Lost Time

By: Eboni Ardell

Prologue

The smell of gun powder was prominent. The power of it all. The gray haze finally lifted and his mind cleared. Using one hand he removed his goggles and laid them down on the chair beside him. He hummed to a familiar tune showcasing a rather amazing vocal prowess. He lifted a soft black case from onside the chair and set it down on the wooden frame. He sighed with contentment and gazed one more time at his precision. The man- shaped target sat nearly 100 ft away, bullet holes dotting its body in all the vital places. “Bull’s eye,” he said softly with a slight giggle. He gently set his revolver down to open its casing. It was a matter of seconds before the weapon was dressed and ready to be packaged. He caressed its glossy surface one last time before he put it away. Something vibrated in his back pocket and he reached back to extract a cell phone, “Hello?”

“Meeting in 30 minutes, don’t forget,” the voice on the other end said.

“I won’t forget,” he said calmly. He hung up the phone and closed its flaps. He tucked it back inside his pocket and lifted his gun case. He wondered just how long it would take him to get down to Jive records from here anyway? It had been a while since he had driven there, and it would be a totally new to trip to him traveling from this location. He thought about this as he headed to his car. Perhaps he should call and alert the guys that he was going to be late.

Chapter 1

Just a pinch of clover, that would add more to the flavor. AJ McLean sampled his creation for the millionth time.. He felt someone leaning over his shoulder. He raised his stirring spoon and gently placed a taste of his concoction into Amanda Latona’s open mouth, “Mmm.... I love a man that can cook.”

“That’s why I learned baby, just for you,” AJ laughed, then glanced at the timer, “Oh damn, my sauce is gonna burn...”

“That’s not all that’s gonna burn, Alex. What time is your meeting?” Amanda asked untying his white apron.

“Oh that’s not til 2:30,” AJ waved it off and went to turn the fire down under his sauce.

“Darling?”

“Yea?” AJ turned to look at her.

“Avert your eyes to a real clock, not a kitchen timer, and see what time it is, love,” Amanda gestured to the kitchen wall clock.

“Oh shit!” AJ stared at the clock, 2:10, “Oh man, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did, and every time you would wave me off and tell me you had plenty of time,” Amanda said sampling more of AJ’s seafood fondue, “Mmmm babe, this is so good.”

“Hey,” AJ brushed by her, “don’t touch that food, I’m not finished.” He grabbed his keys off their rack, “I’ll be back in an hour or so...” The back door closed.

Amanda waited until she heard the latch click, “Bye babe...” she moved in on her prize with a spoon. The door swung open, “I mean it babe, don’t touch my dinner!”

“I was just gonna stir it!”

“You better now?” Brian Littrell came to kneel in front of his friend Nick Carter. Nick nodded and gave a small smile, “I’m good.”

“Ok,” Brian offered Nick his hand and pulled him up. Brian handed Nick his water bottle. He stepped back onto the matt and resumed his routine. He picked up his staff and began to maneuver it with ease. Many months of practice enabled him with the skill. He went through a series of twirls, punches, and kicks. He felt stronger and at the same time more at ease with himself after immersing himself in the martial arts.

He got a light applause when he was done, and he wiped the sweat from his brow. He looked up at Nick and grinned, “Don’t you have anything better to do than harass me Carter?” Nick smirked, “Actually no, since you dragged me here.”

“Well I didn’t know you’d be such a wuss and punk out on me after a few moves,” Brian chuckled lightly, winking at Nick to let him know he was kidding. Nick pouted and tucked his inhaler away in his back pocket, “A few moves,” he snorted, “You mean a whole freaking aerobic, kick boxing, ninja showdown. Damn. You do this everyday?” Nick ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Brian nodded, “Yeah... you get used to it after a while. You can used to it too. You can start coming with me, it’s not like you don’t have the time,” he added the last line quickly as he saw Nick’s negative expression, “Hey, you’ve got all those weapons in the house, maybe you can start learning how to use some of them. And besides it’ll do you some good. The exercise would be good.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Oh Brian those weapons are for collection only, but you’re wrong, I can use a few of them.” Brian patted his back, “Fencing, I know, and the guns... Nick about the guns, I don’t know if...”

“Oh don’t knock my hobby, Dr. Gaines says it’s perfectly healthy,” Nick said closing his ears to the standard argument Brian always gave when this subject was brought up. He glanced at his watch absently and looked away, then he did a sudden double take, “Hey Bri?”

“Yeah Nick?”

“Don’t we have a meeting today?”

“Damn it I knew I was forgetting something!”

“Thanks again for the ride D,” Kevin Richardson climbed into Howie Dorough’s car. Howie nodded without giving Kevin a proper greeting, “Now we’ll only be 20 minutes late,” Howie said in a low voice as he accelerated from the theater.

Kevin groaned and settled himself in the seat, out of all of the guys why did Howie have to be the closest on the way to him? Kevin had been inside at the theater watching an old classic and had lost track of time. His wife had dropped him off there earlier and they had made plans for her to come back and get him and they were going to go out. Then about halfway through the old flick Kevin remembered the meeting. Howie, Howie would just be leaving from his therapy and it would be on the way, so Kevin had called him. Now he wished he hadn’t. Maybe he should have just waited for Kristen to come and been extremely late, anything would have been better than riding with Howie.

Howie once upon a time was the nice one, the reasonable, even-tempered-one. Now he was the bitter one. No one wanted Howie’s company anymore. He could make a wedding seem like a funeral.

“So, how was your afternoon?” Kevin thought he should try to make small talk, apparently Howie didn’t think the same thing, “I was in a shrink’s office Kev, all afternoon... It was wonderful.” He was silent after that and turned up the radio. Kevin sighed loudly and looked out the window, this was gonna be one long ride.

AJ parked his car and climbed out quickly, he looked at his watch, 2:51... The guys were gonna be... Woah. He jumped back as Brian’s car, containing both Brian and Nick whipped into a space not too far from AJ’s car. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to walk in alone. He made his way over to the car. Nick and Brian were getting out, they were wearing gym gear and looked sweaty. AJ could imagine their not so fresh scents. He wrinkled his nose just thinking about it. “Kevin and Howie are gonna kick our...” he began when he heard the soft purr of an engine behind him. Howie’s car cruised up beside him and Kevin stuck his head out the window, “Aren’t you boys a little late for this meeting, I thought it started at 2:30?”

“Well look who’s talking,” Nick sneered, “Get outta the car Country Grammar, we got work to do.”

Chapter 2

“You know, I bet they’re going to start holding these meetings at 3, but tell us they’re at 2:30, cause that’s what time we usually get here,” Nick was uttering as he took the stairs two at a time to keep up with the others. Why were they traveling so fast? It wasn’t like they were going to miss something. Who ever heard of starting the meeting without the clients? That’d be pretty pointless... but it would be cool. Meetings they never had to show up to... Was that called telepathy, astral projection...something like that...?

“Nick.... Hey....las Carter! Snap....it!” He felt someone shaking him and he snapped to attention, “What?”

“Dude, you gotta stop doing that,” AJ grabbed him by the arm, “You freak me out when you do that.”

“Do what?” Nick’s face was a blank wall as he stared at AJ oddly.

“Forget it Nick,” Kevin said pushing him ahead while shooting a look at AJ as he walked by.

They entered an empty conference room. “What gives?” AJ shrugged planting his rear in a leather chair, “I burn my perfect dinner for an empty room?”

Just then the door on the opposite side from where the Boys had entered opened and 3 people in business suits came in holding briefcases.

“Guys, the meetings was at 2:30. Why are you just getting here?” AJ leaned forward in his chair setting his elbows on the glass table.

“Well,” Sara Simmons said smoothly, “The meeting is actually at 3, we just told you 2:30 so you’d be here around this time.”

Nick’s mouth fell open, “Woah... So weird.”

“Shut up Nick,” Brian snickered elbowing Nick and taking his place in a leather chair beside AJ. It seems everyone was rushing to sit in the middle chairs... no one wanted the chance of being stuck next to, “Howie! Oh come on! Why do I always have to sit by Howie?” Nick said rather loudly to Kevin, who buried his head in his arms to smother his laughter. Nick’s bluntness could be hilarious sometimes, now being one of those times. Brian and AJ raised the large folders that had been laid down in front of them to their faces so they could snicker behind them.

Howie’s glare, that was directed at all of them, was not missed. Nick blinked at him and shrugged it off, he sat down unhappily in his seat beside Howie.

“Say a word to me Carter, and you will regret it,” Howie snarled to Nick who slumped even lower in his seat, his displeasure with the situation obvious.

“Before you start I just wanna let you all know that I am well aware of what this meeting is about,” AJ said boldly setting down the folder he had been using as a shield from Howie’s glare.

All eyes looked to AJ, mildly amused, well except Howie’s... His expression was one of annoyance. “Oh do you now?” Peter Reynolds blinked, “Well, why don’t you enlighten us Alex?”

AJ rubbed his chin trying to detect any sarcasm on Peter’s part. He let it go after a few seconds and cleared his throat, “You guys want us to do some promotion stuff for the new album, since it’s out now and all. Am I right?”

Sara smiled, “Well Alex, you are partially correct.”

“Ooooh!” Nick and Brian said, “Wrong!”

“Shut up, she said partially correct...”

“Which does mean half wrong?” Nick said with a smirk then turned to glance at Howie doing a perfect AJ impression, “Am I right?”

Brian and Kevin hooted with laughter, while Howie rolled his eyes, and AJ’s mouth was scraping the table, “You got some nerve Carter.”

“That’s not all I got,” Nick said, he began drumming a beat on the table, lost on his previous train of thought. He was in “Nick’s World” now.

This did not go unwarily noticed by management, “Ok gentlemen. The deal is, the fans are ready for a tour.”

Five pairs of eyes all snapped toward management. Looks of horror and shock were printed across their faces, “Tour?”

“Now?”

“But we...”

“Guys, before the freak out, let us explain some about the tour,” Derrick Johnson stood up holding out his arms in a manner that was meant to calm the Boys. Five fearful gazes directed themselves at him, “You will not be on tour alone.”

“That...”

“Let me finish. This tour consists of multiple acts, think of it like a more sophisticated version of the Nickelodeon All That Tour, Nick’s little brother Aaron performed in. This tour is a mixture of the hottest teen acts today. You’ll put on a 7 to 9 song set, the songs will be off the new album. Then after you perform another group or performer will go out. So there’ll be a lot of other people accompanying you on tour and lots of security and guards and police. It’ll get you guys out of town and back into the swing of things, a push back into the real world. You guys have had enough down time, enough time to be in your own little bubbles, and heal and get over... get over what happened. ”

“How can you be the judge of how long we need to get over being held hostage?!” Howie demanded, “Who do you think you are now? We’ve had...”

“You’ve had nearly 3 months off, time to get back to work,” Janice Cumming said simply.

“We did work! We recorded an album, we made a video!” Brian was pointing out.

“And now you have to let the people now you are really and truly still alive by letting them see you,” Sara said, “The tour will be for 8 weeks and spots have been reserved for you, N’Sync, 98 Degrees, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Monica, and Samantha Mumba. There’s really nothing to worry about... And your bus will be extra large, so you Boys can have all the space that you like. You’ll have triple bodyguards and security. You’ll never be on the bus without two or three just to ride with you.”

“But...”

“And your new road manager...” Derrick paused, looking for reactions among his clients, they simply sat looking pale and horror-stricken, “He won’t ride on the bus with you, he’ll follow behind in a van also flanked with security.”

“All the plans have been made and arranged, we just need you to sign the contracts,” Janice nodded to the folders that lie in front of each Boy, “Think about it guys. Take it home and look it over, and think about what we’ve said. It’s time to get on with your lives and with your careers. I know you’re scared, but you guys are going to have put your toes back in the water sometime.”

“Think about it,” Peter said. The four business people stood together and dismissed the meeting biding a farewell to the five stunned Backstreet Boys.

Chapter 3

“No!” was Howie’s flat answer. The Boys sat in an Italian restaurant a few blocks from the Firm headquarters discussing the contracts.

“Howie, I know how you feel, but they made some good points, “ Kevin said, he took another fork-full of chicken parmesan from his plate and tucked it inside his mouth.

“Who cares? I’m not ready; I don’t want to go,” Howie said folding and unfolding his napkin in his lap, his food sat untouched.

“Howie, none of us feel ready. None of us really want to go... but they were right. If we still want our careers we need to get back out into the public. The more time we take off and put off doing it, the harder it will get. And in this business you know what will happen to us then. We can pretty much kiss our careers goodbye,” Brian said sticking his fork in his lasagna.

Howie sat silent and cold as a stone.

“Come on Howie, we can’t do this without you, and as of now... I’m signing the contract. Brian and Kevin are gonna sign.. Nick is... Nick, what are you doing?” AJ stared at the youngest member of the group. Nick had somehow arranged his spaghetti and bread sticks into a fort with a flag and a cannon, his obvious disinterest in eating and the conversation was apparent.

Nick continued to shape his food removing his straw from his soda and using that to dig a mote in the tomato sauce. Kevin and Brian looked at him, for the first time in a while, in shock. They were speechless.

“Nick?” AJ reached across the table from Nick and snatched his straw, “We’re discussing the contracts, are you signing yours?”

Nick was hesitant to look up at AJ, at the others, “Well I don’t have much of a choice do I? If you guys are all signing then I guess I have to, too.”

“Well Howie may not be signing,” Brian said shooting a look at Howie, “You could side with him.”

Nick shuddered as he thought about being the one to side with Sour ‘D.’ He giggled at his little joke. “Nick?”

“Huh?” Nick blinked, “Yeah, yeah,” he waved his hand absently at the others who stared at him intently, “Fine I’ll sign. I don’t care...” His eyes turned dark for a few seconds. He looked at each one of them, “But you guys have to promise me something...”

“What?” Brian asked, frowning with concern at the darkness he had just seen pass through his friend’s eyes, which was usually a sign of some psychological distress.

“You guys won’t leave me alone will you?” Nick reached out and grabbed the hand of the person nearest to him, which happened to be Howie’s, “You’ll stay with me?”

Kevin’s heart just about broke seeing that expression in Nick’s eyes, and hearing his desperate plea to be secure. Brian gave him a warm smile, “Of course Frack, of course. I told you, you’d never be alone, and you won’t be. We’ll be together at all times kid.”

AJ simply nodded ruffling Nick’s hair playfully, “You’re stuck with us kid.”

Nick seemed to calm down a bit, his eyes lightening up, but he kept a firm grip on Howie’s hands.

Howie fought to pull his hands back, but Nick held them tightly, “Howie? You won’t leave me will you?” he asked innocently. Totally unaware of Howie’s discomfort, his not wanting to go on tour. He was only aware of Howie being the only big brother that hadn’t assured him that he wouldn’t leave Nick by himself. He needed to hear it. He needed to hear it, they couldn’t abandon him... No they couldn’t... He would never be in the dark maze again. The dark cold maze, the one with the blood stained snow... The one where he could hear the voices of his friends and family, but could never see them. He had been alone then... he’d been all alone...

“Damn it Nicky,” Brian was saying softly, “He’s doing it again.” Brian dipped his fingers into his water glass and flicked a little water out onto Nick’s face hoping to wash off his blank expression.

“Howie, say you won’t leave him alone!” AJ was demanding of Howie, whose hands Nick still held, though he was not looking at Howie. He wasn’t looking at anyone exactly, but past them.

“At least he’s not hyperventilating this time,” Kevin said, after kicking Howie under the table, trying to prompt him to speak to their entranced fifth member.

Howie grunted. Nick’s grip was strong, and he was starting to crush Howie’s fingers. Howie could feel his shivers through his trembling yet still devastatingly firm grasp. Howie looked briefly at Nick’s face and sighed deeply, “No Nick.” He gave Nick’s hands a squeeze ignoring the agony he was in, “No, I won’t leave you alone either.”

Howie and the others sat quietly watching Nick’s return to reality. His eyes slowly lost the glossy look and he blinked. He shook his head and released Howie’s hands. He looked back down at his food instead. He retrieved his straw and went back to his mote.

The older Boys all exchanged wary looks, “You see, we’re not ready,” Howie said firmly, “Suppose he goes out in public and has one of those attacks? What if next time he’s not so quiet about it, and starts having an asthma attack. He’s done it too many times before.”

Kevin was shaking his head, “Howie, we’ll have to take that chance. Who knows maybe this will be just the thing to cure him of it.”

Howie looked dubious, but did not say anything else.

They sat in silence for a few moments.

“I’ll sign it,” Howie said quickly.

Kevin nodded, “Thank you Howie.”

“Nick, you ever gonna eat that?” AJ elbowed Nick. Nick rolled his eyes up to AJ, “Why Bone? You want it?”

Normal... he was completely normal now. Like he hadn’t just had a psychotic fit a minute ago. He didn’t even remember it, AJ knew. That’s how Nick was. He had some weird psychological problem, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, where he would practically take leave of reality and lapse into a series of flashbacks and nightmares that leave him breathless, literally, sometimes. He had them while he was asleep and while he was awake. AJ seemed to find the attacks more disturbing when they happened in the daytime when Nick was wide awake. He was getting better, much better about them. But there were still those certain events or words that were spoken or a sound that would go off that would send him off into “Nick Land.”

Nick’s psychiatrist used a cognitive behavioral strategy on him combining exposure therapy with teaching him how to relax, and to think differently about what happened. He and Nick had become really good friends. All the Boys had become good friends with their counselors, except for maybe Howie. Their counselors convinced them each to take up a new hobby that would help them release their anxieties and stress. It did wonders for AJ. He had taken to cooking. It had been a joke at first, but now he loved it. The hobbies seem to do wonders for everyone, and every now then they would try to involve each other in each other’s hobbies. AJ giggled as he remembered Brian and Nick in cooking class with him. Those two proved they could burn water, and were banned from kitchens everywhere.

Nick’s hobby of weapon collecting as part of his exposure therapy, had been rather disturbing at first, but after a few weeks the guys could see more of a change in him. The sight of weapons, especially guns, and the sound of their fire, even in movies, were trauma-related cues that sent Nick into panic attacks. After weeks of being forced to handle them, and going to shooting ranges with Dr. Gaines learning how to fire a gun, and learning to calm himself when he felt himself getting worked up by the explosions, the boys could see a definite change in Nick. Another few weeks went by, and Nick admitted he was taking an anti-anxiety drug as well to level out his moods. AJ recalled not being too happy about it at first, but after a talk with Nick’s doctor and just spending time with Nick, he finally came to think of it as something positive, and most importantly, temporary. Nick just needed a little more time to deal, and in the mean time, give him something that will keep him from harming himself when the others couldn’t be with him.

“No, I don’t want it after you put your nasty hands all in it,” AJ said making a face at him.

“I washed my hands,” Nick said. He picked up a fork and poked at his lunch.

“Have you eaten at all today Nick?” Kevin asked tapping the table in front of Nick to get Nick’s highly evasive attention on him. Side effects to the drug... Nick was never too attentive to begin with, so one can imagine what getting him to concentrate was like then.

Nick gazed at Kevin. He appeared to be thinking...

“I made him eat before we worked out Kev,” Brian answered for Nick, “but that was a while ago, Nick. You should eat now too.”

Nick narrowed his eyes at Brian, “I’m not a baby.”

“I know you’re not. Now eat your lunch,” Brian said with a grin.

Nick stuck his tongue out at Brian, but he did obey and eat a fork full. He chewed it thoughtfully and then set down his fork to sip his soda. Side effect number two, their resident Pig-Out King had taken a sabbatical. Nick’s appetite decreased, leaving him rail thin. People actually thought he was on drugs, the illegal kind.

“So um... when do we start getting in shape for the tour?” Brian asked glancing back over the contract, “I mean, we’re pretty out of the mix. Fatima’s gonna want to put together some routines for the new songs, and we need to practice. None of us has sang since we recorded for the album, and that was months ago, and dancing and singing? We’re screwed.”

“Screwed? Well, we all know Brian is.... screwed. Kevin too. Maybe AJ. But I, am not getting any action what so ever, and I know ain’t nobody laying Howie or else he wouldn’t be in such a bad...”

“Nick!” Brian and Kevin admonished. The things he could just burst out and say sometimes!

AJ laughed and slapped him on the back nearly sending Nick into his spaghetti-art. Nick grabbed the table to keep his face from hitting the saucy dish. “AJ... you trying to kill my ass? I could have fallen face first into this tomato sauce, been knocked out by the force of the blow, and drowned in my Italian gourmet.”

AJ blinked at him, “Now you guys see, this is why the press thinks he’s on drugs. Only a crack head would make a comment like that one.” He ruffled Nick’s hair.

“I’m not a crack head!” Nick said pouting he broke off a piece of bread stick and shoved it into his mouth.

Howie scowled at him, “No, you’re just an air head. If this meeting is through, I’m out.” Howie laid down a few bills for his check and left.

“Well,” AJ said watching Howie go.

“Did he leave enough for a tip?” Nick wondered reaching over to collect Howie’s cash and count it.

“Man, we cannot go on tour with Howie acting like that. The press and the fans are going to see right through that and start hounding us,” Brian said staring after Howie’s retreating backside. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his curly blond hair, “but I don’t know what we can do to help him.”

“We’ve done all we can,” AJ said with a shrug,” and frankly I’m just fed up with his attitude. We all went through the same shit.... we all almost got...” AJ paused and began to crack his knuckles, “Hey guys, I’m going to the store after this. I need to get some groceries, I’m suddenly in the mood to bake.”

“Desserts?” Nick looked excited, “Need help.”

“No way Smokey,” AJ laughed.

Brian giggled, “You are never going to let us forget that are you? Set one kitchen on fire and you’re labeled for life as a fire hazard.”

Shrill ringing erupted from Nick’s back pocket. He glanced at his watch before answering the phone, rolling his eyes ever so slightly, “Hello Mother.”

“Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy,” Brian began to chant in a high pitched sing-songy voice.

“Shut up!” Nick hissed, “No not you Mom, it’s Brian! She says ‘hi,’ Brian.”

“Hi Mrs. Carter,” Brian said then began mouthing the words, “Momma’s boy,” at Nick who tore off another piece of his bread stick and chunked it at Brian.

“Guys, no food fights,” Kevin tried to intervene but caught parmesan in his left eye.. It was on now. It only took a minute for ravioli and meatballs to be volleying back and forth. People turned to stare, Who in the hell are those idiots back there causing all the commotion?

“Well, those idiots are the Backstreet Boys, and yes, Backstreet is back. They will be joining the Festival Tour along with fellow acts such as rival band N’Sync.” Footage from Antoine’s Italian Restaurant was flashed briefly across the screen. Glimpses of guilty Backstreet Boys, minus Howie Dorough, apologizing for starting a food fight and offering to pay for damages were aired.. Then that clip faded out into a general publicity group picture of the Boys, and then one of N’Sync. “All the teenagers in America will be looking forward to this tour. And that is all for 10 to the hour every hour on MTV, I’m Kurt Loder.”

Chapter 4

“Damn it we’re never gonna get this right, and we have how long?” Howie was fuming, hurling his chair across the stage. He whirled on Fatima who was coming to get in his face and reprimand him, “Listen Howie, I know you’ve been through a lot, but your attitude stinks! I don’t have to take this from you or anyone...”

“Then why don’t you just leave. Paycheck will be in the mail!”

“Howie shut your ass!” AJ yelled shoving Howie out of Fatima’s face, “You have a serious problem Howie. I don’t know who you think you are, but you ain’t the monarch here. Either get with it, or get out, cause we ain’t getting nothing done with you here!” AJ’s eyes were narrow slits as they glared Howie down. Kevin gently pried them apart, “Guys we don’t have much time. Can’t you just buckle down and make this work,” his voice was tired and weary, he was on the verge of giving up himself.

“Make this work?! Oh wait, when you said buckle down, you looked at me!” Howie yelled pushing Kevin back, “Like I’m the problem here. Why don’t you blame Brian, who can’t quit tripping over his own feet! Or AJ, who can’t seem to remember where his positions on the stage are and where mine are! Why don’t you blame Nick, who hasn’t gone through one routine without stopping us and begging for a break! Why don’t you blame yourself? Do you know how stupid you look when you dance?” Howie was on the war path, “This is never gonna look good. And who’s gonna be on this tour but N’Sync. Don’t you realize what’s going to happen? We’re going to be compared, the people are going to want to say whose the best... And at the rate we’re going it sure ain’t gonna be Backstreet!” With that Howie stormed off the stage and out of the auditorium.

“Well,” Nick said from his sitting position on the stage, “That got rid of him, maybe we can get some real work done now.”

AJ agreed with Nick, “Well Nick, he was right about one thing. You’re gonna have to get in shape. You have to be able to get through a number without stopping us. Cause think Nick, on stage you’re gonna have to sing and dance.”

“I’m just gonna die,” Nick said simply with a shrug, “I’ve just accepted that fact. It’s cool.”

Everyone flinched at the word “die” especially from Nick’s lips.

“Sorry,” Nick said softly and looked down at the stage.

“Well guys,” Fatima had been standing back in the pit observing them, “Would you like to continue on without Howie?”

“Yeah,” Brian spoke up, he stood, pulling Nick up with him.

“Ok,” Fatima nodded, she walked to the radio, “Ok, I’ll count it down... 1..2..”

“Awww... even my eyebrows hurt,” Kevin was moaning as he and his three younger companions lay sprawled in his living room.

“Kev, half your face is your eyebrows...” Nick mumbled with a slight snicker before giving in to exhaustion again.

“Shut up Carter,” Kevin told him, “I can still put my foot up your ass.”

“I’ll tell Mom... KRISTEN!” Nick sat up halfway to mock yell.

Kevin looked horrified, “Shhh! You little beast!”

Brian chuckled, “Scared of the little wifey, Kevy?”

“Damn straight,” Kevin muttered, “and don’t even try to play like you’re not scared of yours...”

Brian smiled, “I’m not scared of Leigh... I just know when to shut up.”

“Whipped,” Nick said, adding the additional sound effect with his mouth of a cracking whip.

“Carter, you really want to get a foot up your...”

“KRIS...”

“Yes?” Kevin gasped as he realized that his wife was now standing somewhere in the room. He forced himself into a sitting position on the couch so he could view her. Kevin’s Kristen stood like a tall blond queen smirking in amusement at the four sweaty men stinking up her living room.

“Kristen, Kevin said that he was gonna....”

Kevin quickly mustered up all his energy so he could spring off the couch and onto Nick to try to keep his jaws closed. Nick let out a cry of surprise and a grunt of pain as Kevin launched himself on top of him.

“Kevin!” Kristen cried in dismay, she ripped her husband off of the younger blond and pulled Nick up, “Are you ok, honey?”

Nick was fine, but saw his obvious opportunity, he rubbed his arms and nodded sadly, not forgetting to make the big eyes and pouty lips. Kristen hugged him and turned an icy glare on Kevin, “Kevin Scott Richardson....”

Kevin’s mouth had dropped to the carpet as he looked past his wife at Nick who was smiling smugly sitting beside Kristen. Behind Nick sat Brian and AJ who were also sitting up, smiling and waving at him. Kevin could feel the growl building in his throat but kept it to himself as he knew it would only get him in more trouble with his wife who stood over him with a not too sunny expression on her face.

“Oh honey come on, Nick’s being a little devil. Look at him,” Kevin pointed behind his wife at Nick who was making hideous faces at him. Kristen whipped around to see a perfect little blond angel, then she turned back to Kevin who’s face was incredulous, “Honey LOOK!”

Finally Kristen burst out laughing, “Honestly Kevin you really think I trust this little monster?” Kristen pet Nick affectionately on the head, “Are you guys gonna be crowding the living room any longer? I asked some of the girls to come over, and not to insult you guys.. But uh, you stink. I need you out.”

“Huh?” Kevin couldn’t believe his ears... his wife was kicking him out of his own house, “but honey, I told the fellas we could...”

“Yes, and you can.. For another hour. Then you had better find yourselves another residence, and a shower.”

“Whipped,” Nick and AJ whispered and snickered. Kevin glared at them both, and they stopped laughing.

“Kevin?”

“Yes Kristen?” Kevin looked up to his smiling wife.

“You get that? Out in an hour?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Whapoosh...” Nick and AJ made the whipping noise by pursing their lips together.

“So what are we gonna do about Howie?” Brian was asking the others as they sat watching the end of the black and white movie Kevin had wanted them all to see.

“Can we discuss Howie after the movie?” Kevin asked sounding rather testy, he leaned in to hear the lead cowboy’s drawled words to his enemy.

“Kev,” Brian broke his cousin’s trance, “You’ve seen this movie before!”

“I know but it’s a classic, you should pay attention,” Kevin snapped, taking his cousin’s head and turning it towards the screen of black and white characters, “They’re about to hang...”

“Kev,” Brian butted in, “Look at Nick and AJ.”

Kevin blinked and tore his gaze away from the screen to the two youngest members of the group. Both sprawled over different ends of the couch fast asleep.

“Oh! They’re missing a classic!” Kevin groaned, “Young people today...”

“Kev!”

“I don’t know Brian,” Kevin said with a sigh, “I don’t know. We’ve talked to him, we’ve tried to hang out with him... and we can’t kick him out of the group, so I don’t know what to do with him! Now can I get back to my movie?”

Brian’s eyes were huge with disbelief, he sighed deeply, “Kev, the situation’s not gonna work out too well. You know that. There’s gonna be arguments and...”

“Bri, we’ll deal with it when it comes. Who knows, a tour may just be the medicine that Howie needs right now. Maybe being around us, and feeling he can depend on us again will make it better. Brian that’s the only thing we got left.”

“I hope you’re right,” Brian said frowning slightly, “I’m not looking forward to this you know?”

“Being on tour with Howie?” Kevin questioned.

“Not just that Kev, being on tour period, especially with N’Sync. Howie had one thing right, we will get compared.”

“And what do we care? We’re not out there to win a contest over N’Sync,” Kevin shrugged and turned his attention away from the TV to his cousin.

“I know we’re not... but that still doesn’t make me feel confident. Kev, N’Sync is good... and I don’t want to go out there and stink up the stage after them...”

“We won’t stink up the stage...”

“Kev, that practice today was pretty depressing, and we don’t have much time left,” Brian said with a sigh.

“We’ll get in better shape Bri. I mean we haven’t done this stuff in months, I think we did a pretty good job if I do say so myself,” Kevin said, “We’ll over come this, we may have to work a little harder than we ever have before, but we’ll get it.”

“I hope so Kev, I hope so...”

The cousins were silent, “I’m worried about the tour too Brian...” Kevin added softly after the long pause. He used the remote to turn off the television. He glanced over at Nick and AJ’s sleeping forms, then over at his cousin who was staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

“What are you worried about Kev?”

“I’m worried that we won’t even be able to get on the bus,” Kevin said slowly, “None of us has ridden a bus since... since the kidnaping. I’m scared that I won’t have the guts to get on, or Nick will freak out, or AJ will start smoking again.” Kevin let his list of worries dwindle and taper off as he waited for his cousin’s calming words of wisdom, after all Kevin had offered him some for his worries... Those words of wisdom never came though, for Brian had none. He was scared to death of the idea of getting on a tour bus again. Visions of masked men with guns invaded his thoughts every time he tried to picture himself climbing onto another tour bus. Gunfire vibrated through his skull, the bodies of the bus driver and the manager were carelessly thrown into some bushes beside the bus. He shook his head and stared into Kevin’s deep green eyes. His only hope had been Kevin’s stubborness, Kevin’s bravery. Kevin would march them all onto the bus one by one and he would be the one to give Brian the strength to go on with the ride.... but if Kevin was just as scared as he was... then he was lost.

“What the hell are we gonna do Kev?” Brian asked sadly, “What’s gonna happen?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin said letting out a suspiration, “ Lets just pray that it’ll be good, because it’s too late to back out now.”

Brian nodded. It was too late.

Chapter 5

They sat at the table cluttered with breakfast food staring at their empty plates. No one had an appetite that morning, for it was the morning they would be leaving home and catching a plane to New Jersey. There they would be meeting up with the tour and getting their hotel reservations, and that very next night, they were to board the tour bus.

“Oh come on guys eat something,” Rhonda Sherman, their new road manager approached the table. The Boys had met to eat a home cooked breakfast at her home in Miami, “You act like you’re leaving to go to a funeral,” the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them She meant it as a joke, to try to lighten them up.

Five heads jerked in her direction, “I’m gonna be sick,” Nick announced, jumping up from the table, he ran out of the kitchen only to return a second later, “Bathroom?”

“Third door on the left,” Rhonda said gently looking rather concerned. She turned to the remaining four, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I was just pointing out that you guys are too nervous. You’re performers, you should be excited. You’ve been gone for months and now, boom, you’re back with a great album, and an incredible show to put on! Cheer up! This is gonna be fun!” Rhonda’s smile was infectious. She was a modest woman in her mid thirties with wild red hair. She was enthusiastic about her job and always took personal interest in her clients. Kevin knew they had chosen her for a purpose. It was as if their management team had needed someone like this over them so hopefully they could tap into her energy and confidence and pull through the tour.

Nick returned after a few minutes looking pale and running his hands through his hair, “Pretty shower curtain,” he complimented her before taking his place at the table.

“Are you ok?” Brian asked him.

Nick nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just... jittery I guess. So, when do we leave?” Nick seemed anxious, his left knee bouncing up and down at a steadily increasing pace.

Rhonda chuckled at him, “When you boys eat your breakfast, I hate seeing young people skip meals, especially breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

Brian gave her a watery smile and sighed. He reached for a blueberry muffin, as did AJ. After the first bite, Brian snickered as he heard AJ mumbling to him, “I could make better blueberry muffins.”

“You’re laughing, good,” Rhonda wrung her hands together, “Anyone want fresh juice? Nick? Would you like some?”

Nick’s head turned from watching Kevin pouring syrup on his pancakes to Rhonda, “Huh?”

“You look a little anemic, dear, you want some juice?” Rhonda was to his chair pouring grape juice into the empty glass in front of Nick before he could answer, “You should get some of those eggs too, for iron.”

“I hate grape juice,” Nick grumbled as Rhonda ruffled his hair and moved on to fill up the others’ empty glasses. Nick leaned down to whisper across the table to Brian, “She’s like my Mom man.”

Brian grinned, “Mamma’s boy...” Brian liked Rhonda, she was nice, and funny, and she did seem like the mother type. She had no children of her own, and no husband, so Brian guessed that she took on her clients as her children. Brian tried to remember what Max had been like.. Max had been their road manager on the Millennium Tour, he had... Brian swallowed hard and set down the uneaten portion of his blueberry muffin. He had lost what little appetite he had forced himself to have.

“How are the muffins?” Rhonda asked Brian and AJ. AJ dutifully finished off his muffin and gave her a nod, “Very good..” I could make better, he thought to himself.

“How about those pancakes?” she shot her question to Kevin. Kevin was helping himself to seconds, he smiled at her, “They’re great. AJ couldn’t make better.”

He won himself a killer glare from AJ, and he laughed.

Rhonda laughed, “Oh yes, I had forgotten you liked to cook AJ. Maybe next time we’ll do breakfast at your place then. You can cook for me, and maybe teach me a thing or two.”

Yeah like how to make a GOOD muffin.. AJ thought, but said, “Ok, sure.”

“Howie... How’s your breakfast?”

Howie scowled at Rhonda, the woman was much too chirpy at this hour in the morning. He had eaten a few of the diced fruits she had put on the table and downed three cups of coffee already.

“Good,” he said curtly, wishing he had a newspaper to read, something to put over his face and shield himself away from the others... Eight whole weeks with no other company than each other...and N’Sync. He felt sick himself, and if Nick hadn’t of made such a big scene earlier he would have been the one in the bathroom being sick.

“Nickolas, you haven’t touched that grape juice, and eat more of those eggs,” Rhonda instructed.

Nick groaned and pouted, but Rhonda kept looking at him. “Grape juice makes me yak.”

“Nick, no it doesn’t,” Kevin said rolling his eyes, “Now do as the woman says, and drink it.”

If Nick were at home he would have dropped his head to the table and kept it there until his enemy surrendered, but he wasn’t at home... and the Rhondzilla wasn’t about to surrender anytime soon, especially with Kevisaurus Rex behind her. Nick wrinkled his noise and reluctantly lifted the glass and took a small sip. Blech, he could feel his powers draining... he felt himself growing older, and older, until he was....was...Kevin.

“Oh Nick would you grow up!”Kevin snapped rolling his eyes at Nick’s childish antics. He had sprawled back over the back of his chair with his eyes clamped shut and his tongue lolling to the side of his mouth.

“Must... have... sweets...” Nick moaned. Brian laughed, and grabbed a blueberry muffin out of the wooden basket in the center of the table. He leaned over and stuck the muffin under Nick’s nose, and Nick took a bite. His eyes popped open... his strength returning!

“Oh brother,” Kevin breathed watching the two in action... Eight weeks....

Rhonda grinned, “Well now that I have seen you all eat a little of something, I guess we can be going.”

It was time.

They would be riding to the airport and meeting up with N’Sync and Britney Spears. They weren’t too excited by that... it had been awhile, and they really didn’t feel that they knew how to act around a lot of people anymore.

“Here we go,” Brian said lightly to Nick giving him a slight push inside the limousine. Nick frowned, “I’m scared,” he said softly climbing inside the limo.

“Me too Frack,” Brian said patting Nick’s knee,” so you won’t be the only one.”

The ride to the airport was an uneventful one. No one spoke but Rhonda, she talked about how great the tour was going to be, and all the interesting people the Boys would meet. Howie cringed, he didn’t exactly think N’Sync was very interesting, nor Britney Spears... He had tried to talk to another one of those teeny-bopper girl singers, Christina Aguilera, but she turned away from him. He felt his eyes narrowing as he thought about the skinny bitch. The skinny bitch who couldn’t dress herself. He felt Nick’s knee bounce against his leg for the last time, “Damn it Carter sit still or I’m gonna...”

“Howie!” Rhonda was shocked, Howie had always seemed so quiet. This outburst was rather uncharacteristic of him, to her anyway.

Nick flinched away from him and moved closer to Brian, “Why do I always end up sitting next to Sour D,” he muttered loud enough to be heard by everyone in the backseat of the limo.

“If you don’t stop calling me that...”

“Then stop acting like a...”

“Nick, Howie, that’s enough!” Kevin jumped in, “Just let it go. Here Nick, sit here, I’ll switch with you and sit by Howie.”

“What a nice gesture Kev, pity you never do that when we first into the car. Face it Howie, you’re a Sour D and nobody wants to...”

“Nickolas!” Brian clamped his hand over Nick’s mouth. He fought back the urge to snicker at Nick’s blunt honesty. Nick pouted and switched seats with Kevin.

“I can’t believe you called Howie ‘Sour D’ to his face, man,” AJ uttered to Nick once he had taken Kevin’s seat.

“Well he is, and he hurt my knee,” Nick crossed his arms and sat in sullen silence for the remainder of the trip.

The bodies of maybe a hundred teenagers crowded the airport. A security barricade had been set up around the premise to allow the stars trying to travel through the airport and board the plane, passage. “Man look at all these people here to see me!” AJ proclaimed, laughing loudly, yet glancing nervously over his shoulders at his brothers through the ring of body guards surrounding them. They were still there, no one had snatched one of them, he thought in relief, but the second he glanced away, he would have to check all over again. His shaded eyes scanned the area searching for any potential kidnappers. Men with red hair forever catching his eye, women with auburn hair popping up left and right. He shut his eyes trying to chase away those faces... the faces of those he wanted to forget. He didn’t want to see Brendon, or Ariella... he didn’t want to see the bloody bodies in a pile in the corner. He felt his hands twitching... dough, he wanted to be kneading dough. He wanted to bake bread, cookies, anything to keep his hands busy, and mind off of...other things. The process of preparing a meal, and making it into something a person could actually ingest and compliment was a hard process that took total concentration on AJ’s part, and much creativity. He switched his terrible thoughts into eager ones about the new cook book he had stashed away in one of his suitcases. He couldn’t wait to experiment with the French cuisines.

AJ was safely inside the airport, he stood wringing his hands together and waiting for the others to get through. Nick and Kevin were hustled in together, Nick clinging onto Kevin for dear life and looking wild eyed behind him for the others. A bright red ring lined his neck where his gold necklace used to be, and long red scratches lined his arms. The kid looked rough. Kevin kept his arm around him, trying to move him towards AJ who stood gaping at the two, “Nicky, what happened?”

“He almost got pulled in,” John, one of the bodyguards answered, “This girl had him by the tail of his shirt and just reeled him in like a fish, and then two more went in for the taking! I tell ya Carter, if you’d just put on a few more pounds they wouldn’t have been able to overpower you like that!”

Nick didn’t say anything back to John, he simply looked behind him, trying to find glimpses of Brian and Howie. There was some shouting and then Howie and Brian were through the door looking breathless and shaken. They hung onto each other trying to shake the daze from their minds. “Nick!” Brian broke his trance and grabbed his friend by the arms to look him over, “Man they got you good, Frack!” He laughed.

“At least my clothes are still intact,” Nick said lightly, speaking for the first time since he entered the airport.

Brian was really gonna miss that jacket, but his bodyguard said it was either him or the jacket, “They got my shoelace too.”

“Poor Frick,” Nick sympathized with him, then looked over Howie’s sloppy but perfectly intact attire, “Looks like they didn’t want anything off Sour D.”

Howie saw red. He charged Nick only to run into Kevin, “Let him alone. Nick!”

“Yeah Howie leave me alone... what?” Nick was peeking at Howie from behind Kevin’s back. “Apologize to Howie.”

“What for?” Nick was disgruntled, apologize!

“For calling him names now apologize or else!”

Nick was tempted to ask, “Or else what?” but he decided against it, “I’m sorry for calling you a Sour D, Howie... But you are!”

“Nick!” Kevin started in frustration but gave up. That was the best he was ever going to get out of him and he knew it. Howie rolled his eyes, “Keep your distance Carter!”

“I will... It’s not my fault I always end up sitting by you!” Nick said, “As I said before nobody wants to sit by a...” he stopped as he caught the glares being shot at him from every angle of the room. He pouted, but was quiet for the next few minutes.

“Ok guys, now that we’re all here,” Rhonda said sounding a bit frazzled, so far this wasn’t going too well, “lets get to our gate and meet some of your tour-mates!”

AJ caught himself before he rolled his eyes, the woman was just too.. Peppy. He followed after the group with his bodyguard walking beside him. And now it begins... AJ thought as he noticed the approaching silhouette of bodies getting closer and closer. He felt his apprehension, it had been so long since he had to make an appearance and do public relations... Did he still remember how? Walking up to meet Britney Spears’s smiling face with a smile of his own he could recall praying that he sure hoped he did!

Chapter 6

The initial meeting in the airport was not exactly how Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick, Lance Bass, and Joey Fatone had envisioned it. They didn’t know what exactly they were expecting, but what they received was not in their imaginations. The Backstreet Boys, Brian Littrell, AJ McLean, Nick Carter, Kevin Richardson, and Howie Dorough, had arrived last, almost 15 minutes after everyone else had gotten there. Their manners were impeccable, their timing for smiles and their responses were perfect, and if there was any anxiety over the upcoming tour they hid it well.

Johnny Wright, N’Sync and Britney Spears’ manager sat across from Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick on the plane contemplating just that. In all his years of knowing those Boys, they had never behaved in that perfect way. He had always dreamed of them being that way in public when he was their manager, instead of acting out as the hyper sometimes impulsive bunch that were. He sighed, he knew something was wrong... and he feared to think about what it was.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to face Lance Bass, “Are they normally that quiet?” he motioned back to the Kevin, Brian, AJ, Nick, and Howie. The five Backstreet Boys sat together near the rear of the plane with their manager Rhonda.

Johnny glanced back to them and shook his head, “No, never... not even when they were sleeping.”

Lance looked a little apprehensive hearing that. He nodded and leaned back in his chair in deep thought.

Johnny knew what Lance was feeling, it was probably the same thing he was feeling. He felt nervous. He didn’t know how he should act around them, what all he could say. He had hoped they hadn’t changed... Seeing their faces on TV during that news report about the food fight they had started gave him that false hope. He hoped to see their smiling faces and hear their silly conversations, to shake their hands, hug them, and ask how they have been..but instead he saw his false hope shattered. Those were not his Boys. Sure they were polite enough, they smiled just enough... but it wasn’t enough. There was something missing there... the innocence, the confidence, the spark, the trust.... When Johnny took their hands he noticed the lack of conviction. The haunted look in their eyes had followed Johnny to his seat on the airplane. Was it guilt that fueled his anxiety? Did he feel he should have been there with them last year? Maybe he did, but really what could he have done? Nothing... he would have, he shuddered, been killed. He rubbed his temples, he wondered if the Boys saw the man get killed... Would they have watched him get killed?

He remembered when the report had come out last year. Johnny and his ex-wife had been adamant about keeping up with the story. They had sat in front of the TV together the night the Boys had been brought out. Johnny could still feel the way his body trembled as the gunshots echoed from the television screen... footage of the run down complex and Nick’s limp body being carried to an ambulance flashed through his mind. Their disappearance from the public eye for so long was also disturbing.

“Johnny?” a soft female hand was on his arm, he removed his hand from his eyes and looked at Britney, “Are you ok?”

Johnny nodded and smiled at her, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

“Are you thinking about...?” she nodded towards the back of the plane.

Johnny almost laughed, was it that obvious? “Yes, I am Britney.” He sighed deeply and turned to glance at the Boys again. Their section of the plane was quiet. “I think...I think I’m going to go back and talk with them for awhile.”

Britney’s eyes widened, “You’re not nervous?”

Johnny looked at her, “Yeah, of course, I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say to them, but I know something needs to be said. They can’t... they need to be comfortable, and they won’t be unless we make them. I doubt they’re that way when it’s just them.”

“So you think it’s just butterflies?” Britney brightened, she had been a little worried about her dreary tour-mates. What they had gone through could change a person, alter their personality... Before they were pleasant people that she found quite charming, but now their charming mannerisms seemed forced, their pleasantries were only out of politeness. What and who had they turned into now? Were they still the same, just a little nervous... are they emotional wrecks... or were they cold, hard...? The masks they wore kept the answers from her inquisitive mind.

Johnny gazed at her, “I hope so.” Johnny stood up slowly and gathered his thoughts, then he slowly made his way to the back of the plane.

“I’ve just taken out all of your fighter jets, now I am about to kidnap your princess,” Nick informed AJ dutifully. He pressed the buttons on his hand held video game in a complicated yet skilled manner, “Ok, now I have your princess, now I’m going to...”

AJ glared at Nick as he sat holding the second hand held video game connected by a cord to Nick’s, he pressed his buttons furiously trying to avoid Nick’s tactics, he abruptly dropped the hand held in his lap at the kidnaping of his princess and went for Nick’s throat. It was in that instant that he looked up to discover Johnny Wright standing in the aisle of seats in front of them, peering in their direction, “Hey AJ, Nick.”

AJ blinked, what was he doing back here? Hadn’t they already said their “hellos?” AJ felt his palms beginning to sweat again, and his mouth beginning to dry out. It had just been too long since he had had to interact with so many people at once. What if he said something stupid? God, stop it! AJ scolded himself. You are AJ McLean, you were bred to be on stage and to interact with people. Get a grip!

AJ blinked, almost reaching up to wipe the imaginary sweat he felt on his brow. Get a grip.. If only it were that easy. His doctor had warned him, had tried to expose him to public relations again before the tour... But that worked out about as well as Nick trying to read a book with no pictures! “Hi Johnny!” Nick chirped. Happy as a lark now, before he had been as dark and nervous as everyone else. AJ figured it was the half of a snickers bar Brian slipped him. He scowled at Brian who sat in the aisle across from them with Kevin knocked out asleep against the window. Of course he’d give Nick the candy and then sit somewhere else, leaving AJ to be tortured.

“Hey Johnny,” AJ said, sounding polite, but no where near as enthusiastic as Nick.

“Can I sit?” Johnny looked a little disquieted... But not as disquieted as I feel, AJ slumped down in his chair.

“I don’t know, can ya?” Nick quipped grinning at his own stupid joke.

Brian, I’m gonna kill you... AJ thought venomously.

Johnny looked puzzled, he gazed at Nick and smiled back nervously. People who weren’t used to Nick always seemed a little uneasy around him, not just fans. AJ didn’t blame them, he shot a look at Nick. Nick didn’t look intimidating or scary, but his eyes told his story. They were the eyes of someone who had seen and knew too much, but yet try to deny it from themselves. His eyes were cloudy sometimes, spacy... Like he was forever dreaming... some of it was from the medication, the others of it were defense mechanisms, more psycho babble from his therapist.

Nick had often been criticized for his traumatization from the... experience. He wasn’t in there as long as AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Brian. He was let out almost a week before the others saw the light of day again. But they forget that no matter how long you were in a life threatening situation... it was still life-threatening, and blood was still blood, no matter how long it was in your face... And all the times the gun was to your head... each time you could have died. It didn’t matter if he had been in there 3 weeks or 3 hours, one would still be changed... And then the criticizers also forget that sometimes even being outside can be traumatic... AJ couldn’t imagine being on the outside, not knowing what was going on within, and suddenly hearing rapid gunshots... You knew your friends were inside, you knew who held them hostage... You knew that one or all of them could very well have been dead. AJ fought back a cringe as he thought about his mother standing outside... no father to support her, crying, listening to every gunshot and praying that it wasn’t AJ that was hit.

He felt his panic beginning to rise as the memories began to surface.. Alright, calm down, AJ, calm down. He felt his hands beginning to twitch, he needed to do something with them. His eyes went to his carry-on bag on the floor beside his foot. His eyes could almost trace the outline of the new cookbook hidden under the nylon exterior. Baking... cooking... something. He wanted to bite his nails, but that would show weakness, and Johnny was there, staring as if they were some alien creatures.

He’s afraid of us... AJ realized. That’s why he looks so nervous. AJ groaned inwardly, he needed a cigarette. He eyed Nick beside him, who was smiling and talking to Johnny animatedly. No he couldn’t smoke, not with Nick next to him. “AJ? Are you alright?”

AJ glanced up at Johnny who was frowning at him, he frowned at Nick too, still looking at him oddly, “He’s on medication,” AJ offered to Johnny gesturing to Nick, who simply smiled sheepishly. He was fully aware that he acted loopy sometimes, well all the time.

Johnny actually let out a little laugh, “Thanks for telling me. What’s his excuse for when I used to be the manager. He wasn’t on anything then.”

“I was high on life,” Nick said with a satisfied smirk, he picked back up the video game he and AJ had abandoned and restarted.

AJ was trying to break Kevin’s attention away from his western novel. He didn’t want to have to carry on a conversation by himself. Kevin’s eyes slowly rose from the small printed words to meet AJ’s, then they darted to Johnny, “How long have you been there?”

“Maybe 10 minutes,” Johnny said. Kevin, the leader, the one in control... he felt more comfortable then. He decided he would sit. He walked down the aisle and took the empty seat next to Howie, who was reading a newspaper... correction Wall Street Journal. Howie, Howie the peacemaker, the quiet one. Howie didn’t so much as raise his eyes from his paper. “How’s the married life treating you Kev?”

Kevin blinked, “Me and Kris are getting along just fine. It’s good. People have been trying to scare us about our first fight coming up within the month, but I’m not worried about it.”

“Yeah, as long as you yield to what she says,” Nick muttered, “Mom’s tough.”

“Mom?” Johnny questioned.

“That’s what he calls Kristen,” Kevin said with a small affectionate smile.

“Yeah, and he’s gotta be nice to me or Mom will hurt him,” Nick said concentrating on the game. AJ glanced at him before cursing softly, “You cheater! You can’t just restart the game without telling me!”

“Well you were losing and are gonna lose anyways,” Nick said with a wicked smirk shooting a wink at AJ. AJ could feel his blood bubbling, competition always got to him, no matter what it was in. He knocked the game from Nick’s palms, “Wait for me to be ready.”

“AJ, if it’s keeping him quiet...” Howie actually raised his head from his paper.

“Ah, Sour D doth speak,” Nick commented dryly from his seat, he proceeded in leaning across the aisle his upper body lying over Kevin’s lap. Before Kevin could react, Nick was tickling a sleeping Brian awake.

“Nick, stop it!” Kevin yelled before he could help himself, causing the entire plane to turn and look back at them, N’Sync, Britney, and their manager who was fighting back a smile.

Both Kevin and Nick blushed, and cringed in embarrassment. Kevin went back to his book using it as a shield, and Nick slumped back in his seat.

“You sit in that seat and be still. Play your game,” Howie was giving Nick instructions, as he reached over the seat and clenched onto one of Nick’s shoulders, in a low yet sharp voice.

Nick had the beginnings of a pout on his face as he obeyed Howie, and picked up his video game, this time alerting AJ that he was ready to play.

Brian had stirred and woken at Kevin’s shout. He stared at his cousin in a sleep filled haze, then at his best friend who looked like a guilty puppy who had just made a puddle on the floor. He spied Johnny Wright seated beside Howie, he yawned, “Hi Johnny.”

“Hi Brian, how are you?”

“I was having the best nap,” Brian rubbed his eyes and let his head droop back onto the window, and within seconds he was out again.

“I don’t think he slept at all last night,” Kevin explained, “We were all so nervous about today. I almost broke and told the guys to turn the limo around when I saw the airport turn coming up.”

“You really didn’t want to come on this tour did you?” Johnny asked.

“Hell no we didn’t,” Kevin said truthfully, “But, well.. Our management assured us that if we still wanted to pursue our careers we needed to get back on stage. And they thought this would be better than sending us off alone.” He looked down sadly at his novel, “But now I’m not so sure.”

“Why not? Those guys up there are nothing to worry about,” Johnny said, “They’re all good kids...”

Kevin nodded, “They are...” He trailed off and began to fold the pages in his book, “It’s just been us 5 for so long that we’re not used to other people anymore. We kinda shut ourselves off in our attempt to stay inside the safe little world’s we’ve created for ourselves.” Kevin grinned at Johnny’s expression, “I’m starting to sound like my shrink.” He looked uncomfortable, “This is my first Tuesday not going to his office. In fact in 2 hours I would be getting into my car and I would be driving down all the main roads where there are sure to be plenty of people, and arriving at the glass building. I guess right now I’m talking to you as a substitute and I’m sorry, again. I’m embarrassing myself. I’ll read now.” Kevin went back to his novel in his vain attempt to maintain his blemished dignity.

“You didn’t embarrass yourself Kev. I actually feel honored that you feel that you can still confide in me.”

“Confide somewhere else, Brian’s trying to sleep,” Brian muttered from his seat, head still resting against the window.

“Well it didn’t seem to bother your sleep before Brian,” Kevin said.

“That was before you let Nick crawl in your lap and attack me,” Brian grumbled.

“Boys...” Johnny tried to interject, sensing the argument brewing.

“It’s not my fault. It was your smart idea to give Nick candy before a long plane ride,” Kevin was saying matter-of-factly, “The least you could have done is sat with him so he wouldn’t have to climb over me to bother you.”

Brian rumbled, “Do you want to get up now and switch seats Kevin?” He sat up and turned to face his cousin, his sleep-lacking expression not too friendly.

Kevin simply glared at him, then out of spite he smirked and reached across the aisle to tap Nick on the shoulder. Nick’s head jerked up out of his game and to Kevin, “Wanna come sit with Brian?”

Brian’s eyes widened, “Kevin!” now he was whining, “No!”

“Come on Nicky,” Kevin was closing his book and standing.

“Kevin! Nick, don’t you wanna play with AJ?!” Brian was struggling to grab a hold of his cousin’s arm, “Kevin!”

Johnny watched the exchanges for a few minutes more, before traveling back to his respective seat near the front of the plane. The dull roar of voices from the back of the plane, now equaled the ones of the front. This...was better. He sat back with a satisfied smile of relief as he closed his eyes and fell asleep to the many voices of chaos swirling around him.

“Seafood...” Britney was determined, if they were going to eat out it would be seafood. She wanted crab.

“Pizza,” Joey folded his arms.

“Do you know how many times we’re going to have to eat pizza on the road?” Britney argued.

“Yeah.. So we might as well get used to it now,” Joey grinned.

“Ugh! Ok, ok, what do you want to eat Justin?” Britney poked her sleep groggy boyfriend.

“Huh? Eat?... Chicken?” Justin scratched his curly head, he hadn’t heard the majority of the argument.

“Chicken!” Joey exclaimed.

“They serve chicken at seafood restaurants too!” Britney crossed her arms and smirked at Joey. Joey wore a smirk of his own, “Chicken pizza.”

“Good Lord...” Britney whirled around and blond hair caught her eyes, out of the blue she asked, “Nick, what do you want?”

“Skittles,” Nick answered back seriously.

“Arrrrg!” Britney roared, “When are we meeting up with the other FEMALES that are going to be on tour?”

“Skittles does sound tempting,” Chris put in just to annoy Britney further.

Johnny and Rhonda eventually intervened to stop the bloodshed. Everyone was asked what they might want to eat, and after everyone’s order had been penciled down the vote favored, “Seafood...” Britney smirked and winked at Joey wickedly, as the 11 stars, 2 managers, and an assortment of body guards entered a quaint seafood restaurant that Rhonda had called in advance to let them know to be expecting high status customers.

“This place doesn’t look like it has skittles,” Nick was grumbling.

“Well Nick, you can always ask,” Brian said as he and Nick walked around the table following AJ and took seats next to each other. They sat directly across from Kevin and Howie. AJ sat on the same side as them next to Lance and Chris. Rhonda and Johnny sat at the head of the table. A few body guards stood around the table, and the rest sat at tables around theirs.

“Ok, so lets talk tour guys,” JC said suddenly, “How do you think it’s gonna go? I mean this is the first tour we’ve all really been on where a lot of big names have been in on it together.” He glanced shyly at the Backstreet Boys, he hoped that one of them would answer. That would maybe give him a clue about how they felt about the tour, and how well they were going to behave.

Justin raised an eyebrow at JC’s question, he knew who it was directed to, but he decided to answer, “I think it’ll be cool. We haven’t hung out with some of the people in a while... and I’ve never met Samantha Mumba.”

“How many people do you think will turn up?” AJ perked up. Every head gave AJ its attention and tried to answer his question. That’s how it was when anyone besides Nick or Brian said something aloud. Not that Nick and Brian ever said anything of importance aloud, they were just silly, and their behavior is what relaxed the members of N’Sync and Britney towards them.

“A lot man, the shows are sold out! We’re gonna be playing stadiums. There will not be an empty seat,” Chris answered him. He didn’t know what kind of reaction he wanted to get with his answer, but he hadn’t wanted that. AJ actually cringed and downcast his eyes, and the Backstreet end of the table fell silent..

“Um...” Britney was beginning.

“Bread?” A quartet of waiters, three females, one male came to the table holding baskets of freshly baked bread. Britney did not fail to note the way the waitresses’ eyes tended to linger over her male companions for the evening, and the waiter seemed to hoover around her center of gravity. He was like an annoying fly that she wanted to swat. Was he smelling her hair? She shot a glare at Joey who sat across from her giggling at what was happening above Britney’s head.

“You guys are really nervous aren’t you?” Justin asked, shooting his question at Backstreet as he took a hearty bite out of his bread, “I’m sure you guys will do just fine. You’ve been performing a long time, once you get back out there it’ll just feel natural to you again.”

“You don’t know how much easier saying is than doing,” Brian said cutting himself two slices of bread, he set one on Nick’s empty plate. Nick sat quietly folding his napkin and only looked up when he noticed the bread float onto his plate, “Hey, I don’t want this!” He casually picked up the bread and tossed it at Brian’s unsuspecting face. Brian let out a little gasp then raised the knife he had just loaded with butter, “They’ll call you Mellow Yellow..” he sang to Nick as he prepared for his shot.

“You guys stop it! Remember Antoine’s?”

Brian lowered his knife with a sigh. He picked the bread out of his lap and laid it on the tablecloth. Nick stuck his tongue out at him subtly.

“So what songs are you guys going to perform?” Britney asked, “A mix of new and old, or all new?”

“All new,” Kevin said with a grim smile, “We’ve been working our butts off these past few months. I hope it all goes well, or I’ll be really disappointed.”

“I’ve got butterflies!” Nick announced, “I’m kinda excited, kinda petrified. I mean, it’s been forever, who’s to know how the audience will take to us..”

“Or how we’ll take to them,” AJ added quickly.

“Lets just sum this up, we’re scared as hell,” Brian said simply. AJ rolled his eyes at him and removed an ice cube from his soda to toss at him, “AJ! Antoine’s!” Kevin reminded him. AJ blinked and stuck his ice cube in his mouth.

“The crowd at the airport was enough to freak me out,” Nick said rubbing his neck absently where his necklace should have been.

“Howie, think fast!” Brian had removed the cherry from his sprite and was preparing to make a basket in Howie’s tea glass.

“Brian!”

“Brian, Antoine’s!” Kevin snapped looked exasperated.

“Oh sorry.. This sucks,” Brian looked bored, “Did we order an appetizer yet? Get your hands out of my drink Nick!”

Nick was robbing Brian’s sprite of another cherry. He popped it in his mouth innocently and smiled, “Wanna see if I can tie the stem with my tongue?”

“Oh God,” Howie uttered hiding behind his menu.

“No, I wanna see you eat your own cherries!” Brian snapped, “Now I only have one!”

“Here, have another,” Nick flipped a cherry out of his drink onto Brian’s shirt, Brian yelped and hurled his last cherry back at him.

“Guys stop it! Antoine’s!” Kevin was to the verge of pulling out his hair. Brian stopped immediately and stared at his cousin, as did Nick, “Kev... It’s been bugging me all night,” Nick began.

“What Nickolas?”

“Who the hell is Antoine? And what the hell does he have do with anything we’re doing? How do we know this guy?”

Kevin’s eyes enlarged incredulously.. They were never going to make it through the tour, he was going to kill Nick and Brian, he knew it. He ripped off a piece of bread and was about to throw it at them when, “Kevin?”

“What?” he stopped to stare at the duo, Frick and Frack.. They should be called Riff and Raff!

“Antoine’s!” they both announced breaking out into giggles. AJ watched the exchange with a wide grin, Howie watched with indifference, N’Sync and Britney watched with amusement, the managers watched in horror. Rhonda knew as did Johnny just what was going to happen next, “Boys, no!” All at once Kevin sprung from his seat and Nick and Brian bolted from the table followed closely by Kevin and three bodyguards. They darted out the doors of the restaurant ignoring all shouts in their direction.

“And they’re off!” AJ was announcing the events like a horse race, “Brian takes lead, but Nick is quick to catch up.. Kevin’s pulling in at the rear. Looks like he’s closing in for a kill...”

“Oh my....” Rhonda twirled her red hair around her fingers.

“Whoohoo!” Chris was cheering, “My money’s on Kev. I think he’ll catch em’ both!”

“Nah, Brian’s pretty quick...” Joey was contesting.

“Yeah, but he’s not gonna leave Nick behind,” Britney was saying, “Blondie’s slowing him down.. I think Kevin will catch them.”

“And so it begins...” Johnny said he smiled at Rhonda and gave her arm a squeeze, “I take it this is your first time managing a group of young guys?”

Rhonda nodded, “Yes, I usually manage girl groups... Now I know why my sister didn’t want to have boys.”

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Johnny smiled at her, “It gets... well the things they do have less of an effect on you after a while, I’ll put it that way.”

“Great,” Rhonda said shaking head, watching as the three body guards were reentering the building with Kevin, Brian, and Nick between them, “Oh well... Cest La Vi.” She smiled helplessly as the rest of her energetic group was returned to the table wearing grins. She was certainly going to have an interesting time on this tour.

Chapter 7

“Damn it...” AJ said for the 79^th time as he wrung his hands together mercilessly. His nervous eyes scanning the elegant hotel lobby falling on all the various people surrounding them. Other groups and singers, bodyguards, hotel security, hired police, managers, and anyone else one could think of occupied the area.

In less than 4 hours he would be on a stage... a stage surrounded by thousands of people. And those thousands of people would have their eyes on him. “Damn it...”

“AJ sit,” Rhonda had grabbed him by the shoulders. She pushed him towards the 5 seats, 4 already occupied by his four brothers. They all looked as nervous as he felt. He felt, he felt like he was going to burst. His nerves felt ready to shatter, his bones threatening to disintegrate. And the noise, the buzzing of many voices, so many unfamiliar voices was driving him insane. All at once his mind came to the conclusion of, “I can’t do this. I can’t! I’ve changed my mind!” He tried to break Rhonda’s hold on him, he was going back upstairs to the lavish hotel room he shared with Kevin. None of the Boys had wanted room alone, but Howie. Howie seemed as if he didn’t need them to be around him, but AJ knew he did. He had seen the look in his eyes when Nick and Brian had disappeared for all of 5 minutes and no one knew where they had gone. He had panicked along with AJ and Kevin. They had gone to the bathroom, a sudden trip on the account of Nick’s nervous stomach. Their two bodyguards had accompanied them, so there was really no need for AJ, Howie, and Kevin to worry. But they had.

“AJ, honey, you need to calm down,” Rhonda was reestablishing her grip on AJ’s wiry shoulders, “These are your fans coming to see you baby. They have come to see you, and only you. Can you imagine how disappointed they would be if they found out you were too afraid to go out and see them. Afraid of them? AJ, they won’t hurt you. They’re here to support you, and Nick, and Brian, and Kevin, and Howie. They want to see you.”

AJ gazed up into Rhonda’s endearing green eyes, and then back to his brothers who sat looking pale and shaky. His eyes roamed over the crowded hotel lobby once more til they reached the glass doors, their clear panes showing him the utter chaos of fans outside. They were all screaming, yelling, dying to break the glass and get to him, to tear him apart. They would hurt him just to get close to him and not even realize that they were doing it. He shuddered deeply and stifled a whimper, “I wanna go home.”

“The stage is your home, Alex. It has been for a long time. You love it, you want this you know you do. Just give it a chance. Once you get out there again, and feel the magic, the power you have and give out to others while you’re on that stage... You’ll know just how bad you missed it all, and you’ll never want to leave it again. And you’ll never fear it again. It’s natural for you to have stage fright, dear, but don’t let it control you. To thine own self be true, Alexander, you stand tall and proud, and get ready to board the van so you can get to your concert venue, YOURS! Yours, and Brian’s, and Nick’s, and Howie’s, and Kevin’s. Tonight is your night, tonight is the night you take back over the reigns of your careers. You left the performing world as Kings and you will return as Kings too,” Rhonda shook his shoulders and tilted her head to eye the others, “You all hear that?”

Four heads nodded boyishly at her, “You know what it means?”

Four pairs of eyes stared at her.

“Get your butts in gear and get ready, cause it’s gonna be one hell of a show! Backstreet’s back, and tonight you’re gonna prove it. Now lets get together our people, and get to our van.”

Rhonda kept a firm grip on AJ, knowing that even after her well thought out and planned speech he may still try to run for cover, “Lets move!”

Loading the vans turned out to be not so bad. Security had done an excellent job keeping the star crazy fans at bay behind yellow tape and barricades. Screams and shouts deafened the ears of the performers as they ran to their vans ducking their heads, tossing some smiles and waves in various general directions, not really spying anyone in particular.

“Good God,” Kevin was breathing as he crouched inside the van, pushing Howie in, in front of him.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Brian was saying, more to himself than anyone else. There were almost 20 times as many fans out there than there was at the airport. He had been frozen in place at the sheer numbers, and his bodyguard had had to practically carry him to the van for his legs wouldn’t move. His hands shook slightly, and he tried to steady them by gripping the seat in front of him. He succeeded in accidentally gripping a strand of Howie’s long hair and pulling. “OW! DAMN IT BRIAN THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”

Brian cringed back at the harshness and pure loudness of Howie’s scream. He felt his anger rising to the pitch of Howie’s voice, “Screw you Howie, I didn’t grab your stupid hair on purpose, and if you’d cut some of the stringy crap off you wouldn’t have to worry about it so much!”

Brian felt the shocked stares on him... Brian was never mean, his insults were never biting...

“Brian, you doth insult Sour D,” Nick snickered from his place beside Brian. He had been abnormally quiet since they had boarded the van, but the previous scene had softened his terror into simple uneasiness. An uneasiness simple enough for him to be able to appreciate a good Sour D bashing.

“Brian, you and your balding little head, have no right to make comments on my hair and your immaturity overwhelms me. Why if I didn’t know better I would think I was talking to Nick.”

“Shut up Howie!” Brian shot at him, “You’re getting on my damn nerves with your ba...”

“Boys that’s enough,” Rhonda interjected, looking to Kevin for help. Kevin nodded at her, meeting her eyes, “Yeah guys stop it. We should be focusing our energies on the show tonight, Lord knows we’re gonna need it.”

That was enough to shut Howie and Brian up, and to put Nick back into his silent state. AJ watched them all through his sunglasses, that he wore even in enclosed spaces. Could they do it? Would they still be as good as they once were in the eyes of their fans? Would they trip over each other? Would Nick remember all they had worked so hard with him on? Would he remember how to breath during the phrases and be able to perform the choreography? Would someone accidentally bump into Howie on stage and turn him into the ranting raving lunatic they had just seen? Can I still be the wild crazy one on stage that pumps up the audience with my screaming and yelling? Can I still put on a good show? Am I still a performer?

“This is it,” Rhonda said suddenly. AJ opened his eyes, which he hadn’t even realized he had had closed. Through his sunglasses, through the window, he saw the looming presence of the venue... a large white stadium. Masses of fans, some waving colorful posters screamed at the vans and struggled to break through security means. AJ saw performers and bodyguards alike running trying to defend themselves from the barrage of fans outside trying to get at them. “Ok, guys, time to get out.”

“Hell no!”

AJ thought that had come from him, but no. He spied Nick, who was folding his arms over his chest and looking out the windows in alarm, “They’ll tear us to pieces!”

“Nick, you got on the van just fine didn’t you?” Rhonda began.

“Yeah, but that was different. There weren’t as many people out there, and the security was tighter. They’ll get us I know they will!” he was starting to whine as he continued to gaze outside.

“Nicky...”

“No!”

Well if Nick wasn’t going... “I’m not going either,” AJ said firmly.

“Alex, didn’t we talk about this?” Rhonda was beginning to sound stressed.

“Yes, we talked about performing, not being ripped to shreds!” AJ countered, “I’m not going out there!”

Rhonda grimaced and looked to Brian and Kevin. Howie sat with his face turned away from everyone. He simply did not care if anyone got off the bus.

“Guys come on, we have good bodyguards, they won’t let any of us get hurt,” Kevin said softly touching AJ’s shoulder.

“They let those fans take my necklace,” Nick was muttering, “And they almost pulled me in.”

“Nick, that was the airport. Security wasn’t prepared for that kind of turn out.”

“Well what if they aren’t prepared for this either!” Nick wailed, “NO!”

“Nicky, they won’t let anyone get you, ok, and neither will I,” Brian was saying, he nodded to Kevin, like you take that one, I’ll take this one. He went on trying to console Nick softly.

“Jay,” Kevin started again, “I’ll walk with you, ok? Nothing will happen, you’ll see. See everyone else out there? Do they look like the mob is getting to them?”

AJ shook his head, who cared about everyone else...

“AJ please, we have to go,” Kevin was beginning to sound as desperate as Rhonda had when she had wanted Kevin and Brian to talk to them.

“You guys can go,” AJ stated, “I’ll stay here and guard the van.”

“AJ....” Kevin trailed off as he and Brian exchanged another look, they both looked rather conspiratorially at the youngest of the group.

“Ok, if you want to stay...”

“Huh?” he was agreeing to.. Hey! Hey! AJ was being seized from behind by two hefty bodyguards, and judging from the screams of protest he heard coming from the seat in front of him, Nick was being given the same treatment. AJ kicked and yelled as he was carried like a baby from the van by one bodyguard and shielded in front by the second. Once his body hit the open air AJ stilled and instead of fighting gripped his bodyguard for dear life. Please don’t let me go, don’t let them get me. Nick, on the other hand, had other plans. He was a handful and a half, a third bodyguard was summoned to help restrain him. It went quick. One minute he was outside in the midst of the confusion, the next he was inside in the cool refrigerated air of the venue. He felt the ground beneath his feet. His knees knocked together, the flood of adrenaline coursing throughout his body finally running its course. Brian was giggling as he walked past AJ patting him on the shoulder, “Punk.”

AJ glared after him, noting that Brian was visibly shaking too. Brian knelt beside Nick, who was sitting with his back against the wall and his knees to his chest. A single bodyguard was kneeling next to him as well. AJ stumbled into Kevin, who grabbed his shoulders giving him a little squeeze, “You ok kid?”

AJ nodded, “I think...” He let Kevin guide him over to Brian and Nick though.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Brian was saying to Nick, rubbing his back. Nick was upset, he didn’t like being carried about like a toddler, but that was what he had been acting like at the time. Nick’s head remained on his knees as his shoulders continued to heave, “You’re ok... We’re all inside.”

“Hey guys,” it was Nick Lachey from 98 Degrees, and Jessica Simpson, his girlfriend approaching, “Everything ok?” Their concern seemed genuine enough.

Brian looked up at them and smiled warmly, “Yeah, we’re fine. Just some minor problems...”

“Minor problems,” Howie snorted rolling his eyes, “Nick and AJ are the problem.”

AJ saw red, Kevin’s restraining arm kept him from going at Howie. Howie really should thank Kevin, AJ would remind him to do just that one time. Brian and Kevin glared at Howie as he whirled and walked away from them followed by his bodyguard.

“Sour D can kiss my ass,” Nick muttered from his knees, he raised his head and looked up to Nick Lachey and Jessica, “Hi,” he offered. Brian stepped back to help him up.

“Hi Nick,” Jessica said, “Was it so bad getting in here?” She smiled at him and reached to wipe a tear from his pale cheek. His hand went to his face realizing that he was crying, “Oh man..” he flushed with embarrassment and turned away.

“It’s ok,” Jessica was saying, seeing his embarrassment, “All of us get nervous sometimes, and you had good reason to be. It’s been awhile, and you’ve been through a lot..” that was as far as she would go with her sympathies, not wanting to touch upon any uncomfortable topics. She was curious as was her boyfriend, and everyone else. Just what had gone on the months the Boys had disappeared from the public scene?.. And most of all... what had gone on in that basement?

“Yeah,” Nick Lachey was agreeing, “That crowd was pretty scary out there, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one so big. I wanted to turn back, get in our van, and shut the door... and when I saw them pulling at Jess back there... My heart just about leaped out of my chest.”

“At least you don’t have sneaky ass bodyguards who creep up behind you and grab you from behind, and carry you like a baby to places you don’t wanna go,” Nick muttered unhappily. He took a deep calming breath, “I guess I...we..” he looked to AJ with a smile, “deserved it. We weren’t being very professional.” He turned back to his bodyguard who was still kneeling on one knee, “Sorry Reggie.”

Reggie nodded, “It was actually kinda funny Nicky, and the picture in tomorrow’s papers are going to be great!”

Nick gasped as did AJ, “Shit!”

Brian began to howl with laughter and Nick and AJ tackled him to the floor in a violent attempt to beat the humor of the situation out of him.

Kevin stared at the squirmish at his feet and took a step back so he wouldn’t become involved.

“I guess they’re ok now, huh?” Jessica asked.

Kevin nodded, “Yeah, they’re ok now. Thank you.”

The couple smiled and left to join the rest of 98 Degrees. Kevin looked around at all the performers surveying damages done to their own persons by rampaging fans. Backstreet had had so many bodyguards and ran in so quickly they were hardly noticed, well except Nick who made a scene as he tried to evade his captors, who were his bodyguards.

“Guys,” Kevin spoke to AJ, Brian, and Nick. He could spot Howie out of the corner of his eye standing beside some chairs. No matter how Howie acted, he would never veer too far away from the group. He, like the others, liked to know where his Backstreet brothers were at all times, “This is it. We’re here... Can we do this?”

AJ, Brian, and Nick stared, and Howie moved closer.

“Yes, you can,” Johnny Wright had wandered up behind them, “It’s in you. You’ve made it this far, you may as well take it all the way.. Like you did so many years ago.”

Five heads all nodded at Johnny’s words, “We can do this,” Brian said firmly.

“We can do this,” Kevin agreed, he looked to the remaining three.

“If you can do it, so can I,” Nick said hesitantly, “I hope... I mean, I can.”

“Lets do it,” AJ said with a shrug, ignoring his inner turmoil. He’d deal with that some more when the time came.

“Howie?”

“Lets break a leg,” Howie said in a small voice, then he cracked a small smile.

“Gasp, Sour D doth smile...”

“NICK!”

“What?”

The curtain went up at 6... and Backstreet was scheduled to go on for their first set at 6:43. Nick, Brian, Kevin, AJ, and Howie all sat in full costume and make up biting their nails. Now it was time to panic. They had agreed to do this? They had said they could do it? Were they crazy? “Guys, I think we can still call a cab...” Brian was saying holding his shaking knees still.

“No,” Kevin said, “We signed a contract to do this... If we don’t do this we get sued.”

“Ooh.. lawsuit,” AJ groaned, “I knew we shouldn’t have signed that stupid contract!”

“Shut up AJ!” Howie snapped, “I was the one that knew we shouldn’t have signed the stupid contract!”

“Forget who didn’t want to the fact is that we all did, so now we’re stuck!” Nick interrupted resting his head on his hands with were propped up by his elbows on his knees.

“So what if we get sued... We’ve got 60 mil...”

“They’ll sue us for all we’re worth,” Brian was nodding, “We’ll be as broke as Hammer.”

“Damn...”

“Maybe they’ll take pity on us,” AJ said hopefully.

“Guys...” they all looked up to see the members of N’Sync in front of them, “You’re not here because of a contract, you’re here to perform for your fans,” said JC trying to look helpful.

“They only want to see us naked,” Nick replied still looking downcast.

“Nick!” Kevin, Brian, Howie, and AJ gasped.

“What? It’s true, I saw it on one of those signs... No wait, that was a sign for Britney. Oops,” Nick grinned at his own little pun.

Joey laughed, “Ok, you can still be a smart-ass so obviously there’s nothing wrong with you. And if there’s nothing wrong with you...”

“Oh my back!” Nick groaned suddenly falling over Brian. Brian shoved him away, “You clown!”

“Ok, we’re trying to give you guys an inspirational speech and...”

“Oh, is that what it is?” Nick blinked innocently.

“We’re leaving,” Justin said, they started to move.

“No wait, wait,” Brian called them back, “Ignore Blondie, we really appreciate you guys all trying to help us out. Everyone’s been so nice... and I for one, wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting you guys to be... weird around us, you know? Because of... well...”

“When we were kidnaped and held hostage for 2 weeks,” Nick supplied gazing at N’Sync, as they blinked incredulously. Nick said that as if it were nothing.

“Um...”

“Oh come on, everyone’s been dying to get a piece of that story. It’s what you guys talked about before you met with us the other day,” Nick pressed.

“Nickolas...” Kevin warned.

“Well...” Chris hid a sheepish look.

“I knew it,” Nick sat back with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“Ok, it’s no surprise to me that people are curious,” Brian said breaking N’Sync’s uncomfortable silence , “I know I’d wanna know all the details too.. If I were you, being me, I wish I didn’t know.” He went quiet, his eyes darkening a bit.

“We’re not crazy, I’m sure that’s what a lot of you were wondering about us,” Kevin said, “We are a little up-tight, and we have a lot of work to do before we’re.. Well as confident as we once were, but we’re getting there.”

Lance was nodding, “Well listen we gotta go on in a little bit and we just wanted to tell you guys to break a leg, and have some fun out there. Don’t do it for the crowd, as everyone has been telling you, and don’t do it for your managers, do it for yourselves, for the fun. Once upon a time you must have enjoyed this, the stage, the screams, the energy, and if you let yourselves, you’ll enjoy it again. Just get out there, and I promise once you hear the opening applause you’ll wonder why you were ever worried in the first place.”

“Yeah, just relax and let it flow, you’ll do fine,” Justin said, “We’ll see you later!”

“Thanks!” AJ called after them, “You guys hear that?”

“Yeah, N’Sync just gave us good advice... like they don’t want to show us up,” Howie said looking puzzled.

“I never thought the day would come,” Kevin said, “Well, since everyone so far has been so kind as to give us free advice, I guess we had better take it. Lets go find Rhonda, I bet she’s pulling her hair out now, cause she can’t find us. Then I guess we’d better do some more warm ups, and Nick some more breathing exercises. We’re really gonna do this.”

“Oh God,” AJ was jittering clutching onto Nick’s arm. Nick stood with his back to the wall breathing slowly and deeply at Howie’s request. Brian sat on the floor with his head bowed in silent prayer, and Kevin knelt in front of a chair. “Five minutes,” Rhonda approached them, she felt a certain bout of pride at her Boys that went from trembling messes in the hotel lobby that wouldn’t budge from their chairs, to trembling messes standing behind a stage entrance. People buzzed about them doing final equipment checks, final make up touch ups. Dancers stretched their legs and arms. A back stage doctor had joined Howie by Nick’s side, he gave Nick a last minute once over. Nick was nodding positively at whatever he said or asked.

“Oh no,” Brian was groaning ending his prayer, “Could we get 5 more minutes?” he begged Rhonda.

“No, five more minutes, is five more minutes for you guys to chicken out on me,” Rhonda waited until Brian stood up before she hugged him, “You’ll be great kiddo.”

Brian blinked and stepped back from her embrace, “Thanks... you hug all your clients?”

“Just the nervous younger ones,” Rhonda said with a shrug, “And big babies.”

Brian laughed lightly, “Great, a funny manager. You and I will get along just fine.”

Rhonda grinned, “That’s great to know. Ok, everybody leave but my Boys and anyone else who will be on stage with them, prayer time!”

“We need more than a prayer,” Howie was uttering, but formed a circle with the others and took AJ and Kevin’s hands.

Brian began the prayer, “Dear God... It has been a while since we’ve had this before the show talk, hasn’t it? Well with your divine guidance and your helpful hands we have made it to this place in our lives once again. I ask you Father, to please guide us, watch over us as you always have with special care as we go on to perform tonight. Please keep our spirits up, calm our nerves, and let us give the best show we can possibly give tonight. Please let our choreography be sharp, let our timing be accurate, and let our harmonies be perfect. We go out there tonight with a clean slate, a new beginning, and please make it count. Thank you Lord for all that you have done for us so far, and all that we know you are about to do.... In Jesus’s name we pray, Amen.”

“Amen,” came the echo.

“Guys... 1 minute,” someone called.

“Here goes nothing,” AJ said giving his stress ball one last squeeze. Kevin took one last sip from his water bottle. Howie gave his knuckles one last crack. Nick gave his inhaler one last puff. Brian gave his cross one last kiss. It was time to go.

“Show time!”

The screams were almost ear-deafening as they step by step took the stage, one by one. Their band was taking their places behind them as they formed a slight arc in the center of the stage.

Don’t look at them, don’t look at them!

...in their underwear, they’re all in their underwear...

The words, I know all the words to the songs.. What song is first? Oh shit! I hope I don’t start it!

Relax...relax... “I want to see you naked!” I knew that sign was for us! Damn, how old is she? Is that her mother next to her?

...everything will be fine... I can do this. It’s not like I sing, anyway.

“Hello New York!” AJ began in a steady voice, he put everything he had into keeping his voice from shaking.

“How are ya’ll doing tonight?” Brian followed AJ.

“It’s been a while,” Howie said, “But Backstreet’s back, and we hope you’re ready... cause we...”

“...we are,” Nick finished for Howie, “Lets start this right...”

The opening chords for Shape Of My Heart started...

Here goes...

Brian’s hand shook as he held the microphone but his voice came out as smooth as silk over the first phrases of the song. His voice was a little quiet at first, but after gaining confidence from the screams and many voices singing along, he grew stronger. By the time they hit the second chorus they knew that they had missed this, and like Lance Bass had said, they wondered why they had ever worried in the first place. Nick hit his solo right on, as strong and loud as ever, and even adding a slight trill in the end.

Then the music mixed into the faster pace of Get Another Boyfriend, and the Boys launched into their new dance routines. Dancers pranced onto the set to join them as the music cued them. It was fun... the shakes had been cured, the jitters had vanished, along with all their fears of the stage. As they looked into the eyes of the audience, they knew where they belonged, as they once had many months ago. Backstreet really was back, and there to stay for as long as time would allow.

Chapter 8

Brian squeezed Nick’s hand back as they sat anxiously back stage awaiting their final curtain call, “Our big finale...”

“Yeah...” Nick nodded, apprehension of their next performance had calmed him down considerably.

“The guards say they’ve already cleared our path,” AJ approached Nick and Brian sitting down Indian style in front of them. He laid his hands on their outer knees, one on Brian’s, the other on Nick’s, “Hey this is gonna be great. No one will ever expect this from us!”

“I know they won’t... Even I’m going to be surprised if I’m able to will my body to do this,” Brian said staring incredulously down at the floor, concentrating on the shiny black material of AJ’s pants.

AJ squeezed Brian’s knee, “I’ll push ya off B, I swear it. If I jump you gotta jump too.”

“You won’t be on his side of the stage,” Nick said thoughtfully. He sighed and leaned his head back on the hard wall behind him.

AJ looked at Nick and gave his knee a tighter squeeze, “Then I’m trusting you to push him, kid. We’ve worked really hard at getting this just right, and we all agreed to this finale. And you’ve worked twice as hard as any of us, Nicky, you deserve this.”

“I deserve to commit suicide? I mean that’s what they call a person doing something that will lead to their death on purpose right?”

AJ raised an eyebrow at him, “Kid, you’ll do fine, just remember to keep moving, and don’t sing so much.”

“I know the drill,” Nick muttered, “Don’t want to faint now do I? Though I’m sure there will be plenty of arms out there waiting to catch me if I do.”

“Nick?” AJ questioned.

“Yeah...”

“I’m seriously gonna have to get the prescription to whatever it is you’re taking, cause I need some.”

“Heaven forbid!” Brian breathed, “One Frack is enough, and he was bad enough without the drugs... you over-the-counter-junkie.” He snickered at his joke, as did AJ, but Nick frowned, his eyes going a little dark.

“Uh-oh,” AJ said glancing at him once, then twice catching the darkening look of recollection in his eyes, “N...Nick, not now. After the show Nick, not now!” AJ removed his hands from their knees as Brian made a 180. He shook Nick forcefully until he blinked, “What?”

“Are you ok?” Brian asked him shakily, almost lost him for a minute, he was almost gone...

“You were about to spazz out again man,” AJ said petting his leg, “What did Brian say that disturbed you, do you remember?”

“I don’t remember being disturbed... I don’t...” Nick looked annoyed, “I wish I did...”

“I said over-the-counter-junkie,” Brian said suddenly, “I didn’t make that up, I heard it. I heard it the night we were... The last concert we put on, that girl we had left out of the Perfect Fan...”

“Yeah, yeah,” AJ was nodding, “I remember it vaguely. Cute girl.”

Nick frowned, “I was on the couch?”

“Yeah,” Brian nodded, “You still feel ok? No flashbacks?”

Nick’s eyes flashed with annoyance, “No!” He sat back with a flustered look on his face, “Why do I always have to have the most problems? God...” He leaned forward, truly troubled, “One of these days I’m gonna remember what happened during one of those attacks. Why is it that I always remember the nightmares, but never the day-mares? Am I that crazy?” He grabbed a handful of his hair and he thought about it and began to tug at the fistful absently, but roughly.

