It’s Your Life

By: Eboni

Prologue

The bus rocked lightly to the left as the scared passengers grabbed the walls and stared

out the windows at the hundreds of female -teenaged faces staring back in at them. Their chants and screaming drowning out any other sound on the bus.

“Go! Go!” was shouted from somewhere on the bus. But the bus driver shook his head, too many people surrounding the bus. Someone might get hurt.

“If we stay here any longer they’re going to break in the windows!” Brian Littrel yelled, the whites of his eyes showing clearly around.

“We can’t move,” the bus driver shrugged. The sound of police sirens calmed their nerves. A bullhorn was blazing telling the young girls to move away.

“Thank God,” Howie Dorough breathed, “What took them so long to get here?”

“I don’t care as long as they’re here now,” Nick Carter said watching the girls reluctantly stepping away from the bus. He leaned back in the chair he was sitting in and relaxed.

“That was so cool,” AJ Mclean was saying, “It was exciting, being scared like that!”

He was sentenced to glares from all around the bus.

“Ok, it wasn’t cool,” he muttered.

Kevin Richardson sat apart from them all. He stared at the screaming, crying, hysterical girls outside and felt his heart hammer with fear. If he had taken one second longer to get on the bus he would have been trapped amongst them. He would have been ripped to shreds. He had been in this situation many a time, but never before had they come so close to dragging him in.... And this time the bus actually rocked! The bus could have fallen over and them, and he didn’t know how many people outside could have been hurt.... he gulped or killed.

“Kev? Are you ok?” Kevin felt an arm on his shoulder and looked over to see his cousin Brian’s concerned face.... Kevin guessed he really was giving them all reason to be concerned, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window, pale, shaky.... Kevin tried to calm the shakes in his hands. It had all started a few months ago. He was really beginning to dread having to take the stage every night and singing until his throat was raw... He hated waking up before the sun, working obcene numbers of hours a day, traveling... not seeing his family for months at a time. He was 26 years old, this wasn’t life he was supposed to have.

He should be getting married, having children.... He shouldn’t be moving from counrty to country in such a blur that he couldn’t even remember where he had been and why. The money was nice, being world known is nice... but is it worth selling your soul? Kevin stared into his cousin’s soulful blue eyes... 1996... The Backstreet Boys’ break through year, in Europe at least. 1997, their break through year in the United States... but when had they formed? They had formed in 1993, back when no one cared who they were and what they were trying to do. Kevin at 21, had wanted to be a star and Backstreet Boys had been just what he was looking for. All five of the Boys struggled together until they got their first real record label in 1995. Now what, Kevin wondered, would have happened if they had never been able to cut that record deal? What if no one would take them? What would have happened to them then? Would they have disbanded? Sometimes Kevin really wished that he could go back to that day Jive decided to sign them and do something to convince them to do otherwise. He wished they had never been signed... If they were never signed, then they would never be recognized, if never recognized, then they would never be famous... Never famous, means Kevin would have gone back to Kentucky eventually and started a real life. A real life... he wondered what that would be like. He shut his eyes and gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting in... a real life.

Chapter 1

He must have fallen asleep because he had to be dreaming. He felt around for the arms of the chair he was sitting, and found none. He felt the air around him. Kevin opened his eyes to see that he was in the middle of a modern living room. He fet the softness of a couch beneath him. “What?” he looked up at the wide screen television that was showing him CNN. He stared at the coffee table covered with a briefcase and an ocean of paper work. He looked at the walls... Pictures of himself, a lovely woman, and two dark haired children were shown. What is going on? He looked down to see the golden band around his finger. I’m married? He stood up and began to wander around the lavishly decorated room. Small trinkets and knick-knacks lined the shelves. He stopped to admire the dark panneled fire place and smiled. He saw his reflection in the mirror and gasped. He jumped back. He looked older. He ran his hands along his thick beard and moustache. What the hell?

He was starting to feel a little anxiety, something about this place, the smell in the air, the sensations of touch let him know that this was no dream. Where the hell am I? He felt a presence of someone standing behind him. He felt himself freeze, he stood tense as the presence moved closer to him. He slowly turned around to look into a pair of clear gray eyes.

“Who are you? And where is this place? Are you responsible?” the questions flew out of Kevin’s mouth before he could even think about them, and they were silenced by one wave of the boy’s hand.

The boy who stood in front of him couldn’t have been any older than Nick, who was 18. His hair was a brown so dark it could have been black, and he was... beautiful. Kevin couldn’t find any other word better to describe the creature that stood in front of him. He looked out-of-this-world... Kevin blinked and the boy smiled, “My name is Adonis, and this Kevin Richardson, is an alternate reality.”

“What?” Kevin scratched his chin and flinched away as he once again felt the sharp bristles of the foreign beard covering his face.

Adonis sighed and ran a hand through his silk-like hair, “Kevin, your life is plotted out around the choices that one makes... Most of the major decisions of ones life has multiple choices, all of them perfectly plausible. Now imagine that you had made a different choice other than what you have made in ‘your’ reality. Then that reality would no longer be valid would it? Because that reality is dependent on you making that one choice that you didn’t make... but it doesn’t disappear, it simply moves aside. When a reality that could have been is moved aside it then becomes an alternate reality.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes as Adonis went on, “And this, Kevin is your reality without the Backstreet Boys.”

“Are you alright?” Kevin was staring up into Adonis’s face. He turned his head to find that he was eye level with the leg of a table. He was on the floor and Adonis was leaning over him. Kevin sat up slowly as Adonis sat back, “I must say I wasn’t expecting you to faint.”

Kevin shook his head, “Tell me this is some kind of joke...”

“Well..” Adonis smirked, “I could tell ya it was a joke, but then I’d be lying. Kevin Richardson, you made a wish out a desperation so pure that it struck the heart of the higher beings. They decided to forfil your wish... but first, they want you to sample it, and see if it really what you want.”

“Higher beings... wish? I wished that I never.... Oh... oh. So what has happened here? The Backstreet Boys never came to be?”

Adonis nodded, “You got it babe. Back in 1993, Nick Carter chose to be a Mouseketeer instead of a Backstreet Boy. Howie Dorough and AJ Mclean did try to form a group, but you weren’t in Florida at the time Lou Pearlman would have given them the advice to talk to you.. Sadly to say the Backstreet Boys never formed, and other than you and Brian, Howie and AJ, you never met.”

The words made Kevin’s blood run cold... they’d never met. “So...so where is everybody now? How are they all doing?”

“I thought you’d ask,” Adonis chuckled, “and of course I’m supposed to feel obligated to take you to see them all.... It’s in the job description.”

Kevin stared at the boy who had made himself at home in Kevin’s home... in which Kevin hadn’t even made himself at home in. He glanced at himself in the mirror again and then eyed the boy who was making his way into the kitchen. “Hey, just ho w old am I anyway?”

“32,” Adonis answered with his mouth full of something. He returned to the living room holding a sandwich and a bottle of Perrier, “Fancy water ya got here Richardson.”

Kevin blinked barely noticing the expensive French water. Adonis popped the lid off and took a healthy swig, “Why am I so old?”

Adonis laughed lightly, “This is your future Richardson. We want you to be a little older so you can get a clear view of what exactly lies ahead. At this age you’re set in your work and family...”

“But the others...”

“You’ll see them,” Adonis said polishing off his sandwich, “You ready?”

Kevin blinked, “Now? I mean shouldn’t I wait for my wife and kids to get in?”

“We’ll be back long before then,” Adonis said taking Kevin’s arm, “You may feel a little dizzy.”

“Who are we going to...”

“You’ll see...” Adonis said. A smooth rippling interrupted the air’s surface in the dining room. Kevin gasped as the black void open wider and wider threatening to suck them in and then was startled to find out that Adonis was leading him right into the middle of it.

“No, no, it’s ok... Can’t we just get a plane, a bus?” Kevin shouted as he was pulled into the black hole. The tinkling of Adonis’s laughter was his only reply.

He was floating. The void was a dull gray abstinence of any other color. Adonis hoovered beside, “Now see, this isn’t so bad.”

Kevin stared at him and shook his head, “Adonis, I got a question for ya.”

“Shoot.”

“Aren’t people like you supposed to be all holier-than-thou, and...and well female?”

Adonis’s eyelids dropped sardonically, “So you want a hottie aye? Well for you information this isn’t my job. Helena is usually in charge of the ‘I wish I had never become this... or never done that...’ But she got tied up today and called me in for a favor. Are you disappointed?”

Kevin quickly shook his head, “I was just wondering. Because when you see the movies the guide, or what are you called?”

“Guardian,” Adonis said simply.

“Well, in the movies the guaridans speak really proper and if they aren’t old men they’re unbelievably sexy women.”

Adonis’s laughter was a strange noise as it echoes throughout the emptiness of the void, “That’s funny Richardson. I think I may actually like you now... ok, here we go again. You may feel a little disoriented, and if you throw up on me I’ll kill ya.”

Chapter 2

“Where are we?” Kevin asked looking around the large office complex. Adonis has made himself comfortable in the large blue padded chair behind one of the desk. He planted his feet on the polished wooden table in front of the computer, “Howie D. Incorporated.”

Kevin gasped and took a step back taking in all the grandeur of the complex. The room was lined with wooden desks with computers and people sat behind the desk hard at work at each terminal. Kevin found it strange that one would be left open for Adonis to plant himself in, but then again the whole situation was strange... including Adonis, so he dismissed it, “All of this is Howie’s? Wow, he must be...”

“Filthy rich?” Adonis said with a strange smile, “Shall we make an appointment to see him?”

“See him? You mean I can talk to him? What would I say if...”

“Chill Richardson! We’re only observers. No one can see us,” Adonis jumped up from the terminal he was sprawled at and leaped onto the desk of another terminal. He sat directly in front of a woman busying herself with arranging papers that had just spouted from her fax machine. She payed no attention to Adonis as he played with her hair and tickled her chin. Kevin shuddered as he watched the woman reach for a pencil... through Adonis. Her hand went through his body and poked out the other side. Her fingers closed around the pencil and she brought her hand back to her papers. Adonis giggled with amusement, he looked at Kevin’s horrified expression and laughed heartily, “It tickles RIchardson.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. Yeah it tickled, sure... but he was in no hurry to have someone stick their arms through him, “Hey Adonis, how come you could touch her? Can she feel you?”

“I got skills Richardson,” Adonis said cockily, “No really. You can touch them.... and some times, I can’t explain why or how, they can feel you.”

“Some times?”

“Yeah, some times,” Adonis shrugged, “It’s not my magic to explain.”

Kevin looked rather confused, and he was about to ask another question that would surely further fuel his curiostisty, “But...”

“Richardson... This is your life, not 20 questions,” Adonis swung his legs back and forth as they dangled from the desk he was sitting at, “Now, shall we?”

Kevin raised his eyebrows in amusement, “We shall.” Adonis slid off the desk and took Kevin’s arm. “This way.”

Kevin’s eyes went wide as he realized Adonis was taking him right through a, “Wall! Wall! Hello, there’s a wall here... Noooo...” His cry fell away as he felt an odd coolness, and suddenly the wall wasn’t in front of him anymore.

