back to the street as a car behind him honked when the light changed to green. He pulled out and made a few turns. "I just-- it's-- the family."

Charisma was quiet for a while, thinking before whispering, "Okay." Something about his hesitant answer didn't settle right with her. It made her wonder just how good of an idea this had been. To re-meet the family as something other than a close friend. He'd been quiet way before they even came to Brooklyn. He'd been that way since they decided on the trip. And his silence made her wonder if he were ashamed of her, or if she wasn't important enough to him for that next step.

She was asleep when JC walked into his bedroom. He hadn't even realized they had come home yet. Not a phone call or anything. But he could not deny the presence of his feminine half laying beneath his huge comforter, chin barely visible above the dark blue blanket; the same chin that he saw every morning when he looked into the mirror. He walked over to her quietly, not wanting to wake her, feeling that she needed some sleep, and knelt beside the bed. It looked as though she had been crying when she fell asleep. Dried streaks ran down her slack cheeks. Her closed eyes were still surrounded by a puffy red and he knew it would be worse when she woke.

He'd known something wasn't right, even if she wouldn't' tell him. He knew his sister better than anyone else and he knew when her moods changed. He also knew well that he only found her asleep or crying in his bedroom when she was upset by something. With a sigh, JC started to stand, but stopped as he heard the slight moan.

Her arm was outstretched, as though she were searching for something. It reminded him of when they were young and she'd reach out for him in the night, after they'd watched or heard something that spooked her and made her come running across the darkened hall to climb in the bed with him and go back to sleep, feeling safer and more whole. Smiling softly, JC climbed into the bed beside his sister. In no time, she was leaning against him. Her arm gripped his abdomen tightly, hanging on for dear life. He held her close as she whimpered slightly and whispered softly to her. "Wake up, CC," he said gently, trying to bring her to consciousness before she screamed out in the night. "Come on-- it's Josh."

She moaned slightly, "I know," then held him tighter.

"Then come on and tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," she muttered, burying her face into the space between pillow and body, wedging herself tightly into the small hole.

"Then why have you been crying in my bed, again?"

"Nuh uh. Didn't do that."

"CC--"

"Really." She yawned. "Just wanna sleep, Josh."

"Uh uh."

"Seriously."

"Well-- fine," he said with a sigh. "But as long as you know-- we're talkin' about this when you wake up."

"Won't wake up, then."

"Don't' even joke," he told her with a somewhat harsh tone. "Just-- go back to sleep and-- I'll find out later."

"Mmhm," she murmured, settling back down into slumber. JC watched her fall back to sleep, and sighed. Her eyes hadn't even opened the entire time, and she might not even remember anything said in the short five minutes while she was awake, but JC would and he'd bring it back up. She badgered him to tell his feelings all the time, so it was her turn to have her own ideals tossed into her face-- for her own good, of course.

CC rolled over and felt someone next to her. Her eyes only came open a little before asking, "Josh? What are you doing here?" He looked down at her as her eyes opened more and said, "It's my house-- remember?"

"Yeah, but--" She sat up and stretched a little, avoiding the big stretch of pure waking. "--you weren't here when I fell asleep."

"You've been sleep over an hour, and that's just since I've been back."

"Oh."

"Thinking of being back-- I didn't expect you to be around already."

"Oh," she said again, laying back down. Instead of resuming her position near her brother, she rolled over, putting her back towards him. JC watched her and she could feel his eyes on her. "Well-- we met the family, then we came home."

"Okay." He watched her fidget slightly as she recovered herself. "So, what went wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Uh huh."

"Serious, Josh. It went fine. After the interrogation, it went fine."

"Interrogation?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. I spoke, they listened, then they asked, and I answered and then it was all good. They're really nice people."

"Yes, I know. And they didn't mind Joey's girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I told you nothing."

"CC--" He took her shoulder gently and she allowed herself to be turned back to face him. Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears and lower lip protruded in a small pout. "I know when something's wrong," he told her. "And not just from you crying."

"I--" She stopped as one tear spilled out her right eye and she quickly wiped it away. "I'm just being silly. It's okay. Really."

"Why don't I believe you?"

CC looked at him and then lowered her head. JC reached out with his index finger and rose her chin, forcing her to come face to face with him. His twin sighed, then turned her face away as she whispered, "Probably because I'm lying."

"Sis?"

"I just--" She sighed again. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What do you mean?" he asked her.

"With Joey. I mean-- he hasn't really talked much lately and-- I don't know. It's almost like he's trying to get away from me. And yesterday was like-- I dunno. His family was great, but-- it was almost like he was ashamed to have me there. Or maybe scared? I just-- I don't' know, Josh. I just wanna know if I messed up."

JC watched his sister's profile as a tear strolled down her left cheek, followed by another and another, and soon all of them. Immediately, he felt like crying with her. He wanted to take her pain on himself and be the one with the falling tears. He felt as though his body needed to cry with her. And then, his sadness turned to anger which he quickly shoved back down. He and Joey were friends, yes, but this-- this was his sister. The person he seemed to be the closest to in the entire world. The person who understood him and helped him and leaned on him for support, just as he did with her in the rarest of occasions.

In the beginning, it had been a joke of sorts between him and Joey. They shared the typical sarcasm and playful attitudes in regards to their sisters dating the either one. But, watching her cry and almost feeling her pain, he was more serious about it. He wanted to jump up and find him, and shake him until he told him what he had done to hurt CC so badly. But, he couldn't do it. If he let that anger out, there was no telling if he would be able to stop it. And if he couldn't, the entire situation and all things that surrounded it could possibly descend into the pits of Hell and never be able to rise again.

So, instead of bursting from the house, he took his sister into his arms and hugged her tightly. From anyone else she would have pulled away. She was strong and she could take care of herself. But when JC came around she couldn't deny that if she needed anyone at a specific time it was him. JC gently rubbed her hair as he whispered to her. "You didn't do anything wrong, CC."

"Then what's going on?" Her crying had stopped but her voice was soft and he could still hear the sober tone of her words. JC started to open his mouth, but she cut him off. "No. Don't answer that. I-- I have to find out for myself."

"CC--"

"No. Just-- forget I said anything." She pulled away from him, then climbed out of the bed. "I shouldn't even be-- I mean, I should just talk to him myself. You've got your own life and--"

"We've shared a life for 23 years."