Brian and AJ exchanged a knowing look of concern. Nick’s discomfort with his condition and the self-inflicted pain he tried on himself was well known. AJ calmly stood and gently took Nick’s hand forcing it to release the fistful of hair. He untangled his fingers and brought Nick’s hand back down to his lap, “That is not going to help anything Nick, and you know it.”

“Nothing’s going to help anything with me,” Nick was muttering, “I’m broken beyond repair. I wish the fans could see me now... I bet they wouldn’t scream for me anymore, if they ever found out how much of a nutcase I am. Reporters are ready to eat me alive... they can see it... I just wonder how long it’ll be before the fans see it too.”

Brian and AJ frowned, deeply concerned, “Nicky, self pity is not getting you anywhere. How did you feel earlier, when we were performing?”

“Good.”

“Yeah, can you recall that feeling?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, recall it. Think about how happy you made those people out there, and keep it with you,” Brian said softly, patting Nick’s back reassuringly, “This is fun, Nick... We’re having the best time, now aren’t we? And we’re about to go out there to make the biggest finale, you can’t tell me you aren’t the least bit excited. Keep those feelings with you Nicky, they’ll flush out all the bad. Don’t worry about anything else, just worry about your having a good time, and not tripping over your big feet resulting in you falling and pulling me down with ya!”

Nick’s head whipped to Brian, his face broke into a grin as a slight laugh escaped, it was airy and soft, but it was still a laugh, “I wouldn’t be the one to trip, Brian.”

“Yeah sure Frack, we’ll see about that one,” Brian said musing Nick’s hair, “You guys wanna go find Kev and Howie, I haven’t seen them for awhile.”

AJ nodded, “They’re with Rhonda.”

“No, not Rhonda... she’ll make me drink juice!” Nick was complaining.

“They sent me to look for you,” AJ said suddenly, “Shit, they sent me like 10 minutes ago!”

“Score 10 points for AJ for giving both Kevin and Howie heart attacks, cause I know they’re freaking out cause now all three of us are missing,” Brian said standing, “Lets go find them now.”

“Oh do we have to? I’m not in the mood for grape juice,” Nick was grumbling.

Brian laughed at him, “Get up Frack.”

N’Sync was exiting the stage to ear deafening cries of their names. They had just put out an amazing finale ending with “Bye Bye Bye.” They each grabbed towels as they walked by their bench. Britney was sitting on it waiting for Justin to appear, “Beautiful guys, as always.” She rose to put her arm around Justin.

“Thanks, did you get a chance to watch the whole thing?” Justin asked putting his arm around her as well.

“The last two songs, the fireworks in the end was impressive,” Britney nodded, “Especially with the way Lance was...”

“Hey that was an accident! I could of been caught on fire!” Lance was shaking his head, “I wanna fire whoever set off that explosive when I know they could clearly see my foot was caught and I was standing too close to it!”

“That little jump you did was impressive though.. Especially the way you landed on your feet and rolled around like that...” Britney was snickering.

“Hey Lance, great job man!” Drew Lachey was congratulating Lance and patting him on the back as he laughed and walked on by. He was in full costume, probably getting ready for 98 Degrees’ closing sets that was set to go on after Backstreet’s... in fact, they were next. Shouldn’t they be...?

“...and the next time when I send you to find someone you won’t forget!” Kevin was growling as he toted AJ by the ear.

“Ow-ow-ow!” AJ volunteered, “I like my ear Kev, I’ve kinda gotten used to hearing from both sides of my head!”

“Stop whining AJ, that’s Nick’s job,” Kevin said letting go of AJ’s ear finally and wiping his hand on his black shirt. A group of maybe 10 other people surrounded them, and the other four Backstreet Boys and their manager. Three of those people were swarming the Boys like flies tucking and untucking shirts and applying or smudging stage make up. One of them was trying to talk to them over the on going chaos, he was obviously giving them stage directions.

N’Sync and Britney were quick to move out of their way watching the disorder in utter fascination for they knew this was the same chaos they all went through right before a performance. Watching at an outsider’s vantage point gave them a new perspective to it all, “How the hell do we get anything out that?”

“Ok, reassure me we aren’t going to plunge to our deaths again,” they heard Nick’s voice clearly demanding over the crowd of voices and noises of costumes being adjusted and shoes tapping as dancers worked on last minute in place footing.

“Nick, you will not plunge to your death,” a man’s voice said, “Now will you listen to me? If you feel light-headed at anytime, give us this signal and we’ll know to...”

“Ow! Stitch the pants not my leg!” Brian was crying out.

“Well if you would hold still...”

“Guys pay attention... if you don’t listen to me now, you’ll all plunge to your deaths!”

The degree of silence from all around was amazing, all heads whipped towards the little man with the clip board, “Now that I have your attention...”

“Five minutes!” someone shouted.

“Now see...”

“What, now you don’t have enough time to explain to us how not to plunge to our deaths?”

“You will not plunge to your deaths!”

“But you just said...”

“Forget what I said!”

“Then why should we pay attention to...”

“Three minutes!”

“Three minutes before we plunge to our...”

“Nick shut up!”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Guys, ok, eyes here!” Rhonda was yelling, “Pay attention to Scott, and Scott stop telling them that they’ll plunge to their deaths! I don’t want to hear anyone else saying that!”

Scott, the small man with the clipboard, looked grateful. He took over the conversation at that point explaining the set up of the stage to the Boys.

“Thirty-seconds!”

Only five people approached the curtain, the five Backstreet Boys. They looked tense, but ready, “Break a leg!” Justin called to them and AJ turned to wave before disappearing through the curtain following his brothers.

“Great, even he thinks we’ll plunge to our...”

“Nobody says that phrase!” Rhonda yelled from behind them, “Get your scrawny toosh out there!” Rhonda slapped Nick on the behind and laughed as he jumped and darted out through the curtain.

“They are really doing great, I am really proud of them,” Johnny said as he watched the monitor mounted on the wall of backstage lobby. Rhonda grinned, “It’s not over yet.”

“Big finale planned?”

Rhonda nodded, “Yeah, and I’m just dying to see if the knuckle heads can pull it off,” she chuckled, “I know they can, but they can be so silly at times.”

“Hey Johnny, what time are we loading the bus in the morning?” JC entered the lobby followed by Justin, Lance, and Britney.

“8 am, that means you all had better be up and ready at 7,” Johnny said, he turned back to the TV as an eery beat began to play... The Boys had disappeared from the stage and it had gone dark... except for that black haze that seemed to hoover over the atmosphere. As a fast paced beat began to play the Boys slowly re-materialized their black clothing making it hard to distinguish them.

“We’ve been through days of thunder..” Brian sang.

“And here it is,” Rhonda smirked.

“Here what is?” Britney questioned. She sat down beside Johnny and Rhonda to watch the monitor, “Nice effects, kinda creepy though.”

It was creepy in its effects. The stage stayed dark and a light purple mists filled the stadium, a dark purple light illuminated the stage giving the performers on it an eery appeal and further accenting the haunted sounds of the beat to the song. The audience screamed and cheered, eating it up. The choreography was light and simple, nothing fantastic about that.. What instead was fantastic was the Boys’ interaction with one another. Even Howie joined in on the fun offering high fives and half hugs to the others as they pranced around the area of the stage.

“...I guess there’s something about us. Whatever goes around we’ll always stay the same,” AJ belted as Kevin joined him and shoved him playfully, grinning at him wickedly as he jogged off.

“They look like they’re having fun,” Lance commented, “I would have been having fun when we were on stage if those idiots wouldn’t have tried to barbeque me!”

Johnny chuckled.

“It wasn’t funny!” Lance snapped, “I felt the heat!”

“And that’s about the only time Lance will feel heat...” Justin was muttering.

“I hope you don’t think you’re whispering Justin! Because I can hear you just fine!” Lance was saying sharply.

“Ok, ok, everybody watch!” Rhonda suddenly shrieked.

The Boys had created a ring in the middle of stage as if they were praying, “Now we’re minutes away... til it’s time to play...” The ring broke and they began to travel in small group to various sides of the stage. Brian and Nick veering more towards the left, AJ, Howie, and Kevin veered right, “Our heartbeats are rising, they’re letting you in. It’s time for the show to begin...”

The loud wail of an ambulance siren sounded, and Rhonda saw Brian gulp, and then...then...

“Good Lord what are they doing? They’re about to commit suicide!”

They jumped... right off the stage that was a good 10 ft from the ground.

“The Backstreet Boys just committed suicide! They just... just plunged to their deaths!” Anxious faces gazed at the monitor awaiting to see the Boys’ fate. Screams, screams louder than any that had been heard before erupted from the audience, the fans sounded hysterical. Why? They were in the audience. As the camera panned and moved to follow the dare devil performers, the viewers of the monitor could see the areas on the floor that had been especially cleared to form a path for two small platforms on wheels to follow. A security guard pulled the platform with a moped that he drove a moderately quick pace around the arena as the Boys on back shook hands, blew kisses, gave greetings, and caught prizes from their fans.

“That takes guts... those fans look ready to rip down those ropes... look at that!”

“Was that a box of macaroni?”

“Damn, they just had to show us up huh?” JC was saying absently watching as the two platforms crossed each other paths and they Boys exchanged greetings as they whizzed by each other.

“.....Everyone, we’re standing strong cause of what you’ve done...” the identical platforms hit the opposite sides of the stage at the same time, rising up so the Boys could hop back onto the stage. They sprinted to meet in the center and to sing the last words, “And this one goes out to you!”

“We did it! We did it!” the screams were still deafening as Nick, Brian, AJ, Kevin, and Howie came back in. AJ was off the walls with his energy, he jumped on Kevin’s back and tousled his hair while he was riding. Then he jumped off and jumped in between Nick and Brian who were grinning ear to ear, and walking a little slower on the account of Nick still trying to catch his breath. Howie walked next to Kevin both relaying their excited chatter to each other, plans for what they would do on the platforms for the next show were already taking shape.

“Hey guys.. Great show,” Monica Arnold had sauntered up to them.

“Thank you,” Howie said smiling at someone genuinely.

Monica smiled right back, and walked on to find her manager.

“Hey, Backstreet, you guys are just perfect...” Jessica Simpson appeared fully decked out in her stage costume.

“Um thanks...”

“Yeah, jumping off the stage and all... I go after you! Now they’ll expect me to jump off the stage too!” She was kidding, but she looked so pitiful AJ laughed, “Well, the floor’s still cleared off, and we can call down and ask security to get you a little moped. You could do it.”

Jessica’s eyes grew to the size of half dollars, “You’re nuts! Great show guys!” She walked on, eyes still rather large.

“You were wonderful,” Rhonda was hugging them each separately, “And no one plunged to their deaths.”

“I almost did,” Nick said, “Brian tripped me..”

“Oh I did not. You’re just clumsy!” Brian argued, “I landed perfectly..”

“With one leg sticking straight out to the side..”

“So I lost my balance...”

“You tripped me!”

“Guys, cool it,” Kevin said, “No one fell.”

“That’s right,” Rhonda said with a smile, “And guys, it’s over for tonight. You all did what you tried to convince yourselves you couldn’t... and you’ve all proven yourselves to your fans and your peers again. Guys you were amazing tonight, and tomorrow... tomorrow we’re going to get on that bus, and we’re going to show everyone else that you can be equally amazing if not more all over again.”

The laughter from the Boys died, and they were quiet. No words were spoken, they simply gazed at Rhonda, their looks clearly stating, well you sure know how to kill a moment.

“We’re going to get through this,” Rhonda said to herself confidently as she turned away from her clients who were heading for their dressing rooms. She walked into the small lounge to purchase herself a soda, “We will...” She let out a sigh and let her head rest against the cool machine. The thrum of power running though the belly of the machine relaxing her as she fell into an almost meditative state, “God be with us...”

Chapter 9

Fourty-three degrees... Kevin shivered and held Nick’s body closer to him for warmth, and restraint. The four large cargo compartments of the bus were open and empty. Anything that may have been originally inside the compartments was placed neatly outside on the ground. Nick, Kevin, Howie, Brian, and AJ watched as their bus was professionally taken apart by their security. Everything was brought out for the Boys to examine, then set on the ground to where they could keep their eyes on it.

“That’s it guys,” Rhonda placed her hands on AJ and Brian’s shoulders, “That’s the whole bus. Do you want to watch them reload it?”

Five large pairs of eyes peered back at her, and she sighed, “Ok guys, reload the bus, do it slowly so we can watch.”

The whole process in total took almost two hours. Rhonda had planned well ahead for the bus predicament and had woken the Boys and had security ready at 4:00 am, just for the sole purpose of loading the bus. She wanted them to see that no masked men waiting to kidnap them again were hiding on the bus. She was more than grateful to the security and understanding bodyguards for being so wonderful about the situation. This was two extra hours that they could have been asleep, but they seemed not to mind.

“OK, now it’s all ready, and it’s only 6. We don’t have to leave until 7, you boys want to try and get on? See what it’s like?”

Frowns were passed around.

“Guys, we’ve worked ourselves up to this step. Now you all clearly saw that no one that is not supposed to be on that bus is on there. You’re completely safe. Now all you have to do is get on the bus. No one is there to hurt you,” Rhonda hoped her voice was soothing, because what she was feeling inside was anything but... She was nervous.. If she couldn’t get them on the bus, she didn’t know what to do next. They had to get to the next venue, and they could not just keep taking airplanes.

“Can we... can’t we wait a little bit.. Maybe watch the bus, make sure no one’s gonna come running up?” Brian asked biting his nails and shooting nervous glances at the large black tour bus.

The others were beginning to nod and agree with him, “Brian, honey, how long is a little bit? If we wait out here any longer we’ll all be popsicles, and I’m afraid you’ll never build up the courage to step on that bus. The longer we wait the more time...”

“We have to chicken out...” they chorused along with her.

“Fine... so who’s going on first?” AJ cast his eyes around at his brothers who in turn looked around as well.

“Why don’t you all get on at the same time?” Rhonda suggested.

“We can do that.. But somebody’s still gotta be first in line and step on it first,” AJ said, “I nominate... Howie.”

“What? You can’t nominate me!” Howie argued.

“Well I couldn’t nominate myself!” AJ exclaimed.

“Well I nominate you!” Howie shoved AJ back a step and AJ flushed. He shoved Howie back, and Howie prepared to hit him. Kevin put himself between them, “Stop it you two.”

“Maybe we should pull straws?” Brian said scratching his head.

“Wonderful,” Nick said suddenly looking perky, “I’ll go and get them. If I take too long you guys can go ahead and feel free to board the bus without me.” Nick turned to run but Brian grabbed him by the collar, “Not so fast Frack.” Nick was jerked back and he stared at Brian, “You just attempted to choke me!”

“I did not!” Brian countered, “I just grabbed your shirt so you couldn’t run away, you turkey!”

Nick scowled at him, “I’m cold, I wanna go inside!”

“Damn it!” Howie yelled at him, “Do you think you’re the only one that’s freezing his ass off out here? Now somebody’s gotta get on that bus and then maybe Rhonda,” Howie said her name nastily, “might let us go back inside before we all catch pneumonia!”

“Well, Howie, I do believe you just volunteered your damn self!” AJ wanted to push Howie again, images of him falling down and hitting the pavement made him smile. AJ instead grabbed Howie by the shoulders roughly and began to propel him towards the bus. Howie let out a squeal of surprise and then rage. He fought AJ as AJ manhandled him to the bus door.

“AJ! STOP!” Kevin, Rhonda, and Brian were all yelling things in this manner and chasing after the two. “OW DAMMIT!” AJ threw Howie aside and clutched at his arm, “You bit me!”

“You asshole!” Howie charged AJ rammed him into the side of the bus, “I should KILL you!”

Kevin tried to grab Howie from behind but Howie whirled around pummeling Kevin in the stomach. Kevin let out a low grunt and clutched his stomach. Brian stopped his charge for Howie and instead knelt down beside his cousin, who looked green and was doubled over in his pain. Howie’s eyes were wild and dark as he squared off with AJ and Rhonda, “You messed up McLean..”

“No, you’re messed up!” AJ yelled throwing his fist at Howie and roaring as Howie dodged his fist and tried to throw one of his own, “Boys stop this!” Rhonda was yelling. Bodyguards jumped into it, pulling AJ and Howie apart and holding them back from each other.

“Oh my God Howie, have you lost your mind?” Brian was yelling in Howie’s face.

“Brian, shut up,” Rhonda said in a cool voice, “Everyone calm down ok. Just cool off, breathe, and calm down...”

There was a few minutes of silence... that faded at the sounds of Kevin throwing up,“Shit. Dammit Howie...” Brian was muttering rubbing his cousin’s back, “Are you happy now?”

“The only thing that will make me happy is be off this Godforsaken planet!” Howie’s voice broke as he screamed this. The sounds of his crying sent chills through Brian’s body. A bodyguard held Howie tighter as he fought to free himself for another moment. He went still, as did everyone. Rhonda stood in the center of the mess looking absolutely lost.. This had fallen apart... The situation was out of control. Management was wrong, they had been wrong, the Backstreet Boys were not ready for this... And now, because of being forced into touring too early, there might not be a Backstreet Boys. Rhonda shuddered and all at once a thought hit her, “Where’s Nick?”

Four heads jerked in her direction. Kevin straightened up, Howie actually raised his head, and AJ made his bodyguard release him. “Oh God...”

“Nick?” Brian called.

“Nicky?”

“Here,” came Nick’s steady voice... from... from the bus. He stuck his head out of a window. “I said I was cold, and I’ll be damned if I was gonna stay out there and freeze my ass off.”

There was silence again.. But this time it wasn’t a horrid hateful silence, where one just did not know what to do next... This time it was... There was a giggle... in fact a lot of giggling. It came not only from Rhonda, but from the bodyguards, security and some of the Boys, minus Howie and Nick. It broke into uproarious laughter as they stared at Nick’s look of confusion, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing Nicky... nothing,” Nick pulled his head from the window to turn around and see AJ behind him, “Cool new bus, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a lot bigger than our older ones,” Nick said, “and I’ve already chosen my bunk.”

“As always Frack always gets first pick,” Brian said with a smile, “Kev?” he nodded towards the bus. Kevin rubbed his sore middle, “Yeah... in a minute.” He swallowed hard and walked to where Howie was still standing, still in the grip of his bodyguard, “Howie?”

Howie stared at Kevin, his face pale and smudged with tears. His long hair was wild around his face and his eyes were red and bleary. Howie finally bit his lip and nodded in agreement. His bodyguard let him go and he joined Kevin and Brian. One by one they boarded the bus and began to decide who would get the left over bunks.

“It’s too early for you to be talking...” Britney was grumbling to Justin as they walked out of the hotel to board a bus. They figured they could ride together and just trade off when it was time to sleep. Britney did not want to be trapped on a bus full of nasty boys, and Justin certainly did not want to be trapped on a bus full of crazy girls... or at least that’s what he told Britney. Britney would be sharing a bus with Monica, Samantha Mumba, and Jessica Simpson.

“You’re such a morning person Brit!” Justin wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s shoulders, then stopped, “Damn... Looks like the Backstreet Boys are ready to go.”

“What time did they get up?” Britney questioned, “All their stuff is packed...”

Justin shrugged, “I wonder if they had any problems getting on the bus.”

Britney yawned, “I’m having problems getting on the bus. I wanna get back in that bed.”

“I wanna get back in that bed too,” Justin said naughtily, making Britney smack him on the head, “Just for that comment...”

“Aaww.. Brit, come on I was playing around...” Britney was walking away from him, “Britney! Damn! Women!”

“Isn’t it a little early for her to already be mad at you?” JC appeared next to Justin, “Come on Timberlake, lets get this show on the road.”

Chapter 10

“Anybody tired?” Kevin asked. His head was bobbing up and down and he jerked himself from sleep. To sleep, would mean to get in the bunks. He was now ready for the bus, and had proved that by getting on, but he still dreaded getting in the bunks. He spied AJ, Brian, and Nick, who were intent on staring at the television, trying not to show any signs of fatigue. He didn’t want to look at Howie. Though he had been forgiven enough to get on a bus with him, Kevin’s sour stomach still reminded him of what Howie had done. Sour D... he snickered to himself, “Guys, come on...”

“No one here’s sleepy Kev,” Brian said glancing from the TV to his cousin.

“Guys, we have to get up at 8 tomorrow,” Kevin begged.

“Your point being?” AJ was now glancing at Kevin.

Kevin frowned, ok, he had been reduced to whining, “Guys I’m tired, and I don’t wanna get in the bunks by myself.”

Nick, Brian, and AJ broke out laughing, rolling all over one another as they yucked it up at Kevin’s expense. Kevin sat frowning at them and glaring, “Forget it...” Kevin got up slowly and one foot at a time headed for the bunk area alone.

“Didja do it, Frick?” Nick shot an undercover look to Brian, which was intercepted by AJ.

“Oh no...What did you guys do?” AJ looked a little exasperated.

Nick blinked, “AJ, I was talking to Brian... When your name becomes...” AJ grabbed Nick in a headlock and trapped him under his armpit, “Alright Riff, tell me what you’ve done or Raff here gets it.”

“AJ, stop it,” Brian said simply, he laughed and attempted to pry AJ’s arms from Nick’s neck.. And found it to be quite challenging.

“Brian, I don’t think he’s playing!” Nick squeaked as AJ tightened his hold.

“AJ let him go, you’re gonna hurt him!” Brian was trying to tickle AJ to get him to release Nick.

“Back off Brian and do my bidding or I’ll make him smell my pits!”

“Aaaaah!” Nick shrieked in horror, “We put paper macae pop out snakes under Kevin’s pillow...”

“Nick!” Brian groaned smacking his forehead with his hand, just as “AAAAAAH!” was heard from the bunk area. AJ released Nick, and Nick rolled away from him panting, “You creep!”

“Hey, I may be a creep but I ain’t a stupid creep. When Kevin kills you two for tampering with his bunk, I’ll be standing on the sidelines,” AJ vacated the couch and entered the small kitchenette where he had stationed his precious cookbooks.

“NICK! BRIAN!”

“Suddenly I’m having seconds thoughts about this whole prank,” Brian gulped, “Nick.. Nick?” Nick was nowhere to be seen.

“Brian...” Kevin was in the doorway of the bunk area, “Who did it?” He held a decapitated paper macae snake in his fist. He held it out to Brian as he came closer shaking the snake angrily, “Nick, GET OUT HERE!”

Kevin stalked to the other side of the couch and bent over. He reached under it gently then roughly yanked out what was under it with a growl. Nick cried out, “I’m sorry I’m sorry Kev! It was all Brian! He did it! He did it!”

Brian gasped as Kevin whirled around to him, but only after he grabbed Nick off the floor under his belly and had him firmly tucked under his arm. “No, it’s not like that cuz. I’d never do a thing like that! It was Nick, it was all his idea, and he made me!”

“He’s lying Kev!” Nick was wailing under Kevin’s arm, “You shut up! Both of you!” Kevin threw Nick onto the couch. Brian shot Nick the finger and Nick sneered back at him, “That prank was uncool guys.. You know I was afraid... afraid to go back there.”

“We just wanted to loosen up the situation,” Nick said softly, looking up through his hair, trying to appear innocent.

“Yeah, I mean, you should be glad that we’re dealing with this whole thing so well,” Brian said, with an apologetic smile praying desperately that he wasn’t trying his luck. Kevin stared at them for the longest time, the expression on his face not angry, but still unreadable. Finally he smiled, and shook his head, “I’m gonna kill you two before this tour is over, I just know it.” He tossed the snake onto Brian’s lap and walked back into the bunk area chuckling.

Brian and Nick turned to look at each other and let out sighs of relief, “Man.. I thought we were dead.”

“Yeah...” then Brian play punched Nick, “I can’t believe you were such a sell-out.”

“He could have broken me in half. You know I’m brittle Brian!” Nick said holding out a scrawny arm, “Look at this... I look like a damn stork. One snap is all it would take!”

Brian grinned maliciously, “Oh really?”

“Yeah.... er no!” Nick changed his mind on his answer when he caught sight of the evil look on Brian’s face, “Brian, leave me alone!” He scrambled off of the couch and jumped behind the chair Howie was sitting in calmly trying to read his novel. So far he had been able to ignore positively everything in the room happening around him.

Brian was circling, coming to the chair. Nick watched his every calculated move, “Would you guys kindly go somewhere else and play?” Howie grumbled loudly slapping his book down on his knees and glaring up at Brian.

Brian frowned, “Tell Nick to move.. I’ll follow.”

Howie rolled his eyes, “Nick, did you take that Serevent earlier like I asked you to?”

“If I say ‘I forgot’ will you yell at me?” Nick answered.

Howie groaned, “Nick that was for your own good! If you have problems tonight don’t wake me!”

“I wouldn’t wake you up anyway Sour D.. You’d be even...”

“NICK IF YOU DON’T STOP CALLING ME SOUR ‘D’ I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!” Howie shouted hurling his novel onto the couch. He stood up in a flash and stormed into the kitchen. Brian looked at Nick, “Nick... you know you really shouldn’t upset Howie like that. One of these days that big vein in his forehead is gonna pop while he’s yelling at you.”

Nick blinked, then snickered, “I’m gonna tell him what you said.”

“Nick don’t you dare...” Nick was skipping into the kitchenette where Howie currently was at, “Nick! Damn...”

The buses and Rhonda’s van stopped at the next hotel at around 9 the next morning. Rhonda was putting the finishing touches on her make up. She gazed at her reflection looking satisfied. Her van was more of an RV with a small bed, mini bathroom, a tiny kitchenette, and a small table with two built in bench chairs. She had sat for almost an hour staring at her reflection and styling her hair in front of a small portable vanity mirror. It was all she could do to restrain herself from calling their bus. She had called around 5 o’clock the previous evening, and they had sounded OK. She frowned, anyone could sound OK. As soon as she felt the van come to a halt, she jumped up, ready to run to the Backstreet bus and salvage what may be left of them. She had wanted to stay with them that night, but they didn’t want it. She knew it had something to do with their other manager. Max Silverstein. Rhonda had only met the man once, and to be honest, he didn’t impress her, but he also did not deserve to die. No one deserved to die in the manner of which Max Silverstein had been killed and tossed aside like garbage. She shuddered, it could just as easily have been her. She could have been their manager then. She wondered how Johnny Wright and his ex-wife had felt. Either one of them could have been the one on that bus that terrible night. She exited her van the sunlight assaulting her eyes.

“Morning Rhonda!” Johnny Wright was climbing off his bus, Chris Kirkpatrick and his bodyguard followed.

“Morning Johnny!” Rhonda smiled and waved and turned her head to the bus in front of her van. She rubbed her chilly arms and made her way to the door. She knocked on the bus double doors lightly and almost jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, “Oh!”

“Nervous about this?” Johnny asked her smiling tightly.

Rhonda nodded, “You missed what happened yesterday morning when I tried to get them on the bus.” She backed up a bit as the bus double doors opened and the driver greeted her. She stepped onto the bus slowly, Johnny following her. She expected to see five very scared individuals sitting around their common area, very tired cause they hadn’t slept a wink. What she saw instead was three individuals, two on the couch covered in green confetti, and one sprawled on the floor surrounded by lines of dried silly string. Soft snores came from the blond one who lie draped over his partner in crime or in this case grime!

Rhonda stared from them to the mess surrounding them.

“Look at this,” Johnny’s mouth hung agape, “What did they do?”

Just then Kevin came from the bunk area scratching his head and yawning, only fully coming awake when his foot crunched down on something. His nose wrinkled and he inspected the Frito Lay he had crunched. “Good morning Kevin, I trust you Boys all had fun last night,” Rhonda spoke incredulously. Kevin blinked and stared at her, shaking the sleep fog from his mind, “Rhonda? Johnny? What the hell happened to the...?” He noticed the three bodies littering the common area, “I had nothing to do with this. I swear I was asleep when Riff, Raff, and Bone destroyed our bus.”

Rhonda shook her head and chuckled, “So last night wasn’t too bad for you guys?” She moved to start trying to pick up around the sleeping individuals. Johnny simply groaned, “Don’t bother with that Rhonda, knowing these guys they’ll ransack it again by tomorrow night. It looks like we had nothing to be worried about after all.” Johnny patted Kevin on the shoulder as he walked by to take in the full extent of the younger members of his groups’ damage.

“You worried Johnny?” Kevin shot a look at his old manager.

“Of course I did,” Johnny said blinking back a little hurt, “I’ve known you Boys since Nick was barely 13...”

Kevin stared at Johnny, realizing his words may have sounded a little harsh, “That’s not what I meant Johnny. I’m sorry.”

Johnny nodded and sighed, “Well...It looks like you’re all fine. Where’s Howie?”

“In his bunk snoring,” Kevin rolled his eyes, “Thanks for checking on us Johnny.”

“No problem,” Johnny smiled a little before backing towards the door and exiting the bus.

“I think I hurt his feelings,” Kevin said softly, looking a little guilty. He turned to Rhonda who was gathering up pretzels and fritos and placing them back inside a large clear bowl that had probably once contained them.

“He shouldn’t have come in here anyway,” Rhonda said eyeing the foreign substance in front of her, “Kevin, just what did the kids do while you were sleeping?”

“The kids?” Kevin chuckled, “I don’t know. After the popping paper snakes I gave up and went to bed and pulled my pillow over my head tighter at any screams from their compartments.”

“Popping snakes?” Rhonda questioned looking amused.

“Nick and Brian rigged a bouquet of paper snakes under my pillow, and when I picked it up, BOOM!” Kevin relayed, “It scared the hell out of me, but it was kinda funny. What do you mean Johnny didn’t belong here?”

Rhonda set down the half full bowl, “Well ever since we got on the plane it’s like he’s been trying to take over my job. He used to be your manager, but he’s acting like he still is! I mean I understand him being worried about you and all, but he’s trying to do my job! I have a feeling if I had been five minutes later getting out of my van, he would have been in here waking you all up and cleaning. I mean, does he not think I can do a good job?”

Kevin frowned at her, “Johnny’s always been take charge. When he was our manager we never had room to breathe, he was always there. I think...well he told me the other day on the plane that he kept up with the..the kidnaping. I know he was scared... He did practically raise us on the road, and I think he’s feeling a little guilty for not being there for us. I mean, we parted company on bad terms a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear about that, but if he steps in and interrupts me one more time I may have to...”

“Rhonda!” Kevin exclaimed with a wide smile, “Are you jealous?”

“No,” Rhonda said curtly she tossed her head of red curls and shook AJ’s still form on the floor, “Wake up Sleeping beauty!” AJ stirred and rolled over into the couch striking his nose and crying out. He sat up rubbing his nose, “Huh? I was with Cindy Crawford... I love that dream.”

“Wake up,” Rhonda was rousing Nick and Brian on the couch, “What did you boys do to this bus last night?”

“Nick and Brian did it,” AJ was groaning standing up and stretching his aching joints, “I was only defending myself.”

“Mm...” Nick was waking up, he licked his lips, “Chocolate syrup?”

“Howie’s hair spray,” Brian corrected Nick, he ran his hands through his stiff hair getting his fingers stuck in his fair curls, he removed his hands, “Honey?”

“Nope, Karo syrup,” AJ corrected. He touched his goatee, “Dried silly string?”

“Toothpaste,” Nick volunteered.

“Oh my,” Rhonda sighed, “Do I even want you guys to answer my question of what happened last night?”

“Probably not,” they all said.

“Man we really trashed this place!” Nick announced looking around.

“This will not happen again,” Kevin said, “You guys... I’m happy we all solved our bus anxiety, but did you have to solve it with... destruction?”

They nodded honestly.

“Well at least it is out of your systems now,” Rhonda concluded, she folded her arms over her chest, “Got that, it’s out. I don’t want to come on this bus again to another mess like this.”

“Yes Mom,” Nick said. He grinned as she ruffled his hair roughly and stopped as a sticky substance filled her hand, “Ok, good. Now first thing’s first. We are going into the hotel, checking into our rooms... and getting cleaned up, now.”

“Who’s gonna wake Sour D?”

“I’ll wake him,” Rhonda said, “You guys go find your bodyguards, they should be waiting in front of the bus for you.”

“Been nice knowin’ ya Rhonda,” AJ saluted her and he, Brian, Nick, and Kevin went to collect their duffel bags containing a change of clothes and wash up materials and trooped off the bus single file.

“Huh?” Rhonda looked confused, then she looked back into the darkened bunk area that undoubtedly contained Howie, “Oh....” her shoulders slumped, “Out of the fryer, and straight into hell.” With that she ventured into the bunk area to meet her horrible fate, Sour D in morning mode.

Chapter 11

“..and welcome to MTV, we are here interviewing Jessica Simpson and Monica,” John Norris sat with the two young women in the seating area of the large coliseum they would be playing later that evening, “So how has the road been treating you? Are you remembering how much you love touring or how much ya hated it?”

“Love it,” Jessica said with a smile.

“I’m enjoying touring, especially this tour. I’ve met so many interesting people on tour this time around,” Monica said, emphasizing the word ‘interesting’ her eyes growing large as she said it.

All three laughed at her choice of words and expression, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Well, we’re in unusual living arrangements most of the time and sometimes it can be...challenging.. There are just too many boys and not enough girls on this tour!” Monica said shaking her head, “There was a bathroom fight this morning.”

“A bathroom fight? You don’t all get your own bathrooms?”

“Well see we had all came straight off the bus today. And there was a community bathroom designated for boys and girls and the boys decided to use up all the hot water before we could get to it!”

“So... we kinda borrowed their towels. We needed the extra cloth to help warm us up after taking those freezing showers this morning. I mean it was only fair,” Monica said with a nod, Jessica nodded along, they both looked to John. Their looks letting him know that he had better agree with them if he knew what was good for him.

“So, who would you say your favorite person on tour is?” John Norris was now sitting in front of Britney Spear and Samantha Mumba.

“Um.. Justin,” Britney said with a little smile.

“Aaaw..” both John and Samantha cooed, “How about you Samantha?”

“Um... well I’d have to say AJ McLean... Nothing gets betta’ than a man that knows his way around the kitchen,” Samantha ended with a giggle and she and Britney slapped hands in a gesture of agreement.

“I was trying to convince AJ to teach Justin how to cook for me,” Britney sighed, “You haven’t had a raspberry truffle until you have that man make it for you. Justin I love ya, but you got some competition baby.” Britney leaned in to the camera.

“Man I hate AJ McLean! Now all the girls think we’re supposed to cook ‘er’ something!” Drew Lachey was complaining, grinning to let the camera and John Norris know he was kidding, and his group mates agreed.

“AJ McLean,” the members of N’Sync chorused, “I hate that guy,” Justin mumbled.

“Now AJ, we’ve heard quite the complaints from some of the other guys about your culinary achievements,” John Norris was nodding to AJ who broke into a wide grin, he chuckled.

“What? Who complained? As long as there’s enough pastries and souffles for me to eat I’m cool,” Kevin stretched his legs out on the wooden stage. They were all sitting in the center of the large performance stage. The camera panned from AJ to Kevin.

“It’s better than home cooking. Leighanne can burn water!” Brian snickered pointing at the camera, “I love you honey!”

“Brian, lets not get into the things you can burn, ok,” AJ said, “Let me tell our MTV viewers about cooking class...”

“Lets not!”

“My favorite person would have to be Nick Carter,” Monica smiled, “He’s such a big kid. It’s adorable.”

“Yes, but all those pranks he plays are not!” Jessica was rolling her eyes.

“Pranks?” John clued in.

“Oh yeah.. Let me tell you...”

“I was watching the TV... It was the only one we had backstage and I try to change the channels and the remote doesn’t work right?” Lance Bass was relating, “So I have to get up and change the channel and when I reach over to turn the knob there’s freakin’ peanut butter all over the thing! It almost ruined my costume! That jerk removed the batteries from the remote and slathered the TV with peanut butter!” He stopped to glare as his beloved N’Sync brothers were howling laughing at him.

“John, anyone could have seen that hulking blob of peanut butter on the button, if your dumb ass would have looked first...!”

“Hey Joey, no cursing on TV, damn it!” Chris butted in, eyes widened in mock horror.

“Oh Nick Carter... God,” Britney was making a fist, but she was fighting not to laugh, “That creep put baby oil in my foundation!”

Samantha snickered, “‘Er skin neva’ looked so smooth.”

“Well Justin liked it! But what about when he put that fake lizard in your breakfast doughnut, she threw a fit!”

“I did not, just almost ate the thing,” Samantha was trying to maintain her dignity, “I could ‘ave choked on it! I was afraid for my very life!”

“She screamed like a girl.”

“Worst prank... Nick Carter,” Jeff Timmons was nodding, “Man, I only wanted a piece of gum for crying out loud. Never ask the boy for gum!”

“Or anything else for that matter,” Justin Jeffreys muttered, “I made the mistake of trusting him to refill my soda when we stopped at Taco Bell.”

“Ooh that was a smart one!” Nick and Drew Lachey popped Justin over his newly darkened hair, “Justin’s eyes bugged out like golf balls his drink was so sour!”

“It was actually good after the second sip,” Justin decided, “But I wouldn’t ask him to refill it again.”

“Best tour story? Oh man, the time me and Brian cut the power in the girls’ dressing room and they were all running around screaming,” Nick was laughing, “It was near the middle of the show during a costume change and I think Monica and Samantha were caught in there!”

“Them running out in their bras just made my day,” AJ was smirking and giving Nick five.

“Brian and Nick getting a beat down later was my best tour story,” Kevin supplied, “Those girls tore them up!”

“Never mess with girls in their dressing rooms,” Brian agreed shuddering as he remembered his flogging by the two angry women. He made a face into the camera.

“Best story?” Jessica stared at John, “I’d have to say the night me and Nick snuck out of the hotel and just went to the movies... had a normal evening out. It was so much fun.”

Monica was rolling her eyes, “I bet it wasn’t fun when yall came back in and your managers were sitting up in the lobby waiting for you.”

“I wonder who told?” Jessica pressed.

“It wasn’t me.”

“Man my best story is when I got back at Jessica Simpson for pouring ice down my shirt,” Justin Timberlake was recalling his story shaking his head, “I called and tipped her manager off about this date she and Nick Lachey had went off on...”

“That was you!” JC exclaimed, “Oh my God, they got in so much trouble! They’re going to kill you.”

“No they won’t, they’ll never.. Oh shit. Was that thing taping?”Justin looked dumbfounded.

“You dumbass!” Chris was laughing so hard he couldn’t sit up straight, he bowled over onto the stage.

“Chris! No cursing on TV damn it!” Lance hissed, then smiled at the camera, “Jessica, you wanna kill Justin I’ll let you know right now I don’t have his back, I’ll watch.”

“Most unbelievable thing I saw?” Drew Lachey’s light brown eyes went wide, “Um... Ah, Britney Spears in the buff!”

“You saw her?!!” his three group mates whipped their heads at him in disbelief.

“Well, after they stole our towels this morning, I snuck in their shower room to get mine back.. It has sentimental value...”

“Oh man, I bet Justin doesn’t know,” Nick Lachey pet his little brother’s head.

“I hope not.”

“Drew Lachey saw Britney naked and I had to hold Justin back from bursting into his dressing room and killing him dead, “ AJ recounted, “It was so funny!”

“Is that what was going on? I thought Justin was choking and you were giving him the heimlich maneuver. His face was awfully red,” Brian was rubbed his face trying to relax his poor face muscles that were exhausted from laughing so much.

“How’d he find out?”

“Sspph.. Like Drew was gonna keep that to himself,” Nick grinned winking at the camera.

“For some reason I don’t think any of us will be talking to each other after we sit down and watch this interview all together on MTV tomorrow,” Howie said, speaking up for the first time, causing John and his group members to look at him in surprise.

“The honorable Howie D has spoken,” John chuckled.

“Most unbelievable thing I saw?” JC Chasez rubbed his chin in deep thought, “Hmmm... Oh! Oh! Ok, we were cruising down this highway going like 70 or 80 on the buses right, and we’re all bored as hell. It was terrible, the TV was on the fritz, and we were all getting on each others nerves. Well the guys were starting to bicker amongst one another and I decide to open our blinds and take a peak out the window right?”

“Oh are you talking about...?” Joey was interrupting smiling brightly.

“Yeah, let me finish.... Well I open the blinds and I’m staring at another tour bus, right? I was just about to close the blinds again when the window on that other bus flies open, I mean window up not just opening blinds. And I see like all the Backstreet Boys.. Well like AJ, Brian, and Kevin, and they are all going at it yelling at each other...”

“Yeah,” Joey butted in ignoring JC’s glare, “So then JC calls us all over and we’re all looking...”

“I mean we were all just arguing a minute ago, but watching someone else fight is more entertaining,” Lance said.

“Hey, this was my question guys!” JC was trying to take back over his story, “Well anyway the others came over and we watched these guys just arguing for about 5 minutes and then all of a sudden AJ’s gone from sight for like 10 seconds. Then he’s back right, and he’s got Nick in his arms in some impossible position and Nick is kicking and yelling, and he...”

“He throws him out the window!”

“What?” John had been rather bored with their story until that part, “He what?”

“Well he didn’t actually throw him, he just kinda put him out, but he held on,” Justin was clarifying, “He really was out there though. He was like halfway out.”

“Yeah then the other guys finally caught on, I guess, cause next thing I know they were all behind AJ pulling Nick back in. And you could see them all beginning to fuss at AJ again and Kevin shut the window back,” Chris said, like it was the most unfair thing in the world.

“That’s brotherly love for ya,” John commented.

“That was so cool,” Nick was saying running his hands through his hair, “I felt like I was flying!”

“Yeah, then you hit your head on the side of the window,” Brian said ruffling his hair, “That was so messed up. One minute I was yelling at Kevin the next I’m seeing AJ at the window and Nick’s legs dangling.”

“I went out head first!” Nick said.

“AJ, why did you put Nick out the window?” John asking the question more for himself than for the sake of the interview, he was rather curious as to how this conspired.

“Well I warned him several times...” AJ grumbled.

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” Nick said tossing a piece of rolled up tape at AJ.

“Ok, ok... here’s how it all went down...”

Kevin sighed contentedly. A nice quiet afternoon, last time he checked the infamous Frick and Frack were asleep in their bunks, Howie sat on the other side of the room reading, nothing new there. Kevin wondered just what he read everyday because whenever he looked at Howie he always seemed to be in the same place in the thick book he always had opened. Kevin came to the conclusion that Howie was starting a new book everyday. There was soft puttering in the kitchen as AJ was washing the dishes he had soiled making them lunch. He’d made some French soup, and Kevin was sorry that there were no left overs. He was partly to blame for it he knew, he and Brian had sat around the soup pot cleaning out every last drop that had been spared. Kevin devilishly remembered the bowl of soup AJ had tucked away in the fridge for Rhonda.. Midnight snack, maybe. He walked to the small video cabinet and dug out the tape of his most recent western movie that he hadn’t watched. He had taped it weeks before he had left on tour and had neglected to watch it. He popped the tape inside the VCR and sank back on the couch, grimacing as he felt something crunch beneath him... Brian and Nick and their messes! He pressed play on the VCR remote and turned on the television. He smiled as he saw the opening credits begin to play. He had really been looking forward to watching.. What the hell? Was the tape jumping? Impossible, it had been a brand new tape when Kevin had... Cooking with Erma? “AJ!!!”

He heard dishes clattering and Howie jumped and nearly tossed his book into the air.

“AJ!!” Kevin was in a rage, he couldn’t think clearly.. If he would have been thinking he would have called for AJ more quietly, for his screams awoke Riff and Raff. So not only did AJ come into the common area with a “What-the-hell?” expression on his face, so did Nick and Brian.

“Did you tape Cooking with Erma over Gunsmoke at Dusk 2?” Kevin could feel his temperature rising, who else would tape Cooking with Erma but AJ?!

“Gun Smoke at Dusk.. What the hell is that..? Oh hey this is the one where Erma teaches how to make the perfect bunt cake,” AJ was watching the screen that was now beginning to blur again.

“AJ didn’t you even check the tape to see if something else was on it first?” Kevin was grumbling.

“Well you should have labeled it.. What’s happening to Cooking with Erma? Nightmare on Elm Street?”

“Oh yeah,” Nick and Brian watching the screen, “I forgot. We taped the Nightmare On Elm Street Marathon the other night. We had so much work to do that we...”

“YOU TAPED OVER COOKING WITH ERMA!” AJ exploded at Nick and Brian.

“YOU TAPED OVER GUN SMOKE!!” Kevin yelled at AJ.

“WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP IT’S JUST A STUPID TAPE!” Howie yelled from his chair.

“GO AWAY SOUR D!”

“THAT’S IT!” Howie shrieked. Before they knew it the Backstreet Boys were in a full blown fight, name calling, slander, and bad usage of the English language came into play. Kevin was yelling at AJ who was yelling at Brian who was yelling at Nick who was yelling at Howie. Everyone had a reason to yell, and if they didn’t they made one up.

“Look at AJ in his little apron,” Nick was chanting in a sing-songy voice, “Oh he looks so cute...”

“Nick if you don’t shut up...” AJ was rumbling.

“Amanda will never have to wear the skirt in your relationship. AJ’s got that taken care of,” Nick was still chanting and batting his eyes and twirling imitating AJ acting in a feminine manner.

“Nick if you don’t shut up I’m gonna.. I’m gonna throw you out the window!”

“You might break a nail Alexander.. Or should I say Alexandra? Oh AJ you look so pretty.”

“I swear I’ll throw you out!” AJ felt his blood beginning to simmer.

“...so pretty in pink...”

His blood was boiling, his blood pressure was about to explode. Why was he getting so angry? The tension and anger in the room was adding kindling to his angry fire that he was directing at one person... the person who still flouncing around as if he were wearing a skirt! Voices too many voices, making too much noise... He vaguely recalled opening the window when he felt the cool air rushing in at him.

“I can’t stand to miss Martha Steward ladies.... wooooOAAAHH!” AJ bum rushed Nick grabbing him under the stomach and lifting him up almost like a small child. He had him scooped up like he was going to put Nick in a shopping buggy. He was getting heavy fast so AJ practically ran to the window as his knees buckled, Nick was putting up quite a struggle making it hard for AJ to keep his grip on him. He felt Nick’s hand connecting with the side of the bus wall trying to keep himself from being forced out but AJ pushed hard and Nick’s hand came free as he cried out and he was falling through the window. AJ only realized what he was doing when Nick was half out of the window screaming bloody murder and he could hear the voices of the others, “What in the Sam hill..? AJ, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” AJ caught Nick’s thighs before he slide out of the window too far. He felt arms roughly moving him aside and taking hold of Nick’s limbs. Within seconds Nick was sprawled on the floor of the bus looking dazed but strangely calm, in fact, “That was so...awesome. AJ can you do it again?”

“What the hell were you thinking, you could have killed him?!” Brian was yelling.

“Have you lost your mind?!” Howie was yelling at him.

“AJ... AJ, can you do it again?” AJ could feel Nick tugging on his pants as he still sat sprawled on the floor.

“You idiot, I don’t care if you were just playing, you could have dropped him. Did you see how far he was out there?!” Kevin was screaming while slamming the window closed.

“AJ... that was cool, I wanna do it again.”

“WOULD YOU SHUT UP NICK!” Everyone snapped then. They all stood, well except for Nick who sat pouting, staring at each other. Each red in the face and each panting, “Forget about TV, lets just play cards.”

“Where are they?” AJ questioned.

“Well I don’t know you had them last!” Brian snapped.

“NO I DIDN’T!” AJ shrieked.

“Well I DIDN’T HAVE THEM!”

“... And kids after watching this segment of MTV 1515 with all your favorite celebrities, I urge you, don’t do drugs. This is John Norris from MTV saying goodbye.”

Chapter 12

“Brian hurry up, I think someone’s coming!”

“Calm down Nick, I’m almost done... I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Brian was muttering he aligned the final canister, “Alright now pull me out of...” he heard the metal grate shut, “Nickolas damn it...”

“Shh!” was hissed at him from below.

Brian Thomas Littrell was currently inside a ventilation shaft. He lie vertically fighting his claustrophobia as he kindly waited for whoever Nick was talking to, to leave.

“Hello Nick,” Johnny Wright greeted Nick. Nick was standing in the hallway seemingly all alone lounging on a wall by a small table. A vase of expensive flowers decorated the table, Nick smiled at Johnny in greeting.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez had been walking with their manager discussing a new endorsement add they could sign, “Don’t you usually have a babysitter with you?”

Nick made a face, “Ha, ha, Timberwolf.”

“So what are you doing out here? Waiting for someone?” JC asked nodding to Nick.

Nick blinked, then nodded, “Yeah, I’m waiting for Brian. We’re going to go play in the arcade.”

“Ok,” JC shrugged, “Well, see ya.” They left.

“Ok B, it’s safe...”

“What the hell?” Justin was saying as they were turning the corner, “You never see any of those guys standing around alone. Not even Howie.”

“He’s up to something,” Johnny said simply.

“What makes you say that, he said he was waiting for Brian?” JC frowned.

“I’ve known that boy since he was 12 years old.... Trust me, he’s up to something,” Johnny continued to walk and Justin and JC followed him.

Nick removed the flower vase and set it on the floor so he could crawl back onto the table and reopen the grate to the ventilation vent, “They’re gone. Are they lined up right?”

“Yeah, and I’ve had extra time to make sure, now pull me out!” Brian was grumbling sliding his body down the shaft until his sneaker encased feet were exposed. Nick grabbed his feet he was going to steady Brian and keep him from falling, “Hold on let me get down and move the table. I don’t think it can hold the both of us. Nick jumped off the table and moved it out of the way. He gazed down the hall to make sure no one was coming, “Damn it!”

“Ow, ow Nick!” Brian was yelling as he felt himself being pushed back up, “Somebody’s coming, it looks like Kevin!”

“Damn!” Brian cursed himself desperately trying to pull himself back in the shaft. His hands slid across the smooth metal lining of the shaft, “Nick help!” Nick gave Brian a good push and Brian was able to get his feet back into the shaft Nick hurriedly moved the table back and used it to climb on and shut the vent. He was sitting on the table when Kevin’s form was appearing around the corner, “Nick? What the hell...?”

“I’m... just waiting for Brian,” Nick said simply, “There was nowhere to sit.”

Kevin frowned, “Then why meet him here?”

“I don’t know, ask him,” Nick shrugged.

“Get off the table and pick up those flowers,” Kevin said in a low voice, “How long did Brian say he was going to take? You don’t even have a bodyguard with you.” Kevin nodded behind him to Ralph who was approaching, “You know you’re not allowed to go out alone.”

“He just left, he’ll be back,” Nick said.. The sooner you leave the faster he’ll come back, “Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”

Kevin’s eyes widened, and Nick gulped, “Trying to get rid of me Nick?”

“No, it’s just.. You’re bothering me!” Aachoo!

Kevin glanced at Nick, “What was that?”

“I didn’t hear anything,” Nick looked confused, he began looking around.

“What is going on? Where is Brian for real, Nick?” Kevin was leaning closer to Nick looking a little frustrated.

Nick frowned and suddenly smiled, “He’s in the ventilation shafts. Wanted to see if he’d fit, after him we were gonna try me.”

Kevin groaned and hung his head in defeat, “Fine.. Fine Nicky, I don’t need this headache, I don’t! Stay here until Brian comes, do not move and go anywhere else alone! Is that clear?”

“Yes sir,” Nick saluted and Kevin scowled and walked away bodyguard walking beside him.

“Is he gone?” Brian called down, “I think there’s a spider in here with me.”

“You dork...” Nick climbed back on the table and reopened the vent grate and grabbed Brian’s feet he gave him a tug, “Ow Nick! Easy!”

Brian was half out when Nick got off the table to move it again. Brian then lowered himself down until he felt Nick’s arms close around him and he slowly let go. When his feet were firmly on the ground he heaved a sigh of relief, “You’ve got lent in your hair,” Nick chuckled. Brian’s sandy blond hair was a dull color from the sifted dust of the vents.

“Aw shut up, next time you crawl through those narrow ventilation shafts. I swear I almost got stuck! You might have squeezed through with your bony ass...”

“Oh rub it in, I have no ass anymore. Nicky can’t shake it like he used to,” Nick was quoting a fan he had overheard bitterly. He was moving the table back in place and climbing up on it again to close the vent, “Pass me the screw driver, Frick...” he waved the dust still settling in the air around him before sneezing three times in a row.

“Uh-uh, get down, I’ll do it,” Brian said in his protective “big brother knows best” voice, “You’re probably allergic to everything in that vent right now that I just stirred up. That’s why I didn’t let you go in there. I knew there was a reason why I was brushing my elbows against steel instead of letting you do it since it was your dumb plan!”

“I didn’t make you help me,” Nick jumped down off the table and handed Brian the screw driver as he climbed up. Brian went about the task of screwing the vent grate back in place. Then he hopped back off the table dust from his hair and clothing mushrooming causing Nick to back away and start sneezing again, he was pulling out his inhaler as AJ was approaching. Brian was placing the flowers back on the table and arranging them to look like they’d never been tampered with.

“B-rok, what happened to you?” AJ asked gazing at Brian’s scruffy appearance.

“I got in a fight,” Brian said nodding, letting more dust fall from his hair, some drifting painfully into his eyes.

“Right...” AJ eyed him and then Nick. Nick just shrugged, “I was gonna jump in but ya know, Brian was doing such a good job. You should have seen the other guy.”

“You two are so full of shit,” AJ laughed, “Now tell me.. What did you really do? You know I won’t tell. Maybe I can help you out.”

“Hmmm...” Brian was thinking it over.

“I guess,” Nick shrugged again.

“Holy shit.. He’s gonna kill you if he finds out,” AJ’s eyes were huge as silver dollars, “Damn.. Why didn’t you tell me when you guys were planning this, I wanted in!”

“Well the main fault in a lot of crimes is involving too many people Alex,” Nick said lying on his stomach on AJ’s bed.

“And you came up with this brilliant plan of the ventilation shafts all by yourself? And you figured out the exact positions to put the spray cans?” AJ looked at Nick’s hand drawn blue print of the ventilation system. It was a nice artistic job.

“Yup, all the way down to the last millimeter,” Nick nodded.

“How’d you get these plans?” AJ asked, he began to feel nervous, if Nick could just get plans like these... how easy could it be for a kidnapper to get them too. He was beginning to shiver and both Nick and Brian frowned at him, “Take it easy Alex. I flirted with the manager a bit and told her about my revenge and she thought it was funny and helped me out with the plans and even let me in his room so I could measure how to align the cans so the paint won’t get on the carpet.”

AJ frowned.

“AJ there are cameras all over, do you really think we could have done something like that without higher permission?” Nick grinned, “Relax, we’re safe.. Unless Joey Fatone decides to retaliate. Then it’ll really be war, but hopefully after this stunt he’ll learn who he’s dealing with. I am King of Chaos and no one steps on my turf!”

Both AJ and Brian grinned affectionately at Nick shaking their heads. Sometimes they wondered what they do without the kid. Brian shuddered remembering that they almost got to find out the answer to that question, “Hey Nick?”

“Yeah Bri?”

“Never change,” Brian said softly. Nick frowned gazing over at him from his position on the bed, he rolled over on his side and propped his head up on his curled arm, “What are you thinking about Rok?”

Brian bit his lip and shook his head, “Nothing Nicky. Don’t worry about it.”

Nick continued to frown but it became apparent that Brian wasn’t going to say anymore after a few minutes, he sighed, “Anyone want ice cream? Fatone shouldn’t be back for while, I heard him say earlier that he was going out.”

AJ perked up to that, “That sounds great, Bri? Ice cream?”

Brian nodded hastily, “Yeah sure.” He stood from his sitting position and turned towards the door, “I need to wash up a bit first though. I’ll be back in ten minutes, don’t leave without me.” He hurried out of the room not looking back.

Nick blinked and sat up on the bed looking at AJ, “J, what just happened?”

AJ sighed staring at the door Brian had just shut behind him, “Like he said, it’s nothing Nick. We’re just.. Glad you’re here, that’s all.”

Nick’s confusion deepened, “Glad I’m here? What? You weren’t planning on taking me on tour..?”

AJ cracked a small smile he ran a tender hand through Nick’s hair, “Yeah, that’s it kid.” Nick didn’t quite believe AJ, but he let it go just the same. He hated seeing Brian so troubled though, it almost reminded him of himself... himself when he... “..k? Ni..? Nick!” Fingers snapping in his face. He stared at AJ’s knuckles, “What?”

“You were drifting into La La Land again,” AJ said in a slow voice, “You ok?”

Nick nodded, “So you guys were really thinking about touring without me?”

“No,” AJ shook his head, “We could never do that, but it was a suggestion.”

“Oh.”

AJ stared at his little brother’s profile. He knew somewhere in there Nick knew what was wrong with Brian, what was wrong with all of them. He didn’t care how many shrink sessions they all went to nothing would ever rid them of the fact that they almost lost Nick. They had lost Nick...if Howie hadn’t...and if Kevin hadn’t... He blinked back the memory. Nick was here now, he was sitting next him now, and if he wanted to, he could touch him. He felt his arm creep around Nick, he still needed that reassurance. Sometimes when he closed his eyes he saw him dead... he saw him lying on that dingy yellow carpet in Brian’s arms... skin turning blue, except this time they couldn’t help him. He had told his doctor about the dreams, about the ones where Nick had died in Brian’s arms... the ones where instead of being set free they had all been shot. Howie was killed right before his eyes when Brendon held the gun to the base of his neck. Talking about dreams was good, his doctor had said, but he must be able to distinguish his dreams from reality... But sometimes, sometimes he wondered right before he woke up just what his reality really was. Maybe they all did die, maybe Nick died, maybe Howie was killed, and he was simply dreaming this life where they were all alive.

“AJ you’re squeezing!” Nick’s shout of pain aroused AJ from his daze.

“Sorry Nick,” AJ relaxed his arm around Nick but didn’t remove it, “Nicky?”

“What?” Nick sounded a little ill-tempered.

“What I said before, I really meant it.”

“About the tour...?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Nick blinked, “Well yeah... I’m glad I’m here too. But if you squeeze me and get all weird on me again, I swear I’m leaving!”

AJ laughed, yeah this was reality alright, at least it was his reality. There was an excited knock on AJ’s door, and Nick quickly jumped up to answer it wanting to get away from AJ, “B?”

“He’s back!” Brian’s eyes were twinkling, “He just came in!”

“Damn, back so early, he must not have a...”

“There’s a girl with him!”

Nick beamed, “This is gonna be brutal. Quick we gotta get the cameras!” Brian and Nick sprinted down the halls towards Nick’s room with AJ trailing them, “Guys wait up! Wait for me! I want in!”

“This is my dream come true,” Joey just grinned as the woman began to caress the side of his face, he had long since forgotten her name, but what she was doing felt good. He grinned as she began to unbutton his shirt, “You look so good Joey.. I’m your biggest fan.” She removed his belt, “Without you N’Sync, would be nothing, I wouldn’t even like them...” She straddled him, “I wanna make you remember my name baby.”

That would be good, since he never even knew it to begin with, he chuckled to himself. Damn it was stuffy.. Stuffy rooms and hot sex never mixed well, “Honey let me adjust the temperature in here,” Joey said softly sliding easily from under her. She lie back on the bed with a sexy smirk that made Joey run to the temperature control panel. He lowered the temperature to 70 and then grinned, alright... now they could get started. He removed his pants and jumped onto the bed with a growl, “Now where were we?”

“I was about to.. What is that?”

“What’s what?” Joey frowned at her expression. The sound of cool air entering the room buzzed gently around them but... what was... “It’s wet...”

“I...”

“I think something’s coming from above us.. What the hell is this stuff?”

It began to fall thicker and heavier, it was hitting them in clumps, Joey jumped off the bed trying to look at himself and see what was splattering all over him and the bed.. He couldn’t see in the dark. He stumbled over to the lamp and flipped the switch and he and his date for the evening both screamed. They were covered in a heavy red liquid, “Oh God, is this blood? IS THIS BLOOD? Joey what have you done?”

“ME?” Joey was panicking too, “What the hell.. It’s coming from the vent!” He turned off the air conditioning, “What the hell is this stuff?”

“I don’t know what’s going on but I’m getting out of here!” the woman yelled she jumped off the bed and grabbed her high heels that she had abandoned on side of the bed, “I always knew there was something wrong with you people in these boy bands!” She threw open the door to the hotel and screamed as she was blinded by white lightning, “AAAAH!” She ran by wailing, her skin bleached cherry red and her poor little mockery of a whole dress ruined.

Joey tried to go after her but was struck by the white lightning as well... the white lightning of cameras flashing in his face! He stood half naked, body covered in red goo. He looked like a cup of cherry jello. “Smile,” Nick Carter said peachily snapping his final picture which developed right in front of Joey’s eyes from his Polaroid camera. Behind him stood Brian Littrell, AJ McLean, Monica Arnold, Jessica Simpson, and Nick Lachey, everyone but AJ held a camera. Brian pushed past Joey into the room carefully avoiding the water based paint and retrieving the video camera he and Nick had planted inside the potted plant beside the dresser.

“You creep.. You little ass...” Joey was muttering, “I could have had some.. What the hell is this stuff?” Joey ran his hands along his chest the redness rubbing off onto his palms.

“Just a little water color Joey, it’ll come right off,” Nick said easily, he looked into the room, “See I knew it wouldn’t get on the carpet too bad, Brian.”

“Yeah, it didn’t, it should wash out with a little warm water,” Brian was kneeling, checking the tape in the video camera.

“You... how did you get in here?”

“I have my ways,” Nick said, “Don’t worry about it Joe... So, you ready to say it?”

“Say what?” Joey said through clenched teeth he caught a glimpse of his reddened reflection in a hall mirror, and he glared at the audience of performers killing themselves laughing at his expense.

“Who’s the King of Pranks?”

“What? You ruined my evening for.. Why I oughta kill you, you little brat! Did you see her?! She was HOT!” Joey was beginning to breathe harder, “Oh no.. No, no, I will not surrender to you, now. Never! Just you wait! You’ll see what I do to you next!” Joey was waving a red finger in Nick’s face and Nick frowned, “You’re such a sore loser Fatone. Come on Brian, everybody got all the pictures they want?”

“Yup, hey Joey, this one’s going in the scrapbook,” Jessica waved around the picture of Joey’s beat red date screaming and Joey’s bedraggled reddened ass trying to chase after her.

“And this tape’s going to MTV!” Brian howled holding the video camera in one hand and waving around the small video tape in the other, “Oh Joey... Give up, you lost man.” He walked past Joey out of the room chuckling with his head down.

“No! No! I am the King of Pranks! I will get you back CARTER! I WILL GET HIM BACK!”

Two security guards walked by Joey’s open room and looked at the strange man with the red face rather oddly before shaking their head and passing on by, “But before I get him, I should close my door... and shower... But I will get him back,” his words sounded weak, even to him.

“... so you let them in and not me?” AJ was whining as he, Nick, Brian, Monica, Jessica, and Nick Lachey walked down the hall away from Joey’s room.

“Yup,” Nick nodded gazing at his photographs.

“Why?” AJ demanded jealously.

“Jess had a lot of cameras, Nick’s her boyfriend, and Monica’s my buddy,” Nick said batting his eyes at AJ, “And besides... you tried to throw me out of a bus window.”

“What?” AJ jogged to keep up with Nick, “But you liked it.”

“So, you still tried to throw me out...”

“Oh come on, you know I wasn’t really gonna let you go out all the way...”

“You guys got some messed up morals,” Monica commented wrapping her arm around AJ, “Tell you what. Next time I’m involved in a scandal, I’ll let you know.”

“Cool.”

Chapter 13

“I see us going up in a fiery bus crash...” Brian was plastered against the bus window utterly fascinated with the dreary terrain.

“Aren’t we in a wonderfully chipper mood this morning,” AJ commented eyeing his watch, he was timing his bagel pizzas. He had made them from scratch using a recipe he had made up himself.

“Tornados ripping through the sky sucking us up and hurling us into next Tuesday,” Brian droned, “Cows and tractors will buzz around our heads...”

“Brian, you’ve been mixing your drugs again haven’t you?” AJ asked raising an eyebrow. The timer on his watch went off and he hopped up to check on his bagels.

“Hey Frick,” Nick entered the common area holding a small backpack, “It’s dark back in the bunk area.” He flopped down on the couch and began to empty his pack.

“Darkness... eyes of the storm....”

If Nick’s eyebrows could go any higher they’d be antlers, he stared at Brian with the oddest expression, “Ignore him Nick, he’s been acting weird all morning. I think he got on the internet in the hotel the other night and stayed up reading fan fiction. You know, you would think our fans hated us reading about all the stuff they put us through... OH GROSS! You are not about to do that here!”

“Well where else, I couldn’t see in the bunk beds,” Nick whined, he had pulled out a self injection kit, “This is my first time to do this by myself and don’t wanna stick myself in an artery!”

AJ shuddered and disappeared back into the kitchenette. Nick rolled his eyes and carefully removed a needle and uncapped it, “Ok....” he sighed and found the place on his upper arm where the doctor had showed him to do it at... He had done it himself once, while Dr. Monroe had been supervising. He almost threw up all over himself, he would never get used to mutilating his body, and he had told the doctor just that. Dr. Monroe thought he was so funny, “Funny my ass.”

“Is that for Immunotherapy?” Howie had entered the room. Sour ‘D’ hath spoken? Sour ‘D’ never talked to the peasants unless they asked him something, and even then he just told them to shut up.

Nick nodded and held the needle over the tender flesh of his arm, his hand shook and wavered. Ok, Nick, you’ve done this before... Just stick it in and hit the plunger. “How long have you been using it?”

“This?” Nick held out the needle he had, “Maybe a month.”

“I thought you started Immunotherapy months ago?” Howie looked puzzled.

“I kinda had a reaction to the old stuff,” Nick scratched his head, “It broke me out in hives. Brian freaked out.”

Brian turned from the window, deciding he was bored with the gloom and doom of minutes ago, “They were everywhere I didn’t know what it was. We were getting out of the pool, I look over at him, and the kid’s turned into a strawberry!”

Howie actually chuckled, “Did you call his doctor?”

“Only after I talked him out of calling an ambulance,” Nick rolled his eyes, “He thought I was gonna die or something.”

Both Brian and Howie sobered up at that. Nick blinked at the sudden change of mood, then realized what he had said, “Sorry.” He bowed his head, then gazed up at Howie, “Howie, you wanna do this for me?” He held the syringe out to Howie who took it with a nod, “Which arm?”

Nick held out his left arm and turned his head as he felt Howie pinch the skin around the injection site. Then he felt the coolness of rubbing alcohol from a cotton swab... the next came the sting of the needle entering his flesh. He flinched a bit, but the real grimace came when Howie hit the plunger. After a few seconds the needle was being removed and Howie was disassembling it. Nick could still feel the burn of the medicine flowing through his veins and winced as Howie fastened a bandage over the area. “Did it hurt?”

“No, the medicine just burns,” Nick said rubbing his arm around the bandage, “Thanks Howie.”

“Your welcome,” Howie pet Nick’s head and stood up going into the kitchenette, “Hey, how come Sour D’s nicest to you, and you’re the most annoying person to him?”

Nick stuck his tongue out at Brian, “Cause I’m the baby gotta love me!” He started packing away his kit and tucking it back inside his bag.

“Guys, brunch is served!” AJ called from the kitchenette. He set the cookie sheet down on the bar counter. Howie already had one that he was eating along with his morning black coffee. He nodded to AJ letting him know it was good before going back into the common area to settle back in HIS chair again. “Wonder what book he’s gonna read today?” AJ pondered, “I always knew he liked to read, but damn. And just how many novels did he bring?”

Brian shrugged, “As long as he’s not ragging on us I’m fine. Where’s Kev?”

“Still sleeping,” AJ grinned, “He better hurry up and come eat if he wants one of these.”

“That’s for sure,” Brian was already working on his second bagel, “This is good.”

“Chef Alexander’s specialty tomato sauce on there,” AJ toasted off his third bagel against Nick’s orange glass.

Kevin came wandering out of the bunks 15 minutes later, nostril twitching, “I smell something good...” He approached the bar to see a cookie sheet full of crumbs, AJ’s fingers stained with tomato sauce, and Brian licking his plate, “What? Where’s the food?”

“I told you I was cooking almost an hour ago Kev,” AJ said flatly.

“OH.. But I thought you’d wake me up,” Kevin moaned, he looked to Nick’s plate. A plate-size bagel pizza lie there with a single bite taken out of it, “Nick cut that in half, you know you’re not gonna eat all that!”

Nick’s mouth dropped open, “Yes I am!”

“Give me half!” Kevin ordered as Brian and AJ were beginning to snicker at the wild deprived look in Kevin’s eyes as he stared at the cheese oozing over the side of the bagel as Nick sloppily lifted the thing with both hands. He took a hearty bite and chewed making unnecessary noises of pleasure, “Mmmmmmm...mmmmm.... so good...”

“Stop it! You’re just doing that to tease me! Give me that bagel!” Kevin ceased Nick and began tickling him relentlessly.

“Hey that ain’t fair,” AJ attacked Kevin smacking his hands away from Nick who was trying to cringe away, laugh, and chew at the same time. Kevin stopped when Nick started choking on the bagel, losing the battle and starting to laugh. He slapped him on the back and AJ backed away.

“God Kevin,” Nick breathed after recovering, “you act as if there’s nothing else for you to eat!”

“Are you ok?” Kevin asked instead.

“Yeah,” Nick nodded, “Just choked on a bagel, it wasn’t like you had to give me the heimlich or anything.”

Kevin patted his shoulder, “Go ahead and eat that bagel Nicky boy, see if I care... Cause I know for a fact AJ always makes an extra for Rhonda and keeps it in the fridge!” Kevin made a dive for the fridge and was blocked by AJ. “Oh man!” Brian was laughing getting up to help. Nick was setting down his bagel to participate too, “Uh-uh Nicky, why don’t you just chill and finish your food, this is gonna get rough!” Brian waved a hand at him before launching himself onto Kevin’s back.

Nick pouted, “I always have to sit out on the wrestling matches!” He complained... I’m not made of glass, I’m not gonna break. He slid off the stool and borrowed a knife from over the counter, gently he sliced off the small part that he had eaten and crammed it into his mouth. It tasted like tar now that he didn’t want it. He was no longer hungry. He left the uneaten portion that he cut on the plate for Kevin and he slipped off into the bunk area.

AJ sat quietly in the lobby next to Samantha Mumba, they were waiting for Brian and Nick to show their faces downstairs so they could go pick up some desert from the hotel restaurant. They had made the plans almost 15 minutes ago, where were those two? “I could have made us desert in the time it’s taking those two to get down here,” AJ said to Samantha.

“Ooh.. could you have made those chocolate truffle things again?” Samantha asked, eyes widening, “That was delicious, what will it take for me to get you to make those things again?”

AJ smiled at her, he liked cooking for people who appreciated him, “Honey, gladly say the words and I’ll have the ingredients picked up next time we stop off somewhere.”

“Ok!” Samantha smiled brightly, then groaned, “Where are those guys I need my SUGAR! I’m going to go to the desk and have them call their room.” Samantha marched off towards the front desk. AJ blinked and turned his head. His bodyguard stood nearby and he winked at him. AJ returned the wink with a wave. He was leaning back in his chair.. OH GOD! He froze..and swallowed hard. He knew what the barrel of a gun felt like pressed against his skin, he braced himself and felt his breathing quickened, his heart starting to race. Sweat was forming on his brow, “I don’t have any money on me man...” He said in a low strained voice.

“Damn, now how am I going to get the money to buy a piece of cheesecake?” the voice behind him laughed, it was.. AJ sprang on Chris Kirkpatrick knocking him to the ground. Passers-by stared, they tried to move along politely, but their eyes kept reverting back to the two boys struggling on the ground.

“You jerk! You jerk!” AJ was trying to land a punch on Chris’s body, but Chris was putting up a pretty good fight. The toy plastic gun he had been holding fell harmless at his side on the floor. It was a bright green and it gleamed mockingly at AJ who felt about as smart Joey Lawrence on Blossom. He shoved Chris one last time before getting up, his bodyguard came to stand behind him, “AJ, are you alright?”

“Is he alright? I’m the one he knocked down and tried to kill,” Chris glared at AJ, “I was just playing man, you’re crazy.”

“I am not crazy!” AJ spat, “You don’t do that to..to someone who’s had a real gun in their back, to their head...!” He was shaking, “God.. You just don’t know, you don’t understand!”

Chris was trying to be angry but found that he couldn’t, the only thing he found inside himself was regret. After hearing AJ say that, and reassessing the way AJ had reacted, led him to believe that his joke was distasteful. “Sorry man..” he uttered feeling ashamed, “Nick.. Nick didn’t mind.”

“Nick likes guns,” AJ snapped. Samantha was coming back, “Nick’s not feeling well and Brian said he couldn’t find us to tell us that they weren’t coming. What happened here?”

“Nothing,” AJ said softly he glared Chris up and down before sighing, “Sam and I are going to get some dessert. How ‘bout I buy you a piece of cheesecake Chris?”

Chris’s eyes widened in surprise, “Um.. Yeah, yeah sure.”

AJ nodded, he spotted Chris’s toy gun on the ground, “Oh, but one thing before we go?”

“Yeah.”

AJ took a step to get him closer to the little gun and after a second he brought his right foot down hard on top of it. Green plastic shattered onto the carpet. Chris’s mouth opened then closed. Samantha simply looked confused, “Now we can go.”

Chapter 14

“What the hell is that thing?” Brian asked, he was coming out of the bathroom rubbing a large fluffy towel over his still damp hair. Nick was blowing into a small tube, “It’s a home peak flow monitor,” Nick mumbled after removing the tube and checking its readings. He fiddled with something on the end of the tube and put it back in his mouth. He sat up straight took a deep breath and blew into it again.

“What’s it gonna do?” Brian sat down on his bed throwing the dampened towel into the white upholstered chair beside his night stand. He turned himself on the bed so he could face Nick who was studying the end of the tube again, “It measures how much oxygen I’m taking in.”

“Well?” Brian was coming to join Nick on his bed. He held a hair comb.

“I don’t know, it’s the best out of three,” Nick said rather snappishly but caught the stern look on Brian’s face, “They’re not as good as they could be.” Nick straightened and slid the indicator on the bottom of the small scale on tube to the bottom. He took a deep breathe and blew. He read the monitor again and made a face. He stretched across the bed to grab the binder he had resting on his night stand. He removed the pen from the binding and scribbled in some numbers. Then he shut the binder and got off the bed to continue dressing for the day.

“Nick, maybe you should take off today,” Brian looked worried, “If that monitor-whatever says you’re not taking in enough air..”

“It’s fine Brian, that’s what I have medicine for!” Nick shot back. He ran a comb hastily through his hair and then went to his closet on his side of the room and pulled out his bag. Brian frowned and watched him fish through his bag until he pulled out a small pouch. He brought that back to his bed and tossed it down. Then he went back to the task of getting dressed and packing up the remainder of his stuff they were getting back on the bus and driving to the next venue that was only an hour away. “I can’t help but notice that you’ve been a little hostile lately,” Brian said softly, he still sat on Nick’s bed. He picked up the pouch Nick had tossed down absently, “What’s in this?”

Nick was stuffing the rest of his dirty clothes inside a laundry bag, “I have not been hostile.” He disappeared inside the closet and returned with a stray sock, “It’s a corticosteroid.”

“Steroid?” Brian looked alarmed.

“No, well yeah,” Nick came to join Brian on the bed, “But it’s different.. Look.” Nick opened the pouch and turned it upside down. An inhaler larger than the one he normally carried fell out onto the bed, “This is called Flovent, it’s a long acting anti-inflammatory medication. This should improve my peak flow.”

“Oh,” Brian nodded frowning, “It sure looks like you have to do a lot of stuff Nick.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “It takes all of 10 minutes to do all of this stuff.. And that’s while I’m packing and getting dressed!” He shook the inhaler about five or six times before uncapping it.

“But you don’t do this every morning...”

“Brian, the weather sucks okay. You know I don’t handle well with all the traveling and weather changes and stuff,” Nick was grumbling, he had dropped the cap to his inhaler on the floor and it had rolled under the bed.

Brian frowned as he remembered all too well... He looked at Nick who was scowling and leaning over the bedside to look under it. He rose suddenly face flushed at the sudden rush of blood to his head and uttered some word that his mother wouldn’t approve of before resuming his search... Seeing his face... Brian rubbed his eyes, he remembered how pale he had been, how his skin was beginning to turn blue around the lips...the large discolored bags under his eyes. Brian swallowed and shook his head of those memories. He reached out and caught Nick’s shirt as he was sliding off the bed, and pulled him back up, “Found it.” Nick tossed the cap back onto the bed he looked at Brian his delight at finding his missing object fading at Brian’s tearful expression, “Oh no Brian, you’re not gonna be like AJ and squeeze me are you?” He was already inching away, ready to fall off the bed again. Brian just shook his head, “No, just...come here. I won’t squeeze I promise.”

Nick’s mouth twitched a bit in disbelief but not being able to bear the pained look in his best friend’s eyes made him come closer, and he braced himself in expectation of crushing arms closing in around him. He grunted a bit as Brian hugged him tight, rubbing his back and ruffling the hair he had just spent a whole 5 seconds combing! Brian let him go after a minute, still gazing at him in that pained way, but not as intense as before. Nick went back to his business. Brian got off the bed and began to gather his stuff too. There was a firm knock on the door, and Brian answered it, “Nick, Brian, you got 5 minutes to be downstairs,” Rhonda was standing in their doorway, “Hurry guys, everyone else is ready!”

“Do I have enough time to brush my teeth?” Nick asked standing and taking two deep breaths then pushing the canisters down on his inhaler. Rhonda blinked and watched him inhale for a few seconds, then hold his breath. When he was quite through Rhonda tapped her toe, “Didn’t you brush your teeth earlier?”

“I gotta do it again after using this thing,” Nick said quickly recapping the inhaler and tucking it back into its pouch, then dashing into the bathroom. She heard the water running, “Four minutes! You boys are always the last ones downstairs, you’re slower than the girls!”

Brian made a monkey face at her and stuffed the last of his personal items in his bag, he’d worry about zipping it up on the bus, as of now even Heracles couldn’t achieve the task. “Nickolas!”

“I’m gargling!”

“Nick-o.. Get your stuff let’s go,” Rhonda was already grabbing Nick’s duffel bag, and small pouch and then swinging it to him. Nick caught it in the stomach and let out a little groan. He held his toothbrush and mini Listerine in his left hand and he tried to reopen his bag.

“No time.. You’d need the jaws of life to get that thing open again anyway!” Rhonda grabbed his arm and pushed him out the door. Brian followed behind them. Two bodyguards awaited them at the end of the hall, “I swear I’m gonna start telling you two that you’re supposed to be downstairs a full hour earlier than you’re supposed to be!”

“Woah..” Nick said with a smile.

“Oh shut up Frack,” Brian couldn’t help but smile and cuff Nick around the neck. He kept his hand there until they reached the elevator, “You are such a dumbass.”

“That’s my word...” Nick sulked.

“Well I..”

“Boys,” Rhonda said sounding rather testy.

“Yes Momma.”

Almost there, almost there... Justin Timberlake held one hand over his right eye, the contact threatening to come out in his hand as he quickly made his way to the dressing room. Ok, if I were a bottle of Bausche and Lomb contact solution WHERE WOULD I BE? He felt like his eye was going to come out along with his contact, damn Lance and his stupid shedding. Where did I...”AAaah!” he tripped over a large object and landed face first on his gym bag. He’d found it.

“Timberlake, do I look transparent to you?” Nick Carter snapped at Justin as Justin was struggling to untangle himself from the ocean of duffle and gym bags on the floor. He lifted his own and found his contact solution inside. He quickly popped out his right contact and filled his hand with solution. He cleansed his contact out thoroughly before attempting to put it back in his eye.. Damn it, the contact slipped through his fingers... he would never get used to the stupid things. Damned astigmatism! He’d just had an eye exam recently and lo and behold... Justin, you need glasses! Justin Timberlake in glasses, hell no. Oh no.. He searched the thin hard carpet for his contact... figures that they would be clear! He imagined how dirty the contact would be when he finally unearthed it. He paused, Nick Carter being quiet, this was a first. He looked over at Nick through his one good eye, clenching the other eyes shut, the show wasn’t even half over and he could not have a migraine. Nick looked to be searching for something in his bag. His face looked calm, a forced calm, though. He was breathing kind of hard, uneven kind of, and every few seconds he would cough. He stopped his search and shut his eyes like he was trying to remember something, “Nick, are you ok?”

Nick looked at Justin for the first time in a while and blinked then shook his head “no.”

“What’s wrong? What are you looking for?” Justin abandoned his hunt and crawled the short distance to Nick’s side, “Are you having an asthma attack?”

Nick grinned, “Score one for the genius,” he swallowed hard and exhaled slowly, “I can’t find my rescue inhaler. I put it in my bag,”

“Here, let me look,” Justin took Nick’s bag, feeling his hands beginning to shake, dear God... someone was having an asthma attack right in front of him. Don’t pass out.. He pleaded in his mind as he carefully, but quickly, began to venture through every compartment in Nick’s bag that existed.

“You sure you can see, Cyclops?” Nick snickered then wheezed and shut up, apologizing silently for poking fun at people. He’d never do it again, honest!

“It’s not in here Nick. Where else?”

“It’s gotta be in the bag.. I mean I didn’t have it...” Nick stopped to think, “Um...”

“Think, think, THINK!”

“Justin, calm down... I’m the one that can’t breathe...remember?” Nick said bringing his knees to his chest and lying his head down, “Ok... Um... My jacket!”

“Your jacket?”

“Yeah my stage jacket for the first sets... I took it with me...” Nick was trying to stand, and Justin pushed him back down, “You idiot, you wait there, I’ll get it. What’s your jacket look like?”

“It’s on the chair, the black one with the silver things on it.. Not that one, that one. Yeah, check the pockets,” Nick watched Justin lifting jacket after jacket and showing it to him when he finally came to the right one Nick pointed and nodded. Justin checked both pockets sighing in relief as he came up with Nick’s inhaler. He jogged back to him and handed it over. Nick took it with a smile of gratitude before shaking it vigorously and uncapping it. Justin slid down beside Nick and leaned his head on the wall. He heard the soft puffing noise that Nick’s inhaler made and sighed. After a minute he brought his head back to normal level, “Do you need some too, Timberlake?” Nick chuckled.

“Ha, ha,” Justin said flatly, “Are you ok now?”

Nick nodded, “Fine. Thanks.”

“I’ll.. Go get Brian or Kevin or somebody...”

“No!” Justin was shocked at Nick’s outburst, he grabbed Justin by the arm, “Don’t get them. Don’t tell them anything!”

“Huh? But Nick don’t they need to know...”

“They don’t NEED to know anything. It’s my problem. They hear about this and they’ll never let me out of their sight again!” Nick cringed at the thought.

“Well, maybe you do need someone with you. I mean what would have happened if I weren’t here just now?” Justin was removing Nick’s hand from his arm, his grip had been strong and rather painful.

“I was doing just fine, and I would have done just fine without you!”

“Bullshit!”

“What the hell do you think I do when I’m at home huh, Justin? No one lives with me... I can’t go running to call my Mommy or my big brothers,” he said “big brothers” in a rather nasty tone, “whenever I’m having a little asthma attack!”

“That was little?!” Justin questioned, it had scared the hell out of him, and he sure didn’t want to see a “big” attack.

Nick nodded, “Yeah... I had it under control. I know when I’m in trouble and how to get help. I know what to do in bad situations, but no one will ever trust me to do it.”

Justin frowned, “Why not?”

“Oh, you ask why not... You just convinced yourself that I was dying on the floor here a few minutes ago, you answer that question! Everyone treats me like I’m made a freakin’ glass!” Nick was pulling at his hair, “We can’t say that around Nicky... we can’t do this in front of Nicky.. Nicky stay back. DAMN IT I’M NOT GONNA BREAK!” Nick shouted the last part balling his hands into fist and kicking the ground angrily, he calmed a bit after having got that out, “That felt good.”

Justin grinned at him, “You sound like you have something you need to tell your friends..”

“Huh? No, I can’t tell them that. It would... it would hurt their feelings...” Nick ran a hand through his hair, his face sober, “They think they’re doing what’s best for me.”

“But Nick...”

“You don’t understand Justin, you weren’t there,” Nick looked away. When he said “there” Justin knew, he knew he was talking about the basement. He was remembering what had happened to them.

“What happened Nick?” Justin tried to move closer to him. Maybe he could break him. Maybe he’d be the one to find out what happened in the basement. Maybe he could help, “Nick, if you wanna talk...”

“I talk enough. I do enough talking to my shrink, to the guys, to my parents... It was, it was bad Justin, ok? I don’t wanna talk about it. And if it makes the guys feel better to take care of me, and...and... It’s fine,” Nick said softly, “I don’t even care.”

“Yes, you do,” Justin said, “You and me, are kinda the same.”

Nick snorted.

“No, we’re both the youngest in our groups.... and,” Justin was trying to catch Nick’s eyes, “and everyone is having a hard time dealing with the fact that we’re grown up now. They still think they gotta take care of us like they did when we were kids. They’ll never see us as being any older than 16, and WE are the only people who can change that. Who can open their eyes and point at the calendar. You’re 21, remind them of that.”

“I can’t.”

“Nick..”

“It hurts Justin, it will hurt them. They’ll think that I don’t.. That I’m telling them that I don’t need them, I don’t want them... And they came so close to losing me Justin, they were so scared. I can’t do it to them,” Nick was shaking his head, “I won’t.”

Justin blinked and stared at Nick, “Losing you?”

Nick rested a hand over his face and let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, losing me Justin. I came so close to dying... I can’t even remember what all happened. But they can, and... I guess they feel that they failed me there, and now they have to make up for it. They love me...”

“And they’re smothering you,” Justin said in a voice barely above a whisper, he stared at Nick Carter. The guy that had always been his rival... He remembered the old Nick, the healthy blond whose eyes were always clear as day and whose face never showed any signs of unhappiness. The new Nick was paler, blonder, and much thinner, with troubled clouded eyes, and a face that always carried an underlying suspicion. Those few weeks of hell and torment had changed him, cleansed him of his innocence and replaced it with fear, confusion, and inner turmoil. He still acted like Nick on the outside, he was still cheerful and bouncy... and had still retained some of that on the inside, but inside Nick Carter had also grown up. “If they love you then they’ll understand...”

“Expecting understanding and hurting someone, people you care about, can be the same thing Justin,” Nick said somberly. His darkened eyes looked past Justin, to the wall clock, “I gotta go find the others now. We have stage call...”

Justin nodded bleakly and sadly watch Nick go rather swiftly without looking back, “Who’s treating who like they’re made of glass now Nick?”

Chapter 15

“Now smile,” the photographer said right before the flash of her camera went off, “Hmm.. No these shots just are not working. Kevin, unbutton the shirt more.”

“Why don’t I just take the damn thing off?” Kevin muttered under his breath.

“Ok, and you can take 15,” The photographer said waving them away.

“Good,” Kevin said.