“How’d we.... Howie...” Kevin froze as he stared at Howie, a 30 year old cleanly shaven Howie. He sat at his desk with his swivel chair turned at an angle. He spoke vividly into phone, he seemed to be pleading with the person on the other line.

“Wow... look at how old he looks,” Kevin marveled, Howie was a little more than a year younger than he was, but he looked so much older, even without a beard and moustache. Kevin saw Howie’s face lines sag as he listened to what was being said on the other line, “ok....but.. But I don’t think I’ll have all of it... Please....”

“What’s going on Adonis, who is he talking to?” Kevin was concerned, he turned to look at his guide. Adonis was admiring the view from Howie’s window, he turned slightly, “In 1999 Howie D Incorporated his a rough patch, in a desperate attempt to save his company, Howie reached out for outside help... illegal, outside help. He borrowed money from some gangsters... friends or a cousin of his. It saved his business... but now that the business is out of trouble, Boss wants his pay... Unfortunately for Sweet D, the Boss’s cut, has quadrupled with interest. Howie has a major business, a wife, and three children to support and the bosses cut just doesn’t fit his current budget plan.”

Kevin gasped, “But I thought Howie was...”

“The boss wants 2 million dollars Kevin,” Adonis said flatly, “Most of Howie’s money is tied up in assets, stocks, and trust funds for his children.”

“So what is he gonna do?” Kevin asked simply. He looked deathly afraid for Howie. He had seen what happened in the movies when you didn’t pay the boss... He squeezed his eyes closed on visions of Howie being killed in a drive-by. He saw images of Howie’s hands being tied behind his bak and weights being strapped to his feet. He saw him sinking in the Atlantic ocean... “Oh Howie, you were supposed to know better than this.”

“He does Kevin, it was a last resort. He was desperate.. His wife was pregnant again, and he already had two other children. The man had to do something, and his cousin assured him it would painless.. Though his cousins floating along the bottom of the Atlantic right about now...”

“Adonis!” Kevin gulped, the picture of Howie’s bloated face bobbing to the surface of his thoughts.

Adonis blinked and turned completely around to look at Kevin, “Kevin, this is not child’s play Howie has gotten himself into. This is serious and he could very well end up like his cousin. Howie is smart, but so were a lot of others... who share the same fate as Carlos Melendez.”

Kevin winced. Carlos... he had met Caros. He hadn’t liked him. Kevin had known right off when he met him that he was slime.... now he knew why. He was a gangster. Damn it. Howie, how could you be so naive. Kevin wanted to take Howie by the shirt collar and shake him. In fact he stepped forward and tried. His hands passed through Howie as if he were a hollogram, “Aaaah!” Kevin cried out jumping away, “I thought you said we could touch...”

“You have to concentrate on it Richardson... and I severely doubt strangling him in this life...in your present form...would make any difference in the situation.”

“Shut up,” Kevin snapped at him, knowing Adonis was right, but not wanting to give him the verbal satisfaction, “What can I do to help him? Here, in my actual life.”

Adonis looked puzzled, “Nothing, Kevin you two have never met.”

Kevin was pulling at his hair with both hands, “There has to be something I can do...maybe I can wire him some money anonymously, I mean I’m rich aren’t I?”

“That you are but Kevin...”

“Then that’s what I’ll just have to do,” Kevin was nodding his head, no longer listening to Adonis, all he cared about was getting his younger brother.... even without Backstreet Kevin knew he would always think of Howie and the others as his little brothers... out of this trouble.

Adonis sighed deeply and appeared to be putting in a plea to the Higher Beings himself, he shook his head, “Come on.”

“Come on? Come where? I can’t leave Howie while he’s...”

“He doesn’t even know you’re here,” Adonis said in a trying voice, “and we’re not leaving him just yet, we’re simply moving forward in the week and going to visit him at home.”

Kevin blinked, “Why? What happens later this week? Is Howie gonna...?”

“Come on,” Adonis motioned towards the portal in front of him, “Clients first,” he curtsied beautifully as he ushered Kevin through the gray void, then he followed himself.

Kevin’s eyes doubled in size as they surveyed the size of Howie’s living room, “Wow, his house is two times bigger than mine!”

“Nothing’s paid for,” Adonis said dully, as he lifted a blue china vase feeling its texture, “Hmmn... this isn’t an original. He got ripped off.”

“Put that down before you break it or something,” Kevin said glaring at Adonis holding the vase.

Adonis smiled briefly, and tossed the vase in the air, letting it clatter to the floor. Nothing happened. The vase did not break, it instead went back to its position on the table. “How..?” Kevin began but was speechless to continue on with the rest of the question.

“As I said before, not my magic to explain,” Adonis said with a shrug, “but basically anything you touch or drop can’t be broken or made dirty, because we’re not really here.”

Kevin simply bit his tongue on his next statement, his questions only seem to bring about more questions that had no answer... well no answer that his guide knew of. Kevin was beginning to think he had gotten a bad deal on Adonis, he began to think he would prefer an old holier-than-thou man, “Adonis, just what can you explain to me?”

“Everything about your life and the lives that have been affected by your decision,” Adonis said clasping his hands together. His ears perked to something approaching and he raised a hand to silence Kevin’s next comment. It was the dead of night and Howie was just coming home from his office. Kevin sighed as he stood in the well lit living room with Adonis, “Can they see that we’ve turned the light’s on?”

Adonis shook his head, “They see what they do, not what we do. So to them the room is dark. Come on.”

Kevin sighed and glanced at the wall clock that told him it was well past midnight. Howie had entered the house. He closed and locked the door carefully and set his briefcase down on the coffee table. Kevin noticed how bad his hands were shaking right away. Howie’s whole body trembled, and his brown eyes were wild with fear. Kevin followed Howie, as Howie stalked around the house like a madman making sure all the locks were secure. He peeked out oen of the windows at the high steel gates sealing off his estate from outsides and waved at one of the guards outside.

“This place is sealed up tighter than Fort Knox,” Kevin said through his teeth, “Does he go through this every night?”

Adonis nodded, “Just about. You see, the mob can be anywhere, and anyone they need to be, to get to their man.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, “You mean...”

“It could be a guard, a maid, a butler...”

“Is there one in the house n...” Kevin’s words broke off as he stared at Adonis’s solemn face, “Oh my God... Can we..”

“No,” Adonis shook his head, “This is Howie’s life, not yours... as of right now, Howie doesn’t even know you exist.”

Those words hit Kevin hard, he doesn’t know I exist... “Adonis...?”

“Hmmm?” Adonis was leaning slightly against the dark panneled wall peering at a pale, trembling Howie making an effort to look behind every curtain and blind.

“Is Howie to be killed?” Kevin asked, he raised his green eyes to meet Adonis’s smoky gray ones... His silence was Kevin’s answer, “Oh God.”

Kevin stifled a slight sob as he moved with Howie as he wandered into the rooms of his sleeping children, peering down into their sweet sleep flushed faces. Pushing back curly tendrils of dark brown hair off their faces and sweeping it behind their ears. He kissed them, each one right before he left each individual child’s room. His oldest child looked around 6, a son, with a very striking resemblance to Howie. He lingered beside his bed the longest, adjusting his blankets and caressing his son’s innocent baby face. He sang something very softly to the child and leaned in his ear to whisper... Kevin leaned in so he could hear the words, “You must be brave my little hijo, for you will be the man of this family one day, and all that is mine will be yours Alejandro...” He gently kissed his son’s cheek then his forehead and began to tiptoe away, “Daddy?”

Howie paused in his exit turning to face the bed where his little boy was now stirring,” Go back to sleep Tiger, Daddy will be here in the morning to play with you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Howie said with a sad smile. He watched his son roll onto his side to look at his with his large sleepy brown eyes. Long dark lashes lined his lids weighing them down heavily, soon the boy’s eyes closed and he was asleep. Howie crept out of the room slowly closing the door. He then began to venture further in down the halls. He slowly opened the double doors and slipped inside the room. Kevin and Adonis followed suit, walking through the door Howie had closed in their faces. The room was dark, but Kevin could make out expensive bedroom furniture, and a figure sleeping on the bed. Howie had gone through another door. When Kevin heard the water running he assumed it was the bathroom Howie had gone into. Kevin touched the bathroom door lightly and then allowed himself access, he stepped into the bathroom to witness Howie as he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He went through the motions slowly, like a little old man, as if he were savoring the moment, like he would never be able to do it again. The saddest moments were when Howie would pause and stare at hmself in the mirror. Howie’s brown eyes told of his sorrow and horror, his haggard face told of his worry and fear... Kevin reached out to Howie and placed his hand on his shoulder. He squeezed but got no reaction from Howie. He knew that he wasn’t going to get one... but a flicker of something within him, hoped that he would.He instead ended of flinching when Howie suddenly back up right into him, and then through him heading for the toilet area. Kevin gasped as he felt the breeze go through him. It felt weird... Adonis was right, it did tickle a little. He shuddered thinking about it, and decided it was time to leave the bathroom. He rejoined Adonis as Adonis sat quietly on Howie’s bed, beside Howie’s lovely slumbering wife. Howie’s wife was sleeping on her side, her face was a perfect oval, her features soft and pretty. Straight black hair fell into her face and she lie with her head resting on her arms. “She’s pretty huh?” Adonis said nudging Kevin.

“Yes she is,” Kevin said, smiling at Howie’s mate,” and they have beautiful children together.

Adonis nodded. Kevin stiffened as the bathroom light went out and Howie could be seen emerging from the door and coming towards the bed. Kevin stood abruptly, not wanting to take the chance of Howie passng through him again. Howie got into bed cautiously, muttering words... not words.. The Lord’s Prayer... under his breath. He closed his eyes tightly and reached for his nightstand. He opened his eyes and opened his drawer and pulled out a small wooden box and underneath the box was a key. He used the key to unlock the box. Once the box was opened, Kevin gasped... a gun. Howie pulled out the gun and stroked it. He placced the empty box back in the drawer and closed it. He got back into the bed settling himself under the covers. Howie lie in bed flat on his back, gun to his chest with his eyes wide open, ready for anything that could threaten him or his family to come his way... He was ready. He clutched the gun tighter and lie and trembled, sweat pouring out of every pore on his body. No one was going to get the drop on Howie Dorough... even if it meant he never slept again...

Chapter 3

“Hey! What the hell happened to Howie! Where are we now? Is Howie...?”

“Howie at this time is still very much alive, “Adonis said.

“But you said...”

“I didn’t tell ya when, now did I?” Adonis said wiggling an eyebrow. He grinned as Kevin glared at him.

“Where are we?” Kevin asked in a more frustrated tone, he was going to kill his guide before this was over, he knew it.

“Here,” Adonis handed him a theater program instead of answering him. Kevin snatched it from him and opened the program, starring AJ McLean...? “AJ?”

“Welcome to Broadway Kevin,” Adonis said with a smile, “and I’m pretty sure with our connections we could get box seats.”

Kevin glanced around for the first time fully taking in the scenery. He was in a large theater room with chairs lining the floors as far as the eyes could see all lavishly done in a rich red velvet, “AJ on Broadway? Who would have thought?”

“Wasn’t AJ the one who said he wanted to do Broadway?” Adonis asked tossing himself into a seat.

“Well, yeah, but...”