"I know. I just-- You can't solve all of my problems."

"Why not?"

"Cause, Josh. I'm a big girl. And-- I should be able to handle my own relationships without pulling my brother into it every time."

"You're not pulling me in."

"Yeah, I am. Putting you right in the middle, too. He's your friend, your band mate-- and I don't want you gettin' all angry or anything and doing somethin' stupid."

"I won't--"

"Don't, okay? I know you. And I know how you are if you're mad and--"

"I don't get mad anymore."

"Uh huh. And I'm Cleopatra. Josh, please, just-- stay out of it. I know you're about to get mad about something right now and for all we know, I could just be over reacting 'cause of hormone's or something."

JC sighed as he watched her move around the bed, collecting her jeans and then sitting down to put on her shoes. He knew she was right, but then again, he also was aware of the fact that she would say about anything to calm him down when she thought he would get angry. And more than likely, the latter was the option of the moment. Her mouth could say anything that was logical to explain something, but the rest of her didn't stop thinking of the other chance that her gut instincts might have been right. CC turned to him and shook her head as she stood from the cluttered bed. "I'm gonna-- I don't know. Go to the studio?" She put her hands on her hips and sighed. "Maybe I can lay down some tracks or something. Maybe that new song you did for me?"

"That would be nice," JC told her, trying not to dwell on her attempt at mood change and conversation direction.

"Good song. Nice dance beat and all."

"Yeah."

"And you really are great with lyrics and stuff."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." She leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, then stood back up. "I'm gonna get outta here. Talk to ya later?" He nodded, faking a smile, then watched her leave the room. He wasn't sure at all that she was okay, or that anything was fine, but he'd wait for her to give him the go ahead. Or for something drastic to happen. She didn't want him mad at Joey, but JC didn't want her mad at him and that was the most important part.

"Great pipes, huh?" Emily turned as Joey walked up behind her, leaning on her shoulder. They watched through the thick glass as CC sang. She had only moments earlier gotten done with the upbeat song her brother had written for her and was on to a somewhat somber ballad that she had written herself. "Yeah," Emily whispered, quickly adding, "Sh," as she listened. Her voice was low, but still strong as she sang into the overhead microphone. A music stand with the lyrics were before her, but she didn't need it. She knew her song and sang it with her heart and soul, her eyes closed as she let the music overwhelm her.

Joey sat down beside his sister and pushed the chair back far enough to rest his elbows on his knees. Her voice was so compelling, whether she spoke or sang, and he loved CC's body language when she felt deeply about a song.

Wastin' away in the twilight

Sheddin' all the smiles of daylight

Wastin' away in the twilight

Givin' our love away to the dark of night

Out love is wastin'

Wastin'

Wastin' away

Joey listened to the chorus and sighed to himself. Not once had her eyes opened while he sat there and it was as if she hadn't even known he was there. Or maybe she did and that's why her heart poured out in her words. And then again, perhaps he was just transferring guilt onto her music. He had been so distant from her and their time in New York hadn't helped much at all. Anything he wanted to say to her just didn't come out. He would try, but for some reason, he wasn't allowed to speak. He wasn't allowed to do anything but remain silent at a time that he shouldn't have.

"Really great," he whispered, still looking into the window, leaning over to Emily. She sighed. It was obvious that she wasn't going to get to hear the song in peace. She could easily blow him off, if she wanted, letting him know that she had to pay attention since she helped out on the backup parts, though that would be a partial lie since what she really wanted was just to hear the melody. But, she didn't seem to want to blow him off, though blowing him up was fast becoming a possibility.

"You aren't gonna leave me alone, are you?"

"Nope."

"Damn." She turned her eyes to him. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"We were layin' down some tracks for No Strings Attached. JC told me that Rizzi was down here. Thought I'd listen."

"Uh huh."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That if that's your real reason, my last name is Capone."

"Well, whaddya know? And all this time I thought we were related."

"Cut the bullshit, Joe." She turned as someone told them to be quiet, then sighed, standing up. Joey followed her out of the room and into the hallway. "What's the real reason you're here." He looked down into her eyes and shrugged. "Beats me," he said softly.

"You can do better than that."

"Not really."

Emily was silent for a moment, then stepped to the side, leaning against the wall. "I talked to Jase today," she told him, softly.

"And?"

"And-- after he dropped me off at home earlier, he said CC was in his bed, asleep, and ready to cry." Joey was silent and Emily took that as some sort of admittance of guilt. "What did you do to her, Joe?"

"Me? I didn't do anything."

"Uh huh."

"Seriously."

"Ma and Papa like her as your girl, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then I don't see what the problem is."

"Me neither."

"Then why do you look like you've lost your favorite bottle of red hair dye?"

"Very funny," he said sarcastically.

"I know. I'm a barrel of laughs. Now, wanna let me in on it? Or do I have to find out through the grapevine?"

Joey sighed. "I just--look. I don't know, alright? Somethin's just off, ya know?"

"I guess." She started to say more, but Joey stopped her. "Look, Kid, I gotta run. Time to get Digital." She looked up at him and shook her head. "Fine," she told him. "But, you can't run from me forever." He turned to walk away and she hollered after him. "Remember! I know where you live!" He didn't acknowledge her, just kept walking. With an angry grunt and a stamp of her foot, she went back inside as the song was halfway through the bridge and sat back in her seat. Her mind was captured again by the voice coming from the booth and for a few moments, her brother's concerns were the least of hers.

A few months passed and tension was starting to grow. It wasn't just Joey and CC. Being so close to everyone else, their problems began to leak out onto others. As Joey became more distant, CC became more saddened. The two would go to their respective siblings but could never fully explain anything. Mainly because they couldn't even seem to explain to themselves. Things seemed to always go back and forth. There were times that nothing was wrong at all, and they were like they had been in the beginning. But, then there were the times when they wouldn't' see one another for a few days and when they did, it was awkward.

While No String's Attached was close to completion, CC Chasez's first self-titled album was nowhere near ready to be even mentioned. She kept getting distracted by her problems with Joey. It had even gotten to the point where he wouldn't come to the studio and watch. It was fine when she had her eyes closed, but once they opened, she would spot him and stop. There would be quick apologies for the interruption, but her mind wasn't able to get back to business. She thought she'd seen bits of amazement in his eyes when he looked at her, or possibly something that said what his feelings were, but most of the time, he would just be staring into space as though he weren't' even listening.