“Oh come on Kev, at least she liked ya,” AJ teased, “Take it off, take it off!”

“Shut up!” Kevin grabbed AJ around his neck and pretended to choke him.

“Kevin, could you come here please,” the photographer called suddenly.

“Oh Kev, she wants ya baby,” AJ cooed from Kevin’s choke hold. Kevin scowled and rolled his eyes, then put on a smile as he turned back to the photographer to see what she wanted.

Brian and Nick snickered as they watched Kevin trudge back to Sheila, “I wonder what Mom’s gonna say about this,” Nick said.

“Who’s gonna tell her?” Brian questioned, and pushed Nick when he saw his evil smile, “Kevin better not ever cheat with you around!”

“So you’re saying that if I wasn’t here, Kev could make goo goo eyes with the photographer all he wanted?” Nick smiled slyly, “I’m writing all this stuff down.. I know you’re getting ready to call Leighanne.”

Brian made a horrible face at him, “Go away!” He gave Nick another playful shove, and just as Nick predicted, pulled out his cell phone and began to dial in his home phone number.

“Oh, Brian, I think you’re a minute late in calling her, bud,” Nick cackled only moving a few feet away from Brian.

“Are you just going to stand there and molest me? Can’t you go bother AJ, or Howie...”

Nick made a horrendous face when Brian mentioned Howie, “There is no way in Hades I’m gonna hang out with Sour D!” He marched off, but not too far, Brian could still see him in his peripheral vision. Monica had taken his attention off of Brian, temporarily, Frack would return to terrorize him as soon as she left. He grinned, he didn’t mind, he just sometimes pretended like he did.

“Hello?”

“Hey hon,” Brian answered his wife’s “hello?”

“Brian! Hey sweetheart, how are you?”

“Tired,” Brian answered truthfully. He had forgotten just how stressful a tour in itself could be. He forgot about all the missed hours of sleep just because of the impossible hours they had to keep, not to mention the hours of sleeplessness he got just from... thinking too much.

“Poor baby, I bet you can’t wait to get home,” Leighanne cooed.

“Yeah...” Brian sighed, realizing just how much he missed being with his wife. So loving and supporting... she helped him through the hours when his eyes couldn’t close without seeing horrible images of guns and blood.

“How are the others?” Leighanne questioned, “Is Nick doing ok?”

“Yeah, yeah he’s fine,” Brian smiled a little. His youngest brother, the one everyone worried so much about. Leighanne had called and actually spoken to him more than she spoke to Brian the first week of tour, same with Kristen. Brian didn’t know what Nick’s secret was, but he’d pay him to share.

“How about AJ? He teaching you how to cook yet?”

“No, but I’m getting fat off his good cooking... but don’t worry once I get home I’ll lose the weight again...” Brian chuckled into the phone, knowing Leighanne would get what he was getting at.

“Brian Thomas Littrell are you insulting my cooking?!” Leighanne said, “I watched MTV...”

“Uh-oh...”

“Yeah...” Leighanne said, “I heard what you said about me, and what you and Nick have been doing on tour. Brian, you ought to be ashamed. I have to tell people you’re my husband!” She was laughing, “I swear Brian, I don’t need to have kids, I’m doing more than enough raising you, and your brothers!”

Brian grinned, “Hal might not take too kindly to you saying...”

“You know what brothers I mean Mr. Littrell,” Leighanne purred.

“Yeah I do... Mrs. Littrell,” he liked the way that sounded. He felt like saying it again and again, but someone might look at him oddly, not to mention Leighanne might hang up.

“I can’t wait for you to get home baby,” Leighanne said, “There are so many things we need to catch up on...”

Brian was beginning to grin, he knew what he wanted to catch up on... He blinked, and rubbed his eyes. A flash of red caught his eye. He threw a curious glance in the direction, red hair... Not Rhonda’s, Rhonda’s hair was more of an orange color, that hair was as red as rust... as red as blood. Suddenly his gaze was no longer curious but hawkish, who the hell was that? None of the photographers or assistants he had seen so far had hair like that... wild red hair. He took a few steps in that direction, the person had faded from his sight. He shook his head, maybe he had been seeing things. “Brian?”

“Huh...oh yeah, sorry, some one just asked me something,” Brian covered for his lack of attention, he kept his eyes peeled for the strange person. He had to be some kind of photographers’ assistant, it had to be. Why was he being so silly? He was overreacting again. A face from his memories reconstructed itself in his head, wild flaming red hair, feral green eyes...cruel yet handsome features... Brendon. Every time he saw a young man that sort of fit that description his mind transformed that person into Brendon. He always had to look twice. What had Dr. Collins said?- Calm down and access the situation. Brendon was dead. That is not Brendon.

“Brian? Where are you?”

“A photo shoot,” Brian said nervously, he saw him again... green eyes, he was sure the man had green eyes. The nose, the chin.... No, no, look twice Brian. Brendon is dead, dead, DEAD! The person walked away from Brian’s line of vision again.

“Oh are you guys wearing the clothes that you like this time?” Leighanne questioned, giggling about the leather outfits they had worn when she had last opened a magazine and saw a recent picture of them.

“Um.. Not much better...” Brian was walking even closer to where he had saw the person.. The man... the red haired, green eyed man that looked so much like... HE’S DEAD Brian! HE’S DEAD! Brendon is dead! But.. But.... Brian watched the red haired man appear again, he was helping the photographer... he was a photographers’ assistant. How silly do you feel now? He asked himself. He felt himself letting out a breath that he hadn’t even known that he was holding. His hand that held the phone shook, and he realized Leighanne was talking to him again, “..ian?”

“Leighanne...? What did you ask again?” Brian asked. He was calming down, he could feel his muscles loosening.

“When is your shoot over?”

“Oh, in a few hours,” Brian said, “Then we’ll be back at the hotel.”

“You should try to get some rest there babe,” Leighanne was saying.

“I can’t rest when I share the room with Nick....” Brian’s eyes were beginning to wander again, and.. And... No... no, he was dead... Was he looking at him? Was he staring? The green eyes seemed to recognize him. He was famous, of course he was recognized, he tried to calm himself.. No, no.. He was being recognized in a different way. Look at his eyes... no, no, not his eyes, not HIS eyes! HE’S DEAD! You saw him shot, you saw him fall, you saw him bleed.... You saw Ariella.... NO! He squeezed his eyes shut tight and gripped the phone, he heard Leighanne’s voice chattering away with him, as if he were still on the phone with her, as if he were still listening... No.. No he was in that dreary living room... He saw Ariella pull the trigger, he saw the blood. He saw the blood splatter on Ariella and on Howie. More on Howie, less on Ariella. Howie cried out like he had been shot. For one terrible moment Brian had thought he had been. Brian had screamed too. Brendon was dead. BRENDON WAS DEAD... He had to be. Brian ripped his eyes away from the man and his eyes desperately searched the sets, Kevin, Howie, AJ... Nick? Where was Nick? Brian couldn’t see him anymore, at all... He turned his head where Nick had been and saw no one. “Nick!” Brian called.

“Brian!” a small voice was yelling at him, it was then that Brian realized that he was still holding his cell phone, “Leigh... Leigh baby, I gotta call you back.” Brian didn’t even wait for a goodbye before he hung up, “NICK!” Brian was running, he charged past a group of bodyguards that looked at him curiously, he nearly ran over Jeff Timmons in his panic.

“Woa, woa, Bri. Why are you in such a hurry? What are you guys up to?” He suddenly looked suspicious, “I saw those pictures of what ya’ll did to poor Joey.”

“Nothing man, nothing. Have you seen Nick? My Nick?” Brian almost gripped Jeff’s arms and shook him. Jeff stared at him, his jovial demeanor fading as he saw the look in Brian’s eyes. Something was wrong, “Brian what’s wrong? Nick’s fine, he’s in the dressing room with Monica, Justin, and Britney. Is something going on?”

Brian didn’t know how to answer.. He saw a dead guy... He saw a dead guy, a guy he saw killed... How do you explain that to someone who wasn’t there? He saw the dead guy that had tried to kill him and his brothers, and now Nicky was missing. He had gone where Brian couldn’t keep an eye on him! He wasn’t supposed to do that! He had to be with someone at all times! Brian thanked Jeff and ran to the dressing room nearly knocking over two managers and not stopping to apologize. He burst into the dressing room to see Justin, Britney, Monica, and Nick lounging in front of a small TV sipping on juice boxes. “Nick!” Brian exclaimed.

“Brian!” Nick exclaimed back with the same intensity and laughed, until he noticed the dark expression on Brian’s face, “Frick, what’s up?”

“You didn’t tell me where you were going?” Brian accused, approaching Nick angrily, “You just left, I thought something had happened to you!”

Nick blinked, “Brian, I just ducked into the dressing room. It wasn’t like I left the building, and it wasn’t like I was alone. What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t see you anymore!”

“Well yeah, unless you developed x-ray vision over the past few minutes I doubt you’d be able to see me,” Nick said frowning, “You were on the phone. Chill, B.”

“No,” Brian grabbed Nick roughly by the arm, “You know better than that! What if, what if someone had taken you?!”

“Brian, where is this coming from?...” Nick was beginning, but Justin interrupted, “Hey Brian, cool it, this place is crawling with security! No one who isn’t supposed to be here is getting in. And no one would let any of us just leave, no cause to get upset. Besides, Nick’s a big boy...”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything! Our bus last year was crawling with security! We were the safest damn people in the world.. YEAH RIGHT!” Brian gave Nick another rough tug, “Don’t you ever do that to me again, you hear me?!”

“Brian, calm down,” Monica was saying eyes wide, she slowly advanced to the situation, trying to take Brian’s arm that was gripping Nick’s and ease it away, “Everyone’s ok. We didn’t know that you would get so upset if we left. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested it.”

“You shouldn’t have!” Brian glared at her. Monica’s mouth dropped open as she stared at Brian’s hateful expression, What had happened? Brian was so sweet...

“B... what happened? What’s wrong?” Nick was not trying to struggle away from Brian, and he was not angry for the childish treatment, he stared at Brian earnestly, very concerned, “B?”

Brian tightened his grip on Nick’s arm, looking deep into his blue eyes.. So dull and lifeless... He blinked and shook his head, no... He looked into Nick’s blue eyes that burned in their intensity and concern, “Bri?”

“Oh Nick!” Brian released Nick’s arm, and let out a small cry when he saw the red marks his harsh grip had left on Nick’s arm, “Oh God... I’m so sorry. I don’t.. I...”

Nick frowned, then looked to Justin, Britney, and Monica, “Um.. Could you guys...?”

“Yeah, yeah of course man,” Justin said quickly, he, Britney, and Monica all ducked out of the dressing room leaving Nick and Brian to themselves to talk.

“What’s going on B-Rok? Why’d you single me out like that?” Nick took Brian’s arm firmly and led him to the couch he had just been sitting on.

Brian blinked, “Single you out? You’re angry cause I was worried about you?”

Nick made a face, “I moved 5 feet from the corner inside a room.”

“I just didn’t see you leave Nick. I just looked up and you were gone,” Brian said in a low voice, “It freaked me out.”

“Why? What happened? Why did you panic like that?” Nick looked intense, Brian couldn’t distinguish his concern from the clear agitation in his voice.

“Are you upset with me?” Brian asked instead staring at Nick’s expression of exasperation.

“What?- You’re changing the subject! I asked you what happened?”

“And I asked you if you were upset with me? Why would you be upset with me? You of all people know what it means to look up and not be able to...”

“Did you see Howie, or AJ, or Kevin?” Nick demanded dropping his earlier determination to drill Brian, “Were they right in front of ya?”

Brian blinked.

“No... no.. Instead you panic cause you don’t see me, the baby,” Nick snapped, “I can take care of myself as well as the rest of you!”

“Nick, God, is that how you think?” Brian blinked, “You think I don’t know that you can care for yourself? Are you telling me you think it’s wrong for me to care for you, to be protective of you...?”

“You’re too damn protective, all of you are!” Nick snapped, “No one approaches me alone anymore, they’re too afraid of you. Why Brian? If you know I can take care of myself, why do you smother me? Why must I report to you guys like you’re my parole officers?”

“You don’t have to report to me. It’s just nice to know where you are and where you going to be in case we need to find you!” Brian exclaimed, “What if something was wrong and we needed to tell you something and you were just gone? What if you were in trouble, and we couldn’t come help you cause we didn’t know where you were and who you were with?”

“Brian I’m not DOING things like that!” Nick yelled, “If I was I can see why you guys might follow me around.. But I don’t! If I had left the building I would have told you so! You guys aren’t doing this cause you’re just scared I’ll get in trouble, you think I’m weak!”

“Nick...”

“No,” said Nick shaking his head, “You think I’m weak Brian. You all think I can’t fend for myself so you’ve all made yourselves like my personal body guards or something. Well news flash we have people that we are paying to do that job!”

“Nick...”

“No! It’s driving me crazy! It’s driving me insane! I will not break! I am not made of glass!” Nick’s face was flushed with energy, he had jumped up from the couch and stood before Brian making dramatic hand gestures and beginning to pace.

“I know you’re not made of glass Nicky... Nick would you sit down, you’re going to work yourself into an attack...”

“And there we go! Brian, I am perfectly in control of my asthma, ok? I know what to do,” Nick was tugging at his hair, “I’m not gonna drop dead somewhere!”

Brian paled, and then angered, “Sit the hell down. Sit down and stop talking crazy. What I do, what we all do for you, is for your own good kid.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“You’re acting like one!”

“And you’re acting like a babysitter! I should have just asked my mom to come with me on tour!” Nick was practically trembling, vibrating with his frustration, “What can I do to make you guys treat me as an equal..? What can I do to keep you from shielding me away from problems..? What can I do to...to make you guys trust me?”

“We trust you...”

“Not enough to make my own decisions and to choose my own friends...” Nick muttered, he wrung his hands together and his eyes flashing wildly, “Justin was right you know. He said...”

“Justin? Timberlake? I knew it! I knew someone instigated this!”

“No one instigated anything Brian, it’s about time this came out... I was gonna explode!” Nick plopped back down on the couch beside Brian, seemingly exhausted by his previous emotional exerts, “Brian, I am 21 years old. I am as much of an adult as you are now, and I’ve gotta live my life. You can’t always be there for me, and I’m trying to learn what I can do for myself, and you guys aren’t letting me. I know what’s happened, I know why you’re scared... I know I scared you a lot, and you want to try and keep me safe, to protect yourself from feeling that fear again. I’m sorry Brian, I am sorry for hurting you, for scaring you...”

“Nick you didn’t hurt nor scare me, those monsters did,” Brian said his face twisting into a sneer, he gazed at Nick, taking in the torment printed on Nick’s face. He felt his heart constricting for Nick’s torment was the same that Brian felt inside... He was correct.. Brian never did want to feel that kind of fear again.. The fear of losing someone close to you, being right there, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Nick had almost died in his arms.... He had held him, felt his body shuddering weakly, felt his hesitant breaths... “Dammit Nick you could have died in my arms... I..was just there... I couldn’t help.”

“But I didn’t die Rok... you guys did help me. You got me out,” Nick said softly, “You got me out before it was too late, if you’d hesitated any longer, I may have died. You did save me. You shouldn’t be beating yourself up...”

Brian shook his head, “You nearly died in my arms Nicky, I dream about that. I don’t care what I try to do, that dream, the memories will never fade, and whenever I look at you... God! I just praise God that you’re here with me, with us. Sometimes I just want to take you and just pinch you and hold you to make sure you’re really here, but mostly I just want to protect you.”

Nick’s face was wet, a few tears had leaked from his eyes, “I love you too Brian... and how do you think I feel about you guys... When I was outside and.. And you guys were still in there. And we could hear the guns, and..and...” Nick put his hands to his ears... The noises of the voices screaming, the fans screaming, cameras flashing, AJ’s mother... relax....relax... He felt hands over his hands. They slowly brought his hands down, and Nick opened his eyes to view his best friend who was biting his lip tears streaming down his face as well, “We all want to protect each other.”

Nick nodded in agreement, “But we’re smothering each other.”

Brian grinned, “Yeah Frack...I guess so. But I... we.. Can’t help it. Nick, we’ve got a long way to go before we’re...”

“Normal again?” Nick blinked wiping his eyes.

“Yeah, if we’ll ever be that,” Brian said now solemn, “Nick, I have a feeling we’ll always be different from how we were. And Nicky, I’m always gonna look out for you. I... I just hate not knowing where you are, I panic so much, Nicky... More than when Kevin, or Howie, or AJ are out of sight.”

“Cause of what could have happened to me?”

Brian sniffled and shook his head, “Not just that...”

“What then?” Nick wiped his nose hastily on his sleeve, “What Brian? Dammit! It’s cause you think I’m weak... I have a few problems yes, but I can handle them. Brian, I’m not handicapped!” He was starting to flush again, he was getting angry all over again, “Brian please...I’m not...”

“It’s not that Nicky, calm down,” Brian said gently tugging on Nick’s shirt to keep him in his seat, “It’s not that.. I don’t think you’re weak. I worry about you yes, but I don’t think you’re weak or handicapped.”

“Then what is it B?” Nick took his hands, he squeezed them tightly, “What is it?”

Brian stared at Nick silently and shook his head, “You’d only think I was insane.”

Nick laughed then, laughed in a cynical way, “Brian, you really think I have the right to deem anyone else insane? If anyone has been labeled crazy, it’s me.”

Brian blinked away new tears as he continued to hold gazes with Nick, “Nick, you’re not crazy.”

Nick smiled, “Sure I’m not... Can’t control my own memories Brian. I have large gaps...synapses if you will, in my life where I just lose it.. I’m not there, where I don’t know what has happened, what has been said, or where I am... Lost time, Brian... And you know what,” Nick looked away, “There’s a chance that I may not get better... Maybe I’ll keep having these episodes where I leave reality, until one day I won’t come back Brian. Something inside me will decide it wants to stay.. And I’ll be forever lost.”

Brian put an arm around him and pulled him close, “You will never be lost with me around Nicky, me and Kevin, and Howie, and AJ, we’ll never lose you or let you lose yourself.”

“Add it up Brian,” Nick said in a slow voice, “Every time I leave, if you don’t catch me in time, I’m gone for longer and longer... The lost time can eventually add up to years... Years of my life lost Brian. If you can protect me from that...”

“You’ve been talking to Dr. Gaines again haven’t you?” Brian questioned rubbing his back.

Nick nodded, “He called a few days ago. We had a talk. He, um, wants to change my prescription.” Nick scratched his head, “Looks like it’s not as temporary as we thought.”

“God Nicky,” Brian sighed, then firmly gripped Nick’s shoulders, “There was this dream... a dream that I had while I was down there. When it was just me and Howie and Kevin and AJ, and AJ was real sick... I..I kinda left reality too. I scared the others really badly... but I had this dream that I was in this dark place... in front of me was this wall of black stone. And Nick I was all alone, but I didn’t get scared...”

“Black stone?” Nick’s face was paling.

“I wasn’t scared til I heard you... I heard you scream for me, and for the others... and when I yelled back.. You kept yelling, it was like you couldn’t hear me... Nick I couldn’t find you, but I knew I had to get to you.. You were in danger, you were scared.. But I couldn’t find you, couldn’t see you...”

“I heard you Brian..” Nick whispered.

“I think that’s why I have such a problem with you just disappearing. I think it’s.. What?”

“You said it was like I couldn’t hear you, I heard you,” Nick looked away from Brian, “I didn’t yell until I heard you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The dream... Black stone walls... it was a maze and the sky was blood red, cold and dark...and it snowed.”

Brian was nodding, “But I wasn’t in a maze, I was outside of stone walls... the maze’s stone walls...Oh God, Nicky, what do you think it means?”

Nick shrugged, “Dr. Gaines says it’s my insecurities.”

“Dr. Collins says it’s my anxieties,” Brian smirked. He punched Nick in the knee, “Aren’t we the perfect pair?”

Nick looked up at Brian with a weak grin, “Yeah, maybe they’ll lock us away in the same room. Then we can keep each other company.”

“You bring the cards?”

“If you bring the dominoes,” Nick and Brian grinned at each other and hugged. Brian pulled away slowly and watched as Nick sat back, his smile fading a bit, “So what got you so riled up Bri?”

“Huh?”

“When you bound in here and scared away MoMo, JuJu, and Brit... they think you’re nuts now, by the way,” Nick winked, “Wanna juice?”

Brian snickered and ruffled Nick’s hair, “No I don’t wanna juice Frack.” He pet his head and leaned him closer, and sighed, “I just thought I saw someone...”

“You blew in here like a bat out of hell... or like Joey Fatone when he discovered those very realistic rubber roaches in his suitcase,” Nick chuckled recalling the event and Joey’s horrified reaction.

Brian was shaking his head, “I saw a man out there, a photographer’s assistant or something with this flaming red hair and bright green eyes...” he shuddered, “And it looked as if he were studying me. I just felt like he recognized me in some way, not as a star, but.. I don’t know Nick. But it freaked me out... I thought he was.. Was him, Brendon. But Brendon’s dead, I saw him die Nick.”

Nick was silent, for a moment, “Every time I see a man or woman with that red hair...”

Brian nodded, “I overreacted badly.. And I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”

“You embarrassed yourself more than you embarrassed me, Frick,” Nick said with a light laugh. Brian blushed, “I guess I did... but I was so scared Nick. My mind just told me, my instinct, my gut ones, just kicked in. It said... Danger... and I looked over to where you were.. And you were gone... Suddenly I saw that stone wall again Nicky, and I couldn’t find you.”

“Well Brian, you know I wear a pager twenty-four- seven, the parental units are getting to be a pain in the ass. You can page me and I’ll call ya right back if I’ve strayed too far from sight and you get antsy. That’ll save you and me a lot of embarrassment. Or if I’m close enough I could just come and find ya. We can work out a special code, just for you... and hey. You could get a pager too. That way I could just page you back and let you know I’m ok, with my own special code. Would that be ok, Bri?” Nick was already removing his pager from his belt loop ready to program a new code.

Brian smirked, “Getting to be quite the brainiac aren’t we Kaos?”

“I’ve been catching up on my Sesame Street...” suddenly he gasped, outrage written cleanly across his features, “Do you know they had the nerve to change Big Bird’s voice?”

Brian laughed, “You’re too much!”

“No, I’m serious, they did!” Nick was pouting, “I swear no one takes me seriously around here.”

“Ok... um... I seem to be missing a few people,” Sheila frowned as she looked into her camera window and only saw three Backstreet Boys, “Where are the blond ones?”

“Last I saw of them they were throwing cheetos at each other in the dressing room,” Howie said with a shrug, “I could go get them.”

Sheila groaned and motioned for Howie to go on and fetch her missing subjects, she’d said take 15 not the day! Sheila, Kevin, and AJ waited, and waited, and waited for Howie’s return...

Kevin frowned, “This isn’t like Howie.”

“Maybe Riff and Raff ate him,” AJ suggested with a small grin.

Kevin did not look amused, “I’m going to find them.”

“I’ll come with..”

“No...!” Sheila attempted to protest.. Great, she’d just lost her clients. They weren’t coming back anytime soon, she knew. She sighed and supposed she should take 15... or the day. She sat down on the chair beside her camera. And here she thought her assignment would be easy. Taking pictures of five full grown men... five unbelievably attractive full grown men, but men nether-the-less! The children she photographed had more patience and better behavior than them. She blew a piece of hair from her face and started as she felt something being placed into her limp hand. It had been dangling uselessly at her side, she wanted a smoke. “Thank you hon,” she smiled up into the face of a handsome young man. His deep red hair shone and his green eyes sparkled, he smiled politely, “You’re welcome. Those guys you taking pictures of one of those boy bands?”

Sheila smiled, “None other than the Backstreet Boys... and don’t tell anyone here, but I think they’re the best I’ve had to work with in a while.. If only I could get them to stay in one place!”

The red haired man smiled, “I bet it’s challenging, but not impossible.” He laughed more to himself than with Sheila, “I’ll see you around.”

“Good bye, oh wait, I didn’t quite catch... your name,” he was gone, Sheila thought to her dismay, much like her clients... oh well, he’d had a cute butt.. And those eyes she would remember for an eternity.

“Stop it! You’re messing up my shirt!” Howie was yelling as he was being pelted with cheetos. Nick and Brian had ambushed him. His only defense was to jump behind the TV.

“Guys, what the hell?” a cheeto smacked Kevin in the nose. Kevin gazed around the cheeto littered dressing room, “Must you wreak havoc everywhere we go?”

Nick and Brian nodded quite earnestly before letting the cheetos fly again, this time striking AJ, who was quick to retaliate and throw himself on the ground to horde the loose cheetos. He hurled them back hitting Nick in the chest, “OOOH!” Nick cried out falling to the floor on a bed of cheetos dramatically, “I’ve been hit!”

“Nick your clothes! We’re at a photo shoot!” Kevin was trying not to pull his hair out, “STOP IT!”

“You’ll never take me alive!” Brian was yelling dodging AJ’s barrage of cheetos. Nick continued to convulse on his cheeto grave.

“Who gave them that bag of cheetos?” Kevin was grumbling, feeling a cheeto bounce off his jacket. He took a step back only to run into a solid body, he whirled around, “Johnny!”

“What the hell is going on in here?” A cheeto popped Johnny in the eye.

“Oops!” the cheetos immediately stopped flying at the sight of a manager with artificial cheese powder dotting the side of his face.

“We’ll clean it up,” Brian said sheepishly.

Nick rolled over on his cheeto bed ruining what was left of his costume... Why white? Why did it have to be white? “Brian started it.”

“I did not you little fart,” Brian pushed Nick’s face down into his cheeto bed, and let him up.

Johnny stood shaking his head, “Get up...You’re going to clean up this mess... but I don’t know how you’re going to clean yourselves up,” he looked especially at Nick who was orange as Chester Cheetah himself.

“Boys, Sheila is getting very OOOOOOH MY GOODNESS!” Rhonda’s eyes were wide as she pushed past Johnny into the dressing room, “What tornado ripped through here?”

“Riff and Raff,” Howie uttered, “Don’t look at me. I just walked in and was attacked by the commandos.”

“Look at you all.. Nicky...” Rhonda was gawking, “You’re all orange... how are you supposed to finish your pictures? We don’t have time for you to shower, and you’ll have to change clothes...”

“I told them to clean up this mess first.. I think they can wash up...”

“Johnny Wright,” Rhonda suddenly snapped,

“Yes Rhonda, what?”

“Who is the manager of the Backstreet Boys and who is not?”

Johnny gapped, “I was just trying to...”

“I can handle the situation on my own thank you, now good day,” she saw him out. Then she came back to see her Boys smirking at her, Kevin clapped, “Whoo, go Rhonda.”

Rhonda made a face at him, at all of them, “You Boys have really made a mess... You’d think you were brought up in a barn..”

“Kevin and Brian were brought up in Kentucky, close enough,” Nick cracked, Brian grabbed his neck in a playful matter laughing when Nick squirmed. He was so ticklish.

“Hmmm..” Rhonda was rubbing her chin accessing the situation, “hmmm,” she said again sounding more thoughtful, “Hold on one sec Boys. Just stay here, don’t move, don’t clean.”

Minutes later Rhonda and Sheila appeared, Sheila holding a smaller professional hand held camera. She whistled when she saw the mess then grinned at the images she knew she could create. Now this was her kind of photo shoot.. And she thought she wasn’t going to get any work done today, “All right Boys... you wanna have a cheeto war, at least do it officially.”

The Boys frowned at the two women in the doorway. Sheila and Rhonda entered the room closing the door behind them, “Oh my count three, do whatever you want,” Sheila said in an easy voice, “I’ll just snap a picture wherever I see fit.” She winked, “Cute look Nick.”

Nick beamed, “Make sure you get my left side!”

“I’ll get that backside!” Rhonda snorted, “Clowns!

“Ok, 1, 2, 3!”

AJ, Brian, Nick, Kevin, and Howie all gazed at each other, then grinned. AJ, Kevin and Howie passed a conspiratorial look between them, it was time for revenge. They each bent down collecting mounds of cheetos and rushed at Brian and Nick who stood unsuspecting, “AAAAH!”

The cheeto war was on, and so was the camera.

“I wish I had video tape,” Sheila was laughing as she snapped a picture of Kevin hoisting Nick up into the air and holding him upside down as Howie poured cheetos down his pant legs.

Rhonda grinned, it was working out just fine... Everything was fine.

Chapter 16

Knock.. Knock.. Knock.... Damn it! Ok, I’m getting up! “Coming!” Nick said grumpily pushing himself up on the lumpy hotel bed. He couldn’t blame house keeping for the bed. He recalled starting off at the top of the bed and now he was at the foot. He had had many a complaint from Aaron about him being a wild sleeper, but damn. He slid off the bed feeling the sudden rush as he stood, “Damn it... This had better be Carmen Electra.. Naomi Cambell.. Tyra Banks... JOEY FATONE!”

Nick tried to slam the door but Joey wedged his foot in it, “Hey, hey, not so fast Nicky boy.. I gotta proposition to make with ya.” He slid into the room shutting the door. Nick stared at him incredulously, “Do you know how many people I can get in this room to throw you out in a matter of seconds?” He flopped backwards onto the bed lying flat on his back, “Oh God..” he moaned.

“Does my presence annoy you that much?” Joey questioned his behavior. Nick was currently grimacing and rubbing his temples.

“No... my sinuses annoy me that much.. You, are not important enough to annoy me,” Nick opened his eyes, “What do you want?”

“Rawr,” Joey plopped down on Nick’s bed, “I just got through watching this crazy movie, and it gave me the greatest idea for a gag. I really really wanna do this. I just want to see if it works.. But no one else is crazy enough to try it with me, but you.”

“Calling me crazy isn’t gonna win many points with me Fatone,” Nick said flatly, “What prank?”

Joey grinned maniacally, “You’re gonna flip... OK....” And he began to explain... and as he explained Nick’s eyes grew wider and wider with interest, they glittered devilishly.

“You really wanna do this Fatone?” Nick sat up with a grunt, “I mean really?”

“Yeah, you don’t think I’d be in here with you if I didn’t...” Joey’s grin faded as he wrinkled his nose, “It smells like a sick room in here.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Blame Howie...damn vaporizer.” He lie back on the bed and rolled onto his stomach, “So when were you planning on pulling this prank and where? Next town?”

“No, this town.. Now. We don’t have anything scheduled to do today, no one will be looking for us,” Joey shrugged then eyed Nick, “Well no one will look for me.. But I’m sure you could get out if we said we were going somewhere together.”

Nick quirked an eyebrow.

“Oooo- kay so we have a problem,” Joey frowned, “But... but... it’ll only take an hour at the most. I mean, you were sleeping when I came in, so maybe they’ll.. Leave you alone thinking you’re asleep.”

Nick made a face at Joey, “That is the stupidest rationalization I have ever heard Joey. Brian’s been in and out all day, checking up on me and all.”

“Hmmm...” Joey rubbed his chin, “You come with too many strings attached Carter.”

“That pun went straight to my stomach, I think I’ll be ill,” Nick cringed at Joey’s bad joke.

Joey scowled, “You’re obnoxious Carter, you know that.”

“You ever see Arachnophobia, Joey?”

“Yeah...”

“Did you like it?”

“Too many spiders,” Joey shrugged.

“Wonderful,” Nick grinned wickedly rubbing his palms together.

“What? What are you planning on doing Carter? You already got me with the roaches man, I give,” Joey held up his hands in surrender.

“Who’s the King of Pranks?”

“Ok, so maybe I don’t surrender,” Joey said, “Anyhow, how do you suppose we get around your problem?”

Nick sighed, “I don’t know.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes, “You got a black blow dryer?”

“No,” Nick said sullenly... “But I think Alex does...”

“Nick, what the hell? Thought you were confined to your room?” AJ looked puzzled as he let Nick in, and even more so when Joey Fatone entered behind Nick.

“You gotta black blow dryer Bone?” Nick asked instead of answering AJ’s question.

“Huh?”

“A black blow dryer?” Joey reiterated.

“Why?” AJ was lost, “You guys came down to ask for a blow dryer? For real?”

“Ah-huh,” Nick nodded gazing at AJ expectantly.

“Yeah, yeah I got one,” AJ nodded slowly.

“Excellent, can we borrow it. We’ll give it back in a few hours,” Joey said patting AJ on the back. AJ continued to frown, “Nicky,” he turned to his band mate taking his shoulders and sitting him down on the bed, “just out of curiosity what do you want a black blow dryer for? I mean you specifically asked for a black one, not a white one, or gray... What are you up to Kaos?”

“Why do I always have to be up to something?” Nick asked looking completely innocent.

“That look quit working on me a week after I met you. Now what are you up to? Are you and Fatone collaborating on something?”

“Bone that hurts!” Nick said, “You... you think I’m trying to pull one over on you?”

“Yup, trying and failing,” AJ’s eyes narrowed as he gazed at Fatone, “Either I’m in or Nicky stays, and no blow dryer. What are we doing? What kind of conspiracy are we gonna pull?” AJ was bouncing on the bed looking excited. Both Nick and Joey looked at him, mouths scraping the carpet.

“AJ...”

“Nick, you’re not even supposed to be out of your room,” AJ smirked at him, “How are you going to explain your sudden departure?”

“I don’t know,” Nick shrugged, “We were going to think about that later, blow dryer first.”

“What is the plan?” AJ asked grinning, “Brian’s not in on this is he?”

Nick shook his head, “Just us.”

“No MoMo, no Jess, no NL?” AJ was narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“Nope, no one,” Nick said rolling his eyes, “Just me, you, and Fatone.”

“Alright, let me grab the blow dryer... oh wait.. Guys? What are we going to go do?”

“Your asses are freaking crazy,” AJ was laughing tucking the blow dryer inside a small leather bag, “I can’t believe we’re gonna do this. Fatone, you actually worked out how we were going to get a car?”

“Yeah,” Joey shrugged, “I did that before I went to see if Nick was in. Our only problem is getting Nick out.”

AJ frowned and chewed his lip, “Well maybe taking him out isn’t such a...”

“AJ!”

“Ok, ok... Do us all a favor and wipe your nose,” AJ waved Nick away, “Hmm.. Well, Nicky, me and you don’t spend enough time together.”

“Sure we do,” Nick’s voice was muffled by a kleenex.

“No.. We don’t,” AJ said looking at him pointedly, “You and me are gonna watch a movie... and casually have the volume up so loud that anyone who knocks will hear it and dismiss it as us not being able to hear them from the sheer volume.”

Nick nodded, “I got ya. So I should leave a note on the door saying I’m in here with you.”

AJ nodded, “Come on, I’ll go up with ya and help you out. We’ll meet you outside Joey.”

“This was almost too easy,” Joey was saying.

“Stop saying that Fatone, you’ll jinx us,” Nick was grumbling rummaging around in the backseat of the car, “Did anyone bring snacks?”

“You’re hungry?” AJ questioned, he flinched as Joey changed lanes, “Geez Fatone who taught you how to drive?”

“Kinda,” Nick was saying finding a cap and pulling it down on his head, “This is gonna be great.”

“Yeah if it works it should be hilarious,” AJ chortled, “Are we almost there Fatone, we got two hours?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just wanna find a real good spot,” Joey was carefully watching the freeway traffic and the side of the road. After 5 minutes of cruising in the slow lane, “Ok, found it.” Joey pulled over. Joey and AJ got out of the car. Both were wearing all black attire and low riding baseball caps. AJ’s sunglasses were a perfect touch, “Who wants first shift?”

“I’ll do it,” Joey said, “After all it was my idea.”

“It’s my blow dryer,” AJ said just as cocky.

“Oh let Joey do it Aje, we’ll all get all get a turn if you stop wasting time by bickering!” Nick snapped. He opened his door and passed Joey the blow dryer, “Here goes...”

AJ got back into the car, sliding into the back seat with Nick. The car was a smooth white, with a few questionable antennas coming from its roof. Joey Fatone stood outside the car casually leaning on it, hat pulled down over his eyes pointing the black blow dryer at the sea of passing cars. He currently resembled... he giggled as he saw the first sign of brake lights.. A cop, standing on the side of the road with his radar clocking times. Eureeka! It works! He heard his companions tapping on the glass of the car window, slowly it was let down, “Oh my God, it’s working!”

“Lets have a contest.. Lets see who can slow down the most cars!”

“Ok... we each get 20 minutes, I’ll time ya,” Nick said looking at his watch.

About 102 cars later a very pleased AJ was letting himself back inside the car,”I got 26.. Do we have time for another round?”

“Not a complete round, but each of us have 5 minutes to go again,” Nick said, “I think Bone deserves another chance... not as many cars came around during his turn.”

“Yeah,” Joey was agreeing, “But still let me try one more time, that was so fun. I would be a cop just to do this stuff. I feel so powerful. Don’t count I’m just playing,” Joey took the blow dryer from AJ and slid out of the car, only to jump back in a minute later, “Cops... the real ones...”

“Shit! You think they saw?” Nick hissed.

“I don’t know, what can they do to us if they did?” AJ asked.

“Do you really wanna find that out?” Joey said, “Lets bail...”

“No, they might think we’re trying to escape!”

“But we are!” Nick exclaimed.

“No... They might think we’re fleeing them, we could go to jail just for that!” AJ objected.

“What do we do?” Joey hissed.

“I know, Nick get out with me,” AJ commanded.

“What? You guys are just gonna ditch me here?” Joey exclaimed.

“No.. Shit.. They are coming this way.. We gotta look like we were doing something.”

“We looked like we were impersonating police officers!” Nick moaned.

“Come on Nick, you’re carsick,” AJ was pulling Nick out of the car.

“I am not!”

“You are now, now act sick, I’m gonna see if I can get us out of this!” AJ dragged Nick to the rail and made him lean over, once Nick got a clear view of the drop below him he did feel sick, “Bone...”

“Shh!”

The police car pulled over to the side of the road behind their car. One office got out while his partner remained in the car. He approached the car where Joey sat nervously beating his hands on the steering wheel. He stopped when he spied Nick and AJ. “Everything ok over there?”

AJ turned around pretending to be startled, he rubbed Nick’s back, “Oh.. Oh everything’s fine. My friend here just felt a little carsick.”

“Oh,” the officer nodded, “Is that why you’ve stopped?”

“Yeah,” AJ said with a laugh, “Joe in there simply wouldn’t have him throwing up in his car.”

The officer nodded, “You sat here for a bit.”

“He was real nauseous and couldn’t decide if he was gonna be sick or not.”

“Hmm..” the officer began to whistle, he approached the driver’s side of the car. AJ quickly turned back, “Damn.. I think they’ve been watching us.”

“No shit Sherlock,” Nick retorted, “Can I get up? I’m getting nauseous for real!”

“Not just yet,” AJ held him down, “Lets wait.”

“So.. Where were you boys headed?” the officer was asking Joey, checking out his licence.

“Um.. Just driving around seeing the town,” Joey said, hoping he sounded smooth.

“Hmm...” the officer was pretty stereotypical, from the black uniform to the pudgy belly. “This your car?”

Joey’s eyes widened, shit... “Um no, it’s a friends. We were just driving around, we were gonna take it back.”

“You borrow rented vehicles?”

Joey nodded, “It was all he had. But honest we were on our way back just now.. But uh, Nick got sick, and I couldn’t have him throwing up in the car. I mean it is rented, and it’s not mine.”

“Would you mind letting me see that object sitting beside you in that passenger seat?”

Joey felt himself tense.... the blow dryer... they did see. Damn, damn... “Um...”

“May I see it, son?”

Joey lie his head back on the head rest and sighed, “Yes officer.” He slowly reached over and lifted the blow dryer. He handed it to the officer carefully. The officer took one look at the blow dryer, then at Joey. His face was grim, his mouth a thin line.... Oh damn, oh damn....

“Hehehehehehe...”

Was that a laugh he heard? Joey turned to face the officer who was yucking it up. He held the blow dryer out to Joey, “That’s what I thought it was...heheheh my partner bet me 5 dollars that you kids were using a portable fan.”

Joey laughed weakly taking back the blow dryer and setting it down, “So you’re not mad?”

The officer laughed even harder, it was a great belly laugh, “No... it was actually pretty funny seeing the cars slow down. But don’t do it again.”

Joey nodded, “Yeah.. You don’t have to worry about that... You see I saw this movie.. And I was just wondering if it would work.. We’ll never do it again.”

“I better not see it. Now, who’s car is this again?”

“It’s a friend’s still.”

The officer was starting to lose his humor, “What’s this friend’s name? I need to see if he rented this car.”

Joey was beginning to sweat again... he had borrowed it from one of his bodyguards.. But management had rented them. Who’s name would it be under? AJ and Nick were coming back to the car. AJ removed his hat, “What’s going on?”

The officer looked up at AJ and did a double take, “You look familiar.”

“Good or bad?”

“You look like one of those.... Backstreet Boys,” he grinned, and motioned to his partner behind him in the car. AJ stood staring, what was going on.

“Hey!” the officer’s partner bounced from the car, he beamed at AJ, “It’s the bad Backstreet Boy!”

AJ smiled weakly, “Yeah.. That’s me... and this is Nick.” AJ snatched off Nick’s hat revealing the blond locks that were soon to be airborne in the wind.

“Me and my wife love you guys!” The partner was saying shaking their hands, “You boys giving a show here?”

“Tomorrow we are,” AJ nodded.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Um..”

“Playing practical jokes,” the first officer said, “Blow dryer.”

“Aw shoot!” the partner grumbled, “You boys sneak away from your bodyguards today?”

“Yeah,” Nick said looking guilty, “It was all Joey’s idea.”

“Joey? Who else is in there? Where are Brian and Kevin and Howie, you leave them behind?”

Nick and AJ nodded. Joey was opening his door and getting out, he removed his cap and the partner squinted, “You’re one of those other guys... N’Sync. Is that it?”

Joey nodded.

The partner laughed and clapped, the first officer laughed again, “So who’s car is this?”

“It’s my bodyguard’s,” Joey said, “I borrowed it... he doesn’t know about it though, we kinda snuck out.”

The officers laughed again, “Well you boys best be getting back, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Joey was agreeing, “We were going back.”

“What hotel you at?”

“Marriot,” AJ said.

The two officers eyed each other, “How about we escort you all back to the hotel to make sure you get there ok.”

“No way!” Nick was saying as AJ clapped a hand over his mouth, “No thank you, it’s not necessary.”

“Oh we think that it is,” the partner said.

“Oh come on guys, please... We will get into so much trouble,” Nick was pleading, he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Escort you to the hotel or to the station, your choice.”

“I really am gonna be sick,” Nick muttered.

AJ was groaning, perfect plan Fat One, perfect plan.

“You can let us out here,” AJ was telling Officer Calloway, “We can find our way back just fine.” As it turned out Joey ended up driving the rental car while Officer Jones rode with him in the passenger seat, and AJ and Nick ended up with Officer Calloway their “biggest” fan. They listened to Black and Blue on the way to the hotel, the Officer singing along killing whatever fine tune his radio was playing. AJ and Nick rode sullenly in the backseat dreaming up all the things Rhonda was going to do to them when they arrived with the police.

“Oh damn! Kevin!” Nick smacked himself in the head.

“Howie!” AJ groaned, “You’re not even supposed to be outside! They’re going to kill me!”

Nick grunted, “They’ll kill us both.”

“So are you boys gonna be singing everything off this album?” Officer Calloway asked.

“Um no sir, not everything we only go through 9 songs,” AJ said, “Say.... you and your wife wouldn’t want tickets would you?”

“AJ, you can’t bribe a cop they’ll send us to jail!”

“I’m not bribing him, I’m being nice!” AJ hissed back pinching him.

“Nice people go to jail too, AJ,” Nick grumbled and smacked him for pinching him.

“Hey, you two behave!” Officer Calloway warned them.

“He pinched me!” Nick squealed, “Can I sit up front?”

“Not now kid,” Calloway laughed, “AJ don’t pinch him.”

“He hit me!” AJ complained.

“After he pinched me!”

“Children, I am not pulling over and letting you out so you can cool it.”

“Damn,” Nick and AJ said in unison, “This is gonna be a massacre.”

“Maybe no one will notice.”

“What in the hell were you three thinking?!”

“Maybe no one will notice,” AJ mocked Nick and Nick gave him the finger by pretending to wipe his eye.

“You could have been arrested!” Rhonda was marveling at her youngest’ actions, “You could have caused accidents! You.. You could have been recognized and... My God, you’re grounded! Nick.. You weren’t even supposed to be outside at all! AJ, how could you go along with this? You have a concert tomorrow!”

AJ’s eyes were wide, he shot an “I told you so,” look at Nick.

“Rhonda,” Johnny Wright was beginning but quickly caught himself before jumping into it, he nodded to Nick and AJ, and took his own boy to deal with, “Say good bye to your accomplices Joey.”

“Smart man...” Rhonda said watching Johnny leave with Joey in tow by his shirt collar, “What possessed you two to do such a stunt?”

“It.. It was an experiment... Ya see... we were trying to see if police officers really can improve motorist safety by simply posing the impending threat of a speeding ticket. Just by simply having someone stand out like they’re monitoring the streets can modify behavior. It’s a psychological behavior test...”

“Nick,” Rhonda looked at him, exasperated, “Oh God... Why? Why me? Come on, come on we’re going upstairs.” Rhonda took them both roughly by the arms and proceeded to manhandle them to the elevator, “You are both going to your rooms and you are going to stay there until we leave tomorrow for the concert. Your food will be bought to you. Someone will be outside making sure you don’t come out.”

“What if there’s a fire?” Nick asked innocently.

“Well, we’ll all know who started it, now won’t we?” Rhonda snapped squeezing his arm a little tighter, but loosening it as he winced, “Sorry sweetheart, you can just make me so angry. You guys could have gotten hurt.”

“Sorry Rhonda,” Nick said in a small voice, and AJ echoed him.

Rhonda laughed suddenly and let them go, “Well... in all its stupidity, did your little prank work?”

Both AJ and Nick grinned, “On 102 cars.”

“Good Lord they were keeping count,” Rhonda groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Rhonda?”

“What Nick?”

“Are we really grounded?”

“Yes, now for heaven sake wipe your nose!” Rhonda exclaimed searching her purse for a kleenex. Nick pulled some from his pocket and waved them at her.

“Ew, if you’re gonna blow wait til we get off so I can leave,” AJ made a horrific face at Nick; Nick smirked at him and gave a test snort.

“You’re disgusting!” AJ yelled, “Rhonda make him stop!”

Rhonda blinked, “AJ, it’s a fact of life, get over it. Maybe if you had kept him indoors...”

“The kid’s a snot factory!”

“It wasn’t AJ’s choice for me to go outside,” Nick muttered sounding nasally. The elevator stopped, “I’m going to my room.”

“I think Kevin’s in there.”

“I’m going to AJ’s room.”

“Come on,” Rhonda walked Nick to his room first with AJ pulling up the rear, bodyguards nodded to them as they passed, blinking at Rhonda’s stony expression.

Rhonda knocked a few times and Brian opened the door, “Rhonda.. Frack! Bone? Uh-oh...” he stepped back and Rhonda came in.

“Um.. I hope you don’t mind me turning off that vapor thing... it felt really gross in here.”

Nick made a grateful face at Brian, “What’s going on?”

Kevin was there... Both Nick and AJ glanced at each other and began to say their prayers.

“AJ, Nick, we thought you were watching a movie?”

Howie too! They were dead meat.

“No,” Rhonda said evenly, “Nickolas and Alexander here, were out on the freeway flagging down cars with a blow dryer.”

“What?” Kevin blinked, had he heard her right?

“A blow dryer?” Brian was blank.

“The freeway!” Howie was incredulous.

“Well they thought it would be funny to play police and pretend they had radar and slow down cars.. Until the real police showed up and brought them back.”

“How did they get out?” Kevin was too stunned to be angry just yet.

“Joey Fatone stole Simon Murphy’s rental car,” Rhonda nodded.

“Good Lord, we can’t leave you alone for a minute!” Howie was beginning to exploded, “You guys were standing out on the freeway.. Alone!”

“Relax D.. Nothing happened...” AJ was trying to say.

“Something could have happened! Someone could have just snatched you! You put yourselves in a vulnerable situation for the sake of a dumb joke! How could you be so stupid! And Nick... you let Nick go of all the people to take with you! He’s gonna be sick tomorrow!”

“I will not!” Nick objected, “I’m fine!”

“Yeah Nicky, wipe your nose while you’re at it,” Howie commented dryly, and Nick rolled his eyes and disappeared into the bathroom, “I just can’t believe it.. Out of all the stupid things you’ve done this takes the cake. It wins the trophy!”

“Howie...”

“He’s right AJ, that was dumb,” Kevin said, “It was childish. You could have gotten yourselves hurt... and what’s worse.. You, the older one, are supposed to be the mature one and take care of the younger one. You know Nick’s not supposed to be...”

“DAMMIT IT WAS MY IDEA!!” Nick exploded running out of the bathroom and rushing Kevin knocking him back onto the floor, “Stop yelling at AJ, me and Fatone came up with this! All AJ did was give us a blow dryer! He probably only agreed to come because he knew I’d find a way to do it anyway and it’d be better if someone came with me! God... If something bad happened or could have happened it was my fault!”

“Nick calm down,” Kevin was staring at Nick in bewilderment from the floor, “Yeah I know it was your scheme... but AJ..”

“I told you he couldn’t stop me! You couldn’t stop me! I’m not a little kid anymore, I am a grown man, and I’ll do whatever the hell pleases me!” Nick was glaring down at Kevin, at Howie, at Rhonda... he talked with Brian... Brian in fact, did not look mad.. He looked.. Disappointed. Nick felt his stomach plummet to his feet, “I’m sorry if I let you down, by acting like a kid sometimes...but I’m not. And I can get yelled at just like anyone else.. You used to yell at me.” Nick looked as if he were blinking back tears, “But now... now.. I’m like some doll... some fragile porcelain dolly that can’t be handled too roughly, or I’ll shatter.”

“Nick, that’s ridiculous, we don’t treat you any differently than we always have...”

“That’s ridiculous!” Nick yelled, screamed, “You... you stand over me always watching like mother hens... I’m just waiting for one of you to take my plate and start cutting my food up for me!”

“Nick...”

“If this was last year.. If this was last year Kev, you and me would be face to face, nose to nose, screaming at each other! You would wanna hit me you’d be so angry! You wouldn’t tell me to calm down, cause you’d be too busy yelling at how stupid I am to notice! Tell me I’m lying Kevin, tell me? You and I have always butted heads, our fights were always the worst.. But now...Tell me what’s different Kev. I just knocked you on your ass, and you’re just sitting there like a pansy, asking me to calm down... blaming the whole mess on AJ... What’s wrong with blaming it on me Kev? Do you see the word FRAGILE stamped across my forehead? Do you see any cracks in this porcelain? Wake up Kevin, wake up Howie! Clear those dreams of me being some crystal statue out of your heads. The only way you’re going to break me is by throwing me down a flight of stairs!”

“Nickolas,” Rhonda’s eyes were wide, “....”

Nick turned to look at her expectantly, waiting to be reamed out for his outburst, “You feel that way, and you’ve kept it in for that long?”

“No... he yelled at me real good a few days ago,” Brian said nodding his head at the others, “I got the message.”

“God Nick... Ok, so what are we supposed to do?” Kevin asked, “ If you’re going out on freeways...”

“It’s not just the freeway... and that was a single performance...” Nick said softly wiping his eyes, “Why do I always end up freakin’ crying...? You know what? I just thought of something. Rhonda says I’m grounded... which means no company right? So you can’t be in here, or I’ll get in trouble. So get out.”

“Nick, we need to talk about some of the things you just said...”

“Some.. Why not all? Get out!” Nick said tersely he threw himself down on Brian’s bed that wasn’t occupied at the moment. He lie there face down refusing to speak to anyone... they’d take the hint. Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

“Nickolas...”

“....”

“Nick, come on...” that was Howie.

“Nicky, please...” Kevin....

“You guys better do what he says, he’s really mad,” Good ole’ dependable Brian.

“Guys if we have a problem we have to talk about it,” Rhonda was saying, “Nickolas, sit up we’re going to talk about what you just said. We know how you feel, now you’ll see how everyone else feels...”

“I don’t care how everyone else feels if it makes me feel like shit,” Nick muttered, and instead of sitting up, pulling himself even further down on the bed to where he could bury his face in a pillow.

“Damn it Nick, how are we supposed to treat you like an adult if you’re going to act like such a baby?!” Howie interjected, “You don’t want to talk to us fine. But if we don’t talk, we’ll never solve your problem.”

“....”

Howie rolled his eyes at Nick’s silence and Kevin groaned in frustration. “This is stupid!” AJ grumbled crawling onto the bed and looming over Nick’s curled form. He hoovered for a second before diving in, tickling Nick until he rolled over to escape him, “There now that you’re facing us, lets chat, shall we?”

“That’s not fair!” Nick was grumbling as AJ’s tickling fingers moved toward him again and he yielded, sitting up and folding his arms over his chest.

There was silence for a few minutes as they all looked at one another. Slowly all eyes went to Rhonda, the outsider. Rhonda blinked at all the sudden attention, then realized why, “Oh...I should leave you boys alone for a few minutes.” She slipped out of the room quickly.

“She’s so cool,” Nick said watching her go.

“Yeah, I’m glad the Firm gave her to us,” Brian said, “I’m gonna miss her being around when this is all over.”

“Nick?” Kevin was sitting down on the bed, forcing Nick over.

Nick lowered his head, “I’m sorry. I never said anything before because I thought I would hurt you...and I was right, I can see that I did, I am. But the way you treat me drives me crazy sometimes. The attention is nice, I love knowing you care...but it makes me feel weird. Like you don’t think I can take care of myself anymore. I mean, I know I’m screwy and messed up, and childish...but if I seriously need your help I’ll let you know. I’m not going anywhere where I won’t be able to reach you if something happens.”

“Nick, you’ve got to realize it’s not just you...if you haven’t noticed we treat each other the same way, you treat us the same way. We’re all screwy! You can’t tell me if I were to suddenly leave the hotel and you don’t know where I am for a few hours you wouldn’t have a kidney!”

“I would have several kidneys...but that’s if you were gone a few hours... Kev, if I were to step out for a few minutes you would have kidneys!”

“Nick...” Howie was pulling his hair, “It’s different with you...”

“There! He said it! You said it!” Nick leaped up to a standing position on the bed pointing at Howie, “I’m different! And how is that Howie? How am I different?”

Howie stared at Nick, his eyes trained from Nick to Kevin, to AJ, to Brian, “You know why! You all know why! Why are you staring at me like you don’t know! Nick, you died! You were almost lost to us forever! You weren’t breathing! I touched your face and you weren’t breathing!”

“I’m breathing now Howie...I know what happened. More than any of you, I know what happened to me...”

“It’s hard to get over Nick,” Kevin said, he yanked his leg, trying to make Nick fall back into his sitting position on the bed, “I had to breathe for you...” He closed his eyes for a second steeling his body against the feelings of fear and absolute panic threatening to arise, “Nick, we...no one wants to lose you, and we almost did. And the fact that there’s still something inside of you, that...that makes you vulnerable... Nick, you aren’t in total control of your mind sometimes, you can’t control your body’s autonomic tasks of simply breathing anymore.”

“I’m not handicapped Kevin,” Nick said in a clipped tone, “I have problems...I know how to handle them. I visit my psychiatrist like a good boy, and take what he tells me. He hasn’t told anyone that I can’t be left alone for long periods of time. He knows I’ll be fine, and he’s the doctor! And thousands of people live with asthma Kev...it’s not gonna kill me. I do not receive a special handicapped sticker to put in my car so I can grab a good parking space. I’m good Kev. I know it seems bad now, but it’s cold... Please, just trust me enough to know that I know what I’m supposed to do. And that if I need help, I know who to turn to, just like before.”

“Things will never be just like before...they can’t Nick, I’m sorry,” Kevin was shaking his head, “I...I know what you’re saying... I believe you...but God I just don’t want anything else bad to happen to you...to any of you... it’s just with you Nick, not even heavy security can guarantee me that. I’m scared, and I’m sorry...”

Nick sat down on the bed frowning. He lifted his eyes to see that Kevin had covered his face. Howie’s expression was cloudy. AJ simply looked thoughtful. Brian’s look was encouraging.

“Ok Nick,” Howie said after a moment of silence, “Ok. You don’t want our attention, you don’t want our concern...”

“No!” Nick argued, “I didn’t say that...I just want you to stop going overboard about it! Like today, it was my idea, mine and Joey’s to go out...but you yelled at AJ like he masterminded it and all but forgot that I even had anything to do with it. Is it so terrible to yell at me now? I mean for big things, I know you yell for little stuff. I just want you to stop coddling me. You guys slowly stopped a year ago, and now here we are, back to day one. It’s like I’m 13 and homesick again.”

Howie was opening his mouth again but AJ interrupted, “So what you’re saying is that we can pay special attention to you, just not more than we would pay to any of the others?”

Nick beamed at him.

“But, every now and again, it’s ok if we break that rule, huh?” AJ looked at him. Nick was beginning to frown again, “No one’s perfect bro, and to check in on you one extra time before bed certainly does make me feel better, helps me to sleep.”

Brian was nodding, “It helps me too... Nick, you’ve stated your demands for your own personal comfort, now we get to discuss ours. We’ve all pretty much covered the fact that we’re all...different...from other people. And there’s always gonna be that special bond between us to protect the group... And Nick, you’re not weak, you can take care of yourself...but you can be so fragile sometimes. We’re afraid for those times you’re not as strong...we don’t want one of those times to be one when we aren’t there. We do realize that we can’t be there all the time for you, but for the times that we can...please let us.”

Howie was nodding, Kevin had removed his hands from his face, AJ was staring, “We’ll back off you when you want to go somewhere without one of us, we’ll stop freaking if we can’t find you right away... I’ll stay off your ass about your medicine...but please don’t ask us to stop worrying about you. Would you like it if we asked you to stop worrying about us?”

Nick shook his head.

“And you do admit you worry about us? More than you used to? More than what you normally should?”

Nick nodded.

“Same goes for us...you just get it worse, cause you’re the youngest, and... God Nick if I had lost you...” Howie broke off looking away and biting his lip, “It’s just... that... I’ll never forget that moment. I look at you and see that sometimes. You have to understand Nick..I’m not being mean, I’m not purposefully treating you like a child, I’m not thinking of you as weak or handicapped...I just love you so much...didn’t even realize it until that moment it hit me. You’re as real to me as a blood brother Nick. My life and future flashed before my eyes and I saw that you were always in it, along with Kevin, Alex, and Brian...my wedding, my first child....and there we were in a situation where someone wanted to take that away from me...take you away. We all could have died in that basement, I could have died in those last minutes we were in that horrible place...but that whole time, you were the one that came closest to it. If I had been a second later, if I had simply decided you were asleep and left it at that... If Kevin hadn’t of been able to persuade those guys to let you out early...if your parents didn’t have the money... you wouldn’t be here...and that’s what I see, what I think when I look at you. The only thing that washes those hurtful feelings away is taking care of you... I learned about your medication, I learned about asthma, I learned how to give shots, and became CPR certified. Nothing’s gonna make me feel like that again Nick, ok, nothing! I don’t want to feel helpless and I don’t want to feel lost. That’s what I feel every time I think about the fact that I could have watched you die! Don’t ask me to stop worrying Nick, don’t ask me to stop making sure you’re ok...please don’t.”

Without knowing Howie had brought himself closer to Nick, lowering himself to his knees before him. He was now eye level to Nick who was sitting down on the bed, tears falling down his face. Nick sat in a stunned silence, face pale...His arms went out automatically, stiffly to embrace Howie, to pull him to him, “Now you see why I wanted to keep quiet about this Brian?”

Brian was blinking back tears himself, ripping himself from reverie, he stared at Nick, “It’s good that we talked about it Nick. No matter how you’re feeling about it now, talking heals. We haven’t had a group talk like this since...since...”

“Those first few days out of the basement,” AJ filled in Brian’s blank.

“Yeah..then.”

They sat in silence again, Howie still buried in Nick’s shoulder, Nick still holding onto him. Slowly Howie pulled away and looked up at Nick’s wan face, “Worry about me all you like Sour D, but you’ll still get nothing but hell from me, and nothing less.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less Kaos,” Howie ruffled his hair, “Anything less, and I’d really worry.”

The group chuckled.

“So Nick, AJ?”

“Yeah?” they both looked to Kevin.

“Did that crazy blow dryer scheme of ya’ll’s actually work?”

Chapter 17

Houston, Texas, Six Flags AstroWorld, nine in the morning, week day, in the middle of the school year... All of that in a rough translation means, no lines!

“I want to drive the Go-Karts,” Leighanne told her husband, Brian, firmly, “Leigh wants to do Go-Karts.”

“Kevin and I wanted to catch the Horizon show,” Kristen was frowning, “It starts now, but one goes almost every thirty minutes. I guess we can Go-Kart and come back.”

“Who wants to lie on the floor and stare at a screen?” Nick complained, he smiled as Kristen tickled his sides.

“Well I for one do,” Leighanne laughed, “You won’t catch me on any of these fast rides.”

Brian winked at Nick, letting him know that Leighanne Wallace Littrell was going to be very very angry at the end of the day.

It was their day off tour... Everyone had been ecstatic about it and planning this day for weeks. All the wives, girlfriends or boyfriends had flown in to be with their significant other for the day off. It had been Rhonda’s plan to spend it at the Texas theme park, Jessica helped her plan it, her being a native Texan and all. The day was perfect, most fans were at school or at work, the weather was great, and... well it had just been long awaited. Everyone was in high spirits from tour and getting along, and the day off just fell correctly into place.

“Well Eva and I want to take a few pictures,” Howie was positively glowing.

Nick was smirking, “I told you guys all Howie needed was a lay.. OW!”

Howie had befriended a dancer from Samantha’s show and had asked her to accompany him as his date for their day off.

“We can do all that!” Kevin was struggling to incorporate everyone’s wants and demands into one schedule.

“We have to kareoke,” Amanda Latona was saying grinning wickedly, “And I wanna ride that Tidal Wave thing! I saw the commercial at the hotel. I wanna get soaked!”

“White t-shirt too,” AJ smirked at her, “AJ wants her to get soaked too.”

“I’m gonna throw AJ off the boat, how would AJ like that?” Amanda asked tweaking his moustache and pulling her baseball cap down lower.

“I want to ride the Batman!” Nick was saying, “I wanna go through the Bat Cave!”

“Nick, if that’s a roller coaster...”

“Hey,” Monica appeared beside Nick, catching everyone in the Backstreet Bunch’s attention. She smiled to them, “Nicky, our group is one short of an even number. I need you to be my riding partner.”

Nick raised his sunglasses to appraise her with his grey-blue eyes, “We going to Batman?”

“Yeah,” Monica nodded, “That’s a coaster right?”

“I’m going with them,” Nick pointed to Monica and grabbed her tank top, latching himself onto her.

“Is it alright if we borrow him?” Monica asked, looking at Brian in particular, he still made her nervous around Nick.

Kevin shrugged, “Bring him back in one piece we got a show tomorrow and the crowd would eat us alive if we don’t show up on stage with him.”

Nick beamed at Kevin, then waved goodbye to the Bunch as Monica toted him away to join the group of Nick and Jessica, Justin and Britney, Lance and Samantha..

“Well, good riddance to that,” Howie pretended to be wiping his hands clean of Nick, “But you know, he does have a good idea... Who says we all have to stick together. Why don’t we break off from each other for a while and meet back up later?”

Brian nodded, “Ok... what time would you guys want to meet, for lunch?”

“That’d be good, so around 12:30? Here?”

“Yeah.”

“What the hell...? Hell no!” Nick had walked a complete arc in an attempt to flee his group. Jessica, the park map, had led them to and from almost every good ride at the park, they had rode the Texas Cyclone, The Looping Starship, The Viper, The Serial Thriller, The Taz, The Batman Escape, Thunder River, XLR8, and the carousel...The carousel was all the girls’ faults. Now Jessica had led them to what she called her favorite ride in the park. They approached a large castle, the insides resembled that of a dungeon with iron bars with skeletons behind them pleading to be set free. Nick grinned as he saw the set up and looked through the gates to see people filing onto the ride. The ride was an extremely tall column surrounded by seats grouped in fours around the column. He saw the people remove their sandals and set their prizes on the ground in front of them. Then he saw them being secured in their seats... then he saw the thing begin to rise...His eyes grew larger and larger the higher they went. When the thing reached the very top, which had to be 60 stories up, ok maybe he was exaggerating a bit, but it was really high...the people were up so high they looked like ants, the ride clicked. It clicked three times then... “AAAAAAAAAhhhh!” Nick wailed as he felt himself being picked up from behind as he tried to run.

“Stop being a baby Carter,” Nick Lachey’s voice said...of course Muscle Head had to be the one they sent after him. He was slung over his shoulder like a cave woman and carried him to his fate. Once inside the dungeon they were plunged into an eerie darkness, the only things illuminated were the iron prisons that held old skeletons covered with spider webs. A door with a sinister looking red light permeating from behind it banged.. It opened slightly as if the door was caught by a chain lock and something behind it wailed to be let out. There were railings to guide the lines and Nick grabbed onto one to stop his movement towards the front of the line. Nick Lachey grunted and he felt little fingers pinching at his palms, making him release the bar, “Britney!”

Britney simply laughed, “You’re gonna like this one Nicky, calm down.”

“I’ll calm down if Lachey puts me down.”

“Then you’ll run away.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be calm while doing it.. This is crazy! I’d rather jump off stage with no platform to catch me than to do this!” Nick started struggling against his captor. Nick Lachey rolled his eyes, “Here we go.”

“Is that Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears..” they heard whispers from behind them. Three girls, in their mid teens stood in line behind them, with an older woman, probably a mother. Britney checked her watch before turning around, it wasn’t time for school to be over yet, “Hello.”

“Oh my God, it is!” The first little girl with long black hair covered her mouth with her hands. Her friends simply stared.

“How are you?” Britney laughed at their expressions.

“F..fine,” the second girl said pushing her glasses up on her nose, silently cursing herself for not putting in her contacts, “How are you? Are you and Justin here on a date?”

Britney laughed, “You can say that, it’s our day off.”

“Hi,” Justin smiled to the girls, his eyes twinkling in amusement at their star-struck expressions.

“You guys..ride many rides?” the short one asked looking from Justin to Britney, back to Justin again.

“Yeah, Jess took us through all the main roller coasters.”

“Jess?”

“A friend,” Justin smiled.

Finally the mother pushed through and shook both their hands, “You’ll have to excuse them. They love your music, all I hear is Britney Spears, N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, and Christina Aguilera. It’s Missy’s birthday so I took off and took her and her best friends out of school for the day to come here without the lines.”

“Which one’s Missy?” Justin asked.

“I am!” the short one with the curly blond hair waved her hand.

“Happy birthday, how old are you?”

“Fourteen,” she smiled, revealing a mouth full of braces.

“This is Carolyn,” the mother gestured to the taller African American girl with the long black hair, “And Lola.” The last girl was Latina with long wavy dark brown hair.

“Nice to meet you all,” Britney said.

“Stop squirming!” Nick Lachey’s voice hissed. Nick was trying to push himself off his back, in doing so he raised his head high enough for the little girls to see who else was in the dungeon with them.

“Oh my God... It’s Nick...It’s Nick!” Lola began to bounce around, “Where? Where? Oh God...” Lola took off her glasses quickly and stuffed them in one of the pockets of her baggy overall shorts.

“Hey, maybe you can help us out,” Britney said with a warm smile, “You’ve all ridden this ride before?”

They all nodded.

“Is it really scary?’

“Not once you’re on. It’s just scary going up the first time,” Carolyn said.

“Can you tell Nick that, he’s very nervous,” Justin said shooting a glance at the blond.

The girls giggled, “Ok..Justin.” Justin and Britney moved aside so the girls could pass and stop beside the two Nick’s. “Hi Nick.”

“Hi...huh?” he looked down to the girls, “Hello?”

“Britney and Justin sent us.”

“I’m not riding this thing!” Nick said firmly, “Just wait til I get down off of Muscle Head.”

“If you don’t quit calling me that...” Nick Lachey turned a bit to see who their company was, and the girls gasped, “98 degrees...”

“Hi.”

“Hi,” the girls sighed together, “Who else is in line?”

Nick Lachey grinned, and reached forward tugging his girl friend’s t-shirt, she turned around and smiled brightly at the girls who squealed, “Jessica Simpson!”

Jessica walked forward and leaned into three other people standing in front of her getting them to turn, “Lance Bass, Monica, and Samantha Mumba...”

“We have to take pictures or no one will believe us...” Missy said is a slow voice reaching inside her waist pouch for her disposable camera, “Can we take pictures with you guys?”

“I don’t mind,” Jessica Simpson said with a shrug.

All the other answers were pretty similar, and the girls all sighed in relief, would they ever have something to talk about at school the next day.

“Nick it’s not that scary, just close your eyes on the way up. It’s really cool after that. You feel like you’re flying,” Lola was telling him.

“If God meant for man to fly he would have given us all wings,” Nick muttered as he felt Nick Lachey move up further in the line. He was starting to see sunlight in the dungeon meaning they were nearing the opening and would soon be boarding the ride.

“It’s not bad at all.. I was really scared the first time I rode it too,” Carolyn said, “But it’s so much fun. It’s a rush.”

“I’m not in a hurry,” Nick pouted.

“Nick, you can’t skip out on this, it’s one of the best rides in the park!” Missy was trying to persuade him.

“I can so.”

“Nick...Ok, what if...What if we ride with you?” Missy blurted this out... to ride with Nick Carter..Oh God... She felt faint.

Lola turned red and quickly hid her face.

“Yeah, we’ll ride with you, and talk you through it.. It’ll be fun,” Carolyn was nodding, “You won’t be scared. What do you say?”

Nick appeared to be thinking it over. By the time Lola’s face was back to normal Nick had come to his decision, “Ok.”

“Ok..?” Oh God, we’re going to ride with Nick Carter...Not only that, but we’re going to get to hold his hands through a ride... What a birthday this has turned out to be.

“Put me down Muscle Head, I’m going to ride with my new friends.”

His new friends...the girls beamed at the title bestowed upon them by the one and only Nick Carter, and shot each other looks of incredulity and adolescent joy.

Nick Lachey put Nick down a little harder than necessary...he dropped him. “Ow!” Nick stood up looking shocked, “You know I could sue you for that! Pain and suffering can total up to be a lot!”

“Shut up Carter,” Nick Lachey laughed.

“You promise we’re not going to plunge to our deaths?” Nick asked the girls who all solemnly promised him safety.

“I wanna get off..” Nick was whining as his restraints were being double checked. He sat in between Missy and Lola, Carolyn sat beside Missy. They figured Nick should ride in the middle so two of them could sit by him, and since it was Missy’s birthday and he was Lola’s favorite Backstreet Boy they got to sandwich him. They of course didn’t tell Nick the true reasons behind their seating arrangement, they basically told him he was in the middle so he could have moral support on either side of him. Nick heard the clink of chains and suddenly the ride was moving, beginning to rise. Nick leaned against the hard back of his seat squeezing the hands that had reached out to hold his from either side.

“Are these things supposed to move? Hey! Hey down there! My little chest thingy is still moving! I don’t wanna die!”

“Nick...Nick calm down, we’re just going up...”

“And then they’re gonna drop us! I bet you guys get real sadistic pleasure from doing this! I’m gonna fly out...I’m not ready to meet my maker! Let me down! I’ll pay you...I’ll write a check!”

“Nick, it’s ok,” Carolyn was trying not to laugh, Nick was screaming hysterically. He let go of Missy and Lola and gripped the bars at his chest and started saying prayers, “Damn, I should have paid more attention to Brian, I knew it!”

Lola snickered and leaned her head back, “Nick open your eyes and look.”

“No!”

“Look, the view is amazing.”

Nick opened his eyes a crack, “Oh my God, I can see my house..IN FLORIDA!” He shut his eyes back, “Let me down..let me down..” He heard a click, “NO! No, don’t let me down!”

Click...click...”Holy SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!”

The ride was over in a matter of seconds and Nick’s feet touched the concrete. He was laughing, laughing crazily along with his companions. His eyes traced over the blue line that had led him to his seat, then he looked at his friends, “That was kick ass.”

“We tried to tell you,” Lola said. They unstrapped themselves and raised up the chest gear. Missy waved to her mother and her mom snapped yet another picture. They filed out of the gate still laughing and Nick gave each other girls a hug and thanked them for coaching him through the ride. “Anytime Nick, anytime,” Missy said.

“Oooh.... my stomach,” Lance Bass was groaning stumbling out of the gates with Monica right behind him, her hair wild. Justin and Britney looked like they fared no better, and Jessica and Nick were no where to be found. They came out of the gate later, Jessica patting Nick’s back, and Nick was shaking his head.

“That was great! I’m so glad you carried me through the line!” Nick slapped Nick Lachey on the back, frowning as the man groaned, turning green and leaning back on Jessica.

“His stomach didn’t have quite the good time you did,” Jessica laughed, “Now don’t you feel dumb with all that screaming you did?”

Nick made a face, “No.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow and looked at the three girls who looked to be joined at his hip, they wouldn’t move and they looked up at him with doting eyes, “Did you three have fun?”

They all nodded.

“I’m sure he kept ya’ll entertained!” Jessica said, “Well come on Nick, I’m going to take you guys to Camelot...We can eat, my poor baby can sit down in some air conditioning, and we can play some games later.”

“But I wanna ride again,” Nick said.

“Hell no,” Monica announced grabbing him around the neck, “My hair can’t take that again!”

Nick smirked, “Did the big bad ride scare MoMo...Now who’s the ba...Owowow!” Monica had took his ear between her forefingers and squeezed.

“I have to go now...Thanks for the ride!” Nick said to the girls who looked so heart broken when he waved goodbye.

“So Nick, got some new girlfriends?” Justin asked, his face still pale from the ride.

Nick winked at him, “Hmmm... a little young for me, Timberlake. So did you have fun on the ride?”

“Shut up Carter, at least I didn’t scream and cry as I was being led to the line,” Justin teased.

“At least I didn’t piss my pants while I was on the ride,” Nick chuckled looking down at Justin’s crotch. Justin gasped, “For real?”

Monica cackled, “You’re one gullible boy Justin.”

“Shut up! For real Carter?”

“Come on, let’s go eat,” Jessica was pulling them all along.

“No... not food!” Lance was moaning.

“...to you!!!!” AJ stood outside the kareoke room listening to his girl friend’s exaggerated screeches to Christina Aguilera’s “I Turn To You.” He had mutilated Britney Spears’ song “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” He had purchased the CD of his horrible singing planning to play it for Britney later that night. That would be fun. He grinned as he saw Amanda gesturing that she was going to sing another song just for him. She went back into the booth. He wondered what song she would be singing for him this time. They had been in there for an hour. For someone who lives on stage and sings almost every night he never tired of it... and right now they were singing so terribly it didn’t register as singing. Crowing... that’s what Kevin would call it. Kevin and Kristen had gone to play games in King Arthur’s Court. So far Kristen had won a large stuffed Tweety Bird, a Garfield, and a Bugs Bunny... Kevin won a...frog clip. AJ chuckled at seeing Kevin’s lack of gifts, he swore he would beat Kristen and have more prizes than her at the end of the day, so far it looked as if Kevin was losing terribly.

He frowned and looked at his watch, it was close to being 12:30. He would have to interrupt Amanda in a minute so they could run and make lunch with the others. They should have gotten Nick in on their plans. He hadn’t seen the kid for a few hours, it felt weird. He couldn’t recall a day...after the basement, that he hadn’t seen Nick for at least a half of his day. He scratched his head as he thought about it, Nick was never really alone for long. If AJ wasn’t with him, then it was Brian, or Kevin... and even as much as Howie and Nick didn’t get along, Howie was the one that took Nick to all his doctor’s appointments. And if it wasn’t one of the group, one of Nick’s family members was always around...and AJ scratched his chin, the only times he didn’t see Nick at all was when he went to California to be with his family. His family had wanted him to stay with them, period. AJ frowned, his mother had wanted him to move in with her. He had been tempted to... His mother had aged so much since the basement. AJ felt a guilty for some odd reason...Dr. Whitfield had said he was blaming himself, he felt that his kidnaping was responsible for her gray hair...which it was...but it was almost like he was blaming himself for being kidnaped. AJ sighed, it was so hard to sort out his thoughts sometimes, so much guilt and fear...Sleeping was a hassle for him sometimes, and other times it was a blessing. Shutting up those rambling accusing voices in his head. His mother called him daily, just checking up. His grandparents called him as well. AJ felt homesick, he couldn’t wait to get back home and see them, but at the same time, being on tour felt so good and he hated to see it end. They had only a few more weeks to go. He raised his baseball cap to mop his brow with his hand and gazed at his watch again and began to calculate in his mind how long it would take then to get back to the entrance. He looked back into the kareoke building again and stood, time to get his woman. He opened the doors shivering as the cold refrigerated air struck him square in the face. He saw Amanda in the fourth booth bobbing her head and doing a little dance to the music she was singing her heart out to. He grinned, wishing he had a camera somewhere on him. He turned to go to the desk so he could purchase his girlfriend’s CD’s. Just how many had she made... he frowned looking at the prices. There were two men behind the counter, the one that helped him was a lanky brunette with bad skin, probably 18. AJ told him what he wanted to buy and the guy nodded and went to the racks behind the window to retrieve AJ’s request. The second man AJ could see little of, what stood out on him was his flame red hair. Such a bright color for hair, it was nice though... The guy was young looking, he caught AJ’s eyes on him, must have felt them, cause he looked up.. And at that moment AJ locked eyes with him. Green.... jungle green.... Those eyes... The man smiled and...winked at AJ.... God... God.... That smile, those eyes.. Why would he wink? Did he know me? AJ frowned, I don’t know him.. Maybe he recognized me.. Yeah that’s it, maybe he’s a fan... But God those eyes... but they couldn’t possibly be the same eyes, could they? No.. AJ had seen his remains splattered all over the floor, the wall, Howie... Those eyes were dead, so why did these eyes feel so familiar. He shivered and didn’t return the smile. He knew it was probably perceived as rudeness or haughtiness but he did not care. He rubbed his arms and waited for the CD’s.

“Did you want to buy the one she’s making now?”

AJ nodded, “I’ll go ahead and pay for it.”

The guy nodded and tallied up his purchases.

Amanda sure was taking her time in there... AJ began to tap his foot. He looked at his watch, impatiently... he felt...nervous. He swallowed and cracked his knuckles. He looked up at the counter again to see the red haired man observing him, with that smile... It made him shudder all over again. He had to get out of there. He took the already made CD’s off the counter and paid the guy at the desk, “When the girl comes out of room four can you please tell her that I already paid for everything and have her other CD’s but to pick up the one she just made?”

The guy nodded, and told AJ to have a great day. AJ nodded back not saying anything, he threw another glance at the red head who waved, and hurried out the door. He sat on the steps listening to the loud tone deaf singing booming over the loud speakers. He put the CD’s down and hugged his knees to his chest... Calm down AJ.. That was not who your mind want to tell you it is... That guy is six feet under...Worm food. He’s gone... But then, that’s what people always said about Freddy too...

“AJ?” Amanda stepped out onto the porch of the building her smile quickly fading as she spied AJ sitting curled up on the stairs, shivering as if he were cold, “What’s wrong babe? You don’t feel good? Why are you sitting outside, how come you didn’t come in?”

AJ shook his head, “I...I’m ok, come on.” He stood up shakily gathering up all the CD’s, “These are yours.”

“Don’t you want to hear the song I just made? The guy inside said they were about to play it.”

“The guy inside...did he smile and wink at you?” AJ asked.

“Which one?”

“The red head.”

“Ummm... no. He didn’t even glance up at me, why? Jealous?” Amanda bumped AJ with her elbow, trying to make him smile. AJ just rubbed his arms again like he was cold. Amanda frowned and studied his arms, “You have goose bumps.”

AJ frowned and raised his arms to inspect them, he did have gooseflesh.

He felt her hand on his forehead, “You don’t feel warm.”

“I’m ok, baby. I just...just thought I saw someone I knew.”

“Someone unpleasant I’m guessing.”

“Yeah, real unpleasant,” AJ said with a sigh, “I don’t really want to talk about it, Manda...We’re supposed to be meeting back with the others, I think we’re late...” he sighed loudly, “I wish we had told Nick to meet us.”

“He’s a big boy AJ, he can take care of himself. Thought you told me you all had realized that now,” Amanda poked his skinny ribs.

“We did, we have... but I...I just haven’t seen him in a while that’s all. It’d be nice if he checked in with us every once in a while, just to let us know he’s ok.”

“AJ...You’re not his parents...”

“But I am his big brother.”

“True, but AJ, he’s not alone, he’s fine,” Amanda said taking AJ’s arms, “Now lets think about getting back to the entrance cause I am starving!”

AJ looked at her and slowly a smile did break out on his face, “All you think about is food.”

“That’s right babe, especially when you’re cooking it. But for right now, this will have to suffice...but boy I’m gonna have you working it in that kitchen when we get home!”

AJ rolled his eyes, “There’s no where else I’d rather be.” Home.. Home with his dogs, security, and high fences... nothing could get him there. No fans, no reporters, and certainly no sinister looking red heads with haunting green eyes... Those eyes would stay with him for the rest of his life in his memories...but now he was seeing them for real. Could he being going crazy? It was a possibility, after all, Nick had. He continued to hold his smile, which had now become forced. He didn’t want to be crazy... but would he rather take insanity over the threat of those green eyes being real? Would he have to choose? He felt himself shudder again... He decided that he did wish tour was over, cause then he could go back home and lock himself in his room with his four deadbolts, his high maintenance alarm system, and his dogs. At least then he felt safe, but safe from what? Green eyes? He was going crazy, and he was afraid that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Chapter 18

Name ten reasons why Nick hated Arizona... high altitude, allergies, heat, dry air, head colds...well he couldn’t exactly blame Arizona for that one... Nick sat with his head between his knees. He found out the world quit spinning so fast when his head was down. Why couldn’t they skip Arizona? It was terrible, and the high altitude made it to where everyone needed oxygen backstage. Nick watched as N’Sync.... the epitome’s of perfect health...health so perfect it made Nick sick...ran off the stage to take oxygen masks and suck in the sweet air. Ok, if the Vitamin C Boys were hyperventilating, how was Nick supposed to fare? Not very well... He jumped as he felt something cold against his neck. He sat up to see the offender. “Hey,” Monica sat next to him.

He nodded to her and put his head back in his lap, he was trying to add some more reasons to his list of why to hate Arizona. He needed something to back him up and keep management from thinking he was irrational because he wanted to cross the state off the tour map. He felt Monica rubbing his back as he proceeded to hack up more of the slime that had inhabited his lungs a few days ago. He moaned, why did he have to get sick in Arizona? God, what did I ever do to you?

“Are you ok?” Monica asked him smiling, she gave him the bottle of water she had been holding. It was brand new, hadn’t been opened. Nick nodded and opened the bottle taking a deep drink, “Thanks.”

“You owe me another bottle,” Monica wrote it off, “This is terrible.”

“Arizona?”

“Well no, Arizona’s beautiful, but performing here is not... I hate that dizzy feeling I get on stage. I think I’m gonna ask if I can wear the tank out onto the stage. I know it’s gotta be harder on you.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “I thought I was gonna die when we got off stage the first time.”

Nick thought back to that incident, he saw himself on stage... all the managers had instructed their stars not to do too much choreography that night so Nick had hardly moved during Get Another Boyfriend...if he had, he feared he would have fallen over right then. Singing was enough to wind him. Having an asthma attack on stage was not fun, but luckily that was the last song for that set and he was able to have an intimate session with his inhaler. The guys were worried of course, asking him if he could do the rest of the show. He had waved them all off insisting that he could. Why did he lie like that? Did he like being punished? He felt like hell when he arrived, and now after being on stage... he wished he could revisit Hell, for some relief. Was it bad to feel light headed every time you try to get a deep breath? He figured if he asked the answer would be a lovely trip in an ambulance. He could handle this... but if it got worse, he’d have to say something. He chewed his nails. He guessed he did give the guys good reason to worry about him. His thoughts skipped around, I mean, there always seemed to be something wrong with him. Nick couldn’t remember a time he felt absolutely 100% since the basement. He frowned, if it wasn’t asthma and allergies, it was some new germ that decided to attack his weak immune system... Too many different pills, and not eating enough led to that. His doctor put him on a nutrient drink...It tasted like chalk, but if it would help him to put some weight back on he’d gladly drink a river of the stuff.

And if it wasn’t a germ...it was his mind...something had triggered a flashback.

But he felt he handled it all pretty well, he was very mature about everything, and took good care of himself. No need to really be worried...unless of course he called and told them to be. He chose another fingernail to bite on, he was very responsible about calling when he didn’t feel right and didn’t think he could take care of the problem. He thought about the last conversation he had had with his mother...she wanted to know if... “..ck? Nicky? Nickels?!”

“Huh?” Nick whipped his head to see Monica staring at him, an amused smile on her lips, “Where were you?”

Nick ran a hand through his sweaty hair, “No where, just thinking.”

She laughed at him, and Nick frowned, “What’s so funny?”

“Your inability to do two things at once. Like most people can chew gum and walk, people can think and still function normally...but you, you think and it’s like you leave the planet. I would sure hate for you to start thinking while you’re driving, you’d end up in a bush.”

Nick muttered something.

“What?”

“I’m not allowed to drive.”

“WHAT?” Monica really laughed then, “Well I can see why.. But man!”

“Oh hush, it’s embarrassing enough as it is!”

“Who says you can’t drive, and how do you get around then?” She was still laughing, but at least had the decency to try and stifle it.

“My doctors say I can’t... say I’d be a road hazard. Said I always was one, but now they could do something about it to keep me off the streets,” Nick pouted recounting that moment in his life, “My bodyguards, the guys, and my family drive me around...” he shrugged, “Sucks, I got a new vette, and I can’t drive it! Told my doctor and he laughed at me...He thinks I’m so silly.”

“Well I think you’re silly too, and I would pay you for appointments just for entertainment.”

“Shut up Mo,” Nick snorted, “You’re not funny!”

“You think I am.”

“No I don’t!”

“Then why are you smiling, huh?” Monica rolled her eyes and hit his leg, “I think it’s your stage call.”

“Shit...” Nick hissed, he looked up to see a stage hand waving his hands at him, and groaned. He dragged himself across the floor to the stage hand and followed him to the stage prep area.

“Nick where ya been?” Brian was on him in an instant, “Are you ok to do this? You look awful.”

Nick sneered at him, “I’m good. I think I can take on some more.”

“Nick, don’t think you have to do this just cause you don’t want to let the fans down,” Kevin was saying.

Fans? He smiled, so that was what he was torturing himself for... He didn’t want to disappoint the people who had paid to see him... even if they did want him to be naked when they laid their eyes upon him. He himself could not see the appeal in that. He envisioned himself in a towel... then added Kevin’s muscle tone...hmm, that’s better, he smiled to himself.

“..CK? HELLO?”

“What?” Nick looked at the five faces peering at him.

“I don’t know about this,” Brian was shaking his head.

“No, no guys..I’ll be ok. Look, I’ll quit if I feel really light headed. But I really think I can handle another set.”