“Have a seat Richardson, watch the show, might be interesting,” Adonis said, he drummed his fingers on the arms of the red chair with a frown, he snapped his fingers, “Popcorn!” he groaned, “Great.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, maybe if he had a fully grown, ADULT, guide it would be better. He felt like he was spending the day with Nick! Nick... Kevin frowned and wondered what he might be up to. Everyone had to be better off than Howie... At least he hoped they were.

“Is AJ going to come out? What’s going...”

“Shhhh!” Adonis hissed gently, he pointed at the stage at the front of the theater. Kevin sighed and turned his head to watch the stage. He smiled as AJ casually trotted out onto the stage, looking absolutely normal! Regular dark brown hair, regular moustache and goatee, not shaped like it was in...Kevin’s world. Kevin smiled as he used the term “his world” freely. It didn’t even feel strange. Kevin was amused that AJ seemed to sport no tattoos and only one piercing in his left ear. Backstreet Boys did make him go wild, he guessed.

A young woman followed AJ onto the stage and a voice from the audience, somewhere in front of Kevin, called out, “Action!”

Kevin leaned forward in his seat to watch his little brother do his stuff.

He was incredible.. Kevin never knew AJ’s voice could sound like that. His acting was impeccable, and the chemistry he and the girl he was with on stage was dazzling. Kevin sat transfixed with the Acts the director had AJ and the rest of the actors going through. AJ was the star character, stealing the stage most of the time. Kevin clapped for the actors as if they could hear him, as if it was a show, not just rehearsal, “That was wonderful!” Kevin whirled around to face Adonis, “AJ is sensational!” Kevin was grinning from ear to ear, until he realized he was getting no response from his guide. “Adonis?”

Adonis’s dark head drooped onto his chest as he breathed deeply in and out.

“I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ASLEEP!” Kevin shouted at his guide, who awoke with a start. “Oh my Goddess!” Adonis jumped up, “I’m so sorry! Where’s the Court?- Oh, it’s you...”

“Goddess?” Kevin giggled, “God-dess?”

Adonis narrowed his eyes slightly at Kevin, but slowly his expression lightened up and he laughed, “That’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh Richardson.”

Kevin sighed, “That’s the first time you’ve given me something to laugh about.”

“Hmm,” Adonis said thoughtfully, then he glanced up at the stage, “Oh, looks like practice is over.”

“Are we going backstage?” Kevin asked Adonis sounding a bit hopeful.

Adonis nodded, “If that’s where you want to go.”

“You mean I can choose where we go?” Kevin asked curiously. Why had Adonis never mentioned this?

“You can choose where we go, until there’s something you really need to see going on, then I choose,” Adonis said putting his emphasis on the “I.”

Kevin frowned, “Are you purposefully showing me only bad things to sway my judgement?”

Adonis shook his head, “Actually no, Howie’s life just sucks, and how do you know AJ’s life is bad.”

“You said something I need to see! How would you know about something I needed to see, or all that bad stuff you knew about Howie if you weren’t purposefully showing me...”

“Kevin, I’ll say it one more time. It’s not my magic to explain! I just know. I know when something bad’s about to happen all of a sudden, and I know why. It comes with being the guide, even if I’m only a temp.”

“You’re not much help,” Kevin spouted, “You know, you really suck at being a guide!”

“Well maybe that’s why I’m not one full time.. Not even part time. This is a one time thing,” Adonis batted his eyes at Kevin.

“Good, because I feel for the poor sap that would ever get you as a guide after me,” Kevin grumbled, pushing past Adonis to follow the director. He was probably heading backstage to talk to the actors.

“Trying to lower my self-esteem Richardson?” Adonis asked sounding amused.

“If the truth does that to you, then yes,” Kevin grumbled. He stopped as the director opened the door in front of him and it led to the outside parking lot. He groaned in frustration and stared at the closing door, then around the maze he had allowed himself to be led into, “Great.”

“Funny, this doesn’t resemble any backstage area I’ve ever seen,” Adonis said with a wicked grin, he looked at Kevin, grey eyes twinkling with his amusement.

Kevin only scowled at him, “Fine! Fine! You’re the best guide in the world, now tell me where the damn dressing rooms are!”

“Touchy,” Adonis said with a giggle, “Dressing rooms? Hmm.. Let me think...”

“Adonis please...”

“Very well, since you begged, it’s this way,” Adonis began to walk.

“I did not beg!” Kevin said after him as he followed after the boy. Adonis was laughing and mocking him, “Adonis please!”

“I hate you, you know that?” Kevin growled

“Aaw... hate’s such a strong word, maybe you just dislike me, a whole lot,” Adonis was still giggling, “Ah, here we are.”

“Finally,” Kevin uttered moving past Adonis. AJ was standing at a make up table in front of a mirror flanked with light bulbs. AJ spoke on the phone, and from his looks the conversation wasn’t pleasant. He thanked whoever it was on the phone and sighed deeply. He suddenly dipped forward, Kevin reached out for him immediately, but pulled his hand back when he realized it wouldn’t do him nor AJ any good. A fellow actor had seen AJ falling forward and he rushed to steady him, “Alex buddy? You alright?”

AJ held onto the guy a little longer before straightening up and nodding.

“Who was on the phone, was it the girlfriend?”

AJ shook his head, “No, no Lonnie...” That was all he would say, “Thanks man. I would have been floor pizza if it weren’t for you.”

Lonnie frowned watching AJ with much concern, as was Kevin. From afar, on stage, AJ had looked great, but up close... Kevin had never known AJ could be that pale. He looked nervous as hell, as nervous as Howie had looked, if not worse. “Alex, what’s going on? You’ve been acting strange for a week now. Is there something wrong with Priscilla, Megan?”

AJ looked like he was about to burst into tears at the mention of the two female names, they obviously meant a great deal to him,” I don’t know yet Lon...”

“What?” Lonnie’s eyes were wide as saucers, “Alex, are they...”

“No,” AJ shook his head, running nervous hands through his hair. He pulled out the chair from his table and sat down hard, “No it’s not them... It’s me, stupid, stupid me..”

Lonnie looked puzzled, “Are you and Pris having problems? You guys have always been so hap...”

AJ was shaking his head yet again, “No... no problems, we’re just as happy as we can be... and Megan is our pride and joy.”

“Then what?”

“I...” AJ’s eyes flickered over to where Kevin was anxiously standing, it was almost as if he could see him. Kevin looked at AJ nervously, staring into AJ’s chocolate brown eyes, he saw such sorrow reflected there, such fear, and even guilt, “I can’t talk about it here, now... with you. I, I just gotta go, I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow ok, Lon. Thanks a lot man,” AJ was up in a flash and out the door before Lonnie could react to his words, “ALEX!”

Kevin and Adonis looked at the closing door.

“Where’s he going Adonis?” Kevin asked.

Adonis had lowered his head, he raised it when Kevin spoke and said calmly, “To the hospital a few blocks over.”

“The hospital? Why the hell would AJ be going to a hospital?” Kevin was asking in a panic, What was wrong? What was so terrible that he couldn’t tell his friend... and why was he going to the hospital?! Cancer... maybe AJ had cancer. Kevin’ stomach wound itself around in knots.

“Lets go Richardson,” Adonis said taking Kevin’s elbow gently.

“Lets go? Wait, that means I don’t get to pick where we’re going anymore... That means something is happening, or something is going to happen...” Kevin’s eyes were already filling, “I hate this reality!”

“Lets go,” Adonis said again, softly. He gave Kevin a tug and once again they were stepping into another portal. The portals, Kevin was getting to them. He no longer thought it strange when they appeared from thin air, and he no longer felt the vertigo. He simply stepped through and was on the other side without even thinking about what bizarre things had gone on inside the vortex. Kevin felt his feet touch something solid. He looked down to see the white tile of the hospital corridor, “What’s wrong with him Adonis?” Kevin was practically jogging after his guide to keep up with his swift pace.

Adonis slowed a bit as he realized Kevin was having a hard time keeping up, “Check out Room 102.” Adonis peeped inside the small window first. Kevin knew Adonis wouldn’t be able to see a thing threw the small windows on the hospital doors... but somehow it seemed that he did. Adonis opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning for Kevin to follow him.

Kevin entered the room cautiously, afraid of what he might find. Crying.... he heard small sounds of someone crying coming from the corner of the room. He turned his head to meet the owner of the tears... and to his dismay saw AJ. AJ sat curled in a plastic chair. His shoulders shook with his desperate sobs. “My God... my God... forgive me.. I ask for forgiveness for my sins....” His words disolved into tears again.

“Adonis...?” Kevin looked to Adonis with empathy tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

Adonis’s eyes were fixated on the weeping man in the chair, slowly his eyes reverted back to Kevin’s anguished face, “When Alexander McLean was 20 he had a lover unlike any he had ever had before. He lost his virginity at a young age and began to think of sex as just another necessity of life... until he met Shanon Rodriguez...”

“That was his old girlfriend, I remember her. She wasn’t very... classy,” Kevin interrupted, “I..” he paused looking ashamed, “I actually gave her 200 dollars to go away and leave AJ alone. She took it, and Lord knows what she did with the money, but AJ never saw her again.”

Adonis was staring at Kevin, “Good thing you did.”

“What?”

“Shannon Rodriguez was AJ’s first love and sex with her was better than anything AJ had ever experienced in his 20 years. The two were together for a few months afterwards before she left him for another man.”

“I knew it!” Kevin muttered under his breath, “I knew she was nothing but trouble.”

“Years later AJ met Priscilla, his current girlfriend that he lives with, and is about to propose to. They have a beautiful daughter named Megan Renee, she should be about 2 now...”

“Adonis...?” Kevin felt his nerves shaking along with his body, why was AJ crying? What was Adonis about to say that would explain AJ’s hysterical tears. In all the years Kevin had known AJ, he had never seen him cry like that before...

“Kevin, Shannon Rodriguez died last week.”

“Oh no,” Kevin looked startled, he hadn’t liked the woman, but he certainly hadn’t wanted her to die... Kevin looked deeply into the smoke colored eyes, there was something there.... Why had he pointed out Shannon was dead? What did it have to do with AJ being in a hosp... Oh God! “What... what did she die of?”

Adonis sighed, “Pneumonia Kevin.... the kind of pneumonia that one gets when your immune system has been destroyed by a sexually transmitted disease called AIDS.”

Kevin flinched as he felt his insides tense up. He wanted to throw up, “And AJ...”

“AJ got a call last week from Shannon’s mother... letting him know that she had passed, and why...”

“So he came and got himself tested.”

Adonis nodded knowing that what Kevin had stated was not a question, but not caring, “How’s he going to tell his girlfriend that because of him, she’s at risk? How is he going to tell her that their child, their daughter, may be HIV positive? How is he going to tell his beloved family that he may have given them the kiss of death?”

“Oh God....” Kevin felt his knees giving way. He sank to the cold tile floor, “Oh Alex.. I knew she was no good.. Why couldn’t you see it? Why didn’t you use a condom?”

“Condoms aren’t 100% Kevin, “Adonis said softly. He gazed sorrowfully at AJ who continued to weep in such a manner he was beginning to hyperventilate.

“What’s he going to do Adonis?” Kevin asked softly, “She’ll hate him...and the baby. I haven’t even seen the baby.”