Joey had been listening, though. His mind would float to different times with her and things they'd done together when she sang. Almost every song recalled a memory, and all of them evoked some sort of emotion from him. But, he knew it was distracting and so he stopped coming by. She had never asked him to-- he did it of his own accord. That only managed to make things worse.

CC started to think that he didn't want to be there. That he was losing interest with her. It didn't help her impressions when they would finally get a chance to go out or spend an evening in and there was silence. She used to like their comfortable silences, but these were far from comfortable. They were tight, binding. She just wanted to scream at times, beg him to say anything at all. She wasn't even too upset over the diminishing remarks of love, because something in her tried to tell her that he did love her. There was just something wrong, but if there were and he didn't want to share it with her-- did that mean that maybe he didn't trust her enough? Or that she wasn't good enough anymore for that?

"Joey?" She said his name softly as they lied in bed, both on their own sides. His back was to her and he was still, but she knew he wasn't asleep. She laid her hand against his bare back and she felt him move beneath her skin. "Joey?" She said his name again. He rolled over and CC moved her hand. His eyes held tire, but not that of a long day or a late night, but the look of someone who was tired of things in general. "What's wrong, Joey?" she asked him.

"Nothin's wrong, Rizzi."

"Yes, there is." She sighed. "You were already-- quiet, I guess-- before we went to Brooklyn, but since--" She was silent as her hand rose to his cheek, caressing the left side of his face, then let it fall to the bed. "Joey, are you sorry you took me there?"

"No. I- No, I'm not sorry."

"Are you sure? I mean-- yeah, they knew a little of me as a friend and all, but-- this is more. It's--"

"It's a big step," he said softly.

"Yeah. I-- I guess it is." She sighed again. "You charmed the pants off of my parents. Didn't even mind that we were going out."

"You charmed mine, too."

"But, I didn't charm you." Her voice was soft as she edged away from him and stood from the bed. Her over-sized tee hung to mid-thigh and moved slightly against her. She tugged the bottom and the face of Winnie the Pooh was stretched into a contorted expression.

"You didn't have to charm me." Joey sat up, one knee bent, his arm resting against it.

"I don't charm you anymore."

"Rizzi--"

"Don't. I just-- I don't know." She moved away from the bed and began to gather things from around the room. She heard him rise from the bed and moved quicker. When he came within touching distance, she moved quickly. Finally, she stopped with a pair of pants thrown over her arm. She looked at him and forced tears to go down. "Joey, I-- Something's changed between us."

"I-- I know."

"So-- I, um-- think we need-- time apart."

Joey moved to her quickly and took the pants from her. "Don't leave, CC. Just-- stay the night?" She looked at him and wanted nothing more than to oblige him but she couldn't. She took her clothes back from him and hurriedly put the jeans on and zipped them. "I-- I can't, Teddy," she said softly. She moved away again, this time sliding her feet into a pair of dark blue slip-ons, then headed to the door. "I'll just-- um-- I'll get this stuff-- later?"

"You're leaving," he said softly.

"I have to. I-- I'll come get it and--"

"Leave it here," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because-- then you'll always have to come back."

CC watched him and almost changed her mind. His words were sincere, and his eyes held pain. But, she was hurting, too. Not once had he tried to give her a real reason to stay. She was too confused about what she read from his face and body, and didn't want to just interpret. She wanted to hear from his own mouth why she should stay.

Joey almost said something to her, but stopped. He could tell by her stance that she hadn't really wanted to go. She wanted to sleep beside him that night, but something was stopping her. He moved closer to her and she didn't back away. He wanted to say, "Please, stay with me. I love you." All that came out, however, was a pitiful moan as he stepped even closer to her and pressed his lips softly against hers. CC didn't move away, she let the kiss last as long as it would. When Joey finally pulled away, hoping his silent plea had worked, she bit her lower lip and rose a hand. She touched her lips gingerly, then touched his. With a sigh, she turned around and left the bedroom.

No footsteps came from inside. No chase. Joey was just standing there, staring and crying openly, yet with silent force. The door was closed, and just how long it remained that way was beyond him. He was on one side. She was on the other. He cursed himself for not being able to say the words to make her stay. He couldn't force them out. He thought that maybe it was because she should have known how much he loved her, adored her. Each touch of their bodies, every kiss, every glance should have said it. That final kiss was meant to convey all of the emotions he couldn't describe, and he thought that perhaps they had, but when she walked out-- He sighed. He couldn't hear her words as she walked away from the door. "I love you," CC muttered to herself as she made her way down the stairs and out of the house. And in his bedroom, Joey laid back on the bed and whispered, "I need you."

JC came out of sleep quickly. He sat up in the bed and shook his head. He thought he'd heard a voice, someone crying, whimpering. It took him a minute to realize what it was and then quickly got out of the bed. Emily turned over and groaned as the bed moved. She looked up to see JC putting on a robe and sat up slowly. "Where are you goin'?" She rubbed her eyes tiredly and her voice held a guttural tone.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered to her, sliding on his slippers.

"Uh uh. Not til you tell me where you're going."

JC sighed. "I gotta call CC."

"Jase, it's almost two in the morning. And she's probably at Joe's anyway."

"She's at her place," he muttered, searching the room. "And she's awake."

"How do you know that?"

"I just-- I do." He moved back to the bed and kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep, baby."

"Ya know," she said as she stretched lightly then rested her head back against the pillow, "this twin shit is freaky. You're fraternal. You're not supposed to be this-- connected."

JC shrugged. "Tell that to whoever connected us. I'll be back." Before she could say anything else, he was out the door. He went downstairs, instantly picking up the phone and dialing her sister's number. It rang over and over again, and he thought that he might have just been imagining it all. Her answering machine picked up and he sighed. "CC? It's Josh. I was just callin' to check on you or whatever but--"

"Josh?" She picked up the phone quickly, hitting buttons to turn off the machine. JC could hear the tears in her voice and instantly knew he was right.

"CC? Honey, what's wrong? Why aren't you at Joey's?"

"I left," she said softly.

"I know that. You're home so you would have left." He could picture her sitting in a corner with her head down, the phone just barely to her ear. She was a long time in answering him and worriedly, he asked, "CC? Sis, you still there?"

"Yeah," she muttered half-heartedly. "I'm here."