Howie sighed, “Well if he thinks he can, I mean, he ought to know his own body right?”

Way to go Howie! “Thanks D.”

Rhonda was frowning pressing her hand against Nick’s forehead, “You do have a little fever. You sure about this Nick?”

“As sure as I am that my underwear is blue,” Nick said with a nod, then he bit his lip... Or were they green? “Listen, I can do the show.”

“Ok, Nick.”

What in the hell was I thinking?! Nick watched the faces of thousands of fans swirl around his head...his eyes doubled anything that fell in his field of vision. He took a deep breath, before remembering how stupid that was, he saw stars and sparklers. Kevin was dancing near him...Kevin! Nick grabbed Kevin’s wrist and pulled him closer, “I gotta get off stage, I’m gonna faint.”

Kevin nodded solemnly, “Can you finish the song?”

Nick thought about it, yeah.. Yeah he could do that. The song was almost over, and it would look better if he walked off once they completed the song. He didn’t have to sing anyway. They were running through “What Makes You Different.” He found a nice place to stand, where he could lean a bit, maybe his inhaler would help some. He searched his pockets carefully so the audience wouldn’t notice and grabbed the small device. He had never used it on stage before, but he always brought it just in case. He waved to a girl in the front row, she was screaming his name like they were having sex...he laughed to himself...Man he was in need of a...he frowned. There was a guy in the front row...sitting near the girl. His eyes riveting from Boy to Boy, but slowly they found Nick’s eyes. Nick’s vision doubled so he actually saw two red haired men.. The hair was wild and curly, and the eyes... Nick couldn’t make out the eyes. But the hair... and his smile... he looked..wrong. His smile wasn’t one of pleasure, he wasn’t having fun at the show... he was having fun at... at seeing my reaction to him. Why would he...? The way he’s looking at me... Nick remembered eyes... Eyes through a mask....

He could feel his body being pressed into the back of a trunk..he could feel Brian’s shivering warm body beneath him being crushed... he heard Brian’s muffled moans of pain as they shifted trying to straighten themselves out. He saw those eyes through the black mask...they were green... greener than grass, greener than the ocean..as green as the eyes of the man sitting in the audience. He saw the blackness of the sky, the shadow of something closing, coming in on him.. He saw nothing... It was hot and stuffy and cramped.. He couldn’t breathe in there, he was going to go insane, he was going to suffocate... Slowly the blackness started to come into focus...Walls, stone walls, black stone... The snow, the blood, he was lost inside it... he could hear Brian’s shouts... Brian shouts and the shouts of thousands... Howie? AJ? Kevin? Brian!

“We gotta get him off stage now!” AJ was yelling. Kevin was supporting Nick’s limp frame, he had caught him as he noticed him starting to fall. He lifted him and hurried off stage, the other Boys following, ignoring the screams of terror from the audience.

“Oh my god,” Rhonda was there in an instant as Kevin appeared backstage with Nick lowering him to the floor. Paramedics that had been stationed in the backstage area came running to assist, they pushed Kevin away and got oxygen on Nick fast. They began checking his vitals.

“Oh no,” Brian was moaning, “I knew it...” Howie was wringing his hands, AJ popping his knuckles, Kevin was pacing.

No one noticed N’Sync rushing past them to jump on stage and stall the show. They began talking to the audience, making them laugh, trying to calm them, until the next act was ready.

“Oh God...” AJ began to bite his nails as a stretcher was wheeled in and two paramedics lifted Nick onto it, “We’re going to go ahead and run him to the emergency room.” They gave Rhonda the name of the hospital where it was located, “Wait, I’m gonna go with him,” Brian was following the stretcher more closely than the others who weren’t letting it get too far away from them either.

“No Brian, you boys have to finish your show.”

“Not with Nick...”

“Brian, you are bound by contract to finish out this show, now go on. I’m going to go with him,” Rhonda said, “I’ll tell security where to take you when the show is over.”

Brian almost roared in frustration. He stopped following the stretcher as the paramedics pushed it through the double doors of the backstage area taking them through the corridor that would lead them outside, “Damn it.”

“Come on B,” AJ put his arm around Brian’s shoulders, “Nicky’ll be ok..”

Brian nodded, he better be.

As soon as the Boys had finished with their finale they ran to their dressing rooms to change out of their costumes and head to the van that would take them to the hospital Nick had been taken to. Their bodyguards had to fight to keep up with them.

“Has Rhonda called in?”

“Yeah,” Nick’s bodyguard David nodded, smiling to the guys, “She called while you were on stage, said Nick’s doing fine.”

“Thank God.”

“Can you tell us where we can find Nick Carter?” Howie was panting as he slapped his palms down on the receptionist’s desk. He stood there, half bent over, breathing hard, staring at the small woman. The woman looked at the four sweaty men and the five big men behind them in black, “Hold on..” she pressed a few buttons on her keyboard, “Room 204.”

“Thank you!” Howie said and he and the others jogged to the elevators.

“201, 202, 203, 204...” Brian knocked before entering. A few seconds later, Rhonda opened the door, smiling at them, “He’s doing just fine.”

Brian, AJ, Howie, and Kevin entered the room silently to see Nick lying on the hospital bed sleeping peacefully, the oxygen still over his mouth and nose, “The doctor wants to keep him over night as a precaution, because of his breathing trouble. But he’ll be released in the morning. How was the show?”

Brian ran his fingers through Nick’s damp hair, “It went ok. Thanks for staying here with him Rhonda.”

Rhonda snorted, “You thought I’d leave him. When he woke up and saw all those strangers over him he just about had another attack. I had to be brought in just to calm him.”

Kevin laughed, “Poor kid. I bet he was scared.” He rubbed his hands over Nick’s.

“And exhausted,” Rhonda said, “You guys aren’t getting enough rest.”

Four pairs of eyes turned to look at her incredulously, “We’re on tour.”

“I know... but I don’t want you all getting sick,” Rhonda frowned, “I want you to go back to the hotel and get some rest, Nick and I will be along in the morning.”

“Rhonda, it’s ok. I’ll stay with Nick, and you can...”

“No, I want you in a nice bed,” Rhonda said firmly, “I’m going to spend the night here with Nick, and you guys will see us tomorrow.”

“But Rhonda...”

“No.”

“Well can I come with the driver to get you guys...”

Rhonda groaned, “You’ll stop at nothing, will you Brian?”

Brian shook his head with a smile, “No ma’am.”

“Ok..ok.. Tell you what. Nick will need some normal clothes for tomorrow. The doctor’s going to let him out around 9, so you be up by 7:30 and bring a change of clothes for Nick.”

Brian nodded, “Ok...I guess.”

“Scoot!”

The four sighed and slowly trudged from the room.

Brian was up earlier than 7:30 and ready to go way before it was time. He, his bodyguard Ted, and Nick’s bodyguard David, left for the hospital around 8:30 am. Brian walked to Nick’s room with the backpack of clothes slung over his shoulder. The bodyguards waited at the desk as they did the last time.

Brian knocked once before entering. He saw Nick, awake and sitting up on the side of the bed while a female doctor checked him over, “Ok breathe in for me one more time.” She held a stethoscope to his chest, Nick’s eyes had flown to the opening and closing door, he beamed, “Hi Brian!”

“Ow!” the doctor let the stethoscope drop, “Nick!”

“Oops,” Nick laughed, “Well, at least you know it works really good! Can I go now, doc?”

The doctor made a face at him, “Yes Nick, you are free to go. I have a prescription ready and waiting for you at the desk for when you leave.”

Nick wrinkled his nose.

“Don’t wrinkle your nose at me,” the doctor said ruffling his hair, “Is that your friend with your clothes?”

Nick looked hopeful, “Brian, you got clothes in there?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

“Here Nick,” Rhonda took the bag from Brian and handed it to Nick who slid off the bed, he turned to walk to the bathroom before quickly catching the hospital smock’s open back, “No looking at my rear Dr. Sullivan.”

Dr. Sullivan whistled as if she was appreciating the view, and Nick slammed the door to the bathroom.

“I am so sorry Dr. Sullivan,” Rhonda was apologizing from Nick. He had been a smart mouth to the doctor all morning, and those few hours that night before he had conked out.

“Don’t apologize... I don’t get many Nick’s here, but when I do they make my job more interesting.”

“What’s the prescription for?” Brian asked.

“To clear his lungs...” Dr. Sullivan turned to Rhonda, “No performing for a few days, give the antibiotic time to take effect...and he’s exhausted. He really needs to rest. In fact, I bet the minute you get him back to the hotel he’s going to find a bed and go back to sleep.”

Rhonda nodded, almost as if she were taking notes.

Nick came out of the bathroom fully dressed, messing with his hair. Dr. Sullivan smiled at him, “Well I guess this is good bye Nick.”

“You sound so happy to see me leave.”

“I’ll miss you,” Dr. Sullivan assured him.

“See, told ya she loves me,” Nick stuck his tongue out at Rhonda who laughed along with the doctor. Brian shook his head and lead the way out of the room with Nick following. Rhonda came a bit later. Nick and Brian walked to the desk where Nick asked for the prescription the doctor had written, the nurse told him to visit the pharmacy on the third floor to get his medicine after giving it to him. “So how are you feeling Nick?”

“Just a little light headed, really tired,” Nick yawned for emphasis, “Hey Dave!”

“Hey Nicky,” David greeted Nick, “How are you doing bud?”

Nick nodded, “Pretty good.”

Rhonda appeared behind them putting her arms around Nick and Brian’s shoulders, “Did you get your prescription?”

Nick nodded holding up the slip of paper. Rhonda looked at it briefly, “Well, lets get it filled and then we can go. I’m sure the others are anxious to see you.”

“What’d you guys do last night without me?” Nick asked.

Brian looked at him, “Sleep.”

“How boring,” Nick commented, “Though...” he yawned, “I wouldn’t mind getting some right about now.”

“Come on then,” Brian laughed pulling Nick along as they followed Rhonda, their bodyguards trailing behind them.

“Hey, Nicky’s back!” Nick ducked away from Chris Kirkpatrick as he tried to rub his head.

“How are you feeling?” JC was coming out of his room rubbing sleep from his eyes. He had just woken up and heard Chris’s loud voice from next door.

“Sleepy,” Nick muttered. Brian pet his head and apologized for his rudeness, “He’s fine, but he’s really tired. Thanks for asking him.”

Nick narrowed his eyes at Brian and smiled at JC and Chris, “Thanks, I’m ok.”

“Good, don’t do that again, ok?” Chris was saying, “The crowd wanted to tear us apart last night when we had to go out there.”

Nick laughed, “Why?”

“Johnny shoved them out on stage after you collapsed...someone had to calm down the crowd. You made quite the scene,” Brian was holding his shoulders.

“So everybody got all upset over me?!” Nick was beaming brightly, “And they got mad at you because you weren’t me? Oh yeah, Nicky’s the man. Nicky man got the crowd in the bag, Nicky man got the crowd, who’s da man?”

They all stared at him.

“He’s on those narcotics, isn’t he?”

Nick smiled as Brian turned on the light in the bathroom and closed the door a crack before leaving the room. He had been tucked in and everything. It had been nice. Nick waited until he heard Brian’s footsteps leaving before getting up. He slid out of bed feeling his bare feet hitting the soft carpet. He walked to the closet that held his stuff and began to shift through it. Damn it he was such a slob. He finally found what he had been looking for though. He pulled the small black duffel back to his chest and brought it to the bed with him. He set it down before sitting down himself. He cocked his head and stared at the bag, knowing its contents and wondering how the others would react if they really knew what he had in here. He always told them it was an extra supply of inhalers...he think he told Howie that...he’d told Kevin it was batteries for his games... He unzipped the bag inhaling the leathery scent of the case inside. He took out the smooth case and opened it and stroked the object inside lovingly. A model 26, 9 millimeter glock... Ten round capacity, matte, non-glare finish...Nasty little gun, but it was most efficient for tearing through flesh... flesh with green eyes.... He began to load it slowly. Then he lie the gun down, zipping back up his bag and putting it back into the closet. Then he crawled back into bed taking his gun and putting it to his chest, pulling up his blankets and cuddling it like it was a teddy bear... a steel teddy bear with the power to kill if he willed it to. At least now he felt safe, and with one last sigh, Nick slept.

Chapter 19

“Alright this is what all you Backstreet fans have been waiting for, here to chat with us today are the Backstreet Boys, AJ, Nick, Brian, Kevin, and Howie. Come on out guys!” Carson Daily greeted the Boys as they entered the studio. They stopped to accept gifts and shake hands with fans. They shook hands with Carson and they stood in front of the TRL viewing screen.

“So how have you guys been? How is touring? We all saw the tape of how it was going near the beginning are things still like that?” Carson asked, the girls screamed as the previous interview was mentioned.

Brian laughed, “Yes, in fact now that we’re nearing the end of tour it’s worse.”

“Nick and Joey Fatone are really going at it with this Prank King war, they insist that it must be resolved before the end of the tour,” Kevin was rolling his eyes, “I don’t care except when some of those pranks end up affecting the rest of us!”

“Chill old man, it’s all in good fun. But, I do believe it is past time for Fatone to surrender, he’s never going to beat me!”

Girls cheered Nick on.

“Don’t encourage him,” Howie begged of them, and everyone laughed again.

“So Nick, how are you? There were some problems at a concert in Arizona, and you had to miss a few dates, are you ok now?”

Nick nodded, “Much better, thank you.”

“That’s good to hear,” Carson nodded, “So are you excited about tour ending, ready to get home, or kind of sad, gonna miss tour?”

“A little of both,” AJ answered, “We’ve made a lot of really good friends, and it was a very good experience for us.”

“And one positive step forward too,” Carson said, “Are you guys planning any Black and Blue tours in the future?”

“Umm, actually we have been discussing it. Our management team really wants us to,” Howie said, “It’s possible in the near future we’ll be doing a short tour on our own.”

The crowd inside the studio cheered.

“That’s great guys,” Carson said. He looked off camera, a little nervous, “Guys, we have a little surprise here for you.”

“What is it? I only accept chocolate,” Nick said and Brian bonked him over the head with his hand.

“Um no Nick, it’s not chocolate. What if I were to say I have a guest here with me, that you might remember.”

“Madonna?”

“Ignore him,” Brian said pretending to choke Nick.

“Um... it’s not Madonna, Nick.”

“Janet?”

“Nick, shut up! Lets see this mystery guest of yours Carson,” Kevin said with a smile.

“Ok, come on out!” Carson said. As soon as he said it the door to the studio opened again and in came a girl... a tall African American girl with shorter black hair than they had seen her with last.. But, “Hey...HEY!”

“I take it you remember Eboni,” Carson said, “We went through the trouble to bring her all the way here to talk with you guys.”

“Hi,” Eboni waved to the Boys coming closer.

“Hi,” AJ was the first to give her a hug followed by Kevin, then Howie, Brian, and Nick.

“Ooh,” Eboni said smiling, “I liked that last one, can we do it again?” The crowd laughed and Nick hugged her again.

“So how have you all been?” she asked.

“Good,” they were all nodding.

“Do you know how famous I got for being the last person to see you before, you know?”

“Famous?”

“Yeah, reporters, police, everyone was at my house that next morning. I got to be on TV... almost got to meet Oprah.”

“Oprah,” AJ nodded looking impressed, he rubbed his goatee.

“But the best part, was when the police actually thought I had something to do with your kidnaping. Like I was some kind of criminal mastermind. It felt really, really cool..”

“I remember liking you,” AJ laughed, “You know when she first met us, she actually told us that if we ever came to her town and had no place to stay but an Econolodge she’d let us stay there!”

The audience gasped and ew’ed.

“I made an exception for Econolodge,” Eboni said wryly, “But no, I was the fan they forgot about.. So to make it up to me, I got to spend 20 minutes backstage with them, and a few minutes on the bus... Creepy to think about now.”

“Yeah,” Brian frowned, “You really were the last person to see us, now that I think about it... and I never really thought about how it could have affected you.”

“I got temporary celebrity status... I was the High School Queen for about two weeks,” she laughed, “I actually got more attention when the police and media actually thought I had something to do with you guys being gone.”

“Sounds like you had fun while we got snakes and cheerios,” Nick snorted. AJ paled at the mention of a snake.

“Snakes and cheerios?” Carson butted in. This could get good...no one ever interviewed the Boys about their kidnaping. No one mentioned it much. What had gone on in that building no one ever said.

“Just something from a long time ago...” AJ shrugged and gave Nick a warning look.

Eboni laughed, “You don’t look too fond of the memory AJ, got snake phobia?”

AJ shuddered, “I hate reptiles.”

“I’m not too fond of them either,” Eboni shrugged.

Carson glanced at them before breaking up the friendly conversation, sounding more than a little disappointed, he announced “Ok well we need to cut to the next video, coming in at number 4 Soul Decision.”

“Carson didn’t look too pleased when we left,” Howie was commenting.

“That’s cause he wanted dirt on the basement, and Big Mouth here, was gonna give it to him.”

Nick frowned, “I was not.”

“You were so gonna spill!” AJ said, “We should put duct tape over your mouth! That’s the millionth time you’ve almost had us in a kidnaping press conference!”

Nick pouted, “Sorry.”

“Arg... Well I for one can’t believe we’ve held off the press conferences, period. I always thought it was going to happen sooner or later... but now the issue has gotten old. I can’t believe someone would want to breathe life back into that dead topic. MTV is terrible! What were they trying to do, bringing that girl on the show like that? Did you see Carson? He was nervous, he didn’t know how would react!” Howie was angry.

“Relax D, it wasn’t that bad. It was kind of nice to see her, and interesting to hear that what happened to us affected her as well.. It’s weird. I mean, did you watch TV after we got out? Read the magazines? Fans were crying, devastated at what had happened to us...and so happy we were alive. Have you read any of your new fan mail?” Brian was shaking Howie’s leg, “It’s so encouraging.”

Howie sighed and groaned, “Yeah I read some of it...as much as I could get my hands on. They...they made me cry.”

“Me too,” Kevin admitted.

“Kev, you’re a cry baby...you’d cry if I broke a nail.”

The next few minutes were filled with the sounds of AJ being pummeled in the back of the limo. “MTV still should have told us what they were going to do... They wanted a reaction out of us... and did you see how Carson jumped on that reference Nick made to the basement?”

“Of course we did,” AJ was grumbling, glaring at Kevin who smiled back.

“Now that we’re back in the public eye, the public is ready for blood again,” Brian said sadly, “It’ll never be enough that we perform for them almost every night again...They still want more. And if I could give it to them, trade places and let them be where I was so that they can get their more, great. I’d love that.” Bitter, Brian was bitter. It was not a surprise, though Howie proved to be the worst tasting one when it came to bitterness, the flavor was no stranger to any of them.

“We have to get used to it again Brian,” Kevin said simply, “It’s our life.”

“Sometimes I wish it wasn’t.”

“Prank King my ass... said it on national TV... MTV, for crying out loud... all my fans probably saw... I’ll show the brat once and for all who’s the royalty and who’s the peasant!” Joey tiptoed onto the Backstreet bus nodding to the bodyguards who sat in the front playing cards. The other Boys were inside MacDonald’s eating breakfast..Nick had chosen to sleep in. Perfect. Joey held the canister of grits and bottle of squeezable honey close to his chest. He was going to tar and feather his subject, and take the appropriate pictures. He entered the darkened bunk area, he kept the door to the bunker open to shine more light into the room so he could see. He crept past the first two bunks, and paused beside Nick’s sleeping form. He snickered, this was too easy. Nick was asleep on his side, blond hair falling into his closed eyes. Joey slowly began to peel away his blankets, careful not to wake him. Now for the honey.... “AAAAAAAAAH!” Joey cried out loud flying back from Nick’s bunk into Brian’s. Nick sat up with a start bumping his head on the top bunk and yelled out himself, “What the hell? Fatone?! What are you doing in here?”

“What..? I was... Damn Nick, aren’t we taking this little prank war of ours a little too seriously?” He gestured to the gun in Nick’s bed. Nick blinked a few times trying to figure out just what Joey was mumbling about. He looked down at the dark green sheets and noticed his glock looking back at him, “Oh... Paula.”

“Paula?”

“Yeah,” Nick lifted the gun, “Relax Fatone, she’s not for you. You’re not THAT much of a pain in my ass.” He twirled it with expertise, making Joey extremely nervous, “What the hell are you doing sleeping with that thing? Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Relax Fatone, she’s got 3 safeties.”

“Is it loaded?”

“Well, what kind of protection would an unloaded gun give me?” Nick snapped lying the gun back onto the bed, “What are in those containers you got there, Joey?”

“Huh?” Joey blinked he had forgotten about them, “Nick what the hell are you doing with a gun?”

“It’s mine, I have the right to carry it.”

“But what for?”

Nick shrugged, “Security, protection..”

“From who?”

“Well, it stopped you didn’t it?” Nick said flatly. Joey shook his head, “The others...They don’t know about this...”

“About my gun? About me owning guns, or about me having one now?”

“Guns? You have more?”

“I have 4 display cases full of them Joey, at home,” Nick said, “The guys don’t know that I brought Paula along for the ride...They might not approve.”

“I can see why, if you’re going to sleep with it. You could blow your head off if you roll over too hard!” Joey was staring, “Put it away.”

Nick snorted, “Why?”

“Just do it, it’s.. Just not right... That thing doesn’t even look legal.”

“It is,” Nick assured him.

“What is it?”

“A glock.”

“Damn.”

Nick yawned and half stretched, he looked at Joey’s expression and sighed, “If she bothers you that much...” he watched Nick leaning over the bed and pulling up a black duffel back. From inside it he extracted a leather case and he proceeded to pack his gun away. After he was done he gazed up at Joey, “Better?”

“Much,” Joey said, not smiling.

“So I ask again, what’s in the containers?”

“Nothing, Nick. Don’t worry about it. You’re scared, you’re having problems, talk to someone about it, ok? Hell, you can even talk to me if you like, but don’t sleep with a gun. And now that I know about it, if you have an accident with that thing, I’ll feel responsible for it.”

Nick frowned, “You’d really talk to me?”

Joey blinked, then nodded, “Sure I would.”

“Weird,” Nick muttered, he rubbed his chin, then looked up at Joey, “You’re not so bad Fatone...but, I’m still the King of Pranks and you will never be able to dethrone me!” He stuck out his tongue, just as Joey rose, flipped open the honey and started squirting it at will.

“This has to be the greasiest crap I have ever eaten,” Kevin was muttering.

“It’s good ain’t it?” AJ remarked biting into his Egg Mac Muffin and relishing the flavor.

“I’m throwing it in the garbage,” Kevin said getting up and moving towards the large red garbage cans. Brian looked down at his own trash expectantly and Kevin rolled his eyes gathering Brian’s tray as well. “Anyone else want to use Cinderkevin?”

“Cinderkevin.. Interesting,” AJ said taking a swig of coffee. Kevin sneered before walking off to the trash, “Loosen up Kev, you look like you’ve got a stick up your...”

“AJ, you like that hat you’re wearing?”

“I’ll shut up.”

“Good.”

The trash can was too full, when Kevin had lifted the plastic lid mounds of garbage threatened to ooze and spill down onto his shoes. Kevin shuddered and cringed back from the smell. He’d have to find another trash can. He turned to look at the table with Brian, Howie, and AJ sitting around it. AJ and Brian looked to be teasing Howie... Kevin smiled, it was good to see that again. Sour D had vanished, finally transforming back into the Sweet D, the Howie they all knew and loved...and Nick liked to pick on. Tour really had helped him, helped them all. Kevin felt more relaxed than he had been in months, AJ’s nervous jitters where he had constantly needed to be doing something with his hands had calmed, Nick’s anxiety attacks had stopped, his flashbacks becoming briefer and usually only happening at night... Brian. Kevin smiled again, Brian, his perfect cousin. His confidence had been visibly restored, he was finally feeling safe about trusting people again. Kevin grunted as he reached the next rash can setting down his load and raising the lid, the smell had greeted him cheerily. Kevin disposed of the waste and turned to head back to the table. A man walked right by him very rudely to push his trash into the trash receptacle, and Kevin was about to say something to him...but when the man turned Kevin gasped. It couldn’t be!- Could it? No, he had seen him go down... It was just someone who looked like him, had to be. Kevin had looked down after the first glance at the familiar seeming man. He didn’t want to seem like he was staring. The man left, he left the restaurant, and Kevin felt compelled to follow. He stopped a few steps away from the door and watched the man. To his surprise the man turned around and winked at him, smirked too, “Remind you of someone do I?” he said simply before turning back in his original direction and walking away. Why the hell would he say that? Kevin pondered. Kevin knew who the man reminded him of, but apparently this man knew too. Obsessive fan, psycho Backstreet Hater? Kevin shuddered, well whoever he was, he was successful at giving Kevin the creeps, and Kevin’s only desire then was to get back onto the bus. It was odd...but he actually felt safe there. He guessed the exposure therapy was working. Exposure to an unpleasant stimulus that brings much fear can eventually lead to an extinction of the fear. But to feel safe there as well as comfortable was something new to him. Maybe he could go back to being the same old Kevin he always was...he hadn’t had hope for that until just then. He smiled, maybe they could all go back to being their old selves. If he knew what was in store for him in his future, he wouldn’t be as optimistic about his ideas...

Chapter 20

“I think I’m gonna cry...” Chris Kirkpatrick was saying wiping his eyes. He stood in the center of the small hotel conference room looking at his peers.

“Cut the bull Chris!” Drew Lachey snorted, “You’re as happy about going home as we are!”

“You guys, I’m hurt! You know I’m going to miss all of you deeply..”

“And the bullshit Oscar goes to Chris Kirkpatrick,” AJ announced in a loud voice causing the room to erupt into laughter.

“I’d like to thank all the little people I stepped on to get me here today,” Chris was making his speech looking proud and dignified holding the cake stained fork AJ had handed to him solemnly to his chest.

“Don’t forget Lou,” Brian called to Chris from the table he and Nick were sitting at finishing off their cake and ice cream.

“Oh yeah, the fat ass! Ok, I’d like to thank the Fat Man too,” Chris said, “And Johnny, for teaching me all the bullshit I know...”

“Enough!” Johnny interrupted rolling his eyes, “I do have something I would like to say to all of you.” He shoved Chris out of the spotlight, and smiled at Chris’s curses at him, “I would just like to say how wonderful it has been to take part in this tour. It was fantastic and the performances were amazing. This is a tour that no one will be forgetting anytime soon. And now that it has come to a close, I would like to wish everyone good luck and good fortune in their futures...and to tell JC, Justin, Lance, Chris, Joey, and Britney, that there will be work on Monday so don’t get too relaxed when you get home! That’s all.”

“BOO!”

Johnny bowed graciously and left the spotlight to his standing ovation.

The last night of the tour had been spectacular. The sounds were impeccable, no one missed a note, no dancing feet missed a beat. This was it, the last night, the next day they would be on their way home...Make it count. The screams had been louder that night than they had ever been at any of the previous performances. The performers left the stage in high spirits to join the after party their management and security was throwing in their honor...and for their relief. After all the stars weren’t the only people getting to go home and get a break! The party was winding down after only an hour or two, once everyone was fed the entertainment portion of the party wasn’t too captivating. Going clubbing was the dominant idea in everyone’s mind.

“We can get the 2:30 show ok, can’t we?” Nick was questioning Brian as he pondered over the entertainment section of the newspaper. Brian nodded, “That gives us about 40 minutes to get the theater. We can do that.”

Brian sat down on the bed beside Nick who was sprawled across the bed with the newspaper resting over his face. He blew the softly causing it to flutter over his face and land softly beside him on the bed, “You see that skill B?”

Brian rolled his eyes and lie back on the king size bed with a sigh of exhaustion, “I am so damn glad this is over...” He studied the smooth pearl ceiling above him smiling in pleasure, “Tomorrow night I will be lying in a bed just like this, but with my wife.”

“And your two little rats,” Nick muttered under his breath with a chuckle. He yelped when Brian gave him an elbow in the ribs, “Oh come on Bri, everyone knows you guys let those mutts sleep in bed with you two.”

“Stop referring to my children as rats, Nickolas, or I will be forced to talk about your butt-faced dogs,” Brian said now resorting to kicking Nick. They both lie on their backs on the bed with their legs hanging off the edge. Their sneaker encased feet grazed the carpeted floor.

“Nick?”

“What?”

“If we want to make the show we have to get up,” Brian said.

“I know,” Nick said back. They still lie on their backs like doomed turtles.

There were sharp knocks at the door, “FBI, open up!”

“It’s Timberlake...” Brian grumbled, “Go answer the door, Nicky.”

“Why me?” Nick uttered covering his eyes by slinging one of his arms over his face.

“Pizza!” another voice called through the door.

“Bass.”

“We won’t go away until you let us in, we know you’re in there!”

“Chasez.”

The duo on the bed groaned turning their faces to look at one another before struggling into sitting positions. Nick stood up and walked to the door to let in the company.

“Geez, what were you guys doing in here, a quickie?” Justin pushed his way inside, “You guys going to the club?”

“Hello to you too,” Nick said going back to the bed and sitting down. He picked up the newspaper and began to fold it.

“Well are ya?” Justin pressed. JC and Lance sat down on the bed with Brian and Nick.

“No,” Brian shook his head, “we ain’t club people.”

“Great, now I don’t feel pressured to go,” Lance said, sticking his tongue out at Justin and JC’s groans.

“Well what are you guys gonna do tonight? I was hoping we could hang. This is our last day...” Justin was whining.

“Geez Nick, he almost does that as well as you do,” Brian snickered, winking when Nick glared and smacked him with the newly folded newspaper.

“Come on guys, the club’s gonna be fun...” JC was trying to convince Nick and Brian to come along with them.

Brian was shaking his head no, “I have a note,” Nick said as an excuse, “Besides, we’re gonna go see a movie. We already told Kevin, Alex, and Howie we were.”

“A movie, which movie?” Lance was asking.

“A movie over the club on our last night?” Justin looked incredulous.

“Hey, my wife said no,” Brian shrugged, grinning at Justin’s scowl. Justin turned to Nick, “And I really do have a note,” Nick held his hands up in innocence, “Cigarette smoke and me don’t get along.”

“Punk.”

“A prouder punk there will never be,” Nick said nodding his head.

“You guys are welcome to come with us,” Brian said in a pleasant tone, “We’re going to see Castaway. We don’t think we’ll ever get the time to see it at home.”

“Ooh Castaway,” Lance looked interested, “I’ve been wanting to see that.”

“The critics love it,” Brian said, “We’re trying to get to the 2:30. We were gonna run and get David and tell him we’re ready.”

Lance was nodding, “I wanna come.”

“Lance!”

“Justin, where’s your woman man? Why don’t you go pester her to go to the club?” Nick was asking.

“She is going to the club,” JC said in an amused tone, “but not with Justin. He’s managed to piss her off.”

“Again?” Brian and Nick perked up and looked to Justin.

“Yes! Yes again!” Justin grumbled, “And she’s not talking to me...and she’s got all the girls glaring at me. It’s not funny!”

Nick and Brian straightened up, trying to iron the smile wrinkles from their faces with their fingers, “Well Timberlake, it seems you have a problem. Why not just skip the club and come to the movie with us?”

“I really want to see the movie,” Lance put in for good measure, he looked to JC who was shrugging. He really didn’t care either way. He could stay at the hotel and sleep for all he cared that night.

Justin was the only one that looked perplexed. He sighed looking down at his attire, leather pants would not be appropriate for a movie, he sighed, “Give me a few minutes to change, I’ll be back. What time did you say the movie started again?”

“I am never going clubbing with you guys again,” Kevin was grumbling, struggling to shake off AJ and Howie, who were both currently drunk out of their minds.

AJ giggled as he clutched Kevin’s shoulders trying to climb onto his back, “Aw come on Kevy-Kev, you know you missed this...hanging with the guys...the wifey will never let you do it when we get home...”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “I should have went to the movies with Nick and Brian...”

“A sucky movie over Tornadoes...come on Kev! You’re not getting that old are you?” Howie slurred ruffling Kevin’s short dark hair.

“I dunno Howie, he’s gonna be 30 soon,” AJ laughed then burped rudely, “Oh excuse me...” He and Howie draped their arms around each other, “As God as our witness we, Alexander James McLean and Howard Dwaine Dorough will not let Kevin Scott Richardson turn into an old fart before his time!”

Kevin moaned as they began to sing in a very loud off-key manner. He couldn’t really cringe in embarrassment since most everyone was drunk that night. The trio walked down the hall, AJ and Howie calling loud good nights to other drunken or tired members of their parties as they disappeared inside their rooms. Kevin groaned as he heard his intoxicated group mates smash into the wall beside his door, “Night Kev...tomorrow you go back to being a caged man...” AJ said with a wistful sigh, “Poor Kev...”

“Poor Kev...” Howie echoed with a wild laugh.

“Yeah, poor me. Listen you guys do me a favor and don’t drink anything else tonight ok? Just go to sleep,” Kevin paused before running his keycard through the door to look at them with warning in his green eyes.

“Sure Pops,” Howie snorted and AJ hooted with laughter and the two started towards AJ’s room. Kevin rolled his eyes. The plane ride tomorrow would not be pretty... Lots of stars on one plane with hangovers... At that moment he hated his life. He opened the door to his room shaking his head and began to feel the wall on side of the door for the light switch, “Damn it I can never...” he felt the smoothness of the small switch and grinned to himself. He turned on the light, and screamed...or tried to...his scream was cut off by a white piece of cloth covering his mouth and nose. He tried not to breathe in, he knew what it was...and for some reason he knew what was happening and was not surprised by it. Three men in masks stood before him, he heard the door being closed quickly behind him and he heard the whispers of the men to each other. One grabbed Kevin’s throat with his rough dry hands trying to force him to inhale the chloroform. Kevin felt the coolness on his face, he felt his lungs burning, he had to breathe...No, fight it. He struggled against the man holding him, but found that only strengthened his need to breathe. He was going to explode, he saw spots before his eyes...as the room began to grow dim he became faintly aware that he had indeed breathed. He couldn’t have helped it... The green eyes of his captor were the last thing he saw before he let the darkness overtake him.

“LEAN ON ME...LEAN ON MEEEE!!!” AJ was singing to the top of his lungs as he fiddled with his key card. He and Howie planned to raid the mini-fridge...they were ravenous. This might prove to be a bad idea hours later, but right then it seemed absolutely wonderful.

AJ stumbled into the darkened room not even bothering with the lights. He giggled as he tripped...not realizing until a few seconds later that what he had tripped over was someone’s foot. That person was wearing hard shoes, boots...Howie? How did Howie get in before me? Howie’s so cooool....he laughed and pushed himself up to his elbows grinning from ear to ear. He heard a muffled noise from behind him. Sounded like someone getting a surprise and being shushed with someone’s hand going over his mouth. AJ should know...or maybe...maybe Howie tripped over his own feet and fell too. That thought made AJ chuckle more. He felt fingers...smooth fingers on his arms...so smooth they could have been covered with cloth. Howie had a towel? He yanked roughly up to his feet and his body fell against someone..tall...Howie had grown? He felt the softness of a towel on his face covering his mouth and nose and the cool sensation of liquid....a strange smelling liquid that made him dizzy..Howie? Howie what are you....doing?

“Wilson!!!” Brian was wailing, flailing his arms around in the back of the SUV, only satisfied when one of his hands connected with Nick’s forehead.

“Brian you dick!” Nick grabbed Brian’s offending arm and bended it back behind him.

“Nick, let go! I’ve gotta save Wilson! I’ll get you, Wilson!” Brian was laughing, yet trying to remain serious and mimic Tom Hanks screaming for his doomed friend.

“Settle down kids, and buckle your seatbelts,” JC was saying rolling his eyes and climbing into the SUV, Justin and Lance followed. Nick and Brian had been screaming for “Wilson” ever since Castaway had ended, rolling over each other in hysterics whenever someone would look at them strangely.

“Yes Dad,” they both sat up straight grinning as JC rolled his eyes again.

“That was a good movie,” Lance said when the car was moving. Two bodyguards sat in front, one was driving.

“Yeah, it was sad though,” Justin nodded.

“WILSON!!!” Brian wailed again for good measure and Nick laughed.

“You guys are just mean laughing at poor Wilson like that,” Justin was saying, “He was the best volleyball a man could have.”

Brian snorted.

“Are you guys gonna talk about that movie all the way back?” Russell asked sounding a trifle annoyed. Russell was driving and flipping through the radio stations. “Never Should Have Let You Go” by Hi-Five came on. An appreciated classic by all the occupants in the car.

“I’ll be thinking ‘bout you every night, and everyday. Cause in my heart I know...That I never should have let you. And my love for you is stronger than I...ever knew. And I couldn’t tell you so, cause I never should have let you go. Is there someone else, standing where I stood, giving you the love you never got from me...Girl I would give you the world, if I only could. Girl would you please would you come back to me, would you come back to meeeeee!”

“Ooh,” JC paused the singing, and looked Nick and Brian over appraisingly. He turned to Justin and Lance, “Joey and Chris will be receiving their pink slips in the mail...Can you two start work on Monday?”

Lance and Justin laughed while Brian and Nick looked amused, “What would be our new salary?”

JC looked thoughtful, “Hmm, well we’d have to talk that over..”

“No, hold it,” Lance interrupted the negotiations, “If we let these two in the group, they’ll probably want solos...”

JC and Justin made a face, “Never mind.”

Brian laughed, “One day Lance, Joey, and Chris are going to mutiny.”

Justin snorted, “Lance wouldn’t hurt me...AAAH!!” Lance grabbed Justin in a choke hold and pretended to strangle him. JC laughed and dodged the scuffle.

“Hey, you guys wanna get something to eat before we head back?” David called back to them from his seat beside Russell.

Nick looked at his watch, “It’s too late to go back and get some sleep anyway, we might as well.”

“This could not have gone any better... Well yes, yes it could have. You could have brought me the blond one., but these three are fine. Especially this one...”

Howie became consciously aware of a large hand on his face, rubbing his chin and tilting his head back like one does when examining a horse. It was extremely dark and he felt the tightness of cloth around his eyes... He grimaced as slowly his brain began to take an inventory of his parts. His hands were bound behind him, he felt the hardness of a chair...had to be wooden, under his arms. His ankles were tied in the same manner and he felt tightness like a seat belt at his waist. God...God... Not again.. It could not be happening again. Access your situation, you were drunk...ugh... he groaned slightly...you are drunk, or rather hung over.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” a voice purred... That voice. It sent chills down Howie’s spine... Howie’s spine, which was aching from being arched and bound to the hard chair at an angle, “Would you like for me to remove your blindfold so you can look around?”

God that voice... sweating with a blindfold over ones face was never a good idea. The darkness and the hot stickiness of his blindfold was unbearable. He felt..heard the cloth being stretched, felt a release of pressure...it brought back old memories. Being in the back of a car, crammed in beside his brothers, Nick thrown over their legs. It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the new lighting but when they did he was staring into green eyes. THE green eyes. The eyes from his nightmares.

“Well...it’s good to see that you still remember your old friend. I still remember you too Howie, and the business I never got to finish with you. You do remember that business, huh, Howie?”

He was standing with the cold steel of a gun pressing to the back of his scalp. The maniac was on the phone, on the phone talking to his mother, Mama. He had thought he was going to die in that moment, he was to be shot. His pants were wet...when did he wet his pants like a toddler? When did he first become aware of his soiled undergarments? He remembered the gun shot and the warmth of the blood that had struck the back of his neck...the smell...

There went that chuckle... But he was dead...wasn’t he? He had been killed. Brian, Kevin, and AJ had seen him get shot, had seen fall. “H..how?”

He chuckled again, “Surprised?”

Howie stared, stricken at the man before him.

“Well I guess that’s understandable..but I must say I’m a little disappointed in you guys underestimating my intelligence. Do honestly think that I didn’t have an alternate route out of that place? I mean, you did know that I intended to get out with my money don’t you?”

“But..but she shot you...”

“Oh please, Ariella couldn’t have hit the broad side of the Titanic, before it sank. There is a such thing as playing possum.”

“What do you want this time?”

“To do this thing right... I didn’t exactly get the profit I had hoped for the last time, now did I? This time around I get to call all the shots, and I do plan on getting paid. In fact, as soon as your friends arrive back at your hotel, they should be getting the little video tape I left for them, and getting their monies together.”

“What? Kevin and AJ?”

“Here.”

“Nick and Brian?”

“Your lifelines...if they choose to save you Howie and bring me my cash, you’ll be set free... If they choose to back down, to protect themselves, or call the police, you’ll die. And Howie, I do so want to finish what I started with you, and as much as I would regret not getting my money...I would enjoy blowing your brains out.”

Howie blinked, feeling his eyes water... Brendon laughed loudly at his reaction, “Why Howie, you act as if you think your friends would abandon you. Not been very nice to them lately? That’s a shame Howie. Hey, they’re good people...relax...but maybe you should pray too, just in case. I mean, this is your life they’ll be buying and you can’t afford for them to be cheap Howie. Can you?”

Chapter 21

“Damn key card,” Nick was muttering trying to slide it through the door. Brian was giggling, “You’re putting it in the slot backwards Nicky.. Move, let the master show you how it’s done.”

“Oh Master of Key cards, pray thee would,” Nick snorted sarcastically.

Brian pushed Nick aside much to the amusement of Lance, JC, and Justin who stood behind the dueling duo. The door opened, “Tadaa!” Brian sang springing into the room and turning on the light.

“Geez, you guys don’t even look packed...at all,” Lance entered the room first staring at the mess. Clothes were scattered everywhere, video games littered the floor...

“It only takes a few seconds to throw some stuff in a bag,” Nick shrugged.

“I do believe this is the reason why we’re late getting to every venue,” JC whistled as he looked around, “You guys are pigs.”

“Hey,” Brian said, sounding offended, “We’re slobs ok? We are not those little disgusting animals that like to wallow around in their own filth!” As he said this he jumped back on his king sized bed upsetting the mound of dirty clothes on top of it.

“Whatever you say,” Lance said making a face, “Can you guys even find the Play Station in this mess?”

“Of course we can,” Nick’s voice said, from a location unknown to the others. He was in the room obviously, but no one could see him among the dump they casually referred to as a room. Suddenly his blond hair appeared from under the bed, he was holding a black bag, “Found it.” He made his way to the large television, shoving aside socks and sneakers and began unplugging the N64 he had already hooked to the television, “Hello, what’s this?” Nick was frowning, he set down the wires he had been fiddling with to pick up the video tape lying in front of the television. It was encased in a brown box with a large note attached, “Watch me...” Nick opened the box and removed a black video tape, a thick folded note tumbled out onto his knees that he was sitting on. It slid off onto the white carpeting, the blue lines of the notebook paper clearly visible, but their was no writing on the outside, “Brian, did you leave this here?”

“Leave what where?” Brian asked, he had grabbed a suitcase from the closet and was trying to stuff some of his dirty clothes inside.

“A videotape in a brown box with a note inside. Says ‘watch me,’” Nick lifted the note and began to unfold it, it had about three or four pages to it.

“No I sure didn’t,” Brian said with a light laugh, “Maybe you have a secret admirer?”

“Or maybe Fatone’s been in here,” Nick sneered, “Maybe I should leave it alone. I don’t feel like being covered in goo this early in the morning.”

Justin laughed, “Let me see it.” He leapt over socks and underwear to get to where Nick was sitting on his knees and sat beside him to take the box. He took the cassette as well, then looked inside the brown box, turning it upside down and shaking it to see if another surprise would fall from it, “Hmmm.... Lets look at the tape...maybe he took something of yours and is holding it hostage.”

Nick laughed, “That would be funny.... you know, come to think of it, I haven’t seen my Gameboy for some time...”

“Lets see what it is,” Justin rose, tape in hand, to turn on the VCR, “You know Joey was not going to let you win yall’s prank war that easily Nick.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Man, this thing is over. I so won, he needs to give up.”

“Turn on the TV.”

Nick hit the power button on the TV screen as Justin turned on the VCR and inserted the tape. He hit rewind and the VCR clicked letting him know the tape was already at its beginning. He pressed play at the same time Nick straightened out the note with a smile and began to read.

“I don’t believe this...” AJ was grumbling. He sagged against his chair, wincing at the restraints holding him in place.

AJ and Kevin had regained consciousness an hour after Howie had. They did not receive the honor of being graced with the actual Brendon’s presence at their awakening. Instead they sat staring at the five red-haired, green-eyed henchmen Brendon had hired. Why had he hired henchmen that looked so much like himself, or as Howie, AJ, and Kevin remembered him looking? Brendon now sported a darker look, his hair straightened and dark as night. His eyes were the only thing that remained the same, burning like evil green emeralds in the caverns of his face.

AJ had screamed when he first opened his eyes, he screamed so loud he awoke Kevin. He fought at his restraints cutting into his hands and ankles, and he cried... He saw each henchman as Brendon reborn and multiplied. Not again, he had cried, not again.

Kevin had been quiet, so quiet Howie was afraid he had quit breathing. They were afraid to talk to one another, Howie was afraid to try to calm AJ whose screaming had paused momentarily. Howie stared as Brendon’s hired hands laughed and smirked at them from a distance...they were in a wooden room with no windows. The only light source was a small lamp in the corner of the room. The room smelled musty and damp...old and moldy. The floors creaked as the men walked across them. Every man was armed with a semi-automatic weapon ready to shoot if anyone so much as coughed too loudly.

Sweat was rolling down his nose, the slow crawling sensation of it sliding down the skin itched. He tried to time the drips as they fell from the tip of his nose, but he ended up breathing them in every time. It stung like hell... I don’t want to die...I’ve come this far...I’ve already gotten out of this situation. What are my chances of surviving it again? AJ clenched his hands into to fist hissing at the pain it brought him. He felt the warm blood running down his palms, sticky like syrup. Wash them, he wanted to wash them... he wanted to wash them and...and... AJ don’t lose it, but he could slowly feel his sanity slipping away...Usually when this happened, he baked. His hands had to be busy. He couldn’t move his hands.... He began to strike his head on the back of the wooden chair. Are they gonna kill us? Are they gonna kill us? Are they...?

“Stop it,” it was him.... AJ would know that voice anywhere. He had come back from the dead to finish what he started, “You’re going to give yourself a headache.” AJ stared at the floor, but he did stop what he was doing. Trembling, his body was shaking so hard he thought he just might finally snap his restraints, “Scared are we, Alex?” Knees, knees in blue jeans kneeling on the floor. AJ’s eyes slowly came up to greet the face... the eyes were the same, twinkling in amusement, cheer, glee, the hair, the hair was a sea of darkness, “Like the new color?” He paused as if waiting for AJ’s answer, then sighed, “Well, it’s going to take some getting used to... I’ve had many different colors over the past year, but this is the less flattering of the lot.” He stood raising AJ’s chin with him, “Heard you screaming Alex.” He smiled wickedly, “You knew I was coming back, didn’t you?”

AJ refused to answer, he didn’t want to cry... “Relax Alex...If you do recall I am a business man. I prefer money over blood, so if I get what I want, you won’t die. That is what you’re afraid of aren’t you?” Brendon frowned and tilted his head to one side before laughing and running a hand through his hair.

“Why?”

“Why what? Why do I prefer money over blood?” Brendon looked perplexed, “Well you can’t spend blood.”

“No, why after being gone for so long do you come back only now? Why us? Why didn’t you nab some easier target? Why bother us and risk yourself again?”

Brendon smiled, “Well no one was really expecting for me to try you guys again...but honestly I did it cause I felt if I had you taken again and did this the right way...the way it should have been done, I really would profit. You see, you boys were so traumatized by the event of being kidnaped you’ve grown paranoid...With the help of my men here, who have willingly dyed their hair and gotten contacts I was able to psych you all out even more. I have asked for a much lower more reasonable amount to be delivered to me...and since you have been through this all before, I do believe you have the money on hand, and you know not to call the police. Now you tell me, Alex, tell me that you don’t have over a million dollars in your spending account so you won’t have to go through the bank tellers and lots of paperwork to draw your money out.”

AJ looked away...he did. He had over 3 million dollars tucked away at his immediate disposal. He never really thought this...it...would happen again to any of them. But he had to be safe...he slept better.

“And I’m willing to bet all of you do,” Brendon nodded knowingly, “Nick and Brian will be here tomorrow morning with the money, and if there are no problems, I’ll let you go.”

“You sound too reasonable,” AJ said suspiciously, “There’s a catch.”

“Catch, me? You accuse me of throwing ‘catches?’” Brendon looked offended, but his green eyes twinkled whimsically.

AJ narrowed his eyes, “What game are you playing Brendon?”

Brendon smirked, “Do you honestly think I’m going to tell you everything?”

“Not yet,” Howie’s voice said from behind AJ... AJ would have jumped in shock if hadn’t been strapped down, he had forgotten that he wasn’t alone. That Kevin and Howie were there too, but they were being so quiet...but he had probably been as quiet. Why had Brendon chosen to speak with him....Brendon didn’t like him, he knew that much. Even through his fear he felt relieved that Nick wasn’t there....Brendon hated Nick more than he hated AJ. Nick...Nick and Brian. What were they doing? Had they found whatever Brendon had left for them? How had they reacted? Please let them be strong God, please hold them together so they can get us out.

“Not yet?” Brendon’s words interrupted AJ’s thoughts.

“Well Brendon, you strike me as someone who likes to brag. I think when the time is right, or you just feel like it, you’ll tell us everything,” Howie was saying, his voice low but steady.

Brendon chuckled, for the millionth time, “You’re a bright one Howie. I like you. You know, I don’t think I ever really wanted to waste you. You were just who I grabbed first. I guarantee you that you’ll be leaving this place when the money gets here.”

“I knew there was a catch! Are you not planning on letting all of us go?”

“Well... There are 3 of you right? Well I figure the 3 million I’m asking for will pay for at least 2 of you,” he smiled, his eyes darkened reminding them once again that he was a killer, “I haven’t forgotten what happened a year ago gentlemen. I realize I can’t blame you for that joke of a kidnaping, but I need closure from it...and well, after talking to the demons in my head, I realized that killing one of you will be the only way to get it.”

“You’re crazy...”

“Yeah, people tell me that all the time. That’s why they hire me to do their dirty work,” Brendon was saying his tone turning bitter, “You know, you really shouldn’t hold so much of your animosity towards me. You don’t know the whole deal, you don’t really know who was behind your kidnaping, and you don’t know what it really happened for. I bet you thought it was about money. I mean that’s what we told you all right? Hell,” Brendon was walking toward a wooden chair, probably similar to the ones AJ, Kevin, and Howie were tied to. He dragged the chair until he was a few feet in front of AJ and sat, “all those idiots involved thought it was for money... I knew the real deal. As I told you before, I’m not dumb and it’s hard to pull the wool over my eyes. There was a man over your kidnaping, Lorenzo Paricio... a mob boss... One of the girls I wasted, Zalia the one who was supposedly over the operations in the motel, was his daughter. Your kidnaping,” Brendon paused for effect, smiling at the roundness of AJ’s eyes, “was never about cash. It was a test for dear Zalia, could she make Daddy proud and follow instructions. Did she have the brains and control to run an operation. Old Paricio was gonna leave his legacy to her after all, he had to make sure she was competent. I suppose you should also know that you were all to be whacked at the end. Paricio just wanted to test her smarts... he didn’t need any of you, and he certainly didn’t want eye witnesses,” Brendon laughed to himself and began to rock in his chair, “Paricio thought he was so smart in hiring me... cold, ruthless, could whack you all without remorse and Zalia would never have to get her hands dirty. Sure, she’d be a little upset, you see, she was never told this was a test and she never expected for any of you to die. Well, in entering the situation I knew Paricio was underpaying me, so I made sure I had an agenda of my own. I took Paricio’s help and made your hoax kidnaping into an actual one with profit. In Paricio’s plan the profit would never be seen, the only thing I would have received was the 50 grand he was going to pay me for helping. So, just think, if it hadn’t of been for me, you guys would be swimming with the fishies right about now.”

AJ shut his eyes....was life really that pointless to some people? Where they could take human beings like dolls from a toy box, play with them and discard them like trash later... His life would have sacrificed for a stupid test. He would have died for the sake of a game of make believe.

“Disgusted?”

AJ refused to answer.

“Hey, I would be too. I bet you feel pretty worthless right now huh?” Brendon stood up and stretched, “Well just think, you’re not, you’re worth 1.5 million as of now...”

Five faces stared in horror at the static one the big screen televison. Only a few minutes earlier the bodies of AJ McLean, Kevin Richardson, and Howie Dorough, were seen being tucked inside the backseat of a black sedan. No license plates could be seen or identified anywhere on the vehicle. The men ushering the bodies inside wore surprisingly plain clothes in fact...they looked like bodyguards. The person holding the camera made sure to get close ups on AJ, Kevin, and Howie before they were stuffed inside the car so that their friends could identify them without a doubt.

“We have to call the police,” Lance was stuttering, he was standing, going for the phone.

“NO!” Nick leapt up from his sitting position, the crumpled note he had been reading, and had read over 6 times, fell from his hands as he dove for Lance. They crashed onto the bed, Nick holding Lance down. He sat up slowly still holding Lance to the bed, “No one calls the police.”

“But...”

“There are no buts in this, this guy’s a psychopath,” Nick was hissing down at Lance, “You don’t know...You don’t understand.” He gave pressed Lance a little harder against the bed before getting up and running his hands through his hair, “Brian?”

Justin and JC had turned from the television to watch Nick’s struggle with Lance, but now all eyes went to Brian. Brian still sat transfixed with the television, his face dead white, his eyes still large. “Bri?” Nick was sitting beside Brian in a second wrapping his arms around the older man, “Bri, are you ok?”

“I...We... We’ll get Rhonda and Johnny, tell some bodyguards what’s going on...” JC was saying, trying to excuse himself and the others from the room so Nick and Brian could be alone.

“No,” Nick raised his head to glare at them, “Don’t you get it, you tell anyone and they die! This...this is our problem...you guys shouldn’t even have seen this..We don’t know who he has watching us to see if we’re doing things according to his plan. We don’t know what’s going on now...but from experience I know that when paid this guy does what he’s promised.”

“You’re trusting a psychotic criminal...”

“I am trusting him enough to know that if we show up with the Feds he’ll kill everyone,” Nick said his voice lowering, he bowed his head, golden hair falling into shadowed eyes.

“So what? You guys are going to go to that place alone...no protection? What makes you think he won’t just kill you all anyway?”

“God, stop it! Just stop! Shut up!” Brian’s shouts surprised everyone, especially Nick who shouted himself and nearly fell over as Brian pushed him aside and jumped to his feet. He took a deep breath gazing carefully at every person in the room, “We have a few hours to get to the bank...”

“You can’t be serious...” JC was starting again.

“...we can take a cab to the address....”

“...I’m calling the police...”

“If you call the police you’ll be responsible for three murders, Lance. You’ll be killing AJ, Kevin, and Howie,” Brian said gently.

“We can’t just let you walk into a trap.”

“We’ll go... get there at 8:30 like Brendon wants... if we’re not back an hour after that, 9:30... then you can do whatever you want.”

“You could be killed in that hour...”

“And Kevin, Howie, and AJ could be killed in that moment the police would arrive,” Nick shot back. He stood by Brian, both looking pale and fierce...and determined.

“This is crazy...” Justin was grumbling, “At least take some bodyguards with you...they won’t tell anything...”

“Yeah, we could do that Justin, but one thing...How do we know who’s good and who’s bad? Those guys that took AJ, Kevin, and Howie, sure did look like some of our bodyguards to me,” Nick was wringing his hands together, “Howie was right all along..this tour was a bad idea... We’re cursed, we’re marked...”

“You’re not cursed, Nick,” JC said with a sigh, “and once this is all over you’ll see that. Now let us call the authorities, let them deal with the problem, they’ll get Kevin, Howie, and AJ back, and that evil guy will go to jail. You’ll never have to worry about it again.”

“You’re not LISTENING!” Brian yelled pulling at his curly hair, “No one calls anybody. Why can’t you understand that they’ll die? I told you, give us until 9:30...after that call the police, the marines, whoever.. But please don’t get them killed before we can even try to save them.”

“How do you know that...”

“Justin...: “ JC was warning.

“How do you know that they aren’t already dead and you’re not walking into a death trap?”

“Oh God...” Nick slumped to the floor. He grabbed his head in his hands and began to rock back and forth, “Not dead...they wouldn’t be dead, cause they can’t be dead...” He was crying, loudly...he didn’t care who heard him or thought he was less than an adult for breaking down like a child.

Brian glared at Justin, his eyes bright, his tears were beginning to brim and leak down his face, “They aren’t dead ok...and if they are...let us be the ones to find out. And if Brendon kills us too, then that’ll be just fine, we can go out with them...” He used both hands to wipe his face and he tried to calm his breathing...he took deep breaths to bring himself back into control. He sighed and took out his cell phone, before beginning to dial he looked to Justin, to Lance, and to JC who was on the floor tentatively reaching out to console Nick. Nick, who was clearly about to be hysterical in a few minutes if no one held him and told him it would be ok. “Do we have a deal?”

“What?” Lance blinked at Brian, tearing his attention away from Nick. He had been creeping closer to Nick and JC, but now was staring at Brian.

“We go...you guys give us an hour.”

“It’s ludicrous,” Lance said, sounding incredulous, “It’s suicide...”

“Do we have a deal?” Brian repeated sounding frustrated, frazzled, his hands were shaking. His cell phone fell from his palms onto the bed and he fumbled for it.

There was a short pause before JC, from the floor, over Nick’s head, said, “Yes...an hour...a second more and...”

“Do whatever you want after that...” Brian almost laughed with relief, “Thank you...”

“Don’t thank me...I feel like I’m sending you off to your graves,” JC muttered, rubbing Nick’s back through his thin tee-shirt. He was crying so hard, his chest heaving so rigorously, that JC was afraid he was going to burst his rib cage. He rocked him and held on tight, wincing as he felt Nick’s fingers digging into his skin.

Brian was calling his bank spokesperson, he was trying to be put in touch with a local branch. He needed them to have a representative ready to open the bank’s doors and access their

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accounts in an hour... He glanced at the clock, it was almost 7. Banks usually didn’t open until 9:00am, but that was too late.... Brian didn’t anticipate their being a problem, banks usually opened their doors for their more famous customers a little earlier than usual without question...anything to keep their business. After confirming that someone would be there to meet them at the bank, Brian called to reserve a taxi to be there in thirty minutes.

He hung up his cell phone and closed it, dropping it back onto the bed. Then he dropped onto the bed himself and crawled across it to the base where JC and Lance were holding on to Nick. He slid off positioning himself just behind Nick, and nudged JC and Lance to move. JC was the most reluctant to let go, his blue tee-shirt was soaked with Nick’s tears. Brian grabbed Nick gently and forced him to turn himself around and look at him. Brian took his hands and used them to wipe the tears from Nick’s flushed face. The tears removed quickly replaced themselves with more as Nick continued to whimper and cry, “Shh....” Brian soothed him, “You have to pull yourself together. In a little bit we’re gonna go to the bank and get our money out, and then we’re gonna go and we’re gonna get the others. Ok? Then we’ll come back all together and finish packing, ok? But you need to calm down... Ok.... can you do that?” He took Nick’s face between his palms, and looked him in the eyes.

Nick nodded, trying to calm his breathing. He took in deep shaky breaths, and pulled back from Brian to wipe his own face.

“You ok?” Brian asked softly.

“Yeah...” Nick said in an equally soft voice, “I’m ok.”

“Good,” Brian patted his back, “Come on, we’ll wash up and go downstairs, ok?”

Nick nodded and allowed Brian to help him up.

“Hold on,” Nick said before following Brian into the double bathroom, “What?” Brian turned back to look at him.

“I’m gonna get a bag for us to carry the money in,” Nick said going to his bed. He kneeled and reached under the bed pulling out a small black duffel bag and placed it on his unmade bed, “This one looks big enough.”

Brian nodded, then he looked to Lance, Justin, and JC, who seemed so out of place. They sat on one bed simply observing the two remaining Backstreet Boys, “Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re doing the right thing....thank you again.”

Chapter 22

He doesn’t look happy....Kevin thought to himself as he observed the downcast expression on Brendon’s face. One of his red-haired clowns was apparently telling him something he didn’t want to hear. Kevin stared at them, trying to make out what was being said. He couldn’t make out the words forming on their lips but their expressions were enough to scare the living daylights out of him. Brendon was scared shitless...but of what? What could possible scare Brendon that badly? The police sure didn’t scare him, not at all... Brendon began to crack his knuckles and pace the length of the room, he glanced at his watch constantly, “I should have made it 8:00... God there’s so little time...how far were they away?”

Kevin hid his smile as the men moved closer allowing him to hear some of the conversation.

“..miles...”

“Shit....shit, I have to be gone, out of here...”

“...can delay them...”

“How did he find me? Who.....us?”

“....a leak... Who knows how long he’s....trailing....”

“Damn Trevino’s gonna be on my ass......his daughter..... good sex...”

Kevin rolled his eyes in disgust. The conversation was interesting up until the “sex” point. It appeared that someone was after Brendon, someone that even Brendon was afraid of. That thought sent a shiver up Kevin’s spine, should he be afraid too? He grunted against his restraints, they were painfully tight...and he had to go to the bathroom badly. He refused to go on himself...again. He was sticky, smelly, and uncomfortable. He tried to shift his body around as much as possible to keep his muscles from falling asleep.

“Dammit...” Brendon was stalking towards them, SLAP! Kevin winced, he had slapped someone...from the cry out it had been AJ, “This is really starting to get on my nerves.” He sighed, blowing black tangles from his eyes, “I can’t leave without the cash...but if I don’t leave I get shot at. What I need is a bullet proof ass.”

Kevin cleared his throat softly, he knew he was taking a chance by speaking, but, “What’s wrong?” His voice sounded hoarse... his throat was so dry. He swallowed, wincing at the sand papery feel of his throat as the saliva went down. He may have been bold enough to speak up, but he was definitely not stupid enough to ask for water.

He looked to see Brendon moving closer to him, his face looking petulant, “Nothing you’d care about,” he sneered. He groaned and turned on his heel heading to the exit...Kevin really could not call the perpetually open hole in the wall a door. Brendon’s frame disappeared, and Kevin sighed. “At least he’s gone,” Kevin heard Howie utter.

“What do you suppose that was all about?” AJ asked in his raspy tones.

“I don’t know...lets just pray that it doesn’t affect us!”

“Amen.”

“Nick, are you sure that little bag’s gonna fit all that money?” Brian was asking, looking dubiously at Nick who was shoving stacks of bundled together green bills into the small black duffel bag he had brought. Something bothered Brian about that bag, but he didn’t know what it was so he let it go.

“It’ll fit, Rok, you just keep an eye on your watch, I’ll worry about the money,” Nick snapped not slowing in his “stuffing” process.

They were sitting in the back of a yellow cab, Brian nervously tapping his toe and looking at his watch, and watching Nick lean over removing money from a large bank sack and stuffing it inside his duffel. The cab driver was paid to ask no questions, he was picked them up from the hotel, waited for them when they went inside the bank, and then he was to drop them off at the address they had given him and leave. Brian and Nick were giving the man $500, he happily did as instructed and spoke nothing to anyone, not even Nick and Brian.

Brian frowned at Nick and turned his head to look out the window. It was so dreary out, the sky was gray and the window was dazzled with small droplets of rain. He leaned his head on the smooth cool pane of glass and blew his breath onto it. It made a slight mist over the glass and he began to trace his name with his fingertips. The cab seemed to be traveling at an incredibly slow pace when they were in fact exceeding the speed limit. The yellow car whipped around short buildings making sharp rights and lefts, taking them through devastated brick ruins of the downtown area. Over grown weeds created forests, old abandoned cars made caves on the ancient lots. Stray cats and dogs wandered the area scavenging for food, or company... Brian met eyes with a particularly malicious looking cat.... or a fight. He saw small signs of human inhabitants...a tall skinny man dressed in rags pushing a shopping cart full of an assortment of things. Junk, Brian thought to himself, but to that man it was gold. Brian was brought back from the dreary reality outdoors by the sound of Nick’s soft, but persistent coughing.

“Are you alright Frack?” Brian asked looking at his pale friend who now sat with his back to the soft backseat of the cab. The black bag was perched on his lap, filled to its maximum capacity and zipped shut, “Fine.”

“You don’t sound so fine...did you take....”

“No!” Nick snapped, “I didn’t take anything I was supposed to, ok? I had more important things to worry about today.” He stared straight ahead his eyes narrowed, he was clearly annoyed with someone in the car and Brian was willing to bet it wasn’t the driver.

“Maybe I should do this alone. I’ll take in the money and you ride back to the hotel with the cab...”

“No freakin’ way,” Nick growled, “We do this thing together.”

“Nickolas, you’re having an asthma attack. What good are you gonna do anyone?” Brian asked incredulously.

“More good than you know,” Nick muttered, “Shove off Brian, I’m fine. We’ll do this and get out. I can get my inhaler when we get back to the hotel.”

“You didn’t even bring it with you...” Brian leaned his head in his hands and began to massage his temples, “This just keeps getting better and better.”

“Sorry, ok,” Nick said softly, “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Brian snapped at first, then lightened his tone when he saw that he had really hurt Nick’s feelings, “I know...” he said more gently. He reached over to lay a hand on Nick’s shoulder and squeeze, “It’s not your fault ok, and I’m glad you’re with me. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s ok....I wasn’t thinking at all today... I just kept seeing AJ, Howie, and Kevin unconscious..and I could only think about helping them,” Nick frowned and leaned his head back on the seat, “We’re going to help them B, right?”

“Right,” Brian said. He was staring straight ahead, they had reached their final destination...A large one story shack of an old factory loomed before them. The walls were a dingy white and peeling, the door seemed to be made of metal. The overgrown lawn reached Brian’s waist as he stepped out of the cab into the jungle. Nick plowed out after him holding the bag to his chest like a teddy bear. Brian leaned into the cab driver’s window as the window was rolled down, “Thank you so much, and please don’t breath a word of this to anybody,” Brian reached into his pocket pulling out rolled wad of bills that totaled up to being 500 dollars. He handed it to the driver and shook his hand. The driver smiled at Brian and looked towards the factory again, “You sure you want me to leave you here?”

“Yes,” Brian said, “Thank you sir.”

The driver hesitated a few seconds more before rolling up his window and backing out of the rocky drive in front of the factory and leaving. Nick and Brian stood staring at the dreary building getting their wits about them. “What time is it Bri?”

“8:23,” Brian answered gazing at his watch, “They said to knock...think they’ll mind if we’re early?”

“No,” Nick said walking to the door slowly, he used the bag to bat away the overgrown weeds. Brian followed, the weeds Nick fenced away smacking him in the face. When they reached the heavy door, Brian was quick to put himself in front of Nick. They stood in the cold shadow of the door afraid to knock.... Brian had finally built up the nerve to raise his fist to knock, when the door swung open and a large hand reached out and pulled him in.

“Kev....” Howie sat rigid, his body feeling slimy with sweat, “There’s no clock in here.”

“Good..” was the gloomy come back.

“We won’t know what time it is...”

“Even better...” came the gruff reply from AJ.

“But..but...”

“Howie, you know Brian and Nick...they’ll be here, if they can,” Kevin said softly, “They’ll save us.”

“Which of us are to be saved,” AJ grumbled, “He said he was only letting out 2 of us.”

“He didn’t mean that..”

“You’re questioning the psycho-one?” AJ huffed skeptically.

“....move out now. He’s here...in the area,” Brendon entered the room again, a tall girl with short black hair was standing next to him.

“We can get the money some other way baby,” she was saying calmly taking Brendon’s arm lightly. She was trying to calm him, Brendon’s mood was so turbulent even Howie sitting a distance away could feel his waves.

“No, I planned this out perfectly...I timed it perfectly...This should have been our answer. It will be our answer!” Brendon’s voice was uncharacteristically nervous. He pulled away from her, “Hey...” he stalked towards the tied chairs in the middle of the room containing his three captives, “Your friends have 15 minutes.”

“Brendon...We should go...Leave them for...”

“Leave them?”

“Well kill them already, then,” the girl snapped, “But we have to go!”

“Fifteen minutes more, Consuela!”

“Fifteen minutes more can lead to our deaths!” Consuela stamped her foot, “You’re being stubborn. “It was a great plan sweetie, a brilliant one...But Paricio is too close now...my father is too close. Staying is suicide!”

“Consuela, if I....” Brendon was interrupted by one of his men tapping his shoulder, “They’re here.”

Brendon’s green eyes lit up, “They’re here...”

“Brendon...” Consuela began, but saw he was already waving to his men to open the door, “We don’t have time for this...Brendon, if the money’s here, kill them, kill them all, we’ll take the money and leave.”

Brendon made a face, “I’d like to be known as a man of my word...but... I suppose.” He stroked his chin, smiling when his two guest were brought to him. Two of his men held each roughly, “Hello Brian...Nicky.”

“We got your cash, let them go,” Brian said in a high voice, obviously coming out much higher than he had intended judging from the face he made after saying it.

“Woa, Brian’s making demands, you know..This attitude sort of becomes you,” Brendon smiled, he looked at Nick and smiled, “Still got that baby face, Blondie... What’s in the bag? Is it for me?”

Nick scowled at him, “You get this when we see AJ, Kevin, and Howie.”

Brendon smirked, “Turn them around.”

The rough arms of the men behind Nick and Brian turned them to face the insides of the room. In the center were, “Oh my God...” Nick almost dropped the bag then from relief.

“Untie them,” Brendon commanded.

“But...”

Brendon whirled around to face the man that dared to question him, in a moment the silver of a pistol gleamed in the dim light and he was taking aim, “Do as I say.” He turned back to Nick and Brian smiling apologetically, “Well, as you can see everyone is in one piece...lets see that green stuff.”

Consuela stood at his left making loud noises. Brendon’s eyes moved to her and he sighed deeply. He looked at the men behind Nick and Brian and nodded. The man holding Nick immediately tightened his grip on his arms, making it easy for Brendon to take the bag from him roughly, “Thank you for this boys...”

“Let us go now...Never bother us again like you said,” Brian said, he was not looking at Brendon as he spoke, he was looking to the men untying Kevin, Howie, and AJ from the chairs. He only looked at Brendon when he heard him chuckle, “Well sure Brian...I’ll never bother you again...can’t bother the dead... Think fast.” In one swift motion he raised the gun again, this time in Brian’s face, his fingers already in the position to squeeze the trigger.

Chapter 23

Brian closed his eyes as his body flew into autopilot, he felt his body dropping as he unlocked his knees. As he dropped he used his captor’s hold on his arms to his advantage, his sudden descent bringing down the man’s body weight. He shifted his weight flipping the man over his head as he rear rolled out of the path of the bullet fired. Kohokaiten.. He heard the Japanese name for the maneuver almost spoken in his head as he initiated it. He stood to see the bloody mess at his feet and Brendon’s mouth shaped in an “O” of surprise. Brian heard the sounds of what could have been every gun in the room being cocked... Shit...

Then he heard gunshots...gunshots raining from every angle of the house...but none coming from it. No one indoors was shooting.

“SHIT!” Brendon’s eyes went huge, “It’s him, it’s them, they’re here!” He clutched the money to his chest, “Consuela, get the...”

Consuela shot off like a rabbit, “Go outside, hold them off!” Brendon yelled...all Hell was raising it felt like, the panic in the air had an acidic reek to it. Brendon was shaking. Brendon was SHAKING! Men ran to and from, scattering about like chickens and roosters in a barnyard. Brian wasted no time in disarming Brendon who was standing stunned in front of him with a kakushigeri. The hidden kick application. The pistol went spiraling into the air and clattered onto the floor. Brendon hissed and cursed, remembering Brian and Nick, “Kill the Blond one!” He ordered to the man that still stood holding Nick, and Brendon ran with the money.

“You’re mine!” Before Kevin or Howie could stop AJ, he was barreling out after Brendon.

“Shit!” Kevin couldn’t chase AJ and keep an eye on Nick and Brian at the same time. Howie was torn between the two worlds as well, “Kevin, I’m going after AJ...” A gunshot penetrated the wall.... “What’s going on Kev? Who’s shooting?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s who Brendon is afraid of.”

Howie nodded and looked after the dark path AJ had taken and ran after him.

Kevin didn’t know if he should move closer to the area Nick and Brian were in or not. He watched with dread when he realized that as Brian took down man after man he was moving further away from Nick. He couldn’t leave Nick alone, these men had guns. He watched his cousin in awe as he swiftly avoided sudden death by millimeters and disarmed and disabled. There was a man from behind, he was closing in on Brian, and Brian didn’t see him, didn’t sense him. Kevin was getting ready to scream to him when the man was literally torn in half by a shot fired by...Nick? Nick had a gun? Brian whirled around and saw the bloody mass of a fallen man behind him, and Nick already turning wielding his deadly weapon at another. His face paled considerably...Nick had brought a gun... The sounds of the bullet barrage from outdoors were not comforting to anyone inside, Brian spotted Kevin making his way to him.... “Kev!” Brian yelled the room had cleared...any advisories left were lying unconscious at Brian’s feet, “Kev!” he had to shout of the explosions of guns being fired.

Kevin grabbed his cousin and hugged him tightly, “Brian..Brian..” he ruffled his hair, “Where’s Nicky?”

Brian’s head jerked behind him, Nick had been there...Now there was no one...only a few gun shot riddled bodies on the floor... Nick’s handiwork Brian knew. He had seen Nick take down a target, he always hit it dead on never taking more than one shot. “Did he bring that gun or did he..?”

“It’s one of his...he handled it too well,” Brian nodded, “We gotta find him, where are AJ and Howie?”

“AJ went after Brendon, Howie went after AJ....”

“And Nick’s gone...with a gun,” Brian sighed, “And what the hell is going on out there!!” He pulled Kevin to the floor as another bullet ripped through the wall. It hit a metal rafter with a metallic clang. “We have to get out of here....We have to split up!”

“No!”

“We have to or else we’ll never find anyone!” Brian snapped, he pulled himself across the floor with his hands, “Go the other way...between the two of us we’ll find them and...”

“We can’t go outside in that...”

“Dammit.... just find them...” Brian began to crawl away without another word.

“BRENDON!” AJ’s screams of pure primal rage echoed through out the hollow rooms of the factory, “I’m gonna kill your ass! WHERE ARE YOU??!!” He howled in rage as he felt an arm wrap around his throat cutting off his air supply, “Right behind you.”

The pain AJ felt in his throat as Brendon applied more pressure to it felt like thousands of knives pressing into his larynx...it totally distracted him from the coolness of a gun being pressed against his scalp. He wasn’t fully aware of the deadly weapon pointed at the most vital organ in his body until he heard the clicking of the gun. His eyes slid to see the satiny steel of the gun being held to his head. He was going to die...

“Model 66.....357 Combat Magnum....” an emotionless voice spoke from the opposite side of the room. The dim lights flickered as the gun war outside continued to rampage, AJ could barely make out the gold of Nick’s hair, “Your gun really sucks compared to mine, Bren.”

“Why Nickolas Carter, what a nasty little weapon you have got for yourself there,” Brendon remarked, seeming nonplused, “But tell me Nicky...can you use it?” Brendon was smirking he pulled AJ’s choking form closer to his body, delighting in AJ’s every tremble, in his every desperate gurgle.

Nick stood with his feet apart holding his glock with expertise, “See that sign behind you?”

“Yes,” Brendon said glancing behind him quickly.

“Pick a letter.”

Brendon sighed, rolling his eyes, he didn’t have time for this, “P”

The glock fired the instant the staccato letter was out of his mouth. Brendon took a second to look....the “P” was gone... He turned back to Nick’s dead eye. “And just what are you gonna do Carter?”

“I’m gonna shoot you Brendon. I’m going to kill you and make sure you’re dead this time.”

Brendon tightened his grip on AJ, his eyes widening as he saw the seriousness in Nick’s eyes...the coldness... Shit, the kid was crazy... “I have AJ...I’ll kill him.”

“Not if I shoot you first.”

“You can’t take that chance Nicky...”

“I can,” Nick said flatly.

“Ok, put the gun down...put it down and I’ll let him go...”

“Yeah right,” Nick began to play with the trigger, “You think I’m that dumb?”

“I’ll waste his insides on the floor, ok?” Brendon was beginning to get annoyed, “I don’t have time for this..” He removed the gun from AJ’s skull with lightening speed turning the gun to Nick and squeezing the trigger. With his sudden movement his hold on AJ eased and AJ was able to break free and knock the arm threatening to pull the trigger out of control sending the shot Brendon fired hurtling wildly towards the upper corner of the far wall. Brendon brought down his arm to strike AJ hard, knocking him to the floor. In his rage, he had forgotten who he was intentionally firing at and why...the bullet entered his body with the force of a ton elephant ramming into him head on, full charge. Brendon felt a flash of pain before he felt nothing, his lifeless body crumpled to the ground, falling to its knees then on its face. Nick kept firing, wildly, knowing he had hit Brendon, knowing he was dead...but dammit this time he would stay dead, he’d pump him full of so many holes...he pulled the trigger again and again..”Nick stop it, Nick...”

“BRENDON!!!” A female voice shrieked, the slight girl, Consuela came skidding into the room, she saw Brendon’s marred and mangled body, and charged at Nick with a battle cry. The dim lighting continued to flicker as it had since the struggle began...and in one horrible instance...with guns blazing inside and out...the lights went out, and one loud feminine scream of pain and anguish pierced the air.

AJ lie on the cold concrete floor listening to the clicking of an empty gun chamber.

Click...

Click...

He still felt the stabbing pain in his throat, but nothing hurt more than the throbbing in the left side of his head. He tightened his clenched his fingers and forced his slender body from the hard ground, feeling its complaints...its scrapes. The gunshots outside...they had stopped. What had been happening? Nick? Nick! He began to scan the room...the clicking...the clicking of the empty gun chamber...Nick sat flat on his ass, legs spread eagle like a small child in the sand box. He held the gun at the floor, his head down...

Click...

Click...

“Nicky..” AJ stood, wishing he didn’t have to do so. His back screamed for him to sit back down. He walked slowly to the blond straddled on the floor and knelt in front of him, he let his hands close over the gun. Softly, he took Nick’s fingers, pinching them to make them release the trigger. He took the gun away from Nick and threw it as far away from them as he could get it. He heard the gun clatter on the ground and the scraping as it skid across the concrete, “Nicky?” AJ leaned in, trying to get Nick’s attention, to get Nick to look at him. Nick didn’t respond. His hands, his fingers were in the same place they had been when the gun was there. He continued to curl his trigger finger as if he was still holding the gun. “NICK!” AJ took Nick’s face in his hands meeting with a blank stare, “No baby, not now...come on. We have to get out of here, and to do that you need to wake up. AJ can’t carry you.... Kaos, please...look. You didn’t do anything bad, you didn’t do anything that I wasn’t going to do. Brendon wanted to hurt us, would have killed us, me...You saved me. Nicky...Nicky, breathe, ok. You scare me a lot when you do this... Come on...” AJ began to shake Nick, then he heard the footsteps, someone was coming.

Howie was running, he had heard the guns from outside...but now he was starting to hear them coming from indoors...close... He only prayed that AJ hadn’t found Brendon. Please let him be ok. Howie ran close to the rough walls clinging to the darkness like a second skin, anything to camouflage him from enemies. He stopped when he heard a voice..a soft voice...it was cooing to someone, much like someone would talk to a small child, a baby. Howie crept closer to the source of that sound, realizing with much elation that it was AJ’s voice he heard. He rushed to greet him, but a warming welcome was something he didn’t receive.

AJ cursed himself for throwing the gun away. He pulled Nick’s thin body to him, he was going to protect him in any way he could. This kid had saved his life...and in return was losing his slippery hold on his sanity. It scared him the way Nick didn’t move, he was so stiff... each breath he took made a small whistling sound, “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM US! I’VE GOT A GUN!” He decided to bluff.

“Shit!”

Howie? “Howie? Howie come back!” AJ wanted to stand, but he was holding Nick. He stopped, Howie was returning anyway. “AJ? You scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry...”

“What the hell happened in here?” he sounded mortified...two bodies littered the floor. One was unidentifiable by its face...but its clothing...Brendon? Who had done this? The other was female...the one Brendon had called Consuela. Her body was strewn on the floor..a bullet hole, a clear exit wound in her back, severing her spinal cord. Another shot had probably shattered her aorta... Not that Howie would actually know what that looked like..but judging from the gaping hole in her back...and the missing mass that should have been there...and the mass splattered on the wall behind her body led him to believe that her heart had been destroyed.

“AJ..” he gagged, “God...did you do....Did he...? Did Brendon...? God...” He stifled another gag and walked to AJ and Nick sitting on the floor. He knelt beside them, “What happened?”

“Nick wasted Brendon...”

Howie winced, he stared at Nick’s still form, “The girl?”

AJ shrugged, “Couldn’t see...”

“Do you think Nick..?”

“He could have... or one of those outside bullets could have done it,” AJ said, he looked to the wall, the gray lights from outside peeked in through the small hole in the walls where bullets had entered, “It’s like we stepped into the middle of a war zone Howie.”

Howie pulled Nick away from AJ to peer at him, “Dammit AJ...look at his eyes...Nick come on”

“I tried that,” AJ said, “He’s totally gone Howie...”

Howie was going into full mothering mode. He gathered Nick from the floor, practically holding Nick in his lap. He was pressing Nick against his chest, holding him and rocking him like a baby, running his hands through his hair and talking to him in a soothing manner. He patted Nick’s pockets lightly, looking for Nick’s inhaler, “He doesn’t have his medicine.” AJ frowned at the scene, he tensed as he heard more footsteps. This time he didn’t scream and Kevin entered cautiously gaping at the mess on the floor.... He stared from AJ, to Howie, to Nick...then at the floor and walls...and turned away to begin heaving his insides. He came to them only after he was done, wiping his pale mouth and slumping to the floor beside Howie, “What’s wrong with Nick?”

“He...”

“He didn’t do this...did he?” Kevin looked horrified, and at no answer from the others he paled even more, “I knew those guns were a bad idea...bad.. God...” He clutched his head in his hands, “I don’t feel good....”

AJ rubbed his back, “That gun saved my life Kevin.”

“But it took so many others...that girl..”

“She was bad.”

“God...” Kevin groaned again, “My head’s gonna explode, my insides feel like they’re boiling...Where’s Brian?”

AJ blinked, “Brian?”

“Brian?” Howie said softly his face turning white in his trepidation.

“Brian?” Both Howie and AJ looked to Nick, his hands had uncurled themselves, “Where’s Brian?”

“We’ll find him Nicky, don’t worry,” Howie said encouragingly, he rubbed Nick’s back, “Look at me?” Howie asked him simply. Slowly Nick’s head moved, he tilted his head back so his eyes could meet Howie’s. Howie sighed, still a little dull, but not dead... he relaxed and began to rock him again, “You feel ok?”

“Tired...”

“We need to look for him,” Kevin said in a slow voice, “I saw...”

“You guys make more noise than a herd of elephants,” Brian entered the room, using the way Nick had entered when he first came in, thus avoiding the welcoming mess of bodies, “Woa...what happened here? Guys, is everyone all...Nick?” He dropped to his knees beside his brothers. He reached to stroke Nick’s hair, “What’s wrong, what happened?”

“Lets get out of here...” AJ said instead, “We’re all together lets just go....”

The wail of a police siren, of several police sirens interrupted their thoughts... For some odd reason Brian looked at his watch, “9:42... They called the police.”

“We can’t let them find us in here...”

“They can’t find THIS in here,” Kevin gestured to the bodies.

“We can’t do anything about THIS...but we can get out of here,” Howie said, “Kevin help me get him up..I think he’ll walk, but he may need...”

“I got him,” Kevin was already standing Nick up, and as soon as his body sagged he was lifting him like a baby.

“What do we tell them?”

“The truth...”

“What about Nick shooting...”

“We don’t exactly have to tell them everything,” AJ hissed at Kevin, “Lets just get out of here...please. We’ll worry about the other stuff later, the smell’s about to make me sick.”

Chapter 24

Police swarmed the main room that was littered with either dead or unconscious bodies. All heads snapped towards the Boys, in seconds police were on either side of them firing questions at them.

Brian’s head swam, he couldn’t make out a single word being said to him. He could only see the door in front of him. Out, out, he wanted out....he wanted a bath. He wanted his bed, his house...his wife...his mom. He moved closer to AJ...

AJ instinctively clutched at Brian’s arm as he felt him move closer, his knees were knocking together and his teeth were beginning to chatter..All those bodies, any one of those large men could have taken him down. He had done it again, escaped death twice. Once in the basement, now twice here... He really didn’t wish to go for a third trophy.

Kevin moved slowly, keeping himself in between AJ and Howie, he cradled Nick, hoping he could hide the view of the room from him. The floor was slippery...and something told Kevin not to look down to see the cause. Blood, it had to be blood...the whole place reeked of it. He shuddered and prayed he didn’t fall, he felt his stomach lurching again as he caught sight of another lifeless body he focused his eyes on the little brother he held in his arms instead. The one that had came alone with his cousin to save him. And he had.

Nick clung to Kevin like a small child, he felt when Kevin shifted his weight to keep his face turned towards his chest. He didn’t have to do that...Nick thought in amusement. He didn’t want to look at anything else in that place. He had his eyes closed and he tried to concentrate on breathing, it was getting harder to exhale. He tightened his grip around Kevin’s neck and wished he would hurry...he needed to be outside, maybe he could breathe out there, in here he was suffocating.

Howie walked beside Kevin, their shoulders brushing against each other every few seconds. It was comforting, despite the fact that Kevin smelled like piss...But who could really make out that scent over the overpowering stench of death in the building. The police men were like annoying flies buzzing about their heads. He wondered how they appeared to the officers. They walked as a unit, a tight knit group, not daring to move a pace away from the warmth of each other’s body heat.

They were being herded out of the building. The gray light from outdoors greeted them along with a light sprinkling of rain. They were being led to the sea of police cars surrounding the building. People in paramedic uniforms were beginning to approach them, somewhere in the ocean of black and white cars there was an ambulance. Kevin set Nick down, he had said he could stand and walk himself...rather irritably might he add. Kevin kept a firm hand on Nick’s shoulder to keep him from wandering off. Nick could be very odd at times, craving their attention, but at the same time mindlessly wandering away from them. He frowned as Nick doubled over to rest his hands on his knees, “Nick...?”

“OH MY GOD!!”

“That sounds like...”

Rhonda was bounding towards them like a large Mamma Duck. She was dressed in sweats that she may have slept in, and a large yellow rain slicker. She grabbed them all into an uncomfortable group hug where the people on the sides get the worst of it, being practically choked to death, “What the hell were you thinking?” Rhonda fired at Brian, “You boys could have been killed...You look like you’ve been through war...God..” She looked Howie, Kevin, and AJ over, “Are you three ok? Did that man hurt you?”

Rhonda always ended up caring for her clients as if they were her own children, she knew it would end up hurting her one day...like today. She had been sleeping in of all things...Why hadn’t she been monitoring their activities? Why had she let up near the end of tour on her rules about late night partying and drinking? And most importantly how did those criminals get in, how were they allowed close enough to get her boys...again, “Nicky, honey, are you ok?”

“Excuse me,” a police officer pushed his way between Rhonda and the boys, “We need to...”