“Would you like to?” Adonis asked gently.

“No! Please no,” Kevin wiped the tears from his cheeks, “I can’t see her... I can’t look at her sweet face and know that she may be doomed, doomed cause when her daddy was young he mad a mistake. A deadly, fatal mistake... that I was there to stop once, but not this time. What have I done?”

“Why do you blame yourself Kevin?” Adonis asked Kevin softly, curiously, “It’s AJ’s fault, it’s his life. He decided, he chose... How do you know that in your life, the one you may want to give up, he hasn’t slept with this girl?”

Kevin grimaced, shit.... he hadn’t thought of that. He felt his insides grow cold, “He’d at least have a support system, from me, from us... and no children to risk passing the curse on to.”

Adonis nodded, “Would you like to leave now?”

“And go where?” Kevin asked, his voice muffled by his tears.

“You still have two more people you wanted to visit,” Adonis reminded him patiently.

Kevin groaned, “Adonis, I can’t take much more of this! I don’t want to see Nick or Brian if they are dying, if they’re deathly afraid of being massacred by the mob...”

“Well I can assure you that’s not apparent in Nick’s nor Brian’s life.”

Kevin raised his head from his hands, “and AJ?”

“His fate will resume even after we leave. There’s nothing you or I can do about it,” Adonis said firmly, “Now, who would you like to visit next?”

“You’re asking this time?” Kevin asked weakly clearing his throat and glancing over at AJ’s hiccuping form once more.

“Yes,” Adonis smiled softly, “I’m asking.”

Kevin nodded and sniffled, “Ok.... how about we go see Nick. I could use some sunshine and a laugh. That’s one thing Nick is good for, he can always cheer me up.”

Adonis shrugged, “Ok, Nick it is.”

The shadowy portal opened yet again and Kevin almost couldn’t wait to jump into it, ready to leave the horrible world AJ was living in behind. Once inside the vortex the sounds of AJ’s tears ceased. Kevin could no longer turn back and view the disturbing scene, and for that, he was grateful. As he felt his feet touch solid ground yet again he trembled thinking about what could be in store for him this time...

Chapter 4

“Is that Nick up there on that billboard?” Kevin squinted looking up at the sign. He and Adonis stood on concrete in between buildings that housed sets for sitcoms and maybe even movies. Kevin recognized his youngest brother’s face on the billboard along with three other faces, “What’s it for?”

“Well, Kevin, Nick is an actor on a television sitcom,” Adonis gestured to the billboard, “called Roomates. It’s a WB attempt at a cheap Friends spin off. It’s actually doing quite well though, its audience being mostly teenagers and college students. And on side of the show Nick has been in a few movies. That last one he was in was pretty good, it was kinda teeny-bopperish, but I liked it.”

Kevin shot Adonis a questioning look.

“What? I can’t watch movies?” Adonis asked innocently.

“You know, when I go back, I’m going to write a letter to every screen play writer who ever wrote stories with Guardian people in them. You’re just too weird!” Kevin couldn’t help but smile at him though.

Adonis looked vaguely insulted, “Hmph, any way, you wanna see some of the show?”

“Of course,” Kevin said, he remembered watching AJ’s wonderful performance... he pushed away his sorrow and found his anxiousness for wanting to see his youngest brother in action.

They walked directly onto the set with no one so much as glancing in their direction. Kevin knew they couldn’t see them, but he couldn’t help but feel nervous whenever they did things like this. The set was in a large garage like complex. It was a half room showing a rather cluttered living room with four people lying around in it vegging out in front of a television set. One of those people was Nick, he lie on the floor with something undistinguishable as a pillow, Kevin hoped those weren’t sweat socks he was lying on. A medium sized audience sat in a pannel just behind the cameras.

“Man,” one of the female actresses spoke, “I would never be a dancing cookie on Tv.” She apparently was commenting on the movie they were pretending to watch.

Nick spoke up from the floor, “I would be a dancing dookie if they paid me.”

Kevin gasped at Nick’s comment and almost jumped as the live studio audience began laughing.

“You would not be a dancing dookie!” the other female commented looking at Nick with disgust as the other two people chuckled. Nick looked as serious as ever, “I would so, and I’d be a happy little dookie too.” He began to do imitations of a synchronized swimmer and making rude noises.

“What would your Mom say man?” asked the other male actor, who was also blond. Hey, wasn’t he Casper?

“She would only have good things to say about it, especially after all the presents I’d buy her with my dookie money,” Nick said he allowed himself a small smile, he raised his head, and Kevin was able to verify that yes indeed Nickolas Gene Carter was using his own nasty sweat socks as a pillow.

“You are so stupid and nasty!” the actress from the couch shouted throwing a pillow at him, “Thanks, I needed this.” Nick happily collected his newly aquired treasure and set it under his head.

“Guys... We need to start getting out more, if this is what our conversations have come down to,” the actress who had started the scene pleaded, “I need a... Oooh I think I skipped a few lines, didn’t I?” The three sharing the set with her burst out lauging, as did the audience.

“Try it again?” the actress questioned.

“Take it again with Danae, in 5, 4, 3, 2...”

Kevin found that he enjoyed the show very much. Maybe with a little bias, because of Nicky being on it... He grinned as he and Adonis followed Nick backstage where he and his co-stars washed off their stage make-up. Kevin grinned as he listened to Nick’s cheerful chatter to his co-stars. One certain young lady seemed to be very taken with him.

“You are not saying that you’re skipping the cast party?” The girl was incredulous.

“Yes I am Danae, I’ve simply got too much to do,” Nick said with a grin, “Why did you need company?”

“Yeah..” and before he could say anything, “Preferable male company.. That’s not married,” she eyed her other male co-host who was engaged in a conversation with a camera woman.

Nick laughed, “Well, if you really really can’t find anyone else...”

Danae smirked and punched him lightly in the chest, “Don’t make me sound so desperate Carter, you know you need to get out of the house and away from the family for a while. Turn your pager off, and kick back. It’ll be fun.”

“Well...” Nick looked tempted.

“Go ahead and say you’ll go,” Kevin was prompting Nick. The girl was practically begging him to ask her out, and she was not someone one who you could turn down easily. She was tall with medium brown skin, long black hair, and killer eyes, “Why is he so hesitant? Does he already have a girlfriend? A wife?”

Adonis shook his head, “Nick has other responsibilities in his life.”

“Like what? Obviously not dating, look at her!” Kevin was saying gesturing to Danae.

“Yeah, I looked, believe me I did... I think I may be coming back to this place,” Adonis grinned devilishly eyeing Danae’s form shown clearly in the pajama bottoms and slinky pajama top she was wearing.

“Adonis...?” Kevin pressed, as he watched Nick and Danae converse further.

“Just observe Kev,” Adonis said in a different voice, “You’ll see.”

Music began to erupt from Nick’s pocket, cute burbly music that could only come from a pager or cellular phone. Danae rolled her eyes as Nick answered his cell phone, “Hello? Mom?” Nick was quiet for a while as he was listening, then all of a sudden his face changed, turning slightly ashen, “Ok.. I’ll be right there.”

“What’s going on now?” Danae asked a little flatly. Nick looked taken aback, “A family emergency, I gotta go.”

“Call me,” Danae said after him with no emotion at all in her voice, “Yeah right.”

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked Adonis as they followed Nick through the front door of a very large estate, “Is this his?”

“Well technically it is, but no, it’s his mother’s home,” Adonis said.

“Why does he look so scared? What’s going on?” Kevin watched Nick breeze past him into another room, and Adonis grabbed his shoulder and held him back from following.

“His sister Leslie has threatened to kill herself again,” Adonis said quite casually.

“What?”

“She does it at least once a week... there was only one time where she actually did some damage though.”

“Why? Why does she want to kill herself?” Kevin was horrified.

“For attention mostly, she doesn’t plan on doing any real harm to herself, but it’s always scary when she gets all dramatic and dangles a razor above her wrists.”

“But...”

“Jane Carter is obsessed with the idea that all her children must be superstars...”

“What’s new there?” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“You interrupted me!”

“Sorry... big baby.”

“I am not!”

“Oh just go on with the story!” Kevin smacked Adonis over the head.

“Ow, well anyways... Oh wait here he comes,” Adonis nodded his head towards Nick who was now coming down the stairs with his mother following him. Jane Carter looked very healthy and well groomed in her designer clothes and jewels, “Maybe if you could just see if you can do for her what you did for Angel...”

“Mom, Angel is a good actress, all I did was point Spelling in the right direction when he was looking for a teenaged girl. Angel was already in the spotlight it wasn’t hard at all! Mom, Leslie doesn’t have the talent like Angel does... Mom maybe you should just face facts and let her go. Let her go to normal school and be a normal kid...”

“Nickolas I can’t believe I’m standing here listening to you say this! Are you telling me you don’t think your sister is talented enough to make a name for herself?! You would break her heart if she heard you say...”

“No Mom! You’re breaking her heart! Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn’t want to do this! Maybe she wants friends, a boyfriend, she’s a pretty girl Mom!”

“Which is why should should be making it big on the silver screen and Nick I know you can do something about it! What are you going to do to...”

“I promised her I would talk to the director about next months walk on role... she’ll have a few lines,” Nick said exasperately, “Mom I’m not Robert Deniro or Brad Pitt, I can’t wave my pinky and have directors at my every beck and call! I’m a lucky child star that happened to make it into being an adult star! I don’t have much pull with anyone!”

Jane blinked, “I hate when you belittle yourself,” she took his face between her palms, “You are a very attractive very talented young man, and if your father was here today to see you...” her eyes watered and she lowered her head.

Kevin frowned as he saw Nick’s whole composure slump as he watched his mother cry. Nick took her in his arms and held her, “I wish he could see me too Mom. I wonder if he’d be proud of me?”

Jane pulled away from him and gazed up at him and shook her head, “He wouldn’t be proud of you now, and the way you behave towards your siblings’ careers. Aaron hasn’t had another call back since his last movie.”

“Aaron is out of control and nobody wants to work with him, Mom,” Nick said in a tired voice, his composure slumping even more. Kevin watched in amazement as any sign of tears on Jane Carter’s face vanished and she began to reprimand Nick.

“Are you blaming his attitude on me Nick?” Jane turned it around and made herself the victim, “Do you blame everything on me? Leslie’s depression, your brother’s behavior?”

Nick simply lowered his head, “No ma’am.”

“What?”

Nick shook his head, “No,” he sighed deeply. He looked so tired at that moment, “Listen, I’m gonna go home now. Tell Leslie I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Goodbye Nick,” Jane said not moving to hug or kiss her son, “If you run into Aaron today tell him to come straight home.”

Nick nodded, “I’ll do that.” He showed himself out and walked to his black corvette, he jumped in and pulled out of the driveway and into the street.

“What happened to Nick’s father?” Kevin asked as he and Adonis stood outside of Jane Carter’s mansion. Adonis took a seat on the grassy hill of the driveway, “He was killed, car accident. When Nick was 14 he tried out for the pilot of a show called Boy Meets World, he was called back and his Dad dropped him off on his way to work. His mother would pick him up in a few hours... Well when Bob Carter pulled away from the studio a convertible had run a red light, to avoid another car in its path it veered into the studio driveway and struck Bob Carter head on. He was killed on impact.”