"Tell me what happened."

"I-- I don't know. I-- Josh, I was just laying there and--" Her words began to come out faster, as did her tears and she was almost incoherent. "We were laying there and not touching and I just—

I tried to talk to him but I couldn't and I left and--"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. What do you mean you couldn't?"

"He-- he wasn't saying anything really. He finally agreed with me that something was wrong but I still don't' know what that something was and so-- I left."

"You left."

"Yeah."

"And-- are you going back?"

"I-- I don't' know. As of now? It's not likely. I just-- I love him, Josh and I don't think he feels the same. Not anymore. But, I still love him and it hurts so much and--"

She started to cry harder and JC tried to calm her down, but being on the phone wasn't helping any. "CC, calm down," he told her. "I'll come over and--"

"No! Josh, I-- please. I just--"

"You need me. I know you need me. Somebody has to be there for you." His last words made CC sit up straight and start to dry her eyes. His tone was changing from sincerity to annoyance and she knew who it was directed toward. "Josh," she whispered into the receiver. "Josh, please-- you're getting mad. Don't be mad at him. Please."

"I'm not mad," he told her, though in his heart he knew he was starting to. He didn't' get upset as much as he used to, but when it came to his sister, there was no fighting it. It rose faster and faster and came out harshly. "I just want you to be okay," he said to her.

"I will be. Just-- Josh, please don't do anything stupid. Please."

"I won't. I promise. You just-- sit tight, okay? I'll be over there soon."

"Josh--" She started to tell him not to come, that she didn't' need him to, but she couldn't lie to herself like that. She knew she needed him. Not Tyler or Heather or her parents. She needed Josh cause he would understand. He wouldn't tell her she was being silly. He'd be able to feel her shaking through time and space. "Thank you," she finally whispered.

"Don't thank me, hon. Just-- wait for me."

"I will."

"Good. I'll be there soon." He hung up the phone and raced up the stairs. As he rushed into the bedroom, Emily sat up, feeling his haste. She saw him sprinting around, throwing on clothes and shoes. She watched him go around busily, then, after he was dressed asked him, "Now, where are you going?"

"I gotta go to CC," he said quickly. "Her and Joey broke up and she needs me and--"

"Whoa! Wait! What do you mean they broke up?"

"I told you something was wrong. She had been at Joey's but she left. I don't' know what the hell your brother did to her but--"

"Uh uh. How do you know this is Joe's fault? It could all be a misunderstanding."

"Yeah... misunderstanding. Whatever it is, CC's crying and she's hurt and I gotta get over there."

"Why? She's a big girl. Couples break up and--"

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"I don't have time," he said quickly. "She just-- she needs me and I'm gonna be there for her."

"Jase-- what about me? You're just gonna leave me here alone while you rush off?"

He stopped his movement towards the door and turned to her. "What do you expect me to do? Leave her there to wallow by herself?"

"I just-- dammit, I don't get why you have to go and rush out at all hours of the night just because--"

"Because I know how she feels and I don't want her feeling that."

"The twin thing again?"

"Maybe."

"Jeez!" She flung the covers back and stood up. "The twin thing. It was cute for a while. Now-- ya know what? I am SO not waiting around here. If she's upset, then Joe probably is, too. I can go talk to him. He probably ain't sleep anyway."

"Good," he said gruffly. "You do that." He stopped and sighed. He pushed down the urge to walk out and slam the door, nearly splintering the wood. This wasn't supposed to end up in an argument. "Look, Em, I'm not tryin' to start a fight. I just want to get to her and you're right-- you should go to Joey. There are two people in this that are probably hurt and shouldn't be alone. You help him, just make sure you lock up before you go and I'll call you tomorrow."

Before she could say anything else, JC walked out of the room. She heard his feet pounding against the steps as he made his way out of the house and growled. "Dammit!" she cursed. She knew he was upset. His eyes said it all. There was no good reason for him to act like nothing was wrong. She stood up and had to stop herself from throwing the nearest thing against the wall. It wasn't her house, so she really shouldn't be breaking things, no matter how badly she wanted to. With a sigh, got dressed and left the house, locking up everything before taking the short ride to Joey's house.

The door was unlocked when he walked up to the door. Carefully, he turned the knob and pushed the hard wood, letting himself inside. It was dark. Though, dark was too mild a word. Every piece of drapery was pulled tightly to keep the moonlight out. All lights were out, not even candles glowed to light a path. The door shut behind him and JC couldn't see a thing. "CC?" he called out. "CC, where are you." There was no answer, but he heard a sniffling coming from the far side of the room. Feeling his way around in the darkness, hoping his eyes would adjust to the pure midnight, he followed the sounds until he felt something pressing against his foot. He looked down and his newly focusing eyes saw a line of her face. Slowly, he knelt down in front of her and brushed one side of her hair out of her face. "CC?"

She still didn't answer him, instead flinging herself into his comforting arms. JC held her closely and at that moment, she wasn't the feisty girl that would argue with him over how much his early two minutes counted or would stand next to him, shoulder to shoulder, and face anyone who dared cross one of the Chasez twins. Crying in his arms, CC was a waif of a girl who needed nothing more than to be saved, pulled from the drowning waters of despair. JC was more than happy to help her, but he knew he couldn't do that if she didn't say more. So, reluctantly, he pulled away from her just a bit.

In the darkness, CC's face glowed with the fresh tears that fell every second from her eyes. He wiped them away, only to be replaced by more. No amount of drying would make them go away. "Talk to me, sis," he said softly. CC looked at him and tried to speak, but all that would come out were aching gasps as she tried to breathe. The entire situation was starting to hit her and it took the air from her lungs with as much force as a shot to the chest. No more Teddy Bear. No more comforting nights in his arms. But, that had seemed to be the case long before she finally left that night. Taking in a huge breath, she was finally able to speak. "I-- I had to go," she forced from her mouth.

"Why, sweetie?"

"Joey doesn't need me anymore." Her voice was barely above a whisper as the inner reality of her statement hit her. Instantly, she pulled back and curled into a tight ball on the floor. JC tried to pull her out of her position, but was unable to. He sat flat on the floor, his legs crossed and pulled her into his lap. He held his sister as tight as possible while she cringed and moaned in pain. Gently, he placed her back to the floor and stood. He blindly found the nearest lamp and turned it on. He went back to her and picked her up, carrying her to bed. With each pass, he lightened something to guide him. CC held on to him, clung to him. When he laid her in the bed, she didn't' want to let go. JC was finally able to pry her from him and stood from the bed. "Don't go," she pleaded with him.