“Get back,” Rhonda snapped at the officer pushing him away and smiling to the paramedic that wanted to take his place, “He has asthma,” Rhonda said to the paramedic that was looking Nick over about to start asking him questions.

“He doesn’t have his medicine,” Brian said, “He was having problems earlier...” His voice sounded shaky, “Can we sit..somewhere?”

“Oh, of course,” Rhonda smacked herself across the forehead, she had been so wrapped up in her own emotions and now concern for Nick that she had forgotten where these boys had just come from.

“Come sit in the ambulances,” the paramedic with the name tag “Griffins” said taking Nick’s arm gently. Nick resisted traveling with him, he only moved when Howie took his other arm and began to travel with them. Rhonda followed closely, she was patting the pockets of her rain slicker, she pulled out the small inhaler, “You left this on your bed, Lance found it and gave it to me. He wasn’t sure if you had one already..” She pressed the device in Nick’s palms. Nick’s eyes had a glassy look to them, and she knew that it wasn’t mainly from lack of oxygen. Two paramedics helped Nick into the back of the ambulance, letting him sit up on the stretcher inside and use his inhaler. Howie was lifted inside as well so he could sit. A paramedic, Griffins, began to examine Howie’s arms, angry purpling bruises were painted around his wrists.

Rhonda was about to leave this ambulance and move to the one Brian, Kevin, and AJ were at when she heard Nick’s small voice, calm yet slightly laced with poorly masked panic, “It’s not working.”

The paramedic next to him, his name tag reading Jones, was preparing a syringe, Nick’s eyes flitted to him and he shrieked, “No needles! I don’t want a shot!”

“Nick...Nick you get shots all the time!” Howie’s sudden movements to grab Nick and hold him still made Griffins spill the bottle of antiseptic he was applying to Howie’s bruises on himself. He cursed loudly practically jumping back and upsetting some of the equipment lining the wall of the ambulance.

Jones’ face was placid as he squirted some of the liquid out of the syringe while Howie continued to hold a thrashing Nick. Rhonda climbed inside, knowing she was cluttering the vehicle with her added mass, but someone needed to help Howie. “Nicky honey, stop, you’re making yourself worse..”

“I don’t wanna...shot!” he was hiccuping to make matters worse.

“Nick stop being a baby!” Howie, with Rhonda’s help pinned Nick on his back. Nick’s face was pale and dark rings circled his eyes, not good. Howie was in a position where he was practically lying on top of Nick staring down into his face, “Hold still now, this will help you.”

Nick screamed when he felt the needle enter his skin, he screamed and screamed and started trying to kick again, “What is wrong with him?” Rhonda asked her eyes wide with fear, “He’s never acted like this...” She remembered the situation, “Howie, what happened to him in there?”

Howie could barely hear Rhonda’s questions over Nick’s screams and huge gasping sobs, “Sir, ma’am, we need you to step out.” Two more paramedic were trying to push their way into the ambulance and help their co-workers.

“I just gave him a shot of adrenaline...I’m gonna give him some Compazine” Jones was saying as Howie slid out of the ambulance after Rhonda. Both watched as Nick was strapped down to the stretcher, his screams becoming desperate gasps and coughs intermingled with hiccups, “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” he screamed, “I DON’T WANNA BE ALONE! You lied to me...”

Howie shut his eyes in a tight grimace and lowered his head, “He’s really going to lose his mind this time, I know it.” He felt Rhonda’s thick arms around his shoulders, so warm, so comforting...So comforting that after a long night of terror and darkness, a morning full of escaping sudden death, and watching his baby brother fall apart before his eyes, he let down his walls. He collapsed into Rhonda’s hug and let her hold him as he cried, “We had come so far...Now we’re back where we started...Right back where we never wanted to be again...What was the point of the tour now Rhonda?”

“And you’re free to go,” Brian smiled at the doctor and slid off the cold examining table. He left the sterile room to be back in the care of his bodyguard, Billy. They walked back to the heavily secured lobby. The lobby was crowded with police and Brian even saw a few FBI jackets. Damn. He was the first the be let out of an examining room it appeared since none of his brothers were in the lobby waiting for him. He realized that Howie, Kevin, and AJ were probably taken to wash first, they had stunk something terrible before. Brian remembered trying to hold his breath the short time he had been in the back of the ambulance with AJ and Kevin. The paramedics had rolled up their pants and were looking at the marks left by the ropes they had been bound with. AJ’s wrists had been bleeding, he had apparently been struggling against the ropes. Brian left the ambulance at the first shrieking notes of Nick’s tantrum. AJ and Kevin had tried to pull away and follow but they were restrained by the paramedics still tending to their bruises.

Brian had to fight his way through the clump of paramedics and police gawking at the scene. The only way Brian was even allowed close to Nick was at Howie’s insistence. The minute Brian was lifted into the ambulance and Nick’s glassy eyes saw his face, he calmed a bit, now yelling to Brian. His words were complete nonsense, but Brian agreed to whatever he said and once he was allowed to kneel beside the stretcher Nick was strapped to and took Nick’s hand, Nick stopped thrashing enough for the paramedics to give him a shot of a tranquilizer. The doors were closed on them after the excess paramedics jumped out and the ambulance began to move. Brian panicked at first, where were they going? Did the others know? He hadn’t even been able to tell them... He shivered, that was his old way of thinking... He was reverting, he realized with a sinking sensation in his stomach. He felt the need once again to tell everyone where he was going, why, who he would be with, and when he’d return. He felt the need to know where the others were, why, and who’d be with them. The overprotectiveness was back, the underlying fear of shadows around the corner was back... Dammit, he’d come so far...they had come so far.

He was led to a chair an offered a glass of water which he turned down. He sat in silence, tapping his fingers on the cold ebony table. Magazines were aligned neatly in the formation of a fan, Cosmo, People, Essence, Entertainment... He snatched one without caring which one it was and opened it to its middle. He ripped out a page and began to fold it this way and that, waiting...waiting until one of his brothers would come out and he could see they were ok... They were all gone... What if... He shook his head, he could not start thinking like that again. This time he knew for sure their tormenter was dead...his body looked like a slice of Swiss cheese. He shuddered, he still felt as if someone were watching him. He looked around the lobby while he folded his torn magazine paper into the shape of a swan He only saw police, doctors and nurses in hospital scrubs, and Rhonda... Rhonda! Brian jumped up, his motion catching the attention of half the room. He was ware of the eyes on him as he made his way to Rhonda, “Where is everyone?”

Rhonda’s face was pale and stretched, “Howie, Kevin, and AJ are taking showers...I just got through talking to Nick’s doctor.”

“What?” Brian was nervous, “What’s wrong with him? Is he ok?”

Rhonda frowned, “He’s fine, physically...but the doctor wants him to talk to one of their psychiatrist before he lets him go. He wants all of you too.”

“But we have our own...” Brian was beginning.

“I told him,” Rhonda said rubbing her temples, “It took a lot of explaining, but he’s going to let Nick go after his parents get here to sign him out.”

“That’s..his parents?”

“I had to call them Brian. I called yours too...They should be getting here in a few hours,” Rhonda said frowning at Brian’s reaction, “You don’t want to see your Mom and Dad?”

“I don’t want them to worry... Believe it or not, they were more perplexed about this tour than I was! Did you call Leigh...?”

Rhonda nodded, “She’ll be here as well.”

Brian sighed deeply, “This wasn’t supposed to happen, you know that Rhonda?”

Rhonda ruffled his hair, and together they went back to the chairs. Brian sat back in front of his torn magazine, “It was fun though...”

Rhonda looked at him oddly, “The tour...It was fun, much more fun than we thought it would be... We were always so paranoid that this would happen again, I mean that’s normal, isn’t it? But, when it did happen again, that wasn’t normal... Cause we’re not normal, and I don’t think I can ever go back to being normal again, this proves it. We aren’t meant to be normal, are we?”

“Brian,” Rhonda said softly wrapping her motherly arms around him and pulling him close, “Everyone was meant to be normal, baby. Normal people get kidnaped too.”

“Twice...the second time by the guy you saw get shot dead?”

Rhonda patted his back and shushed him, “Shh...keep whatever happened in there to yourself for a while Brian. The police are ready to eat you alive. They found over 30 bodies in that place... two of those bodies was identified as being the man you say rose from the dead, the other of a sixteen year old girl.”

“Sixteen?!” Brian pulled away from Rhonda’s shoulder to stare into her face, “Did you say 16?”

Rhonda nodded, “She’s been a missing child for months, the police had stopped looking for her...” Rhonda was trailing off as she saw Brian’s reaction to the news.

“Oh my God...” Brian was groaning running his hands over his face over and over again.

“Brian, what? What’s wrong?” Rhonda was trying to take his hands from his face, “Nothing...nothing at all... the others, they’re going to be out soon aren’t they?” Brian was peeping around her trying to catch a glimpse of Kevin, or Howie, or AJ.

He felt her rub his shoulders, “Yes, they should be out soon.”

Brian nodded and went back to folding his swan.

AJ felt conspicuous in the green hospital scrubs he was given to wear. He felt like any minute someone would come and whisk him off to surgery. Picturing himself holding a scalpel standing over an opened carcass, he hurried into the arms of the bodyguard, Paul, awaiting him. Paul had been with the group since it started almost, AJ knew he could trust him and apparently so had the police.

Their bodyguard count had been reduced to 7. The seven men were the bodyguards that had been with the Boys since the beginning. They trusted them. Paul whistled when he saw AJ’s new look and AJ scowled at him. “Are the others out yet?”

Paul nodded, “They’re in the lobby, waiting for you. How’s your head?”

“It’s ok, no concussion or anything. But I do get to sport the ugly bruise...didn’t happen to bring me one of my... HATS! You are one awesome man you know that Paul!” AJ clapped Paul on the back and claimed his prize. Now how inconspicuous was this? A doctor wearing a large leopard print cowboy hat, and what? No matching boots? He approached the semi-crowded lobby and felt his guard rise and his body tense... Too many people. He felt Paul’s comforting arm go around his shoulders but he did not relax until he saw Brian, Kevin, and Howie sitting on a couch together in the lobby. All three of them looked up beaming when they saw AJ approaching.

“Good Lord AJ,” Kevin was staring at the hat, “you and your ugly hats.”

“Yup.... me and my ugly hats,” AJ smirked petting the hat on his head fondly before sitting, “Where’s Kaos?”

“In a room,” Kevin muttered, “We can’t see him until the doctor says its ok.”

“Well is he ok?” AJ asked fumbling with the drawstring scrub pants.

“He’s ok, far as we know,” Howie said softly, “But they really aren’t telling us anything except how they want us to see their shrinks.”

AJ grinned, “You guys too?”

“Thought you were special?” Brian quipped, he nodded to the hat AJ was wearing, “How’d you get that thing here?”

“Paul,” AJ said simply. Paul waved to the group solemnly before grinning, “I knew he’d want it.”

“Rhonda called our parents AJ,” Brian said shifting his position on the couch so that he was leaning forward. In his lap were dozens of folded magazine swans. One toppled from his lap onto the checkered floor.

AJ watched it fall, then looked up to Brian, “They coming?”

Brian nodded, “We can’t leave til they get here.”

“What about the po-po’s?” AJ gestured to the police in the lobby.

“They can kiss my tan ass,” Howie muttered under his breath, “They think we’re going to talk to them.”

“We aren’t?”

“Do you want to?” Howie answered AJ’s question with another question.

AJ shook his head quickly...what would he say? They wouldn’t just ask about being re-kidnaped and ask him to verify who did it...They’d want to know what all had happened. They’d want to know who shot and killed Brendon...and the girl.

“The girl was 16,” Brian said out of the blue as if he could read AJ’s thoughts. AJ’s world stopped, a minor... Nick may have shot and killed a minor... Shit...But what made him so sure Nick had done it. Maybe he didn’t...a bullet from outside could have easily penetrated the wall... He shook himself.

“Can’t they make us talk? I mean, if we keep silent they’ll think something is wrong, that we’re hiding something from them.”

Brian shrugged, “You really want to tell them what you think AJ...That you think Nick shot and...”

“Shut up! And no, I don’t think that!”

Someone made a small noise beside them, all four heads looked up to see a doctor in a long white coat, “I’m assuming you’re Mr. Carter’s friends?”

“Yes,” Kevin said quickly, Brian was nodding so hard AJ thought his head would bounce off his neck. Howie just stared at the doctor intently, “Is he ok?”

“He’s fine,” The doctor chuckled, “He’s a rather interesting person, might I add.”

This made AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin grin.

“He requested to see an AJ,” the doctor said looking from face to face waiting for someone to speak up.

AJ cleared his throat, “That’s me...” He was standing but felt Brian pushing him back down, “An AJ? Are you sure he didn’t request a Brian?”

The doctor frowned, “No, I’m pretty sure he said AJ, Alex...”

“Why?” Brian looked puzzled and maybe a little hurt at the same time. He flopped back down on the couch and gazed at the floor now sprinkled with his paper works of art. He looked back up to the doctor, “Did he seem upset?”

The doctor continued to frown, “No, not at all.” He chuckled, “In fact he told me if AJ didn’t speak up right away I’d recognize him as the stupid looking guy with the weird facial hair.”

“Yup, he asked for AJ alright,” Kevin said with a weak chuckle, “Go on Alex.”

AJ stood up again looking hesitantly at Brian. Brian sat with an almost pout on his face, “Sorry Brian,” AJ offered before leaving to follow the doctor to where Nick was being kept.

AJ knocked on the white door in front of him softly before letting himself in. The room was void of all color, no surprise there, even the tables and chairs were white. Nick was sitting up on top of the blankets dressed in a simple tee-shirt and gym shorts. AJ glanced at David sitting in a chair beside the bed knowing that he must have brought Nick the clothes. The TV was on some channel showing a colorful cartoon that seemed to hold Nick’s highly elusive attention captive. “Nicky?”

Nick stared straight ahead watching as a goofily drawn cartoon kid on a skateboard went down a ramp with what looked like a camera on his head “Hi Alex,” David greeted him then he tapped Nick on the shoulder to get his attention. Nick looked to David then to where David’s index finger was pointing, “Hey Alex.”

“Hey,” AJ said, he smiled at Nick, he seemed to be ok.. Pale and tired looking, but ok, “You wanna scoot over so I can sit down?” AJ looked to the almost empty bed and then to Nick who was taking up a small portion of the bed.

Nick gave a sheepish grin, “I wouldn’t if I were you, Alex. I just saw last night’s cake and dinner twice today...almost got Dave.”

David grimaced, “I jumped just in time.”

“Hosed a nurse though,” Nick chuckled as he recalled that. He turned back to his cartoon and AJ sighed as five minutes went by and Nick had said nothing to him, “Nicky?” he tapped his arm, “Did you need to talk to me about something? Brian was kinda upset cause you didn’t ask him in.”

Nick frowned looking down at his hands on the pale blanket. He began to play with plain bedspread as he chewed his bottom lip nervously, “AJ...um...” He looked to AJ, blue eyes large and filled with tears.

“Dave? Can we be alone?” AJ asked instantly looking from Nick to the bodyguard. David frowned, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah...we just need to talk,” AJ said simply, “It’ll only take a few minutes...just knock if you think we’ve been in here alone too long, ok? Don’t go far.”

David looked uncomfortable with leaving but after one look at Nick’s pain-filled expression he nodded and left, standing right outside the door.

“Ok, Nicky, what’s..”

“Did I kill her AJ?”

There it was...

“I know I got rid of Brendon...I shot him so many times he couldn’t possibly get back up and bother us again...God, it felt so good to do that. To fire and fire, and to see his body jerking around, like he’d been jerking us around...It was..was... what’s that word Dr. Gaines uses... Cathartic! I wish I could bring him back just so I could shoot him again AJ...But...but that girl AJ...I didn’t see her come in, then it got dark... and she surprised me... Did I...?”

AJ was shaken by Nick’s speech, he had enjoyed killing, and wanted to do it again... The glee on his face as he was clearly remembering Brendon’s spasms as the bullets entered his dead body over and over... The pleasure on his face as he pulled the trigger again and again... Nick was insane...He’d always known it, but he had buried it inside himself, “Nick, it was dark I couldn’t see..” but he very well could have....

“No..” Nick moaned, “AJ you had to have seen...I don’t remember AJ, I don’t remember what happened after shooting Brendon. You have to tell me AJ!” He was gripping AJ’s arm, he was beginning to sound desperate.

“Calm it down Nick. Calm down. Breathe,” AJ instructed calmly, “Ok...ok..now there was a lot of shooting going on inside and outside the building...anything could have happened, but it was too dark for us to see.”

“But I would remember what happened if I hadn’t done it!” he wailed, he had removed his hands from AJ’s arm and had clamped them down on his own. His nails began biting into his own flesh threatening to draw blood. AJ caught his hands quickly clenching down on them, forcing them to relax their grip.

“Nick, there are a lot of things that you can’t remember ok...this doesn’t make you guilty..”

“But what if it does AJ?! I’d be a murderer...I’m not a murderer, AJ, I can’t be...I don’t want to be...” he was shaking his head.

“Nick, listen to me,” AJ took his shoulders, “Look at me... would it matter so much if you did? Huh? She wanted to kill you, she wanted to kill me, all of us...”

Nick was still shaking his head, tears spilling over his cheeks, “She wasn’t Brendon...I only had the right to kill him...”

“Nicky, come on, stay with me... Calm down,” Nick was scaring him, again... Not because of what he may have done, or how he felt about killing Brendon, but because he had never been wrapped too tightly after the basement...Now he was unraveling... totally. “Nick, I don’t think you did it...you were facing the wrong way to have..”

“I don’t remember AJ...” Nick moaned, “Why can’t I? I’m so messed up... I should be locked up, I’m crazy as hell. Crazy people kill and don’t remember... Crazy people like when they kill. AJ, I liked it. I felt so powerful...and seeing Brendon writhing on the ground drowning in his own blood..his eyes when he realized I shot him, I killed him,” Nick began to giggle. AJ felt his stomach doing somersaults at Nick’s laughter, he wanted to be sick he was so afraid for him, “Nicky?”

“I killed him, AJ.. Me...” Nick turned back to his cartoon, “Ooh Powerpuff Girls. AJ, you watch this? They’re awesome, I like Buttercup. She kicks ass.”

AJ stared at him, “Nicky, when we get home, you’re gonna talk to Dr. Gaines, right?”

“Uh-huh sure...tell him everything. I always do.”

“Nick, he might not like what you have to say this time...”

“He’s not paid to like what I say AJ... I have to talk to someone who can help me, Jay,” Nick continued to stare at the TV, “I’m crazy. I don’t want to hurt anyone... if he has me locked up it’s for the better.”

“Nick, you are not crazy...”

“You’re so nice AJ,” Nick said softly, “You’d be even nicer if you could tell me what happened though...” There was a knock at the door. David. AJ hurried to the door to let him in and came face to face with an FBI agent. What the hell was he doing back here? “Hey, you can’t come in here...” The man pushed past AJ letting himself into the room and slamming the door.

“Where’s David?” AJ was brushing himself off angrily and rushing to confront the officer who was approaching Nick’s bed swiftly.

“The bodyguard is off chasing a ghost...” the agent snickered. He turned to gaze at AJ, his eyes a cool dark brown, his hair a shock of midnight. He flashed AJ a crooked grin and winked.... It hit AJ all at once, like a punch in the gut...

This was no FBI agent...

Chapter 25

“Why can’t we go see them?” Lance was asking, looking past his manager to the throng of police officers in the lounge area. Yellow tape blocked off the hotel entrance to outsiders, and reporters who were steady trying to fight their way through. Nothing could be kept from the press for long.

“No one can leave the building at all just yet,” Johnny said, “And...I think they want to question you.”

“Us?” JC sat up from his reclining position on the couch, “Why?”

“You made the call...”

“We told them what we know...”

“They think you know more,” Johnny sighed, “They want a story from you.”

“Damn,” Justin grumbled, “We ain’t gotta story! We let two guys go off into a war zone, that’s all...and now we can’t even go see if they are still in one piece!”

“You’ll get to see them soon enough....your flight’s been postponed until 3 this afternoon...”

“We’re still leaving today?” JC asked, “But what about...”

“Guys, I know you care, I care too, but its out of our hands and also not our business...It sounds like the guys have gotten themselves into something deep. The way the police are talking and the general feeling they are giving me, is that this wasn’t just a kidnaping. Something serious was going on, and I think Nick, Brian, Kevin, Howie, and AJ have accidentally managed to land themselves right in the middle of it.”

“Shit...”

“And they think that maybe we know something?” Lance asked sounding incredulous, “They think the Backstreet Boys were in on some kind of crime ring and told us about it? This is not television and things like this don’t happen to regular people!”

“But Lance, think about it. In the eyes of the public, your public, you aren’t regular people,” Johnny said in a quiet voice, his eyes watching the police officers and a member of the FBI walking their way. He shushed the rest of their talk with a hand, and nodded to the approaching officers.

“Hello, gentlemen, this is Agent Wallace, and he has some questions that he needs to ask you. If you’ll follow us please?”

“Ok for the last time, I don’t know,” Justin was gritting his teeth, “We just came in and there was this video tape sitting on top of the television, and Nick thought it was from Joey.”

“Why would he think it was from Mr. Fatone?”

Justin groaned, “You’re trying to form incriminating evidence against everything I say aren’t you?” he sighed deeply, “Joey and Nick have been having this prank war, where they pull jokes and stuff on each other... Nicky thought it was another joke. He almost didn’t watch it, but I told him too.”

“Why would you...”

“Cause I was interested ok. I thought it would be funny! So we take out the tape and this note falls out.... I put the tape in the VCR and Nick reads the note...that’s it!”

“And what was the reaction you observed to the...”

“They freaked out! We all freaked out!”

“And no one called the police, they just got their resources together and made you all swear to silence...”

“Well yeah, they were scared. The guy said he would waste their friends...and they knew he really would if they didn’t do what he said.”

“And they managed to convince you not to call the police until after...”

“...9:30, not a minute before,” JC was saying running a hand through his wild hair, “And we didn’t....but when it hit 9:30 and they hadn’t called or shown up, I called the police while Justin and Lance went to get our managers and tell them what was going on.”

“Now my question is how these boys knew to have their resources ready, almost like they were expecting for this to happen again. It was like a drop off of some sort. We all know the person in question, who is now deceased, needed money, and he knew just where to get it. He knew they would have the money ready for him, and my question is how? We are trying to make that connection.”

“You’re trying to make that connection with something that’s not there! These guys are paranoid, real nervous...they’re prepared for anything to happen. You should have seen them the first few days on tour. If you came up on one of them too fast they would jump a mile...”

“For people who thought their initial captor dead, they sure were jumpy.”

“Think about it man! You were kidnaped and kept in a damn basement, held at gunpoint, and terrified... I’d be pretty damn jumpy too, all the time! I don’t know how they handled it so well,” JC was saying, feeling the heat of anger rising into his face, “If I were one of them I would never leave my house again, I probably wouldn’t even get out of bed. I thought you people were supposed to be smart! Thought you knew about psychology and how traumatized people reacted to things...”

“Traumatized behavior and suspicious behavior...”

“Suspicious! Whatever, you guys are just looking for an easy out... And I sincerely hope you aren’t going to terrorize any of them with questions like this. Make them question their sanity...”

“Their sanity indeed....Describe Nick Carter’s behavior to me.”

“He’s not insane,” JC groaned, immediately knowing what the man was getting at.

“A major crime scene happened today that no one but yourself and your friends knew about. You were instructed not to call the police until an indicated time. A major shoot out conspired which involved the deaths of thirty plus people. We do not know who all was involved in the shooting, we do not know who all were allowed to escape...but we have reason to believe that there is a mob connection to all of this....to the initial Backstreet Boys kidnaping in fact...and the pure fact that these boys knew to have money ready, went in alone, and returned un-scratched, is reason enough for us to believe they have some sort of connection to all of this,”

“Yeah, millions of dollars in cash,” JC snorted, “This guy knew what he did to them, he’s made them paranoid... He was a smart criminal, smarter than you obviously. How’d you let him get away in the first place? Why did you, as well as everyone else, believe he was dead?”

It was Agent Wallace’s turn to look frustrated, “I’m not saying they are guilty, or that they are criminals...I am simply trying to find a key a clue to tie these boys to some information that we so desperately need to bring down the mob behind this. We’ve been tracking them for years and this is the closest we’ve come to finding out who’s behind this. Listen, if you don’t care about that...how about the 16 year old girl killed inside...”

“Sixteen year old girl?”

“She was identified as the missing daughter of John Paul Trevino. We have reason to believe he is the head of the New Jersey mafia.... “

”What was she doing in there?”

“That’s what we want to find out...and we need to find out who killed her, as we are for certain Trevino’s mob is looking into as well.”

“The crazy guy Brendon probably did it, or any of those mobsters....” JC trailed off looking at the agent’s eyes, “You don’t think they did it... You think....No way, there is no way any of..”

“Brendon, as you refer to him as, was shot multiple times, and the girl was killed in the same room with him.”

“So?”

“Two guns were confiscated from the room.”

“Yeah?”

“The finger prints on one of those guns matches those of Nickolas Carter and Alexander McLean.”

JC gasped, “But maybe...”

“The gun when checked out is registered in Mr. Carter’s name.”

Joey froze...shit....shit...

“What is it Mr. Fatone?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you know that Mr. Carter had a gun in his possession?”

“No...not at all,” Joey was shaking his head. He would burn in hell for his lies, he only hoped he was doing the right thing. Nick was his friend, he wouldn’t do a thing like murder a sixteen year old, he just knew it.

“Did Mr. Carter seem like the type to carry a weapon, or use one?”

“No, not at all,” Joey said, he didn’t seem like it, but Joey knew he did. He even admitted to having more guns.

“Has he ever acted violently or irrationally?”

“No, never,” They’re making him out to be some sort of a monster.

“You know he is under the care of a psychiatrist...Do you know he is taking psychiatric medication?”

Joey nodded, “Yeah...I do. And no, that still will not make me think that Nick shot some girl, ok. That is what you’re trying to get me to say, right? That I believe Nick Carter is capable of killing people?”

“I’m not trying to get you to say anything Mr. Fatone...”

“Sure you aren’t. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be questioning us, now would you?”

“I think this is over.”

“I think it’s over too.”

“Who are you?” AJ asked. He walked to the bed in an attempt to head off the man and stop him from getting too close to Nick. Nick sat staring at his new visitor, a curious look on his face.

“I’m Agent Farrell,” the man answered gruffly, “And I have some questions to ask you...”

“No one’s allowed in here to question us, not even you,” AJ said, “I could have you thrown out on your ass.”

“You wouldn’t want to do that,” Farrell said with a smirk.

“And why not?” AJ asked narrowing his eyes at the man.

“You care about your friend there, don’t you....your friends outside?” Farrell gestured to Nick, and actually reached down and patted his leg. Nick’s eyes snapped awake then and widened at the man, “Shit...you’re not with the FBI!”

“Not as stupid as you look I see,” Farrell laughed humorlessly, “So I’m going to assume you’ll be smart enough to know not to give me trouble as well, huh?” When he received no answer, he raised one side of his jacket revealing a gun. AJ gasped sitting back on the bed. Nick leaned forward to examine the gun, as soon as Farrell let his jacket fall closed Nick spoke, “Walther PPK, stainless steel....nice. I got better though.”

“Nick shut up,” AJ hissed giving him a small pinch.

“That was wise of you McLean,” Farrell nodded, he narrowed his eyes as he glared at the both of them, “You boys just do not know what you have gotten yourselves into...”

“Who are you?” AJ asked again, “What do you want with us?... We already gave you money...”

Farrell laughed and pulled a cigarette from his pocket, “Money is not what I’m after.”

“Then what?” AJ was beginning to lose some of his previous fear as his anger took over, “What the hell do you people want? Why do you keep bothering us...hey I know! I know who you are! You’re one of those people after Brendon, the ones from that mob.... He was rambling on about how much trouble he was in...how the mob was out to get him. He screwed up and wasted the wrong man’s daughter...”

Farrell snorted, “You’ve got half the background information kid, your pal Brendon was in a lot of trouble....A world of it. And thanks to you that problem’s been taken care of, but now there is a new problem...”

“What now?”

“A girl was killed in the same room your precious Brendon was so brutally murdered. A girl Brendon had kidnaped from her family and had kept for months.... We lost a lot of business looking for Consuela, boys...a lot. Millions of dollars lost in having half of our forces out searching for the ungrateful little bitch...and us tracking her down to being with that deadbeat. We were moving in to snatch her back and take her home, and ran into a little trouble...the trouble wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle....but our mission was aborted when someone decided to take it upon themselves to kill little Consuela...Boss ain’t too happy about that boys...” Farrell began to pace the room waving his unlit cigarette. He smiled seeing Nick and AJ’s bodies tensing at his words, “We don’t like when the boss ain’t happy... So we come here to make the boss happy... Can you figure out what just might make our boss happy boys?”

AJ was silent, his hands clenched into fist as he bit his lips and tried to control his shivers....Again their lives were being threatened. But this time....God, the mob....

Nick simply reclined on his pillows his eyes once again on the television set.

“Who killed her?”

“...I don’t know...”

“Wrong answer kid,” suddenly Farrell was in AJ’s face taking him by the collar of his shirt and pulling his face to his until they were nose to nose, “I could waste you right here, and walk out of here in the clear.”

His warm breath struck AJ’s face as the harsh words were spoken. AJ cringed away, not at the smell, which was actually rather pleasant, but at the pure closeness of the man. His eyes met that of the man’s and he let out a strangled cry, this man really was a gangster, he could shoot him right then...AJ realized, he felt the coldness of his fear and anxiety sink into his stomach like a large block of ice. The sensation tread from his stomach slowly crawling up his spine as the man began to shake him, “Who shot her?”

“It was dark... I couldn’t see...”

“Did Blondie there do it, huh?” AJ felt his body being lifted from the bed, but his feet never touched the floor. The strain of the fabric around his neck strangling him, “No...”

“Tell me the truth...Is he really worth losing your life over? Huh? I will kill you, and if you don’t tell me the truth I’ll kill him too.”

“I am telling you the truth...I don’t know what...” He cut off as the hands closed around his throat, “Look at him Alex...look....he doesn’t care. He sees what I’m doing to you, and he doesn’t care, doesn’t flinch. You want to protect him?”

“I’m not protecting anyone! I’d be lying if I named anyone! I didn’t see anything! He didn’t see anything....there was so much shooting, so many people...anyone could have done it! What makes you so sure it was one of us?” AJ choked.

“What’s with Blondie?”

AJ’s eyes flitted to Nick. Nick’s behavior had reverted back to what it had been minutes earlier. His mind was totally disregarding the situation at hand, it was through coping. He watched the cartoon smiling at the funny antics of the characters on screen, “He’s..” AJ gasped as he felt the pressure on his neck being released and himself falling. He tried to catch himself but braced himself for the pain of hitting the tile floor. Pain shot through his knees as he fell to the floor. He quickly tried to stifle the pain so that he could move to grab the man that was going for his little brother. His hand was a full arm-length from the man’s ankle yet AJ still reached out in vain, he fought to straighten out his body and stand. He clutched the side of the bed and pulled himself up. He felt weak and woozy, fear, an overabundance of adrenaline, the small high of a pain killer, and the restless sleep of the night before had led to these feelings he was sure.

He stared as Farrell leaned over the bed, holding Nick’s face between his palms as he questioned him as fiercely, if not more, as he had AJ. Nick was apparently not answering the questions as he should have, and Farrell struck him across the face. AJ felt his forgotten anger blistering inside of him again, “Don’t hit him...” he growled in a low voice, causing Farrell to lift his eyes from Nick and glared coldly at him, “I can shoot him instead...”

“He didn’t shoot her ok! He didn’t! A bullet from outside, it killed her!”

“Blondie doesn’t look so sure about that...”

“Nick’s not... Nick has a condition,” AJ just couldn’t put into words how he wanted to describe Nick...not as crazy, definitely not crazy, but yet anyway he could word it made Nick seem insane, “He has problems with...”

“He’s a damn basket case,” Farrell snorted releasing Nick’s face, he studied Nick for a few seconds more before standing and brushing himself off, “A basket case that knows something, and we’ll eventually get it from him...”

“Eventually...?”

“We don’t want this to become an issue, but we know one of you boys will slip up eventually and then...” He fashioned his fingers in the design of a gun and replicated the sound of gun fire.

“What makes you so sure we had anything to do with it?’ AJ asked again, desperately wanting to know why.

“What should make us think that you didn’t?” Farrell fired back, he lit his cigarette, pulling the lighter from a pocket in his pants.

“You can’t smoke in here.”

Farrell blew a smoke ring in reply.

“You know something we don’t,” AJ said staring at the wicked man, “You have some information tying us to the crime...”

“Why Alex, if you are as innocent as you say, what information could you possibly be talking about,” with that Farrell winked and made his way to the door, “We’ll continue on with this conversation some other time...Until then, I suggest you boys try to figure out who’s worth lying for and who’s not.”

“Holy shit...” AJ breathed as soon as he left, he hit the button to call a nurse. He was too afraid to leave the room, scared the man may come back and force something from Nick that he should never speak aloud to a stranger. He sat on the bed beside Nick, not failing to note Nick’s un-phased expression as he continued to watch the television, a commercial for insurance was on. He wrapped an arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him closer to him, ruffling his hair, “Everything’s gonna be just fine Nicky, you’ll see...” he spoke fighting to take the tremors from his voice, “We’ll get the guys in here...and we’ll go home. Yeah, that’s what we’re going to do...” They would get the hell out of here, and once gone, they could leave all their troubles behind them, yeah...that’s what they were going to do.

“How the hell did he get in?” Kevin was saying biting his nails nervously.

“We should tell the FBI about him... you shouldn’t have called us in, you should have called in the F...”

“You idiot! The man was dressed as a member of the FBI!”

“All the more reason of why you should report the phoney agent!”

“You’re missing the point Brian! The guy passed as an FBI officer...now think about this Brian. Do you think the mob would only send one person into a place?- Especially if they are...I don’t know...maybe SPYING on us?!”

“Dammit, who the hell can we trust then?” Brian was tapping his fingers on the railing of Nick’s bed. He had been promoted to sitting on the bed beside Nick. As soon as Nick laid eyes on him, AJ was instructed to make room for Brian.

“No one, no one but ourselves,” Howie was grumbling, “We can’t trust the police, the FBI..”

“What did that bastard get us into,” AJ was mumbling, “He’s done it again, he’s ruined our lives again...”

“The mob...the freakin’ mob,” Kevin ran a hand over his face, “Brendon talked about running from the mob...But I never thought... God, why us?”

“We asked that question last year too Kev, and we’re still waiting for that answer. Please don’t go and add another question to our pile,” Howie said with a sad sigh.

“We’re not safe anywhere we go, now,” Brian said softly, “Someone’s going to always be watching us, ready to make a move on us... But I wonder...”

“Wonder what?”

“If we’re the only ones they are following about,” Brian said, “I mean, sure they have reason to believe we’ve done something to the girl...but there were so many other people involved .”

“Who cares if they are following other people too, Brian, I only care that when I go home I’ll have to be worried about peeping toms looking in through my window. Or looking at my security guards cross-eyed because one of them just may be one of the people I hired the guards to keep out,” Howie said.

“They’re not going to leave us alone until someone ‘fesses up to killing that girl.”

“But no one here did,” Kevin said flatly.

Nick grunted unintelligibly, and Brian frowned at him, “Nick, you don’t know if you did a thing...”

“I probably did... I probably killed her,” Nick shrugged easily.

“Nicky...”

“It’s more probable to believe that I did, I had the right equipment.”

“But no one saw,” AJ reminded him, “not even you.”

“Oh that would stand up well in court, they’d lock me away faster than I could blink,” Nick chuckled, “Face it, Nicky’s a killer.”

“Nick, stop it,” Brian said taking the remote from his hands and turning off the television, “So what do we do now guys?”

“What do you mean what do we do now?” AJ shot back.

“I mean what now? Do we go home? We know we’re not safe there.”

“We’re not safe anywhere dummy, you can’t hide from the mob. If they want us, they got us,” AJ said, “We might as well go home and be relaxed when we die.”

“AJ!”

“What?”

There was a knock at the door, and all their eyes went wide, “Who the hell do you think that is?”

“Well the mafia doesn’t knock,” AJ rolled his eyes getting up and opening the door, and was overwhelmed by arms surrounding him. He nearly fell over, he toppled backward stumbling a few steps to regain his composure, “Hey Amanda.”

“Alex!”

“Mom!”

Outside the door stood Denise McLean, Amanda Latona, Jackie and Harold Littrell. They pushed into the room Jackie grabbing Brian and Kevin into rib crushing hugs. AJ found himself smothered between his mother and his girlfriend’s arms.

“Are you ok baby? Are you alright? Did they hurt you?” Denise was checking AJ over like a doctor possessed, he jumped back in surprise and embarrassment at her prying hands.

“Mom, I’m fine...I’m fine...”

“What happened? What exactly happened? I knew this was a bad idea, I just knew it,” Jackie Littrell was going on, kissing Brian’s face.

“You all are ok? You look so worried, what’s going on?” Harold Littrell was asking, he looked from Kevin to Brian, then to the rest of the boys.

Both shook their heads, “Everything’s great. He’s dead.”

“We all thought he was dead the last time,” Harold reminded them flatly, “How were these people allowed to get their hands on you again. We were promised you’d have the top of the line security! We trusted you in their hands...”

“Dad... we’re ok now. He’s dead this time, really he is.”

“How can you...?”

The sound of the televison being turned back on and the volume increasing, made everyone jump and look to the TV then at the person in control of it. Nick had curled his knees to his chest holding the remote, his undivided attention being given to the Thunder Cats.

“Nick, turn it down,” Kevin said slowly, watching him warily. Brian tried a more direct approach, reaching across the blond and removing the remote from his possession. He turned the television down staring at Nick for his reaction. When he got none he sighed, “He’s dead, Dad. Really and truly dead.”

Harold frowned staring at his son and at the silent Nick beside him eyes glued to the mounted television screen above them, then nodded, trusting his son’s answer.

Jackie interrupted the silence by clearing her throat, “Um...so what now. Those people outside seem pretty insistent on speaking to you all. Will they let us just go home?”

Howie shook his head, “Sooner or later we’re going to have to let them question us...and we have to go back to the hotel, for our things.”

“You don’t have to talk to anyone at all if you don’t want to...”

“Yes we do,” Kevin said resting his head in his hands, “If we don’t we make things that much harder for ourselves.” He stood, “We should stop putting it off guys...Lets call the FBI in, tell them we’ll talk...”

“But...”

“Tell them what’s important ok?” Kevin gave them all meaningful looks, “Will you walk with me to meet them Uncle Harry?”

Harold glanced at Kevin, trying to figure out just what that look he gave to the others had meant, “Sure...Sure Kevin.”

The questioning was brief, and the FBI looked disappointed in the information they had been able to obtain. Basic kidnaping, rope burn and everything... The FBI did unsuccessful one on ones, where they got little more information than they had already had. They did a one on one with the reportedly unstable Carter, hoping to break him and get some information out of him...silence. His story remained as simple and innocent as his facial expression. Drugs, they figured...they wanted to interview him again when the medication he had been given wore off. But the chief of operations had already decided that either these guys were good liars, scared for their lives, or they knew nothing. Sorry boys, no mob bust today.

“They wanted to hear about Brendon and the mob,” Howie was grumbling as he sat down beside Brian in the small office they had set aside for the boys to wait in while one was being questioned.

“Yeah, they are definitely looking for a bust,” Brian sighed, “and they aren’t getting it out of us...Do you know how many of those agents could actually be in the very mob they are looking to bring down, just waiting for us to break and tell a story?”

Howie shuddered, “All I want to do is go home, climb in bed, and pull the covers over my head...sleep forever.”

Brian agreed, “This is a nightmare...and I have a feeling we’ll never wake up. How do we get out of this mess?”

“I don’t know,” Howie sighed, “We can’t even hire security to keep us safe anymore, because we’ll never know just who that security really works for...All those bodyguards that guard our houses, they could have been working for Brendon... Anyone we could hire now, could be with the mob spying on us...What if they do end up finding out that maybe Nick did shoot the girl? What if they just decide one of us did it, and whack us just to please the boss? God Brian... I wish I never signed that contract.”

“Howie they still could have gotten us at home...”

“I don’t mean the contract to go on tour, I mean the contract I signed to be in this damn group!”

The door opened again and Kevin stepped in, “They’re grilling AJ and Nick, they were in the room when Brendon was killed..”

“You look disturbed...”

“AJ threw the gun Nick had.”

“Yeah?”

“Why hasn’t anyone found it? The FBI mentioned nothing of it...I’m scared they’ve been holding back on us and are going to throw it in Nick’s face. He’ll break down, I know it.”

“He shot Brendon, who cares if he shot Brendon!” Brian was standing, he angrily smacked his hand against the wall, “Damn them...they’re going to scare him into giving a confession. Isn’t that illegal...shouldn’t we have a lawyer present?”

“Brian you only have a lawyer present if you’re guilty or being accused of a crime,” Kevin said, “If we call a lawyer they’ll know something’s up.”

The door opened again and AJ and Nick appeared. Neither looked shaken or phased.

“What happened, what’d they ask?”

“The same things they asked before,” AJ shrugged, “They’re totally clueless, and obviously looking for some clues.”

“What about the gun?” Kevin asked quietly.

“The gun?”

“AJ you threw Nick’s gun right? That area was wiped clean, which means they have to have that evidence with Nick’s prints all over the trigger....and it’s even registered to him.”

AJ paled, “No one said anything about the gun at all...you think they’re setting us up?”

Kevin shook his head, “No...no this is the FBI, they would have thrown in our faces, especially yours Nick. Did they raise their voices to you at all?”

Nick blinked and stared at Kevin, he nodded slowly, “They got mad... they think we know something.”

“Of course they do,” Brian was grumbling, “They are the FBI, they’re smart people. They should think we know something because we actually do...”

“Which means, not only will the mob being following us, but so will the FBI, undercover.”

“Well by all means, I’m grateful, and I do hope when I hire new security guards some of the FBI will be undercover to fill the positions,” Howie snorted, “Can we leave?”

AJ nodded, “Yeah, we can go... Everyone’s all here now too.”

Howie stood, “Lets get out of here then.”

“Shit, it was like they wanted us to tell them Nick and Brian were going down for a drug bust or something,” Lance was grumbling. He sat inside his room with JC, Justin, and Chris waiting for Joey to return from questioning.

“I don’t see why you even let them go,” Chris was saying shaking his head, “That was really stupid of you.”

“They were freaking out....they knew for sure that the guy would kill Kevin and Howie and AJ if they told anyone...”

“Everyone could have died in that place. You heard those guys, there was a freakin’ shoot out! It’s by the grace of God they weren’t all killed. I can’t believe you’d just let them go... God, you should have called me..”

“And have you do what Chris, you were busy sleeping off you damn hangover! Instead of yelling at us, why not yell at yourself. You were actually with Howie, AJ, and Kevin last night...they got kidnaped right under your noses! I’m tired of taking this blame shit from everybody!” Justin began to pace and rant at the same time, “Monica gave me the evil eye when she left... Britney, man...she called me stupid, loud enough for a reporter to hear! It’s not our freakin’ fault, Nick and Brian are grown men who make their own decisions...”

“You could have stopped them,” Chris said stubbornly, “You could have called the police and let them do their jobs...”

“And have yet another terrorist situation for the Backstreet Boys. They’d die,” JC burst out, “It would kill Nick and Brian to have to...”

“Like those gunshots could have killed them! What were you thinking...? God...”

“Shut up Chris!” Lance exploded, “You weren’t there ok. If you had been, you would have let them go too.”

“My ass..” Chris muttered cracking his knuckles and slumping in his chair. There was a knock at the door, and since Justin was already standing he quickly answered it, “Joey.”

Joey pushed his way into the room looking frazzled.

“What’s wrong?” Lance asked gazing at him with concern, “What’d they say to you?”

Joey shook his head, and stared at Lance, then at Justin and JC who gazed back at him, “When Nick and Brian left this morning...did they take anything with them? Like did Nick reach and get something to take with him?”

Lance frowned, JC looked thoughtful, Justin answered, “No, they didn’t. I don’t even think Brian took his cell phone....and Nick didn’t even have his medicine on him.”

JC was nodding, his thoughtful look become more intense as he watched Joey face muscles relax, “Why? Did the FBI try to make you think that they had brought something else with them?”

Joey nodded, “Yeah...but they didn’t. I don’t know how they came up with it.”

Lance nodded, “They’re trying to make clues out of what isn’t there.”

Joey nodded, sitting down beside Lance, “Well there is nothing they can use, Nick and Brian took themselves...oh and that small bag to put the money in.” Justin shrugged, his pacing slowed from furious to anxious speed, “I wish someone would call us and tell us the guys were on their way here. I need to see them in...” He stopped as Joey’s eyes sprang open and he pounced on Lance, “What? What little bag? What did it look like?”

Lance nearly toppled from his chair at the sudden attack, “What? Huh? I don’t know...”

“You have to know...it’s important...”

“Why?”

“Just tell me!”

“It was black...I think leather, about the size of a camcorder case...”

“Shit,” Joey groaned sinking back down into his chair, “Shit...”

“What?” Chris had sat up and was leaning in to stare at Joey, “What’s wrong?”

“The damn bag...he took the damn bag...which means the FBI isn’t bullshitting us.”

“What?”

“Guys....Nick has a gun...”

“What?” JC turned on Joey, “He does not, what the hell would he do with a gun?”

“He does so,” Joey said simply, “I saw it.... He introduced me to it for crying out loud.”

“Introduced you...”

“He slept with it,” Joey said running his hands over his face, “One day I snuck on their bus to pull a joke on him and he was still sleeping. I pulled back his blanket and there it was... It’s not even a regular gun, not a pistol or revolver...it’s a damn glock. And he named it.”

“Shit,” now it was Chris’s turn, “So he is a damn psychopath.”

“No! No he’s not,” Joey was quick to defend him, “He’s just...He wasn’t going to shoot anyone, it was like a safety for him I guess...I talked to him about it, and he put it away. He promised to keep it in its case for the rest of the tour...”

“Why in the world does he have a gun, a glock?” Lance was stammering.

“He has cases full of guns, and swords, and other weapons, he told me. He collects the things,” Joey said, “His shrink told him he needed a hobby and started him on collecting weapons.”

“Smart shrink,” Justin snorted, “Ok, so here’s the million dollar question... does he know how to use the gun?”

Joey looked at the floor, “Yeah, yeah he does, and from what I hear, he’s a pretty good shot.”

“Shit.”

“So you think he did it?”

“Did what?” JC asked.

“Think he killed the girl?” Chris was rocking in his chair.

“No,” Joey said flatly, “I don’t think he killed her at all...I don’t think he killed anyone, and that’s what I told the FBI too...”

“Did you tell them about Nick’s gun?”

“They already know...that’s how I knew to ask you guys what all they took with them. That carrying case you described is his gun case.”

Justin gulped, “This just keeps getting better and better. What if we’ve just defended a murderer?”

“We know better than that...at least I think we do... We’ll find out what happened soon enough,” Joey said flatly, “They’ll be here in an hour or so, and we’re the only people still left.”

“Samantha left already?”

“Yeah, she left.”

“She didn’t say goodbye.”

“She was too upset,” Lance remarked, “She wouldn’t even look at me.”

“We’re going to come off as the idiots in all this, you know that right?” JC said with a loud sigh.

“Oh well, at least we’ll be idiots together,” Chris said with a weak smile, “Someone should tell Johnny we’re rescheduling our 3 o’clock flight for a later one.”

The return to the hotel was difficult, it seemed every reporter in the state had been alerted to the story of the warehouse shoot out, obvious mob scene, and jumped with excitement at the fact that the once kidnaped Backstreet Boys were involved yet again. It was believed that their first kidnaping had mob influence behind it. The boys were put in separate limos and driven in different routes to the hotel. Howie rode with his mother and father, Kevin with his mother and wife, Brian with his parents and wife, AJ with his girlfriend and mother, and Nick with his father and sister BJ.

They were rushed inside the hotel arriving minutes between each other and taken to their floors.

“Is your stuff already packed up?” Bob Carter asked his son, squeezing his elbow. He hadn’t quite been able to let go of his son since he was reunited with him at the hospital. BJ snorted, “You know he’s not Dad. Nick never packs until the last minute.”

Nick smirked, “No, I’m not packed.”

Bob grinned, “Ok, well we’ll get that out of the way then.”

Brian and Leighanne approached them, “Um...You might want to wait outside honey, it’s kind of unsightly in there.” Brian winked at Nick, whose eyes twinkled in amusement. Brian smiled, relieved to see that Nick’s behavior was returning to normal.

“I’ve seen your messes Brian, open the door. I’m going to help you pa....Oh my goodness!” The door was opened and Leighanne, BJ, and Bob were allowed to view the grand mess made by Nick and Brian.

“Nick, this is disgusting,” BJ walked in and tripped over a large sneaker, “How do we tell who’s stuff is who’s...”

“Doesn’t matter, just throw stuff in a bag, we’ll sort it out when we get home,” Nick shrugged.

“Nick you don’t want to get stuck with a bag full of Brian’s pants...they’d be capri on you,” BJ said punching him lightly, “And um...not to insult ya or anything bro, but I ain’t touching any of this stuff...It looks.... Toxic.”

“It is not toxic!” Nick grumbled opening the closet and tossing suitcases out on the floor.

There was a sharp knock at the door and all head snapped to see the face of Joey Fatone looking in on them, “Hey Joe...what’s up?” Nick had sounded happy to see him, then as he studied the expression on his face, he felt worried, “Something wrong?”

“Yeah...I need to talk to you two, alone.”

Nick blinked, “What? Find that rubber snake?”

No smile, “My room, 5 minutes.”

“What the hell was that about?” BJ wrinkled her nose at Nick, “Is that the guy from N’Sync? I thought those guys were supposed to be...fine.”

Brian laughed, “I don’t know, I always thought JC was kind of..suave...”

“That’s gross Brian.”

“Hey guys,” they looked to see Kevin standing in the door, “Did JC come to your room and tell you to meet in Joey’s room?”

“No..”

“Well he...”

“Joey did.”

“What in the world’s going on?” Brian wondered. He looked at Nick who stood, “Um...we’ll be right back.”

“Guys, not alone!” Bob said quickly, “Is David still standing outside?”

“Dad it’s the middle of the day and this place is swarming with police...”

“I don’t care...”

“Fine,” Nick rolled his eyes, “Fine, come on Brian, lets get David.”

Brian knocked on the door and it was opened immediately. Joey ushered him, Nick and Kevin inside. He stared at David and shook his head, “Could you wait out here?”

“I shouldn’t...”

“It’ll only be a minute.” With that he shut the door in the bodyguard’s face. Brian, Nick and Kevin took seats beside Howie and AJ who sat on the extra bed in Joey’s room. The members of N’Sync sat lined on the opposite bed. Joey sat down between them. Brian’s eyes searched their faces as he was sure their eyes were searching his, “Um...JC, Lance, Justin, I just want to say thank you for letting us go...and thank you for calling the police.”

They nodded solemnly, “We’re taking a lot of heat from that decision.”

“We’ll fix that,” Nick said softly with small smile that faded as he realized his smile was not being accepted or returned.

“What happened today in there?”

“Good Lord....we’ve just gone over and through this 5 dozen times,” AJ groaned, “I wanna rest, I’m leaving!” He rose to leave but Chris caught his arm... “You’ve gone over your story 5 dozen times with other people..not with us...and I do believe, if not me and Joey, that JC, Justin, and Lance deserve your time and a story.”

“Now you look here...”

“He’s right,” Brian said, interrupting Howie’s burst of temper.

“Excuse me?”

“Of all the people that talked to us today, three people here deserve the truth,” Brian said softly, “If not for them, you’d be dead. They have a right to hear...”

“But telling them could endanger them...”

“They want to hear, and if they want to then we owe it to them.”

“But they don’t know what’s going on...”

“We’d like to know,” Justin jumped into the middle of the argument, “Why would this information endanger us...Is it because of the mob stuff?”

Justin’s statement stopped the argument between Brian and Howie dead, “What do you know about that?”

“We were questioned today, cause we were the ones that called the police...”

“And we were questioned for being their associates,” Chris said , “We know you guys are in deep shit...and despite what you are trying to do by not involving us, we’re a step into the shit as well. So you tell us, just what we’ve stepped in for you cause it’s really starting to smell.”

“Damn,” AJ commented on Chris speech, “You’re good.”

“I try.”

“Ok, we know you two went and you met with Brendon, and you gave him the money?”

Brian nodded, “And then he doubled crossed us, he never planned to let us go...”

“Yes he did,” AJ interrupted, “He was going to let 4 of us go and kill one...” he looked at Nick sadly, “Probably you Kaos...he was disappointed that you didn’t get nabbed with me, Kevin, and Howie.”

“Consuela changed his mind,” Howie nodded, “I’m pretty sure the girl that came in was her...”

“Yeah that was her,” Brian was nodding.

“Wait, the girl, the 16 year old?”

“Yeah..”

“But she was kidnaped...”

“Bullshit,” AJ spouted, “She was Brendon’s girlfriend, she ran away from home.”

“And her dad, the head of the some mob was looking for her...”

“What? Her dad is what?’

“The head of a New Jersey mob...”

“Dammit, I thought Brendon was in trouble with a mob run by a guy named Paricio, for killing Zalia...”

“Who’s Zalia?” Justin asked.

“Zalia was the nice lady ninja in that kept us in the basement...the one Brendon wasted to take charge... Her dad was over everything...and he’s the head of a mob...”

“Yeah, our kidnaping was her initiation...we can actually thank Brendon for us being alive right now. Paricio was going to have us killed.”

“Shit!” Brian breathed, “How do you know all this?”

“Brendon, you know that psycho-path loves to talk and gloat. He had an escape route already planned for when he ran with the money, alone. That’s how he got out...the bastard. And then Paricio was after him like a hound when he heard he was still alive and Brendon was running from him. Somewhere along the lines he made himself a new gang, and found Consuela...and you tell us that her dad is a mob boss....which explains that guy coming to your room Nick, talking about his boss... He wasn’t with Paricio at all...He was with the other mob.”

“Two freakin’ mobs... and we have connections to both of them. No wonder the FBI wants us so bad... God...” Howie smacked a hand to his forehead, “This is shit!”

“And this other mob wants blood...the boss’s daughter is dead, and the only people who can possibly tell them who killed her...is us.”

“So it wasn’t Nick that killed her?” Joey asked, he looked hopeful, all five heads of the Backstreet Boys snapped to look at him, “Why do say that? Why would you even think that?”

“I know Nick took his gun when you two left this morning, Brian. And the FBI told me that they found the gun, and it’s yours Nick. Your prints are all over it, and its in the very room those two people were shot to death. Multiple holes in the man, Brendon...”

“How...”

“The FBI have the gun?”

“They didn’t say anything to us about having the gun,” AJ said, “Why wouldn’t they tell us if they had the gun or not...?”

“Damn...this just keeps getting better,” Justin said yet again, flinching at the glares he was receiving.

“Maybe we didn’t speak to the FBI,” Howie was saying, “Or maybe these guys didn’t speak to the FBI...maybe the mob has the gun. Maybe someone else posing as FBI questioned you guys.”

“Someone else posing as the FBI?”

“We can’t trust anyone, not our bodyguards, not the police, not even the FBI,” Brian was shaking his head.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, tell us the rest of what happened at least,” Chris said, looking sorry for ever being accusatory.

Brian nodded, “Well we gave Brendon the money and once he took it he aimed his gun at me, nodded to the guy holding Nick to kill him. So I took action.”

“You what?”

“Brian started kicking some ass, ninja style,” AJ chuckled, “He was throwing kicks and punches and jumping around like Jackie Chan... I thought he was going to get killed. That’s when all the guns started firing, from the outside, and Brendon panicked. He sent some of his men outdoors while he ran. Consuela had left too, I wasn’t really watching her. Brendon had had us untied and when I saw him running off I chased after him. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just so angry...”

“Even with half his men outside there were still a lot of big armed people inside and Brian couldn’t take all of them, and he was coming so close to getting killed. Fighting people with guns unarmed...and I...I just couldn’t move...What could I do anyway...and I saw someone aiming for Brian, about to blow off his head, and then pow...” Kevin paused a bit for effect, “Nick to save the day...”

“Nick used the gun?” Lance glanced at Nick warily, he remained silent, “He didn’t kill anyone though...did he?”

“They were going to kill Brian,” Nick said evenly. “I aimed for the prize. The shots were all clean, no one suffered.”

Lance shuddered as the others stared at him in shock. Nick’s facial expression remained smooth as a baby’s. He stared straight forward at nothing in particular.

“I went after AJ,” Howie picked the story back up, “And let me tell you the place looked small from the outside but it is really big inside and I felt I was going further and further away from AJ...The shots ringing from outside and in were terrible, I was getting a headache...and I was so scared...God, I can hear it.”

Kevin placed a hand on his shoulder, “I didn’t move to Brian until after everyone in the room was down, so much blood...they’d shot each other...or shots from outside coming in had killed them. Windows were shattered from gunfire, I was actually on the floor for a while. I don’t know how any of us came away without being shot. God was looking down on us at that moment. Me and Brian split up to look for the others...Nick had vanished.”

“He found me,” AJ said in a shaky voice, “I tried to attack Brendon with my bare hands and he got me... he held me in a headlock and put the gun to my head... he was going to blow my brains out. He said he wanted to, had to kill at least one of us. He was going to kill me...” Brian took one of his hands, “but then...then Nick came in..and let me tell you I have never been more happy to see someone with a gun in my life! He told Brendon to let me go or he’d kill him, and Brendon thought he was bluffing. Thought Nick couldn’t shoot. After Nick demonstrated to him just how well he could actually shoot, Brendon got nervous, and he was going to shoot Nick...but I bumped his arm hard made him shoot at the ceiling and then Nick shot him....he shot him, and shot him, and kept shooting him... I tried to make him stop but he kept firing...”

“He had to be dead., the bastard, I had to make sure he would never get back up to mess with my head again...never...” Nick was mumbling, shaking his head, “I’d do it again...and again. Bastard.”

“My God,” JC breathed.

“The power had been going on and off ever since the shoot out had started and Consuela ran in, I guess hearing the commotion coming from the room and saw Brendon dead, and Nick shooting him....God....my head was spinning so bad I couldn’t understand what she was saying, I was lying on the floor, Brendon had hit me with the gun... She was yelling something like ‘I’ll kill you!’ and she was running at Nick, and Nick was still firing at Brendon and the lights went dead...and..and I heard her scream.”

“She was dead when the lights came back on...She was dead.”

“But who..?”

“We don’t know...no one saw. It was too dark, and Nicky doesn’t remember...He...he zoned out and didn’t come to til much later. I threw the gun away...I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted it away from us,” AJ was shaking his head, “Then Howie found us, then Kevin, then Brian...then the police.”

“And you haven’t told anyone this story?”

“No.”

“Who do you think was shooting outside?”

“The mob...or mobs...We don’t know...”

“That sounded like hell,” Joey said in a low voice, “You guys are made of tough shit, I would have cracked like a cookie in that situation.” He stared at Nick who looked at the floor and tapped his knee, “That son-of-a-bitch deserved to die, and you did the world a favor...”

“The girl?”

“We don’t know who actually killed her, there’s a good chance that it was an outside bullet...Nick was facing the wrong way to have hit her...”

“She startled him, he probably turned...”

“You’ve never seen him completely tranced, nothing startles him, nothing can take his attention away from what he’s concentrating on. He saw Brendon and nothing else...he didn’t hear me talking to him...Nick, what’s the last thing you remember huh? Shooting Brendon over and over, he didn’t hear her come. He doesn’t remember it.”

“Either way it doesn’t look good for him...”

“Shut up Chris.”

“So what are you gonna do now?” Justin asked.

“Go home,” Howie shrugged, “Nothing else left for us to do. If the mob wants us then they’ll find us. We can’t hide from them, and we can’t confide in the authorities. We just go home and try to live out our lives the best we can and expect the worse...”

“That’s no way to live...”

“It’s the way we’ve been living for almost a year now... I’ve gotten used to it,” Howie said bitterly.

“That’s why you turned so sour...” Justin said softly, and Howie glared at him.

“I’m gonna go home with my Dad and sister,” Nick said still looking at the floor. Brian, Kevin, Howie, and AJ turned to look at him, “What? Nick you can’t go to California, not now..”

Nick shrugged.

“Nick, we need to be close to each other. I don’t know if I could deal with you being that far away so soon.. Don’t you have to talk to your doctor...?”

Nick only offered another shrug, “I have no choice.”

“Oh bull, you’re 21 years old...”

“Alex...I know you guys don’t like to admit it out loud, especially in front of people...but in court I could be found mentally unsound, and if my parents felt like it they could do just that and legally become my guardians again. If I make a bad choice and push when I shouldn’t, I could be living in California permanently,” His eyes never left the floor and he began to rock slightly.

“Damn them,” Kevin cursed, “You’ll never be more than 12 years old to them, I swear.”

Nick chuckled, “I’m not more than 12 years old to you.”

Kevin reached over and ruffled his hair, “I’m dyslexic when it comes to your age Nick.”

The weak attempt of a joke got a small titter from Brian, “How long will you be in Cali, Nick?”

“A week or two,” Nick said, “My Dad’s already had all my appointments rescheduled.”

“Well when exactly were you planning on telling us you weren’t coming back to Florida with us, is what I want to know,” Howie griped, “In the airport? In the airport all of a sudden you were going to break from us, go a different direction and call out, ‘Oh, I’m going to Cali. Bye!’”

“Take it easy Howie,” Kevin said, “Nick, do you want to go to California?”

“I want to see my family yes,” Nick said with a nod, “But...not now. I wanna go home now.”

“Have you told your Dad?”

Tears filled his blue eyes as he nodded, “I don’t know any better... I need to be taken care of.” Brian put his arm around him, “Well, look at it this way Nicky. It’s only a week or more, and you’ll get to see Aaron and your sisters. Maybe we can visit too, if we miss you too much while you’re gone.”

Brian petted Nick’s head when he laid it on his shoulder. Biting his lip he looked up at his brothers, “This is one fine mess we’ve gotten ourselves into guys...”

“No doubt,” AJ, Howie, and Kevin quickly agreed... They looked at the members of N’Sync who stared at them with looks of sympathy...and also looks of relief. How easily the two groups, practically interchangeable in the public eye, could have switched places. How easily chance could have made it N’Sync instead of the Backstreet Boys that were taken. How easily it could be them being pursued by the mob, scared to death, losing their minds...

At the moment they all thought simultaneously, “Thank God, I’m not a Backstreet Boy.”

Chapter 26

“Woa!” Nick nearly toppled over as his younger brother Aaron threw himself into his body as a greeting. In fact, if it weren’t for their father, who was standing behind Nick and steadying the boys, they would have indeed fallen over.

“Welcome home!” Aaron said softly, hugging him tightly and looking up to see Nick’s amused expression, “Thanks, now get off me, you monkey!”

Nick stepped inside of the large California home owned by his family, he set the duffle bag around his left shoulder onto the floor in front of him and this time was prepared for the next overwhelming hug given to him by his mother accompanied by a few kisses. He wanted to roll his eyes, but that would be rude...Kevin had said. Kevin... He sighed, he missed Kevin. This would be the first time in a year that he wouldn’t be able to see Kevin, Brian, AJ, or Howie, whenever he wanted to. He was used to seeing them everyday.

“...for dessert, does that sound good Nicky?”

Nick blinked, play it cool... He’d only heard a quarter of what she said, but he wasn’t going to let her know that, “It sounds great.”

His mother, Jane, smiled brilliantly and gave him another hug and ruffled his hair, “It’s so good to have you here. Now I can fatten you up.” She patted his stomach area.

“Hey Nick!” Leslie and Angel appeared each giving him a hug, pushing their mother from the picture, “How are you? Are you ok?” both were bombarding him with so many questions that sent Nick’s head reeling. Sensory overload, his eyes went to the floor, and, “Aww...hello.” Nick was pushing past his sisters to pet the adorable gray and black striped kitten that was sitting in front of the family waiting for someone to pay attention to it.

“Oh no the cat! We forgot about the cat!” Jane groaned reaching to get it and lift it before Nick could touch it, “Leslie, put the cat in the backyard please.”

“But Mom, Mrs. Brewster just brought her back...”

“Leslie,” Jane said with a tone of warning in her voice.

Nick was frowning, “Mom, I’m fine. The cat can stay, really.”

“That’s what you say now,” Jane said giving Leslie a little push to get her going with the kitten.

“Um...” Aaron wanted to break the uncomfortable silence, “I’ll help you take your stuff upstairs Nick.”

It had been an hour since any of the Carters downstairs had seen Nick. Once he’d unpacked, he had sent them all away and had been in his room ever since.

“Aaron, fingers out of the cake!” BJ snapped, she had just applied the strawberry frosting to the homemade strawberry cake.

“I just wanted to sample the icing,” Aaron complained, “Had to make sure it’s not poison.”

“How do you know I didn’t just put the poison in the place I knew you would touch just to kill you,” BJ remarked smacking his hand away for the third time, “Go bug someone else for a change!”

Aaron turned his pleading eyes away from his older sister to his mother, “Oh mother..”

“Not me Aaron,” Jane begged. She pulled the chicken from the oven a stuck a fork into it to check its tenderness, then sliced one to see how done it was. She nodded to herself, “Go bug your brother, tell him dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.”

Aaron smiled brightly, he hadn’t forgotten his brother was home, but for some odd reason he felt as if he needed permission to go and bug him. He took the stairs by two’s and barged into his brother’s room loudly without knocking. The main light was out, but Aaron smiled at the small trickle of light that illuminated his brother’s napping face. He walked to the bed still chuckling about the ninja turtle shaped night light and laid down. Nick lie on his side at an angle and Aaron lie with his face only a few inches from Nick’s. For some reason, no matter how deeply asleep Nick was, this always seemed to wake him up. After a few seconds Nick’s eyes did open and they gazed at Aaron in confusion before narrowing. A hand shot out to shove him from the bed, “What are you doing in here you little brat?!”

“Good morning to you too sunshine,” Aaron grinned, he loved teasing his older siblings. He picked himself off the floor and turned on the lamp on the bed stand, “Mom says dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.”

“Not hungry,” Nick grumbled rolling onto his other side and curling up.

Aaron made a face and crawled over Nick to where he could be facing him again. “Mom’s not gonna take that...Dad told her you haven’t had anything to eat all day. Come on, she made strawberry cake!”

Nick grabbed a pillow from above him on the bed and put it over his head, “Let me sleep, Aaron. I’m tired.”

The main light clicked on, and Aaron jumped back onto the bed causing Nick to bounce. Nick sat up with a frustrated groan and threw his pillow across the room, “Dammit I can’t do anything in this house!”

“Nick calm down...look I’m sorry, I was just playing,” Aaron slid off the bed, horrified. He hadn’t meant to upset him.

“And I was just sleeping!” Nick said heatedly, “I’m not hungry, and no one’s forcing me to eat, so go away!” Nick frowned at seeing the tears forming in his brother’s eyes, “Aw shit, don’t cry.”

“I’m not!”

“Look, I’m sorry ok?” Nick said softly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just had to yell at something!” He flopped back onto the bed lying face down, “I want to go home!”

“But Nick...you are home,” Aaron didn’t understand... His brother couldn’t be saying what he thought he was. He wasn’t saying that he didn’t want to be there with him, with them.

“No...no I’m not,” Nick moaned his voice muffled by blankets, “My home’s in Florida...This is your home.”

“Nick, home is where your family is. We’re your family. This is your home too...Don’t you want to see us? See me? I haven’t seen you in months! I certainly wanted to see you, especially after hearing about...about what happened... You haven’t said a word about it...Dad talked about it a little..”

“I don’t wanna talk about it!” Nick snapped.

“Was it really that same guy? The one that...??”

“No, no, no, no!” Nick wailed, “I don’t wanna talk about it, don’t wanna talk about it...I wanna go home! I wanna go home!”

“Easy,” Aaron said softly, knowing he had made a mistake. Why had he asked? If his parents came upstairs he knew he was going to get it. No one was to upset Nick, and talking about the events that had transpired that day was a good way to do it. So no one was to even mention it around him. He had let his curiosity get the best of him, and he was ashamed. He was supposed to be the stronger one here, “Calm down...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Aaron was standing, “I’ll..I’ll tell Mom you’re not hungry ok? And I’ll go.”

There was no reply, but the soft sound of...crying. He’d made him cry, “Nicky please don’t cry...Please, you’re gonna make me cry.” Aaron crawled back onto the bed lying beside his brother, “Nicky?”

A single sniffle, then, “Aaron?”

“Yes?”

“If I killed someone, would you still love me?”

Aaron blinked, where had that come from? If he killed someone? Was Nick planning on hurting somebody? “Why Nick?”

“Why would I kill them?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Would you still love me?”

“Wh...yes, yeah, you’re my brother...” Ok, Nick was really beginning to scare Aaron. He was about to get up, and go get their father.

“What if I killed them, and didn’t care that I did...was happy that I did...and would do it again?”

“Nick, why?”

“Would you? Would you still love me?”

“I...I....”

“Didn’t think so...”

“Nick, are you ok?”Aaron asked quietly, “Did you...did you do something?” Something...something, not murder. Aaron shuddered at the word. Nick couldn’t kill anyone. He didn’t know how. But why was he asking? Who had made him so angry that he wished to kill him? His thoughts went back to that horrible week last year when Nick was being held hostage...One of those men escaped, he tried to get his brother again... He was dead now, that was the only definite fact he had gotten from his father, the man was dead. Nick would have wanted to kill him...Aaron wanted to kill him, and was glad he was dead. He knew it was wrong to be celebrating someone’s death, but he couldn’t help it. He knew his mother was glad too, she had sighed and gave a small smile at the news.

Had Nick been involved in his death...is that what he was hiding? Is that what no one wanted to talk about?

“I wanna go home...” Nick moaned again.

“Nicky, you are home...and yes...I’d love you, no matter what,” Aaron said softly.

“You mean that?” Nick pushed himself up onto his elbows, his face streaked with tears, “You really, really mean that?

“Well yeah,” Aaron said, pleased to see that he had at last gotten Nick’s full attention...but the expression on his face... “Nick, what’s this all about? What are you trying to tell me?”

Nick looked at his brother, long and hard, before the glint of insanity left his eyes and he sighed, “Nothing Aaron.”

“You can’t blow me off like that!”

“Blow you off like what?” Nick grumbled lying face down on the bed.

Aaron practically howled in frustration, “You were going to tell me something...Nick, look at me! What were you going to say? You are worried about what I’ll think of you, well tell me. I’ll prove you wrong.”

“I have nothing to tell.”

“You’re lying!”

“Aaron, LEAVE ME ALONE!” Nick wailed gripping the blankets around his head, “GO AWAY!”

“Nick, please...”

“I have nothing, Aaron. I was just wondering...Please go.”

Aaron sat for a few more seconds staring at his brother. He opened his mouth to say something else, but thought better of it. Nick wasn’t ready to talk yet...but when he was, Aaron would listen to whatever he had to say with a completely open mind. He just wished he could get Nick to believe that, but he didn’t know how.

“Home sweet home,” AJ commented as he entered his home. He smiled as he felt Amanda’s arms coil around his narrow waist, “So... now that we’re here...”

AJ smiled deviously waiting for the romantic suggestion, “Yeah baby?”

“What’s for dinner?”

AJ let out an incredulous laugh grabbing Amanda’s arms and pulling her in front of him so he could lift her. She shrieked, “Where are you taking me McLean?”

“I’m gonna have my way with you woman.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so?” she relaxed in his hold, allowing him to carry her over his shoulder caveman style into the bedroom. He threw her down onto the bed and climbed on top of her, straddling her, “So now that you have me here, what are you going to do with me tough guy?”

“This,” AJ said giving her a sly smile, he leaned down as if he were going to kiss the hollow of her neck, and suddenly began to tickle her middle, cackling as she howled.

“You got my nipples all hard for that!” she was complaining.

AJ laughed, “Pay back’s a bitch, ain’t it?” He stood up and brushed himself off.

“You don’t wanna play around babe?” Amanda asked sitting up on the bed, looking rather confused.

AJ smiled lightly at her, “Been a busy morning Manda, I just feel like baking something.”

Amanda was immediately on the alert, “Are you ok?” AJ only passed up sex for baking when something was really troubling him. She wondered if she would finally get to hear what happened that morning. She was still very unclear on the topic. She knew AJ had been taken again by the man who had helped kidnap them last year, but she knew nothing of what went on. In fact now that she thought about it...she didn’t know much about what had went on last year when AJ was in the basement...The basement. That’s what everyone had taken to calling it. They were the “Boys in The Basement.” She almost giggled at the hilarity of the name, and wondered who had thought of it and why it was such a catchy term. She watched AJ as began to slowly pace and wring his hands together as he often did before he ended up in the kitchen making fresh dough for pastas or breads. Busy hands took care of a preoccupied mind. AJ always seemed to be in a trance when he worked mixing and kneading, he never responded to anything she asked when he got into one of his moods. She usually sat and watched. Watching AJ, no matter what he was doing, on stage or cooking, was an experience. He looked as if he were creating magic, like he was the only solitary being in the universe and his task the most important feat ever. He was giving birth, Amanda thought in amusement.

“I’m gonna make dinner now....like you wanted, huh?” AJ said trying to add a light joke on the end, his smile was forced, his movements jerky. He left the room without waiting for a response from her. She sighed and ran a hand through her dark hair, so much for passion...but a good meal was more than enough to make up for that. She left the bedroom to follow her man into the kitchen and watch. She would let him amaze her again with his fine art of cuisine and them maybe later they would talk. As she watched AJ’s solemn expression as he ransacked the pantry for ingredients, she assured herself that they would talk.

“Did you miss Daddy, hmmm? You missed Daddy didn’t you, yes you did!” Brian was on the floor with his two small dogs Lil’ Tyke, and Litty Leigh. The two dogs were using him as a playground, pouncing on his torso and pulling at his clothing as they barked happily. He laughed and scratched their little bellies as he lie perfectly content on the carpet of the living room.

“Brian, are you ever going to quit playing with those dogs and play with me a bit?” Leighanne laughed coming into the living room, laughing again as the dogs shot her a look of disdain. Was she informing their Daddy not to play with them?

“Aw Leigh, they missed Daddy,” Brian was saying pushing the dogs off of him and sitting up. He smiled as Tyke jumped into his lap and began to bite at his shirt playfully.

“Well I missed Daddy too,” Leighanne purred, “and I’m glad he’s home.”

“I’m glad I’m home too,” Brian said softly, but looked down.

“Brian?” Leighanne looked concerned, a look that had never left her face since she had arrived to meet him at the hospital that morning, “You ready to talk about it honey?”

Brian looked up to Leighanne and shook his head, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Like hell there isn’t...Brian....Alex, Kevin, and Howie were taken again by that evil man. You and Nick went alone to get them...there was shooting...That man is dead now, and you all look so destroyed. You need to talk about it.”

“I’ll talk about it. I’ll talk to Dr...”

“No! With me Brian! I’m your wife...I don’t like that you don’t trust me enough to talk to me...”

“No! It’s not that I don’t trust you Leigh...it’s just...It’s so terrible Leighanne. I don’t want you to think less of me...to look at me differently. I did some things...I have thought about some things...you just...There are things you do not want to know about me, Leighanne. Please don’t make me talk about it with you.”

“Brian?” Leighanne got down on the floor, pushing away the small dogs that had now taken a liking to her, she crawled to Brian. She moaned as she saw Brian moving away so that she could not touch him, “Won’t you even let me hold you?”

“I...I don’t want you too,” Brian shuddered, “I feel so dirty Leigh. I might contaminate you too.”

“Never,” Leighanne breathed reaching for him again, this time touching him. Her baby, she smiled. She was 5 years his senior and she never felt it, until that moment. He allowed her to pull him to her chest and hold him, she stroked his hair, “You can tell me anything Brian, and it would never change the way I feel about you. I’m crazy about you hon. You can’t change that.”

“I bet I could...” Brian said in a shaky voice.

“I bet you couldn’t, baby,” Leighanne cuddled him resting her head in his curly nest of dark blond hair, “Now tell me what’s wrong? Tell me what happened?”

“So much has happened...”

“Yes...”

“People were killed today Leigh..”

“Yes, I know.”

“Some who deserved it, and one who didn’t...”

“One who didn’t? I don’t understand... All of those people were bad.”

“God is the one to judge who dies...”

“Yes.”

“Today he wasn’t...and...and...” his words faded away, dissolving into tears. Leighanne held him tightly as he shook with grief, “Leigh...what if I tell you we killed someone today...and covered it up? You still crazy about me now?”

“What?” Leighanne gasped.

“Someone is dead, Leigh...a life is gone...and it’s because of me, of us,” Brian said, “Are you still crazy about me now?”

Leighanne was quiet, Brian began to sob again at her silence. Someone is dead...kept running through her mind... she knew that. But Brian behind it? Brian, Alex, Kevin, Howie, and Nick behind it? She realized that she had failed to answer Brian, as she was lost in her thoughts. He was crying, again. She gave him a tight squeeze and planted a kiss in his hair, “I’m still crazy about you, Bri...Crazy, crazy.”

Even through his tears Brian managed a slight giggle, “Yeah, well then that makes two of us.”

Kevin sat in front of his large big screen television pretending not to hear his wife speaking to him. He increased the volume of the old western, he watched intently at the protagonist on his white horse galloped into the dark town to save the day. He leaned forward as he felt his wife sitting on the couch beside him. He sighed as he felt her hands caressing his back in all his sensitive places.

“Kris...please...not right now,” Kevin said barely turning to face her. He knew if he looked into her blue eyes he would break and tell her everything. He couldn’t put her in danger like that. He worried that he was being watched, that someone was listening to his every word. What could he say that was so bad? That Nick killed a man, and enjoyed it. That Kevin was glad he did it? That they had lied to the law? That they now suspected two mobs were after them? He saw the divorce papers being served... He shook his head and diverted his attention back to the television.

“Kevin, I’m not leaving. You’re scaring me darling,” Kristen said. She moved closer to him so she could lean her head on his shoulder, “I almost lost you again, you know? You’re not the only one who was terrified. Kevin I felt my heart stop when Rhonda called me this morning. We need to talk about this baby. You’re not going to be able to relax until we talk..”

“I’m not going to be able to relax until the Carters remove the rubber gloves and let Nick come home...”

“Sounds like you have a pair of rubber gloves yourself.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Like you don’t? He calls us Mom and Dad, you know?”

Kristen chuckled, “Yeah, I know. I wish he were closer too... But he’ll be home soon enough.” She continued to massage Kevin’s back, “Now...do you want to talk?”

Kevin shook his head tightly, “Not with you...not yet.” he added the “not yet” as saw the hurt look on his wife’s face when he had said “Not with you.” “I need to talk to my counselor first.”

“Why?”

“It’s...I can’t say Kris. I just don’t want to tell you...I don’t want to get you into any trouble.”

“Trouble?” Now she was confused.

Kevin sighed and shook his head, “Just forget I said anything, ok?”

“KEVIN!”

“It’s for your own good baby, please...” Kevin turned to her, his green eyes pleading, “I wish I didn’t know!”

Kristen blinked back tears, and shook her head. Her husband was scared to death, and he feared for her life as well...But didn’t he know that her life was his, and his life was hers...Any danger he was in, she was in too whether he wanted it to be that way or not. They were a unit! “You can’t shut me out!”

“Kris...”

“I don’t want to hear it Kevin Scott...the only thing I want to hear is what is going on with you, and until you can tell me..” she shook her head again, “I don’t want to hear anything else from you!”

“We are not going to fight over this!” Kevin felt himself shaking, no, no, this could not happen! She was supposed to hold him, not scream at him, and most of all, not demand him to tell things he didn’t want to! Why couldn’t she understand he didn’t want to talk?- Not to her. If she only knew, if she only had a small inkling, she would regret he told her, “Why can’t you...Can’t you just hold me? Tell me everything will be ok...?”

Kristen had her back to him, she wanted to leave the room, she wanted to hurl something at him, but the tone in his voice. It made her pause, made her turn around to meet his teary green eyes. The delicate muscles in his face shook, he was going to cry... “No, don’t cry baby, don’t cry.” She walked to him gathering her husband in her arms, rubbing his back as he shook against her. If you could only tell me what’s wrong, then maybe I could tell you everything will be ok.

“From the top...” Howie sighed setting down the flute he held at attention. Playing usually took his mind off of things, but not today, not now. He stared at the crisp sheet music in front of him on his silver music stand and groaned. He wanted to knock the stand over, he might even take pleasure in seeing the white sheets of paper flying in a wild disarray in the air...It would resemble his life... His perfect life of music...gone to chaos.

What’s the use? It wasn’t calming him. It was supposed to calm him dammit! This time he did knock over his music stand, and cried out when he felt no satisfaction in it..only the throbbing of his index and middle finger from striking the sharp edges of the metal stand. He sucked on them for a moment gazing at the new mess on his beige carpet.

Maybe he shouldn’t have sent them away, his family. His mother and father had wanted him to come home with them, Howie refused. They had wanted to stay with him for a while, Howie sent them home. He was so lonely now. He smirked, he actually missed tour, he missed being with his brothers. A few months ago he thought he would go nuts being crammed in with all of them again...but now he found that he missed it, he always had.

“Isn’t this just perfect,” he spoke aloud to himself, “I run everyone away from me, so bad they don’t even want to come near me...and all I really wanted was for them to be here. Hell, I’d even be glad for Nick’s company right about now.”

He looked once more at the mess he had made, and got on his knees to begin picking up. He gathered the thin sheets of music and placed them back on their silver stand. He lifted his discarded flute and put it to his lips again, a song for the lonely.... He began to play...

Music was his life, and had also turned into his refuge over the past year. Singing had been wonderful, but to actually know how to play a musical instrument, this was different. He felt confidence as his fingers soared across the gentle silver body of the flute. He liked the soft clinking of the keys as he pressed them. He played furiously fast adding sharp thrills, accelerando, crescendo....His kidnaping, his fear... Suddenly, decrescendo, his playing soft and mysterious....the future to come, the unknown... He played sweetly holding out his notes gracefully adding vibrato... his brothers, his family...

He swayed in time with the music, never had he heard anyone play Mozart in such a way as he had. When he ended he found himself breathless and sweaty. He collapsed into the soft plush chair behind him in exhaustion. He jumped as he heard something crunch. Damn...clarinet reed. He reached underneath him to pull out the ruined thin stick of wood. He tilted his head back on the chair as he studied the reed, Vandoren 3 ½.. He chuckled, what would the guys think if they saw him now? They all had their little hobbies, they had all shared with each other, but him. Howie had chosen to keep his hobbies a secret. Why had he? Because, flute playing wasn’t exactly the most masculine thing he could be doing obviously, but hell AJ bakes! He supposed he just couldn’t take anyone laughing at him for it. AJ, AJ was thick skinned, crack about his baking all you want cause that only meant you weren’t getting any when he was done. What could Howie threaten to do with his flute...or his clarinet? He’d become a classical musician...but who did he have the guts to tell, besides Dr. O’Neal. She had recommended him to her old flute instructor. Howie threw himself into the world of classical music, finding a new love for it. He was exceptionally good, Mrs. Kraft had told him so. She said it was a shame he hadn’t thought of playing earlier in his career. He could have been someone in the classical world. She quickly recommended he try another instrument as well. Howie had chosen the clarinet, and then later the oboe. He felt so desperate for things to do to keep his mind off of other things...the new worlds he established while lost in a sonata were irresistibly beautiful with their silver waterfalls and flowers made of cotton and lace. He wanted to live there, in the world where it was not possible for anyone to be hurt...or to die. He wanted to bring his family there.

Music was his get away... It was relaxation, it was salvation. To need saving from one’s own life, he chuckled, the life of a super star. The rich life...the envied life, the damned life of a Backstreet Boy.

“Nick, eat more of that chicken.”

Nick put a hand over his face to hide his rolling eyes from his mother. He removed his hand momentarily and picked at the barely eaten grilled chicken breast on his plate. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the flavor of the chicken, it was actually quite good, he just wasn’t hungry. He usually suffered from a lack of appetite, but he could usually bring himself to eat most of what was on his plate. Tonight, he could not. His stomach turned sour on every bite he swallowed, it felt like he was eating pellets of lead.

“So Nick, your father and I were talking... Well, we think we’ve found you a wonderful doctor. Her name is Dr. Washington. She’s really excited about meeting you. I was thinking that tomorrow we could all go and...”

“Why?”

“..see her. Her office is only an...What?”

“Why?” Nick repeated. He set his fork down and slapped both hands down on the table on either side of his plate. He stared at his mother then at his father, his lips slightly ajar as he tried to read their expressions.

“Just to meet her Nick. She’s a really nice woman,” Bob was saying but Nick interrupted him, waving a hand in his direction, “I’m sure she is...but why am I meeting here?”

“Well Nick...she’s a wonderful psychiatrist...and well, maybe you could talk to her sometime...”

“Why would I talk to her when I can talk to Dr. Gaines?” Nick asked looking confused, “I have an appointment to see him when I get home next week.” He watched the glances passed between his parents and suddenly knew what this was about. He fought the temptation to throw his plate across the table he was so angry, “I’m going home next week.”

“Nick, why?” Bob said, “I mean...why can’t you spend a little more time with us. We haven’t seen you in months. Why can’t you stay for a few more weeks? We could send for more of your things...”

“My dogs...”

“We could send for them as well.”

Nick closed his eyes, fighting for control of his raging emotions. He was being treated like a baby, in front of his younger siblings. He felt their eyes on him...they had all once looked up to him, now they all treated him as if he was made of glass...as if he was a precious gem. He grimaced, even Aaron babied him at times. He’d lost their respect. He gazed to his parents, his blue eyes reflecting his hurt, “You don’t think I can take care of myself.”

Both of his parents looked away, unable to meet his gaze, “Nick...it’s not...”

“We just...”

“You don’t,” Nick said sadly. He looked down at his uneaten dinner; he didn’t want to meet eyes with anyone else at the table. There was a silence of voices, only the clinking of silverware on dishes was heard as everyone discovered a newfound interest in their dinners.

“Nicky, look baby. Maybe being alone in that big house is not in your best interest right now,” Jane began.

“But I’m not alone! I have friends and the guys, and...” Nick’s head snapped up and his eyes burned with his passion.

“Nicky, you need us, hon,” Jane said softly, “You....I ... I need you here. So many bad things have happened to you, and I haven’t been there to protect you. I ... I blame myself. Nick, I don’t feel that you’re safe enough in Florida. I don’t feel that you’re safe when you’re around...around the rest of the guys. I want you here where I can see you, touch you, know you’re alright.”

“But I’m not alright...”

“Nicky...”

“Not as long as I have to stay here when I don’t want to...”

“Nick how can you say that? Don’t you want to be here with us?” Angel interrupted, she looked at her brother with tears in her eyes, “Don’t you like us anymore?”