“My God....” Kevin let the information wash over him, then another horrible thought hit him, “Had Nick already gone inside.. I mean I know Bob walked him in and made sure everything was ok...”

“He was running late Kevin, he just dropped Nick off and wished him well...”

“Did Nick...”

Adonis nodded, “He saw everything. He didn’t finish his audition... If he had, Sean Hunter may have been blond...”

Kevin blinked, “Poor kid.”

Adonis nodded, “Yeah poor kid. After his father’s death, Jane Carter depended on him to help her and be man of the house. As you know the Carters didn’t have much, and with Bob dead everything really depended on Nick’s next big audition. He was on a few sitcoms that failed to survive, but when he hit the big screen... He’s been supporting his family for many years now, and now Jane wants all of her children to follow in his footsteps, to be secure.”

“And have they? I mean except for Leslie? Angel?”

“Angel is quite a good little actress, she used to be the spokesgirl for oreo cookies, cute as a button, and she has done a few other commercials. And now with a good background in television and a little help from Nick she is featured on one of Aaron Spelling’s daytime soap operas, the Bold and The Beautiful or One Life To Live... something or other. BJ has been modeling since the age of 14 and is now currently living in France very successful and happy, much happier than Nick.; She is forever pleading with him to tear up his roots in California and come to Paris with her. Less stressful. She fears he will become old before his time. Aaron... well Aaron is a good actor, but due to his wreckless behavior and no shows for rehearsals no one will cast him,” Adonis said, “But Aaron isn’t too worried about that though, he’s more interested in his dirtbike and his daredevil stunts.”

“What?” Kevin looked surprised, “Aaron? But he was always such a good kid!”

Adonis shrugged, “That was your world.” He stood up and brushed himself off, “Wanna see where he lives?”

“Ah.. You’re home early for once. I actually get to see you before I leave,” A woman in her early fifties was gathering her purse but ceased as she saw Nick walk through the door into the kitchen. She smiled, the small wrinkles around her eyes softening as she gazed upon him, “I made your dinner hun, something light and easy for you, and I made enough for two, might I add, should you choose to invite some company of a female favor over.” She winked at him and gave him a poke in his ribs. Nick grinned at her genuinely and gave her a kiss on the cheek, “You are forever trying to set me up Gertrude, why would you assume that I may have female company tonight?”

Kevin and Adonis walked right into the middle of the kitchen, right into the middle of the conversation thoroughly unnoticed. “Nice place,” Adonis said looking around at the marble floors, Kevin shushed him and nodded at Nick and Gertrude, “Who’s that?”

“Nick’s maid,” Adonis said, “She comes around 9 and leaves around 5, but she’s taken a real liking to Nick so sometimes she comes earlier and leaves much later than she’s supposed to.”

“Well a certain young woman by the name of Danae Thomas keeps calling here,twice today in fact, inquiring about you. She’s a very pretty young lady Nicky, and she’s quite fond of you I think... and you are fond of her.”

“What makes you...”

“I can tell by the blush dear,” Gertrude giggled at him, “You really are a dear boy and I do think it’s time you began to look for someone to share your dearness with.”

“Trudy I have enough people in my life now... and you are enough female company for me. You’re beautiful, fun to talk to, and a wonderful cook.”

“You flatter me Nicky,” Gertrude grinned, “And if I weren’t more than 30 years your senior and happily married I would take you up on that.”

“What? Married?” Nick looked aghast, “Oh no, what’s a guy to do?”

“Nicky,” Gertrude prodded him,”You’re 24 years old, it’s time to start shopping around..”

Nick sighed, “Trudy you know...”

“Nickolas, you are a young man, not a middle aged father,” Gertrude said a little aggressively, “You should be out doing what Hollywood elites do, you should be dating, you should be mingling...”

“I have...”

“You work too hard Nick. You should do as your sister says, you should take a vacation, you should join her in Paris for a few weeks.”

“But what would my Mom do without me here...” Nick sighed collasping heavily in one of the chairs set around the fine kitchen table.

The mansion was very fine and Kevin could tell Nick had not decorated it himself. He sat down across from Nick at the table and appraised him, “He looks tired,” he said to Adonis, and Adonis nodded also sitting down.

“Your mother will do well with herself. It’s time she began taking the responsibility of her own kids! Nickolas, they’re her kids, not yours, baby.”

“But they’re my sisters and brother, they need me. Leslie, if I’m not here who’s to stop her from..”

Gertrude sighed and tousled his hair, “Kiddo, I’m pretty sure nothing would happen. That girl is not going to do anything that will end her life sooner than the Good Lord would want it to.”

Nick groaned, “I think so too, but it scares the hell out of me everytime she threatens to do it.” Nick gazed up at Gertrude with pure tears of exhaustion in his eyes.

Gertrude frowned at him, “Honey you need a break. Your season finale taping is coming up and you didn’t sign to take that role in that Star Battle..”

“Star Wars,” Nick interrupted with a smile and roll of the eyes, “Honestly Trudy., I can’t believe you’ve never seen Star Wars..”

“Nicky, you’ve changed the subject,” Gertrude looked a little reprimanding, “What I’m telling you is that you have time, you can get away. Your sister has room for you in her home in Paris and she wants you to stay with her for awhile. She worries about you, just like I do.. And honestly I think your sister has been the smartest of your family. She knew when to get out.”

“Trudy..”

“She never let herself get caught up in the trap you’re in,” Gertrude spoke truthfully she began to gather her purse again, “That disaster area you call a brother is here and upstairs...”

Nick’s head jerked toward her, “Aaron’s here?”

“Yes, he’s been here maybe thirty minutes,” Gertrude said not hiding her distaste for the boy, “And judging from the towel he had stuffed under his bedroom door he’s smoking some illegal substance.”

Nick cringed and rubbed his temples with one hand, “He told me he’d stop.”

“Shows how much respect he gives to you,” Gertrude said, “Nicky, you need to get out of this mess, it’s eating you up.”

Nick nodded shallowly, his mind obviously elsewhere, on his substance abusing brother upstairs.

“He looks really awful,” Kevin said observing Nick further, “What’s wrong with him? I’ve seen him through many tours and long days and nights, but he’s never looked this bad.”

Adonis looked from Kevin to Nick, “Too much worry and strain with no fun or sleep. He’s like a doctor on 24 hour call. His mother or one of his siblings are always in need..”

Kevin spied Gertrude fluttering about turning on the oven and writing out a few notes, “I like Gertrude... She takes care of him, huh?”

“She takes care of what she can Kev, but she’s got her own family. She loves Nick dearly, but she’s not his keeper, and if Nick isn’t taking good care of himself, there’s nothing she can do about it.”

Thundering footstes echoed down the stairs and Kevin nearly choked as he recognized the face of Aaron Carter under all that purple hair, he burst into the kitchen startling Gertrude, she barely concealed her sneer, “Good night Nicky. Your dinner is warming in the oven, please try to eat something dear, and get to bed at a decent hour. She gave him a light kiss on the cheek and escorted herself out of the kitchn, not speaking a word to Aaron.

“Bitch,” Aaron snorted and threw himself down in the chair Kevin was sitting in. Kevin gasped as he felt the funny tingling sensation as Aaron’s mass passed through his. He quickly slipped out of the chair still shuddering at the fact. Adonis snickered, “Aw come on its not that bad!”

Kevin shot him a glare made of poison, “Ooh... I’ve seen worse Kev.”

“When are you gonna get rid of that old broad Nick and hire us a cute young thing... she can do your dishes... and you... at the same time,” Aaron slammed his feet down on the table, he was wearing combat boots.

Nick looked up at him and raised his eyebrows at the hair, “What did you do?”

“You don’t like it?” Aaron asked, “The friends and I are starting our own league, and for initiation you gotta have your hair purple. Cool idea huh?”

“Huh,” Nick said standing and walking over to the stove.

“Aaron is Nightmare on Elm Street,” Kevin muttered staring at the kid he used to know... God, the teen that sat in front of him had shoulder length purple hair, a pierced ear, black fingernails, a dog collar around his neck... He wore old army fatigue pants and a tank top that had seen better days.

“We’re racing tonight Nicky, we’re gonna win..”

“Is that the reason for the attire?” Nick asked blandly removing his dinner and bringing it to the table.

“Yeah... you never sound excited Nick. At least BJ can sound likes she’s excited for me!”“ Aaron complained, “And what is that shit you’re eating?”

“Looks like baked fish and vegetables to me, Aaron,” Nick said realizing he didn’t grab any silverware and getting back up to claim some.

Aaron made a face, “I bet it tastes as plain as it looks.”

“Listen Aaron, I’m not in favor of you racing tonight, and I’m not in favor of your new friends... or the marijuna I smell on your clothes,” Nick stated coming back to the table but not sitting down. He instead took a stance in front of Aaron, blocking Kevin’s view of the teen.

“I don’t care what you’re in favor of Nick, I didn’t come here to ask your permission..”

“You came here to smoke your drugs and see if you could bum some money?” Nick asked, his face looked gray in the kitchen light and his lips pale. Kevin saw his hands trembling at his sides. Kevin moved to where he would have a better view.

Aaron actually looked pained, “I actually came to see what my big brother was doing tonight. I wanted to know if he’d come see my race... but since he so obviously doesn’t care about me or what I do, and is acting like he doesn’t want me here, I’ll leave.”

“Aaron, no,” Nick grabbed his brother’s arm as he tried to retreat, “I don’t disapprove of you, just the things you do. Please sit, have something to eat. Trudy said she made enough for two, and regardless of what you may think of the meal it’s good. Trudy can make anything taste good. “

Aaron pulled his arm away from Nick, “It’s just like you said that you don’t accept me! What I like to do is what I stand for! You’re starting to be like Mom! She doesn’t care what I like to do either! She just wants me to be her little star... like you! Well I’m not you, am I? I’ll never be as good, and I never want to be! Because no matter how good you are, this is where you’ll always be! Under mother’s thumb, her little stooge, her servant, her money maker! I feel sorry for you!”

Nick’s face had gone completely ashen with his rage, “HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE AND SPOUT THAT SHIT TO ME AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU! GET YOUR POTHEAD- ASS THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW! AND DON’T COME BACK! GET THE...” Nick stopped his rant as his face contorted in pain. His arms folded over his stomach and he reached for a chair behind him. He lowered himself into it slowly and doubled over in his pain.

“What’s going on?” Kevin was immediately at Nick’s side, wanting to comfort him. Adonis was silent. Aaron had rushed to Nick as well, he kneeled in front of him rubbing his brother’s back and apologizing, “God Nick, calm down... calm down, and just breathe. I am so sorry, I am so sorry.” After a few minutes of Aaron’s soothing voice, Nick raised his head, a few tears had escaped and rolled down his cheeks and his face was dead white. He swallowed hard and sat up slowly, Aaron continued to rub his back, “Are you ok?”