"I have to turn off the lights, CC."

"I-- O-okay. Just-- come back?"

"You know it." JC came back a couple minutes later and the light that had previously been in the doorway was gone. He went to her and laid down next to her, hugging her. With her near him, he felt anger starting to rise. Normally, he would push it down, but in that instance he couldn't. His body tightened. Rational thought left his mind. The only thing he could concentrate on was the his twin's shattered heart and the one he had called a friend, had trusted one of the most precious things in his world with, and that had destroyed that.

"Josh, no," CC whispered from beside him. He looked down at her and his vision was already going red. "Please, Josh."

"I wasn't--"

"You're getting mad at him."

"No, I'm not."

"You can't lie to me, Josh."

"I'm not--"

"Even if we weren't twins, I'd know. You're a horrible liar."

"Fine," he said gruffly.

"Just breathe. Okay? In and out. Don't-- don't get too mad."

JC could hear the fear starting to rise in her voice and instantly quelled the maddened urges. Nothing would please him more to punch a certain partial redhead in the mouth. At the very least to scream. But, knowing CC was afraid-- that went out the window. He'd seen her frightened of him before, and that had nearly broken him. He had never wanted to see her move away from him in terror, and the first time that happened was when he'd promised to never do that again. However his face looked when he was angry, he never wanted her to see again. "It's okay, CC," he finally said, kissing her forehead. "You get some rest."

"You-- you'll be here in the morning. Right?"

"Of course, I will."

"Thank you," she whispered, snuggling closer to him.

"You're welcome." He kissed the top of her head lightly and rested with her, waiting until her breathing patterns had changed, indicating her venture into sleep. The effort it took to not blow up was tiring in and of itself, even had he not already had a full day so once CC was asleep, unable to resist the call, JC settled down and joined her.

When Emily showed up at Joey's, the door was locked. She rang the bell and no answer. Pounded on the door. Nothing. She looked for the spare key, but it was gone. "Dammit," she muttered as she moved around the darkened house until she found an unlocked window. Grumbling her discontent, she hoisted the window and quickly climbed inside. "Dammit!" she called out loudly as she fell beneath the window and hit her head against the sill. Slowly, rubbing her head, she stood and started to move carefully as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. "Fuckin' son of a bitch," she mumbled, avoiding hurting herself anymore. She finally made it to the stairs and up and found Joey sitting in his bedroom with the light on. The first thing she did was tell him to put some pants on. Once he'd finished, she turned around and sighed. "What the hell happened, Joe?"

"I don't know," he said softly.

"You have to know. Your girlfriend doesn't just leave and you not know why."

"I love her," he told her.

"Well, no shit, Sherlock. That's why I wanna know what happened."

He looked up to her confused and asked, "How do you know anyway?"

"JC had one of those moments."

"Uh huh."

"He worried, he called, he ran out to the door to his sister."

"So, instead of stayin' alone ya decided to come over here and bug me."

"Ya know, jackass, I was tryin' to help. I did a B&E for you. I ain't done that in a long time."

"You made a shitload of noise, too."

"So, sue me. I'm outta practice. Now, ya wanna tell me what the deal is?"

Joey shrugged. "We were layin' in bed, she talked, me not much, then she left. Simple."

"Just like that?"

"Yup."

Emily stared at him a while and wanted to curse him out. There was something else he wasn't saying, and she wanted to hear it. But, watching him turn his head to look at a picture beside the bed and let a tear fall out, she couldn't do it. She went over and sat next to him. Her head was turned to the floor for a few minutes, then she turned to him. Warily, she put an arm around him and was surprised when he leaned in against her. "Ya know," she said, rubbing his hair, "you're the one who's supposed to do this, right?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

"Then, why am I doin' it?"

"Cause right now, you don't need it."

"Oh, yeah," she said. They sat like that, together, for what seemed like an hour before Joey moved away from her and laid down on the bed. He didn't say anything else as he turned on his side and Emily didn't push. She pulled the covers up, noticing as his arm slid to the other side of the bed, then came back slowly. He curled up into a ball and she sighed. She sat in a chair across the room and watched while his shaking body fell into a fitful slumber then finally drifted off, with her feet propped up in another chair.

"Joey?" CC sat up in the bed, and looked around the room. Light shone through the blinds. The room had the haze of daylight encompassing it. She turned to the side of the bed and saw the indentation. Her hand ran across it slowly, then she called out his name again.

"He's not here, sis," JC said softly, coming into the room. Just one look at his face and everything rushed back to her. She remembered walking out the door, saying goodbye without uttering those words. Images of her own crying form in the dark came to her, then of her brother coming and taking her to bed, talking to her, trying to calm her. New tears sprung forth as her chest began to hurt and she fell back to the bed. JC moved over to her and sat down. He took his twin in his arms and held her while she sobbed. He didn't know what else to do. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay, but he couldn't say that and be totally honest. So, he just let it get out of her system until she was able to sit up.

"I- I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Sh," he told her. "Don't apologize."

"I just-"

"You don't have to."

"He just didn't understand," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Did you try to explain?" She nodded and JC sighed. "Then you did your best, hon." He could feel himself getting angry. He wanted to lash out, but knew that wasn't the right course of action. That would just make things worse. Especially with his sister hurting so much. Yet, even though he had the knowledge, it didn't' stop him from wanting to punch a hole in to something.

"Josh?" He looked down as CC said his name. "You, uh-- I think--"

"What?"

"Studio? Shouldn't you--"

"Oh. Yeah." His voice was flat and he realized it was the first time that he hadn't wanted to be there. He didn't' want to go and sing and pretend that nothing was wrong. That everything was a-okay. He couldn't do that. "You have to," CC told him. She wasn't reading his mind as much as she read his eyes. And everything he thought he was hiding, he should have known he couldn't.

"CC--"

"Go, Josh."

"What about you?"

"I'll be here," she said flatly.

"I'll come back," he told her.

"I know."

"You wanna go with--"

"No." Her one word said it all. JC wanted to stay with her, and she wouldn't do it. She'd let herself cry alone before she let him stay, and would have to be dragged screaming from the house if she was to go. And thinking about it, JC didn't want to put her through that anyway. She was bad off enough. So, with a sigh, he said, "Okay," made sure she'd be fine until he got back, then left the room to shower, change and head out to the studio.