“No! No, that’s not....I mean, sure I like you Angie. I love you, just like always...but God..I ... I just want to go home. I wanna see my stuff, and my dogs, and my boat, and my beach... I wanna see Brent and Mandy... I wanna see Brian, AJ, Kevin, and Howie...I can’t stay here, not now. Don’t you see, so much is going on...I can’t be here now!”

“Nick, we can’t see what you won’t tell us! What is going on to where you feel you can’t be with your family?” Bob set down his fork and stared pointedly at his oldest son.

Nick lowered his head once again, shutting his eyes, “Nothing...I just...it’s hard to be away from them now! And this...it’s all so unfamiliar to me. I want my house.”

“Nick, you can make it familiar, we can make it familiar. This is your house too! You have a room to yourself in it, with some of your things in there. You can’t tell me you’d have a room in a stranger’s house with some of your clothes in it?”

Nick made a face, “You know what I mean.”

“Nick, we don’t want to have to take unnecessary means to get you to listen to us,” Bob was beginning to get frustrated. Nick watched his father’s face begin to flush red with his passion, “You are our child...our CHILD. I know you think you’re grown, and legally you are by age...but you know what we can do to make that not so. We are simply looking out for your best interest since you so obviously are not. You need guidance Nick, someone to look out for you. Who better than your family?”

“Why...do you always have to hang that over my head? Whenever we talk everything always comes down to what you can make the courts say about me! You’re threatening me!” Nick was standing.

“Sit down...We are not threatening you!”

“Yes you are! You’re bullying me into having to do whatever you say! Whenever I don’t agree with you...”

“Nick, we know what’s best...”

“You think you know what’s best! But you don’t know anything about me, so how can you possibly know what is best for me?!”

“Nickolas, you sit down this instant,” Jane hissed at him Her blues eyes scanned the table, the other children had gone quite still and silent as they watched the exchange between their parents and their older brother, “We will discuss this later, in private.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed and he pressed his lips into a thin line. He was not in a good mood.

The table was quiet for the remainder of the meal, everyone eating and trying to ignore each other. At the end of the meal, Jane stood to take the finished plates of her family. Nick would not even look at her as she took his half full plate away, “I’ll bring the cake out after I set down the dishes in the sink. Leslie, I think it’s your night to wash them.”

Leslie didn’t so much as groan, even though she hated washing dishes. She simply nodded and looked briefly at her mother. The atmosphere at the table was so uncomfortable that even Aaron wanted to skip out on dessert.

Jane came out of the kitchen a few minutes later holding a glass cake platter with a round strawberry layer cake resting upon it. The cake was a work of art in itself, it had deep pink frosting lathered on thick and creamy dotted with large red halves of cut strawberries. She set the platter on the table gently and picked up the knife she had put beside the cake, “Who wants the first piece?”

The first slice of cake sliced the tension at the table right in half for Aaron, “I do!” Next Bob was served, then BJ, then Leslie, then Angel, last came Nick, “Nick, give me your plate. Do you want a big or small piece.”

“No thanks. I’m allergic.” The harsh screeching of Nick’s wooden chair across the tile of the kitchen made the family cringe. The chair was shoved roughly back into the table and the Carter family watched as its estranged member stormed out of the kitchen.

Chapter 27

He retook the natural position of “shizen no kamae,” the Japanese fighting stance. Legs relaxed, knees straight, but not locked. His muscles were in very comfortable flexed state. If anyone were to attack him at that moment he would be ready for them. He shifted his weight and made a transition from the natural position to a defensive posture, “ichimonji no kamae.” His body weight was now centered in his abdomen, behind and below the navel. His torso was angled sideways towards his imaginary adversary. He saw Brendon, Brendon laughing at him. Brendon taunting him about the mess he’d caused, “Even in death I can still make your life miserable!” His back remained straight and his rear leg supported most of his weight. He continued to stare at the apparition pondering an attack. He moved gracefully into “jumonji no kamae,” an offensive posture. His fists were positioned in front of his chin, crossed at the wrists and ready to strike or to block an incoming attack. He was about to take on another stance when Leighanne entered.

“Brian, telephone for you.”

“Who is it?” Brian relaxed and turned to face his wife. He hated being interrupted. He hoped it wasn’t his parents.

“It’s Nicky. He really wants to talk to you.”

Oh. Brian took the cordless phone from his wife, “Frack! How are you buddy?”

“I’m ready to come home.”

His voice was so sad. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“Brian it’s awful here. It doesn’t feel like home at all...and my parents.. They’re trying to pressure me into staying. Brian, I’m coming back.”

Brian was nodding, “Calm down, Nicky. Do your parents know you’re planning on leaving?”

“They know I’m unhappy,” Nick said in a soft voice.

“Nick, as much as I want you back, you should give them a chance. They miss you, and they are worried about you. They are simply being overprotective right now. They’ll relax after a few days of having you home and getting in their hair.”

“Brian, they all look at me so strangely! You know I’m paranoid!” Nick said, he sounded as if he were about to pull his hair out.

“Nick, calm down. Take a deep breath,” Brian said soothingly. He did want Nick to come home, and if he asked, Brian would gladly go get him. But he also felt that Nick needed to spend some time with his parents. They needed to talk some things over and come to an understanding with one another.

“Brian I don’t wanna! I wanna come home! Please come get me, please!”

“Nicky, listen...”

“No! You listen! I’ve had enough!”

“Nick...ok... Ok. Shhh...” He was getting himself too worked up. The last thing Brian needed was for Nick to start having an asthma attack on the phone. “Ok, how about this? When do you want to come home?”

“Now.”

“Nick, you have to be more reasonable than that,” Brian said in a slow patient manner. Kevin and the others had always marveled at the way he could handle Nick. He had patience of steel.

“Tomorrow?”

“Nickolas...”

“Fine, how about...how about this weekend?”

“That’s better,” Brian said with a slight smile. “You stay there on your best behavior until this weekend, and after that if you still want to come home, I’ll come get you. Is that ok?”

Brian could imagine the pout on Nick’s face, and fought back a snicker. “Nick?”

A sigh was heard, “Yeah, it’s ok.”

“So what’d they do?”

“Huh?”

“You heard me, what did they do to you?” Brian grabbed the towel he had placed from himself on the matt and began to wipe his face.

“They are trying to set me up with a new shrink, here in California. They wanted to take me to her office and have a family meeting.”

“Oh yuck,” Brian vaguely remembered when his mother had visited and wanted to tag along to one his sessions.

“And they threatened to make me have to stay...and they are just treating me like a baby!” Brian heard Nick flop down on something soft.

“Just ride it out Nicky. Everything’s gonna be fine. Have fun with yours siblings if all else fails.”

“They treat me like glass,” Nick muttered bitterly. “This is no fun, I feel like I’m on constant display!”

This coming from a celebrity, Brian thought in amusement. “Well, Nick, you’ll just have to show them that you’re not.”

“What, you want I should fall down a few times on a hard surface? Maybe after that they’ll see I don’t break...unless I were to totally fall wrong and break a bone or something. Brian, your plan sucks!”

“Uh...Nick,” Brian began, but then thought better of it, shook his head, and left it alone. Let Blondie figure it out on his own this time.

“So...you’ll be ready to come and get me on Saturday?” Nick asked. “Saturday morning?”

Brian did chuckled then, “Yes Nick, I’ll be ready.”

“Good.”

They chatted lightly for a little more than an hour, then hung up. The fact that he really missed Nick didn’t hit him until they disconnected. He really didn’t feel he could continue on with his exercises anymore. He instead chose to sit and relax for a bit. He didn’t feel like meditating, so much was going on in his mind.

“Brian?”

His train of thought was broken as his wife’s voice drifted back into the room, “Yes?”

“Is Nick ok?”

Brian gazed at her. She looked so lost, like she had no idea what she should be saying to him. Their conversations that week hadn’t been more than a few sentences. She had questions on the tip of her tongue and he knew if he talked too much they would tumble out. He didn’t want questions. He’d talked to his therapist, Dr. Collin, who advised him to tell his wife everything. Marriage meant no more secrets.... But what if the secrets could destroy the marriage, Brian had asked. If the marriage could be destroyed by a secret it obviously wasn’t a very string marriage in the first place. If he had any faith in his companion for life...he should tell her. He looked away from Leighanne’s inquiring eyes. She had been smiling, the look on his face must have told her that he was ready to talk to her... He’d crushed her hope, he had showed her that he didn’t have the faith in her that she had in him. She began to retreat from the room, “If Nicky needs anything, tell him he can call me anytime too.”

Brian watched her shut the door behind herself. She’d closed the door on him... Please don’t give up on me Leighanne, I’ll make this right I promise. He got to his feet once again. He’d come in here to practice and that was what he was going to do. He retook “shizen no kamae” and began again with his routine. He would strengthen himself to fight his inner demons, and be prepared for the battle. Nothing would ever take him by surprise again.

Flour was messy, but he loved it. He loved the way it felt in between his fingers. It was something he could control and shape into whatever he wanted. He made a small well in the center of his sea of flour and extracted two large eggs from a small glass bowl beside him. He cracked the eggs over the center of his well and added a pinch of salt. Most people used a fork for the next part of his creation, but AJ chose to use his hands.

His skilled hands set to work on mixing the eggs and flour together. He savored the gooey feeling of the concoction growing beneath his palms. He began to knead the mess into a large ball. He looked to his flour container and drew out more flour to add to his sticky ball of dough. Then he lifted his dough placing it on a cookie sheet while he wiped his hands and work space clean. Humming to himself he gently re-dusted his wooden work space with more flour and put his dough ball back on top of it and kneaded it for a few more minutes. There was face in the dough...a human face....its eyes... AJ slapped at the dough roughly trying to pound the image of the face back inside his creation. He punched and beat at it, dammit he could still see it. Stop taunting me! He grabbed his rolling pin and covered it with flour and roughly began to roll the dough. As it flattened the face slowly meshed into itself. He sighed and continued to roll the dough rotating it regularly so that it remained circular. When he was finished he left his sfolgia , or his dough, to dry for about 30 minutes. He would be back later to cut it into noodles.

AJ, the pasta maker. He wiped a palm across his face before realizing it was still sticky from kneading dough. He ended up with what he was pretty sure was a nice thick streak of off white across his brow. Now he resembled Kevin in thirty years, he snickered. The large white uni-brow look just wasn’t him, he concluded after catching a glimpse of himself in a large metal spoon hanging from a cabinet. He left the kitchen untying his apron and entering the living room. His mother sat on the couch watching television. He couldn’t get rid of the woman. He did his best to avoid her and travel past her to his bedroom, but was caught. “Alex dearest, what are you making for us to dine on now?”

AJ cringed, “I’m just making pasta Mom.”

Oh...pasta. Whenever AJ made something that took flour it meant trouble. He only made breads and pastas when he was in a turbulent mood, or had a good wine to go along with his inventions.

“Why don’t you sit and watch TV with me for a while?” Denise patted the couch beside her. He was trapped. If he went into his room now, his mother would accuse him of hiding things from her, if he stayed.... Dammit, he should have started on the sauce! At least that would have kept him in the kitchen longer.

“Mom...I’m kind of busy right now...”

“AJ, I’ve seen you make those noodles before. You let that dough dry for 30 minutes. You’ve got time.”

“My sauce...”

“Can wait, sit,” Denise raised an eyebrow at her son. AJ sighed and relented. He came and sat next to her on the couch. She was watching the Life channel, he snorted, women’s network. His girlfriend Amanda, had gone back to her condo. She said AJ was freezing her out and she needed to thaw for a while. AJ had shrugged it off, he didn’t really want her around anyway. He felt exposed. He didn’t know what was to happen next in his life, but he knew he didn’t want to bring anyone else down with him.

“You feeling alright today?” Denise asked watching him fiddle with the ties of his apron. He always started fumbling around with his hands when he was worked up over something. She bet he wanted a cigarette too, but he had sworn off of those. He said it was to test his will power and to better his health...She knew it was more for Nick’s health than his own. She admired the way her son and his “brothers,” the men she thought of as surrogate sons, had pulled together to take care of one another. Sometimes she felt that was the only thing that kept her Alex from falling into a pit of self destruction. He kept so much hidden inside, and she wanted to show him that he didn’t have to. The only problem was, she didn’t know how. She’d even talked to Dr. Whitfield about it. Give him space, the broad said. Well if she gave him anymore space he’d be an astronaut! She felt as if she was on Earth while he was levitating somewhere near Neptune. It hurt her to feel this cut off from her child. And when she’d told Dr. Whitfield that, the dame suggested she come in for counseling. She’d hung up in her face. She was really going to have to apologize for doing that, she was going to do it soon too. She was just giving the doctor time to cool off, after all she’d only done it 4 days ago.

“I’m fine today, Mom. I was fine yesterday, and I’m gonna be fine tomorrow too.” Was that annoyance she heard in his voice? Her son was annoyed with her? Ok, she couldn’t act like it never happened before. She could recall a few times when he’d brought a date home and she hadn’t exactly made herself scarce. “Look,” he said, he turned slightly on the couch to where he was facing her. “I know you’re worried about me, and you think I’m holding in emotions and all that psychological mumbo jumbo...and maybe I am. I’ll talk when I feel ready, Mom. You staying here every night and staring at me and asking me questions isn’t going to make me talk to you. Dr. Whitfield says...”

“Dr. Whitfield, Dr. Whitfield...that’s all I hear about! If I hear that no good quack’s name one more time!!”

“Mom, she’s not a quack,” AJ said calmly, trying not to smirk at his mother’s distress over his shrink. “She..um...said you hung up on her.”

“See! Number one rule to being a doctor is patient doctor confidentiality! She broke that by telling you what I did...”

“Mom, you’re not a patient of hers, so you don’t count. She doesn’t have to keep what you do secret.”

Denise’s eyes narrowed, “I didn’t hang up on her...The phone slipped.”

“And landed on the receiver?” AJ asked as he finished undoing his apron. He tossed it at his mother, smiling when it hit her face and fell into her lap. She balled it up between her hands, “Yes, as a matter of fact it did.”

“Liar, liar pants on fire,” AJ teased.

Denise snorted, “Is this as close to talking about what’s going on in your mind as we’re going to get?” She relaxed against the sofa pillow behind her and gazed at her son, her expression serene, but her tone sad. AJ gave her a weak smile, “I don’t know Mom... I really don’t.”

They sat on the couch together, listening to the soft background noises the television made, watching one another carefully. Slowly AJ shook himself and stood, “I’m think I’m gonna make some garlic bread too.”

He polished the silver tin until it gleamed and stepped back to admire his collection. Mounted on his walls were over 300 original black and white western movie films. The films were all tightly secured in their silver tins never opened by human hands. Sitting behind a glass wall beside his precious items was an old fashion movie projector from the 1930's.

Oh, his collection had cost him a pretty penny, but it was worth every dime. No one in the world would have a collection as grand as his in a few years. He already had his eyes set on the internet auctions selling off more invaluable films. He had his phone connections ready to put him in contact with collectors in Wisconsin ready to sell out an era of film from the 40's. The week he had been home had been spent shining his prizes and acquiring more. It gave him something to do...that was what picking up a hobby was for...Dr. Menlowe wanted him to do this.... Kristen, Kristen thought he was insane, but she indulged him. She even sat through a few of the dull flicks with her husband. He had taken an interest in the silent movies of the 20's, so Kristen sat for hours on end watching people with ashen faces pantomime scenes. Who needed Valium, when one has this to help them sleep?

“It looks good baby,” Kristen said coming into the room behind him and snaking an arm around his waist. Kevin grinned, more at his collection than at her, “It does look nice. It will look even nicer next week.”

Kristen smiled half heartedly, “Kev, you know I was thinking. Maybe you and I can go out to dinner tonight, and maybe see a movie in the theater tonight....a modern movie, in color.”

He snorted at the idea, “Modern garbage.”

“Oh Kevin, it is not. It’s time to get your mind back into this century. I know you’re trying to escape it, but even Dr. Menlowe thinks it’s time for you to come back to us. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to baby,” Kristen said quickly, smoothing over her words like icing on a fresh baked cake. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, but I do want you to start acting like yourself again. You’re scaring me, dear.”

Kevin went still in his wife’s hold, “Kevin?”

He removed her arms from around him and stepped forward to inspect a finger print on the glass case. Kristen rolled her eyes and was turning on her heel to leave when a strong hand grabbed her elbow and held her in place.

“All chick flicks are ruled out,” he said in a low voice, his green eyes gleamed playfully.

Kristen laughed and allowed him to rain her heart-shaped face with quick kisses, “And for your information Mr. Richardson, your wife does not watch chick flicks, as you call them.”

“What does she watch?”

“Romantic comedies... Now go comb your hair so we can go, the movie starts in an hour.”

“Damn.”

Getting over the break was hard. He blew harder, forcing the air from his lungs faster into the mouthpiece of the clarinet. All he got was a loud SQUEAK as a result. He wanted to throw the wooden R-13 clarinet to the floor. He was trying to play, “Clouds in the Summer,” a simple class 3 clarinet solo that he heard 6^th graders mastered within weeks. Hah, talented little buggers those 6^th graders were. Actually, he lay the instrument delicately across an armchair nearby, the solo was quite easy...he was just having problems getting the notes out simultaneously when he hit the register key. He would play a measure just fine in the middle octave but when he reached for the higher notes they hesitated before responding. Perhaps he was biting down on the mouthpiece. He was tempted to get on the phone and call his private lesson teacher.

Clarinet was too hard. He had mastered the flute, and he supposed he was just too tired to take on another instrument at the time. But he needed something to get his mind off of things. His parents had been by a few times, but after hours of silence they had gone. No one called him, except AJ. Brian and Kevin seemed to be too busy, and Nick.... Well, he didn’t mind that Nick didn’t call. He chuckled thinking about the young blond. Talking to Nick on the phone was like pulling teeth, never a straight answer to your questions, and he never stayed on one topic for long. He missed him though, missed him so much it hurt. He missed all of the guys, but he didn’t feel that they missed him. He was so good at pushing people away from him these days, even his cat stayed clear. But the squalls of a clarinet could also be keeping Christopher away...

His stomach rumbled and he rubbed it lazily. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d eaten anything. The second rumble of his belly led him to end his practice session. He walked to the chair and began to dismantle his clarinet. He placed each separate piece back into its proper spot in its case, making sure he rotated the ligature and capped the mouth piece properly.

What should he eat? He opened the refrigerator not expecting to see much. He hadn’t been grocery shopping since he’d been home. He’d been surviving off of coffee and frozen TV dinners. He smiled slightly as the light from the refrigerator cast an odd glow about the kitchen. Fresh enchiladas sat in a plastic tupperware on the first shelf. Mama, he thought affectionately. No matter how nasty he was, for some reason, those people he called family still loved him. He removed the container and opened the lid inhaling the aroma, chicken enchiladas in verde sauce.

He popped the enchiladas in the microwave and hummed to himself. It wasn’t good for him to be alone all the time. Dr. O’Neal had told him as much, but he just... He groaned and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes fell on the phone. He could have guests over if he wanted, friends were just a phone call away. His hand stroked the cool back of the cordless phone mounted to the wall. He should call his mother and apologize for his awful behavior. He should call John and tell him he was sorry for yelling at him. Should, should, should.... He squeezed his eyes shut. Why was this so hard, why did everything in his life have to be so hard? He jumped onto his kitchen counter and sat biting his bottom lip. He’d asked Dr. O’Neal that question, her answer had been simple. Life wasn’t meant to be solitary, a person needed help from time to time, and Howie was letting no one help him. People are not machines, and they fail...they were not dependable, they were not trustworthy. He covered his face with his hands and began rubbing at his skin roughly. Stop thinking that way, stop it! He was going to drive himself crazy.

The microwave sounded nearly scaring Howie off the counter. He stared at the microwave that continued to beep at him as if it were speaking... Then he sighed deeply and reached for the phone. He held it in his palms studying the numbers, pondering who he should call. He smirked as he dialed in the number. “Hello, it’s Howie, can I speak to Nick please?”

“You’re letting me go?” Nick looked incredulously from his mother to his father.

“Yes,” both blond parents smiled looking thoroughly pleased with one another.

“You mean it? You really do?” Nick still couldn’t quite grasp what his parents were telling him.

“Yes Nick,” Jane laughed, “you are going to the game with Aaron tomorrow, and it will be just you and Aaron.”

“Mom, you won’t be in the parking lot? Dad, you’re not going to lurk around the arena?”

Once again the blond parents shook their heads. Nick blinked, “There’s some kind of a catch to this... You, you’re trying to butter me up aren’t you? You don’t fool me! Be nice to Nicky, maybe he’ll want to stay longer.”

Jane rolled her eyes with a chuckle, “So what if we are? Is there anything wrong with wanting our son to stay and visit with us longer?”

Nick grinned, “Not if it means you’ll quit treating me like I’m 7.”

“Nick, we do not treat you like you’re 7,” Bob said.

“You do so,” Nick argued folding his arms over his chest. “So, um....if you’re treating me as an equal now...can I play with the kitten?”

“NO!”

The stadium was huge and swarming with people chattering in so many different languages it made Nick’s head spin. His eyes went from person to person taking in their clothing, their scents, their accents. He made note of every vendor, every bathroom, and every person that pointed at him questioningly. The only thing that kept him from running into large solid objects was his little brother. Aaron held tightly to his hand, dragging him along. Every now and then he would hiss in Nick’s direction to try and get him to pay attention. One single bodyguard dressed casually walked behind the young men as they tried to find their seats.

“Here we are,” Aaron said as they finally located their section. “You want to go get something to eat?”

Nick blinked and looked to Aaron, he had been hypnotized by the flashing scoreboard advertising breath mints. “Food?” he shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Aaron grinned at his brother, “Come on then.” He let Nick walk ahead of him so he could keep an eye on him. It was a strange feeling, but in large crowded places Aaron always felt like he was the older brother. He felt like he needed to protect Nick from outsiders.

After successfully purchasing enough food to feed a small army they took their seats just as the game was beginning. Football was a rough sport and always tended to bring out the best in the brothers, “KILL THE PUNK!!”

“WHAT THE FREAK?? YOU CALL THAT A FOUL??”

After two large sodas Nick’s bladder was making shouts of outrage of its own, “AC, watch my stuff. I gotta pee.”

Nick was placing his popcorn, candy, and posters down on the pavement under his seat. Aaron glanced at Nick, half hearing him, “What?”

“I gotta go!” Nick said a little more loudly, drawing some attention to himself. He smiled to the people sitting behind them.

“Oh...well Rodney can watch our stuff and I’ll come too.”

“You gotta pee?”

“No, but...”

“I don’t need an escort! I’ll be right back! Tell me what happens,” Nick said quickly, and before Aaron could say another word he was dashing up the stairs. He went to the bathroom nearest to his section, the last thing he needed to do was get lost. The stalls were surprisingly empty, but then he’d also chosen a rather awkward time to go. This was the turning point of the game, the time when all eyes were glued to the field. People stared at him because they probably thought he was nuts for leaving. They probably figured he should have wet himself instead of getting up. Oh well, they would be the same people who laughed at him for having soiled pants after the game too. He relieved himself quickly. If he hurried he wouldn’t miss much at all. He heard someone entering the bathroom as he carefully zipped up his jeans. He flushed the toilet and exited nearly running into a large burly man wearing sunglasses, “Excuse me, sorry.” He went to the sink and ran the water. For a few seconds he didn’t notice the presence of the man behind him, hoovering.

He turned slowly to face him, “Do you...need help with something?”

Maybe he didn’t speak English...or maybe he was the type that beat little punks up for stepping on his shoes. They weren’t even nice shoes, Nick thought gazing down at the man’s feet.

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

He had an accent. He sounded like he was from New Jersey. Nick blinked and stared at the man for him to continue, “You could help me a lot. I’m here to deliver a message that I’m sure you’re gonna pass on to your little friends.” He seized Nick’s shirt roughly pulling him to his face....Nick hadn’t noticed how much taller the man was than him until he was inches from his body having to strain his neck to peer into his face. The man looked cool and impersonal, this was business to him. Business? Oh shit.... “We’re watching you, waiting for your asses to slip up. You’ll never be safe, and you’re never gonna know who to trust. That bodyguard you got with you, he can’t save you...You can’t even be sure if he works for you can you?”

Nick’s only responses to the man were small gasps for air. He struggled weakly in his grasp, trying to shrink away. “You scared baby? Are you scared of me?” He brought his face closer to Nick. His lips brushed against Nick’s cheek, “You should be. We’re getting tired of you Backstreet jokers. We know it was one of you who did it, and it’s time you turn over the guilty party. Get it over with, and we’ll leave... We’re getting tired of the lot of ya, and if we have to start wasting people to get what we want...That little blond down there, your brother, Aaron...” He snapped his teeth together just missing Nick’s nose, “I can break his neck with my bare hands. Do you like that? Do you like knowing I can get into your house right now, at anytime, and hurt your family. Your mommy, your daddy...Little Angel, Leslie, Bobbie Jean...”

Tears spilled from Nick’s eyes as he shook in the man’s grip.

“So now you know.” Just like that he was let go. He toppled backward, his back striking the sink. He sank to the floor holding his knees and shaking. His teeth chattered as he watched the man walk away like he had done nothing.

“Keep it together...keep it together,” he whispered over and over. He shakily reached in his back pocket for his inhaler. “Calm down, gotta calm down...”

He took a few doses from his inhaler, figuring if he could breathe he could convince his body to calm down some more. When his breathing took on a normal rhythm, he took a deep calming breath. Then he stood, gripping the sink as he swayed a bit. The water was still running. He calmly went about washing his trembling hands and splashed some water on his face. He couldn’t look like anything was wrong. He couldn’t scare Aaron. He gazed at himself in the mirror... he looked like shit. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned over the sink trying to get his breathing under control as his breath threatened to leave him again.

A thought hit him as he clutched the sink frame, why was no one else coming into the bathroom? Such a big place, with so many people...shouldn’t at least one person have come in by then? The game couldn’t possibly be THAT interesting! God, they have the whole place rigged... He shuddered, what if Aaron had come like he wanted to? Would they have hurt him too?

I’m gonna be sick, he thought. He watched the water churning in the sink, going down the drain...

God, what am I to do?

Aaron did a double take as his brother took the seat beside him again, “What happened? You look horrible.” He did a 180 in his chair to stare at Nick.

Nick shook his head and held out a hand, “I’m fine. Just....bad hotdog.”

“You sick? You need to go home?”

“No, no I’m fine. I’m fine now,” Nick said patting his shoulder and giving him a watery smile. Aaron didn’t believe him, “Your color is bad, and you’re shaking, Nick. Maybe we should go home.”

“I want to see the end of the game.”

“Nick!”

“We came to see the game! I want to watch the game!” Nick said in a hard voice. “I said I was fine, ok. Watch the game.”

Aaron blinked and opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. Something was wrong, something had happened, something Nick wasn’t telling. He turned away, but watched Nick from the corner of his eye. He sat rigid, his eyes forever roaming the stands not concentrating on the game at all. It was like he was looking for someone, and whoever that someone was, they weren’t friendly. The game was almost over and it looked as if their favorite team was going to lose, but the game had lost all of its appeal to Aaron. He was too devastated by the other game he was playing, internally, that he was losing miserably. Aaron was the field goal kicker, Nick the goal...No matter how hard Aaron kicked the goal kept moving further and further away from him

That night Nick packed his bags, and the very next morning the Carters were taking him to the airport. Aaron watched hatefully as Brian Littrell stepped off the plane coming from Orlando and gave his brother a tight hug. Brian had tried to speak to him, but Aaron had shunned him. Aaron normally loved Brian, Brian was his second older brother..but that day he hated his guts. That day, his real brother chose Brian over him. He saw the goal collapsing at the end of the field and he stood defeated. After getting a stiff hug from Nick and a promise to call him soon, Nick and Brian boarded the plane returning to Orlando. Visitors 3...Home team 0.

Chapter 28

“You know, sometimes you really scare me Nicky,” AJ said slowly as he watched Nick sitting spread eagle in the middle of his polished wood floor on a large beach towel.. In front of him was a collection of swords that he was hand polishing. He did this with such skill that it intrigued Alex, and had him sitting observing the act for almost an hour. “What are those things anyway?” AJ crept closer to the blond who’s head was bent over his delicate work. He didn’t raise his head before saying, “They’re backswords.” Nick grabbed one at its hilt and raised it, the slightly curved blade was inches from his face. His eyes crossed as he concentrated on the single blade. He leaned back to distance himself from it. “They’re rarely identified as such now, now they are more likely to be known by their style or function or nationality,” Nick went on about his swords.

“This...” Nick stood up brandishing the sword one-handed, its short blade catching the light, “is the sword of a US artillery officer. It dates back to the 19^th century. You see how the pommel is hollow, and note the eagle carved on it.” He lie the sword down gently on the large beach towel and wiped his hands on his jeans smearing the grime that had come off the sword onto his jeans. “I’m crazy for handling them I know...all of them are so old...but,” he shrugged, “I gotta do something with them other than stare at them. Besides, just look at all that dirt I just wiped off of them, they needed that bath.”

AJ stared at Nick, he had become such a strange individual, even stranger than he had been before. “A bath, huh?”

“Yeah,” Nick grinned at his clever choice of words. He turned to his display cases passing the ones with the glass doors open, their contents lying on the floor in front of them on beach towels. He went to a cabinet full of left hand daggers and French and German rapiers. Nick had claimed since the rapier and the daggers were often paired together that the old friends should share a display case. His logic may have been weird, but it certainly made for an impressive display. He lifted the ring of keys attached to his necklace from his neck and went about the task of finding the right key for the lock in front of him.

This could take weeks, AJ thought rolling his eyes. Why didn’t he label them? “Nicky, it’s time to eat. I’m gonna make lunch, come on.”

“I can stay here while you make lunch. I’ll clean the rest of my daggers.”

“You’re gonna suffocate from silver polish inhalation...” AJ said sounding slightly annoyed. “The smell’s giving me a headache. Now come on, take a break. We’ll come back up and finish your pointy things later.”

“Then I can start on the riffles,” Nick said. “Being away for so long gave me a lot of chores to do when I got back.”

“It didn’t give you chores, you did. You’re the one that insisted every single last one of the objects pertaining to your violent form of therapy was clean.”

“So?” Nick frowned. He stretched, and ran greasy fingers through his hair leaving black streaks in the blond.

“Great look Kaos. Now you need a bath along with your swords. Tell you what, you go clean up. By the time you’re through in the shower, I’ll be done with lunch. Just get out of this room, ok. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

“The windows are open,” Nick frowned. “I feel ok.”

Do not yell... Do not get mad. Where the hell was Brian? AJ fought to control his facial expression, “Fine Nick...Do what you want. I’ll call you when lunch is ready.”

“Not hung...”

“I don’t care,” AJ sang back to Nick before he could even finish his sentence. He left the large ball room style room leaving the door open, and headed for the stairs. Damn kid. He took the stairs by two’s as he traveled down them. Sure he was glad to have him home, ecstatic even, but Nick had really perfected the art of getting on his nerves. He hopped off the last carpeted stair onto the wooden landing. He made his way into the kitchen and immediately went to the cupboard under the stove to find a skillet. When it was just AJ and Nick, cooking was no big deal. AJ found that people had come to expect extravagant meals from him...even when making snacks people expecting something fancy. Just because he was a master chef, he grinned at the title he had dubbed himself with, didn’t mean every meal he cooked had to be gourmet. AJ was pretty simple about his food, and it disturbed him a bit that even his closest friends had forgotten that about him. He’d never forget the look his own mother had given him when he offered to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... Had she really expected him to whip out his cookbook and bake up a rack of lamb at 2 in the morning?

He set the skillet on the stove top and went to check on the hamburger meat he had left out to defrost earlier that day. It was still a little chilly, but for the most part not frozen. He pulled apart the raw ground beef and began shaping it into beef patties. He was making good old fashioned hamburgers. Nick was one person who wouldn’t look at him strangely for not making a culinary masterpiece. Planning dinners for the guys was almost like working in a real restaurant. They had two menus, the adult menu and the kids’ menu. Nick ordered from the kids; menu at his restaurant, and AJ often found himself making two separate dinners when he invited the guys over. Nick usually had a small appetite for the richer platters AJ preferred to make. AJ had a weakness for pasta making, but the sauces proved to be too rich for Nick and filled his belly after a few bites. After wasting full plates on Nick, and observing the things Nick would eat unsupervised, AJ realized the younger man did not have a small appetite. He simply had a child’s appetite. Children ate simpler foods like meat and cheese sandwiches, jello, and Chef Boyardee. Bland crap. Nick was happy with a Burger King’s Kids Meal over an Italian gastronome.

AJ pressed the meat patties thin on the wax paper he had spread across the counter earlier. He then went about seasoning the patties, going heavy on his and gentle on Nick’s. If Howie was there AJ could hear him insisting on him dousing the burger designated to be his in Tabasco sauce. AJ shuddered, the thought wasn’t very appetizing to him. He washed his hands, then went about pouring cooking oil into the skillet and turning the heat on under it. He got down two plates, and tossed the fresh buns he had baked and took out of his oven before hopping in his car and driving to Nick’s, onto the plates. He added slices of cheddar to both buns, then single tomato slices, and shreds of lettuce to his own. When he heard the grease popping he dropped the meat patties in it and got out the spatula to press them into the face of the skillet. Over the sizzling of the meat he heard the noises of someone else being downstairs with him. He looked towards the kitchen entrance curious, “Nicky?” No answer. Starting tense up, recalling the incident at the football game Nick had told them all about, he hugged the spatula close to him.. What kind of a weapon is this? AJ demanded of himself after a second. He was in the kitchen, find a damn knife! Nick’s kitchen was arranged so ridiculously, why didn’t he leave the big knives out in plain eye’s view. He began rummaging through drawers, forks, spoons, pencils?? He didn’t want to know... Aha.... Not quite the knife AJ was looking for, but it would have to do. AJ crept from the kitchen holding his rolling pin at 10 and 2. Where was David? David, Nick’s bodyguard when they were on tour, decided to extend his contract and be Nick’s personal guard full time. David was the only person AJ and the others trusted to look after Nick when they weren’t around. Perhaps it was only David...though he was outside last time AJ had looked...

“STAND BACK!” AJ yelled as the intruder was suddenly upon him.

“Chill Alex!” Kevin grabbed AJ’s wrists. He chuckled at AJ’s weapon, “All the things in this place to protect yourself with...shotguns, swords, and crossbows...and your ass gets a rolling pin? What were you gonna do roll me to death?” He let go of AJ’s wrists.

“What are you doing here?”

“That wasn’t a very friendly question,” Kevin countered. “I’m here to see Nicky. Where is he?..And what are you cooking?” He frowned sniffing the air, “Smells like...hamburgers? That can’t be right.”

“No, it’s right. I’m making hamburgers,” AJ said flatly. “Would you like one too, I brought extra fixings, but I was really only expecting it to be me and Nick.”

Kevin looked a trifle disappointed, “When I heard you were here I was expecting...”

“A gourmet lunch, huh?” AJ said sounding annoyed. He turned and began heading back to the kitchen. Kevin followed him, “So where’s Nick at?”

“He’s upstairs inhaling cleaning agent fumes.”

Kevin started at that, his eyes went round, before he calmed himself and grinned. He laughed lightly, “What’s he doing really?”

“I told you,” AJ said simply flipping the lightly browned meat. Kevin’s large brows drew together and he slowly slunk away from AJ and dashed for the stairs. AJ chuckled after Kevin left, chump.

After a few minutes he slid the two beef patties onto their buns adding mayonnaise and mustard to his. He debated making Kevin one...after all he had annoyed him...but Kevin was his brother. He went back to the unused portions of beef and shaped another burger. Right when he was dropping the new burger in the skillet Kevin appeared with Nick in tow. Nick looked unhappy, and filthier than when AJ had seen him last. He must have gone on to clean his daggers after all. “Ah, AJ you’re making me a burger?”

“I really shouldn’t be...but I am,” AJ groaned. “Nick, yours is on the green plate.”

Nick didn’t look pleased to see the hamburger, “I’ll save it for later. I want,” he looked at Kevin after emphasizing the word “want,” “to finish cleaning my daggers.”

“Nick...I don’t even see why you had to clean any of that stuff in the first place. They’re antiques! You could ruin them!”

“I know what I’m doing...don’t I, AJ?”

Both looked to AJ who concentrated on Kevin’s beef patty, he wasn’t about to be in this.

“I know what I’m doing!” Nick folded his arms over his chest.

“Whatever Nick...It reeked in there. You were gonna give yourself an asthma attack.”

“Kevin...” Nick began calmly, “my problems are elevated by stress!! In fact you can say it comes from stress directly! You ever hear of a diathesis stress model?? Well, it’s YOU!”

“A what? What the hell are you talking about? Calm down.”

“I won’t! I left California to get away from this! At least here I have my own home and won’t have to live with my family...but you...you invade my home and treat me the same way! I should have you thrown out!”

“Nick, you won’t have me thrown out.”

“Yes I will. Yes I will! Where’s David? I’m going to find him, and he’ll throw you out!” Nick stalked out of the kitchen, his face beet red. AJ couldn’t wait for Nick to leave, as soon as he did, he burst out laughing. He turned the fire out from under the skillet and went to lean over a counter to support himself until he got his “Ha Ha’s” in check.

“I don’t see what’s so funny about all this AJ,” Kevin snapped. “He gets himself so worked up... I really worry about him.”

AJ tried to calm his chuckles, “Kevin...he only acts like this when you’re around. You always know the right way to piss him off. He’s fine, bro. He was polishing his pointy stuff, and wasn’t bothering anybody.”

“But the fumes...”

“He had the windows open...but they obviously weren’t bothering him that bad. He’s fine Kev. Let him enjoy being home,” AJ said flipping the burger he’d made for Kevin onto an extra bun. “You can dress it, I’m gonna eat mine before it gets cold.” He grabbed his plate and made for the kitchen table leaving Kevin mumbling to himself about how he would never have children.

Kevin joined AJ at the table shortly, and they ate in a pleasant silence that was soon to be shattered. “David says he’ll be inside in 15 minutes to throw you out, Kevin. He’s watching Matlock right now,” Nick came back into the kitchen looking smug.

“That’s cool Nick,” Kevin said simply, taking another bite of his burger. “This is really good AJ.”

“Thanks, bro,” AJ said, mouth full.

Nick pouted. He didn’t like the reaction he had gotten. “Go get your burger, and join us Nick.”

Nick frowned, “Only for 15 minutes....then Kevin’s leaving.” He slowly left the table and went to get his abandoned hamburger.

“See how well you handled that one, Kev?” AJ grinned at his older brother, he clapped him on the back and went back to eating. Kevin narrowed his eyes at AJ, and was about to speak when Nick came to the table with his food, and took a seat next to AJ. Like no earlier conflict had happened, he launched into an animated conversation about the new crossbow he was expecting in the next few days. AJ shot an “I told you so,” look to Kevin, who scowled.

“Do you even know how to fire a crossbow?” Kevin asked curiously.

Nick nodded, “Yeah man. I’m a good shot too. It’s easier than a regular bow, that takes real skill, and it hurts.”

“But you can fire a regular bow?”

“Not as good as Brian,” Nick said looking disturbed by that. “He’s better with a sword than me too, but I’m learning.”

“Is that where this came from?” Kevin reached across the table and took Nick’s arm. Across the back of his hand was an angry red scratch. Nick gazed down at the blemish on his skin absently, “Yeah...it was an accident. I was off guard.”

“Nick, I don’t think I like this hobby of yours.. What happened to...Well, I think I liked it better when you spent your time at the firing ranges, than playing with sharp objects. What if this had been deeper, you may have needed stitches.”

Nick shrugged, “I get poked with enough stuff, I wouldn’t mind a few stitches.”

Kevin sighed loudly, he caught the warning look he was getting from AJ, and fought to regain his indifferent composure. “Ok..”

Nick blinked at Kevin’s response, “Ok...” He set down his hamburger half-eaten. “How’s Kristen?”

Kevin smiled thinking of his overly supportive wife, “She’s wonderful, Nick. And she misses you something terrible. You should come over and spend the day with us tomorrow.”

“Maybe,” Nick looked thoughtful... then dreadful. “You won’t make me watch those horrible movies where the people don’t talk again, will you?”

Kevin gasped, “Nick, those are classics! They’re works of art! How can you..?”

“Kevin, they are boring!” Nick butted in. “I don’t wanna see no more dumb looking men in a top hats tying no more ladies to no train tracks!”

AJ started snickering. He, himself, had not yet been subjected to that torture. He thought he had it bad when Kevin had made him watch Gun Smoke at Dusk.

Kevin glared at AJ, “I swear you guys don’t know fine quality entertainment from a hole in the wall.”

“I’d rather look at a hole in the wall,” Nick muttered to AJ, who hooted with laughter.

“Yea, go ahead and laugh at me. I don’t care...” He ate the last of his burger and wiped his mouth on a napkin. “I’m gonna go look at some of your gun collect Nick. Did you mount those cowboy guns yet?”

Nick nodded, he had removed the remaining bun from his burger and was tearing it into small pieces. “They’re in the place where I wanted to put the cannon you wouldn’t let me get.”

Kevin shook his head, “There’s no way in hell I was gonna let YOU have a cannon.” This was just not Kevin treating Nick like a child, this was Kevin thinking of the good of the human race. If he said yes to a cannon, then next it would be yes to grenades, then bombs... hell no!

Nick pouted, then grinned devilishly, “I ordered a catapult instead..”

“You what??”

“It’s gonna take a little while to get here...but...”

“A catapult?” Kevin’s mouth fell open. Visions of small animals and sales people being hurled through the air clouded his mind. He batted the thoughts away, “Nick, you didn’t talk to us about this...”

“So you can express your doubts about it, like you did my cannon? No way,” Nick said, he began to shred the uneaten beef patty.

“I don’t wanna hear about the problems you might cause with those things is why,” Kevin grumbled. “And stop playing with your food! Either eat it, or put it away for later!”

Nick made a face at his plate, his meal no longer looked too appetizing. He would probably be giving it to his dogs later on. He covered his plate with a napkin, “I’ll save it.” He stood, “I’ll take you to see the display.”

“This is Cabela’s blue ridge rifle...and this is the red ridge rifle...Here’s a Bostonian percussion rifle... These are flintlock rifles over here. This one’s a Pennsylvania. This one here is a double-barreled flintlock pistol,” Nick walked Kevin and AJ through his new display of guns.

“This one’s pretty,” AJ pointed to a gun with a lavishly decorated handle and body.

Nick glanced at it, “That’s a French flintlock pistol, and these over here are dueling pistols, Kevin.” Kevin gazed at the pistols that were used in his old movies in awe. “Think I could hold one?”

Nick shrugged, and searched for the key on the ring of keys around his neck. He unlocked the glass case and reached in to carefully dismount the gun. He handed it to Kevin, “It’s not loaded, you can pull the trigger.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I don’t keep loaded guns in my display cases,” Nick said. “I keep the ammunition locked away in my bedroom on the other side of the house.”

Kevin grinned and whirled around with the gun, “Hands to the sky varmints!” he drawled, pointing the gun at Nick and AJ. AJ rolled his eyes, “And you call us immature?”

Kevin pulled the trigger, “Dance!” He pretended to shoot at their feet. Nick smirked, “I wish I had a video camera. You wanna put it back now, or you wanna hold on to it?”

Kevin sighed and reluctantly handed Nick back the weapon, “Thank you kindly, sheriff,” Nick said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. He neatly remounted the gun, and shut and locked the glass case. “I’ve got some muskets in back that I haven’t gotten around to mounting yet. You guys wanna see those?”

Kevin nodded, “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

AJ shrugged.

They walked past the rifles, past the revolvers...Every case they passed was filled to its maximum capacity. Everything was so neat and orderly...so unlike Nick. Kevin paused at one display that seemed to be missing a gun. “Hey Nick?”

“Huh?” Nick stopped walking and turned to look at Kevin. Kevin nodded to the empty spot in the case he was staring at. AJ came back to join Kevin and Nick. “What went there? It seems odd for that space to be empty...There’s even a label under it. Are you expecting a new arrival?”

Nick squinted at the label, then froze, his face going slightly pale, “No...”

“No what?” Kevin gazed up at Nick and frowned at his expression, “Are you ok?”

Nick blinked, then nodded, “That’s where Paula lived.”

“Paula?” AJ had been leaning over to get a closer look at the empty space to read the label. He straightened himself to gaze at Nick too. “Buddy, do we need to get out of here?”

“Paula was my glock...I lost her,” Nick said softly. He looked at AJ, “You threw her away.”

“Paula was your glock...”Kevin frowned. A memory surfaced...a memory that made him gasp and cringe away from the grotesqueness of it. It was the image of Consuela Trevino, lying lifeless on the floor of that warehouse.... He tried shutting his eyes, but closed eyes had no effect on an image that was already inside his mind. He saw the wound, the horrible wound that had caused her death. He’d seen enough movies and documentaries, classic and modern alike, to where he could tell what had shot the girl...and what had shot her.... “Nick, you had a glock that day? Are you sure?”

Nick frowned, “Yes, it was Paula.”

...wasn’t a glock. A glock didn’t do its damage in that way....the penetration shot was totally different...the exit wound.... Nick didn’t do it...Nick didn’t do it! “You didn’t do it!”

“Huh?” Nick stared at Kevin, his eyes a little cloudy.

“What are you talking about Kev?”

“Nick didn’t do it. He couldn’t have shot Consuela... he didn’t have the right gun that could have done that!” Kevin was saying excitedly, “Nick, do you hear me? You didn’t kill her!”

Nick blinked, “Your excitement tells me that you clearly thought I did.”

“Until now, yes you were a suspect. You were armed, and clearly out of control... But Nicky, you didn’t do it,” Kevin said grabbing Nick into a tight hug that startled Nick.

AJ gave a light laugh, “So um...I guess an outside bullet really did do the job then.”

“Yeah, I guess...” Kevin lost his smile as he started thinking again....now that he really thought about it....That wound couldn’t have been made by an outside bullet either. Whoever shot Consuela was nearby...Maybe that was why the mob was anxious to blame one of them. Whoever had shot Consuela was in the room with her. Who was all in the room....There was Nick, there was Brendon, and there was AJ... Nick didn’t do it, Brendon was dead...and AJ didn’t have a gun. Someone had come into the room in the midst of the pandemonium. Who that someone was, was now what they had to find out if they were to stay alive...

Chapter 29

“So, Kevin’s sure that it couldn’t have been Nick?” Howie repeated, staring at AJ who sat in the arm chair across from him. AJ nodded, his eyes gazing about Howie’s dark living room. “Yes, he’s sure.”

Howie nodded, as if he, himself, had known that Nick hadn’t done it as well.

“So...who do you think did?”

“What?” Howie was startled by the question. He was relaxing back into the recliner, letting his thoughts drift, he was thinking of his next music lesson, “Who do I think...? Doesn’t Kevin think it was an outside bullet?”

“He said he did....but you know how Kevin is. He says one thing, but his face will tell you he’s thinking exactly the opposite.”

Howie nodded, stroking his chin. “So he thinks someone else was in the room, besides you, Nick, Brendon, and the girl...”

AJ nodded, “Yeah, he does... Ya know, he watches all those movies and that forensics crap all the time...I kinda trust his judgment if he says the bullet wound doesn’t look like the bullet that penetrated was hindered by something like a wall. It probably looked close-range or something to him. I bet if he could have another look at it, maybe he could tell us what kind of gun was used.”

Howie looked worried then, “Kevin may not have had a second look, but I’m sure someone else did...”

“I know they did!” AJ said wringing his hands. He then leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees, “And if that damn mob looked at that wound, I don’t understand why they are still hounding us!”

“Maybe they think one of us should know who did it. After all, if they saw all that Kevin did, then they also know the gunman was in the same room... But if they didn’t get their hands on Nick’s gun...”

“But they did...or at least someone did,” AJ groaned, his head was beginning to ache.

“And whoever that someone is, they aren’t turning that gun over to the people threatening us...obviously. If they saw that Nick had a different gun than what shot Consuela, do you think they’d be harassing him and threatening his family?”

“I still kick myself thinking that Nick was alone when that happened,” AJ said gruffly. “Damn Carters whisk him away to California, and can’t even keep an eye on him for a week.”

“Well, as we’ve learned, you can’t keep track of someone all the time AJ,” Howie said with a heavy sigh. “Perhaps we should all be like Brian and learn how to defend ourselves.”

AJ grunted, then changed the subject, “What were you doing before I came?”

Howie looked up to the ceiling, and leaned back in his chair, “Waiting for you.”

“Before I called,” AJ pressed.

“I was cleaning the living room,” Howie said simply.

It seemed to AJ that every time he called Howie he was interrupting something. Someone else usually answered the phone for him, a bodyguard. Howie never had anyone over, he didn’t date, he just stayed cooped up inside of his house. He only left for therapy appointments, or if one of them called and asked him to come over. Howie’s gloomy moods kept them from calling him, and asking him over often though. He worried about his band mate, his best friend, he was becoming introverted. He had been coming back to them, talking to them, then damn Brendon, in the hell AJ knew he had gone straight to, had gone and ruined it. Howie was reverting back to his old ways of shutting them out, being Sour D again.

“Howie...you’re so boring.”

“That’s fine with me,” Howie said softly.

“Why do you always keep it so dark in here?”

“So no one will ever know if I’m home or not...sometimes not even me,” he whispered. “It’s kind of cozy.”

AJ shuddered, Howie was also turning creepy. He unnerved him more than Nick did at his weirdest these days. What was the therapy Howie underwent with his therapist? Everyone seemed to come away from their therapy with a stress relieving hobby. Where was Howie’s? Maybe he was receiving a different kind of therapy. He should switch doctors, because whatever his shrink was doing, it wasn’t helping. If anything, Howie became even more secretive. One day AJ would come and surprise Howie, he would see what he did alone when he thought no one was watching

“What are you thinking about AJ?”

“Oh nothing...just....wondering, you know?”

“Wondering what?”

“Wondering when all this shit is gonna end,” AJ said finally. He wasn’t exactly lying, he always wondered about that. It was his underlying thought in everything he did. Every time he baked, every argument with his mother, everything.

“I wonder about that too,” Howie said in the dark. “Sometimes I think we’ll never be normal again.”

“Who says you were normal to begin with?” AJ cracked.

“The same person who called you handsome.”

“I am handsome!”

“Well then, I’m normal.”

“Shit!”

“I believe I win,” Howie said with a slight chuckle.

“For now.”

Leighanne told him they were in the gym. Brian had a new addition built onto his and Leighanne’s home to house his new hobby. The gym was a large rectangular room with wooden floors. Mirrors lined the long walls of the room, and mounts and shelves of assortments of ninja weapons lined the short walls. A large blue mat was positioned in the middle of the room, for Brian to practice his fighting techniques on, or to have matches. To Kevin’s surprise, when he entered the room there was a match going on.

Brian and Nick both held long wooden swords that they attacked each other furiously with. Brian swift and creative like a ninja from a movie, Nick smooth and profession like a swordsman from medieval times. They were actually an even match. Every blow Nick threw, Brian ducked, every swift motion Brian tried, Nick counteracted. It was amazing how such different fighting styles could come together and make such a dance. They had an entrancing rhythm going. He stood in the doorway, just observing them for nearly an hour. Leighanne broke his trance, when she came into the doorway and touched his shoulder. Kevin almost jumped, “Leigh, I didn’t hear you...”

“I know you didn’t,” she smiled. She looked at the sparring match between the two blond men. One appeared to be closing in on the other. “Looks like Brian’s about to claim another victory.”

“They do this often?” Kevin asked wide-eyed.

“Only when they see each other,” Leighanne said, sounding amused.

Kevin blinked then looked back to the mat. Brian’s attack was furious, driving Nick off the mat. Nick blocked, and blocked, but could not stop himself from having to step backward. Finally, as he was going to have to step off the matt, he did something. He suddenly let one hand fall from his sword and he reached for something clipped to his belt, a wooden dagger. He thrust upward, catching Brian’s downward slash, whirled, bending Brian’s arm behind his back, and shoved him off the matt with the elbow of the hand still holding the hilt of the sword. Brian yelped in surprise as he tumbled to the wooden floor. They were silent for a second before the incredulous roaring from Brian, and triumphant laughing from Nick erupted.

“Where the hell did you learn that move? Who the hell taught you that? It’s cheating!”

Nick through his guffaws, managed to say, “Mark taught it to me.... and it’s not cheating. It’s perfectly legal, it’s not usually taught, but it can be done in a tournament when both contestants have both a sword and dagger. He won with it. I could have fought better with the dagger if you’d let me use my cutlass.”

“It’s dirty fighting!”

“Oh it is not, you’re just mad cause you got so big headed about your win, you lost your edge,” Nick said helping Brian up. “If I had done it earlier on, you might have caught it. Admit it Brian, you’re just sore that you lost to me.”

“I did not lose to you, you cheated!” Brian growled. “We do it again! This time we’ll see who wins.”

“No, I want to end on an up note...me winning. I haven’t won in a long time, let me have it Brian. I beat you fair and square. Get over it.”

“You did not beat me fair and square, you no good rotten ch...”

“Brian,” Leighanne said sharply, causing both blond men to spin around to face their unknown audience. Leighanne stared pointedly at her husband who groaned.

“You win,” he said gruffly to Nick, then trotted towards his towel, “Hi cuz.”

“Hi,” Kevin said, with a slight grin. “Saw you get your butt kicked.”

“Shut up,” Brian grumbled, taking a swig of his water.

“He didn’t get his butt kicked, he got it stomped, creamed! HA HA!” Nick was cheering as he came to embrace Kevin in a hug. “I haven’t seen you in two days!”

Kevin rolled his eyes and peeled Nick off of him, “You stink Kaos.”

Nick pouted, “Well that’s not a very nice thing to say to someone.”

“No, I mean you literally stink,” Kevin scrunched up his nose. “You two need showers. Did you forget we were going horse back riding today?”

“Horse back riding?” Brian frowned and looked at Leighanne, who looked heavenward. “I told you yesterday, and reminded you about it twice this morning.”

“I was asleep!”

“Both times you swore you were wide awake dear,” Leighanne smirked.

“And you believed me?” Brian looked dubious. He stuck his tongue out at his wife, and frowned back at Kevin,”Sorry cuz, just give us a few minutes. We’ll be ready.”

Brian was the first to join Kevin in the parlor. “Nick’s got soap in his ears, the dummy. He’ll be out in a minute.”

Kevin smiled at his cousin, his hair was still a little damp causing it to crinkle and curl up about his ears. “So...”

“So?” Brian sat down in an armchair and stretched his legs straight out in front of him, holding them inches from the ground.

“What do you think about what I told you?” Kevin’s voice was soft. He tried not to gaze directly at his cousin, the bright sunlight set his blond hair afire like a match.

Brian frowned, “I told you so.” He shrugged.

“That’s all you have to say?”

Brian turned his head to face Kevin, “That’s all. I told you he didn’t do it. You didn’t believe me. Now you know.”

“How did you know?” Kevin rounded on Brian, ignoring the sun, and staring hard into his cousin’s eyes. “What did you see Brian?”

“That it wasn’t Nick, Kevin! I know him, and I don’t care how crazy he gets, he wouldn’t shoot an innocent.”

“But you talk as if you SAW something Brian!”

“Kevin, you know I wasn’t there...” Brian’s voice was losing its conviction, he cast his eyes downward.

“What do you know Brian?” Kevin pressed. Brian had been keeping something from them... He could see it, hear it...smell his fear. “You know the shot that killed her was not fired from outdoors, don’t you?”

Brian was silent. He stared at his legs still stretched in front of him. “How did you know Brian? You said you weren’t there! Are you lying to me?...” Kevin took Brian’s face in his hands, turning it to face him, “Are you lying?”

“Kevin, please...”

“Brian, you could have freakin’ gotten Nick killed, if you knew he didn’t do it!”

“I told you he didn’t!”

“Brian, now there’s proof!” Kevin shouted. “And you...you knew there was proof! And you...you know who really did it, don’t you? Who are you protecting Brian, and why are you protecting them? We’re all going to continue living in fear for the rest of our lives Brian, you hear me! Howie will lock himself away in his house, and never come out again. AJ’s going to bake himself straight into hell. Me, my wife is finally gonna see what a psycho-path I really am, and leave me. Nick, Nick’s going to keep retreating further and further into his little fantasy world, until he forgets his way back out. And you, you’re going to live with the guilt of it all. Now tell me Brian, tell me...who the hell did it?” Kevin’s nose was inches from Brian’s. He could see Brian’s wide blue eyes watering, he could see his facial muscles quivering. “Who, give me a name?”

“It was a shadow Kevin...a nameless shadow...” Brian whispered weakly. He was lying again, Kevin knew it. He’d seen!

“No it wasn’t. Now who did you see?”

“Dammit Kevin!” Brian shoved his cousin away from him violently, sending Kevin flying from his chair. “I don’t know, ok! I’m not sure! I don’t want to say anyone, because I could be so wrong! And if I say it, and I am...someone we love is gonna die. I can’t put his life in jeopardy like that Kev.”

“His?”

“That’s all you’ll get!” Brian rectified, looking ready to slap himself for his slip of tongue. “Until I know for certain, I can’t say more!”

“Brian, you’re protecting a killer!” Kevin raged.

“No Kevin, I’m protecting a brother,” those were the last words Brian was able to mutter before Nick walked into the room. His blue eyes were wide, his face troubled, “Did I hear yelling in here?”

“No,” Brian said softly, he gazed at Kevin, “Kevin thought he saw a bug. I killed it.”

It was one of them... so, it had been one of them after all. Kevin lie in bed next to his slumbering wife, recalling Brian’s words, his actions. Somehow he wasn’t surprised, he knew it was going to be one of them. Question was, who?

Nick could be officially crossed off the list, leaving only himself, Brian, Howie, and AJ. Brian knew who it was, but he wasn’t telling. If Brian was protecting someone, then it obviously wasn’t him. So the gun man was obviously either AJ or Howie. AJ had actually been in the room...but Brian said he saw a shadow. AJ had been on the floor, and had not left the room any time before or after the shooting. He also didn’t have a gun. He could have gotten a gun easily though, with as many guns that had been lying on the floor by so many lifeless hands. But there was still the conflict of AJ already being in the room...or so he said. No one actually saw AJ already in the room but Nick, and two people who were then dead. Nick can’t remember a thing after shooting Brendon, did he ever say he saw AJ in the room, or had AJ been the only one to actually tell the story. Kevin couldn’t remember. He wanted to slap himself. Think, dammit!

“Kevin?”

Kevin froze, he had only been thinking to himself right? “You alright honey?”

“Yeah, yeah hon, I’m fine.”

“Ok,” was the sleepy reply, followed by a soft snore.

Kevin let out his breath, he’d have to be more careful. It was his suspicion that those people were following him, following them, waiting for them to slip up, and say something. They had been right, they did know what happened to Consuela, or at least one of them did. From Brian, and Kevin himself, they had been told that it wasn’t Nick.... and now they were just waiting for the rest of them to be crossed off the list. They’d wait, until they got impatient, then someone would corner another one of them, like they had Nick, and give them another warning. He shuddered thinking about someone grabbing Nick while he was on his own. That couldn’t happen anymore. No one could be allowed on their own again. What if the mob figured it out before Kevin, what if they knew who did it, and were already carrying out their business? What if they just got bored and killed all of them? Killing all of them would be too messy, not their style...but if they got bored enough, or annoyed. They were never going to go away until they had their killer, and Kevin was on the verge of figuring out who it was. Would it be wrong of him to turn the real killer in? One life for the price of four... It seemed like a worthy sacrifice. But when he had thought the killer was Nick, he hadn’t been this quick to even think about turning him over, had he? Why should thinking about turning in one of the others be any different? Maybe cause in his heart, he knew like Brian had, that Nick really hadn’t done it. Thinking Nick had done it was his safety, Nick was a wild card. No one had control of his mind, not even Nick himself. If someone else had done it, it meant that one of them was a cold blooded murderer...and was cleverly cloaking himself from the others. That he would readily sacrifice Nick, and the others to secure his false innocence. Which one of them could do a thing like that? He couldn’t guess, he couldn’t even begin to imagine...but he knew he had to. For the good of the group. Funny how that meaning had changed for him. Before it had to do with recording, whether to promote this product, or that one, what country should they go to next to tour, what costumes looked best? Now it was, who lives? What was better, all of them dead, or just one...and who was that one? He didn’t even bother to wipe his face, the tears had started long ago, and the mess he had created was much too big for his hand to do the job.

The smell of gun powder was prominent. The power of it all. The gray haze finally lifted and his mind cleared. Using one hand he removed his goggles and laid them down on the chair beside him. He hummed to a familiar tune showcasing a rather amazing vocal prowess. He lifted a soft black case from onside the chair and set it down on the wooden frame. He sighed with contentment and gazed one more time at his precision. The man- shaped target sat nearly 100 ft away, bullet holes dotting its body in all the vital places. “Bull’s eye,” he said softly with a slight giggle. He gently set his revolver down to open its casing. It was a matter of seconds before the weapon was dressed and ready to be packaged. He caressed its glossy surface one last time before he put it away. Something vibrated in his back pocket and he reached back to extract a cell phone, “Hello?”

“Howie where are you? I called your house like twice, I think I have something I need to tell you...”

“I’ll be home in an hour or so, what’s wrong? What do you have to tell me, Brian?”

Chapter 30

“The guys would so kill my ass if they knew I was here!” Nick shouted over the music. Brent grinned at him, “They’ll still kill you when they find out!”

“Ah, they won’t! What am I gonna do, tell them? I’m not that crazy!” Nick chuckled, he accepted another beer. Someone caught his eyes, and he nudged his friend who sat at the bar beside him. A tall woman with long black hair danced alone, the fluid movements of her body drove Nick crazy. “I’m gonna go dance with her.”

“You’re gonna what?” Brent almost choked on his drink, he shot a look onto the crowded dance floor. “The girl in the middle? But she’s a...”

“Babe?” Nick asked, grinning devilishly at Brent, “See ya, bro. You can sit here numbing your ass all night if you like, but I gotta date with her.” He downed the rest of his beer, dropping a few dollars on the bar and ventured out onto the dance floor. Brent shook his head after his friend, “I tried to warn you...” he chuckled.

Nick danced his way into the center of the dance floor, every now and again grinding hips with different females looking for new dance partners. He would have gladly stayed and danced with them, but the exotic beauty in the middle had his attention. He felt her eyes on him as he approached. There was an air about her that drove him crazy, he extended a hand to her, a silent invitation to dance with him. After a beat she took it, and crushed her body against his. They began to dance to the upbeat music drawing the attention of others around them. People stopped their dancing to watch, but instead of appreciation, there was some disgust...even amusement. Their eyes read, the dumb son-of-a-bitch doesn’t know. Doesn’t know what? Nick wondered to himself, then he felt it. It couldn’t be what he thought it was... yes it could be and IT WAS! “ARGH!” He shoved the male he was dancing with as far as he could get it. “You’re a freakin’ dude!”

People around them were howling with laughter. Nick was shaking his head, and backing away from the transvestite. “Oh come on, I know who you are, and you know you like this,” the man in the tight leather dress teased over the music, roaring with laughter as Nick stormed off the floor. Dancers, oblivious to what had just transpired, glared at him as he pushed through their dances on his way back to the bar.

He plopped back down beside Brent, and signaled to the bartender that he needed another beer, “You knew.”

“Tried to tell you man,” Brent smirked. “So how was it?”

Nick grumbled something incoherent, then shot a glance at Brent, “You danced with him too, didn’t you?”

Brent nodded, “I think every single male here has had the satisfaction of dancing with HER.”

Nick thanked the bartender for his beer, and turned to cock an eyebrow at Brent, a cool smile on his face, “You like it?”

Brent’s smile widened incredulously, “Are you kidding, it was great! That was until I felt the...package.”

Nick hooted with laughter, “Same here man!” They toasted their twin beer mugs, and drank to their health.

“Dude...” the club was spinning. “I think I’m freakin’ drunk...”

Brent giggled wildly, “That’s cause you are...” He spoke as if he weren’t drunk himself. “Wanna get some more?”

In roughly three hours Nick and Brent had gone from friends casually out to get a drink, catch up, and dance some, to wild roaring drunks who tore up the dance floor with any girl who happened by. They were rude, obnoxious, loud, and annoying the club owner who hadn’t thrown them out an hour ago, because of Nick’s celebrity status.

“Look, there’s the he-she,” Nick slurred, pointing in the direction on the transvestite who was now off the dance floor talking to a young man near a dark corner.

“Looks like he-she’s gonna get some tonight,” Brent snickered.

“Won’t that poor sap she’s talking to be shocked..unless it’s a she-he!” Nick’s retort ended up being the funniest thing either of them had heard all night, because they laughed until they snorted, then laughed some more.

Brent waved his hand at the waiter to send them more beers.

“I gotta pee,” Nick uttered, sliding off his bar stool. He unsteadily wove his way through a throng of people, some as drunk or drunker than he was, to the bathroom.

He walked in and stood at the urinal next to a large burly man, “Dude, we like gotta stop meeting like this...” he slurred. The man glowered at the blond, “You still don’t have an answer for me do you?”

Nick gazed hazily up towards the man, “Do you get off on seeing me pee, or something? I mean, I’m sure you like, know where I live and stuff. Why not bug me there?”

The man growled, eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses, “I could kill you right here, break you in half.”

“If you could, you’d have done it by now,” the alcohol took away any of Nick’s natural inhibitions. He hiccuped, “You don’t wanna kill me... you must know by now though *hiccup* that it wasn’t me.”

The man nodded, “We always knew it wasn’t you.”

“Then why bug me?” Nick asked, damn he really did have to pee. He had started almost 5 minutes ago, and was still going. He giggled, wondering if there were any records for urinating. He bet he could beat it. He wondered what the prize would be, maybe a trophy with a great big shlong on it. That thought made him laugh aloud.

“I come to you, because you’re the weak link Blondie. Not only do I know that you’ll tell what you know, but you’re also nice bait to use against your friends. If I continue to prove that we can always find you, and find you alone, they’ll play into our hands.”

“Who is they?” Nick questioned, still going he smirked.

The man fumed, then grabbed Nick from behind, letting his urine splash on the floor and onto his pants, “You listen to me, this ain’t no game, little shit. You understand me. Unless you start coughing up some answers for my boss, you and your little friends and your little families are gonna get whacked. Got me? You are going to be our eyes and ears. That little group of your is about ready to fall in on itself. You tell us who you are protecting, let us deal with it, and everyone else remains safe.”

“And if I don’t you kill everyone?”

“Finally you and I are connecting,” the man grunted.

“You got pee on your suit,” Nick said with a small giggle. He was so giddy, he knew he was in mortal danger, but God everything was so funny.

The man pushed Nick away and cursed. Nick barely caught himself before falling into the urinal. He cackled at the sight of the giant in black cursing down at his soiled pant leg. “Correction Blondie,” he growled, “we’ll deal with the little girl killer, then I’ll deal with you!”

Nick’s face was one of amusement, his eyebrows were golden arches on his face, “Better deal with those pants first...I don’t know, but that stuff might stain...” he slid to the wet floor laughing himself silly.

“Waste of oxygen,” the man muttered. “You crazy shit, after this is all over, I’ll kill you. Put you out of your misery.”

The man slammed out of the restroom.

“Touchy,” Nick snorted, and fell back into his delirium.

He stumbled out of the restroom 10 minutes later to pandemonium. “What’s going on?” he asked slowly, his words sounded funny to him. He chuckled at his own question. The man he had asked, look at him funny, wrinkling up his nose as if something smelled bad.

“Some guys got into a fight,” the man said, then moved away from Nick quickly. Nick shrugged, and moved on through the crowd, trying to get a closer look. The police were there, and he saw one guy getting put in handcuffs, that guy looked a lot like, “Brent?”

The other guy was big. That idiot had chosen to start a fight with a giant, and over what? His eyes darted over to see he-she in the corner still, eyes wide watching what was going on. Nick felt it’s eyes then train on him, and it smiled...a cold smile, and his insides froze. He looked to his friend being led away, and to the man Brent had apparently been fighting with, and gasped. It was him, the man from the bathroom. He’d attacked Nick’s friend, someone who didn’t have anything to do with the situation. He was only Nick’s friend...and that had endangered him. The cloud the alcohol had made in his mind was clearing, moving from his head down his esophagus, to his poor stomach. He was beginning to think alcohol and medication didn’t mix, as he felt the first waves of nausea and dizziness. He-she had smiled at him...he-she was in on this. Brent had seen it, danced with it, it had been scoping Brent out all along. Someone probably scoping out everyone he knew.

Someone was everywhere Aaron went, everywhere BJ went, everywhere Leslie, Angel, his mother, and his father went. Everyone wanted him to break, they expected him to, even his brothers. Rage filled him suddenly, completely and he charged through the crowd to where his friend was being read his rights, and he hopped onto the large man who had been making his time in the public bathroom hell. He knew the punches he was throwing wasn’t hurting the man in the least. He probably felt like a mosquito, and in one move he was swatted. The man threw him off. There were chants and cheers and boo’s. Nick figured the boo’s were for the police who were breaking up the new fight. Nick felt himself being led outside, the officer that had Brent was following. But as soon as they hit the open air, the officer that had Brent veered away from Nick. Nick frowned, “Aren’t you going to cuff me, and read me my rights too?”

“If that’s what you want,” the officer said with a slight smirk, “but I’d rather tell you this. Keep your blond ass out of trouble. Stay with those people in your little group. We can’t keep track of them and you everywhere you go. Make our job a little easier kid.” The man patted Nick on the shoulder, and Nick frowned, “You’re not a police officer.”

“No, I am a police officer, I just have a higher boss than the local sheriff. Now that guy that took your friend, he ain’t no cop. Stick with your group, kid.” As if his last lines to Nick were a cue, suddenly people began to file out of the club, it was as if someone took the VCR off pause. People roamed the streets that hadn’t been there before, and Nick felt as if everyone’s eyes were on him. He shuddered. The officer winked at him, and then publicly read him his rights, and he was kindly handcuffed and placed into the back of a police car. Minutes later Brent would join him, looking extremely giddy, “Hey man, how’s us getting arrested gonna sit with your bros?”

“I’m in deep shit.”

“Hehehehe, yeah, you’re in deep deep shit,” Brent chuckled. “You can hide out at my place if you want,” he offered, the drunken glaze in his eyes clearing a bit in his sincerity. Nick gave him a slight grin, “I might take you up on that offer. The guys are gonna kill me.”

“You stupid shit!” Howie was fuming at Nick, who sat with his head down listening as one by one his brothers preached to him. Or rather, did different variations of scolding him using very colorful terms.

“Ok, ok enough already!” Nick slumped lower in his armchair, “I get it. I’m a stupid shit, I should have stayed home. If I wanted to go out I should have gone with one of you... Alcohol and whatever the shit is I’m swallowing now don’t mix. I could have killed myself, anything else?” He covered his eyes with his hand. His head was playing La Bamba, and try as he might, he couldn’t change his internal station. He’d much rather be hearing Enya right about then, and he hated serenity music.

The guys were stumped. They stood staring at Nick, their mouths agape. He’d pretty much summed up all they had said and were going to say. “So what did that guy say to you again, what do you think he meant?”

“Exactly what he said. He said they could keep better track of us in numbers, stay together. Also said the guy that had Brent wasn’t the police, and the guy that started the fight with Brent was the guy from the bathroom, from both times. Like we discussed before we broke from tour, there are two mobs..but one is apparently a good mob, and the other’s evil.” He smiled in amusement at what he’d just enunciated. “The other one is the one that likes to watch me pee.” He chuckled lightly, holding his head as the chuckling seemed to rupture something in his frontal lobe. “Shit..” he muttered.

Brian rolled his eyes, “Nick will you get serious! What are you saying? So there are two mobs, but both aren’t out to get us? Is that it?”

“Yeah,” Nick said. “I mean the guy didn’t actually say, ‘We’re watching your asses,’ but he implied it pretty well. Told me to stay out of trouble and all.”

“Wonder mob...” AJ muttered. “Ok, so does this mean we don’t have to triple check our locks, and look 4 ways before crossing the street?”

“It could be a scam,” Howie uttered.

“What could two mobs possibly want us for?”

“Why would a mob be trying to protect us?” Howie fired. He sat down hard and ran a hand through his hair. “From here on out, no one is allowed out alone. Everywhere we go, we take a guard, and alert everyone we’re leaving. And Nick...you don’t leave without one of us.”

“But...”

“Those thugs were trying to prove something to us, and they have! They can find us all alone, and because you mean so much to us...they single you out.”

“But I didn’t go out alone...”

“You didn’t exactly go out with someone responsible either, which is as good as going out alone!” Kevin fumed. “Do you know how drunk you two were when I picked you up?!”

“That’s the beauty of being trashed. You don’t remember the embarrassing details...but, you do strangely seem to remember unpleasant parts of the evening you’d like to forget. Peeing on Big Man is one of them...he could have broken me in two.” Nick looked down at his shoes, then suddenly giggled, “But man his face when he looked down at his pants!”

He looked up to notice the glares of all of his brothers upon him, “It wasn’t THAT funny...” he said glumly.

“You are so gonna be put on lock down,” Brian was saying staring at him.

“Lock down? Oh come on, I am not 12, guys,” Nick said, struggling to sit up straight, La Bamba was a little loud, and from the station’s current location it was effecting his forebrain and cerebellum’s control of his sequenced movements. Translation, he nearly fell on his ass. He gripped the chair and watched with interest as the room spun.

“We know you’re not physically, but mentally you’re pushing it,” AJ said roughly. “And until you can prove to us that you do know how to act like an adult, you’re stuck under our wings. Tomorrow, you’re coming with me to cooking class.”

“And the next day, you’re coming with me to class,” Brian said sternly.

Nick frowned, “But...”

“I’m taking you to your fencing class on Thursday, don’t worry about it,” Kevin said folding his arms over his chest.

Nick pouted, “So I gotta see you guys everyday now, all the time?”

“You leave us no choice. Maybe after we punish you, you’ll behave.”

“But, this is only a first time offense!” Nick argued.

“Then maybe there won’t be a second time one,” Howie said.

“Oh come on, you know you guys go out too...AJ...Howie....”

“I go out with my girl, and we don’t get arrested and start fights...”

“But it was...”

“End of story Nicky,” Brian said softly. “Suck it up, and deal. For the next few weeks, you’re stuck with us.”

Nick looked incredulously around his living room, sputtering on all the words that wanted to tumble from his lips... “But I don’t wanna go to cooking class!!”

“So wait, now you’re telling me that Brian knows who did it...and that it’s one of us! That you knew it had to be one of us, before he told you?” AJ sat perched on the leather sofa.

Kevin nodded.

“Well why the hell wouldn’t he just come out and say who it is? He could have gotten... wait a minute. Brian knows who it is you say, so obviously you think it’s not him. We all know it wasn’t Nicky, and you’re telling me... and you wouldn’t be, if you thought I....” AJ frowned deeply at Kevin. “Is this your way of saying you think it was Howie?”

“Yes.”

“What if it wasn’t Howie, what if it was me? What makes you so sure it wasn’t me?” AJ demanded, disbelief clouded his eyes. How could Kevin possibly think Howie had anything to do with it. “Howie came in after it happened, man!”

Kevin’s eyes misted over, “I’m not sure if it wasn’t you...” His voice was harsh, “I just know who it’s not.”

“And who have you ruled out Kevin? Nick...and let me guess, your cousin?” AJ raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think it couldn’t be Brian, Kevin? He was holding out on us!”

“He’s protecting someone...someone close to us...”

“How do we know he ain’t protecting himself!” AJ stood up, nearly knocking the small couch over in his haste. “Why are you so quick to trust him!”

“Why were you so quick to think I trusted you?!” Kevin fired back.

“I wasn’t!” AJ said cooly, “Just wanted to see what you were going to say, Kevin. You know what, maybe you’re getting too into this detective thing. I mean, you are the only person who’s talked to both sides...Maybe you did it.”

Kevin gasped, “I didn’t do it!”

“Well guess what, I didn’t do it either. And that’s what Brian is gonna say, and it’s what Howie is gonna say. The only one we know for sure didn’t do it, is Nick, and he’ll insist that he DID do it! We’re one messed up lot, all of us!” AJ began to pace furiously. “Instead of blaming each other, we need to work together. One of us did it, we’re all brothers here, we can talk about it. We were willing to protect Nick...we should be willing to protect whoever else to, right?”

“You sound like you’re trying to assure yourself,” Kevin said suspiciously.

AJ glared at him, “And you sound like you’re trying to take the heat off yourself, old man.”

“So it’s going to end this way...with us blaming one another...”

“You started it,” AJ countered.

Kevin curled his lip, “I’ll end it too. I’ll find out who, whether it be Brian, Howie...or you.”

“Or you,” AJ said with a bitter smile.

“Go to Hell.”

“Only after you, Cupcake.”

“Where is he??” were the only words Brian could vocalize though the phone. Nick was missing. He’d called his home, and David had answered. David had told him Nick said Brian had come to pick him up. He hadn’t actually seen Brian that day, Nick said he had been waiting outside. Why would he lie? To get away from us, that brat!

“I called all his friends, ya know, Brent, Mandy, Tony, everyone. They haven’t seen him,” AJ’s voice had a forced calm to it. “Relax B, he’s just trying to piss us off, blow off some steam for coming down on him the other day.”

“He’s blowing off some steam right into some monster’s hands! They follow him AJ! That guy told him not to break away from us!” Brian was trying not to panic, Leighanne was doing enough of that for the both of them. Kevin was out looking for Nick with his bodyguard, and David.

AJ was calling around, and Brian sat trying to keep his phone line clear for Nick’s call. He’d broken and called AJ though, he had needed to hear the voice of someone calm, in control.

“What if they hurt him? That guy said he’d deal with him, AJ!” Snip, snip, he bit his nails one by one.

“Brian, Brian chill...Nicky’s fine. He’s just trying to scare us.”

“David said the corvette’s gone. He drove AJ...what if he’s been in an accident?” Brian was wailing.

“Rok, I’ve called all the hospitals...He’s not there...”

“What if he’s lying somewhere hurt...? How could I let this happen? We shouldn’t have yelled at him...”

“B...chill. Hold on, I got another call.” AJ clicked over to the other line.

“Alex?” the voice asked.

“Howie? Hey dude, we still can’t find, Nicky, and B’s freaking out. You think you could call him. You talk smoother than me...”

“There’s no need.”

“What?”

“He’s here.”

“He’s what?”

“Nick’s here, he’s sleeping. I don’t know how long he’s been here either. I just looked up, and there he was all bundled up on the couch.”

“Howie, what were you doing to where you wouldn’t notice him come in?”

There was silence, “I’m not gonna wake him, he looks tired. I’ll take him home in the morning.”

“Howie...”

“Tell the others, Alex. Night.” He hung up, and AJ clicked over with a sigh, “Hey Brian...”

Howie sat across from Nick’s curled form on his couch, running his swab through his flute. How long had he been there? He wondered. Howie had been lost in the world of Mozart, and when he finally found the road back to Florida, he got the shock of his life. He had gotten the call telling him Nick was missing hours before, and to calm his nerves he rehearsed his solo. He would be playing for a small audience the following Thursday. He closed his eyes to his sitting room, and opened them to the golden world of music. When he returned, he was startled to see Nick lying directly across from him, snuggling with one of his couch pillows. After he was done with his swab he dismantled the instrument and put it aside in its case. He then went to the linen closet for a blanket. His friend was too big to be carried, and he hadn’t the heart to wake him. He looked so tired, his face so restless. Howie covered him up, tucking the corners of the blanket around him, and stroking the hair from his forehead. “Howie...?”

Howie blinked, startled. He looked down to see Nick’s eyes open a crack, “You sounded really good. How come you never play for us?”

Howie gave a little smirk, “Cause you’d make fun of me.”

“Yeah....but only after telling you how good you are. You’re really good.”

“Thanks, Nicky,” Howie said lightly, he patted his shoulder, “now go back to sleep.”

“Mmmm...” Nick got comfortable again, “you know...most male flute players are gay.”

“Go to sleep Kaos.”

“Night.”

Howie watched him sleep for almost an hour, when he realized that he couldn’t leave him. He traveled back to the linen closet to get himself a blanket. He made himself comfortable on the love seat, and fell asleep.

The next morning 4 cars were parked in Howie’s driveway...one was Nick’s black corvette that he had illegally driven over, one was Brian’s Mercedes, the other AJ’s Prowler, and the last Kevin’s Beamer. Howie’s bodyguard had let them in, and Howie retreated to his bedrooms, as he heard the beginning of the argument with Nick.

It was no where near the yelling that had gone on the night before. They were furious. Howie sighed thinking about the conversation he had held with Nick before they had all called alerting him that they were coming. He almost wanted to give the young man back his car keys, and let him have a head start.

“I just wanted to drive my car Howie,” Nick was saying, it seemed so petty, so foolish and young... but Howie remembered, Nick was foolish and young. He was being deprived of the things Howie and the others had gotten to do.

“I bought the stinkin’ car, and can’t even drive it,” Nick said sadly, lowering his head, his voice was becoming unsteady.

“It’s a really nice car, they made it just the way I wanted it... And when I drive it...God Howie, I feel so great, so alive, like I don’t have a care in the world! I let the windows down and just hollered, I drove everywhere man. I went to a rural area where I could speed all I wanted. Just me, the wind, and my Nirvana. You know what “nirvana” means Howie?”

Howie smiled at the youngster, “Of course I do, Nick, it’s the ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability and joy...”

“Yeah,” Nick said almost dreamily. “Howie to be on my own, feeling that wind through my hair, the music blazing, no one staring at me, screaming at me, telling me what to do... Turned my phone off... Howie, I would have gone crazy if I hadn’t of done it. Please understand, please, I would have gone nuts! I had to go! I had to leave...”

Howie watched Nick recounting his feelings of elation on his joyride, he saw the giddy excitement in his eyes, the wash of power, of freedom across his face. He was positively glowing...he had needed it. When he’d come to Howie’s house, he felt the entrapment all over again, he had looked so restless in his sleep. He had come back into his cage... but.... How corny was this?... He knew why the cage bird sang... he chuckled. It knew what was out there for it beyond the cage, and one day it would be able to join in. Nick had joined, but now he was back. When Nick was through talking he held his head, he looked at Howie as if he were expecting a scolding, a spanking, something... Howie had none.

How he wanted to tell Nick he knew exactly what he was talking about. How escaped his cage through music. Why he lost himself so completely in the movements he played. He felt that same freedom, and power, he felt anonymous, self assured, and at perfect peace and harmony. Nirvana, he chuckled. It was ironic how the horrible screechings of that group could be labeled as something so beautiful as nirvana.

“I know you don’t understand, no one understands me,” Nick said, his head in his hands. “Dr. Gaines says he does, but I think it’s cause I’m paying him... Just please don’t yell at me Howie, not right now.”

Howie did something he hadn’t done since Nick was very young, he reached out to hold the boy and kissed him lightly in his hair, “I’m not going to yell at you for this Nicky, not at all.”

“Why not? The others will...”

“The others aren’t me... I understand you, Nick. I know what you’re talking about. The others, you’ll have to make them see.”

Nick’s weary eyes trained on Howie’s face, stunned, “Howie?”

“Yeah, even Sour D has his moments, huh? Go figure,” Howie snickered, ruffling Nick’s hair and letting him go.

Nick sat back on his knees, “How long has it been since they called?”

“About an hour Nicky, you still have time to leave again, if you need more time alone.”

“You’d let me.”

“Only if you took Johnston with you. It is too dangerous for us, especially you, out there alone... But I do understand. What you did was careless and dumb...but everyone deserves a time to get to be that way. You’re coming into yours...but it’s different for you, and you’re fighting it.”

Nick nodded, he stretched out, sitting flat on his butt with his legs straddled out in front of him. He cocked his head at Howie, “You know Sour D, you ain’t so bad.”

“I know.”

“In fact... I just might give you back your old name.”

“Sweet D?”

“Yeah,” Nick said with a sigh. “If they called an hour ago, they should be here in 30 minutes. Think you got enough time to play me another song on your flute? That song you played last night was nice. Johnston let me in, and said you were in the living room. He didn’t tell me you were practicing though. I was here for two hours listening to you, then I guess I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to though, I wanted to hear the end. You think you could play the end for me?”

Howie’s eyes twinkled, “Sure, Nick, I can play the end for you.” He paused after he rose from his chair, “What made you come here? To my house?”

Nick looked up, “What? Oh....Uh...” he looked sheepish.

“What is it Nick?”

“I...kinda...ran outta gas, and your house is the only place I know around here...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he blushed.

“Oh Nick. What are we going to do with you?”

Chapter 31

“So how much do we get paid an hour?” Chris Kirkpatrick asked Lance Bass, as he leaned over the counter in Lance’s kitchen.

Lance rolled his eyes, “Nothing doofus, we’re doing AJ a favor.”

“But...”

“I’m going to get him tomorrow morning, so I’ll be to the set just a little late, if I can’t help it,” Lance said. “Cover for me?”

“Dude...I’m trying to tell you...”

“He’s not even going to stay the whole time,” Lance reasoned with Chris, who’s mouth was dropping open at Lance not letting him say anything.

“Lance, b....”

“He won’t be any trouble. He’s supposed to keep quiet anyway, he’s sick or something,” Lance was saying.

“Lance!”

Lance was leaving the kitchen, and Chris hollered after him, “Babysitter’s normally get paid!!”

Lance rang the doorbell, and jumped back at the sound of mad high-pitched barking, and scratching noises at the door. “BACK! BACK!” He heard a man’s voice bellowing, “Ouch! Damn you stupid mutts! AJ call off your rats!”

“Panda, Bear, JD, back off!” AJ’s voice called. Then the door opened, Lance was almost afraid to look inside and see a war zone. Instead he saw AJ’s bodyguard Paul, looking perturbed, favoring his left leg, and grimacing, “Ah, so you’re here to get the kid...take the RATS with you too, please?”

Lance smiled at the big man, “Hi Paul.” He stepped inside to see AJ just beside the door petting the heads of his three little dogs. They did look like big fluffy rats, Lance chuckled.

“Hey Lance! Thanks for coming man, you don’t know how much I appreciate this man. We didn’t plan this well at all. Everyone made plans today, including me, and I’m supposed to have Nick today. We can’t leave him alone, he runs off and does dumb shit when we do that...and he’s got that sinus infection shit again.” AJ was waving his hands around and moving towards the kitchen.

Lance caught a whiff of heaven as he walked through the doors. He entered the kitchen to behold a table set with culinary delights. There were crepes with warm fruit compote on them, pancakes with homemade syrup, Belgium waffles... His mouth watered, he had already had breakfast, but strangely his stomach growled like he hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“Can I...”

“Oh, help yourself man,” AJ clapped him on the back. “I’ll get you a plate.”

“Thanks..” Lance circled the table like a vulture, where would he start. He rubbed his palms together as he envisioned his feast. Oooh...AJ’s famous homemade poptarts. The ones with the sweet flaky crusts that melted like butter, and the warm rich fruity insides that made tastebuds rejoice. Ok, he was going a little crazy...but as a man living on his own, good food was a scarce and precious commodity. A blue plate was slapped into his hands, and Lance got to work filling his plate. “Ah-ah, those poptarts are Nick’s!”

Lance frowned, “All of them?”