Nick let out a breath and nodded weakly. Kevin was staring at the two, this apparently wasn’t the first time this had happened. Aaron left his brother for a minute to go to the medicine cabinet, he pulled down a bottle of pills and went and ran some water. He brought them to Nick and watched his brother take two capsules and gulp the water down greedily, “You need to start taking better care of yourself bro... you’re tearing yourself up,” Aaron ran his fingers through his brother’s hair as Nick laid his head down on the table, “You don’t need to worry about me and Angel and Leslie all the time. We’re ok....You need to worry about yourself. When’s the last time you’ve slept Nick?”

No answer.

Aaron nodded knowingly, “I thought so. Nick, I want you to get to bed, eat something and get to bed.”

Nick raised his head, tears still flowing, his pain not over just not so terrible, “I will AC... I promise.” He grimaced tightly and held his stomach again, his breathing quickening momentarily, then it passed.

“I’m gonna go now Nick, I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble. Don’t forget to do what I said.. You promised me,” Aaron was retreating from the kitchen and Nick hadn’t the strength to call him back. He simply sat at the table in pain, letting the tears trickle down his face. Kevin picked up the pill bottle and read the prescription....Ulcers... “He’s 24, he shouldn’t have ulcers.”

Adonis shrugged, “Stress can kill anyone no matter how old.”

Kevin sighed and gazed at his baby brother as he struggled to straighten himself up and force his eyes to his neglected dinner. He barely ate a few bites before pushing the plate away. He stood and unsteadily made his way to the stairs, he needed to lie down. He fell asleep in the fetal position on his bed fully clothed with his eyes squeezed tightly shut and his lips curled in a grimace of pain. Kevin sat down on the bed beside him, his hand hoovering above his head wanting to brush Nick’s hair from his face, to offer him some comfort. He touched his hair, it felt soft and fine, “Hey, I can touch him!”

“I told you if you concentrated hard enough you could!” Adonis said in a clearly bored tone. Kevin sighed and glanced at the clock that read 8:09, “Poor kid... but at least we know he’s getting some sleep tonight, maybe not peaceful,” Kevin studied Nick’s pained expression, “But he’s resting.”

The phone rang suddenly jarring Kevin out of his daze, Adonis out of his boredom, and Nick from his slumber, “Hello?” Nick fumbled for the phone.

“Who is it?” asked Kevin.

“You want to hear the conversation?” Adonis questioned him. He put his hand over Nick’s shaky hand that was holding the cordless phone...

“....burned to where he’s almost unidentifiable... Two other boys were brought in as well, one we think may be related to you. We found his wallet and it had your name and address inside. The boy is in highly unstable condition and we’ll need you to come down and sign some consent forms... Are you the boy’s father?”

“N...n...no, brother,” Nick said shakily, “You think he’s gonna die?”

“Mr. Carter, it does not look good. Can you contact the boy’s mother?”

“Y...y...yes,” Nick’s teeth chattered, “The other boys?”

“Dead sir, your brother may be the only lucky one. I’m sorry to have to deliver such news to you sir, but if you can get down here quickly it’d be best, and contact your mother,” the line disconnected and Nick dropped the phone onto the floor. He sat up looking dazed. His whole body was shaking violently, he jumped to his feet, and ran to his master bathroom that adjourned his room. He threw himself at the toilet and relieved himself of the two bites of fish he had taken and the coffee he had drunk earlier. He pulled back from the toilet gasping and crying. Kevin had run after him and sat before him with a gasp of his own... there was blood dribbling down Nick’s chin... from his mouth. Kevin looked down in the toilet, disgusted by what he was doing, but he had to look... It was full of blood. He was bleeding, internally, “My God... you need help,” Kevin spoke to Nick quietly, “You need a doctor.” Kevin watched in shock as Nick calmly stood up and wiped the blood from his chin. He washed up like he didn’t just vomit an ocean of blood and began to get dressed... “Adonis.. He..”

“He knows Kevin, he knows,” Adonis said, “But to see a doctor and to get a diagnosis will take time away from his duties towards his work and supporting his family. He just simply hasn’t got the time.”

“It’s his health Adonis, he can make the time!” Kevin was outraged, he wanted to spin Nick around and order him to bed while he called a doctor.

“You’re right Kev... it’s HIS health,” Adonis said flatly, he sighed, “You ready to see how you’re cousin’s doing now?”

“Huh? What? We’re not through seeing Nick! I wanna see if Aaron’s ok, and more importantly, if he’s ok!”

Adonis was shaking his head, “Kevin, this is all I’m authorized to show you. We’ve used up our time here. It’s time to go, don’t you want to see how well your cousin is doing?”

“No one’s doing well in this life.. I’m afraid to see it!” Kevin said his hands shook, “Adonis I want to go home.”

“But Kevin you still haven’t seen it all...”

“I’ve seen enough!”

“I’m sorry Kevin...”

“What’s that mean?” Kevin looked panicked.

“You have to see it all before you can make your decision. You’ve been given a wonderful opportunity, lets see it through. Not many others get this choice...”

“I envy them,” Kevin muttered, “Ok, Adonis, take me to see the final hell so that I can get home.”

“Ok,” Adonis said with a weak smile, “Here we go.”

Kevin took one last glance at the beautiful teal bathroom, with its once white carpet marred with crimson blood stains.... I’m sorry Nicky.

Chapter 5

“So what gloom and doom have you brought me to see now Adonis, cause I’m gonna tell you now, I’ve made a decision. I don’t wanna see anymore. I choose to go back to my real life, this place is terrible!”

“Kevin, you haven’t even seen everything yet. What if you see something worth your while that may prompt you to stay. What if your family life is just what you’ve always desired..”

“Adonis if you wanted to have a chance of me picking that life over my old one, you shouldn’t have showed me my friends. They’re in such pain.”

Adonis stifled a smirk, “Well you must realize this is the chance of a lifetime.. Not everyone gets the chance to take back a mistake they think they made when they were younger, to get to turn their lives around in a way they think they would favor and benefit most from. Some people would kill for this opportunity that you’re ready to just throw away instead of see through....”

“Nothing on God’s green earth will make me choose this life... but if it amuses you to show me the rest, then go ahead, but you waste your time,” Kevin said folding his arms over his chest.

“It’s not my time Kev,” Adonis said softly, looking a little wistful.

“Then who’s time is its?” Kevin asked curiously, then he stopped and gazed around, he was standing in front of a small suburban home, “Where are we?”

“See you later Daddy!” A girl of no more than 9 came bolting from the small house running for the small car that was waiting in front of the house in front of the mailbox. Kevin stiffened as he saw an older version of his cousin stepping out onto the front porch and waving to the girl.

Brian was wearing a bright green windbreaker, as he turned to go back inside the house Kevin saw the golden embroidered letters on the back spelling out “COACH.”

Kevin frowned, it looked normal and nice enough... but so had AJ’s life, and Nick’s... at first. It wasn’t until he went inside the walls that he found out a terrifying secret that shook his very core. He hesitated in going closer to the pretty picture of Brian’s life. He felt hands on his back pushing him forward, “Lets go in, I think his wife’s making cookies.”

Kevin scowled at him, “What does that matter? Can you not be serious for a second?”

Adonis grinned, “I’m far too serious... time to be laid back.”

“Laid back, Adonis as you keep saying, it’s my life! You can’t be laid back on my life! Be laid back on someone elses’ life, but not mine!” Kevin snapped stalking towards the house.

Adonis whistled, “Well aren’t we the selfish one?” He followed after Kevin.

Brian stood over the kitchen counter listening to his wife’s “To do” list for the day with a smile on his face that told Kevin, and obviously his scowling wife that he wasn’t listening to a word she said, “Pay attention Brian, I’m telling you that you have to pick Alyssa up from school early today and take her to the dentist at 12:45... Remember what happened the last time?”

“Anyone could have made that mistake..” He saw the look on his wife’s face and quickly rectified his current mistake, “But I won’t make it again. I’m gonna write it down.” He saluted her, and Kevin laughed, “Brian’s still as goofy as a cartoon character, I’ll give him that.”

“Honey, are you going to attend service tonight?” Brian asked a sudden frown appearing on his face, he seemed disturbed. His wife looked distracted, she was a modest woman of no real contemporary beauty but yet something about her let one know that she was not one you’d want to get away. She had longish dirty blond hair that hung past her shoulders, light brown eyes, and a nice smile. She was also shorter than Brian by 4 inches, giving Brian the persona of someone taller.

She frowned and began to play with her oven mitt, “I have another meeting tonight dear. I might not make it, but I’ll try.”

Brian sighed, but nodded, “You know, not to put any pressure on you, but being my wife, people expect you to come to church more often than you do. You could at least try to show up a few Sundays in a row.”

“Brian we’ve been through this! This is my job... our livelihood. Both our incomes make this house and everything we give to our daughter possible.”

“God makes it...”

“Oh there you go!”

“Meredith...”

“Nothing, Brian, nothing... Just sometimes...”

“Sometimes?”

“Nothing.”

“No, sometimes?”

“Sometimes I wish you would get a real job Brian! I pull most of the weight around this house... That church pays you nothing, and what’s worse is you’re paying our good money out of pocket to donate to the church! You shouldn’t be paying them, they should be paying you!”

“Meredith, I’m a pastor..”

“An assistant pastor... a youth pastor! Brian that was your childhood thing.. That’s the kind of job you do when you’re young... but now that we finally have this nice house, a beautiful daughter, and a baby on the way we need to...”

Brian was rolling his eyes and flushing with anger at his wife’s words, but suddenly he stopped scowling. His eyes grew large and his mouth fell open, “Baby..”

“And furthermore...”

“Meredith, baby on the way..”

“When this is all...”

“Meredith! A baby on the way?”

“I’m pregnant Brian.... that’s what the cookies are for,” Meredith said with a sigh, “But I’m afraid I’ve spoiled the surprise.”

“Oh believe me, it still came as a big surprise!” Brian was beaming at his wife, “Another baby!”

Meredith had turned away from him and was moving back toward the stove, “I don’t think I’ll make it to service tonight Brian. But I will try to make it on Sunday.”

“What about Alyssa’s game?” Brian smiled, knowing he would see his wife at the game.

“Game?” Meredith looked at a loss for words, “Alyssa’s games are on Thurdays...”

“This is the game that determines if we make the finals Mere,” Brian looked devastated, “Honey, I thought you wrote it down. We’ve only been going on about it for two weeks. It’s so important...”

“Brian I will not be off from work! Why must you take these games so seriously?” Meredith moaned, “You could be working not coaching for free for some church league...”

“Some church league?” Brian’s devastation quickly transformed itself to anger.

“Look, I don’t want to argue, not this early in the morning,” Meredith said curtly, “If I can get to church then I will attend... but you’re just going to have to explain to Alyssa that Mommy has to work.

Brian shrugged, “I don’t have to explain she knows that Mommy’s work can sometimes be more important than her...”

Meredith spun around with fire in her eyes, “Don’t you ever say that! Nothing is more important than her! She comes first, which is why Mommy works! So she can have all that she needs cause Daddy sure can’t give it to her!”

“I give her what she needs too! What she needs is love and attention and a parent that is there to support her, physically! And for the last time I HAVE A JOB! I WORK TOO!”

Meredith snorted, “I don’t want to argue Brian..”

“Well you sure have a funny way of showing that,” Brian said in a huff. He stalked out of the kitchen and Kevin could hear the distinctive noise from a television set in a nearby room.