There was silence as the pair rode down the streets. At almost noon, the traffic wasn't as bad as rush hour, but was still cluttered with those escaping their jobs to find lunch and a retreat from the day. Emily turned her head to her brother and cocked an eyebrow. He was never that quiet and it annoyed her. Usually, he was flapping his gums and looking all around and she had to tell him to keep his eyes on the road, but that day, he was looking at nothing but. "Say somethin'," she finally said, rolling her eyes.

"What?" His head shook as he came out of the near trance he'd been in. He'd been staring hard at the road ahead of him, but wasn't thinking about it. He was amazed they hadn't gotten in an accident. The world before him was nothing but a large motion picture screen and the previous night played out over and over again. And each time, he tried to understand, but with every replay, nothing changed. He had still lost the woman he loved, and something in him told him that it was, in a large portion, his fault.

"Hello? Earth to Joe. Joseph, are you in there?" His head turned slowly to his sister and she sighed. "At least you're in there. Now-- pay attention. Don't kill us." This was her defense mechanism. She rarely ever got emotional to the point where she would cry outrageously or feel exaggerated amounts of sympathy, but this was one of those times that seemed to call for it. But, instead of doing that, she stayed tough. She'd always thought that tough was better than mush. Mush gets you hurt, and she'd told Joey that the second she saw his mush setting in. But, did he listen? Oh no. Definitely not. He had to go in head first and then what does he do-- "You corrupted me," she muttered softly, looking out the window.

"Huh?"

Joey was barely conscious of anything other than his heartache and couldn't see how Emily fought with herself. For all of her talk about being tough and staying away from mush, she'd caught her tenacity deteriorating at times with JC. There was something about him. He was so sensitive and kind and loving and-- She shook her head. He was not the usual guy that she dated and definitely not the type that stuck around. But he had, and thus broke her strength rule, and she thought maybe that had happened to Joey. Something about those Chasez's can turn a person into a puddle at times, and they'd both seen those, with Joey's more recent.

But, with her brother, she could always hold up her strength and shield herself from weepy situations, because they didn't do weepy situations. The one the night before had been slightly awkward enough that when they woke, neither of them really sad anything, just got dressed, grabbed a bite to eat and headed out for the studio. "Suck it up, Joe," she told him. He looked at her blankly as they slowed at a corner, turning, then heading into a parking area. "Ya know, you're not helpin' yourself none with this boohooin' shit, right?"

"Well, what the fuck else you want me to do?" he asked her. "I fucked up once already, ya know." Emily punched him in the gut as the car came to a stop and was put into park. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Cause-- you're bein' an idiot."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, really. Just 'cause she left don't make it your fault. Maybe it was her."

"Whatever, Em," he said. He turned the car off and got out, barely waiting for Emily to climb out, and hit the alarm as her door closed. She ran off after him as he sped off towards the entrance. "Don't you run from me, Fatone!" she called after him. He ignored her and she slowed her space. "God, you are SUCH a fuckin' dipshit, sometimes," she said, softer than her previous words. "Fine, then. Go ahead and be a puss. Don't come runnin' to me when the shit hits the fan cause of this, 'cause I ain't helpin ya."

The first thing Joey noticed when he came inside was that CC wasn't there. Anywhere. Usually, she was running around the hallways, playing hide and seek with her manager, who was trying to get her to do something she didn't want to. But, she was nowhere to be seen. The second thing he noticed was JC giving him a half-glare as he walked inside to join the rest of the guys, and that his sister wasn't with him. He had been hoping that she'd come so they could talk, but it looked like she'd said all she needed to the night before. He moved quietly into the room, the others watching him silently. Seemed that word got around fast and everyone waited for some kind of response. He didn't give them one, only sitting down at the round table, waiting for discussion of the next song to begin.

Emily looked at JC and he looked tired. First thing she thinks as she walks in and spots him. He looks tired. She could only imagine how hard his night had been. Probably a lot more sentimental than hers had, and she knew what he was like when he got too sentimental. It drained him and left him weak. She walked over to him and pulled a chair up beside him. JC turned to look at her, but didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what to say and didn't think starting the conversation, "Your brother's an asshole," was the best way to make things smooth again. So, he turned his attention back to Joey.

His eyes were closed and, as he leaned back in the chair, he pulled his "Brooklyn" cap down over his eyes. JC felt the eyes on them, and nearly shook from the tension, yet expectation of some sort of argument to start. But JC wasn't going to start anything. As much as he wanted to ask him what the hell he'd done, or how could he have hurt his sister-- Joey Fatone was still one of his best friends and he had to know that there was a possibility that CC and Joey wouldn't be together forever. Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go. Friends are forever. It was that mantra that he had repeated over and over again when they two had first started dating, and also the same one that Joey had more than likely said to himself when JC and Emily started dating. And yet, farther in the back of JC's mind was his sister crying over a man that she loved, but said that she had to leave.

He almost asked him. JC had started to lean farther and ask him. "What did you do?" But this wasn't the time or place. He had to stay professional. He couldn't just burst from his seat and shake the man before he could say anything. Not only would it cause a larger tear in the group than there probably already was, but also, a gaping hole might form between he and his sister, because he knew that she would harbor near hate and slight fear toward him for hurting Joey, and also a hole between he and Emily, because she would stand up for her brother just as fast as he would stand up for CC. But, knowing all of this didn't make his blood boil at the memory of watching his twin cry herself to sleep, holding her while her body shook, and seeing the realization and memories rushing before he left that morning.

The silence seemed indefinite, but Justin was the one to break it. "Okay, guys, I'm referee Mills Lane." He stood up, then let his voice alter into the tone of the referee turned judge that was shown on MTV's Celebrity Death Match. "I wanna clean fight. No dirty tricks. Then we can get to work. Understood? Good. Now.. let's get it on!" He held his arm up, bent and pulled his fist down, just as he'd seen the claymation character do a million times. Heads gradually turned to Justin and he looked at them, shrugging. "What?" he asked.

Lance and Chris both walked over to him, shaking their heads. Lance gave a sigh of shame, for even knowing someone who would say that, and asked him gravely, "Now what would Britney think if she heard that?"