“All of them,” AJ said flatly, “well, for doing me this favor, you can have a few. Those things are the only things he’ll really eat.”

This was true... Lance had seen Nick eat an entire platter of the tiny pastries. He hurried up and put two on his plate before Nick came in. He added a few pancakes, waffles, and crepes to his heaping plate too, then sat before the enormous pitcher of orange juice, “Freshly squeezed?”

“From the can,” AJ chirped, batting his eyes. “I’m Betty Crocker, not Martha Steward.”

Lance shrugged, good enough for him. He poured himself a glass, and dug into his meal. Around his third helping, Nick came shuffling in with a backpack and set it down in a chair. He went and stood by AJ’s side studying Lance’s amazing trash compacting abilities. “And I used to think you and Howie could eat, but damn!”

Lance licked the syrup from his plate and gazed up to see the youngest two Backstreet Boys staring at him like he was an escaped wild animal from the zoo wearing a string bikini and doing the Meringue. “What?” He swallowed. He set down his plate and downed his tall glass of juice.

“Good?”

“Oh yeah,” Lance grinned. He frowned as the two continued staring at him oddly. “I’ve never seen anyone eat that fast before,” Nick was telling AJ.

“He beats Panda and Bear...” AJ agreed.

“Ok! Will you two cut it out?” Lance stood, and was prepared to leave the table, but not before dipping his finger in the small drop of fruit filling he had missed from his poptart.

Nick and AJ snickered, “You get enough?”

“Shut up!” He glanced at Nick, “You ready to go Carter?”

Nick nodded, lifting his backpack again and slipping it over one shoulder. AJ had gone about the task of packing the last of the poptarts and putting them into a zip-lock bag. He slipped them into the first pocket in Nick’s backpack. “Have fun little brother, behave, take your antibiotic at noon...and at 3...”

“Be ready to go...” Nick muttered, embarrassed that Lance had to witness the degrading scene. He rolled his eyes, “Bye Alex.”

“See ya at 3,” AJ said.

“So....you gonna slip me one of those poptarts?” Lance asked as they got into his silver Navigator.

“No,” Nick said, sounding a little moody, and a trifle more nasally than he normally sounded.

“You got like 10 of them...”

“You ate like 10 of them inside,” Nick said. “Don’t tell me you’re still hungry.”

“I’m not hungry...just greedy,” Lance muttered. He put his car in gear, and first the first time since he arrived at AJ’s looked at a clock. “HOLY SHIT! We’re gonna be so late!” He peeled out of AJ’s driveway and flew into the paved street, nearly running a stop sign.

“Dude, calm down, we still gotta go out of the gate,” Nick said... Lance slowed, and drove like a sane person through the gated community. When they came to the gate Nick entered the exit code, and then Lance peeled out again.

Nick laughed, “Can I roll down the window?”

“No.”

“Well then can I at least change this God awful station?”

“Don’t touch my radio!”

“I’ll give you a poptart..”

“Give it to me!”

“Where the hell is he? He said he was only going to be...”

“There he is,” Justin interrupted JC, he pointed to where Lance was entering dragging Nick Carter behind him. They had come through the underground garage to avoid the fans outside.

“Where have you two been? Get lost?” JC asked, he didn’t sound amused. “You’re almost an hour late!”

“Sorry,” Lance apologized, “it’s my fault. I..uh... well I got to AJ’s in plenty of time, but uh...ya..see.... What had happened was...”

“AJ made his usual breakfast for 20, and Lance here went into a feeding frenzy. By the time we got out of there, traffic was bad,” Nick summed it up for Lance, who looked at him gratefully.

Justin looked disappointed, “AJ made breakfast.... Damn.” Something told him he should have been the one to pick Nick up. “Did he make those crepes with the..?”

Lance nodded, his eyes misting over as he recreated every bite he slid past his lips onto his tongue. “Damn it!”

“Guys, can we stop talking about food here!” JC snapped his fingers in Justin and Lance’s faces, “We have a video to shoot, or have you both forgotten.” He gazed at Nick, and smiled gently, “Hey, how are you? Ignore me snapping at the idiots, you want to see the set?”

“I’m ok,” Nick said, then shrugged. “Why not?”

“Hey, it’s the jailbird!” Chris announced when he laid eyes on Nick approaching with JC, Justin, and Lance.

“Hey yourself,” Nick said lightly with a laugh.

“So, did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Really get arrested for starting a bar fight?” Chris leaned in. He was sitting in the director’s chair in full make up.

Nick rolled his eyes, “Yes I really got arrested...but I didn’t start the fight, I just jumped in.”

Chris hooted and cheered him on, “Heard you took on a guy built like an elephant!”

Nick nodded, “He was just mad cause I peed on him.”

“And you.... YOU WHAT?”

“Well it was his fault...” Nick said with a frown.

“That you can’t aim??”

“No...I was minding my own business, using the restroom, and the guy grabs me from behind while I’m still peeing... so...” Nick shrugged.

Justin, JC, Lance, and Chris gapped at him, “You’re not lying...”

Nick shook his head, “So when I came out the guy was fighting my friend, so I jumped on his back.”

JC was shaking his head, “Now I see why they think you need a babysitter.”

Nick folded his arms over his chest, “They’re being unreasonable...but it’s either this, or California.” He shuddered.

“What’s in California?”

“My parents...” Nick sighed with a frown. “Where’s Joey?”

“Oh...you didn’t hear about Joe? Lance you didn’t tell him?” Chris raised an eyebrow towards Lance, who was engaged in a conversation with Justin. They both wore idiotic grins, Justin’s eyes glinted with..lust? Lust? “Justin! Why are you looking at Lance like that?” Please don’t say anything that will scare me, Chris thought to himself as he awaited the answer. Justin’s head snapped to look at him, his blue eyes wide in surprise, “Looking at Lance like what?”

JC and Nick were now gazing at Justin and Lance as well.

“You looked like you wanted to...to jump his bones or something!”

“No I didn’t!” Justin protested. “I didn’t..I.... He was telling me about what he ate for breakfast at AJ’s...”

“Dude! AJ made breakfast, and I missed it! I knew I should have picked Little Evil up!”

“Little Evil?” Nick frowned at Chris, who laughed. “That’s what everyone called you behind your back on tour... even ole’ Brian said it a time or two.”

“He did not!” Nick pouted. He stared at the four men, and decided that they were teasing him, and that he wouldn’t let them have the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him.

“Did too,” Chris chuckled.

“Hmph.. Well I wonder if he heard what I called him behind his back,” Nick uttered.

“Uh oh, I done started something,” Chris smirked rubbing his palms together. “Backstreet Brawl, News at 11.”

“So where’s Joey?”

“We kicked him out. The dude actually wanted a solo,” Chris answered, face dead serious.

Nick groaned, “JC, where’s Joey?”

“Why, got another rubber roach to throw at him?”

“Maybe...”

“He hurt his leg the other day during practice. He like cut it, and it looks really gross. He had to get like a billion stitches, and sadly to say, he can’t walk on it too well.”

“Poor guy, so he’s not going to be here at all?” Nick looked so disappointed, Chris actually spoke sincerely, “He might show up a little later. You were really going to miss him if he didn’t come?”

“Of course,” Nick said with a shrug. “If Joey didn’t show up, what would I do with all of these?” He managed to hid the wicked grin on the inside, until the precise moment he swung his backpack from his shoulders, unzipped it and turned it over. Dozens of black wriggling snakes fell from the bag onto the floor into a hissing pile of squirming cords.

“OH SHIT!!”

“NICK YOU SHIT!!”

The members of N’Sync flew back from the winding serpents, spitting curses in Nick’s cackling direction. He stood in the midst of the serpents laughing his head off.

“We’re tying him up!” Lance announced. “We’re going to get some freakin’ rope and tie his stupid hands behind his back!”

“I knew it! Sick my ass!” JC was griping, they watched as the vile black creatures stopped moving. “What are they?”

“Rubber snakes,” Nick giggled, he was wiping his eyes. “They wiggle around if you get them a little damp and keep them coiled up. I just wanted to see your reactions....God, your faces...”

“Justin...get a rope,” JC said nodding to Justin. Justin left the room, his face grim with purpose. “Lance block the door...Chris, restrain him..”

“Hey....” Nick blinked, he looked at all the stony faces around him, “Hey..” he took a step back. “It...it was just a joke, guys! I thought you all had a sense of humor! I...I...” He backed into the wall, “Shit! They really were for Joey! I didn’t mean to!!” JC and Chris closed in.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!”

“Hey, you’re Nick Carter. I heard you were going to be here today,” A young man with bleached blond spiky hair greeted Nick. “I worked with your brother for a little bit. What are you doing all the way over here, so far away from the shoot? Didn’t you want to watch?”

Nick Carter sat in the director’s chair Chris had been using with his hands behind his back sitting upright, and looking gloomy, “I’m kinda tied up, right now.”

“Oh you’re busy? I’m sorry, I probably interrupted you..”

“No, I really mean I’m tied up!” Nick said, stressing that he was tied up by leaning forward and proving he was being restrained by some invisible from the front of him force. Wade Robinson frowned, and walked around the chair. He laughed when he viewed Nick’s problem.

He was hog tied to the chair. His hands were tied neatly behind the chair, his ankles bound as well. “One question.”

“Yes?”

“Did you deserve this?”

Nick tried his best to look innocent, and Wade chuckled, “I think it would be in my best interest to not mess with you then. I’ll let you duke it out with the guys.”

“What?” Nick’s eyes enlarged as he realized Wade was walking away, he was leaving him! “Where are you going? Dude, untie me! Come on, I’ll...I’ll.... PLEASE!! Oh man, this ain’t funny, I’ve been like this for an hour and a half!! I’M CALLING MY LAWYER!... Shit...well can I at least get a damn kleenex?” Having a runny nose, and no free hands was no fun at all.

Well Nick, he thought to himself, how are we going to get ourselves out of this one?

“You still not talking to us?” Justin asked, tugging on Nick’s sleeve trying to get a smile out of him. Nick took his sleeve back, and turned away from Justin bringing his gaze to rest back on the television. He had been freed 30 minutes before, and was now sitting in Justin’s dressing room playing one of his video games. Justin had felt guilty, and volunteered the room.

“Oh come on, you can’t be mad at us all day. We didn’t mean to keep you tied up for that long. We just got really busy!”

Nick continued to play. He wasn’t really ignoring Justin because he was angry, he was actually just very engrossed in the game he was playing. He didn’t think he’d ever played it before, he couldn’t even think of what it was called.

“Nick! You’re acting like...like Britney!”

What? Timberlake was accusing him of acting like a woman?

“I said I was sorry!”

Well he sure was apologizing like a bitch... “It wasn’t even my idea.”

Nick struggled to tune Timberlake out as he fought to get his Knight through peril.

“Nick I...”

“Will you shut it Timber-freak, I’m not mad at you, I’m trying to play this damn game!” Nick yelled, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Who knew he could be so shrill, he had succeeded in giving himself a larger headache. He almost threw down the controller in frustration, and lost a life in the process. “Aw smurf it!”

“What it?” Justin blinked, and looked at Nick curiously. Now that he was sure Nick wasn’t mad at him, he could question him.

“Smurf it,” Nick grinned, he took the death of his character, as a break to rub his temples and the areas around the bridge of his nose. “You remember the Smurfs don’t you Justin?”

“Yeah, but ‘smurf’ it?”

“Well ya know they say the word ‘smurf’ instead of verbs right. Like instead of say, ‘Lets go pick some berries,’ they’d say, ‘Lets go smurf some berries.’ Right?”

“Yeah?” Justin looked confused.

“So my friend Brent and I started wondering what else the word smurf could be used for, and we came up with some creative stuff. You know, one time, Lazy Smurf was trying to go to bed right? And the other Smurfs decided it would be cool to throw him a slumber party, and keep him up all night. Now this is totally uncool to Lazy, and in our opinion this is what he should have said, ‘What the SMURF? I don’t want no SMURFIN’ slumber party! Get the SMURF out!”

Justin fell over laughing, “You guys are...are smurfin’ retarded! What were you smoking man?”

“Nothing... but we were listening to your CD, man. I think when you play it backwards...”

“You hear the words, Backstreet sucks.”

“Backstreet sucks? Nah, man, it was more along the lines of Britney sucks....someone else who’s name ain’t Justin!”

“You’re dying.”

“Geez, Justin it was only a joke. I swear you people can’t take anything...”

“No, you’re dying, the game started back up man!” Justin gestured to the screen, and Nick yelped grabbing the controller.

Justin sat silent watching the screen as if a movie were unfolding before him, “So um... At the club...I know you left some stuff out. I mean, if you want to talk about it, I’d like to know why that big guy you say you jumped on grabbed you in the first place.”

Nick frowned, the screen flashing as his animated protagonist suffered another death, his head severed from his body, “He wanted to talk to me.”

“A fan?”

“You could say that.” The game restarted.

Justin’s eyes narrowed, “Something serious went down, didn’t it? You guys are in trouble again, aren’t you?”

Nick concentrated on his game.

“Nick! Maybe we can help, ya know...”

“The only way you can help, is to not talk about it ok. You’re going to upset my fragile psyche, or some psycho-babble shit like that,” Nick muttered.

“Nick..”

“I feel a flashback coming on...”Nick said eerily, causing Justin to pale momentarily before smacking him. Nick gave a shout as he tumbled over, pulling the video game down from its position on top of the TV. There was a loud crash, and both Justin and Nick sat upright staring at the damage. Heavy footsteps were rushing towards the room, and the two youngest looked at one another, “Aw smurf!”

“You sure he’s asleep?” Lance asked JC as he was coming back to the set. “Like a baby, he took that antibiotic and passed right out.”

“Thank the Lord,” Lance sighed. “Now we can get peace, and not have to worry about snakes, and expensive items breaking,” he looked pointedly at Justin who blushed.

“It was an accident,” Justin said with a grin. “Sorry about that...I didn’t know it was yours honestly.”

“Well it’s yours now,” Lance said, “accept it as a gift, as I will accept your Playstation 2.”

“Accept my Playstation...Oh hell no! That was your bad Lancey-poo. You should have kept your stuff under wraps.”

“JC! Justin’s being a brat!” Lance began to whine.

“Shut up you two! Lance, ignore him. Justin, leave the man alone, and give him your Playstation!”

“What are you Santa Clause? You can’t be giving my stuff away to other people,” Justin whined, matching Lance’s previous pitch.

“Why me?” JC sighed deeply, rubbing his throbbing temples.

“Hey guys,” came a familiar voice. JC blinked, Joey? Great, now Joey was here to add to his damn headache.

“JOEY!!” Justin went bounding towards the man, and gave him a massive hug. Then he stepped back to take in his appearance, “Cool cane, can I play with it?”

Joey rolled his eyes. Justin’s show of affection had been short, he simply wanted a distraction Joey knew. Joey leaned on his cane taking the weight off his injured leg, “Yeah, you can mess with it later. How much have you guys taped today?”

“A few scenes, one dance number...”

“Where’s Little Evil?”

“In my dressing room, sleeping. He broke Lance’s Playstation, and unleashed a prank on us he had in store for you,” Justin said. “We tied him to a chair after that.”

Joey blinked, “Sounds like I missed a lot. He’s in your dressing room you say? I’m gonna go bug him.”

“Oh please don’t wake IT up,” JC moaned as he joined Justin and Joey, Lance followed.

Joey grinned, “Ah, I’ll occupy him, don’t worry. How is he? I mean, he say anything about being picked up by the police?”

“You missed the story,” Lance snickered.

“I’ll ask him to tell me,” Joey shrugged. “Where’s Chris?”

“Shooting his scene, he’ll be through in a few minutes.”

Joey nodded, “Tell him where I went.” He limped away, only to return minutes later, “Yo Ju, I thought you said he was in your dressing room.”

“I did... He’s not?” Justin blinked, he looked confused. “He was there when you left last JC, wasn’t he?”

JC nodded, his mouth frowning, “He probably went to the bathroom or something.”

“The light was off. I searched that whole room, he’s gone.”

“Shit!” JC cursed. “Well he’s around here somewhere. We shouldn’t worry about it.” His eyes darted around the large room nervously, there were so many people... JC hadn’t noticed just how many people they had invited to their video shoot. There were so many unfamiliar faces, he studied people as they passed, trying to size them up. Did they look unfriendly, dangerous....? He fought back a shiver, “On second thought...uh... we should announce he’s missing, and look for him.”

“Yeah,” the others seemed to agree simultaneously, apparently they had all been thinking the same thing.

“Lets get Chris.”

“That damn kid... I swear, we should have kept his ass tied to that damn chair!” It was rare to see Chris in such a mood, and Joey usually found it quite amusing. He limped amiably after Chris, enjoying the feel of his body swinging with the cane’s aid. He was seriously thinking about keeping the cane around, even after his leg healed. It was fun.

They’d searched every inch of the vicinity and still no Nick. Joey was starting to feel a little nervous, and judging from Chris’s expression he was starting to get a little angry. “If anything’s happened to that brat...” he was muttering, and Joey smiled. Chris was nervous too.

“Hey Chris...”Joey said suddenly, he had a thought. He stopped in his tracks, listening to the sounds of the fans screaming outdoors, they were near one of the doorways, “Where was one place Nick wasn’t supposed to go?”

“Out of our sight?”

“Where else?”

“Um...outside. Hey, you think that little creep went outside?” Chris was catching on to what Joey was thinking.

Joey nodded.

“Shit... do we...”

Joey shushed Chris and nodded towards the door they were standing near, “What looks funny about that door there?”

Chris frowned and stared at the door, “It’s uh...It’s...Hey! It’s open! I was wondering why it sounded so much louder over here!” He stalked towards the door, “Wait til I get my hands on that kid...”

“Hey Chris, wait up!”

It was perfect. Nick had discovered the remote controlled car right before lunch. He’d spotted it under Justin’s dressing table, some hiding place. He knew good and well it was no fun to run a model car around inside, especially during a video shoot, with evil people who like to tie others to chairs, so he planned on going outdoors. They wouldn’t miss him if he planned it just right.

He sighed, N’Sync turned out to be as bad as the guys when it came to watching what he was doing...unless he was tied up. He narrowed his eyes just thinking about it, and wiped his nose on his arm. Howie would be thoroughly disgusted if he had just seen that, he grinned.

After he forced down the majority of the sandwich and chips that had been offered to him, he took his medication and feigned sleep. JC actually sat with him until he was sure he was out. Talk about not trusting someone! Well he supposed he deserved it, he had played a lot of jokes on the man... and, what he was about to do wouldn’t be too highly looked upon if someone were to find out. He groaned to himself, but he’d only be outside for a little while. He just wanted to take the car for a small spin on the concrete. Besides, he hadn’t been outside in 4 days. Well he had, but only for a few minutes while being transferred from vehicle to house. He wanted to feel the sun on his skin, breathe some fresh air....well, it wasn’t like he could smell the fresh air, but hey it was the principle involved!

He sat up after the door closed, and waited a few minutes before turning on the light and gathering the remote controlled Nascar Racer. He tucked a few kleenex into his right back pocket of his jeans, and took his inhaler from his back pack and stuck it into his left pocket. Now, to escape... He clicked off the light again, and opened the door a small crack to peer out. The coast was pretty much clear, everyone had gone into the main room for the next scene in the video. Nick estimated they should be busy for at least an hour or more, before Timberlake came back to see if his dressing room was still intact. That would give him plenty of time to go out, race the car, and slip back in. He crept out of the dressing room keeping close to the walls, and traveling as quickly as he could. Now where would be the best place to exit? Probably near the side he had passed with Lance, there hadn’t been any fans there. The area was hard to get into....and it was perfect for what he wanted to do.

It took him 10 minutes to find his escape. He opened the door, grinning as he saw no one in the secluded area, it was pretty much fenced off, and the screams of the fans were dull meaning they were far away from the location. Nascar time! He set the car he held in his arms down and began to fiddle with the remote. He had propped the door open slightly behind him, just in case it was the kind that locked from the inside. It would really suck to be locked outside...he shivered. It really was sort of desolate here, no one could hear him scream. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. He sighed, and stamped his foot in frustration. He hated it. He hated having to be wary and afraid of everything, everywhere, and everybody! For once he just wanted to have fun, do what he wanted to do, smurf the consequences! He concentrated his energies on figuring out the controls.

He was making the car do pop-a-wheelies when he heard the first sounds of voices, “Oh my God! I think I see one of them!”

“Shhhh... no one can hear us! Do you want other people following us over here?!”

“I think it’s Justin! He looks blond!”

“Justin!”

Nick looked like a deer in headlights, “Shit...” he gazed to the door, could he make it? No... He could see them now, 4 girls, and 2 older ladies. They ran to the black iron rung gate and stared at Nick oddly, “You’re not in N’Sync!”

Nick forced his eyes to widen in shock, “I’m not?” He gasped and covered his mouth with his hand, before laughing.

“You’re a Backstreet Boy!”

Nick blinked, and looked as if a light bulb had suddenly come on in his head, “Well by golly I am! Man... I really got lost! Guess I’m on the wrong set. I was wondering why those people in there kept calling me Justin.”

That one had gotten a smile out of them, “What are you doing here?”

“Did you guys really become good friends on tour?”

Nick looked from face to face, they were all asking questions, who to answer?

“Did you really get kidnaped again?”

“I’m so sorry for the first time it happened. My sister likes your group, and she cried so hard when it happened the first time. It must have been really scary.”

“He doesn’t want to talk about that Jodie!”

“How would you know Natalie?”

Nick went back to racing the Nascar while they argued amongst themselves. The older fans realized they had lost his attention and immediately jumped back into the game. “Nick, I’m Nadia, and this is my sister Karen. We’re Chris’s biggest fans... you wouldn’t be able to go in and get him, and get him to come out would you?”

“Oh yes...Could you get Justin to come out?” the girl who couldn’t be more than 13 asked. She had been arguing with Natalia, and Jodie.

“Oooh and JC!” another squealed, she had to be at least Aaron’s age.

Nick stopped what he was doing and stared at the girls, “Um... Actually I uh... I can’t.”

“Why not?” all the girls pounced.

“Well, I’m kinda, not supposed to be out here.”

“Why not?”

“Uh...” Nick smiled sheepishly, “I... I... Geez...This is embarrassing.”

“Why? We’re not gonna laugh at you,” Nadia assured him. She was tall with long dark hair, and almost 10 years his senior.

“No, whatever it is it can’t be that bad,” Karen grinned, she looked around his age.

Nick grinned back, his ears turning red, “Well, ya see, I was like supposed to be hanging out with AJ today, but he and Brian got their days crossed, so I couldn’t...And they treat me like a baby, so I can’t stay at my own house by myself, so AJ called Lance and asked if I could stay with him. But they were shooting a video, so he brought me here instead...and I’m not supposed to be outside because I’m sick. But....But.. I was going stir crazy so I escaped. They don’t even know I’m gone, but if I go back in there now they’ll know... And...and they might tell Kevin...or worse, Kevin’s wife!”

“Are you trying to tell us that N’Sync is babysitting you?” the one called Jodie exclaimed, she began to chuckle. Natalie and the younger girls joined her after a minute.

Nick scowled, “Man...”

“We’re not laughing at you Nick....it’s just, the situation’s funny sounding! Justin’s babysitting?”

“And not doing a very good job of it, might I add,” Nadia laughed. “His baby has gotten away.”

Nick pouted, “Well if he hadn’t been treating me so meanly I might not have left.”

“Meanly? Justin’s being mean to you?”

“He, and Chris, and Lance, and JC tied me to chair, and left me there for 2 hours!” Nick complained.

“What?” the girls were laughing again.

“What did you do to them?”

“Nothing! I mean it was only a joke,” Nick said lightly, then began to snicker. “It was really funny when they all screamed and jumped back like 20 ft.”

Karen blinked at him, “They had a tour diary you know, they called you Little Evil.”

Nick frowned, “So they tell me now.”

“You were bad on tour,” one of the little girls stated. “I love your brother.”

“I’ll tell him,” Nick said with a smile.

“So you snuck out? Do you think they’d be really mad if they found out? Really?”

“Pissed,” Nick clarified, then excused himself, he’d forgotten about the little girls.

“What kind of video are they filming in there?”

“A dance one, and they change clothes like a million times. I really didn’t get to watch much though. As I told you before, I was tied to a chair.”

“I wish N’Sync would tie me to a chair!” Natalie wished. “I’m Natalie, and that’s Jodie.”

“I’m Crystal,” the youngest who loved Aaron spoke.

“I’m Becky!” the one that was slightly older than Crystal introduced herself.

“Someone tipped us off to come over here, the guys might come out...and we got followed,” Karen explained, looking towards the younger girls. “Any chance the guys will come out here today?”

“They might,” Nick shrugged. “When I go back in, and pretend to be waking up from a nap, I can suggest it to them.”

“They have you taking naps?” Karen raised an eyebrow, and Nick groaned rolling his eyes, “JC watched me eat all of my sandwich...it was degrading. I think Kevin’s paying them... he and his wife are coming to get me at 3.”

“So Kevin’s really married? Some of us thought it was a front. Brian’s really married too?”

Nick nodded.

“Do you really have asthma? Someone online said they saw you with an inhaler at one of the concerts?” Natalie asked curiously.

Nick made another face, “Yeah...unfortunately. I just got diagnosed last year, though.”

“When you got.... you know.”

“Kidnaped? Yeah, right after it,” Nick said with a shrug. “You can say it, you know, it doesn’t bother me like it used to.”

“Did you and N’Sync talk about it much? Like did you bond and stuff?”

Nick fought the impulse to roll his eyes, the questions were beginning to get annoying, “Um...not much. We really don’t like to talk about it to other people. It bothers them.”

“Oh....yeah I can see why. Natalie and I were discussing last year that it could have just as easily been N’Sync instead of you guys. I bet they thought about that a lot.”

Nick nodded, and gazed back down at the car.

“Is it yours?” Nick gazed up to look at Nadia who smiled down at the car. “Um no...It’s Justin’s. I’m borrowing it,” he smirked. “Don’t tell him though.”

“Do you hang out with Justin often?” Becky asked. “You’re both the youngest of your groups, so I bet you guys talk a lot.”

“Uh, we hang out when we get the chance. Most of the time I hang with the guys...uh my guys, though, ya know.”

“You guys got a lot closer huh?” Karen asked.

Nick nodded, “Too close... I can’t turn around without one of them demanding to know where I’m going, and who with.”

“Did you really start a bar fight?”

Nick’s eyes widened, “Start one? No....I didn’t start it, this other guy did... I was just trying to help my friend out.”

“You were in a fight!”

“Yeah.”

“So you got arrested?”

“Yeah,” Nick said with a sigh. “I’m not really proud, but it happened. I’ve learned my lesson.”

The girls were laughing again. “Did you win?”

“No way, that guy was bigger than Shaq!”

“Aaron beat Shaq,” Crystal pointed out.

“Well Aaron wasn’t with me then. I could have used him,” Nick commented.

“You’re funny,” Nadia said with a smile. “You think you could sing us a song while you’re out here?”

“Me?” Nick looked around as if there were somebody else out there besides him, “I’d sound horrible. I’m too stuffy. Besides, you guys aren’t supposed to want me to sing anyway.”

“Oh just a little song.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick apologized. “I’m so not supposed to.”

“You’re not supposed to be out here,” Jodie said staring at him.

“Yeah...but...”

“Let him be,” Nadia said. “He says he can’t. You think you can sign autographs instead?”

Nick grinned, “Uh...”

“You’re not supposed to do that either?” Karen looked dubiously at him.

“No, I can. I just, you have to promise not to laugh if they look funny.”

“Why would they look funny?” Natalie asked.

Nick looked sheepish again, “The antibiotic I’m on makes my vision get kinda fuzzy when things get close to my face, so my signature may be a little lopsided. You can’t laugh at it, if it is!”

“As long as I can read it, it’s fine,” Jodie said with a shrug. She pulled out an autograph book and held it out. Nick took a breath and walked to the gate to where he was standing in front of them.

“You’re cute,” Becky giggled, and Nick smiled, “Thank you, you’re cute too. I’ll sign yours first.” He took her pink book and her pen, “What do you want it to say?”

“Um....Just...anything, it doesn’t matter.”

“I hope you can read this, cause I sure can’t...” Nick spoke as he began scribbling. He held the paper away from his face squinting. He signed all autographs, laughing as he eyed his finished work. Nadia’s autograph looked as if he had written it in a bouncing caravan, and Jodie’s looked as is he had written it from a 90 degree angle. “Wow...It looks like I was on crack when I signed these.”

They all laughed, then they took a few pictures. “How long are you going to stay out here?”

“I dunno,” Nick said. He sniffled a bit, “I guess I should go in soon though.”

“Yeah you should, now that you moved closer, I can see how pale you are,” Nadia studied him. She leaned as close as she could to him, gesturing for him to bend towards her so she could say something in his ear.

“Oooh...” the little girls cooed, and Nick grinned.

“You’ll be even paler if they get you. Don’t you listen?”

Nick stared at the woman, then at her sister, neither looked as celebrity struck anymore, in fact, they looked as if they could care less who he or N’Sync was. “Go inside, and stay in one place until your friend comes to retrieve you. They’re here.”

“Who’s...”

“And take care of yourself, sweetie,” Nadia pushed him away gently. Nick stared at her and Karen, thoroughly confused... What?

“OH MY GOD!!” His thoughts were interrupted by shrieks from the younger girls. “IT’S CHRIS AND JOEY!!”

Shit, it’s Chris and Joey.... Nick’s shoulders drooped, he gave one more curious look to Nadia and Karen before turning to see Chris and Joey’s faces. They looked like Kevin did when he was angry and trying to hide it. They couldn’t let their fans see them like that.

“Why Nick...what a surprise it is to find you out here,” Chris spoke through his teeth.

“Um..hi. Hi Joey, when’d you get here?”

“A little while ago, I was looking for you,” Joey said. He looked at the 6 females, “Looks like you’re having fun.”

“Joey, what happened to your leg?” Natalie called.

“Dancing accident. I had to get stitches,” Joey said showing them his leg. “And who do we have here? What are all of your names?”

All the girls stated their names, and Chris and Joey greeted each and reached for their autograph books, as Nick stood frowning lightly, glancing at Nadia and Karen who appeared to be preoccupied with Chris and Joey then. “Whewie! Nicky, what the hell are you on man? Look at this....you took up the whole page with the way you scribbled!” Joey exclaimed holding up the autograph book for all to see.

“Bet you wish you had some,” Nick teased, giving way to a yawn and sniffling again.

“Nah, bet you wish you had some of what I’m on man. It makes you feel pretty,” Joey laughed.

“Kids, don’t do drugs,” Chris told the girls, looking at Joey and Nick, shaking his head in mock pity.

They stood around to take a few pictures, then Chris took Nick firmly by the arm, “We’ve got to go back inside now, they need us on set.”

“They don’t need me,” Nick argued.

“They do now,” Chris said, “you get to be Joey. Now come on. Wave bye to the girls.”

“Don’t let them take me!” Nick wailed to the girls as he was dragged by Chris and followed by a limping Joey inside. He caught Karen’s eyes, and shivered. She had looked so cold. He waved at her solemnly, and then was dragged inside the door closed blocking her from view.

“What the hell are you trying to pull here?” Chris demanded of Nick, and Nick stared at him. “I...” he held Justin’s Nascar in his arms, “I just wanted to test drive the car..”

“You can do that in here!” Chris said. “Look...I don’t wanna sound like your parent or anything, but it’s dangerous out there for you. You can’t forget what happened to you guys, or to us. There are people looking for you!”

Nick nodded, “I know.”

Chris sighed, “Well...did you get a chance to drive it around?”

Nick nodded, “A few times.” He set it down, so he could cough into a kleenex. “Then those girls came out.”

“I got one,” Joey said. “Racing is a sit down sport, I can handle. Wanna go get mine, we can race them?”

“Oooh...then I can take bets,” Chris rubbed his palms together.

“I thought you were wanted on the set?”

“Oh yeah.... oh wait! We gotta call off the search party for you first, Carter. You know, ole AJ is gonna have to pay us extra for this one. You’re a lot of trouble, kid.”

Nick grinned, “But you have to admit I’m interesting.”

“No, but I can admit you’re weird.”

Nick shrugged, “Weird, interesting, same diff.”

“You would say that.”

“Ow!” JC yelled as a remote control car ran into his foot.

“Sorry Josh!” Joey’s voice called. JC growled rubbing his sore heel, then smiled brightly at Kevin Richardson and his wife Kristen. “Hi, I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hi JC. Glad we’re here? What’s he done?”

JC heaved a great sigh, “Nearly gave us a heart attack is what he did, but it’s ok now. At least when he’s with you, he’ll be in a smaller area where it’ll be harder to lose him.”

Both Kevin and Kristen frowned, “What happened?”

“Kristen!” The answer was interrupted as Nick jogged up to them, giving Kristen a large hug. Kristen kissed his cheek, and ruffled his hair, “Hey honey. You cause trouble here?”

Nick looked at her, then his eyes darted over to JC, “Uh...well...”

“I swear we can’t take or leave you anywhere,” Kevin groaned. He looked Nick over, “Get your stuff together, Kaos. We’re supposed to be going to AJ’s for dinner.”

Nick nodded. Justin, Lance, and Chris had appeared. Joey was limping up to join them as well. “Did I hear something about AJ....and dinner?” Chris wanted to know.

“Is he cooking?”

“What’s he making?”

Kevin laughed, “Don’t they ever feed you guys here?”

“No,” Justin answered just a little too quickly.

“When do you wrap up? If it’s not too late, you could probably stop by. I mean, AJ always makes so much... and I can only eat so much.”

Lance looked dreamy, “I know man...” He began to imagine having breakfast all over again...and Nick still had a few poptarts he knew. He had given Justin, JC, Chris, and Joey some, he’d seen them eating them. Dammit! He could taste them.

“Lance, snap out of it!” Justin snapped his fingers in Lance’s face.

“Sorry.”

“Let me guess. You tasted AJ’s pancakes, and homemade syrup?”

Lance moaned in pleasure, “And Belgium waffles man...”

“Mmmm...” Kevin looked dreamy, and Kristen elbowed him in the ribs, and Kevin cleared his throat, “So um yeah, you guys should just drop by. Call us when you get in the area though, so we can give you the gate code. Nick, your things?”

“Oh yeah,” Nick turned to head back to Justin’s dressing room, and Justin went with him just to make sure he didn’t get lost along the way.

While Leighanne and Kristen were in the kitchen with Amanda arguing over the dishes that should be used for dinner, the five Backstreet Boys sat in the AJ’s living room staring at Nick once again.

“There were two of them and they were girls posing as fans. One was my age, the other one was like older than Kev.”

“This is getting creepy...” AJ shuddered, “but it’s nice to know or think that we’ve got someone watching our asses.”

Kevin nodded, and gazed at Howie suspiciously, “You don’t look too happy about this Howie.”

“Why should I look happy. There are people watching us, watching me.”’

“And you’re afraid of what they might see you doing?”

Howie stared at Kevin strangely, “I don’t like being spied on...no one does. Do you like it?”

Kevin shook his head, but his speculative gaze never left Howie, even when the women called the table was set. Howie walked into the kitchen followed by Nick and Brian. Kevin followed at a distance, and almost gasped when a hand grasped his arm, “Alex!”

“Leave Howie alone man.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re losing it Richardson, blaming your own.”

“It’s one of us...”

“Yeah, but who’s the one that said it was, huh? Maybe you should be looking at him.”

Kevin blinked, watching AJ as he pushed passed him and entered the kitchen announcing his presence as the master chef. Brian?... Brian had suggested that it was one of them...but... Why was AJ so ready to turn the tables and point the finger at Brian? He was protecting Howie, as Brian was protecting Nicky... as Kevin was...protecting himself. Who should he be pointing the finger at?

He sighed as he knew he once again wouldn’t be getting any sleep, as he tried once again to reconstruct the crime in his head, and find the last piece of the mystery puzzle that would link everything to everything. Maybe it was like one of those childhood puzzles, the one’s that could never be completed, because somewhere along the line, there was always a piece missing... lost.

Chapter 32

AJ watched dully as his perfect masterpiece was ruined before his eyes. He’d made a large homemade pizza, hand tossed, double cheese, mushrooms, pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, and olives, with his specialty sauce, and baked it all to a gooey culinary delight. His current house guest had requested this service, and now sat before AJ defacing his work.

Nick carefully removed all the toppings from the large slice of pizza he had taken, stacking them in neat piles on the side of his plate, then he stripped off all of the cheese. He lie the cheese on the opposite side of his plate, apart from the other toppings. He then grabbed a napkin and rubbed off all of the tomato sauce. Next, he began to shred the crust into three large pieces. He took the cheese and wrapped it around one of the shredded crusts, and popped it into his mouth.

“AJ, why didn’t you just make him some cheese bread? Mrs. Baird’s and a little mozzarella?” Denise asked, watching Nick oddly.

“Because he didn’t ask for cheese bread, he asked for a large pizza with extra cheese, olives, bell peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, and sausage,” AJ shrugged, and reached over and grabbed his own slice. “I should have known he wasn’t going to eat it though. Dig in, it’s good.”

Denise gave her son a stern look, and passed him a plate to set his messy food on, then she took a slice for herself. As she chewed her pizza, which was as good as AJ promised it was, she gazed at Nick and was astonished to find that he had eaten all of the crust, all of the cheese, and was making short work of the toppings. She’d be damned, he really did want everything he had requested. He finished his pizza and gulped down the large glass of lemonade in front of him. He sat back looking satisfied, and grinned at Denise’s eyes on him.

“Full?”

Nick nodded, then slid out of his bar stool seat. They were all sitting around the bar counter in the kitchen rather than at the table, “AJ... the pie ready? You said it’d be ready by the time I got through.”

“I wasn’t planning on you inhaling your dinner that fast,” AJ muttered, wiping his hands and having to jog to beat Nick to the fridge. Nick would put his sticky fingers in AJ’s world famous lemon meringue pie tarts, ruining them, and AJ would have to kill him. He opened the heavy door, and peered in at the desserts. They looked like they could all use about 10 to 15 more minutes to chill, but peering back at Nick, AJ decided to go ahead and remove one for him. Nick was getting antsy, and in a minute he would forget about his appetite and move on to other things. If Nick ate the pie, AJ would officially be the first person that week to get Nick to eat a full meal. He pulled out a tart so big it barely fit in the palm of his hand, “Here Nicky, its still wiggly, but you’ll probably like it.”

Nick took the tart, appraising it suspiciously, and just like AJ predicted, dipped a finger in it. He giggled at the mass shuddering and surrendering to the act of gravity, “Cool.” He danced over to the drawers to grab a spoon, “I’m gonna watch TV!” he announced, then padded off into the living room without glancing back.

AJ shook his head at him, “That kid is as antisocial as they come.”

Denise smirked at him, “Thought you liked it better when he didn’t talk much?”

“Yeah..” AJ groaned. “His chirping can get annoying, but when he’s quiet...that usually means something’s bothering him. I don’t want him to drift off or anything.”

Denise frowned, “I notice he does it more often lately...gets lost in himself.”

AJ nodded, “At least they’re just lapses of silence now... Those flashbacks scared the sh....hel.... gave me the creeps.” AJ smiled innocently as his mother raised her eyebrows at him.

“Isn’t his medication supposed to help?”

“They’re mostly tranquilizers... I think that’s why the lapses are so quiet now. That other stuff... the Prozac, all that does, to me, this is what I see it doing, is ruining his appetite. It hasn’t been healthy since...well, you know, but now? I’d have gladly made Nick a chocolate pizza with anchovies if he said that’s what he wanted.”

“And I’d have gladly thrown that mess in the trash,” Denise chuckled taking another slice of pizza. “This is good... we need to freeze your pizzas and sell them. We’d have a whole new grocery store industry.”

“Freeze my delicacies so people can defile them by reheating them in a...a... microwave?” AJ made a horrible face. “Mooooom, never! I’d EAT a chocolate anchovy pizza before I’d ever do a thing like that!”

“I swear you get so touchy when it comes to your food....”

“My MASTERPIECES!”

“The hot dogs you made yesterday were masterpieces?”

“Yes.”

Denise looked heavenward, “I think I’m gonna go watch TV with Nick.”

“Be my guest... he’s either watching Cartoon Network, or the History Channel. They’re showing documentaries on different ancient wars. They give him ideas about what he should be looking for next to add to his collection. Have you seen it lately?”

His mother shook her head, “I don’t want to. Is that safe?”

AJ shrugged, “What do you mean?”

“Well, him being alone in that big house, with all those weapons....”

“He can use them.”

“That’s what I know....” Denise murmured, she was about to say more when the door bell rang. “Were you expecting company Alex?”

“No,” AJ sat down on a bar stool, his head cocked in the direction of the kitchen door. Any minute Paul was going to come through and ask if it was alright for whoever it was to come in. Paul didn’t come through, instead who he saw Howie. AJ smiled at his friend, he hadn’t seen him in over a week. Paul always let in one of his brothers with no question. AJ had often come downstairs to find Brian and Leighanne sitting in the kitchen, or Kevin on the couch. “Howie! Hey man, how are you? You’ve been keeping yourself hidden!”

Howie gave AJ a quick hug, then hugged Denise as well, “I’m fine, how are you both?”

“Just fine honey,” Denise answered for them both, “Sit down....have you had any dinner yet?”

Howie shook his head, and was beginning to speak, “But I...”

“Have some pizza. Alex made it from scratch, and it is delicious.” Denise was already busying herself getting Howie a plate. “You want some lemonade too dear?”

“Denise...you really don’t have to...”

“Here you go,” she set he plate down piled with two slices of large pizza, and set down a large clear mug of lemonade.

“Uh...thanks...”

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this rare visit, oh Invisible One?” AJ asked sitting across from Howie, and taking another slice of pizza.

Howie blinked, “I...um... I heard Nicky was here. I couldn’t catch him at home today.”

“You mean you’re not hear to see me?” AJ looked wounded.

“No..well, yes. I missed you Alex, but uh... I wanted to show Nicky something today. He had asked me about it a little while ago, and I promised.”

“What is it?” AJ munched his pizza.

“Mmmm...this is good,” Howie had just bit into his slice, and hadn’t heard AJ’s question.

“Of course it’s good! I made it!” AJ snapped playfully. Howie grinned at him, “So where’s Nick at? He here?”

AJ nodded, “Yeah. He’s in the den watching TV. HEY NICK!!! COME SEE WHO CAME TO SEE YOU!”

Howie flinched at the volume in AJ’s voice, “I could have just waited until I finished eating, and went to get him myself, Aje.”

“More fun this way,” AJ smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Mom thinks I should freeze my pizzas and sell them.”

“Good business venture,” Howie agreed with his mouth full. “You’d make bundles.”

“But it’d be blasphemy!” AJ argued. “I can’t sell out like that!”

Howie looked at AJ pityingly, and grabbed another slice of pizza. He was about to say something back to AJ, when his brown eyes lit up at someone entering the kitchen just behind AJ, “Hey Nicky, my favorite person for today. I wanna take you somewhere, and show you something.”

“Really?” Nick was frowning, he came and sat at the table pulling a pepperoni off the pizza, “You’re gonna...?” Suddenly his face became more animated, and he couldn’t sit still. “Yay! Now?”

Howie nodded, “If AJ doesn’t mind.”

“AJ doesn’t mind. I’m weirding him out, he said it twice today,” Nick grinned at AJ, who stared at him.

“You heard me?”

Nick shrugged, apparently not wanting to talk about the issue further, “Lets go.”

“Wait!” AJ took his mind off of Nick’s statement, and went back to the issue of Howie and Nick running off somewhere, and the fact that he obviously wasn’t invited, “Where are you two going?”

“Don’t worry about it, J,” Howie said easily. “I’ll take Nick for today.”

“But I...”

Howie shrugged, “Everyone’s been dumping him off on you, not being considerate at all of what your plans may be.”

“But...”

“Let me do this for you,” Howie said. He stood, and rolled his eyes, as Nick bounced up.

“Howie, but...”

“See ya, AJ!” Nick chirped, rushing past Howie to beat him to the door.

“Bye AJ, I’ll call you tonight,” Howie promised, then left after Nick.

“But...I cancelled all my plans today already because I thought I was gonna be spending the day with Nick. Amanda went...shoe shopping...” AJ was left flabbergasted, and alone with the pizza. He stared at what was left of his creation, “So...you thing I should freeze you? What’s that you say? Blasphemy? Yeah, that’s what I said too...”

Brian came over later that evening looking for Nick. He was probably coming to pick him up, Brian was good about that. Leave Nick with AJ for the day, but he always made sure to come back and get him before night fell. He hated dropping Nick off during the day, but sometimes he had to spend some quality time with his wife that didn’t involve the kid. “Nick?” Brian called, before running into AJ, and greeting him, “Where’s Nicky? Sleeping?”

AJ shook his head, “Nah...he went with Howie somewhere.”

“Oh, he did?” Brian blinked, “Where?”

“They, um, wouldn’t say. Nicky looked really excited to go though,” AJ shook his head at the rude memory. He couldn’t believe they hadn’t invited him...hadn’t even thought to invite him!

Brian frowned, his eyes clouding a bit... what was that expression? If AJ wouldn’t have thought it beyond Brian, he would have sworn it was jealousy. Brian, jealous? Nah... especially not of Howie. “Both Howie and Nick disappeared somewhere, and you don’t know where?”

AJ shook his head.

“Nick looked like he was pretty sure of where they were going?” Brian questioned, his frown deepening, the look in his eyes changing. The jealousy was quick to pass and be shrouded with what AJ could now perceive to be...worry, distrust? “Yeah, he did. He was damn near ecstatic. So happy, I almost pretended not to be hurt that they didn’t invite me to come along. Nick was creeping me out.”

Brian blinked, and suddenly his mind was set on the here and now, “He was?... Was it bad, today?”

AJ nodded, “He’s getting worse, even Mom was asking about it. But hey, I got him to eat.”

Brian smiled, “That’s great. I was beginning to worry about that.” He sighed, “How long have they been gone?”

“Who?”

“Nick and Howie?”

“Oh...maybe a few hours... Why are you so worried about it B? He’s with Howie,” AJ shrugged. No one questioned Nick’s whereabouts, as long as he was with one of them. Why was Brian questioning them?

“You don’t know where they went. When you asked, why wouldn’t they say?” Brian pressed, he cracked his knuckles and began to look nervous. “How did Howie act when he came? Anxious?”

“Brian, what are you getting at here, bud? You sound like you don’t trust Howie with Nicky,” AJ said staring at the blond man before him. Brian seemed to crackle with nervous energy, “Like I... oh no, it’s not that. It’s just... “his voice faded out a bit, “well, we always tell each other where we are going. That’s all. What if something happened to them?”

“You mean, what if something happens to Nick?” AJ stared at Brian curiously. His eyes widened as Brian flinched at the words, “You got something against Howie, B-rok?”

Brian practically jumped, “What? No... I ...no.”

“B, I’m not Kevin. You know I don’t have patience for guessing games... I know you’ve been dropping hints about Howie to him. If you know something spill it, if you don’t, get out of here with that. Howie and Nick probably went to some museum or something.”

Brian watched AJ carefully, “Been dropping hints to Kevin about Howie?”

“Yeah,” AJ walked into the kitchen knowing Brian would follow him, and went straight to the fridge and pulled out a sack of fresh potatoes. He ripped open the bag and poured them onto the cutting board. “He’s been talking about it. Thinks Howie killed people, and is hiding it from us...trying to get us all killed, cause he’s a coward.”

CHOP!

AJ began chopping the potatoes with expert precision with a large knife.

“He’s been saying that.”

CHOP!

“He’s trying to make Howie look real bad... and I’m starting to think it’s an act. I wasn’t sure if it was him or you... but seeing you now, and how you act... I can see that you are putting the thoughts in his mind. But, he’s pressing the issue a little too much for my taste.”

CHOP!

“What do you mean? Have you and Kevin been discussing group business behind our backs? Does he think it’s Howie?”

CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!

“Well he certainly doesn’t think it’s you... or Nick.”

“He thinks it’s you? But AJ... you’ve never fired a gun.”

“And neither has Howie, but Kev doesn’t care about that, and you’re egging him on. What do you have on Howie, that makes you act so jumpy about the subject of him, huh?”

CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!

“I don’t act jumpy...”

CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!

“I’ll be damned if you don’t. If Kevin had showed up and whisked Nick away you wouldn’t be interrogating me like the freaking chief of police!”

“Kevin would say where they were going! Howie’s always been so secretive! And I didn’t really mind when it was just him, but now he’s taking Nicky along. What does he do while he’s alone AJ? Do you know his hobby? Think Nick does? Why won’t he talk about it? Howie has this big mystery cloud around him, and..well..it worries me. I’m worried about Howie, and I don’t like it when two people I worry about disappear, ok?”

CHOP!

“Would you stop that?!” Brian yelled over the sound of crisp potatoes being slashed and a

heavy knife striking wood with finger severing blows. “I hate it when you’re like this! Stop it and talk to me!”

“I am talking to you!” CHOP! CHOP!

“You’re gonna lose a finger, Alex. Please stop. Don’t do this while you’re mad.”

“Relieves stress...” Chop!

“Can’t we find another way to do that...just for right now, for me?”

Chop!

“Please?” Brian looked ready to remove the knife from AJ’s tight grasp. He let out his breath when AJ stopped, and set the knife down on the counter. He stared down at it, and his work for a while, before looking up at Brian, “How is Kevin confusing your worry for Howie into suspicion for murder. He so much as said that you pointed your finger at one of us...and it was more in Howie’s direction than any of us.”

“I didn’t point my finger at anyone!” Brian shook his head. “Kevin’s jumping to conclusions. Kevin always jumps to conclusions... You know Kev.”

“Yeah... I do know Kev...” AJ stroked his chin. Kevin the calm business man who knew how to get things done efficiently... He sure was doing a good job of making Howie look guilty, but why would he do that? AJ blinked, they were looking for someone who would know how to use a gun. He remembered suddenly, back at Nick’s place, the way Kevin had held the gun Nick had given him...the way he had known just by the exit wound left by the bullet that Nick wasn’t the killer. Kevin knew how to use a gun. Out of the group, Nick and Kevin could fire weapons... and it wasn’t Nick. Kevin was the one going around pointing fingers at people, as suddenly the mob came too close to home, his home.

Oh God, it was Kevin. Had to be Kevin... AJ’s eyes darted to Brian. The blond man had gone to the refrigerator and was helping himself to a tart. Clueless...Brian was completely clueless. He’d just simply given Kevin what he needed to accuse Howie, the obvious suspect. AJ shuddered, how could he do it? It took someone extremely cold-hearted to frame his brother... Kevin wasn’t cold-hearted, yet, he was doing it. Maybe, maybe Nick wasn’t the only one that had gone crazy back in the warehouse...maybe Kevin had too. And if Kevin was trying to frame Howie, so the mob would go after Howie, and not him.... AJ bit his nails, and his hands itched to go back to chopping up those potatoes. He fought the urge and instead went for the phone, he dialed Howie’s cell phone number from memory. It rang a few times, before Howie answered. There was noise in the background and the connection was bad, “Hello?”

“Howie?”

“Alex? Alex is that you? I can hardly hear you...”

“Yeah, yeah it’s me! Where are you? Where’s Nicky?”

“....What? Oh..we’re fine. I’m gonna bring Nick back home in a few hours. He can call you from there if you want him too.”

“Where are you?”

Howie actually chuckled over the line, “We’re going to a place near by, gotta go.”

“No! No, Howie, don’t hang up!” He barely got the words out before the line went dead. Damn... Where the hell had they been? What had he heard in the background... people talking, chairs scrapping... music... Yes, he’d heard a few instruments, sounded like clarinets and maybe a violin? Where were they?

“AJ...what’s wrong? Was that Howie you called?”

“Yeah,” AJ said, gazing down at the phone, that was still shrilling a dial tone. He pressed the “end’ button.

“You find out where they were?” Brian asked, stuffing his mouth full of tart. He didn’t bother with a fork, though the tart was bigger than his face.

“No...he hung up. Just said he’d bring Nick home.” AJ tapped his toe for a minute before turning the phone back on and dialing Nick’s number. Nick answered after the 7^th ring, “AJ!! I’m in the middle of something! What?”

“Where are you? What are you in the middle of?”

“Geez...didn’t you just, like, call Howie? He said we’d be home in a bit! What is this? You’re acting like you’re calling about a conspiracy to murder or something!” The line went cold, and AJ stared at the phone. A conspiracy to murder.... that insight had come from Nick, another clueless body in the mystery. A conspiracy to murder... He hung up the phone and set it on the counter.

“Well?”

“What?”

“What’d he say?”

“Nothing...” He went back to his cutting block, and lifted his knife, “nothing at all.”

CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!

“I think he knows....”

“You do?”

“Yeah, he was acting funny earlier. I tried to get him to talk, but well..you know how he gets.”

“How long before he tells someone you think?”

“I don’t know... don’t you think you should tell? I mean, no one’s going to judge you.”

“We’ve been through this!”

“We’re your brothers!”

“And you know enough! Listen, this it’s my deal, let me handle it. It’s cool. I don’t see why it should matter to you anyway.”

“You’re my brother, anything you do matters to me, never forget that. I just think you should share.”

“I will when I’m ready. Is that fair enough?”

“Yeah...yeah Howie, it’s fair,” With that Brian hung up the phone with a sigh, until someone’s dead.

Chapter 33

“This is hard,” Nick complained. Howie groaned rubbing a hand over his face, “Only because you’re trying to blow into the mouthpiece; you blow over it! Come on, you are not allowed to leave here until you can give me a decent Concert F!”

Nick scrunched up his nose, “Why does it have to be an F? Why not a G?”

“Because I asked for an F! Play it for me or you spend the night.”

“I can’t, you have a cat.”

“Christopher will just have to stay outside for the night,” Howie said, not missing a beat. Nick had tried every excuse he could think of twice, and Howie was not letting up. He said he wanted to learn how to play the flute, Howie had bought him one, and now Nick was going to play it.

“Howie...my arms are tired...”

“I’ll hold them for you.”

Nick’s eyes rolled heavenward, and Howie smiled. He could be just as annoying as Nick was, and he’d see who won this battle. He watched Nick correct his posture and fix his embouchure, then he blew carefully over the mouthpiece. A tiny sound trickled from the flute...no not a sound, a note, a distinct note! “Nick give it more air.” Nick took another breath and blew harder, and there it was, Concert F. He wanted to pick the taller boy up and toss him into the air and catch him, he had done it! “Nicky you did it! I told you, you could!”

Nick held the flute vertically using both hands, he beamed beautifully, “Can we quit now?”

“No! Now that you’ve mastered that....we should go on to learn a new note. Maybe even a scale!”

Nick groaned audibly, “Howie..”

“Nicky... You give me one more hour of your undivided attention, and I’ll take you somewhere nice after this ok?”

“Where?”

What did Nick like? Howie wondered. Nick liked video games, cold pizza, noise, fast cars, long-legged women, weapons.... He frowned, well video games and cold pizza... “Chuck E. Cheese.”

“Really?” Nick’s eyes were large as they glittered with excitement, “And you’ll play video games with me?”

Howie fought back a groan of his own...but if it would get Nick to focus, “Yes.”

“Ok!”

“Good,” the sacrifices he made for music. “Alright now...hold your flute, I’m going to give you the fingerings for Concert B-flat.”

For all of his short-comings, short attention span, hyperactivity, and general annoying qualities, Nick proved to be a fairly good student. By the end of the hour Howie had taught him the first octave and arpeggio for the Concert B-flat scale. Next he would go for Concert E-flat, and F bottom octaves, he would save the top octaves for their next lesson. His instructor, Mrs. Kraft, would be pleased.

He watched Nick disassemble his flute and swab it out as he had showed him, “Good boy.”

“Howie, how long did it take you to learn how to play Concert F?”

“A few minutes,” Howie shrugged. “All it takes is some concentration. You would have gotten it quicker if you weren’t so jittery.”

Nick snapped the small flute case closed, “So you think teaching me to play this thing isn’t a lost cause?”

“No, Nick, I wouldn’t have bought it for you if I thought that. I think you can do anything you want, you just have to put your mind to it. You’re capable of so much, but you never really apply yourself like you should. Like your singing, do you even practice when we’re off tour?”

Nick frowned, “Not really...unless you count the shower.”

“Song writing?”

Nick made a face.

“See,” Howie shrugged. “You could be amazing if you let yourself...and I’m going to make sure you’re amazing at the flute.”

“Like you?”

Howie fought back a smile, the simplest comments made about his playing meant so much to him. He liked to hear that someone thought he was good at something other than being an over-saturated pop star. Hell, he wasn’t even thought of as being good at that, but he got payed quite handsomely for doing something he supposedly wasn’t good at. “You’ll be better than me Nicky, trust me.”

“No way man, I’ve heard you...seen you. Nobody’s better than you. You like go into another world when you start playing, you get this look in your eyes...it’s like magic, good magic. Wish I had good magic...”

Howie gazed at Nick in surprise, Nick was full of surprises. Howie found it refreshing to find someone who could understand exactly how he felt when he played his music, and fascinated that it was Nick, the oblivious one, who turned out to be that someone. In the past week, he had taken Nick to his private lessons, and to one of his jam sessions with other students taught by his instructor. He even let Nick see some of the sheet music he worked on late into the night when he couldn’t sleep sometimes, and played for him when he asked.

The other guys were becoming quite jealous, Howie thought smugly. Nick spent more time with Howie than anyone lately. They all wondered what they did together that kept Nick so occupied. Wouldn’t they be surprised if they knew? Howie still insisted on keeping his music a secret, music was his haven, his special place, and he wasn’t ready to share it. Nick had stumbled in by accident, and though Howie was glad he did, it still was not enough to convince him that he should allow the others passage into his sanctuary as well. Nick was safe, and rather good at keeping secrets when asked. Nick had been quite thrilled actually, he and Howie had a secret. It was something that had never happened before, Howie never trusted Nick with anything special to him. Nick would guard Howie’s secrets to his grave, Howie knew, and felt safe in that. Now he knew why Brian prized him so highly above other people. He knew Nick was loyal to his friends, but he had no idea his devotion ran so deep... a secret to Nick was a treasure and the only key was the friendship that locked the secret in.

“You have good magic in you too, Nicky. I see it when you sing sometimes,” Howie smiled, ruffling the blond’s hair affectionately. “Aright, now you’re gonna have to direct me to Chuck E. Cheese, because I have no idea where this place is.”

“You don’t know where to find a Chuck E. Cheese? Oh Howie man...you are hopeless,” Nick clapped a hand on Howie’s shoulder. “Ok Ancient One, I’ll show you the way...but on one condition?”

“Hmm?” He was going to be sorry for this, he knew.

“I drive.”

Very, very, very sorry. “Nick...”

“Please?” Nick batted his eyes and smiled sweetly. That look only worked on girls, and Howie wanted to remind him of this when the phone rang. “Hold that for a moment while I get the phone.” He dashed into the hall way of the living room where the nearest phone was, “Hello?”

“Howie man, what are you guys doing? I was thinking of dropping by.”

AJ. Howie blinked, stuck in Chuck E. Cheese with Nick...or drag company along. But would AJ come if he knew they were going to Chuck E. Cheese? Probably not, but who said Howie had to disclose all of the details, “Oh....nothing much. We were thinking about going somewhere a little later on, maybe you could join us. Come on over, J.”

“Cool, Amanda’s being annoying. See ya in a bit.” He disconnected, and Howie hung up the phone smirking at his deviousness. Nick was rubbing off on him. He heard the sound of an amateur flute player slowly playing the Concert B-flat scale... very flat, no vibrato...but never missing a note. They were rubbing off on each other.

“Howard, I can’t believe you suckered me into going to Chuck E. Cheese! I could have strangled you at the entrance! Geez... all those brats, and those lines, and that food! Yuck!”

“You’re just mad cause I got more tickets than you.”

“That too,” AJ muttered. They entered Howie’s dark kitchen and flipped a light switch illuminating the room. They had dropped Nick off at his friend Brent’s for the night. After begging and pleading, and promising not to go to any bars or clubs, they had reluctantly left him in his friend’s care.

“You want me to whip something up? I’m starving,” AJ was already in the refrigerator scrounging around and making faces at the food selections, “Howie man...what’s up with all these left-overs. Where’s your cookables?”

“Cookables?”

“You know, like ingredients to make stuff with,” AJ offered, looking at his clueless friend with some pity. Poor non-baking people were so helplessly in the dark. Howie pursed his lips a bit as he thought, “I might have some stuff in the pantry. I really don’t cook AJ. Mama’s been bringing so much food by, I just don’t think about groceries.”

“Mmmhmm... so you and Nick eat nothing but left-overs when he comes?”

“Yeah, he likes them. He won’t even let me heat anything up for him, likes it cold.”

“Weird kid,” AJ murmured with a shrug. “Make a feast fit for a king and he wants cold macaroni and cheese from the box...”

“There are some beef empanadas in there, we can throw those in the oven,” Howie said simply. “There’s no need for you to cook when I’ve got all this food here that needs to be eaten or it will spoil.”

“Yeah, yeah,” AJ grumbled, he was in a light baking mood that night..all those kids had rattled his nerves, kids and bad food never mixed. Howie chuckled lightly and reached in the fridge above AJ’s head pulling out a heavy covered glass dish. “Set the oven for me?”

“Sure,” AJ nodded, he walked to the appliance and began punching in the cooking codes, “So... what do you and Nick do all day? I mean, I really can’t see you just sitting around talking to each other and you don’t really play video games...”

Howie uncovered the breaded delights, “Hmm? Oh... we just... What do you mean you can’t see us just talking?”

“Nothing about you really...it’s just, Nick wouldn’t sit around for hours just talking to anyone, not even Brian...so I’ve just been wondering, you know. What do you guys do? Maybe I could join in one time...like tonight, it was fun. I like hanging out with Nick, and lately he’s been so busy with you I haven’t really seen him that much. Brian’s been wondering about it too.”

Howie seemed to tense at the mention of Brian’s name, and AJ noted it.

“Well we’re not doing anything illegal if you’re worried about anything. Me and Nick just haven’t really spent much time together since the Basement. We’re trying to reconnect, and yes sometimes we just sit and talk.”

AJ frowned, and stepped back as Howie slipped the empanadas into the oven and shut the door, “Don’t worry, I’m not stealing him away from any of you. In a few days he’ll be begging you to come and get him, and to keep me away from him.”

AJ smirked, “What makes you think he hasn’t already called?”

“He hasn’t,” Howie said knowingly. “AJ...I have to ask...what bothers you about Nick and I spending time together? It’s not just because we won’t tell what we’re doing, is it?”

AJ scratched his head, how to answer this without saying too much, “Howie... you guys are just being too secretive, and it’s strange. Howie and Nick have a secret... Brian and Nick have a secret, cool, they have plenty of dumb secrets...but your secrets are never petty D...cause you used to tell them to me. What is it that you can tell Nicky, and not me?”

Howie blinked at the slight pain AJ had let slip into his voice, his eyes glistened a bit, “Oh Alex...”

“Look, it’s ok if you can’t share with me...but why Nick?”

Howie shook his head, “He... Nick is... He’s just really special, and I didn’t realize that until now. He and I have something in common now, and we like to talk about it, and share things.”

“You guys haven’t gone gay or anything have you?”

“No!” Howie’s eyes got very large at that statement letting Alex know he was being truthful. “I know it sounds weird, but you let Nick and Brian keep their secrets, and you and I have our secrets...so why can’t Nick and I have a secret too? It’s not about a bomb or anything, so relax.”

AJ frowned, “Whatever D. I still can’t help but feel a little jealous.”

“Poor baby,” Howie laughed lightly, then he slapped himself across the forehead, “the cat. I gotta let the cat in, watch the oven will you?”

“You don’t have to tell me to do that,” AJ snorted as Howie exited the kitchen . AJ sighed and tucked and untucked his t-shirt. The beef pastries had a few more minutes in the oven and didn’t need AJ’s undivided attention right then, so he began to wander around the kitchen. He absently began to open and close drawers, wanting to see if Howie still had everything arranged to size color and brand. Howie could be so funny sometimes. He opened a few drawers near the floor by the pantry doors, kitchen towels no doubt. Red towels....blue towels.... He froze as he pulled open the last drawer.... red towels, blue towels, and a revolver. He shut the drawer back quickly as he heard the sound of the backdoor closing and approaching feet. He stood up quickly as Howie re-entered, “You want some lemonade AJ?”

AJ stood at attention practically, “Huh?” his voice squeaked. Oh good one AJ, why don’t you just tell Howie you found the murder weapon in his house. No, no, not the murder weapon, it was just a gun. Plenty of people had guns.... in the kitchen?

“Lemonade? You want some?” Howie frowned at AJ’s pale complexion, “You ok?”

“Lemonade, uh sure.... Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” to busy himself he went to the oven and removed the pastries. “I think they’re warm enough.”

Howie nodded as he got down two glasses.

“Howie?”

“Yeah?”

“This secret of yours and Nick’s... it’s not something serious is it? Because if it is, and you need help...”

“AJ?”

“Howie I’m here for you, all you have to do is open up.”

“Where is this coming from?” Howie poured the lemonade then stared at his friend in confusion.

“Nowhere D, I just... I worry about you sometimes, and I don’t like being in the dark about where you’re at right now. I need a flashlight.”

Howie grinned, “Eh you’re fine AJ. There’s nothing there in the dark, that isn’t there in the light, you know this. We told Nick that all time when he was younger. Don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember... I used to end up rooming with him a lot, before he and Brian really clicked, and Brian stopped hanging around Kevin’s leg all the time.”

“Brian did use to cling to Kevin huh?”

“Yeah he did...but I think Kev liked it. He adores his little cousin.”

“Yeah he does. To him, Brian can do no wrong.”

“And tell no lies,” AJ said softly, gazing at Howie. “D... just promise me one thing.”

“What’s that Alex?” Howie brought the lemonade to the table.

“If you need me you’ll call me.”

“That’s all you want?”

“That’s all I want.”

“Alright then, if I need you I’ll call you.”

Clash! Clish! Klak! Swish! Swoosh, clang, klak, klak, CLASH, Shwish!

“You’ve got to do better than that, if you wanna beat me Nicky!” Brian taunted blocking and dodging Nick’s double bladed attack. He’d ineffectively tried to make use of a sai, a ninja dagger, to break the blade of Brian’s katana, a long ninja sword.

“Keep talking Littrell,” Nick growled, blowing damp hair from his eyes and going on the attack again. He tucked his sai back into his belt and he spun with his sword to block a downward swing by Brian.

Clash! Klonk! Clish, Clish, Klak, CLASH!

Brian was tiring, he could see it in his movements. His reaction time was slower, more fatigued. The weaker Brian’s defense became, the fiercer Nick’s offense became. He just might win this one. He attacked again, Clish Clang, Clash, Clishung! Clishung?

Nick blinked as Brian failed to block his disarming move, and Brian’s katana strayed from Brian’s skilled grip into Nick’s outstretched hand. He was so shocked it had happened he almost let the weapon clatter to the mat. He held both katanas panting and staring at Brian who stared back also panting and looking just as dazed. “I think I win.”

“Yeah... I think you do too.”

They lay their swords down carefully, then flopped back down onto the mat to rest. “Good fight man... you’re getting so good.”

“Thanks,” Nick breathed feeling around for his towel, when he found it he used it to mop the sweat off his face.

Brian was gulping down his newly opened bottle of Gatorade. “So...you and Mandy went out last night?”

“Yeah.”

“Well?”

Nick rolled his eyes, and sat up, snatching Brian’s bottle of Gatorade and taking a healthy swig from it, “Well nothing. No, we’re not getting back together, if that’s what you want to know. She just wanted to talk, she wants to know if I’m ok, and I told her I was. She’s a nice girl, you know? And we are friends...most of the time.”

“Yeah...most of the time,” Brian said bitterly. “That girl uses your phone calls as topics for radio interviews, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you think she’s gonna get on the air and tell the world about your dinner?”

Nick shrugged, “I don’t know... don’t care either. I told her last night, if she wants to be my friend she’ll keep our business between us. She talks to the public about me, I won’t talk to her anymore. It’s as simple as that.”

“How many times have I heard this before?”

“Brian get off my back, ok? I needed to get out. It felt nice being with a member of the opposite sex...even if it was my ex. I don’t trust many people anymore..but Mandy I know, so I went. She took me out to dinner, took me to a movie, then got me ice cream. It was nice.”

“Boy are you ever easy to please.”

“What can I say, I’m a cheap date.”

“She go back to your place?”

Nick narrowed his eyes, “What if she did?”

“Nick!”

“What? Oh come on... Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had...”

“Nick! What about waiting for marriage?”

“Brian...I gave up waiting for marriage when I was 18.”

“I know this...but you know, you could have abstained since then.”

“I am not having this conversation with you...geez... You act like I’m some sort of harlot or something.”

“Oh I do not,” Brian grumbled, then snatched back his Gatorade. “Get your own. Who knows where your lips have been.”

Nick snorted, “I back-washed in there anyway.”

Brian stopped mid-sip, “You did what?”

Nick grinned devilishly, “You heard me... now you’ve got some of Nicky’s special love juice floating around in your belly right about now!”

“Why you little...” Brian pounced on Nick, and they began to wrestle on the mat. Brian pinned him easy, Nick was easy to take without a weapon. “So what...you and Mandy gonna be sex buddies now?”

Nick’s eyes widened, “Can I have any secrets from you people?”

“No.”

“I don’t know. Last night was nice, and casual...maybe.”

“I let AJ come around you too much when you were younger... Now I’m paying for it,” Brian grumbled. He let Nick up, pushing him back down immediately when he sat up. “Just cause I got off doesn’t mean you can get up.”

“I’m gonna tell Leighanne on you!”

Brian rolled his eyes, Nick was the king of playing dirty. “I’ll tell your Mom on you...” if Nick was going to be a snitch, so was he.

Nick blinked, “You wouldn’t dare? She’d bite my head off all the way from Cali if she knew I’d seen Mandy.”

“I know,” Brian said pleasantly.

“This..isn’t fair. You’re just mad cause I beat you earlier.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Sore loser..” Nick muttered lying flat on his back on the mat. He was rather comfortable actually, and didn’t mind not moving. The mat was cool against his hot skin, though it did feel kind of gross to be lying in a pool of his own sweat trapped inside of clothing.

“Brian! Nick!” Leighanne burst through the door of the gym, “I bought some take out for lunch, and I also got you some new clothes.” She briskly walked to the mat taking Brian’s hand and pulling him to his feet. She then took the two arms Nick offered up to her, and pulled him up as well. “Go shower, then I want you to try on the clothes I bought you to see if they fit.”

“You got me clothes too?” Brian frowned. It wasn’t unusual for Leighanne to buy clothes for Nick, but she usually left Brian to his own devices.

“Yes, you needed new pants,” Leighanne said. “Now go on.”

“But won’t our food get cold if we go shower and try on clothes first?” Nick frowned. He actually preferred his food cold, but he was trying to put off trying on clothes. Leighanne was annoying with that. She bought him like 6 pairs of jeans and had him try on each pair, and would do the jiggle test on them where he would stand in front of her and she would grab the loops of his pants and move them up and down.

Leighanne narrowed her eyes at him slightly, “We have a microwave, no go shower and try on those pants.”

Leighanne held two large shopping bags, she gave one to Nick and one to Brian, “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Nick peeked into his bag... sweaters and jeans, “What’d you get?”

Brian was rolling his eyes, “Dress pants and long sleeved shirts.”

“Ha ha, I just got jeans,” Nick smirked, “I’m gonna be done before you.”

“We’ll see about that...”

They counted to three before racing to a bathroom to begin the process of cleansing and being Ken Dolls.

“Turn to the side,” Leighanne was still pondering over the last pair of jeans Nick had tried on. She jiggled them once more, frowning at their looseness. “I think they may be just a little too big.” Nick was carefully eating his beef lo mein over her head while she worked. Brian sat at the table fumbling for a snap pea with his chopsticks, and would occasionally glance over at Nick and grin victoriously. He had won.

“Hmm... turn again...” Nick was more interested in the process of scooping up the thin slimy noodles with his chopsticks while managing to catch meat and a carrot at the same time, than modeling his new apparel. He watched his fingers guiding one thin wooden stick under a noodle, while the other captured the beef, but the carrot was escaping! Get it, get it...oops.... He stood still, eyes large as the fugitive carrot hopped from his styrofoam take out box into Leighanne’s hair for refuge from his chomping jaws and grinding teeth.

Leighanne hadn’t noticed, and he watched in horror as the lo mein escapee burrowed deeper into her blond hair. Should he try to reach in and get it while he could still see it? If he did, that would mean letting her know of his poor skills as a warden. She may never bring him lo mein again. But if he let it continue to sink and marinate into her hair it could take root and start a civilization. Brian’s wife would be a host to Carrotopia, and it would be all Nick’s fault. What to do? What did other people do when faced with these sorts of decisions? Nothing, because no one got themselves into this type of predicament anyway. Who’s best friend’s wife knelt before you with their hand in your pants while the best friend watched with a grin on his face?

“...las? Nick? “

”Frack? Hey Nick! Wake up!”

Nick blinked, hmmm? Suddenly Leighanne’s kneeling figure before him had vanished. He was staring at the blue tiled floor with the utmost fascination...only it wasn’t the floor earlier, Leighanne had been there! When did she move?... and did the carrot go with her? He saw no traces of it on the floor, “Nick?”

Brian was talking to him. He raised his head to meet eyes with his best friend, beside him stood Leighanne, both were staring at him with concern, “Something the matter Nicky?”

Nick frowned, Brian had been sitting at the table. When had he gotten up? “Nick, do you hear me?”

His food was gone. He had been holding a carton of Chinese food. Where had it gone? His empty fingers wiggled, chopstick free. “Let’s sit him down, he’ll be more comfortable.”

Brian was taking his arm when he shook him free, “Stop.”

“Nick? Nick are you ok? You can hear me now?” Brian was smiling, his eyes relieved. Leighanne had moved from sight, but he heard the scraping of a kitchen chair being pulled across the floor. “Just sit down, there’s a chair behind you honey,” her soft voice coaxed.

Nick frowned, he didn’t want to sit down. He wanted to know where his food had gone...and how everyone had moved so quickly... and what about that damn carrot? “I don’t need to sit. Where’s my food?”

“I took it from you,” Leighanne said, he felt her taking his shoulders from behind and forcing him down into the chair, Brian knelt in front of him, “You feel ok, Nick?”

“Yeah,” Nick frowned. Why were they acting so funny. He had been fine, Leighanne was playing with his pants, and he was eating, and he’d dropped a carrot.... then he.... he blinked. “It happened again didn’t it?”

Brian said nothing, he didn’t have to, his eyes were very good at expressing themselves.

“How long?”

“Nearly 10 minutes,” Leighanne said, her fingers brushing his hair behind his ears. “I was asking you to turn around, and I looked up and you were gone. You were just staring down at me with this blank look in your eyes. I thought it was just going to be one of those brief spells...”

Nick sighed letting his head droop... he had another lapse. He hadn’t even realized it this time. When he drifted, he would come to knowing perfectly well that time had passed. This time he hadn’t, and it scared him. He’d lost ten minutes of his life, and never would have even been aware of it, if it hadn’t of been for Brian and Leighanne. What if he left for longer than ten minutes one day, what if he drifted for hours, or days, and was alone? He might come to with no knowledge that anything had happened. There were days when he was alone for many hours at a time, what if he’d had a lapse then. He could be missing so much more than 10 minutes of his life totally unaccounted for. “Nick?”

“Yeah.”

“Just making sure,” Brian said softly patting his leg gently, “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” he whispered sadly, “nothing at all.” He felt the sting of tears burning in his eyes and his vision was becoming blurry. The water caught in his downcast lashes on its decent from his eyes, and warm arms enfolded him. “You’re gonna be ok, Nicky, I promise.”

He let his head rest on the warm shoulder, and closed his eyes for a bit inhaling Brian’s comforting scent, he smelled of soap and shampoo, unconditional love and comfort. Brian was always there for him, ready to understand and take care of him... Brian promised he would be ok. If he said so, then Nick knew it had to be true. Brian pulled him away softly, smiling into his face affectionately, “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” and he actually did. No matter how much time he lost, Brian would always be there to find it for him. Brian was always there.

“You wanna stay here for the night?”

Nick nodded. He didn’t feel like being alone that night in his large empty home, too many shadows. Brian’s house was a fortress of light that killed the shadows that lurked in corners. Brian was the light that killed his shadows, and in his home he felt safe from harm.

“Alex...” Kevin stepped back from the door to admit AJ, “It took you long enough to get here. You called me over an hour ago. What’s the matter?”

After almost a week of deep thought AJ had decided to go to Kevin with his new information. Brian was clueless about the whole matter, and Nick was on another planet than the predicament. Kevin, essentially was the only other person who cared about this matter. Brian had shrugged it off after discussing it with AJ only once, and he’d only talked about it once to Howie, to inform him that he knew it wasn’t Nick... and then all of a sudden Howie and Nick start spending an awful lot of time together... He shook his head, no, Howie would never use Nick in any way that could bring him harm. None of them would...not willingly. But why couldn’t he just tell AJ what they were doing? It was the secrets that kept AJ from going to Howie with what he found.

“I found something at Howie’s...”

Kevin closed the door after him, and locked it, “Found something like what? Kristen’s out for the afternoon, gone shopping with Leighanne. Sit down.” He led AJ to the common room, and gestured to an easy chair beside the couch he was going to sit on.

AJ sprawled onto the chair then leaned forward leaning his head forward and twiddling his thumbs, “What is it?”

“Kev.... Before I say anything to you about what I found...what kind of gun would you say killed our girl? You being the expert and all, cause you were able to rule out the glock. What do you think did it?”

Kevin frowned, his lips drawing into a quick half grimace before evening out again, “Well...it was definitely a hand gun, like a pistol or a revolver. I can’t tell you what type, though I bet Nick could if he’d been able to look at her.” Kevin smirked, “Hell I bet Nick could tell by the gun fire he’s so good at this stuff now. It’s kinda scary.”

AJ was nodding gravely, “It is scary.... and that’s not all that’s scary.”

“AJ?” Kevin peered at the younger man, his thick brows braiding together, “You want something to drink buddy? You don’t have to talk to me if you feel uncomfortable.” Though he and AJ weren’t exactly on good terms at the moment, he was still his younger brother, and he didn’t like to see him sweat...or tremble, “Alex? What’s up man? Tell me what’s going on, maybe I can help.”

AJ glanced up meeting Kevin’s green eyes, “Kevin... I went through some of Howie’s stuff a few days ago when I was at his house... I found a gun, Kev, a little hand gun, a revolver.”

Kevin blinked, “What?”

“Howie has a gun Kevin.”

“I knew it.”

“You can’t jump to conclusions...”

“Alex every clue I have leads to this conclusion, and now this finished it! Alex, it was Howie, he did it,” Kevin took AJ by the arms and locked him in place, “Alex, he did it. Howie killed her.”

“Howie would have told us.”

“Howie’s keeping secrets Alex. What does he do all alone in that house that he can’t tell us about...and now he has Nick being quiet about it too? Do you think he’s told Nick, and that’s why that guy keeps coming after him?”

AJ gasped, he’d never thought about that, “But didn’t you say Brian seemed to act like he knew who did it too...why don’t they follow him.”

“Brian’s a tough cookie to crumble...Nick’s not.”

Touche. “But Kevin...”

“Look Alex, if you didn’t want me to think it was Howie, why did you come to me and volunteer this information. Did you think it was going to prove his innocence? Dammit AJ, the only thing that really kept me from thinking it wasn’t Howie, was that Howie didn’t have a gun! And now you’re telling me he did...he does... AJ, I have the method, the motivation, all I needed was the weapon, and you gave it to me.”

AJ gulped, yeah he had. In doing that, was AJ confirming his own belief that Howie was guilty... He felt a twinge of despair, for his answer was yes, yes, he felt Howie was the killer and was using his own brothers as a shield to hide behind...a bullet proof shield. Howie was the one that was going to end up getting them all killed.

“What are we gonna do about it Kevin?” he asked timidly, Kevin would know what to do.

“We have a group meeting.”

“What?”

“We need to get everyone together, we have to discuss this as a group. Howie is still our brother no matter what he’s done, and we’re going to let him know that we are ready to help him.”

“But Kev...these guys want to kill him, and will kill us if we stand in the way.”

“Then we figure something out. We’re going to protect our own, but first we have to get our own to trust us. Howie had to confess, and then we can move on from there.”

AJ took in a deep calming breath...what he wouldn’t give for a cigarette... “So when are we going to have this talk?”

“As soon as possible. Is tomorrow morning good for you?”

AJ scowled, “No time is good for me when it comes to this, but I’ll show, yeah. What are you going to tell the guys when you call them.”

Kevin shrugged, “I’ll think of something then...right now.... God...Howie.”

AJ watched silently as Kevin let his head fall into his hands and pull at his dark hair, “God... How do we save him? What the hell are we gonna do Alex? What the hell are we gonna do?”

“Nice shot.”

“Thanks... What are you doing here, again? Nick’s not with you.”

“I like to come here alone sometimes.”

“Perfecting that shot of yours?”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with my aim...sorry to say I can’t say the same about yours though.”

“Whatever, you only wished your scores looked as good as mine.”

Brian and Howie continued to converse casually as they reloaded their small pistols. “So, you ever planning on telling the guys?”

“Are you?”

“Nah.”

“Thought as much... but I respect your wishes. It’s a shame though, I think they have a right to know.”

“They know enough.”

“They’ll find out.”

“Well...If they do, I won’t deny it. But for some reason, with as many blind alleys as they are going down, I don’t think they’ll be coming to any correct conclusions any time soon.”

“Don’t underestimate them.”

“I’m not, I’m just being realistic.”

“So am I, and well...maybe you shouldn’t hang out with Nick so much.”

“Why?”

“He’s the source of suspicion on their part.”

“Nicky?”

Brian shrugged, “Anything with him involved is questionable to everyone, even me. He could be the very reason this big secret of yours is gonna blow up in your face.”

“No, not Nick. Nick would never give me up, it’s not in him. I know him.”

“Howie,” Brian said, gazing at Howie then back down to the inky black finish of his small gun, “what if I were to say no one knows Nick quite as well as think they do. Who knows what’s in him.”

“He’s my brother Brian, and I do know him as well as I know my own shadow.”

“Nick’s your shadow now?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say so.”

“You better keep him away from the light then...Light kills shadows.”

Chapter 34

“What’s he doing?”

“Stuffing his face full of Dorritos reading comic books... What’s this about Kev, you sound funny?” Brian frowned into the phone. His cousin sounded like he did when the group was ready to sue Lou Pearlman. They weren’t suing someone else, were they?

“Brian, it’s time to quit playing games.. Please don’t make a joke out of that, Brian we know. Alex and I know who you’ve been protecting, I’ve known it all along.”

“What are you talking about Kevin?” Brian’s tone turned cold. He gazed at Nick who was curled in a large bay window sill, wrapped in a comforter with comics scattered about him in such a disarray if Brian hadn’t of been there he would have thought a minor hurricane blew through the area. He clutched a large bag of extra cheesy Dorritos to his chest, and crunched nervously as his eyes rapidly scanned the pages of the precious comic book in his lap. Brian sure hoped he had the next one in the series ready and hadn’t lost it amongst the pile of junk beneath him. Knowing Nick he probably had, and would spend the next hour destroying what little order his house had trying to find the comic, and then discover it was right next to his foot where it had been the whole time.

No, Nick would not notice if Brian stepped into the next room with the phone. He had probably forgotten Brian was even there. Brian took the cordless phone into the kitchen, “What am I playing games about, and who a I protecting?”

“Stop playing dumb Brian. You told me you knew who killed that girl, it was one of us, but you were protecting that person. Brian, we know it’s Howie now...and if we know, then THEY probably do too. We need to get together and talk about this. Why couldn’t you just tell us, why couldn’t he? We could have already been putting a plan into action to save him! You know they want to kill him right?! And he’s home alone right now, someone could be doing the deed right now, and we wouldn’t know!”

“What makes you think it’s Howie I’m protecting?”

“Well it ain’t me, it ain’t Alex, and there’s no way it could be Nick.”

“Why couldn’t it be Alex, or you for that matter? Why does it have to be Howie?”

“Brian, you know it wasn’t me.. What kind of a crazy game are you playing?”

Brian sighed, “Look Kev, I just think you’re trying to take the easy way out of this, ok? You suspect Howie because he’s easy. He’s very secretive and he’s cranky.”

“And he owns a gun.”

“So do you.

“What?” Kevin sounded surprised, and Brian rolled his eyes. “Expert on gunshot wounds from watching movies my ass. I’ve seen you shoot, seen what you use. Not exactly a traditional cowboy’s type of gun, is it?”

“Leave me out of this...”

“Why should I? You certainly know a lot about the killer... in fact, you certainly seem to be the only one who knows a lot about the killer, and the only one pressing the issue.”

“I only want us to be safe.”

“Or you only want you to be safe, listen Kev, I’m on to YOUR game. I don’t care what I said that day... what I made you think by saying it. You misinterpreted me. Yes, I am protecting someone... but what makes you think it’s Howie? Maybe I’m protecting someone with a dark secret, a secret so dark they themselves don’t even know what it is. Who says Nick’s the only one who is seriously afflicted from our ordeals?”

“Are you suggesting...”

“Lay off Howie, Kev,” Brian disconnected pressing the “End” button to terminate the call. He lay the phone on the beige counter top, and stared at it, crazy old Kevin thought he knew everything. When was he going to realize that everyone had secrets, even him, that only Brian knew the truth, but he wasn’t telling. He’d never rat on anyone in their circle...but he could only protect him so much.

“Dammit!” Kevin slammed down the receiver, and kicked at the couch. Brian was so stubborn! Why couldn’t he just say something, like who he thought it was? Why couldn’t he just say it was Howie, or even accuse Kevin!

At the thought Kevin began to bite his nails... how had Brian known about his secret? How did he find out about the guns? No one was supposed to know! Kristen didn’t even know. Or maybe he just thought she didn’t know. Maybe she had told on him. Damn her, damn Brian. Did he tell anyone else? Alex was already suspicious of him...but at least now he was on the right track and though it was Howie, but if he found out Kevin owned the very guns that could have killed Consuela he would turn against him. Kevin couldn’t have that. He’s rather have everyone going back to thinking it was Nick, than to have someone suspecting him.

He tried to fight the images of the dead girl trying to flood his mind... God help him. He never could have done something like that...unless, unless one of his own had been threatened. She did threaten Nick, didn’t she?

How did he know this? Alex had said so.. Alex had been there. How was it that Alex didn’t see the killer? It was too dark he claimed...but Brian saw someone, so why couldn’t Alex have seen someone too? Was he holding out? He was pretty quick to deny Howie had done anything, and was very quick to accuse...Kevin. Kevin frowned, no AJ could never find out about the guns, not now.

He’d just have to get rid of them.

“Run out of Dorritos?” Brian smirked as his young friend entered the kitchen, his face drawn slightly, “No, I think I had too many.”

“Tummy upset?”

Nick gave him a condescending look, “How old am I, Brian?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Why did you use the word ‘tummy?’”