“Well, isn’t she lovely?” Adonis commented dryly, “But her cookies are delicious!”

“She’s a real piece of work I can tell you that much.. Adonis!” Kevin’s eyes grew wide as he watched his guide munching on the chocolate chip cookies cooling on a cookie sheet in front of him.

“Mmmmm... you should try one of these. Honestly if it weren’t for her cookies I wouldn’t be able to see why he married her,” Adonis’s eyes almost rolled back in his head in the midst of his chocolate chip bliss.

Kevin simply stared at him and moved to figure out where his cousin had gone. Adonis saw his charge trying to leave without him and hurried after him, but only after swiping a few more cookies off the cookie sheet... The wife was sure to notice, but oh well, she was making dozens more...

Kevin sat down on the couch beside his fuming cousin. Brian was so angry he couln’t settle on one TV station he kept flipping through channel after channel with his eyes narrowed. Kevin had never seen Brian look this agitated, and that was hard for him to believe given all the pressures of being a Backstreet Boy. Brian began to hum a tune to himself.. A Gospel track Kevin believed. After a few bars of humming Brian began to sing softly, “Some one asked a question. Why do we really sing. And when I lift my hands to Jesus, what do I really mean...?” it was a beautiful slow song, “The Reason Why I Sing.”

“Meredith Carpenter Littrell comes from a strict Southern Baptist family that forced their religion roughly on their children. The punishment for not memorizing the assigned bible verses for the day was to be locked in the attic with no light for 3 hours. There was to be no dancing, no singing of any other music but Gospel. Meredith grew up to dislike religion, and to her surprise the man she fell for was a man of God and dreamed of being a pastor to his own church. Meredith tried her hardest to build her faith to drive away her hatred of the church and all that it represented but she can’t. She instead embraced her work and her child. She had been pregnant when she and Brian were married. She thought Brian was young, maybe he would grow out of his preacher phase... but instead he grew into it. And now that his dreams are so close to becoming a reality...”

“She’s shutting herself off from him. She wants no part?” Kevin frowned, “But if she loves him...”

“If she loved him Kevin.. Love can be fickle sometimes,” Adonis said gingerly, “But Brian’s love is one that is not. He still loves her...and it’s killing him.. It’s killing him because he knows that she may not love him back anymore.”

Kevin slumped in his seat, “But Brian’s a good man. How could any woman not want him for a husband when they have him around?”

Adonis shrugged, “Ask Meredith.”

class=Section2>

Kevin sighed, “For some reason I don’t feel her answer will be good enough.”

Adonis frowned then motioned for Kevin to follow him, “Where are we going?”

“Well we can’t sit here all day, Brian’s got a while before he actually has to get up and do something. He can sit in that same position on the couch for hours at a time... and he does, a lot lately.”

Adonis led Kevin out of the house just as the roar of a car engine sprang into being. Kevin’s head whipped towards the source of the noise and saw the garage door to Brian’s home opening and a small red toyota backing out, Meredith inside.

“Wanna see where Meredith goes today?” Adonis looked mischievous.

“Isn’t she going to work?” Kevin asked.

“Maybe, maybe not, depends on what kind of work you’re asking about,” Adonis said, “We’re going to pass through a few hours here Kev. I want you to see what Meredith actually does for a living.”

“Where are we Adonis? This looks like someone’s..” Kevin broke off as a man in a bathrobe brushed by him. He shivered, and turned to watch the man. The front door was being unlocked, he could hear the locks turning. “Who’s that man?”

Adonis remained silent. Kevin’s brow furrowed in confusion, but he tensed as he heard voices... a woman’s.. Meredith’s! “What is she doing here? That man’s in his bathrobe! And it sounded like she has keys!” Kevin stalked toward the voices to see Meredith, his cousin’s wife... kissing the dark haired man in his bathrobe.... “Holy shit.... she really is cheating on him. Damn it!”

Kevin groaned as he saw the man dropping his bathrobe revealing that he was nude under it, “Adonis let’s go!”

“Not yet Kevin.”

“Adonis, I’m going to lose my lunch if we don’t leave soon...”

“So have you told him?” The man’s husky voice was asking Meredith as he began to undress her... on the kitchen table. Kevin was disgusted... has she told him? He must be referring to Brian.

“No... He thinks it’s his,” Meredith breathed, “I don’t have to tell him... No one will have to know.”

The man frowned and pulled away from her. He walked from the kitchen still stark naked. Meredith sat up on the kitchen table, her expression angry, “Why ruin both our lives with something that can be avoided! There is no reason for Brian to believe it’s not his child!”

“But it’s mine Mere, mine! I want my baby to know me as Daddy..”

“And just what are you going to tell your wife, your children?” Meredith fired at him following his exit, “It’ll shatter Beth! When we first started this you said no one had to know...”

“That was until you...”

“We made a mistake,” Meredith said.

“A child is never a mistake!”

“It is one for me!” Meredith frowned, “I will not be the town trash, and I will not explain to my parents how this came about!”

“Meredith, I love you... If you love me.. Then it shouldn’t matter. I’ve been wanting to tell my wife for a while now... I want to marry you Meredith, raise our child!”

“You’d leave your life that easily. You have a wife lovely children.. I have a husband, one my parents adore, and a beautiful little girl. I will not spoil my good name...”

“Then why even get involved with me Mere why?” the man interrupted her, Meredith simply glared at him, “You fell in love just like I did... We can’t hide our feeling forever Meredith. I won’t. I’m telling my wife.”

Meredith sputtered, “But if you tell Beth...”

“Brian will have to know,” the man said.

“Paul.. Please, be reasonable. Let me figure something out.. Brian is a pastor for crying out loud and I’m his wife... If you won’t think of yourself, or your wife and children, think of me and my husband and child.”

“You have to tell him,” Paul pushed her.

“I don’t...”

“You really want to lie to him and have another man’s child brought up as his?” Paul asked, “What if he were to find out Meredith.. Without you telling him? What then?”

Meredith paled, “You wouldn’t...”

“I want my baby Meredith,” Paul spoke, “and I want you...”

“No Paul...” Meredith was shaking her head, “This was a mistake from the start, I should have had an abortion when I had the chance, when I first found out there was no way it could be Brian’s.”

“You would kill our child?”

“Paul you are man! You’ll come out in this scandal smelling like a rose... if this gets out about me, I’ll be ruined. I could never show my face! I could never go home to my family! Women are scorned upon and treated more severe than men!”

Paul frowned, “I’d protect you.”

“You’d save yourself...”

“Not while you’re carrying my child.”

“Paul, just give me time. I’ll... I’ll tell him I promise... Just give me some time,” Meredith’s voice was beginning to break as she gave into Paul and pressed herself against him. He rubbed her back, “You cannot run from this Mere.. The longer you wait the harder it will get.”

“I know....but I can’t now.. Everyone’s so happy now. Alyssa is doing so well in school and she’s going to be in a play and Brian... I just can’t break his heart, not yet.”

“Do you still love him Meredith?”

“In a way yes... Brian is safety, security... and he’s good man. Much too good for the likes of me.... He’ll want Alyssa of course... and I can’t see it being better any other way. He’s a great father... and Alyssa adores him.”

“But don’t you want...??”

“Brian’s a better parent than I’ll ever be. I’m just not happy in that situation and I’ll never be a good mother to Alyssa if I’m unhappy.”

“Then why don’t you take her? You tell Brian you’re leaving, and you take Alyssa...”

“It doesn’t work that way Paul,” Meredith laughed sadly, “The person leaving never takes the kids, and I couldn’t do it to her Paul. She’d hate me, she will hate me.”

“She’ll get over it, she’s a kid,” Paul said, “I love Alyssa, and in our new life together Alyssa will be there. It will be you and me, our baby, and Alyssa.”

“What about your kids..?”’

“They’ll stay with their mother, probably. But if they want to stay with me then they can,” Paul was saying kissing her hair, “Oh Meredith I’ll make you so happy...so happy. We’ll move away from here, start over.”

“Oh Paul... oh Paul...” they began to kiss and Paul once began to undress her. Kevin cringed, “Bastard...” He turned his head away, “How could Brian be so wrong in choosing this woman?” He quickly left the room as he heard the sounds of moans and cries of pleasure. He ventured into the living room to find Adonis... Adonis smiling at photographs lining bookshelves of a happy smiling family... The woman in them beautiful with dark shining hair, there was Paul.. Who Kevin had to admit was quite handsome, and three children. Three children! Two boys, one girl. That bastard! He had his own beautiful wife, why couldn’t he leave Brian’s alone? At the loud scream that could have only come from Meredith Kevin begged, “Please Adonis can we go now?”

Adonis gazed over at Kevin from the mantel he was now at, “Sure. It’s time for church anyway.”

“Good.. Time for church?”

Adonis nodded, “We’re going to skip a few hours to get to the service.”

Kevin nodded, “Anything, just get me out of here and away from them!”

Adonis smiled and gazed ahead of them as a portal appeared, “Lets go.”

Kevin couldn’t jump into the vortex fast enough.

“Is this Brian’s?” Kevin’s eyes were wide as he gazed at the outside of the church, “It’s so nice...” the church was modern, not colossal as some churches were, but it was pretty big. The church was made from pale brick and decorated with a nice garden and shrubbery. Kevin smiled as he saw the small playground, he heard distant yells from behind the church.. Sounded like a lot of children.

“Alyssa’s game, “Adonis nodded and he and Kevin walked to the back of the church where there was a small baseball field. He smiled as he saw all the small players decked out in their uniforms... Which one was his little cousin.. He tried to seek out Alyssa. “Hit it home Ally!”

Kevin’s head jerked at hearing his cousin’s voice, he turned his head to see Brian wearing his coaches t-shirt and baseball cap. The whistle flapped around his neck as he jumped up and down. Kevin looked at home plate to see his little cousin at bat. He smiled at the long acorn colored ponytail coming from the back of her batter’s helmet. Strike one... Ball 1... Hit! Kevin cheered along with the crowd at the softball sore above the diamond field. Alyssa and her team cheered and all the runners came in as Alyssa began to run the bases throwing down her bat and flinging off her helmet. Brian was cheering louder than anyone. He grabbed Alyssa tossing her up in the air and hoisting her onto his shoulders. They made the perfect father-daughter portrait.. But where was mother?

Kevin saw Alyssa’s frown, he could hear her little girl’s voice asking, “Where’s Mom?”

Kevin cringed, he knew where Mom was... and at the look on Brian’s face he realized... Brian knew where Mom was too... But did he know who Paul was, did he know that that was who Meredith was with?

“Adonis, you have to find a way to let me speak to him, to tell him...” Kevin was pleading but his guide looked unyielding, “Sorry Kev, I can’t.”

“But Adonis, she’s going to try to take away his life... her and that other man...” Kevin was saying, “We have to stop them.. Brian can be happy, he can find another woman.. But he can’t find another Alyssa.”

Adonis shrugged, “I’m sorry Kevin.”

Kevin sighed and ran his hand over his face, “So am I...” he squinted as he saw a woman nearing the field... It was her...smiling. Coming to accept Alyssa with open arms... Kissing Brian on the cheek... “So am I...”

Chapter 6

“I’ve decided,” Kevin said firmly. He and Adonis were now back inside the home Adonis had said was his, “I don’t want this I want to go back.”