"Um-- let's get it on?" Justin replied with a wink and a laugh.

"Ah, the comedy of youth," Chris said, laying a hand on Justin's shoulder. "How-- droll."

"Does that mean it's better than geezer comedies?" He laughed and Chris popped him in the back of his curly head. "Ow! I was just tryin' to lighten the mood." He rubbed his head, looking back to the dower threesome sitting around the table and asked, "Did it help any?" No one answered. "Cause, ya know, I got a million of those. I could rattle 'em off, though my Mills Lance is the best. My Gideon is just like way boring cause he is boring, but anyway--"

"We're fine," JC said, standing up. Joey had removed his cap and watched as JC rose. "You don't have to do anymore. Please." Justin pouted.

"Aw! He's pouting!" Chris said. "Hurry, get Britney! She knows how to turn that frown upside down."

"Dude-- I do NOT believe you just said that," Lance told him. Chris just shrugged.

JC stared down hard at Joey, then shook it off. Professional, he reminded himself. "We've got an album to finish right?" They all nodded. "Then we should be talking music. That's it." He looked at Joey again. "So, let's get to the music, already."

The others agreed, and sat at the table. But, as JC sat back down, all eyes were moving back and forth between Chasez and Fatone, still staring across the table. It was definitely going to be a long-- however long it takes to get over a break up, or get back together.

Time does not heal all wounds. Or at least that's what CC believed. If that were the case, she wouldn't avoid her ex-boyfriend at all costs. She wouldn't need to because it wouldn't hurt so much to see him. She wouldn't have put an abrupt hold to her recording because she wouldn't have minded seeing Joey at the studio. It time healed all wounds, then she wouldn't still be trying to sleep the days away, waiting for the day when it didn't hurt anymore.

CC leaned her head against the hard wood of her headboard and sighed loudly. In the past three months, everything had seemed to collapse. JC was always worried about her and rarely a day went past when he didn't at least call her. It had been bad enough making up excuses for her parents as to why she wasn't recording, but it was worse with JC because he knew the truth. He knew that her career was being affected by an ended relationship, and that made him angrier. She wanted her own identity in the music world, which had shocked them both at first, that either wanted to be different than the other, but still, their fervor for it had still been identical. But, hers started to wane and was almost gone. She wished they were both ten again, amazing people while they finished each other's sentences, though it was no bit to-do. They'd just talked enough to one another and knew enough about the other to know what they were going to say. That would be heaven-- to be back there again and not have to deal with the problems of life anymore.

Problems came everywhere, though. She could see the fire burning in JC's eyes at times, the fire that scared the hell out of her. He tried to hide it, but she could still tell. She'd forced him to reveal the truth that he and Emily had been arguing more lately, and without him saying anything, she knew it was because of her and Joey. Everything was because of the former couple. They had managed to put themselves into everyone else's lives and business. Though the production of the new CD was still going on, the members of *NSync walked on egg shells around Joey and JC. They weren't sure what would set one off on a rant, and was just happy that nothing had broken out in the studio. JC hadn't even spoken to Joey other than at work and neither seemed to be in any rush to talk to the other. The days, weeks, then finally months had drawn on and created a circle of tension and tempers and someone had to break. The silence couldn't' t go on forever. But, CC wondered if sound would be better-- or just make things worse.

They say that you don't know what you've got til it's gone. Who are they? Other than some band that escapes the memory when they're trying to be named, they are that collective of oh wise ones that think they know all about life. They are the ones who give people all of these ideas that most don't believe in until the situation strikes them. Joey had been one of those disbelievers, and had become one of the faithful "they."

Life as he knew it had ended. He'd been unable to utter a word as he watched the woman he loved walk out of his life. His chest still heaved, and his lungs burned with the harsh intake of breath that, though each one ached, he needed to survive. Survive. That's what he had been doing most of his life. Making it through each day of his life to see the next. Fighting off bullies, fighting his family, leaving his family, joining a group-- every thing he wanted had been a struggle that was almost too hard to win, but somehow, he managed to keep going. Until he started dating CC. It was that typical "friends become lovers" idea that always pops up in any remote part of the world, and he had become part of that. And his new station in life had ended the battles, because when they were together, he had the strength to fight, win and rejoice. Then she just-- left.

He knew why she was gone. It was because he couldn't say the words that she needed to hear. He loved her. He wanted her. And he needed her. Countless times, he'd found those words on his lips, but they never pushed through. He would pick up the phone to call her, then stop. His inability to tell her how much she meant to him made him believe she hated him. That she walked out without looking back. That she needed more than he could give and had finally realized.

Joey could remember the beginning. The tender kisses in the middle of the day, buying her a teddy bear for no good reason except that he saw it and figured she'd like it. They would spend days on end talking about any and everything, and nights in each other’s arms, their bodies pressed tightly against one another. The hard fucks, the mellow sex, and the glorious lovemaking. All of that had seemed to evaporate as they got further and further along.

Basically, he was scared. He hadn't had a relationship last longer than a few months. He'd tried dating regular girls outside of the music industry and they lasted no longer than his teenaged flings. That's all they were. And now, he had something special, going strong, and it had scared the hell out of him. Questions raced into his mind, only to be replaced by more. Am I ready for this? Am I good enough for her? What if I do something stupid and she leaves?

Joey had finally experienced his last hypothetical and nerve-wracking question. What had he done when he did something stupid and she left? He's just cried on his little sister's shoulder and avoided her ever since. He knew why she wasn't coming to the studio, even though her music was one of the largest parts of her life. It was because of him. She didn't want to see him, and he couldn't blame her. He didn't want to see himself. He'd stopped himself numerous times from smashing the mirror with his fist as he looked at the pathetic figure that stared back at him. Red, baggy, puffy eyes looked back at him, accompanied by a defeated downward curl of his lips. He'd done this to himself. As strong as he'd been his entire life, he couldn't make himself strong for what was really important. He still loved her and still needed her, but his own-- pride, self-consciousness, guilt-- he wasn't sure what it was but he knew that it was not going to help him. He knew that he couldn't do anything staring in a mirror or sulking. But as much as he wanted to be tough, wanted to say what he really felt, something inside of him stopped him from doing that. He had no clue as to what that something was, or how to change it. Though, he couldn't help but wonder if it was too late because he'd let the true Joey Fatone stay buried for so long that it's penetration of the new man in despair was impossible.