Brian shrugged, “Seemed appropriate, I mean sure you’re 21...but what are you out there doing?”

“Reading old Ninja Turtle comics...oh.”

“There you go genius.”

“Who called?”

Brian frowned and peered at Nick curiously as he leafed through the wooden cabinet just above his wall mounted microwave, “You noticed someone called?”

“I notice a lot of things, Brian. You people never give me credit for anything.”

“We do too....it’s just... ok, so we assume you’re a space cadet, no reason to get snippy. Kevin called.”

“What did he want?”

“Nothing much, just wanted to know what you were up to today.”

“Did you tell him 6'2?” Nick asked, he pulled down a bottle of Tums.

“Thought it was 6'3... good thing I didn’t say anything, I would have been wrong. Shows what I know,” Brian chuckled.

“Eh, 6'2, 6'3...it always varies when I get measured. I grow and shrink, I probably should find this disturbing but I don’t. When Doc measures me, I’m 6'2, when I get measured on tour, I’m 6'3.”

“I’ll settle for calling you tall,” Brian shrugged.

“That works,” Nick shook the round flavored tablets out onto the counter and picked out the dark purple ones, “The other flavors make me wanna barf.”

“Really? I think they’re good.”

“Yuck,” Nick uttered popping one tablet at a time into his mouth and chewing them up while making a sour face. “You still taking me to the comic shop today? I found out which ones I’m missing and wrote the numbers down.”

“Well that depends on your tum...er...stomach, Nick. You’re prone to motion sickness, and I’m prone to killing people who barf in my car.”

“You wouldn’t kill me.”

“How do you know that?”

“Cause Leighanne would kick your ass.”

“Ow...oh yeah, she would, wouldn’t she?”

“Yeah then you’d be best friend-less with a sore ass,” Nick chuckled.

Brian sat still for a second before charging around the counter and grabbing Nick in a headlock, “Lets see you be a smart-ass now!”

Nick laughed as he tried to squirm out of Brian’s hold, he frowned gently when the headlock became a tight hug instead...one of those hugs that his parents gave him when he was younger right before he left for a tour that would keep him away from home for months. Why would Brian be hugging him like that? “Bri?”

“As long as I’m around nothing is ever going to happen to you, Nick. You know that right?”

“Huh?” Nick blinked, he wanted to pull free so he could see Brian’s face. Brian released him with a deep sigh, and Nick turned to see him. Brian’s expression was weary but his lips held a slight smile, “If you feel better in an hour I’ll take you to get your comics, ok?”

“Ok.”

Brian started to leave the kitchen fully aware of Nick’s curious eyes still watching him, “Bri?”

“Yeah Frack?”

“I know.”

“Just making sure.”

AJ sat on his kitchen counter covered in flour and berry juice. He’d made the biggest blackberry pie that could possibly fit in his oven. He was contemplating making some ice cream next. A timer went off, and he jumped down from the counter to check on the chocolate cream filling he had left simmering on the stove to fill the eclairs that were browning on the rack above the pie. Was he expecting anybody? No, his fingers were just itching, as they always did when he worried. He’d tried to call Howie and couldn’t find him, he’d tried to call Nick and Brian, couldn’t find them. The only person available was Kevin, but he was the last person AJ wanted to see. Kevin was like this big dark cloud, and he always managed to rain on AJ’s picnics. Though this time AJ was far from being in a picnic throwing mood. Howie, a killer, THE killer.... or perhaps not. It looked bad, very bad, Howie was the most logical and likely suspect, but wasn’t he also too obvious? But then again, this was no murder mystery novel, in real life the obvious usually were the perpetrators.

And Brian and Nick knew, or supposedly knew. AJ doubted Frick and Frack would keep a secret like that one from the others, but it looked as if they had. AJ was tired of guessing and playing detective, he just wanted a straight answer. If he could ever get in touch with Howie that day, he was going to confront him. Did you do it, or did you not do it? If Howie said “no” to his face in that instant, AJ would take that as his final answer and tell Kevin to kiss his ass.

Kevin... The manipulative bastard. He was always on Howie’s case, and was always trying to persuade AJ to his side, and now he had. Howie had a murder weapon... but wasn’t Kevin the one who identified the murder weapon? AJ frowned just thinking about it.

For someone who was innocent, Kevin sure did have a lot of guilty knowledge. In fact, the only thing that kept AJ from really pointing the finger at Kevin was that Kevin didn’t own a gun, he couldn’t shoot. Though skill may not have played a serious factor in the game, Kevin could have grabbed a gun from a fallen man on the floor and took a lucky shot... any of them could have really.

He remembered lying face down on the hard ground next to Brendon’s bloody body. His hand had brushed across the gun that lay beneath the lifeless hand. He remembered holding it, liking the feel of it....

He shook himself, but that had been it. He’d only touched it, held it for a bit.... didn’t he? He dropped his head into his sticky powdery hands not caring that he was streaking his face into a culinary work of art, why was he remembering this now? All that time and the memories only plagued him then. Was this how Nick felt?

He pulled at his short hair and ignored the smells of scorching chocolate, go away he begged the disturbing memories, just go away and leave me be. I’m not a killer.... he sighed, it was just too easy to blame someone else.

Howie was excited, he’d stayed up all night, but he had finally finished his song, his music, his miniature concierto. He couldn’t wait to play it for Nick. He was going to come over later that evening. Perhaps he could teach Nick the song, maybe it could be his first performance piece. Howie the music instructor, it had a nice ring to it.

He’d been in his small private studio recording all morning, and late into the afternoon. He ignored his phone and any knocks at his door, that day was about the music. Everyday was actually about the music, but that day it was special. Howie was finally putting his emotions down on paper, in eighth notes and triplets, in whole notes and sixty-fourths. He looked at the beautiful penman ship he had used to stencil in the notes on the glossy staff paper. There were plenty of machines that could have done the job for him, copied the notes he played onto paper and printed it, but Howie wanted to be the one that colored in his dreams, not a machine. He entered his house turning on lights as he walked through various rooms, he didn’t like dark areas anymore. He flopped down on a couch in his living room, and glanced over to see his answering machine flashing at him. He’d had callers while he was away. He reached over and hit play on the machine... two were from his mother, one from AJ....he sounded flustered, Howie frowned and made a note to call him back, and then one from Kevin requesting a meeting. Kevin had called early, apparently he had wanted to see him that morning. Oh well, Howie shrugged. Kevin he could wait to call back another day. He didn’t exactly look forward to having a meeting with Kevin. Kevin wasn’t exactly being friendly to him as of late.

He sneered thinking of Kevin and his dark ways of bringing into light things Howie wanted to forget. Why was he still holding on to the past? The girl was dead, there was nothing they could do about that. Someone was out to get them... if they wanted them, they could very well have them. Howie was tired of being afraid and worrying all the time. Screw Al Capone, if he wanted Howie he could come to his house and pick him up. Maybe he’d even let Howie play a Sonata for him before he had him whacked. That would be nice, he’d play Mozart, or Chopin.

He picked up the phone and began to dial AJ’s home number. The phone rang and rang but there was no answer. Howie frowned a bit, AJ had sounded upset. He tried his cell phone but to no avail. Where was he, and what was wrong? Maybe he should drop by his place, see what he was up to...but then Nicky was coming and he needed to be home to meet him. Brian was going to drop him off. Brian never asked Howie questions like AJ and Kevin did. He understood and respected Howie’s privacy, and one day the next person he would share his gift with would be Brian. Funny, he would have never dreamed in a million years that Frick and Frack would end up being his most prized confidants each knowing different secrets about him and never sharing with one another.

Well....AJ would call back if he was in trouble. He leaned back on the couch prepared to take a light snooze, he only hoped he would wake to the sound of the doorbell if it rang while he was still asleep. Chasing out inner shadows was an exhausting ordeal, and he knew that he had only exorcized half of them. Where would he ever find the energy to open the windows and let the sun cast its ultraviolet rays on all of them?

Brian dropped Nick off at Howie’s house a little after 9. He sat and talked with Howie for a few moments before heading back out to his car, he had some errands to run. “This late?” Howie had asked, and Brian simply nodded. As he got back into his BMW he caught sight of the car that had been following him since he’d first arrived at Nick’s house that morning.

It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed someone following him, or had seen someone loitering around Nick’s place, or his own at that matter. Before he could ever run over and get a close look at them, they were gone. He wondered if these men had been around while they were on tour. He backed out of Howie’s wide driveway and pulled out into the street ignoring the car that would turn and pursue him after a block or so. If the others ever noticed the men they never said anything...well Nick had once. Brian blinked, Nick really was more observant than they gave him credit for.

He didn’t even try to lose the car. A few times in the past he had tried to lose them by taking back roads and driving in circles, even speeding some. All that resulted from his trials were two speeding tickets, and the car still following him when he pulled back onto the road. Fine, he gave up. The car really didn’t bother him anyway, it was simply a shadow to him then. He guided his car onto the freeway and got all the way over into the fast lane, he was going to pay his cousin his a visit, see what he was up to.

The house was dark, and Brian used his keys to enter. He moved around the house stealthily not wanting to alert anyone to his presence. His training taught him how to move with little noise as possible, and he was taking full advantage of it. He traveled through the den, living room, study, and kitchen, finding no one. It was nearly 10:00 PM, logic told him that Kevin was probably in bed with his wife, but his gut told him to keep looking. There was a dim glow coming from the room Kevin had taken over to occupy his film collection. Brian crept to the door pushing it open a bit to peer inside, an old movie had come to its end and was rattling inside the old film projector showing a blue screen at the front of the room. Brian moved to turn the machine off, but then realized it would alert Kevin to his presence, and it was also the only source of light in the room. He sighed...what was he looking for? He had wanted to find Kevin and talk to him, and now he was playing ninja spy for no reason. He snorted to himself at his childishness, he was enjoying the fact that no one knew he was there. “Hello?”

His voice sounded alien to him in the eerily lit room, and he decided not to say anything else until Kevin entered. Surely he had heard the out of place sound. While he waited he decided to check out Kevin’s collection. He felt guilty for never really taking interest in what his cousin did in his spare time...after all, Kevin had come to all of his belt ceremonies, and obviously cared about what Brian did. The newest arrivals were shelved on metal racks against the walls, Kevin hadn’t had the chance to sort them yet. Brian began to thumb through the entries... Western classics, and an era of silent film. His eyes fell on a section marked “Still Life.” It didn’t seem to fit in with the other genres he was surrounded by. He removed one, and brought it to the film projector. Kevin would kill him if he came in and saw Brian touching his machine. Brian smirked, he guessed he was a dead man then. He began to set up the film.

“Howie you should publish this!” Nick was exclaiming looking over the music after he’d heard Howie play it.

“Publish it?” Howie laughed, “Ah, it’s not good enough to publish. I was kinda hoping maybe this would be the first piece you learned to perform in front of people.”

Nick was quiet, he frowned as he studied Howie carefully.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Howie began quickly trying to ease the sting of rejection. “I just thought...”

Nick held up a hand to interrupt him, “You’d want me to play this? You’d let me?” His voice was drenched with shock and tinged with excitement and honor. “Really?”

Howie’s face broke into a wide smile, “Yeah, I want you to play it.”

“But Howie...I’m no where near that good. I’ll screw it up...”

“I’ll teach you.”

“You yell too much.”

“I yell until you get it right.”

“You yell too much.”

“You’ll be great,” Howie laughed. “Anyway, I think you’ll be ready in a few months for your first performance. You want to get started?”

“A few months, I’m still learning scales and notes...”

“Then we’d better get started huh?”

“You’re serious!”

“Give me a nice Concert F, and we’ll start,” he turned on the small pocket-sized metronome, “16 counts, one and two and three, and four and...”

AJ was going to Kevin’s, he wanted to tell him he wasn’t sure it was Howie anymore, and he wasn’t going to help Kevin badger him. He didn’t want to ring the doorbell, Kristen might be in bed. He knew Kevin was up, none of them could fall asleep before midnight, well except for Nick. He let himself in, “Kevin?”

He walked from the foyer to the living room calling Kevin’s name softly. He scratched his head, could Kevin already be in bed? He entered the kitchen just in time to see the back door opening and closing, “Kev?”

He started towards the door, and Kevin bounded back through, his eyes wide with shock, horror, and fear.... Horror and fear? “What’s going on?”

“AJ! What..what are you doing here? When’d you come in?”

“What are you doing out there?” AJ was trying to push past Kevin to see what he was hiding in the garage.

“Nothing,” Kevin slammed the door shut. “Can I help you with something?”

“Um...” AJ was still peering at the closed door behind Kevin, “I... I came to tell you I don’t want to confront Howie. I’m not sure it’s him anymore.”

“What? Where is this coming from? You find something else?”

“No, I just...don’t think it’s him.” AJ peered at Kevin, his eyes had a wild look to them that disturbed him.

“That’s not enough Alex. We need to solve this case, wrap this stupid thing up, get all of our asses out of the frying pan. Save 4 for 1... huh?”

“What?” Was Kevin drunk?

Kevin began to walk away from him, heading in the direction of his private room. AJ followed not wanting to lose sight of him. Kevin disappeared inside the door, and AJ jumped when he let out a loud yelp. AJ ran to the door pushing himself inside as well... his heart nearly leapt into his throat when he’d heard Kevin scream.

It was only Brian... Brian stood frozen stiff as he stared at the screen pulled down before him... AJ directed his eyes to what held Brian so captivated, and gasped, “Kevin...what the hell is this?”

Pictures of the dead... Bloated bodies polluted the screen as the projector kept clicking and showing them new pictures. Deaths by epidemics, brutal murders, and mercy killings... “What the hell is this stuff Kevin?”

“I...I didn’t know what was on it,” Kevin was saying staring at the screen in repulsion. “I’ll have to send them back, there’s been a mistake.”

“You’re sick Kevin...and the only mistake made here was trusting you,” Brian was whispering. “Does this stuff turn you on or something? Is that what sparked your obsession with guns?”

“Brian...” Kevin tried to halt him as he shot a look over at AJ, who’s eyes were widening at the new information.

“This is sick, so sick... “ The projector began to skip, the images coming so fast it seemed like an animated feature... Gunshot victims were being displayed. “So this is how you knew huh? My God Kevin...” The film was turned off, and both Brian and AJ stared at Kevin who stood with his hand on the switch.

“Please don’t judge me on this...”

“You’d judge Howie.”

“But...”

“You have guns too?”

Kevin lowered his head as an answer.

“Is that what you were hiding when I came?”

More silence, “I think we need to have a meeting.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

“I’ll call Howie and let him know,” Brian said softly, avoiding Kevin’s eyes. “I’ll walk with you out, AJ.”

AJ nodded and licked his lips, his eyes darted to Kevin once more noting the stricken look on the older man’s face, before turning to follow Brian out of the room. They left Kevin alone in the dark room with only the blue light of his sick collection to break the shadows.

“You’re not the only one anymore.”

“I never was.”

“Yeah, but now someone besides me knows that.”

“I think he’s going to confess.”

“It’s about damn time.”

“You going to bed now?”

“Who can sleep after hearing all that?”

“Scared?”

“Maybe.”

“Well just remember, there’s nothing there in the dark, that wasn’t there before when the lights were on.”

“How do you know that for sure?”

“Test it, just turn the lights back on and see for yourself. Meeting tomorrow at your place, they’re gonna expect you to be there.”

“You coming?”

“Wouldn’t miss it, tomorrow fireworks are gonna be lit.”

“I hope everyone remembers the proper safety precautions, I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Then you better hide the matches.”

The older man and the younger man looked at each other with anxious smiles, neither could wait to see what the next day would hold in store for them.

Chapter 35

“Ow...” Nick rubbed at the arm he was using to hold the wooden bow. No matter how he held it, the bow always managed to find someway to leave huge purple bruises on his arm. He let the weapon relax in his gasp and held his arms to his sides and he gazed at the target. Bull’s-eye again. Did he ever get tired of not missing? Not really, but it was enough for the morning. He packed away his arrows, and set his bow down beside their canister so he could be free-handed to retrieve the arrows he had embedded in the 3 targets that sat at the distances of 50, 100, and 200 ft.

He rolled his eyes as one of his small dogs decided to help him out, and ran to the first target ahead of Nick and started trying to leap as high as he could to fetch the arrow. Nick chuckled and picked up the dog, then pulled out the 6 arrows stuck in the target. “Thanks anyway Silly Willie,” he teased and laughed when the dog licked his chin, and settled himself in his arms, “Uh-uh, lazy one. I need both my arms free.” He tilted his arms shaking them a bit, causing the dog to lose his balance and tumble to the grass. Nick made sure he had leaned forward a bit so his puppy didn’t have far to fall. Willie landed on all fours and gave a short bark, and began to trot along after Nick as he plucked all of his arrows free.

He entered the house through the side door which led into the kitchen, after putting up his practice set. The smell of eggs, french toast, and strawberry jelly caught his attention, and he didn’t even look toward the stove/oven area before saying, “Hey AJ.”

“Hey Nick,” AJ greeted. He battered another piece of bread, “You get to try out my new bread. I made it this morning.”

“You didn’t make it in here, did you?” Nick frowned. He would have noticed AJ in his kitchen before he went out earlier that morning wouldn’t he? Sometimes he just didn’t know about himself. He leaned against the counter waiting for AJ to answer.

“No, I made it at my place. I tasted some, and thought it’d be good for french toast. But as I started to make the batter I remembered a certain lanky blond whose doctor was complaining about him losing 3 pounds since he’d seen him last. Wouldn’t happen to know who that person is, would you?”

Nick pouted, “So you’re making me french toast? With what groceries? I don’t have the stuff it takes to make french toast.”

“On the contrary, you do now.”

Nick rolled his eyes, and smirked in amusement, “You bought me groceries J? How thoughtful of you.”

“Think nothing of it. You have no cookables in this house.... You and Howie geez, what would you do without me?”

“Well, Howie’s mom cooks for him. I go to his place and eat.”

“Bah, leftovers...” AJ muttered in disgust. He dropped the battered bread onto the sizzling buttered pan he held over the stove. “Go ahead and make your plate.”

A stack of french toast towered on a platter next to AJ, along side it a big plate of eggs. Nick made a face at the culinary delights and went straight for the pantry where he stored his Fruity Pebbles. AJ glared at him when he heard the clinking of the rice cereal falling into the plastic bowl. “Whatever... “ he mumbled. Nick just shrugged, AJ was used to him by then. He knew he wasn’t offended.

“So what’s up?”

“Got a new recipe book.”

“You made bread.”

There was a short pause before AJ answered again. AJ only made bread when he stressed, or worried about something. “Nick.... we’re having a meeting today, all of us.”

“Who decided this?” Nick began to pick at the cereal with his fingers popping various assortments of colors into his mouth. Red, green, yellow, orange, then blue...blue? Hey, a new color! “Well?”

“We all did.”

“We did? I don’t remember deciding to have any meeting.”

“You weren’t there...”

“But you said...”

“Alright, Kevin, Brian, and I did,” AJ said turning down the heat under the skillet.

“Ok, what about, where, and when?”

“Here, in a few hours, and... you’ll see when we talk about it.”

“Here? At my house?” Nick looked vaguely shocked. “And what if I wasn’t here, were you guys just gonna open my house up to discussion?”

“You’re here.”

Nick raised his eyes from his cereal to look at AJ sharply, “Just what the hell are we supposed to be talking about Alex?” His voice was cold, his eyes dark. He set down his bowl, to lean forward on his counter and stare at AJ who seemed to squirm under his gaze. What had they found out that they didn’t need to know about?

AJ blinked and almost recoiled from frostbite at the tone of Nick’s voice. What the hell? He stared as Nick seemed to be sizing him up getting ready for a kill. “Kaos?”

“You guys been snooping around here?” His blue eyes narrowed.

AJ’s brown eyes widened in surprise, Nick sounded condemning, and AJ felt a chill in the air. He suddenly didn’t want to be alone in the big empty house with Nick anymore. “Nick...is something the matter?”

A surprised Howie opened his door to let Brian in. “Brian...I..um..wasn’t expecting you today.”

“Now that’s a shame in itself. Have I really not just randomly dropped by in that long?” Brian asked, stepping into the foyer. “Hey Christopher.” Howie’s cat came to greet him, “Long time no see.” He rubbed the cat behind its ears just like he would do his dogs, and laughed when the cat responded in the same way that they did, rolled on its back.

“Um, actually you haven’t,” Howie chose to answer Brian’s question instead of be amused

by the unusually friendly behavior of his pet. He looked at Brian pointedly, “You’ve made it clear to me in your past visits that you only come when there’s something you need to do or say to me. I don’t see Nick with you, so I’m assuming you’re here to talk with me.”

Brian blinked, looking a little hurt, but he nodded and took it in stride with a sigh, “I do have something I need to talk with you about.”

Howie raised an eyebrow expectantly, “Would you like to sit in the living room or den area?”

“Living room’s ok.”

“You want anything to drink?”

“I’m not staying long.”

Howie nodded and led Brian into the living room. He watched as Brian immediately walked to the large picture window and opened the blinds letting the sunlight in. He sat at the head of the table just before the window, the light setting his blond hair aglow. Howie got the image of a halo hoovering above his friend’s head, and he chuckled, Brian the pious one. “So what is it now Brian?”

“It’s about Kevin. Last night, Alex and I saw something...and we, well we feel we all need to come together and have a meeting.”

“Saw something like what?” Howie leaned forward interested. “Drugs, alcohol? What could Kevin possibly have that we all need to talk about?”

“Well, it’s not just Kevin we’re going to talk about.”

“Oh, and who else are we going to bring into light?”

“You.”

Howie’s eyes widened, what could they possibly know about him that they needed to discuss? He thought about the closet and shuddered, Alex had been unattended quite a few times in Howie’s home, as had Nick. But Nick would never go through his things, and besides Nick suspected nothing of anyone. Utterly innocent that child was... but AJ? He straightened himself and gazed at Brian, “How much damage control have you done?”

“Howie I...”

Howie’s eyes narrowed as he stared at his friend, and he rose, “I know you’re not doing this to me now... Brian I...”

“Howie, please, if you’d let me just....”

“No. I’ve had enough of this. You rat on me, and I rat on you!” Howie retreated slowly

class=Section3>

never turning his back to Brian, even as his body fell into the shadows of the kitchen he didn’t break eye contact, “You know your own way out.”

No matter how many times he rubbed the cloth over the case he just couldn’t get it shiny enough. He sat at his desk with piles of movie cans stacked in towers around him. He had made a city, a world, of ancient film. He rubbed at the canisters with a vigor he hadn’t used in months. They weren’t clean enough. Nothing in the room was ever clean enough for him anymore. He had stripped his glass show cases, and metal racks of their movies so he could disinfect and polish them until they glistened. Then he realized his movies were filthy as well.

He hadn’t gone to bed that night as he was up polishing and cleaning his collection. It had to cleansed, made pure....they weren’t dirty. He wouldn’t let them be. Brian and AJ just didn’t know...they had only seen one part of it. They only saw death and the brutality of it, they completely missed the beauty captured on film. The images on screen were not of murders, but of people, souls set free from the constraining prisons of their mortal bodies. Death was not a bad thing. Murder, murder was bad...but the results of it were beautiful, peaceful, quite poetic really.

From war comes peace. Kevin wanted to be a peacemaker, but not quite in that fashion. Death was not the only way to achieve peace, nor was it the most beautiful thing in the world. There were other ways of quieting people, less controversial ways, and Kevin knew what they were. He set down his cloth as the light was turned on above him.

“Honey, why are you sitting in the dark?”

Kevin turned in his chair to gaze at his wife and smiled lazily, “Waiting for someone to turn on the light for me.”

Kristen frowned in confusion, “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with the others today?”

Kevin nodded, “Yeah, we have a lot we need to talk about.”

“Well, I’m getting ready to go out with some girlfriends. Tell the others I said ‘hi,” ok?”

“Sure baby, I’ll tell them.” He smiled again as she turned to leave, “Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she came into the room to kiss him lightly, and he pulled her down into his lap to embrace her, “I don’t have to meet with them for a while....what say you call your friends and put off this meeting of yours?”

Kristen giggled and ran her fingers through his dark hair as she gazed up at him, “You would like that wouldn’t you?”

“Yes,” Kevin purred. Anything to keep my mind off of what I’m about to go do. Peace was beauty, but along with beauty came a price.

“You all have keys to my house. You can come in whenever you want,” Nick was walking the length of the kitchen. He circled the table as he continued to speak, “I don’t like thinking that others have been through my things without my knowledge...or permission, AJ. It upsets me.”

“No one’s been through your stuff Nick. Believe me, no one’s interested,” AJ watched Nick’s silky movements nervously. He looked like a cobra ready to strike.

“Some things of mine have been moved around, borrowed and put back. As long as everything turned back up, I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“Borrowed and put back? What things?”

“Personal objects, trinkets... You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that?” He stopped at the opposite side of the stove, directly across from AJ. He slowly brought his elbows down to rest on the counter, and peered at AJ his blue eyes held an odd expression that made AJ gulp before answering.

“No.”

Nick nodded slowly, in a way that let AJ know that he doubted him, “Any guns been moved?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Well, it...”

“Only one.”

“Oh.”

“You put it back in the wrong place. It’s the only reason why I noticed. You put Daisy where Paula used to live.”

“I did?....oh shit....” too late to rectify his mistake.

Nick gave him a crooked smile, “Air guns go on the left.”

“Oh.” What else could he say? He’d been busted.

The only reason why Howie was agreeing to go to the group meeting was because it was at Nick’s place, and AJ had called asking him to be there. He wanted to confront AJ, and he also needed to see Nick. He felt as if Nick was his sanity as of late. He chuckled at the idea, the same Nick who used to poke fun and ridicule him, the Nick that annoyed him to no end, and worried him sick, was his savior. As long as Nick was at the meeting Howie would be alright. He’d have at least one person in his corner no matter what. He realized at that moment he was jealous of Brian...for he had known all along what a valuable asset Nick was, and always did and always will have Nick standing behind him.

But it also went the other way, Brian would always be behind Nick. No matter how much they, they as in Howie, Kevin, and AJ, tried, they would never be to Nick what Brian was. Even in their new relationship, Howie could never top Brian. At every lesson Nick would try as hard as he could, showing impressive improvement so that one day he could share how good he was with his Frick. Brian would give Nick the world if he had it to give, Howie didn’t know if he could part with the world. No one was that important to him, yet.

He sat on a sofa staring idly at a blank television screen wondering if he should practice his clarinet. He hated the accursed instrument, but he remembered at one time he had hated the flute as well until he conquered it. He couldn’t love what he couldn’t fight and win. Mastering the flute to a level at where he could teach others how to play was his victory, the peace he deserved after winning the battle. Music was peace, and he would gladly go to war for peace.

But this war....his mind drifted into darker territory as he envisioned his friends sitting around a table at Nick’s house... he strangely couldn’t see any peace as a result of winning. He only saw more battles to come. He sighed, and wondered what the penalty would be for being a deserter in this particular army? The peace earned within it would be hard to win, and would come at a price. Howie couldn’t part with the world... it would have to be taken from him.

“You’re holding it like a sissy,” Nick complained as AJ was showing him how he held the Daisy/Power Line 1700 air pistol. “Who’ve you been working with, Howie?”

AJ gapped almost dropping the gun, “You know about Howie?”

Nick snatched the gun from AJ’s fingers and demonstrated the proper way to hold and aim, “Do I know about Howie? Well, yeah, I’ve known about Howie for years, and he does everything like a sissy. I assume he holds his guns like a sissy girl too.”

“Oh,” so Nick didn’t know. But if Nick didn’t know, then what was his big secret with Howie?

“And he does you know.”

“He does what?”

“Hold his guns like a sissy girl. Brian and I were talking about him just the other day. He is a pretty good shot though, very deceiving in his stance. He almost beat Brian’s high score.”

AJ stared at Nick, “Howie almost beat Brian’s high score? Brian has guns too?”

Nick handed the pistol back to AJ, “No Brian doesn’t, Brian has my guns. He was thinking about getting one of his own, but Leighanne threatened to scalp him. Now hold it like I showed you..wider stance.”

“So all three of you guys go to the shooting range together?”

Nick shook his head, “Howie usually goes on his own. Every now and again Brian and I may run into him.” He looked AJ up and down as he stood with his feet shoulder width apart holding the gun directly in front of him, “Well you can pull the trigger, and get the gun to fire...what you’ll hit is a mystery. Set your sights. Geez AJ, for as long as you’ve been at this...”

“What do you mean for as long as I’ve been at this?”

“AJ, I’ve been noticing things missing for a few months now.”

AJ stared, “Months?”

“Yeah... Why do you look shocked? Think I was just now noticing?”

“No, I just...months huh?”

Nick nodded, then took the airgun from him, “Maybe you should try it with a bigger gun.”

“I only started a few weeks ago.”

“Well then...looks like I have a Borrower, don’t I?”

“Why are you so calm about this?”

Nick shrugged, “No one else has the keys to my home, and can get access to my display keys but you guys, so it has to be one of you. I trust you guys, I don’t like it, but I trust you. You always bring them back. The only one you ever lost was Paula.”

“Paula was a murderer.”

“Yeah, and I was her accomplice. Whoever has her now, should have me too.”

“Brendon was a no good murderer, good riddance! I know you don’t feel guilty about that.”

“You know I don’t.”

AJ shuddered, he did know. “So why do you think you should be with...Paula?”

“We were partners. Partners in crime should always go down together. Thick as thieves you know?”

AJ blinked, “I don’t like the way you’re personifying that gun Nick.”

“There’s a lot of things about me you don’t like.”

“Stop with the games already Nick. I’m serious. I’m worried about you.”

“Who isn’t?” Nick took the gun from him, and went to place it back on its display. He sighed as he shut the glass door, “What’s there to worry about AJ? I’m fine.”

“But you...”

“Hey, I’m fine, and I got you guys. So I ask again, what’s there to worry about?”

Sanity... AJ shrugged, “Nothing I guess.”

“Great...here,” another pistol was handed to AJ that looked like a deadly mini-black super soaker, “What’s this?”

“A Marksman 1010 repeater pistol.”

“Awesome, I feel cooler already,” AJ began to aim the gun and practice stances he’d seen used in movies.

“It shoots darts and BB’s,” Nick said with a smirk.

“Thanks,” AJ said flatly. He stopped posing as the mood was ruined. “Think you could teach me to shoot as good as Howie and Brian?”

“There’s hope for everyone.”

“Even me?”

“I’ll have to consult with Brian on this one, I may need his help.”

“Riff and Raff teaching me how to handle fire arms, be afraid be very afraid.”

Nick laughed, “The world’s not yet ready.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready.”

He was shocked to notice one of AJ’s cars already in the driveway. He’d thought for sure he’d be the first one to arrive. What was AJ doing there so early? He got out of the car, and decided to enter through the backyard of Nick’s home. He opened the gate and took off his shoes and socks to be better suited to walking through the sand. As he walked to the backdoor he thought about wading in the water a little bit. He had on shorts, and no one was expecting him for another hour. He was rather surprised to find that three of Nick’s puppies had the same idea, and were entertaining themselves in the surf. They stopped slashing one another and wrestling to gaze at Brian curiously. “Hey pups,” Brian greeted them.

One yipped and then they all bounded over to Brian, ugh...wet dogs. They jumped around him happily like he had some kind of treat on him. He felt bad about disappointing them if that’s what they thought. “Where’s your Daddy huh? He inside?” He asked them petting the yapping mutts as he moved away from the water toward the house.

“Actually he’s in here!” Brian turned to face the open door of the small carriage house Nick had built a few feet from his house. It was where he did and kept all his art work. Unlike the others believed, Nick hadn’t given up drawing for weapons and carnage sports. He’d simply moved his precious art to a more private area. No one entered the carriage house unless Nick was there to let them in. Brian had never been in there unaccompanied by Nick. “Nicky?” Brian headed toward the open door of the small house. “What’s up Frick?”

Nick was at his large easel, and Brian walked around to get behind him to see what he was doing. He was sketching a dragon on a huge sheet of weighted paper with a red conte stick. “Here for the meeting?”

Brian raised an eyebrow as he detected the sharp note of annoyance in Nick’s voice, “Not just for the meeting, I came to visit.”

“Oh yeah, you are here early.”

“Nice of you to notice... Did you finish the green dragon already?”

“Yeah, he’s over on the far wall... I was gonna give him a rider, but I figured a dragon like that wouldn’t let himself be touched by man, you know? Now this red dragon, he’s starting to look kinda tame.”

Brian chuckled, Nick always made stories and characters out of his drawings. He never used models, everything he drew came straight from his head. He was infamous for drawing objects from his dreams. Some of his drawings disturbed Brian, the ones filled with darkness and frightening light contrasts always seemed to rattle him. Brian studied the red dragon Nick drew and thought to himself that the beast didn’t look particularly tame to him, and he would head for the hills if he ever came across it. “Had a dream about him last night.”

“You did?” Brian questioned as he wandered over to the finished green dragon. He frowned when he noticed the lighting, “Nick... what happened to the picture?” It was all wrong, it wasn’t the same drawing. The green dragon had been a benevolent protector, he flew over the castle as a sign of peace and harmony. As long as that dragon was around, no one in the royal house would be harmed. No one under its protection could be touched. Now the castle was wrapped in shadow, the dragon outside a blazing beacon of light that seemed to threaten the very foundation. It no longer looked peaceful, but dangerous and unsavory.

Brian felt Nick come to stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder. He gazed over at his best friend as he rubbed his red stained hands together, “Nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing? This doesn’t look at all like the picture I saw before. The dragon was nice, and he protected everyone.”

“He was perceived as nice...but look at him, do you see how he holds all the power? Power corrupts. You see how the castle has five keeps?”

“Yeah,” Brian gazed at the castle with the 5 high points, four were bathed in shadow, and one, the one penetrated by the wicked green dragon gleamed, light from its points threatening to trickle into and poison the other keeps.

“It’s gotten to one, soon the other four will fall,” Nick said softly. Brian placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Nicky, you need to talk to Dr. Gaines. Some of these pictures scare me... Your dreams are...”

“Who said it was a dream?” Nick shrugged. “It was just something that came to me as I drew. I was losing interest in the drawing, and wanted to give it a story. That red dragon I’m drawing now, it’s the continuation of the story.”

“Oh...so he’s going to save the castle?”

“He’s going to kill the green dragon, yes.”

“Cool,” Brian chuckled, he could see Nick working on the battle scene between the two dragons holding his tongue between his teeth. “Why red and green?”

“Huh?”

“The dragons, why are they red and green?”

Nick shrugged, “I could try and be all symbolic and say red symbolizes passion and bravery, and green is evil....but, hell, I like red and green.”

“Figured something like that...So who wins?”

Nick scratched his head, getting some of the brick red dust from his conte stick in his hair, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean? It’s your story?”

Nick shrugged, then yawned lazily and stretched like a cat, “Maybe I’ll know by tomorrow. I’m tired of drawing.” He looked down at his hands and clothing, “Oh shit...”

Brian laughed, “I need to buy you a smock. You look like a red hot.”

“Eh...and you look like a freaking booger in that army shirt. Where the hell did you get that?”

“It’s Kevin’s, I stole it a year ago and just discovered I had it today.”

“Well you should give it back.”

“And have him knowing that I took it? Yeah right,” Brian rolled his eyes.

“Well he’ll see you with it on today.”

“Yeah, but the old man won’t remember it. Now I give it back to him, and he’ll know I took it without asking.”

“Scared of Kevin?”

“Damn straight,” Brian ruffled Nick’s hair playfully. “So where’s AJ? I saw his car outside.”

“He’s taken over my kitchen. He went out and bought a truck load of groceries this morning, and he’s insisting on using all of them.”

“He bought you groceries?”

“Yup, made me breakfast too.”

“What’d he make?”

“French toast and eggs.”

“Oooh...and since this is your house, and there was no one here but you and him, I know there is plenty left,” Brian licked his lips and proceeded out of the carriage house, “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Nick laughed, “AJ will be pleased. I’m going to wrap this stuff up and lock up, I’ll be in, in 10 minutes.”

“No don’t eat those! Let me make you some fresh ones, I’ve still got plenty of bread and batter,” AJ was harping at Brian as he piled his plate up with left over french toast and eggs.

“Make me some fresh ones, I’ll eat those too,” Brian said simply popping his portions into the microwave. “How come there’s no bacon? And what’s that in the oven?”

“Pizza.”

“Pizza?”

“Nick might eat it,” AJ said. “You should have seen him devour the last one I made.”

“Did you make the same kind?” Brian looked and sounded excited. He was tempted to open the oven and take a peak inside, but AJ would physically strike someone with whatever he held in his hand if they disturbed any of his creations during the birthing process. At that moment AJ held a large knife, and Brian didn’t look forward to being hit with that.

“Yeah, except I added Romano cheese to it too,” AJ nodded. He dropped the large knife he held in the sink, and Brian took it as his chance to peek in the oven. He popped it open quickly and reached in to pluck off a pepperoni. He giggled at AJ’s enraged shriek, and slammed the oven closed and fended himself off from AJ’s attack. AJ slapped him with the towel he was using to wipe off the knife. “You’ve ruined it!”

“It was just...a pepperoni,” Brian got out between giggles. He shrank away from AJ’s rapid towel attack, hands up in surrender, “I can’t put it back..but I’m sorry. It was just so delicious...what did you do, marinate in something?”

“Of course I marinated it..in AJ’s special dressing! You’d think I would put something in the oven naked!” He smacked at Brian again, “You insult me! And you get no fresh french toast!”

“Fine with me, old toast is just fine,” he held up his arms as a shield from the offensive towel again. Then with a smirk he pulled his second breakfast out of the microwave, “So I went and told Howie to be here this morning.”

“You did? What’d he say? He coming?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here. Wasn’t happy....not too fond of meeting up with Kev. Those two got some kind of argument going on?”

“You know how Kevin is,” AJ muttered sounding distracted. He looked up at Brian while cracking his knuckles, “This thing today isn’t going to go well.”

Brian spoke through a mouth of food, “Did you think it would?”

“No.”

“You wanna call it off?”

“It’s going to come out one way or another. I think maybe today, whoever did it, will come clean.”

Brian stared at him, “You are aware you are as much of a suspect as everyone else right? You could be telling me right now that you’re coming clean.”

“Stop it with that bullshit Brian.”

Brian shrugged, “We’ll just see what happens. I really don’t see a bad out come. At least this way, all the secrets will be out, and we’ll know who to protect.”

“What if exposing them is the only reason why they’ll need protection?”

“That would be bad.”

“How can you be so calm about this?”

“I’m not,” Brian frowned, “but what good is it to sit and turn yourself inside out about what’s inevitable? I say sit back...and enjoy the french toast. Whatever we find out today... will be just that. Nothing’s going to change. Not to me, and not for me anyway. I don’t know about the rest of you, but this isn’t going to end my life.”

AJ stared, “You’ve thought about this a lot haven’t you?”

“Haven’t you?”

The side door opened and Nick crashed into the house followed by 5 happy pooches. “I smell pizza.”

“That you do.”

“Cool, but you know...I’m really in the mood for some cold french toast. You got any left or did Brian eat it all?”

“Hey, he made like 20, I’m not that greedy!”

“I’ve seen you eat, and I beg to differ,” Nick approached the platter of cold toast. He removed a slice and brought it to the table to eat plain, “So what are we talking about gentlemen?”

“Bullshit.”

“Oh, I miss anything good?”

“Nah.”

Around one o’clock Howie and Kevin arrived, but instead of the beginning the meeting they went into the kitchen to polish off what was left of the cold french toast much to AJ’s dismay and the freshly baked pizza. Around 1:13, Brian noted the arrival of 3 black cars. He closed the curtains to block the view of them and came to sit at the living room table where a debate over the last slice of pizza was taking place. “We got company,” Brian said reaching and snatching the last slice of pizza for himself at the outrage of his brothers. He bit into it heartily and smiled closed mouthed.

“What kind of company?”

“Three black cars.”

“Three black...” Howie got up and opened the curtains a bit to peer outside, “Nick... you should call David and tell him there are cars outside that don’t belong to anyone we know.”

“If they’re black then we know them.”

Howie threw an odd gaze at Nick, “What? Nick, who...”

‘They’re out there everyday,” Nick shrugged. “They’re not bad. One of them brought Mikey back one day when he got out and somehow got through the gate.”

“You’ve seen one of them?”

Nick shrugged, “David doesn’t mind them. He did at first...but not anymore.”

Howie scrunched up his nose, “I’ve seen those black cars before too.”

Kevin wiped his mouth with a napkin and got up to join Howie at the window, “Everyone’s seen them before Howie. But no one’s had them parked outside his house like this before.”

“Yes you have,” Nick said. “I’ve seen them.”

AJ almost choked on the Pepsi he was drinking, “You’ve seen black cars parked outside of my house that weren’t my Mercedes or BMW, and you didn’t say anything?!”

“What is there to say?” Nick asked innocently. “You’d only freak out, and there’s nothing to freak out about. I think they’re nice. They brought back Mikey.”

“Who are they?”

“Who cares, they never asked who I was?”

“They know who you are! They sit outside your damn house for crying out loud, and mine, and I’m willing to bet Howie’s, and Kevin’s, and Brian’s!” AJ pulled at his hair, “Nick you crazy asshole you’re playing Russian Roulette with our lives!”

“I am not...and I thought we were supposed to be having a meeting today about who is. I mean, it’s not that I don’t like you guys...but if you have no reason to be here all together you bother me. The sooner you leave, the sooner I get to go swimming. Lets get this over with.”

“But there are cars...”

“They’re always there. It’d be rather rude to ask them to leave now.”

“I swear to God one day I’m going to have you freaking committed!” AJ exploded. “I can’t believe you...”

“AJ stop yelling at him!” Brian fumed. “If he says they’re ok, then they’re ok.”

“Stop coddling him! Geez! He could freaking commit murder and you’d wrap him up in a swaddling cloth and carry him out of the country so he wouldn’t get convicted....” AJ’s anger faded as he stared at the dazed faces of his friends... he was sure the expression on his face matched theirs. He’d said it. Nick had committed murder, but Brian wasn’t the only one that wrapped him in a baby blanket and carried him away. He bit his lip, “That was different.”

“Murder is murder,” Nick said simply. “Who cares what it was done for, or how...all that results from it is death, and what gives us the right to cause something as powerful as death. I mean just because we can, doesn’t cut it for me. I was wrong, I admit it. If someone wanted to get rid of me for being wrong then they have every right.”

“But you just said murder is wrong no matter what the reason.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Nick looked sheepish. “I suppose I should stop trying to write my own philosophy. Let’s face it, I’m no Aristotle. I’ll be quiet while the grown ups talk.”

Brian swallowed hard, “No one’s going to hurt you.”

“Ok, so all agree we forget about the mystery men, and get on with this,” Kevin said reaching past Howie to close the curtains once again.

“If Nick thinks they’re harmless, then I’ll forget,” Howie shrugged.

Brian nodded, and AJ sighed, “Yeah whatever.”

“Besides,” Howie came back to the table and took the seat on the other side of Nick, “I want to hear just what Kevin has to say. I know he’s the one behind this meeting. You wanna tell me about how I killed Consuela Trevino? How I pulled a gun out of my ass and shot her in the back?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes at Howie and mad his way back to the table to take a seat on the other side of Brian, “No, why don’t you tell us how you did it?”

“So you have absolutely nothing on me aside from a gut instinct that tells you that I’m a liar?”

“That and...”

“And?” Howie’s eyes flitted to Brian, “I’m aware you’ve all been chatting about me behind my back...with the exception of Nick. Who wants to bother Nick with group discussions?”

“That’s not fair...”

“Neither is this. Brian, I thought we had a deal..”

Brian’s eyes went wide, as both Kevin and AJ stared at him, “A deal? What deal?”

“I....geez, Howie, they were going to find it! They’re not idiots!”

“Find what?” Nick asked curiously. “Howie, have you been keeping secrets from me?”

“No, not from you. You know everything.”

“Oh.”

“Nick knows?”

“Of course he does!” Brian snapped, “And Howie, I’m sorry but it was dumb to keep something like that a secret. No one will care that you...”

“What about Kevin?” AJ immediately jumped in. He had been staring at Howie, and was deeply affected by the hurt and betrayal Howie’s face and posture conveyed. “Last night Brian and I went to Kevin’s house and found out that he keeps guns, and you wanna know how he knew that Consuela wasn’t shot by Nick’s gun?”

“Kevin has guns?” Howie blinked staring at Kevin, “Kevin? When did you start collecting guns?”

“I...”

“He started along the same time Nick did, probably a little before it. Though he has no where near the quantity nor quality of Nick’s collection. He’s more interested n films about guns than real ones.”

“Brian? You knew about all this before last night?” AJ asked looking vaguely surprised.

“Of course I did, he’s my cousin. I was with him when he bought his first one.”

“Of course you were....What else do you know Brian?” AJ was massaging his temples with both hands, “Kevin’s got guns....I know Howie has a gun, did you know that too? Is that the secret Howie’s glaring at you about for spilling?”

“What’s so bad about having a gun?” Nick asked. “I have plenty, and now we know Kevin has them, and Howie has a few.”

“I bet you and Howie go shooting together. That’s what you do when you two disappear,” AJ accused.

“No. Brian and I run into Howie at the shooting range on occasion, but we never go together.”

“Brian?” Kevin questioned.

“Yeah, he’s Nicks best bud Kevin, you honestly think Brian wasn’t into guns too?” AJ questioned. “You’re always so quick to write Brian off as a suspect.”

“Ok, so I suppose the only person here who isn’t a suspect is you, huh, Alex?” Kevin leaned in.

“Well if we’re making people suspects because of their involvement with guns, then everyone is one. AJ’s been helping himself to my cases for months. I was just showing him the correct stance earlier. I’d hate to see him try to shoot at something, he’d hit himself.”

“AJ?” all eyes turned to AJ.

“Everyone else was into them, I had to see what was so great about them. Besides you heard Nick say it himself, I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn.”

“You could still pull a trigger,” Kevin said nastily.

“What is this going to solve Kevin?” Nick asked softly. “Consuela’s dead, we can’t bring her back with our arguing. What are we doing here? Are we trying to make someone confess? That’s stupid. There are people out there who will kill whoever admits to this. Why do we want to expose someone?”

“That mob is not going to wait forever. Sooner or later they are going to give up trying to play detective and just come kill all of us.”

“So what, this is a four for one deal?”

“That’s what Kevin has been saying for a few days now.”

“Shit, Kevin! What’s up with that?” Nick shook his head at Kevin in disgust, “That’s... sick. AJ, you want to commit me?”

AJ shook his head, “You know, Kev. You’ve been the only one really pressing this serious need to catch someone, and to give that person up. And you’ve made sure to push all the evidence away from yourself, and toward Howie, and at one point me. And then last night, you were trying to hide your guns. What were you afraid of? You pressed that the gun in Howie’s house was the murder weapon...well you made sure no one was able to see the guns in your house. Brian, does Kevin own a revolver?”

“Several.”

“And Kevin was the one who told us Nick couldn’t have done it..”

“Oh, and there is a really disgusting reason for that,” AJ said nodding at Howie, “He has videos of dead people, people who had been shot or stabbed, and he sits around and stares at them!”

Howie and Nick cringed.

“As far as I’m concerned, I think you did it Kevin,” AJ said. “All you have to do is admit it...but unlike you, we won’t give you up to them.”

“I didn’t do it!”

“Come on Kevin, you had every opportunity to grab a gun in that place, you had every reason to want to shoot her, she was running at Nick for crying out loud. It was easy to put a bullet in her back wasn’t it?”

“Shut up AJ!” Kevin put his hands over his eyes. “Ugh... I keep seeing her.”

“You’d think you wouldn’t mind, you like looking at dead bodies.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You have movies of them...”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Admit it Kevin.”

“I didn’t do it...” Kevin said flatly, he glared around the table meeting eyes with everyone. “I would never try to frame any one of you. If it was me, I’d say so. I’d have said it after that first guy threatened to hurt Nick.”

“But after that you were the one who made it clear that it wasn’t Nick, as if you’d known someone would be listening to hear you say it.”

“And why would I do that if I was trying to protect myself? Wouldn’t I go on letting everyone believe it was Nick? Hell, Nick thought he did it, and he was ready to confess. The mob you think I informed that Nick didn’t do it...already knew he didn’t, cause they could have wasted him a long time ago when we weren’t looking.”

“You could have been throwing us off your trail...” AJ murmured.

“AJ... lay off Kev for a moment, something really important just came out that we didn’t know about you. You have an interest in guns as well...and you were also in the room. You had easy access to a gun... You were the only one who heard her scream.”

“I’m the only one who will say he heard her scream.”

“Tell us again what happened.”

“This has nothing to do with anything...”

“It has everything to do with everything, tell us again what happened. We’re going to figure out once and for all where everyone was, and judging from their proximity we’ll see who could have done it.”

“God...ok, I had just knocked Brendon’s arm so when he tried to shoot Nick his bullet went wild, and he hit me with his gun, and I fell...and Nick started firing at Brendon. Over and over...his body kept jerking, and then it came crashing down next to me, and the gun clattered to the ground..right next to me....and I kinda blacked out for a second or two.

When I came to Nick was still shooting...and I remember being afraid that he might hit me, and I heard Consuela screaming that she was going to kill us for hurting Brendon, and she came barreling at us...and then it went dark... I think I passed out again, maybe not, but she screamed, and that was it. Next thing I know, I can see again, and Nick’s sitting spread eagle still pulling the trigger of his gun...but he had used all his bullets. I went to him, and tried to talk to him, and I threw the gun away. Then Howie came, and then Kev, and Brian came in last, this you know.”

“You added some details.”

“I know.”

“Why weren’t they used before?”

“It wasn’t important.”

“AJ...according to you now, you could have blacked out more than once. More time could have passed than what you initially stated. Both Howie and Kevin were very close by, and could have entered the room. Howie, what were you a minute away, Kevin, two?”

Howie shook his head, “I was looking for AJ... I heard her scream, but... I didn’t do it.”

“Kevin?”

“I was close, I heard her scream too...but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I found them. I didn’t do it.”

“I was totally lost on the other side of the warehouse, I didn’t hear a scream at all,” Brian said. “I couldn’t have done it... and I never picked up a gun that day.”

Everyone blinked and looked at Brian, “Don’t expect me to believe you guys came out of that place alive without having touched and used a gun at least once. With all the dead thugs around it was easy to grab a weapon, and none of you can fight like I can without one.”

Howie was staring at Brian again, pleading with him, “Howie, what....”

“Alright, so I picked one up. I needed the protection....and I almost shot Brian with it, he scared the pants off of me coming around this one corner like a bat out of Hell.”

“Then you went left and I went right...”

“Yeah.”

Kevin stared at Brian and Howie, “Anything else you two would like the share with us?”

Howie looked down at his hands, and Brian shifted in his chair, “You really think they’ll kill us all if one of...the one who did it, won’t speak up?”

“I know they will,” Kevin breathed, “You know they will. If you have something to say...” He trailed off as he saw actual tears come from his cousin’s eyes, “I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry...”

“Brian?” Howie gazed at Brian, bewildered. “You don’t have to...”

“I’m sorry Howie, but I can’t let the others die for this. I can’t,” Brian met Kevin’s eyes, and AJ’s, then Nick’s, but avoided Howie’s, “I promised to keep it a secret, but Howie did it. I saw him. He... I only came in last because he told me to wait...”

“WHAT THE HELL BRIAN!” Howie exploded.

“I’m sorry Howie. We couldn’t hide it anymore....”

“You no good....”

BLAM! CRASH! All of their heads jerked toward the shattered window. “A gun..someone’s...” There was another shot, and another. “Shit!”

“Someone get to the phone and call the police, and everyone else...”

CRACK! The sound of the front door being broken down. “Run...just run!”

Everything and everyone was moving so fast, AJ had dove to get under the heavy wooden table as a barrage of bullets flew at him. He turned the table over to use as a temporary shield as he fumbled to pull the pistol he had taken from Nick’s case upstairs ready for fire. He had taken it upon himself to borrow Daisy again, since he’d taken the liberty of loading her and everything without Nick’s knowledge. One never knew when one would have to defend one’s self. He wished he knew how many he was up against, and more importantly where the others were. Who was calling the police?

He cautiously peeked over the edge of the table was shocked to find the men with guns that had burst in were firing at one another. The good and bad mob theory was true...but which was good? AJ needed to know so he could go hide behind one of them safely. He ducked quickly as a bullet was aimed at his head. He hadn’t been forgotten about. He steadied his weapon ready to stand and fire at whoever was coming at him, please don’t let it be one of the guys, he shut his eyes as he stood and fired. The man he shot at yelled and jumped aside as the bullet whizzed past him and impacted with Nick’s big screen television.. He’d write him a check.

He began to pull the table back into the wall so his back would be defended better. He just hoped no one thought he was important enough to gang up on, and come at, at once. He’d be a sitting duck. At that time, he knew he should have been ashamed, but was he ever glad Brian had announced to the world that Howie was the killer. Since AJ wasn’t top priority they just might ignore him long enough for him to escape.

Why did they chose to have the meeting at Nick’s house? He lived in seclusion...the only way the cops would come, was if they were called...and AJ couldn’t see himself running for a phone any time soon. He thought about his cell phone, then remembered he had ingeniously left it behind in his car! Smart move, wise one. He sighed, tables weren’t bullet proof, and it was only a matter of time before one penetrated his hiding place. And he was sure no one missed the table sliding back towards the wall. He only hoped these men would know the difference between him and Howie. He sat on his knees gun to his chest saying his prayers.

Kevin bounded toward the kitchen, there was a door there that lead to the outside. He didn’t know what the situation was out there, but he’d feel better being out in open air. So it had come to this. He pulled the loaded revolver from his belt and removed the safety. Why had he come to Nick’s house armed? He wondered. He only carried the gun when he went out in public, Nick’s house wasn’t public. A bullet flew past his shoulder and he slammed himself into the wall beside him to avoid it. He turned swiftly to see the man charging at him ready to fire again and took his shot. He watched sadly as the man fell to the ground writhing in pain, blood gushed from the upper torso wound Kevin had inflicted. He would die before help came...so why let him suffer? Kevin knelt putting the gun to the dying man’s head and pulled the trigger. He jumped back to avoid the splash of matter on his clothing and once again started on his trek to the kitchen to exit the side door onto the beach.

He wondered how the others were faring, especially Howie. The gun men would have a special incentive to get him...in fact, after they got him, they might leave. Kevin supposed he should be trying to find him so he could help him... but hadn’t Howie been trying to point the finger at Kevin? Hadn’t Howie tried to make these men be after him? Howie had dug his own grave and he would lie in it alone. His death would bring peace, and of course that was all Kevin wanted...peace. But he’d let someone else be the peacemaker. He was getting out of the line of fire.

Brian’s first thought was to protect Nick, not himself, but Nick. He grabbed him by the shirt immediately and pulled him to him, and pulled his gun from where he kept it strapped to his chest under his clothes. He would fight them with the best of both worlds, martial arts, and gun powder. He fired three rounds of bullets hoping to drive back anyone coming directly toward him, and began to fall back. “Nick get behind me.”

“Brian where’d you get that...”

“Now!”

“Do you have another one?” Nick obeyed and got behind Brian searching his body for another gun. “No... I only have one.”

“Shit.”

“Just stay behind me.” Two men were approaching fast and Brian fired at them hitting one in the shoulder, the other went completely unharmed no matter how many times Brian shot at him. “He’s got on a vest or something,” Nick uttered, and Brian nodded going into hira no kamae, a receiving posture. He prayed the man wouldn’t shoot first, if he was going to shoot he would have done it by then. When he got within stamp kicking distance Brian pulled up his knee, aimed his heel at the man, and straightened his leg curling his toes back in his sneakers. He shoved his heel into the man as if he was kicking in a locked door. The man was forced back and stunned by the blow dealt to his rib cage, and Brian made a shuto (sword hand) with his left hand pulled it above his head quickly and brought it down in a bone shattering blow to the arm the man used to hold his gun. He withdrew the ninja fist quickly, and watched as the man fell to the ground squealing in pain. Brian kicked the dropped gun towards Nick, “There you go.”

Nick picked up the gun and began to inspect it, he clicked open the bullet chamber, “That creep used all his bullets.”

“So that’s why he didn’t shoot.” He stepped on the hand of the man he had shot that was reaching in vain for his gun, crushing the bones. They moved further away from the living room into the den. The gun shots and the voices of the invaders could still be heard, but they hadn’t seen a familiar face in a while. “We need to get to a phone. Where do you think will be safest?”

“Upstairs, no one’s up there I don’t think.”

“No, you go up there and there’s no escape...” Brian cut off as he stilled to listen to the approaching footsteps, “Nick get the hell out of here.”

“But Brian...”

“I’ll deal with them, you go upstairs. I’ll keep them from coming up. Find a phone, and hide, go!”

“Come with me.”

“I’ll be up in a minute, go!” Brian wasn’t satisfied until he saw Nick disappear. He picked up the other gun and checked to see if it had bullets. Not many, but it would do. He tucked it inside the strap he’d worn the other gun in. He hugged the wall and calmed himself for battle. He certainly couldn’t camouflage himself and it would be stupid to stay where he was. He was wide open. He stuck to the wall where the intruders would have to enter from and began to take phantom steps. He began the move by leading with his hips to the right, as his weight shifted to his leading leg his knees bend deeply and his rear leg crossed over to the front. It was called the sideways walk or yoko aruki, and he was told by Nick often he looked like a big sand crab when he practiced it. His best bet was to get into the game room. There were more objects to hide behind and to use as make-shift weapons, also it led to the stairs. Brian needed to guard the entry way to the stairs, but he hadn’t wanted to bound to them with Nick, he’d made enough noise getting there. Brian heard Nick’s every step, and had heard him when he ran up the stairs. If the men were any good they’d go right for the stairs after all that noise, Brian was going to head them off. Someone entered holding his gun at chest level scanning the room just as Brian slipped undetected into the game room. He would wait there, and used the set up to his ad.... a shot was fired and if he hadn’t of dropped to the floor immediately he wouldn’t have a head. He heard the voice of a man directing others to the back room where Brian had almost lost a vital body part. He flipped himself to his feet, and stayed low to the ground trying to spot his adversary.

“I hate you...” whispered a familiar voice from the shadows.

“Howie?”

Another shot was fired at him, “You’re trying to get me killed.”

“Stop shooting at me. You’re going to lead them right to us.”

“They’ll kill me anyway...I just want to make sure they kill you with me.”

Brian inhaled sharply using his nose as well as his eyes to try and get a fix on Howie’s hidden location. Cologne, he smelled the light fragrance of an expensive foreign cologne, and it got stronger as he crept forward on his hands and knees. When he got to the pool table he could hear breathing, Howie was scared shitless....as he should be. Brian removed his pager from his pocket and tossed it across the floor, the sound of it striking the wooden surface caused a chain reaction. Howie fired again, and the lights came on as 3 gun men burst into the room. Brian rolled to get out of view. He was now at the short side of the table certain Howie was waiting just on the other side to shoot him. He peeked around quickly, sure enough there was Howie with his back against the table, knees to his chest clutching his gun like a God sent. Brian had an easy shot, but if he fired he’d be telling all those men just where he was, and he couldn’t lose the element of surprise. He instead rolled away from the table to get on the other side of a leather arm chair, and once again extracted an object from his pocket, and tossed it just in front of the pool table. He heard the steps of the gun men and Howie’s breathing quicken as he looked in Brian’s direction. He knew what was happening, and he knew the men were onto him, and in Brian’s opinion he panicked.

It all happened in slow motion, Howie fired a random shot at the leather chair Brian was behind, shooting off one of the arms, and causing the chair to fall over, exposing Brian. But he had stood to make the shot, he was giving himself up, but he wasn’t going out alone, like he’d threatened in the dark.

He had seen the coin go airborne and knew that in that moment his cover would be blown. In that moment he knew he would be killed, but he’d be damned if he went out alone. Brian, that ass, that untrustworthy, evil, scum. He knew he was hiding behind the arm chair and took his shot hoping he’d strike Brian between the eyes with his bullet. He saw the chair topple over with a loud clatter after the explosion, and saw Brian exposed. Now he was as dead as Howie, and Howie stood. He wanted to take the killing shot, before he died he wanted to see Brian bleed. He fired again at Brian, not paying attention to the conversation going on about him.

“That him?”

“That’s him.”

He fired again watching Brian again dodge his fire turning over tables and using them as temporary shields as he brought himself towards the mouth of the stairwell. Nick had run up there, Howie had seen, and two people had followed. Howie couldn’t move to stop them because he’d give up his cover. Please don’t let Brian be leading them to Nicky. But then again, if he let himself be sacrificed there would be no need to run up the stairs...Howie would be dead, and there was no longer any threat of any one protecting him, which no one had been in the first place. He fired again, and turned slowly to eye the men who would claim his life. He gazed at them peacefully and lowered his weapon... So he wouldn’t be killing Brian today...well at least that meant he just might make it into Heaven after all. And besides after he died, Nick would need Brian. He didn’t know any better, dumb kid, and hate Brian as he did, he knew Brian would cross hot coals and eat poisonous snakes for Nick. At least he was loyal to someone, Howie dropped his gun, “Can I say anything first?”

The men looked amused, “Sure thing kid.”

“I’m sorry about your bosses daughter, and I hope he feels appeased enough after this to quit pursuing my friends.”

“Noble.”

“Will you?”

“Of course, you’re our only target, you and anyone who tried to stop us from getting you... Old Paricio tried to help you guys out, lowered our numbers, but it looks like we still found ya. Stupid of the old man of course, we only had one target. We could have picked you off a long time ago, but we had to be sure, one of you had to say it. If he’d left us be, maybe only one of you would have to get hurt.”

“You’ve hurt someone?”

“Not yet.”

“But you’re going to kill me? You have no other target...”

“I got a bone to pick with a certain blond, nobody will miss him.”

“But...” Howie froze as a gun was raised level with his forehead.

“You talk too much.” I’m so sorry Nicky....the trigger was pulled, and before completing descent into darkness Howie saw the light.... Caroline?

The body of Howard Dorough tumbled ungracefully to the wooden floor. The big man in the middle stepped over it like it was another piece of overturned furniture, “There was another one in here, and I think he went upstairs to be with the blond one.”

“Why don’t we just leave it?” A shot rang out from upstairs, and the big man smiled, “We gotta protect our own, and if we gotta take out a crazy blond shit doing it, then so be it.”

Nick took the stairs by two and ran into his collection room to hide. He knew had made a lot of noise, and cursed himself for it...but maybe he’d draw some bad guys upstairs and get some of them off of Brian, who was going to get himself killed playing hero. Nick didn’t need a hero, he could hold his own. Howie needed a hero, Howie was the one they were hunting. He ambled to a glass case and stared woefully at his prized guns, none of them loaded...he kept the ammunition in his bedroom on the other side of the house. He needed a weapon....he jogged along the cases to his medieval weaponry...if only Kevin had let him have that cannon. Though it would take about 15 minutes to prepare getting the gun powder and everything just right. He’d probably blow himself through a wall instead of hitting any bad guys. His gaze fell on his crossbows, the steel bolts were as deadly as bullets...but these were for show, meaning they had limited ammunition, 6 bolts to be exact. He couldn’t carry two, so he needed something else. He found the key for the case quickly and unmounted the bow tucking it under his arm, and taking out the steel bolts and dropping them into his left pocket. He shut the case back automatically locking it... logic said if anyone bad wanted his weapons they’d just break the case. Bah, oh well. He paced himself as he thought about what he’d need next, and was positive he’d heard a noise...someone had come upstairs after him, and he knew it wouldn’t be Brian. Brian wasn’t going to come upstairs in fear of leading someone to him. He slowed his walk, and tried to quiet his breathing. Damn asthma always picked the best times to bother him. He rested his forehead on the cool pane of glass before him trying to get control of his autonomic functions. Breathe in...1,2....breathe out, 1,2... He always found it harder to exhale. His eyes looked straight forward staring at his military swords. He had all his keys memorized and located the key to the lock instantly and had the case open. He removed a naval fighting sword he knew he could handle with ease, it had a grooved handle and a knuckle guard which made it easier to grip, the blade was shorter and thinner than other blades from its time, and had a slight curve near the end. It was ideal for combat, being that it could inflict more damage than the others in the case, and he was out to kill. He pulled a few small daggers free and tucked them into his belt, and strapped his sword at an angle across his back. He shut the case and locked it, and stood still eyes watching out on either side awaiting attack. If these people fired first he was toast. He began to load his crossbow, he’d just have to make sure he got in the first shots. He held the crossbow ready, he heard someone stumble and curse to himself, and he chuckled quietly. They made more noise than he did when he tried to be quiet.

He should probably try to get out of the glass hallway, he realized his image was probably being reflected everywhere, which could lead to his advantage...but fighting around glass was not very smart. Besides, he didn’t want anyone shooting up his collection! He began to tiptoe to the right which would lead him out onto his practice mat. He’d be exposed there... but if he could cross it, maybe he could get to his bedroom and grab a loaded gun. Or the taser he’d just come across recently. David had given it to him...David. Was he ok? He shook himself as he saw the reflection of a tall man in the glass he let himself fall to his knees as he carefully took aim, the man actually smirked at him when he came into full view, “Alright little boy, put that down.” He was trying unsuccessfully to obscure his gun and seem friendly...Nick fired, striking the man right through the heart. He grimaced when the man choked and fell against a display case sliding down it as he gasped and clutched at his chest. The gun fell at his feet, and Nick was tempted to get it when he heard the running steps of another approaching from behind and decided his best bet would be to retreat. He tried to move as quickly as he could as quietly as possible. Why had he laughed at Brian when he was showing him those phantom ninja steps instead of paying attention. If he got out of this he would gladly pay attention to anything Brian did from then on out.

He reached the mat, where he was completely open and dashed for the door. He didn’t allow shoes on his mat and he was soon to find out why when his clumsy sneaker caught on the thick cloth of the mat and he toppled downward landing flat on his face. He was cursing himself for his ungraceful move, and all the noise his fall had made when a bullet whizzed by right where his head would have been if he was still standing. Thank the Lord he was still awkward as a teenager. He rolled onto his stomach to see a man running toward him looking excited and he took aim again with his crossbow, firing. The man was struck in the stomach by the bolt and let out a yelp of surprise as he fell to his knees holding his gut, “Didn’t know I had skills like that, did ya?” Nick purred playfully kicking the man onto his back, and taking his gun. “Want me to end it for you? I know that hurts real bad, and with the way you’re bleeding, no one’s gonna save you in time.”

“Please...” the man choked.

“Please what?”

“I have a family.”

“So do I,” Nick said plainly, he rolled his eyes, “You can’t hurt me anyway.” He began to trot across the mat again, this time careful of his steps. He just needed to....more bullets were flying his way, and he didn’t turn to see who was firing, he needed cover. The shower room...he ducked inside and closed the door. Great, he’d trapped himself inside a small enclosed space. Smart move Carter... but at least here there was no way anyone could get behind him, he’d just crouch here and wait for someone to open the door. Did he want to use the last of his bolts, or the gun? He gazed at the gun...and frowned. He wasn’t familiar with it, he’d be better off using the crossbow until he ran out of bolts. He sat ready, hiding inside the small shower with the curtain open, he had to be able to see. The door was kicked open and a barrage of bullets flew in. The shower wall actually withstood most of the gunfire, and the man shooting chose to enter. Big mistake on his part, Nick saw his leg and took a shot hoping to catch the man in the knee cap. The man howled in excruciating pain and fell to hold his wounded leg, and Nick stood to take the next shot that caught him in the back. The man fell forward, lifeless.

He only had two bolts left, he walked to the wall just beside the door of the shower room to see if anyone else would be dumb enough to enter. He peered out cautiously and fired his last two bolts into the dummy that was hiding just outside the door ready to jump Nick if he came out. He set the now useless bow on the floor of the shower room and pulled out his sword.... holding it in his right hand, and the gun in his left. For some reason he knew he was probably going to score more points with the sword, but it didn’t pay to be unprepared, so he kept the gun at ready. He ran from the shower room hoping to dash across the mat this time, dammit he should have found his shield cabinet... Hmmm... Maybe... he chose not to cross the mat, instead he zig zagged back into the glass hallways, he wanted a shield, a knight’s shield, they had sharp edges and blades at their tips. They were every bit as deadly as a sword. He shrank into the last row of display cases where he kept his shields, and jogged quietly along their ranks until his eyes fell on his favorite red shield that bore the emblem of the Pendragon on it. The seal of the legendary King Arthur and Camelot. He’d liked to believe that it was Lancelot’s shield, or Gawain’s. He unlocked its door, all his shields had their own cases, and unmounted it. He strapped it to his left arm, tucking the gun away. He was being childish he knew, but he felt like a knight after strapping on that shield, and the use of a gun while he was assuming a knight’s identity would be dishonorable, and disgraceful.

He practiced his avant guarde, then proceeded out of the glass hallways yet again. He couldn’t very well fight with a sword in such a confining area, and...he once again didn’t want any fighting to be done anywhere near his precious collection. Oh why did the meeting have to be at his house? He heard the steps of men approaching and he readied himself. He ducked behind the first row of glass cases....oh well, they were only practice weapons, he could get more. He launched himself out at the first man startling him a bit to keep him from firing immediately. When he did fire Nick drew the shield in front of himself catching the bullet and driving his sword into the man. The man screamed at the sword sliced through his rib cage. Nick pulled with his arm and kicked with his right leg to retrieve his sword from the man’s body. The sword had gone in deep, and the man was dead. That had been easy. More bullets flew and Nick felt as if he were in another time and place as he went into medieval action.

He was Lancelot of the Round Table championing the beautiful raven haired Queen Guenevere. He slashed with his sword severing heads, and brought it downward on top of his opponents almost slicing them in two, he used his shield to disembowel anyone who dared forward to attack him while he was fighting another. His moves were quick and graceful, and he felt the approval of his Queen as he was clearly winning the tournament. He lost track of how many he fought, as well as how many he killed. He only remembered the dying lights in their eyes as he removed his sword from their sagging bodies.

Brian almost gasped aloud when he heard Howie’s last words, and the thud of his lifeless body hitting the floor. Howie was dead... He remained still as he listened and saw the feet of 5 men running up the stairs to pursue Nick, even after Howie was dead. For some reason one of the men seemed to have a grudge against Nick...it was probably the one that Nick had peed on in the club that night. Brian squeezed his eyes shut, he was out to hurt his Frack, and Brian couldn’t let that happen. Even though he was now safe, Nick wasn’t and he was going to throw himself back into danger to save him. He stood slowly making sure no one else was coming. He gazed over to where he was sure Howie’s body had fallen, and stared at his fallen friend sadly, “I’m sorry D.” Then he quietly crept up the stairs after the mobsters.

He grabbed one unsuspecting man from behind disarming him swiftly, and rendering him unconscious from a single boshi-ken, a thumb-drive fist, where his fist was formed with his thumb protruding, to the neck. He took his gun and tucked it in his belt, and used a nuki-ashi, a sweeping step to follow after the other men undetected. He ducked into Nick’s rows of glass display cases, that they sometimes referred to as the glass hallways, and proceeded to look for his friend, or any enemies that may have crept in. Nick had to be hiding somewhere scared stiff. The mere thought enraged Brian, and made him move quicker. He stopped when he found the dead man lying against a glass case full of daggers and cutlasses. He approached him to find the bolt of a crossbow lodged in his chest. Nick. Good boy. If Nick had a weapon, he probably had left the glass hallways by then. They weren’t a proper place for combat, and Brian knowing Nick a well as he did, didn’t want to take the chance of ruining his prizes. He used the side step again to make his way out of the hallway. He eyed the guns longingly, if only Nick kept them loaded he could have taken out every person upstairs by then with some of the guns Nick kept locked away. He heard screams and grunts of pain coming from one area of the room...Nicky. Though none of the screams of pain and shock, or the chokes of the dying sounded like his Nicky, he knew he was in the middle of it, somewhere. He moved quicker until he was out of the hallway and looking towards the mat where Nick was in open combat, moving like a man possessed. It was like a ghost of the renaissance had invaded his body and was using the shell to fight for it. Two men lie on the ground bleeding to death, one lay injured holding his right arm reaching for a gun that sat two feet away from him, and one was up still somehow in the fight with Nick. He had lost his gun, it lay just behind Nick, and he was retreating trying to get away from Nick’s sweeping slashes. Brian ran onto the mat kicking the gun away from the man who reached for it, and punching him in the neck as well leaving him unconscious. He watched as Nick continued to drive the man he fought back, then his eyes grew large as he noticed one more man....very tall and very wide, he lumbered over Nick, and he held a gun. He was going to shoot Nick in the back... his eyes were glazed with a strange murdering fever, and it blinded him to Brian’s rush on him. He delivered a shuto uke, a blocking technique done with the edge of the heel of his hand. The idea was to strike the attacking arm and redirect it away from its target. The shot went wild, and the man roared when he realized what had happened, and Brian gave a front snap kick to disarm him. He felt two of the man’s chunky fingers breaking as they tried to resist the power of his kick. They would fight man to man. But then again...Brian had a gun, he had three guns in fact...why draw it out? He deftly pulled a gun from his belt and shot the large man first in the gut, and watched the man crumple to his knees, “You killed Howie.”

He then shot the man in his shoulder, “You wanted to kill my Nick.”

The man stared at Brian dully, the life in his eyes vanquishing slowly, “Tell the devil Brian said hi..” he fired again, this time shooting the man in chest. He turned to face the battle Nick was still fighting, he had the man cornered and was about to kill him. Brian shook his head, there was no need for another life to be taken after that last one. No one was going to try to hurt them again. They should be calling the police instead of continuing on with the slaughter. He ran to Nick as he stood with his back to Brian, his victim backed into the large wall length and height picture window, the curtain was open and the sun shone in catching onto the red hints of red charcoal in Nick’s hair and giving it a fiery radiance. “Nick stop it,” he tapped his friend’s shoulder to tell him the fight was over, and as Nick spun he realized his mistake.

Nick was gone... He was Arthur, he was Lancelot, he was Gawain, or Galahad... He was lost in one of his worlds of fantasy, where the only way to retrieve him was to let him play out his game on his own. In his eyes Brian was a stranger, a stranger who held a weapon... “Nick no!”

An extra Saxon barbarian had climbed the rungs up to the keep and threatened his lady. He wore a green vest, different from the others who dressed in black, and spoke words of jest, and taunted him as he tried to distract him from killing his friend, who was as good as dead anyway. Lancelot used his shield to make short work of the friend, severing his head, and did a full round about with his sword bringing it to gut the foolish Saxon who had the nerve to stand in front of him. Didn’t he know who he was? He wanted to laugh in jubilance at his awesome victory! He’d killed them all, and had redeemed his fair Queen...but something about that last Saxon, as he choked and sputtered and began to fall forward....his body was still on his sword, and Lancelot thought to pull it out when the afternoon sun struck the metal of his blade nearly blinding him, and suddenly he wasn’t Lancelot anymore...but.... Oh no....

“Brian?” Nick leaned forward to catch his falling friend, careful of the sword protruding from his belly, “Brian I’m so sorry...I didn’t.....know...it was you. I....Oh God...”

“Shh..” Brian tried to soothe him but coughed instead, as Nick laid him back staining himself with Brian’s blood, “Not your fault...”

Nick sat on his knees before Brian stuttering over the sight before him, his breath catching in his chest. He gasped helplessly, as he continued to stare, the light from the window framing Brian’s body like a celestial force...it was coming to take Brian away from him, the light reflected from the sword again as he reached to keep it upright and to keep it from turning in Brian’s stomach.... It was so brilliant Nick had to turn his head and downcast his eyes...the light.... the light.... What was he trying to remember.... the light....

Brendon had fallen his body decorated nicely with little holes, Nick amused himself with thoughts of tossing Brendon’s body into a harbor and watching it sink...water spraying up through the holes like the blow hole of a dolphin. AJ was on the floor beside him, he could see him, and he was careful not to hit him, though nothing could protect his ears. He prayed poor Alex wouldn’t go deaf, he could sue.

Brendon’s body flopped around with a rhythm that made Nick want to dance. In fact he did, he began to two-step along with the popping of the bullets and the slapping of the dead skin on the floor. His only regret was of killing Brendon too fast. He should have done it more slowly...shown Brendon just how good his aim really was...but...this was ok too. He heard her, before he glanced over to see her, a girl, her face red as cherry tomato...she looked very angry, and her words were acidic, but what did Nick have to fear of a little girl? She could watch as he ruined the rest of her boyfriend’s remains. The first girlfriend, Ariella, the nice one, would have wanted to see this. He was turning his attention back to Brendon when he noticed the glint of his hair. He stood in the doorway with his finger to his lips that were curved in a smart grin, his hand crept to the light switch as he poised himself and aimed the gun at the charging girl. He cast one look down at the floor to AJ who lie with his head buried in his arms, one back at Nick, and then fired at the same time pulling down the light switch and encasing the room in total darkness.

Nick let go of the sword, his mouth dropping open in horror, he stared at the man before him, cloaked in light, and began to shrink away from him, receding toward the curtains embracing himself in shadow, “Ni...Nick?” Brian choked out.

“It was you.”

“Ni...ck?”

“You said it was Howie, but it was you...”

“Would you...have had...me...die...for that?”

Nick let out a small cry, and hugged his body as it began to shake violently, “You blamed Howie.”

“No...one..could know.”

“I do.”

“But you won’t tell anyone,” Brian choked out, he sputtered a bit, uncomfortable at not being able to see his friend, “Not my Nicky. You won’t tell on me.”

Cold hands were grabbing him, pulling him away... He couldn’t breathe, but the kidnappers didn’t care, they weren’t going to stop. It was dark where they were taking him, dark and cold. It was tunnel, they were dragging him through a tunnel, he felt no pain as his arms and legs scraped across the rough concrete. He shut his eyes, as he felt frigid open air on his face. He was suspended in dead air, then dropped. He fell face first in the snow. He slowly sat up and opened his eyes brushing the snow from his features. He sat straddled on his knees taking in his surroundings. Dark high walls, no escape....he was lost in the maze again, and the blood began to rain from the sky. He didn’t bother to call out, for he didn’t care for anyone to ever find him or know he was there again. He listened, hearing Brian’s voice call out for him, but remained silent. Stay lost Nick, just stay lost. The real world had finally become too much. He heard other voices then too....AJ’s...and Kevin’s...and he heard sirens....

AJ said Howie was dead...he had been shot...

Kevin cried, he cried for Howie...and he cried for Brian. Could they see Nick? Did he care? He laid down in the snow closing his eyes and willing sleep to befall him... “‘Not your fault...” Brian had said to him... “I’ll protect you...” he had also said.

Brian lied. Go to sleep Nicky, he told himself, smiling as the darkness filled him...Brian hadn’t protected him, he’d killed him. He was the light that killed shadows, Nick recalled himself thinking before... but who said all light was good, and all shadows were bad? Light needed shadow to survive, as shadows needed light...but too much light was deadly.

Nicky? Brian asked, his voice weak. AJ and Kevin must have noticed him by then. Nicky? they asked.

They’ll never find me here. No one will. He’d stay lost, it was safer here anyway.

Epilogue

The ambulance arrived as Kevin sat holding Brian’s head in his lap, and coaxing him to stay with him. AJ, who had been sitting beside Nick rubbing his back and keeping his head between his knees, had to get up and lead them upstairs. The fight had been cleaned up. AJ and Kevin watched with dead eyes as the men who had saved their lives gathered up all the wounded and deceased bodies and carried them away.

AJ had been found and brought out from under the table by a man who helped create a barricade of bodies around AJ like bodies guards, and led him out to a black car where he was given use of a car phone to call an ambulance. Moments later Kevin had been brought to the car as well, and they sat together staring at the house, waiting for their other 3 friends to come out.

AJ knew Howie was dead before he and Kevin were told it was safe to enter the house and look for their friends. The men had been after Howie, and all the rapid fire had stopped and men had retreated and drove away all of a sudden. They had killed Howie...they had gotten what they wanted. Kevin had to drag AJ into the house, he didn’t want to see, he didn’t want to find him. Leave it to the police. They walked through the house just behind two big men ready with guns to shoot an enemy lingerer. Men behind them were already cleaning up the mess of bodies, and putting furniture right side up. There really hadn’t been that much damage downstairs...only one shattered window, and television set..courtesy of Alexander McLean.

The men stopped them once the reached the game room, and proceeded ahead of them. They kneeled down over something, and from the way their voices sounded.... AJ shut his eyes and leaned into Kevin, they had found someone....and that person wasn’t alive anymore. He let a few tears fall when Kevin’s arm found its way around his back and squeezed him protectively. Slowly they inched forward, and were allowed to see the fallen body of their good friend and brother Howard Dwaine Dorough...known to his friends and associates as Sweet D. AJ collapsed beside the body holding Howie’s head to his chest, kissing his face, and nearly recoiling at the coolness of his skin. He was already cold...how long had he been dead? “Oh Howie....Why? Why didn’t you stop this? Why did you find me instead of him?” AJ had shouted. He was soaking Howie’s shirt with his tears, and wailed when he was pulled away, “Nicky and Brian, AJ...Nicky and Brian.”

“What if they’re dead too Kevin?” AJ shuddered, he watched as Kevin knelt beside Howie and closed his eyes before kissing his face as well. “You stay here them and I’ll see about them.”

AJ was about to nod, but then shook his head. No. He wouldn’t let Kevin do this alone... Letting brothers go off on their own was the reason why they were in this mess in the first place. He followed after Kevin and the men letting Kevin hold his hand like a small child, and not minding a bit. There were 6 bodies upstairs, two still alive but unconscious, other were...AJ fought back a gag as he looked at them... someone had used a sword and.... he turned his head, and followed Kevin as he was leading him to the window. Kevin’s breathing was getting faster and faster, and AJ looked ahead to see what Kevin was looking at...Nick and Brian had to be ok... He began to run as Kevin did, and the fell down before Brian who lie on his back with a sword embedded in his middle. Blood rushed fro the wound, and trickled from his mouth as he tried to speak.. “Shhh...” Kevin said using his shirt to wipe the blood away from his mouth, “Nicky?” Brian whispered shakily.

“Where is he? Is he ok?” AJ asked his words coming out hastily in his panic...don’t be like Howie... “Curtain...”

AJ turned his head to spy Nick huddled beside the deep red curtains. “Howie’s dead,” he informed Brian tearfully before crawling over to where Nick was. He couldn’t bear to look at Brian that way anymore. He sat with Nick, leaning his head forward to aid his breathing, and rubbing his back until help arrived.

He told the paramedics to go upstairs, and to hurry because Brian was dying. He also told them Howie was dead, and pointed to where his body was as he led the medics to the staircase. “You can’t help Howie, but you can help Brian.”

He went back to sit with Howie, he didn’t want to see them say Brian was beyond help. He couldn’t lose another brother without losing himself. He stroked Howie’s hair, “Why couldn’t you have told me your secret huh? I would have kept it better than Brian. Why couldn’t you trust me?”

Kevin watched the paramedics work to stop the bleeding. They left the sword in place and carefully lifted Brian onto the stretcher. They were taking him to the emergency room where Brian would have to have an operation. They wanted Kevin to come along and ride with them. They didn’t see Nick...and Kevin had all but forgotten about him. He stood and followed the paramedics dully, staring at his cousin’s grayish pallor, and willing him the strength to make the journey. What was he going to say to his aunt and uncle? What was he to say to the Dorough’s? He followed the stretcher wanting to take Brian’s hand. Death was peace... did he still believe that? He closed his eyes as they walked past Howie’s body being zipped into a black bag and lifted onto a stretcher as well. No.

AJ was climbing into the ambulance beside Howie when he remembered Nick. “Where’s Nicky?”

“Who’s Nicky?”

“My little brother...”

“He’s with your tall friend. They already went ahead to the hospital, he’s in bad shape. Can you tell us what happened to him?”

“That’s not Nicky...That’s Brian. Where’s Nicky?”

“There’s another?”

“He was upstairs with them!”

“We didn’t see anyone.”

“Sir, you’re in shock, we’re going to have to take you now.”

“But Nick...”

“There was no one else upstairs, and if there was, don’t you think your tall friend would have said something?”

“But...” he felt the sting of a syringe entering his skin, and he began to feel the calming effects immediately. He lie back as his head was guided onto a pillow, “We lost Nicky...”

The door to the ambulance was closed as the last paramedic riding in back hopped in.

He was outside the stone walls yet again, the bloody rain drenching him, and something kept calling him to wake up...but he couldn’t go. “Nick!” He screamed out. He had to hear, he knew he heard him, he’d said he could. “Nicky please!”

Wake up Brian...

Not yet, “Nick!”

Come on Brian...

Just a minute more, “Nicky!”

The light was coming for him, and he couldn’t escape it.

Brian survived his surgery, and would make a full recovery, he laid in post op fighting to regain consciousness. He awoke to find his cousin sitting next to him. He was startled at first, he didn’t know where he was. He tried to cry out for Nick, but something was blocking his airway. He gagged, and Kevin tried to calm him, “Brian...Brian it’s a ventilator, don’t fight it.”

He stared at Kevin wildly, where was Nick? Where was Nick? He brought his hands to his lips wanting to rip the breathing tube from mouth and throat. Kevin stared fearfully at Brian’s agitation, he was going to hurt himself, “Your parents are gonna be here in an hour or so.”

Brian began shaking his head, no....

“I.... you want something to write with? You can write down what it is you want.”

Brian nodded yes.

Kevin left the room for a moment and came back with a pad of paper and a pen. Brian took them and struggled to sit up so he could write legibly, “No...stay down...just try your best to do it lying down little cuz.”

Brian fumbled clumsily with the pen and paper scrawling down a name. Kevin took it, first his brow creased together as he tried to comprehend what Brian had written, then his eyes widen in fear and guilt, “Oh my God!”

He bounded from the room.

Nick was found by police officers who had come to inspect the scene, and had already been sent after his brothers to the nearest hospital. Kevin was informed of his arrival as soon as he got there, and was lead to the room where Nick was being kept. His little brother lie perfectly still curled on his side sucking his thumb and staring off into space, an IV dripped into his arm. He approached the bed slowly and sat beside Nick so that he was facing him. He gazed into the dead eyes, “Brian’s going to be ok. AJ’s ok too. I’m ok. You probably already know about Howie, huh?” He ran his hand through Nick’s damp hair, “You’ll be ok too, don’t worry about a thing. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

He frowned as he thought he saw Nick wince, “Nicky?” Nothing he was as dead as he was before. He kissed his cool forehead lovingly, and stood. He gazed back at Nick sadly as he left the room the to make the phone call to Nick’s parents. What Nick had always feared had finally added up, he had fallen into the ribbon of his lost time, but this time there was no anchor to reality to keep him close to shore.

He left the room only to run into AJ who wanted to enter, “Alex, how are you?”

“Bad, really bad. I had to beg to be let down here...” he wore a hospital bracelet letting Kevin know he had been admitted as a patient. “The Dorough’s are here, and they want to see Howie. I couldn’t tell them... I told them you were coming. They’re in the lobby. I’m sorry Kev.”

Kevin patted AJ’s pat, and watched him pass into Nick’s room. He sighed and ventured toward the end of the hall...to the lobby, to announce the end of the Backstreet Boys.

The End

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