Adonis had made himself comfortable on the couch, “We’re not through here Kevin.”

“What?”

“Don’t you want to hear your life?” Adonis lie on his back with his arms behind his head, “After all this is really why you were brought here... to see what your life might have and could be.”

Kevin sighed deeply, “Not really, but if it’ll make you happy Adonis...”

Adonis dimpled, “You did not have dimples before, “Kevin stared at him.

“I did too,” Adonis said, he sampled a pistachio nut from the crystal bowl on the coffee table... he spit it out a second later, “Aw gross!”

“You just got that on the carpet!” Kevin looked down to where the soggy remains of the nut should have been and saw nothing, “Ok nevermind... but that was disgusting.”

Adonis grinned, “I try.” He sat up and looked at Kevin intensely, “You’re a talent agent Kevin. Or rather you started out as one, now you own a talent agency that has branches stretching everywhere. You recently had the home office moved here, New York. It used to be in Florida... Florida where you wife and kids still live.”

Kevin was nodding expectantly, “I’m filthy rich, but I’m an evil bastard that worked instead of paying attention to my wife and kids, right?”

Adonis smiled, “Close... You’re a filthy rich evil bastard that had an affair with his secretary and was thrown out by his wife ad kids... well more the wife than the kids.”

Kevin blinked, “I’m an adulterer?”

Adonis nodded, “This wasn’t the first time you cheated on Darby though. This is just the first time she caught you.”

Kevin wanted to be sick, “How did she catch me.. Or him, that bastard, I’d never do that.”

Adonis smirked, “Kev, the guy’s you in different circumstances.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes at Adonis, “I’d never cheat on any woman I made a commitment to.”

“Ok, ok, calm down big boy... You got ratted on. The secretary you slept with tried to blackmail you and you wouldn’t give in so she told, and you denied nothing. The next week you were setting offices in New York and looking for a place to stay.”

“Damn,” Kevin said, “Do I see my kids?”

“No,” Adonis said shaking his head, “You... Darby has full custody, you simply pay child support and matrimony now Kev... You had your lawyers take care of everything, you settled out of court. Almost like you planned it Kevin, like you knew it was coming to an end.”

Kevin sat down heavily burying his face into his hands, “I would have to be an idiot to choose this life.. God, to think if I didn’t become a Backstreet Boy this would be my life... it would be their lives...”

Adonis said nothing to that causing Kevin to look up at him.

“Adonis?”

Adonis gazed over to Kevin, “This was only a sample... This is one alternate reality, there are plenty of others.”

“What are you saying?”

“Alternate realities are made up on the choices you make.. It’s almost impossible for all the realities to be the same because so many choices have to be made...”

“Are you saying that maybe this won’t be my life if I were to choose to leave my original one?” Kevin sat up straight.

“Yes,” Adonis nodded, “It’s what I told you when we first started this whole thing too.”

“It is not... you were said this was my life...”

“I said it was an alternate reality constructed by choices,” Adonis corrected him,” You just didn’t delve deeper into the meaning of that. I don’t think you’re stupid or anything. I figure most people don’t understand that at first.”

“So I could choose to stay here and I could really have a good life?”

“Yeah,” Adonis nodded.

“Why didn’t you show me a good life then?” Kevin glared.

“Well I think we show you random lives... but I think most are fairly negative because if we showed you all positive ones everyone would be all gung ho on staying... and that happy life may not be the one they receive. This is a shot at a second chance, any second chance, not dream your perfect life and take it, “Adonis shrugged.

“Is there a chance that the life I would choose could be...”

“Worse? Definitely, much worse... Kev, you could choose, and end up in a life where... where you’re dead. Or maybe about to die. Choose a perfect world, but only have 6 minutes to live in it,” Adonis shrugged again, “It happens.”

“Damn.. So why do people mess with this stuff if they know... all that, could happen?” Kevin questioned.

“Why do people gamble all their savings away Kev? They’re taking that chance for a better life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. You gotta chance it,” Adonis studied Kevin, who looked perplexed, “Thinking over your initial decision Richardson...? Most people do after hearing that they actually do have a shot at getting a fantasy life.”

“Where would I start off as if I chose an alternate reality? I wouldn’t be this old would I?” Kevin rubbed his hands against his scrubby beard.

Adonis shook his head, “You’d start off at the age you initially were, 26. You wouldn’t be a Backstreet Boy, and you’d also have no memory what-so-ever of them. You won’t remember your old past, but you’ll know your new one.”

Kevin swallowed hard, “I won’t remember the guys?”

“Well save for Brian, he’s your cousin,” Adonis said.

“I wouldn’t even remember me getting to choose?”

Adonis shook his head.

Kevin sighed and leaned forward again, “How many people choose to leave their old lives behind.”

“It’s a good toss up, one out of every two given the choice.. It really is the chance of a lifetime Kev. You could live a dream.... but you could also live a nightmare. It’s your choice.”

The temptation was great.. Kevin could see his perfect shining life or one close to it with its normal sized house, a wife and kids who adored him, a big backyard... Or a nightmare.. Like one he had seen today... He sighed, it was a big opportunity, it was a gamble of a lifetime... But.. But... He would never know his little brothers... He wouldn’t only be affecting his life by not being a Backstreet Boy, he would be affecting their lives as well. He felt like his head was about to explode, he moaned, “Adonis, what would you do, how would you choose?”

Adonis sighed, “Kevin, my choice is up to me... this choice is yours to make.”

“Adonis I only want to know what you would choose... how you would decide. Do you think it’s worth the risk?”

Adonis looked away, “Kevin, guardians don’t give their opinions in this matter. I’m really not supposed to be saying anything to you at all at this point.”

“But Adonis,” Kevin was looking at him now, trying to get his attention, “As you never failed to point out to me all those times before... You’re not a guide.. You’re a sub in. I don’t know who or what you are for real, but if given this choice, what would you do with it?”

Adonis blinked and smiled at Kevin, impressed, he laughed a bit. He crawled to a position on the couch where he could be on his stomach facing Kevin. Kevin leaned towards him, “Well?”

“I’d throw it away Kevin. Screw it. I have a life that I consciously made based on my decisions... even if I screwed it up, I know I still have the power to fix it. I won’t take the chance of falling into a life worse than my original, or one better.. I feel I earned the life I made. To be able to see what could have happened would just help me to better myself. I like my life the way it is Kev, as messed up as it can be sometimes, I made it, and it’s rightfully mine. I can shape it however I like and no one else can choose it but me.”

Kevin stared into the smoky eyes that seemed to smolder, as if there were a fire contained behind those irises, “That’s a good answer Adonis.”

Adonis nodded, and smiled, “I thought it was. So now Kevin, that you know my answer, what’s yours?”

Kevin stood up with a sigh. He walked around the length of the fine living room. He looked at picture after picture of his lovely family. He ran his hands over his beautiful worldly possessions and came to a stop in front of a mirror. He scratched his thick beard and patted his firm belly.. Then he turned to Adonis, “I choose to go home. I want my life back.”

Chapter 7

“Nick where’s the water, I thought I...SHIT!”

“Oops!”

Kevin was being drowned, he woke up sputtering with water in his mouth, in damp clothing. He sat up to find he was in a bed... his eyes ran over the unfamiliar surroundings in a panic.. Oh God! He had chosen to go home, where was this place?

“Kevin, Kevin calm down,” he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to face his cousin Brian, a younger Brian, with a concerned look on his face, “Are you ok? How are feeling?”

“Brian?” Kevin questioned, his eyes scanned the room again, a hotel. He was in a hotel, “I feel.. I feel wet.”

“Thanks to Kaos,” Brian rolled his eyes, “Clumsy kid...” Brian rested his hand on Kevin’s forehead, “You don’t have a fever.”

“What happened?” Kevin asked, he threw back the soiled blankets and climbed out of bed just as Nick came bounding back in with an arm load of towels, “Here ya go.. Hi Kev! Are you ok now?”

“Nick?” Kevin stared at the 18 year old, happy and healthy, and so full of energy he could barely stand still as he held the towels out to Brian. “I’m ok.. How about you? Are you ok?”

Nick frowned, “Im fine.. I’m not the one that fainted.”

Kevin’s brow furrowed, “Fainted?”

“Yeah cuz, you passed out for no reason.. And Johnny just had Dave carry you to your room... he said he’d call a doctor later.”

“Howie and AJ?”

“In the next room, you want me to get them?” Brian was still studying his cousin with concern. He took the towels from Nick and tossed one to Kevin before attempting to dry the bed.

The towel hit Kevin in the face and Nick laughed, “Slow reflexes old man. So are you ok?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine,” Kevin said. He used the towel to dry his hair and wipe his face, “I’m great, I’m perfect.. Couldn’t be happier.”

He had both Nick and Brian’s concerned attention then, “Maybe we should have Johnny call that doctor,” Nick said looking at Brian and then at Kevin warily.

“No guys I’m great,” Kevin said, “I... I just wanna take a hot shower, ok. After that we... can play a game of cards or something. Or video games, Nicky you like those... And have you all eaten yet? We can order something... Oh, and could you call AJ and Howie in here, I need to talk to them both about certain people they shouldn’t deal with...” Kevin gave his two confused band mates one last smile before walking to the bathroom and closing the door.

“Phew! Yes...” Kevin said laughing quietly and running his hands through his short dark hair. He gazed at his young reflection, no beard... Shower time... He looked at the gleaming white tub and reached over and turned the faucet and pulled the handle causing warm water to spray from the shower head. He closed the curtain and waited for the steam to rise before he could get in. He began to undress and whistle to himself... something moved in the mirror and he looked up pulling up his pants immediately.

“Hey Kev! Lost the beard, nice touch.”

“Adonis?” Kevin walked to the mirror, he placed his hands on the cool plates of glass that were no longer reflecting him.. But showing him Adonis.. And behind Adonis was a world he had never seen before... He saw Greek columns, statues, and pilars and pastures. Adonis was still dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, but he also seemed to fit in in that background, “Yeah it’s me... Just checking up on you Kev, making sure you got to the right place and all. So how you liking it?”

Kevin blinked and raised an eyebrow, “Nothing’s changed.”

“I know.”

Kevin beamed, “Isn’t it great?” He laughed and Adonis smiled, “You made a good choice Kevin... I hope your life brings you much happiness and everything you wish and dream for, you have the power to fulfill for yourself.”

Kevin nodded, “Thank you Adonis.”

“No need to thank me, I’m the worst guide that ever was, remember?” Adonis laughed, “Well you won’t have to worry about me steering anyone else astray I am officially off duty.”

Kevin folded his arms, “Good.”

Adonis made a face at him, “Well Richardson, this is good bye. Enjoy your choice, and live a good one!”

“Good bye Adonis, thanks...” the vision faded before he could finish his sentence,” for being my Guide.. You’re the best one I ever had...” He frowned at the glass that now only reflected him... It was beginning to fog from the steam of the shower, and he sighed, “I’m gonna need therapy after this one.. The guys are going to have me committed... Magical journeys, talking to mirrors with people trapped inside...” He stepped into the shower and began to whistle again to the tune of “What a Wonderful World” by Louie Armstrong.

The End

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