"I'm not going in there, Josh." CC tried to break free from her brother's grasp and he held on tighter. "Ow!" she wailed, still pulling. "Josh, please. Okay? Just-- ow-- let me go."

"You're going in here with me, CC."

"No, I'm-- ow!" As he pulled her along, she felt her arm would detach at the shoulder. "Josh, please-- let me go."

"You'll run away."

"Josh, you're hurting me." She was starting to whimper and JC looked at her face. Instantly, he released her and stepped back a few feet. He watched as she rubbed the reddened part of her forearm, wincing at the touch. He felt like curling into a ball and whimpering, and he almost did, but stopped himself. He couldn't huddle. He had to learn to deal. He-- "I'm sorry," he said softly, moving toward her. Instinctively, she took a step backwards and JC stopped. She looked up at him and he had a flashback of when they were fifteen years old and she'd actually been there to see his temper rage on. JC shook himself like a big dog, spoke even softer. "CC--" He held his hand out to her. "Please-- I-- don't be scared."

"Josh, I--" She was scared. She couldn't deny that. If he could hurt her subconsciously it meant he was losing control more and more. "Josh," she finally said to him. "I just don't wanna go in there."

"Why?"

"Why? Um-- because Joey's in there?"

"You can't avoid him and this place forever."

"Watch me." She turned to leave and JC followed. His footsteps were harsh and the sound made her halt mid-stride. "Why are you making me do this?"

JC could hear the tears in her voice and almost told her to go home. But, she couldn't' stay locked away forever in solitude. She needed to start living again, and that started with the studio. "Sis-- you don't have to talk to him. You barely have to look at him. But-- if you're not going back, you have to move on."

"I don't want to move on."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

JC sighed. "Hon, you're going in there, if I have to carry you over my shoulder." She turned to him and his gaze told her he was serious. "You're gonna sit in this meeting, and then you're going to listen to the recording, and then I'm taking you to your own spot to record and you're gonna get back to your album."

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because-- part of my backup won't be there," she said somberly.

"Em?"

"Why wouldn't she be there?"

"Because she thinks this is my fault? I hurt her brother."

"That's ridiculous."

"I've heard you. When we were talking, if I call you in the middle of something. I've heard you two arguing over whose fault it is. And-- Josh, you should spend more time with her."

"We practically live together."

"You're living in tensions comfort, and that's as bad as how me and Joey were."

"It's not that bad."

"Oh yeah? She resents me now, Josh. You've spent more time at my place than yours and how many times have you two had to go somewhere else because you found me in your room sleeping? You're only making things worse."

"No, I'm not."

"What if it gets bad, Josh? You could hurt her."

"I wouldn't do that." His eyes held fear that he would and he tried to blanket it with confidence that was torn to shreds. He watched as she rose her left arm, showing her the area starting to bruise slightly around the edges. "If you could do this to me--"

"CC-- I-- I didn't mean to."

"I know. And you won't mean to the next time either. But-- you can't control it. You don't know what to do with it when it gets too much. And-- this is getting to be too much. You need to just-- I won't call anymore unless it's an emergency. That way things can cool down."

"It'll only make me more upset that you won't let me help."

"Then what else do you wanna do?"

"I want you to let me help you."

"How?"

"By walking into that door with me and being the proud woman that I remember my twin as." CC looked at him and he was sincere. His eyes pleaded with her to let him help. To not take away the only constant thing he'd ever had-- the bond with his sister. "Josh--" She started then stopped. Her mouth moved as if to say more, so he waited. Finally, she said, "You gonna hold my hand like when they tried to put us in different homerooms?"

He smiled. "You know it."

Carefully, she extended her hand and he took it, grasping lightly and bringing her closer. He kissed the top of her head, then went the rest of the way to the door. Like the song says, "It's now or never."

All conversation stopped as JC opened the door and escorted CC inside. None of them had seen her for months and had been guessing that she was as bad off as Joey was, but with her before them, they saw that she just might be worse, if that was even possible. Her face was pale, and she looked as though she'd be sick at any moment. She also seemed to have lost weight. She wasn't the excited young woman that would burst into a room talking a mile a minute, smiling and laughing. She was just-- quiet.

CC's eyes automatically fell on Joey. He sat back, staring into space. He looked lost. He looked as though he would drop from the face of the earth at any second. She wanted to go to him, and touch his unshaven cheek. Normally, she'd have attacked him in the mornings with a razor and demanded he shave because his hair just grew way too quickly and she didn't like to have stubble burn on her cheeks. And if she didn't' catch him that early, she would carry one with her.

Absently, her hand slipped inside her large black bag over her shoulder and felt the last razor that she'd never used and never taken out. She also had the urge to iron his clothes. The wrinkles hard turned to creased folds and she could tell he'd just taken them out of the drawer and threw them on. But, above all, she wanted to kiss him and tell him that she loved him, because he looked like he needed that and had missed that. CC shook herself, barely noticeable, and pushed the thoughts away. You're projecting, CC, she said in her mind. He doesn't want that. You want it. And as much as she did want it, she couldn't let herself end up on a one-way street.

Joey knew her stare. He knew all of her looks. He could be turned away from her and know that she was staring a whole into his back because she was upset. If she stared at him softly, then she was happy. If the glances seemed to be sparse or weak, she was hurting. And when she looked at him with such emotion as he felt that moment, she was fighting some battle within. His eyes turned to her and their gazes met. He remembered each time they'd joined eyes in such a manner. The first had been before he asked her out on their first real date. Just as he had done, CC had realized that somehow they had become more than friends, or at least their emotions had extended to that direction. She had been unsure of what to say, then finally blurted out how she felt. From then on there had been many, but the ones that stuck were the first and last. The last? When he'd taken that last look into her blue eyes and listened as she told him that she had to leave. She hadn't wanted to. And with the stare on him again, surrounded by people that had all been close friends and partners, he felt the same thing. She hadn't wanted to. But, this time it wasn't that she didn't want to go, it was that she didn't want to stay.

The others were all choking on the tension. Still, ten minutes later, nothing had been said and the gazes hadn't parted. Tired of the silence, Justin walked over to CC and jumped on her back, nearly toppling over. "Where have you been!" he yelled into her ear. CC couldn't stop the small chuckle that came from her throat as she shook her head. "It's boring here without you! Who

The End

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